Turned On Women

Lithe
ving
turned
{on}
womens
manifesto
a Workbook to Ignite Your Life
nicole daedone
Living the
Turned-On Womans
Manifesto
A Workbook to Ignite Your Life
Nicole Daedone
{on}
the turned
womens
movement
Are you on ?
44 WOMEN MEDIA
2010 by Nicole Daedone and OneTaste
44 WOMEN MEDIA
contents
Introduction
Epitaph
How to Use This Book
The Turned-on Womans Manifesto
25 Ways to Turn On

1. Dont believe what society says about women.
2. Dont buy off the rack. Customize.
3. Live inside out.
4. You do know. Claim it.
5. Make friends with your fear.
6. Desire is your compass. Follow it.
7. Write a desire contract.
8. Watch Dangerous Beauty.
9. Get behind another womans turn-on.
10. Start a circle.
11. Dont wait for men.
12. Fuck dont fight.
13. Love your man. (Or woman.) Handle him well.
14. Get comfortable with the word pussy.
15. Orgasm lights up the power grid.
16. Post meaningfully.
17. Stay connected no matter what.
18. Replace your but with a yes, and
19. Touch often.
20. Sensation, not story.
21. Be your own energy accountant.
22. Talk about taboo.
23. Be the sex you want to see in the world.
24. Push out.
25. D.I.N.
The Vision of the Turned-on Womans Movement
Who We Are
Book Group Guide
i
introduction
How the Manifesto came to be
The Turned-on Womans Manifesto was born out of desire.
It was a two-day summit to discuss my book, Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of
the Female Orgasm. A book about orgasmhow women orgasm differently than men,
how the male model is the only model most of us know, and how in order to have our
desires met we must change course. We must know our own orgasm and we must
start having the kind of sex that gets us there.
A charged message, yes. But one, I have discovered, that many women are
hungry for. Women everywhere, who know there has to be more, but dont know how
or even what. So we start with sex and build from there. Because if you can craft your
orgasm, you can craft your life.
The question on the table: who is our audience? Would we tailor our market-
ing for everywoman, to reach the widest possible group of women? Or would we
instead focus on a core demographic of early adopters, women like those of us sitting
in that very marketing summit? Women for whom the call of desire is already too loud
to ignore? Women to whom we could speak our own language, and be heard without
translation?
We decided, at the end of the day, to go wide. To adjust the message so it would
not be too confronting to more traditional women. We would make it more appropri-
ate, more digestible.
And yet I went to bed with an uneasy feeling. This wasnt just a book, after all. It was
the message at the core of my life. It was my purpose. It was about the way I actually
live. For me, desire is the
wave that cannot be outrun. I have been owned by it, possessed. Surrendering to the
freedom it offers is the only thing that matters.
I knew from previous experience that not every woman feels this way about
her desire. The woman who is honest about what she wants is not the average woman.
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She is rare; she is exceptional. Opting for truth over stability, internal wealth over
external validationthese are choices few women make, and for good reason. We are
taught to be good girls. To keep our voices low and our legs crossed. To settle for the
sex were getting, the life were getting, rather than to ask for what we really want.
The woman willing to stand apartthe woman willing to own her desire, her sexual
power, and her purpose, the woman willing to customize her own lifeshe is the
Turned-on Woman. She is extraordinary.
And yet, she exists. I know, because she is me.
I stayed awake. I thought about sitting across from the woman we
were about to market the book toward, a more buttoned-up, middle-of-the-road kind
of woman. I realized I would have very little in common with her. As women we would
find something to talk about, of course, but it would be a conversation born of polite-
ness rather than passion. I could not truly be myself around her. I had tried before,
many times, and always left feeling parched,
dry. Lonely.
I got up before dawn. I meditated. And then I started writing. What came out
was a call to the women I wanted to gather around me. Women like those I was al-
ready surrounded by. Women whose
desire is already ignited, who have already tried the status quo and succeeded at it
and dare to want more. The woman who hears the call, who knows that until cracks
start forming in the sidewalk no flowers can bloom between. The thirsty women,
the hungry women, the ones who are seeking, who are vibrating with desire, who are
electrified by it. Women who enjoy the richness of this world and also know the alive
emptiness of the world beyond. Who have done time exploring their own landscapes
and are ready to turn their attention toward others.
Turned-on women. Women like you.
Later that day I sat in front of two friends, my hands shaking. I apologized first. I had
gone too far, I warned them, said too much. But I needed this manifesto to be heard, if
just this one time. And so I began to read.
What I read was the Manifesto that starts this very book. This, I told my
friends, is the woman I want to reach. She is where I wanted our compass pointed.
She thinks she is alone, the only one. If we ignite the masses along the way, so much
the better. But our first step on this brilliant journey? I wanted it to be her.
I wanted it to be you. The turned-on woman. I am so happy you decided to be found.
Nicole Daedone
San Francisco, 2010
iii
epitaph
Would it be okay if your gravestone read: She was an exceptionally mediocre

woman? If your eulogy went something like: She followed every rule with precision.
She rarely made a mistake and was a great champion of the status quo. She never
any ruffled feathers, took any great risks, suffered any great loss. She always oper-
ated within the bounds of appropriateness. She had the love and acceptance of her
community, family, and friends, though no one knew her. Her life was smooth sailing
because she never rocked the boat. She contained her passion, her dreams, and her
danger enough that they could call her a good woman.

For some, that would be enough. But not for you.
No, your epitaph will begin: She redefined what it meant to be a good woman.
It will say: She scaled mountains, in hiking boots and in heels. She started
in her own backyard and then went all the way around the world. She accepted chal-
lenges with curiosity and determination. She emerged victorious regardless of out-
come, knowing both the pleasure of success and the grace of failure. She tasted long
hot days and cool still nights, at home wherever she found herself. She
wasnt always popular, but she was always true. She wasnt always comfortable, but
no one can say she didnt enjoy her life. She explored her edges, increased her capac-
ity, and lived as big as she could dream. Moved by bliss and pain, she played her heart
out one moment at a time. Dialed in. Courageous. Turned on.
If this sounds more like you, what are you waiting for?
1
Living the Turned-On Womans Manifesto
how to use this book
Living the Turned-on Womans Manifesto is a workbook with a purpose. There

is a lot to be said for reading and absorbing, but as women we crave active connection.
We learn, grow, and transform most deeply when we engage. We open to a new idea,
invite it inside, and work it out in our hearts and bodies. In exchange, we ourselves get
worked. Taken, remade. Its alchemy. We leave the experience changed and expanded,
like straw into gold. Powered by the connection we have made with our deeper self.
The exercises and practices offered here will help you ignite your most turned-
on life. Start by reading the Manifesto. Sign the Declaration of Turn-On at the end.
Then dive into the 25 Ways. Do one a week. (Or if youre ambitious, one a day.) Each of
the Ways includes exercises you can do by yourself. Better yet, with a group of women
friends. Start a Turned-on Womens Circle (see page XX) and follow the Book Group
Guide at the back of the workbook.
And visit www.turnedonwoman.com. Interact with other turned-on women
from around the world. Tell us your story. Comment, critique, and speak whats on your
mind. You are not alone in your choice to ignite your life from the inside out. Come find
us. We are here.
2
the turned-on womans

manifesto
Turn-on lives at the edge of what you think is possible. It is ignited when you
dare to dream, act, create, and operate outside the bounds of the status quo.
The status quo is there to douse potentialfiires. You are here to start them.
A turned-on woman is an awakening woman, a woman who is coming alive.
She is ignited in purpose, relationship, and sexuality; body, mind, and heart.
A turned-on woman does not fear danger, risk, or being different. She knows
that life happens out of bounds. What she fears are the true killers: mediocrity, fitting
in, and being average.
A turned-on woman burns big. She will not be contained by size zero pants, quiet
whispers, or the role of follower.
A turned-on woman redefines what it means to be a good woman. She takes the
existing images, consumes them, and resets the bar. She is undaunted in the face of
others expectations of her. Not because she discounts them. Because she knows she
will exceed them.
A turned-on woman isnt defined by her circumstances. She defines her cir-
cumstances by who she chooses to be within them. Urban career woman, suburban
secret agentit is the substance, not the packaging, that determines her destiny.
3
Living the Turned-On Manifesto

On Engagement
A turned-on woman plays for the freedom of those around her. She recognizes
that people bang the snooze button over and over, no matter how much they want to
wake up. She is willing to absorb the gripes and grumbles of those who are awakening
out of dreamy sleep into their greatest potential. She has the truth as her ballast. She
knows that truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is vio-
lently opposed. Finally, it is accepted as self-evident. She waits patiently for the third
stage.
A turned-on woman resets the definition of what it means to be generous and
compassionate. She will not call out sugary platitudes to soothe and comfort people
in hell. She will, with ferocity and gentleness, go into the fire and get them out. Her
compassion is the outgrowth of the most relentless parental instinct, love of the su-
perhuman, car-lifting variety. She canshe willshe must lift the weight of imagined
fear from herself and others. She will not stand by, hoping and praying that every-
thing will be okay. She will hold herself responsible for ensuring that it is.

On Fear
A turned-on woman sees just one enemy: fear. She is constantly unbending
herself from its contorted grip. She thanks it for the protection it has afforded, the
way it has kept her small and safe. Then she gently retires it so she can truly live.
She recognizes fear in a hundred different disguises. She knows its subtle
minionsus versus them, tit for tat, selling out. She knows that sustainable
change comes not from responding to its effects or symptoms, but from eradicating
the fear at its source. She will not allow herself to be a carrier of the fear disease in
either action or reaction. She knows to reject the fear in othersnot the ones held
hostage by it, not the actions they take under its influencebut the fear itself.

On Purpose
A turned-on woman gives permission rather than waiting for it. She reigns
rather than submits. She has cultivated her power to such a magnitude that those
around her aim to please herand the way to please her is by being wholly, fully, un-
questionably oneself.
She will not settle for the best of the options set before her. Instead she will cre-
ate new and better ones. She sees opportunity all around her, bounty even in scarcity.
She will reject mere excellence from anyone who is capable of more. She is
willing to push another to greatness even when what is offered fulfills an immediate
3
need. She recognizes that her purpose in this world is not to get things done, not to
meet deadlines or achieve worldly success, but to draw from people what they did not
know they were capable of. If her standards are being met but the people around her
are not alive, turned on, and engaged, then she rethinks her strategy. She recognizes
that no one goes unless we all go.
A turned-on woman will not sacrifice truth in order to be appropriate. She
may present with all the markings of the status quo, but only because she knows that
change happens from within. She is always reshaping the mold to her own design.
The laws of linear, familiar, predictable, tried-and-true are there to be broken in favor
of her real truth: the kind that is dangerous, exponential, unique, creative, and now.

On Relationships
A turned-on woman does not hide. She does not shy away from awakening
by shielding herself behind her partner, her children, her reputation. She recognizes
that aiming for goodnessjust being a good mother, a good partner, a good citizen
can divert her attention away from the greatness she truly desires. Great includes
good, but not always vice versa.
She sees how easy it would be to use the roles she has chosen to maintain her
own comfort. Instead she uses them to set herself free. She believes that her respon-
sibility as a mother is to create a better world for her childrennot to show them how
to fit into the existing one. She recognizes that the greatest gift she can give those
around her is an example of a woman who is waking up in the middle of her own life.

On Freedom
A turned-on woman chooses for herself. She looks inside, locates her desire,
and acts out of the natural freedom she knows to be her own. She does not make deci-
sions based on the will of others; her internal compass is too strong. Her only agenda
is for all to be free.
On Power
A turned-on woman eschews force in favor of real power. She educates rather than
emasculates. Rather than withdraw, avoid, judge, and bludgeon, she enters and
transforms. She knows that she is responsible for preparing the world to receive her.
Rather than taking the easy way out and demanding her freedom, she shows others
how they will benefit from it.
4

On Energy
A turned-on woman manages her own internal climate before helping oth-
ers. She handles her own basic needssexual, spiritual, emotional, and physical. She
cultivates her energy and spends it wisely. She puts on her own oxygen mask first,
establishing boundaries to ensure that she has something real and nourishing to offer.
She is willing to relinquish the temporary power that comes with martyrdom, victim-
hood, and selflessness in exchange for the enduring power that comes from internal
wealth. She recognizes that giving to others from a place of scarcity only spreads the
contagion of scarcity. She commits to living full.
The turned-on woman knows there is wisdom in darkness. She knows that she
will have bad days, bad weeks, bad months. She does not apologize or fall prey to guilt
and shame. She can hold difficult emotions, transmuting sadness, disappointment,
and exhaustion into fuel for her journey. She enters the deep, feels it fully, gets what
she needs, and moves on. She goes down but she doesnt go out.

On Women
A turned-on woman ignites other womens turn-on. She refuses to deal in
the accepted inter-female commerce of one-downmanship, publicly cataloging all
the ways her life isnt going well to make other women feel safe. She understands
that while she may find comfort in processing and commiserating with her sisters,
soothing and colluding with them, such comfort is not her aim. A world of turned-on
women is her aim. The generous step is to point other women evermore in the direc-
tion of wakefulness, using her own turn-on to foster genius in those around her. She
is not afraid to stand alone if necessary. She knows the value of solitude and is not
afraid of loneliness when the turn-on of other women is at stake.

On Sex
A turned-on woman rewrites the playbook when it comes to sex. She knows
that sex is not an indulgence; it is literally her source of power. She would never use
it to barter for something else she wants, for a turned-on woman knows that sex is the
gateway to the only thing she truly wants. She knows that if she doesnt want sex, its
because shes not having the right kind of sex. The turned-on woman wants sex that
creates energy rather than depletes it. She seeks the slow burn, the kind of sex that
heats her up from the inside out, stoking her fire and powering her journey.
5
A turned-on woman does not feel the need to dress sex up so it looks one way
or another. She does not perform, embellish, or supplement. Instead she stays pres-
ent, opens herself to the experience, and feels her way. She experiences what is there
and asks for what she desires.
A turned-on woman wants a partner who is willing and able to have this kind
of sex with her. More than that, she wants a partner who desires this same kind of
sex for themselves. Generative sex; sex that begets more turn-on, more awakening,
and more sex. Sex that ignites; that lights up the power grid. The turned-on woman
knows that she is the live wire.

On Courage
A turned-on woman does not trade in measured steps and replicable outcomes.
She is not in the market for stability, a how-to guide to life. She is interested only in
excavating the truth and sharing it with others. She wants to create, generate, raise the
game, and play again. She operates at the edges of her own capacity at all times. She
knows that stormy nights break into the most beautiful sunrises. She believes, she
gives, she tries again, and she never checks out. Courage is her middle name.
***
Turned-on women are changing the world.
Your participation is requested.
Declaration of Turn-On
I declare I am a turned-on woman.
From this day forward, I claim my place in the world.
I vow to show other women how to do the same.
X________________________________________
6
25 ways to turn on
7

Society tells us women are disloyal. Untrustworthy. Catty. Difficult. Bitchy.
Backstabbing. You know better. You are here to change expectations. To set the
record straight.
Model what a real woman can be. Refuse to play the game as it has been writ-
ten. Get behind other women. Support them. Hold them accountable to the deeper
truths of who they are. Listen to the subtext and then speak it. Do not be afraid of your
friends power and do not collude with her to keep her smaller than she is. Do not take
shelter in her failures, reinforcing your own sense of security. If we do not awaken
together, we do not awaken at all. The situation is crucial. It is dire. We must wake up.
Together. Now.
Exercise #1: Cleaning the Slate
When we believe the cultural myth that women arent built to support one
another, the myth becomes reality. We start to see it around us and perpetuate it our-
selves, both subtly and overtly. Change your perspective. Let go of old hurt. We can-
not do this alone. What are you waiting for?
Set a timer for 10 minutes, and find a piece of paper and a pen. Write down any
memories you have of women hurting you in the past. Include any incidents where
you felt a woman was mean, unsupportive, manipulative, or otherwise unfriendly.
Keep writing until the timer goes off. Even if you have to write the same things over
and over, keep going. You may be surprised by what comes up.
After you have finished writing, find a safe and fun way of destroying that
piece of paper. Tear it up, cut it up, even burn it (carefully!). As you do, let go of any of
the memories you wrote down. You are cleaning the slate, so that a new story can be
written. Then, take a few moments to write about what it feels like to let go of any old
hurt and resentment here.
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Exercise #2: Clearing Out Our Judgments
We all have judgments, good and bad, about ourselves and other women. We
meet someone and immediately begin to take inventory of what we like and dislike
about them. We take the same inventory of ourselves. It may seem perfectly natural,
but in practice it interrupts the natural connection we are meant to have with others.
This exercise is intended to help focus attention on the ways you have judged wom-
enboth positively and negatively.
Below, take an inventory of any blanket judgments you have about women.
Begin with the sentence starter, Women are and finish the thought with the first
thing that comes to mind.
Try to put your pen down on paper without stopping to think too much. Its
okay if what you write down are generalizations or if you arent sure you even believe
them. Simply write the first judgments that come to mind.
Examples:
pretty
Women are ___________________________________________________________________
diffiicult and disloyal

Women are ___________________________________________________________________
stressed out
Women are ___________________________________________________________________
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Your turn:
Women are ___________________________________________________________________

Women are ___________________________________________________________________
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Exercise #3: Expressing Gratitude
Think of a woman friend of yours who makes you feel alive, accepted, and
turned on. Call her and express your gratitude for the way she supports you and helps
fuel your journey. Be sure she has read the Manifesto!
After your conversation, journal here about what it felt like to connect with
you friend. Did it go the way you expected? How did it feel to offer gratitude for an-
other womans support? What changes might you make so that another woman might
one day call to thank you?
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Were talking about your life. Tailor it precisely to your own desires. To your
longings and your yearnings. It may not look the way you thought it would. It may not
look like the life your parents wanted for you, or the life you saw glorified on TV, or the
life that seems to be working pretty well for everyone else. But it is yours.
A customized life is a life of purpose. Our gifts are found in close proximity to
our delights. The sensations of turn-on are like a breadcrumb trail toward the per-
son you are meant to become. As surely as fish feel like swimming and tigers feel like
pouncing, what you were created to do is something you feel like doing. Have faith in
your desires; they are the most trustworthy map you have.
Get to know what turns you on, what binds and represses you. What you covet
and crave, and what youre just settling for. Then fill up on the former and let go of the
latter. This is your one and precious life! How long are you going to wait?
Exercise #1: Buyer Beware!
Think about three times in your life when you opted to buy off the rack, rath-
er than making the effort to tailor circumstances to your desire. How might things
have been different if youd opted to customize instead?
I bought off the rack when: ________________________________________________________

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If I had customized instead, then:__________________________________________________
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Exercise #2: Working with Discomfort
Discomfort is sometimes the turned-on womans best friend. When our reality
bumps up against a bigger desire, there is friction. That friction tells us exactly where
to look to find the adjustments we most need to make as we customize our lives.
So get comfortable with your disappointments. Write down ten places in your
life where you are currently experiencing some degree of pain, irritability, or confu-
sion. Include resentments you hold toward people, places, or things. Do not judge
your responses; you are the only one who will look at this list. Get specific. You dont
like your new boss. Youre resentful of your husband because he gets toothpaste all
over the sink. No discomfort is too big or too small.
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Go back to the list you made in Exercise #2. Circle the three discomforts that
have the most charge for youthe ones that are causing you the most pain right now.
For each of them, write down three choices you could make right now that would
result in a better fit in this area.
Discomfort #1: ______________________________________________________________

1. ___________________________________________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________________________________________
3. ___________________________________________________________________________
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Discomfort #2: ______________________________________________________________

1. ___________________________________________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________________________________________
3. ___________________________________________________________________________
Discomfort #3: ______________________________________________________________

1. ___________________________________________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________________________________________
3. ___________________________________________________________________________
3. Live inside out.

Trust yourself. Dont wait for external validation of your internal experience;
know what you are feeling when you are feeling it. It doesnt matter if you should be
having that feeling or if it looks right to others. Go in the direction your internal
compass is pointing you.
You become the woman you are supposed to be when you own who you are.
You are sometimes arrogant and sometimes amazing. Youre sometimes together but
more often coming apart at the seams. All you have to do is approve. You might be lov-
ing and tender; you might be a raging bitch. Dont hold back either way. You are your
gift to the world.
Speak your mind. Ask for what you want. Be real. It will feel like opening the
windows in a stuffy room. Stop pretending to be nice, balanced, gentle, kind, good, sweet
or loving. (Nobody believes you anyway.) Be who you are, just who you are, right now.
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Exercise #1: Hiding Places
Before we can open ourselves to the world, we have to take stock of all the
ways we hide. Everyone has a special bag of tricks we use to keep others from catch-
ing a glimpse of who we really are. You may shut down in groups to avoid being the
center of attention. Or you may draw attention to certain positive qualities in your-
self, hoping people wont see the so-called negative ones. Whatever your chosen
method, you likely have your preferred hiding places.
Think of at least two methods you use to protect your internal truth from the
outside world and write about them in the space below. When do you first remember
using this method? What fears come up when you consider leaving these tricks be-
hind and living inside out?
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What is one one actionable step you might take to begin to wean yourself off of each
of the above hiding places?
1.____________________________________________________________________________
2.____________________________________________________________________________
Can you commit to taking these steps in the next week? YES NO
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Exercise #2: In and Out
Look around your house. Notice which items you have collected that are there
because they truly express who you are, and which ones you may have chosen because
you thought you should have them. List three things that you can truly say are out-
ward representations of a deeper internal truth. What do they express outwardly that
you feel inwardly?
Item: _________________________________________________________________________
Truth: ________________________________________________________________________
Item: _________________________________________________________________________
Truth: ________________________________________________________________________
Item: _________________________________________________________________________
Truth: ________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #3: Obligation versus Desire
There is no word in the English language that kills turn-on as quickly or com-
pletely as should. Obligation is the enemy of desire. Unfortunately, most of us do
not even notice how often we use the word should, not to mention how often we are
doing things out of subtle or subconscious obligation. When we do something because
we think we should do it, we are living from the outside-in rather than the other way
around.
This exercise is intended to turn up the volume on the shoulds in your life.
Think back through your day and write down ten different things you did. Things like
went to work or walked the dog or ate breakfast. Then next to each one, write
down whether you did it out of obligation or desire. There is no need to judge your-
self, whether positively or negatively. Just notice how should works in your life.
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Activity Obligation or Desire?
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You know when you know. Linear thinking, direct verbal communication, and
replicable outcomes are only half the story. You know that more information is avail-
able. You know it because you can feel it in the pit of your stomach.
You know if hes saying one thing and really means another. He probably
doesnt even know it. So youre the one whos going to have to say something. Dont
hesitate. Walk straight into it. If you believe in your own powers of perception, he will
not question you. (If you dont, he will shred you. The difference between the two is a
hairs breadth.) Be willing to say what you know even when you wonder how the hell
you could possibly know it. He will never mention it because he never thought of it.
You didnt have to think of it: you felt it. Feeling is where the truth resides.
Exercise #1: Mind Over Body
Intuition comes through the body. Learn how to listen to your body, and its
wisdom will guide you to your truth.
Think about a time in your life where you did something your mind was telling
you to do, even though your body said differently. It might have to do with food, sex,
exercise, or even a gut feeling you had at work. Take a few minutes to write about the
incident. Why did you let your mind overrule your body? What were the benefits of
making that choice? What did you miss out on?
15
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: No Evidence Required
There are things you know you know, even if you dont have hard evidence.
Maybe you know on a deep level that your partner loves you, even if hes not saying
it. Or that your boss isnt happy with your performance. Or that a friend is keeping
something from you. You may think you know the whole story, or you might just have
a whisper of a feeling.
Think of one thing you know but dont have evidence for. How do you know it?
Pay special attention to sensations you can feel in your body. Then, write down why
you havent named what you know. What barriers would you have to overcome in
order to talk about it?
Something I know without evidence:

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
What it feels like in my body:

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
16
Why I havent named it:

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
What I would have to overcome to talk about it:

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #3: Saying What You Know
The best way to develop your intuition is to practice speaking it out loud. To-
day, claim one intuition you have by naming it in the momentthen write about your
experience below. Dont worry about how your intuition is received; it may not be
validated by the person youre speaking to. (Remember, theres a reason they werent
saying it already!) The goal is simply to get comfortable speaking your truth, regard-
less of outcome. Be sure to pay special attention to the way your body feels during
this exercise, and write about any sensations you feel.
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
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17

You know the fear Im talking about. The one that lurks in the darkest corner
of your heart. The one youve convinced yourself isnt there because youve become so
good at pushing it away. As a turned-on woman, you want to know everything there is
to know about yourself. Get curious. Let fear be a source of fascination, not fright.

Turn the lights on. Raise your white hankie. Leave out a plate of cookies
whatever it takes to get that fear to take its first tentative step in your direction. You
may be surprised. Its probably a little girl with scraped knees who has been hanging
on to a painful story written long, long ago. Invite her onto your lap. Tell her a new
story. The story of your own bravery, your own courage, your willingness to do what-
ever it takes and to climb whatever mountains rise up in front of you on the journey
toward truth.
Then ask her to lead you to her friendsthere will be more. Take an inventory of
your fears every day. Watch as, over time, your resistance to life converts to turn-on.
Exercise #1: Finding Your Fears
Fear lurks behind corners, in every area of our lives. It disguises itself as
entitlement, blame, and the need to control. The first step to working with fear is to
notice where its hiding.
Take a few minutes to consider where fear may have taken up residence in
your life when you were looking the other way. Some will be easy to pinpointfears
youve known about and can identify quickly. Others will be more subtle; you may not
realize you have them at all. So this exercise will ask you to catalog three different
fears you might have for each of the categories below. If you cant think of three fears
for each category, make some up. What are possible fears you could imagine having in
each of these areas? Write them down, even if they seem far-fetched or imaginary.
For example, in the relationship category perhaps you have fear that you are
not attracted to your partner anymore, but you cant think of any other fears. Thats
okaywrite down the one you know about, and then write down two other fears you
could imagine having in a relationship. Dont get too caught up in the details; just
keep writing.
18
Life Area Fear#1 Fear#2 Fear#3
Relationships

Career

Health

Sexuality

Finances
Exercise #2: Fear As Protector
Fear isnt all bad. No, really: its a natural human characteristic that evolved
as a way to protect us from true dangersthink wild animals and poisonous berries.
The problems arise when we keep fear on the shelf well past its expiration date.
In the chart below, write down at least five fears you have, and how they
might have protected you in the past. What benefit did you get from each one? Then,
ask yourself if you are ready to make peace with the fear and retire it. You might be
readyyou might not. Either way, honesty is the key.
Fear How it has helped me Am I ready to make peace

with this fear and retire it?

It kept me from repeat- Yes. I know that the fear
Example: Fear of
ing reckless behaviors of getting into trouble is
getting in trouble.
as a kid that might have keeping me from taking
gotten me hurt. risks I really want to take
and I am ready to let it go.
19
Am I ready to make peace

Fear How it has helped me?
with this fear and retire it?
20
Exercise #3: Fear Inventory
This exercise can be done whenever you feel anxious about something. It is
also quite powerful when used as a daily practice to keep your system light and open.
Acknowledging your everyday resentmentsand the fears that drive themmeans
they can pass through your system. The same way brushing your teeth keeps plaque
from building up on your teeth, inventory keeps fear from building up in your system.
Step 1. Choose someone to address the inventory to. It can be a higher power,
the universe, nature, your higher selfanyone you choose who you feel has wisdom
that is greater than your own.

Step 2. Choose a resentmentsome thought or idea or person who you cant
get out of your head. Youll know youve found an appropriate resentment because it
will make you feel angry, upset, victimized, anxious, or otherwise unhappy when you
think about it.

Step 3. Write down the fears that are behind this resentment. What are you
afraid of in this situation, with this person? For example:
I am resentful at my co-worker. I have fear I look bad to our boss when we co-
author reports and she finishes her work at the last minute.
Then list the fears that are be hidden behind that fear. I have fear I will get
fired. Under that fear you might find another one, like I have fear I choose to stay in
jobs I dont love because I have fear of financial difficulties. Then, I have fear I have
chosen to believe that money buys happiness even though I know thats not true.

Step 4. Once you have worked through all of your resentments, you ask for
your fears to be lifted simply by writing down: Higher power, I ask to be free of these
fears and any others I cannot see, for me and for [Insert any names that came up dur-
ing the inventoryyour co-worker, for example].
Step 5 (Optional). Read your list to a neutral third party. Ask them in advance
to keep everything you say confidential, and not to comment on the content of your
inventory. Their only job is to listen.
Step 6. Let your fears go! Rip up the piece of paper you wrote on, delete the
fears if you wrote them on your computer, or draw a large X across each page. This
last step is an outward symbol of your willingness to really let the fears go.
20
Dear ____________, I am resentful at ________________________________ because:

I have fear that ____________________________________________________.
I have fear that ____________________________________________________.
I have fear that ____________________________________________________.
I have fear that ____________________________________________________.
I have fear that ____________________________________________________.
I have fear that ____________________________________________________.
Dear ____________, I am resentful at _________________________________because:

I have fear that ____________________________________________________.
I have fear that ____________________________________________________.
I have fear that ____________________________________________________.
I have fear that ____________________________________________________.
I have fear that ____________________________________________________.
I have fear that ____________________________________________________.
Repeat the above steps as many times as you need to.
Dear ___________, I ask to be free of these fears and any others I cannot see,
for me and for:
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
21

Desire gets a bad rap. It makes us do things our parents told us were wrong.
It doesnt like rules and it doesnt abide by the laws of appropriateness. It eats more
than a lady should, in more ways than one. It uses the good china when theres not
even company coming over.
And there is nothing else that is so real, so true, and so yours. Desire is your own
personal treasure map. It is your guide to becoming the person you were meant to be.
Desire is not an indulgence, an enemy, an obstacle. It is the only thing that can quench
the deepest thirst within you.
Get back in touch with your desire. Start with your body. It knows what you
want. Listen to the hungers that whisper, and the ones that roar. Pay attention to the
magnetic fields that draw you toward one person and away from another. Give your
thinking mind a mini retirement and let your sex make your decisions for a day. (Or
a month.) Say yes when you want to say yes. Say no when you want to say no. If you
dont know, say maybe. But follow your desires without dumbing them down. They
may not lead where you wanted to go, but they will never lead you astray.
Exercise #1: Whos a Good Girl?
Growing up, we get tons of messages about what good girls do and dont do.
Most of us internalize the dos and donts so completely we end up having a hard
time discerning between our own desires and what weve been told we should want.
In this exercise youll excavate your inner good girl. Set a timer for 5 minutes.
Writing as swiftly as possible, compile a list of everything you can think of that good
girls do. Dont judge or criticize yourself, just write. Then, when the timer goes off,
set it for another five minutes and create a list of what good girls dont do.
Example:
Good girls wait for the guy to call.

Good girls leave a few bites of food on the plate.
Good girls dont ask for too much.
Good girls dont talk loudly in class.

22
Dos
Good girls ___________________________________________________________

Good girls ___________________________________________________________
Good girls ___________________________________________________________
Good girls ___________________________________________________________
Good girls ___________________________________________________________

Good girls ___________________________________________________________
Good girls ___________________________________________________________
Good girls ___________________________________________________________
Good girls ___________________________________________________________
Good girls ___________________________________________________________

Good girls ___________________________________________________________
Good girls ___________________________________________________________
Good girls ___________________________________________________________
Good girls ___________________________________________________________
Good girls ___________________________________________________________
Donts
Good girls dont ______________________________________________________

Good girls dont ______________________________________________________
Good girls dont ______________________________________________________
Good girls dont ______________________________________________________
Good girls dont ______________________________________________________

Good girls dont ______________________________________________________
Good girls dont ______________________________________________________
Good girls dont ______________________________________________________
Good girls dont ______________________________________________________
Good girls dont ______________________________________________________

Good girls dont ______________________________________________________
Good girls dont ______________________________________________________
Good girls dont ______________________________________________________
Good girls dont ______________________________________________________
Good girls dont ______________________________________________________
23
Now put a star next to the 3 dos and the 3 donts that you believe might
be stifling your desire most. Choose one and take a few minutes to write about how
things would be different if you let your desire run free in this area:
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise 2: Desire and Shame
Shame is what keeps good girls good. In this exercise, youll begin the process
of freeing your desire by releasing a memory of shame from the past.
Think back to a time when you got into trouble as a kid, preferably one that
resulted in a notable feeling of shame. Perhaps you broke something, got caught
playing doctor with the neighbor, or tracked mud through the house. Whatever you
were doing, you were probably doing it because it felt good. Somehow, you desired
it. Circle any words below that describe how you felt just before you got into trouble.
Feel free to add words of your own.
Happy Relaxation
Need Delicious
Quiet Free
Food Desire
Exuberant Mischevious
Sensation Expansion
Bad Heat
Fun Hunger
Creative Curious
Sex Trouble
Naughty
24
Write a short letter to your younger self, releasing her from any shame that
got tied, subtly or overtly, to the feelings above. Let her know how well things have
turned out for you now.
Dear ___________________,
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Love,
______________________
Exercise 3: Replacing Shame with Desire
Now that youre ready to to turn your attention toward your desire rather than
away from it, where should you be turning your attention? The answer is to your body.
Desire lives in your body, not your head.
The mind, on the other handhas its own ideas. It has this way of locking
down and repressing desires that dont fit into its master plan. Which is useful when
youre trying to protect yourself from hurt, disappointment, shame, and guilt. Less
useful when youre trying to live a turned-on life.
So lets take stock of some of your desiresand see if we can broker a deal with
your mind. Fill in the blanks below: name five different places where your desire is
saying yes but your mind is saying not so fast. Be as specific as possible. Then negoti-
ate a compromise, where both parties can walk away feeling good.
25
Example:
Learn to speak Spanish.

Desire says yes:_____________________________
I dont have time to take a class, I need to be focused on work right now.
Mind says no because: _____________________________________________________
I can download a learn to speak spanish program and listen to it on my commute.
Compromise: _____________________________________________________
Desire says yes: __________________________________________________________________
Mind says no because: ____________________________________________________________
Compromise: ____________________________________________________________________
Desire says yes: __________________________________________________________________
Compromise: ____________________________________________________________________
Desire says yes: __________________________________________________________________
Compromise: ____________________________________________________________________
Desire says yes: __________________________________________________________________
Compromise: ____________________________________________________________________
Desire says yes: __________________________________________________________________
Compromise: __________________________________________________________________
26

Start with a blank piece of paper, a pen, and the sensations in your body. Put
your fear brain, your resistance mind, down for a nap. Then start writing. One hun-
dred desires, no stopping. You will not have to show this to anyone. Write down the
things you know you want, even if you wish you didnt want them. Big desires, little
desires, everything in between. You are the only one who can choose to let yourself
have. Even if just for these ten minutes, give yourself everything the little girl inside
has always wanted. Censor nothing except logic. No, your desires do not have to be
feasible. No, you do not have to know how to get from here to there. All you need to do
is dream.
Now sort them by size. Abiding peace at the top. Peace between your children
in the middle. A piece of cake down below. All are true. Valid. Important. Each desire
is like a map to a different landscape within you. Hone them, sharpen their impact,
cut anything you put on the list so you would look good, so you werent asking for too
much. Make space for the desires you didnt include because they would rock the boat
too much, wouldnt be dignified, or wouldnt go over well with your boyfriend.
Then choose the ones that you really want. I mean the ones that you really
want. Ask yourself not, Can I live the rest of my life without this? but instead, Why
would I want to?
Then write a desire contract, and sign it. Make a commitment to live the life
you were intended for. Desires point you in the right direction. The only question: will
you follow?
Exercise #1: Start with a Want List
Go ahead: get cracking on that list! Find a comfy place to sit and get ready to let
the desire flow. Large or small, feasible or outlandish, good or bad. Do not censor
yourself. Be inappropriate. Dont worry about whether you actually want that thing or
you just maybe want itif it pops into your head, it goes on the list. Ready, set, WANT!
27
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Exercise #2: Claim Your Big D and Little d Desires
Review the list you made in Exercise #1. Look for the big ones, the guiding prin-
ciples, the desires behind which all the other desires fall in line. (Feel free to add desires
as they arisewe dont always nail the big ones the first time through.) You may have
only one; you probably have no more than three. Write those big D desires here.
Big D Desires
1. ___________________________________________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________________________________________
3. ___________________________________________________________________________
Little d Desires
Now sort through the rest, and find the ones that most closely support the big
Ds. The ones that act as fuel toward the big D destinations. Write these little d
desires below. (Feel free to use additional paper if you have more than ten little ds.)
1. ___________________________________________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________________________________________
3. ___________________________________________________________________________
4. ___________________________________________________________________________
5. ___________________________________________________________________________
6. ___________________________________________________________________________
7. ___________________________________________________________________________
8. ___________________________________________________________________________
9. ___________________________________________________________________________
10. ___________________________________________________________________________
31
Exercise #3: Making Admissions
Now that youve begun to shine light on your true desires, all of the stories
your mind has been weaving to keep you safely separated from your desire will start
to become clear. As such, there are some admissions you will have to make. Now is
the time to own up to the old ideasthe good-girl givens you have been operating
bythat you can no longer pretend are true. I am not as sorry as I said I was. I am not
in love with my boyfriend anymore. I want a different job. Money is important to me. I
am not having the kind of sex I want to have.
The key to making admissions is a willingness to be honest. To recognize what
is true for you. Only then can desire become your true North.
So lets get started. What do you need to admit? Remember, nobody else will
read thisits just for you.
Admissions
1. ___________________________________________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________________________________________
3. ___________________________________________________________________________
4. ___________________________________________________________________________
5. ___________________________________________________________________________
6. ___________________________________________________________________________
7. ___________________________________________________________________________
8. ___________________________________________________________________________
9. ___________________________________________________________________________
10. ___________________________________________________________________________
Optional: Create a single-page document including your big D desires, little d de-
sires, and admissions. Sign it. This is your contract with yourself. For a more detailed
exploration of this process, visit onetaste.us and download the eBook The Desire Con-
tract by Nicole Daedone.
32

You are the modern courtesan. Educated. Self-aware. Free. You know that as a
woman you hold power over men. You use it wisely, and with compassion, and always
with their best interest in mind. You are generous with them and whole unto yourself,
so men are drawn to you like bees to ripe fruit. Through you, they have access to the
nectar of life.
You are not appropriate. Like the heroine of Dangerous Beauty, you make your
own rules. You know that appropriateness kills joy; that a life motivated by security
and social approval is no life at all.
Instead, you live a life of choice. You use your womanliness, your sexuality, and
your sharp mind to turn everything you touch into gold. Whether mother, CEO, artist
or all three, you know that sexuality is your power, and you own it completely. You are
so full of life you cant help but offer yourself to the world around youand receive the
riches of the world in return.
Exercise #1: Courtesan Movie Night
Have a movie night to watch Dangerous Beauty. Invite only turned-on women. Wear
something that expresses your desire. Be sexy, decadent. And dont forget the spread.
Serve foods that light up the senses and turn up the volume.
Before you watch the movie, go around the room and ask each of your guests to com-
plete the sentence, A courtesan is Begin by doing it yourself, right here:
A courtesan is________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
33
After watching the movie, go around the room again and have your friends
complete the sentence again. A courtesan is
A courtesan is________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: The Power of a Womans Sexuality
Dangerous Beauty is a movie about a woman who unabashedly uses sex as her
power source. It fuels her education, her career, her purpose, and her life. She uses it
to magnetize the best out of the men around her. Her primary driving force is desire.
This is in stark contrast to the wives, who are depicted throughout the movie
as unfailingly appropriate, socially conscious, and sexually repressed. Their primary
driving force is fearfear of someone as openly sexual as Veronica, fear their hus-
bands are cheating on them, religious fearsessentially, fear of anything that upsets
the status quo.
In this exercise you will make two lists of women you are familiar with (celeb-
rities and women of bygone eras count, too). First, those who you believe are fueled
primarily by desire. Second, those who you suspect are fueled primarily by fear.
Dont worry about hurting anyones feelings here; its your perception that counts.
(And as discussed earlier, you can trust your intuition. In other words, you do know.
Claim it.)
Fueled by Desire Fueled by Fear

_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
34
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
Which kind of woman do you admire most, and why? __________________________
Exercise #3: Be Inappropriate (On Paper, Anyway)
Take a peek underneath all of those appropriate behaviors and feel the rush
of the inappropriate. Dig deep and unbury the wrong desires you left for another
lifetime or a different set of circumstances. Maybe youve been trying to be the perfect
housewife but have a secret desire to be a stripper. (If only for a night.) Perhaps youve
been the rebel all your life but deep down you want the white-picket-fence dream
house. Find the thing that feels the most inappropriate and most delicious. Bring that
desire out of the dark and breathe life into it now. Write the fantasy down below. If
youre not feeling turned on as you write, start over with a new, even more taboo de-
sire. You will know you have landed on the right one when your body starts to vibrate
with excitement.
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
35
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
36

Envy is to be greeted as very good news. Envy means you have entered the
gravitational field of another powerful woman. It is up to you to engage her, to turn
her into a colleague, to make her your friend. Friendship is the highest game we play.
Friendship among women, true friendship, is like pouring gasoline on the fire of our
own turn-on. Like a constellation, we shine brighter when we are in relationship with
other turned-on women.
Start scouting potential. You will begin to see women all around you who are
smoldering, dying for someone to believe in them and to show them how to get their
fire roaring. Be that woman. Get into the firewood business. Do it for her and do it
for yourself. She may be skeptical of you at first. She may think you are trying to kill
her. Be patient; draw her out. Model sisterhood rather than competition. (Throw a
little healthy competition back in the game when the time is right.) Let her see, over
the long term, that you have both of your best interests at heart. Be a mirror for her.
Be firm but kind. Hold her to the standard you know she can reach and ask her to do
the same for you. Women who light fires under other women are never alone, never
lonely, and never bored. Soon you wont want to do anything else with your time.
Exercise #1: Clearing Out the Old Stories
Old stories we have about women keep us caught in the conspiracy of fear and
envy. As a turned-on woman, you dont have time for that. This exercise is meant to
clear out any old stories you have that keep you from getting behind another womans
turn-on.
Name three reasons you dont get behind other turned-on women. Perhaps
you have a deep belief that women are disloyal, or that you get along better with men,
or that turned-on women are dangerous. What memories or previous experiences
support that story? Are you ready to let these stories go?
Story: ___________________________________________________________________________
Memory: ________________________________________________________________________
I am ready to let this go. (Circle one) YES NO
Story: ___________________________________________________________________________
Memory: ________________________________________________________________________
37
Story: ________________________________________________________________________
Memory: _____________________________________________________________________
Name three stories you have that make it so you dont ask for help from other
turned-on women. What memories or old experiences support these stories? Are you
ready to let these stories go?
Story: ___________________________________________________________________________
Memory: ________________________________________________________________________
Story: ___________________________________________________________________________
Memory: ________________________________________________________________________
Story: ___________________________________________________________________________
Memory: ________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: Building Alliances with Turned-on Women
Think of three women you know who are thriving. Following their passions.
They may be workers, friends, neighbors, or women in your book club. Women whose
aliveness you can feel. Who seem to magnetize what they desire in life with ease. Who
are these women? What is it about them?
Three Turned-on Women I Know:
1._____ ___________________________ is turned on.

Whats turned on about her is _____________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________.
2.________________________________ is turned on.
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________.
38
3..________________________________ is turned on.

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________.
Now, call each of these turned-on women and invite her to tea. When you see
her, ask these questions:
What are you passionate about right now?

What are you doing that seems to be working?
What lessons did you have to learn to get where you are today?
Then make her an offer. You will get behind her turn-on, if she gets behind
yours. Build an alliance. Make at least one offera concrete way you will help her
and commit to an actionable first step. Then make a request that she does the same
for you.
Exercise #3: When You Get Triggered, Be Transparent
Feelings are feelings, and we all have them. The journey of the turned-on
woman is no exception. From time to time you will feel jealous, angry, frustrated, or
just plain irritated with other women. The key is to let these feelings flow the minute
you have them, so they dont turn to resentment. Resentment shuts down your turn-
on, while transparency ignites it. Moreover, behind every trigger is a desire. When
feelings flare up around other women, you can welcome them as a love letter from
your desire.
Try this. Think of a woman in your life who you feel jealous of. Maybe she has
the job you want, the body you want, the man you want. Maybe shes just funnier than
you are, and everyone seems to like her. Dont judge yourselfbe honest. Who is this
woman?
I am jealous of _________________________________________________________________
because _______________________________________________________________________.
39
Things that trigger me about her include:
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
What might these triggers say about what you want? What desires might these
feelings be pointing toward?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
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40
10. Start a circle.

Women do not awaken alone. We awaken in connection with others. In fami-
lies. In communities. In friendships. Create a foundation for turning on and waking
up: start a womens circle. Be exclusive. Curate well. Do not invite 14 of your closest
friends. Invite the two or three women who inspire and enliven you, and grow care-
fully from there. Include only the women who leave you feeling energized, alive, and
motivated. Do not feel guilty for not inviting the women who leave you feeling deplet-
ed, disillusioned, and ready for a glass of wine. This is not about them. This is about
waking up. There is no margin for error.
Once you have found your circle, make some commitments. Commit to show-
ing up, literally and figuratively. Be on time. Pay quality attention. Be true and vulner-
able. Be a mirror. Reflect without judgment. Offer support always and advice only if it
is requested. Set individual goals and commit to helping one another achieve them.
And dont forget the humor. Laughter sustains us on the road to awakening.
Exercise #1: Setting Intentions for Your Turned-on Womens Circle
Take some time and think about your intentions for this circle. Why do you
want to start it? To connect with other women? To build community? To show
women what is possible? To heal your relationship with women? To serve? To enjoy
the turn-on of creation? What do you hope to accomplish?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________

41
Using the intentions above, craft a mission statement for your Turned-on
Womens Circle.
Today, I __________________________________ pledge to begin preparations to start a

Turned-on Womens Circle. The purpose of this circle _____________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
This circle will be successful if ____________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: Design Your Circle
Now that you know why youre starting a Circle, what do you want the meetings
to be like? Take this opportunity to consider different possibilities for your Circle.
What would be the benefits of choosing a theme each month? What would be
the benefits of letting the topic be more free-form?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
What could be great about having a large Circle (8+)? What could be nice
about a smaller Circle?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________

42

Why might you choose to meet in someones private home? What might be the
benefit to meeting in a public place, like a coffee shop or restaurant? Would you meet
at the same place each month or move around?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Why might you want to have food and drink available? What might be some
drawbacks of having food and drink?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
How long would the ideal Circle meeting last? How frequently would you
get together?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Might you choose an opening ritual, like a moment of silence or lighting of

candles? A closing ritual? What would be the benefits and drawbacks of including
ritual in your circle?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
1. Might we suggest choosing one of the 25 Ways to Turn On as your topic each month! See the Book Group
Guide at the end of this workbook. Now, plan your ideal Circle:
43
Monthly Theme?

Size of group?

Location?

Meeting Length?

Frequency?

Rituals?

Other?
44

You dont need a manor a woman, for that matterto turn on. The switch lies
not outside of you, but deep within. Turn-on is a choice. It is not dependent on exter-
nal circumstances, encouragement from others, past history, the right credentials,
or even chemistry. As much of a paradox as it may seem, there is no man in the world
who can turn you on until you let him.
Stop blaming your man for your own lack of turn-on. A man can wire the room.
He can create the right circumstances for the lights to go on. You are the only one who
can flip the switch. Stop looking up and down the street for someone else to turn the
electricity on. The source of power is right here, in your very own body. Turn on, and
the men will come. (Be ready to enjoy the hell out of them once they do.)
Exercise #1: Looking at Resistance
The idea that turn-on lies within can be confronting. If turn-on doesnt de-
pend on external source, we might draw the conclusion that we could be turned on by
just about anybody. Dont be alarmed if youre feeling resistant to this concept. What
cultural norms would have to fall if it were true? Are you comfortable with the con-
cept that turn-on lies within? Why or why not?
I like the idea that turn-on comes from within because

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
I am resistant to the idea that turn-on comes from within because

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
45
Exercise #2: Noticing Your Turn-on
If you have a partner, initiate sex with them today. (If you dont have a partner,
initiate a flirtation with someone you have your eye oneven if its just the barista at
your local coffee shop.) Notice the turn-on in your body, then take a few moments to
answer these questions.
What does turn-on feel like, in terms of temperature, motion, and location?
Where does it begin, and where does it end?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
At what point does turn-on begin for you? What increases sexual energy and
what decreases it?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
In what ways do you turn yourself on? In what ways do you expect your part-
ner to turn you on?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
46
Exercise #3: Reinforcing Your Own Turn-on
Recall a time when you felt turned-on, alive, happy, free, and in your purpose.
A time when your turn-on came unquestionably from within. What did that feel like
in your body? How might you access those sensations again?
_________________________________________________________________________________
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47
12. Fuck, dont fiight.

Sex drive and the urge to fight are the same thing in different clothing. Even
when I dont think I have the energy to have sex, look at me crossways and Ill find the
energy to pick a fight. Same energy, different story.
Frozen sexual energy makes us crazy. It locks us down, explodes at inappropri-
ate times, or settles around us like a fog. It irritates us from the inside out. Next thing
we know were in it with our husband or our kid or our best friend.
The only way to use your sexual energy to generate more energy is by unfreez-
ing it. Owning it. Liberating it for good. We do that through sex. Sex heats you up, like
an ice cube on a hot stove. Soon you melt into liquid, and your molecules become so
volatile they rise in steam. Steam that can power anything you desire.
Next time you feel the urge to fight, have some good, clean sex instead. Sex is
the cure. It is medicine in its most potent form. Dont withhold it from your partner
because youre angry with him. Fuck your partner because you dont want to be angry
with him anymore.
Exercise #1: The Sensations of Sex and Fighting
All feelings and emotions express themselves through the body as sensations.
This includes sexual turn-on and the urge to fight. In the chart below, write down any
words or phrases that describe the feelings you get in your body during sex and fight-
ing. Use the categories in the left-hand column to help you
When I have sex, it feels When Im fighting, it feels
Temperature (warm, hot,

cool, cold, tepid)
Motion (churning, still, rush-
ing, up and down, fast or slow)
Location (arms, legs,
chest, genitals, head, back)
Color (red, white hot,
deep blue, black, bright white)
48
In what ways did the descriptions match? In what ways were they different?
Next time you have the urge to fight, might you consider having sex instead?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: How You Use Your Sex
As women, we receive a lot of social cues and subtle messages about how we
should and should not use our sexuality. The concept of using it to liberate frozen
sexual energy in the body is rarely part of our education.
In this exercise, consider how you have related to your sexual energy in the past.
Think back over your sexual history. Start from your first sexual experiences through
the present day. See if you can remember a time when you related to your sex in each of
the following ways, and write a description of the incident as you remember it.
1. One time I felt I had to repress my sexuality:

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
2. One fight I had with a partner that I now see might have been avoided if wed
had sex: _________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
3. One recent fight that might have been the result of frozen sexual energy:
_________________________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
49
Exercise #3: Withholding
One of the major obstacles we women must overcome in order to use our
sexual energy for the purpose of freeing ourselves is the idea that I should only have
sex with him if he deserves it.
Have you ever withheld sex because you were angry with your man? Name
one recent example.
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Place a checkmark next to any of the following ideas that sound familiar.
Then, take a moment to consider them. How would things change if you changed
your perspective about this?
I cannot enjoy sex with my partner when I am mad at him.
If I changed my perspective about this, then I:

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
If I have sex with my partner when he has done something wrong,

I will be reinforcing negative behaviors.

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Sex doesnt liberate energy, it just makes me tired.

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
50
These days, I enjoy fighting more than I enjoy having sex.

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________

Power originates with women. Our service is creation. A mans service is ser-
vice. He was born to bushwhack the path so you can focus on the business of creating.
Call him into service.
Be calm and assertive. Ask for precisely what you need. Give him point-by-point
instruction so he will be successful. Get clean with your ability to receive. There is
no time to lose. Get rid of your old stories about not deservingthis is not about you!
This is about righting the way men and women relate. Everything is at stake.
Give him concrete tasks he knows how to accomplish and then show appre-
ciation for a job well done. Do not trick him or play games. Do not set him up to fail.
Do not punish him or point out his faults. Treat him like the precious resource he is.
Show him how he can please you and then allow him to do it. Too many women treat
their men like a bully picking on the tiniest kid on the playground. Stop being cruel.
Allow him to carry the load he is meant to carry, while you guide him with compas-
sion and love. Drop the old story that you are broken and he is here to save you. You
are a turned-on woman: you can stand on your own two feet.
Exercise #1: Tell Him What You Desire
Women do not recognize just how much our partners desire to please us. The
first way to handle him is to tell him what you want. Give him specific instructions,
delivered in a loving and appreciative way, and watch him step up to the plate.
Pretend you are talking to your partner. Tell him five desires you have. Think
foot rubs, dinners out, and sexual activities. For the purpose of this exercise do not
ask him to do chores. Ask for things that would make you feel alive and well taken
care of. Make sure to phrase them with kindness.
51
Honey, I would like for you to _____________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: Handle Your Own Feelings First
One roadblock to handling our partners is that we havent learned to handle

our own feelings. As a result, our own fear, resentment, and hurt lie in wait, ready to
trap him at the slightest infraction. Take responsibility for handling your own feel-
ings first. Only then will you be clean enough to handle his.
Make a list of the last 3 times your partner irritated you. What behavior was
he displaying? What did this behavior say to you? Was there an unmet desire beneath
your hurt? What action could you have taken to turn the situation around?
Example:
His behavior: He was late.

What this said to me: He didnt care about our time together.
My deeper desire: My desire was that he prioritize our date so I feel cared for.
His behavior: ___________________________________________________________________

What this said to me: ____________________________________________________________
My deeper desire: ______________________________________________________________
52
His behavior: ___________________________________________________________________

My deeper desire: ______________________________________________________________
His behavior: ___________________________________________________________________

My deeper desire: ______________________________________________________________
Now, choose one of the above behaviors. With appreciation and kindness
rather than blame, tell your partner what you desire and ask him if he would be will-
ing to give it to you next time.
Exercise #3: Make the First Move
Sometimes handling your man means modeling the behavior you want him
to display. Think of one thing you know your partner (or a friend, if you dont have a
partner at the moment) would appreciate you doing for him. What would it take for
you to enjoy doing this thing? For you to do it out of desire? Not desire for him to
reciprocate, but pure pleasure in the moment of the activity?
_________________________________________________________________________________
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53

You know that words carry power. Choose them wisely.
We suggest choosing the word pussy. Not because it is appropriate. (It isnt.)
Not because it is politically correct. (It isnt.) Not because its your only option. You
could use yoni or genitals or vagina or even cunt. You could use a euphemism
like box. But make sure the word you choose is the most powerful, sexy, best option
you have.
While every turned-on woman must choose for herself, we think pussy is the
word that best captures the sexiness, the aliveness, the electricity of a womans most
sensitive and precious spot. It is the only one that feels sensational in the very part it
describes when spoken. It is warm, inviting, sexy, juicy, and sensual. Vagina is too
dry. Cunt is too harsh. Pussy is juuuust right.
Exercise #1: Taking Stock
What is your current relationship to the word pussy? Do you love it or hate
it? Use it or ignore it completely? Write a short paragraph to describe it. Do not cen-
sor or judge; just write.
_________________________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________________________
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54
Exercise #2: Consider the Alternatives
Write down every word you have ever heard used to refer to a womans geni-
tals. Do not be ashamed. Do not edit. Write down every single word that comes to
mind, positive or negative. Weve gotten you started:
Pussy
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
Exercise #3: Choosing the Right Word for YOU
We often use the sexual vocabulary that we heard when we were young. The
words our mother used, or would have approved of. Now is your chance to choose
for yourself.
1. Look at the list you made in Exercise #2 and place a star next to the three terms you
use most often to describe your own genitals. Write them down here:
____________________________
____________________________
____________________________
2. Then, read the whole list you made in Exercise #2 out loud. Feel your body as you
read it. Which terms feel most alive, vibrant, sexy, and decadent in your body? Circle
the top three and write them here:
____________________________
____________________________
____________________________
55
3. Where did your stars and circles overlap? Or did they? Why do you think you use
the terms you use?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
4. Now that youve taken the time to consider it, will you adopt the word pussy? Why
or why not?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
55

Pay attention to every sensation in your body; its through feeling sensations
that you understand your world. This goes for orgasm as much asor more than
anything else. As soon as you start paying attention to your orgasm, you discover that
you have been short-changing yourself for years equating orgasm with climax.
Orgasm is the experience of pleasure in the body. Pleasure is accessible in so
many more ways than just through stimulation of the genitals. The lips receive and
respond to pleasure during a kiss. The tongue receives and responds to pleasure when
eating a flavorful meal. The skin receives and responds to pleasure when a feather is
run lightly up and down your inner arm. All of these experiences create the energy of
turn-on. All of these experiences are orgasmic.
Learn how to feel orgasm in every cell of your body. Every moment you are
here. Your life can be one extended experience of orgasm. Remember to be here for it.
Exercise #1: Cutting Off Our Power Source
If orgasm is our power source, what happens when we keep our sex hidden away?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
How might things change in your life if you treated sex as your power source?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
56
What obstacles might you have to overcome?

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: Start an Orgasmic Journal
A turned-on woman knows that orgasm is the rise and fall of sensation in her
bodyhow her body receives and responds to pleasure. Climax may be part of orgasm,
but orgasm can be felt throughout the day in many different ways. Any time the body
fills with pleasurable sensation, thats orgasm.
Taking the time to notice when orgasm rises in our body keeps us alive,
vibrant, and turned-on. A great way to start paying attention is by keeping an Orgas-
mic Journal.
Choose a journal. Start with the notebook itself. Choose a journal that feels
good to youone that generates energy when you look at it, touch it, even smell it.
What about this journal says orgasm to you?
Choose a pen. Then find a pen that feels good in your hand. You might want
something lightweight or heavy; ink that is thick and viscous or ink that flows freely.
Whichever you choose, make sure its a pen you desire to have in your hand.
Start paying attention. Now, start noticing how orgasm rises and falls in your
body throughout the day. Throughout the day, pay attention to any moments where
your body feels alive, sensual, hot, and buoyant.
Write it down. Each time orgasm catches your attention, pull out your journal
and jot down a brief snapshot of what it feels like. Capture the circumstances and
the sensations alike. Think temperature, location, motion, and color. Did you feel a
tingling? A buzzing? Where was it located in your body? What was happening around
you at the time? Keep the descriptions succinct; hopefully you will be experiencing
many of them.
Review your orgasm. At the end of each day review your journal. What sur-
prised you? What stood out? Which experiences would you like to repeat?
57
Exercise #3: Letter from Your Orgasm
Write a letter to yourself from the point of view of orgasm. Let your orgasm speak to
you. Is orgasm a long-lost friend? A constant companion? Where does it feel listened
to? Ignored? In what ways does it feel judged or repressed? Celebrated and appreci-
ated? What are some recent desires its asked for that have yet to be fulfilled? What is
it upset about and what it is grateful for?
Dear _______________,
I feel like you really listen to me when _____________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
I wish you would listen to me more when __________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
I feel celebrated when ___________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
I feel repressed when ____________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
I have a desire to _______________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
I love it when you _______________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
Love,
Your Orgasm
58

When you disconnect from anythingfrom your partner, your senses, your
worldyou are unplugging from your power source. You cannot afford to squander
even one spark of connection. Everything is fuel for your journey. And its a big jour-
ney. As a turned-on woman you will be asked to climb mountains and swim across
seas. You will be asked to use all of your reserves without holding anything back. You
will need power to do such remarkable things.
Make promises of connection that you intend to keep. Make a vow that the
door will always be open. No one will be turned away, regardless of previous experi-
ence. This does not mean the price of admission will be free, of course. Know the dif-
ference between acquiescence and surrender. The former is a lack of will. The latter
is an act of power.
Laziness and hiding are choices you cant afford to make. Be awake, alive, and
engaged regardless of external circumstances. Stay connected. Feel the wind against
your cheek even if your husband tells you he is in love with another woman. Notice
the feeling of your left foot hitting the pavement as you pass mile 22 of your first
marathon. Do not check out. Do not pretend to be bored. Attend to your life, every mo-
ment, right now, whatever is happening.
Exercise #1: Cataloging Disconnection
Think back throughout your life and make a list of people who were once important to
youfriends, lovers, co-workerswho you have not seen or heard from in a while.
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
_________________________________ ____________________________________
Now, go through the list youve made and take a moment to really feel each person
on the list. Notice any names that make you feel good in your body. Chances are, you
have stayed connected to these peopleif only in your heart. If they walked through
the door today, how would you feel?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
59
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Now, circle any names on the list where the primary or overriding sensa-
tion you feel is negative. (Include anyone who doesnt bring up any sensation in
your bodyits possible a part of you is choosing not to feel that person for a reason.)
Chances are these people are associated with feelings of pain, sadness, or disappoint-
ment.
That doesnt mean you have to disconnect, however. What would it take to feel
connected to these people, even without necessarily inviting them back into your life?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: Difficult Connections
Staying connected does not mean giving in or renouncing your desires. It simply
means staying in relationship with all aspects of your world: the good ones, as well
as the bad or uncomfortable ones. Lets start by looking at the places you might be
disconnecting right now.
What is one food you would never eat?

___________________________________________
Name three reasons you choose not to stay connected to this food:
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
What kind of music would you choose not to listen to?

___________________________________________
60
Name three reasons you choose not to stay connected to this music:
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
Name three reasons you choose not to stay connected to this part of town:
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
Who is one person in your life who you avoid? _____________________________________
Name three reasons you choose not to stay connected to this person:
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
Whats one chore that you abhor doing? ___________________________________________
Name three reasons you choose not to stay connected to this chore:
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
What is one thing a friend or loved one does that drives you crazy?
___________________________________________
Name three reasons you choose not to stay connected to this behavior:
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
What is one sex act that scares you?

_______________________________________________
Name three reasons you choose not to stay connected to this act:
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
61
Exercise #3: Staying ConnectedEven Just a Little
It is always possible to stay connectedeven when you are feeling resistant.

Reread your responses to Exercise #2 and choose the three places you choose not to
connect that bring up the most charge for youthe ones you truly cannot see yourself
overcoming. Maybe its a food you despise, a sex act you would never do, a person who
you never want to see again, or music that gives you a headache just thinking about it.
Write down one way you disconnect from each of these experiences. For ex-
ample, I avoid eating fish by not going to seafood restaurants.
1. _______________________________________________________________________________
2. _______________________________________________________________________________
3. _______________________________________________________________________________
Now think of a small, nonconfrontational way you could connect to each of

these experiences. For example:
Smell the food you avoid, rather than tasting it

Read a how-to guide for the sex act that scares you
Write in your journal about how that despised person has helped shape you
positively into the person you are today
Go on iTunes and listen to 30-second samples of the genre of music you dislike
What would it be like to reconnect in such a small way with each of these ex-
periences? What might you come to appreciate about them? About yourself ? Will you
try reconnecting with at least one of them?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
62

You have the power to change the world. Start today, from the comfort of your
own home. The internet is where life is happening now. It is the nervous system of our
planet. It is the easiest way to reach other turned-on women. Its how men who love
turned-on women will find and support you.
If you are not posting meaningful content on your blog or Facebook or Twitter or
LinkedIn every day, you are missing an opportunity to expand your positive influence
in the world. I cannot say this enough: the world needs to hear from turned-on women.
It needs you to grow your light brighter and shine it out. It needs to hear from you.
Post meaningfully. Reach outward and express what matters to you. Share ar-
ticles, post quotations, ask thoughtful questions, and start meaningful conversations
with others. The internet has been born into the world for a reason, and so have you.
Make the connection.

Exercise #1: Looking at Your Ideas about Technology
Many women believe technology is dangerous, too complicated, invasive, that

its a guy thing, or its only appropriate for a younger generation. Which ignores one
important thing: technology makes it easy to spread turn-on. It allows us to connect
quickly and meaningfully in real time to a whole lot of people.
Do you have a Facebook account? Twitter feed? Blog? If so, do you post mean-
ingfully on a regular basis? If not, why not?
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
What does it mean to you to post meaningfully? What kinds of posts, emails,
blogs and tweets do you enjoy reading from other people? Which ones do you dislike?
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
63
Exercise #2: Curating Your Message
If you had a platform where you could speak to the world, what would you say?
What if you only had to curate a message rather than writing it yourself ? You can do
just that. Write down your top five favorite writers and thinkers here:
1.________________________________________________________________________
2.________________________________________________________________________
3.________________________________________________________________________
4.________________________________________________________________________
5.________________________________________________________________________
Now, go online and run a search for Quotations by [insert name of thinker
or writer you love here]. Choose a quote that means something to you from each of
these great minds and copy them here:
1.________________________________________________________________________
2.________________________________________________________________________
3.________________________________________________________________________
4.________________________________________________________________________
5.________________________________________________________________________
Now, post one of these quotes to Facebook every day for the next ten days.
While youre online, be sure to write meaningful comments on your friends posts as
well. The more you join the conversation, the more people will see your posts in their
news feedsand the more you will be able to ignite others turn-on!
Exercise #3: Start a Movement
As Margaret Mead said, Never underestimate the ability of a small group of

individuals to change the world. Indeed, they are the only ones who ever have. This
is especially true now that the internet has made it possible for more people to join
together, share ideas, and create change togetherquickly and easily. Posting mean-
ingfully means doing your part to transform the world around you.
What are the people in your life craving to hear? What are they yearning for?
If you could offer a message of advice or inspiration, what would you want to convey?
64
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
List five websites or organizations that inspire you, and how you will use tech-
nology to spread the turn-on. (Note: Weve gotten you started!)
1.Turnedonwoman.com. I will post the link to my Facebook page and I will sign
my posts, tweets, and emails with the symbol {on}.
2.________________________________________________________________________
3.________________________________________________________________________
4.________________________________________________________________________
5.________________________________________________________________________
Would you want your friends and loved ones to have access to these resources?
If so, why havent you posted about them on your blog or Facebook account?
Do it now!
65
18. Replace your but with a yes, and

Women have been taught to be very protective of our time, our energy, and our
space. We have grown up learning to play the devils advocate, and to play it well. The
#1 tool of the devils advocate is yes, but We are adept at looking at a situation from
all sides and pointing out the weaknesses. The problem is, pointing them out gives
them power and strength.
Swap your but for a yes, and. The former excludes. The latter includes.
Power comes when we learn how to include everything, to convert even the weak-
nesses into fuel for the journey. Yes, that sounds good, and I spy a bump in the road.
How can I put that bump to good use? It may not seem like much, but this one little
change can have a big impact. When your first impulse is resistance, you kill turn-on
in those around you. When you shift to yes, and, you create space for everyones
genius to arise. Everyone gets smarter and more motivated. Doors open, no turns
to yes, and suddenly there is turn-on everywhere you look. The only question be-
comeshow best to make use of all that power?
Exercise #1: Swap It Out
But is a way we try to maintain control. It is a toxic mimic of true power,

which expands and includesmaking room for all possibilities. Are you someone
who frequently uses but? What resistance might you have to overcome in order to
expand your but into a yes, and? Would you feel more or less powerful?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
66
Take a moment to remember a time when you had an idea you wanted to get
across, but someone was unwilling to hear you out. What sensations come up from
that memory? Do you communicate most clearly when you have to fight to be heard?
What does it feel like in your body to be shut down by someone elses but?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: Out of the Comfort Zone
Moving from but to yes, and is moving out of your comfort zone into a
place of infinite possibility. If things can be both yes and something else, then nothing
is impossible.
What else might become possible if you were to move outside of your comfort
zone? List five small ways you could step outside your comfort zone today. Include
foods you might eat, people you might talk to, or risks you might take.
1.________________________________________________________________________
2.________________________________________________________________________
3.________________________________________________________________________
4.________________________________________________________________________
5.________________________________________________________________________
Will you commit to taking one of these uncomfortable actions today?
YES NO
67
Exercise #3: Think Differently
Think back to a time when someone seemed to form an opinion about you with-
out knowing you. How did it feel to be the subject of someones cosmic but? How
might things have been different if they had taken a yes, and approach with you?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
The Yes, but leaves no room for curiosity. Open-mindedness. Spaciousness.

It judges what it sees now based on past history. It interprets without exploring other
options. Think about a time in your life when you did not stay open to possibility.
What were the circumstances? Would you have felt more or less powerful if youd said
yes, and?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
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19. Touch often.

Skin on skin contact nourishes us. Without it, babies do not thrive. Without it,
we feel depleted of energy and life. Touching others feeds your system, flooding you
with sensations of richness, connection, hydration, and joythe sensations of turn-
on. And yet we have become afraid of touch, especially as women. We have learned
that touch can be dangerous, elicit, abusive. So we feed our desire for deep physical
connection with other high sensations: eating, shopping, alcohol, television. These
are toxic mimics of genuine connection; empty calories that never satisfy. Instead
choose the nourishment that simple, gentle, meaningful touch can bring.
Touch someone today. Put your hand on his forearm and feel the warmth
radiating up through his skin. Pay attention to the sensations that touch unlocks in
your bodymaybe jittery, maybe buttery. Ask permission to touch a friends face, her
shoulder. Take five minutes in the morning to be in physical contact with your part-
ner, without a goal. Touch: there is no greater priority.
Exercise #1: Roadblocks to Touch
Many of us have a complicated relationship with touch. Take a moment to

think about different messages youve received over the course of your life, both spo-
ken and unspoken, about what kinds of touch are and are not appropriate. Then, fill in
the blanks below based on the messages you can remember hearing:
Appropriate touch is_____________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Inappropriate touch is____________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Have you ever felt violated by touch? If so, when? If not, do you know anyone who has?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
69
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Is touch important to you? What does touch mean to you? Do you ask for the kind of
touch you most desire?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: Asking for Touch
Write down five of the most important people in your life. Include lovers,
friends, and family members. For each person, write down a specific description of
what kind of touch would feel the best with them, whether it would be feeling their
hand on your arm, getting a hug, or something more.
Person Touch that would feel good
1.________________________________________________________________________
2.________________________________________________________________________
3.________________________________________________________________________
4.________________________________________________________________________
5.________________________________________________________________________
Now, assign yourself the task of asking for the touch you desire from as many
of these people as possibletoday!
70
Exercise #3: Sexual Touch Visualization
In this exercise, all you have to do is to let your imagination run wild! You will
be taking a few moments to imagine the sexual touch you desire right now.
Start by choosing your perfect loverperhaps it is your current partner, a for-
mer fling, a celebrity, or someone you dont know yet. Describe this person briefly:
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
If he or she were here with you right now, how would you want to be touched
first? Would you want a massage? A caress of your hair? Would you want him to wash
your feet?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Now transition into mutual sexual touch. Be as specific as you can. Do not
be embarrassed or critical; let your body feel what it wants. What would you like to
do first? Where would you want him or her to stroke you? Would you like to feel the
weight of his body on top of you? What is it that you desire?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
71

Sensation is far more interesting and true than the stories you tell yourself in
your head. Get familiar with your inner landscape. Learn how to describe the sen-
sations you feel. Speak them out loud to pinpoint them in your memory. When you
drink, pay attention to the feeling of swallowing. The path the liquid takes down your
throat and into your belly. When you breathe, notice the fresh cool sensations just
inside your nose. The expansion and then contraction of your diaphragm and ribcage.
When you have sex, pay attention to your pussy. Feel it for temperature, texture, and
turn-on.
Your body is as valuable as your brain. Its your home territory. Before you go
exploring elsewhere, learn what things feel like right here. Sensation, not story: the
mantra of the turned-on woman.
Exercise #1: Remembering How to Feel
Sensation is the language of the body. It engages all five of our sensestouch,
sight, smell, taste, and sound. When we talk about feeling sensations in the body,
the primary sense were talking about is the sense of touch. We describe these body
sensations in terms of temperature, motion, vibration, and texture. We can feel them
more easily during intense periods of high sensationsuch as during sex, or if we are
in pain. They tend to be less noticeable at other times, but if you pay attention you can
still feel them.
Can you remember a time when you were very aware of the sensation in your
body? Describe the circumstances and what you remember feeling.
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
72
Now, we will purposefully create a moment of relatively high sensation. You

will need an ice cube for this exercise.
Place the ice cube in the hand you dont write with. Close your eyes and focus
on the sensation of the ice on your skin. Obviously its cold, but what else can you
describe? Does your hand feel soft or stiff ? Does your skin feel tingly or numb? Do you
feel an ache? Notice the urge to drop the ice cube to reduce sensation. Keep holding it
instead. Open your body to feeling the sensation.
Now, keeping the ice cube in your hand, pick up your pen and begin writing
about what you are feeling. Use words that describe temperature, texture, motion,
and vibration. For example, you might write: Tingling. Heat around ice. Coldness in
the center of palm. Skin feels tight, cant stretch out palm. Ice melting with heat from
hand. Center of palm feels numb. Frozen. Whatever youre feeling, just keep writing.
When you are ready to put down the ice cube do so, but continue writing until you
have recorded all of the sensations you are feeling.
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: Adding Story
Sensation is clean. It does not come with interpretation attached; it simply is. The hu-
man mind, on the other hand, is fantastic at interpretation. It receives a signal from
the body, and the next thing you know its got a label attached: good, bad, or neu-
tral.
Read back over the writing you just did, and answer these questions:
Which sensations did your mind interpret as good?

__________________________________
73
Which sensations did your mind interpret as bad?

__________________________________
What signals did your body send to say the sensation good?
__________________________________
What signals did your body send to say the sensation was bad?
__________________________________
What did you want to do when a sensation became good?

___________________________________
What did you want to do when a sensation became bad?

__________________________________
What emotions came along with the story that a sensation was bad?
__________________________________
What emotions came along with the story that a sensation was good?
__________________________________
Exercise #3: Decoupling Sensation and Story
Its not that story is a bad thingit helps us understand our world. The problems
arise when the stories begin to take over, steering our attention away from sensation.
Think of a high-intensity emotional experience in your past. Perhaps you got
your heart broken, lost your job, your best friend cut off ties with you, or a loved
one died.
Imagine a neutral third party was recording what happened from the outside.
She knows nothing about you or the situation. What pure facts would she see? Do not
include any interpretation, emotion, or background storyjust the facts. For ex-
ample, if your partner moved out, she might say, Two people were living together and
then they werent anymore.
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
74
Now, as if that neutral third party could enter your body, write down the sensa-
tions she would feel. We are not talking about emotions (sadness, fear, anger) but
pure sensations. What temperature would she feel? What motion? What textures?
For example, she might say, A woman felt a deep rich ache behind her sternum that
spread out from the top of her head and the bottom of her feet. Her eyes burned and
soon she could feel hot tears running down her cheeks.
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Now, tell the neutral third party the story you laid on top of the sensation. Re-
port any emotions, judgments, and interpretations that were layered onto the experi-
ence she was watching. For example, He said he loved me but he lied. He left me for
someone skinnier and younger, and now Im going to be alone for the rest of my life.
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Looking back, how might things have been different if you had stuck with sen-
sation, without the story? Which feels more true to you?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
75

As a turned-on woman, there is no need to complain that you dont have
enough energy for your day, for your work, or for sex. You have all the energy you need.
You dont have to excavate your own landscape in search of fuel. Your power is solar.
You know the secret. Energy is infinite.
Time, on the other hand, is finite. Apply skillful attention to where you are
spending your energy, making the best possible use of every moment. Shore up any
waste as soon as you notice it. Do not use your precious resources for any activity that
does not have true desire behind it. Guilt and shoulds and negative self-talk are en-
ergy vampires. Enemies of turn-on. Keep yourself very clean. Take responsibility for
your own systemthere is too much at stake.
Nobody else is going to do it for you. Your energy reserves are not the respon-
sibility of your boss, your husband, your children. Attune yourself carefully through
meditation, reflection, and self-discovery, so you know which activities fill you up and
which deplete you. Be vigilant about making time for the former and not the latter.
Use your energy well and for its right purpose and you will never run empty again.
Exercise #1: Noticing Energy
Paying attention to how you are generating and spending your energy is called
Energy Accounting. Energy Accounting is simply noticing where you are investing
energy and where you are consuming or dissipating it. Just like financial accounting,
it breaks open your habits and allows you to see whats been going on behind closed
doorsyours.
How do you know if an activity is generating energy or depleting it? What do

you feel in your body? What are other indicators?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
76
How do you plug in and get energy? Do you make those activities a priority?
Energy-Generating Activities Priority?
YES NO

YES NO

YES NO

YES NO

YES NO

YES NO
Exercise #2: Daily Energy Log
Studies prove that people who write down everything they eat actually lose
weight, whether or not they consciously change their eating habits. This exercise
operates on the same principle. Use the chart below to help you discern which of your
daily activities cultivate energy and which deplete it. Dont worry if youre not sure
which box to check; go with your intuition. Over time you will become more famil-
iar with the sensations of generating and spending. Soon you may discover yourself
gravitating automatically toward the activities that generate rather than diminish
your energetic currency.
Log the activities you take part in over the course of the day. Try to be specific;
rather than saying work, note the actual tasks and duties you are working on and
how they make you feel. Do you feel more energized or less energized when you are
finished? Place an x in the Generating box if you sense that the activity cultivated
energy. Place an x in the Spending box if you believe it depleted your reserves.
Then note why you marked the box you did. Repeat this exercise daily for one week,
or longer if you find it helpful.
77
Generating Spending
Time Activity
(mark x here) (mark x here) Notes
78
Exercise #3: Sex and Energy
Contrary to many of the messages weve received that say we should save sex
for special occasions, the turned-on woman knows that sex is her number one energy
resource. There is no other energy-generating activity that is as accessible, as power-
ful, or as pleasurable. She uses it often and well.
Do you see sex as an energy resource? If not, why not? What would it take for
you to see it this way?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________

Do you see any practical obstacles that you would have to overcome in order to
make sex a source of energy in your life? If so, what would they be?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Do you see any emotional obstacles that you would have to overcome?
What kinds?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Do you commit to starting to look at sex this way? YES NO
79

The more turned-on you become, the more you will crave intimacy with the
world. Another word for intimacy is honesty. True, deep honesty means revealing
yourself so that others can see exactly who you are. All of youeven your taboos.
The fewer taboos you have, the freer you will be. Freedom is the goal. So get
comfortable with revealing yourself. Set your compass toward complete honesty.
Apply it with skill and attention. Open a conversation with your partner that feels
frightening. Perhaps you are attracted to someone else. Perhaps there is something
about the sex youve been having for the past ten years that has never satisfied you. Do
not be afraid of his reaction; be afraid of lying to him for the rest of your life. Lies, even
lies by omission, serve only to separate. They kill intimacy and union and everything
you want in a relationship. Truth is the ultimate turn-on. Show your man that hones-
ty can be safe. Then use the energy that rises up to continue your journey ever deeper.
Exercise #1: Bringing Your Taboos into the Light
A taboo is an inhibition, a boundary, a line you dare not to crossin the realm
of sexuality or anything else. Perhaps its a curiosity you have never explored; maybe
its an old memory you have tried to forget. It might be a particular sexual act a part of
you wants to try. Whatever it is, while its been sitting over there in the corner gather-
ing dust, its been stealing your turn-on. Thats right: take a peek and youll discover
that it takes a whole lot of energy to keep your taboos under wraps.
Being your own energy accountant means cleaning out energy leaks wherever
they arise. Taboos are no exception. The time has come to put some attention on the
places where light has never shined beforeand to liberate your turn-on in the process.
Take a minute to uncover five different non-sexual taboos you have. Things
you could never do, or would never say. List them here:
1.________________________________________
2.________________________________________
3.________________________________________
4.________________________________________
5.________________________________________
80
Now, out of that list choose the boundary that has the most heat for you. The
one that glows with desire. Consider it more carefully. What about it is taboo? Would
it hurt someone? You? What sensations do you feel in your body when you think
about acting on it?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: Sexual Taboos
Because its so closely associated with shame, sex is a breeding ground for
taboos. Most of us have been conditioned to push our sexual taboos so far away that
many of us dont even know where our lines are drawn. So take a moment and feel
your body. What sex acts might your body want, that you would ordinarily be unwill-
ing to admiteven to yourself ?
List five personal taboos in the realm of sexuality:
1.________________________________________
2.________________________________________
3.________________________________________
4.________________________________________
5.________________________________________
Pick the taboo that evokes the most charge or sensation. Why do you think this
one has so much energy around it? Who taught you that this particular act was taboo?
Why do you think you believed them?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
81
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #3: Talking about Taboo
One thing is for sure: you are not the only one who has taboos. We all do. That
said, not everyone knows it is safe to think about them, much less talk about them.
Thats where turned-on women can make a big difference. If we become comfortable
enough with our taboos to discuss them openly, others will feel safer doing the same.
Consider building an alliance with a friend, partner, or family member where
you both admit your taboos. Note the alliance part: talking about taboos works best
when you can acquire consent in advance.
Start here. Who in your life would be the easiest to talk to about taboo? Who
would be the most difficult? Why?
Easy to talk to Reason

____________________________ _______________________________________________
____________________________ _______________________________________________
____________________________ _______________________________________________
____________________________ _______________________________________________
____________________________ _______________________________________________
Difficult to talk to Reason

____________________________ _______________________________________________
____________________________ _______________________________________________
____________________________ _______________________________________________
____________________________ _______________________________________________
____________________________ _______________________________________________
Now, choose someone from the first list who you will likely see very soon.
Can you commit to building an alliance and talking about taboo? YES NO
82

Sex is your power source. Dont hide it in the basement. Make sex a public
conversation. Model for those around you that it can be safe to talk about sex in a new
way. Leave behind the complaints and the I can top that mentality. Go deeper. Open
up a conversation around how sex affects your life. How it generates energy, feeds the
desire for connection, nourishes and hydrates you. Remember: your sex life is your
life. Whatever state it is inIll do it tomorrow, Im too tired, he doesnt turn me on
anymore, its just good enoughthat is the state you are living in.
Ask your friends about their sex lives. Open a conversation with your mom.
Talk about sex at a coffee shop, loud enough that the next table can hear. Write about
it in your blog. Find articles about it on the web and leave thoughtful, intelligent,
turned-on comments. There is no time to lose. The world is relying on you to drive us
toward the next level of consciousness. The first step? Bring sexthe source of our
powerout of the darkness and into the light. Live it openly, share it with others, and
be the version of it you want to see all around you.
Exercise #1: Let Your Curiosity Drive You
Dont you wish you could have truly open conversations with other women
about sex? About the ways it is wonderful and the ways it is painful? All of its ups and
its downs? We are interconnected beings, after all. Sex is our power source. How can
we not be talking about it?
Craft five questions you would like to ask your friends about their sex lives. Do
not be shy; ask the questions youre most curious about.
1._______________________________________________________________________
2._______________________________________________________________________
3._______________________________________________________________________
4._______________________________________________________________________
5._______________________________________________________________________
83
How might you initiate a conversation where you could get one of these ques-
tions answered?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
How would you feel if you were asked these same questions, and how might
you respond?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: Lets Talk about Sex
Sex is the most natural thing in the world. Its how we got here, after all. And
as women, its our power source. So why are we so embarrassed to talk about it? For
many of us it has to do with messages we received when we were very youngmes-
sages weve never taken the time to re-examine.
Lets see if thats the case. List five reasons why you dont make sex a public
conversation:

1._______________________________________________________________________
2._______________________________________________________________________
3._______________________________________________________________________
4._______________________________________________________________________
5._______________________________________________________________________
Now, consider each of the reasons youve listed. Ask yourself whose voice you
hear within the words. Does that sound like your mother? Your father? A religious
leader? A teacher? Next to each reason, write down whose voice it most closely re-
sembles.
Make a new list of reasons why you dont make sex a public conversation. This
time, carefully review each reason to make sure its your voice that is reflected.
1._______________________________________________________________________
2._______________________________________________________________________
3._______________________________________________________________________
4._______________________________________________________________________
5._______________________________________________________________________
84
Which of these reasons do you want to hold onto for a while longer? Which are
you ready to let go of today?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #3: Desire versus Appropriateness
Appropriateness is the reason most of us arent having a more open conversa-

tion about sex. Which works fine, except that as a turned-on woman your desire is not
to be proper and appropriate. Your desire is to be free.
Think about a friend who always seems to follow the rules of propriety. Now
think about one who is far less proper than you are. Which of these friends would you
rather spend time with? If you had to trade lives with one or the other, who would you
rather be?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
What are some rules of propriety that keep you from having the kind of sex you
want, as often as you want to have it?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
85
If you were to be the sex you want to see in the world, what changes would
you have to make? What obstacles might you have to overcome along the way?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
24. Push out.

Dont contract against life. Push out into it. The whole world conspires in
favor of keeping us comfortably contained. We are encouraged to construct a life of
stability, a bunker where we can hide out from the rising storm. But you cannot be
both comfortable and happy. Happiness comes from engagement with the world.
From walking onto the playing field with a brave and willing heart. Engagement is the
opposite of stability. It is throwing all in, every part of yourself, and being willing to
get messy.
Turn off the television and write a blog or a book or a poem. Have sex with
someone your body desires, even if he doesnt fit your criteria. Walk, dont drive.
Make eye contact with a homeless person and let her know you see her. Sing, dance,
move your bodynot so you can squeeze into size 4 jeans, not because your doctor
tells you to, but for the sheer joy of motion. Push yourself, transform from the inside
out, grow. Do not tell yourself you dont have the energy or you will do it tomorrow.
You do have the energy. (If you are feeling a little low, have sex. If youre not having the
kind of sex that builds energy, start having a different kind of sex.) Enjoyment is avail-
able in every moment. You wont be around forever. Dont waste an instant. Go deeper.
Pay attention. Push out into your world.
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Exercise #1: Scare Yourself Out into the World
Fear is a great yardstick. The closer you get to what you most desire, the louder
its alarm bells will sound. Desire takes us; it possesses us. We can no longer remain in
control. The first response that comes up is fear.
In other words, if youre not doing something that scares you every day, youre
not really living.
Make a list of ten things youre truly scared to do. Skydive. Break up with your
boyfriend. Have a kid. The more charge you feel in your body when you think about
that fear, the better.
Then, imagine a desire that might be waiting just on the other side of that fear. For
example, if the fear is going skydiving, the desire might be to feel the freedom of fall-
ing without a net.
Fear Desire
Are you willing to commit to doing one of the above in the next week? YES NO
87
Exercise #2: Push Out with Other People
Our natural state is connection. People want to be engaged in conversation,

work, and sex. For a day, greet everything and everyone that you come into contact
with. Get curious about the people around you. Ask them questions that have you
learn something new. What do they desire? What have they learned about themselves
recently? What is really turning them on right now in their lives?
List three opportunities you had recently to engage someone new in a mean-
ingful conversation. Did you make use of the opportunity? Why or why not?
1.________________________________________________________________________
2.________________________________________________________________________
3.________________________________________________________________________
Do you enjoy it when someone else takes an interest in you and engages you
with meaningful questions? Why or why not?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #3: Push through Resistance
Its often the things we are most meant to do in the world that are the most dif-
ficult to get off the ground. List 3 things you have the desire to do but keep postponing
for one reason or another. These might be big goals like traveling the world or smaller
ones like taking an exercise class. Whatever they are, commit to completing them by
a hard deadline:
Goal 1: __________________________________________________________________________
Complete by: ____________________
Goal 2: __________________________________________________________________________
Complete by: ____________________
Goal 3: __________________________________________________________________________
Complete by: ____________________
88
25. D.I.N. Do it now.

Exercise #1: No Really. Do It NOW.
We treat the future like a storage closet for everything we dont have time to do
right now. But the truth is, theres no such thing as having more time. Now is always
exactly the perfect time. Anything worth doing is doing is worth doing now.
Before you read any further, do one thing that has been on your to-do list for
a while. Notice what it feels like in your body just before you decide to do it, and then
once the decision is made. Then notice how it feels to have that task behind you.
Which state feels best in your body? Why?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Exercise #2: The List of Favorite Excuses
We tend to think of this list as The List of Really Good Reasons Why I Cant
D.I.N. The problem is, our turn-on is directly linked to our willingness to D.I.N.
When a task sits on our to-do list unattended to, it is a magnet for resentmentand an
energy leak to boot. So, lets clear out all these really good reasons right now, so you
can move onto the task of turning yourselfand the worldon.
My Personal Top Ten List of Really Good Reasons Why I Cant D.I.N.
1.________________________________________________________________
2.________________________________________________________________
3.________________________________________________________________
4.________________________________________________________________
5.________________________________________________________________
6.________________________________________________________________
7.________________________________________________________________
8.________________________________________________________________
9.________________________________________________________________
10._______________________________________________________________
89
Now, review the list. Cross off any reason that would not stand up in a court of law.
Can you commit to questioning the remaining reasons whenever they arise in
the next week? Will you D.I.N. instead? Nothing less than your very own turn-on
is at stake.
YES NO
Exercise #3: Turn On NOW
You have everything you need to turn on. Take this moment to ignite your own
turn-on by igniting it in another woman. Do one of the following, and D.I.N. (Dont
forget to feel the sensations of turn-on in your body as you go!)
1. Call a friend you havent talked to in a while and ask her if shes turned on.
Ignited. On fire. Living the life she was meant for. If she doesnt say an immediate
YES, ask her to tell you one thing you can do to help. And then D.I.N.!
2. Write a letter to turned-on women everywhere. Consider it a celebration.

Make commitments to being a turned-on leader in your own community. To support-
ing other women as part of your own journey. After you have written your letter, email
it to kelly@turnedonwoman.com.
Now that youre getting the hang of this D.I.N. thing, what are you going to do next?
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
90
The Vision of the Turned-on Womans Movement

We believe that as a race and a planet, we are standing on a precipice. We can
wait until we get pushed off the edge, or we can teach ourselves to fly.
As turned-on women and the men who support us, we are choosing to fly.
We are starting with ourselves. First, we are making a commitment to live
turned-on lives, lives so full of energy that we cant help but extend out to others.
Lives where we act not out of obligation, but out of desire. Where we are carried along
by the power of our purpose, nourished by connection to those around us, and where
we have set our compass toward freedom and awakening for ourselves and others.
This evolution requires us to change the way that men and women relate to
one another. It requires us to exchange the old production-based model for a new
model based on desire. It requires us to accept and include every part of ourselves,
starting with our sexuality and moving on from there.
What it does not require is to be good. It requires us to be real. It does not ask
us to leave any parts of ourselves behindour partners, our children, our spiritual
traditions, our work. Whatever we desire can come along for the journey. Anyone can
join, starting right here and now. Consider this your open, fully transferable invita-
tion. Come as you are, give what you want to give, take what you need. Turn-on is
infinite. Whatever it is you desire, you can have it.
As turned-on women, we can wait no longer. We hear the call. We desire a
world that is more concerned with connection than independence; more about inclu-
sion than exclusion; more interested in power than force. We want to co-create a life
characterized by pleasure rather than production, joyful exertion rather than increas-
ing effort. It will feel more like play than it will feel like work. It will expand rather
than contract.
The turned-on world we are creating will be fluid, gentle, and compassionate;
holistic, lively, fun, and exquisitely sensational. The feeling of this new world will be
hydrated and complex and full. It will be rich and deep and delicious. It will take us to
our edges, because its no fun to play anywhere else. It will allow us to explore every-
thing life has to offer, taking us up and down and back again. We will populate this
world with turned-on women, served and supported by strong, powerful, courageous
men. And we will get there through inclusion, fierce dedication, and a whole lot of
humor.
That same call you hear in your heart, the one that keeps you up at night, the
one you keep pushing away because you cant figure out how to answer it and keep
your life intactthat is the call we are responding to. We cant wait any longer. At the
same time, we will not rush you; we will carry your torch for as long as you need us to.
91
This is our lifes work, and we are devoted. But we will wait for you. Not just because
we want to, but because we have to. We cannot awaken alone. Awakening happens
together. So in truth youre not just invited; your presence is required.
Who We Are
We are a group of real live turned-on women and the men who support us. We
come from OneTaste (www.onetaste.us).
We are artists and internet entrepreneurs and writers and accountants. We
are singers and MBAs and venture capitalists and painters. We are mothers and
fathers, aunts and uncles, grandparents and godparents and daughters and sons. We
are chefs and Buddhist meditators and computer geeks and marketing gurus. We are
Indian and Israeli, Vietnamese and Thai, African-American and Chinese-American,
gay, straight, and somewhere in between. We are blond and brunette and dark-
skinned and light-skinned and fat and thin and right-handed and left-handed. At last
count, at least one of us was a small red dog.
Most of all, we are friends. We are dedicated to supporting each other on this
journey weve been called to at this very important moment in time. We come from
everywhere, but if you happen to be wandering the streets of San Francisco or New
York, keep an eye out. You just might run into one of us.
92
A Book Group Guide for Living the Turned-on Womans Manifesto
This workbook is most powerful when you share it with others. Turned-on
women everywhere are encouraged to gather together and discuss, wrestle with, and
make their own decisions about everything written here. None of us awaken until we
all awaken, after all.
A Year of Turn-on
This guide is organized as a year-long journey for your book group or Turned-on
Womens Circle, assuming one meeting per month. Some decisions youll want to
make in advance:
Who will moderate the discussion each month?

How much time will you allot to discuss each Way? Will you assign
someone to keep an eye on the time?
Will you ask members to complete the workbook exercises before the
meeting, or will you do them together? If its the latter, make sure everyone
brings a laptop or a print-out of the section you are studying that month.
For more ideas, to get in touch with other book groups, or to join the monthly teleclass
discussions, visit www.turnedonwoman.com.
Month 1
The first months reading includes the Epitaph and the Turned-on Womans
Manifesto itself. These two pieces of writing were the genesis of the Turned-on Wom-
ans Movement. They can be very powerful when read aloud, so we suggest taking the
time to do so during your meeting. Go around the room and have each woman read a
section. Then have the moderator begin a discussion, starting with the questions that
follow.
Epitaph
How do you define a good woman? Has your definition changed over the
course of your life? If so, how?
Have you ever lived a status-quo life? How did it suit you? What are some
93
benefits and drawbacks you can see to living that way?

Have you found yourself waiting for something
The Turned-on Womans Manifesto

How did you feel the first time you heard the term Turned-on Woman in
this context? Did you identify as a Turned-on Woman? Why or why not?
Do you identify with it now?
The manifesto begins, A turned-on woman is an awakening woman
What does this mean to you? Awakening from what?
Which sections of the Manifesto did you feel most connected to? Were
there any parts where the message didnt resonate with you?
In the On Energy section, it says She commits to living full. What does
it mean to live full? Do you feel like you are living full? Why or why not?
In the section On Sex, it says that a turned-on woman knows that
sex is not an indulgence; it is literally her source of power. Do you
agree with this statement? Why or why not? How do you feel about the way
the Manifesto treats sex?
Did you sign the Declaration of Turn-on? Do you feel like it is a
commitment you can keep? Discuss ways you might hold one another ac
countable to this declaration, if you chose to sign it.
Month 2
The underlying theme of this months discussion is this: how do you set a
course for your life that is tailored to who you are specifically? That is the most
authentic life you can be living? How do you let go of messages youve received from
society, family, and friendsso that you can discover whats true for you?

What does society say about women? What negative messages about
women did you received when you were younger? What positive messages?
Discuss a time when you felt like a woman let you down. Now, name a time
a woman lifted you up.
In this Way it says, If we do not awaken together, we do not awaken at
all. Do you believe this is true? Why or why not?
94
Whats one other societal expectation you enjoy challenging? One you have
been afraid to stand up to? One that turns you on and you make your own?

Do you believe its possible to craft life to your desire? Why or why not?
Would the world be a better place if we all customized? What might be
some benefits to having a world where everyone bought off the rack?
If you could customize your current circumstances, what would you
do first?
Who is a turned-on woman you know (celebrities count!) who refuses to
conform? How does she customize her life, and how does she inspire you
to customize yours?
Month 3
The Ways being discussed this month have to do with the interior journey.
Looking within, we can discover the beliefs that are motivating our external actions
and then make adjustments if we so choose. Such self-discovery teaches us that we
can trust our intuition, and gives us the courage to face deep-rooted fears that may be
blocking our growth.
3. Live inside-out.
Do you feel you own who you are? In what ways?
Who is someone close to you who lives her truth ferociously? What form
does that heat take?
What are some reasons you choose not to live authentically? What would
have to change if you decided to do so from now on?

When is the last time you defied the gravity of logic and acted on instinct?
How did it feel?
Do you believe in intuition, others and your own? Why or why not?
Do you agree that Feeling is where the truth resides? Name a time when
you had a feeling that proved true even though you didnt have evidence.
95

Do you believe that fear is a choice? Why or why not?
What purpose has fear served in your life? In what ways has it held
you back?
Name three fears you have overcome in your life time. Now, name three
fears you would still like to overcome.
Month 4
This months theme is desire. Desire fuels turn-on; it is the only compass of
the Turned-on Woman. Yet when asked, What do you want? few of us know how to
respond. As children, we learn to feel shame when our desires bump up against social
rules and parental regulations. By the time we are adults, many of uswomen espe-
ciallyare so out of touch with our desire we cant remember if it ever existed. This
month is about reversing that trend and putting desire back in the drivers seat.

Do you believe that Desire is your compass? In what ways does this seem
true, and in what ways does it seem far-fetched?
Do you feel that you are in touch with your desire? If not, do you feel like
you ever were?
What is your relationship to physical desire? Does it have positive or
negative associations for you? Do you crave sex? Food? Touch?
Name a time when you followed your desire somewhere that did not
seem logical. Were you sorry you did? Why or why not?

Does the thought of writing a desire contract with yourself appeal to you?
Why or why not?
Do you listen to your hungersthe ones that whisper and the ones that
roar? What are they saying to you?
Who would you choose to be the witness to your desire contract? How will
they know whether youre living in compliance with itor not?
96
Month 5
This month, we recommend meeting twice: the first time to watch the movie
Dangerous Beauty, and then for the book group discussion. Women supporting other
turned-on women is the theme of the month. What does it mean to take responsibility
for your own turn-on? How and why might you then choose to ignite other women?
The concepts you will discuss this month are key to the success of the Turned-on
Womans Movement. Get behind one another and make something happen!

Did you identify with Veronicas character in the movie? Why or why not?
Did you feel triggered by the content of the movie at any point? What was it
that didnt sit right?
What would a modern version of a courtesan be like? Do you see any
modern courtesans in the world today?
What aspects of a socially condoned life do courtesans give up? What are
some privileges that courtesans are afforded that other women are not?

Why do you suppose women need to be encouraged to get behind one an
others turn-on?
Name a time when another woman has gotten behind your turn-on. How
did it feel? Have you ever thanked her?
Growing up, did you have role models of women supporting other
women to live in their true purpose? Who were they and what did they
mean to you?
Without naming names, tell us the story of a woman youd like to ignite.
Who would she become once she turns on?
10. Start a circle.

What would you see as the benefits to meeting regularly with a circle
of turned-on women? What practical obstacles might it pose? What
emotional or psychological resistance might come into play?
Do you make as much time for fellowship with other women as you desire?
Why or why not? If so, how?
What would your turned-on womens circle look like? What goals would
97
you try to achieve? Give an example of your ideal meeting agenda.
Month 6
This months theme is men and sex. While not every woman feels this way,
overall women in Western culture have been conditioned that sex is a mans game.
That he holds the power in love and relationships. The Ways you will be discussing
this month point to a very different reality. NOTE: Sex can be a very charged issue.
These Ways can be particularly sensitive for queer women, since the content is not
entirely gender-neutral. Charge is just turn-on with a different story. Use any energy
in the room to help fuel the conversation rather than shutting it down. Go around the
room before you begin and let each woman speak a bit about any concerns, fears, or
apprehensions she might have about discussing men and sex. Then, have the modera-
tor check in frequently throughout the conversation to make sure everyone is still
feeling safe and included.

Do you agree that turn-on is a choice? Why or why not? Do you suppose
this Way is talking about sexual turn-on only, or a broader definition of it?
If you could choose to turn on at any moment, would you? If not, why not?
What would turning on your own light switch make possible for you
and our partner? What might you now bring to the table that you didnt
see before?
12. Fuck dont f ight.

Does it ring true that Sex drive and the urge to fight are the same thing in
different clothing? How do they feel similar and different in your body?
Have you ever had sex with someone you were angry with at the time? How
was the sex?
Whats the relationship between your anger and your passion? Where and
how do they meet?

Our service is creation. A mans service is service. How does this state
ment feel to you? How do you think men would feel about it?
What does it mean to handle someone? Are your associations with
this term negative or positive? Talk about a time you were handled and it
98
did not feel good. Now, talk about a time when it felt great.
What about this Way do you think might be controversial? What rings
most true?
Extra Credit: Go to www.turnedonwoman.com and read Robs Letter.

Discuss your response to this letter in light of Love your man. (Or woman.)
Handle him well.
Month 7
This month you will be discussing female sexuality in particular. A turned-on

woman is an orgasmic woman, and a womans relationship to her sex is often reflect-
ed in her relationship to her pussy. So thats where the conversation will begin. Then
it will move on to the definition of orgasmwhether orgasmic means climactic
and how central orgasm may or may not be to a womans life.

How do you feel about the word pussy? Does it feel hot and sexy to you?
Naughty or wrong? Why do you think you have the associations you have.
Is there another word you like better? What is it and why? What about your
favorite word is a turn-on to you?
How well do you feel you know your own pussy? Do you feel close
to her? Distant? Estranged? Name one thing you have loved about her in
your life. How has she served you well? Has she ever let you down?
How do you think your relationship to your pussy is similar to a mans
relationship to his cock? How is it different? What kinds of societal
messages do men get about their cocks? What kind do women get about
our pussies?
Extra Credit: Write a love letter to your pussy and submit it
to www.loveletterstomypussy.com

Does it make sense to you to think of orgasm and climax as two
different things? Why or why not? Do you think you can be orgasmic
without being climactic? What would that feel like?
How is your orgasm similar to a mans? How is it different? Think about
a sexual experience where you felt like you connected most closely to your
99
own orgasm. What was that like for you?

What is the most orgasmic youve ever felt outside of sex? How would it be
to carry that energy into your sex?
Your life can be one extended experience of orgasm. Does an orgasmic life
feel possible for you? What would it be like?
Month 8
This months Ways focus on a quintessential feminine desire: to connect with

others in an inclusive way. But what does real connection mean? Is it a choice, or is it
our natural state? What are the benefits of connection, and what might be the draw-
backs? And how can we expand to include realities beyond our own, and thus be avail-
able for an infinite amount of connection?

What does it mean to be connected to someone? What does it feel like
in your body? What does disconnection feel like? Which do you choose
most often?
What beliefs keep you from staying connected? When and why do you
choose to disconnect?
Are you willing to vow that the door will always be open? What do you see
as the benefits of such a vow? The drawbacks?
Do you have as much connection in your life as you desire? What
connection would you like to explore further?

What is your relationship to technology and social media? Why do you
suppose it receives a whole section in the 25 Ways to Turn On?
Do you feel you have something to say that could make a positive impact?
If so, are you sharing it as widely as you could be?
Whats the most turned-on link you could share right now? What would
you add to it?
18. Replace your butwith a yes, and..

How does but exclude? How does yes, and include?
Can you think of a time you had a desire to kill someones turn-on? What
caused it?
100
In what ways could you be more expansive and inclusive in your life right
now? What would it mean if everything were true, valid, and important?
Month 9
This month, the Ways concern the sensations of turn-on in the physical
bodyboth the sensation that arises through touch and that which can be felt within.
Sensation is the doorway to reality at its most fundamental level. In that way the body
is the gateway to true connection with other people and our world.
19. Touch often.

What does nourishing touch feel like? How do you know if touch
is nourishing?
Do you have as much touch in your life as you desire? If not, how might you
get more?
Do you feed your desire for human touch in other ways? How?
How might your life feel different if you set aside time every day for touch?
What would that look like?

Why would sensation, not story be the mantra of the turned-on woman?
What do you suppose the word story is referring to here?
When is the last time your body tried to tell you something beyond
feed me or put me to bed or I need to pee? What was it trying to tell
you, and how was it getting the message across?
How much time do you spend in your head, and how much time in your
body? What are ways you might find more of a balance?
Month 10
This month the focus turns to energy accounting. This is a new concept to
many women but is so key to sustainable turn-on that we have given it a month all on
its own. It is recommended that each woman in the group test-drive the Energy Ac-
counting exercise in the week prior to the meeting.
101

Why do you suppose this entire months discussion is devoted to this
particular Way? How important is energy in your life?
Do you agree that Your energy reserves are not the responsibility of
your boss, your husband, your children? In what ways do you take full respon-
sibility for your energy? In what ways do you expect someone else to do so?
Describe your current relationship to your own energy. Do you have
as much of it as you desire? Do you consider yourself to be a good
energy accountant?
When over the course of your life have you had the most energy? When the
least? What made the difference?
What is the relationship between energy and life purpose? Talk about a
time when your work felt like it brought you energy.
How would it change your life if sex were your number one resource for
generating energy?
Set your energy goals. How do you want to feel when you wake up in
the morning? How would you like to feel at the end of the day? How might
you support other women in reaching their energy goals?
Month 11
This months theme is making sex a public conversation. By bringing what

is in the dark out into the light, we demystify it. Turn-on gets freed up and becomes
available for other purposes. Sex is our primary source of power. How can we ap-
proach it with a more open perspective? What stands in the way of each of us getting
the sex we most desire? And how can we get there if were not talking about it?

What do you think of when you hear the word taboo? Are you comfort
able talking about your own personal taboos with others?
Why do you think Talk about taboo is one of the 25 Ways to Turn On?
What freedom might exist if you could talk openly about your taboos?
What are some non-sexual taboos you can think of ? What are some
sexual taboos?
What is the relationship between taboo and shame?
Share a time when you crossed a taboo boundary, large or small. How did it
feel? Would you do it again?
102

Mahatma Gandhi said, Be the change you want to see in the world.
How does tis concept apply to sex?
Do you consider yourself to be a sexual person? What does that mean to
you? What beliefs do you have about being an openly sexual woman?
What kind of sex do you see in the world today? Now, what kind of sex do
you want to see? How can you take a first step in that direction today?
Month 12
In the last month of your Year of Turn-on, your group will have the opportuni-
ty to set intentions for the future. How will you take what you have learned through-
out this year and share it with the world? Which of your talents are you finally going
to start sharing? The world cannot wait one moment longer. Other women need you
to turn yourself on so they see whats possible. D.I.N.!
24. Push out.

What does contraction feel like? What does pushing out feel like? If youre
not pushing out, are you automatically contracting?
What keeps you from pushing out all the time?
Where do you most want to push out in your life right now? What gift
would you be offering the world if you did?
25. D.I.N.
What keeps you from doing things right now?
When do you have more energy to accomplish a goal: right after you
think of it, or after some time has passed?
What do you spend your time doing when youre not doing it now?
What do you see as the benefits of taking a D.I.N approach?
The drawbacks?
What will you do right now to keep the turn-on going?
(Visit www.turnedonwoman.com/spread for some ideas!)
103
Turned-on Women are Changing the World.
Your Presence is Requested.

Only through your participation can the Turned-on Womans Manifesto be
a living, breathing document. We encourage you to visit www.turnedonwoman.com
often. Leave meaningful comments. Ask provocative questions. Dont hold back. This
content was created by women, for women. It is yours as much as it is ours. Please
join the conversation. Were waiting to hear from you.D.I.N.!
104

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Lithe

I wanted it to be you. The turned-on woman. I am so happy you decided to be found.

Would it be okay if your gravestone read: She was an exceptionally mediocre

how to use this book

Living the Turned-on Womans Manifesto is a workbook with a purpose. There

the turned-on womans

Exercise #1: Cleaning the Slate

Exercise #2: Clearing Out Our Judgments

diffiicult and disloyal

Women are ___________________________________________________________________

Exercise #3: Expressing Gratitude

Exercise #1: Buyer Beware!

I bought off the rack when: ________________________________________________________

I bought off the rack when: ________________________________________________________

I bought off the rack when: ________________________________________________________

Exercise #2: Working with Discomfort

Discomfort #1: ______________________________________________________________

Discomfort #2: ______________________________________________________________

Discomfort #3: ______________________________________________________________

3. Live inside out.

Exercise #1: Hiding Places

Exercise #2: In and Out

Exercise #3: Obligation versus Desire

Activity Obligation or Desire?

Exercise #1: Mind Over Body

Exercise #2: No Evidence Required

Something I know without evidence:

What it feels like in my body:

Why I havent named it:

What I would have to overcome to talk about it:

Exercise #3: Saying What You Know

5. Make friends with your fear.

Exercise #1: Finding Your Fears

Life Area Fear#1 Fear#2 Fear#3

Exercise #2: Fear As Protector

Fear How it has helped me Am I ready to make peace

Am I ready to make peace

Exercise #3: Fear Inventory

Dear ____________, I am resentful at ________________________________ because:

Dear ____________, I am resentful at _________________________________because:

Repeat the above steps as many times as you need to.

6. Desire is your compass. Follow it.

Exercise #1: Whos a Good Girl?

Good girls wait for the guy to call.

Good girls ___________________________________________________________

Good girls dont ______________________________________________________

Exercise 2: Desire and Shame

Exercise 3: Replacing Shame with Desire

Learn to speak Spanish.

Desire says yes: __________________________________________________________________

Mind says no because: ____________________________________________________________

Desire says yes: __________________________________________________________________

Mind says no because: ____________________________________________________________

Desire says yes: __________________________________________________________________

Mind says no because: ____________________________________________________________

Desire says yes: __________________________________________________________________

Mind says no because: ____________________________________________________________

Desire says yes: __________________________________________________________________

Mind says no because: ____________________________________________________________

7. Write a desire contract.

Exercise #1: Start with a Want List

Exercise #2: Claim Your Big D and Little d Desires

Exercise #3: Making Admissions

Dear , I am resentful at ____________________ because:

Dear , I am resentful at _____________________because:

1._ _______________________ is turned on.