1

00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:04,768

Pam?
Yeah?

2
00:00:05,238 --> 00:00:07,866
Did you see <i>Oprah</i> yesterday?
No, I didn't.

3
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:11,738
I... I'm going to be a father.

4
00:00:14,547 --> 00:00:17,675
What was <i>Oprah</i> about?
Angelina Jolie was on.

5
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:21,653
And she adopted a baby from Asia,
and she said that it changed her life,

6
00:00:21,721 --> 00:00:23,916
and that really inspired me.

7
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:30,094
So I want you to look into see
how much a little Chinese baby would cost.

8
00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,427
That's a really big decision.
I know.

9
00:00:34,901 --> 00:00:37,096
Maybe you should wait before you adopt.

10
00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:38,967
Well...
Or not adopt.

11
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Just do it, okay?

12
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:45,172
Roy's sister looked into it
and the application alone costs $1,000.

13
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Well, find out
14
00:00:50,016 --> 00:00:54,612
if there's a cheaper,
less expensive baby out there, okay?

15
00:00:54,687 --> 00:00:57,281
You know, she also said
the waiting list is, like, eight months.

16
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Eight months?
Yeah.

17
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,458
I don't even know
if I want a baby in eight months.

18
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:01,994
Probably won't.

19
00:01:04,764 --> 00:01:05,822
You know what, Pam?

20
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,662
If in 10 years,

21
00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:11,637
I haven't had a baby
and you haven't had a baby...

22
00:01:11,704 --> 00:01:12,864
No, Michael.

23
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,799
Twenty years.
No, Michael.

24
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Thirty.

25
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Sure.

26
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It's a deal.
27
00:01:56,416 --> 00:01:58,077
All right, three pairs of pants.

28
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Three pairs of socks.
Mmm-hmm.

29
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Three packs of condoms.
Yes.

30
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,915
Fun jeans.
Right there.

31
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,757
Sign.
Per diem.

32
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<i>MICHAEL: Guess where I am going?</i>
<i>I will give you a hint.</i>

33
00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:18,000
<i>It is a booze-fuelled sex romp</i>
<i>where anything goes.</i>

34
00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:19,763
You are correct, <i>sir!</i>

35
00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,033
I am headed to Philadelphia

36
00:02:21,107 --> 00:02:25,066
for the annual Northeastern
Mid-Market Office Supply Convention.

37
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:28,740
And Jim Halpert is going to be coming,
which'll be fun.

38
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:33,184
Poor little guy has been stuck
working under Josh,

39
00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:37,883
the poor man's Michael Scott,
as he is known around my condo.

40
00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:41,919
Don't be mad, it is a business trip.

41
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,987
But I don't understand. It's for managers.

42
00:02:45,064 --> 00:02:47,897
Monkey, I am an ARM,
Assistant Regional Manager.

43
00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,832
I <i>know!</i> It's...

44
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:54,369
I was just really hoping
we could spend some time together.

45
00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:00,175
Are you still there?
Yes, monkey.

46
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:03,704
Don't "monkey" <i>me!</i>
You can't wait to get out of here, <i>ARM!</i>

47
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:07,575
In the Martin family, we like to say,

48
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:10,714
"Looks like someone took the slow train
from Philly."

49
00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:13,418
That's code for "Check out the slut."

50
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:15,855
What is...

51
00:03:17,497 --> 00:03:18,794
Why are there flies in here?

52
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:21,432
Oh, my <i>God!</i> Are you so excited for tonight?
53
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:23,833
I'm so excited.
You guys are gonna click, I can feel it.

54
00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:25,837
So what are you wearing?

55
00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:27,065
This.

56
00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:32,074
You look so pretty.

57
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:34,911
Thank you.

58
00:03:35,915 --> 00:03:37,712
<i>PAM: Yes, I have a date.</i>

59
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:40,749
He's a cartoonist for the local paper,

60
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:44,051
which is really neat,
because I like to draw, too.

61
00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:46,954
I'm kind of nervous.

62
00:03:47,527 --> 00:03:50,963
I haven't been on a first date in nine years.

63
00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:55,164
Probably shouldn't broadcast that.

64
00:03:56,502 --> 00:03:58,402
Well, remember,
no matter how much you may want to,

65
00:03:58,471 --> 00:04:01,338
do not sleep with him on the first date,
it gives him all the power.

66
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:04,672
Sleep with who? Whom? Whom? Whom?

67
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:07,178
My neighbor, Alan.
They're going on a date tonight.

68
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,148
Oh, <i>wow!</i> Oh, my God, I have a great idea.

69
00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:13,276
You know what you should do?
Be hilarious. Wear your wedding dress.

70
00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:17,016
It'd be a great <i>icebreaker!</i>
And your veil.

71
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,081
Yeah. Do <i>it!</i>

72
00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:21,456
I'll probably just wear this.
Really?

73
00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:23,495
Okay, well, word of advice,

74
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:26,430
unbutton that top button,
let those things breathe.

75
00:04:26,699 --> 00:04:29,031
Any message you want me to relate to Jim?

76
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,127
Um...
"Um," okay.

77
00:04:32,305 --> 00:04:33,329
You got that?
I got it.

78
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:35,135
Write it down.
I'll write it down.

79
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:37,638
Um, um, um, um...

80
00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:44,277
There's my girl.

81
00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:49,684
Noticed you handing out some shekels.
How would one get on that train?

82
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,848
That was per diem for Philadelphia.

83
00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:53,755
That town smells like cheese steaks.

84
00:04:53,826 --> 00:04:56,056
That town is full of <i>history!</i>

85
00:04:59,565 --> 00:05:01,931
Andrea's the office bitch.

86
00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:04,303
You'll get used to her.

87
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:08,533
Creed.

88
00:05:10,843 --> 00:05:12,333
(TRAIN HORN BLARING)

89
00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:15,077
Can I have my neck pillow back?

90
00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:16,776
<i>Michael!</i>

91
00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:20,082
Can I have my neck pillow back?

92
00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:25,318
JOSH: Hey, Michael.
MICHAEL: Hey, Josh, how you doing?

93
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:26,824
Pretty good, how you doing?
Good to see you.

94
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:29,987
There he <i>is!</i> There's the traitor.
<i>Traitor! Traitor!</i>

95
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,088
Come here, you. Come <i>here!</i>

96
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,655
(EXCLAIMING)

97
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:36,766
The... The progidal...

98
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,394
My son <i>returns!</i>

99
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:42,236
I was shocked when he told me
he was transferring to Stamford.

100
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:45,300
It's like with firemen,
you don't leave your brothers behind.

101
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:47,039
Even if you find out

102
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:50,879
that there is a better fire in Connecticut.

103
00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:54,578
It's really good to see you, man.
Yeah.

104
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,952
Wow. I didn't expect that.

105
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,486
It's good to see you, too.

106
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:05,361
Oh, hey, how's it going up there?
Have you made any sales yet?
107
00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:07,129
Yeah, sold about 40,000.

108
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,895
DWIGHT: <i>Hey!</i>
Shut up, that's impossible.

109
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:12,369
No, it's not, and I did, yeah.
Well, I did it, too.

110
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,268
You know, when I saw Dwight,

111
00:06:15,341 --> 00:06:19,710
I realized how stupid and petty
all those pranks I pulled on him were.

112
00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:23,042
And then he spoke.

113
00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:27,080
I wonder how hard it would be
to get a copy of his room key.

114
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:29,344
So did you hear?
What?

115
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:32,482
Pam's back on the market again.
Really? She's dating?

116
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:36,352
If I weren't engaged, I would so hit that.

117
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,995
So what kind of commissions
you get up there?

118
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:46,038
Oh, Dwight, I missed you so much.

119
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:48,604
You're so immature.
120
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:52,376
Listen, Michael,
I heard you were a great salesman,

121
00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:55,445
and I just wanted to let you know
that if our branch absorbs your branch,

122
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:57,540
I'm gonna look for a place for you
in Stamford.

123
00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:58,641
JAN: Oh, <i>hey!</i>

124
00:06:58,718 --> 00:06:59,707
Hey.
JOSH: Hey, Jan.

125
00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:01,083
We all checked in?
Yes.

126
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:03,987
Great. Let's dump our stuff
and meet back down here in half an hour.

127
00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:05,387
JOSH: Okay.
JAN: Okay.

128
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:06,584
Jan?

129
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,225
Look, I think we need to set
some ground rules.

130
00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:14,232
What are you talking about?
The 800-pound gorilla in the room. Carole?

131
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,426
I'm still dating her,

132
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:19,403
so nothing can happen between us
at the convention.

133
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:21,166
Step away from me, Michael.

134
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:24,266
Thank you for being so brave
with all of this.

135
00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:26,175
Thank you.

136
00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:35,385
Alan's cartoon's so funny, right?

137
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:37,580
And they're, like, so smart.

138
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:40,353
I don't even know what they mean
half the time.

139
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:58,640
This party is gonna be <i>awesome!</i>
I <i>know!</i>

140
00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:03,148
That is specifically why I chose
a room close to the elevator.

141
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,650
More foot traffic.
Check it out.

142
00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:08,586
That is crooked. On that side.

143
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:09,780
Wow.

144
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,120
MICHAEL: Hey, <i>hey!</i>

145
00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:14,557
That is a lot of liquor.
MICHAEL: Yeah.

146
00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:15,924
And a dartboard.

147
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,623
Well, that's how we do it in Scranton,
or did you forget?

148
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:22,634
<i>Ain't no party like a Scranton party</i>
<i>'cause a Scranton party don't stop!</i>

149
00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:24,201
(BOTH SCATTING)

150
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:28,596
We should probably head on down,
you know, hook up with Jan.

151
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:31,541
Hey, well, we have <i>time!</i>
One for the road, gentlemen?

152
00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:34,270
"A shot of Midori, perhaps?"

153
00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:40,751
Oh, no, sorry, it's an inside joke.

154
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:45,814
There's this bartender in Stamford who...
You know what? You just had to be there.

155
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,693
I wish I <i>was!</i> I love inside jokes.

156
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,730
Love to be a part of one someday.

157
00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:58,761
We should...
<i>Yeah!</i>

158
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:01,329
All right, see you guys down there.
See you guys. All right.

159
00:09:01,407 --> 00:09:02,999
Change your mind, come back up.

160
00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:04,565
I'll do a shot with you, Michael.

161
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:07,408
Don't be gross. It's not even lunch yet.

162
00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:12,940
<i>Swag!</i>

163
00:09:13,519 --> 00:09:15,578
Stuff we all get.

164
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:19,955
<i>I basically decorated my condo for free</i>
<i>with all of my swag!</i>

165
00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:22,689
DWIGHT: Check it <i>out!</i>
Oh, my God.

166
00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:24,855
<i>Hi!</i> I'm Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin.

167
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,796
Dwight Schrute,
Assistant Regional Manager, Dunder Mifflin.

168
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:29,130
All right.
I'm a huge fan.

169
00:09:29,201 --> 00:09:30,725
Thanks, appreciate it, guys.
You know what?

170
00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:33,601
I'm having a big blowout tonight, Room 308,
hope you can come.

171
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:36,141
All right, maybe. If I can.
Well, <i>cool!</i>

172
00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:39,177
Okay, so can I tell people
you're gonna be there?

173
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:42,009
No, you cannot.
So maybe. See you.

174
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:45,808
Why do they call him "The Bus"?
Because he's afraid to fly.

175
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:47,245
<i>Smile!</i>

176
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,652
Do you remember me from last year?

177
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:53,214
There's a party in my room, 308.
Can't miss it, right off the elevator.

178
00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:54,759
<i>Tonight!</i> Be <i>there!</i>

179
00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:58,196
All right, Jan just e-mailed me.
She wants us to meet her up front.

180
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:01,825
<i>Yup!</i> Yeah, she's up front.
You don't have e-mail on your phone.

181
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:04,495
I don't have to, I just know.

182
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:06,804
Yes? Hello?

183
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:09,573
No one just called you.
All right. Nice meeting you.

184
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:10,631
Take care.
Nice to meet you.

185
00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:11,734
I'll see you soon.
Yeah, stop by.

186
00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:13,938
Take care.
See you in a bit. Bye-bye.

187
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:16,743
May I have a moment of your time, please?

188
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,884
I need you to do something for me.
Yes, anything.

189
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,886
I want you to dig up some dirt on Josh,

190
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:23,751
find out if there are any skeletons
in his attic.

191
00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:26,053
I'll talk to my buddy down
at the station, stat.

192
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:28,390
TOBY: Hey, Pam.

193
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:31,123
Hey, what's up?
It's... How are...

194
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:32,494
(PHONE RINGING)
I might ask if you wanted...

195
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:34,726
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

196
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,996
He's not in the office. Can I take a message?
197
00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:40,767
I will.

198
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:42,669
You, too.

199
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,375
Sorry, what's up?

200
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:47,039
Lf...

201
00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:55,753
I just completely forgot
what I was gonna say.

202
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,345
It's so weird.

203
00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,552
Okay.

204
00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:02,355
Well, if you think of it, I'll be here.

205
00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:03,654
Okay.

206
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,528
So I called my buddy down
at the station today

207
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,204
to have him run a background check
on Josh Porter,

208
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:18,869
see if there's any known aliases, etcetera.

209
00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:22,345
And?
He wasn't volunteering today.

210
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:30,749
Yeah. Things have been pretty crazy
around the office.

211
00:11:30,823 --> 00:11:32,757
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

212
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:35,259
We moved Ryan over to your desk...

213
00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:40,096
Tell him I say hi.
I will call him later with that message.

214
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,401
Hey, how's Toby?

215
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:47,563
Toby Flenderson is everything
that is wrong with the paper industry.

216
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:49,669
Is he why you left?

217
00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:53,178
Oh, no, it was just, you know,
a good opportunity for me, a promotion.

218
00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:55,577
I got a chance to...
Opportunity, promotion, blah, blah...

219
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:58,116
You know, Jim, those are just words.

220
00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:02,746
Have you taken into account other factors,
<i>vis-a-vis</i> bosses?

221
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:05,882
Is Josh funnier than I am?
Does he even have a girlfriend?

222
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:07,516
Because I have two, basically.

223
00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:10,323
Michael, it's really not a competition.

224
00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:14,455
Jim got us a great lead
with the new rep from National Envelope.

225
00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:16,626
- Really? Great.
- We can grab lunch with him tomorrow.

226
00:12:16,702 --> 00:12:19,796
Hey, Jan? Jan?
Don't worry, I have got the tip.

227
00:12:20,439 --> 00:12:22,634
Whoa, <i>Michael!</i>
<i>Wow!</i>

228
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:24,039
Oh, my God, thank <i>you!</i>
Hey, no problem.

229
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:27,841
Was that your per diem?
No, that was a different $100 bill.

230
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,403
What have you generated, Michael?

231
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:33,316
I have generated a lot of interest
in my party this evening.

232
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:35,275
What party?

233
00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:38,983
The party I'm having tonight in 308,
obviously, you are invited.

234
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:44,956
Michael, Jim and Josh are in meetings
all day,

235
00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:47,897
and I am in and out of meetings.
236
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:51,830
I... I can't stay on top of you 24l7.

237
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,235
You should order the most expensive thing
on the menu.

238
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:02,210
So he knows you're worth it.

239
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:05,550
If you do that, you're gonna have to put out.

240
00:13:08,053 --> 00:13:09,816
Oh, yeah, you'll have to put out.

241
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:13,388
Is there a key for a Jane Doe?

242
00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:16,725
Thank you.

243
00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:21,166
Any messages for 308?

244
00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:24,366
All right.

245
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,831
Hey, hey, fellers.
<i>Michael!</i>

246
00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:27,964
Hey, <i>Michael!</i>
What's up?

247
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,941
Well, Jim and I have a meeting
with uni-ball in about 45 minutes,

248
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:33,035
so we should probably go now.
Hey, check this <i>out!</i>

249
00:13:33,112 --> 00:13:35,740
How about that?
A little friendly competition.

250
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:39,376
Stamford versus Scranton.
I don't think so... I don't really...

251
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:44,285
Jim, looks like you picked
a bad time to defect, my friend.

252
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:48,623
Fine, all right.
<i>Okay!</i> Excellent.

253
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:52,191
Do the wing flaps.
Oh, just shut it.

254
00:13:53,532 --> 00:13:54,829
Hey, Pam, what's up?

255
00:13:56,001 --> 00:14:00,370
Yeah. No, tell him I will give him
general specifics tomorrow, okay?

256
00:14:00,439 --> 00:14:02,498
Yes. Say hi to <i>Pam!</i>

257
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:03,934
Hi, <i>Pam!</i>
Hi, Pam.

258
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,705
Yes. That is Josh and Dwight and Jim.

259
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:09,944
Pam says hi. Have fun on your date.

260
00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:12,650
Very good, talk to you later. Bye.

261
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:20,590
MICHAEL: You <i>first!</i>

262
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,188
Come on.

263
00:14:22,261 --> 00:14:23,728
Nice try, <i>Josh!</i>

264
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,787
Not. Hit the... Hit the rim.

265
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:27,388
Okay, and...

266
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,602
Okay, double or nothing.

267
00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:34,161
On what?
We didn't bet anything, Michael, we...

268
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,731
Well, we... Let's...
You know, we should go. We gotta go.

269
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:39,710
Come on. Come <i>on!</i>
We'll do it later.

270
00:14:39,778 --> 00:14:40,802
Let's go...

271
00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:42,470
Say, while I have you here,

272
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,516
could I talk to you
about some new and exciting advances

273
00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:46,073
to our product line?
Fine.

274
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,113
Jim and I have
different definitions of friendship.

275
00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:50,382
I think it's talking and being friends,
276
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:55,120
and Jim thinks it's moving to Connecticut
and being best friends with Josh. Well...

277
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:59,086
Phooey on that.

278
00:14:59,164 --> 00:15:02,759
I'm done. I am not going to be speaking
with him anymore.

279
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:05,931
Whatevs.
Long-distance relationships never work.

280
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:07,632
That is so true.

281
00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:10,001
Ready?

282
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:13,572
Okay, let me tell you what we're looking for.
Great.

283
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,811
MICHAEL: Sorry, my meeting ran late.

284
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:21,214
Really?
Yes, Jan, really,

285
00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:22,618
with the rep from Hammermill.

286
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:25,248
They're exclusive with Staples.
Used to be.

287
00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:27,549
Evan'll call you in the morning
to work out the details.

288
00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:29,685
We can now sell Hammermill products.
289
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,226
<i>Yes!</i>

290
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:36,234
Well, Michael, I just... I underestimated you.

291
00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:39,863
Yeah, well, maybe next time
you will estimate me.

292
00:15:43,175 --> 00:15:44,836
Dwight's room key.

293
00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:47,406
And Dwight's room.

294
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,005
What can I say? Old habits die hard.

295
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:52,209
ANGELA: D?

296
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:56,681
Oh, my <i>God!</i> Dwight got a <i>hooker!</i>

297
00:15:57,389 --> 00:15:59,721
Oh, my God, I gotta call...

298
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,454
Well, I gotta call somebody,
I don't even know who to call.

299
00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:04,291
Dwight got a <i>hooker!</i>

300
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:07,866
So, Alan,
Pam is obsessed with your cartoons.

301
00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:09,798
She reads them every day.

302
00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:11,267
Oh, great.
303
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,632
I don't like ketchup.
You love <i>ketchup!</i>

304
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,173
He loves ketchup.

305
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:18,472
So how do you come up
with your cartoons?

306
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:23,839
Oh, I just...
I kind of think about stuff that I see.

307
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:25,974
Or dream them.

308
00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:29,449
You dream in cartoons? How fun.

309
00:16:32,424 --> 00:16:34,187
<i>Hey!</i> First <i>guest!</i>

310
00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:36,887
You are going to have some tequila,
my friend.

311
00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:40,360
I thought there was a party in here.
This is the party.

312
00:16:40,432 --> 00:16:42,992
This is Room 308?
Party <i>central!</i>

313
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:45,662
So what can I do you for? All right.

314
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:50,800
See, this one is great

315
00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:53,845
because it could work
on a couple different levels.
316
00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:58,343
"More freedom fries for the table?"

317
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,948
"Freedom <i>fries".</i> Yeah.

318
00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:05,921
Yeah, I mean, people always say, like,
"Don't be edgy,"

319
00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:08,983
but I don't know...
I don't know any other way.

320
00:17:10,162 --> 00:17:11,891
Yeah, you got it.

321
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:29,871
Well, it was...
It was really nice meeting you, Alan.

322
00:17:29,948 --> 00:17:31,540
Yeah, next time bring
some of your illustrations.

323
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:33,414
I'll let you pick my brain.

324
00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:36,081
"More freedom <i>fries"!</i>
<i>Yeah!</i>

325
00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:37,645
That's great.
Okay.

326
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,350
<i>PAM: I went on a date.</i>

327
00:17:39,591 --> 00:17:40,990
It wasn't a love connection.

328
00:17:42,494 --> 00:17:46,225
I think when I like someone again,
I'll just kind of know.
329
00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:50,058
<i>(MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)</i>

330
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:07,315
JIM: Michael.

331
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:14,720
Am I the first to arrive?

332
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:17,353
People have been filtering in and out.

333
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:21,656
Can I get a drink?
What?

334
00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:24,096
Can I get a drink?

335
00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:25,931
Sure.

336
00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:33,774
Do you like Cosmos?
Yeah, sure, sounds good.

337
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,806
So why are you here? Is Josh busy?

338
00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:39,707
Michael...
I get <i>it!</i>

339
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,548
Did I do something or...
No. No, I totally get <i>it!</i>

340
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:46,023
He made a better paper airplane,
Stamford does better in sales. You...

341
00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:49,626
I get it, we had some fun.
We had some laughs...
342
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:52,562
Wait, wait, wait.
I didn't transfer because of you.

343
00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:54,899
You're a good boss.

344
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:57,399
You're a great boss.

345
00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:02,532
I'm not better than Josh.

346
00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:04,769
Michael, it's not about...

347
00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:08,412
I transferred because of Pam.

348
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:11,881
Oh, my God.

349
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:16,111
You don't even know. She's single now.

350
00:19:16,188 --> 00:19:18,816
No, I... I heard something about that.

351
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:22,452
It's just... I kind of put it all on the line.

352
00:19:24,129 --> 00:19:26,996
Twice, actually. And she said no.

353
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:29,393
Twice.

354
00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:34,964
I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry, it's...

355
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:40,211
Hey, you know what? I will talk to her.
Nope, that's okay.

356
00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:41,337
Yeah.
No, that's all right.

357
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:43,540
I will. I'll talk to her.

358
00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:46,841
You should at least talk to Roy,

359
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:50,252
I mean, he knows exactly
how you're feeling, just...

360
00:19:50,822 --> 00:19:51,948
Yeah.

361
00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:54,448
Okay, maybe.

362
00:19:55,527 --> 00:19:56,585
EVAN: Are we early?

363
00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:59,722
<i>Hey!</i> No, you know,
people have been filtering in and out.

364
00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:02,630
Hey. Evan, this is Jim.
How are you?

365
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:06,296
Hey, Arnie Rissman, Michael, Jim.
Hey, Arnie, how you doing?

366
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:09,235
You guys work together?

367
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:10,707
No, we used to.
Yeah.

368
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:13,244
Now we're friends.
Best friends.

369
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:20,517
Some people need dozens of friends to say,
"Hey, look at me, I'm <i>popular!"</i>

370
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:24,519
But not me. I'm very picky.
I need three, maybe two.

371
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:28,120
When you meet that someone special,
you'll just know,

372
00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:30,559
because a real relationship,

373
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,025
it can't be forced.

374
00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:36,532
It should just come about effortlessly.

375
00:20:39,204 --> 00:20:42,571
Now would you do me the pleasure
of hitting the lights, sir?

376
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:46,140
(MICHAEL LAUGHING)

377
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:52,047
MICHAEL: What are all those stains?
DWIGHT: Blood, urine, or semen.

378
00:20:52,117 --> 00:20:54,017
Oh, God, I hope it's urine.