Submitted by : Asha marita cutinha

Reg. no 133178107

A.J. Institute of management

Mangalore

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TITLE OF THE BOOK : MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE

FROM VENUS

AUTHOR : JHON GRAY, PH.D.

PUBLISHER : HARPERCOLLINS

EDITION : 1994

NO. OF PAGES : 286

PRICE OF THE BOOK : USA $14.00

CANADA $19.95

ISBN NO : 0-06-092642-2

COVER PAGE DESIGN : ANDREW H. BLASS

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 History about the author

John Gray was born on December 28, 1951 in America. He was born in Houston Texas. His
father who was an oil executive and a mother who worked at a spiritual bookshop. He
graduated from Lamar High School and attended both the University of St. Thomas and
the University of Texas. Gray received an unaccredited PhD degree by correspondence in
1982 from Columbia Pacific University (CPU). He is an American relationship counsellor,
lecturer and author. In 1969, he began a nine year association with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
before beginning his career as an author and personal relationship counsellor. In 1992 he
published the book known as Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus, which
became a long term best seller and formed the central theme of all his subsequent books and
career activities.
Gray married author Barbara De Angelis and they divorced in 1984. Gray married his current
wife, Bonnie in 1986. Gray has a daughter and two stepdaughters.

He has written 17 books on relationship and personal growth. In 1992, Gray published his
book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus which has sold more than seven
million copies and according to a 1997 report by the book's publisher, HarperCollians , is the
every time, best-selling hard-cover nonfiction book. The book has been published in 40
languages and has earned Gray almost $18 million.
In 1996, Gray and Maia and Bart Berens co-founded Mars Venus Institute. Bart Berens was
president and Maia Berens was director.
In 2001, he received the Smart Marriages Impact Award. That year, he wrote two books that
is How To Release Stress through Relaxation and 75 Ways To Say I Love You with
Darren Stephens.

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 CONTENTS

Chapter-1 Men are from Mars Women are from Venus - John Gray

Author says that Imagine that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. One day long
ago the Martians, looking through their telescopes, discovered the Venusians. They both fell
in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to Venus. The Venusians welcomed the
Martians with open arms. Then they decided to fly to Earth. In the beginning everything was
wonderful and beautiful. Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from
different planets and were suppose to be different. We mistakenly assume that if our partners
love us they will react and behave in certain ways- the ways we react and behave when we
love someone. We have forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different.
Men continue to expect women to think and react like men, and women expect men to feel
and behave like women. When men and women are able to respect and accept their
differences then love has a chance to blossom.

Chapter-2 Mr. Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee

The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men dont listen.
The most frequently expressed complaint men have about women is that women are always
trying to change them. Men are more interested in objects and things rather than peoples
feelings. They dont read magazines and spiritual books. They are more concerned with
outdoor activities, like hunting, fishing, and racing cars. They are interested in the news,
weather and sports and couldnt careless about romance. Because he is handling his problems
on his own, a man rarely talks about his problems unless he needs expert advice. Asking for
help when you cant do it yourself is perceived as a sign of a weakness. In this case, he will
find someone he respects and then talk about his problem. Talking about a problem on mars
is an invitation for advice. When a woman innocently shares upset feelings man mistakenly
assumes shes looking for some expert advice. Men want to help her feel better by solving
her problems. Venusians have different values. They value for love, communication, beauty,
and relationships. Women give more importance to their relationship.
On Venus, they are very involved in personal growth, spiritually and everything that can
nurture life, healing and growth. A man, however, may feel offended because when a woman
offers advice he doesnt feel she trusts his ability to do it himself. But offering help to a man

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can make him feel incompetent, weak and even unloved. Men always trying to change the
feelings, sadness of women, same as women always trying to change men behaviour.

Chapter-3 Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk

Men feel better by solving problems, women feel better by talking about problems. To feel
better, men go to their caves. To feel better, women openly talk about their problems. Women
are not ashamed of having problems. When men having problem, that time his mind focus on
solving a problem. That time he will temporarily loses awareness of everything else. If he
can find a solution, instantly he will feel much better and come out of his cave; suddenly he is
available for being in a relationship again. However, if he cant find a solution to this
problem, then he remains stuck in the cave.
Women expect men to open up and talk about all their problems the way women do. By
randomly talking about her problems she becomes less upset. Men realized that even when
they felt they were being attacked, blamed , by women it was only temporary because women
are ready to accept their mistake. Women also found peace of mind when they finally
understood that a man going to his cave was not a sign that he didnt love her as much.

Chapter-4 How to Motivate the Opposite Sex

Men and women are motivated in different ways. When a women realizes that she truly
deserves to be loved, she is opening the door for a man to give to her. But when it takes her
ten years of over giving in a marriage to realize that she deserves more, she feels like closing
the door and not giving him the chance .So author suggest that: women dont have to give
more to have a better relationship. Their partner actually will give them more if they give
less. When she wakes up and remember her needs, he also wakes up and wants to give her
more. Women are sensitive to feeling rejected when they dont get the attention they need,
they feel bad themselves. Men are sensitive to feeling that they have failed when a women
talks about problems. This is why it is so hard for him to listen sometimes. He wants to be her
hero.. When she is disappointed or unhappy over anything, he feels like a failure. Her
unhappiness confirms his deepest fear, he is just not good enough. Many women dont realize
how valuable men are and how much they need love too. Love helps him to know that he is
enough to fulfil others.

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Chapter-5 Speaking Different Languages
The Martians and Venusians languages had the same words, but the way they were used gave
different meanings. One of the biggest challenges for men is correctly to support a woman
when she is talking about her feelings. The biggest challenge for women is correctly to
support a man when he isnt talking. Women misinterpret a mans silence. Depending on how
she is feeling that day she may begin to imagine very worst like he hates me, he doesnt
love, he is leaving me forever. It is important for women to understand not to try and get a
man to talk before he is ready. It will create a problem in relationship.Men dont like advice
or empathy from others. They need to prove themselves. A man may start to feel
uncomfortable when a woman tries to help him for solving a problem. He feel that she
doesnt trust him to handle his problem. He may feel uncomfortable, as if she is treating him
like a child or he may feel she want to change him. A man looks for advice or help only after
he has done what he can do alone. If he receives too much , men will lose his power and
strength. He becomes lazy. A man commonly feels attacked and blamed by a womens
feelings, especially when she is upset and talks about problems. Because he doesnt
understand how we are different.

Chapter-6 Men are Like Rubber Bands

When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer. To a
certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner. There are two type of
behaviour.
Chasing behaviors:
1. Physical-when he pulls away, she physically follows him.
2. Emotional-when he pulls away she emotionally follows him by worrying about him,
feeling sorry for him.
3. Mental-she may try to pull him back mentally by asking him guilt-inducing questions.

Punishing behaviors:
1. Physical-when he begins to desire her again, she rejects him. She pushes away his physical
affection.
2. Emotional-when he returns, she is unhappy and she blames him.
3. Mental-when he returns she refuses to open up and share her feelings.

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Chapter-7 Women are Like Waves
A womans ability to give and receive love in her relationships is generally a reflection of
how she is feeling about herself. When she is not felling as good about herself, she is unable
to be as accepting her partner. When a man loves a woman she begins to shine with love and
fulfillment. Most men expect that shine to last forever. Men pull back and then get close,
while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.
A man assumes that her sudden change of mood is based solely on his behaviour. When she
is happy he takes credit, but when she is unhappy he also feels responsible. What she needs is
someone to be with her as she goes down, to listen to her while she shares her feelings. Even
if a man cant fully understand why a woman feels overwhelmed, he can offer his love,
attention and support. A woman has within herself the ability to spontaneously rise up after
she has hit the bottom. When negative feelings are suppressed, positive feelings become
suppressed as well, and love dies. It puts too much pressure on a man to make him the only
source of love and support. As a women financial needs are fulfilled she becomes more aware
of her emotional needs.

Chapter-8 Discovering our Different Emotional Needs

Men and women generally are unaware that they have different emotional needs. As a result
they do not instinctively know how to support each other. Men typically give in relationships
what men want, while women give what women want. Each mistakenly assumes that the
other has the same needs and desires. As a result they both end up dissatisfied and resentful
Most of our complex emotional needs can be summarized as the need for love. Men and
women each have six unique love needs that are all equally important.
Women need to Receive ---------------- Men need to Receive
Caring--------------------------------------- Trust
Understanding-------------------------------Acceptance
Respect--------------------------------------Appreciation
Devotion-------------------------------------Admiration
Validation--------------------------------- --Approval
Reassurance---------------------------------Encouragement
Women generally dont realize the ways they communicate that are unsupportive and hurtful
to the male ego. Men also dont recognize the ways they communicate that are disrespectful
and unsupportive to women.

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Chapter-9 How to Avoid Arguments?
One of the most difficult challenges in loving relationship is handling disagreement. Often
when couple disagree their discussion can turn into argument, suddenly they stop talking in a
loving manner and automatically begin hurting each other: blaming, demanding, doubting.
The four Fs for avoiding hurt in an argument:
Fight: this comes from the man, when he feels the conversation becomes unloving, so he
starts on blaming, judging, criticizing and when his partner backs down, he assumes he has
won. Intimidation always weakens trust in a relationship.
Flight: this also comes from the man. To avoid confrontation he might retire into his cave
and never come out.
Fake: this stance comes from women. To avoid being hurt, she pretends theres no problem,
She puts a smile on her face and appears to be very happy with everything.

Fold: this stance also comes from women. Rather than argue, she takes the blame and assume
responsibility for whatever is upsetting her partner, but she ends up losing herself.
Men rarely say Im sorry because on mars it means you have done something wrong and
you are apologizing. The most common way women unknowingly start arguments is by not
being direct when they share their feelings.

Chapter-10 Scoring Points With the Opposite Sex

When a woman keeps score, no matter how big or small a gift of love is, it scores one point;
each gift has equal value. Little things make a big difference.
Ways to score points with a woman:
Bring her cut flowers as a surprise as well as on special occasions. Offer to help her when
shes tired. When you are going to be late, call her and let her know. When she asks for
support, say yes . When she talks to you, put down the magazine or turn off the TV and give
her your full attention. If she usually washes the dishes, occasionally offer to wash the dishes,
especially if she is tired that day. Be patient when she is sharing. Dont look at your watch.
Surprise her with a love note or poem.

HOW WOMEN CAN SCORE BIG WITH MEN

He disappoints her and she doesnt punish him. He forgets to pick up something again and
she says with trusting patience and persistence its OK. When she has hurt him and she
understands his hurt, she apologizes and gives him the love he needs . When he comes back

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from his cave she welcomes him not reject him.
If a man has made a mistake and feels embarrassed, sorry, or ashamed, then he needs her love
more Man also requires equal participation from a women in doing domestic duties of
day-to-day life, if he is not appreciated, then his contribution is nearly meaningless.

Chapter 11: How to Communicate Difficult Feelings

When we are upset, disappointed or angry then it is difficult to communicate lovingly. Men
may use anger, ego to avoid feelings of pain. Constructive communication is a learned skill.
Communication works best if it presents the full picture. Writing our feelings down is
excellent for expressing our negative emotions in a controlled manner. When men become
upset, they tend to become judgemental of women and womens feelings. When he feels a
negative feelings, it is especially difficult for him to speak in a caring, understanding and
respectful way. He doesnt realize how hurtful his negative attitude is to her. One of the best
way to communicate in more loving fashion is to use the love letter technique. Through
writing out your feelings in a particular manner, the negative emotions automatically
decrease and positive emotions increase. Love letter help to express feelings of anger,
sadness and then love. This letter helps you to fully understand your feelings. As a result of
understanding all your feelings you will then able to communicate to your partner in a more
loving way.

Chapter 12: How to Ask for Support and Get It

Women make mistake of thinking they dont have to ask for support because they feel need
of others and give whatever they can, they expect men to do the same. When a women is in
love, she offer her love. In the beginning of the relationship, if a women doesnt get the
support, then she assume that he is not giving because he has nothing more to give. She
lovingly continue to give. He doesnt realize she is expecting him to give back. He thinks that
if she needed she would stop giving. But she want more but also expect him to offer his
support without being asked. If a women is not asking for support a men assume he is giving
enough.Tips for motivating a men:- Appropriate timing, Non demanding attitude, Be brief,
Use correct wording. It is best to allow a man the freedom to do things in a way and at a time
that works for him. If a man is busy doing something and a woman needs his help on
something else, she should feel free to ask him for help, but be prepared for him to request. If
a man grumbles about a request then he is actually considering it, and the best approach is to
simply wait for him to come to a decision without saying anything further.

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Chapter 13: Keeping the Magic of Love Alive

In relationships, unresolved negative feelings can pop up without warning, and we suddenly
become upset, or sensitive. When this happens to our partners we should encourage them to
work through it, accepting that it may take some time and that they may need support from
outside as well as from ourselves, and do our best to control . Love inevitably changes over
time: the pristine bliss we feel when we first fall in love doesnt last forever, and over time
our personal faults become exposed. But if we stick tight through the ups and downs of life
and each other, then our initial bliss gradually changes into a mature form of love which can
become stronger and fuller with every passing year.

CONCLUSION

men are from mars and women are venus in this book they clearly mention that men and
women are physically and mentally keep good interaction with each other. It could help to
face any kind of problem in our life and it clearly mention that how to handle a several
situation in a proper sense. Men and Women have to sacrifice their thought as much as
possible and they have to spend a time each other very adjustable manner. This book always
help to grow a relationship and it always help to decrease a divorce between married couple.
Men are from mars and women are from venus help to provide suggestion for problem
arising between men and women.

Alternate title for the book:- SucceSSful life about men

and women

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