Revision Summary

To revise my first draft, I went back and read the peer review sheet and looked over my
first draft to see what my peers had to say about my work. They had both said they would like
more explanation on the bullying aspect of my example in order to understand how it changed
my writing style. I had also just wrote that I had sponsors and they asked for me to explain what
is a sponsor is in case the reader did not know. In my first draft I had only added one quote, so I
went back and added the second quote and the two paraphrases from both articles that were
required. After the comma review that we had in class, I reread my essay and went through and
fixed whatever sentences there was where I had used a comma in the wrong way. When I read
through my paper again I also reworded sentences that may have confused the reader a little
bit. I also fixed whatever grammar errors I saw. I tried to connect the quotes and paraphrasing
as much to the examples that I was using about my personal experience to make my reasons
stronger. I fixed my conclusion as well as the first time I wrote it, it was a bit rushed and didnt
make as much sense as it could. After revising my paper I feel as though the revision that I
made real strengthened my paper and that it now makes more sense. I still think there is room
for improvement in grammatically and it did go over 1000 words a little bit but I am happy with
how the revisions made my essay better.
Maria Delacruz
Growth Through Wisdom
Advancing to the next level as a writer has been a long and strenuous journey. Through-
out my academic life, I have had many sponsors that have served to influence my reading and
writing skills. Professor Deborah Brandt describes sponsors as powerful figures who bankroll
events or smooth the way for initiates;(par. 6) similarly, as my sponsors did and continue to do
for me. My skills have had to continuously evolve according to the new American writing sys-
tem in which I am placed. It has been a strenuous journey, facing many challenges as a multilin-
gual student, but throughout the years the progress that I have made is increasingly noticeable.
During my early years I experienced many changes that influenced my reading and writ-
ing skills. I started my education at a school where the population was mainly multilingual and
the students came from similar backgrounds (Mexican culture). Even though most of us had sim-
ilar backgrounds, I was still picked on and bullied by some of the kids in my class. I was bullied
not only for the way I looked but also for the way that I spoke. Spanish was my first language, so
growing up I spoke with a bit of an accent. I went from being an extrovert to an introvert which
led me to read more but I started to write in a more reserved manner. Even after the bullying at
such a young age I experienced a change in my skills once again when I moved from a domi-
nantly Spanish speaking city to a mostly English speaking environment which left me feeling
unsure if my skills were adequate. When I was moved to the new school they automatically
placed me in the ELD program as soon as they saw that I was bilingual. Deborah Brandt states in
her article that the racial group to which you belong not only affects the types of sponsors that
you have, but your testing scores as well.(par.12) I feel that because the school I was attending
saw that I was bilingual they automatically assumed that I would need extra help to do well in
the new school. The testing that they had me do while I was in the ELD program only made me
feel dumb because I felt I did not need the testing as I was performing well in school. I was the
only one that was taken out of my class to take this test. My second grade teacher was the one
that fought to have my taken out of that program because she saw my potential and believed that
I was too smart. She helped raise my confidence as a student and that showed through the scores
that I was receiving in the years that followed.
Once again the start of junior high brought the need to adjust to a new environment that
left me insecure once more. I was fortunate that I had the 6th grade language arts teacher that I
did. I believe that if I had not had her my writing ability would not be where it is today. She chal-
lenged me to read at a higher level and write with more confidence which led to my skills in-
creasing significantly. She not only helped me raise my grades, but my self esteem as well. She
often used constructive criticism, but she never did it in a way in which she left me feeling dumb
or as if my work was not good enough. I went through a similar experience once again with my
8th grade teacher who gave me assignments that made me think and write outside of my comfort
zone. At the time, I did not know what the reasoning behind those assignments were but I now
realize that they were meant to help prepare us for the assignments that were to come in high
school. My sophomore year in high school was the year where my writing skills really peaked
and improved the most. This time it was not my english teacher, but my history teacher that real-
ly pushed me to write in a more personal way in which the audience would be able to interact
with what I was writing. Not only did she help my writing, she also helped to build my self es-
teem which was showcased throughout my writing as I became less reserved and took bigger
chances throughout my assignments.
Now as a college student, I find myself once again trying to adapt to the new demands
that come with writing at a college level because my parents do not know what is expected of
you. Being a first generation college student I feel as though I am going through this transition
alone. As stated in Multilingual Students and College Writing: What is a multilingual Writer?,
the language [youre] familiar with has ways of organizing and presenting information in writ-
ing that are different from typical American college-level writing. (par. 3) I feel as though this
relates to the trouble that I have while I write a paper because at times when I am trying to ex-
plain something, I want to use my Spanish slang. This has always been an issue that I have had
but, entering college it has been making me more anxious because I feel as though I have to
prove myself even more. I am definitely trying my best to adjust to the more formal and profes-
sional way of writing, but I still feel as if the skills I have now are not good enough. Dana Ferris
assures multilingual writers in her article that although multilingual students have hardships writ-
ing, they also posses any strengths that can help them academically. (par. 2) Learning how to
manage my time and accommodate to a more demanding schedule and adjust to how long it
takes to write a good paper at a higher level is hard because I am used to only writing a paper
once, editing it and turning it in. Although I do feel as if the new environment is challenging and
more demanding than what I am used to, I come back to my roots in not feeling the burdensome
stereotype that prevented me from putting my own touch into my writing because I am no longer
one of the only bilingual students in the class.
Although my academic journey has been a rollercoaster, I have had many sponsors that
have encouraged me to not only grow as a reader and a writer but as a person as well. Without
these sponsors I highly doubt I would have progressed to be the writer I am today. They have re-
ally taken the time to help me learn and become more confident in my abilities. Although I have
not always been proud to be a multilingual student I now realize that being bilingual will not
only be helpful for me professionally, but I can use the skills I have acquired to become a better
student as well.