Stanier 1

Caleigh Stanier

Ms. Basile

English 9

13 September 2017

Fear, Fire, and Friends

As little kid, everything is perfect and safe. Cars are fun, they cant hurt you - the only

thing bad about them is that you had to sit in them for a long time. Many years later, as my

invincible little self started 8th grade, I realized that a little fear is necessary for survival.

As the August days melted into September, along came school and my favorite weather - Commented [1]: Lovely detail

the kind where you need to wear a jacket in the morning, but by the end of the day youre

sweating. The leaves began to turn I as I met a new friend - Ana. She was fabulous and Commented [2]: Confusing...revise the wording of this
to improve clarity.
confident, and I really wanted to get to know her.

To my delight, Ana asked me if I want to go to her family's vacation house on Llake

Okoboji, Its a couple hours' drive away, for the weekend, she explained. I still didnt know her Commented [3]: Comma Splice

very well, but excitement outweighed my nerves by a long shot. The trip was all I could think

about for the whole week. My family goes to upstate New York during the summers, and I love Commented [4]: Cap

all things lake: tubing, waterskiing, fishing - the list goes on and on. In other words, I just

couldnt wait.

About a half an hour into the drive, darkness had long since enveloped the highway. The

headlights of the white suburban just barely illuminated the Uhaul truck ahead of us. Ana and I

are totally tuned out from our pitch black concrete and cornfield surroundings because we are

watching the Happy Feet love story unfold on the fold down tv in the car. The movie is getting

quite fiery (or should I say icy) up in the arctic. Commented [5]: You use both present tense and past
tense in this paragraph.
 Stanier 2

Still totally tuned into the movie, I realize it is getting very fiery - there seem to be flames

all around us. My eyes snap out of their movie- and-darkness induced glaze.

Why is the road on fire? I say, - finally realizing the heat of the situation. Commented [6]: You're using a hyphen (-) instead of a
dash (--). Dashes are great, and you're not using them
badly, but I encourage you to use them sparingly to
Oh my god! exclaims Anas dad. He swerves the wheel around, but there is no place to increase their impact.

go. W - we end up sideways on the exit of an empty highway with an inferno in front of us.

"Whoa - what -!" Ana and I stutter. W - we couldnt find any words at the moment to

describe what we were seeing through the windshield. The U- Haul, on its side, enveloped in

flames, is illuminating the night from its precarious position 50 meters ahead of us under the

highway overpass. There are Nnascar like skid marks to our left and right, blazing red and

orange with flickering flames. It feels like a dream - I cant gather my thoughts to do anything

useful. We just sit there in the car, gaping, in shock. Commented [7]: You've incorporated ACTION,
DIALOGUE, DESCRIPTION, and
THOUGHTS/FEELINGS all together in this paragraph.
"Call 911. ," Anas dad has the sense to say., You guys stay here. Anas dad has the Nicely done!

sense to say as he gets out of the car to scope it out. Because the nascar streaks have dissipated,

we dont stop him.

Now Ana and I are left sitting there in the backseat, watching this uhaul inferno 50

metres ahead of us. As the flames grasp hungrily at the metal I realize the terrible reality,; Commented [8]: Nice

"There's a person in there."

I know, but theres nothing we can do, says Ana.

Yes, I thought, there's nothing we can do. There is a person in there, burning alive right

now - and theres nothing we can do. What about his family, his friends...

As I spiraled down the worst thoughts you could imagine, people were lining up behind us on

the exit ramp. Cars were stopped, and Ana's dad was huddled with some other adults watching

the fire helplessly. T - the ambulance couldn't get through because of the giant line of cars.
 Stanier 3

Thankfully, they inched their way along the off ramp to the scene of the disaster.

It's a little hazy, but I remember people, police officers asking questions.

"It was 50 meters ahead of us- it just burst into flame- is the guy ok?" Ana and I seemed

to say over and over again. Even the ambulance couldnt do anything until the gas had stopped

exploding. I recognized the feeling of exhaustion that set in, but I learned a new feeling that

night: - helplessness.

Somehow, the fire died down and we were able to keep driving along to our not- so-

uneventful lake vacation. It was a blast, considering its shaky start. We temporarily forgot about

everything to focus on tubing and fishing, jetskis and cinnamon rolls.

I heard that the guy got out- that they found him walking around along the side of the

road. I hope with all my heart that is what happened, because I dont think I could handle any

other outcome.

It is a strong bond to share with someone, - having experienced two2 hours of fiery uhaul

visions and moral trauma. I think I'm better friends with Ana for that. Also, I am more respectful

and fearful of cars now too. Loud honks and swerving tires make my heart race a more than

before. I will never forget that dreamy sense of security I had from watching the accident from

inside a vehicle, - like I was almost invincible. I took away two very valuable things that night-

fear and a friend.