The Reencounter

The Reencounter
IOANNIS ANGELOS
Copyright 2011 Ioannis Angelos All rights reser e!" IS#N$ 1%&'2'%'() IS#N*1+$ ,&(*1%&'2'%'(&
Oh Archangel Michael, may your Force guide us when we are ready to open the door with our hand trembling on the handle May You show us the next room in the labyrinth of life when we are looking at the open door of opportunity with fear May You use your sword to let our shell die and free the butterfly that is sleeping inside it
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Ta-le o. Contents
Table of Contents..............................5 .......................................................6 Acknowledgements............................7 Preface...........................................10 Prologue.........................................12 Part I: T e earl! !ears 16"7 # 170". . .1$ Part II: T e s%r&ng............................$5 II. !he meaning of tra"el......................#$ II.% !he art of finding.............................&' II.( !he balance of walking....................'& II.# !he Other.........................................)* II.& !he absence of time........................+% Part III: T e summer........................'" III. I was normal.................................. ** III.% !he encounter............................... *' III.( !he flow of energy........................ # III.# !he "ision of reality....................... %( III.& ,o"e and marriage........................ (# III.' !he moment of choice.................. () III.$ !he drama..................................... #% III.) !he school of sorrow..................... #+ III.+ !he elephant................................. &) III. * !he path of pleasure................... '# III. !he choice comes back............... $( III. % !he glass world........................... $$ Part I(: T e autumn.......................1"$ I-. !he moment of the ,ucifer........... )' I-.% !he loss of the opportunity........... +) I-.( !he path of confusion...................%*+
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I-.# !he return.....................................%%* I-.& !he parents...................................%%& I-.' !he labyrinth of life.......................%%+ Part (: T e w&nter..........................2$0 -. !he .hallenge................................%#% -.% !o be or to become........................%& -.( !he beggar of lo"e.........................%'( -.# /epeat and rewind.........................%$% -.& !he /eencounter...........................%$) -.' !he end of the winter....................%+ Part (I: T e later !ears 1710 ) 17202'' -I. !he awakening.............................%++ -I.% !he "oice of !ruth.........................( ( -I.( !he boomerang re"ealed..............(%% -I.# !he 0nd.........................................(%)
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Ac/no0le!ge1ents
I 0oul! li/e to than/ e ery-o!y 0ho consciously or unconsciously contri-ute! to the creation o. this -oo/$ 2eople 0ho crosse! 1y path !uring the one year that I 0as authoring the -oo/ an! ga e 1e the ans0ers to the 3uestions I ha! in 1y 1in!" Gi.te! hu1ans li/e the #u!!hist 1on/ 4enera-le #hi//hu Sanghasena5 0ho li es in the 6i1alayan Range in the In!ian state o. La!a/h an! 0hose 0or!s can -e .oun! in arious places o. this -oo/" Or the 0or!s o. the priest o. the Ortho!o7 1onastery o. Archangel 8ichael in Sy1i5 0ho inspire! 1e the para-le o. 9esus 0al/ing on the 0ater5 0ithout /no0ing that at the ti1e o. his e ening preaching he 0as contri-uting to this -oo/" An! o. course I 0oul! li/e to than/ people 0ho consciously helpe! the enhance1ents in the .inal 1anuscript 0ith their constructi e criti3ue5 li/e 8elissa Georgiou .or her co11ents a-out gra11ar an! 0or!ing an! 8anolis 8anolessos together 0ith Christos :ary!is .or their co11ents a-out history an! culture" I 0oul! also li/e to than/ :atrina 9ohanson .or her inspiration creating the co er o. this -oo/" A-o e all I .eel honore! to ha e ha! 9ean Charity scrutinising 1y te7t .or lingual 1ista/es" This 0or/ has -een her .inal re ie0 -e.ore she 0as .orce! to retire !ue to health reasons an! this strengthene! 1y -elie. that she 0as 1eant to -e part o. this -oo/ an! that her contri-utions 0ere 1eant to -e i1printe! in the pages that .ollo0
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;inally5 I 0oul! li/e to than/ the Source o. e ery inspiration on this planet5 0hose 0or!s an! !ee!s co1e through the 1outh an! actions o. hu1-le hu1ans5 li/e the ones 1entione! a-o e an! 1e5 all o. us e7pressing 6is 0ill"
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2re.ace
8i/haela5 a young girl in her t0enties5 li es in the -eginning o. the 1( th century in the .ortress o. 8al asia" Locate! in the pro ince o. 8orea in southern Greece5 it is no0 /no0n as the to0n o. 8one1 asia" <uring the years 1=,0 to 1&1' 8al asia is again un!er 4enetian ruling .or the secon! ti1e in its history" >n!er the secon! 4enetian ruling5 8al asia is .loo!e! 0ith ne0 people an! 1o!ern i!eas that co1e .ro1 the lea!er o. the Italian Renaissance" Along 0ith these people Alessio5 a young 1an .ro1 4enice5 is appointe! to 0or/ in the 1agistrate o. 8al asia5 0hich is un!er the !irect co11an!1ent o. the <oge o. 4enice"
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2rologue
An! there I 0as .ace! again 0ith the Truth" Again the choice ca1e -ac/ to 1e? again I reali@e! I ha! thro0n a0ay the -oo1erang only to 0atch it return5 hitting 1e 0ith e en greater .orce" Al0ays5 the 1ore po0er I 0oul! use to thro0 it into the air5 the .urther a0ay it 0oul! .ly5 the 1ore ti1e it 0oul! gi e 1e to -reathe5 to ha e a li.e again5 to create 1y illusion an! li e in it" To get a little -it o. happiness5 Aoy5 tran3uility5 li/e 1y parents 0ere al0ays telling 1e5 li/e all nor1al people are suppose! to -e li ing" An! su!!enly5 right 0hen I 0oul! least e7pect it5 this -ent piece o. 0oo! 0oul! return5 hitting 1e on the .orehea! 0ith un-eara-le .orce5 causing 1e to -lee! an! to hurt5 using the sa1e .orce I ga e it 0hen I thre0 it out in the air" Alessio use! to say$ BIt is your o0n /ar1a" Chat is put aroun! in the 0heel o. li.e5 co1es aroun!" Dour actions al0ays return"E An! here I 0as again5 hol!ing the sa1e -ent piece o. 0oo!5 seeing again the sa1e ol! story5 -lee!ing again5 in e er greater pain5 again .ace! 0ith the choice5 this pain.ul !ecision that .orces 1e to -e the /iller5 the assassinator o. the non*chosen" An! again I 0oul! -e te1pte! .ro1 the sa1e option$ To thro0 this -oo1erang a0ay5 0ith all 1y .orce5 so .ar5 hoping that it 0oul! ne er return or that it 0oul! return so late that I 0oul! -e !ea!5 alrea!y lost into the eternal5 0here choice !oes not e7ist5 0here the coach 1o es
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-y itsel. an! you are the passenger enAoying the scenery" The choice not to choose5 the right to ha e so1e 1ore ti1e5 the hope that so1ething 0oul! happen5 so1eone 0oul! help an! the !ecision 0oul! not -e 1ine any1ore5 so1ething or so1eone else 0oul! choose .or 1e" Alessio 0as telling 1e$ BThe 0rong !ecision is -etter than the non*!ecision" >lti1ately5 the ri er 0ill .lo0 into the sea? there is no other !estination" Dou can only !elay it" The only 0ay to -e sure .or the correct !ecision is to ta/e the 0rong oneE" #ut no 1atter 0hat he sai!5 I 0as al0ays thro0ing a0ay the -oo1erang 0ith all 1y .orce5 in an illusion that I 0as sa.e" #ut no0 I /no0$ It shall al0ays return5 0oun! 1e 0ith the .orce I ga e it5 no0 I /no05 the !ecision shall -e 1a!e" 1eep inside Mikhaela knew what was right for her. 2ut if only there were no other factors. If only there was one decision simply right, and one simply wrong. 2ut there was not. 3he knew that the one defining right and wrong was only herself. Or better put4 !he feelings she would get after her decision was made final. !he feelings of an assassinator standing in front of a dead body, knowing that there is no way of undoing the act. 3he cried. 5o she didn6t want to be the killer. Once again, she didn6t want to decide. 7ith the boomerang in her hand she felt once again weak.
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2art I$ The early years 1=(& * 1&0(

I 0as once a si1ple person" Li/e e eryone else5 I too ha! a routine" ;irst it 0as school then it 0as 0or/" I1portant 0as that so1ething ha! to occupy 1y !ay an! this so1ething shoul! -ring Aoy an! shoul! -e appro e! -y the others5 the people I respecte!5 1y .a1ily an! 1y .rien!s" 2eople hearing 1y li.e story 0oul! thin/ that I 0as a si1ple person too5 so1e-o!y nor1al that 0as trying .or her -est an! the -est o. society" <ays 0oul! pass5 1onths 0oul! go an! I 0oul! -e loo/ing at 1y li.e5 astonishe! -y ho0 .ast ti1e goes -y5 -ringing -oth -eauti.ul an! tough 1o1ents" Li/e 1ost o. 1y .rien!s5 I 0oul! rarely use e7cla1ations5 such as Ba1a@ingE or B.a-ulousE5 neither 0oul! I use negati e e7pressions5 li/e B!epressingE or B!e astatingE" 8e!iocrity 0oul! rule 1y .eelings an! e7pressions" BNoE 0as not part o. 1y !ictionary" I 0oul! pre.er a te1porary !issatis.action o. 1ysel.5 1ay-e a little suppression o. 1y e1otions5 in or!er to see others an! especially 1y .a1ily to -e happy" I 0as not sel.ish" E en i. 1y li.e 0as happy5 I 0oul! say5 I coul! .eel that so1ething 0as 1issing" Thus I starte! co1-ining this Bso1ethingE 0ith nee!s" I .irst nee!e! to gro0 up5 -ut 0hen I gre0 up I .oun! out that this 0as not it" I then
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nee!e! to go to school an! 1eet ne0 .rien!s5 -ut 0hen I 0ent to school an! 1et the1 I reali@e! that this 0as not it" Then I nee!e! to .inish school5 then to .in! a partner5 then to occupy 1ysel. 0ith 0or/5 then to -eco1e in!epen!ent an! plan to get 1arrie!" Once a nee! 0oul! anish5 a ne0 one 0oul! appear" E en i. I ha! to 0ait a lot F or at least this is ho0 I 0as Au!ging it F li.e 0as generous enough 0ith 1e an! 1y 0ish 0oul! generally reali@e5 e en i. so1eti1es not .ully F or at least this is 0hat I 0oul! say" #ut still I coul! .eel that so1ething 0as 1issing" Then I starte! co1plaining a-out 1y surroun!ings" I. li.e 0oul! not -ring 0hat 0as 1issing5 I 0oul! easily accuse so1e-o!y else" So1eti1es 1y -oy.rien! 0oul! not un!erstan! 1e5 so I 0oul! 0ish to change hi1" So1eti1es 1y !aily tas/s 0ere too -oring5 so I 0oul! loo/ .or so1ething 1ore spar/ling" So1eti1es 1y house5 1y ol! .urniture5 so1eti1es 1y .rien!s 0oul! cheat5 so1eti1es 1y .ather 0as too strict5 so1eti1es 1y to0n 0as too s1all" Al0ays in the 1o1ents o. silence5 0hen I coul! .eel that so1ething 0as 1issing5 I 0as trying to attach it to so1ething else in or!er to e7plain it" #ut this so1ething else 0as stea!ily shi.ting as I 0oul! a! ance through li.e an! ta/e actions on 1y co1plaints" The 1ost satis.actory5 an! at the sa1e ti1e !ecei ing solution I .oun! 0as !oing" <oing 1y ho1e0or/5 !oing 1y 0or/5 !oing a change in 1y roo15 !oing the !aily house cleaning at ho1e5 a continuous !oing in or!er to .ill in the gap an! /eep 1ysel. -usy" I .oun! out that -y
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!oing so1ething I 0as getting satis.action5 an! -y not !oing I 0as thin/ing that I 0as losing 1y ti1e5 .eeling that so1ething 0as 1issing" The others 0oul! praise 1y !oing" They 0oul! say that !oing is pro!ucti e5 it 1a/es us -etter5 it -rings 1oney5 it /eeps us going .or0ar!" Thus I !e elope! ho--ies" I learne! ho0 to /nit5 ho0 to coo/5 I -egan to !ry an! collect .lo0ers5 an! i. I still ha! .ree ti1e5 I 0oul! share it 0ith a lot o. .rien!s5 Aust to -e occupie!5 Aust to a oi! -eing on 1y o0n5 -ore! -y 1ysel.5 reali@e that in the silence so1ething 0as al0ays 1issing5 reali@e that in the silence 1ysel. 0as a-sent" >ntil one !ay 1y sel. ca1e to .in! 1e" 6e ca1e in the .or1 o. a -oy" 6e ca1e unin ite!5 li/e a stor1 in 1y cal1 0aters5 thro0ing lightning in 1y !ar/ness" An! there I sa0 0hat 0as 1issing$ a 0hole ne0 0orl!5 a hi!!en para!ise that 0as un eile! -y the .lash o. the lightning an! anishe! in !ar/ness right a.ter it" Li/e an illusion5 li/e a !rea1 that I 0as sure I ha! li e!5 a !rea1 that I /ne0 0as reality itsel." The stor1 passe! an! a.ter it5 e erything loo/e! nor1al again" #ut I 0as not nor1al any 1ore" That innocent little girl5 al0ays see/ing an! al0ays !issatis.ie! 0as 0ashe! a0ay too" A 0hole ne0 li.e -egan5 a li.e !e ote! not to spen!ing it5 -ut to gaining it" I 0oul! e1pty the .ull an! in e1ptiness I 0oul! .in! .ul.ill1ent" 6a ing seen the light I !e ote! 1y li.e to .in! the light again" #ut this ti1e I /ne0 0here to loo/ .or it" <uring the stor1 I ha! seen that the !ar/ness resi!e! insi!e 1ysel.5 along 0ith hi15 along 0ith 0hat
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0as 1issing5 along 0ith the .allen para!ise5 the uni erse an! at the en!$ Go!"
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#orn Aust t0o !ays -e.ore the en! o. 1=(& in Sparta5 once a city .a1ous .or its -ra e 0arriors5 I spent the 1ost i1portant years o. 1y early chil!hoo! li ing alone 0ith 1y gran!1other" Although I 1isse! 1y parents5 I ha! !e elope! so1e /in! o. anesthesia that allo0e! 1e to play happily together 0ith the other chil!ren 0ithout thin/ing too 1uch o. the .a1ily I 0as longing" 8y parents ha! le.t Sparta at 1y age o. three5 together 0ith 1y t0o el!er sisters in search o. a -etter .ortune in the near-y to0n o. 8al asia" 6o0e er5 their .inancial situation !i! not allo0 the1 to ta/e the youngest 1e1-er o. the .a1ily to 8al asia" So5 I 0as le.t in the caring co1pany o. 1y gran!1other 0ith a pro1ise that I 0oul! Aoin the1 once I gre0 ol!er" E en though 1y gran!1other 0as ol!5 she 0as ta/ing goo! care o. 1e in Sparta? she 0as coo/ing .or 1e5 collecting egeta-les .ro1 the .iel!s5 0or/ing har! to ensure that there 0oul! -e enough .oo! .or -oth o. us" I !e elope! ery 0ar1 .eelings .or her" In her heart5 I 0as the only chil!" It 0as as i. she e7iste! only in or!er to ta/e care o. 1e" E en i. I 1isse! 1y parents an! 1y t0o sisters 0ho .ollo0e! the15 I lo e! 1y gran!1other? she 0as the only person 0ho 0as really close to 1e" ;ro1 ti1e to ti1e I 0on!ere! ho0 li.e 0oul! -e in 8al asia" Although I ha! ne er seen it5 I 0as al0ays hearing glorious stories" 2eople sai! that the 8al asians 0ere as -ra e as the ancient Spartans" Although Sparta ha! lost 1any 0ars in its recent history5 8al asiaGs
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i1pressi e natural .ortress stoo! prou!ly .or centuries an! no ene1y 0as a-le to con3uer it 0ithout signi.icant losses" <uring 1y early chil!hoo! years 1y .a1ily sur i e! through .ierce 0ars in Sparta an! the entire peninsula o. 8orea -et0een the 4enetians an! the Otto1ans" In 1=(' the 4enetian general ;rancisco 8orosini set his .oot on the peninsula an! 0ithin less than a year he 1anage! to out.ight the Otto1ans .ro1 all the cities o. the peninsula5 inclu!ing Sparta" Chen the Otto1ans le.t Sparta5 the Gree/s accepte! a ne0 ruler$ The E1pire o. 4enice" E en though .ree!o1 o. speech an! language returne! to our s1all city5 the 0ar -rought to the region scarcity o. .oo! an! po erty" In 1=(&5 Aust 1onths -e.ore I 0as -orn5 8orosini crosse! the short passage o. Corinth to0ar!s the city o. Athens an! in a short operation he 1anage! to con3uer the once 1ost i1portant city o. Greece5 sacri.icing its 1ost i1portant 1onu1ent$ The 2arthenon" Cith a -o1- that he !irecte! against the holy te1ple5 the t0o thousan! year ol! 1onu1ent 0as le.t in ruins" Only one to0n 0ithstoo! the 0rath o. this .erocious 0arrior$ 8al asia" 8al asia 0as a legen! in the 8e!iterranean" It 0as a huge roc/ .or1ation Autting prou!ly .ro1 the sea 0ith its ele ate! plateau surroun!e! -y sti.. cli..s" Only one s1all passage o. lan! connecte! the roc/ 0ith the 1ainlan!" An! only one s1all path coul! lea! any isitor to the plateau o. the upper to0n an! the castle" The Gree/s calle! this
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roc/ 8one1 asia$ Translate!5 the single passage" 2lace! strategically in the southeastern tip o. 8orea5 it o ersa0 the sea tra..ic o. the Aegean Sea" A.ter an al1ost three year siege5 the 4enetians reali@e! that it 0as practically i1possi-le to con3uer this ele ate! peninsular plateau" There.ore they con ince! the inha-itants to open the seale! gates o. their castle -y o..ering religious an! .inancial in!epen!ence5 i. 8al asia Aoine! the repu-lic o. 4enice" Thus5 .or the secon! ti1e in its history5 8al asia agree! to -e go erne! -y the <oge o. 4enice$ ;rancisco 8orosini" 4enice ha! -een gro0ing e er since its -irth in the tenth century" The pro!uction o. salt5 a resource a-un!ant in its shallo0 0aters5 ha! !ri en gro0th an! capital in.lo0 to the recently .oun!e! city" The B0hite gol!E 0as an in alua-le asset5 as it 0as the only 1aterial that allo0e! the preser ation o. 1eat an! .ish !uring transport" The tra!e o. salt pro i!e! so 1uch 1oney to the city that 4enice 3uic/ly -eca1e an e1pire5 o erpo0ering cities 0ith long history li/e Ro1e5 ;lorence an! 8ilan" Soon a.ter 8al asia agree! to Aoin the 4enetian E1pire5 it -eca1e an i1portant no!e o. tra!e -et0een the Eastern an! the Cestern 0orl!" Tra!ing con oys .ro1 the East 0oul! 1oor to the har-or o. 8al asia -e.ore continuing their Aourney to 4enice" The art 1o e1ent starte! gro0ing again in the city 0ith 1any artists isiting 8al asia to paint its i1posing ele ate! plateau5 its s1all alleys an! the 1ansions stan!ing on its top 0ith their .lags .lattering on their colossal to0ers"
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The shi.t o. po0er .ro1 the Isla1ic Otto1an E1pire to the lea!er o. the Renaissance ha! opene! the 0ay .ro1 suppression to lo e an! .ro1 protectionis1 to .ree!o1 o. e7pression" Tra el e1erge! 0ith art an! tra!e an! 8al asia 3uic/ly -eca1e the ho1e o. in!epen!ent thin/ing an! religious tolerance" 2eople along 0ith pro!ucts o. the entire ci ili@e! 0orl! 0ere passing through its -usy port on their 0ay -et0een the Cest an! the East" Also5 the short one*!ay route -et0een Sparta an! 8al asia ha! le! 1any Spartans to 1igrate to the .lourishing .ort o. 8al asia an! -et0een the15 1y parents" E en though 8al asia 0as not .ar a0ay .ro1 Sparta5 1y parents rarely isite! us" They ha! their peace o. 1in!5 /no0ing that I 0as in goo! han!s" An! I 0as" 8y gran!1other ha! .ully ta/en the role o. 1y parents" In 1y heart she 0as li/e 1y 1other" #ut I also /ept an e1pty space .or 1y parents" A placehol!er that 0oul! -e .ille! in once I 0oul! 1igrate to 8al asia too5 /eeping 1y gran!1other un1o e! at her position in 1y heart an! 1y parents ne7t to her5 -ut ne er replacing her" I !i! not /no0 i. 1igrating to 8al asia 0oul! -e -etter .or 1e or not" I 1isse! -oth 1y parents an! 1y sisters5 -ut I ha! also 1anage! not to thin/ a-out the1 too 1uch" I 0as 0on!ering$ Coul! it -etter to 1iss the1 or 1iss 1y gran!1otherH Choice 0as not 1a!e .or 1e5 it 0as a pain.ul e7perience to select5 to lea e one option an! go .or the other" In 1y innocent 1in! I conclu!e! that a li.e o. choices 0oul! -e a li.e o. pain" I
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pre.erre! not to choose5 I pre.erre! to accept" Su-consciously this le! to 1y .irst i1portant choice in li.e$ The choice to accept"
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E en i. 0e /no0 that one !ay an en!ing 0ill co1e to e erything5 our 1in! has the ha-it o. ignoring it5 as i. that !ay !oesnGt e7ist" E en i. it coul! 0ell -e the ne7t !ay5 the 1in! cannot percei e it5 unless a nu1-er is attache! to it" A ague5 un/no0n !ate al0ays appears .urther than a certain an! set !ate e en i. in reality it coul! as 0ell -e the ne7t !ay" I .igure! out that the 1in! can only 0or/ 0ith nu1-ers" An! so 0as 1y 1in! .unctioning until 1y age o. se en5 0hen 1y parents appeare! one !ay at our ho1e in Sparta 0ith a -right s1ile on their .ace" I 0oul! 1o e to 8al asiaI ;inally con!itions 0ere appropriate an! I coul! also Aoin the15 along 0ith 1y t0o el!er sisters an! 1y younger sister 0ho 0as -orn 0hile they 0ere there" I coul! go 0ith the15 or -etter put5 I ha! to go 0ith the1" No-o!y as/e! 1e i. I 0ante!5 o. course I 0as a s1all chil!5 so I 0as as/e! to accept rather than to choose" It 0as e7citingI ;inally I 0oul! resi!e 0ith 1y .a1ily5 I 0oul! ha e a 1other an! a .ather? .inally I 0oul! -e a-le to play 0ith 1y sisters" 8y house 0oul! -e .ull o. people" The .orgotten 1e1-er o. the .a1ily .inally re1e1-ere!" I thought a-out 1y gran!1other staying alone -ac/ in Sparta" Loneliness? that is 0hat she 0oul! .eel a.ter I 0oul! lea e" 8y .eelings 0ere 1i7e!" On the one han! I 1isse! 1y parents an! 1y .a1ily5 -ut on the other I lo e! 1y gran!1other !eeply an! I !i!nGt 0ant to lea e" E en i. I 0oul! -e happy in
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8al asia5 she 0oul! ha e lost her only partner$ 1e" I .elt that -y lea ing I 0oul! -e the one guilty .or her loneliness an! !epression" 8y parents staye! .or t0o !ays in our house5 until I 0oul! gather 1y .e0 -elongings in a s1all -ag" This ti1e the .uture ha! a nu1-er" In t0o !ays I 0oul! lea e" These t0o !ays I !i!nGt sleep"
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I still re1e1-er the !ay 0e le.t" I crie! a lot" I !i!nGt 0ant to lea e the hug o. 1y gran!1other" Coul!nGt I ta/e her 0ith 1eH ;ol! her in 1y tra el -agH #ut in a strange 0ay this !ay .elt -etter than the t0o !ays -e.ore" Caiting to -e e7ecute! 1ust -e a lot 1ore torturing than 0al/ing to0ar!s the .ire o. the In3uisition" That !ay 1y .eelings 0ere nu1-5 ti1e stoo! still an! the only persons in the picture 0ere 1e an! 1y gran!1other" 8y senses 0ere gone" I 0as 1o ing in slo0 1otion" 8ay-e -ecause o. that !ay5 in the .uture I 0oul! not only !etest choosing5 -ut I 0oul! also re.use to say goo!-ye" E en .or s1all e ents5 I 0oul! rather say Bsee you soonE or Btal/ to you laterE than saying Bgoo!-yeE" Separating -y e7pressing a pro1ise .or the ter1ination o. the ery action" Chat /in! o. a goo!-ye is thisH Instea! o. closing a !oor I 0oul! pre.er to Aust go an! lea e it open 0ith a pro1ise to step through it again" 8y li.e 0oul! -e .ull o. open !oors an! pro1ises" As I 0as 0al/ing a0ay to0ar!s the carriage coach I /ept 1y hea! turne! to0ar!s the -ac/ 0atching 1y gran!1other 0a ing 1e o.." I a!opte! one 1ore style o. li ing$ To 1o e .orth 0ith 1y hea! turne! to0ar!s the -ac/" To a oi! loo/ing to0ar!s an un.a1iliar .uture" I !e elope! attach1ent"
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<uring the entire trip to 8al asia I /ept on repeating this 1o1ent" 8e5 hol!ing the han! o. 1y .ather5 0al/ing a0ay .ro1 Sparta5 loo/ing o er 1y le.t shoul!er an! 1y gran!1other at the !oor5 Aust loo/ing at 1e going a0ay" She 0as stan!ing still5 1o ing her lips as i. she 0as trying to say so1ething5 or -etter put5 as i. she 0as 0hispering so1ething to hersel." She 0as 1ore than a gran!1other to 1e" She 0as 1y -est .rien!? e en i. 0e !i!nGt tal/ so 1uch5 0e 0ere /eeping co1pany to each other" At the 1o1ent o. separation5 I 0as 0atching her getting lost in the !istance" The trip .ro1 Sparta to 8al asia 0as a short one*!ay trip -y carriage coach" Since Sparta !i! not ha e access to the sea5 carriage coaches 0ere .re3uently transporting goo!s an! passengers .ro1 the ports o. 8orea5 a1ong the1 8al asia" #ut e en 0ith the trip lasting one !ay only5 it see1e! tiring an! long to 1e" An entire !ay that ha! to -e li e! in or!er to 1a/e 1y .irst signi.icant change in li.e" A tasteless ti1e -et0een the past an! the .uture that 0as passing -y slo0ly" A la/e a.ter the 0ater.all that I ha! to cross -e.ore the ri er coul! resu1e its .lo0 at the en! o. it" I. only I coul! sleep no0 an! 0a/e up at the en! o. this trip" 2atience 0as not 1y chil!hoo! gi.t"
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In the early 1orning 0e 0o/e up insi!e the coach that ha! stoppe! near the shore to o ernight" 8al asia close! its entrance a.ter !ar/ to pre ent pirates an! thie es .ro1 entering the city an! so 0e ha! to stay outsi!e an! enter in the 1orning" 6earing the 0a es o. the sea5 I steppe! outsi!e o. the coach" The ie0 0as stunning" ;or the .irst ti1e in 1y li.e I 0as seeing such a 1agni.icent creation o. Go!" A huge roc/ .or1ation rising .ro1 insi!e the sea5 Aust a .e0 hun!re! 1eters .ro1 the .lat 1ainlan!" I stoo! an! ga@e! at the ie0" The sea 0as tran3uil" S1all 0a es 0ere cruising on its sur.ace approaching the coast" 6a ing li e! through all 1y chil!hoo! in Sparta it 0as the .irst ti1e I coul! 0atch the sea" I .elt as i. these s1all 0a es continue! their Aourney -eyon! the coast insi!e 1y heart5 cleansing 1e to an inner serenity" Such a 0on!er.ul an! cal1 .eelingI 8y .ather than/e! the !ri er5 pac/e! our -elongings .ast an! 0e got prepare! .or the short 0al/ up the hill" 8y .ather 0as a han!so1e young 1an" #eing in cra.ts1anship5 he 0as ery 1uscular5 capa-le o. protecting all his .i e 0o1en in his li.e$ 1y 1other5 1y three sisters an! 1e" 6e 0as a 0on!er.ul 1an5 so1eti1es ery !irect an! co11an!ing5 -ut al0ays right an! ai1ing to our 0ell*-eing" In .act he ha! !e ote! his li.e to our 0ell* -eing" E en i. I 1isse! hi1 so 1uch ti1e apart5 no0 that I 0as stan!ing ne7t to hi1 I 0as .eeling protecte!? it 0as this security that
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I 0as 1issing !uring 1y stay in Sparta" Cal/ing ne7t to hi15 it .elt as i. e erything 0ent -ac/ to nor1al5 as i. 0e ha! al0ays -een li ing together" Soon 0e starte! cli1-ing up the roa! lea!ing to the 1ain entrance" As I 0as 0al/ing up I ga@e! at the cli.. o er 1y hea!" This .ortress shoul! ha e -een i11une .ro1 any threat" No-o!y 0oul! -e a-le to cli1- this sti.. cli.. an! enter the city 0ithout using its one an! only 0al/a-le path5 the path to the 1ain entrance" I thought that Go! 0as un.air" The Spartans ha! to !e elop the 1ost e..icient 0ar 1achine o. the ancient 0orl! to !e.en! the1sel es5 0hereas 8al asians only nee!e! to enAoy the natural gi.t o. Go!" Chen 0e entere! the 1ain gate I .elt a s1ooth -ree@e o. 4enetian air" So1e people 0ere s1iling5 so1e singing5 so1e 0al/ing in pairs" E eryone see1e! to enAoy li.e an! 0or/ in an unusual5 rela7e! 0ay" In this city I 0oul! li e through a!olescence5 in its narro0 streets I 0oul! !isco er lo e an! 0ith lo e I 0oul! !isco er 1ysel." Stan!ing in .ront o. 1y house I 0elco1e! a ne0 li.e" Although 1y gran!1other 0as still stan!ing at her !oor in 1y 1in!5 this alrea!y -elonge! to the past" I 1isse! her" I ha! Aust 1a!e a huge change in 1y li.e an! i. changes 0ere li/e this5 I pre.erre! not to ha e the1" E en i. I coul! see a ne0 era in 1y li.e5 I 0oul! pre.er a sa.e an! .a1iliar 0orl!" The i1age o. 1y gran!1other stan!ing at the !oor 0as alrea!y i1printe! in 1y 1in!" Right outsi!e 1y ne0 house5 1y hea! instincti ely turne!
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o er 1y le.t shoul!er" She 0as not there any1ore"
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The !ays in 8al asia .lo0e! li/e a gentle strea1" The city see1e! to resi!e in a 0orl! o. its o0n5 li/e an islan! in the ocean5 0here nothing else e7ists outsi!e o. its narro0 -or!ers" #oats 0ere entering an! lea ing its -usy port5 appearing an! !isappearing in the hori@on as i. they 0ere sailing to0ar!s a !istant no0here" 8y li.e an! 1y thoughts 0ere resi!ing in this s1all piece o. lan!" I rarely thought a-out 1y li.e in Sparta any1ore5 neither !i! I .eel that I 0ante! to" This islan! ha! -eco1e 1y ne0 0orl! an! I 0as content that this 0orl! inclu!e! 1y sisters5 1y parents an! 1y ne0 .rien!s" I 0as spen!ing 1y !ays .ree o. 0orries5 playing aroun! the 1ain cathe!ral on the central s3uare o. the lo0er to0n" The roc/ o. 8al asia hoste! t0o to0ns an! t0o !i..erent 0orl!s5 the upper an! the lo0er to0n" The upper to0n 0as the ho1e o. the no-le co11unity o. 8al asia5 0hich 0as not s1all" A lot o. 0ealthy 1erchants an! lan!o0ners ha! chosen this .ortress .or their ho1e5 since it 0as the sa.est place against the pirates" Ne er ha! the pirates 1anage! to cross its single passage to the upper to0n5 0hich 0oul! re1ain close! an! 0ell guar!e! !uring the night" The upper to0n loo/e! 1agni.icent .ro1 the sea" Its 0estern si!e hoste! the castle an! on the eastern si!e stoo! the 1ansions o. the rich 0ith their tall to0ers e7ten!ing into the s/y5 loo/ing li/e palaces on their o0n" On the eastern -rin/ o. the upper to0n5 on the e!ge
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o. the cli..5 the church o. 8a!onna !el Car1ine 0as o erloo/ing the 8e!iterranean" This 0as the church that the rich people 0oul! isit" It 0as 1y .a orite spot o. the upper to0n too" Sitting on the outer yar! o. the church5 I 0as conte1plating the entire Aegean Sea5 i1agining its countless islan!s" So1eti1es I 0oul! 0a/e up early an! go there to see the sunrise an! the -oats lea ing in the 1orning as soon as the .irst rays o. sun appeare!" Li/e 1ost co11on people5 I too li e! in the lo0er to0n o. 8al asia" Its -usy har-or hoste! -oats .ro1 all o er the 8e!iterranean that !oc/e! either to o ernight or to sell their 1erchan!ise in the 1ar/et" So1eti1es I 0as going there to loo/ at all these !i..erent people5 trying to recogni@e 0here they 0ere co1ing .ro1 an! 0hat language they 0ere spea/ing" Tra elers .ro1 4enice an! Naples5 1erchants .ro1 Ale7an!ria an! Tripoli5 sailors .ro1 Constantinople5 an! tra!ers .ro1 <a1ascus an! 9erusale15 all 0oul! 1i7 into this har-or so1eho0 1anaging to co11unicate5 sell their goo!s5 an! enAoy so1e local .oo! an! 0ine -e.ore going -ac/ to the sea" In the heart o. the lo0er to0n the central s3uare 0as the 1eeting point o. 8al asians5 !resse! .or1ally to ta/e their 1orning 0al/ an! isit the 1ar/et o. the -usy co11ercial street that 0as e7ten!ing .ro1 the central s3uare to the 1ain entrance o. the to0n" The 1ain cathe!ral o. 9esus stan!ing on the one si!e o. the central s3uare 0as isite! -y the 1aAority o. the inha-itants o. the lo0er to0n !uring the Sun!ay 1ass" Ne7t to it the chapel
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o. St" 9ohn ser e! 1ainly .or s1aller cere1onies" In the e enings 0e 0oul! sit 0ith 1y girl.rien!s at the southern e!ge o. the s3uare5 0hich ha! a 1agni.icent ele ate! ie0 to the Aegean Sea" Sitting there 0e 0ere 1ostly !iscussing a-out the young -oys so1eti1es loo/ing at us out o. the corner o. their eyes5 as i. 0e 0oul! not -e a-le to notice their interest" #oys 0ere the central topic o. !iscussion 0ith 1y .rien!s" I ha! 1any 0ishes an! !rea1s in 1y hea! an! a han!so1e -oy 0oul! al0ays acco1pany 1e insi!e the1" I 0oul! ne er -uil! a !rea1 0here I 0as the only participant an! e en though 1y !rea1s 0oul! re1ain roughly the sa1e5 the co1panions 0oul! change as o.ten as the seasons" #ut e erything 0as create! an! li e! insi!e 1y 1in!5 so1eti1es lea ing its -or!ers to -e share! 0ith 1y close .rien!s5 -ut ne er 0ith 1y parents an! sisters" E en i. the upper to0n 0as al0ays o erloo/ing us5 0e 0oul! rarely isit it" It see1e! as i. 0e 0ere not 0elco1e there5 e en i. that 0as not er-ally e7presse!" I 0as a girl o. the lo0er to0n an! I 0as prou! o. it" I 0as playing only 0ith chil!ren o. the lo0er to0n5 not -ecause o. pre.erence5 -ut -ecause the chil!ren o. the upper to0n see1e! so !istant5 e en -eing really ery close" Also the -oys o. the upper to0n 0oul! not attract 1e so 1uch" To 1y eyes they 0ere too close! into the1sel es an! I 0oul! not e en try to approach the1" To 1e they 0ere !istant5 -ut 1ay-e to the1 I 0as !istant too"
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E en i. in reality I 0as .ro1 Sparta5 I .elt 8al asia as 1y ho1e" The i-rant co11ercial street o. the to0n ha! 1erchan!ise .ro1 all aroun! the 0orl!" Rugs .ro1 2ersia5 shishas .ro1 Egypt5 paintings .ro1 Italy5 e en tea .ro1 China an! incense .ro1 In!ia coul! -e .oun! in the countless stores o. this street" Cal/ing aroun! the co11ercial street5 I 0as trying to i1agine the culture o. all those countries an! the li.e in their cities" An! then5 in the a.ternoon5 I 0oul! go to the lighthouse5 on the eastern e!ge o. our islan!5 to stare at the ast sea an! tra el 0ith its 0a es to the 0orl!" 9ust sitting there I 0oul! !rin/ tea in China ser e! -y thin eye! !ar/*haire! la!ies5 I 0oul! stan! in .ront o. the pyra1i!s o. Gi@a .eeling the !ryness o. the !esert5 I 0oul! cruise aroun! 4enice on long gon!olas listening to the songs o. han!so1e gon!oliers" I ha! hear! a lot o. stories a-out 4enice" The sailors 0ere al0ays tal/ing a-out its 0ell* !esigne! syste1 o. canals that ser e! as streets" 4enetians 0ere li ing in houses -uilt literally insi!e the 0ater" ;or 1e it 0as !i..icult to i1agine ho0 people coul! 1o e aroun! in those 0ater canals" Instea! o. horses an! !on/eys they 0oul! ha e gon!olas an! gon!oliers !ri ing these long an! narro0 -oats to transport goo!s an! passengers" They sai! that the gon!oliers 0ere al0ays singing songs in Italian5 greeting the la!ies that appeare! out o. the 0in!o0s to hang their clothes" The la!ies in 4enice ha! a !istinct position in the society" They 0ere treate! e3ually to 1en -oth in the society an! in the la0" There 0ere 1any cases o. 0o1en see/ing Austice in
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the pien collegio5 the appeals court o. 4enice5 an! in the 1aAority o. the cases the court !eci!e! -ase! on testi1onies o. -oth 1en an! 0o1en" E en 1ore i1pressi e 0ere the cases 0here the patriarchal court o. 4enice !eci!e! in .a or o. 0o1en as/ing .or a !i orce .ro1 their hus-an!s !ue to arious reasons such as a!ultery or iolence" In the Otto1an E1pire not e en 0as !i orce not allo0e!5 -ut also the 1en 0ere legally 1arrie! to 1ore than one 0o1an an! 0ere praise! .or -eing iolent to their 0i es" Chat a !i..erent 0orl!" Co1en in 4enice 0ere also treate! e3ually in e!ucation an! 0or/" The irgin un1arrie! la!ies5 the nu-ile5 0ere sent to school since it 0as consi!ere! that the e!ucate! girls 0ere 1ore capa-le o. .in!ing the right 1an .or a success.ul 1arriage" Especially in no-le .a1ilies the pri ate teachers 0ere e!ucating -oth the -rothers an! the sisters insi!e the house" Cor/ 0as also i1portant .or 0o1en 0ithout chil!ren" In a city 0here ninety .i e percent o. the ho1es 0ere rente! -oth the 1an an! the 0o1an ha! to 0or/ .or the couple to -e .inancially in!epen!ent an! a-le to get 1arrie!" #e.ore 1arriage 0o1en 0ere usually helpers in ho1es5 or in so1e cases e en running their o0n -usinesses5 such as tailors5 -a/ers5 Ae0elers5 painters an! .ruit sellers" 8ore e!ucate! 0o1en coul! 0or/ .or the go ern1ent as scri-es an! secretaries" A.ter 1arriage 1ost o. the 0o1en 0or/e! at ho1e /nitting5 spinning5 se0ing5 selling clothes an! .urs5 preparing an! selling -rea! an! cheese in or!er to support their .a1ily inco1e"
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Though the parents 0oul! generally not appro e a 1arriage i. the couple 0as not .inancially in!epen!ent5 there 0ere nu1erous cases o. un1arrie! couples that 0ere 1eeting in the night" The gon!olas playe! a signi.icant role .or these secret encounters" 8ost o. the gon!olas ha! a 0oo!en cha1-er 0here the couple coul! hi!e !uring a ro1antic ri!e across the canals" The gon!oliers 0ere secret 0itnesses o. 1any lo e stories -et0een single or e en 1arrie! 1ates" 8arrie! 0o1en 0ere 1ore .re3uently se!uce! -y single 1en5 since the nu-ile ha! to pro e their irginity on their 0e!!ing night" The 1as/s 0ere playing a /ey role .or these secret encounters" E en i. the <ucal 2alace ha! legislati ely -anne! the usage o. 1as/s on the streets outsi!e the perio! o. the Carni al5 no-o!y see1e! to .ear the tortures i1pose! -y these la0s" In a city 0here the Carni al laste! .or hal. o. the year5 such legislation 0as useless" 8as/s 0ere still use! all year roun! -y the 1aAority o. the 0o1en 0hen they participate! in pu-lic e ents or e en 1eeting their .rien!s at night" No 0on!er that e en gon!oliers 0oul! not -e a-le to na1e the culprits o. a!ultery" #ut 0ho 0as a-le to i1pose legislation in this in!epen!ent repu-licH The <oge5 0ho 0as the electe! go ernor o. 4enice5 0as controlle! -y the council o. ten5 0hich 0as in turn controlle! -y the Great Council o. all no-le people o. 4enice5 nu1-ering 1ore than t0o thousan! 1e1-ers" The <oge 0as only o..icially representing the state5 in practice ho0e er the state 0as go erne! -y the no-le
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1erchants 0ho ha! the .inancial po0er5 li ing in the pala@@i along the Canal Gran!e" The <oge coul! not e en lea e the <ucal 2alace 0ithout the per1ission o. the council" E en i. 8al asia 0as part o. this in!epen!ent repu-lic5 it 0as Aust a s1all to0n co1pare! to the rich an! prosperous 4enice" 6o0e er5 as part o. the 4enetian E1pire 0e 0ere .ollo0ing the repu-licGs legislation an! the !ucal or!ers" A.ter the shi.t o. po0er all the patriarchic regulations o. Isla1 0ere a-an!one! an! the role o. the 0o1an in the house an! the society 0as upgra!e!" E en the .e1inist 1o e1ent o. 4enice ca1e to -e /no0n in our to0n an! the -oo/s o. the .e1inists Lucre@ia 8arinella5 8o!eratta ;onte an! Arcangela Tara-otti 0ere a aila-le in the pu-lic li-rary" Teachers .ro1 4enice ca1e to sta.. the schools an! Latin -eca1e part o. the curriculu1" 8al asia 0as i-rating in the pulse o. 4enice5 luc/ily 0ithout 1as/s" 8y .ather ha! not recei e! .or1al e!ucation5 ho0e er he encourage! all o. us to go to school" An! so 0e !i!" In school 0e learne! to rea! an! 0rite -oth the Gree/ an! the Latin alpha-et" Ce learne! a-out the sciences o. ancient Greece5 philosophy5 astrono1y5 1athe1atics an! geo1etry" As part o. the peace treaty signe! 0ith 4enice 0e 0ere allo0e! to learn an! practice our o0n religion5 so 0e all chose the Christian Ortho!o7 teachings" Ce also learne! a-out !e1ocracy an! the repu-lic political syste1 o. 4enice5 0hich i1presse! 1e 0ith its co1ple7ity an! the le el o. .ree!o1 it pro i!e! to the citi@ens"
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The 1ore I 0oul! learn a-out 4enice5 the 1ore intense 0oul! 1y !esire gro0 to escape .ro1 our s1all .ortress an! 1erge into the e7tra agance o. the e1pireGs capital" I /ne0 o. se eral e7a1ples o. .a1ily .rien!s that ha! a 1e1-er o. their .a1ily sent to 4enice either to 0or/ or stu!y at the uni ersity" I too pro1ise! 1ysel. that one !ay5 0hen I 0oul! .in! the lo e o. 1y li.e5 I 0oul! li e together 0ith hi1 in 4enice"
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It 0as at the en! o. 1y school !ays that I 1et Elias" 6e 0as a tall5 han!so1e an! sporty young 1an" 6is straight loo/ co1-ine! 0ith his capti ating s1ile 0as enough to 1a/e any girl thin/ a-out hi1 .or the rest o. the !ay" Originally .ro1 the near-y to0n o. 8ystras he ha! a !ar/ co1ple7ion that ga e hi1 the appearance o. a 1an5 e en i. he 0as still only a -oy" All the girls in 1y class li/e! Elias" Chen he 0as passing -y on the street 1any girls 0oul! !iscuss 0ith each other a-out hi15 -ut he 0as ne er tal/ing to us5 li/e other -oys trie! to !o" Since our class 0as the only .e1ale class o. 8al asia 0e 0ere the center o. attention 3uite .re3uently" #ut not .or Elias? 0hen he 0as passing -y he 0oul! ne er turn his attention to us" ;ro1 the start I notice! that he 0as !i..erent" It 0as in a s0i11ing co1petition that I .inally 1anage! to tal/ to hi1 .or the .irst ti1e" 8y sisters an! I al0ays li/e! to atten! s0i11ing co1petitions not only to participate in the pu-lic e ents o. 8al asia5 -ut also to o-ser e the han!so1e -oys that 0ere co1peting" I al0ays 0ishe! .or Elias to 0in5 ho0e er I ne er e7presse! it to 1y sisters" There 0as a certain a1ount o. co1petition in the .a1ily an! theyG! -etter not /no0" It 0as 1y secret? e en -e.ore tal/ing to hi15 I ha! .allen in lo e" It ta/es ti1e .or t0o shy people to 1eet an! such 0as the case .or us too" 9ust -e.ore the en! o. 1y school !ays I reali@e! that there
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0as not so 1uch ti1e le.t .or to act" I coul! sense that he 0as intereste!5 -ut also I coul! sense that he 0as reluctant" An! so I .oun! the opportunity to tal/ to hi1 an! ta/e the .irst innocent step" 6o0e er it only too/ little ti1e .or our relationship to -eco1e inti1ate an! -e.ore the school year en!e!5 1y !rea1 ha! co1e true" Ce ha! -oth .allen in lo e"
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Soon I starte! to co1e ho1e later an! spen! less ti1e 0ith 1y .a1ily an! 1y sisters" 8y .ather starte! 3uestioning 1e -ut I al0ays ha! an e7cuse" I /ne0 that he 0oul! not li/e Elias" 6e 0as not .ro1 a 0ealthy .a1ily neither 0as he .ro1 Sparta" 6is .a1ily ha! 1igrate! to 8al asia .ro1 8ystras see/ing .or a -etter .uture5 0hich is Aust 0hat our .a1ily ha! !one too" 6is .ather 0as neither rich nor e!ucate!5 0or/ing in the .iel!s o. the no-les to culti ate egeta-les an! grapes" #ut 1y .ather 0as not a no-le either? he 0as a 1ason 0or/ing in the e7ca ation an! construction o. stones" I !i! not un!erstan! the logic o. 1y .ather" 6e al0ays 0ante! so1ething -etter .or us5 as i. 0e coul! not !eter1ine oursel es 0hat 0as -etter" #ut on the other si!e I coul! gi e right to 1y .ather" I 0as a tall5 thin girl5 alrea!y a 0o1an5 0ith sharp !ar/ eyes an! straight !ar/ hair" I 0as the tallest o. 1y sisters an! 1y .ather 0as al0ays prou! o. 1e" Chene er 1y .a1ily tra ele! to Sparta a lot o. no-le people 0ere pic/ing 1e a1ong 1y sisters5 as/ing .or 1y han!" 8y .ather 0as then arranging a !inner 0ith the ones that he Au!ge! trust0orthy5 so that they coul! co1e into our house an! I coul! 1eet the1" 6o0e er5 to 1y !isappoint1ent5 they 0ere all ol! an! ugly" I .igure! out that to -e no-le an! rich shoul! go together 0ith ha ing a .at -elly an! su..ering .ro1 hair loss" I pre.erre! to !ie poor 0ith Elias than to -e ensla e! to a rich 1on/ey" No5 I !i! not 0ant to -eco1e no-le"
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Soon I starte! loo/ing .or 0or/" It !i! not ta/e long .or 1y .a1ily to .in! out a-out 1y relationship 0ith Elias an! pre ent 1e .ro1 returning late at ho1e" Ce either nee!e! to .in! a ne0 ho1e together an! get 1arrie! or 0e coul! not 1aintain our relationship any 1ore" 8y .ather 0as concerne! a-out 1y irginity" A use! 0o1an 0as consi!ere! 0orthless" #ut I ha! alrea!y !eci!e! that 1y .uture 0as 0ith Elias" An! thus I !i! not 1in! sacri.icing 1y irginity .or hi1" 6e 0as 1y .irst an! only lo e"
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It 0as at 1y age o. t0enty that luc/ ca1e to our si!e an! 1y !rea1s ca1e true" The go ern1ent o..ice o. 4enice in 8al asia announce! that they 0ere loo/ing .or a scri-e to copy go ern1ent !ocu1ents an! o..icial correspon!ence" The 0o1an 0or/ing there got pregnant an! she !eci!e! to lea e the position in or!er to !e!icate hersel. to her .a1ily" Doung5 e!ucate! 0o1en 0ere al0ays pre.erre! .or this position5 since they 0ere consi!ere! 1ore !iligent an! care.ul than 1en an! also they 0ere 1ore eager to per.or1 a 0or/ that 1en 0oul! !escri-e as repetiti e an! -oring" I .igure! out that this 0as a gi.t o. Go! .or 1e an! I i11e!iately applie!" This 0as 1y chance to -eco1e in!epen!ent5 stay 0ith Elias an! create 1y .a1ily" Elias 0as alrea!y 0or/ing at the har-or5 -ut his inco1e 0as not enough to support a househol!" Since I ha! no house as a !o0ry an! I 0as one out o. .our sisters5 getting 1arrie! an! li ing together 0ith Elias 1eant -eing a-le to pay .or the rent" An! e en a s1all house insi!e the 0alls o. 8al asia 0oul! cost at least se en gol!en !ucats per year5 an a1ount higher than the annual inco1e o. an uns/ille! 0or/er" 6o0e er5 luc/ 0as at 1y si!e an! in Octo-er o. 1&0( I 0as in.or1e! -y the 1agistrate o. 8al asia that I 0as selecte! .or the position" It 0as the happiest !ay o. 1y li.eI E en 1y .a1ily 0as e7cite! 0ith 1y achie e1ent" 8y .ather su!!enly change! his -eha ior to0ar!s 1e an! starte! to e en appro e Elias an! 1y plans 0ith hi1" 8y salary 0oul! -e .i e lire per 1onth5 a1ounting
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to o er ten gol!en !ucats per year" Together 0ith the inco1e o. Elias that a1ount 0oul! su..ice .or us to start a househol!" 8y .ather starting appro ing 1y plans as .easi-le" At 1y t0enty .irst -irth!ay in <ece1-er o. 1&0( I in ite! Elias to 1y house an! 0e .inally -le0 the can!les on 1y -irth!ay ca/e together" 8y li.e 0ith hi1 coul! .inally startI E erything 0as planne! an! .oreseen5 or at least this is 0hat I 0oul! thin/ in a li.e .ull o. changes"
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2art II$ The spring

2lessed are the patient and the wise. !he fields look empty and clear, but really something wonderful is happening inside. In this fertile soil of Mal"asia, may the seeds break, may the water penetrate their hard exterior, 8oin their interior, may they surrender to their mother, earth. For the mother is aware of her holy task4 !o break the seed and let the flower inside free to bloom. 2ecause the seed is not born to remain a seed. !he time has come, the winter has gone. And e"en if mother earth appears dormant, she is not. May the citi9ens of this fortress allow their seeds to die, allow the time for the mother to bear and create. May they forget the past, because the past is in the seed. May they li"e the present, may they look at this soil and say4 !he time has come and the earth shall flourish. May they spread the seeds and only wait. 2ecause the earth is a female. And as a female she li"es in cycles. As much as we wanted her to feed us in the cold winter, that was not the time. 2ut now the time is coming and looking o"er the empty fields we know that they won6t remain empty for long.
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II.1 T e mean&ng of tra*el

E en i. it soun!s a-sur!5 I !o -elie e in the .e1ale a-ility to .eel i1portant changes in li.e" 8y o0n .eeling is li/e the .eeling o. e7pectation e en i. there see1s nothing to -e e7pecte!" 8ost o. the ti1es I hate! this .eeling" I !i! not .eel co1.orta-le 0ith -ig changes in 1y li.e" I ne er li/e! the uncertainty that acco1panie! the1" ;or 1e no ne0s 0as goo! ne0s an! 1any ti1es I 0oul! attri-ute this .eeling to other reasons5 such as 1y last night sleep or so1eone that ha! irritate! 1e" #ut li.e ne er pro e! 1y .eelings 0rong" 9ust as I 0as entering 1y o..ice in the 1orning5 I sa0 a ne0 person sitting at the long ta-le insi!e the el et roo1 that 0as use! .or te1porary guests" E en though I only too/ a 3uic/ loo/ in the roo15 I recogni@e! that this person 0as not local" The go ern1ent o..ice o. 8al asia 0as o.ten isite! -y 4enetian people" A lot o. ti1es 4enetian o..icers 0oul! co1e to per.or1 a te1porary assign1ent an! then lea e" 4enetians 0ere easily !istinguishe!" Their clothing 0oul! al0ays -e color.ul an! !istinct5 as i. in 4enice the clothes 0ere all uni3ue5 as i. no t0o clothes 0ere 1a!e the sa1e" I .igure! out he too 1ust ha e -een Italian" 6is nose 0as straight an! thin an! his hair 0as .air" Northern Italians al0ays ha! a .air co1ple7ion co1pare! to local 8al asians" Cith his i1age in 1y 1in! I sat at 1y !es/"
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The !ays that .ollo0e! I 0as ta/ing a 3uic/ loo/ into that roo1 as I 0al/e! -y to 1y !es/" Surprisingly I .oun! that he continue! to -e there" 4enetians 0oul! usually lea e a.ter a 1onth at the 1ost5 -ut he continue! to co1e there long a.ter one 1onth ha! passe!" Curiosity gre0 insi!e 1e" >ntil one !ay o. the spring I 1et hi1 insi!e the s1all pantry roo1" 6e 0as 3uite -usy preparing a !rin/ that loo/e! pro1ising5 -ut !i!nGt re1in! 1e o. anything I ha! seen" It 1ust -e an Italian specialty5 I thought" I 0on!ere! i. he ha! notice! 1y presence" 6e see1e! 3uite !e ote! to the proce!ure" That !ay the o..ice 0as al1ost e1pty" It 0as a pu-lic holi!ay .or the Ortho!o7" The /itchen 0as occupie! only -y the t0o o. us" * Co..ee5 he sai! interrupting 1y thoughts" This is 0hat this her-al !rin/ is calle!" It helps you to stay a0a/e5 e en i. your -o!y nee!s to rest" It is 1a!e out o. a -ean that recently reache! the shops o. 4enice5 co1ing .ro1 the 8usli1 0orl!" 4enice 0as the .irst city to recei e 1any o. the ite1s o. tra!e" Its central location an! its -usy port 1a!e 4enice the entrance o. 1any pro!ucts o. the eastern 0orl! to the 0est" I ha! hear! a-out co..ee .ro1 the el!er people in 8al asia" They sai! that !uring the ti1es o. the Otto1an E1pire it 0as a aila-le in selecte! shops" As it 0as an e7pensi e her-5 co..ee coul! only -e -ought -y a han!.ul o. people an! it 0as the .a orite !rin/ o. the sultan"
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* It loo/s 3uite pro1ising5 I sai! loo/ing at the !ar/ !rin/ insi!e his cup" An! its s1ell is in!ulgingI * It is in!ee!" I -ought it .ro1 4enice .ro1 the single co..ee shop that e7ists in the city" It is i1porte! .ro1 A.rica" <o you 0ant to try itH I .elt ery special" This han!so1e 1an in .ront o. 1e !e.initely /ne0 ho0 to 1a/e a 0o1an .eel special" I accepte! the !rin/" 6is na1e 0as Alessio"
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The !ays that .ollo0e! 0ere interesting" Ce greete! each other e ery 1orning an! 0e 1et in the pantry roo1 ery .re3uently" E en i. 0e ha!nGt 1a!e an appoint1ent5 so1eho0 our sche!ule 0oul! coinci!e an! 0e 0oul! ran!o1ly go to the pantry roo1 at the sa1e ti1e" 6e 0as al0ays o..ering 1e that co..ee !rin/5 0hich I al0ays accepte!" Initially I .oun! it -itter -ut soon I got use! to its taste5 as it 0as /eeping 1e a0a/e through 1y -usy !ay a lot 1ore e..ecti ely than the usual her-al !rin/s I 0as !rin/ing" Also it 0as a ery goo! e7cuse to 1eet 0ith Alessio an! !iscuss" 8y !ays -egan to -e pleasant" I starte! to !e elop 1ore energy at 0or/ an! so1eho0 the !aily tas/s 0oul! not tire 1e out any 1ore" I ha! e en .oun! 0or/ to -e a geta0ay .ro1 1y increasing .ights 0ith Elias" A.ter .our years o. relationship 0e 0ere .ighting e ery !ay 1ore an! 1ore5 usually o er s1all issues" It .elt as i. e erything that happene! 0hen 0e 0ere together 0as a goo! reason .or a .ight" This 0as !e astating .or 1e an! 1any ti1es I 0oul! e en cry" #ut I /ne0 that on the ne7t !ay I 0oul! go to 0or/5 I 0oul! 1eet Alessio an! he 0oul! prepare .or 1e this !ar/ her-al !rin/ .ro1 4enice" Then 0e 0oul! tal/ o er ne0 an! interesting topics co1ing .ro1 a !i..erent 0orl!" I 3uic/ly notice! that Alessio li/e! to tal/ a lot an! that 0ith hi1 I 0as a goo! listener" I. only I coul! -e a listener 0hen I tal/e! 0ith Elias5 then .ights 0oul! ne er occur" Alessio 0as sea1lessly shi.ting .ro1 one topic to
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another li/e the posture changes o. an e7perience! !ancer an! I 0oul! .ollo0 this !ance5 lost insi!e his 0or!s5 as i. I 0as !rea1ing an! yet a0a/e at the sa1e ti1e5 as i. I 0as 0atching !oors to -e opening insi!e 1ysel.5 !oors that le! 1e to Aourneys that I ha! ne er e7perience!" Ce starte! going out !uring the lunch -rea/ an! tal/" To -e precise he 0oul! -e the one usually tal/ing an! I 0oul! -e the one listening" Strangely enough5 he see1e! to -e gra--ing 1y thoughts5 stealing 1y 3uestions an! i!eas an! lea!ing 1e through a !i..erent path5 an interesting alternati e that 0oul! open a ne0 perspecti e insi!e 1e" I 0as his .a orite topic an! e en i. he !i! not /no0 1e at all5 he see1e! to /no0 per.ectly 1y 0ay o. thin/ing5 1y i!eas an! 1y .eelings" 6is .a orite ta ern 0as opposite the 1ain cathe!ral on the central s3uare" It 0as ser ing local .oo!" E en i. in the to0n there 0ere so1e choices o. Italian .oo!5 he pre.erre! to taste the local .oo!" ;or hi1 tra el 0as a choice an! he ha! chosen to go out o. 4enice in or!er to e7perience" * The 0orl! is .ull o. e7periences5 8i/haela5 he once sai! to 1e" Li.e is so uni3ue an! interesting that it is a pity .or us to constrain it to a s1all shell o. surroun!ings" J Tasting the !i..erent 1a/es you co1pare an! co1parison is a 0ar? a 0ar -et0een opposites" The !i..erent /eeps you in 1otion5 it /eeps you in a s0ing" Dou are s0inging -et0een the one opposite an! the other5 li/e the !ancer that 1o es s1oothly on the !ance .loor5 ne er stan!ing in one place" The
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!i..erent pre ents you .ro1 getting stagnant" Chen you get stagnant you start .eeling too 0ea/ to 1a/e a change5 e en 0hen a change is nee!e! in your li.e" Dou start hating changes -ut 0hat you really hate is yoursel. not ha ing the po0er to per.or1 the1 an! sustain the1" This is the result o. getting stagnant" I hate! changes5 -ut ho0 coul! he /no0 thatH In!ee! I .elt 0ea/ in .ront o. any signi.icant change" I .elt 0ea/ -oth to per.or1 it or to a oi! it" I hate! changes -ecause I 0as o erpo0ere! -y the1" 6e continue!" * The 1otion5 the tra el5 the 0ar -et0een the opposites /eeps you in shape5 it trains your .orce" Chen you /eep tra eling you .eel po0er.ul enough to 1a/e changes in your li.e that other0ise 0oul! -e !i..icult e en to i1agineI #y tra eling you gain the .orce to change e en the .oun!ations" Dou are a no1a!" Dou change your house5 your .rien!s5 your .oo!5 your 0or/5 e erything5 an! then no change can 1a/e you .ear or .eel 0ea/" J 8ost i1portant o. all5 0hat you change is your o0n i!entity" In .act this is 0hat changes$ Doursel." Dou -eco1e so1e-o!y else" An! you see your 0orl! 0ith so1e-o!y elseGs eyes" Chen you get angry 0ith your partner the 1ost !i..icult tas/ is to see the 0orl! though his eyes" An! since your position is the only place you ha e -een5 you try to e7plain his proper 0orl! 0ith your o0n eyes" J This is 0rong5 8i/haela" In or!er to -e a-le to change position you 1ust -e a-le to !ance5 you 1ust -e a goo! !ancer" An! i. you
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are not5 ho0 !o you e7pect so1e-o!y else to -eH J Soon you 0ill .in! that this is a .lo0" E erything an! e eryone aroun! you re1ains .i7e!" In your 0orl! you are the only one that can change" E en i. you co1pletely s0itch the people surroun!ing you5 the ne0 people ten! to -e 3uite si1ilar to the people you 0ere interacting -e.ore" Dou /eep on attracting the sa1e /in! o. people" This is -ecause the only one 0ho can change is you5 8i/haela" In your 0orl! there is no-o!y else than you an! you ha e to -e a-le to change instea! o. e7pecting a change .ro1 the others" Tra el is your partner in this e..ort" It /eeps you in shape an! a-le to shi.t sea1lessly .ro1 your point to the otherGs" I ha! ne er thought 1ysel. that tra el has such an i1portant role in our li es" 8y 1in! 0ent again to Elias" Des5 I 0ante! hi1 to change" Not totally5 -ut certainly I !i!nGt li/e hi1 to -e stu--orn" * #y tra eling the one 0ho changes is you" An! since the only one that can change in your 0orl! is you5 you 0ill then notice that the other people are 1iraculously changing as 0ell" That 1ay see1 irrational -ut it is not" Dou 0ill stop attracting the sa1e /in! o. people an! you 0ill start attracting !i..erent persons" #ut e en the people 0ho 0ill continue to -e part o. your 0orl! 0ill ha e change!" This is -ecause the ones staying stu--orn at their place cannot accept your change an! they sooner or later go" Chen you o-ser e a change in the people surroun!ing you5 you 0ill /no0 that you ha e 1anage! to
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change yoursel." E en i. you lose yoursel. in this process5 this is the only 0ay to really .in! you" An! e en i. you lose your partner in this process5 this is also the only 0ay to really .in! hi1" Through the !ar/ tunnel co1es the light" Cith !istance you co1e closer" This see1e! a-sur! -ut so1eho0 it 1a!e sense" I un!erstoo! that .in!ing yoursel. 1ust in ol e 1issing yoursel. a lot" An! also I un!erstoo! that this 0as the path to .in!ing your partner too" Li.e shoul! -e pain.ul that 0ay" To .in! hi1 through losing hi15 0as it the only 0ayH * 8i/haela5 0e are al0ays unsatis.ie! 0ith 0hat 0e ha e an! 0e al0ays 0ant to ha e 0hat is !istant" An! soon 0e un!erstan! that it is ery !i..icult to change 0hat 0e ha e5 e en i. 0e stri e" Then 0e loo/ to0ar!s 0hat is !istant an! that pro o/es tra el" Tra el is .ar 1ore than the change o. location" In .act tra el can happen e en 0ithout 1o ing at all" Chile tra eling 0e lose 0hat 0e ha e an! 0hat 0as near -eco1es su!!enly !istant" Chat 0e 0ante! gets 0hat 0e ha e an! 0hat 0e ha! gets 0hat 0e 0ant" The s0ing changes !yna1ic -ut 0hat s0ings is our sel. an! the !yna1ic is in .act our !esire" An! since !esire 1o es the 0orl!5 the 0orl! is s0inging too" #ac/ an! .orth li/e our tra el5 e erything re1ains i1per1anent5 o-liging us to tra el too5 -ringing .rustration 0hen 0e 0ant to re1ain stagnant" In the ;ar East this s0ing o. the 0orl! is calle! the Circle o. Li.e" It is the result o. our tra el5 our s0ing in !esire" I ha! hear! -e.ore o. the Circle o. Li.e" Eastern sailors 0oul! point to0ar!s the upper
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to0n an! say as i. tal/ing to the no-les$ BChat goes aroun! co1es aroun!E" In a s0ing5 I thought" Tra eling -ac/ an! .orth li/e the 1o e1ent o. a -oo1erang" * 6u1an relationships are li/e that" The 1ore you s0ing5 the 1ore they s0ing too" The 1ore you change5 the 1ore you see your partner changing too an! the 1ore you re1ain stu--orn5 the 1ore you o-ser e it in your partner too" I ha! not tol! Alessio a-out Elias" E en i. I !i! not a!1it it5 I trie! to a oi! 1entioning this topic on purpose" Generally5 instea! o. acting5 I ha! the ha-it o. !elaying things" That 0as al0ays !ragging 1y li.e situation an! at the en! it 0oul! 1a/e it too !i..icult .or 1e to change anything" * An! one last thing5 8i/haela$ Tra el re3uires !ecisi eness an! action" I. you are una-le to !eci!e an! act5 you are una-le to change an! thus you are una-le to tra el" The a-ility to !eci!e is an a-ility to /ill5 an! i. you are not a-le to /ill yoursel.5 you 0ill not -e a-le to change yoursel. either" Soon I !isco ere! that he 0as a-le to guess 1y thoughts 0ithout 1e spea/ing the1 alou! an! that he 0as !e.ining 1y personality -etter than I 0as !oing it 1ysel." Our con ersations 0ere al0ays interesting" An! I coul! .eel that the ti1e 0ith hi1 0as -ringing 1e .or0ar!" Lunch -eca1e 1y .a orite ti1e o. the !ay5 inclu!ing 1y li.e at 0or/"
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II.2 T e art of f&nd&ng

Although 0e 0oul! not go e ery !ay .or lunch 0ith Alessio5 0e 0oul! o.ten 1eet at the ta ern" I too li/e! local .oo! an! the ta ern on the central s3uare 0as 1y regular choice as 0ell" In .act5 I !i! not 0ant to go too .re3uently to the ta ern alone 0ith Alessio" The to0n 0as s1all an! I 0as alrea!y recei ing annoying 3uestions .ro1 1y colleagues5 especially .ro1 the 1en" Anna 0as 1ore !iscreet an! ne er 3uestione! 1y !e otion to Elias" O. course I li/e! to tal/ 0ith Alessio5 o. course I li/e! to hear ne0 i!eas co1ing .ro1 a progressi e part o. the 0orl!5 -ut that 0as the li1it" I !i! not inten!5 nor !i! I 0ant to !estroy 1y !ignity" An! although I a!1itte! that he 0as -eha ing in an attracti e 0ay5 there 0as nothing 1ore than this" Less than one 1onth a.ter 1y intro!uction to Alessio5 I 0ent to the sa1e ta ern 0ith 1y colleague5 Anna" Anna 0as a happily 1arrie! 0o1an in her late t0enties" She 0as -orn in Crete5 the southern1ost islan! o. the Aegean Sea5 an! 1igrate! to 8al asia 0ith her parents right a.ter her -irth5 0hen 8al asia 0as still un!er Otto1an ruling" 6er -ro0nish5 sun-urne! color easily re eale! her southern origin" Chen 0e entere! the ta ern5 there he 0as5 0aiting to recei e his .oo!" AlessioGs tran3uil appearance 0as al0ays attracting 1e" E en his clothes5 usually in 0hite5 0ere co1pleting an i1age o. a 0ell*roun!e!5 peace.ul person"
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Cith a gentle gesture he in ite! us to his ta-le" Anna see1e! 0orrie!" So1ething 0as o- iously occupying her 1in!" * Is e erything rightH I as/e! her * I a1 loo/ing .or a ne0 house5 she .inally sai!" Ce are e7pecting a -a-y in a .e0 1onths an! our house Aust canGt .it so 1any people" #ut no 1atter ho0 har! I trie! it see1s there are no !ecent houses in the to0n" * In!ee!5 I no!!e! in agree1ent" A.ter the 0ar 0ith the Otto1ans 1any houses o. the lo0er to0n 0ere ruine!" Only the upper to0n 1ansions re1aine! intact" Our .ather ha! a !i..iculty re-uil!ing our o0n house too" I 0as also loo/ing at the house 1ar/et" Since I starte! 0or/ing an! 0e ha! enough 1oney to support a rent5 0e !eci!e! 0ith Elias to li e together" 6o0e er5 a.ter 1y .ather change! his opinion a-out Elias5 I 0as allo0e! to 1eet hi1 an! return ho1e late at night" Thus 0e !eci!e! to 0ait until 0e 0oul! .in! a suita-le ho1e5 since the lo0er to0n o. 8al asia 0as still -eing re-uilt" * I a1 also loo/ing .or a s1all house you /no0" Chen you 1o e out o. your house 1ay-e you can noti.y 1e5 since I also ha e !i..iculty in .in!ing one" O. course I !i! not 1ention that I 0ante! to .in! a house together 0ith Elias" <i! I !o that -ecause I !i! not 0ant to e7pose 1y personal li.e or -ecause I 0as hi!ing the e7istence o. Elias .ro1 AlessioH Our !iscussion continue! on to the !i..iculty o. .in!ing necessary things or people in li.e 0hen loo/ing .or speci.ic 3ualities" Especially
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0hen the ti1e is running out5 it al1ost see1s i1possi-le to .in! anything 0orth0hile" Alessio o-ser e! us care.ully" 6is eyes al0ays starte! shining 0hen he 0as a-out to start spea/ing" I o-ser e! these -ro0n islan!s on a 0hite sea" I coul! easily get !run/ in these 0aters" It 0as true that Italian 1en 0ere attracti e" * See/ing is 0hat 0e usually !o in our li es5 he .inally sai!" Ce see/ .or a partner5 then .or a house5 then .or proper .urniture5 then .or a -etter house" An! this goes on" Ce li e a li.e o. en!less cra e an! see/5 an! e en 0hen 0e !o .in!5 0e still cra e .or so1ething 1ore" J The proce!ure o. see/ing though is a cere1ony itsel." In this cere1ony you !onGt only i!enti.y 0hat is a aila-le5 -ut you also i!enti.y your o0n nee!s an! !esires -y 0atching5 i1agining an! trying out" I. you are open5 it is your -lessing since you 1ay .in! 0hat you ne er guesse! you 0ante!" I. you are close!5 it is your curse5 -ecause it stan!s in -et0een you an! your o-Aect o. !esire" Chen you are !eter1ine! a-out 0hat you 0ant5 you !eci!e not to participate in the cere1ony o. see/ing5 you 0ish to s/ip the proce!ure as a 0hole5 instea! o. enAoying it5 you su..er" Dou rush through the 1ar/et 0ishing to ter1inate 0hat you are Aust !oing an! to .inally .in! it in or!er to 1o e on" An! 0hen you !onGt .in! it5 Go! co1es in opposition" J Tire! o. the proce!ure5 you sit to rest" Dou are e7hauste!5 one step -e.ore 3uitting5 you nee! a -rea/" An! there your eyes .ocus on the s1all ta-le o. the 1erchant opposite to
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you" It canGt -e true" ItGs thereI One last piece" Dou .oun! itI In .act it has al0ays -een there" Chat 0as a-sent 0as you" In your rush5 you 0ere running -eyon! it" Chene er you are see/ing .or too long5 it is -ecause you are rushing" Chene er you are not .in!ing5 it is -ecause you !onGt 0ant to see/" 6e 0as o-sesse!" 6is eyes 0ere shining 1ore than -e.ore" Anna an! I 0ere tune! in" In .act this 0as true" I e en !i! not 0ant to search" I 0ante! to .in!" The only purpose -ehin! searching 0as to ter1inate searching5 thus to .in!" Then he .i7e! his eyes at 1ine" I .elt as i. I coul! see 1ysel. insi!e the1" * Chat you ha e al0ays -een loo/ing .or5 your greatest !esire5 is right in .ront o. you" Right no0" 8y 1in! stoppe!" 6e soun!e! li/e a -ell i-rating 1e .ro1 the insi!e" Right no0 in .ront o. 1e it 0as hi1" 6e 0as right" * Dou nee! to loo/ no .urther" Dou Aust nee! to stop an! concentrate" In .act 0hile rushing you passe! -y the sa1e spot se eral ti1es" An! you o ersa0 it" ;in!ing co1es through the acceptance o. see/ing" Ce -oth staye! in silence loo/ing at hi1" Anna 0as thin/ing a-out the house" 8ay-e he 0as right5 1ay-e she 0as not 0illing to see/ either5 she /ne0 e7actly 0hat she 0ante!5 she only nee!e! to .in! it" An! I 0as thin/ing a-out hi1" 8ay-e he 0as right5 1ay-e 0hat I ha! al0ays -een loo/ing .or 0as right in .ront o. 1e" I loo/e! at his shiny eyes" Cas he the oneH Anna interrupte! the silence$
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* Dou are right Alessio" I !onGt 0ant to search" Chen I -egan searching I 0as not prepare! .or it5 I 0ishe! it to en! soon? I 0ishe! to .in! 3uic/ly a house li/e 1y current one5 -ut Aust one roo1 -igger" I ha! this in 1in! an! I 0oul! not accept anything si1ilar" In .act I !i! not 0ish to .in! another house" I 0ishe! 1y current house to ha e one 1ore roo1" Alessio s1ile! in agree1ent" * Anna you nee! to /no0 that .in!ing .ollo0s the 1astery o. .our irtues that are gaine! !uring the cere1ony o. see/ing" See/ing 0ill continue until you pro e that you possess the1" J The .irst irtue you gain is 0is!o1" It e7ten!s your /no0le!ge o. 0hat you 0ant5 to 0hy you 0ant it" Chat you are see/ing is so1eti1es a 1eans to a greater goal you are trying to reach" Chat you percei e as a goal is so1eti1es Aust an inter1e!iary step5 a -attle that is Aust part o. a 0ar" J Cis!o1 is gaine! 0hile see/ing 0hen you are open to all options5 0hen you consi!er the1 an! i1agine the1 in your li.e" Chile you are trying the1 out5 e en 1entally5 you gain /no0le!ge o. 0hat you really 0ant" Go! al0ays gi es you the right to .ul.ill your ulti1ate 0ish5 -ut 6e reser es the right to gi e you a !i..erent 1eans .ro1 0hat you e7pecte!" Chen you percei e that you lost the 0ar5 in .act you nee! to see that you Aust lost a -attle" A -attle so1eti1es nee!s to -e lost5 in or!er to 0in the 0ar" <i! I nee! to e7perience in or!er to get 0is!o1H Cas this irtue gaine! only through
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trial an! errorH I 0as not allo0e! to e7perience" I only ha! one option in this li.e" 8y religion sai! that getting 1arrie! happens once an! .or li.e" An! ho0 coul! I get 0is!o1 .ro1 thisH 6o0 coul! I .in! the lo eH 8y religion !i! not allo0 it" * The secon! irtue you gain in this cere1ony is concentration5 he continue!" Cithout concentration you canGt .in!" So1eti1es you 0al/ through the 1ar/et5 -ut your 1in! is not there" Dour 1in! is tra eling in your 0ishes an! !esires5 you are not concentrate!" J In these 1o1ents you nee! to close your eyes5 ta/e a !eep -reath an! sync it 0ith your heart-eat" #y concentrating only on 0hat is in .ront o. you5 you lea e the !rea1s o. your 1in! -ehin!" They can only !istract you" :eep in 1in! that Go! 0ants us to reach our goal an! 1o e on an! .or that 6e rea!ily gi es us the 1eans" Since the 1eans are in .ront o. us 0e nee! to concentrate on 0hat is there5 not in our !rea1s" #eco1ing attenti e is the only 0ay to o-ser e your surroun!ings5 listen to the signs o. the uni erse an! .eel 0hat is there .or you" Cas he there .or 1eH Cas Elias the one .or 1eH They 0ere -oth there" Des5 I 0as !rea1ing a-out lo e5 security an! a .a1ily" I !i! not 0ant to -e alone" #ut I 0as also !rea1ing a-out 4enice" E en i. I 0as loo/ing .or a house in 8al asia5 I 0as still !rea1ing a-out a li.e in 4enice an! Elias 0as not at all .ascinate! 0ith 1y !rea1" So 1any con.licting !rea1s5 ho0 coul! they all reali@eH I nee!e! to concentrate" Cas Alessio sent -y a !istant
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Go! listening to 1y con.licting !esiresH I 0ante! to .lee" * The thir! irtue is .aith" I. there is one single5 1ost !i..icult5 1ost i1portant5 1ost rare piece o. the pu@@le5 this is it" ;aith is the /no0le!ge that so1ething is happening5 -e.ore it really happens" ;aith is not e7pectation" ;aith is /no0le!ge" I. you e7pect that Go! 0ill gi e you a 1essage5 you 0ill /eep on e7pecting" I. you /no0 that Go! is alrea!y gi ing you a 1essage5 -ut you are Aust not rea!y5 not yet capa-le o. hearing it5 then this is .aith" ;aith lies in the e7tension o. your 1in!Gs perception5 -eyon! the si7 senses" ;aith is a .orce o. creation" ;aith gi es you the /no0le!ge that a 1ountain has a tip5 e en i. you !onGt see it5 e en i. it is co ere! -y the clou!s" So1ething is really happening -e.ore it happens" That 0as interesting" 4ery interesting" J 2atience5 .inally5 co1pensates your lac/ o. .aith" Those 0ith a-solute .aith !o not nee! to -e patient" It is lac/ o. .aith5 lac/ o. the /no0le!ge that you are alrea!y on the path o. recei ing your 0ish5 0hich calls .or the necessity o. patience" Once !rea1t5 your !rea1 is i11e!iately put on the path o. .ul.ill1ent" 8inute -y 1inute5 !ay -y !ay5 year -y year5 0hen you are patient5 you are -uil!ing up your .aith" An! out o. no0here5 once rea!y5 you recei e" This is the .ourth irtue gaine! in the cere1ony o. see/ing" I staye! in silence" It 0as the .irst ti1e that I 0as o-ser ing 1ysel.5 1y true .eelings5 an! I !i! not ha e the 0ill or e en the po0er to stop
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it" In a 0ay5 I 0as 1e!itating" It 0as one o. these rare 1o1ents5 li/e a.ter cul1ination5 0hen silence says e erything" Des5 I 0as in lo e" Although I lo e! Elias5 although he 0as 1y chil!hoo! lo e5 although I selecte! hi1 to acco1pany 1e in 1y !rea1s5 it 0as the .irst ti1e in 1y li.e that I 0as .eeling an inner silence" All 1y inner oices5 the ones usually 1i7ing up 1y 1in! an! 1y li.e5 0ere silent" Cith this silence I .elt as i. I 0as alrea!y recei ing 1y !rea1" I .elt that I 0as alrea!y there" ;aith 0as there" 2atience co1es 0ith .aith" * I can see 1any hu1an -eings in this s1all 0on!er.ul peninsular islan!5 see/ing .or so1ething" So1e people see/ gol!5 so1e people a chil!5 so1e people 0or/" #ut it is the 1astery o. the .our irtues that has not yet con erte! the see/ers into .in!ers" I coul! not li.t 1y eyes .ro1 his 1outh" Insi!e it5 I 0as lost in the se en seas" This hori@ontal line -et0een his lips5 this s1all part o. his attracti e .ace5 resulte! in .or1ing 1y 0orl!" I coul! li e insi!e it" The cloc/ stoppe! tic/ing" I ha! not .inishe! 1y lunch5 I ha! -arely eaten" #ut I !i!nGt .eel hungry any 1ore" The inner .eeling o. co1pleteness ha! penetrate! 1y entire -o!y" *BConGt you eatHE he as/e! 1e" * No than/s" I nee! to get -ac/ to 0or/" * Than/s5 Alessio5 sai! Anna" No0 I reali@e I 0as too close! in 1y search" I 0ill start all o er again" An! no0 I so1eho0 /no0 that I 0ill .in!"
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This tal/ ha! car e! 1y 1in!" I 0oul! re.er to it .or the rest o. 1y li.e5 al0ays 0hen I 0as see/ing .or 1y !rea1 0ithout -eing a-le to .in! it" I 0oul! re.er to it later5 0hen I 0as see/ing .or hi1" I ha! .allen in lo e" #ut I 0as not .eeling guilty" It 0as 1y little5 0ell*/ept secret" Although the 0ise sai! that thought triggers the 0or!5 an! 0or! triggers the action5 I !i! not pay attention to it" I 0as .ull5 I 0as e7periencing a ne0 .eeling an! I 0oul! not gi e it up" I sat at 1y !es/ an! starte! again 1y !aily 0or/" ;ro1 no0 on5 an! .or the rest o. 1y !ays5 1y thoughts 0oul! .ollo0 hi1"
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II.+ T e balance of walk&ng

Li.e is a collection o. 1o1ents" An! i. 0e a!! up those 1o1ents .or an entire li.eti1e5 0e 1ight not e en en! up to a year" #ut I 0as sure" This spring 0as .ull o. those 1o1ents" The 1o1ents 0hen 0e 0oul! 1eet in the /itchen5 the 1o1ents 0hen 0e 0oul! 1eet in the ta ern5 e en the 1o1ents 0hen I 0oul! thin/ a-out hi1" All these 1o1ents pro i!e! a silence in 1y !ay" It 0as e7actly this silence that I 0as 1issing 0hen I 0as 0ith Elias5 it 0as e7actly these special 1o1ents that I ha! long lost .ro1 1y li.e 0ith hi1" 8ay-e I 0as too use! to hi1" 8ay-e lo e is !ee1e! to .a!e a0ay" #ut I ha! to a!1it that 1y li.e 0as no0 re.reshe!" <i! I ha e to .eel guilty a-out itH Not in 1y innocent 1in!" I -egan .eeling happy 0hen going to 0or/" A.ter 1y intro!uction 0ith Alessio5 I 0as gi ing hi1 short thoughts 0hile 0or/ing" Although these thoughts -arely laste! .or so1e secon!s5 they 0ere enough to gi e a -ree@e o. .resh air to a tiring !ay" They 0ere li/e the short naps that gi e energy to the -o!y 0ithin the !ay5 the 1o1ents o. -reath inta/e that pro i!e o7ygen to the -loo!" I 0as 1ore energetic5 it 0as li/e 0or/ing 0hile 0aiting .or lunch ti1e5 the ti1e I 0oul! 1eet hi1" An! this ga e the 1eaning to the !ay" * <o you see the -ells5 he as/e!" It 0as again lunch ti1e" * Des5 I can see the15 I replie!" The -ell to0er 0as !irectly opposite our usual ta ern on the central s3uare" I 0as
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seeing this -ell to0er e ery !ay I passe! -y that church to go to 0or/" * I /no0 you are passing -y e ery !ay aroun! this corner5 he replie!" #ut ho0 1any ti1es ha e you 1a!e a short stop in .ront o. the15 conte1plate! the1 .or a 1o1ent5 then continue!H Not a single ti1e" They 0ere al0ays there5 e en to1orro0 they 0oul! -e there5 I /ne0 the1 so 0ell5 0hy shoul! I stopH * So5 ho0 1any -ells are insi!e the -ell to0erH I stoppe! to thin/ .or a 0hile" 6o0 1anyH I .elt asha1e!" I !i!nGt /no0 it" Neither !i! I /no0 the to0erGs history" Neither the na1e o. the priest ringing the1 e ery 1orning" I 0as seeing this -ell to0er e ery single !ay5 -ut I /ne0 nothing a-out it" * I !onGt /no05 I .inally sai! in a so.t oice" * It is -ecause you are use! to 0al/ing .ast" In .act 1ost people are li/e this" Chene er 0e 0al/5 0e are 0al/ing .ast" Ce are e en use! to eating .ast5 !rin/ing .ast5 thin/ing .ast? our li.e5 0e li e it .ast" Ce ten! to 1ini1i@e each present 1o1ent to such an e7tent that 0e 1a/e it non*e7istent" 6o0e er5 li.e is only the present" There is really nothing else in li.e" Thus5 1ini1i@ing the present5 in reality 0e 1ini1i@e li.e" J To1orro0 0hen you go to 0or/5 0a/e up hal. an hour earlier an! 0al/ to your o..ice ery slo0ly5 one step at a ti1e" So slo0ly that .ro1 the 1o1ent you li.t up your .oot .ro1 the groun! until you 1o e it .or0ar! an! step it on earth you 0ill let at least one secon! pass -y"
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So there I 0as5 the ne7t 1orning on 1y usual path5 one hour earlier5 to co1pensate .or the e7tra ti1e I nee!e! an! to ensure that people 0oul! still -e in their ho1es5 so that I 0oul! a oi! -eing seen 0al/ing li/e a ghost" I !i!nGt 0ant the1 to 1a/e co11ents a-out 1e" I 0ante! to -e or!inary" I alue! the opinion o. the others so 1uch5 that I ten!e! to lose 1y o0n sel. an! !esires" 8y e7perience that 1orning 0as une7pecte!" I !i!nGt i1agine that it 0oul! -e so !i..icult to 0al/ slo0ly5 stan!ing on one .oot 0hile 1o ing the other in the air5 0aiting .or the eternal secon! to pass -y in or!er to place it on earth again" I coul!nGt .in! 1y e3uili-riu1 on one .oot" BI canGt 0al/ li/e thatIE I thought" I 0as al1ost al0ays a-out to collapse on one si!e" This 0as a torturing e7ercise" So1eti1es I hate! hi1 .or 1a/ing 1e !e iate" A.ter 1uch e..ort5 I reache! St" 9ohn church" I stoo! -y an! stare! at the -ell to0er" A1a@ingI I reali@e!$ The -ell to0er !i!nGt ha e a cloc/" I 0ent aroun! the to0er to .in! the cloc/ on the other si!e" BIt canGt -e trueI Chere is the cloc/H <i! they .orget itHE I thought" I .elt li/e crying" ;or the .irst ti1e in 1y li.e I 0as really seeing this -ell to0er" It 0as a stunning -uil!ingI ;or the .irst ti1e in 1y li.e I 0as using this 0or!$ StunningI 8y li.e 0as so -lunt" It 0as the .irst ti1e I 0as using an e7cla1ation 1ar/ in 1y thoughts" <i! all this happen only -ecause I 0al/e! slo0lyH I coul! not continue this e7ercise" I le.t5 0al/ing at a nor1al pace5 an! I arri e! at 0or/ early"
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* Dou /no0 0hy you coul!nGt .in! your e3uili-riu15 8i/haelaH Alessio as/e! 0hen he 1et 1e in the o..ice" 6o0 !i! he /no0H Cas he 0atching 1eH I re1aine! silent staring at his e7pressi e pair o. eyes5 as i. I 0as 0aiting .or the1 to tal/" I. I coul! /eep one part o. his -o!y5 it 0oul! -e his eyes" * Dou are use! to a t0o*pace! 0al/$ The pre ious step an! the ne7t" Dou 0al/ as .ast as you can5 suppressing the step in -et0een" This step is calle! -alance" #et0een the past an! the .uture step5 there lies the -alance5 the present an! suppressing it5 you suppress li.e" To li e the present5 to Aust -e5 to -alance in the step in -et0een is a lesson you nee! to learn" Right no0 you !onGt li e in -alance" Dou are either on a pre ious or on a ne7t step 0hile li ing" #alance is not part o. your li.e" Dou li e a li.e o. i1-alance" I .elt li/e crying" I. I 0ere his girl.rien!5 I 0oul! -e out o. tears" Tears o. happiness" In!ee! this 0as 1e" I 0as constantly s0inging -et0een the .uture an! the past an! that le! 1e to i1-alance" I 0as al0ays s0itching .ro1 one thought to the other5 -ac/ an! .orth5 -ut I 0as ne er a-le to stay in e3uili-riu1" I .igure! out$ That 0as not only 1e" I 0as not the only one una-le to -alance 1ysel. in the present5 to 1a/e a .ir1 !ecision no0" * In or!er to stay in -alance you Aust nee! to .ocus" The reason you canGt stay in -alance 0hile 0al/ing is the sa1e as the reason you canGt -e in the present 0hile li ing" Dou are al0ays loo/ing aroun! -ut ne er at so1ething" Dou !onGt .ocus your eyes on any o-Aect" Try
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one thing$ In to1orro0Gs slo0 0al/ing e7ercise a!! one co1ponent$ 8aintain your eyes .i7e! at a certain o-Aect in .ront o. you an! at a certain !istance" This o-Aect is calle! the goal" <onGt !e iate your eyesight .ro1 this o-Aect until you reach it or until you ta/e a turn an! it is no longer in .ront o. you" The o-Aect can -e anything5 the cross o. a church5 a hole in the 0all5 a -ranch o. a tree" #ut it 0ill help a lot i. the o-Aect is outstan!ing5 i1pressi e an! special in your eyes" Dour goal ahea! 0ill !ri e your Aourney in the present" An! so on the ne7t !ay I 1anage! to really 0al/ slo0ly .or the .irst ti1e in 1y li.e" Only one !ay a.ter I gaine! 1y a-ility to truly see the -ell to0er5 that tall structure that stoo! t0ice per !ay in .ront o. 1e5 only that ne7t !ay 0as I a-le to 0al/ .or the .irst ti1e in 1y li.e" I 0as a-le to .ocus an! stan! in -alance5 e en .or 1ore than one secon!" 6o0 .ascinating 0as 1y e ery!ay pathI ;ull o. .lo0ers5 oli e trees5 passages5 cur esI E erything 0as -eauti.ul5 -oth Go! 1a!e an! 1an1a!e" * 8i/haela5 once you learn to 0al/5 you learn to li e as 0ell5 as li.e is in!ee! a 0al/5 a Aourney" Chen you stay un.ocuse!5 0hen you suppress the present step5 then you -eco1e i1-alance!" I. you .ear that you 0ill .all5 i. you .ear that you 0ill .ail5 then you -ias your ne7t step5 you rush your li.te! .oot to the earth5 you a oi! e3uili-riu15 you a oi! the present" #ut e ery step5 e en the ne7t step nee!s -alance" Chen you carry on 1a/ing ne7t steps5 your li.e gets a li.e o. .utures that turn to pasts" Dou !onGt .ocus on the -eauty o. the current
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1o1ent5 on the real ris/s in it" Dou .ocus on the challenges o. the .uture an! the sorro0s o. the past an! -ecause you canGt really see the ris/s o. the present5 you .ear o. e erything in it" Learning to 0al/ enco1passes learning to .ocus on your goal5 the goal right in .ront o. your eyes5 not the goal o. your entire trip" J Chen you reali@e that you ha e lost the Aoy in your path5 that there is no 1eaning in it5 that 1e1ories !onGt stay5 that ti1e is passing -y too .ast an! that you are not a-le to un!erstan! it or stop it5 then in .act you nee! to reali@e that you are 0al/ing too .ast" No 1atter ho0 1any steps you ta/e in this path5 you 0ill -e 0al/ing e en .aster5 in an e er* increasing e..ort to a oi! the present5 until you reach a point 0here you 0ill see a !ea! en!5 0hen you 0ill un!erstan! that there is no .urther step in the path that you ha e chosen" 6a ing still not learne! to -alance5 this ti1e there is no ne7t step5 you hit yoursel. on the 0all5 you canGt go .or0ar! any 1ore" An! this ti1e you .all5 an! 1ost o. the ti1es you hurt yoursel. too" In!ee!" So1eti1es I 0oul! 0al/ so .ast through li.e that I 0as le! to !ecisions 0ithout really ta/ing the1" So1eti1es I 0on!ere! 0hy I ha! ta/en a certain path an! 1ost o. the ti1es I 0oul! .in! that I ha! naturally .lo0n into it 0ithout thin/ing too 1uch5 0ithout selecting it5 it 0as Aust a ne7t step in a series o. steps that 0ere lea!ing 1e to0ar!s a !ea! en! that I coul! not .oresee" * Dou nee! to learn to 0al/5 you nee! to learn to -alance5 8i/haela" It is not your choice" It is your o-ligation5 your 1ission? you
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are losing li.e 0ithout it" Dou cannot 0al/ .ore er at a .ast pace5 there 0ill not al0ays -e a ne7t step5 you cannot continue ignoring the .act that there is only one step in li.e5 the current one" An! in or!er to -alance you nee! to .ocus" An! in or!er to .ocus you nee! to .in! so1ething i1pressi e5 outstan!ing5 special5 .ascinating in your eyes5 your goal" An! a.ter .in!ing it5 you nee! to !iscar! the rest o. the picture5 you nee! to .ocus only on it" This is calle! the state o. #eing" An! i. you nee! to change your o-Aect o. .ocus5 you can" #ut re1e1-er to .ocus again" Dou cannot /eep your eyes on t0o points si1ultaneously" It 0ill certainly 1a/e you .all" Dou !onGt ha e to .in! so1ething that loo/s per.ect5 not e ery path has per.ect o-Aects in it" 9ust the 1ost i1pressi e one 0ill !o" J #ut i. this o-Aect is not i1pressi e any 1ore in your eyes5 loo/ aroun!5 see/ an! then s0itch it" >ntil you .ocus on another o-Aect5 you 0ill .eel the i1-alance an! this is natural" A.ter all5 the !ecision to s0itch 0as yours an! as such5 it 0as 0ise" This is the only 0ay5 8i/haela" It is the 0ay o. #eing" Only in this 0ay you 0ill -e a-le to 0al/ slo0ly an! -e in -alance5 really -e in the current step5 enAoy your a-ility to see the -ell to0er" J In the state o. #eing you .ocus on the present5 1easuring the current step an! not the pre ious or ne7t one5 -eing an! not 0anting to -e5 neither hating to ha e -een" The state o. #eing is an e7cla1ation 1ar/ -y itsel." Chen you .eel it5 you .eel its Aoy5 you -eco1e careless a-out the .uture5 .orgi e.ul a-out the past" An! the only co1ponent you
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1isse! until no0 in or!er to .eel it5 0as to .ocus" In!ee!" Chile he 0as spea/ing these 0or!s I 0as totally in .ocus" An! I coul! .eel the -alance insi!e5 I coul! .eel the state o. Aust -eing" I interprete! it as$ #eing in lo e" Cith hi1H * I ha e 0ritten a s1all note to acco1pany you in the rest o. your 0al/ing e7perience" I 0rote it in 4enice -ut I 0ill gi e it to you an! I 0ill !e ote it to you5 8i/haela5 he sai!" 6e 0as al0ays !e oting so1ething to 1e" In .act I .elt that he ha! !e ote! his entire li.e to 1e" ChyH I .elt I !i! not !eser e it" The note 0as title!$ BLearn to 0al/E"
,earn how to walk. ,earn it again. 1o it by forgetting what you already know. 2egin your walk at your fa"orite place. .hoose it by intuition. 2egin only after you come to a full stop. ,ook around you. 3ome paths are calling for you, some lea"e you indifferent. Follow your heart. 2e faithful to your feelings. 0xamine. A small unnoticeable path may lead you to a beautiful garden.
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Make a wish. 7ait until it is fulfilled. 5e"er doubt that it will get fulfilled. :.os then, it won;t. 7alk slowly. 7hene"er you need to stop, stop. 7hene"er you walk too fast, also stop. !hen take a deep breath. ,ook around you. !hen walk again. 1o not start if you don;t remain first in silence. 3ilence impro"es your ability to hear. A"oid the noise and< 7alk slowly. 7atch the people. Find and stare into the true faces. !hey might stare back at you because you are true too. 2ut most probably they won;t notice you. 2ecause they look into themsel"es. And this is why they are true. !hey are a few. Ignore the lost souls. !hey will look at you but soon, they will look away. 2ecause they are only looking around. !hey are many. 7alk slowly. =o through the market. Obser"e the goods. 3top at the ones that draw your attention.
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!ry to find their "alue. 2uy them at par, knowing their par "alue. 7hen you like something try to ac>uire it. Many times the cost of it is high. 2ut the higher cost of not paying for it is to think about it for the rest of your 8ourney. !he worst thing you can do is to ac>uire something similar. !his similar will ne"er be it, and this will gi"e you a reason to think about it as long as you hold this. If you did so, discard this. If you missed the opportunity to get it then think away. As long as you think about it, your walk will be miserable, you will try to walk fast and you will o"ersee other "ery interesting goods. Once not ac>uired it can only hurt you. !rying to forget it will only keep your thought attached to it. 3top and take a deep breath. .ry if you feel like it. 3cream. 7alk slowly and look around. !hen you will forget it. 5e"er fear when walking. 5egati"e things can only happen to you if you fear them or
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if you feel miserable. Once you spoil yourself with miserable thoughts stop. .leanse yourself, then continue. 5e"er walk dirty. 7alk clean, and< 7alk slowly. 5e"er think of what you ha"e to do next. It will only make you walk faster. If you are under time pressure, terminate your walk, e"en if you ha"e not reached somewhere. ?now one thing4 !here is no time. !ime is an in"ention of man. It ser"es "ery well for people to communicate and meet. 2ut once you put time to guide your walk, it destroys it. 5e"er estimate when you will reach your destination. Your destination will be reached only after a series of e"ents, not after a certain time. .onstraining your destination with time can only make you not reach it. 7alk slowly. 1on;t e"er choose a similar goal. !his will ne"er replace your destination. If you ha"en;t reached your destination then this could mean that you walked fast and skipped the e"ents.
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If so, then you ha"e to go back. If not, then maybe your destination is not it. You cannot know your true destination in ad"ance. You will only know it once you reach it. Your destination is your destiny and you will reach it if you don;t impede it. 1on;t get frustrated, it will only delay your walk. Always pay the cost and most important4 1on;t ac>uire substitutes. 7alk slowly. If your walk becomes unpleasant, don;t try to walk away from it. You ha"e to go through it. 1on;t walk faster. 2ut look away. !here is something there in the background that looks pleasant. Focus on it and head there but always.. 7alk slowly. 1on;t be afraid to walk into paths that you don;t know or you are not supposed to trespass. @nless you are told otherwise, you are supposed to. 2ut respect your obstacles. If you are prohibited to enter a path, then this path is not for you. And thus it does not lead you to your !rue 1estination. 0"en if it does, then this is not the only one.
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7hate"er is there for you is open and welcome. 7hate"er is not for you is full of obstacles. 1o not follow it. !hen keep in silence. And listen to the signs. !hey are there to help you. And continue to< 7alk slowly. And if the time comes to rain, let it rain. 3top your walk, you can resume later. 5ow try to protect yourself. You can walk both in the storm and in the sunshine. 1epending on how bra"e you are, it is your decision. If you know your power, you know what to do. /espect yourself and respect the power of =od. And when the rain stops, continue to< 7alk slowly. 1ream. You only need to know what makes you happy. And be patient for it. And pay the cost of it. And do not accept substitutes. And so, walking slowly, you will find that your dream is there, waiting for you, and staring at you, waiting for you to ac>uire it. In fact it was always there waiting for you.
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You were 8ust not noticing it or you were not bra"e enough to ask for it. 3ometimes man is bra"e enough to go through the storm, but not bra"e enough to go for their dream. And man accepts substitutes. And man walks faster. 5e"er accept substitutes, and< 7alk slowly. And when your walk reaches its end, reali9e it and accept it. 2e grateful if you liked it, be thoughtful if not. 3ometimes you reach your destination, sometimes not. In case you reach it, don;t feel disappointed if it doesn;t meet your expectations. !his destination led you to a wonderful walk and this was its purpose. In case you don;t reach it, don;t feel disappointed either. 2ecause with e"ery walk you reach somewhere. And this somewhere is indeed a destination. A destination that has mo"ed you forward. .loser to your dream. .loser to your !rue 1estination. .loser to your destiny. And this will lead you to your next walk. 2ecause e"ery walk is part of the walk of life.
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I .ol!e! the note into 1y chest" I pro1ise! 1ysel. that I 0oul! /eep this note 0ith 1e all the ti1e" E en no05 in 1y 1ost critical 1o1ents in li.e I rea! it" An! the ans0er co1es to 1y 1in!" It 0as alrea!y night" I 0ent ho1e" 8y lunch ti1es 0ith Alessio 0ere e7ten!ing to 1y ho1e5 they 0ere penetrating 1y li.e" Alessio ha! -eco1e part o. 1y li.e" Su-consciously I 0as .alling in lo e 0ith hi1" I starte! to neglect Elias" I !i!nGt 0ant to5 -ut I a!1it I !i!" Alessio 0as tal/ing right .ro1 insi!e 1ysel." So1eti1es I 0on!ere! i. Alessio 0as in!ee! resi!ing insi!e 1e" #lo0ing o.. the la1p5 I 0hispere! 1y night prayer an! .ell asleep"
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II.$ T e ,t er
* 8i/haela5 loo/ at this group o. people tal/ing at the ne7t ta-le" It 0as lunch ti1e again an! 0e ha! 1et in the usual ta ern" E en on !ays .ull o. 0or/ 1y 1in! 0as still getting !istracte! aroun! the 1o1ent 0hen 0e 0oul! go .or lunch 0ith Alessio" Initially I 0as not paying attention to it5 -ut soon it starte! a..ecting 1y 0or/ an! e en 1y relationship 0ith Elias" Soon I .oun! out that I 0as thin/ing a-out Alessio e en 0hen I 0as 0ith hi1" Alessio al0ays li/e! to o-ser e the people surroun!ing hi1" 6e 0as telling 1e that all people !eep insi!e 0ere the sa1e5 1ale or .e1ale5 younger or ol!er5 -elonging to a higher class or a lo0er class" I 0as al0ays struggling to -elie e this" ;or 1e all people 0ere so !i..erentI * O-ser ing the others is a great 0ay to o-ser e yoursel." Dou ha e once -een there5 -eha ing in the sa1e 1anner5 Aust re1e1-er an! you 0ill .in! that 1o1ent" E en i. not5 you 1ight -e there in the .uture" Chat 1a/es people !i..erent is their !i..erent e7periences in li.e" #eha ior is usually only the reaction o. 1illions o. !i..erent actions e7perience! throughout the entire li.e" J I call all these recei e! actions !uring li.e5 Be7perienceE" Our e7perience .or1s our o0n 0orl!5 our o0n ersion o. truth" Chat the e7perience in .act .or1s is the Other" The Other is a personality li ing 0ithin our -o!y an! using it to react to our e7perience" ;or the
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Other the entire e7perience5 -oth past an! present5 is Au!ge! e3ually5 co1-ine! in present ter1s as i. e erything 0as happening right no0" The Other so1eti1es is Aust playing -ac/ a reaction to a si1ilar past e7perience in present ter1s" I call this BproAectionE" The Other is a plain reaction 1echanis1" It is not -ase! on reason" An! so1eti1es5 in!ee!5 our actions are unreasona-le" An! 1any ti1es 0e regret the1 0on!ering 0hy 0e per.or1e! the1" The group at the opposite ta-le 0as ha ing a lou! !iscussion" They 1ust ha e -een tal/ing a-out the present political situation" The story 0as al0ays the sa1e" These !iscussions 0ere li/e groups o. 1onologues" Each party 0as thro0ing so1ething in the air" So1e-o!y else 0oul! interrupt an! thro0 his o0n so1ething in the air" The sentence 0oul! usually -egin 0ith BDes5 -utE or BI agree5 -utE" I 0as al0ays 0on!ering 0hy people clai1e! agree1ent 0hen the 0hole sentence a.ter B-utE 0as a !isagree1ent" * 8i/haela5 re1e1-er5 the Other insi!e us is Aust a reaction 1echanis15 not an intelligence -ase! on reason" The .irst part o. the sentence5 the BDesE5 only a..ir1s that the action 0as recei e! an! co1-ine! 0ith all pre ious e7perience an! that the Other is rea!y .or reaction" The Other !oes not 0ait .or the sentence to -e co1plete! -ecause the Other !oes not nee! to co1prehen! in or!er to react" It Aust nee!s to co1-ine" J In .act the Other !oes not ha e the a-ility to co1prehen!" The Other has a pre!eter1ine! nu1-er o. reactions5 rea!y .or
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attac/5 Aust as the cannons o. this .ortress that surroun!s us ha e the a11unition rea!y -y their si!e to shoot i11e!iately once an ene1y*li/e -oat appears" The 0or! that is e7presse! as agree1ent5 BDesE5 is not actually an agree1ent" It con.ir1s the 1atching o. the current e7perience 0ith a past e7perience5 0hich triggers reaction" J E erything that co1es a.ter the B-utE is the reaction5 usually a play-ac/ that re.ers to all e7periences5 not only the current one5 -ut the entire one" Thus the reaction is not necessarily rele ant to the present situation or the present person an! so1eti1es this is har! to un!erstan! an! e en har!er to accept" 6o0e er5 this is ho0 the Other -eha es" I re1e1-ere! 1y .ights 0ith Elias" I lo e! hi1 -ut still 0e 0ere .ighting o.ten an! our .ights in!ee! see1e! li/e parallel 1onologues5 as i. 0e 0ere .reeing une7presse! energies that 0ere -oiling insi!e oursel es5 li/e the la a insi!e earth 0aiting .or a s1all hole on the top o. a 1ountain to erupt" In!ee! our .ights ne er re.erre! entirely to the present situation" They 0ere al0ays starting 0ith a present pro-le15 -ut they 0ere al0ays sprea!ing through issues 0e ha! !uring the entire .our years o. our relationship" Ce 0ere playing -ac/ the sa1e things5 again an! again5 only !resse! in !i..erent clothes in or!er to loo/ !i..erent" This 0as the 0ay to -elie e that a.ter e ery .ight the pro-le1 0as Bsol e!E5 an! thus it shoul! not appear again" Not in the sa1e clothes" * 8i/haela5 the Other is not a-le to sol e pro-le1s" Its only a-ility is to 1atch the1 an!
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repeat a certain reaction" 6o0 1any ti1es in your li.e are you really acting an! not reactingH Once you un!erstan! that the Other is not reacting to the present e7perience -ut to the entire e7perience5 you 0ill see 0hy the Other is una-le to sol e pro-le1s" Li/e0ise5 the Other is not reacting to the present person -ut to the entire group o. persons that ha e -eha e! si1ilarly5 e en sai! a si1ilar sentence5 1o e! their han!s in a si1ilar 0ay5 e en as .ar as only 0earing si1ilar clothes5 ha ing a si1ilar o!or o. their -o!y or ha ing the sa1e 1ar/ on their .ace" ;or the Other e erything an! e ery-o!y is the sa1e5 the Other 0or/s -ase! on !egree o. si1ilarity an! not on !egree o. rele ance" The OtherGs reaction is triggere! .ro1 the present5 -ut the reaction itsel. re.ers to the entire e7perience" ;or the Other e erything si1ilar is e3ual an! .or this reason 0e so1eti1es -eha e irrationally" In!ee!" So1eti1es I 0oul! loo/ -ac/ to 1y reactions 0ith Elias an! in!ee! they 0ere e7aggerate!" #ut it 0as also his .ault" 6e too e7aggerate! 1ost o. the ti1e" Our relationship ha! starte! as lo e an! it ha! en!e! up -eing a constant .ight" * The Other is .ighting 0ith its past e7periences" The Other 0as not al0ays strong enough to .ight an! 0in" So no0 it is replaying pre ious reactions5 irrele ant5 i1personal5 a race to 0in against 0ho1H The Other is .ighting 0ith itsel." Loo/ at these people" Their Other sel es are .ighting 0ith the Other sel es o. the rest"
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The !iscussion at the ne7t ta-le ha! -eco1e lou!er" No0 they 0ere not e en saying BDes5 -utE5 they 0ere !irectly going to their play-ac/5 constantly changing its clothes" They 0ere not e en listening to 0hat the others ha! to say" They 0ere preten!ing to listen to the others 0hile in reality they 0ere Aust using this ti1e to asse1-le their thoughts in or!er to thro0 their o0n attac/" They 0oul! not e en 0ait .or the other party to .inish" As soon as they ha! put together their thought5 they 0oul! interrupt in or!er to thro0 it in a -ilateral 1onologue" Or so1eti1es they 0ere only 0aiting .or a 1agic phrase o. their counterpart that 0oul! trigger the attac/5 alrea!y prepare! in their 1in!s" In a lou!er oice5 they 0oul! interrupt an! -egin their attac/ -asing it only on the 1agic phrase5 !isregar!ing tenths o. other sentences an! thoughts o. their counterparts" O. course" They ha! not e en pai! attention to 0hat the others ha! to say" O. course" I 0oul! not e en pay attention to 0hat Elias ha! to say 0hen 0e 0ere .ighting" Chy 0as he saying thatH Chat !i! I !o 0rong5 or -etter sai! 0hat e7perience o. his ha! I triggere!H Chat !i! he truly 0ant to sayH To 0ho1 0as he spea/ingH Cas he the one saying that or his Other sel.H Nothing" I 0oul! 0ait in the corner .or the 1agic 1o1ent Aust li/e the cat is o-ser ing the rat -e.ore it attac/s it5 0aiting .or the 1ost a!e3uate 1o1ent to Au1p on it" Chy !oes the cat al0ays 0ant to attac/ a ratH Chat !i! this little grey ani1al !o 0rongH Nothing" E en i. I 0oul! ta/e a piece o. rope an! 1o e it on the
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groun!5 the cat 0oul! still attac/" It is not the rat? the cat reacts to the 1o ing tail" The tail an! the 1o ing rope5 they all loo/ si1ilar" E erything that loo/s si1ilar is the sa1e" The cat 0as 1e" The !iscussion at the ne7t ta-le ha! nearly .inishe!" 2eople 0oul! ha e to go to 0or/" The lunch 0as o er" #ut I /ne0$ E en i. they 0oul! sit there .or hours5 !ays or 0ee/s5 the result 0oul! -e the sa1e$ They 0oul! ne er reach any0here5 they 0oul! ne er agree" They 0oul! go -ac/ an! resu1e in their ne7t gathering 0ith the sa1e play-ac/5 singing the sa1e song" *8i/haela5 the Other is not 1eant to agree" In .act the Other cannot agree" J The Other is alone" Alone" The Other is alone" Des I .elt ery lonely a.ter .ighting 0ith 1y -oy.rien!" Then I 0oul! see/ re.ugee to Alessio" Cith hi1 I ne er .elt lonely" I 0oul! stan! still5 he 0oul! gra- 1y thoughts an! -egin tal/ing5 I 0oul! lose 1ysel. in his 0or!s an! .orget e erything else5 all past 0orries an! .uture thoughts5 I 0oul! lose 1ysel. in the present" Instantaneously I 0oul! 1erge 1ysel. into hi15 I 0oul! enter his 0ar1 1outh an! !i e into his e7pressi e eyes5 I 0oul! not .eel a lonely unit any 1ore5 I 0oul! .eel again 0hole" * 8i/haela5 I 0ant to tal/ to you a-out this loneliness" Once again he gra--e! 1y thoughts" I reali@e! I ha! not spo/en a 0or! since 0e sat at this ta-le" #ut a strea1 o. thoughts 0as co1ing into 1y 1in!5 li/e a .lo0ing ri er o. .resh an! cooling 0ater" It 0as the opposite o.
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0hat I .elt 0ith Elias" There I 0oul! not thin/" I 0oul! only o-ser e the rat5 0aiting .or its tail to 1o e5 0aiting .or the 1agic 1o1ent an! then attac/" Des" This 0as the Other 1e" The Other cannot thin/5 it can only 1atch" The tail e3uals the rope" * These people5 8i/haela5 .eel ery lonely" I ha e o-ser e! the15 e ery !ay they are eating in groups5 they try to ne er ha e lunch alone" E en i. one !ay they eat alone they .eel ery strange" They are loo/ing at the others5 they thin/ that the others are 0atching the15 noticing the .act that they are eating alone" I. you go aroun! the ta-les you 0ill notice that these people 0ill al0ays loo/ at you i. you point your eyes at the1" Insi!e the1sel es they are scare! that you o-ser e their loneliness5 the .act that they are eating alone5 0hen e ery-o!y else is eating in groups" #eing !i..erent5 not li/e the others5 triggers their loneliness" There.ore they only 0ant to -e or!inary5 nor1al5 li/e the other people5 they ne er 0ant to stan! out alone5 -ecause .or the1 alone 1eans lonely an! this is their true nature" Chen they are tal/ing they are lea!ing 1onologues5 thus e en 0hen they co11unicate 0ith others they are still alone" They are trying to hi!e the .act o. their loneliness -ehin! the others an! this is 0hy they are lonely" Cas he tal/ing a-out 1eH I reali@e! that I ne er 0ent to lunch alone" I 0oul! ne er li/e to sit alone at a ta-le .acing three other e1pty chairs" I 0as .acing 1y e1ptiness" I 0as .eeling 0eir!" I 0oul! rather ta/e the .oo! 0ith
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1e an! eat it at 1y !es/ than eating it alone in the ta ern" * Loneliness is the constant state o. the Other" The Other tries to co er this col! state 0ith thic/ -lan/ets5 -y !oing things" It tries to occupy itsel.5 to .ill its constant e1ptiness 0ith the 1aterial" The Other is a -ig 1outh eating an! !rin/ing to .ill an al0ays e1pty sto1ach" 6a e you hear! a-out the gluttony in the Ro1an E1pireH * No5 I guess this story has not yet crosse! the A!riatic Sea" It 0as the .irst ti1e I spo/e that a.ternoon" 8y .oo! 0as alrea!y col!5 -ut the con ersation 0as interesting" I reali@e! 0hy I /ept on losing 0eight" * Cell in the Ro1an parties o. the /nights they 0ere ha ing entire !ays o. eating an! !rin/ing" They 0oul! sit the entire !ay at a long ta-le in the !ining hall eating 1eat an! !rin/ing 0ine" Chen their sto1achs 0ere .ull they 0oul! sit up .ro1 the ta-le to go to the o1itory" They continue! this process .or the entire !ay5 eating5 o1iting5 eating" Eating .or eating" Cor/ing .or 0or/ing" 6a ing se7 to ha e se7" Tal/ing .or tal/ing" A li.e o. pointless actions 0ith one sole point$ J To act" To !o" To per.or1" An e1pty action in or!er to .ill in the e1ptiness" The a oi!ance o. the lonely" A co ering 0ith a -lan/et" The thic/er the -lan/et the 1ore it 0ill co er the loneliness" The 1ore -lan/ets the -etter" A satis.action in 3uantity" A 1aterial society" The e1ptiness e7presse!" The Other in its point o. cul1ination"
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#y that ti1e Alessio 0as o-sesse!" 6is eyes 0ere shining again" * 8i/haela5 the Other is lonely" >n!erstan! it" Tears ca1e to 1y eyes" It 0as true" * Dou /no0 0hat the -iggest .ear o. the hu1an isH * ;ear o. !eathH The .ear that e erything 0e create 0ill one !ay cease to e7istH * GreatI #ut 0hat lies -ehin! the .ear o. !eathH Chy !i! he al0ays search .or 0hat is -ehin! thingsH #ehin! al0ays has a -ehin!" This is en!less" ;or 1e so1eti1es -ehin! there is a 0all" * The greatest .ear o. the hu1an race5 the source o. all .ears5 is loneliness" * LonelinessH * Chat you .ear in !eath is the .act that you 0ill !ie alone5 that you 0ill lea e e erything an! e ery-o!y -ehin! an! enter a state 0hen you can only e7ist 0ithout the1" J Coul! you 1in! !ying5 i. you coul! !ie 0ith 1eH I 0oul! !ie right a0ay i. I /ne0 I coul! -e 0ith hi1" I 0oul! ne er .eel lonely" I 0oul! al0ays .eel .ull" An eternity 0ith Alessio? that 0as a !rea1 rather than a .ear" * I 0oul! !ie 0ith you right a0ay5 AlessioI Chy !i! I say thatH 6o0 a-out EliasH I 0as e7posing 1ysel." I .igure! out5 it 0as -etter .or 1e to /eep 1y 1outh shut" * E7actly5 8i/haelaI The 0hole energy o. the .ear o. !eath is po0ere! -y the .ear o. loneliness"
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Silence .ollo0e!" It 0as true" I !i! not 0ant to -e lonely" I a oi!e! -eing alone" I al0ays trie! to !o so1ething" To act on the !enial o. 1y state" To !eny the state o. loneliness" I 0as so a.rai! o. .acing the truth an! I 0oul! !o anything to a oi! it" * An! this is the pointless !oing" <oing only in or!er to !o" Only co ering the e1pty" >ntil it gets e7pose! again" Cal/ing in or!er to 0al/5 stepping .or0ar! an! -ac/0ar! -ut ne er stop5 ne er stay in -alance5 ne er .ocus" Acting in or!er to a oi! the 1ost o- ious an! shining truth on earth$ J The .act that the Other is lonely" The Other is lonely" I 0as the Other" Alone I .elt lonely" Des5 this 0oul! all 1atch no0 in 1y 1in!" * The Other is not only .eeling lonely" The Other is loneliness itsel." J Re1e1-er that Go! is a state5 not a thir! party" A state o. #eing" An! as such5 it cannot -e reache! -y a pointless !oing" Go!5 Lo e an! Truth is the sa1e state o. the #eing" Dou can only -e in this state an! -y -eing any o. these5 you are all o. the1 together" Go! e3uals Lo e e3uals Truth" This is the holy trinity" I got the .eeling o. un!erstan!ing" * In this state you can ne er .eel lonely" Go! is alone5 .or 6e is the only #eing that e7ists" #ut 6e is ne er lonely" 6e is the Creator" 6e is the 1other loo/ing at her ne0-orn -a-y" 6e has no gen!er5 in 6i1 !uality !oes not e7ist" 6e is a Trinity" The Trinity o. One" J E erything that is not Go! is the Other" An! since Go! is e erything that e7ists5 the
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Other is e1pty5 lonely an! non*e7istent" An! since it is non*e7istent5 the Other is constantly cra ing to -e so1ething" It is .ighting through its illusionary !uality5 al0ays li ing in separation" BI !o5 there.ore I e7istE" This is the philosophy o. the Other" J The Other is .ear5 the Other is loneliness5 the Other is inco1plete" The Truth is Co1pleteness" Chate er is not co1plete is not True" An! ice ersa$ Chate er is not True is not co1plete" Co1pleteness is only .oun! in Truth" An! Truth only in Co1pleteness" Co1pleteness is the Truth itsel." In!ee!" I 0as inco1plete" I 0as -la1ing Elias -ecause our relationship 0as inco1plete" I 0oul! see e en 1y .rien!s 1o ing on to the ne7t le el 0ith their partners5 getting engage!5 getting 1arrie!5 ha ing chil!ren5 0anting gran!chil!ren5 in their en!less cra ing to co1plete" In their cra ing to .ill in their e1ptiness5 in a necessity to 1o e a0ay .ro1 the loneliness5 the loneliness o. the untrue5 the loneliness insi!e the relationship5 in a necessity to !o so1ething5 to act" The 0hole 0orl! is turning aroun! cra ing .or co1pleteness5 the resistance o. loneliness5 the su-conscious un!erstan!ing o. the inco1plete" Only to .in! the anity o. !oing" Only to !isco er that their actions are e1pty" An! -la1e the others in an atte1pt to -la1e the Other" An! then separate" I reali@e! that I 0as on this sa1e trac/ 0ith Elias" The trac/ to0ar!s e1ptiness" The trac/ o. separation" I reali@e!$ The .inal !estination o. this path 0as loneliness itsel." I reali@e!" The !estination is also the -eginning" In a
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icious circle5 thus in a anity o. action" The loneliness insi!e e1ptiness" E1pty relationships" Te1porary -lan/ets to 0ar1 up the constant col!" I ha! seen so 1any people getting ol! in this trac/" Their re0ar!$ They al0ays en!e! up !ying alone" They 0ere reali@ing an! li ing their greatest .ear5 the greatest .ear o. the hu1an race" Alessio 0as saying$ BDour greatest .ear shall -e reali@e!E" It 0as true" I 0as seeing it in the1" The only 0ay to ensure .ear 0ill not 1ani.est itsel. is not to .ear" An! I reali@e! 0hat 0as going 0rong in 1y relationship 0ith Elias" It 0as 1e" I 0as .ear" I 0as not Truth" I 0as inco1plete" 8y Other 0as relating to his Other in a 1utual e..ort to co er the e1pty" #y !oing" That relationship coul! only en!" I nee!e! to change so1ething" 8ysel."
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II.5 T e absence of t&me

It 0as o- ious" There 0as no 3uestion a-out it" The ga1e ha! starte!5 an! yes5 I 0as playing along" Chy 0as I .ooling 1ysel.H 8y .rien!s 0ere increasingly as/ing i. so1ething 0as going on 0ith Alessio" I al0ays !enie! it" In a 0ay it 0as true" Nothing 0as going on" On the groun! in .ront o. 1e the .iel!s 0ere e1pty5 not e en a sprout stoo! out o. the e1pty soil" It 0as spring" Alessio 0as tal/ing a-out the proce!ure o. -irth$ * A see! is -oun! to -e a .lo0er once .oun! on .ertile groun!" Chat is i1portant is really the groun!5 not the see!" Cith ti1e5 a see! is -rought" The -ir!s5 the -ees5 the ants5 the entire nature is there to ensure that a .ertile groun! 0ill in!ee! -e .ertili@e!" The .ar1ers /no0 it 0ell" I. they agitate the sur.ace o. the soil5 1o e it 0ith their hoe5 prepare the groun!5 plants 0ill al0ays gro0" An! e en i. a plant !oes not gro0 in a year5 it 0ill gro0 in t0o5 or in three" An! .or the long run the .ar1ers /no0$ It is i1possi-le .or the .ertile groun! to re1ain e1pty" J In a 0orl! 0here ti1e !oes not e7ist5 0hat is i1portant is the groun!5 not the see!" Once the groun! is rea!y5 the see! 0ill appear" ;or 1e this 0as 0eir!" In .act he 0as 0eir!5 -ut his 0or!s 1a!e sense" Chat !i! he 1ean saying that ti1e !oes not e7istH A !ay has t0enty .our hours" A 0ee/ has se en !ays" I nee! to 0or/ si7 o. the1" Ti1e 0as in 1y li.e5 I 0as -oun! to it" An! it 0as running .ast"
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* 8i/haela5 0hat you nee! to o-ser e is that you are the ruler o. your ti1e" Dou !e.ine yoursel. ho0 1uch ti1e you 0ant to li e" That 0as too 1uch" 6e 0as -eco1ing irrational" * Chat are you usually !oing at 0or/H * I 1ainly copy the go ern1ent correspon!ence5 I replie!" * So5 i1agine that I gi e you one thousan! pages to -e copie! 0ithin a 0ee/ only" Dou nee! to 0rite each page 1anually5 one -y one 0ith your pen5 o-ser ing that the te7t 1atches e7actly the original 0ithout 1ista/es" E en 0riting constantly 0ith your han! attache! to the pen .or the entire 0ee/5 you 1ight not ha e it rea!y" Dou nee! to rush5 there is no ti1e to co1e to lunch 0ith 1e5 there is no ti1e .or co..ee5 the ti1e .or sleep is li1ite!" Dou nee! to .inish" 6o0 1uch is a 0ee/H * Nothing5 I replie!" An instant" In .act I a1 copying !ocu1ents e ery !ay5 e ery !ay I ha e to copy tenths o. pages5 a !ay is ne er enough in 1y 0or/" So1eti1es a 1onth 0ill pass an! I 0on!er5 0as this yester!ayH I1agine a 0ee/ 0ith so 1uch 0or/" This 0ee/ 0ill pass in an instant" * No0 i1agine that I loc/ you in an e1pty roo1" In this roo1 there is nothing5 e7cept .our 0hite 0alls an! the close! !oor" 6o0 1uch is a 0ee/H 6is e7a1ples rese1-le! the religious tortures o. the In3uisition" * En!lessI In one 0ee/ I 0ill go cra@y in that roo1" E en a !ay insi!e there 0oul! see1 eternal" I pre.er to copy the thousan! pagesI
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* Dou see5 8i/haela5 the 0ee/ has no sense" It can range .ro1 a s1all .rag1ent o. ti1e to eternity" Ti1e has no sense either" It shrin/s an! e7pan!s5 it ne er re1ains" Ti1e is non* e7istent5 it is not a .i7e! 1easure5 not a re.erence" There is no ti1e" Ti1e e7ists only in your 1in!5 ti1e cannot 1easure the chronic se3uence" Dour li.e 1ight procee! .ast or slo05 -ut ti1e is an irrele ant 1easure o. this spee!" Ti1e is nee!e! .or your 1in!" Cut o.. ti1e an! you ha e 1anage! to cut o.. your 1in! as 0ell" 6e 0as right" 6o0 1uch ti1e is a 0ee/H I can re1e1-er 0ee/s going in a .lash an! 0ee/s staying .ore er" I can still re1e1-er the !ay I 0as 1igrating 0ith 1y parents .ro1 Sparta to 8al asia" It 0as only one !ay5 -ut I still re1e1-er it passing li/e one 0ee/" Chat is the alue o. ti1e i. it canGt -e use! as a 1easureH * Nothing5 he respon!e! interrupting 1y thoughts" I 0as use! to this" I re1aine! silent" * Ti1e is a 1easure o. !oing" Chen you !o 1uch5 ti1e .lies5 0hen you !o less5 ti1e stops" An! 0hen you !onGt !o at all5 then you are" An! i. you 1anage to accept this state then you e7perience the state o. #eing" Then you can o-ser e ti1e .lo0ing 0ithout you5 you can o-ser e that ti1e is an illusion5 that ti1e !oes not e7ist" In the a-solute state o. #eing5 the state o. Go!5 ti1e anishes an! 0ith it anishes the 1in!" The 1aterial gets lost an! the spirit re eals its 3ualities" Dou can reach this state through o-ser ation o. your -reathing" In this state you re.rain .ro1 !oing5
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you only are" In this state you can see the holy Trinity$ Truth e3ualing Lo e e3ualing Go!" In the state o. #eing you can e7perience all o. the1 as one" It is the state 0here you are that you can e7perience" J I 0ill re1in! you an e7cerpt .ro1 The E7o!us in the Ol! Testa1ent$ AAnd Moses said to =od4 3uppose I go to the people of Israel and say to them4 !he =od of our fathers has sent me to you. And suppose they ask me4 7hat is Bis nameC 7hat shall I answer to themCD AAnd =od said to Moses4 I am the 2eing, this shall you say to the people of Israel, the 2eing has sent me to you.D J Go! has na1e! hi1sel. B#eingE" An! Go! is the #eing5 the state o. -eing" In this state you shall e7perience 6i1" I ha! also hear! a-out a techni3ue calle! B1e!itationE" In this techni3ue I 0oul! o-ser e so1ething repetiti e insi!e5 such as 1y -reath or 1y heart" This 0ay I 0oul! re.rain .ro1 !oing5 co1e in the state o. Aust -eing" In this state ti1e shoul! anish" Alessio 0as saying that it 0as not easy to reach this e7perience" The 1in! 0oul! .ear the sei@ure o. its e7istence5 the e..ort to stop its continuous operation5 an! it 0oul! resist" It 0oul! then -ring up thoughts to the o-ser er" The o-ser er 0oul! react5 trying to a-olish the thoughts an! 1aintain the state o. -eing" Right at the 1o1ent o. reaction5 action 0oul! occur an! the state o. -eing 0oul! -e lost5 ti1e 0oul! return" The o-ser er 0oul! stop -eing an! start !oing again5 !oing so1ething to a-olish the thoughts" Right at that ti1e
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1e!itation 0oul! stop an! the 1e!itator 0oul! return to the 1aterial 0orl!" Alessio !escri-e! 1e!itation as the a-sence o. !oing" E en i. the thoughts 0oul! co1e5 the traine! 1e!itator 0oul! Aust o-ser e the15 Aust li/e o-ser ing the -reath" 6e sai! that thoughts 0ere repetiti e too" 6e 0oul! not try to a-olish the15 neither 0oul! he !e elop senti1ents arising .ro1 the1" In this 0ay he 0oul! not lose the state o. -eing5 he 0oul! not return to the state o. !oing" * In the state o. #eing5 8i/haela5 you can o-ser e the 1aterial an! also o-ser e ti1e" An! once you 1anage to really o-ser e it an! not -e !ragge! .ro1 it5 then you 0ill reali@e that 0hat is constant in ti1e is not spee! -ut repetition" It is an e er*1o ing 3uart@5 the constant state o. the #eing5 the pro!ucer o. the entire energy o. this >ni erse" E erything repeats in a circle o. li.e an! ti1e is not there? 0hat is there instea! is se3uence an! repetition" Li/e the seasons o. the year" The su11er 0ill al0ays .ollo0 the spring5 it 0ill ne er co1e !irectly a.ter the 0inter" The se3uence is constant" #ut 0ho /no0s e7actly 0hen su11er 0ill co1e or e7actly ho0 1uch ti1e it 0ill lastH In se3uence lies the 1ost i1portant truth o. the 1aterial 0orl!$ That e erything is .irst co1ing an! then going5 the e-- an! the .lo05 that nothing stays per1anent" An! in repetition lies the secon! truth o. the 1aterial 0orl!" That 0hate er co1es5 0ill co1e again" An! i. you are rea!y .or it5 you 0ill -e a-le to gra- it" There is nothing to lose 0ithout the opportunity to regain"
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All these 0or!s 0ere circulating in 1y 1in!" Des5 there 0as no ti1e5 I ha! un!erstoo! this" I ha! no illusions" An! since ti1e 0as not there5 the see! 0as not i1portant" On a .ertile groun!5 the see! 0oul! co1e" I /ne0 0hat he 1eant" I 0as alrea!y .ighting 0ith Elias5 I nee!e! a change in 1y li.e5 I nee!e! a -ree@e o. .resh air" An! in 1y 1in!5 I ha! .oun! a 1eaning in 1y routine$ Our !aily encounter" An! 0hat 0as -ehin! it$ 6is 0or!" An! 0hat 0as -ehin! his 0or!$ 8y thoughts" 8e" 8e5 encountering 1ysel.5 0a/ing up5 hearing 0hat I al0ays silently thought an! suppresse!? hearing 1ysel. .ro1 his 1outh5 in .act5 1e5 reencountering 1ysel. through hi1" In!ee! I 0as .ertile groun!" An! -y no0 I /ne0 the role o. se3uence" I shoul! only 0ait" <o nothing an! 0ait .or the see! to co1e5 .or it to -rea/5 .or the roots to gro0 slo0ly out o. it5 along 0ith the -ranches5 the lea es an! the .lo0ers" It 0as spring" I only nee!e! to 0ait .or the su11er" I !eci!e! to -e ery care.ul 0ith Alessio an! re1ain loyal to Elias" #ut ho0 coul! I co er the .ertile groun!H 6o0 coul! I pre ent the .lo0ers .ro1 gro0ingH 6o0 coul! I stop the su11er an! re1ain in the spring5 /eeping the .lirt 0hile a-olishing the ery act o. lo eH In!ee!" I reali@e! that in a ti1eless 0orl!5 the spring ha! alrea!y en!e!"
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2art III$ The su11er

Open your heart, look at the sun and fill your lungs with the bree9e of the fresh air. 0n8oy the chanting of nature, look at the beauty of the flowers. 0"erything is now at your fa"or, the birds are singing for you. ,et wisdom guide your path. !he summer is a season and as such it shall not last fore"er. @nder the sun nothing is to be left for tomorrow, since tomorrow clouds might co"er the sky. 0n8oy. May the citi9ens of this fortress understand that this is not the time to stri"e. May they take off their uniforms, lea"e their horses in the barn, tie their boats to the docks. !here are enough "egetables in the baskets, enough meat in the cellars, enough wine in the 8ars. May they understand that it is time to en8oy what is already there. May they understand that what is there is indeed enough. May the Force free the people from greed and lust. And may you en8oy the summer, knowing that the summer too will cease and the energy that it brings will be needed for the rest of the year.
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III.1 I was normal

In Go! I -elie e an! I shall not co11it sin" The 0ise in our illage 0ere spea/ing o. the la0 o. /ar1a" The action per.or1e! -y you !e.ines the reaction per.or1e! upon you" They sai! that e en i. it !oesnGt happen i11e!iately5 it 1ight happen a.ter so1e ti1e an! .ro1 a totally !i..erent source" It 1ight e en happen in another li.e5 so1e sai!5 0hereas the Christian priests 0ere spea/ing a-out it happening in an a.ter*!eath en iron1ent5 0hich they calle! 2ara!ise or 6ell" All agree! though that the uni erse re1ains in a long*ter1 e3uili-riu1" Once you create a 0a e5 the 0a e 0ill cruise to the opposite coast5 -ounce on the roc/s an! return -ac/ to you" I ha! one rule$ I. I !i!nGt li/e an action as a recei er5 I shoul! not -e the per.or1er" 8y encounter 0ith Alessio 0as in!ee! challenging 1y rules" I 0ante! to -e 0ith hi1 -ut at the sa1e ti1e I /ne0 that I !i!nGt 0ant to hurt Elias" I 0oul! -e -rea/ing 1y o0n rule" In .act I ha! a lot o. rules5 se eral interpretations o. the rules5 contra!ictions a1ong the1" So1eti1es I 0oul! get con.use! as to 0hich rule shoul! apply in each situation" I 0as .eeling li/e a .ire.ly trappe! in the 0e- o. a spi!er that 0as o-ser ing 1e e ery ti1e I stoo! still an! 0as approaching 1e e ery ti1e that I trie! to escape out o. its co1ple7 0e- o. rules" I 0as a.rai!" One !ay the spi!er 0oul!
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-e too close an! I 0oul! -e too 0ea/ to escape" The spi!er 0as 1e" Or -etter put$ The Other 1e" Alessio use! to tell 1e$ BDou are the Aoint o. t0o persons5 the Dou an! the Other"E BThe Other has -een .or1e! in your -o!y a.ter years o. sociali@ation5 .ollo0ing 1uch a! ice .ro1 parents5 teachers5 .rien!s5 el!ers5 the 0ise? all o. those people a!ore! -y you5 percei e! as -eing -etter than you5 1ore 1ature5 -ut none o. the1 you"E BThe Other is not Dou" The Other is a personality create! -y the others insi!e your -o!y" Chat is lo e! -y the15 0hat participates in their society5 0hat 1a/es the 1oney an! -rings .oo! ho1e5 0hat acts an! per.or1s is the Other" Dou are silent an! !epresse!" An! you let the1 .or1 the Other insi!e you in your en!less cra e to recei e lo e"E I 0as trappe! in the 0e-" I ha! trie! to escape in the past" I !i! cra@y things too" #ut all 0ith negati e results" The spi!er 0oul! then get closer" I 0oul! lose strength an! 0orst o. all$ The spi!er 0oul! not return -ac/ to its initial position" In its ne0 position it 0oul! 0ait .or 1y ne7t 1o e to approach e en closer" This 0oul! create .ear insi!e 1e" An! i11e!iately I 0oul! repent 1y B1aliciousE actions an! I 0oul! stop the1" #ut the negati e results 0ere alrea!y there" The /ar1a 0as 0atching 1e closely" Alessio 0as saying$
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BChen you lea e the re olutionary plan o. Dou an! return -ac/ to the nor1al plan o. the Other5 then the Other 0ins an! your re olution is consi!ere! as negati e" As an i11e!iate result it creates -a! /ar1a5 -a! action5 .or you" Loo/ at all the re olutions in history$ The suppresse! re olutions create! torturing results .or re olutionaries" The action an! reaction" #ut the persiste! an! .inally per.or1e! re olutions ha e -rought hu1anity into a ne0 era" E en your religion5 Christianity5 0as esta-lishe! through a long*persiste! re olution" In .act5 rapi! an! signi.icant changes re3uire re olution" An! in the 1agic instant o. its co1pletion5 the re olution per.or1e! is not -a! /ar1a any 1ore" This happens also 0ith your personal re olutions" They nee! to go through to their .inal point" Other0ise the 0a e 0ill return -ac/ to you5 you 0ill -e co1pensate! 0ith sorro05 .ear an! reaction? the Other 0ill -eco1e e en stronger"E It 0as true" The spi!er 0oul! get e en closer? it 0oul! loo/ e en -igger in 1y eyes" An! then I 0oul! .ear e en 1ore5 I 0oul! .eel e en 0ea/er to 1a/e the sa1e re olution or another one" #eing 1ysel. 0oul! loo/ e en 1ore !istant" In a triu1ph o. the Other an! a punish1ent o. 1ysel.5 it 0oul! re3uire a lot o. ti1e .or 1e to recuperate an! get use! to the ne0 position o. the spi!er" BChat people lo e is not Dou" They lo e their creations" 8i/haela5 it is ery !angerous to -e lo e! .or 0hat you are not" ;or the i11e!iate result insi!e you is .ear" ;ear that they 0ill !isco er one !ay 0ho you really are"
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;ear that you 0ill not -e a-le to satis.y their i1age o. 0hat you are not"E 6e 0as right" I 0as loo/ing at the spi!er" I .eare!" I .eare! the gates o. 2ara!ise 0oul! ne er open .or 1e" I .eare! the 0rath o. Go!" I .eare! that so1ething -a! 0oul! happen to 1e5 so1e negati e /ar1a5 1ay-e repai! in 1y ne7t li.e" BGo! is Lo e" An! this is Dou" Dou are Lo e" Chat Go! is not is .ear" An! this is not Dou" This is the Other" Go! rules through lo e5 not through .ear"E #y that ti1e I ha! .elt the presence o. the Other insi!e 1e" In .act5 I ha! -een su-stitute! -y the Other" In a .ree society5 I 0as nothing 1ore than a sla e" BGo! 0ill challenge you as long as it is nee!e! .or you to un!erstan! 0ho you really are" 6e create! you to reali@e yoursel. as a 1eans to0ar!s consciousness5 a holy purpose .or you to -eco1e 6i15 .or Go! to reali@e 6i1sel." Dou are a see! put in .ertile groun!5 -oun! to -eco1e a .lo0er" Dou are not a see!" Dou are a .lo0er5 yet in the .or1 o. a see!" Dou F are F Go!"E I 0as not" I 0as Aust a s1all -ug insi!e the 0e- o. a spi!er5 .ull o. .ear" Or 1ay-e notH I !i! not /no0 0hat lo e 0as" #ut I /ne0 I lo e! hi1" Or 1ay-e notH #ut I !i!nGt 0ant to co11it sin5 I 0as alrea!y a-out to get 1arrie!5 ha e chil!ren" Or 0as that the OtherH I 0as alrea!y on a .i7e! path5 a path that all nor1al people .ollo0" 8y parents 0ere happy" E ery-o!y 0as s1iling" I 0as also s1ilingI Cas I s1ilingH E ery-o!y 0as happyI An! I 0as happy tooI Cas I happyH 8y !estiny 0as
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nor1al" E ery-o!y 0as li/e that" I 0as nor1al" Chat is nor1alH I !i!nGt /no0" 8y hea! 0oul! -rea/" A.ter crossing 1y 0ay 0ith Alessio5 1y li.e ha! -een .ille! 0ith 3uestions" At least -e.ore I ha! so1e ans0ers" Chere 0oul! all these 3uestions lea! 1eH I .eare!" #ut o. one thing I 0as sure$ I once li e! in sta-ility an! no0 I li e! in insta-ility" I 0ante! to return to the goo! ol! 1e" B#e sure o. one thing5 8i/haela$ Go! 0ill al0ays gi e you the choice" The .irst choice is to -e 6i1" To e1-race lo e an! a-olish your .ear" This choice is .ull o. challenge" #ecause lo e al0ays nee!s to -e challenge! an! you5 only -y .eeling lo e5 can 0ithstan! any challenge" In this choice you 0ill reali@e that e erything is unsta-le an! e er*changing e7cept one thing$ Lo e"E BThe secon! choice is not to -e 6i1" To e1-race the .ear an! a-olish your lo e" This is the 0ay o. the 1ortal" The i1per1anent sta-ility5 such a .a/e sta-ility that e en you /no0 that one !ay it 0ill cease to e7ist" In this trac/ you are -oun! to e i!ence the en! o. it5 su..er in the .ear o. the certainty that it 0ill co1e5 try to hi!e your su..ering an! replace it 0ith a s1ile" Dou 0ill e en -elie e that e erything is sta-le5 -ut !eep insi!e you 0ill not -e a-le to hi!e the a-solute truth5 that the only thing sta-le an! unchangea-le in this path is !eath itsel.5 the en! o. your percei e! sta-ility" Dou 0ill -e go erne! -y the la0 o. anicca5 the la0 o. trans.or1ation o. e erything aroun! you5 through en!less !eaths an! -irths" Dou shall e7perience !u/ha5 the state
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o. su..ering .ro1 your non*acceptance o. 1ortality5 .ro1 trying to create a .a/e sta-ility5 .ro1 not accepting that e erything is en!ing an! trans.or1ing aroun! you5 -oth goo! an! -a!" E1-racing this 0ay you shall .ear !eath" An! at the en!5 you shall e7perience it"E I /ne0 I 0oul! !ie" I ha! no illusions" One !ay I shoul! -e resting -eneath the earth5 -ut I 0as young5 that !ay 0as .ar a0ay" Or 0asnGt itH There is no .i7e! contract 0ith Go!" Once again I .elt insecure" ;ear ha! .oun! a 0ar1 ho1e in this -o!y" I coul! .eel it an! suppress it at the sa1e ti1e" It 0as 1y hi!!en secret5 hi!!en e en .ro1 1ysel." That 0as 1e" 8y li.e 0as O/" I 0as the spi!er an! the -ug at the sa1e ti1e" Insi!e a 0e- create! -y 1e5 I 0as -oth 1e an! the Other5 t0o con.licting personalities that acte! interchangea-ly an! al0ays inco1plete5 .earing an! then e7periencing punish1ent either .ro1 society or .ro1 1y o0n e1otions" I 0as nor1al"
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III.2 T e encounter
I ha! !eci!e! not to act i1properly" >ntil the !ay Alessio got sic/" That !ay I 0ent to the o..ice an! I notice! that Alessio 0as not there" I thought he 0as late" 8ay-e his !irector ha! sent hi1 .or so1e inspection to the har-orH The !ay passe! -y until lunchti1e" I 0ent -y his !es/ to see i. he 0as there an! as/ hi1 to go out to eat" 6e 0as still not there" Then I as/e! his !irector$ In!ee! he 0as not .eeling 0ell5 he coul! not co1e in that !ay" A.ter 0or/5 I !eci!e! to pay hi1 a isit" I !i! care a-out hi1" 6e ha! -eco1e a part o. 1y li.e" So1eti1es I 0oul! catch 1ysel. thin/ing a-out hi1 !uring the !ay" I 0as .eeling 0eir! -ecause I notice! that I 0as thin/ing 1ore a-out hi1 than a-out Elias" I really shoul!nGt !o that" 8y 1other 0as saying that approaching too close to a 1an coul! pro!uce negati e results that I 0oul! regret" She 0as saying that 1en al0ays 0ant so1ething5 they al0ays ha e an intention -ehin! their see1ingly innocent 1o es" So1eti1es I 0oul! try not to co1e too close to Alessio -ut this 0oul! not last long" So1ething insi!e 1e 0as eager to -e 0ith hi15 ha e lunch 0ith hi15 1ay-e ta/e a 0al/ to the upper to0n or Aust !iscuss5 Aust listen to hi1 an! -eco1e hypnoti@e! -y his 0or!" To!ay 0as one o. these ti1es" I 0ante! to isit hi15 I 0ante! to see ho0 he 0as !oing -ut I .eare! the thought o. going to his house" I ha! only isite! his house once5 acco1panie! -y a .rien!5 -ut I ha! ne er -een
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there alone" Chat 0oul! people say a-out thisH E ery-o!y /ne0 that I 0as 0ith Elias" E en Alessio /ne0 it -y no05 I ha! alrea!y tol! hi15 secrets cannot -e /ept .or long" #ut I .elt sorry .or hi1" 6e 0as alone in this city5 .ar a0ay .ro1 his .a1ily5 he ha! no-o!y to ta/e care o. hi1" I 0as his goo! .rien!5 I !i! 0ant to ta/e care o. hi1" :no0ing that he 0oul! -e in his house alone5 I !eci!e! to go" In the a.ternoon5 people 0ere ta/ing their 1i!!ay nap an! so not 1any people 0ere 0al/ing on the streets" Ta/ing care that no-o!y 0oul! see 1e5 I /noc/e! on his !oor" 6e opene! it" * I hear! you 0ere sic/ an! I !eci!e! to !rop -y" I thought that you 0oul! not ha e .oo! an! I -rought you so1e soup" * That is so nice o. you5 8i/haelaI Co1e insi!e" In .act I ha e not eaten anything all !ay5 I .eel too 0ea/ to coo/" Dou are so /in!I I .elt ery goo!I All these nice 0or!s" That 1an really /ne0 ho0 to 1a/e a 0o1an .eel special" I steppe! insi!e an! 0atche! hi1 eating the soup" I .elt li/e his 1other5 ta/ing care o. hi1" So1eho0 I li/e! that role5 this 0as strange" I 0on!ere! i. this 0as a sign that I ha! .eelings .or hi1" A.ter he .inishe!5 I -oile! .or hi1 1ountain tea an! 0ashe! the !ishes" I .igure! out that I ha! ne er 0ashe! the !ishes .or Elias" Any0ay he 0as still li ing 0ith his .a1ily5 he !i!nGt nee! 1y help on this" A.ter 0ashing the !ishes I sat ne7t to hi1" 6e 0as al0ays rea!y .or con ersation" * Than/ you .or all this5 8i/haela" 8y 0or!s cannot -e enough to than/ you" I .eel alrea!y -etter" LetGs pour so1e 8al asian 0ine to
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cele-rate that you are here5 I sel!o1 ha e such /in! guests in 1y house" 8y 1other 0as right" 8en al0ays ha e an intention" #ut I !i!nGt 1in!" 6e 0as attracti e an! I .elt 0ar1 0ith hi1" I 0ante! to let 1ysel. .ree5 1y 1in! 0as a sinner alrea!y" #ut I 1anage! to /eep 1ysel. tie! up" I shoul! -eha e" * In ancient Greece 0ine 0as the !rin/ o. the Go!s" Cine 0as !ee1e! to -e a re ealer" It 0as sai! that it re eals the truth5 0hat people truly thin/5 0hat people truly !esire5 0hat people truly are" E en i. the 1ortals so1eti1es say that 0ine 1a/es the1 -eha e in an a-sur! 1anner5 the Go!s /ne0 that 0ine !oes not -ring up the a-sur!" It -rings up the truth" It -rea/s the -arrier o. society5 it is a lethal 0eapon against the Other" An! although 0ine puts the Other asleep5 it is certain that the Other 0ill 0a/e up again5 there.ore 0ine cannot -e use! .or the real Dou to !o1inate5 -ut it can -e use! .or the real Dou to appear" I ha! hear! a lot o. stories a-out 1en getting !run/ an! then -eating their 0i es an! chil!ren" 8any 1en 0ere !ri en to the 1argin o. society -y o erconsu1ption o. 0ine an! so1e 0ere e en i1prisone! .or their actions 0hile they 0ere !run/" * 8i/haela5 you 0ill -e astonishe! i. you see ho0 1uch people suppress their real personality" It see1s that their real sel. !oes not get accepte!" The 1ore nor1al a person appears5 the 1ore aggressi e 0ill 0ine 1a/e this person" The 1ore open5 e7tro ert is a person5 the least 0ill 0ine a..ect hi1" 8i/haela5 the solution to 0ine is not to a oi!
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it" It is to o-ser e 0hat you are !oing !uring its in.luence an! 3uestion yoursel.$ BChat -rings up this -eha iorH Chat is lying -ehin!H Chat !o I suppressH Chat !o I really 0antH Chat a1 I in realityHE J O. course5 8i/haela5 you cannot !o 0hate er you 0ant" #ut certainly you can a!1it that you 0ant it an! you can .in! 0hat -rings you to 0ant it" I coul! a!1it that I 0ante! hi1" I coul! a!1it that I 0ante! to hug hi1 tight5 to /iss hi15 e en to 1a/e lo e to hi1" #ut I coul!nGt tell it5 I !i!nGt 0ant to cheat on Elias5 this 0as not right at all" I !i!nGt /no0 0hy I 0ante! it5 1ay-e -ecause 1y relationship 0ith Elias 0as .a!ing a0ay5 1ay-e -ecause I li/e! the i!ea o. -eing 0ith a stranger5 a .oreigner5 so1e-o!y !i..erent5 0ho coul! ta/e 1e to !istant places an! tell 1e stories? stories a-out gon!olas5 a-out co..ee5 a-out houses -uilt on the sea" I cra e! .or the ne05 I 0ante! to taste a ne0 e7perience5 I 0ante! to /no0 the un/no0n5 I li/e! the a! enture an! 1ay-e that 0as 1e" <rin/ing 0ine I 0as laughing 1ore an! 1ore" I coul! see a shy little girl !isappearing an! an e7tro ert5 strong an! happy young la!y ta/ing its place" I 0as .eeling attracti e" I 0as .eeling potent" Little -y little5 the s1all little girl got lost" I 0as so1e-o!y else" * I. you 0ant to -e 0ise5 8i/haela5 i. you 0ant to say you /no0 an! to really /no05 then you shoul! .irst really /no0 yoursel." Not only thin/ that you /no0 yoursel." Not consi!er that you are 0hat you see1 to -e in society" J Dou are 0hat you .eel 0hen you are alone5 not 0hat you sho0 in society" Dou are all your
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thoughts5 all your .eelings5 all this 1i7ing -o0l that contains e erything an! all o. it !i..erent" I. you consi!er that you are si1ple5 you /no0 nothing a-out you" An! i. you say that you /no0 then you are one o. these people 0ho thin/ that they /no0" These are people to -e a oi!e!" They al0ays say that they /no0? 0hat they are is si1ple5 0hat they 0ant is si1ple5 an! the entire 0orl! is si1ple too" They are using tags to un!erstan! the1sel es an! e erything aroun! the1" Anything that 1atches a set o. characteristics is tagge! an! this categori@es it as goo! or -a!5 as 0ante! or not 0ante!" In their silly 1in! there are thie es5 /ings5 1on/s5 .isher1en an! no-les" A thie. is ne er to -e truste!" A /ing ne er tal/s to co11on people" A 1on/ has ne er 1a!e lo e" A .isher1an ne er rea!s -oo/s" A scholar !oes not get !run/" Chen they 1eet you5 the .irst thing they !o is try to tag you" So1eti1es they ha e alrea!y tagge! you -e.ore 1eeting you" J A oi! these people5 8i/haela" They are the ones 0ho thin/ they /no05 there is nothing you can either get .ro1 the1 or gi e to the1" They are useless" An! as a rule5 they try not to get !run/5 -ecause once they get !run/5 they cannot stay in control" They ha e -een su-stitute! -y their Other sel es an! 0hat is -rought up a.ter !rin/ing is totally un/no0n" * Dou are right5 Alessio5 -ut un!er the in.luence o. 0ine you can !o things that you 0ill later regret" 8y parents are al0ays a! ising 1e not to !rin/ 0ine at all" 8y 1other is telling us that too 1uch 0ine un eils the e il"
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* There is nothing goo! or e il5 8i/haela" Chat I !o -elie e is that 0ine in .act helps you .ight the Other" Dou shoul! -e ery s/eptic o. your actions 0hen you ha e !run/ 0ine" #ehin! these actions lies so1e-o!y else" So1e-o!y 0ho !oes not /no0 the social rules" An! in these actions the thoughts are hi!ing" The real thoughts5 the real .eelings" I. these !i..er .ro1 0hat you thin/ an! .eel 0hen you are so-er5 then you shoul! really -e s/eptic" Are you suppressing yoursel.H Are you suppressing 0hat you really 0antH Are you the OtherH Are you .ollo0ing your path or the path o. the 1ortalH J Cine shoul! not -e the 1eans .or you to see yoursel." A 1ature person has access to her real sel. 0ithout using alcohol" A 1ature person respects -oth hersel. an! the others" This is 0hy a 1ature person is ne er in nee! o. alcohol" An! this is 0hy a 1ature person5 e en ha ing !run/ 0ine5 !oes not change her -eha ior" Dour see1ingly 1ature scholars5 those 0ho thin/ that they /no05 are Aust .aKa!es" 2our a little 0ine into their 1outh an! you 0ill see so1e-o!y else go erning that silly -o!y" That so1e-o!y else is al0ays a chil!" An! this is the real sel. o. e ery-o!y 0ho has !eci!e! to stay 0ith the Other" I11ature an! chil!ish" I sat -ac/ .or a 0hile" I ne er /ne0 that 0ine ha! such 3ualities" E ery-o!y 0as consi!ering 0ine !angerous" * ;or your real sel.5 8i/haela5 there is no !anger" There is nothing to .ear an! o. course there is nothing to .ear a-out alcohol" Dour real sel. /no0s that she !oes not nee! alcohol
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to appear" 8i/haela5 I alue 1ore the !run/ar!s than the scholars" That 0as a tough hit" #ut it 0as true" The !run/ar!s 0ere not all the sa1e" Not all o. the1 0ere aggressi e" So1e 0ere !epressi e5 so1e 0ere lonely5 so1e 0ere social" #ut they 0ere telling the truth" I. they 0ere to see a .at 1an on the street they 0oul! screa1$ B;at pigIE I. they 0ere to see a young la!y on the street they 0oul! 0histle" E en i. they ha! no 1anners at all5 I coul! recogni@e that 0hat they 0ere saying 0as al0ays true" #ut that 0as not the case 0ith the scholars" I ha! hear! these ol! la!ies a.ter the church telling to each other$ BDou loo/ so youngIE They 0ere loo/ing li/e a1pires5 Aust one step -e.ore the gra e" I ha! !run/ enough .or to!ay" I !i!nGt 0ant to !rin/ 1ore an! I stoppe!" I 0as in total control o. 1y actions5 I 0as .ully conscious" 6o0e er I 0as not a little girl any 1ore" I .elt that I 0as a !yna1ic 0o1an 0ho ha! the 0orl! in her han!s" I. that 0as the real 1e5 I really li/e! that person" She 0as an! .elt attracti e5 she coul! spea/5 she coul! laugh an! s1ile" 8y thoughts 0ere .lo0ing .reely" An! yes5 I !i! .eel attracte! to hi1" It 0as not 0eir!5 he 0as attracti e5 that 0as the reality5 there 0as nothing to hi!e a-out it" An! I 0as attracti e too5 that 0as .or sure" I 0as tall5 sharp*eye! an! !ar/ haire!5 1any 1en 0oul! loo/ at 1e 0hen I 0as 0al/ing on the street" Ce 0ere t0o young attracti e people close to each other" I 0ante! to /iss hi1" An! I !i!" In a 0orl! 0ithout -arriers I 0as .ree an! no0 I 0as .reer
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than e er" 6e 0as tal/ing too 1uch" A 1an is not alue! only in the tal/s" Loo/ing hi1 straight in the eyes I tol! hi1$ * Alessio5 I 0ant to 1a/e lo e to you"
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III.+ T e flow of energ!

The 1orning o. the .ollo0ing !ay 0as a0/0ar!" I 0o/e up at 1y ho1e" A 1i7 o. intense .eelings 0as penetrating 1e" I opene! 1y eyes an! I i11e!iately close! the1" I !i! not 0ant to see the outsi!e 0orl! yet5 or to -e 1ore precise5 I !i! not 0ant to -e seen" I staye! .or a 0hile un!er 1y -lan/et to gather 1y .eelings" Insi!e 1e I .elt a series o. a-rupt changes .ro1 e7cite1ent to e1-arrass1ent5 as i. there 0as a .orce insi!e 1y -o!y that 0as .uriously shi.ting 1e -ac/ an! .orth 0ithout 1y control" ;orce" I un!erstoo! that .orce 0as nothing 1ore than the cause an! the result o. .lo0" The .lo0 o. 1y .eelings5 the .lo0 o. the 0ater that causes the ti!e5 the .lo0 o. the air that causes the 0in!" The .lo0 happening -et0een the t0o polar opposites that lie .ar a0ay .ro1 each other" The greater the !i..erence5 the 1ore intense the .lo05 the air5 the ti!e5 1y .eelings" The .lo0 .ro1 e7cite1ent to e1-arrass1ent" An! then I un!erstoo!$ ;eeling is the .orce that people are trying to ta1e e er since they are -orn" It see1s as i. this 0as the o1nipresent 0ish o. society5 o. the entire hu1anity" The search .or sta-ility" The !esire to control the .lo0" The !esire to control the e1otion" #ut 0ho 1anage! to stop the 0in! in the past o. the centuriesH To!ay I ha! a .ar 1ore personal 3uestion$ Chat ha! happene!H To 1e it 0as li/e a !rea1" #ut I /ne0 it 0as real$ I ha! 1a!e lo e 0ith Alessio" An! this 0as not re ersi-le"
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Neither !i! I 0ant it to -e" Continuously shi.ting .ro1 right to 0rong5 !esire to regret5 .ro1 Alessio to Elias5 .ro1 the past to the .uture5 .ro1 a-sur! to reasona-le I 0as clearly resi!ing in i1-alance" In 1y continuous .lo05 right at that ti1e5 in the a-sence o. Alessio5 I 0as .alling in lo e" I 0as pro!ucing 1y strongest e1otion5 the .lo05 the .orce insi!e 1ysel.5 e erything insi!e the -oun!aries o. this -o!y5 0ithout 1y e en /no0ing that I 0as lea!ing 1ysel. to0ar!s the !estruction o. 1y peace in the a-sence o. e eryone else5 alone" I ha! to spea/ to Alessio" Chat 0e ha! starte! Aust coul!nGt ha e a .uture" I alrea!y ha! 1y plans 0ith Elias5 1y li.e5 1y .uture" This 0oul! e ol e to 1y 1arriage5 1y chil!ren an! 1y house" #ut 0hat 0as right an! 0hat 0as 0rongH I .elt alone" I coul! not spea/ to Alessio5 I ha! no clear !ecision5 I !i! not e en /no0 0hat to say" I coul! not spea/ to Elias5 he !i! not /no0 an! -est it re1ain so" I thought a-out 1y .rien!s" The thoughts 0oul! -rea/ 1y hea!" I shoul! ha e staye! a0ay .ro1 Alessio" #ut su!!enly I hear! a /noc/ on 1y !oor" 8ay-e it 0as hi1H * Goo! 1orning5 Elias sai! 0ith a -right s1ile" Oh 1y Go!I Chat 0as he !oing thereH 8ay-e he un!erstoo!H 8ay-e so1e-o!y sa0 1e co1ing out o. AlessioGs house in the 1i!!le o. the nightH 8y speech 0as gone" * <i! you Aust 0a/e upH I !onGt see you in the -est 1oo!" Are you rea!y .or churchH Oh yesI 6o0 stupi! I 0asI It 0as Sun!ay 1orning5 it 0as ti1e to go to church" Ce 0ere atten!ing 0ith Elias e ery Sun!ay the 1orning
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1ass" It 0as the place 0here all people o. 8al asia 0oul! 1eet5 preten!ing their !e otion to Go!Gs Cor!" In reality5 they 0oul! go there to gossip5 the Bi1portantE people 0oul! critici@e the others5 -ut ne er the1sel es5 .or 0hat happene! in to0n5 an! the B0anna-esE * Aust regular people * 0ere listening 0ith great interest5 no!!ing their appro al .ro1 ti1e to ti1e" It see1e! that the ol!er an! B1atureE people ha! .oun! there an au!ience in their e..ort to Bput things in or!erE" #ut it see1e! as i. the regular people 0ere Aust agreeing in or!er to ha e their appro al5 in or!er to -e one o. the15 in or!er to -elong to this s1all group o. society5 -ecause they .elt uni1portant5 they .elt li/e helpless ants that nee!e! to go 0ith the .lo0 insi!e their colony in or!er to sur i e" #ut I 0as not" E en as a young chil! I 0as ne er going 0ith the .lo0" So1eti1es I thin/ I 0as going against it5 e en i. I /ne0 I 0as 0rong" 2eople li/e 1e 0ere the 1ost popular topic at these Sun!ay 1eetings5 that their participants 0ere calling a religious 1ass" I. only they /ne0 that last night I ha! slept 0ith Alessio5 I a1 sure that there 0oul! -e no other topic" O. course they 0oul! spea/ a-out us only in our a-sence" They 0oul! -e glancing .ro1 ti1e to ti1e to0ar!s our si!e5 al0ays 1a/ing sure that their loo/ 0oul! not -e apparent5 thus 1a/ing it e en 1ore apparent" An! i. 0e approache! their si!e 0e 0oul! al0ays notice that a ne0 topic ha! Aust -egun5 usually a-out the 0eather" Chat a group o. .a/ers" These .ear.ul -eings 0ho 0ere !ee1e! to -e i1portant an! po0er.ul 0oul! not e en
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ha e the po0er to e7press their al0ays BrightE opinions in .ront o. their icti1s" I Aust 0on!ere! ho0 uni1portant the rest o. the people shoul! -e in or!er to .ollo0 the1" #ut I ha! also participate! in this ga1e last night" I le.t in the 1i!!le o. the night .ro1 AlessioGs house so that no-o!y 0oul! notice" ;or the ti1e -eing I nee!e! so1e peace .ro1 their silly 1ouths" Ceir!" Chat /in! o. thoughts 0ere crossing 1y 1in!H Chy 0as I e en part o. itH Chy 0as I atten!ing churchH *Co1e on5 8i/haela5 0e 0ill -e late" To!ay it see1e! that 1any people s/ippe! the church or 0oul! atten! the 1ass later than 0e" Seats 0ere rea!ily a aila-le so Elias an! I chose t0o separate seats an! sat .ar a0ay .ro1 each other" In ortho!o7 tra!ition the 1en nee!e! to sit in a separate section5 a0ay .ro1 the 0o1en" It see1e! that Go! an! se7 0oul! not .it together" I. I 0ere to thin/ a-out the night -e.ore 0ith Alessio5 this 0as !e.initely the case" It 0as o- ious that e ery tra!itional nor1 ha! a 0ell thought*out reason .or e7istence5 e en i. this reason 0as not al0ays apparent or applica-le" #ut 1ost people 0oul! .ollo0 tra!ition religiously5 0ithout a secon! thought5 especially in a religious place" An! this ga e 1e the opportunity to ha e so1e ti1e on 1y o0n" Des5 this is 0hat I nee!e!" So1e ti1e to -e alone5 to !igest 0hat ha! happene!" I !i! not nee! ti1e 0ith Alessio nor 0ith Elias" An! no5 it 0as not yet ti1e .or 1y .rien!s" I 0on!ere!$ 6o0 co1e that the result o. a .ierce encounter is al0ays to en! up aloneH Li.e is a constant para!o7" Des5 a constant !uality5 a -alance
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-et0een the hot an! the col!5 or rather an i1-alance that 0oul! result to the .lo05 the creation o. energy" ;alling in lo e" Chat an intense illusion" The 1ore the i1-alance5 the stronger the lo e" The 0i!er the !i..erence -et0een hot an! col! places5 the stronger the 0in! -et0een the1" Des5 that 0oul! 1atch" Nature is a great teacher" Strong 0in!" That 0as the result o. 1y encounter 0ith Alessio" 6o0 coul! I sleep in such a strong 0in!H Chite nights an! the cra ing .or tran3uility" The cra ing to -e alone" An! 0hen I 0as aloneH The cra ing .or e7cite1ent" The cra ing not to -e alone" I 0as i1-alance!" Chen there 0as silence5 I 0oul! cra e .or the 0in!5 an! no0 that it 0as -lo0ing5 I 0as loo/ing .or shelter" There is no such an e7perience as satis.action in li.e" Chen the 1ass 0as o er I reali@e! its i1portance$ An e7cuse to stay alone" Alone 0ith Go!H 6o0 can I -e alone an! at the sa1e ti1e 0ith so1e-o!y5 e en i. that so1e-o!y is Go!H >nless Go! 0as not so1e-o!y else" >ntil to!ay the church 0as .or 1e a -oring place5 a 0aste o. ti1e5 a place that I 0oul! sit in !is3uiet5 0atching people preten!ing to pay attention to so1e suppose!ly 0ise 0or!s5 0hich no-o!y .ully un!erstan!s5 0hich 0ere 0ritten so1e thousan!s o. years ago an! 0hich are repeate! e ery 0ee/5 as i. the preacher /no0s that the atten!ants are not paying attention an! thus he nee!s to repeat 0hat he alrea!y chante! last ti1e" #ut to!ay church 0as !i..erent .or 1e$ Alone 0ith Go!" Another para!o7 in!ee!"
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I 0as loo/ing .or0ar! to the a.ternoon5 0here I ha! an appoint1ent 0ith Alessio outsi!e the city 0alls5 near the lighthouse" Alessio 0as not religious" Although there 0as a catholic church in the upper to0n5 8a!onna !el Car1ine5 he 0oul! not .in! it i1portant to atten! the 1ass" 6e 0as saying that Go! can -e .oun! in any place5 i. you pay attention to yoursel. an! your surroun!ings an! i. you /no0 the !irection to0ar!s 0hich you shoul! loo/" 8ost people 0oul! loo/ up to0ar!s the s/y" E en in the church the .rescoes o. 9esus Christ an! the apostles are place! in the !o1e" #ut Alessio ne er loo/e! up" ;or hi1 Go! 0as insi!e" 6e 0as 0eir!" #ut interesting" Chen I approache! the lighthouse5 I sa0 hi1 sitting on a roc/5 staring to0ar!s the sea" 6e see1e! peace.ul" 6o0 coul! he -eH Ce share! the sa1e e7perience yester!ay" I 0as sha/ing an! pu@@le!" * <i! you .in! Go! in churchH 6e notice! 1y presence5 !espite 1y slo0 an! care.ul steps" I thought he 0as less alert" * I a1 not sure" I !onGt thin/ so" #ut I 0asnGt loo/ing .or Go! to!ay in the church to -e truth.ul" * That e7plains part o. the reason" Chile you 0ere in the church I 0as sitting on this roc/ staring at the sea" To!ay the 0aters are cal1" In!ee! it 0as one o. the .e0 !ays o. the su11er 0hen the 0in! 0as cal1 an! the sea 0as 3uiet" * In this sea I 0as a-le to .in! Go!" 6e 0as !e.initely 0eir!I Any0ay5 in ancient Gree/ religion 1any o. the t0el e Go!s 0ere connecte! 0ith ele1ents o. the nature"
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2osei!on5 the Go! o. the seas an! Aeolus5 the Go! o. the 0in!s" 8ay-e he 0as right" * Loo/ at this sea5 8i/haela" It loo/s tran3uil" #ut it is not" Its 0ater is .ull o. currents" They are .lo0ing -et0een the hot an! the col!5 eternally5 in an e er*present e..ort to ter1inate !uality" 6uge 1asses o. 0ater 1o e e ery secon! .ro1 the hot to the col! an! .ro1 the col! to the hot5 as i. the 0ater is cra ing to -alance its o1nipresent i1-alance o. te1perature" An! e en though this is happening .or 1illions o. years5 !uality still e7ists in the 0ater an! 0e /no0 that it 0ill ne er cease to e7ist5 no 1atter ho0 .urious the .lo0 is" The 0ater 0ill nee! to accept the hot5 the col! an! the .lo0" J The .lo0 is energy5 it is the result o. i1-alance5 the consistent pro!uct o. !uality5 the essel Go! create! in or!er to -ring to us li.e" Energy is the 0ill o. Go!5 6is !esire .or us to -eco1e 6i1" Energy is the single ingre!ient o. 1ass5 -ut -ecause it is e er .lo0ing5 people ha e not yet o-ser e! or 1easure! it" J I1agine a ri er" The ri er is neither the 0ater nor its -an/s" It is not e en their co1-ination" The ri er is the .lo0" The .lo0 o. the 0ater -et0een the -an/s" An! so are your .eelings" Dour .eelings are the .lo05 the .lo0 that results .ro1 your i1-alance" Cithout i1-alance you 0oul! -e li.eless5 in other ter1s !ea!" Dour .eelings are pure energy" An! as such5 they are your essel to0ar!s your rescue5 your encounter 0ith Go!" Dour i1-alance is to -e -lesse!" This 1an 0as special" This is 0hat he 0as seeing insi!e this seaH ;or one thing I 0as
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sure$ I. Go! 0as to -e .oun! through 1y .eelings then Go! shoul! -e resi!ing in hell" * Through the hell co1es the para!ise5 8i/haela" <i! I thin/ out lou!H #ut 0hat !i! he 1eanH The priest 0as not tal/ing a-out this" That 0as 0eir!" I !eci!e! not to continue his thoughts" At least .or no0" * I ha e a 3uestion .or you5 Alessio5 I .inally sai!" 6e 1ust not ha e -een surprise!" I 0as only 3uestions" 6e 0as telling 1e that this is 0hat he a!1ire! in 1e" 6e 0as saying that all people ha e 3uestions5 -ut 1ost o. the1 Aust accept their presence or e en !eny it" Only a han!.ul o. people !eci!e to ta/e the !angerous path o. .in!ing the ans0ers an! e en .e0er o erco1e their .ear an! ta/e this path all the 0ay to the en!" ;or hi15 s1all chil!ren 0ere a!1ira-le5 -ecause they 0oul! al0ays .ire their 3uestions li/e catapults" Chat happene! 0ith ageing 0as not that people 0ere .in!ing ans0ers -ut that people 0oul! stop as/ing 3uestions" 2eople 0oul! gra!ually lose on energy" Instea! o. gro0ing up they 0ere Aust gro0ing ol!" An! losing on energy5 people 0oul! gra!ually -eco1e asleep" >ntil one !ay e erything 0oul! co1e upsi!e !o0n" An e7ternal e ent5 so1e i1portant ne0s5 a su!!en !eath5 a !epression5 anything une7pecte! an! strong coul! lea! the1 to this 1o1ent" Then they 0oul! 0a/e up an! see the light5 get -lin!e! .ro1 its intensity5 recogni@e it .ro1 the ti1e they originally ha! it" They 0oul! -eco1e .ull o. .ear an! they 0oul! grasp tightly their .ists on
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their -e! in a pointless e..ort to stay asleep" Alessio 0as calling this the Ba0a/eningE" The 3uestions 0oul! rise5 all at the sa1e ti1e5 a re olution that 0oul! -e i1possi-le to ignore" #ut 1y 3uestion no0 0as only one" * Alessio5 !o I lo e youH
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III.$ T e *&s&on of real&t!

8y 3uestion 0as .ollo0e! -y silence" A cal1ing silence5 li/e the har1ony that .ollo0s a stor1" In .ront o. us the sea0ater 0as cal15 aroun! us a light -ree@e o. air5 e en the seagulls 0ere sitting still on the roc/s ga@ing to0ar!s the hori@on" It see1e! as i. e erything along 0ith 1e in this scenery ha! .inally un!erstoo! that their /no0le!ge is inco1plete5 that 0hat they possess is only the uni1portant5 an! 0hat re1ains hi!!en is the essence o. li.e" I conte1plate! this silence" I o-ser e! the clou!s5 constantly changing .or1ations5 the sea5 constantly in 1otion5 the -ir!s5 constantly .lying 0ithout a real target" E erything 1o ing5 constantly 1o ing5 -ut at the sa1e ti1e still" An! in har1ony" E7cept 1y o0n 1in!" * 8i/haela5 he .inally sai!" I. you loo/ aroun! you5 nature is constantly tal/ing to you" It has all the ans0ers" * Nature is lo ely5 lo elier than e er5 -ut in 1y eyes it is silent5 Alessio" * LetGs ta/e a 0al/5 8i/haela" I 0ill lea! you to your ans0er" Ce 0al/e! han! in han!" The surroun!ings 0ere so lo ely5 the ti1e ha! stoppe!" E erything 0as still5 0e 0ere the only -eings 1o ing" I re1e1-ere! the !ay 0e ha! -een s0i11ing in the sea" 6e ha! gra--e! 1e aroun! 1y 0aist an! ha! -een turning 1e aroun! in the 0ater" It see1e! that ti1e ha! stoppe!5 that nothing else ha! -een 1o ing"
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;or an instant I thought that no0 e en the secon!s ha! stoppe!5 that I 0oul! 1eet people on the street5 -ut I 0oul! 0atch the1 stan!ing still5 .ro@en in the sa1e posture" E erything 0as 1agni.icent? it see1e! as i. nature 0as -uilt .or us5 as i. e erything aroun! us 0as 1eant to -e per.ect5 e7cept .or our o0n sel es" Islan!s o. hell insi!e the para!ise5 !istur-ing an eternal har1ony that has -een 1aintaine! .or -illions o. years5 intact" 6e pic/e! up a .lo0er" Its color 0as iolet an! its lea es 0ere s1all an! 0i!e" It 0as si1ple5 -ut .ocusing on the little !etails o. its lea es5 it see1e! that a 0hole 1iniature 0orl! 0as hi!ing insi!e the1" It 0as so -eauti.ulI * This one is .or you5 8i/haela" 6e 0as in lo e 0ith 1e5 this 0as o- ious" Chy 0as 1y o0n lo e not o- iousH <i! I not lo e hi1H ;or sure 1y 1in! !i! not thin/ o. pic/ing up a .lo0er .or hi1 at ran!o1" #ut 1y 1in! 0as ne er a0ay .ro1 hi1" E ery instant o. 1y !ay he 0as there5 right in .ront o. 1e5 0hispering in 1y ears 0ith his s0eet cal1ing oice" I ha! ne er .elt such an intense .eeling -e.ore5 not e en 0ith Elias" I. that 0as not lo e5 0hat 0as itH * Lo e is all aroun!" It is .oun! in this little .lo0er5 0hich you are hol!ing in your han!s" It is .oun! in these clou!s that 1a/e you .eel s1all an! uni1portant in a 0orl! .ull o. grace an! har1ony" It is .oun! on this tall roc/ o. 8al asia5 0hich is rising prou!ly .ro1 the sea5 it is .oun! in the trees 0ith their 1illions o. lea es that .ill your eyesight 0ith color5 your presence 0ith protection .ro1 the sun5 your ears 0ith a cal1ing soun! o. tran3uility"
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J E erything aroun! you is 1a!e in per.ection5 .ull o. lo e an! har1ony" E7cept one thing5 8i/haela" J Dour thoughts" J In such a -eauti.ul !ay 0ith har1ony e7ten!ing e ery0here .ro1 our t0o little -o!ies to the en!less hori@on there is only one thing that is not tran3uil" J Dour 1in!" That 0as a-solutely true" E erything aroun! 1e 0as per.ect5 the nature5 the 0eather5 e en he hi1sel.? he 0as the per.ect co1panion" All girls in the to0n en ie! 1e -ecause Alessio 0as paying too 1uch attention to 1e" It see1e! that e ery-o!y 0ante! hi1" Chat 0as 0rong 0ith 1eH * An! here is the ans0er to your 3uestion$ J 6a ing incarnate! your other sel.5 you neither /no0 nor lo e yoursel." Dou !o not thin/ that you !eser e per.ection" Dou are !etache! .ro1 this har1ony" I !i! not /no0 0hy or e7actly 0hat he 1eant5 -ut I agree!" * Loo/ in the eyes o. your s1all !og" Chat !o you .eel 0hen you are loo/ing at herH Dou get i11ense Aoy5 a 0hole sea o. lo e penetrates youI Loo/ at that little -ir!" It is Au1ping aroun!5 .ro1 -ranch to -ranch5 it is staring le.t an! right5 it is !oing a-solutely nothing an! it .ills you 0ith lo eI Loo/ at the .ace o. a little -a-y" E en i. it canGt stop crying5 e en i. it gets the ugliest e7pression5 the s1ile Aust cannot !isappear .ro1 your .aceI Dou Aust loo/ aroun! you an! you are in lo eI Dou .eel lo e"
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J #ut then go an! loo/ at the 1irror" <o you .eel the sa1eH A1a@ing" I. I .elt the sa1eH O. course notI >sually 0hene er I loo/e! at the 1irror I 0oul! notice all 1y traits" E en i. the s1allest 1ar/ appeare! on 1y .ace I 0oul! notice it an! I 0oul! .eel angry or .rustrate! i. I coul! not re1o e it" Then I 0oul! loo/ a0ay an! I 0oul! 3uic/ly .orget it" #ut a loo/ at 1ysel. 0oul! ne er -ring 1e co1plete satis.action5 Aoy" It 0oul! ne er e1it lo e" Not li/e a -a-y" Ne er li/e a -ir!" It see1e! as i. e erything 0as per.ect5 -ut 1eH Not in 1y eyes" 8ay-e in his" * I !onGt .eel the sa1e5 I .inally sai!" I try 1y -est to 1a/e 1ysel. -etter an! -etter -ut I a1 ne er satis.ie!" I cannot get the lo e that I a1 getting .ro1 a -a-y out o. 1y o0n sel." 8ay-e I !onGt lo e 1ysel. enough yet5 Aust as I lo e a -a-y" * An! this is e7actly the reason that you cannot lo e 1e yet either" Dou cannot accept that you are 0orth it" In a sentence I recei e! 1y ans0er5 its reason5 an! the reason -ehin! the reason" I coul! no0 un!erstan! 0hy the 0ise 0ere telling 1e that I .irst nee! to lo e 1ysel." 9ust as a -a-y5 I thought" Chy 0as I .in!ing per.ection in a s1all co11on -ir!5 practically i!entical to all the -ir!s o. its /in!5 an! I coul! not .in! it in 1y o0n !istinct an! uni3ue sel.H Chy !i! I 0ant to -e !istinctH Chy !i! I 0ant to -eha e an! to loo/ uni3ue5 0hen co11on 0as so lo elyH Cho 0as this BIE5 this !istinct thing that 0as hi!ing in 1y -o!y trying to -eha e !i..erently5 co1petiti e to the othersH
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8ay-e the reason lies in separation" 8ay-e the separate5 separates itsel. .ro1 a har1onious an! lo a-le 0hole" * An! ho0 a-out youH <o you .eel lo e 0hen you loo/ in the 1irrorH * Not e ery ti1e5 he sai!" #ut at the present yes" I a1 ery prou! that I .oun! you" * Dou .oun! 1eH I .elt ery attracte! to Alessio" Chen he 0as aroun!5 I .elt co1plete5 li/e a pu@@le that has .oun! its 1issing 1atch piece" Chen he 0as a0ay I 1isse! hi1" I .eare! that the !ay he 0oul! go I 0oul! su..er .ro1 1y o0n inco1pleteness" * Alessio5 are 0e inco1pleteH Is there such a thing as our other hal.H Cal/ing so1e0here aroun! on this planetH An! 0e are trying to .in! itH * No5 8i/haela5 0e are co1plete" #ut 0e !o also o-ey the la0 o. !uality" In that sense there is a 1issing part o. us" #etter sai!$ a hi!!en one" J An! this is 0hat you .eel no05 8i/haela$ An e7plosion" T0o particles that attract each other so intensely that they colli!e5 an! 0hen they colli!e they e7plo!e5 unleashing such a !yna1ic5 that they are .orce! apart e en har!er than they 0ere .orce! together5 ga@ing -ac/ !uring their 0hole out0ar! Aourney5 ainly atte1pting to return5 trying to e7plain 0hat happene!5 ho0 such a po0er.ul .orce o. attraction su!!enly trans.or1e! to a .orce o. separation" J E ery-o!y in their li.e is 1eant to 1eet their other hal." The 0hole uni erse 0ill conspire5 the .ire 0ill turn to 0ater an! the
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earth to !ust5 until the encounter happens" The Reencounter o. the 0hole" An! 0hen you 1eet your other hal. you 0ill e7perience the 1o1ent o. ut1ost tran3uility" The ti1e 0ill co1e to a halt? you 0ill un!erstan! the uni1portance o. the 1aterial5 0ithout so1e-o!y reasoning it? you 0ill transcen! to para!ise 0ithout 1a/ing a single step .ro1 your !oor0ay? you 0ill unite 0ith Go! 0ithout e en going to the church5 0ithout prayer or 1e!itation? you 0ill loo/ at the 1irror an! you 0ill Aust .eel happy" This is your -onus5 a gli1pse o. the reality5 your ision o. para!ise5 the truth -ehin! your Aourney5 your reason to li e an! to gro0" J An! this is e7actly 0hy it happens" To gi e you a reason" To sho0 you the goal5 the sea that you 0ill 1erge 0hen you5 the ri er5 0ill reach your !estination5 your una oi!a-le return to Go!5 your !estiny o. co1pleteness" J #ut you are not -oun! to stay in this 1o1ent" It co1es only as a gli1pse in the 1aterial 0orl!5 it 1ay last .or 1inutes or hours or 0ee/s or 1onths5 -ut it cannot last .ore er" As i. it 0oul!5 there 0oul! -e no reason -ehin! the Aourney o. li.e5 no reason -ehin! action" This 0ill -e your gi.t5 your co1pensation 0hen you 1ature? 0hen you -eco1e again a -a-y? 0hen you 0ill 1erge 0ith the !og an! the -ir!? 0hen there 0ill -e no 1ore -oun!aries -et0een you an! the s/y5 the trees5 the sun an! the sea" All this 0on!er.ul surroun!ing that is co1pose! out o. one ele1ent$ 6ar1ony" This 0as 0hat I 0as .eeling no0" Ti1e 0as a-sent5 e erything an! e ery-o!y stoo! still5
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1y surroun!ings 0ere -eauti.ul" I .elt happy5 0ithout /no0ing 0hy5 I .elt co1plete in 1y inco1pleteness5 I .elt that there 0as nothing else to stri e .or5 that this is the goal5 para!ise itsel.5 the highest .eeling that can -e .elt" I .elt that there 0as no nee! to 0or/5 -ecause there 0as no alue in anything 1aterial that can -e gaine! 0ith the 1oney" I 0as e7periencing the highest .eeling an! in that 1o1ent I 0ante! nothing 1ore" * 8i/haela5 this ision o. Lo e 0ill sho0 you the en!" There is nothing higher than it an! you shall instantly reali@e it" It is the .eeling o. co1pleteness an! you shall /no0 that there cannot e7ist anything 1ore co1plete" The anish o. your ego5 the .inal .all o. the Other5 the return to your Go!ly presence" J In this 1o1ent you 0ill reali@e the ut1ost Truth$ That there is no sel.5 you are a >nion" That there is no ti1e5 ti1e is an illusion" That there is no !istinction -et0een you an! nature5 -et0een you an! the other li ing -eings" Dou 0ill -e a-le to .eel the1 as one5 you 0ill -e a-le to lo e the1 an! you 0ill not -e a-le to !o anything else" In this ision o. Truth you 0ill reali@e that you can only lo e" There si1ply is no other .eeling" In this 1o1ent5 e en i. so1e-o!y hits you 0ith a roc/ on the hea!5 you 0ill .eel no pain or anger" #ecause these .eelings !o not e7ist either" Dou 0ill -e protecte! an! you 0ill .eel this protection" Stan!ing on this 1o1ent you 0ill reali@e that the 1aterial is Aust an illusion5 that it !oes not e7ist" 9ust li/e the ti1e5 anger5 pain an! .ear5 you 0ill reali@e that the 1aterialGs -irth an! sei@ure happen
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concurrently5 go erne! -y an illusionary ti1e that per1its the1 to illusionary e7ist" #ut in truth they !onGt" 9ust as you /no0 that pain has a -eginning an! an en!5 you 0ill reali@e that you cannot !e.ine either the -eginning or the en! o. lo e5 -ecause it si1ply neither -egins nor en!s5 it only e7ists" Go! is Lo e is Truth5 it has no -eginning an! no en!" An! in this 1o1ent o. Lo e5 stan!ing on the ti1eless !i1ension5 you 0ill reali@e that only -eauty e7ists" To your eyes e erything 0ill -e -eauti.ulI J In this 1o1ent you 0ill see reality" An! since 1y presence has -rought you to this 1o1ent you 0ill !ee1 yoursel. inco1plete 0ithout 1e" This is an illusion5 since you ha e -rought yoursel. into this 1o1ent loo/ing through 1e insi!e your o0n 0hole" At the 1o1ent you !ee1 yoursel. inco1plete you shall .all5 reality shall ter1inate .or you5 an! you shall return to the illusionary 1aterial 0orl!" ;ear o. loss 0ill penetrate your -o!y along 0ith all other illusionary .eelings" Ti1e 0ill return" Dou 0ill -elie e that co1pleteness is .oun! in 1e5 not in you" An! e er since you .all you are -oun! to lose 1e an! to al0ays see/ .or 1e" Tears ca1e to 1y eyes" This 0as all true" * 6o0e er5 8i/haela5 this is only part o. the truth" This is the truth as your 1in! un!erstan!s it" The truth is that your -eing is co1plete5 you are co1plete" Dou are -oth a 1ale an! a .e1ale" I a1 the 1ale insi!e you" In 1e you see your 1issing part" In .act this part is not a-sent5 it is only hi!!en" I a1 only re.lecting in .ront o. your eyes 0hat alrea!y
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lies -ehin! the1" An! as long as you are not in lo e 0ith 0hat lies -ehin! the15 you cannot -e in lo e 0ith 0hat lies in .ront o. the1" As 1uch as you 0ant 1e5 0ith your actions you 0ill push 1e a0ay" An! 0ith 1y reaction5 I a1 -oun! to !o the sa1e" That 0ay our collision 0ill e7plo!e" ;ro1 thence .or0ar!s 0e shall cra e .or each other preten!ing that 0e !onGt care" #ut cra ing 0ill -e in ain5 -ecause our !estiny is apart5 not together" Our !estiny is .or1e! on earth5 our goal is to 1ature5 our en! 0ill -e the para!ise" An! 0hat 0e 0ill really cra e .or is not each other -ut oursel es" Our true sel es" Our egoless sel es" >nion" Go!" I coul! not help stopping 1y tears co1ing .ro1 1y eyes" I re1aine! still an! it 0as true$ Insi!e his eyes I coul! see 1ysel." 6e 0as 1y other hal.5 right here5 right in .ront o. 1e" * No0 you ha e reali@e! that I a1 the unseen you an! you are the unseen 1e" 9ust no0 you ha e seen the unseen" ;ro1 no0 on you shall -eha e to 1e li/e you -eha e to yoursel." #ut no0 you are not you5 you are your social Other" The Other is !o1inating your -o!y" An! as such5 you shall see/ a! ice .ro1 the others" Dou shall not listen to your o0n e1otions" Dou shall con.or1 to 0hat you 0ere al0ays con.or1ing" Dou shall push your o0n true sel. a0ay .ro1 you" An! as part o. your true sel.5 as your e7act opposite5 you shall push 1e a0ay as 0ell" Searching Go! you shall ta/e !istance .ro1 6i1" #ut /no0 this$ J To ta/e !istance is the only 0ay to o-ser e"
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J Through the !ar/ tunnel co1es the light" J Through !uality you reali@e the One" J Through the hell co1es the para!ise" Tears 0ere !ropping .ro1 1y eyes -y no0" They 0ere tears o. truth" A.ter all5 a tear itsel. is truth" * So you ans0ere! 1y 3uestion" * I !i!" * I 0ant to lo e you" * I /no0 you !o" This is the purpose o. li.e" Ce all 0ant to lo e" #ut there is a path to reach there" One !ay you shall lo e 1e" It is Aust not the ti1e yet" * Alessio5 !o you lo e 1eH * I !o" * Can you /eep 1e 0ith you .ore erH Can you Aust .ol! 1e in your luggage an! ta/e 1e 0here er you goH * I canGt" * ChyH * To -e 0ith Go! is a choice" E en i. .inally it is not possi-le not to -e 0ith 6i15 the illusion o. ti1e per1its you the illusion o. your -eing a0ay .ro1 6i1" An! so you ha e the choice" An! e en i. 6e /no0s that you can only -e 0ith 6i15 he shall respect your ti1e*go erne! choice not to -e 0ith 6i1" 6e 0ill challenge -oth your choice not to -e 0ith 6i1 an! your choice to -e 0ith 6i1" An! since Go! is Lo e5 your lo e shall -e challenge!" An! i. you choose to -e the Other5 you shall push Lo e a0ay" Dou shall attract .ear" #ut you also shall -e gi en the ision o. Lo e" An! in its 1e1ory you shall su..er" Su..ering is your !epresse! lo e" An! as such it is energy" This energy 0ill -e .ueling your Aourney5 0hich 0ill lea! you to
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your sa ior" IsnGt e erything 1a!e in per.ectionH * I hate you" * This is a goo! sign" It 1eans you ha e .eelings" An! it 1eans you can hate yoursel." * Go! is 1ean" * 6e is" I. Go! is e erything5 6e is -oth goo! an! 1ean" At the sa1e ti1e 6e is high an! lo05 -lac/ an! 0hite5 hot an! col!5 6e is all there is5 6e is one an! you see 6i1 as !ual -ecause you are !ual" 6e is the har1ony that results out o. the .urious energy5 6e is the reason .or the .lo0 as 0ell as .or its en!5 the sea 0ith 0hich the ri er is -oun! to 1erge5 the !estination o. your Aourney5 the gli1pse that you are recei ing no05 your true an! ut1ost goal5 your o0n sel." * Alessio5 I lo e you" * I /no0 you !o" Dou can only lo e 1e5 there is no other 0ay"
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III.5 -o*e and marr&age

I ha! 1y ans0er an! it 0oul! 1a/e sense" I coul! only lo e hi1" #ut ho0 coul! I lo e t0o 1en at the sa1e ti1eH I 0as suppose! to ha e one -oy.rien! an! later one hus-an!5 one .ather .or 1y chil!ren? I 0as suppose! to -e hal. an! see/ing 1y other hal." Or 0as I t0o 3uarters see/ing .or 1y other t0oH IsnGt that suppose! to -e the sa1eH #y no0 it 0as clear to 1e$ This 0hole ga1e o. lo e 0as 0rong" The goal 0as 1arriage an! e erything in this ga1e 0as 1o ing aroun! it" To create a .a1ily5 to ser e the spouse5 to 1a/e 1y parents happy5 to ha e chil!ren" E erything 0as .i7e!5 pre!eter1ine!" #ut 0here 0as I in this ga1eH It 0as the nor1 in our to0n that 1en 0oul! !eci!e a-out the .uture o. the !aughters" The groo1 goes to the .ather as/ing .or the -ri!e" The .ather e7a1ines the econo1ics5 the social status5 the !egree o. trust0orthiness" Cithout as/ing the -ri!e5 the .ather !eci!es an! 1arriage .ollo0s" 8arriage 0as clearly a -usiness !eal5 a contract" Luc/ily5 our .ather 0as !i..erent" 6a ing .our !aughters an! a 0i.e5 he sho0e! so1e un!erstan!ing to e1otion" 6e allo0e! us to select a 1an on our o0n an! e en 1aintain a relationship -e.ore 1arriage" ;or 1any people in 8al asia this 0as unaccepta-le5 especially .or those .ollo0ing the Isla1ic tra!itions" #ut 1arriage 0as still there" It 0as still the hi!!en goal o. our relationships an! e erything 0as silently turning aroun! it"
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Chere 0as lo e in this ga1eH No0here5 not e en -ehin! this 0eir! in ention o. 1arriage" It 0as clear" The !ecision 0as not a-out 0ho1 to lo e" The !ecision 0as a-out sei@ing lo e" The !ecision in .act 0as -et0een lo e an! 1arriage5 0ith the1 -eing 1utually e7clusi e" Chen I 0as rea!y to gi e up lo e5 I coul! get 1arrie!" A.ter 1y encounter 0ith Alessio5 I .elt as i. lo e 0o/e up insi!e 1e" 6a ing .our years o. relationship 0ith Elias5 I sa0 our lo e ha ing its ups an! !o0ns5 -ut the .eeling 0as generally !eclining" Our relationship 0as e7tinguishing this spar/ling lo e that 0e ha! in the -eginning" I .elt 1y heart going sti.. li/e an ageing 1an to0ar!s his en!5 .ree@ing its 1otion to a roc/" So1eti1es I 0oul! Austi.y Elias saying that I lo e! hi1 1echanically" All this until Alessio ca1e to 1y li.e" 8y encounter 0ith hi1 0as li/e a -ree@e o. .resh air" 8y heart so.tene! su!!enly an! I -egan .eeling again" Chat I !i!nGt e7pect 0as that I -egan ha ing .eelings .or -oth Alessio an! Elias" Elias see1e! please! an! surprise!5 -ut he coul!nGt attri-ute the reason .or this su!!en change to anything" I 0as once again happy" In this 0orl! that I create!5 I .elt co1.orta-le" I ha! 1y 0or/5 1y .a1ily5 1y .rien!s5 I lo e! an! I 0as -eing lo e! at the sa1e ti1e" Elias 0as there5 sta-le li/e a 1ountain5 soli! li/e a roc/" Cith hi1 -y 1y si!e I ha! a re.erence5 so1ething that 0as al0ays there5 a ho1e I coul! al0ays go5 a .uture an! a .a1ily" Security" That is 0hat he 0as" 8y 1e!icine against an e er present
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.ear5 the 1an ensuring that I 0oul! ne er -e le.t alone" An! -esi!e 1e Alessio5 a spar/le5 a -ree@e5 a ri er o. .resh 0ater that 0oul! relie e any thirst in the -lin/ o. an eye" Cith hi1 I ha! .oun! a reason to lo e5 a reason to li e" Chy coul!nGt I .eel -oth .or one 1an onlyH The reason 0as 1e" I ha! 0ell un!erstoo! .ro1 Alessio that insi!e 1e I ha! t0o personalities coe7isting5 .ighting to pre ail5 the 8e an! the Other" The 8e 0as an a1-itious girl5 .ull o. interests5 !yna1ic an! lo ing? it 0as attracting gro0th5 ris/ an! challenge" The Other 0as a creature o. society5 an al0ays cra ing entity5 a pursuer o. sta-ility5 0ealth an! co1pany" An entity that pursue! 1arriage as the single insurance that I 0oul! ne er -e le.t alone5 unsecure!" The Other 0as .ear" The Other 0as cra ing .or security -ecause it !i!nGt ha e it" The Other 0as cra ing .or sta-ility -ecause it !i!nGt .eel it" The Other 0as cra ing .or 1arriage -ecause it -elie e! that -eauty 0as !eclining 0ith age5 lea!ing to an una oi!a-le loneliness in li.e" The Other 0as cra ing .or chil!ren5 -ecause it 0as cra ing .or so1e-o!y to continue its erroneous e7istence a.ter 1y -o!y 0oul! !ie" It 0as cra ing in .act .or reincarnation5 its settle1ent insi!e a younger -o!y5 1y chil!5 that 0oul! li e a.ter 1y !eath5 constantly -eing inherite! .ro1 1other to !aughter5 an e er*e7isting cra e .or the !aughter to loo/ li/e the 1other5 -eha e li/e the 1other5 tal/ li/e the 1other5 .inally -e the 1other5 a.ter the 1otherGs !eath" The Other 0as cra ing .or continuance -ecause it /ne0 that one !ay it
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ha! to !ie" The Other 0as 1ortal an! .or this reason the Other 0as .ear" It 0as clear" The 8e an! the Other ha! !i..erent nee!s" An! .or this reason the 8e an! the Other 0ere sleeping 0ith t0o !i..erent 1en" In this contrast I ha! .oun! a -alance" A -alance -et0een t0o entities insi!e 1ysel.5 a -alance -et0een Alessio an! Elias" I 0oul! spen! so1e ti1e 0ith Alessio an! so1e ti1e 0ith Elias5 /eeping -oth parts on par" #ut I nee!e! to /eep those t0o li es separate" I 0as tre1-ling 0ith the i!ea that one !ay they 1ight 1eet on the street" Alessio /ne0 a-out Elias5 I 0ante! to -e honest 0ith hi1 right .ro1 the start" E en i. I coul! sense that he 0ante! to -e 1y -oy.rien!5 he see1e! to -e a!Austing to the role o. the lo er5 at least .or no0" So1eti1es I 0oul! .eel Aealous a-out hi1 1eeting other girls5 -ut then he 0oul! re1in! 1e that I !i! not allo0 hi1 to -e 1y -oy.rien!" One !ay I !i! 0ant to -e his girl.rien!5 in .act I 0as e en !rea1ing o. it in 1y sleep" #ut I .eare! o. losing Elias" E en i. I cra e! to .ly5 I still !i!nGt 0ant to let earth go" 6a ing -oth o. the15 I !i! ha e -oth 0ings to .ly an! .eet to 0al/" Interchangea-ly5 in a se3uence5 li/e the !ay .ollo0s the night5 an! the night .ollo0s the !ay5 I 0oul! -e 0ith Alessio an! Elias in t0o separate 0orl!s5 se3uencing each other" ;ro1 night to !ay an! !ay to night one 1onth passe! in a .lash5 in a !rea15 in a 0orl! 0here I coul! 0al/ an! .ly 0hene er I 0ante!"
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III.6 T e moment of c o&ce

>ntil it ca1e to an en!" I al0ays .eare! that this 1o1ent 0oul! one !ay co1e" E en i. I al0ays Au!ge! it to lie in the .uture5 there co1es a ti1e 0hen the .uture -eco1es present" The .uture cannot al0ays stay in the .uture" E erything loo/e! as i. that !ay 0oul! -e a nor1al 0or/ing !ay o. the su11er" I 0ent to 0or/ an! a.ter0ar!s I passe! -y the house o. Alessio" I 0as .eeling 1ore an! 1ore secure 0ith Alessio an! I al0ays pre.erre! to spen! the e ening 0ith hi1" O. course5 I ha! to spen! ti1e 0ith Elias as 0ell5 -ut this usually happene! a.ter so1e /in! o. co1plaint .ro1 his si!e" 6e 0as co1plaining 1ore an! 1ore a-out 1e not spen!ing enough ti1e 0ith hi1" Chat see1e! 0eir! to 1e 0as that Elias starte! -eha ing li/e a sponge$ No 1atter ho0 1uch 0ater I 0oul! pour5 the sponge 0oul! a-sor- it" Enough 0as ne er the case" 8any ti1es I .elt guilty a-out it an! I /ne0 that one !ay I 0oul! ha e to 1a/e the choice" That !ay 0as to!ay" * Celco1e 8i/haela5 Alessio sai! as he opene! the !oor to 1e" 6e 0as s1iling5 as al0ays 0hen he 0as greeting 1e to his house5 -ut I i11e!iately got the .eeling that so1ething 0as 0rong" 6e /ept on s1iling 0hile I /ept on stan!ing at the !oor" It 1ust -e 1e5 I thought5 an! I entere!" So1eti1es I !o get .eelings 0ithout a reason" * 2lease sit !o0n 8i/haela5 I nee! to tal/ to you"
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8y .eelings 0ere ne er 0rong" 6is house 0as rela7ing an! 0ar1" At least this is ho0 I 0as .eeling in it" 6is .urniture 0as place! in such a 0ay that enough space 0oul! -e le.t insi!e each roo1" I 0as .eeling that 1y e1otions coul! e7pan! in this house" I selecte! one o. the so.t cushions on the .loor an! I sat !o0n" 6e sat opposite to 1e5 e7ten!ing his han!s to touch 1ine" * 8i/haela5 a letter ca1e to!ay .ro1 the go ern1ent in 4enice" 8y !epart1ent 0ill -e sta..e! 0ith ne0 people 0ho 0ill -e co1ing .ro1 4enice soon" In one 0ee/ 1y assign1ent in 8al asia 0ill co1e to an en!" I re1aine! silent loo/ing at hi1" I !i!nGt get any e7pression5 neither !i! I .eel the nee! to cry" The tears 0ere alrea!y !ropping on the insi!e" * 8i/haela5 I !onGt nee! to return to 4enice i11e!iately an! a.ter all I a1 a .ree 1an an! I !onGt nee! to return at all" I 0oul! !o anything to -e 0ith you an! to organi@e 1y li.e in 8al asia 0oul! only -e a s1all part o. it" J #ut5 8i/haela5 I nee! you to 1a/e a step to0ar!s that !irection too" Dou nee! to 1a/e a choice" The choice -et0een Elias an! 1e" I. I stay here5 I 0ill stay .or you5 an! co11it1ent cannot co1e .ro1 one si!e only" A change is ne er partial5 that 1uch I ha! un!erstoo! .ro1 li.e" Either e erything changes or nothing an! changes !o ha e i1plications" 6e 0as lea ing an! I nee!e! to choose" I coul! /eep hi1 -y 1y si!e5 -ut I nee!e! to hol! 1y han!s .ir1ly on his5 Aust li/e he 0as hol!ing 1ine no0" An! i. I 0oul! let the1 go5 he 0oul! .lee"
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* 8i/haela5 I thin/ the -est 0ay to 1a/e a choice is to -e on your o0n" #eing 0ith 1e5 li/e right no05 0ill -ias your choice to0ar!s 1e an! -eing 0ith Elias 0ill -ias your choice to0ar!s hi1" Only alone 0ill you -e a-le to 1a/e a .ir1 !ecision" AloneH I 0as ne er alone" That 0or! 0as -lac/liste! in 1y oca-ulary" I 0as .our years together 0ith Elias" An! -e.ore that 0ith 8arcus" An! -e.ore that 0ith Nicholas" An! -e.ore thatH I !i!nGt nee! to count" I only nee!e! to count ho0 1uch ti1e I 0as alone" It 0as only a!!ing up to so1e 1onths5 not e en a year" * Alone5 8i/haela5 1eans to really ha e ti1e on your o0n" E ery-o!y else e7cept you co1prises the Other" Dou alrea!y /no0 0hat the Other is5 you alrea!y /no0 that it is not you5 !o you 0ant the Other to !eci!e .or youH E en 0hen I 0as not in a relationship5 e en .or these .e0 1onths5 I ha! nu1erous .rien!s" An! so1eho0 I 0oul! re1e1-er the1 1ore .re3uently then" An! 0hen I 0as not 0ith 1y .rien!s I 0as 0ith 1y sisters" 8y .a1ily 0as -ig enough so that al0ays so1e-o!y 0oul! -e a aila-le to tal/ to" Alone" ;or 1e5 this situation 0as to -e a oi!e!" * 6o0 can I -e on 1y o0n5 0hen I a1 splitting 1y ti1e -et0een you an! hi1H * ;or 1y part I !eci!e! to help you" I 0ill 1a/e a Aourney to Egypt" I al0ays 0ante! to see the pyra1i!s an! learn a-out their ancient culture an! I thin/ no0 it is a goo! opportunity .or 1e to !o it" ;or the part o. Elias5 this 0ill -e up to you" Dou nee! to e7plain hi15 an! he shoul! un!erstan!" This ti1e nee!s to -e ti1e
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on your o0n" I. you stay 0ith hi15 your !ecision 0ill -e -iase! to0ar!s hi1" That night 0e 1a!e lo e passionately" I !onGt /no0 i. it 0as -ecause I .eare! that I 0oul! lose hi1 or -ecause I 0ante! to pre ent hi1 .ro1 going a0ay" 8ost o. all5 I 0as a.rai! o. 1ysel." I 0as a.rai! that i. he 0oul! let his t0o han!s go .ro1 hol!ing 1e5 I 0oul! Aust let hi1 go5 0atching hi1 getting lost in the !istance" Cith his t0o han!s aroun! 1e I .ell soun! asleep"
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III.7 T e drama
Alessio 0as going a0ay an! 0hat I nee!e! 0as ti1e to thin/" I re1e1-ere! 1y gran!1other" Letting her go5 I 0as 0atching her getting lost in the !istance" Is it all a-out a replayH The sa1e5 again an! again5 .ro1 !i..erent people5 in !i..erent situations5 -ut al0ays the sa1eH I al0ays .eare! that this 1o1ent 0oul! one !ay co1e" #ut I /no0 0hat 1a!e this .ear gro0 insi!e 1e$ I ha! li e! this in the past an! I coul!nGt stop it5 I 0as li ing it in the present an! I coul!nGt stop it" I .eare! that I 0oul! li e it in the .uture an! that I 0oul! not -e a-le to stop it" I once 0as una-le to stop separation an! this situation 0as co1ing again an! again 0hen I 0as least e7pecting it5 challenging 1y a-ility to stop it" * This 1o1ent5 this repeating situation is your !ra1a5 8i/haela" Cas I thin/ing out lou! againH It 0as alrea!y 1orning 0hen I 0o/e up ne7t to hi1" * Chat is 1y !ra1a5 AlessioH * Dour !ra1a" It is a situation that happene! to you in the past" That ti1e you 0ere una-le to han!le it" Dour reaction to it 0as ina!e3uate an! you 0ere le! to a pain.ul e7perience" Dou /no0 you coul! ha e !one -etter -ut you !i!nGt5 perhaps -ecause you consi!ere! yoursel. 0ea/ or -ecause you 0ere lac/ing e7perience" Dou resent the situation itsel. -ut 1ost o. all you -la1e yoursel. .or your action or inacti ity" It 0as pain.ul an! you !onGt 0ant the situation to appear again in your li.e"
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J #ut this situation is co1ing again an! again" ;ro1 !i..erent people an! in a !i..erent conte7t5 -ut it al0ays re3uires .ro1 you the sa1e reaction" It is the reaction that you coul! not an! still cannot per.or1" In that 1anner5 your !ra1a is stronger than you" Dou are still not a-le to cope 0ith it" An! there.ore you .ear it" A-an!on1ent" 8y parents 0ho a-an!one! 1e in Sparta 0hen they le.t .or 8al asia" 8y gran!1other 0ho1 I a-an!one! 0hen I le.t .or 8al asia" 8y little !og5 1y only co1pany !uring 1y early chil!hoo! years5 0hen our .ather too/ her to his 0or/place an! she got sic/ an! !ie!" 8y little puppet" 8y .irst -oy.rien!" Chat !i! I !o to pre ent itH Nothing" Chat coul! I ha e !oneH 8uch" I 0as thin/ing o er an! o er 0hat I coul! ha e !one in all these situations an! I 0as co1ing up 0ith so 1any alternati es" #ut all these alternati es staye! in 1y 1in!5 in reality I ha! ne er reacte!" An! the situation 0as happening again an! again in 1y li.e5 in a replay5 in a !ra1a that I 0oul! participate as an actor5 a !ra1a !irecte! -y a higher .orce an! 1e5 only rea!ing the script out lou!" * <o you thin/ I coul! ha e acte! in a !i..erent 0ay5 Alessio5 I sai! irritate!" I .elt I 0as trappe!5 I .elt I 0as po0erless" There 0as nothing I coul! !o" Or 1ay-e I coul!5 -utL * The past -elongs to the past5 8i/haela" Chat is i1portant is that your !ra1a 0as then -igger than you an! that you !i! not act other0ise" The situation happene! Aust as e erything e7ternal only happens in or!er to create an opportunity .or you to act an!
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through your action to reali@e your thoughts5 reali@e yoursel.5 !e.ine 0ho you really are" I. you .aile! to act accor!ing to your thoughts an! .eelings5 then you resent" Resent1ent 1eans that this action 0as not you" Dou coul! ha e !one other0ise an! e en i. you coul!nGt -ac/ then5 you nee! to 1a/e sure that in the .uture you 0ill -e a-le to" It is an inner contract 0ith yoursel.5 a contract o. change5 a contract to stop resenting an! .inally .ight 0hat see1s to -e in inci-le$ Dour !ra1a" J As 1uch ti1e as you .eel una-le to .ight your !ra1a5 thoughts an! .eelings are circulating in your 1in!" Chy !i! you !o thisH Chy !i!nGt you !o thatH Dou .ear that the situation 0ill -e repeate!5 that you 0ill .ail again an! you 0ill get the sa1e results" Dou .eel less po0er.ul than the situation an! there.ore you .ear it an! you !onGt 0ant it to repeat" * True" * #ut it 0ill5 -e sure .or that" Dour -iggest .ear shall reali@e5 8i/haela" * The la0 o. attraction" * E7actly" Su-consciously you .ear the situation thus attract it in your li.e" Dour !ra1a is replaye!" Dou start getting use! to it5 accepting it" Dou thin/ it is your !estiny5 your /ar1a" Dou !e elop a set o. responses5 0hich see1 reasona-le in your eyes" Respon!ing li/e that you alrea!y /no0 0hat 0ill happen" Dou /no0 that this 0ill -e pain.ul5 -ut the 1ore you get use! to that pain5 the less you .eel it" The su!!en pain is al0ays 0orse than the e7pecte! one" Dou get .a1iliar to that pain5 in a 0ay nu1-" An! you start -la1ing the
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!irector5 Go!5 that 6e /eeps on sen!ing you the sa1e !ra1a" Dou thin/ you !eser e -etter" Correct" * This is all 0rong5 8i/haela" Dou !onGt !eser e -etter" Not until you outgro0 your !ra1a" J Li.e is a 0on!er.ul !ance o. Aoy an! you !o get 0hat you !eser e in or!er to gro0" E ery situation co1es to you in or!er to 1a/e you thin/ an! react5 in or!er to .irst create in your 1in! an! then in the 0orl! an! a.ter0ar!s recei e the Aoy or the sorro0 as an inner in!icator o. 0hether your action 0as right or 0rong" E ery sorro05 e ery 0rong action is an opportunity5 an opportunity to gro0" Or 1ore precisely$ An opportunity to outgro0 it" J Once you outgro0 your !ra1a you are stronger than it" Dou /no0 your response 0as right5 you coul! !o no -etter" An! e en i. the outco1e 0as not pleasant5 it is pleasant that 0hate er 0as in your han!s 0as !one properly" Dou !eci!e that i. the situation co1es again5 you 0ill -eha e e7actly in the sa1e 0ay5 -ecause this -eha ior is the -est you can !o5 there si1ply is no -etter" J Once this happens then you ha e outgro0n the situation" Dou !onGt .ear it any1ore an! 1ost i1portant you !onGt .ear your response to it5 si1ply -ecause you /no0 there is no -etter" Chen you stop .earing it5 you stop ha ing it circulating in your 1in!" Chen the thought ceases5 the action ceases as 0ell" In a 0orl! 0here e erything is create! as a thought in .irst place5 there is no 1ore
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space .or your !ra1a again in your li.e" Dou are rea!y .or a higher challenge5 another 1ore !i..icult an! 1ore interesting situation" An! this 0ill co1e in or!er .or you to gro0 higher" This process is calle! e olution" * Alessio5 !o you -elie e that e eryone can o erco1e their !ra1aH * E eryone can -ut not e eryone !oes" It is a process an! 1any people either 3uit !uring the process or5 1ore co11only5 they get use! to it" An! 0ith it they get use! to -la1ing others or Go! .or it" #ut your !ra1a nee!s to -e passe!5 either in this li.e or in another one" * ReincarnationH * I. you -elie e in it" It co1es along 0ith your /ar1a an! your /ar1a is in .act your !ra1a an! the !estiny o. your ri er is the sea an! the ri er can ne er reach the sea going roun! an! roun!" Dou nee! to go through" * To go through is pain.ul" * It is5 an! that is 0hy it is easier to /eep going aroun!" #ut li.e nee!s you to -e a 0arrior" Chat you try to a oi! /eeps co1ing to you -ecause you .ear it" IsnGt this ga1e !esigne! per.ectlyH The only 0ay not to .ear it is to outgro0 it5 to go through it" E olution is the only alternati e in this ga1e" Only 0hen you incarnate your thought an! your true sel.5 you can see the light on the other si!e o. the !ar/ tunnel" Cith these 0or!s he le.t 1e an! I let hi1 go" A-an!on1ent" Once again 1y !ra1a 0as there5 the -oo1erang ca1e -ac/ an! I 0as challenge!" I 1anage! to see the -oo1erang 1ore clearly this ti1e" The -oo1erang 0as in .act 1y !ra1a" An! its !esign is such that it
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/eeps co1ing -ac/5 no 1atter 0here an! ho0 strong you thro0 it" The -oo1erang is the essence o. this li.e" Chen I le.t his house5 I .elt that I ha! Aust entere! the !ar/ tunnel"
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1eep inside Mikhaela knew what was right for her. 2ut if only there were no other factors. If only there was one decision simply right, and one simply wrong. 2ut there was not. 3he knew that the one defining right and wrong was only herself. Or better put4 !he feelings she would get after her decision was made final. !he feelings of an assassinator lying in front of a dead body, knowing that there is no way of undoing her act. 3he cried. 5o, she didn6t want to be the killer. Once again, she didn6t want to take the decision. 7ith the boomerang in her hand, she felt once again weak.
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III." T e sc ool of sorrow

On the ne7t !ay5 I 0o/e up 0ith a night1are" I 0as stan!ing at a crossroa!s" Alessio 0as on the roa! in .ront" 6e 0as 0al/ing .or0ar!" Elias 0as stan!ing -esi!e 1e at that crossroa!s" On 1y le.t si!e I coul! see a signpost" It ha! 1any signs5 all con.using" So1e signs 0ere pointing to a !irection 0here there 0as no roa!" Alessio 0as 1o ing on .or0ar! loo/ing at 1e .re3uently5 no!!ing 1e to co1e" Elias 0as stan!ing -esi!e 1e loo/ing at Alessio" 6e 0as sa!" I .elt li/e hugging hi15 -ut 1y han! 0as going through his -o!y5 I 0as not a-le to touch hi1" Alessio 0as 0al/ing a0ay5 getting lost in the !istance" 2erhaps he 0as hea!ing to Egypt or so1e0here else" 6e 0as no!!ing at 1e to co1e 0ith hi1" On the roa! in .ront o. 1e I sa0 a !usty sign" I coul! har!ly rea! it" Cith 0ell*0orn letters it sai!$ BOne 0ayE" I then loo/e! at the roa! on 1y right" It 0as cur y an! hea!ing uphill" It loo/e! tiring" I loo/e! at the roa! on 1y le.t" It see1e! li/e a !ea!*en!" The pa e! roa! en!e! in the !istance an! so1e narro0 !irt paths see1e! to start .ro1 there" 2ro-a-ly so1e people create! the1 -y 0al/ing their o0n 0ay a.ter the en! o. the -eaten path" I loo/e! .ront again" Alessio 0as alrea!y lost" I tre1-le!" The ol! signpost on the roa! 0as still rea!ing$ BOne 0ayE" I loo/e! to0ar!s 1y right" Elias ha! anishe! into thin air" I collapse!" I 0as stan!ing alone at a crossroa!s in the 1i!!le o. the !esert" I 0o/e up" It 0as a
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!rea1" 8y heart 0as -eating .ast" I .elt relie e!" Ta/ing an early -rea/.ast I reali@e! 1y nee! to tal/ to so1e-o!y" #ut to 0ho1 to tal/H Elias !i! not e en /no0 a-out 1y a..air 0ith Alessio" An! Alessio ha! alrea!y le.t" 8y .rien!s 0ere goo! at /eeping co1pany -ut too strict on a! ice" They 0oul! tell 1e e7actly 0hat to !o5 -ut i. they 0ere in 1y situation5 I a1 sure they 0oul!nGt !o it" I thought a-out 1y 1other" She once tol! 1e a-out a 1on/ 0ho li e! on the other si!e o. the thin passage that separate! 8al asia .ro1 the 1ainlan!" 6e 0as /no0n .or his a-ility to loo/ into the .uture" 6e ha! a s1all house ne7t to an ortho!o7 chapel an! although there 0as no regular 1ass in that chapel5 he 0as there e ery !ay .or his 1orning prayer" 4ery sel!o1 0oul! people cross the thin passage to the 1ainlan! to isit hi1 an! usually they 0oul! -e as/ing .or so1e /in! o. help or gui!ance" The 1on/ 0as al0ays /in! an! as/e! nothing in return" 6is na1e 0as 9ere1ias" As it 0as early on this Satur!ay 1orning5 I !eci!e! to pay hi1 a isit" The roa! 0as long5 -ut I enAoye! the 1orning !a0n" I 0as 0al/ing slo0ly5 .ollo0ing AlessioGs a! ice" Thoughts 0ere crossing 1y 1in! an! in -et0een I 0as a-le to conte1plate the sunrise" In -et0een" This ery s1all ti1e.ra1e5 0here Alessio 0oul! say that the #eing 0as hi!ing" In -et0een 1y thoughts a 1agni.icent sunrise 0as ta/ing place" Chen I opene! the !oor o. the chapel5 I sa0 9ere1ias -en!ing in .ront o. the i1age o.
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8other 8ary5 0hispering prayers" I sat on a -ench insi!e the chapel" I 0as his only isitor" Chen he .inishe! his prayer5 he -lesse! the rest o. the i1ages 0ith incense s1o/e co1ing out o. a 1etallic censer" * Goo! 1orning5 young la!y5 he sai! turning to0ar!s 1y si!e 0ith a -right s1ile on his .ace" * Goo! 1orning5 ;ather5 I sai!" * ItGs al0ays a pleasure .or 1e to see isitors in this s1all chapel" 6e 0as loo/ing straight into 1y eyes" 6is eyes 0ere shining" I re1e1-ere! the eyes o. Alessio 0hen he 0as getting o-sesse! in his 0or!" * Dou see1 0orrie! young la!y" A lot o. thoughts are crossing your 1in!" Dou ca1e here .or a! iceH * I ha e hear! 1any things a-out you5 ;ather5 I sai!" I nee! your a! ice" I .eel con.use!" I 0o/e up early in the 1orning" * Oh5 0orries5 0orries an! 0orries" 2eople 0orry -ecause they !onGt /no0" An! they !onGt /no0 -ecause they !onGt ha e a clear 1in!" Too 1any thoughts5 too 1any 0orries" Lea ing asi!e his censer5 he sat !o0n opposite 1e5 touching -oth 1y pal1s" Closing his eyes5 he 1ur1ure! so1e prayers" Then he sai!$ * Let 1e gui!e you insi!e your !rea1" 6is .ace ha! a s1ile that 0as not co1ing through his 1outh" It 0as li/e the s1ile o. a happy -a-y" As i. he ha! seen 1y !rea1 hi1sel. he starte! tal/ing$ * Dou see1 to -e .acing a choice? at a crossroa!s" Crossroa!s al0ays co1e
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une7pecte!ly in the 0al/ o. li.e" Dou thin/ that your path is straight5 -ut in .act it is .ull o. !ea!*en!s an! crossroa!s" Dou are stan!ing too long on the1 young la!y" Dou are in!ecisi e an! 0hile loo/ing at the arious roa!s5 they change5 they -eco1e !i..erent" J I see a young 1an in your !rea1" 6e is stan!ing .ir1ly ne7t to you" #ut he is not loo/ing at you 1y !ear" 6e is loo/ing to0ar!s another 1an in the !istance" I can see the other 1an5 he is a .oreigner" 6e is lea ing" 6e is going -ac/ to his country" #ut he lo es you" 6e lo es you a lot" The 1an ne7t to you is not loo/ing to you any1ore" 6e is loo/ing to0ar!s the .oreigner too" Dou are ta/ing too long to !eci!e young la!y" The signs sho0 your 0ay" Dou are loo/ing at 1any 0ays5 -ut there is only one 0ay5 I can rea! it clearly" #ut 0hile you are ta/ing your ti1e to !eci!e5 the .oreigner is going a0ay" An! e en i. you see your .rien! ne7t to you5 it is only his i1age" 6e is not there5 he is loo/ing to0ar!s the .oreigner" Dou canGt touch hi15 in reality he is alrea!y gone" At the en! you stay alone" #oth anish -ut the crossroa!s are still there" <onGt 0orry young la!y5 your path is .ull o. light" 6e opene! his eyes again" Tears 0ere 0elling up in 1y eyes5 rea!y to .lo0" At the en! 0oul! I lose -oth o. the1H * Chat is your na1eH * 8i/haela5 I 1anage! to say" * Dou ha e a -eauti.ul na1e5 8i/haela5 he sai! 0ith a -right s1ile" Dou are na1e! a.ter the Archangel 8ichael5 the 0arrior o. light" 6e protects an! gui!es us5 0hen he sees us in
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nee!" 6is i1age stan!s in e ery Ortho!o7 church" ThereI 6e pointe! to0ar!s an ol! i1age -esi!e the inner !oor o. the chapel" It 0as a han!so1e 1ale 0ith -ig 0ings !resse! in .ull ar1or" In his right han! he 0as hol!ing a s0or!" In his le.t han! he 0as hol!ing the soul o. a 1an5 6e 0as .ir1ly stepping on a !ea! -o!y" * The -o!y is the -o!y o. the Gree!y" The 1yth says that the Gree!y in his li.e 0as not 0illing to share anything 0ith anyone" 6e 0as lost insi!e his -elongings" The Archangel is there to separate the pure .ro1 the .allen" In his han! he is hol!ing the pure soul o. the .allen 1an" 2urity lies al0ays insi!e the sinner" 6e staye! in silence .or a 1o1ent" Cith a serious e7pression he loo/e! at 1e an! sai!$ * 8i/haela" The Archangel is your gui!e" I .elt con.use!? I 0as too uni1portant to ha e such an i1portant gui!e" * Dou are so con.use!5 8i/haela5 you are li/e a -a-y" This is nor1al" #ut you nee! to gro0 out o. it" Ce all co1e to li.e .or a purpose5 0e are here to e ol e5 an! this counts .or you too" E erything happens .or a purpose5 this purpose5 e olution" J In your path you nee! to ha e .aith" E ery ti1e you !ou-t5 it is -ecause you !onGt /no0 an! you ha e lost your .aith" Then you nee! to go through the school o. sorro0" The purpose o. this school is to pro i!e you 0ith a lesson5 a lesson that you learn through e7perience5 a lesson that 0ill help you gui!e yoursel." :no0le!ge lies in .aith" ;aith that nothing can go 0rong5 .aith that Go! is 0ith you5 .aith that you are protecte!" ;aith 1a/es you .eel
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strong5 it 1a/es you trust your .eelings an! 0ithout .ear choose the right path at the crossroa!s o. li.e" J #ut so1eti1es5 e en i. you sense your path5 e en i. you see the signs5 you .ear" It is 0hen you lose in .aith that you .ear" An! 0hen you .ear5 you lose lo e" An! 0hen you lose lo e5 you lose e erything5 e en i. you canGt un!erstan! it" J I 0ill tell you a para-le .ro1 the #i-le" The apostles 0ere on a -oat5 0hile 9esus 0as praying alone on the 1ountain" Su!!enly5 !uring the night5 a strong 0in! -le0 on the sea5 causing -ig 0a es to rise" The apostles 0ere in !anger" They got !esperate5 .earing that they 0oul! !ro0n" Then they sa0 9esus approaching the15 0al/ing on the 0ater" They coul!nGt -elie e in their eyes5 they thought they 0ere alrea!y seeing ghosts5 ho0 coul! so1e-o!y 0al/ on the 0aterH An! 2eter sai!$ BI. it is you 1y Lor!5 or!er 1e to co1e to youE" An! 9esus sai!$ BCo1eE" Then 2eter steppe! o.. the -oat an! starte! 0al/ing on the 0ater" #ut the 0a es 0ere high an! .ear penetrate! hi1" Su!!enly he starte! to sin/ in the 0ater5 as/ing .or 6is help" 9esus ca1e closer an! gi ing hi1 6is han! 6e as/e!$ BChere is your .aith 2eterH Chat 1a!e you hesitateHE J It is 0hen 0e lose .aith that 0e .ear5 8i/haela" An! 0hen 0e .ear 0e nee! to sin/ an! un!erstan! that our -o!y can only .loat on the sea i. 0e !onGt 1o e it" J The 0hole uni erse conspires5 the -lac/ turns to 0hite an! the sun -eco1es a 1oon until you enter the school o. sorro0" Dou nee!
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to reali@e it5 accept it an! 0ith it5 accept sorro0" J Li/e the 0or! also says5 this school teaches through sorro0" Dou go through a perio! o. sa!ness 0hen things coul!nGt go 0orse5 0hen e erything happening see1s to -e negati e" Chat is 0eir! -ut e7plaina-le is that you canGt go out o. it5 e en i. you 0ant to" It is li/e the 1o ing san!" The 1ore you 1o e to go out5 the !eeper you sin/5 the 1ore you lose in .orce" Any0ay you are in this school -ecause you are not .eeling strong enough5 so !onGt thin/ that you are a-le to .ight against it" #ut i. you !o5 pushing your li1it5 then you continue to go !eeper in this 1o ing san! until you !ro0n" J 8i/haela5 in the school o. sorro0 you ha e nothing to .ear5 e7cept your o0n sel. 0anting to go out o. it 0ithout ta/ing the lesson" Crossing your li1its you can literally !ie" #ut this is up to you" Dou can .ight as 1uch as you 0ant5 any0ay you 0ill get @ero results5 -ut o-ey your o0n li1itations" Chen you .eel tire!5 stop" Cli1-ers /no0 ery 0ell that i. they cross their li1its5 !eath is 0aiting at their .ootstep" Dou shoul! /no0 that too" J The lesson really starts a.ter you stop !enying it" A.ter you stop 1o ing5 the ery .act that you 0ere 1o ing against it co1es to .in! you? sorro0" Dou go through it5 you .eel it an! 0ithout sta1ina you can only .eel it5 nothing 1ore" Dou .eel surren!ere!" In reality you ha e surren!ere! to the han!s o. Go!" An! e en i. you .eel sa!5 you are 0atching Go! gi ing you a lesson" Catch it care.ully an! you 0ill see that the lesson is gi en 0ith so
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1uch lo e an! per.ectionI O. course5 the lesson is gi en to you -y 6i15 it cannot lac/ per.ection5 neither lo e" The 0hole uni erse is !ancing to your lesson" J The school o. sorro0 en!s once you are rea!y to gra!uate an! only then you !o reali@e its alue" Dou reali@e that 0ithout these e7periences it 0oul! ha e -een i1possi-le to get this lesson5 to -e 0ho you are no0" E erything 0ill loo/ !istant an! 1ost o. all you 0ill ha e a-olishe! .ear" Re1e1-er5 8i/haela5 Go! is Lo e an! its opposite is .ear" Since in reality only Go! e7ists5 .ear e7ists not" An! the school o. sorro0 ser es Go!5 it is there .or you to a-olish .ear an! to -ring you closer to your ;ather5 Lo e" Once you ha e li e! it5 you ha e 0on it an! once you ha e 0on it5 you canGt .ear it" Dou .eel an! you are stronger" This is the purpose o. the school o. sorro0" J The sign says BOne 0ayE5 -ut you are still rea!ing o..icial signposts" The signs are there only .or you -ut the signposts .or e eryone" The signs !ra0 your attention5 the signposts are screa1ing" The signs5 i. care.ully loo/e! at5 re eal your 0ay" The signposts put your 1in! into .orce an! your logic can only con.use you" This !rea1 0as your sign5 -ut 1ore than that5 it tol! you that you nee! to go to the school o. sorro0" J Dour .ear is that you 0ill stay alone an! Go! is not satis.ie! 0ith your .ear" Dou nee! to li e your .ear5 you nee! to li e alone5 you are a-out to enter into the school" J #ut !onGt 0orry young la!y5 this ol! 1an in .ront o. you can see the .uture" Dou are gi.te!5 you 0ill not 0ithstan!5 you are not one
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o. these i11ature5 silly stu!ents 0ho say to their teacher BI /no0E" E en i. you 0ill 0ithstan! a little -it5 li/e e eryone else5 you 0ill -e a-le to gra!uate" I a1 happy .or you" 9ust as your !rea1 says$ Dou 0ill stay alone" <onGt -e sa!5 8i/haelaI Dou !o ha e gui!ance" #y no0 tears 0ere .lo0ing .ro1 1y eyes" Cas that a -lessing or a curseH I shoul!nGt ha e gone to hi15 I shoul!nGt ha e listene! to this silly !rea1" 6o0 0oul! I stay aloneH I ha! t0o 1en in lo e 0ith 1e" I coul! choose one an! -e 0ith hi1" Chy 0oul! I stay aloneH It 0as in 1y han!s to choose the one5 I 0as the one 0ith the po0er" * The 0hole uni erse 0ill conspire5 8i/haela5 9ere1ias sai! gra--ing 1y thoughts" Dou ha e .ear5 you .eel that you are 0ea/ an! thin/ that you !onGt /no0? this is the per.ect recipe .or the school" Dou cannot a oi! it" #ut I un!erstan! that you 0ant to a oi! it young la!y" * Than/ you5 ;ather5 I sai! an! got up to go" * <onGt .orget the sign5 8i/haela" It rea!s BOne 0ayE an! it points to the 0ay you 0onGt .ollo0" I ha! alrea!y run a0ay .ro1 the chapel5 1y 1in! ha! alrea!y le.t an! s/ippe! those .inal 0or!s" I 0as running to0ar!s 8al asia" This stupi! school nee!e! to -e a oi!e!" Elias 0as there5 ne7t to 1e" Alessio ha! gone" The ans0er 0as clear"
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III.' T e ele% ant

One 1onth passe! in a .lash" I 0as 1eeting 0ith Elias an! our relationship 0as stronger than -e.ore" I -la1e! 1ysel. .or not -eing .aith.ul to Elias an! I trie! to -e nicer to hi1" A.ter all Elias ha! -een nice 0ith 1e too? he 0as in lo e an! his 1in! 0as not co1plicate! li/e that o. Alessio" Cith Elias I 0as .eeling sa.e5 I 0as .eeling 0ante!5 I 0as .eeling a -eauti.ul la!y ne7t to a han!so1e 1an" IsnGt that 0hat e eryone 0antsH CasnGt that a -lessingH Elias 0as a si1ple person" ;or hi1 e erything 0as either -lac/ or 0hite5 there 0as nothing in -et0een" 6e -elie e! in Go!5 he 0as .ollo0ing the Ortho!o7 religion an! tra!itions an! he hate! all these ne0 philosophical i!eas o. the Renaissance that ha! co1e .ro1 4enice" 6is .rien!s 0ere 1ainly Gree/ an! he scarcely sociali@e! 0ith 4enetian or Tur/ish 1en apart5 o. course5 .ro1 0or/ 1atters at the port" Cith Alessio -eing .ar a0ay I ha! returne! to 1y ol! peace.ul li.e" I ha! e en .orgotten a-out 1y !rea1 an! the prophecy o. 9ere1ias" O. course 1any ti1es 1y 1in! 0oul! tra el to Egypt" 6o0 0as Alessio !oingH #ut 1y thoughts 0oul! 3uic/ly !isappear5 he 0as too !istant .or 1e no0" I /ne0 that Alessio 0oul! co1e -ac/ soon5 -ut this !ate see1e! !istant too" >ntil this !ate got a nu1-er" * 8i/haela5 are you insi!eH
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I hear! the !oor /noc/ing" It 0as Anna" Chy 0oul! 1y colleague nee! 1e on a Sun!ayH I opene! the !oor" She ha! ne0s" * I 0as at the har-or to!ay to get .ish .or the 0ee/" I s0ear5 I a1 telling you the truth5 I sa0 Alessio" Anna 0as one o. the .e0 .rien!s I ha! in 0ho1 I con.ine! a-out Alessio" She too /ne0 that he 0oul! co1e .ro1 Egypt one !ay5 -ut none o. us /ne0 e7actly 0hen" * 6e 0as there5 carrying t0o -ig pieces o. luggage" 6e !i!nGt see 1e5 -ut I a1 sure it 0as hi1" I !i!nGt /no0 i. I 0as happy or sa!" I 0ante! to see hi15 -ut 1y li.e no0 0as peace.ul5 e en i. not .ull" ;or sure I nee!e! so1e ti1e on 1y o0n to !igest the ne0s an! thin/" I loc/e! the house an! 0ent to the lighthouse" It 0as 1y usual 1eeting spot 0ith Alessio" I sat !o0n 0atching the sea e7ten!ing as .ar as the hori@on" I !i!nGt ha e an ans0er .or hi1" 6o0 !i! one entire 1onth passH It .elt li/e a !ay" I a1 not sure ho0 1uch ti1e I 0as sitting there" I 0as lost insi!e 1y thoughts5 until a oice -ro/e 1y silence$ * Goo! 1orning 8i/haela" I 0as al1ost sure that IG! .in! you here" It 0as Alessio in the .lesh" 6e tol! 1e o. his e7periences in Egypt" 6e staye! so1e ti1e in Ale7an!ria" 6e also 0ent to Gi@a to see the pyra1i!s an! he also isite! the cities an! illages across the ri er Nile" 6is stories 0ere so interestingI As al0ays he 0as passionate a-out his ne0 e7periences5 he 0as so !escripti e that I nearly .elt I 0as there" I 0as listening 0ith interest" 6e .inally sai!$
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* 8i/haela5 the purpose o. this trip 0as .or 1e to challenge 1ysel." E en i. I a1 tal/ing so 1uch to you a-out 0al/ing slo0ly5 .ollo0ing the signs5 .ollo0ing lo e an! not .ear5 this is easier sai! than !one" <uring this trip I !eci!e! to challenge 1ysel. only to .in! that I too ha! .ears5 I too su-consciously increase! the pace o. 1y 0al/5 I too .eare! that I 0oul! not .ul.ill the purpose o. this Aourney$ To cross through the !esert an! 1eet people 0ho ha e 1erge! into nature5 0ho can co11unicate 0ith hu1ans as 0ell as 0ith -ir!s" I too thought that 1y !estiny 0as lying ahea! in the !istance 0hen it 0as lying right in .ront o. 1y .eet" In this trip I challenge! 1ysel. to .ace 1y o0n 0ea/nesses" I ha! al1ost .orgotten 1y thoughts" I 0as lost insi!e his e7periences" >ntil he ca1e to the 3uestion I 0as e7pecting .or such a long ti1e$ * An! ho0 a-out yoursel.H <i! this ti1e help you thin/5 1a/e so1e !ecisionsH <i! you 1anage to get so1e ti1e on your o0nH It 0as li/e 0a/ing up .ro1 a !rea1" 8y -reath stoppe! .or an instant" Chat shoul! I tell hi1H That I staye! all this ti1e 0ith Elias as i. nothing ha! happene!H That I a oi!e! at all costs staying aloneH That once again I ha! thro0n the -oo1erang in the air 0ith all 1y .orce5 hoping that the ine ita-le 0oul! not happen5 that it 0oul! not return againH * I ha e not 1a!e any !ecision5 Alessio5 I still !onGt /no0" * I ha! guesse! so5 8i/haela" An! there.ore I alrea!y ha e the ans0er"
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I coul! guess the ans0er .ro1 the e7pression o. his .ace" The e7ecutioner ha! alrea!y li.te! his s0or! in the air" * Dou ha e t0enty .our hours to 1a/e your .inal !ecision" Dou nee! to !eci!e 0hether it is to -e 1e or Elias" I. you choose 1e5 I 0ill stay in 8al asia" Then 0e 0ill !eci!e together 0hether 0e stay here or in 4enice or any0here else" Dou 0ill in.or1 Elias a-out your !ecision an! that 0ill -e the last ti1e you 0ill co11unicate 0ith hi15 at least .or the short ter1" I. you !eci!e it is to -e hi15 to1orro0 0ill -e the last ti1e you 0ill hear .ro1 1e" This 0ill also -e the case i. you cannot 1a/e a !ecision until to1orro0 night" Cith these 0or!s he le.t" I !onGt /no0 i. it 0as -etter to -e gi en 1ore ti1e or to -e e7ecute! right a0ay" The -oo1erang 0as again in 1y han!s -ut this ti1e it 0as too hea y to -e thro0n" I 0as stan!ing at the crossroa!s" An! he 0as lea ing in .ront o. 1e5 no!!ing 1e to co1e" The !rea1 0as co1ing true" I !i!nGt 0ant to thin/ a-out 1y choice" I !i!nGt e en li/e the situation in 0hich Alessio ha! put 1e" Cho tol! hi1 I li/e! !ea!linesH An! 0ho tol! hi1 he 0as a-le to constrain 1eH The ne7t 1orning I 1et 0ith Elias" 6e 0as part o. 1y li.e an! 1y li.e 0as 1y -est !istraction" In 1y li.e I 0oul! .orget the -ig an! i1portant !ecisions5 1y li.e 0as a constant occupation o. things that 0oul! !istract 1e .ro1 0hat Alessio 0as !escri-ing as the single reason to li e$ E olution" An! so I 1et 0ith Elias" Ce too/ a 0al/5 0e coo/e! an!
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0e ate together until the e ening" The ti1e 0as passing -y an! the thought o. the choice 0as constantly returning to 1y 1in!5 -ut I 0as trying to push it a0ay5 e en i. this only coul! -arely last .or so1e 1inutes" Alessio 0as !escri-ing this e..ort as the e..ort to a oi! the elephant" 6e 0as saying$ * So1eti1es5 8i/haela5 in our li es 0e ha e an elephant in .ront o. us" 6e is so -ig that he -loc/s our entire ie0" Ce /no0 that 0e canGt re1o e hi1 .ro1 our 0ay5 he is huge" Ce are trying to see li.e .ro1 the le.t an! right o. the elephant an! so1eho0 0e !o 1anage to o ersee hi1" #ut the elephant is there5 still -loc/ing our clarity5 still occupying our -rain5 capturing our li.e .orce" Ce li e constantly occupie! 0ith e erything that lies on the le.t an! right o. the elephant5 -elie ing that li.e is it" J #ut5 8i/haela5 the elephant is li.e" 8ore accurately 0hat lies -eyon! the elephant is li.e" Since the elephant is there5 you nee! to .ocus on the ani1al an! try to .in! out ho0 you can con ince it to lea e" The elephant is your -ur!en5 the single 1ost i1portant reason that pre ents you .ro1 seeing li.e 0ith a clear eyesight" I can assure you5 8i/haela5 that 0hate er is a-le to co1e is a-le to go as 0ell" An! since the elephant can use its .eet an! co1e in .ront o. you5 it can use its .eet to go a0ay" The elephant 0as there an! li.e 0as -ehin! it" I .elt that 1y choice 0as too hea y .or 1e5 ho0 coul! I li.t an elephantH 8y 1in! 0as constantly occupie! 0ith the past5 ho0 coul! I -ear the 0eight o. a .utureH I un!erstoo! 0hy
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the e7ecutioners o. all ti1es an! religions 0ere 1en" Ce are not 1a!e to /ill5 0e are 1a!e to create" 6o0 coul! he as/ 1e to /ill5 ho0 coul! he as/ 1e to choose5 ho0 coul! he as/ 1e to e7ecute the non*chosenH I .elt !epresse!" That role 0as clearly not .or 1e" 6e coul! e7ecute 0hate er he 0ante!5 -ut not I" I .elt angry" On the other han! he 0as right" I. I 0ere not to !eci!e a-out 1y o0n li.e5 0ho coul! !o itH I .elt angry 0ith 1ysel." 6o0 coul! I !rag the li es o. t0o han!so1e 1en -ehin! 1y in!ecisi enessH I .elt 1ore insecure than e er a-out 1ysel." At this 1o1ent I nee!e! security" BSecurityE5 sai! the oice insi!e 1e" BSecurity 0ill ta/e a0ay your .earE5 so1e-o!y 0hispere! into 1y ear" BSecurity is 0hat you nee! no05 later co1es the restE" 2eware of this moment, as it is well planned, in order to bring you in front of your fake sa"ior4 !he ,ucifer. /ight at your utmost point of desperation, right in the middle of the emptiness, the ,ucifer appears. It 0as alrea!y late Sun!ay" I 0as e7hauste!" I too/ a s1all piece o. paper" I 0rote on it$ BSecurity is 1y choice" I a1 sorry5 AlessioE" I ran up to his house" I !i!nGt 0ant to change 1y 1in! again" I slippe! the note un!er his !oor an! ran a0ay" The !ecision ha! -een ta/en" That night I !i! not sleep" It 0as the 0orst night I can re1e1-er"
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III.10 T e %at
of %leasure
An! su!!enly the tur1oil en!s5 the stor1 cal1s an! nothing can tell that right here5 Aust a 0hile ago the 0in! 0as -lo0ing relentlessly ta/ing a0ay e erything -loc/ing its .urious 0ay" Nothing -ut re1nants o. 0oo! an! -ranches lying aroun! the alleys on a sunny cal1 !ay" A.ter the .ierce 0ater.all there co1es the cal1 la/e" An! so the !ays 0ere passing an! there 0as no response .ro1 Alessio5 no co11unication5 no sign o. li.e" 6e really /ept his pro1ise" I 0as .eeling 0eir!" Chy !i! I !o thatH I ha! to choose so1ething an! so I !i!" Chy shoul! I .eel li/e thisH I 1isse! hi1" I starte! to see Elias as an ene1y" I. it 0as not .or hi1 I 0oul! ne er ha e let Alessio go5 not in a li.eti1e" #ut I ha!" All this -ecause o. Elias" I coul! .eel that 1y anger 0as no0 turning to0ar!s hi15 though he 0as not !irectly a0are o. it" Only through 1y 0eir! reactions" I re1e1-ere! Alessio saying$ * Ce are Aust !rops in a ast ocean5 8i/haela" <o you thin/ you can change the .lo0 o. your ri erH Dou can only !elay the ri er5 you can choose 0hate er you 0ant an! the ri er 0ill correct its Aourney to hea! again to0ar!s the sea" It is only i1portant to let the ri er .lo05 not to i1pe!e it" At the crossroa!s5 0hate er path you ta/e 0ill en! up ulti1ately at the sa1e point" O. course5 your Aourney 1ight -e less pleasant or 1ore pleasant !epen!ing on your choices" #ut e en so the
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ri er 0ill /eep on .lo0ing to0ar!s the sea5 it can only .lo0 !o0n" J Chen you are at a crossroa!s you nee! to o-ser e the options" Loo/ at all the streets5 -ut only once5 since ta/ing too long to 1a/e a !ecision can only 1a/e it 1ore !i..icult5 the scenery is constantly changing" So1e streets loo/ interesting5 -eauti.ul5 green" Dour path is there" So1e streets loo/ tiring5 !i..icult" Dour path is not there5 -ut you can ta/e the1 too" Dou can also create your o0n path" In li.e e erything is per1itte! an! thatGs the Aoy a-out it" #ut 0hate er roa! you ta/e5 8i/haela5 re1e1-er that you are the only one responsi-le .or your choices" Ne er -la1e others .or the1 an! 1ost i1portant$ Ne er -la1e Go!" Re1e1-er that Go! is the .inal !estination an!5 no 1atter 0hich roa! you ta/e5 you are -oun! to .lo0 !o0n0ar!s" All roa!s 1eet at so1e point" The only 3uestion is$ Cill you enAoy the AourneyH * #ut so1eti1es Alessio 0e nee! to sacri.ice5 0e nee! to stri e .a oring a higher goal" * O. courseI Chy !o you thin/ you are at a crossroa!sH The goal 1a/es you 1o e5 the goal /eeps the Aourney ali e" An! 0hat you !escri-e as a sacri.ice in reality is a pleasure" Loo/ at a 1an in the !oc/yar! -uil!ing a -oat" 6e sacri.ices his ti1e5 his 1oney to -uy the 1aterials5 he .eels .rustration 0hen he .in!s lea/s" Dou !ee1 it as a sacri.ice5 -ut in his 0orl! he is happy" In his 1in! the -oat is alrea!y there5 crossing the se en seas an! he is a captain" ;or hi1 this roa! is a roa! o. pleasure5 a path .ull o. trees an! .lo0ers"
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J #ut i1agine i. this 1an 0as a sla e5 .orce! to -uil! a -oat" 6e 0oul! -e sa!5 !oing e7actly the sa1e tas/s5 -ut not ser ing his o0n goal5 his !rea1" ItGs the !rea1 that po0ers the Aourney5 the one !e.ining the path" Cithout the !rea15 the path is useless" J Chen you are 0al/ing your Aourney you 0ill encounter 1any crossroa!s" Al0ays you 0ill .eel that one o. the1 is 1ore pleasant" E en i. you !onGt5 there is no nee! to 0orry" It 1eans that you are yet i11ature an! you canGt listen to your .eelings in a! ance" ThatGs natural .or the -eginning" 9ust ta/e one path5 i. all loo/ the sa1e5 an! go" A.ter procee!ing to this path it is al0ays certain that you 0ill get a .eeling as a response" This .eeling 0ill -e so intense5 that you 0onGt -e a-le to 1iss it" In your path re1e1-er this 1antra$ J I. you .ollo0 the signs you are on your path" Dour path is a path o. pleasure" J 8y 1aster once tol! 1e to repeat this 0or! 0hene er I a1 in !ou-t" ;ollo0ing this I go through 1y o0n li.e" I 0as pu@@le! 0ith his logic" * <oes this 1ean that 0e shoul! ne er stri eH * Muite the opposite5 8i/haela" Chen 0e !onGt stri e .or so1ething5 0hen 0e !onGt ha e a !rea15 then 0e .eel -ore!5 not pleasant" It is the goal that !e.ines the pleasure" 9ust re1e1-er the 1an 0ith the -oat or a 1other .ee!ing her ne0-orn -a-y" In this stri ing5 in this sacri.ice5 lo e is -orn" Lo e .or the goal" In the 1otherGs 1in! the -a-y is alrea!y a pro.essor" Lo e is -eing create!" The 1other lo es the !rea15 she lo es the
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pro.essor" The gar!ener lo es the plant5 e en 0hen itGs Aust a see!" Go! lo es you as Go! in the .lesh o. a 0o1an" Cithout a !rea15 li.e is useless" J Dour path is a path o. pleasure" Stri ing is pleasure 0hen stri ing 0ith lo e" In!ee!" Chat is the alue o. a li.e 0ithout a !rea1H A pointless Aourney" Des5 I 0as ta/ing too long to !eci!e" I !i!nGt /no0 0hat to !o" #ut !i! I ha e a !rea1H Des5 I !i!" #ut !i! I ta/e 1y !ecisions accor!ing to itH I 0oul! not -et 1y li.e on this ans0er" * 8any ti1es stri ing can -e unpleasant5 8i/haela" An! usually this happens 0hen you lose your contact 0ith the goal" That is5 0hen you go .or the 1eans to a goal" 6a e you seen a co1pass losing the northH It /eeps turning li/e cra@y" * 8ost people ha e a goal? they are .ighting5 Alessio5 I o-Aecte!" * 8ost people are .ighting .or the 1eans to their goal" An! 1any o. the1 are losing the true goal in the process" Go to the har-or an! loo/ at the -oat1en" So1e o. the1 are s1iling5 -ut 1ost o. the1 are sa!" * O. course they are sa!" They stay such a long ti1e a0ay .ro1 their .a1ilies in or!er to earn so1e 1oney" * E7actlyI 8oney is the instru1ent" It is use! to -uy so1ething5 it is use! as a 1eans to a higher goal" So 0hat is the goalH Chy !o they nee! the 1oneyH 6is 0or!s 1a!e 1e thin/" E ery-o!y has a !rea1 an! .or 1ost o. their !rea1s people coul! also use 1oney" #ut only 1oneyH 2ro-a-ly not"
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* I once 0ent to a sailor an! as/e! hi1$ BChy are you tra eling on this -oatHE" 6e sai!5 BI 0ant to -uil! a ne0 houseE" An! I as/e! -ac/$ B#y no0 you shoul! ha e enough 1oney to sell your ol! house an! -uil! a ne0 one5 I ha e seen you 0or/ing ery har! all year roun!5 I scarcely see you in the cityE" An! then he sai!$ BI 0ant a -igger house so that 1y .a1ily can -e happy5 -ut I !onGt 0ant to sell 1y ol! house" I 0ant to rent it so that I can stop 0or/ingE" * 8ost people are li/e that5 I sai!" ThatGs nor1al5 he is stri ing .or a goalI * 6e 0as con.use!5 8i/haela5 an! so are you" 6is goal 0as to li e together 0ith his .a1ily 0ithout 0or/ing" An! he 0as !oing e7actly the opposite" True" I !eci!e! to stay silent" * This 1an !ro0ne! last 1onth on a ship0rec/ 0hile sailing to 4enice" That 0as shoc/ing" I re1aine! silent" * 6is 0i.e is no0 seeing a 1an .ro1 the upper to0n" 6e has a 1ansion" I !onGt /no0 0hy5 -ut I e7pecte! this en!ing" * Dou see5 his 0i.e 0as on her path5 she 0ante! a -igger house .or her .a1ily" #ut he 0as con.use!" 6e lo e! his 0i.e5 he 0ante! to -e 0ith her" #ut he 0as !oing e7actly the opposite" 6e 0as going .or the 1eans5 8i/haela" I 0as !oing the sa1e" Right no0" I 0ante! to go out o. this s1all to0n an! e7perience the 0orl!" I 0ante! to li e in 4enice" Instea! I 0as staying in 8al asia an! I 0as 0or/ing har! all 1y li.e in or!er to earn 1oney" In
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or!er to see the 0orl! an! li e in 4enice" Later" #ut no0 I 0as 1o ing to the opposite !irection o. 1y goal5 hunting the 1eans to it" * Re1e1-er5 8i/haela5 you can pray to Go! .or your !rea1 -ut you cannot tell 6i1 ho0 to reali@e it" 9ust 0atch .or the signs" They 0ill -e there to sho0 you the 0ay" J I. you .ollo0 the signs5 you are on your path" Dour path is a path o. pleasure" One 0ay" The sign 0as clear" It 0as !uste! -ut clear" Alessio 0as al0ays telling 1e that 0e coul! li e in 4enice5 tra el to Ro1e an! ;lorence5 isit the har-ors o. the 8e!iterranean" 6e 0as e en telling 1e to Aoin hi1 on his trip to Egypt" I 0as sa!" I ha! Aust a-olishe! -oth the 1an I lo e! an! 1y chil!hoo! !rea15 co1ing .ro1 a shortcut" To choose 0hatH Security" Since 0hen 0as security 1y goalH Only recently" I 0as not !rea1ing o. security 0hen I 0as young" #ut o. lo eH O. tra elH O. li ing in 4eniceH Chat !i! I really 0antH Alessio 0as saying$ * Re1e1-er5 8i/haela5 o. the purpose o. li.e" Go! is !e.ining 6i1sel. through you5 through 1e" Cho you really are is !e.ine! -y 0hat you really 0ant" An! you cannot /no0 0hat you really 0ant unless you !o 0hat you 1ight 0ant an! recei e the resulting .eeling as an input" 2leasure 1eans go on5 this is 0hat you 0ant an! 0ho you are" Sorro0 1eans stop5 this is not 0hat you 0ant5 this is not 0ho you are" Stop .or no0 an! also5 !onGt !o it again" J An! this is the alue o. crossroa!s" Crossroa!s 1a/e you select -et0een the goo!
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an! the -etter" O. course i. a goo! 0as gi en 0ithout a price5 you 0oul! al0ays ta/e it" #ut that 0oul!nGt !e.ine the ans0er to the 3uestion$ B<o you really 0ant itEH Re1e1-er 0hat the ancient Gree/s 0ere saying$ BThe goo!s co1e through stri ingE" E erything goo! co1es 0ith a price" An! the price lies at the crossroa!s" Chat 0ill you chooseH The non*chosen is the price you nee! to pay" Dour lo e is -eing challenge!" Cho 0oul! -elie e your lo e i. it 0oul!nGt -e challenge!H Not e en you" Des5 I 0as at a crossroa!s an! I ha! 1a!e 1y choice" An! I 0as recei ing 1y result$ Sorro0" That 0as not 0hat I 0ante!" I ha! 1a!e a 1ista/e" In the e ening I 0ent to the house o. Alessio" Three !ays ha! alrea!y passe!" Three sleepless nights5 three !ays o. sorro0" I !i!nGt thin/ that it 0oul! -e so !i..icult" Chen he opene! the !oor he see1e! astonishe!" #ehin! hi1 I coul! see a large leather trun/" 6e 0as a-out to lea e 8al asia" I ha! alrea!y guesse! that" * Co1e in5 he sai!" Sorry5 there is no0here to sit !o0n" * Are you preparing to lea eH * I 0as actually planning to lea e in the 1orning" I Aust change! 1y plans .or to1orro05 -ecause I nee!e! to 1eet 1y .rien! in the upper to0n to!ay" * O/ay" I ca1e to gi e you so1e clothes that you .orgot at 1y place an! your guitar" * Than/ you" Dou .oun! 1e -y chance" I 0as not suppose! to -e here no0" Silence .ollo0e!" I 0as not goo! in these 1o1ents" It 0as no0 or ne er"
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* Dou /no0 I 0as thin/ing a lot a-out you since I le.t you that note" I 0as crying a lot" I .eel sa!" * It 0as your choice" * It 0as5 -ut I a1 not sure a-out this choice" I chose security5 not a person" The e7pression on his .ace su!!enly change!" I coul! still recogni@e it? he 0as a 1an in lo e" * 8i/haela5 Aust as I tol! you5 you nee! to choose" Either hi15 or 1e you cannot .it -oth o. us in your heart" I 0as not sure a-out this state1ent" #ut I nee!e! to choose .or sure" * Cill I -e a-le to 1eet Elias once in a 0hile e en i. I choose youH * No5 at least not .or the -eginning" #ut 0oul! he spy on 1eH 6o0 0oul! he /no0H 8ay-e I 0oul! -e a-le to tal/ to hi1 only once or t0ice" I coul! not i1agine not tal/ing to hi1 a.ter .our years o. relationship" * I ha e alrea!y arrange! a trip to Sparta 0ith hi1 .or the ne7t 0ee/" * I 0oul! pre.er you to cancel it5 -ut i. there is no other 0ay5 0e can 1a/e an e7ception" Silence .ollo0e!" * So !o I ta/e this as a yesH I hugge! hi1" * I lo e you5 I .inally sai!" 6e hugge! 1e as 0ell" * I 0ill cancel 1y trip to 4enice" Ce can stay together at 1y house" I ha! not sai! yes" Neither 0oul! I ha e sai!5 ha! he insiste! on as/ing 1e" #ut I 1anage! to pre ent hi1 .ro1 going -ac/" I .elt relie e!" That night 0e 1a!e lo e an! I
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.elt happy again insi!e" BI. you .ollo0 the signs you are on your path" Dour path is a path o. pleasureE5 I thought to 1ysel." I coul! .eel that 1y path 0as the path in .ront o. 1e" #ut I !i!nGt 0al/ there" Stan!ing still at the crossroa!s I ha! 1anage! to pull Alessio to0ar!s 1e"
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III.11 T e c o&ce comes back

I 0as al0ays s0inging -ac/ an! .orth5 this 0as 1e5 especially in .ront o. a .uture" #ut it 0as true that no05 a.ter I 1anage! to /eep Alessio in 8al asia5 I 0as .eeling -etter" 6o0e er I ha! one 1ore tas/ to !o" I nee!e! to in.or1 Elias" I 0as al0ays reluctant to en!" I 0as lac/ing the /no0le!ge o. e1ptying5 I coul! put asi!e5 -ut ne er co1pletely !is1iss" E en in 1y roo1 I still ha! so1e chil!hoo! toys an! puppets that 0ere hi!!en insi!e an ol! 0oo!en chest" They 0ere not use!5 -ut neither !istracting 1e5 ne ertheless5 they 0ere there" An! such 0as the case 0ith 1y relationships" Ne er in 1y li.e ha! I as/e! .ro1 a -oy.rien! to split" Chene er a relationship en!e! it 0as !ue to the15 not 1e" #ut this 0as not the case right no0" A.ter .our years o. relationship 0ith Elias5 I nee!e! to !ra0 the .inal point" As I /noc/e! on the !oor o. Elias he greete! 1e 0ith a s1ile" #ut I 0as not s1iling5 1y 1in! 0as .ull o. thoughts" * Elias5 I nee! to tal/ to you5 I sai! instea! o. a greeting" Elias 0as use! to this /in! o. con ersation" I use! to ha e a lot o. co1plaints5 e en -e.ore 1eeting Alessio" * Co1e insi!e .irst5 he sai!" LetGs !iscuss -ehin! close! !oors5 you ne er /no0 0ho is passing -y on the street aroun! this ti1e" I steppe! insi!e5 -ut I !i!nGt .eel li/e sitting !o0n"
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* Dou 1ust re1e1-er 1y colleague5 Alessio" * O. course I re1e1-er" That super.icial guy 0ho use! to 0or/ 0ith you in the go ern1ent o..ice" <i!nGt he lea e 8al asia alrea!yH * Cell5 he is -ac/" 6e ca1e -ac/ .or 1e" Elias stare! at 1e 0ith an o- iously pu@@le! e7pression on his .ace" 6e 0as al0ays Aealous o. Alessio 0hen I 0as telling hi1 a-out our !iscussions" 6e ne er agree! 0ith AlessioGs 0or!s5 he thought that all these ne0 i!eas5 0hich ca1e .ro1 4enice5 0ere applica-le only .or a nation that 0as li ing in a-un!ance out o. the 0ealth o. its colonies" 6e !isli/e! 4enetians an! he !isli/e! e en 1ore 1y lunchti1e encounters 0ith Alessio" * Elias5 I a1 in lo e 0ith hi1" The ne0s .ell li/e a roc/ on his hea!" It 0as clear that I 0as not goo! at intro!uctions" * Chat !o you 1eanH Are you in lo e 0ith hi1 or 0ith 0hat he saysH <o you really /no0 this personH <o you really /no0 0ho he isH <o you really /no0 i. he has a .a1ily -ac/ in 4eniceH I thin/ he is Aust spen!ing his ti1e 0ith you !ressing you 0ith ro1antic co1pli1ents5 li/e all 4enetians !o" I staye! silent" I /ne0 that he 0oul! e7plo!e" 6e 0al/e! aroun! the roo1 -e.ore sitting on a chair" * 6a e you 1a!e lo e 0ith hi15 he .inally as/e!" That 0as such a silly 3uestion" A 0o1an 1a/es lo e 0ith a 1an in her 1in! a lot -e.ore this happens on her -e!" A 1an can only un!erstan! actions" Chat is the alue o. .eelings .or a 1anH
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I ha e ne er tol! lies5 nor !i! I 0ish to start no0" Chat 0oul! happen5 shoul! happen -ase! on truth" * Des5 I ha e5 I sai! 0ith 1y eyes loo/ing !o0n" I coul! see the earth !isappearing .ro1 -eneath his .eet" I coul! see his 0orl! getting !estroye! an! hi1 anishing in unconsciousness" 9ust li/e a.ter a strong inAury o. the -o!y the .eeling goes nu1-5 the sa1e happene! a.ter this strong hit on his heart" I coul! see that he 0ent -lan/" * Tell 1e the truth5 8i/haela5 I nee! to /no0 e erything5 he 1anage! to say" An!5 Aust li/e he tol! 1e5 I poure! out e erything to hi1" As I 0as tal/ing I 0as .eeling relie e!" I re1e1-ere! the 0or! o. Alessio$ BDou 0ill al0ays get a .eeling in response to your action" This is your true sel. spea/ingE" 8y true sel. 0as pro1pting 1e to continue" I sa0 that he 0as a-out to cry5 -ut he !i!nGt 0ant to let hi1sel. go" I 0as staring at hi15 .eeling sorry" * Dou ha e alrea!y 1a!e your !ecision5 8i/haela" Than/ you .or in.or1ing 1e" So I guess that 0e nee! to stay apart no0" 6e is -ac/ again .or you an! you are in lo e 0ith hi1" I thin/ that I a1 re!un!ant .or you no0" * I a1 sorry5 Elias5 I .inally sai!" I turne! aroun! an! le.t his house right a.ter these 0or!s" A.ter all these years together I ha! to !ra0 the .inal point" I ha! to choose an! no0 I ha! to tolerate the e1ptiness5 the -ig gap that replace! 0hat once use! to -e 1y present an! 1y .uture" A
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gap that I coul! not .ill in 1ysel." A gap that Alessio coul! not .ill in either" BDou 0ill al0ays get a .eeling in response to your action" This is your true sel. spea/ingE" E1ptiness" That night I 0ante! to stay alone" I 0as .eeling unsta-le" 8y anger 0as still there5 -ut this ti1e it 0as pointing -ac/ to Alessio" I coul! .oresee that it 0oul! -e a tough tas/ to .orget Elias" I 0oul! nee! to stri e" I re1e1-ere! the 1an -uil!ing the -oat$ 6e 0as stri ing 0ith lo e" I 0as not"
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III.12 T e glass world

An! so the !ays passe! an! the 0ee/s 0ith 1e .eeling e ery!ay happier 0ith Alessio -y 1y si!e an! thin/ing .ro1 ti1e to ti1e o. Elias" I !i! not 0ant to stop co11unicating 0ith hi15 an! neither !i! I" 8al asia 0as s1all an! .ro1 ti1e to ti1e I 0as learning a-out Elias" So1eti1es I coul! e en .in! an opportunity to 1eet hi1" 8y !oor to hi1 0as not close!" I 0as happy a-out hi15 he 1anage! to stay prou! in .ront o. 1e an! he e en 1anage! to .in! a ne0 girl.rien!" That ne0s ca1e to 1e as a surprise5 -ut I /ne0 that girl" She 0as al0ays spea/ing 0ith ery char1ing 0or!s a-out Elias5 e en 0hen I 0as present" #ut Elias !i!nGt see1 to care 1uch an! so I ha! ne er -eco1e Aealous a-out her" Neither !i! I -eco1e Aealous no0" Strangely enough5 I ha! ne er .elt she 0as a -ig threat to 1e5 not e en no0" The !ays 0ere .lo0ing -ut in this .lo0 I .elt that I 0as not participating" It 0as a .eeling o. peace5 o. inner tran3uility in 0hich I coul! .in! security" I coul! not e7plain this .eeling5 -ut !uring all the !ays that co1prise! this perio! I .elt li/e I 0as so1e-o!y else" So1e-o!y 0ho !i! not care a-out security5 -ecause she 0as alrea!y .eeling secure" So1e-o!y 0ho !i! not pay attention to the 1atters at 0or/5 in the to0n an! in the 0orl!5 -ecause she .elt that none o. these things coul! a..ect her happiness" So1e-o!y 0ho !i!nGt /no0 ho0 to get angry5 Aealous or sa!5 -ecause these .eelings si1ply coul! not -e .elt" So1e-o!y
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0ho 0as -eing5 Aust -eing an! the ti1e passing5 Aust passing 0ithout a..ecting her at all" The .eeling o. tran3uility 0as li/e a -ig glass all aroun! 1e an! the 0orl! 0as constantly 1o ing outsi!e it5 people 0oul! get angry5 stresse!5 noisy5 -ut insi!e it only 1e5 o-ser ing5 0ith 1y eyes an! 1outh open5 Aust -reathing an! 0atching5 -ut hearing an! .eeling nothing5 Aust tran3uil" It 0as a .eeling I ha! ne er e7perience! -e.ore5 I !i!nGt .ear o. anything5 not e en o. its en!" Chere 0as 1y ol! sel.H Cas it still outsi!e that glass5 in this 0eir! e er*1o ing 0orl! or ha! it si1ply !isappeare!H One thing 0as sure a-out 1e$ There 0as nothing I 0ante!" There 0as nothing I !i!nGt 0ant either" There 0as no goal5 no !rea15 no Aourney5 I .elt li/e I 0as alrea!y there" I 0as .eeling li/e an un-orn -a-y insi!e the 0o1- o. its 1other" I 0on!ere! i. the .alling .ro1 para!ise 0as ta/ing place at -irth" Alessio see1e! please! too" 6e ha! renounce! 0or/5 any0ay the go ern1ent o..ice ha! replace! hi1 0ith other people .ro1 4enice e en -e.ore his trip to Egypt" #ut he !i!nGt see1 stresse! a-out .in!ing so1ething else" In Egypt he ha! 1et 0ise sages an! they ha! taught hi1 a ne0 techni3ue calle! 1e!itation" 6e sai! that using 1e!itation he coul! go into a state o. tran3uility an! o-ser ation" I 0on!ere! i. this 0as si1ilar to 0hat I 0as .eeling no0" Ce ha! !e elope! a ne0 routine5 -ut 0hat 0as ne0 to 1e 0as that 0e !i! e erything together" Ce 0ere 0al/ing together to 1y
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o..ice early in the 1orning an! he 0oul! co1e in the a.ternoon to pic/ 1e up an! 0al/ 1e ho1e" Ce 0oul! eat !inner at his house5 he 0oul! tell 1e so1e o. his stories .ro1 Egypt an! then 0e 0oul! go to the lighthouse to conte1plate the sunset" This routine 0as li/e a roo1 o. pleasure 0ith all its !oors unloc/e!" I coul! open a !oor anyti1e5 get a0ay alone5 go 1eet 1y .rien!s5 e en Elias an! return in this peace.ul 0orl!5 close again the !oor an! .eel 0ar15 secure an! tran3uil" The ti1e 0as .lo0ing5 -ut I 0as not" I 0as .eeling .ree" Alessio !escri-e! this .eeling to 1e 0hen I as/e! hi1$ * 8i/haela5 Go! is Lo e an! Go! is the sea5 the !rea15 the .inal !estination o. the ri er that is .lo0ing5 the purpose o. the Aourney" Chat your .eeling sho0s you is that the ri er is alrea!y there5 it has alrea!y reache! its !estination" Dou are the ri er an! you are alrea!y there" J Dou 1ight thin/ o. ti1e as so1ething linear5 -ut it is not" E erything is happening right no05 right no0 the ri er is on the 1ountain5 right no0 the ri er is in the sea" Chate er you thin/ 0ill happen in the .uture is only an o-ser ation .ro1 your current state" In .act 0hat 0ill happen in the .uture has alrea!y happene!" The ri er is alrea!y in the sea an! since you are the .lo0 itsel.5 you are -oth on the 1ountain an! in the sea? you are alrea!y there" J An! since you are alrea!y there you are a-le to .eel it" An! your !estination is lo e" Once you .eel lo e5 you .eel the !rea15 you .eel that you are there5 you .eel that the .lo0
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has stoppe!" Dou can see the others .lo0ing5 stri ing .or a goal 1a/ing a Aourney5 -ut you cannot un!erstan! 0hy they are 1o ing" Dou are the o-ser er" The ti1e has stoppe!" Dou ha e no goal to stri e .or5 you ha e no Aourney to ta/e5 you .eel that e erything is pointless5 your 0or/5 your 1oney5 your -elongings5 e erything -ut the state you are5 the state o. #eing" J An! it is true5 8i/haela" In reality5 0hen you are .or1ing the sea5 e erything is pointless" In .act the state o. #eing ha! co1e to 1e" #ut e erything that co1es5 goes" An! so one !ay Alessio tol! 1e$ * 8i/haela5 I 0ill nee! to 1a/e a short trip to 4enice" 8y .atherGs health con!ition is 0orsening an! I 0ant to isit hi1" I a1 not sure ho0 long he is going to li e an! since I !eci!e! to stay here in 8al asia 0ith you5 I 0ant to isit hi1 -e.ore the 0inter co1es" 8y trip 0ill last only .or a .e0 0ee/s5 that shoul!nGt -e a pro-le1" I 0orrie! .or an instant5 -ut then I reali@e! that a .e0 0ee/s 0oul!nGt -e long" * I. you 0ant 0e can use this as an opportunity" I. you 0ant you can co1e 0ith 1e an! I can sho0 you 4enice" Dou can also 1eet 1y .a1ily an! 1y .rien!sI I. you are a-le to !o it5 then you 0ill ha e a chance to .eel ho0 li.e is in 4enice" I can pro i!e you 0ith the cost o. the trip" I al0ays 0ante! to go to 4eniceI That 0oul! -e a great opportunity" I coul! al1ost i1agine the canals an! the gon!olas5 people singing Italian songs on the street? that 1ust -e truly
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ro1anticI In 1y 1in!5 I 0as alrea!y there" An! 0ith hi1 .or co1pany5 that 0oul! -e i!ealI #ut ho0 a-out 1y 0or/H I coul! 1anage" I !eci!e! not to 1iss this opportunity" An! so the !ays passe! until the !ay he ha! to lea e" I coul! not go 0ith hi1 though5 as lea ing 0or/ .or such a long ti1e 0as not per1itte!" So he !eci!e! that I 0oul! tra el alone one 0ee/ later an! 1eet hi1 in 4enice" I ha! ne er tra elle! alone5 not e en to Sparta" An! e en i. I !i!nGt .eel co1.orta-le 0ith his !ecision5 there 0as no other 0ay an! .inally I accepte! it" I 0ante! so 1uch to go to 4enice that I !eci!e! to ta/e this ris/" Alessio 1a!e all the arrange1ents .or 1y trip5 he also 1anage! to .in! a -oat1an5 0ho 0as a .rien! o. his5 an! 0ho 0oul! e en pic/ 1e up .ro1 1y ho1e" In this glass 0orl! in 0hich I 0as li ing there 0as no such thing as a -arrier" E erything 0as possi-le5 it 0as only a 1atter o. 0ill" There 0as no threat insi!e5 no .ear5 nothing coul! go 0rong5 e erything 0as -eing ta/en care o." Alessio ha! alrea!y prepare! e erything an! 0e 0ere rea!y to go" 6e 0as not ta/ing 1any things 0ith hi15 the trip 0oul! not last long an! he 0oul! -e -ac/ soon" I 0as so happy" I 0as happy that I 0oul! 1eet hi1 in 4enice5 that 0e coul! 0al/ together in this -eauti.ul part o. the 0orl!" Ce 0al/e! to the port si!e -y si!e early in the 1orning" The essel 0as alrea!y there an! people 0ere e1-ar/ing" I ga e hi1 a last /iss an! he too e1-ar/e!" As I 0as 0atching the -oat sailing a0ay5 I .elt 1y glass 0orl! -rea/ing apart" ;ear
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returne! in an instant" There I 0as again5 0a ing a0ay" 8y !ra1a returne!" The su11er en!e! in an instant"
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2art I4$ The autu1n

,ook around and contemplate. It is rainy and humid, but the earth is thirsty for this water. !he lea"es are falling from the trees, it is their time to go, but look at their fascinating colorsE !he earth is emptying, the birds are abandoning the sky, the butterflies are lea"ing, the cicadas are fleeing underground. 0"en the sun is preparing to hide behind the clouds. May you find tran>uility in this silence. May you look back to the summer and contemplate it, free your boldest feelings. In the silence comes the sorrow and deep inside it, the lo"e. And lo"e is really contradicti"e. As are your feelings, as is nature, as are the lea"es on the trees, prepared for their last trip, but wearing their most cheerful costume. In this beautiful, silent time of the year, the summer is drifting away and the winter is preparing to come. May the Force be with you in this contradicti"e silence. May you accept that the summer is o"er, that the winter is coming and that the only way to the summer is again through the winter and the springF the earth can6t go backwards, neither can you. May you let these feelings penetrate you, contradict you, may you remain still and understand that the winter has to come too and that one day, along with the autumn, your bold feelings will also be gone.
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I(.1 T e moment of t e -uc&fer

A.ter Alessio le.t 8al asia .or 4enice5 I starte! ha ing !ou-ts a-out 0hat I 0as planning to !o" Cas I rea!y .or thisH Cas I really rea!y to .ollo0 so1e-o!y I ha! 1et only a .e0 1onths ago to a re1ote city5 0here I /ne0 no-o!y -ut hi1H 6o0 0oul! it .eel to -e there 0ith Alessio an! still thin/ing a-out EliasH 8y 1e1ory 0as playing 0ith 1y .eelings5 -ringing so1eti1es 1o1ents 0ith Elias an! so1eti1es 1o1ents 0ith Alessio5 -ut all o. the1 happy" An in a!er o. 1y tran3uility that 0as stealing on 1y -ehal. the 1ost alua-le .ro1 the chest o. the past5 lea ing in it only 0hat 0as not 0orth -ringing out" 6o0e er5 e en 0ithout -eing con.i!ent in 0hat I 0as !oing5 1y tra el to 4enice 0as alrea!y planne!" Alessio ha! prepare! e erything an! he 0as 0aiting .or 1e in 4enice" I ha! also arrange! 0ith 1y super isor in the go ern1ent o..ice to -e a-sent .ro1 1y !uties .or this trip5 0hich5 to 1y surprise5 ha! -een accepte!" 6a ing that in 1in! I starte! 1a/ing 1y preparations to go" The -oat 0as lea ing the ne7t 1orning" Cas I .earing to lo e or 0as I lo ing to .earH #oth5 t0o si!es o. the sa1e coin" A.ter pac/ing 1y tra el -ag5 I !eci!e! to go to the upper to0n an! sit on the erge o. the cli.. ne7t to the church o. 8a!onna !el Car1ine" ;ro1 there I coul! e7ten! 1y sight to the hori@on5
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.eel the -ree@e in 1y hair5 i1agine Alessio -eing so1e0here there in the !istance5 0aiting .or 1e to arri e" A 0hole ocean 0as separating us5 1y lo e 0as .eeling !istant5 the sea -et0een 8al asia an! 4enice 0as !ro0ning 1e in its astness" I nee!e! ti1e to thin/" Alessio ha! -een sitting 0ith 1e at this sa1e spot5 only a .e0 0ee/s ago" Loo/ing .ar into the hori@on he ha! sai!$ * Chen you conte1plate the hori@on5 you are alrea!y there" * 6o0 can I -e in a place that !oes not e7istH The hori@on is an a-stract line" The 1ore you tra el to0ar!s it5 the .urther a0ay it 1o es" Dou cannot reach the hori@onI Dou cannot -e thereI * The hori@on is the gate0ay to lo e an! in lo e there is nothing to reach" Dou Aust nee! to conte1plate it an! then you are alrea!y there" Dou are Lo e" #ut to -e there you nee! to o ersee this ast 1ass o. 0ater5 0hich separates you .ro1 it" Dou nee! to o ersee 0hat see1s to .ill the entire picture an! .ocus only on the thin line o. the hori@on" The hori@on separates the earth .ro1 the s/y" In .act it is the gate0ay to the s/y" J 6o0e er5 as soon as you 1anage to .ocus on the hori@on you re1e1-er again the presence o. the sea" Re1e1-er the para-le o. the #i-le a-out 2eter 0al/ing on the 0ater" Cal/ing on the sea5 he reali@e! 0hat he 0as !oing" 6o0 0as it possi-le to 0al/ on the seaH <ou-t penetrate! hi1" ;ocusing on the sea an! the a-sur!ness o. his action he -egan sin/ing" In your e..ort to .ocus on the hori@on5
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you too get !istracte! -y the sea" An! then you lose your .ocus5 you start .eeling separate! .ro1 the hori@on5 once again you start loo/ing at the sea" The sea is your .ear" Chen you lose on .aith you gro0 on .ear" Then you lose the hori@on" Then you lose the ision o. lo e" J The 0ay to reach the hori@on is to .ocus on it5 .orget a-out the sea" The hori@on -eco1es then your !ri er5 your !rea15 the co1pass that sho0s al0ays the !irection o. your li.e" Dou .eel it in the !istance5 the nee! to cross the sea gro0s insi!e you" This is in!ee! your Aourney" The 0hole uni erse is there to assist you in your e..ortsI The stars re eal your !irection5 the seagulls in!icate the lan!5 the islan!s in ite you to rest5 the .ull 1oon lights your path" The astrola-e is gui!ing you5 the co1pass al0ays sho0s the northI J An! .ollo0ing your !irection to0ar!s the hori@on5 one !ay you reach the lan!5 one !ay you cross the ocean5 one !ay you step your .oot on A1ericaI An! .ro1 there you loo/ -ac/ to0ar!s Europe an! you conte1plate again the hori@on o er the sea" An! in this instant you !isco er the real alue o. your Aourney" Loo/ing at the hori@on you say$ I 0on the seaI The hori@on is the sa1e5 in that sa1e !istance5 -ut the !i..erence is that no0 you /no0 you are a-le to !e.eat the sea" This is the purpose o. your Aourney" To 0in o er your .ear5 to o erco1e the !ou-t an! to -e a-le to .ocus on the only reality o. li.e$ Lo e" In 1y heart I 0as alrea!y there5 in Italy5 I coul! see the narro0 canals o. 4enice5 cross
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o er a thousan! -ri!ges5 .loat insi!e long gon!olas5 I coul! alrea!y -reathe Italian airI 8y heart 0as telling 1e to go" #ut the sea in .ront o. 1e loo/e! i11ense" I .elt I 0as alrea!y !ro0ning in it5 e en 0ithout stepping a single toe on its 0aters" Sitting on the e!ge o. the cli..5 I re1e1-ere! sitting there 0ith Elias5 tal/ing a-out re1ote 0orl!s" It 0as our .a orite spot" Ce 0ere tal/ing a-out going to 4enice5 Aust to lea e e ery-o!y -ehin! an! snea/ one !ay into a -oat an! go" 9ust the t0o o. us5 young an! in lo e5 tra eling aroun! the 0orl!" Tal/ing a-out tra el 0e 0ere hugging each other5 s1iling an! 0aiting .or a color.ul sunset" The sun 0as setting no0 too" The 1e1ories o. Elias 0ere ali e in 1y 1in!" I .elt the sea e7pan!ing5 the hori@on getting lost" 6o0 coul! I go to 4eniceH 6o0 coul! I go to AlessioH I 0as not rea!y .or it" I 0as .eeling terri-le" I 0as a-out to open a ne0 !oor5 -ut 1y han! 0as tre1-ling on the han!le" The 1e1ories 0ere !ro0ning 1e" It 0as alrea!y !ar/" 8y -oat 0as lea ing in the 1orning" I got up to go ho1e5 I nee!e! to get so1e rest -e.ore the long trip" Arri ing at 1y house I sa0 1y .a1ily gathere! aroun! the !inner ta-le" They see1e! 0orrie!" As soon as I close! the !oor 1y 1other starte! tal/ing$ * I Aust 1et 8arcus5 the -oat1an5 on the street" 6e tol! 1e that his -oat is lea ing to1orro0 an! that he 0ill -e pic/ing you up in the 1orning" AloneI * Dou /no05 8i/haela5 1y .ather sai!5 your 1other is concerne!" It is !angerous .or a young la!y li/e you to tra el alone"
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8y 1other interrupte! hi1 in higher oice$ * Dou coul! -e rape!I <o you /no0 ho0 1any !run/en sailors are cruising on these -oatsH 6o0 1any lonely ol! 1enH Girls are not tra eling alone" * Our 1other is right5 1y younger sister continue!" Dou ne er /no0 0hat can happen !uring the trip" I /no0 ho0 1uch you 0ant to go5 -ut you 1ight e en get ro--e!" A .rien! o. 1y school1ate got ro--e! last year 0hilst on his 0ay to 4enice" 6e lost all the gol!en coins that he carrie! 0ith hi1 an! !i!nGt e en ha e 1oney to return" I ha! not e en put 1y -ag on the .loor -e.ore they starte! .iring at 1e" I i11e!iately 0ent up to 1y roo1" In!ee! I 0as in .ront o. a change" Shoul! I procee!H I !i!nGt /no0" An! I !i!nGt /no0 -ecause I ha! ne er -een in 4enice5 I ha! ne er ha! any plans to get 1arrie! to a 4enetian5 I ha! no i!ea o. ho0 it 0oul! .eel to -e .ar a0ay .ro1 1y .a1ily an! 1y .rien!s5 together 0ith a person 0ho1 I ha! only Aust 1et" 6o0 coul! I !eci!e -et0een the .a1iliar an! the pro1isingH Alessio 0as !escri-ing the 1o1ent o. the Luci.er$ * In .ront o. e ery -eginning5 in .ront o. e ery ne0 path5 in .ront o. e ery open gate there is one single o-stacle -et0een 0here you are stan!ing an! 0here you nee! to go" An! e en i. you ha e 0al/e! hun!re!s o. /ilo1eters5 e en i. you ha e spent thousan!s o. hours to reach to this point5 there is still this single gate you nee! to cross" An! in .ront o. it$
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J The Luci.er" J The .allen Angel5 the o-Aect o. .ear o. e ery li ing ani1al an! hu1an o. this planet5 the ruler o. the a-yss5 the !e il5 he5 hi1sel. is 0aiting in .ront o. the open !oor" #ehin! hi1$ The >n/no0n" Dour Aourney" Chere you nee! to -e" Chere you 0ere al0ays .ighting in or!er to -e" In .ront o. hi1$ Dou" J Right at this 1o1ent ti1e stops5 !ou-t penetrates your 1in! an! you nee! to 1a/e a !ecision" Shoul! you cross the gate or notH Shoul! you continueH Shoul! you .ollo0 your heartH J BI a1 here to protect youE5 the Luci.er says" BI a1 here to 0arn you that 0hat you are a-out to !o is not reasona-le" I a1 not here to pre ent you5 the gate is open an! you can go? I a1 here Aust to gi e you 1y a! ice"E J #ut he is not" 6e is there to !istract you" 6e is there to stan! in .ront o. the gate that separates you .ro1 your .eelings5 you .ro1 Lo e5 Truth an! Go!" 6e is there to hi!e the -eauti.ul alley that lies -eyon! the open gate5 the alley o. 0hich you 0ere al0ays !rea1ing? he is there to hi!e it -ehin! a clou! o. !ou-t5 0hich -lurs your ision" J Dour .eelings 0ill tell you to procee!" 6e 0ill tell you that your .eelings are irrational5 there is no sense5 0hat you are !oing co1es 0ith a high ris/5 a high cost" An! it is true" Crossing that !oor 1eans that you nee! to lea e e erything you ha e -ehin!" An! the cost is e7actly this$ E erything you ha e" Nothing 1ore an! nothing less" Dou can only cross this gate na/e!" Dou can only procee! i. you lea e e erything -ehin!"
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J B<onGt you seeH Chat you are a-out to !o has no senseE" 6e is right" It !oesnGt" Chat you are a-out to !o is your single reason o. e7istence5 0hat you are a-out to !o 1a/es your heart -eat5 in .ront o. it you .eel po0erless5 in its i1agination you .eel nu1-" J E ery person on this earth nee!s to go at least once through this 1o1ent5 0hich lies -et0een e ery signi.icant en!ing an! a ne0 -eginning5 !uring a s1all perio! o. transition" E en earth has to go through the 1o1ent o. the Luci.er5 t0ice e ery !ay$ At the en! o. the night5 Aust -e.ore the -eginning o. the ne0 !ay5 the 1orning star5 Luci.er5 appears in the s/y" 6e is so -right that you canGt 1iss hi1" All other stars .a!e a0ay an! he re1ains the only one to -e seen" An! at the en! o. e ery !ay5 Aust -e.ore the -eginning o. the night5 the Luci.er appears again" Again he is there alone5 the e ening star in the s/y5 the sun has set5 the 1oon has yet not risen5 again he is the only isi-le star" E ery !a0n an! e ery !us/ is a silent 1o1ent o. transition5 a 1o1ent o. en!ing5 a 1o1ent -e.ore a ne0 -eginning" An! in e ery !a0n an! e ery !us/ the Luci.er appears" J #ut earth /no0s 0hat to !o5 earth is the .e1ale Go!!ess5 earth is 0ise" Earth /no0s 0hen the !ay has to co1e to an en!" Earth /no0s that the night nee!s to co1e so that thousan!s o. -eauti.ul stars can appear in the s/y5 so that the 1oon can re.lect its ro1antic light o. silence on the sea5 so that the tran3uility o. the night can penetrate the li ing -eings" An! earth /no0s 0hen the night has to co1e to an en! too" Earth /no0s that the !ay
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nee!s to co1e in or!er to -ring its 0ar1th to the people5 .ill the lan!scape 0ith color5 re eal the energy o. the sun" An! once the !ay or the night co1es5 Aust a.ter earth crosses the gate o. the !us/ an! the !a0n5 the Luci.er !isappears" J 8i/haela5 the 1o1ent o. the Luci.er is a holy 1o1ent" It 0onGt last long5 -ut it is a-le to !estroy e erything" I. you listen to the Luci.er an! !onGt cross that gate you 0ill return to 0hat you al0ays ha!" Dou 0ill .all !o0n .ro1 the 1ountain you 0ere cli1-ing5 -ac/ to its .eet an! staring at it you 0ill .eel the sorro0" The Luci.er 0ill !isappear an! you 0ill -e -ac/ at the -eginning" Dou 0ill ha e to cli1- again" Again you 0ill ha e to e7ercise the sa1e e..ort5 -ut 1ay-e not on the sa1e 1ountain" J The 1o1ent o. the Luci.er is there to pro e your rea!iness" The proo. that you possess 0is!o1" The proo. that you are rea!y to lea e e erything -ehin! in or!er to .ollo0 your heart" The proo. that you ha e no .ear o. losing" The proo. that you /no0 0hat you 0ant an! you are rea!y to sacri.ice e erything else .or it" This is 0hy the 1o1ent o. the Luci.er stan!s -e.ore e ery en!ing o. the ol!5 guar!ing the gates o. the ne0$ To test you" #ut e en i. you .ail 8i/haela5 /no0 that the Luci.er can only !elay you" A 0or1 0ill al0ays -eco1e a -utter.ly5 it is in its genes5 the ri er al0ays .in!s the sea" J ;or these 1o1ents you nee! to re1e1-er$ The Luci.er tal/s only 0ith the 0or!s o. reason" An! i. you 0ant to cross his gates5 close your ears an! ignore his
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reasona-le a! ice5 e en i. his oice co1es .ro1 your !earest -elo e! ones" I 0as in .ront o. the gate" The gate 0as open" Alessio ha! arrange! e erything" In a .e0 hours I 0oul! -e going to 4enice" In a .e0 hours I 0oul! hear the /noc/ing an! I 0oul! open the !oor to it" In .ront o. the open !oor I 0oul! -e re3uire! to cross it5 to lea e 8al asia an! go to 4enice" In .ront o. the !oor 1y .a1ily5 saying that I 0as cra@y to lea e a 1an in lo e5 Elias5 .ollo0ing a 4enetian tra eler5 a person 0ho 0as Aust li ing the opportunity5 tal/ing so1e cheap 0or!s o. philosophy5 0hich 0ere nice to hear5 -ut not applica-le in the real 0orl!" Chere 0as the Luci.erH Cas he in the 0or!s o. 1y .a1ilyH Or in the in!ulging eyes o. AlessioH Alessio .ought his 0ay -ac/ into 1y thoughts$ J ;or the 1o1ents o. !ou-t I 0ill gi e you a precious gi.t an! you nee! to /eep it 0ell guar!e! in your heart5 rea!y .or access 0hen you are stan!ing in .ront o. the open gate" I 0ill tell you ho0 to !istinguish the Luci.er .ro1 Go!" J Go! al0ays spea/s silently5 you nee! to pay attention an! listen" The Luci.er tal/s lou!ly5 he tries to !ra0 your attention" Go! only co1es to you i. you call hi15 i. you pray an! pay attention" Luci.er al0ays co1es unin ite!" ;or Go!5 you nee! to 0ait5 learn to -e patient" Luci.er pro i!es you an easy an! a..or!a-le solution" Go! only gi es you an in!ication5 a potential path lea!ing to0ar!s a -etter -ut un/no0n 0orl!" Luci.er al0ays gi es you the entire path 0ith crystal clear
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in!ications on 0here to go5 ho0 not to get o.. trac/5 he 0ill e en re1ain -y your si!e to ensure you 0ill ta/e his -lesse! route" ;or Go! you nee! to 0or/5 to -e challenge!5 to stri e" ;or Luci.er e erything is easy5 the /no0le!ge co1es preprocesse! right into your 1outh5 you nee! to stri e .or nothing" Luci.er al0ays clai1s he has a! ice especially .or you" Go!Gs gi.ts are .or all" Go! 0ill al0ays 0ait .or you at the en! o. the path5 Luci.er stan!s at the -eginning" J An! 1ost i1portant o. all5 8i/haela$ Go! tal/s 0ith .eelings" Chile listening to 6is Cor!5 you can .eel its correctness" Dou al0ays get the .eeling o. un!erstan!ing the Truth5 e en i. you are not sure 0hy" Dou /no0 0hat to !o ne7t -ut you !onGt /no0 0hat to !o last" A.ter 6e is .inishe! you al0ays get the .eeling o. tran3uility an! .a1iliarity5 6is 0or!s soun! as i. you are re1e1-ering so1ething that you alrea!y /no0" 6is oice see1s to co1e .ro1 0ithin5 not through your ears -ut through your heart" J On the contrary the Luci.er only tal/s using pure logic" A.ter .inishing the only .eelings you 1ight get are !ou-t an! .ear5 -ut he is s1art enough to hi!e the .act that it is he 0ho lies -ehin! this .ear" Dou 0ill percei e that the .ear co1es .ro1 his !istanciation a.ter you cross that gate an! this can pull you e en closer to hi1" Dou 0ill ne er5 e er5 .eel .ear in .ront o. the Cor! o. Go!5 8i/haela5 -ecause Go! rules through lo e not through .ear" Go! lies insi!e you5 you nee! to reach no0here to .in! 6i15 Go!Gs clothes are those
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o. a -eggar5 6e -egins only 0hen you are silent5 6is speech lea es you -reathless" J <o you still con.use Go!5 8i/haelaH A.ter his speech I got the .eeling he !escri-e!$ >n!erstan!ing" J ;or the 1o1ents o. !ou-t5 I 0ill gi e you one single a! ice$ Close your ears5 listen to your heart5 lea e e erything -ehin!5 un!ress an! continue" I 0as not rea!y" I 0as not rea!y to close 1y ears to 1y .a1ily" I 0as not rea!y to accept that the Luci.er al0ays 0ears a 1as/5 e en i. this coul! -e the 1as/ o. 1y 1other" I 0as not rea!y to go to 4enice" I 0as not rea!y to a oi! the Luci.er in this single5 s1allest 1o1ent o. transition5 the !us/ an! the !a0n5 a 1o1ent 0here e erything can change5 0here the su11er can turn to 0inter in an instant" I coul! not go on" 8y 1other 0as right" 8y planne! act 0as not -ac/e! up -y reason" 8y heart starte! to .ear" Alessio use! to say$ * Go! is al0ays Aust" Through our e7periences 0e recei e the /no0le!ge5 0e apologi@e .or our actions5 0e get our lesson5 0e resent" Ce then ple!ge rea!y" I. it co1es again5 0e /no0 ho0 to react" #ut the path o. Go! is .ull o. challenges an! 6e !oes not accept our ple!ge unchallenge!" An! out o. the -lue the -oo1erang returns5 the sa1e situation appears un!er !i..erent clothes5 0aiting .or our i11e!iate reaction" J The 1o1ent o. the Luci.er$ Chen 0e get hit -y the -oo1erang5 right in the .orehea!5 .alling unconscious? an! upon 0a/ing up Go! is a-sent" The challenge" The a-sence o. signs"
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Lac/ o. .uture an! past" The uncertainty o. the present" Go! in the opposition5 unseen5 -ut o-ser ing5 0aiting .or our reaction" An open !oor that calls us to procee!" J The 1o1ent o. the Luci.er$ #ecause 0e as/e! .or it" Ce once ple!ge! 0e 0ere rea!y" Ce once thought that 0e ha! learne! our lesson an! that 0e are one step closer to the Truth? 0e can !o it alone" An! there 0e recei e it" A contract o. the past" #ut 0e are not alone" Luci.er is there 0ith us" J An! so history continues5 0ith our -eing challenge!5 our un!erstan!ing o. Truth -eing teste! an! certi.ie!5 the sa1e e ents happening again an! again5 in a chain o. ine ita-le inci!ents5 in the cycle o. sa1sara5 until one !ay 0e 0a/e up an! !eci!e to -eha e li/e Chat Ce Really Are5 until one !ay 0e can pro e that 0e are the Truth5 that .ear is not part o. us" An! this is 0hen 0e recei e the control o. our li es5 o erco1e our /ar1a" The ine ita-le 0ill not happen again5 .or 0e no longer nee! this challenge" Our actions are truly us" Ce !onGt resent" Ce are one step closer to 6i1" Conte1plating the hori@on 0e are alrea!y there" Incarnating Lo e 0e incarnate Go!" #ut I 0as not rea!y" I 0as not rea!y to lea e 0hat I ha!5 I 0as not rea!y to go to 4enice5 I 0as not rea!y to .ollo0 a .uture o. uncertainty an! lea e 1y li.e5 1y .a1ily an! 1y .rien!s to .ollo0 a stranger5 alone5 in an un!isco ere! country" I 0as !eter1ine!$ I 0oul! cancel 1y trip to Italy" I 0as not rea!y to 1o e on"
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I(.2 T e loss of t e o%%ortun&t!

I ha! Aust 0o/en up 0hen I hear! a /noc/ing on the !oor" It 0as 8arcus5 the -oat1an" Alessio ha! prepare! e erything .or 1y trip to 4enice" 6e ha! arrange! 0ith 8arcus to pic/ 1e up .ro1 1y ho1e5 help 1e go to the har-or5 an! ha! e en pai! hi1 in a! ance .or 1y trip" Cith 1y han! tre1-ling on the han!le I opene! the !oor" * Goo! 1orning5 8i/haela5 he sai! 0ith a -right s1ileI Are you rea!y to goH The -oat is lea ing in an hour" I can help you 0ith your luggage" I hesitate!" I 0as not goo! in these 1o1ents" * 8arcus5 I a1 not co1ing 0ith you" I !eci!e! to stay here" I a1 not rea!y .or this5 I a1 not sailing to 4enice" 8arcus .ro@e still" 6e 0as a short 1an 0ith a -elly an! a long 1ustache" 6e 0as constantly s1iling using his 0hole .ace5 e en 0hen he 0as Aust tal/ing" #ut no0 his s1ile ha! !isappeare!" 6e 0as surprise!" 6e !i!nGt e7pect this" Neither !i! I" 6is eyes re1aine! .i7e! at 1e" Cith a !i..erent tone in his oice he respon!e!$ * 6as anything happene! to you 1y !earH Dou loo/ scare!" I 0as not sure i. it 0as he or I 0ho 0as scare!" * No5 than/s 8arcus" I a1 .ine" I Aust !eci!e! not to go" I !onGt .eel rea!y .or this yet"
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I opene! 1y han! an! ga e hi1 a .ol!e! note that I ha! Aust 0ritten" * 2lease gi e this note to Alessio" 2lease !onGt open it" I 0ant it to -e /ept pri ate" The note sai!$ BI a1 sorry" I a1 still in 8al asia" I !i!nGt 1a/e it to the -oat" I a1 really not rea!y .or this" I a1 sorry" 2lease !onGt contact 1e" I ha e no 0or!s to !escri-e 1y .eelings no0"E 6e put the note in his poc/et" 6is eyes 0ere 0i!e open" 6e still !i! not see1 to un!erstan! 0hat 0as happening" Neither !i! I" Chat 0as happening5 0as happening on its o0n" I .elt as i. 1y -o!y 0as 1o ing alone5 as i. I 0as an outsi!e o-ser er" I coul! see the action -ut I coul! hear no soun!" Cith a 3uic/ gesture he li.te! his hat an! turne! aroun!5 closing the !oor -ehin! hi1" I 0as le.t alone" Returning to 1y -o!y I un!erstoo!$ E erything 0as .inal" There 0as no return" The !ice ha! -een thro0n" NNNNN I spent the 0ee/en! thin/ing a-out Elias5 a-out Alessio5 a-out 1y li.e" Chat ha! I !oneH I ha! a-an!one! 1y relationship5 I ha! -een going aroun! 0ith a stranger5 a person 0ho1 I ha! 1et only a .e0 1onths -e.ore5 an! I 0as a-out to tra el alone to .in! hi1 in a .oreign country5 so .ar a0ay5 so1e0here I ha! ne er -een5 so1e0here I !i! not e en un!erstan! the language" I 1ust ha e -een cra@y" 6o0 !i! I !eci!e all thisH Cas this 1e !eci!ing5 or 0as that so1e-o!y else5 ha ing penetrate! 1y -o!yH Cho 0as IH
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I 0as clearly contra!icti e" So1eti1es I 0ante! this5 so1eti1es I 0ante! that5 -ut I al0ays 0ante! it in !ea!ly earnest" Anyone 0oul! assu1e that I 0as really !eci!e!5 that I 0as going .or 1y !rea1" #ut 1y !rea1 0as constantly changing" #e.ore I 0oul! -e a-le to reach it5 the !rea1 0as alrea!y !i..erent" An! again I 0as going 0ith all 1y .orce to0ar!s it5 hunting a 1o ing goal5 -eing !eter1ine! to li e the un!eter1ine!" I 0as tire! o. 1ysel." #y no0 it 0as clear" I 0as not one person" I 0as t0o persons in one -o!y" Totally contra!icti e5 interchangea-ly !ecisi e" So1eti1es the one ha! control5 so1eti1es the other" I 0ante! neither o. the1" I 0ante! neither Elias nor Alessio" Chat 0as I thin/ingH I nee!e! to see Elias" I nee!e! to tell hi1 that I lo e! hi1" I ha! Aust cancelle! 1y trip to 4enice5 I ha! Aust .orce! Alessio out o. 1y li.e5 I ha! !one all this .or Elias" I lo e! hi1" 6e nee!e! to /no0" 8ay-e 0e coul! e en spen! the 0ee/en! together an! 1ay-e I coul! 1a/e up .or all the .rustration I ha! cause! hi1" I ran up to his house" I /noc/e! at his !oor" I /noc/e! again" The !oor re1aine! shut" No-o!y 0as in" I .elt as i. I 0as in .ront o. a 0all" I .elt that I ha! put 1ysel. in .ront o. a thic/ 0all5 in a !ea! en! .ro1 0hence the only 0ay 0as -ac/" The !oor 0as still close!" Elias 0as not there" I sat !o0n on his !oorstep" I crie!" I !onGt re1e1-er ho0 1uch ti1e I 0as there" Nor !O I re1e1-er 0hy I 0as crying" Cas I crying -ecause I lost Elias or -ecause I ha! Aust close! the !oor to AlessioH I 0as .or
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sure crying -ecause 0ith 1y 0eir! -eha ior I ha! stoppe! e erything that 0as going on in 1y li.e5 I ha! put a .inal !ot an! 1ost i1portant5 it 0as 1e5 I coul! not -la1e any-o!y .or this" B#ut 0hich !ot5 8i/haelaE5 I thought to 1ysel." The !ot that I !re0 a.ter .our years o. relationship 0ith Elias to .ollo0 a stranger to no0hereH Or the !ot I ha! put only a .e0 hours ago5 a !ot to 1y !rea1s5 a !ot to a .ortune 0here e erything 0as e7citing an! ne0H I !i! not /no0" #ut .or one thing I 0as sure" That I ha! put a .ull stop" An! a.ter this !ot there 0as only a !ea! en!5 a 0all5 a close! !oor in .ront o. the house o. Elias5 a .uture that e7iste! only in 1y 1in! -ut in reality 0as -ehin! a !oor5 0hich re1aine! close! -ecause I close! it" I 0as crying lou!ly" I !i!nGt care i. so1e-o!y hear! 1e" In .ront o. a close! !oor nothing 1atters" I re1e1-er so1e-o!y passing -y an! o..ering to help" I !i! not 0ant any help" I 0ante! to stay an! .eel helpless5 -ecause this is 0hat I 0as" 6e tol! 1e that Elias 0as not there .or the 0ee/en!" 6e 0as out o. 8al asia 0ith his ne0 girl.rien!" I only 0ante! that person to go" I 0ante! to stay alone" Elias ha! .oun! a ne0 girl.rien! -ecause I ha! le.t hi1" Chat ha! I !oneH I le.t at his !oor the nec/lace5 0hich he ha! gi en 1e as a gi.t .or our anni ersary" I steppe! up to go" I nee!e! to reali@e that he 0as not there .or 1e any1ore" I spent the 0hole 0ee/en! 0ith 1y close .rien!s" At least that 0as 0hat 1y -o!y 0as !oing" 8y 1in! 0as on that -oat" 8y soul 0as tra eling on the A!riatic Sea to 4enice" Chere
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0oul! I -e no0H Chere 0oul! I -e i. the .ull stop 0as a co11a5 i. I 0oul! not -e putting en!s in 1y li.e -ut -eginningsH 8y .rien!s 0ere concerne!" The 0ee/en! en!e! an! 1y .eelings 0ere still ra0" I coul! not go to 0or/" 8y super isor ha! appro e! 1y a-sence .or 1y trip to 4enice5 ho0 coul! I go there againH Chat 0oul! I tell the1H To go to 0or/ 0as not an option" I thought that 1ay-e I coul! correct 1y 1ista/e5 1ay-e there 0as another -oat5 1ay-e I coul! still go to 4enice" I trie! to sleep" The ne7t 1orning I ran to the har-or" I. I coul! .in! a -oat to 4enice5 I 0oul! i11e!iately -oar!5 -y no0 I 0as !eci!e!" Reaching there I sa0 a lot o. people stan!ing on the !oc/s5 all sailors" The har-or 0as .ull" Chat 0as happeningH * CanGt you see5 a sailor sai!" The 0a es are huge" 2lease step asi!e" The sea 0as angry5 the 0a es 0ere splashing at the !oc/s o. the har-or s1ashing the -oats against each other" The sailors 0ere trying to rearrange their -oats an! protect the1" * It starte! this 1orning5 another sailor sai!" At least 0e are luc/y to -e insi!e the port" An! this can last .or !ays5 e en 0ee/sL No -oat 0as sailing out o. this har-or" I thought that -y no0 I 0oul! ha e -een sailing in the sa.e 0aters o. the Italian coast" 8y 1in! 0as still at the -oat o. 8arcus" No5 there 0as no other -oat" There 0as no 0ay to repent5 there 0as no secon! chance .or 1e" I thought that 0hen an opportunity !eci!es to go5 it
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!estroys the path -ehin! it5 so that no-o!y 0ho has not ta/en it can .ollo0" I returne! ho1e" I 1ust ha e staye! the entire !ay insi!e 1y roo1" Chat ha! happene!H I ha! Aust !estroye! 1y 1ost precious gi.t5 the opportunity .or 0hich I ha! al0ays -een 0aiting to tra el an! e7perience the un/no0n" I al0ays 0ante! to li e in 4enice" I ha! Aust !enie! the 1an I lo e!" To select 0hatH A !ay in .ront o. a close! !oor crying5 a terri-le 0ee/en!5 suppose!ly a 0ee/en! 0ith Elias5 a 0ee/en! o. repentance5 -ut only a 0ee/en! planne! in 1y 1in!" The opportunity ha! -een there5 e erything ha! -een planne!5 -ut I ha! sai! no" The opportunity ha! -een calling 1e5 telling 1e$ BCo1eIE I ha!nGt gone" The opportunity ha! -een insisting$ BCo1e5 I a1 hereIE I ha! preten!e! not to hear" As i. the opportunity un!erstoo!5 it ha! -een no!!ing 1e 0ith han!s an! .eet to go to the other si!e o. the -ri!ge that separate! us5 the -ri!ge o er the A!riatic Sea" The opportunity ha! -een stan!ing there5 no!!ing 1e to go along" I 0on!ere! 0hy opportunities 0ant you to 0al/ to the15 0hy !onGt they co1e closer to ta/e you han! in han!" The opportunity ha! -een no!!ing at 1e" #ut I ha! loo/e! a0ay" An! 0hen IG! loo/e! -ac/ again5 it ha! gone" I re1e1-ere! 1y !rea1" The sign 0as still rea!ing BOne CayE -ut Alessio 0as not there any1ore" Alessio 0as tal/ing a-out the essel o. opportunity$ * 8i/haela5 opportunity is a -oat5 an! as such5 she is a .e1ale" Li/e e ery la!y5 the
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opportunity li es in perio!s5 Aust li/e the earth" Chen she co1es5 she -rings the su11er" #ut e en -e.ore that5 0hen you see nothing5 she is getting prepare!" An! yes5 li/e e ery la!y 0ho respects hersel. an! her partner5 she is ta/ing a long ti1e to prepare5 an! thus you nee! to 0ait until she appears5 -ecause she /no0s that the secret lies in the preparation" In the preparation she is .or1e!" Chile she is !ressing hersel. up5 she is thin/ing o. you" The spore is trans.or1ing5 the caterpillar is gro0ing5 it is the ti1e o. the spring" J An! 0hen she co1es5 she co1es .or you" O. courseI She 0as e en thin/ing o. you 0hile co1ing5 ho0 can she co1e .or so1e-o!y elseH She ties hersel. to your !oc/ an! 0elco1es you 0ith a -eauti.ul s1ile" She co1es une7pecte!ly an! surprises you5 .or 0hat is the char1 o. an opportunity i. she is e7pecte!H A -eauti.ul la!y al0ays co1es une7pecte!ly5 as !oes a -eauti.ul opportunity" She is -eauti.ul5 you ha e to a!1it" She says Bco1eE an! you are loo/ing aroun! to .in! out to 0ho1 she is spea/ing to" Dou thin/$ B<i! she say this to so1e-o!y elseH <o I really !eser e itHE Loo/ing aroun! you see that no-o!y else is there" It is only you an! her" She ca1e there .or you only" J She insists" Dou Aust stan! an! stare5 you e en !eny her" O. course5 you !i!nGt e7pect her" She ca1e Pout o. the -lueP" Dou ha e other plans" #ut e en though you /eep on !elaying your !ecision5 trying to thin/5 she still stays aroun!" She 0ill put on her -est clothes5 !o e erything that she can to attract you" #ut respecting hersel.5 she 0ill not hunt you" She
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0ill stay there long enough5 sho0ing you her -eauty" An! in!ee! she loo/s 1agni.icent5 you 0ill ha e to a!1it" An! e en i. other people 0ant to e1-ar/ her -oat5 she 0ill !eny the1" Dou 0ill as/$ BChy 1eH All these people 0ant you an! I !onGt5 0hy 1eHE J 8i/haela5 this is -ecause she is your opportunity5 she ca1e as a gi.t .ro1 Go! only .or you" Dou can recogni@e her5 -ecause she is shining" No 1atter ho0 -lin! you are5 you 0ill .or sure a!1it that she is pretty an! e en i. you are totally -lin!5 you are not !ea.5 so you 0ill hear the others praising her" Dou 1ight .eel that she is not e7actly 0hat you 0ant" O. course5 you !onGt /no0 her 0ell5 she Aust !oc/e! at your port only a 0hile ago5 ho0 can you /no0 i. she is e7actly 0hat you 0ant or notH Dou 0ill .eel that you are not rea!y to recei e your !rea15 that she canGt -e it5 -ecause your !rea1 only e7ists in your 1in!" J Loo/ing a0ay5 you 0ill try to hi!e .ro1 her" Dou nee! ti1e" Dou nee! ti1e to thin/5 to o-ser e5 to !igest5 -ut she is a -oat5 her place is in the sea not in the har-or" She ca1e to the har-or .or you5 she ca1e there to ta/e you5 she ca1e there to ta/e you to the sea5 to the sea 0here e ery ri er en!s5 to the sea that connects e ery lan! on this earth" She is there to ta/e you e ery0here an! e ery0here is the only place you can -e 0ith her" J Chile you are hi!ing .ro1 her5 she 0ill put on her autu1n clothes an! lea e" She 0ill not lea e -ecause she !eci!e! to 3uit" She 0ill lea e -ecause5 e en i. she 0ants you5 she respects hersel.5 she /no0s that she is -eauti.ul an! she /no0s that only -eauti.ul
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people !eser e her" An! no-o!y -eauti.ul is hi!ing5 nor is she" Catching her sailing a0ay you 0ill i11e!iately notice that you shoul! ha e -een on that -oat" Dou 0ill try to .ollo0 her -ut it 0ill -e in ain" Dour opportunity is the .astest essel an! once gone you cannot gra- her5 no 1atter ho0 har! you try" I. so1ething in this 0orl! is i1possi-le5 then this is to gra- a lost opportunity" J Going ho1e you 0ill i11e!iately notice that e erything is happening as i. you ha! entere! that -oat" Su!!enly 0ar 1ight start 0here you li e an! you 0ill nee! to go5 or you 1ight learn that your .rien!s are on their 0ay in another -oat going to that sa1e !estination" E erything in nature 0ill con.ir1 that you shoul! ha e -een on that -oat" J #ut e en i. you try5 there is no 0ay to .ollo0 that -oat5 the -oat is gone" Returning to your initial plans5 soon you 0ill reali@e that the 0in! is against you" Dour plans cannot -e reali@e! 0ith ease" It see1s as i. the opportunity has ta/en the su11er 0ith her 0hen sailing a0ay an! that you ha e -een le.t 0ith the e1ptiness o. the autu1n" J An! e7actly this is 0hat you .eel" E1ptiness" All the .ruits ha e .allen5 all the lea es ha e gone5 the cica!as are no longer singing5 the -ir!s are a-an!oning the s/y" Dou try to !o so1ething else5 -ut there is nothing to !o" E1ptiness is 0hat the autu1n is" J The autu1n is the ti1e to re1e1-er the su11er5 to conte1plate5 to .eel5 to e7perience" To -e true an! con.ess that the opportunity 0as there .or you5 -ut you 0ere not yet 1ature enough to ta/e it" An! to
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accept that the opportunity is no0 gone" E en i. you canGt accept that the su11er is o er5 you 0ill .or sure notice the col!" Dou nee! to reali@e that the earth is .e1ale an! she li es in cycles an! as such it is certain that the su11er 0ill co1e again" #ut the su11er 0ill ne er co1e -y going -ac/" #y re.using to procee! .or0ar!5 you can only stay in the autu1n" The only 0ay to the su11er is through the 0inter an! the spring5 an! then again a essel o. opportunity 0ill co1e to you5 une7pecte!5 unin ite! an! pretty" J ;or the col! 0inter I 0ill gi e you 1y a! ice5 8i/haela" ;orget this opportunity" She is gone" Re1e1-er that once lost she can only hurt you" Ne er loo/ .or su-stitutes5 -ecause the su-stitutes can only 1a/e you re1e1-er 0hat is .ore er gone" EnAoy the 0inter5 e en i. it is col!5 it is also .resh" An! ha e your eyes open .or another opportunity5 .or the su11er 0ill co1e again5 this is as certain as the rotation o. the earth" J An! 0hen an opportunity co1es again5 !o challenge her5 see i. she is there .or you" Listen to your .eelings5 not to the others" Only you can .eel i. this opportunity is really .or you" An! i. she insists5 !onGt let her go again" <onGt hi!e again5 -e true to her an! to yoursel." She is another opportunity5 she is !i..erent .ro1 the pre ious one5 -ut she too loo/s 1agni.icent" Ta/e her on ti1e" 8ature as you are no05 you 0ill /no0 that she ca1e there .or you an! that i. you !onGt ta/e her5 she 0ill go" 8y opportunity ha! no0 gone an! stan!ing o er the !ea! -o!y I reali@e! that it 0oul!
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ne er re i e" I ha! Aust /ille! 1y lo e 0ith Alessio" A glass5 once -ro/en5 can ne er -e repaire!" Des the sages are 0ise" I 0on!ere! 0hy opportunities ha e to co1e an! go so .ast in li.e 0ithout lea ing 1e ti1e to co1prehen! an! !igest the1" An! instantly I hear! the oice o. Alessio in 1y hea!$ BIt is not the opportunity that passes -y .ast" It is you 0ho ha e not yet learne! to 0al/ slo0lyE"
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I(.+ T e %at
of confus&on
I nee!e! to tal/ to Alessio" I coul! not stan! the ghosts in 1y hea! any1ore" I close! 1y eyes hoping that -y reopening the1 I 0oul! see hi1 stan!ing again -y 1y si!e" I !eci!e! to 0rite hi1 a short letter" #ut 0hat coul! I 0rite a-outH 8y thoughts 0ent to the note I ha! 0ritten to hi15 the note I ga e to 8arcus" I !i! not e en 0ant to i1agine his e7pression 0hen opening it" I 0ish I 0ere -y no0 in 4enice5 I 0ish that note !i!nGt e7ist" #ut I 0as not an! that note 0as the last ne0s he ha! hear! .ro1 1e" I put pen to paper" I 0as not goo! at intro!uctions$ Monday 3eptember 'th, $*+ 1ear Alessio, I hope you are fine. My thousand apologies for not coming to -enice. I know that action has crossed your limit of tolerance. I could not forgi"e myself for taking such a decision either. I guess I ha"e painfully paid for that by losing my lo"ed one. Bowe"er, I appreciate if you could listen to me for the last time. My parents were shocked to know that I was taking the boat alone. It was my mistake. !hings would also be different had they met you in ad"ance. I understood their concerns. Anyway, after explaining to my parents o"er the weekend, they finally reali9ed how much I ha"e grown up and am now ready to walk my
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path alone. It was not easy to con"ince them, but I did. I know it;s my 8ourney and on this 8ourney I ha"e to walk alone. I am now totally prepared to begin this 8ourney. 2ut I sincerely hope that you can be my guide along the way. I would appreciate it "ery much. I also tried to take another chance to come to -enice, but I reali9ed this was not possible. I am wondering, why do I ha"e to understand my opportunities in life only after they are goneC 7hy do I keep on pushing them awayC 7hat happens actually to all people when they deny what is there for them, taking only what re>uires effortC I lo"e you, why did I let you goC I might not be good in writing or expressing myself but I would really appreciate if you could understand me and gi"e me another chance. I lo"e you Mikhaela I !eci!e! not to 0rite anything else on that letter" I also !eci!e! to sen! it 0ith the go ern1ent correspon!ence" This 0as the .astest 0ay .or a letter to reach 4enice an! I ha! access to it .ro1 1y 0or/place" I nee!e! to return to the o..ice any0ay5 I coul! not stay at ho1e all !ay crying o er a !ea! opportunity" Chat ha! happene! -elonge! irre ersi-ly to the past"
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The ne7t !ay I su!!enly appeare! in the o..ice" 8y colleagues 0ere surprise! to see 1e" They 0ante! to /no0 0hat ha! happene!" Chy 0hen so1ething goes 0rong5 !oes e ery-o!y 0ant to /no0 the !etails5 1a/ing the .eeling o. it e en 0orseH I in ente! an e7planation a-out 1y health an! ser e! it to the1" They !i!nGt see1 satis.ie! 0ith it5 -ut they accepte! 1y e7cuse" I tol! the truth only to Anna" She sho0e! un!erstan!ing" It only too/ a couple o. 0ee/s .or AlessioGs ans0er to arri e5 -ut it !i! see1 a long ti1e to 1e" I .eare! that he 0oul! ne er 0ant to tal/ to 1e again5 a.ter 0hat I ha! !one" Chile rea!ing his ans0er5 I .elt as i. he 0as ne7t to 1e" In his letter he 0rote$ B8i/haela5 un!erstan!ing your o0n -eha ior5 your .eelings5 your !rea1 is pro-a-ly one o. the -iggest achie e1ents o. your Aourney o. li.e" As e ery Aourney5 li.e as 0ell is solely po0ere! -y a !rea1" Ta/e the !rea1 out o. your li.e an! you 0ill see that your li.e 0ill instantly -eco1e 1eaningless5 -oring5 a li.e not 0orth li ing" It is the !rea1 that !e.ines your -eha ior5 e erything that see1s 0eir! an! a-sur! to people5 e en to yoursel.5 is per.ectly e7plaina-le once your !rea1 re eals itsel." #ecause in your !rea1 you alrea!y are" E erything you !o is inten!e! to -ring you closer to it5 to -ring you closer to your o0n !rea1e! reality5 to 0hat you alrea!y really are in your i1agination5 a0ay .ro1 a 0orl! in 0hich you !onGt 0ant to participate"E BIt is 0hen you un!erstan! that you canGt go .or your !rea1 that you start -eha ing irrationally5 0hen you con ince yoursel. that
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0hat you ha e in your 1in! canGt -e reache!5 at least not .or the ti1e -eing" It is then 0hen you in ent a plan an! it is then 0hen the inter1e!iary is -orn" The inter1e!iary is a -attle that co1prises the 0ar5 a 0ar care.ully planne! -y your 1in!5 strategically inclu!ing 1any -attles5 0hich5 once 0on5 0ill ulti1ately lea! you to your !rea1" Dour 1in! con inces you that you are not a-le to recei e your !rea1 0ithout 0inning a series o. inter1e!iary -attles" #ut5 8i/haela5 e ery !ay that co1es -rings to you an unnotice! opportunity to reali@e your !rea1 right no0"E BStarting to .ight you reali@e that you are not goo! enough an! that the -attle is not as easy as it see1e!" This -attle has opponents an! losing is part o. it" Dour 1in! then .ocuses on 0inning the -attle" Dour 1in! is prepare! to !o anything in or!er to 0in the -attle5 setting asi!e e erything else5 inclu!ing its ery reason5 the 0ar" It is e7actly at this point that the 0ar is tra!e! .or the -attle? the !rea1 is tra!e! .or the inter1e!iary" Dour 1in! !oesnGt /no0 that so1eti1es a -attle nee!s to -e lost .or the 0ar to -e 0on" Dour 1in! has alrea!y planne! a series o. -attles .or this 0ar5 an entire path to your !rea1" I call this5 the path o. con.usion"E BAn! this is 0here the opportunity is lost" E ery opportunity co1es as a -ug in your li.e" It co1es unin ite!5 une7pecte! an! it is trying to !e iate you .ro1 your 1in!Gs plan5 so1eti1es to an e7tent that it -eco1es 1olesting" The opportunity is so1ething ne0 an! !oes not .it to this 1agni.icent5 per.ect plan o. your 1in!" An! since an opportunity is
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al0ays a choice an! ne er an o-ligation5 you !onGt choose it"E BThe reason that you /eep on 1issing your opportunities is that you /eep on li ing in a plan" The reason that you create! your plan in .irst place is -ecause your 1in! -elie es that your !rea1 canGt -e reache! !irectly" #ut 0oul! you trust a co11an!er .or your 0ar5 0ho !oes not -elie e in your a-ility to 0inHE B8i/haela5 you see here the ery source o. the .la0 o. your 1in!" Dour 1in! in ents the plan -ecause it !oes not -elie e in the !rea1" 6o0 can your 1in! 0in i. it !oes not -elie e in itH 6o0 can you reach the hori@on -y loo/ing at the seaH Dour 1in! is .aithless5 your 1in! is a 1achine5 a ser ant? your 1in! is si1ply not a-le to ha e .aith" Dour 1in! is a 0arrior5 -ut you are the !rea1er an! a 0arrior /no0s ho0 to .ight5 -ut you nee! to !irect hi15 encourage hi15 sho0 hi1 the 0ay" The co11an!er is you"E B#ut e en i. you get con ince! that the 0ar cannot -e 0on5 then loo/ aroun!5 an! right at your ut1ost point o. !esperation5 you 0ill see her5 sitting on the other e!ge o. the -attle.iel!5 your opportunity5 your -ri!ge o er the -attle5 not through it" This -attle 1ust -e sacri.ice!5 the opportunity 1ust -e caught5 the target has to change" The a-ility to succee! .ollo0s the a-ility to accept .ailure"E BThe path o. con.usion is a construction o. your 1in!5 a path constantly a!Austing to0ar!s a goal constantly shrin/ing to so1ething 1ore tangi-le5 a -attle to 0in the 0ar an! later a -attle to 0in the -attle5 an inter1e!iary5 a stu--orn 0arrior re.using to
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accept loss" O-ser e your plan an! you 0ill see that it only resi!es in your 1in!" Dou ne er co11unicate! it to anyone5 e en i. other people are participating in it" Dou are playing chess alone5 8i/haela5 an! e en i. your s1art 1in! has planne! ten 1o es in a! ance5 an une7pecte! 1o e o. your opponent can 1a/e your entire strategy anish into thin air" An! li.e is .ull o. surprises once you place Go! in the opposition"E BDou nee! to un!erstan! that there is no opportunity that 0ill 1a/e you loo/ through it" Opportunities ha e to -e e7perience! or lost to re eal their irtues" There is no pre ie0" An! your stu--orn 1in!5 .ollo0ing the path o. con.usion5 going .or the inter1e!iary5 /no0ing 0hat it 0ants5 an egoist solely 0anting to 0in5 !oes not li/e 1isty paths" It pre.ers a !i..icult5 -ut clear path5 o er a pretty -ut uncertain one" An! opportunities are -oth pretty an! uncertain"E In .act this 0as true" I ha! ne er tra elle! alone" I ha! ne er -een to any country 0here 1y language 0as not spo/en" An! 0hat i. so1ething happene! on that -oatH Chat i. there 0as a stor1H Chat i. I 0oul! go to 4enice an! I 0oul! not -e a-le to returnH Chat i. I 0ent there an! I en!e! up thin/ing only a-out EliasH Chat i. Alessio !i!nGt lo e 1e an! he 0as telling these s0eet 0or!s to all girlsH Chat i. 0e got 1arrie! an! he 0oul! !u1p 1e or tra el a0ay .ro1 1e to another country 0ith 1e staying aloneH 8y 1in! 0as alrea!y con.use! in its planning" 8y 1in! 0as ne er satis.ie! 0ith uncertainty"
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8y 1in! 0as .ull o. 3uestions a-out Alessio" #ut not a-out Elias" In .our years o. relationship e erything 0as certain" An! right 0hen I 0as in .ront o. the opportunity all these 3uestions ca1e to 1y 1in!" An! I !ro0ne! in the1" That is 0hat happene!" I continue! rea!ing" BAn opportunity is a shortcut5 8i/haela" It is the ans0er o. Go! to your !rea1" It is the 1eans to reach 0here you nee! to -e5 !irectly an! 1ore pleasant than .ollo0ing your 1in!Gs path o. con.usion" #ecause your 1in! .ocuses on constraints an! this is 0hy it lea!s you to such a long an! strenuous path" #ut .or Go! there are no li1itations" 6is opportunities are al0ays supporte! -y actions o. the entire uni erse" Dour 1in!Gs path o. con.usion is lonely5 in it you are the only actor"E BAn! this is 0hy you are losing your opportunities5 8i/haela" It is -ecause you are not yet hu1-le" It is -ecause you are con ince! that you /no0 0hat you 0ant5 you are con ince! that the -attle nee!s to -e 0on5 it is -ecause you ha e not yet 1astere! the art o. losing" Not ha ing 1astere! loss5 you .ear it an! .earing it5 you are constantly thin/ing a-out it5 thus attracting it" An! -y .earing5 you !onGt let your heart e7press" The oice o. your heart stops at your throat"E In!ee! I ha! a lot o. pro-le1s 0ith 1y throat" I ha! gone to 1any !octors5 -ut none o. the1 0as a-le to gi e 1e a cure" 8y throat 0as .re3uently aching" BLetting your 1in! !e.ine your li.e is a certain path to con.usion" ;or your 1in! there are too 1any constraints" ;or Go! there is
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nothing that can stop the !rea15 there are no threats5 e en threats are opportunities" Go! listens to your heart" 6e !oes not listen to 0hat your 1in! 0ants5 -ecause 6e ga e you the 1in! as a tool5 a ser ant to help you .ollo0 your !rea15 go .or the path o. pleasure5 un!erstan! the signs" #ut let the ser ant gui!e you an! soon you 0ill un!erstan! that your o0n 0ish is o er5 soon the 1in! 0ill -e controlling your 1outh an! your han!s an! the oice o. your heart 0ill accu1ulate at your throat"E This 0as all correct" So 1any thoughts 0ere co1ing to 1y 1in! 0hen I 0as stan!ing in .ront o. hi1" Staring at hi15 I 0as a!1itting that he loo/e! 0on!er.ul5 -ut 0hat 0as insi!eH ;or 1y 1in! ris/s" ;or 1y heart !rea1s" In realityH The >n/no0n" B8i/haela5 the opportunity .or you to co1e to 4enice 0as lost" I a1 sure you trie! your -est to .ollo0 her a.ter she 0as gone" I a1 sure5 stan!ing on the har-or you !rea1t o. that -oat5 I a1 sure5 stan!ing in .ront o. the !ea! -o!y you trie! to resurrect it5 only to .in! yoursel. in .ront o. a ast nothing5 0hat I call the la/e o. e1ptiness"E 6e al0ays li/e! to use ne0 ter1s 0hen he 0as tal/ing" BThe la/e o. e1ptiness is the place you en! up a.ter your opportunity is gone" ItGs a .ull stop to your ri erGs .lo0" ItGs a la/e a.ter a 0ater.all" In this la/e you reali@e you canGt go -ac/5 cli1-ing up a 0ater.all is not a choice" In this la/e you can only i1agine the path you ha e not chosen5 the path o. the opportunity" In this la/e e erything an! e eryone is a-sent
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an! you are the only one 1o ing in a slo0 an! unnoticea-le .lo0"E BThe la/e is there .or you to learn" An! you can only learn i. you !onGt rush an! i. you 1e!itate" The la/e is there to .orce you to 0al/ slo0ly an! un!erstan! that in!ee! you ha e 1a!e a 1ista/e5 you 0ere con.use!5 your 1in! le! you to lose the opportunity an! .ollo0 the path o. con.usion"E BI /no0 you 0oul! ha e !one other0ise ha! you -ut /no0n" An! e ery-o!y 0oul! ha e !one so" E ery-o!y can alue an opportunity a.ter the opportunity is gone" That re3uires no special s/ills" #ut the 1astery o. li.e lies in your a-ility to listen to your heart an! alue the opportunity 0hen she is right in .ront o. you" 8aturity lies in !iscar!ing your original plan in .ront o. e ery opportunity that co1es .or you an! go .or her 0hile she is there" Cal/ slo0ly in or!er to !eci!e on ti1e"E BAn! al0ays re1e1-er that e ery opportunity loo/s pretty .ro1 the outsi!e5 she co1es at the -eginning an! her only opponent is the plan o. your 1in!5 the path o. con.usion" She al0ays co1es alone5 it is not a choice o. alternati es5 it is a choice -et0een procee!ing to0ar!s the !rea1 o. your heart or .ollo0ing the planne! path o. con.usion" An opportunity ne er lets you loo/ insi!e -e.ore co11itting to her5 as !oes e ery 0o1an 0ho respects hersel." An opportunity co1es unin ite! an! une7pecte!ly an! she 0aits long enough .or you to ta/e her5 -ecause she 0ants you as 1uch as you 0ant her" Go! 0ants you to -e 0ith 6i15 not a0ay .ro1 6i1" Dou ne er go to .in! an opportunity5 in contrast she co1es to
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.in! you" An! /no0 that an opportunity is a shortcut" Losing her !oes not 1ean that you 0ill not reach your !rea1" #ut it !oes 1ean that you 0ill reach it in a 1ore pain.ul 0ay" A ri er al0ays lea!s to the sea an! e en a still la/e has a !o0n0ar! current"E I ha! lost 1y opportunity" ;or that I 0as sure" #ut o. course5 as he sai!5 I reali@e! it only a.ter I lost her" I nee!e! to learn a lot" In .act I thought o. all the opportunities I ha! lost in 1y li.e5 Chy !i! I lose the1H It 0as lac/ o. /no0le!ge" I. only I /ne0" I coul! un!erstan! 0hat Alessio 0as saying5 that /no0le!ge is .or the stupi!" I 0as stupi! too to lose so 1any opportunities in 1y li.e" #ut it 0as true5 e ery single o. these opportunities insiste! -e.ore !isappearing" In one 0ay or the other e ery one o. the1 0as trying to open the close! gates o. 1y 1in!" An! all o. the1 0ithout real cost" I only nee!e! to sacri.ice 1y original plan5 0hat Alessio 0as calling the path o. con.usion" I only nee!e! to accept the ris/s5 I only nee!e! not to .ear it" #ut Alessio 0as saying that this 0as also part o. the 1astery o. li.e" To -e a-le to recogni@e ris/s -ut not .ear the1" An! that irtue 0as gi en a.ter gaining the 1astery o. .ailure" I !eci!e! that in the .uture I 0oul! ne er lea e an opportunity to get lost" An! as i. I coul! sense it5 right at the ti1e o. 1y !ecision5 Go! 0as preparing to challenge 1e again" I !eci!e! to !e ote 1ysel. to Alessio" Elias 0as any0ay seeing so1e-o!y else5 he 0as not there .or 1e any1ore" I !eci!e! that i. I 0as gi en an opportunity to go to 4enice again5 I 0oul! ta/e it" I !eci!e! to change" I
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!eci!e! to !e ote 1y li.e to Lo e5 not to .ear" An! Aust at that ti1e I .elt unease in 1y heart" 8y heart 0as telling 1e that Go! 0as preparing .or 1e 6is ne7t challenge" 6e 0as not satis.ie! 0ith the ple!ge o. 1y 1in!"
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I(.$ T e return
As i. nothing ha! happene!5 I -egan co11unicating again 0ith Alessio" 6e 0as in 4enice 0ith his parents5 ta/ing care o. his .ather5 1eeting his school .rien!s an! sen!ing 1e letters" 6e also starte! helping his .a1ily -usiness5 0hich 0as le.t hea!less a.ter his .ather got sic/" I 0as al0ays eagerly 0aiting .or his letters" I 0ante! to sho0 hi1 1y lo e5 to sho0 that I 0ante! hi1 in 1y li.e5 to tell hi1 that I 1isse! hi1" 6e 0as also respon!ing 0ith lo e to 1y letters5 he ne er !elaye! his ans0er5 he 0as saying that he lo e! 1e5 that I 0as the single thought present in his 1in!5 that he .elt close to 1e e en .ro1 so .ar an! that he 0ante! to return to 8al asia an! see 1e" I also 0ante! to -e 0ith hi15 I 0as in lo e 0ith hi1 an! I 0as not hi!ing it" #y no0 I ha! !eci!e! that 1y .uture 0as in 4enice5 that 1y .uture inclu!e! hi1" A.ter I ha! let hi1 !o0n5 staying -ac/ in 8al asia on the trip he arrange! .or us to 4enice5 he !eci!e! to change his plans" 6e 0oul! still return to 8al asia5 -ut not in or!er to stay" 6e sai! that I 0as too olatile an! that he coul! not -ase his .uture on 1e" Instea!5 he 0oul! return to 8al asia in or!er to !ischarge his o-ligations5 gi e up his house an! ta/e his -elongings to 4enice" 6e o..ere! 1e the opportunity to go an! stay 0ith hi1 in 4enice .or so1e ti1e an! then !eci!e together 0hat to !o ne7t" I !i! appreciate that he 0as gi ing 1e a secon! chance to pro e 1y lo e to hi1" I !i!
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appreciate that a.ter all I ha! !one to hi15 he 0as still tal/ing to 1e" E en i. he ha! !eci!e! not to stay 0ith 1e in 8al asia5 I coul! un!erstan! hi15 I coul! see that this 0as not 0hat he really 0ante!5 -ut only his reaction to 1y in!ecisi eness" 6e 0as telling 1e that i. our relationship 0ent 0ell5 0e coul! return one !ay to 8al asia an! I !i! -elie e in his pro1ise" 6e also tol! 1e that he coul! place 1e in his .a1ily -usiness an! that he coul! e en gi e 1e a salary .or 1y contri-ution" I coul! see that he 0as 1a/ing his -est e..ort to 1a/e things easier .or 1e to !eci!e to .ollo0 hi1 to 4enice an! I !i! appreciate it" I sho0e! un!erstan!ing o. his !ecisions an! this ti1e I !eci!e! to pro e that I 0as not olatile5 that I 0as !e ote! to hi15 that I 0as thin/ing a-out hi15 an! that I lo e! hi1" An! that 0as true" A.ter I staye! -ac/ in 8al asia I -la1e! Elias .or 1y 0eir! -eha ior an! I !eci!e! to stay a0ay .ro1 hi1 an! !e ote 1ysel. to Alessio" #ut that 0as not al0ays possi-le" Alessio 0as .ar a0ay an! 1y only co11unication 0as through letters" Elias 0as li ing in the sa1e city an! 0e ha! 1any co11on .rien!s" So5 I continue! to see Elias5 so1eti1es 0ith other .rien!s in pu-lic5 an! so1eti1es in pri ate" E en i. I .eare! to 1a/e such a -ig change in 1y li.e5 I /ne0 that 1y .eelings .or Alessio 0ere strong an! that 4enice 0as a 0on!er.ul place to li e" Thus I !eci!e! that this 0as the 0ay to go" To i1ple1ent 1y !ecision I in.or1e! 1y 1anager at the go ern1ent o..ice that they 0oul! ha e to .in! a
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replace1ent .or 1e" I !eci!e! to resign" 4enice 0as 0aiting .or 1e" 8y parents !i! not appro e 1y plan" 8y .ather sai! that I 0as cra@y an! that he ha! ta/en so 1uch care o. 1e all these years5 stri ing to pro i!e 1e 0ith the necessary e!ucation in or!er .or 1e to succee! in li.e an! not in or!er to renounce e erything an! go .or lo e" 6e 0as saying that 1y Ao- at the go ern1ent o..ice 0as too goo! to -e lost an! that I ha! stri e! a lot in or!er to get this position" An! he 0as right" E ery-o!y en ie! 1e .or 1y Ao-5 1y co1pensation an! the security that this Ao- pro i!e!" #ut as Alessio 0as saying5 e erything goo! co1es at a price an! I 0as prepare! to pay it in or!er to -e 0ith hi15 in or!er to sho0 hi1 that I 0as there .or hi1 an! to sho0 to 1ysel. as 0ell that I 0as !e ote! to 1y !rea1 an! that I 0as no0 rea!y to accept any social cost that this !ecision coul! -ring" 6o0e er I coul! not i11e!iately go to 4enice5 e en i. I 0ante! to" I nee!e! to 0ait .or t0o 1onths until the go ern1ent o..ice 0oul! .in! a replace1ent .or 1e an! until I coul! train this person .or 1y Ao-" An! so the ti1e passe! -y 0ith 1y e7changing letters 0ith Alessio5 !rea1ing o. the !ay I coul! a! ance to 1y ne7t step5 hating this ti1e a0ay .ro1 Alessio an! close to the te1ptations o. Elias5 -ut at the sa1e ti1e getting courage .ro1 AlessioGs letters an! the approaching !ate o. his planne! return to 8al asia" NNNNN
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E en i. it 0as only one 1onth since I 1isse! 1y opportunity to go to 4enice5 to 1e it see1e! a lot longer" It 0as a transition perio!5 a perio! that I 0oul! ha e to re1e1-er5 resent not going to 4enice an! 0ait .or Alessio to co1e to 8al asia" Cait .or his letters5 0ait .or hi1 to co1e5 0ait .or the go ern1ent o..ice to .in! a replace1ent5 0ait al0ays .or so1ething e7ternal5 so1ething I coul! neither pro o/e nor spee! up" I re1e1-ere! the la/e o. e1ptiness that co1es a.ter the 1isse! opportunity" I .elt e7actly this$ E1pty" E en i. I 0ante! to hi!e this .ro1 Alessio5 .ro1 1y parents an! .ro1 1y sisters5 I 0as .eeling e1pty" There 0as nothing that I coul! !o to go out o. this ast la/e5 only -e patient5 0ait .or an unnoticea-le5 slo0 .lo0 to ta/e 1e out o. it" I 0as not goo! at 0aiting" >ntil one !ay I recei e! a letter .ro1 Alessio saying that .inally he 0as a-out to co1e .or one 0ee/ only5 in or!er to collect his -elongings5 gi e up his house an! settle !o0n his ta7ation issues" It 0as only one 1onth 1ore until 1y o0n trip to 4enice5 the go ern1ent o..ice ha! alrea!y .oun! a replace1ent5 an! I !i! nee! hi1 -y 1y si!e .or this i1portant change o. 1y li.e5 I !i! nee! hi1 to stay here in 8al asia an! acco1pany 1e on 1y trip to 4enice" 6o0e er he clai1e! -usiness issues at his .a1ily -usiness5 saying that he coul! not -e a-sent .or an entire 1onth" I 0as 0on!ering i. he 0oul! gi e 1e any attention once I 0oul! lan! in 4enice or i. he 0oul! -e too -usy 0ith his .a1ily -usiness"
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;or one thing I 0as sure" Cith hi1 I coul! ne er -e certain a-out so1ething? 0ith hi1 I coul! not .eel secure" 8y parents 0ante! to 1eet Alessio" A.ter I tol! the1 that he 0as a-out to co1e5 they insiste! on 1eeting hi1" Although I !i! not 0ant to sho0 a negati e i1age to Alessio5 I .oun! their clai1 .air" 8y .ather pro1ise! 1e that he 0oul! -e gentle 0ith hi1 an! /eep to hi1sel. all the negati e co11ents that I 0as hearing a-out hi1 e ery !ay" I 0ante! Alessio to .eel 0elco1e! in 1y .a1ily5 so all this ti1e I !eci!e! to stan! in -et0een5 hi!ing an un0elco1e reality"
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I(.5 T e %arents
The ne7t 1orning Alessio 0oul! -e arri ing at the port o. 8al asia" I 0as e7cite!" A.ter such a long ti1e he 0oul! -e 1ore than Aust letters to 1e" E en though I 1isse! hi1 a lot !uring this ti1e5 I 0as still happy5 -ecause 1y path 0as .inally clear" In only one 1onth I 0oul! Aoin hi1 in 4enice5 in only one 1onth I 0oul! a! ance5 change5 go 0ith hi1 an! .inally -e 0ith hi1" An! to1orro0 he 0as .inally co1ing" I 0as happy" 9ust as e ery night I .ell asleep hugging 1y pillo05 -ut tonight I s3uee@e! it tightly5 snuggling it to 1y .ace" I11e!iately a.ter the -oat o. 8arcus !oc/e! at the har-or5 the passengers -egan .leeing outsi!e5 running to0ar!s the lan!5 loo/ing .or relati es5 touching the groun! an! cheering" So1e 0ere returning again to their ho1elan!5 0hile others 0ere 1igrating to this s1all -ut -usy an! .lourishing city" 8y eyes 0ere .i7e! at the 1o ing cro0!5 searching .or Alessio" I11e!iately 0hen he sa0 1e5 he s1ile! an! -egan 0al/ing cal1ly to0ar!s 1e" 6e 0as still han!so1e an! as al0ays5 not ery e7pressi e" 6e usually re.raine! .ro1 appearing o er0hel1e!5 -ut in his core he 0as still a chil!" As he 0as 0al/ing to0ar!s 1e5 I coul! see that e erything on his .ace 0as s1iling" 8y heart -egan -eating .aster" 6e 0as .inally here" The ne7t !ay I ha! arrange! a !inner 0ith 1y .a1ily" They 0ere increasingly eager to 1eet hi1 an! I ha! alrea!y in.or1e! hi1 a-out that5 as/ing i. I coul! intro!uce the1 to
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hi1" #y no0 1y parents ha! stoppe! critici@ing 1y choice an! I coul! see that they 0ere really loo/ing .or0ar! to this !inner" Alessio -elonge! to the upscale society o. 4enice5 ha! recei e! thorough e!ucation5 an! ha! e en atten!e! the >ni ersity o. 2a!ua5 0hich 0as only .or the pri ilege! .e0" 8y parents ha! co1pletely change! their opinion a-out hi1 an! a-out 1y choices once they learne! a-out his pro.ession an! social status" They ha! e en -egun in!irectly encouraging 1e5 0hich I .oun! 3uite annoying" I use! to -e al0ays in con.lict 0ith the1 a-out 1y pri ate li.e an! this e7ception !i! not 1a/e 1e .eel co1.orta-le" 6o0e er .or the ti1e -eing it 0as con enient an! so I ha! accepte! it 0ith pleasure" The !inner 0as arrange! in one o. the 0ell /no0n restaurants 0here people .ro1 the upper to0n 0oul! arrange to !ine5 usually tal/ing o er .inancial a..airs" 8y parents 0ante! to present to Alessio a goo! i1age o. our .a1ily5 especially 0hen they learne! a-out his proper -ac/groun!" Arri ing 0ith Alessio at the restaurant 0e .oun! e ery-o!y sitting at a -ig roun! ta-le" They ha! alrea!y or!ere! 0ine" Once 0e entere! the roo1 they i11e!iately turne! to0ar!s us5 as i. the groo1 an! the -ri!e ha! Aust entere! the 0e!!ing hall" I still can re1e1-er the elegant appearance o. Alessio that !ay" 6is clothes5 care.ully selecte!5 0ere -oth 1o!ern an! classic5 all 1a!e in Italy5 gi ing hi1 a !istinct appearance as co1pare! to the rest o. the guests" I 0as prou! to ha e hi1 -y 1y si!e"
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As soon as 0e sat at the ta-le 1y sisters -egan chatting an! s1iling 0ith each other5 gi ing 3uic/ loo/s to0ar!s his si!e" Alessio coul! not un!erstan! Gree/5 -ut he /ept s1iling -ac/ at the15 regar!less o. 0hate er they 0ere saying" The !inner 0ent -etter than I ha! e7pecte!" Alessio 0as tal/ing 0ith 1y .ather5 0ho coul! spea/ a little -it o. Latin5 1ainly a-out -usiness issues" 8y 1other 0as also please! 0ith Alessio an! she e en in ite! hi1 to her -irth!ay cele-ration to -e hel! in t0o !aysG ti1e" I 0as happy to see Alessio integrating in 1y .a1ily" In this 0ay I .elt hi1 co1ing closer to 1e" Ce spent the rest o. the !ays together5 I 0as helping hi1 to pac/ his -elongings an! e1pty his house to gi e it -ac/" I .elt sa! to see this house getting e1ptie!? .or so1e ti1e it 0as our house an! it ha! .or1e! part o. our li.e an! 1e1ories together" 6o0e er I ha! alrea!y accepte! that 0e 0oul! nee! to 1o e to 4enice5 that the preparation 0as !one in 8al asia an! that our relationship 0oul! really -e .or1e! in 4enice" An! -y no0 e erything 0as on trac/" I ha! 3uit 1y 0or/5 I ha! intro!uce! Alessio to 1y .a1ily5 I ha! the -lessing o. 1ost o. 1y goo! .rien!s" I .elt that I 0as .lo0ing sa.ely an! stea!ily on a ri er to0ar!s 0hat 0as alrea!y prepare!$ 8y li.e in 4enice" The 0ee/ passe! -y 3uic/ly an! Alessio 0as set to go" Acco1panying hi1 to the har-or5 I 0as hol!ing hi1 tight" I a1 not sure i. I 0as hol!ing hi1 -ecause I !i!nGt 0ant to let hi1 go or -ecause I !i!nGt 0ant to stay -ac/" ;or one thing I 0as sure$ I !i! not 0ant to -e apart
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.ro1 hi15 not at this olatile point" E en i. less than three 0ee/s re1aine! until 1y trip to 4enice5 there 0as one 0ea/ lin/ in the chain$ 8e" As the -oat 0as lea ing 8al asia5 I re1e1-ere! 1y !aily !uties an! 1y arrange1ents .or the rest o. 0ee/" On the 0ee/en! I ha! alrea!y arrange! to 1eet Elias"
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I(.6 T e lab!r&nt
of l&fe
I still re1e1-er 1y last 0ee/en! in 8al asia -e.ore 1y trip to 4enice" I 0as sitting on the outer 0all o. the east entrance o. the city5 0aiting .or the re! colors o. the sunset" Chat a 1agni.icent place in 1y city" Sitting on the -rin/ o. the 0all I ha! the ie0 o. the entire to0n on the one en! an! o. the ast 8e!iterranean Sea on the other" Chat an inspiring placeI That !ay I ha! to 1a/e the 1ost i1portant !ecision o. 1y li.e" An! no-o!y coul! -e there 0ith 1e5 -ecause no-o!y /ne0 the entire truth? this 0as -urie! !eep insi!e 1e" I 0as guar!ing it li/e a precious treasure" I ne er lie! to any-o!y" #ut I 0as .ooling 1ysel. an! others5 saying an! -elie ing that I 0as honest5 0hen I 0as only sharing part o. the truth" The part5 0hich 0oul! a oi! 1y -eing critici@e!" E en i. Alessio 0as no0 .ar a0ay5 I 0oul! o.ten re1e1-er his 0or!s$ * The only 0ay to -e honest is to share the entire truth5 nothing 1ore an! nothing less" The e7act 1o1ent 0hen you .ail to -e True you are creating the Other" The Other is create! -ecause o. your nee! .or the lo e o. the others" #ut e en i. you .inally recei e lo e -y sharing part o. the truth5 /no0 that the others !onGt lo e you" They lo e their creature insi!e you5 the Other" An! your real personality is -eing replace! thus 1a/ing you lose your real sel." J I. one attitu!e is i1portant in li.e5 then this is to !eny the lo e o. the ones 0ho !o not
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accept you as you are5 the ones 0ho 0ant to change you" Change only 0hen you yoursel. un!erstan! the nee! to change" The ones critici@ing you are li/e close! shells pointing al0ays to0ar!s the others5 hi!ing -ehin! their e7ten!e! .inger5 0hen they shoul! really -e only pointing to the1sel es" Chile they are pointing at you they /eep on loo/ing at their pointer5 .ailing to recogni@e that their three other .ingers are pointing -ac/ at the1" Sho0 the1 the path -y ignoring the15 1a/ing the1 ha e no-o!y to point at5 apart .ro1 their o0n sel." Go! is Truth an! 6e 0ants all people on earth to -eco1e 6i1" Al0ays -e true an! al0ays help others to only -e true" <onGt accept your !ishonesty an! !onGt accept the !ishonesty o. the others" E en at a thousan! 1iles a0ay5 his oice 0as still in 1y hea!" I .elt as i. he 0as ne7t to 1e5 on this sa1e 0all o. 8al asia5 gui!ing 1e through a 0orl! 1a!e untrue" A 0orl! I 0as critici@ing5 -ut also .or1ing5 hi!ing .ro1 Alessio the ery .act that I 0as still 1eeting Elias" #ecause I 0as a.rai! o. -eing critici@e!5 -ecause I 0as a.rai! that he 0oul! lose his interest in 1e5 i. he .oun! that the single thought 0hen I 0as 0ith hi1 0as Elias" I 0as a.rai!5 this is 0hat I 0as5 constantly .ueling the presence o. the Other 0ith 1y .ear" Chy coul!nGt Alessio un!erstan! an! accept the ery .act that 1y heart 0as still attache! to EliasH Chy coul!nGt I accept the ris/ o. losing Alessio an! -e true to hi1H I. this 0as 1e5 then 0hy !i!nGt I accept 1y o0n -eha iorH #ut I 0as not only hi!ing .ro1 Alessio5 I 0as e en hi!ing .ro1 Elias" I 0as hi!ing the .act
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that I ha! intro!uce! Alessio to 1y parents5 thus 1a/ing 1y relationship o..icial" I 0as tal/ing to hi1 a-out e erything else than Alessio an! he ha! accepte! this -eha ior" I 0as also hi!ing .ro1 1y .rien!s5 -ecause so1e o. the1 co11unicate! 0ith Elias an! so1e 0ith Alessio" I 0as hi!ing .ro1 1y parents5 -ecause I ha! Aust intro!uce! the1 Alessio5 I ha! Aust con ince! the1 that I 0as in lo e 0ith hi1 in or!er to recei e their appro al .or 1y trip to 4enice" In a 0orl! surroun!e! -y people5 I 0as alone5 trying to hi!e 1y thoughts5 1y .eelings5 an! e en 1y -o!y5 sitting at this ery 1o1ent on the loneliest spot o. 8al asia" I 0as see/ing these 1o1ents a0ay .ro1 the others5 -ecause I 0as see/ing to stay a0ay .ro1 1ysel." The sun 0as setting" The !ay o. 1y !eparture to 4enice 0as approaching an! I ha! to 1a/e this !ecision alone" Elias 0as a nice person" A.ter all I ha! !one to hi15 he still lo e! 1e" I also care! a-out hi15 I ha! hi1 in 1y 1in!5 I /ne0 that he coul! 1a/e 1e happy? he 0as a 1an in lo e" Alessio .elt no0 !istant in 1y 1in!" #ut his oice5 his 0ise oice5 his o1nipresent a! ice 0ere al0ays 0ith 1e5 e en right no0 as I 0as 0atching the sunset alone5 he 0as -esi!e 1e" Regar!less o. his physical presence5 I 0oul! thin/ that i. I e7ten!e! 1y han!5 I coul! touch hi1" 6e .elt !istant5 -ut in a strange 1anner he 0as there" Cho 0as thereH 6e 0as saying$ * The Truth is al0ays there5 it is your sha!o0" 8ore correctly put5 you are the sha!o0 o. the Truth" E en i. it .eels !istant5 it only .eels !istant in your poor 1in!5 the Truth
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is al0ays there5 al0ays right ne7t to you" Is it the .irst ti1e you hear that Go! is o1nipresentH The Truth 0as here" Des5 the Truth insi!e his 0or!s" #ut he 0as not here" 6e 0as in 4enice" An! I ha! to !eci!e" Shoul! I stay or shoul! I goH Shoul! I -e 0hat I 0as or -eco1e 0hat I 0as notH Shoul! I procee! an! accept the ris/ or re1ain in the sa.ety o. /no0le!geH I re1e1-ere! 0hat he once clai1e! to -e his 1ost precious a! ice$ * 8i/haela5 to!ay I 0ill gi e you 1y 1ost i1portant 0or!" Dou can use it anyti1e 0hen you .in! yoursel. in !i..icult situations5 in .ront o. tough !ecisions" E en i. you .ail in e erything else5 you cannot .ail in li.e i. you only o-ser e this a! ice" J Li.e is li/e a huge la-yrinth o. roo1s" At any certain point o. ti1e you resi!e 0ithin a roo1" I. you li/e this roo15 enAoy itI <onGt thin/ a-out anything else5 !onGt let your 1in! tra el outsi!e its .urnishe! 0alls5 !onGt loo/ at its close! 0oo!en !oors" There is no nee! to open the15 this can only 1a/e it lose its ro1antic a1-ience an! its rich s1ell" Sit on e ery couch5 conte1plate the ie0 o. the paintings5 roll your -o!y on its 2ersian carpets5 enAoyI <onGt hol! yoursel. -ac/5 surren!er to its -eauty an! .all in lo eI J #ut i. you canGt .all in lo e 0ith it5 i. so1ething !oes not .eel right5 i. this roo1 .eels !epressi e or the air is too hea y5 i. the carpets loo/ 0orn out an! the couches are not so.t any1ore5 then it is ti1e to place this roo1 in your past"
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J To 1aster the li.e an! enAoy its !i inity you ha e to learn -oth to start an! to .inish" I. you are a.rai! to change 0hat nee!s to -e change!5 you 0ill -eco1e li/e the stagnant 0aters o. a la/e5 you 0ill ha e a !irty s1ell5 you 0ill -eco1e 1u!!y an! -lur5 an! 1os3uitoes 0ill gather aroun! you" Dou 0ill not -e the crystal clear 0ater o. the .lo0ing ri er" J E ery roo1 has 1any !oors that lea! to the a!Aacent roo1s" These are the !oors to the >n/no0n" I call the1 the !ar/ tunnel5 -ecause i. you open any o. the15 you 0ill only see the !ar/" Det this is natural5 as there is no can!le lit up insi!e" J Stan! in the 1i!!le o. your current roo1" A!1it it? yes it is ti1e to lea e it" The 1ore 1u!!y an! s1elly you -eco1e5 the 1ore !i..icult is it to lea e" O-ser e the !oors aroun! you" All !oors loo/ the sa1e" #ehin! the1$ Al0ays !ar/ness" The >n/no0n" #ut 1e!itate an! o-ser e yoursel. an! you 0ill see that 0hat is not the sa1e is the .eeling you get 0hen you are loo/ing at the1" 2lace your .antasy -ehin! the15 i1agine that you are alrea!y there" ;or so1e you 0ill .eel in!i..erent5 .or so1e you 0ill .eel intereste!5 .or so1e tire!" Try to o-ser e your !i..erent .eelings5 not -y trying to in o/e the15 -ut -y letting the1 to slo0ly e7press? they are only sleeping" I1agine yoursel. turning the han!les an! opening the !oors5 losing yoursel. -ehin! the1" 8a/e your i1agination real -y -ringing in all the !etails5 get lost in it" A-an!on your logic an! .orget your rush5 ta/e your ti1e not to thin/5 -ut to .eel"
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J An! -y !oing this al0ays re1e1-er$ It is not i1portant to open the right !oor" Chat is i1portant is to o erco1e your .ear pre enting you .ro1 opening any !oor5 .orcing you to -eco1e stagnant only -ecause you !onGt /no0 0hich !oor is the right one" O. course you !onGt /no0" Dou can only .eel" E en i. you are not sure a-out it5 procee!" J Open the !oor an! loo/ insi!e the !ar/ roo1" The only color you can see is -lac/" O-ser e your .ear" O-ser e your 1in! -egging you to stay 0here you are" Tell your 1in! that you ha e alrea!y 1a!e your !ecision" Dour current li.e situation is not thrilling5 not stunning5 not e7citing" Dou /no0 alrea!y that li.e itsel. is thrilling5 stunning an! e7citing? it is a !rea1 put into action" Chen you really li e your li.e5 you li e the !rea1" Go! create! the 0orl! li/e this .or the -ra e" J Co1-at your .ear an! enter the !ar/ness" 8ost i1portant o. all$ Close the !oor -ehin! you" Chat is /no0n to your 1in! is /no0n to -e i1per.ect" Li.e is per.ect" Chat is /no0n to your 1in! is not li.e" 2ut a loc/ on the !oor -ehin! you" The can!le is still not lit5 it is still !ar/5 you are insi!e the >n/no0n5 you 0ant to go -ac/" Dou stare at the close! !oor" <onGt e er go -ac/" Al0ays go .orth" Chat lies -ac/ is not li.e an! your ulti1ate goal is to !isco er li.e5 accept it as a gi.t" Try to .in! the can!le" I 0ant to ensure one thing .or you5 8i/haela$ E ery roo1 has a can!le" It ta/es so1e ti1e to .in! it5 -ut i. you /eep that !oor shut an! you gi e it your -est try5 you 0ill .in! it" J Li.e is a se3uence an! no one can guarantee you that the ne7t roo1 0ill -e 1ore
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elegant than the pre ious one" In .act I can guarantee you that 1any o. these ti1es5 it 0ill -e less" 6o0e er you ha e pro en that you are -ra e5 that you !onGt li/e the s1ell o. the stagnant5 that you ha e the 0ill to !isco er an! thus5 you shall !isco er" It is ery pro-a-le that this ne7t roo1 is Aust a passage" A passage that 0ill lea! you to the roo1 you 0ill really enAoy the 1ost" J This process is ne er en!ing" It can only en! -y you5 0hen you reali@e that you really li e the li.e5 0hen you reali@e that you are in a 1ansion5 an e7citing 1ansion" Chat can en! this process is not .ear? it is Lo e" It is Go!" It is Dou" Loo/ing -ac/ you 0ill see that all the roo1s you ha e entere! an! all the passages you ha e crosse! 0ere necessary to reach 0here you are" As 0as necessary your honesty an! -ra eness 0hen you le.t the1" #lesse! are the -ra e" A.ter the sunset5 I care.ully 0al/e! !o0n the steep staircase o. the 0all5 hi!ing in the narro0 streets o. the lo0er to0n o. 8al asia" As I 0as 0al/ing slo0ly !o0n the street5 tears 0ere .alling .ro1 1y eyes" 8ay-e so1eone 0oul! see 1eH I trie! to hi!e" I stoppe!" <eep insi!e I /ne0 that 1y relationship 0ith Elias 0as lo ing5 caring an! s0eet5 -ut thrilling5 e7citing an! passionateH No5 it 0as not it" I 0as con ince! that e7citing 0oul! not last .or long5 thrilling e7iste! only in tales" E en the e7citing sunset on the top o. the .ortress o. 8al asia !i! only last .or 1inutes" Chy shoul! I ris/ 0hat I ha! .or a te1porary e7cite1entH It 0as alrea!y getting !ar/"
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Alessio insiste! that li.e is in!ee! e7citing all the ti1e" I coul! see it in his eyes$ 6e 0as e1otional5 passionate5 lo ing? .or hi1 li.e 0as a !isco ery" #ut not .or 1e" 8ay-e li.e 0as not the sa1e .or 1e as it 0as .or hi1" I .eare! in .ront o. 1y choice to go to 4enice" I 0as te1pte! to open the !oor an! go -ac/" I coul! not stan! the !ar/ness o. the un/no0n" Elias 0as 0aiting .or 1e" 6e 0as the only one .a1iliar in an un.a1iliar 0orl!" I !eci!e! to pass -y his house an! /noc/ at his !oor" 6e opene! it? he 0as still there" 6e 0as al0ays there an! I 0as sure$ 6e 0oul! re1ain there5 e en i. I !eci!e! to lea e" Stan!ing in the !ar/ness o. the !us/5 I sa0 the light o. the can!les co1ing .ro1 insi!e his roo1" As I steppe! insi!e5 he close! the !oor -ehin! 1e" * I 1isse! you5 I sai! loo/ing hi1 in the eyes" 8y eyes 0ere still 0et" * I al1ost thought you ha! 1isse! your Italian .rien!" I learne! that he is alrea!y in 4enice" Chat happene!H <i! he go -ac/ to his 0i.eH * 6e has no 0i.e5 I sai! irritate!" 6e is a nice person5 please !onGt tal/ li/e that a-out hi1" 8ay-e I shoul! lea e" I Aust passe! -y to see you -e.ore tra eling to 4enice" * No stay5 I a1 sorry" I !i!nGt inten! to -e 1ean" I a1 Aust concerne! -y all the things you ha e tol! 1e an! I ha e hear! a-out hi1" I a1 concerne! that he is -rain0ashing your 1in! 0ith all these hu1anistic i!eas a-out serenity an! tran3uility an! no0 you are e en tal/ing a-out this nonsense yoursel." The hu1anists an! their i!eas 0ere e en
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a-an!one! in his ho1e country5 in Italy" 8ay-e that is 0hy he ca1e to 8al asia to preach" #ut it see1s that he has .oun! in you a .ollo0er o. his great i!eas" * 2lease !onGt tal/ li/e that a-out hi15 I sai!" I. only you coul! try to -e 1ore open" Not e erything is e7actly as it appears" I. only you 0ere not stu--orn" I. only you 0ere not stuc/ in your s1all little 0orl!5 I 1ight not e en ha e to go to 4enice" In 1y anger I 0as re ealing 1ysel." #ut I !eci!e! to continue" * 2lease try to accept so1ething !i..erent .ro1 0hat you ha e learne! in school" Not e erything is the sa1e in this 0orl! an! .or the !i..erent to e7ist5 there 1ust -e so1ething true in it" E en in this little peninsula5 in 8al asia5 there are people o. three religions5 Ortho!o75 Catholic an! Isla1ic" There 1ust -e so1ething true in each o. the1" I canGt Aust accept that only one is right an! the rest are 0rong" I canGt Aust accept that only 0e are s1art an! the rest o. the 0orl! is .oole!" #ehin! e ery opinion you can .in! a truth" 6e sat -ac/ to thin/" 6e 0as irritate! an! I coul! un!erstan! hi1" A.ter all it 0as I 0ho ha! -rought hi1 to this tur-ulence 0ith 1y o0n -eha ior" * I a1 Aust concerne! a-out you thatGs all5 he .inally sai!" I Aust 0ant you to /no0 that I a1 here .or you" Dour .rien! has alrea!y le.t" I a1 concerne! 0hen I i1agine you li ing so .ar a0ay .ro1 8al asia an! e en tra eling there all -y yoursel." Cho /no0s 0hat coul! happen to you in 4eniceH Cho /no0s 0hat coul! happen i. he .alls in lo e 0ith another girl5
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lea ing you there aloneH Dou 0onGt e en ha e 1oney to return -ac/ to 8al asia" Dou 1ight e en ha e to 0or/ as a prostitute or so1ething" I !onGt /no0" I a1 Aust concerne!" Approaching 1e5 he hugge! 1e5 placing his hea! ne7t to 1ine" * I lo e you5 8i/haela5 he sai!" Chile he 0as hugging 1e I /ept 1y eyes open loo/ing to0ar!s the -ac/" E en i. con.using thoughts 0ere co1ing to 1y 1in!5 I coul! .in! security in hi1" 6e 0as right" Anything coul! happen to 1e in 4enice" I coul! not !epen! on Alessio" Not yet" Cith 1y 1in! I con ince! 1ysel. that 1y s0ing -et0een Alessio an! Elias ha! to ter1inate" I !eci!e! to stay in 8al asia" I hugge! hi1 too5 -ut I !i!nGt .in! the .orce to hug hi1 tightly" Dears a.ter this I 0oul! reali@e that there are t0o types o. people$ Those 0ho !eci!e -ase! on .ear an! those 0ho !eci!e -ase! on lo e" ;or the .irst category li.e is !angerous5 su..ering5 un.air5 a constant race" They ha e to stri e har! .or a li ing" ;or the secon! category li.e is e7citing5 .ull o. surprises5 a real Aourney o. e7periences5 a challenge that can only -e 0on" #oth li e the sa1e li.e5 -ut their li.e is !i..erent" Still no0 I can re1e1-er that !ay5 1ysel. cra0ling on the s1all alleys o. 8al asia" It 0as the last ti1e I !eci!e! -ase! on .ear"
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2art 4$ The 0inter

May the citi9ens of this fortress endure the cold winter, be patient, ha"e faith. May they ha"e prepared the wood to be burned, may they use wisely their supplies. 2ecause wisdom lies in the knowledge that the winter too will cease and the supplies need to be used for they are useless in the spring. May you understand that the winter too is necessary, for those who ha"e ne"er seen it are unable to contemplate the warmth of the sun. May you understand that this is not the time to plant your seeds, as the soil is not yet ready to recei"e them. !he earth will not appreciate them, she is a female and she is not always fertile. May you endure and keep your seeds safe for the spring. May you be patient.
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(.1 T e C allenge
In the 1orning Alessio 0o/e up 0ith thoughts in his 1in!" 8i/haela 0as his !aily isitor" Either as the 1e1ory o. a !istant !rea1 or as a thought5 she 0as al0ays there" 6e 0on!ere!5 0ho 0as pro!ucing these thoughtsH 6e 0as neither their author nor their !irector? he 0as a 1ere listener" 6e 0as only recei ing 1essages5 1essages sent .ro1 so1e0here !istant in this inappropriate early hour" It 0as hal. past .i e in the 1orning" As i. this 0as the ti1e that the uni erse 0as 0a/ing up e ery !ay5 sen!ing its 1essages to the un.ortunate recipients5 0ho ha! to 0a/e up in or!er to listen" Alessio !i!nGt 0ant these thoughts to appear" Not at this ti1e o. the 1orning" It 0as Sun!ay" Stepping out o. his house .or his 1orning 0al/5 he hear! the -ells ringing" Alessio li e! in the parish o. St" Gio anni Nuo o an! the -ells o. the St" 8arcus -asilica coul! -e hear! e en .ro1 0ithin his house" It 0as the !ay o. the Epiphany5 the !ay that the light co1es .ro1 the s/ies to earth5 the !ay to cele-rate enlighten1ent" As i. the -ells 0ere calling hi15 he !eci!e! to go to the church" 6is 1orning thoughts 0ere still there" They 0ere saying BListen to 1e5 I a1 here5 I a1 i1portantE" 6e 0as ans0ering BGo a0ay" Dou are Aust an illusion" Dou co1e .ro1 a 0orl! o. !rea1s an! .antasiesE" An! thus 0ere they repeating5 until they 0oul! -e hear!" On his 0ay to the church he 0as .ollo0e! -y 3uestions a-out 8i/haela" She ha! Aust
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anishe!" 6e ha! no ne0s .ro1 her5 no letters5 she ha! !isappeare!5 as i. she ha! ne er e en -een there5 no0here -ut in his .antasy5 co1ing .ro1 the sa1e !istant 0orl! o. thoughts" 6e 0as not sure i. she 0as !oing 0ell5 he ha! no ne0s .ro1 her or .ro1 8al asia" Cas she !oing .ineH 6e 0as te1pte! to 0rite to her5 -ut no5 he /ne0 this 0oul! not help" 6e ha! alrea!y sent her one letter5 0hich recei e! no ans0er" A secon! one 0oul! not -ring anything ne0" I. she 0as not .ine5 his .rien!s 0oul! ha e in.or1e! hi1" E en 8arcus5 the -oat1an5 0oul! learn an! in.or1 hi1 i. so1ething 0rong 0as happening" #ut no5 there 0as no ne0s5 she 0as neither 0ell nor un0ell5 there 0as Aust silence" A-solutely nothing5 -ut 3uestions .ollo0ing his 1orning 0al/ to the church" The cere1ony o. the Epiphany ha! Aust .inishe! an! people 0ere 3ueuing up to recei e the holy -rea! an! 0ine" Each one o. the1 0as 0aiting patiently to recei e the sacre! .lesh an! -loo! o. Go!" Alessio also 3ueue! up" Chile he 0as patiently 0aiting in the line5 Alessio .elt su!!enly rea!y .or it" Although he 0as not a .re3uent isitor o. the church5 he ha! eaten an! !run/ the 6oly Gi.t 1any ti1es in his li.e" #ut .or the .irst ti1e he ha! the .eeling that he 0as rea!y to recei e the .lesh an! the -loo! o. Go!" To recei e Go! in .lesh an! -loo!" Stan!ing in the line he 0as a-le to .eel the present" The thoughts ha! !isappeare!" The 3uestions ha! -een le.t outsi!e the !oor o. the church" Alessio 0as Aust 0atching the cro0!5
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the church an! the priest" 6e 0as thin/ing o. nothing an! he 0as .eeling nothing else than rea!y to recei e Go! in the present" Reali@ations appeare! in his 1in!" 6e coul! .eel the !i..erence -et0een a reali@ation an! a thought" A thought co1es .ro1 the outsi!e 0orl!5 it screa1s an! insists" A reali@ation co1es .ro1 insi!e5 it is silent an! trust0orthy" Alessio re1e1-ere! the 1o1ent o. the Luci.er" The Luci.er is screa1ing" Go! tal/s silently an! 0ith .eelings" 6e 0as sure" The Luci.er ha! staye! outsi!e this -asilica" Caiting patiently in the 3ueue he reali@e!$ Go! is Lo e an! recei ing 6is .lesh an! -loo! 0as in!ee! an act o. recei ing lo e5 or as 1ost people !escri-e it5 the act o. 1a/ing lo e" 6e re1e1-ere! his past inti1ate e7periences 0ith his lo e 1ates" No he 0as not al0ays recei ing the .lesh an! -loo! o. Go!" So1eti1es he 0as Aust eating -rea! 0ith 0ine5 although the cere1ony hel! 0as roughly the sa1e" 6e loo/e! in .ront o. hi1" All those people in the 3ueue 0ere 0aiting to recei e Go!" 6e ha! -een in this sa1e 3ueue 1any ti1es" #ut he !i!nGt .eel the sa1e to!ay" In!ee!5 this sa1e cere1ony5 in this sa1e cathe!ral5 0ith this sa1e -rea! an! 0ine 0as a 0holly !i..erent e7perience .or each one recei ing it" #ut .or the 1aAority o. people5 this 0as the ti1e a.ter the 1ass or the ti1e -e.ore going -ac/ ho1e" ;or Alessio this 0as the only thing that e7iste! no05 the present5 the ti1e o. recei ing Go!" #y no0 he 0as sure$ It is not the -rea! an! 0ine that is holy" It is the person recei ing it"
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A.ter the cere1ony he sat on one o. the -enches o. 2ia@@a St" 8arco" 2eople 0ere passing -y in .ront o. hi1 on their 0ay ho1e" 6e close! his eyes to 1a/e his 1orning prayer" BGo!5 1y Lor!5 1y Al1ighty5 no0 I /no0 0hy I li e5 1y ulti1ate purpose in li.e" The source o. all 1y thoughts5 all 1y .eelings5 the !ri er o. 1y actions5 is 1y !esire .or 1utual lo e" To!ay I /no0 that I a1 rea!y to recei e an! honor lo e" 2lease gui!e 1e to0ar!s her encounter"E In that 1orning prayer he 0as true to hi1sel.5 he ha! reali@e! an! na1e! the purpose o. his -eing5 his true 1oti e o. all actions" It 0as not an inter1e!iary goal" It 0as the single true purpose o. his li.e" 6e !i!nGt hi!e -ehin! a li.e .or 1oney or .a1e5 a li.e .or pleasure5 a li.e to help the poor5 or a li.e .or chil!ren an! a house" ;or the .irst ti1e he !isco ere! an! tol! to hi1sel. an! Go! the truth$ A li.e .or 1utual lo e" A thought struc/ his 1in!$ BDour 0ill shall -e challenge!" Dour !e otion shall -e sho0n" An! you shall recei e Lo e"E It 0as the oice o. his 1aster" E en though he ha! tal/e! to 8i/haela a-out the oices in his 1in!5 he ha! ne er tol! her a-out the oice o. his 1aster" It 0as his teacher5 his gui!e to li.e an! spirituality" 6e ha! !isco ere! this oice !uring his Aourneys across Egypt? the oice o. his 1aster 0as his gui!e through the !esert" 6e 0as spea/ing 0ith 0or!s or .eelings5 -ut he 0as not al0ays there" 6is 1aster 0as there only 0hen Alessio 0as a-le to release hi1sel. .ro1 all past an!
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.uture thoughts" 6is 1aster !i! not appear 0hen Alessio 0as stresse!" The only oice appearing un!er stress 0as the oice o. his thoughts co1-ating his 1in!5 .orcing hi1 to raise 0alls against the outsi!e 0orl! an! hi!e5 not .ro1 the 0orl!5 -ut .ro1 the1" #y no0 Alessio 0as not con.using these oices 0ith the oice o. his 1aster" 6is 0ill 0oul! -e challenge!" Chat !i! his 1aster 1eanH 6e re1e1-ere! 8i/haela" 6e also challenge! her lo e" Though ne er e7presse!5 his true reason -ehin! lea ing 8al asia 0as to challenge her lo e" I. not challenge!5 thus is not pro en" BAlessio5 Go! is al0ays -y the si!e o. those practicing the Truth" Chen you are true to0ar!s a -eing5 you can see Go! insi!e it" Dou can .in! Go! in your partner5 in your .ather an! your 1other5 in your teacher5 -y staring at your o0n -a-y? Go! resi!es in any hu1an -eing" Dou can .in! Go! in a cat .ee!ing her s1all /ittens5 a !og al0ays -eing igilant o. the street" Go! resi!es in any li ing ani1al" Dou can e en .in! Go! in 1aterials an! lan!scapes5 in 1ountains an! la/es5 on the earth or in the s/ies5 as 6e is the Lo e e7presse! in e erything that e7ists" Dou can .in! Go! insi!e yoursel." The only reason that you 1ight not -e a-le to see Go! is that you ha e lost your ery o0n a-ility to -e true" Dou can conte1plate Go! e ery0here5 -ut only 0hen you are true" #ecause Go! is Truth itsel." Go! an! Truth co1e together5 it is the sa1e #eing e7presse! 0ith a !i..erent 0or!" Go! is not true5 Go! is Truth"E
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BDou can ne er recei e the Truth unchallenge!" This is not possi-le5 as the only 0ay to !istinguish Truth .ro1 the untrue is to challenge it" Truth 0ill al0ays 0ithstan! any challenge5 it is i1possi-le .or the Truth to .ail" 6o0e er5 e en the slightest !e iation5 e en the tiniest piece o. untruth 0ill e entually lea! to .ailure" It 0ill only -e a 1atter o. ti1e" Challenge 0ill cause e entually an! 0ith ti1e e erything untrue to ter1inate" Thus challenge is the 0eapon o. the Truth to !istinguish itsel. .ro1 the untrue an! re1ain" The untrue can only -e te1porary" In a ti1eless present5 the untrue !oes not e7ist" Thus5 the untrue is only an illusion"E BAlessio5 0hat is not True is in!ee! Aust an illusion" It cannot e7ist" Truth is Go! an! Go! is e erything that e7ists" Only Go! can e7ist" Anything else cannot" Only Go! can 0ithstan! any challenge" An! Lo e" #ecause this is the holy trinity$ Go!5 Truth an! Lo e" The sa1e 1eaning e7presse! in !i..erent 0or!s5 the trinity o. the One" Only Lo e can e7ist" ;ear is !ee1e! to -e te1porary" Only Go! can e7ist" The Luci.er is !ee1e! to go" Only Truth can e7ist" The untrue is !ee1e! to cease" The 0hole 0orl!5 e erything 1aterial is !ee1e! to -e te1porary" The 1aterial 0orl! is Aust a playgroun! o. continuous challenge5 a ga1e re ealing the Truth5 using the illusion o. ti1e to gi e to the untrue through -irth an! ter1ination an illusionary e7istence"E BAlessio5 the untrue is -orn an! cease!" An! challenge is the cause o. its sei@ure" Ti1e only -rings challenges5 nothing else5 challenges are the ones that cause your -o!y to !ie5 the
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Other to anish5 the lies to re eal5 the se7 to .inish5 the 1aterial lo e to ter1inate" Challenge 0ill /ill anything -ut Go!5 Lo e an! Truth" #ecause this is the only thing that can e er e7ist"E BChat e7ists is not -orn5 thus cannot !ie" Chat e7ists can only -e !isco ere!" Re1e1-er 0hen you .eel lo e" Dou can ne er trace the 1o1ent o. its -eginning" Chen !i! your lo e -eginH Cas it lo e at .irst sightH Is a sight enough .or this -reathta/ing state to -e -ornH Dou thus co1e to the only possi-le conclusion$ Dou .elt this lo e e en -e.ore seeing the person" Dou co1e to -elie e that seeing her only -rought up 0hat alrea!y e7iste!" <i! you 1eet in a pre ious li.eH Cas there e en a pre ious li.eH The only thing you /no0 is that there 0as no start5 not in this li.e5 it is Aust i1possi-le to .in! a -eginning any0here" An! this is true" Dou cannot -egin lo ing any-o!y" Neither can you .inish"E BLo e5 Go! an! Truth are to -e !isco ere!" They can neither -e create! nor cease!"E Alessio sat -ac/ to thin/" Chat is not True is an illusion" Chat is not Go! is an illusion" Chat is not Lo e is an illusion" Li ing in an illusionary 0orl!5 go erne! -y illusionary ti1e 0ith e erything getting challenge! an! .ailing 0ith ti1e" E erything !ying5 e erything staying only in 1e1ory5 in the 1orning thoughts o. Alessio5 in the lo e o. 8i/haela" Chat 0ere all these thoughtsH Illusions5 appearing an! !isappearing in an instant5 so1eti1es e en re1aining unnotice!"
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Alessio 0as reali@ing 1ore an! 1ore" Chat 0as this 1e1ory o. 8i/haelaH An illusion" She 0as not there5 not to -e seen5 not to -e hear!5 not to -e touche!5 she 0as only in his 1in!5 thus an illusion" Des5 this 0as it5 an illusion e7isting in his 1in!5 an illusion -rought up -y circu1stances that in reality ha! nothing to !o 0ith her" In the ti1eless present e erything is !ee1e! to pass5 to re1ain only in 1e1ory an! thus re eal its single property$ That it is nothing else -ut an illusion" BAlessio5 the en! o. the 0orl! is .oretol!" As is its 0ay o. ter1ination" Challenge" This is 0hat 0ill -e use! .or separation5 separation o. the Truth .ro1 the illusionary5 the sel.* reali@ation o. Go!"E An! so Alessio reali@e!$ Go! challenges" So !oes the one 0ho lo es" BAlessio5 li.e 0ith Go! is not easy" 6e shall challenge your lo e5 though 6e shall ne er .ace you 0ith a challenge that you are not a-le to 0ithstan!" In a challenge5 0hat is pro en is your rea!iness" Once not rea!y5 you are gi en a secon! chance" An! a thir! chance" >ntil you are rea!y to pass the challenge an! lo e too" Or a oi! the challenge an! su..er until you -rea/ an! return to it" #ut the one 0ho lo es5 ne er lea es5 he is al0ays there5 seen or unseen5 rea!y 0hen you call hi1" So is Go!"E B#ecause Go! is Lo e an! he 0ants you to -e Lo e too" To incarnate Lo e5 to -e Truth5 to -eco1e Go!" 6e challenges only your rea!iness5 an! in the 1o1ents o. your li1it5 6e is there 0ith 6is .ull Lo e" A conscious parent raises parents" An! a conscious teacher
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prepares teachers" So !oes the Lor!" 6e raises the Go!5 hu1an5 the incarnation o. 6i1sel."E It 0as Sun!ay noon alrea!y an! Alessio rose .ro1 the -ench upon 0hich he 0as sitting" Once again he 0as one step .urther in his long path" 6e reali@e! his true purpose o. li.e an! reali@e! 0hy he challenge! 8i/haela" 6e reali@e! that Lo e coul! 0ithstan! any challenge" An! he reali@e! that she !i! not 0ithstan! it" It 0as the en! o. this 0ee/en! !ay o. the Epiphany" 6e 0ishe! to recei e ne0s .ro1 8i/haela soon" 6e 0ishe! to -e a-le to see her5 .eel her5 co11unicate 0ith her"
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(.2 To be or to become
The ne7t 0ee/ 0as -eginning" Ca/ing up Alessio opene! the curtain o. the 0in!o0 -ehin! his -e!" It 0as still !ar/" Again he 0o/e up too early" Again5 his .irst 1orning thought 0as 8i/haela5 the goo!*1orning thought" #y no0 he ha! reali@e! that there 0as no point in trying to sleep again" Cith the goo!*1orning thought in his 1in! he coul! only t0ist an! turn in his -e! trying to a-olish it" #ut 0hat is !eeper than the 1e1ory o. lo eH Sitting straight on his -e! he close! his eyes5 not to sleep5 -ut to 1e!itate" Concentrating his 1in! on his -reathing5 rela7ing his tense -o!y5 he -egan o-ser ing his thoughts" O-ser ing the pain5 .eeling it5 un!erstan!ing that the pain e7pects to -e tolerate!5 not -urie!" An! -y o-ser ing it5 see it gro0ing5 threatening5 rising5 cul1inating5 -eco1ing un-eara-le an! su!!enly$ anish" There is a li1it in pain an! crossing it5 the 1iracle happens5 the -o!y an! the 1in! nu1-5 the pain su!!enly !isappears" 6is .irst thought ca1e .ast" 6o0 0as 8i/haela !oingH She is .ine 0ith Elias5 he replie! to hi1sel." No5 she is not .ine5 his 1in! tol! hi1" 6e starte! to hate this oice in his 1in!" Chy coul!nGt this oice agree that she 0as .ine5 0hy shoul! this oice only pose 3uestiona-le ans0ers5 0ithout any logic5 Aust 3uestions .a/ing the .or1 o. an ans0er5 3uestions that in reality coul! ne er -e ans0ere!H She is not .ine then" Chy is she not .ineH 6e /ne0 that his 1in! coul! not sleep 0ith a 3uestion"
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Opening his eyes5 he 0ent to the /itchen to prepare his 1orning co..ee" This !ay5 li/e the others5 he 0oul! go earlier to his o..ice" 6is .a1ily -usiness 0as !epen!ing on his 3uestiona-le presence" The ans0ers he 0as trying to .in! 0ere not .or his -usiness" Chy 0asnGt she .ineH I. she 0asnGt .ine she 0oul! ha e tol! hi15 not hi!e .or such a long ti1e" BShe 1ust -e .ine5 she is ha ing -ac/ her ol! li.e5 she is not thin/ing a-out 1e any1oreE5 Alessio sai! to hi1sel." BShe is not .ine5 she is thin/ing a-out you e ery !ay5 she .eels helpless an! a-an!one!E5 the oice sai! in his 1in!" 6e in!ee! hate! this oice" It 0as once again ti1e to ignore it an! !rin/ his 1orning co..ee" Again his !ay in the o..ice 0as unpro!ucti e" 6is inno ation 0as lost insi!e a la-yrinth o. thoughts5 .ull o. 3uestions5 guesses an! supernatural ans0ers" 6e 0as s1art enough5 he coul! sol e the !aily pro-le1s5 respon! to the re3uests o. the custo1ers5 .in! ans0ers to their 3ueries5 -ut he 0as not a-le to inno ate any1ore5 in ent ne0 0ays5 see/ .or ne0 clients" 6is inno ati e thin/ing 0as she! -y the 3uestion o. the !ay$ Chy 0asnGt she .ineH That coul! not -e true" On his 0ay ho1e he reali@e! that in the e ening he ha! nothing to !o" It 0as a col! 0inter e ening an! his .rien!s 0ere not in the 1oo! .or 1eeting people" Alessio !isli/e! the 0inter5 not -ecause o. the col! te1perature5 -ut -ecause o. the col! .eelings o. people !uring that ti1e" A.ter all5 there 0as nothing 0rong 0ith the col!5 there 0as nothing 1ore re.reshing than the rain5 1ore appealing than
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the sno0" Det5 people in the 0inter 0oul! hi!e their s1ile -ehin! a long .ace5 suppress their .eelings5 ignore the present an! .ocus on a long 0ait .or the ne7t su11er" 6e !eci!e! to 0al/ aroun! the city5 Aust 0al/ 0ithout a !estination5 thin/ a-out li.e5 1ay-e try to 1a/e so1e !ecisions or try to .in! so1e ans0ers" 6e 0as 0al/ing slo0ly5 cruising .or o er hal. an hour5 0hen he .oun! hi1sel. again in .ront o. the theatre o. San Gio anni Grisosto1o" It 0as the last !ay o. B6a1letE" 6e hesitate!" 6e notice! that the sho0 0oul! -egin in short ti1e" A 0ell !resse! ol! 1an 0as selling a single e7cess tic/et in .ront o. hi1" Shoul! he goH It starte! to !ri@@le" 6e shoul! go" E en 0ith his 1in! -lurre!5 Alessio 0as still a-le to rea! the signs o. the >ni erse" 6e re1e1-ere! 0hen he 0as passing in .ront o. the sa1e theatre one 1onth ago5 on his 0ay to 1eet a custo1er in Cannaregio" An a! ertiser starte! tal/ing to hi1$ * Co1e to see B6a1letE .ro1 Cillia1 Sha/espeare" A 0orl! .a1ous trage!y5 no0 in 4enice .or one 0ee/ only" Reser e your tic/et in a! ance sirI Alessio 0as .e! up 0ith these people" The per.or1ance see1e! interesting -ut he 0as not intereste! in the happenings o. 4enice" 6is 1in! 0as still in 8al asia" Chat i. he 0oul! nee! to return -y the ti1e o. the per.or1anceH I. he recei e! a letter .ro1 8i/haela he 0oul! go to 8al asia an! 1eet her5 so he 0oul! not -e a-le to see the per.or1ance" #ut a letter ne er arri e!" An! to!ay he 0as again in .ront o. that sa1e theatre5 co1pletely -y chance5 at the right
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ti1e5 0ith the per.or1ance an! the rain starting concurrently" The >ni erse tal/s 0ith signs5 he nee!e! to o-ey" #uying the tic/et5 he entere! the theatre" It 0as a trage!y" 6e 0as o-sesse! 0ith the plot" To -e or not to -eH Des5 that is the 3uestion" 6e 0as a-le to un!erstan! 0hat prince 6a1let 1eant" Des5 the 1eaning o. !eath is .ar -eyon! the 1aterial en!ing o. oneGs !ays" To -e or to -eco1eH That is the real 3uestion" To accept the reality5 li e 0ith it5 yiel! to a pain.ul li.e or to !i e into 0hat is not yet there5 1erge 0ith the un/no0n5 cross the -or!er an! tra el to an as yet un!isco ere! country 0here.ro1 no-o!y e er returne!H Chat 0as -ehin! that s0inging !oorH 6e !i!nGt 0ant to /no0" 6e lo e! li.e5 he 0ante! to -e5 0hy not -e5 0hy cross the !oor o. no returnH 6is 1in! 0ent to 8i/haela" Des5 it 1a!e sense" Chy shoul! she cross the !oor to0ar!s hi15 0hy shoul! she lea e her settle! li.e5 the /no0n5 Elias5 her .a1ily5 her .rien!s5 her 0or/5 to .ollo0 a pro1ising stranger into an unpre!icte! .uture in the !istant 4eniceH Des5 .or her that 0as !eath5 it 0as a suici!e5 the per1anent /illing o. 0hat is5 to0ar!s 0hat is not yet5 the un!isco ere! country5 the great >n/no0n" Chere.ro1 no-o!y e er returne!" Out o. ina-ility or out o. o0n 0illH To -e or to -eco1eH I. no-o!y e er returne!5 there 1ust -e a reason" #ut e en so5 his choice 0as to -e" 6is choice 0as the security o. li.e5 e en a li.e o. !isappoint1ent5 a li.e o. inAustice5 a li.e 0here the goal 0as ne er to -e reache! -ut 1erely to create a 0o--ling Aourney" The /no0n" Inclu!ing the /no0le!ge
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o. its certain ter1ination" Is it really a choice to -eH Or is it perhaps a .aKa!e5 a !rea1 0here 0e insist on staying until a certain an! .oretol! a0a/eningH #ut his o0n choice 0as to -e5 to -e e en no0 in a li.e o. pain5 0here he 0as not .ine" 6e !i!nGt 0ant to !isco er yet 0hat is -ehin! the !oor o. not -eing" An! yes5 this is 0hat 8i/haela !i! as 0ell" In .ront o. the >ncertain5 the >nseen5 she chose security5 she chose 0hat she alrea!y ha!5 she chose Elias" 9ust li/e Alessio5 Aust li/e e ery-o!y else consi!ere! sane5 she chose to -e" An! yes5 Aust li/e Alessio5 in this Bto -eE5 she 0as not .ine" The 1orning 3uestion 0as ans0ere! an! 1atche!" She 0as not .ine" At the en! o. the trage!y5 6a1let !ies" Is that 0hat li.e is suppose! to -eH BI. it -e no05 Ptis not to co1e? i. it -e not to co1e5 it 0ill -e no0? i. it -e not no05 yet it 0ill co1e" The rea!iness is all"E Is choice then Aust an illusionH In a ti1eless present isnGt there only one choice5 not to -e5 to -eco1eH O. course5 in the long run 0e 0ill all !ie5 that is 1ore than sure5 there is no 3uestion" 6e 0on!ere! i. this applie! as 0ell to 8i/haela" <i! this 1ean the pro1ise! en! o. the su..ering5 the una oi!a-le path o. -eco1ing5 the o-ligation not to -eH <i! this 1ean that one !ay5 sooner or later5 she 0oul! lea e her li.e an! her 0or/ in 8al asia5 she 0oul! let Elias go5 her .a1ily5 e eryone5 in chase o. the >n/no0n5 a li.e 1ay-e in 4enice5 a pure -eco1ing5 0ritten on so1e large -oo/s o. .aithH Cas it 0orth the 0aitingH In the !ar/ness o. the theatre5 Alessio .oun! the space to cry5 release5 e7press his sorro05
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1ay-e -ecause o. 6a1letGs rea!iness to !ie5 1ay-e -ecause o. Ophelia5 1ay-e -ecause o. 8i/haela5 1ay-e -ecause o. his o0n choice to -e5 -ut no5 he starte! crying 0hen he re1e1-ere! ho0 he 0as .orce! to -eco1e5 to -eco1e a isitor o. this per.or1ance5 to lea e -ehin! his gray !ays o. 0inter5 to not -e in his 0inter !epression5 e en .or so1e hours only5 to -eco1e" 6is 1in! 0ent -ac/ to the pro1oter? his 1e1ory 0as 1ore i i! than the play" That !ay he ha! -een 0al/ing on the one si!e o. the canal on his 0ay to a prospecti e client" In .ront o. hi1 there ha! -een a lot o. people gathere!5 so he ha! !eci!e! to cross the -ri!ge to a oi! the1" The pro1oter ha! -een stan!ing on the other si!e o. the -ri!ge" 6e ha! o..ere! hi1 to -uy a tic/et" 6e ha! stoppe!5 e en though he ha! -een in a rush5 heG! thought .or an instant an! then gone on" On the rest o. his 0ay he ha! -een thin/ing a-out that per.or1ance an! the tic/et" ChyH 6is 1e1ory 0ent -ac/ again to the ti1e he ha! -een stan!ing in .ront o. the -ri!ge5 0on!ering 0hether to continue through the cro0! or cross it" 6is 1in! .ocuse! on three .igures 0ho5 it 0as no0 clear to hi15 appeare! to -e there as 0ell" One o. the1 ha! -een ne7t to hi15 loo/ing at hi1" Alessio ha! -een loo/ing at hi1 too5 though una-le to see hi1" Cith his stare the 1an ha! no!!e! to hi1 to cross the -ri!ge" Alessio ha! crosse! the -ri!ge as i. on co11an!" Chen heG! crosse! the -ri!ge5 t0o 1ore .igures ha! -een 0aiting on the other si!e? one o. the1 stan!ing ne7t to the pro1oter an! the other .urther a0ay5
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o-ser ing the scene" Cith his 1in! he trie! to .ocus on these .igures" They ha! -een there5 1ost certainly5 -ut 0hy 0as it only no0 that he coul! see the1H These .igures 0ere neither 1o ing nor s1iling an!5 although he coul! see the15 he 0as una-le to either loo/ at the1 !irectly or tell 0hat they 0ere 0earing" These .igures 0ere -right5 not 0hite5 staring5 not loo/ing5 !irecting hi1 -ut not using their han!s5 only their stare" These .igures 0ere spirits" ;or an instant5 AlessioGs -reath stoppe!" 6is 1e1ory 0as clearer than his ision" 6e 0as le! -y spirits5 he 0as le! to see 6a1let5 he 0as le! in .ront o. the 3uestion to -e or to -eco1e in his !i ine 1ission to con.ront it an! to un!erstan! it" The per.or1ance ha! en!e!5 people ha! alrea!y gone5 -ut Alessio 0as still sitting there on his seat5 crying lou!ly no05 releasing energy5 getting ri! o. a pain.ul -eing" 6e 0as su-consciously le! to -eco1ing5 to not -eing5 not 1eaning !eath -ut li.e5 not an illusion -ut the Truth" The .ire 0as lit insi!e hi1 to sho0 hi1 that the !ar/ness is not there5 that the reality lies in -eco1ing" Alessio !i! not /no0 0hat to !o" All he /ne0 0as that he 0as happy to -e crying again5 that he !i! not 0ant to stop5 he only 0ante! to let it -e5 let it e ol e5 let it -eco1e5 trans.or1" Crying an! laughing 0ere not .ar apart5 not at all5 -oth releasing energy5 a olcanic eruption5 la a -ursting out an! -urning 0hat is5 0hat nee!s to -e -urne! .or the ne0 to !e elop5 to -eco1e" 6e 0on!ere! 0hy crying is a pri ilege o. the -a-ies5 0hy gro0n*up people are !iscourage! to cry5 thus /eeping
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e erything insi!e5 accu1ulating ru--ish5 getting ol!er an! 0ea/er5 e ery !ay o. their li es less a-le to -eco1e5 to see in clarity5 to see that there is not e en a gli1pse o. that 3uestion5 to -e or not to -e5 to reali@e that the 0ay is one? to continue" The rea!iness is all" That is the 3uestion$ Are you rea!y to -eco1e5 or notH Alessio 1ust ha e -een crying .or o er an hour5 -ut he 0as happy" Through a 1i7ture o. crying an! laughter all his energy 0as release!5 his stagnant s1elly 0aters strea1e! out o. his 0et eyes5 the la/e 0as le.t e1pty5 rea!y .or .resh 0ater to co1e5 to -e 0as not there any1ore5 0ashe! a0ay -y his tears o. happiness5 yes to -e 0as cleanse!5 to not -e 0as not !eath5 it 0as .aith" 6e 0as happy that all this stagnant energy ha! -een release!" 6e than/e! the three spirits" They 0ere angels" The theatre 0as e1pty an! !ar/ -y no05 as 0as his soul" A.ter the release5 the glass is clean an! e1pty5 the hu1an is alert5 to -e is not any1ore an! to not -e any1ore is" 6e reali@e! that !ar/ness 0as not negati e5 it is inherent" It Aust is5 li/e e erything else in the 0orl!5 neither negati e nor positi e5 !ar/ness is there to -e reali@e! an! to -e lit -y the only light there is5 the inner light5 the light o. the soul5 the light o. Go!" <ar/ness is a prere3uisite .or the light5 it is the e1pty groun! that lies rea!y .or the crops to -e culti ate!" <ar/ness is the 0inter" The ter1ination o. the ol! .or the ne0 to co1e" An! Aust li/e on earth5 !ar/ness is ter1inate! -y rea!iness to -eco1e5 -y the !ecision to let the ol! go5 0elco1e the ne05 ena-le .ertility5
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e1pty an! 0ait .or the light5 the spring5 to co1e" It is the !enial o. rea!iness that /eeps !ar/ness in the soul" An! the !ar/ness is to -e -lesse!5 .or it 1eans that the .iel!s are e1pty" In his e1ptiness his 1aster appeare!" It 0as not a ision5 only a oice" It 0as not a thought5 it 0as a oice to -e hear!5 not through the ears -ut !irectly insi!e the -rain5 a 1asculine oice5 a gui!e that only appeare! in the !ar/ness" Alessio 0as see/ing .or this oice5 -ut 0hen he 0as see/ing .or it the oice 0as not co1ing" In his ut1ost e1ptiness5 in the a-sence .ro1 any !oing5 his 1aster 0as appearing to gui!e hi1 to a -eing through not -eing5 to !irect hi1 on a Aourney that 0oul! release hi1 .ro1 con.or1ing an! -ring hi1 to the ne7t le el5 a 1ore challenging Aourney lea!ing to a higher state o. peace.ulness" 6is 1aster to!ay 0as spea/ing e en 1ore clearly" The !ar/er 0as his soul5 the clearer his 1aster coul! -e hear!$ BAlessio5 I sent you these angels to gui!e you to this place5 to this 1o1ent5 e7actly no05 to this e7perience5 to this !ar/ness5 to 1a/e you e1pty5 to ta/e out o. you all this energy that you accu1ulate! !uring the su11er5 along 0ith its 1e1ories5 all this noise that 0as pre enting 1e .ro1 co1ing to you5 all this certainty that you are so1ething5 that you ha e achie e! to -uil! your o0n castle in the san!5 that you are 1ore po0er.ul5 1ore 0ise5 1ore 1ature5 1ore gro0n*up an! re1in! you that you are nothing5 e7actly nothing an! that your nothing is e erything5 the only state that resists all challenge5 the only state you can -e5 the Truth" An! no0 that you are e1pty I a1
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here5 -ecause I a1 pure an! I !o not 1i7 0ith the !irty an! I can only appear 0hen you 0al/ clean"E BI a1 not a gui!e5 I a1 not here to tell you anything5 nor to !irect you5 .or the only !irector o. your 0orl! is you" I a1 here only to gi e you the light that 0ill sho0 the astness o. your !ar/ness5 the light 0hich 0ill 1a/e apparent that 0hat you are is only a short stop !uring a long Aourney5 that you not yet are5 that the only choice is to -e5 -ut not to -e 0hat you are5 to -e nothing an! e erything at the sa1e ti1e5 to -e all5 thus to -eco1e" To e7it your narro0 1in! an! !el e into the astness o. nothing"E BChat you are no05 Alessio5 is not per.ect5 is not 1agni.icent5 it is nothing li/e the peace o. the sunset an! the tran3uility o. the .ull 1oon" Dou only !eser e per.ection5 Alessio5 an! I a1 here to light up 0hat you are5 your i1per.ect -eing an! -ring you the !esire to -e Go!" ;or Go! lies in the #eing5 -ut the #eing co1es through the #eco1ing" I 1a!e you see this act to un!erstan! that you are only 1a!e to -eco1e5 to return to your Source5 Go!5 not to stay on earth -ut .ly an! e7perience the .light" Dou are not 1a!e to -e 0hat you are no0" Dou are 1a!e to -eco1e" Thus5 you are 1a!e not to -e" In or!er to -e" <o you un!erstan!HE Alessio no!!e! in agree1ent" 6e !i! not un!erstan! 0ith his 1in! -ut he got the .eeling o. un!erstan!ing" Alessio as/e! his 1aster .or a! ice" 6e !i! not /no0 0hat to !o an! he ha! no 1ore energy in or!er to !isco er" 6is 1aster o-eye! his holy 0ish"
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BI can gui!e you only upon your co11an! an! 0hat I shall gui!e you is your o0n 0ish5 your 0ish not to re1ain stagnant5 to 1o e an! -y 1o ing5 to -e -lesse!" B BDou nee! to go to 8al asia an! 1eet 8i/haela5 you are not satis.ie! here5 thus you are not on your path" B BDou 0ill 1eet a tra eler in 4enice an! you nee! to host hi15 you 0ill nee! hi1 in the .uture an! he nee!s you no0" B BDou are the incarnation o. an angel an! .ro1 no0 on you nee! to accept it an! honor it 0ith your na1e" B BDou nee! to .ace your !ar/ness an! go through it an! then help other people go through their o0n !ar/ 0inter"E BI a1 your 1aster5 I a1 the Angel o. all angels5 you nee! to -e a-le to !istinguish 1e .ro1 the Luci.er an! help others !o it as 0ell" An! .or this reason you nee! to .ace hi1 an! un!erstan! 0hat the Luci.er really is"E Cith these 0or!s his 1aster !isappeare!" Alessio re1aine! silent" 6is .eeling 0as the s1ell o. the earth a.ter the strong rain" Clean as he 0as5 he coul! see a -eauti.ul rain-o0 in .ront o. hi15 a tran3uil rain-o0 to .ollo0" 6e li.te! .ro1 his seat5 his seat in the theatre5 his seat in 4enice an! his seat in li.e" 6e 0as no0 set to go5 he 0as recei ing clear gui!ance5 he ha! a goal" 6e nee!e! to go through the !ar/ness5 he ha! his energy regaine! an! no0 he coul! stan! up again an! 0al/ .or0ar!5 !eeper in the !ar/ness5 /no0ing no0 that the !ar/ness is .ollo0e! -y the light" 6e /ne0 he nee!e! to return to 8al asia" 6e nee!e! to
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see 8i/haela" 6e nee!e! to gi e her a last chance" The -oat .or 8al asia 0as lea ing in one 0ee/"
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(.+ T e beggar of lo*e

On the trip to 8al asia5 thoughts penetrate! his 1in!" 6e 0as !eter1ine! to o..er 8i/haela a last chance" The sun 0as alrea!y setting5 tail0in!s 0ere cruising the essel o. 8arcus" 8arcus ha! un!erstoo! that Alessio 0ante! to stay alone an! thus /ept his !istance5 greeting hi1 only -e.ore the -oat saile! .ro1 4enice" Alessio 0as stan!ing on the stern o. the -oat5 ga@ing at a -eauti.ul sunset" A -ree@e o. .resh air 0as -lo0ing through his hair" The 0orl! is so 1agni.icent5 he thought" Chy coul!nGt his o0n 0orl! insi!e loo/ 1agni.icent tooH Chy !i! he ha e to .all in lo e 0ith 8i/haelaH Chat 0as the reason that his heart ignore! so 1any girls 0ho a!1ire! hi15 !irecting his attention to the one 0ho 0as constantly !isappointing hi1H BLo e itsel. is a -utter.ly5 Alessio" Chen you chase the -utter.ly it .lies .ro1 one tree to another5 .or 0hat is the alue o. a -utter.ly insi!e your close! pal1sH #ut i. you /eep silent an! o-ser e5 the -utter.ly 0ill thin/ that you are a tree an! it 0ill sit right on your shoul!er"E Alessio loo/e! aroun!" 6e 0as alone" That 0as the oice o. his 1aster" 6e -lesse! his 1aster .or appearing 0hen he 0as in nee!" Des5 he 0as chasing 8i/haela" Right no0 on this essel5 tra eling to 8al asia" BThe -eggar 0ill only recei e the s1all change5 Alessio" 6e 1ight recei e the spare5 -ut ne er the scarce"E
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6is 1in! 0ent to the -eggars o. 4enice" They 0ere a-un!ant5 al0ays as/ing .or the sa1e5 constantly -eing !run/5 li ing in isolation5 insi!e their o0n 0orl!5 tal/ing to the1sel es5 ignore!" Alessio 0as /in! enough5 al0ays searching his poc/ets .or so1e coins" O..ering the1 his s1all change5 he 0as glancing into their eyes -e.ore resu1ing his 0al/" Though they 0ere al0ays returning a s1ile5 he coul! sense that they 0ere ne er .ully satis.ie!" No 1atter 0hat the a1ount5 he coul! see that their response 0as the sa1e" BDou gi e the1 0hat you !onGt nee!5 Alessio5 not 0hat you really alue" A.ter you lea e your coin 0ith the1 you 1o e on5 you go to the theatre an! there you spen! 0hat is really alua-le .or you5 your ti1e" #ut !i! you /no0 that e ery hu1an has a irtue an! 1ay-e this -eggar hi!es an un!isco ere! teacher5 a silent philosopher5 a talente! 1usician or a great painter" E eryone5 .ollo0ing their path5 unleashes their irtues" An! really5 no one is 0orth your spare change" They are 0orth your attention"E 6is attention" 6o0 1any ti1es ha! he pai! attention to the1H 6e 0as al0ays rushing through5 gi ing only a 3uic/ loo/ -ac/ at the1 as he 0as 1o ing a0ay" #ut he also /ne0 that e ery-o!y5 e en a -eggar5 has a sacre! Aourney o. -eco1ing5 a co1-at o er .ear5 the e7perience o. lo e an! .inally5 creation" E ery-o!y 0as a-le to create 0ith lo e5 the sa1e /in! o. lo e that 0as e1itte! .ro1 a painting o. 8ichelangelo5 a play o. Sha/espeare5 a sonata o. Ga-rieli" E en the -eggars 0ere not -orn to -e -eggars" They
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0ere only lost -ehin! their -elie. o. ina-ility5 in reality -egging .or attention5 not 1oney5 ha ing gi en up their personal co1-at against their greatest .ear" BAn! you /no05 Alessio5 e en the -eggars o. lo e are -eggars an! they too !eser e attention" B BDou !onGt !eser e the change o. anyone5 Alessio" Not o. 8i/haela" Chat you !eser e is her attention5 not her spare"E A -eggar o. lo e" That is 0hat he 0as" Al0ays as/ing .or 1ore5 -ecause he 0as getting only her spare" Enough 0as ne er the case" #ecause she 0as !istant" The -eggars on the street 0ere not satis.ie! 0ith his s1all !onation5 an! he too 0as not satis.ie! 0ith her charity5 not -ecause there 0as 1ore to gi e5 -ut -ecause the gi en 0as the spare" BDou can gi e your spare to e ery-o!y5 Alessio5 -ut the scarce is gi en only to the ones you lo e"E 6is 1in! 0ent to the su11er" 8i/haela ha! -een isiting hi1 e ery !ay a.ter 0or/5 -ut only on her 0ay ho1e5 !ue to the 1ere .act that her o..ice 0as near-y his house" 6e ha! only -een recei ing her spare ti1e5 0hat 0as le.t a.ter 0or/ing5 !ining 0ith her .a1ily5 1eeting 0ith her .rien!s an! spen!ing the 0ee/en! 0ith Elias" 6e ha! -een recei ing the re1nants o. her li.e5 not her li.e itsel." 6e ha! -een accepting the spare" 6e 0as not prou! enough to !eny it" 6e 0as a plain -eggar5 a -eggar o. lo e5 recei ing the s1all change o. an i11ature girl"
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B<onGt 0orry5 Alessio" Li/e the -eggars o. the street5 you too are a little -it !run/" #ut that cannot last .ore er"E In!ee!" Chat 1a/es people 1ore !run/5 a sip o. lo e or a -arrel o. 0ineH Chat is 1ore a!!icti e to the hu1anH Is 0ine or lo e the 0orst ene1y o. the reason5 lea!ing people to assu1e a certainty o. e7istence in the a-sent an! !eny 0hat lies right in .ront o. their eyesH Is it 0ine or lo e that into7icates 1ore an! con!e1ns the a..ecte! to create a irtual reality5 a sel. e7perience! 0orl!5 0hich is -oun! to e7pireH #ut 0hat is real an! 0hat illusionaryH Is this e7piring e7perience the reality or the escape .ro1 itH Chat is the !rea1 an! 0hat the truthH Is the 0orl! really suppose! to -e -lunt5 a reasona-le reality5 a picture in -lac/ an! 0hiteH 6e loo/e! in .ront o. hi1" The sun ha! alrea!y set an! the s/y 0as !ro0ning in re! color5 !ecorate! 0ith a .loc/ o. orange clou!s e7plo!ing .ro1 the 1ost lu1inous point o. the hori@on" The 0orl! 0as a !rea1" The earth itsel. 0as !run/" B<o you 0ant to hear the truth .ro1 so1eone5 AlessioH 8a/e hi1 !rin/" Dou 1ay thin/ that he tal/s nonsense5 -ut 0hat !oes your li1ite! 1in! un!erstan! a-out senseHE In!ee! people are true 0hile they are !run/" An! people in lo e as 0ell" An! in!ee! the reality is a!!icti e" An! 0hat lay in .ront o. hi1 too" 6e 0as a!!icte! to the colors o. the sunset" An! he 0as a!!icte! to 8i/haela too" In her a-sence he .elt heartless5 the sunsets appeare! in -lac/ an! 0hite5 the 0orl! 0as -lunt" #ut it 0as true that he 0as recei ing her
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spare change" #oth in the sunrise an! the sunset o. lo e5 he 0as alone" BAlessio5 there is no pro-le1 in getting !run/5 -ut getting !run/ alone 1a/es you -eha e li/e a -eggar"E The oice o. his 1aster 0as sha/ing his !rea15 e en 0ithout touching it5 he 0as tal/ing .ro1 insi!e" The !eeper he 0as !el ing into this lo e5 the lonelier he 0as .eeling" Des5 8i/haela 0as le.t -ehin!? she 0as not 0ith hi1 in this Aourney" BAlessio5 i. you !rin/ 0ith your .rien!s you 0ill all laugh an! cheer" #ut i. you !rin/ alone5 your .rien!s 0ill -e laughing at you"E 6is 1aster 0as gi ing har! hits to the !rea1 he 0as chasing" ;ro1 the ruins o. his surroun!ing castle he coul! o-ser e the real 0orl! outsi!e" It 0as 1ore -eauti.ul insi!e" #ut insi!e he 0as alone" 6e 0as hi!ing the truth .ro1 his .rien!s5 -ecause they 0oul! critici@e hi15 he 0as hi!ing his !isappoint1ent .ro1 hi1sel. an! 8i/haela5 -ecause he 0as still hoping that things 0oul! change5 he 0as still hoping that she 0oul! let Elias go an! choose hi15 tra el 0ith hi1 to 4enice an! aroun! the 0orl!? this illusionary color.ul 0orl! o. his !rea15 a 0orl! o. .eeling an! ro1ance5 a 0orl! o. happy en!ing or rather a 0orl! o. happiness an! no en!ing" 6i!ing the true reasons o. his isit to 8al asia5 he 0as right no0 sailing a0ay .ro1 4enice into the !rea1 o. lo e5 alone5 a <on Mui7ote5 con3uering the 0orl! using a /itchen /ni.e an! a pot5 !isco ering 1ystic 0orl!s an! stories o. pre ious li es5 the oices o. the angels5 treasures in the castles5 signs o. Go!
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gui!ing hi1 into his o0n !rea15 a 0orl! o. illusion5 loneliness an! .inally sorro05 the -lac/ tunnel itsel." 6e 0as .ighting alone against unseen -easts that 0ere neither !e.eate! nor 0inning5 Aust not participating5 against the o!!s 0ith nothing going right5 or e erything going right -ut hi1 percei ing it as 0rong" 9ust another !run/ar!5 a -eggar on the street? that is 0hat he 0as" Recei ing al0ays the spare -ut ne er attention" The escape .ro1 a challenging 0orl! into a lonely reality" 6e turne! his hea! to loo/ -ac/0ar!s" A .ull 1oon 0as rising .ro1 the hori@on" Its re.lection on the sea 0as illu1inating the path o. the essel" It 0as as i. the essel 0as .ollo0ing the path o. light5 hea!ing to0ar!s the .ull 1oon in the !istance5 as i. the 1oon coul! -e reache! -y 1erely sailing on the sea" Des the 0orl! 0as a !rea15 -ut not a lonely one" In this !rea1 e ery-o!y 0as participating an! this certi.ie! its e7istence" An e er changing !rea1 lit -y the .ull 1oon5 the sunset5 the -losso1 o. the trees5 the 0hite crystals o. the sno05 a !rea1 resulting not out o. the e7piring sip o. 0ine or an illusion o. lo e5 -ut out o. the han! o. Go! hi1sel.5 out o. the one an! only uni ersal Truth$ Lo e" Going -ac/ insi!e the essel he sa0 8arcus5 0heeling at the -o0 o. the -oat5 conte1plating the 1oonrise too" 6e 0as a si1ple person5 a -oat1an5 lac/ing .or1al e!ucation5 -ut ha ing the e!ucation o. li.e5 sho0ing un!erstan!ing an! /in!ness" 6e lac/e! e erything that Alessio inherently ha!5 he 0as neither han!so1e nor tall5 neither 0ealthy nor e!ucate!5 -ut still Alessio a!1ire!
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hi1 .or ha ing .oun! lo e" 6is 0i.e ha! !eparte! 0ith hi1 .ro1 8al asia5 acco1panying hi1 in his co11ercial route .ro1 4enice to 8al asia5 coo/ing .or hi1 an! .or the guests o. the essel5 silently 1anaging the -oat5 his li.e an! hi1" Alessio reali@e! there 0ere three categories o. people" Those 0ho .ear the -lac/ tunnel o. li.e an! co1pro1ise in 1e!iocrity5 those 0ho enter it an! con.ronting its inherent !ar/ness see/ .or the nearest e7it5 an! those 0ho /no0 that the only e7it is through the !ar/ness5 re3uiring tolerance an! patience to -e reache!" The .irst category is co1prise! o. nor1al people" Li ing in an i1per1anent .a/e sa.ety they !o e erything possi-le to !e.en! it5 relying on a selecti e Go! to support their 0o--ling plans5 -eco1ing religious5 .earing the 0rath o. their go!li/e creature" Entering the -lac/ tunnel5 they are trying to go -ac/0ar!s5 see/ing the security o. the past5 a past alrea!y change!" The secon! category is co1prise! o. the -eggars" ;acing the !i..iculties o. the !ar/ tunnel they un!erstan! their o0n 0ea/ness" Re1aining in the !ar/ness5 they are -egging .or attention .ro1 Go! an! 0hoe er crosses their li.e5 recei ing only the spare" They .eel una-le or 1ay-e not yet rea!y to 1o e the elephant that -loc/s their ision in the .ront5 the single -attle that nee!s to -e con3uere! in or!er to 1o e .orth5 their o0n proper o-stacle5 the one that they are not only trying to hi!e .ro1 society -ut also .ro1 the1sel es"
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An! the thir! category is co1prise! o. the 0arriors o. light" 6a ing en!ure! their !ar/ness5 they learne! to e7ert .aith5 patience an! cal1ness as the three 1ost i1portant 0eapons in the !ar/" Insi!e the !ar/ tunnel they .or1 light in their i1agination5 su-consciously also constructing it in reality5 patiently continuing their -lin! 0al/ to the .ront 0ith .aith5 gui!e! -y an unseen han! o. Go! an! at the en! seeing the light5 not in .ront o. the15 -ut e1erging .ro1 0ithin" They then -egin lighting the 0hole tunnel5 not only .or their o0n Aourney5 -ut .or the others too5 they -eco1e 1asters5 gui!ing the1sel es an! their neigh-ors to the other en!5 un!erstan!ing that the path is still long5 -ut also ha ing the certainty that e ery single !rop o. 0ater stan!ing on earth 0ill ulti1ately reach to the sea" Cruising on the A!riatic to0ar!s 8al asia he reali@e! that he still 0as not yet rea!y to -elong to the thir! category" 6e reali@e! his o0n 0ea/ness5 he reali@e! that he 0as -egging .or attention5 Aust another -eggar5 a -eggar o. lo e" #ut he .elt happy that he 0as 1ore a! ance! than nor1al people5 he .elt please! that he .oun! the -ra eness to get lost into the !ar/ tunnel o. his heart5 e en getting !run/ on lo e5 !isplease! 0ith the 1e!iocrity o. nor1al peopleGs li es5 thus creating a !rea1 to li e insi!e it" 6e reali@e! that this 0as Aust a passage in his la-yrinth o. li.e5 a passage to -e en!ure!5 a 0inter that 0oul! certainly en! on its o0n ti1ing5 0ith its o0n pace" En!uring the 0inter 0as the only 0ay to reach the spring5 going -ac/ 0as not
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an option .or hi15 he ha! alrea!y seen li.e in -lac/ an! 0hite an! he ha! !enie! it" 6a ing seen to!ayGs sunset he 0as con ince! that li.e is suppose! to -e color.ul5 i. lit -y the inner light springing out o. the heart o. the 0arrior" 6e 0as not rea!y yet to -e a 0arrior" #ut he 0as recei ing gui!ance 0ith the certainty that the -eggar is to -e respecte! -ecause the -eggar is 1ore aliant than the nor1al" Returning -ac/ to his ca-in he ga e a last loo/ to 8arcus5 still !ri ing his -oat" 6e 1ust ha e once entere! the !ar/ tunnel too5 he 1ust ha e 0on it" #uil!ing a co11ercial essel certainly re3uires en!urance5 -ut no0 he 0as !ri ing it 0ith pri!e" Instincti ely 8arcus turne! to0ar!s his !irection too" Seeing hi1 he s1ile!5 as i. no!!ing in agree1ent" As an e7perience! -oat1an he 0as !ri ing Alessio through his !ar/ness" Stan!ing in .ront o. a 1agni.icent 1oonlight re.lection on the sea he 0as gui!ing hi1 0ith his e7a1ple into the !rea1" A !rea1 share!5 a co11on !rea1 in 0hich he !eser e! to participate5 reality itsel.5 li.e"
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(.$ .e%eat and rew&nd

Arri ing at the har-or5 Alessio conte1plate! the ie0 o er 8al asia" Although it 0as not his ho1eto0n5 he .elt a strange attach1ent to this city" It 0as early in the 1orning an! the s1o/e .ro1 the chi1neys 0as 1o ing rhyth1ically in .ront o. his eyes" Chat a peace.ul city5 he thought" Chy !i! he e er lea e this placeH Chy !i! he .orce hi1sel. to return to 4enice5 ta/ing 0ith hi1 the 1e1ories o. 8al asia5 thus li ing in 8al asia5 though physically staying in 4eniceH 6e 0as pu@@le!" #ut seeing the city in .ront o. hi15 he instantly .elt that he 0as returning ho1e5 e en i. in reality he 0as going there only .or a short trip" In this trip he 0oul! 1eet 8i/haela" So1e0here in these houses in .ront o. hi1 she 0as still sleeping in the ar1s o. Elias5 loo/ing .or0ar! to a peace.ul 0ee/en!" 6e ha! not in.or1e! her a-out his su!!en isit" Alighting the -oat5 he !irecte! hi1sel. to0ar!s the inn o. 8al asia" Cith only si7 roo1s it 0as the only lo!ging option .or the isitors o. the city" The inn/eeper greete! hi1" She /ne0 hi1 .ro1 0hen Alessio li e! in 8al asia" Settling hi1sel. in the roo1 in!icate! -y her5 he loo/e! outsi!e the 0in!o0" In .ront o. hi1 the ast Aegean Sea 0ith -oats entering an! lea ing the -usy port o. 8al asia" 6e use! to sit in .ront o. this sea .or hours 0ith 8i/haela5 tal/ing a-out the tran3uility that is .oun! in the .e1ale Go!!ess" Chat lay in .ront o. hi1 0as 0a/ing up 1e1ories insi!e" Chat
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e7iste! right no0 in the present 0as -eing translate! insi!e his 1in! to e7periences5 0hich alrea!y lay in the past" 6e reali@e! that the 1in! is rarely li ing in the present? it is al0ays o-scuring the reality o. the present 0ith a 1e1ory o. the past or a .antasy o. the .uture5 -oth none7istent in the single 1o1ent 0hich e7ists$ No0" Turning his hea! -ac/ into the roo1 he thought again a-out his plan to 1eet 8i/haela" 6e 0as constructing it in his 1in! .or en!less hours" 6e ha! thought a-out 1any alternati es5 the potential .ailures to those alternati es5 the 3uestions an! the ans0ers" Sitting on his -e! he reali@e! that again he 0as not li ing in the present" S0inging -et0een 1e1ories an! plans5 his 1in! re.use! to o-ey to his li.e in the present" It 0as alrea!y e ening an! he 0as rea!y to go" 6e 0oul! 1eet 2enelope5 the -est .rien! o. 8i/haela5 in the usual ta ern 0here he use! to ha e lunch 0ith 8i/haela" 2enelope 0oul! ha e arrange! the 1eeting 0ith 8i/haela5 0ithout her /no0ing the presence o. Alessio" Going to0ar!s the ta ern he !eci!e! to ta/e a slo0 0al/" Chat 0oul! he say to 8i/haelaH She 0oul! -e surprise! to see hi1 in to0n" Chat 0as he !oing in 8al asiaH That 0oul! -e her .irst 3uestion" 6e ha! alrea!y prepare! the ans0er$ 6e 0as on his 0ay to Crete 0here Dannis5 his -est .rien! .ro1 8al asia5 0as getting 1arrie!" #ut in reality he ha! !eci!e! to 1a/e this long trip only .or her an! he 0as prepare! to co11unicate that as 0ell" 6e ha! alrea!y !eci!e! not to hi!e -ehin! cheap e7cuses" 6e 0as there to gi e
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her a last chance as he 0as !irecte! -y his 1aster5 he 0as there to open the !oor an! say$ BCo1eE" #ut he 0oul! not .orce her to co1e" 6e 0as not gi ing her a last chance in or!er .or her to ta/e it? rather he 0as !oing it 0ith the /no0le!ge that she 0oul! not ta/e it5 so that he coul! Austi.y his !ecision to 1o e on5 e en i. she 0as not yet prepare! to co1e along" Arri ing at the ta ern5 he sa0 2enelope sitting at the ta-le" She ha! Aust arri e!" * Goo! e ening5 he sai! in cheer.ul tone" * Cell5 loo/ 0ho is here5 2enelope sai!" So you .inally 1a!e it here" Chen I recei e! your letter I !i!nGt -elie e that you 0oul! co1e" #ut it see1s that lo e can !o anythingI 2enelope 0as the -est .rien! o. 8i/haela an! e en though she a! ise! hi1 that it 0as not the right ti1ing .or hi1 to co1e5 Alessio ha! still !eci!e! to ta/e the long Aourney" * So the plan is as you 0ishe!5 2enelope sai!" 8i/haela 0ill -e arri ing here in hal. an hour" * Are you sure that she 0ill -e aloneH * A-solutely" Elias is atten!ing a triathlon5 he is not e en in the to0n" Shoul! I lea e you t0o alone or shoul! I stay hereH * <oes she /no0 that I a1 hereH * No5 I /ept that secret" She 0ill -e co1ing to ha e !inner 0ith 1e only" * In that case you can go" I 0ill e7plain e erything else to her" I ha e no 0or!s to than/ you" * No pro-le15 Alessio" I 0ish you goo! luc/" Dou /no0 ho0 1uch I 0oul! li/e to see you t0o again together"
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2enelope 0as a ery ro1antic person" She -elie e! in lo e an! she 0as al0ays 1o e! -y the lo e stories o. others5 0hich re1in!e! her o. her o0n pain.ul e7perience" It !i! not ta/e long .or 8i/haela to arri e" Entering the ta ern she i11e!iately notice! Alessio sitting at their usual ta-le" She stoo! still .or a 1o1ent staring at hi1" She shoul! ha e guesse! it" 6o0 co1e 2enelope as/e! her .or a pri ate !inner5 she ha! ne er !one that -e.ore" Approaching AlessioGs ta-le5 she sat !o0n" She !i! not tal/ at all" She 0as Aust loo/ing at hi1 an! s1iling in silence" Alessio 0as happy to see her again" * So you .inally ca1e -ac/5 she sai!" * As you see I a1 here5 he s1ile!" * <i! you get a ne0 assign1ent in 8al asiaH * I 1ight stay5 yes5 -ut I !i! not get any assign1ent" I ca1e to see you5 tal/ to you5 you ha! Aust anishe!" * I a1 truly sorry .or that" I !i! not /no0 an! I still !o not /no0 0hat to say" I ha e !eci!e! to stay here in 8al asia" No0 I li e together 0ith Elias in the sa1e house" Ce 0ere luc/y enough to .in! a house an! I 0as luc/y enough to .in! a ne0 opportunity .or 0or/" As I ha! 0or/ e7perience in the go ern1ent o..ice5 I .oun! a Gree/ 1erchant 0ho 0as 0illing to hire 1e an! no0 I han!le his accounting issues an! calculate the e7change rates !uring his tra!e" It all happene! ery .ast" I !i! not /no0 0hat to say5 I 0as thin/ing a-out you e ery !ay5 praying that you 0oul! -e alright5 -ut I 0as .eeling guilty an! I hesitate! to co11unicate 0ith you" I a1 truly sorry"
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8i/haela 0as please! to see Alessio no0 in 8al asia5 although she 0as al1ost sure that at so1e point he 0oul! return" It .elt as though no ti1e ha! passe! since he ha! le.t" They or!ere! !inner" * Ne7t 0ee/5 sai! Alessio5 I 0ill lea e to atten! the 0e!!ing o. 1y -est .rien!5 Dannis" #ut !uring the 0hole 0ee/ I 0ill -e here an! I 0ill -e staying at the inn o. the to0n" I hope that you 0ill -e a-le to co1e an! isit 1e" 8i/haela no!!e! in agree1ent an! Alessio pai! the -ill" It 0as ti1e to go" Alessio 0as there an! the chance 0as there .or one 0ee/" It 0as her choice to ta/e it or not" <uring the entire 0ee/ Alessio 0as trying to /eep hi1sel. -usy" 6e ha! 1any .rien!s in 8al asia an! he 0as isiting the1 0hene er that 0as possi-le" O. course they all ha! their !aily !uties an! they 0ere not a-le to spen! 1uch ti1e 0ith hi1" Alessio 0as 0an!ering aroun! the city in the 1ornings5 so1eti1es going to the upper to0n to conte1plate the ast -lue sea .ro1 the cli.. o. the roc/ an! to re1e1-er the ti1es 0hen he ha! -een sitting there 0ith 8i/haela5 tal/ing a-out 4enice that 0as hi!!en -ehin! the !istant hori@on" E ery e ening he 0as as/ing the inn/eeper i. so1e-o!y ha! co1e there to .in! hi1" #ut e ery !ay he 0as recei ing the sa1e ans0er" The !ays 0ere passing -y an! there 0as no sign o. 8i/haela" Cith each passing !ay he .elt 1ore an! 1ore that there 0as no point in 0hat he 0as !oing" 6e 0as al0ays going to 8i/haela5 -ut she ha! ne er co1e to hi15 not e en !uring the su11er" It 0as al0ays he 0ho 0as .orcing his 0ay to0ar!s her5 a 1agnet
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going to0ar!s a 1etallic pin that 0oul! co11ence its 0ay to0ar!s hi1 only once he 0as near-y" 6e re1e1-ere! that e ery ti1e he ha! le.t her alone5 she ha! gone -ac/ to Elias" She ha! gone to Elias 0hen he le.t .or Egypt5 she ha! gone to Elias 0hen she 0as suppose! to tra el alone to 4enice5 she ha! gone to Elias e en a.ter 3uitting her Ao- in 8al asia5 !eci!e! to li e together 0ith Alessio in 4enice" Alessio 0as con ince! 1ore an! 1ore that she 0as getting attracte! to 0ho1e er 0as at the 1o1ent closer to her5 0hether that 1ay -e Alessio or Elias or any-o!y else" An! no0 Elias 0as li ing 0ith her in the sa1e house an! Alessio 0as lo!ge! in the inn o. the to0n" There 0as no chance" 6is actions 0ere pointless" As the !ay o. the 0e!!ing 0as approaching5 he !eci!e! to !eli er to 8i/haela a s1all 1essage 0ritten on paper$ BOn Sun!ay I a1 lea ing .or Crete to atten! the 0e!!ing o. 1y .rien!" 2lease co1e to see 1e to1orro0" I 0ill -e at our usual spot5 I hope you still re1e1-er"E
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(.5 T e .eencounter
I 0as late an! stresse!" Alessio 0as here in 8al asia5 he ha! co1e .or 1e5 he 0as here .or an entire 0ee/ an! I ha! anishe!5 !isappeare!5 thin/ing o. hi1 -ut not seeing hi15 a.rai! o. 0hatH I 0as a.rai! o. 1ysel.5 I 0as a.rai! that I 0oul! !ig 1ysel. in the sa1e hole in 0hich I ha! -een lost in the past5 once again go insi!e an! get -urie!" I 0as a.rai! that once again I 0oul! put 1ysel. 0illingly into tur1oil" Arri ing at the lighthouse I sa0 Alessio sitting on the e!ge o. a roc/5 loo/ing to0ar!s the hori@on" I 0on!ere! i. he 0as using the sa1e roc/ e ery ti1e to conte1plate the sea" Approaching hi1 .ro1 the -ac/5 he greete! 1e 0ithout turning his hea! to0ar!s 1e" E en 0hen he see1e! lost in his o0n 0orl!5 he 0as still alert" #ut not 1e" To!ay I 0as again in a rush" Elias 0ante! to /no0 0here I 0as going" 6e 0as not con ince! that I 0oul! 1eet one o. 1y school .rien!s an! he 0ante! 1ore !etails" 6e -egan as/ing 3uestions5 so 0e starte! .ighting an! again I 0as late" I al0ays en ie! Alessio .or not participating in a tense 0orl! an! .or 1aintaining his tran3uility -y loo/ing at the sea5 0hile I 0as .ighting 1y 0ay out o. 1y house" As I approache!5 Alessio turne! his hea! to0ar!s 1e" 6e still loo/e! han!so1e" 6is .ace 0as s1iling5 e en though his 1outh 0as not" 6e no!!e! at 1e to sit ne7t to hi1" * Sorry .or -eing late5 I sai!"
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I !i!nGt /no0 0hat else to say5 I 0as still upset" * <onGt 0orry5 8i/haela5 I use! this ti1e to concentrate" Sitting here5 I 0as a-le to connect to 1y .e1ale su-stance" That 0as the least I 0as e7pecting to hear5 to!ay5 in the state that I 0as5 upset -ecause IG! .ought 0ith Elias in the 1orning5 upset -ecause Alessio 0as lea ing .or 4enice5 upset -ecause I once again ha! .aile! to let 1ysel. .ree an! 1a/e hi1 stay here 0ith 1e .or the rest o. 1y !ays" Chat !i! he 1eanH * <o you ha e a .e1ale su-stance too5 I as/e! in in estigati e 1oo!" I hope! to hear a negati e ans0er5 I !i! not 0ant any 1ore surprises to!ay" * As 1uch as you ha e a 1ale su-stance5 yes" 6e 0as still 0eir!" A.ter al1ost three 1onths in 4enice5 he re1aine! unchange!" * 2lease sit !o0n" I see you are not cal1" I 0ill tal/ to you a-out that once you rela7" I sat !o0n ne7t to hi1" It 0as li/e e7iting a 0orl! o. trou-les an! entering a peace.ul green alley o. .lo0ers an! trees" I 0ante! to close the !oor -ehin! 1e" * So are you lea ing again .or 4enice5 I as/e!" * Des5 I a1 planning to lea e" >nless you are rea!y to co11it an! 1a/e 1e stay here" I ca1e to atten! the 0e!!ing o. 1y .rien! Dannis an! to see you" #ut I ha e -een here .or al1ost a 0ee/ no0 an! 0e ha e only 1et once" I a1 not sure i. it 1a/es any 1ore sense .or 1e to stay"
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* Since the !ay you ca1e here5 I ha e -een thin/ing o. you e ery 1inute" I thin/ o. you -e.ore I sleep5 a.ter I 0a/e up5 e en 0hile I 0or/" I !onGt /no0 0hat to !o" I thin/ o. co1ing to see you an! then I change 1y 1in!5 I get pu@@le!5 I hesitate" I really !onGt /no0 0hat to !o" I .elt helpless" 6e hugge! 1e an! I 0ent into his ar1s" I 0ante! to stay there5 I 0ante! hi1 to /eep hi1 .ore er" In his ar1s I .elt sa.e" Ne7t to hi1 I 0as recei ing the tran3uility I 0as 1issing in 1y o0n !aily li.e" Ce staye! still5 speechless an! hugge!" * 8i/haela5 your true essence is peace.ul5 Aust as you are no0 in 1y ar1s" Dou are a #eing hi!!en -ehin! a .oreign personality" 9ust -e.ore5 0hen you ca1e5 you 0ere again the Other" >pset5 rushing5 trying to apologi@e5 trying to cal1 !o0n" That is not you" Dou are al0ays an! can only -e tran3uil" 6o0 coul! I spea/ to you5 0hen you 0ere not truly youH 6o0 coul! I e7plain to you a-out the .e1ale Go!!essH 6o0 coul! I sho0 her to you in the nature5 in the sea5 insi!e you5 insi!e 1ysel. tooH I stare! 0ith lo e into his shiny eyes" * I 0ant you to e7plain to 1e a-out your .e1ale essence" I /no0 you are not into 1enI I ha e teste! an! trie! it" I ga e hi1 an inti1ate s1ile" 6e s1ile! -ac/ at 1e" I .elt happy" * 8i/haela5 0hen I crosse! the -oun!aries o. 1y o0n Other e7ploring 1y real essence5 I then !isco ere! the .e1ale Go!!ess" E er since I 0as -orn I ha! associate! Go! 0ith a 1ale" Qeus5 the /ing o. Go!s5 0as 1ale"
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E en our ortho!o7 priest5 0hen he 0as re.erring to Go!5 he 0as tal/ing a-out our ;ather not our 8other" * I. Go! is e erything5 8i/haela5 ho0 can Go! -e a 1aleH The .e1ale Go!!ess has -een purposely hi!!en in the religions" In a 1anGs 0orl! she ha! no place" 6o0e er the <eity5 as 0ell as you5 has -oth 1ale an! .e1ale 3ualities" 6e loo/e! a0ay to0ar!s the hori@on" I coul! .eel the tran3uility e1itte! .ro1 this peace.ul hori@on in .ront o. us into his straight -o!y an! .ro1 there .lo0ing into 1y heart" I .elt as though the only t0o -eings in the 0orl! 0ere us" * 8i/haela5 the .e1ale si!e o. the <eity possesses the 3uality o. #eing" As a .e1ale you are5 you Aust are5 .eeling5 enAoying or su..ering5 conte1plating 0hat is there5 re1aining5 not 1o ing5 re.raining .ro1 !oing" E en 0hile the 0orl! aroun! you /eeps 1o ing5 you re1ain5 li/e the 3ueen that is -eing carrie! insi!e her coach5 loo/ing out o. her 0in!o0 0ith e erything 1o ing5 -ut she staying still" ;ro1 a still stan!point she conte1plates an! .eels5 she re1ains an! o-ser es5 su..ers an! laughs" <epen!ing on 0hat is in .ront o. her5 she -eco1es" She has no -oun!aries 0ith her surroun!ings5 in a sense she is one 0ith e erything5 connecte!" She is the .e1ale <eity5 the Go!!ess5 o erloo/ing earth an! sensing the 1ar el in .ront o. her an! insi!e" She is the gate0ay to hea en5 -ut the gate0ay to hell as 0ell" Chat lies in .ront o. her is per.ectly re.lecte! insi!e" She is a-le to tune hersel. to earth5 sen! an!
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recei e her pulses5 -ecause she is one 0ith earth5 she has no 0alls? she nee!s protection5 -ecause she has no -oun!aries" She is ulnera-le5 -ecause she is in constant co11unication 0ith her surroun!ings" J I. you loo/ at nature5 she is all aroun!" The sea in .ront o. us is .e1ale" She re1ains5 .eeling either tran3uil or upset5 al0ays -eing there at her place" ;or ha e you e er seen the sea tra elingH <o you thin/ you can e er co1e here to this sa1e place 0e are sitting an! notice that the sea has gone5 that the sea has 1o e! so1e0here elseH She is constantly in 1otion5 li/e e erything in the 0orl!5 -ut her 1o e1ent is in cycle5 an e-- an! .loo!5 as is the 1oo! o. e ery .e1ale" She !oes not 1o e hersel.5 instea! she is 1o e! -y a -oat that crosses her 0aters5 -y the stone that I thre0 Aust no05 -y the 0in! passing a-o e her5 -y the position o. the 1oon" #ut she al0ays has the 3uality to -ring hersel. -ac/ in e3uili-riu1" J The 1oon is .e1ale too" <i! you /no0 that e en i. she is in constant rotation she re1ains .i7e! to0ar!s usH Ce can only see the near si!e o. the 1oon" E en in a 1illion years5 i. you loo/ up to the s/y5 you 0ill still see the sa1e 1ountains an! alleys on her sur.ace5 Aust li/e the sea5 although constantly 1o ing5 she re1ains .i7e!" She is re.lecting the light that she recei es .ro1 her 1ale counterpart5 the sun" She is -eauti.ul5 ro1antic5 tran3uil5 you loo/ at her an! see the Go!!ess5 you recogni@e that she Aust is5 nothing else5 an! 0hile you are loo/ing5 you Aust are too" J Dou can .in! the .e1ale <eity e ery0here aroun! you5 nature is a great teacher an!
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e erything that happens outsi!e is happening insi!e as 0ell" She resi!es in the sea in .ront o. you5 in the earth that hosts you an! .ee!s you5 in the colors o. the !us/ an! the !a0n5 e ery !ay reappearing in har1ony an! ti1eless per1anence" She is the .e1ale Go!!ess5 the -eauty o. Aphro!ite5 the .ertility o. Arte1is5 the .aith.ulness o. Ira" O-ser e the e7pressions o. the .e1ale <eity aroun! you an! you too 0ill .eel .e1ale5 regar!less o. your gen!er" O-ser e your .eelings an! you 0ill -eco1e a .e1ale too" I loo/e! at the sea" Ca es 0ere constantly cruising on her sur.ace5 -ut she re1aine! there" E1itting tran3uility5 I coul! lose 1ysel. insi!e her an! !rea15 .eel5 Aust -e" I !i! not 0ant to 0a/e up .ro1 this !rea1" I 0as hol!ing .ir1ly the han! o. Alessio an! I coul! .eel .e1ale5 hel! -y an! !e ote! to a 1ale5 a 1ale insi!e 1e -ut also ne7t to 1e5 hol!ing 1y han!5 gui!ing 1e into the tran3uility o. the sea5 the or-it o. the 1oon5 sho0ing 1e the .e1ale <eity on earth an! sea5 gui!ing 1y o0n Aourney insi!e her" * #ut no5 Go! is not .e1ale5 Go! has no gen!er5 <i inity is -oth" 6e is the creator o. this 0orl!" In se en !ays 6e create! the light5 the plants5 the 1ountains an! the sea5 the hu1ans an! the ani1als" In se en !ays 6e create! the 0orl!5 a uni erse5 a ho1e .or 6er5 the Go!!ess" #ecause 6e /ne0 that .or the #eing to e7ist5 <oing is a prece!ent" J The 1ale si!e o. the <eity possesses the 3uality o. <oing" As a 1ale you create an! !estroy5 you e1pty an! .ill5 you .ight an! protect5 you penetrate an! con3uer" As a 1ale
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you are a /ing -uil!ing the city 0alls5 constructing the castle5 .ighting against the ene1y5 ri!ing the horse5 1o ing5 constantly 1o ing to !isco er5 create 0hat nee!s to -e create!5 !estroy 0hat nee!s to -e !estroye!" As a 1ale you 1o e -ac/ or .orth5 -ut al0ays linear" Dou ha e continuance an! persistence -ut ne er a perio! or a phase" Dou insist5 you are stu--orn an! you nee! to -e stu--orn in or!er to .ight against the hassles an! to continue 1o ing .orth !espite the !i..iculties on your 0ay" ;or you there is only one goal an! you !onGt stop loo/ing at it until you reach it" Dou are >lysses returning to Ithaca .ighting his 0ay through the Sirens an! the Cyclopes" J 2ossessing these alues5 you are a 1ale5 the creator5 the /ing o. the /ings5 Qeus5 ruling the 0orl! 0ith his thun!er5 2osei!on5 gui!ing the sailors through the 0il! sea5 Ares5 .ighting the ene1ies on your straight path5 6er1es5 co11unicating the 1essages 0ith clarity an! co1pleteness" Regar!less o. your gen!er you can -e a 1ale an! 0hen you -egin your inner 3uest5 you 0ill see that you ha e 1ale 3ualities too" J An! loo/ aroun! you5 8i/haela" The 1ale is e ery0here in nature" Loo/ at the current o. the ri er" Cater that only .lo0s .orth5 unstoppa-le5 .ierce5 .resh5 e er*1o ing" Cho coul! e er stop the .lo0 o. the ri erH Listen to the 0in!" 6e is also 1o ing in one5 single !irection5 ne er going aroun!5 ne er staying at a single place5 he is a constant tra eler5 ne er resting until he reaches his !estination" 6e -rings .resh air to the 0ar1 regions5 he !eli ers5 he 1o es the see!s .or the .orests to
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e7pan!5 he 1o es the -oats on the sea5 he creates energy5 he re1ains in constant action5 a true 1essenger5 6er1es hi1sel." J An! loo/ at the sun5 8i/haela" 6e is a 1ale too5 e7plosi e5 supplying us constantly 0ith 0ar1th an! light5 shining his light on the 1oon .or us to -e a-le to see her an! get lost in her -eauty" In a 0ay5 she ta/es his light an! trans.or1s it into so1ething -eauti.ul5 it is his light that 0e are a-le to see on her" Cithout hi1 she 0oul! -e col!5 unseen5 hi!!en on a constant state o. sorro0" 6e is the eagle that hunts5 the lion that rules5 the horse that gallops in the 0il!5 the !on/ey that carries the crops" 6e is the one ena-ling her to -e" J 6e is insi!e you5 8i/haela5 in a 0ay he is also you" 6e is the one 0ho !ri es your progress5 1a/es you 1o e on5 !estroy 0hat nee!s to -e !estroye!" Chen you are in .ront o. a !oor in your li.e5 he is the one that tells you to open it an! .ollo0 the path" 6e appears in your !rea1 an! 0hispers to you BI a1 hereE5 0hen .ear co1es to your 1in!" 6e 0as there 0hen you 0ere helpless an! une1ploye!5 0riting !o0n the application .or the 1erchantGs o..ice 0here you no0 0or/5 he 0as a-sent 0hen you 0ere in .ront o. the -oat to 4enice an! you !i! not e1-ar/" 6e is the one gi ing you the energy to 1o e .orth5 8i/haela5 an! .or that you nee! to respect hi1" 6e is the 1ale5 the Go! insi!e you5 the sun5 your source o. light5 your gui!e to0ar!s a0areness" 6e 0as right there5 ne7t to 1e5 gui!ing 1e to a0areness5 a0a/ening 1e5 !istur-ing 1y silent 0aters5 pre enting 1e .ro1 -eco1ing
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stagnant5 pro i!ing 1e a -reath o. .resh air5 -ringing to 1e in 8al asia the !rea1 o. 4enice5 gui!ing 1e 0ith his oice into a Aourney5 acco1panying 1e in 1y tra el" Des5 he 0as 1y tra el 1ate an! I ha! !enie! hi15 turne! 1y -ac/ on hi15 he 0as 1y o0n 1ale oice tal/ing through a han!so1e Italian -o!y" * An! here co1es the Aourney5 8i/haela" Right here is your trip to sal ation5 the return ho1e5 your 0ay -ac/ to the reality you once le.t5 the para!ise" It lies in the !isco ery o. your o0n 1ale an! .e1ale si!e5 the un!erstan!ing o. your o0n nature5 the un!erstan!ing o. 1e5 the co1plete un!erstan!ing o. the 0orl!" 6e loo/e! -ac/ at the sea again" ;resh air 0as tra eling through his hair5 an! 1y 1in!5 1y thoughts5 1y entire presence 0as penetrate! -y hi15 touching his so.t hair an! surroun!ing hi1" * Alessio5 ho0 !o you connect 0ith your .e1ale presence Aust -y loo/ing at the seaH #y no0 I ha! un!erstoo! 0hat he 1eant" 6e 0as 1ore than Aust a 1an" 6e 0as a 1ale an! a .e1ale co1-ine!" 9ust as I 0as" <eep insi!e 1e -oth .orces coe7iste! -ringing 1i7e! 0ishes to 1y 1in!" * Loo/ing at the sea5 I o-ser e the .e1ale presence outsi!e? an! through it I o-ser e 1y proper .e1ale presence insi!e" #y loo/ing at the sea I a1 connecting to the Go!!ess5 the .e1ale <eity5 1y o0n sel. an! you" I a1 loo/ing at all o. us concurrently5 -ecause 0e are one" An! all o. it5 right no05 is in .ront o. 1e"
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6e conte1plate! .or one 1ore 1o1ent the 0a ing sea" Then he turne! his hea! to0ar!s 1e$ * Dou nee! to .in! the 1ale an! the .e1ale insi!e you5 encourage the1 to coe7ist5 .ight an! help each other" <onGt -e .rustrate! i. he is stu--orn5 he nee!s to -e stu--orn to /eep -ringing you .orth regar!less o. the -ur!ens" <onGt -e .rustrate! i. she is passi e5 she nee!s to -e passi e in or!er to .eel an! conte1plate" <onGt -eha e li/e a 0o1an5 -ecause you are not only a 0o1an? !onGt -eha e li/e a 1an5 -ecause you are not only a 1an" Chen you !estroy your Other sel.5 0hate er is not you5 you 0ill -e con.ronte! 0ith a 0o1an an! a 1an5 you5 a 1ale an! .e1ale <eity e7presse! through this -eauti.ul -o!y that I ha e in .ront o. 1e right no05 through these 1ar elous eyes in 0hich I a1 !ro0ning5 sho0ing 1e the path5 the path to you5 the path o. 1y sal ation5 the path o. 1y return ho1e5 to her5 the Go!!ess5 you" I coul! not spea/ any 1ore5 neither thin/5 1y lips 0ent nu1-5 I only 0ante! hi1 to /iss 1e5 I 0ante! to lose 1ysel. insi!e hi15 anish into his -o!y5 tra el 0ith hi1 not to 4enice5 -ut to Lo e" * Ce can only return to para!ise together5 8i/haela" In all those li es 0e ha e li e! 0e are al0ays 1eeting each other an! e ery ti1e 0e are gi ing each other a pro1ise" #ut to return ho1e5 0e nee! to .ul.ill it" Silence .ollo0e!" Des I /ne0 0hat he 1eant" I got the .eeling o. un!erstan!ing" * 8i/haela5 the 0hole truth is in .ront o. you5 right in .ront o. your eyes" I. you rea! Genesis
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care.ully5 you 0ill see that A!a1 an! E e !i! not .all .ro1 para!ise 0hen they ate an apple .ro1 the tree o. /no0le!ge" It happene! long -e.ore that5 0hen A!a1 !isco ere! his inherent loneliness" At that ti1e A!a1 .elt that he 0as not a-le to conte1plate the serenity o. para!ise alone5 he .elt the nee! to share his lo e 0ith so1e-o!y5 -ut 0ith 0ho1H Then he re3ueste! Go! to create a partner .or hi1" #ut A!a1 0as 1a!e in the i1age an! li/elihoo! o. Go!5 the 0hole5 e erything" 6o0 coul! Go! create so1ething else that is e erything -ut !oes not participate in itsel.H It 0as then that Go! !eci!e! to put A!a1 into !eep sleep an! re1o e a piece .ro1 his si!e to create E e" An! it 0as that ti1e 0hen A!a1 0as not e erything any1ore5 0hen he 0as only so1ething5 so1ething inco1plete5 cra ing .or co1pleteness" J 8i/haela5 it 0as not the ri- ta/en out o. A!a1Gs le.t si!e o. the -o!y" It 0as his heart" I su!!enly .elt so e1otional that I nee!e! to cry" Des the 1an is heartless5 han!s 0ithout a heart5 an! the 0o1an e1otional5 a heart 0ithout han!s" 6o0 can 0e reach para!ise separatelyH * An! right at the ti1e o. separation5 8i/haela5 the path 0as !e.ine!" To return ho1e 0e nee! to reunite" I nee! to -e a-le to .eel again an! you nee! to -e a-le to 1o e on" An! the 0hole >ni erse5 Go!5 is sho0ing us the path" The sun shines an! the 1oon -eco1es 1agni.icent5 ro1antic" Cithout the 1oon5 upon 0hat 0oul! the sun shineH An! 0ithout the sun5 ho0 0oul! the 1oon loo/
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ro1anticH E en in nature5 our 1aterial 0orl!5 har1ony results .ro1 reunion" J Our path is together5 8i/haela" Our path is the Aourney5 the holy Aourney 0ritten !o0n on the ele1ents o. the nature -y the han!s o. Go!5 the return ho1e5 the return to the ti1eless present5 the !e.eat o. all .ears5 the glory against !eath an! loneliness5 the o erco1ing o. ti1e" 9ust 0hen A!a1 .elt lonely5 he .ell to the earth an! Aust 0hen he stops .eeling it5 he 0ill rise" J An! no05 8i/haela5 you 0ill nee! to !eci!e" Are you rea!y .or this pathH Rea!iness is all" The rea!iness o. -eco1ing" #ecause at the en! o. this path lies !eath5 or other0ise -irth in the .or1 o. an en!ing" There are people 0ho 1a!e it5 there are 1en 0ho reache! Lo e an! returne! to hea en" They 0ent through the holy path5 the Aourney o. Eros5 they 1a!e it" An! as a result they !ie!" In the certainty that they 0oul! ne er again incarnate5 they recei e! the -liss o. Lo e" Loo/ aroun! you5 8i/haela5 an! see" <onGt you as/ yoursel. 0hy 1en in lo e !ie! young .ro1 su!!en !eathH They regaine! their heart" They Aoine! E e in hea en" Their 1ission 0as co1plete" Thoughts ca1e to 1y 1in!" Des I /ne0 o. a .e0 1en really in lo e" A lo e that laste!" #ut in 1ost cases so1ething happene! to the1 an! !eath ca1e une7pecte!ly" I 0as al0ays as/ing 0hy5 0hy !oes Go! ne er lea e lo e to -e5 0hy is Go! 1ean5 lea ing on earth only the un0orthy" To!ay I recei e! 1y ans0er" 8ission co1plete!"
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* An! this is the holy Aourney itsel.5 8i/haela" The path to Go!5 a returning path5 a path to @ero5 to the -eginning5 the roa! to0ar!s nothing" The ulti1ate !estination is Go!" An! since Go! is Lo e5 the !estination is Lo e" An! this is the path .or us -oth5 I nee! to co1e to you an! you nee! to accept 1e" The holy Aourney5 8i/haela5 is the Aourney o. reunion5 the Aourney o. the <oing reaching the #eing5 the 1ale reaching the .e1ale" It is the Aourney o. the 1ale ri er .lo0ing into the .e1ale sea" J This path is a path to0ar!s the .e1ale <eity5 it is the return path o. the 0ater that once e aporate! .ro1 the sea5 no0 tra eling through clou!s5 1ountains an! ri ers to return5 to reunite5 to -e again the 0hole" J This is the Reencounter5 8i/haela" It is 0here the 0ater .inally .in!s the sea5 the only state 0here A!a1 an! E e are one again5 no0 0iser .ro1 their Aourney" 6a ing e7perience! each other they 0ill ne er again separate5 -ecause they cannot any1ore5 -eing one they 0ill ne er again .eel lonely" An! thus they 0ill rise" They 0ill !ie" Sleep" An ascen!ing5 su!!en an! natural !eath" * Lo e is the Aourney5 AlessioH * Lo e is the Aourney5 8i/haela" There is no other Aourney" There is nothing 1ore spiritual than lo e itsel."
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(.6 T e end of t e w&nter

It 0as alrea!y e ening an! the ti1e ha! passe!5 -ut I !i!nGt 0ant to go ho1e" I 0as hol!ing his le.t ar1 tightly5 0atching the colors o. the t0ilight5 .eeling the energy e7change! -et0een our -o!ies" Through his e7ten!e! ar1 I coul! connect to hi15 pass through his -o!y5 ta/e 1y place insi!e it5 the place o. his heart5 once ta/en a0ay 0hen A!a1 reali@e! he 0as lonely5 0hen he reali@e! that his 1in! coul! not co11unicate 0ith his .eeling an! 0ith his heart" An! 0hen A!a1 .elt loneliness5 then Go! .oun! the solution an! too/ his heart a0ay to create 1e5 E e" An! e er since I stoo! in .ront o. hi1 he 0as a-le to see 1e an! he .ell in lo e 0ith 1e5 the -eauty that 0as once lying insi!e" An! since that !ay his 1in! attache! to 1e5 .ollo0ing 1y ran!o1 1o e1ent" 2assing in .ront o. hi15 his eyes 0oul! instantly turn to 1y !irection5 in 1y ision he 0oul! go -lin!5 the -ac/groun! 0oul! get lost an! I 0oul! -e the only li ing -eing 1o ing in the scene" E er since I le.t hi15 he 0oul! -e curse! to chase 1e5 he 0oul! -e una-le to control his proper -rain5 he 0oul! -e a-le to 1anage e erything else e7cept 1e" In 1y ision he 0oul! .ree@e5 li/e a ra--it in .ront o. a torch5 -eing only a-le to stare at 1e" 6e 0oul! stan! still5 his 0or!s 0oul! !isappear5 his han!s 0oul! go nu1-5 he 0oul! not /no0 0hat to !o" 6is chest 0oul! open in or!er .or 1e to go insi!e again an! .ill his e1ptiness5 -ring color to his color-lin!
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presence" 6e 0oul! tra el all aroun! the glo-e only in or!er to .in! 1e5 1a/ing up reasons a-out 0or/5 a-out co11it1ent5 a-out .inance5 1asculine reasona-le e7cuses5 trying to hi!e the one an! only .act$ That the only reason .or his e7istence is to .in! 1e5 to attract 1e an! to in ite 1e to ta/e again 1y original position insi!e his o0n li.eless -o!y" A -o!y 0ithout a healthy 1in! is still ali e5 -ut 0ithout a -eating heart it is !ea!" Thus5 he 0oul! tra el .ro1 4enice to 8al asia only in or!er to e7ten! his han! an! in ite 1e to stay 0ith hi1 .ore er5 .eel again5 e en i. only .or a .e0 1inutes5 see the 0orl! in color5 get lost in serenity5 recei e 1e insi!e5 -e 1e" I too a!1ire! his thoughts5 his 0or!5 I coul! 1elt into his 1outh5 I 0oul! happily enter through the passage o. his lips an! ta/e 1y original place as his heart5 -e the 1ost i1portant part o. his -o!y5 gi e hi1 li.e an! Aoin hi1 -ac/ in hea en" I 0as al0ays stri ing to 1a/e 1ysel. -eauti.ul5 !e elop 1y 3ualities5 -e har! 0or/ing" #ut I 0as !oing that to satis.y 1ysel." ;or hi15 I nee!e! to !o nothing5 I only nee!e! to hol! his han!5 not e en tal/ an! I 0oul! instantly -eco1e his 0orl!5 he 0oul! happily renounce e erything to recei e 1e" Sitting ne7t to hi15 I 0on!ere! i. he 0oul! stay5 I 0on!ere! i. I 0oul! -lin! his ision an! !rag hi1 into 1y o0n tur-ulent 0orl!" * 8i/haela5 I a1 tra eling to Crete to1orro05 he .inally sai!" I a1 atten!ing the 0e!!ing o. 1y -est .rien!5 Dannis" #ut I 0ill not stay .or long there5 I 0ill return -ac/ here
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to 8al asia" An! .ro1 here I 0ill -e tra eling to 4enice" J >nless5 8i/haela5 you tell 1e that you 0ant 1e to stay here 0ith you" In this case I 0ill not tra el5 I 0ill stay an! -e 0ith you5 I 0ill .in! 0or/5 -ut e en i. I !onGt5 I ha e enough sa ings to stay the 0hole year in 8al asia 0ithout earning any 1oney" 6e 0as rea!y to sacri.ice e erything .or 1e5 to -e 0ith 1e" 6e 0as -lin!5 he 0as a ra--it an! I 0as the torch5 he coul! see only one thing in his picture" Or 1ay-e t0o" 8y eyes" The -eggar re eale!5 a heartless 1an -egging Go! to gi e hi1 -ac/ 0hat once -elonge! to hi15 0hat 0as no0 -eing !enie!5 the unseen !ri er o. all his actions" I !i! not 0ant to say anything5 neither !i! I" I 0oul! lo e this to happen5 -ut I 0as not sure i. this coul! happen no0" In 1y 1in! it 0as so !istant? e en though he 0as sitting ne7t to 1e5 I still .elt hi1 in 4enice" 6e 0as rea!y .or 1e5 -ut I 0as not rea!y .or hi1" It 0as o- ious5 I ha! his attention5 -ut I 0as not 0orth it" I ha! .aile! so 1any ti1es to -e 0ith hi15 to Aoin hi1 to 4enice an! he 0oul! e ery ti1e .orgi e 1e5 o..ering 1e one 1ore chance" I 0on!ere! ho0 1any chances there 0oul! -e in his -as/et" I coul! i1agine hi1 0al/ing alone in the streets o. 4enice" In such a ro1antic city he 0oul! o-ser e e erything in -lac/ an! 0hite5 recei ing no .eelings .ro1 these uni3ue surroun!ings" #eing there he 0oul! thin/5 not a-out 4enice 1irrore! in the retina o. his eyes5 -ut a-out 8al asia 1irrore! in the corri!ors o. his heart"
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* Alessio5 itGs ti1e to go5 I sai! -rea/ing 1y silence an! 1y thoughts" Ce ha e -een sitting here .or a long ti1e5 !o you 1in! ta/ing a 0al/H 6e no!!e! in agree1ent" As 0e rose to go5 I notice! a strange -lac/ spot on his nec/" I loo/e! at it closely" It 0as a lo e -ite" I pointe! to it 0ith 1y .inger" * Chat is that5 I as/e! in an angry oice" * Chy !o you 0ant to /no0H Chy !i! I 0ant to /no0H #ecause I lo e! hi1" #ecause I 0ante! hi15 -ecause I .elt that he ha! !ecei e! 1e5 -ecause I .elt Aealous" #ut I 0as sleeping 0ith another 1an" I e en 0as li ing in the house o. Elias -y no0" Chy !i! I nee! to /no0H Chy 0as I Aealous o er hi1H Chy 0as I ne er Aealous o er EliasH Chy !i! I thin/ a-out hi1 0hen I 0as e1otional5 0hy not a-out EliasH Chy AlessioH I. his heart -elonge! to 1e5 1y 1in! -elonge! to hi1" 8y thoughts 0ere surroun!ing hi15 I care! a-out hi1 0hether I 0as a0a/e or asleep" 8y 1in! 0as 0on!ering ho0 he 0as /eeping" A.ter he ha! returne! to 4enice 1y 1in! ha! .ollo0e! hi1 there5 1y thoughts ha! gone there5 an! e en 1y !rea1s 0oul! still go there" I .elt as i. 1y entire -rain acti ity 0as -eing consu1e! there5 in a !istant so1e0here 0ith a 1an I ha! no .uture5 ignoring the 1an ne7t to 1e5 Elias5 0ho 0as gi ing 1e e erything 0ithout as/ing anything in return" I nee!e! to re* collect 1y thoughts an! 1y 1in!" I nee!e! to .orce the1 to return5 -ut I .elt .orceless" I .elt as i. 1y entire sta1ina 0as consu1e! 0ith this irrational thin/ing5 !ay an! night5 al0ays
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tra eling5 tra eling aroun!5 reaching no0here5 0ith no return5 Aust circu1 enting the sa1e !istant an! unseen place" An! -rainless as I 0as5 I 0as acting irrationally" I ha! 3uit 1y Ao-5 I ha! !enounce! Elias5 I ha! le.t 1y .uture an! 0hen I !i! this5 1y 1in! 0as still s0irling aroun!5 una-le to -ring 1e .or0ar!5 una-le to -ring 1e either to 4enice or -ac/ to 8al asia" It 0as Aust s0irling aroun!5 a 1in!less heart Aust -eating5 !oing nothing5 only -eating in !i@@iness5 a senseless state o. con.usion" I. he 0as -lin!5 I 0as !u1-" All 1y actions 0ere senseless5 no reasona-le thought 0as -ac/ing the1 up5 I 0as Aust acting5 1y 1in! 0as consu1e! 0ith an i!ea that 0as not e en properly thought*out" 8y 1in! 0as not 0or/ing an! 1y heart 0as go erning 1y hea!5 al0ays e7pan!ing an! retracting5 1a/ing 1y actions e7pansi e an! retracti e too" 9ust at the 1o1ent I 0as stepping .or0ar!5 I 0as -eing pulle! -ac/" #ut I coul!nGt stay -ac/" As soon as I .oun! 1ysel. stan!ing -ac/5 I 0as -eing pushe! .or0ar! again5 in a cyclical action that ha! no en!" E ery-o!y 0as pu@@le! -y 1y actions5 I ha! no reasoning any1ore5 no -rain5 1y 1in! 0as not in 1y hea! any1ore? it 0as lost insi!e a .loo!e! city5 ta/en -y a heartless tra eler" I thought that e en no0 I shoul! not -e sitting ne7t to hi1" At this ery 1o1ent I shoul! ha e -een ho1e 0ith Elias5 I shoul! not ha e lie! to 1y li.e 1ate5 I shoul! ha e staye! -ac/5 -ut I 0as -eing pushe! .or0ar! -y a constantly -eating heart" I loo/e! again at the nec/ o. Alessio" Des5 it 0as a lo e -ite" E en i. 1y 1in! 0as not
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0or/ing any1ore5 1y eyes coul! see an! e en 1y eyes alone coul! conclu!e that he ha! slept 0ith another girl" 6e 0as han!so1e an! he ha! girl.rien!s" There 0ere enough girls 0anting to hug hi1 an! /eep hi1 in their close! ar1s .ore er5 -ut he al0ays 1anage! to escape" * It is a lo e -ite5 8i/haela5 he .inally con.ir1e!" I .elt !ecei e!5 I 0ante! to slap hi1 an! at the sa1e ti1e I 0ante! to /iss hi1" #ut I ha! no right to !o either" I Aust /ept silent" I too/ his han! an! 0al/e! 0ith hi1 to the inn 0here he 0as te1porarily lo!ge!" * I ha e a letter to gi e to you5 8i/haela5 he sai!" I 0rote it this 0ee/5 here in 8al asia5 0hen I 0as thin/ing a-out you an! you 0ere a-sent" 6e ga e 1e the letter" It 0as 0ritten .ro1 his heart" 6is .eelings crie! out to 1e .ro1 the paper5 I coul! un!erstan! that he 0as a 1an in lo e5 that he 0ante! 1e to lea e the roo1 o. co1.ort an! enter the space o. !isco ery5 the !ar/ness o. the >n/no0n" 6ol!ing his han!5 he 0ante! 1e to shut the !oor -ehin! an! lea e 1y illusionary sa.ety in or!er to 1o e .or0ar!" A.ter rea!ing his letter I loo/e! at hi1 an! sa0 that he 0as preparing to -egin tal/ing again5 -ut I 0ante! to hear no 1ore tal/s" I 0ante! to .eel hi1? I 0ante! to .eel .e1ale again" I shut his 1outh 0ith 1y han! an! I ga e hi1 a !irect loo/ into his eyes" * I 0ant to 1a/e lo e to you5 Alessio" An! so 0e !i!" 2assionate5 hypnoti@e!5 entering the sa1e state o. ecstasy5 0hen his
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heart 0as once !etache!5 the sa1e state 0here it goes -ac/ to the place it -elongs" A state o. present5 0here e erything else !isappears5 0ith 1e insi!e5 -eating5 Aust -eating5 -eing5 Aust -eing5 .unctioning in a continuous cycle5 e7pan!ing an! retracting5 gi ing li.e to an other0ise li.eless -o!y" Chy coul!nGt this 1o1ent last .ore erH I re1e1-ere! hi1 1entioning the ision o. lo e" Des5 0e 0ere not rea!y to recei e para!ise yet5 the ri er ha! long 0ay yet to go to reach to the sea5 -ut the 0ater 0as alrea!y there5 1i7ing 0ith the salt0ater o. the ast ocean an! though !istant5 I coul! alrea!y taste it" An! I 0as sure he coul! taste it as 0ell" I 0as !run/ an! he 0as !run/ too" Cithout consu1ing a single sip o. alcohol 0e ha! -oth lost the sense o. ti1e an! 1e1ory" Loo/ing at his na/e! -o!y5 1y eyes 0ere tra eling into an un!isco ere! 0orl!5 a 0orl! that appeare! inti1ate5 e en though co1pletely e7pose!" I 0ante! to !rin/ hi15 .aster5 1ore passionately? 0ith 1y han!s I 0as s3uee@ing his chest5 searching .or his .ace5 running 1y .ingers through his so.t hair" The !rin/ 0as hi15 his -o!y5 his soul5 the e7pression on his .ace" I a1 not sure ho0 1uch ti1e I 0as lost in eternity" #ut I 0ante! to /eep this 1e1ory 0ith 1e .ore er" Su!!enly he 1a!e a pause" Loo/ing 1e straight in the eyes he -ro/e his silence$ * <o you 0ant to ha e a -a-y 0ith 1eH I .elt sha/en" I 0as not that !run/" I loo/e! -ac/ to hi1" 6e 0as serious" I /ne0 it 0as no0 or ne er" An! the e7pression in his eyes i1plie! that he /ne0 it as 0ell" I hesitate!"
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* It is not yet the ti1e5 I .inally sai!" 6e no!!e! in agree1ent" I 0as no0 so-er" The ision ha! en!e!" Li/e e erything in this 1aterial 0orl!5 this .eeling also -elonge! to the past" Loo/ing at 1y chest5 I sa0 a huge -lac/ 1ar/" It 0as a lo e -ite" I .elt shoc/e!" Chat 0oul! I say to EliasH I returne! -ac/ to 1y .ear.ul -o!y" I Aust 0ante! to hi!e" * Loo/ at 0hat you ha e !one5 I tol! hi1 in an angry oice" <i! he !o it on purposeH <i! he 0ant to 1a/e 1e .eel con3uere!5 !e.eate!5 !isposa-leH * I lo e you5 8i/haela5 I al0ays 0ill" I a1 truly sorry" I nee!e! to go" I 0as alrea!y late? Elias 0oul! -e 0aiting .or 1e" Alessio 0as lea ing .or Crete the ne7t !ay" * I. you 1a/e up your 1in! an! 0ant 1e to stay here 0ith you5 please 0rite a s1all note an! lea e it at the /eeper o. this inn" I 0ill rea! it 0hen I co1e" * I 0ill5 Alessio" * I lo e you5 8i/haela" * I /no0" Cith these 0or!s I le.t his roo1" Cal/ing outsi!e I instincti ely loo/e! o er 1y le.t shoul!er" 6e 0as still there loo/ing at 1e" It 0as the last ti1e I e er sa0 Alessio"
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2art 4I$ The later years 1&10 F 1&20 (I.1 T e awaken&ng

The 0inter ha! gone an! the .resh -ree@e o. the spring ha! co1e to the silent hill o. 8al asia" #ut that .irst !ay o. the spring o. 1&10 I 0as not a-le to 0or/ in the o..ice" I 0as not sure i. it 0as 1y ne0 Ao- or i. I ha! too 1any thoughts in 1y 1in!" One thought 0as pre alent$ It see1e! to 1e that I 0as 0al/ing aroun! the sa1e point5 again an! again5 in a icious circle that 0as ta/ing 1e through the sa1e e7periences o er an! o er" As i. I 0as -oun! on a long in isi-le rope that .orce! 1e to turn aroun! an in isi-le !istant center as I inten!e! to 0al/ .or0ar!5 .orcing 1e in .act to only 0al/ aroun! 0ithout 1e noticing it" #ut at a certain point an! ti1e I 0as sure that I 0as seeing the sa1e situations5 o er an! o er5 0ith the scenery al0ays re1in!ing 1e o. so1ething I ha! alrea!y seen" ;or one thing I 0as sure$ I 0as not 0al/ing .or0ar!5 I 0as Aust 0al/ing aroun!" At that 1o1ent I reali@e!$ I 0as 0al/ing in ti1e li/e the in!icators o. a cloc/5 al0ays 1o ing5 ne er stan!ing still5 -ut al0ays turning aroun!" At that 1o1ent I 0as sure$ Ti1e 0as .lying -ut not 1e" At so1e point in ti1e li.e 0oul! again loo/ Aust the sa1e" I 0as shoc/e!" In .act it 0as not ti1e that 0as 1o ing" It 0as 1e" I 0as an in!icator
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1o ing aroun! the cloc/ an! ti1e 0as Aust stan!ing still" Li/e the !ial o. the cloc/5 ti1e !i! not go any0here" The only 1o ing part in this ga1e 0as 1e in an illusion o. 0al/ing .or0ar!5 -ut in a .act o. 1o ing aroun!" I .elt helpless" I .elt as i. 1y li.e 0as a -ig pon! an! I 0as a .ish trappe! in it5 ne er -eing a-le to go out regar!less o. 1y choice5 Aust 1o ing aroun! it in an illusion that I 0as .ree to go 0here er I 0ante!" Li/e the in!icators o. a cloc/5 I coul! only 1o e -ac/ an! .orth -ut still aroun!" I put 1y pencil !o0n" Des5 I ha! a thir! choice too$ I coul! !eny this ga1e as a 0hole an! stop 1o ing" I coul! stop ti1e an! 1a/e that cloc/ not tic/ any 1ore" I coul! sho0 the 0orl! that ti1e is an illusion$ The .aster you 1o e5 the .aster it .lies5 an! the slo0er you 1o e5 the 1ore it slo0s !o0n" >ntil you stop" An! consi!er 0hat I thought at that sa1e 1o1ent$ Chat a1 I !oing in li.eH 3ilence followed the >uestion of Mikhaela. It should not ha"e been more than two seconds, but in that silence her entire life passed in front of her eyes in a flash. 3he reali9ed what had 8ust happened4 An entire life of twenty two years was experienced and re"i"ed in her mind in 8ust two single seconds. !ime is an illusion. As life was passing in front of her, time stopped and Alessio came into her mind. 3he had once posed him exactly the same >uestion.
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* Alessio5 0hat a1 I !oing in li.eH I so1eti1es .eel that 1y li.e is pointless5 -ut I still continue" I a1 not sure i. I continue out o. 1y o0n 0ill or out o. ha-it" Can I really !o so1ethingH Is there so1ething I shoul! -e !oingH Alessio re1aine! silent" I !onGt /no0 i. he !i! this to consi!er his ans0er or to .orce 1e to conte1plate 1y 3uestion" * Nothing5 he replie! a.ter so1e ti1e that see1e! long to 1e" There is nothing that you shoul! -e !oing" In .act5 anything you !o5 the outco1e 0ill sooner or later -e the sa1e" Thus you can !o anything you 0ant" * #ut 0hy !o I li e thenH A1 I here Aust to see a theatrical act5 0here e erything is pre!e.ine! -y an unseen !irectorH * Nothing is pre!e.ine!5 he replie! 0ith a straight tone in his oice" Dou are the creator o. your o0n !estiny" Chat I Aust tol! you is that you can !o anything you 0ant" The i1portant part o. this sentence !oes not lie in BanythingE -ut in Byou 0antE" An! 0hat you really 0ant !e.ines 0ho you really are" In .act I 0ill ne er tell you 0hat you shoul! !o" #ut I 0ill tell you 0hat you shoul! -e5 in .act 0hat you can only -e" Dou can only -e you" Thus you shoul! stri e to -e you" Dou cannot -e anything else5 at least not in the long run5 an! the only 0ay to -e you is to acco1plish 0hat you really 0ant" So1eho0 I .elt insi!e that he 0as right5 e en though -y using 1y logic I coul! not un!erstan! 0hat he 1eant" #ut ho0 coul! I not -e 1eH
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* 6o0 can I -e 0hat I a1 notH I a1 1eI ItGs 1e that you ha e in .ront o. you5 I replie! s1iling" * Not al0ays" Dou are only you i. you see/ an! incarnate the truth" An! you !o ha e the option not to -e true" Dou are only truly you5 i. you thin/5 spea/5 an! act nothing 1ore an! nothing less than the Truth" Only then can you -e Truth itsel." Only then you are you" In .act I 0as ne er 1eI I ha! li e! 1y entire li.e 0ithout -eing 1e" Chat 0as I thenH Chat 0as I !oing in li.eH This 3uestion 0as -oun! to change 1y li.e" * I 0ill tell you 0hy you ha e ne er -een you" This 1an 0as rea!ing 1y 1in!" I .elt I coul! not hi!e .ro1 hi1" * It is -ecause o. t0o reasons$ The price an! the conse3uence" To incarnate 0ho you really are an! to acco1plish 0hat you really 0ant5 you ha e to -e rea!y to pay the price in a! ance an! to accept the conse3uences in return" J Chat you really 0ant ne er co1es 0ithout a price" This 1eans you al0ays ha e to choose it a1ong alternati es? !eci!e" In a!!ition5 you either alrea!y possess the .ull a1ount o. this price or you rea!ily ha e a 0ay to ac3uire it" In -oth cases the a1ount can -e as high as e erything you possess or can ac3uire" An! either the .ull a1ount or the 0ay to ac3uire it is right in .ront o. you5 there is ne er the nee! to 0ait" This is a .un!a1ental la0 o. the >ni erse$ Dou 0ill al0ays ha e the 1eans to ac3uire 0hat you really 0ant right in .ront o. you at any gi en ti1e"
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J 6o0e er so1eti1es you are trying to ac3uire the 1eans that 0ill lea! you to 0hat you really 0ant5 0hich 1a/es you to ine ita-ly change !irection$ Dou are not loo/ing any 1ore to0ar!s the goal5 -ut to0ar!s the 1eans to get it" Dou replace the goal 0ith the inter1e!iary" #ut soon you 0ill .in! that the 1ore you are trying to reach the inter1e!iary5 the .urther it 0ill go a0ay .ro1 you 1aintaining its e3ual !istance5 thus 1a/ing it i1possi-le .or you to actually gra- it an! 1o e -eyon! it" J Dou can only ac3uire 0hat you really 0ant an! Go! reser es the right to !eci!e -y 0hat 1eans you 0ill get it" In this al0ays re1e1-er$ Chat is i1portant is 0hat you really 0ant" I. 0hat you currently chase is Aust helping you to reach another 0ish5 go right up.ront .or that 0ish" #e open an! loo/ aroun! you .or the 1eans to it5 since no0 you /no0$ The 1eans .or 0hat you really 0ant ha e alrea!y -een gi en to you? they are there e en i. you !onGt see the1 or canGt relate the1 to your ulti1ate goal" #ecause ha ing the 1eans is the only 0ay to !isco er 0hat you really 0ant" An! this is the only 0ay to !isco er 0hat you really are" Dou ha e to acco1plish 0hat you really 0ant an! -e 0hat you really are" This is the only reason .or your e7istence on this planet" 6is eyes 0ere shining again" I !i!nGt /no0 i. I ha! a hu1an in .ront o. 1e or so1e /in! o. spirit" * Go! has al0ays gi en you the 1eans to reach your 0ishes" Dou are a-le to pay the price right no0" #ut it 1ay -e that you ha e to
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!e ote your entire -eing .or it? it 1ay -e that you ha e Aust enough to pay this price" J 2ay it5 8i/haela" I 0as scare!" I .elt as though I 0as ha ing an illusion5 his eyes 0ere .i7e! .ir1ly on 1e an! I thought that he coul! anish into thin air at any 1o1ent" * 2ay it5 .or this is the only 0ay to incarnate 0hat you really 0ant5 thus incarnating yoursel.5 incarnating Truth5 incarnating Go!" An! once you pay it an! you are there you 0ill -e a-le to thin/$ Cas this 0hat I really 0ante!H An! then you 0ill get the ans0er" An! .ro1 there you 0ill as/ again 0hat you really 0ant5 in an e er*e ol ing process o. creation" An! you 0ill get the ans0er along 0ith its price" An! re1e1-er the la0 o. the >ni erse$ Dou 0ill al0ays ha e the 1eans to acco1plish 0hat you really 0ant5 e en i. this is e erything you ha e" An! .ro1 there you 1o e on" ;or0ar! an! not aroun!" 6e then /ept silent" The 0a es 0ere splashing into the high roc/s o. 8al asia" It 0as a 1agni.icent e ening 0ith hi15 I 0as li ing in a !rea1" So1e!ay I 0oul! 0a/e 1ysel. up" Cho can stan! li ing in a !rea1H Cho can tolerate the .ear o. 0a/ing upH 8ay-e 0a/ing up is less pain.ul than li ing in the .ear o. it" * An! the secon! -arrier apart .ro1 the price is the conse3uence" In .act conse3uence has no 1eaning on its o0n" The 1eaning o. it lies in the .ear o. it? in the .ear that -y !oing 0hat you really 0ant5 you 0ill ha e to .ace the conse3uences"
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J There are .our principal conse3uences that you 0ill nee! to accept in the 3uest .or your !rea1" All .our conse3uences are e7presse! in .ear$ 2er1anence5 insta-ility5 resent1ent an! isolation" It see1e! that the nu1-er .our 0as so1e /in! o. sacre! nu1-er" The tra elers .ro1 the east 0ere saying that .our in the Chinese language 1eans !eath" The nu1-er that lea!s to an en!" A sacre! nu1-er5 the passage to a ne0 -eginning" * 2er1anence5 he interrupte! 1y thoughts5 is the .ear o. not -eing a-le to return to 0here you 0ere -e.ore" 8ost people are use! not to going .or0ar! -ut to al0ays going aroun!5 li/e the in!icators o. a cloc/5 to al0ays ha ing to .ace the sa1e pro-le1s5 -ecause these are .a1iliar to the1? people are a.rai! o. ne0 pro-le1s5 ne0 situations" In or!er to -e 0hat you really 0ant5 you ha e to o erco1e the .ear o. per1anently losing the /no0n to enter the 0orl! o. the un/no0n" 8i/haela5 you can only stop 1o ing aroun! once you close that !oor -ehin! you" In!ee! I 0as ne er closing any !oors5 unless they 0ere closing -y the1sel es" 6e ha! once tol! 1e that the .e1ale po0er is -y nature una-le to close an! open !oors5 -ut I ha! also un!erstoo! that e ery hu1an -eing5 regar!less o. gen!er5 possesses -oth po0ers insi!e5 1ale an! .e1ale5 since -oth po0ers are nee!e! to .ace the <i ine" * Insta-ility5 he continue!5 results .ro1 the i1per1anence that you 0ill .ace a.ter closing that !oor -ehin! you" In .act the .ear o. i1per1anence co1-ine! 0ith the .ear o.
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per1anence is the reason that .ear is irrational altogether" Dou .ear losing a sta-le illusion that is -oun! to .inish an! enter an unsta-le reality that is -oun! to last" #ut reality lies in the !rea1 an! li ing it has no .ear" The irrational state o. .ear is .elt 0hene er you resi!e in the 1aterial 0orl! an! -elie e that it re1ains per1anent5 0hene er you are a0ay .ro1 Lo e" In .act your .ear is that you 0ill lose 0hat you ha e al0ays 0ante!5 that you 0ill lose your !rea1" The !rea1 that you !onGt yet ha e" That 0as true" This 0as 1y thought Aust no0" I .elt the .ear o. losing this !rea1 0ith hi1 e en 1ore" * In .act the only reason .or losing 0hat you ha e is that this is not 0hat you really 0ant" #ut this Blosing itE 0ill -e your !i ine choice in or!er to ta/e a path that 0ill lea! you to0ar!s 0hat you really 0ant" Thus insta-ility is not to -e .eare!5 it is to -e -lesse! an! it 1a/es the .irst conse3uence5 the .ear o. per1anence5 illusionary" In .act5 as you 0ill see5 all .our conse3uences are illusionary5 as is .ear altogether" J An! along 0ith this5 I 0ill con ey to you one thing$ Dou are not capa-le o. losing 0hat you really 0ant5 .or this 0oul! 1ean that you 0oul! -e capa-le o. -eing 0hat you are not" In the .ra1e0or/ o. ti1e you are allo0e! to lose it5 -ut only .or a certain perio!" An! this perio! shall -e go erne! -y su..ering" This is another la0 o. the >ni erse$ #eing 0hat you are not5 you can only su..er" In your religion5 this is calle! hell" I thought he 0as Christian too"
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* I a1 nothing5 8i/haela5 ho0 can I -e a ChristianH #ut yes5 I -elie e in the 0or!s o. 9esus Christ" I !i!nGt nee! to tal/ in or!er to co11unicate 0ith hi1" I Aust ha! to accept this as a .act" * Resent1ent is the .ear that you 0ill .eel sorry .or your actions 0hile trying to acco1plish 0hat you really 0ant" An! in .act I 0ill tell you .ro1 no0 that you 0ill in!ee! .eel sorry" Dou 1ight nee! to apologi@e to yoursel. that you ha e got in trou-le5 that you ha e chosen a path that 0as not the -est one" In .act you 1ight ha e cause! a lot o. conse3uences .or others too? your actions 0ere not per.ect" #ut this is natural5 you are not 1eant to -e per.ect5 -ut you are 1eant to hea! to0ar!s per.ection" An! in your path to0ar!s it5 you 0ill 1a/e 1any 1ista/es .or 0hich you 0ill ha e to apologi@e" >ncon!itional apology is the tool that you ha e -een gi en to co1-at resent1ent5 to 1o e .or0ar!" Once you truly apologi@e 0ithout any e7cuses5 you stop su..ering i11e!iately" Su..ering is gro0ing the 1ore you a oi! apology5 it is cli1a7ing 0hen you try to apologi@e5 an! it i11e!iately anishes a.ter the act5 along 0ith your ego" J An! the .ourth conse3uence is isolation5 the .ear o. losing the co1passion o. others5 0hich is create! -y your co1passion to the1" An! I 0ill tell you one i1portant thing a-out that$ I. anyone cannot .ollo0 you to 0hat you really are an! gets negati e .eelings out o. your pursuit o. 0hat you really 0ant5 then this person is not .or you" Dou ha e to !irect
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yoursel. a0ay .ro1 these people5 e en .ro1 .a1ily5 .rien!s an! societies5 i. they appraise you .or 0hat you are not" In .act appraisal is a Aail$ It su-consciously puts you in the state o. trying to pro e that you are 0orth it5 e en i. this 1eans sacri.icing 0hat you really 0ant an! 0ho you really are" Thus this is 1y a! ice to you$ <eny appraisals" Gi e those gi.ts -ac/ to their !onors" Dou nee! no appraisals5 the only thing you nee! is -lessing5 the -lessing o. Go!" 6e 0as right" I 0as !ri en -y appraisals5 -y the nee! to recei e the1 on the one si!e5 an! on the other si!e -y the nee! to pro e that I a1 0orthy o. the ones I recei e" 6o0 coul! I !o 0hat I really 0ante!H Chat I 0ante! 0as rarely .ollo0e! -y appraisal" * 8i/haela5 he sai!5 you nee! to pay the price an! accept the conse3uences" This is the only 0ay to -e 0hat you really 0ant5 to .in! out 0ho you really are" 8any ti1es people stay in .ront o. the 1ountain5 trying to i1agine 0hat it 0oul! .eel li/e stan!ing on its top" #ut this is not possi-le5 .or this 0oul! oppose the ery 1eaning o. the e7perience o. li.e$ To e7perience cli1-ing it" J Dou ha e to cli1- the 1ountain o. Oly1pus to get the 0is!o1 o. Athena5 the po0er o. Qeus5 the -eauty o. Aphro!ite5 the co11unication s/ills o. 6er1es" An! these irtues 0ill not -e gi en to you at the top" They 0ill co1e to you 0hilst cli1-ing" The -eauty o. li.e lies in the Aourney" #ut .or 1e li.e 0as not -eauti.ul5 it 0as challenging an! un.air" I /ne0 he 0oul! guess 1y thoughts"
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* Li.e is not -eauti.ul at the -otto1" At the -otto1 you are only !rea1ing o. the top" To go .or your !rea15 this 1a/es li.e -eauti.ul" An! only at the top o. the 1ountain 0ill you -e a-le to recogni@e i. it is Oly1pus" I. .ro1 the top you see any higher 1ountain in the hori@on5 then you are not stan!ing on Oly1pus" Oly1pus is the highest 1ountain5 al0ays co ere! -y the clou!s o. .ear an! it is the house o. the t0el e Go!s5 the irtues o. <i inity" J Once you reach 0hat you thin/ you 0ant5 only then 0ill you -e a-le to see the ne7t step o. 0hat you really 0ant" #ut you 0ill gain irtues$ The irtues are not gaine! only 0hile cli1-ing Oly1pus" All 1ountains are i1portant" Oly1pus is the last 1ountain you 0ill cli1-" J Staying at the 1ountainGs .eet5 you 0ill only turn aroun! it5 trying to guess ho0 it 0oul! .eel at the top5 0ithout e er putting your .oot on it" I. you !onGt target only per.ection5 ne er 0ill you reach it" Dou 0ill -e turning in ti1e li/e the in!icators o. a cloc/5 aroun! an! aroun!5 al0ays trying to i1agine 0hat it 0oul! -e li/e not to -e insi!e the cloc/" Dou 0ill 1anage to -e the in!icator 0hen you are 1eant to -e the cloc/" #ut this can happen only .or a li1ite! perio!" A helpless perio! o. su..ering" Dou !onGt ha e the a-ility to turn .ore er" The ti1e 0ill co1e .or the cloc/ to stop5 .or you are 1eant to -e the <i ine" Dou are 1eant to one !ay reach the top o. Oly1pus an! conte1plate the s/ies" Dou can only !elay it" No 1atter ho0 1any -arriers you put insi!e a ri er5 no 1atter i. you !i ert it
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to pass through illages an! la/es5 the 0ater 0ill ulti1ately .lo0 into the sea" Dou can only !elay it" I can only !elay it5 I 0as repeating insi!e 1ysel." I can only !elay it5 here in .ront o. 1y !es/5 thin/ing a-out his 0or!s5 /no0ing that he is in 4enice5 a0ay .ro1 1e an! ne7t to 1e at the sa1e ti1e5 I can only !elay it5 0ith 1y !es/ .ull o. papers nee!e! to -e processe! to!ay an! 1e incapa-le o. !oing anything" An! then I reali@e! ho0 I coul! only !elay it$ #y accepting co1pro1ises" #y -eing satis.ie! 0ith anything less than per.ection" #y co1pro1ising5 -y .a/ing that I a1 content 0ith the i1per.ect5 -y not -eing 0illing to pay the price o. the <i ine5 Au!ging the price to -e too high .or so1ething that I really 0ante!5 -ut 1ay-e 0as not 1y ulti1ate !rea15 0ithout 1y /no0ing the ans0er5 since I ha! ne er trie! it" 8y ulti1ate !rea1 coul! -e seen only .ro1 the top o. the 1ountain5 not .ro1 its .eet" Thus -y accepting co1pro1ises5 -y not stri ing .or the a-solute an! the per.ect5 here I 0as again at the sa1e point5 the cloc/ again sho0e! t0el e 0ith 1e getting prepare! to go into the ne7t roun!5 trying to .ool 1ysel. that I 0oul! get so1ething ne05 trying to .ool 1ysel. that I ha e not yet un!erstoo! that I a1 1o ing aroun!5 loo/ing at Go! an! as/ing 6i1 0here to go5 0hat is 1y ne7t step5 0atching 6i1 yelling at 1e .ro1 the top o. Oly1pus 0ith all 6is po0er an! all the air in 6is lungs5 as/ing 1e .or only one thing$ To co1e"
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And Geter said4 AIf it is you my ,ord, order me to come to youD. And Hesus said4 A.omeD. !hen Geter stepped off the boat and started walking on the water. 2ut the wind was strong and fear penetrated him. 3uddenly he started sinking in the water, asking for Bis help. Hesus came closer and gi"ing him Bis hand Be asked4 A7here is your faith GeterC 7hat made you hesitateCD I reali@e!$ I ha! gone too 1any ti1es aroun! the 1ountain" >ntil no0 co1pro1ise 0as 1y entire li.e" >ntil no0 I 0as the incarnation o. .ear not o. Lo e" >ntil no0 I only ga@e! at the 1ountain5 s1elling its 0on!er.ul air5 recogni@ing 1y !istant !rea1 at the top" >ntil no0 I 0as loo/ing at the price .irst5 an! only then at the pro!uct" >ntil no0 I 0oul! try to 0al/ aroun! the conse3uence5 0ithout really .acing it" >ntil no0 1y hea! 0as -en!ing !o0n in .ront o. the tall 1ountain" >ntil no0 I 0as 0ea/" #ut only until to!ay" This color.ul5 sunny .irst !ay o. the spring o. 1&10 F see1ingly Aust another nor1al !ay in o..ice F 0oul! gi e insi!e 1e a -irth" The -irth o. 1y Sel." 8y -irth!ay 0as shi.te! once an! .or all .ro1 the 0inter to the spring" To!ay I !eci!e! to !e ote 1y li.e to 6i1" I 0as calling 6i1 Lo e5 the priestsG Go!5 Alessio 0as calling 6i1 the Truth" I also ha! a na1e .or 1y !rea1" 9ust -y stan!ing alone in the o..ice5 staring at that en!less pile o. papers5 I 1a!e the .irst step in 1y ne0 li.e$ I stoppe! the in!icators o. the cloc/" I stare! at the
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1ountain 0ith 1y eyes 0i!e open5 rea!y to cli1- it an! pay the price5 co1-at the conse3uence 0ith all 1y .orce5 !ri en -y 6is ;orce5 accepting that I 0as nothing" I .oun! the ans0er to 1y 3uestion pose! only 1inutes ago$ Chat a1 I !oing in li.eH An! that 0as the .irst ans0er I ha! .oun! in a li.e 0here I ha! pre iously al0ays only -een see/ing" In the !i ine co1-ination o. .our5 0is!o15 concentration5 .aith an! patience5 I -egan .in!ing" Concentration 0as the ans0er" Cis!o1 0as hi!!en insi!e 1e5 0hen I 0as only see/ing .or it outsi!e5 in the 0or!s o. Alessio an! the a! ice o. 1y parents" ;aith 0as the only thing le.t no0 to sa e 1e" An! patience 0as 0hat I coul! not a oi!" At their Aunction5 on the sacre! nu1-er o. .our5 to!ay she !ie!" An! 0ith her !eath5 the !eath o. the Other5 the e1pty person I 0as until no05 a ne0 Sel. 0as -orn$ 8e" <e ote!5 1ature5 !i ine" The holy 1o1ent o. the a0a/ening" The resurrection o. the !ea!" The sacre! secon! co1ing that 1y church a0aits .ro1 the s/ies" I .inally li e! it5 in this li.e5 on earth" I 0as .inally ali e"
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(I.2 T e *o&ce of Trut

The !ays that .ollo0e! 1y a0a/ening 0ere anything other than tran3uil" Muestions 0ere sur.acing insi!e 1e an! I 0as not trying to suppress the1 any1ore" As i. a ce1etery .ull o. 3uestions 0as 0a/ing up5 to1- -y to1-5 at an e er increasing spee!5 0ith the stones e7plo!ing .ro1 the soil that ha! /ept 1y 3uestions -urie! all this ti1e" As i. e erything that 0as stan!ing still su!!enly 0ante! to 1o e an! to cheer5 the gra estones5 the crosses5 the trees5 e erything in this gra eyar! 0ante! to stan! up an! Aoin the uprising" Instincti ely I trie! to .in! Alessio" Tears o. happiness ca1e to 1y eyes" The resurrection o. the !ea!" A -i-lical pro1ise5 e7perience!" I 0as luc/y? I 0as a1ong the chosen ones" In an instant I 0as a-le to un!erstan! all his 0or!s" Cor!s I re1e1-ere! .ro1 ti1e to ti1e5 /no0ing they 0ere correct5 -ut not /no0ing 0hy" These 0or!s5 their reasons an! the reasons -ehin! the reasons 0ere -eing re eale! to 1e5 the -oo/ o. Truth 0as no0 open5 right in .ront o. 1y eyes" The Egyptian /ey o. li.e5 the an/h5 the /ey that coul! open all !oors? I ha! it in 1y han!s" Along 0ith the 3uestions I 0as recogni@ing the ans0ers" 6is 0or!s5 0ell -urie! in 1y 1in!5 0ere starting to 1a/e a-solute sense5 I coul! un!erstan! their 1eaning5 the reasoning -ehin! the15 I coul! e en repro!uce the15 enhance the15 !eri e 1y o0n 0or!s .ro1 the1" I reali@e! that the ans0ers 0ere -urie! in this sa1e
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ce1etery5 Aust un!erneath 1y 3uestions" I coul! not see that until no0 I ha! Aust not -een !igging !eep enough -eyon! 1y 3uestions" I coul! un!erstan! the ans0er to the philosophic 3uestion o. Socrates$ There is only one Truth" AlessioGs oice 0as o.ten crossing 1y 1in!5 1a/ing 1e 0on!er i. this 1an ha! Aust -een a oice in a !rea15 a spirit5 or so1eone 0ho really e7iste!5 so1eone 0ho really ca1e insi!e 1e to !isco er 1y 1ost inti1ate su-stance" 6o0 coul! I e er run a0ay .ro1 hi1H The 1o1ent o. the Luci.er" I 0as once 0ea/" #ut not any1ore" I re1e1-ere! the ti1e he ca1e .ro1 4enice to 8al asia only in or!er to see 1e" I 0as once -la1ing Elias .or not allo0ing 1ysel. to ta/e the opportunity an! surren!er" #ut no0 I 0as reali@ing that Elias 0as innocent" I 0as the only one to -e -la1e! .or e erything that ha! e er happene! to 1e5 e en .or e erything that 0oul! happen to 1e .ro1 no0 on0ar!s an! until I 0as resting -eneath the earth? I 0as the only one responsi-le" Des it 0as not EliasG .ault5 it 0as 1ine" Or to put it correctly$ The OtherGs" No0 I .ully un!erstoo! the 1eaning o. the Other" A ghost insi!e 1e that 0as ruling 1y li.e" #ut no0 the Other ha! gone5 along 0ith its .ears an! in!ecisi eness" 8y li.e 0as no0 in 1y han!s" Together 0ith the reali@ation o. the Other5 the Other ha! gone" O. course" The Other 0as ne er really there" 6o0 can a ghost -eH I coul! .eel that I 0as .ree5 the Other ha! anishe!" An! so ha! Elias .ro1 1y heart" In .act5 I ha! ne er let Elias penetrate 1y heart" 8y
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heart 0as li/e a la-yrinth5 0ell !esigne! to pre ent anyone .ro1 con3uering it" The ones 0ho ha! trie! 0ere lost insi!e it? they 0ere /ept insi!e it .ore er5 insi!e a structure 0ell -uilt5 they 0ere una-le to .in! the single 0ay out" E en Elias 0as lost in this co1ple7 construction" E en 1ysel." #ut not Alessio" Alessio 0as the only one a-le to 0al/ through it using the !i ine threa! o. Aria!ne5 /illing the 8inotaur in its core" The Other" Des the ancient Gree/s 0ere not 0riting .iction" Cith their 1yths they 0ere !escri-ing true stories" An! e1pty as it 0as5 the la-yrinth o. 1y heart 0as no0 open an! .earless" I 0ante! to 0rite to Alessio" No0 that I 0as .inally a-le to put 1y .eelings on paper I !i! not e en /no0 i. this paper 0oul! -e rea!" I !i! not e en /no0 i. he 0as still in 4enice" I 0ante! hi1 -ac/" An! no0 1y heart 0as open5 I 0as a-le to recei e hi1" An! as a .lash I hear! his oice insi!e 1y hea!$ B8i/haela5 there is no 0ay -ac/5 the only possi-le 0ay is .orth"E 6o0 can it -eH I starte! hearing oices" That 0as !angerous" In 4enice the 0o1en 0ho 0ere hearing oices in their hea! 0ere trie! .or 0itchcra.t -y the In3uisition an! 0ere so1eti1es -urnt ali e" Cas I a 0itchH BDou are not a 0itch5 8i/haela" 6earing the oice o. the Truth in your hea! is a-solutely nor1al" It is a gi.t you recei e 0ith the a0a/ening" <o you re1e1-er that I 0as a-le to hear your oice in 1y hea! tooH <o you re1e1-er that I 0as a-le to hear your thoughtsH Once you !rin/ .ro1 the 0ater o.
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Truth5 there is nothing hi!!en" The an/h re eals an! opens all !oors"E O. course I re1e1-er" Cith hi1 I ne er nee!e! to tal/" 6e coul! !o it -etter on 1y -ehal.5 Aust gra--ing the thoughts !irectly .ro1 1y 1in!" It 0as his pro.ession" BNo0 this shall -e your pro.ession too"E I coul! not -elie e that I 0as tal/ing to 1ysel. in 1y silent thoughts" #ut I 0as sure this 0as not 1e tal/ing" I 0as sure it 0as his oice" E en though not co1ing through 1y ears5 his 0or!s soun!e! the sa1e" I reali@e! 0hat he 0as !oing 0hen he 0as silently loo/ing into 1y eyes -e.ore starting to tal/" 6e 0as tuning into 1y thoughts5 he 0as care.ully listening to 0hat I ha! to say" #ut no0 he 0as gone" 6e coul! not hear 1y thoughts any1ore5 gui!e 1e in 1y actions" A.ter he ha! le.t .ro1 his short trip to 8al asia I ha! no ne0s .ro1 hi1" 6e ha! escape! .ro1 the la-yrinth5 !estroying it at the sa1e ti1e" The la-yrinth 0as 1y heart" 8y heart 0as no0 e1pty" BThat 0as e7actly 1y role in your li.e5 8i/haela" To /ill the -east an! lea e your heart e1pty5 e1pty .ro1 ghosts an! preoccupations5 e1pty .ro1 .ear5 a .ertile groun! .or lo e to gro0" Dou !onGt nee! 1e any1ore" 8y 1ission is co1plete"E The e1ptiness 0as /illing 1e" A 0hole ce1etery 0as !ancing in .ront o. 1y eyes an! I 0as .eeling e1pty" 9ust loo/ing at it5 0on!ering ho0 the gra estones coul! 1o e5 ho0 the s/eletons coul! see1 ali e" BLet the gra es go5 8i/haela" A -eauti.ul gar!en 0ill then .lourish in this soil" An! 1ost
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i1portant$ 2lants gro0 -y the1sel es" Dou Aust nee! to 0ait an! conte1plate5 e7ert .aith an! patience" It is your ti1e o. spring" <o nothing5 Aust -e" IsnGt Go! 1agni.icentHE 6e is not" Go! le.t the gar!en e1pty5 -ut 6e le.t 1e 0ith a taste o. hi1$ Alessio" 6o0 0oul! I stan! the i1age o. this e1pty yar!H 6o0 0oul! I 0ait .or it to .ill up 0ith so1ethingH I !i! not 0ant anything to gro0" I only 0ante! the one 0ith 0ho1 I 0as in lo e to co1e" I 0as in lo e 0ith Alessio" BDou are in lo e5 8i/haela" Dou Aust are" It is a state o. #eing5 it is 0ho you really are" An! the 0hole 0orl! is there to 1irror your e1otions5 to create an illusionary su-Aect an! an illusionary o-Aect5 to let you e7perience yoursel. through o-Aects in .ront o. you" Dou are in lo e" Nothing 1ore an! nothing less" Dou Aust are"E * I a1 in lo e 0ith you" BCho a1 IHE * Cho are youH I 0as going cra@y" Cho 0as this oice in 1y hea!H Cho 0as the o-Aect o. 1y co11unication5 the o-Aect o. 1y lo eH BDou yoursel." It al0ays is5 it only can -e" 8ost people attach their state o. -eing to an o-Aect5 to so1e-o!y5 another hu1an5 a pet5 a tree" #eing in lo e5 -eing angry5 -eing .rustrate!" #ut !onGt you see the 1eaning o. the synta7H ItGs -eing" Then5 i. they are in lo e they .ollo0 their o-Aect an! i. they are .rustrate! they a oi! it5 hoping that their state o. lo e 0oul! 1aintain or the state o. .rustration 0oul! anish" >ntil they !isco er that they re1ain .rustrate! long a.ter their
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o-Aect is gone or that they are still in lo e long a.ter its !eparture" Li/e you no0" 6o0 can you -e in lo e 0ith so1e-o!y a.ter he is goneH 6e is a 1e1ory5 he is not there no05 -ut your 1e1ory an! your thoughts are there no0" Dou are in lo e" Dou are angry" Dou are .rustrate!" Dou 1ay attach your -eing to anyone you 0ant5 -ut in this ga1e it is only you" Dou are -eing re.lecte!"E I 0ante! to cry e en 0ith his oice in 1y hea!" ;or sure this 0as hi1 in 1y 1in!" BIt re1in!s 1e o. the iconoclasts o. #y@antiu1" They 0oul! !isco er Go! through an o-Aect5 such as a holy icon or a cross5 an! then they 0oul! attach the <eity to it" They 0oul! literally start lo ing the o-Aect" E en in 4enice the St 8ar/Gs #asilica 0as .oun!e! 0hen 4enetian 1erchants stole the relics o. 8ar/ the E angelist .ro1 Ale7an!ria an! place! the1 insi!e the ne0ly -uilt church" The people ten! to si1ply replace Go! 0ith an o-Aect5 an o-Aect re1in!ing the1 o. the <eity5 -ringing their 1in!s closer to it" An! it is true$ This o-Aect really propagate! their state o. #eing5 it cause! the1 to cry or see a ision or e en heal" An! then they 0orship the o-Aect" There are so 1any o-Aects e en no0 aroun! the 0orl!5 8i/haela$ Ca es o. saints an! prophets5 i1ages .oun! on 1ountains or the sea5 holy places 0here the 0ater that runs is consi!ere! holy"E BThat is all so .ictitious5 8i/haela" An o-Aect is Aust a representation5 nothing 1ore" The only o-Aect is the su-Aect itsel." Dou are 1irroring your state o. #eing insi!e other o-Aects" Dou are 1irroring lo e to 1e"E
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I 0as not in lo e 0ith 1ysel." I 0as in lo e 0ith hi1" An! I 1isse! hi1" I 0ante! hi1" BDou Aust are in lo e" An! you Aust 1iss" Dou Aust 0ant" All that you can -e is this only$ #e" Chen you pray to Go!5 try to re1o e the o-Aects5 Aust lea e the su-Aects in your 0or!s" 6o0 !oes it soun! li/eHE BI 0o/e up the po0er o. lo e insi!e you" Dou ha e e7perience! 1e an! this e7perience 0as po0er.ul enough to 1a/e you !eci!e to enter an! go through your la-yrinth5 thus !estroying its .ear.ul essence" In this process you !estroye! the Other5 hi!ing insi!e this la-yrinth5 1a/ing it see1 i1possi-le to enter" Dou 0ere le.t 0ith e1ptiness" #ecause this is 0hat you really are" Insi!e nothing is e erything" Dou ha e e7perience! 1e an! e er since you ha e 0ante! 1e" #ut try replacing the o-Aects in this sentence 0ith the su-Aect" In reality you ha e e7perience! yoursel."E BDou thin/ I a1 gone an! your 1in! tries to .ollo0 1e" Dou thin/ you ha e .allen .ro1 para!ise an! you 0ant to go -ac/5 you 0ant to return5 you 0ant to go ho1e5 you 0ant to li e 0hat you no0 see as a !rea15 0on!ering i. you e er li e! it" Re1e1-er the ision o. lo e5 the ision o. para!ise" Dou !i! li e it" Dou thin/ that I a1 gone an! you try to .in! 1e in the past5 -ecause in the past I 0as there" #ut I a1 not there any1ore" No0 the past is an illusion" It e7ists as 1uch as a !rea1 e7ists5 -oth resi!ing only in your 1in!" Dou are hunting the o-Aect5 trying to reach 1e an! you /eep on hunting5 reali@ing that in the o-Aect I !o not e7ist any1ore5 not as I e7iste! -e.ore" Dou are
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not 0illing to un!erstan! that the o-Aect is e1pty" I. you stop hunting the o-Aect5 you 0ill see that I a1 here5 right no05 0ith you"E * Dou are in 4enice" BI a1 here"E * Cho are youH BI a1 the <i ine"E * Alessio5 are you Go!H BI a1 you"E An! that 0as 1y .irst con ersation 0ith Go!" An inti1ate con ersation 0ith 1ysel. in the oice o. Alessio" I un!erstoo! ho0 the prophets 0ere a-le to hear Go!Gs oice" I un!erstoo! the !i..erence -et0een the o-Aect an! the su-Aect$ A-solutely none" I un!erstoo! 0hy the 0orl! 0as sai! to -e Aust a re.lection5 a re.lection o. oneGs sel." I un!erstoo! 0hat 0as the !i..erence -et0een the 1aterial o-Aect an! the #eing5 the e1pty an! the 0hole5 the 1eaning o. the e1ptiness o. e erything in the 1aterial 0orl!" I 0as in lo e" An! this 0as a state o. #eing" An! I /ne0 that I ha! a choice$ To either hunt the o-Aect li/e the iconoclasts or continue to -e in lo e" The o-Aect 0as long gone5 -ut the result 0as there" E ery-o!y 0as saying that I ha! change!" #ut I ha! not" I 0as only -orn5 not re-orn" The -i-lical resurrection o. the !ea!" I coul! e en un!erstan! the 1eaning o. the -i-le no0" A1a@ing" I /ne0 that I 0oul! ne er see Alessio again in 1y li.e" #ut his oice 0as in 1y hea!" In .act it 0as 1y o0n oice" The oice o. Go!" No0 I coul! 0rite poe1s5 paint5 sing5 play 1usic5 create using the only creating po0er there is$
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Lo e" The one that create! 1e" The one creating 1y thoughts" Alessio" The one tal/ing to 1e" Go!" E en Alessio 0as saying$ BI a1 not saying anything on 1y o0n" I a1 Aust rea!ing an! repro!ucing your thoughts" Dou ha e create! all this5 not 1e" Dou are the author5 I a1 the han!" I a1 nothing 1ore than the -ell to0er o. the cathe!ral" Dou are the one ringing the -ells"E An! e en i. I 0oul! ne er see Alessio again5 6e 0as insi!e 1e" 6e 0as 1y thoughts" 6e 0as 1e5 1y #eing5 not the o-Aect5 not the 1an" Alessio 0as not Alessio" #ut e en so5 I 0oul! -e happy i. 1y letters 0ere to reach hi1 one !ay" I. only he /ne0 that it 0as he 0ho ha! gi en -irth to 0hat I a1 no0" BI /no0 it5 8i/haela" I /ne0 it right .ro1 the start5 .ro1 the .irst ti1e I loo/e! into your eyes an! you 0ere instructing 1e o. 1y 1ission" I e en tol! that to you 0hen you 0ere una-le to un!erstan! 1e5 0hen you 0ere only listening to 1e 0ithout un!erstan!ing5 0hen you 0ere the Other"E * I lo e you" BNo0 I /no0 you !o" I lo e you too"E
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(I.+ T e boomerang re*ealed

The !ays that .ollo0e! 0ere re ealing" I .elt the nee! to escape5 escape .ro1 1y parents5 .ro1 1y sisters5 .ro1 Elias5 .ro1 e erything an! e ery-o!y in 1y social li.e" I .elt the nee! to -e alone" #ut this ti1e I /ne0 0hat I really 0ante!" I 0ante! to stay a0ay .ro1 the Other" In 1y loneliness I 0ante! to !isco er 1ysel.5 1y real sel.5 the one 0ho ha! -een 0aiting .or such a long ti1e5 hi!!en -ehin! an en!less !oing5 a little chil! 0ho ha! no ti1e to gro0 up5 o errule! -y a 0eir! creature$ The Other" In 1y a0a/ening a chil! 0o/e up insi!e 1e an! her only 1e1ories 0ere in her chil!hoo!" She ha! staye! there5 intact5 as i. put on ice5 0here e erything is preser e! an! re1ains .resh a.ter -eing un.ro@en" I re1e1-ere! the !rea1s o. this lo ely chil!" Lo ely" It 0as the .irst ti1e I ha! use! this 0or! 0hen relating to 1ysel.5 yes this chil! 0as lo ely" 6er !rea1s still the sa1e" To tra el5 to e7perience5 to lo e an! -e lo e!" An! no5 it 0as not a prince on a 0hite horse" It 0as a co11on 1an5 a 1an 0ho coul! 1a/e her tra el5 tra el in lo e5 tra el insi!e hersel. an! aroun!" 8ay-e a 1an li/e Alessio5 -ut a 1an 0ho 0oul! stay5 in .act not a 1an at all5 a -oy5 a chil!hoo! lo e5 a -oy 0ho coul! 0atch 0ith her the 1oon re.lecte! in the sea an! re1ain silent" The chil! -egan tal/ing to 1e" She 0as laughing5 happy that she ha! opene! her eyes again5 lo ing 1e instea! o. hating 1e .or
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co ering her up .or so long5 replacing her 0ith an ugly creature5 the Other" She -egan tal/ing to 1e a-out her !rea1s" 6er 0ish 0as to tra el to Sparta an! stay .or so1e ti1e there 0ith her gran!1other" The chil! tol! 1e that her !ays 0ere en!ing an! I nee!e! to tell her that I lo e! her an! see her s1iling5 nothing else" This little girl5 this chil! 0as 0ise" She coul! pre!ict the .uture5 sense the .eelings o. the people5 /no0 0ho 0as !angerous an! 0ho 0as to -e truste!5 ta/e 1e han! in han! an! lea! 1e into the path o. pleasure" I as/e! .or her na1e" 6er na1e 0as 8i/haela" O. course5 she 0as 1e" The .orgotten 1e" She instructe! 1e to go an! sit -y the sea" An! so I !i!" It 0as a 1agni.icent night" The .ull 1oon 0as shining o er 8al asia5 re.lecte! on the 0ater5 sprea!ing a tran3uil 0hite light on the 0alls o. the city" I sat at her .a orite e!ge5 near the lighthouse" It 0as at the sa1e e!ge 0here I ha! share! 1y !rea1s 0ith Alessio" I 0on!ere! ho0 he 0as !oing" I recei e! the .eeling that he 0as sa.e" 8i/haela 0as tal/ing to 1e through .eelings" I .elt happiness 0ith this ne0 presence in 1y li.e" I .elt that 0ith her I 0as sa.e5 I ha! !rea1s an! I coul! .eel tran3uil" Staying alone I 0oul! not .eel lonely" 8y li.e ha! change! an! the 1ost i1portant change 0as that 1y !rea1s ha! co1e -ac/" 8y chil!hoo! !rea1s5 re1e1-ere!" #ut no0 I 0as not a chil! any1ore" I /ne0 that I coul! go .or the1" An! e en i. I 1ight not .ully reali@e the15 they 0oul! .lo0 1e into their Aourney5 a Aourney
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0here 8i/haela an! 1e 0oul! 0al/ han! in han!5 laughing5 in nee! o. no-o!y5 in .ear o. nothing" Alessio 0as !escri-ing this as the path o. lo e5 a path lea! -y a !rea15 a Aourney 0here stri ing 0as creating energy5 the energy that /eeps the 0hole uni erse in 1otion" An! 1y !rea1 0as not to copy !ocu1ents5 hoping .or a -etter .uture" I !eci!e! to a-an!on 0hat I ha! -een !oing since I .inishe! school" 8y !rea1 0as not to -e critici@e! .or 1y 0ishes an! actions" I !eci!e! to stay a0ay .ro1 the .rien!s o. the Other5 e en i. that 1eant staying alone" #ecause I /ne0 that 0ith little 8i/haela -y 1y si!e5 I 0oul! ne er .eel lonely" In an instant I too/ the -ra est !ecision o. 1y li.e" To e1pty" To 3uit 0hat I 0as !oing5 to !estroy the castle in the san! that the Other ha! -een -uil!ing .or so long5 constantly -eing 0ashe! a0ay -y the 0a es5 putting 1e in an e..ort o. continuous reconstruction" I nee!e! no castles" There 0as no nee! to 1aintain 0alls against the sea? 1y place 0as on the sea not on the shore" Cith 8i/haela -y 1y si!e I .elt strong5 0ith her I coul! tra el the 0orl!" 8i/haela a! ise! 1e to go a0ay .ro1 8al asia" Ti1es 0oul! change an! a su!!en change 0oul! soon ta/e place on this s1all piece o. lan!" I reali@e! ho0 silly I ha! -een all this ti1e" It 0as so easy to go to 4enice5 so 1any -oats 0ere lea ing .or the e1pireGs capital5 e en Alessio ha! arrange! 1y trip there5 the !rea1 ha! al0ays -een hunting 1e5 -ut I ha! -een hi!ing .ro1 it5 al0ays re.using to accept it" The 0alls o. the castle in the san! ha! no gates5 they
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0ere /eeping 1e an! 1y sea apart" #ut the castle 0as no0 gone an! I coul! see ho0 -eauti.ul I 0as .eeling outsi!e an! ho0 terri-le I ha! -een .eeling insi!e" I reali@e! the i1portance o. the school o. sorro0" The result 0as there5 8i/haela a0a/e5 right -y 1y si!e" I ha! Aust gra!uate! an! yes5 9ere1ias 0as right5 only no0 I coul! un!erstan! its real alue" I gaine! the a-ility to !eci!e" To 0here !i! this .ear.ul young la!y go5 the one 0ho 0as ne er a-le to choose5 0ho 0as al0ays accepting 0hat an unseen 0ise Go! 0as suppose!ly -ringing to herH I nee!e! to let Elias an! 1y parents /no0 a-out 1y !ecisions" I 0oul! go on a one 0ay trip 0ith an uncertain return5 a Aourney insi!e 1ysel.5 a trip insi!e a .orgotten 8i/haela .ro@en insi!e a chil!hoo!" I /ne0 that e ery-o!y 0oul! -e sa!5 -ut one !ay I 0oul! co1e -ac/5 an! they 0oul! nee! to .ace so1e-o!y else5 a gro0n up 8i/haela5 a 1ature chil! insi!e the -o!y o. a 0o1an" I !i! not 0ant Elias to 0ait .or 1e" I nee!e! ti1e alone an! alone 1eant a0ay .ro1 hi1 as 0ell" I 0ante! to !e ote 1ysel. to 8i/haela5 I 0ante! to 1eet Alessio5 -ut not in or!er to -e 0ith hi1" I only 0ante! to than/ hi1" I 0ante! to than/ hi1 .or colli!ing 0ith 1e5 1a/ing 1e !isco er that I 0as not a young la!y in .ear" That 0as the Other" I 0as a chil!5 a 1ature chil! 0ith !rea1s5 insi!e the -o!y o. a 0o1an5 not a young la!y any 1ore" Cith the -oo1erang in 1y han!s5 I reali@e! its holy purpose" The -oo1erang is a lethal 0eapon" Its purpose is not to -e thro0n a0ay in the air in or!er to renounce it" ;ro1 the air
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it 0ill al0ays return" Its purpose is to separate an! /ill5 to challenge5 to re eal an! !estroy the .a/e5 unco er the co ere! on its return Aourney" The -oo1erang is the 0eapon o. Go! against the E il5 o. Lo e against the ;ear5 o. 8i/haela against the Other" It is the lethal 0eapon o. !ecision5 the 0eapon o. the .inal Au!g1ent o. the Apocalypse5 the 0eapon that separates the Truth .ro1 the >ntruth" The 0eapon that /ille! the Other" I !eci!e! to /eep the -oo1erang 0ith 1e" This -ent piece o. 0oo! .ro1 no0 on 0oul! /eep 1e sa.e5 protect 1e .ro1 the .a/e5 it 0as 1y 0eapon5 a 0eapon that only the real can a oi!" #ecause the real is a sphere5 ha ing an all*roun!e! ision an! attenti eness" #ecause the unreal is a s3uare5 ha ing only a !irectional ision" An! -ecause the -oo1erang al0ays hits .ro1 the -ac/5 thus staying unnotice! -y the unreal that is too -usy loo/ing only to0ar!s the .ront" #y no0 I ha! un!erstoo! the purpose o. Alessio in 1y li.e" 6e ca1e to gi e 1e this lethal 0eapon5 let 1e 0oun! an! /ill 1ysel. 0ith it5 in .act /illing the Other5 re ealing the true 8i/haela an! 1a/ing 1e !e ote 1y li.e to pay it .or0ar!5 to help people .ight against their untruths5 go .or their !rea1s5 -e chil!ren 0ithout sha1e" In 1y interaction 0ith Alessio I un!erstoo! 0hat I ha! alrea!y rea! in the #i-le$ That the Truth al0ays 0ins in the en!5 it is not a happy en!ing5 it is the .ate o. e ery Aourney5 the .ate o. hu1anity5 the only thing that can happen5 the pre!icte! an! natural result o. the en! o. the 0orl!" In 1y interaction 0ith Alessio5 the Other colli!e!
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0ith the Truth an! it -ro/e5 the only possi-le result .ro1 the collision o. the roc/ against the glass5 o. lo e against .ear5 Go! against the E il5 Truth against the >ntruth5 8i/haela against the Other" Des5 no0 I 0as sure" The en! o. the 0orl! 0oul! -e the sa1e as e ery other en!ing$ 6appy" Li.e 0as a -ig school5 a school o. sorro05 a !ar/ tunnel an! li.e 0oul! en! once the lesson 0as learne! or it 0oul! not en! at all" I no0 un!erstoo! 0hy con.use!5 see1ingly -a! people li e longer5 staying in the school o. sorro05 un0illing to gra!uate" An! 0ith it5 I !i! un!erstan! 0hy another -irth5 another chance5 a reincarnation is a0aiting all the non* gra!uates5 a non*.orgotten /ar1a a0aiting the ones still not ha ing incarnate! the Truth" 6a ing 1a!e a !ecision to .ollo0 1y !rea15 I got up to go ho1e" A ne0 Aourney 0as 0aiting .or 1e5 a Aourney .or 1y !rea15 this ti1e a path o. pleasure5 the only possi-le su-se3uent o. the school o. sorro0" I ha! !eci!e! to e1pty 1ysel." I ha! !eci!e! to stay apart .ro1 the others in or!er to !isco er 1ysel." I ha! !eci!e! to 1a/e a one 0ay trip in 1y li.e5 a trip that !i! not ha e a return -ecause going -ac/ is ne er a choice" I ha! !eci!e! to 1o e to 4enice" I ha! long lost Alessio5 -ut in reality I ha! .oun! hi1 insi!e 1ysel." 6e 0as there to acco1pany 1e .or 1y entire li.e5 lo e is in!ee! eternal an! 1y other hal.5 hi15 0as resi!ing insi!e 1e" As I got up to go5 8i/haela 0as s1iling" This little lo ely chil! 0as con.ir1ing 0ith a s1ile that 1y thoughts 0ere true"
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(I.$ T e /nd
* To!ay I 0ill con ey to you the 1ost precious e7perience o. 1y Aourney5 I sai! to 1y curious listeners" !he classroom was full of eyes, wide open, as if they wanted to hear the "oice of Mikhaela using their retina as a tympanic membrane. 0"en the parents of the children had come, curious to see why this new teacher was so belo"ed among the school kids. !he sun was rising o"er the sunken city. * A oi! the noise" J The noise resi!es in your ears5 in your eyes5 in your han!s5 in your 1in!5 a gi.t co1ing .ro1 your surroun!ings5 en!ing up insi!e your o0n -o!y" In the 0al/ o. li.e /eep yoursel. clean an! select the 3uiet place .or your resi!ence" J The 0orl! 0as 3uiet 0hen it 0as gi en to you" Anything -rea/ing the silence o. earth is singing" Listen to the -ir!s an! the cica!as5 loo/ at the .lo0ers an! the clou!s? e erything aroun! you is either singing or re1aining silent" Chen you open your 1outh5 !o it only to sing" J A oi! the -usy har-or5 -ecause the noise encloses the 1eaning o. the Luci.er" The Luci.er !oes not resi!e un!erneath the earth5 neither !oes Go! resi!e in the s/ies" The Luci.er resi!es in the noise an! Go! resi!es in silence" An! the noise is there to -lin! you5 to con.use you5 to !elay you5 to pre ent you .ro1 hearing the song o. silence"
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J An! in the silence listen to your .eelings" It is Go! spea/ing through .eelings" Listen to your pain5 -ecause pain tells you to stop5 to e1pty5 to cease5 to let !ie5 to not -e5 to accept -eco1ing as the only alternati e" An! listen to your happiness" It is Go! telling you to continue" Go! tal/ing through pain an! Aoy5 -oth to -e hear! an! respecte!5 -oth arising only in the 1o1ent o. silence" 3ilence followed. Mikhaela kept the smile on her face. !he eyes of the audience were still wide open, as if those eyes had 8ust woken up from a deep sleep. !he silence continued. One by one people started rising from their chairs. 7ith their eyes still wet they were hugging Mikhaela tightly and then heading for the exit. 2ut not a single word was said to obstruct this silence. I le.t the school last5 together 0ith a young -oy 0ho !i!nGt 0ant to let 1e go" A sunny Sun!ay 0as -eginning an! I !eci!e! to ta/e a 0al/ aroun! the canals" 6an! in han! 0ith the -oy I starte! 0al/ing5 thin/ing o. 1y ro1antic !rea1 to 0al/ these canals together 0ith Alessio5 .eeling co1plete" I 0as .eeling co1plete no0" A gon!ola cruise! -y our si!e" Chat a -eauti.ul an! silent !ayI I thought a-out 1y !ays in 8al asia" Through the !ar/ tunnel co1es the light5 I thought" I ha! hear! a-out the !ar/ tunnel .ro1 Alessio" #ut I 0as no0 in the light5 the light co1ing .ro1 insi!e5 lighting not only 1ysel. -ut all those people 0ho ha! sacri.ice! their early Sun!ay sleep to co1e an! listen to 1e" The -oy turne! his hea! to0ar!s 1e an!
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ga e 1e a loo/ that 0as innocently 3uestioning" Cas he guessing 1y thoughtsH #y no0 I ha! un!erstoo! Alessio saying$ BI a1 not telling you anything on 1y o0n" I a1 Aust repro!ucing 0hat your thoughts are telling to 1y 1in!" The creator o. 0hate er I a1 saying is youE" I -lesse! this young 1an .or co1ing into 1y li.e an! 1irroring 1ysel. in .ront o. 1e5 0a/ing up the lo e insi!e 1e5 the lo e that 0as springing out o. the silence" I ga e a s1ile -ac/ to the -oy" Des5 co11unication is not er-al" Chen Go! !i i!e! the language in #a-ylonia5 6e !i! it -ecause 0e 0ere 1isusing the 0or!s5 using the1 only to create noise" 6e thus !irecte! us to see/ an! .in! the uni ersal language o. lo e5 the non* er-al language that goes -eyon! the 0or!s an! can con ey all 1eanings 0ith 1elo!y an! silence" 6ea!ing to0ar!s the Gran! Canal5 I sa0 t0o gon!olas crossing in the !istance" Approaching each other5 the gon!oliers hel! their singing an! passing -y each other5 they 1a!e a gesture o. greeting -e.ore continuing in opposite !irection" Chat a gentle .or1 o. co11unication5 I thought" E en singing can pro!uce noise i. not per.or1e! in har1ony" Crossing the Rialto -ri!ge5 I stoppe! in .ront o. a sign" It rea!$ BOne 0ayE" I re1e1-ere! 1y !rea1" 9ust as 9ere1ias ha! .oretol!5 it ha! all co1e true" I 0on!ere! i. he 0as /eeping 0ell" #y the en! o. 1&1' 8al asia along 0ith the entire region o. 8orea 0as recon3uere! -y the Otto1ans" The Ortho!o7 religion 0as -anne! an! 1any 1on/s 0ere .orce! to lea e .ro1 their 1onasteries an! chapels" 8any
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houses in 8al asia 0ere !estroye! -y the 0ar an! I 0as a1ong the luc/y ones to ha e alrea!y le.t the to0n" I .igure! out 0hat 8al asia 0as .or 1e$ It 0as 1y !ri er5 1y initiati e to !isco er 1ysel. an! 1y irtues5 !isco er that I 0as not !estine! to -e copying go ern1ent !ocu1ents .ore er? this 0as Aust a step in the long la!!er I 0as cli1-ing" #ecause there is really no .ore er" Ce really !o not ha e the choice to -e5 to re1ain on one single step5 !enying to 1o e on" I .igure! out that 4enice 0as -oun! as 0ell to -e only a single step .or 1e5 that it too one !ay 1ight -e !estroye!" Chate er co1es5 goes an! since I ca1e to 4enice5 I 0oul! ha e to go too" #ut 0hat re1ains is silence" Chat re1aine! in 1y 1in! 0as the singing oice o. Alessio spea/ing out the singing oice o. 1y re ealing sel.5 trans1itte! through the attracti e lips o. a han!so1e -o!y5 1a/ing 1e .all in lo e 0ith hi15 an! .inally 0ith 1ysel." An! thus I reali@e! the i1portance o. Alessio .or 1e" 6e ca1e to 8al asia to /ill 1e" 6e ca1e to in!ulge 1e to .ollo0 hi1 into the !ar/ tunnel an! loc/ the !oor -ehin! 1e5 1a/e 1e e7perience that the past is not a choice an! then lea e 1e in the !ar/ness5 stan!ing on a passage o. 1y la-yrinth o. li.e5 loo/ing not .or a 1ansion -ut .or the light" An! a.ter 1y !esperation5 a.ter I stoppe! see/ing5 I starte! .in!ing an! the light ca1e .ro1 0ithin" 8y -o!y starte! gro0ing5 e7pan!ing 1ore an! 1ore5 the outer shell stretching5 until one !ay it e7plo!e! an! the
331 | P a g e
soul resi!ing in it5 1e5 ca1e to see the light5 0i!e a0a/e" I re1e1-ere! the picture o. the Archangel in the chapel o. 9ere1ias" The hea! o. all angels ha! not /ille! the -o!y o. the gree!y in a .ight against hi1" The Gree!y ha! /ille! hi1sel.5 una-le to -ear his untrue e7istence5 thus re ealing the light to his inner1ost holy soul" An! the Archangel 0as hol!ing the soul in his le.t han!5 stan!ing on the !ea! -o!y" I reali@e!$ ;or 1e5 Alessio 0as an angel" An! Aust as 9ere1ias ha! sai!5 I 0as protecte! -y the Archangel hi1sel.5 such a signi.icant alue5 re eale! su-consciously -y 1y na1e" A.ter the 0ar in 8al asia5 I !eci!e! to stay in 4enice an! -eco1e a teacher" I lo e! chil!ren an! teaching 3uic/ly -eca1e 1y passion" I thought that e en i. one 1isses a hun!re! opportunities5 there are a 1illion 0ays .or the ri er to .lo0 into the sea" An! here I 0as in 4enice5 .orce! out o. 8al asia5 0al/ing together 0ith a 0on!er.ul chil!5 1y chil!5 on the streets o. 4enice5 loo/ing at the gon!olas5 listening to the songs o. gon!oliers5 .eeling happy" 6appy that I ha! !ie!5 happy that I 0as -orn5 happy that I .ollo0e! 1y !rea15 happy that I 1ysel. .oun! the courage to -e trans1itting no05 0ith these ery 0or!s5 to you as 1y au!ience the silence o. the light an! happy to -e teaching .ro1 1y o0n e7perience the uni ersal truth that I ha! once hear!$ That e ery en!ing can only -e happy"
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T6E EN<
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The Reencounter

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The Reencounter

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The Reencounter

2art I$ The early years 1=(& * 1&0(

o er 1y le.t shoul!er" She 0as not there any1ore"

2art II$ The spring

II.1 T e mean&ng of tra*el

II.2 T e art of f&nd&ng

II.+ T e balance of walk&ng

II.5 T e absence of t&me

2art III$ The su11er

III.1 I was normal

III.+ T e flow of energ!

III.$ T e *&s&on of real&t!

III.5 -o*e and marr&age

III.6 T e moment of c o&ce

III." T e sc ool of sorrow

III.' T e ele% ant

III.11 T e c o&ce comes back

III.12 T e glass world

2art I4$ The autu1n

I(.1 T e moment of t e -uc&fer

I(.2 T e loss of t e o%%ortun&t!

2art 4$ The 0inter

(.+ T e beggar of lo*e

(.$ .e%eat and rew&nd

(.6 T e end of t e w&nter

2art 4I$ The later years 1&10 F 1&20 (I.1 T e awaken&ng

(I.2 T e *o&ce of Trut

(I.+ T e boomerang re*ealed

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