The Clinic (Working title)

In the not too distant future the Earth has become

increasingly over populated. Due to the poor quality of life,
Suicide has evolved from its position as a Taboo subject to a
societal benefactor.

INT. EUTHANASIA CLINIC/WAITING ROOM. DAY.

The scene opens on a sign above the entrance titled

EUTHANASIS CLINIC. The camera pans down, a stoic man comes
in through the entrance. He looks around the room, its your
typical waiting room- somewhat like a GPs waiting room. At
the opposite side of the room is the receptionist, who is
looking incredibly bored at her desk. The stoic man moves
towards her.

Receptionist

(Smiles) Hi.

Darren

Hello.

Receptionist

What can I do you for?

Darren

Id like to kill myself, please.

Receptionist

Oh good man yourself. Name?

Darren

Ugh, Darren. Darren-

Receptionist

Thats all we need, Darren. You want a coffin, cremation or

thrown in a ditch?

Darren

Iwait-what?

Receptionist
 Oh, Im sorry. How would you like your remains removed from
the premises? Would you like a coffin, or be cremated or do
you want to be thrown in a ditch?

Darren

Receptionist

The ditch is free, by the way.

Darren

Well fuck ditch it is then.

Receptionist

Ah, good man yourself. Reason for assisted suicide?

Darren

UghI feel depressed, I guess.

Receptionist

Uck sure, thats as good a reason to kill yourself as any.

Darren

ok.

Receptionist

So, do you come here often?

Darren

No.

Receptionist

Thats nice. Can you fill out this form and sit over there
please? (Gestures to the seating area) Thank you (smiles)

Darren takes the form and a pen and moves awkwardly to the
seating area. He sits down and looks inquisitively at the
form. Then he looks back up to the receptionist, who is still
smiling. He awkwardly smiles back, and then looks back down at
the form.
The camera cuts back and forth between the text on the page
and Darens reaction once reading it. The form asks questions
such as Do you object to your remains being used for
Cannibals? and What kind of fertilizer would you like to
be? Darren is halfway through when the Doctor enters the
room, he gets off his seat. The doctor is chatting with the
receptionist.

Doctor

Can I help you?

Darren

I-

Receptionist

Oh, hes looking to kill himself, so he is.

Doctor

(Smiling) Really? Oh good man yourself!

The Doctor slaps Darren on the shoulder with a sense of

comradery. Darren smiles, awkwardly.

Doctor

So, you do anything like this before?

Darren

I No.

Doctor

Ah well, sure theres a first time for everything.

The Doctor takes the uncompleted form off of Darrens hands.

Doctor

Ill take that, thank you very much.

Darren

But Im not done.

Doctor

Ah sure, nothing really matters anyway.

The Doctor proceeds to tear up the form, smiling as he does
it. He then hands it to the receptionist.

Doctor

So, youre looking to kill yourself?

Darren

Yep.

Doctor

Ah you lucky man, its a good day for it. Id love to kill
myself but the Government says Im Too important and have
so much to live for pfft, what do they know. Am I right?

Darren

Yeah I Actually, no. No, I dont know what youre talking

about.

Doctor

So, how would you like to die? You wanna do a little bit of
role-play? Cops and robbers except the cop is trigger happy?
Wanna play Doctor except the Doctor is drunk and is performing
open heart surgery? Ooh, I know- I could just stab you to
death right here and now (the doctor takes out a switch blade)

Darren

(Intimidated) Id- Prefer a lethal injection. Yknow?

Doctor

(Smiling, Psychotically) Ahhh. We got ourselves a

traditionalist here.

Receptionist

Awww, thats so adorable.

Doctor

You sure you want to do that? I mean, youre only ever going
to kill yourself once, like. Might as well make it memorable,
yknow what I mean?

Darren
 Yeah, but-

Doctor

Ill tell you what, I got this new mini chainsaw-

Darren

I think thats just a saw-

Doctor

Its a mini chainsaw. So Im using it the other day on a

client and Im gently shoving it in his face- gentle like.
Right here (taps skin below eye, beside nose) Get this- not
even half a centimetre in and his entire face peels off,
caught on the chain, its going round and round- its
brilliant.*insert face hello Clarise part

(Gesturing to his office) I can get it out for you now if you
want-

Darren

Isnt that, like, extremely painful?

Doctor

Oh aye.

Darren

Well, Im not very fond of pain soId prefer the lethal

injection.

Doctor

(Stops smiling) Well thats no fucking fun.

Receptionist

Um, Doctor?

The Doctor looks back at the receptionist, shes tapping her

watch. The doctor looks graciously startled.

Doctor

Oh Christ, Sorry. Its six oclock. Im done for today. Now if

you excuse me, Ill have to get the dinner on.

The Doctor moves to leave the room.

 Darren

B-But what about me?

Doctor

Oh sure, just book an appointment for next week. Ill see you
then.

Darren

What- I cant wait an entire week to kill myself!

Doctor

Oh dont worry, youll be fine.

Darren

What about now?

Doctor

Oh Im sorry, I dont treat patients outside of working hours.

Darren

Oh for Gods sake- Just kill me now!

Doctor

Are you insane? I cant kill you after six oclock! What do
you think I am, a murderer?

The Doctor smiles at Darrens ignorance. He walks out the

door.

Darren

Fine ill do it myself (grabs needle)

Doctor

(looks over shoulder) thats the spirit!

Darren

(Tries and fails to put needle in arm, grabs another needle

then looses footing trips over and dies)

THE END.
 Orderly

Would you like tea or coffee luv?

Darren

Yes a wee coffee would be lovely

Orderly

Milk & sugar?

Darren

Milk & two sugars please

Orderly pours too much sugar..cuts to Darren

Darren

You trying to kill me??

Orderly

Well isnt that the reason youre here luv?

Darren

Yes but quick and painful not slow from diabetes!

Meeting to develop script 21/11 naill, eoin, pip,des absent