Women and Leadership:

Personal to Professional

Transitional Playbook

Section C: Communicating and Developing

a Professional Image

Molly Gearan
 Plan of Action

Be intentional with how I look

o Show confidence through attire and body language
o Wear professional clothing that fits, is comfortable, and that I feel confident
wearing.
o During Thanksgiving break, buy new pieces to update wardrobe.
o During winter break, donate clothing I dont wear
Actively work on speaking with confidence
o Practice introducing myself and asking questions in the mirror every morning.
Stop waiting to address conflict
o Keep a journal of conflict Ive faced and how Ive confronted it. Set aside 20
minutes every Sunday night to journal.
Approach people at networking events
o Initiate at least 5 conversations at the next event. Increase that number for every
event you attend.
How You Look
I remember attending my Global Foundations of Business final presentation in a grey
suit that was too big and frumpy looking. I had my hair pulled back, but not tight enough. My
hair kept falling out throughout the entire presentation. I was so uncomfortable. I believe my
professional wardrobe has gone a long way since my freshman year. I finally found professional
clothing that fits properly and feels good wearing. Looking put together truly makes all the
difference in terms of my confidence level.
After reading the How You Look section of Nice Girls Dont Get the Corner Office, I felt
pretty content with myself. I know I make good eye contact with people, accessorize
appropriately, and dress properly. The only two How You Look mistakes I resonated with
were regarding body language:
#101 Taking Up Too Little Space
o I am always that person who will sit at the corner of the table or choose
to stand in order to accommodate others. The text explains that this is a
mistake because it makes you look less confident. Particularly when
presenting, you should use the full amount of space given. When at a
meeting, choose a seat that will give you the freedom to move around
and put your elbows on the table. The text states, Keeping your elbows
on the table and leaning in slightly conveys a messages of being more
alert to whats being said. I will see how this works for me in my next
meeting.
#110 Sitting in Meetings with Your Hands Under the Table
o The text suggests to slightly lean forward and have your hands on the
table so you can easily gesture when need be. It is also important to
either sit at the head of the table or next to the most powerful person in
the room. This shows that you are not afraid of power and not afraid to
be seen and heard. I plan on testing this out during my next group
meeting.
How You Sound
I often worry about how I sound to others. I used to be a very shy kid and slowly grew
out of that, but those shy little girl tendencies sometimes creep up on me. When I am not at my
best, I know I come off sheepish and incompetent. It was helpful to read Power of Talk by
Deborah Tannen and the How You Sound section of Nice Girls Dont Get the Corner Office
because it pinpointed exactly what I do and how I can change those bad habits. In Power of
Talk, Tannen discussed the importance of respect versus likeability. She explained how your
goal should never be for people to like you, but for people to respect you. I never considered
the difference between the two before. Tannen also mentioned the impact of linguistic style.
This is a persons characteristic speaking pattern. It includes such features as directness or
indirectness, pacing and pausing, word choice, and the use of such elements as jokes, figures of
speech, stories, questions, and apologies. Even a small linguistic strategy like the choice of a
pronoun can affect who gets credit. As Tannen explains, most men say I in situations where
women say we. For example, men tend to take credit and use I when he is referring to his
company. Women tend to give credit to the company or others by using we when she is
referring to work only she has completed. I found this interesting and realized that I do this
myself, especially when referring to group projects that I did most of the work for. After reading
this article, I now know the importance of linguistics. The one line that really stood out to me
most was, The way we speak is who we are and who we want to be.
While reading Nice Girls Dont Get the Corner Office, I noticed three mistakes I make
when it comes to How I Sound:
#79 Couching Statements as Questions
o The text states, By asking a question rather than making a statement, we
relinquish the ownership and outcomes of our ideas. I certainly do this,
especially at work. When I assume what the right thing to do is, I always
double-check with my supervisor to make sure. There is nothing wrong
with checking in, but its the way I say it that makes me sound
incompetent. At work I say things like Betsy, its probably best to
organize these files alphabetically because they will be easier to go
 through, right? Or would you have me do it another way? When I know
that filing alphabetically is the most efficient way to do it and there is no
need to even ask. For some reason, I am so afraid of doing something
wrong, that I doubt myself too much and that translates into questions
that should be statements. So, I plan on following the texts advice and
saving my questions for those times when I legitimately need information
or someones opinion. Also, I will actively correct myself when I want to
ask an unnecessary question. I will make confident statements from now
on.
#83 Apologizing
o I am definitely an over-apologizer. I feel like I am always in the way or
bothering someone, so I apologize. As the book states, apologizing is a
conflict-reducing technique, but one that makes you look like youre at
fault when in fact youre not. After reading this, I felt empowered to
break the cycle of Im sorrys, so I decided to count how many times a
day I said it for a week. It ended up being about 8 times a day. Once I
started counting, I caught myself more and more. Its still a work in
progress, but I am still actively trying to correct my Im sorrys to a
constructive statement.
#84 Using Minimizing Words
o When describing my accomplishments or something I am working on, I
find that I use the word just quite often. The text mentions that this is a
mistake because it minimizes the importance of what Im saying. I need
to learn how to explain my accomplishments without using just or I
only. Also, I need to take a compliment by saying something like Thank
you for noticing instead of minimizing myself by saying Oh, its nothing
or I guess I just got lucky. This section showed me how important it is
to be proud of yourself.
Communication Workshop
I watched Drew Dudleys and Roselinde Torres TED talks on leadership to study their
communication styles. Although they were both interesting, I found Dudleys to be more
engaging. I really enjoyed Dudleys TED Talk on everyday leadership because he was a great
storyteller, had a good sense of humor, and had a lot of energy. He told a simple, yet
memorable story and repeated key points several times so the audience would remember
more. Dudley told a story where he gave a lollipop to an incoming freshman in college. That
simple moment where he handed her a lollipop changed the students life and he didnt even
know it until four years later. He now calls moments like these lollipop moments. These are the
times where someone says or does something that makes your life fundamentally better.
Dudley encouraged the audience members to tell people who have made their life better that
they have made that impact and it is appreciated. He explains that that is his definition of
everyday leadership- making a difference in peoples lives no matter the size of an action.
I found Roselinde Torres Ted Talk on what it takes to be a great leader to be a tad dull.
She was very monotone. I think if she varied her tone and pitch throughout the presentation,
she would sound more interesting. She did a great job of making use of the space she had by
moving around. Also, her hand gestures and dramatic pauses were effective. The key takeaway
from this speech was her three questions that determine your effectiveness as a 21st century
leader: 1) Where are you looking to anticipate the change? 2) What is the diversity measure of
your network? 3) Are you courageous enough to abandon the past?
I will certainly try to incorporate some of the tactics Dudley and Torres used in my
future presentations. I know I am skilled at making eye contact and using hand gestures, but I
need to practice moving around and using the space thats given to me. I would also like to
incorporate more stories and humor into my presentations. I plan on practicing introducing
myself and asking questions in the mirror every morning from now until winter break. I am
interested to see if I feel more confident during my final presentations because of this extra
practice.
How You Respond
You can add value through communication by being as transparent and vocal as
possible. In the Women, Find Your Voice article, the authors suggested using stronger
language when responding to ideas or statements. For instance, instead of saying how
about? say I strongly suggest. Or instead of maybe we can say here is my plan. The
article suggests that using active words and authoritative statements will help you hold the
floor in meetings. It also explains the importance of the pre-meeting. While women are usually
punctual to meetings, men go a step further and are more likely to spend time connecting with
one another to test their ideas and garner support. [Men] arrive early in order to get a good
seat and chat with colleagues, and they stay afterward to close off the discussion and talk about
other issues on their minds. The extra time men spend on relationships outside of the meeting
is key. The article suggests that the meetings before the meetings are where a lot of the real
work happens. Participating in these informal advance conversations can help clarify the true
purpose of a meeting, making it much easier to take an active part in the conversation. This is
a form of research that women are missing out on. In order to incorporate the pre-meeting into
my schedule, I plan on generating casual conversation throughout the week between my Senior
Committee members to get a sense of how they feel regarding certain topics. This could occur
at a sporting event or at the lunch table- it doesnt have to be a big ordeal. Nurturing
relationships outside of the meeting will lead to a better understanding to what will be
discussed in the actual meeting. I think I am okay with this in general, but I would like to be
more intentional about it. I did make an agenda for my next meeting with the Senior
Committee (See Appendices: Agenda). I am a co-chair for this committee and I believe it is
important to be fully transparent and speak my mind, but also value and respect the thoughts
and opinions of my co-chair and committee members.
While reading the How You Respond section of Nice Girls Dont Get the Corner Office, I
noticed three mistakes I make:
#118 Believing Others Know More Than You
o The text explains that unlike men, we tend to admit it when we dont
know something-but fail to trust ourselves when we do. This really
 resonated with me because I often feel as if theres always someone in
the room who is smarter, more capable, or would do a better job.
Sometimes, this feeling gets the best of me when it comes to decision
making because I will just go along with what others say even if I feel
differently about the decision. I am working to combat this tendency by
forcing myself to ask how do you know that or what makes you
recommend that to show I am critically thinking and not a push-over. I
will also make more of an effort to express my ideas in a confident way. I
will make a statement, take the credit for it, and stand by it.
#123 Putting the Needs of Others Before Your Own
o I naturally love helping people in any way I can. This can be a blessing and
a curse. It is a blessing because I have such an urge to make a difference
in peoples lives that I want to make a career out of it. It is a curse when I
allow people to take advantage of my kind nature. The text suggests to
keep telling yourself that its not selfish to have your needs met, even
though it might inconvenience others. This section explained the
importance of knowing what you want, keep asking for what you want,
and never settling. I plan on actively making time for myself and saying
no to people who continue to use me.
In regards to the Toastmasters challenges, I enjoy watching other people participate. It
is fun to watch someone walk up a little bit nervous and see how they are put at ease once they
get talking and telling a story. I have been hesitant to volunteer because I am intimidated by the
people who have already gone. They were all so great and Im not sure if mine would be as
good. This fear feels silly as I am typing it out. Therefore, I am challenging myself to volunteer
for the Toastmaster challenge the week we return from Thanksgiving break.