Personal Reflection of Identity vs.

Role Confusion
1

Personal Reflection of Identity vs. Role Confusion

Austin Bahr
Salt Lake City Community College
Personal Reflection of Identity vs. Role Confusion
2

Eriksons Stage Theory

A psychosocial theorist Erik Erikson outlined developmental stages in human development

by [naming] two polarities at each stage [of development] but recognized that many outcomes

between [those] opposites are possible (Berger, 2010) Erikson theorized that certain conflicts

correlated with the chronological development of an individual . Eriksens first stage, from birth

to the age of two years, is Trust vs. Mistrust in which babies either trust that others will care for

their basic needs...or develop mistrust about the care of others. (Berger, 2010). The outcome of

this struggle depends greatly on nurture and nature. If a parent consistently gives care for the

child and shows love and affection, the child is more likely to develop trust in parental figures

and others throughout life. Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt usually occurs between the ages of

one and three years. Children either become self-sufficient in many activities...or doubt their

own abilities (Berger, 2010). During this stage constructive, positive parenting can set a

foundation for self-confidence, while neglectful parenting or parents using negative

reinforcement may not acquire that same confidence. The nature and personality of the child are

also important to note because an inborn confidence may manifest itself regardless of nature. The

next stage between the ages of three and six and is referred to as Initiative vs. Guilt; children

want to undertake many adultlike activities or internalize the limits and prohibitions set by

parents (Berger, 2010). Children need space to learn, and while they benefit from moderate

parental resriction, extreme restriction may harm a childs desire to explore and learn. This is
Personal Reflection of Identity vs. Role Confusion
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also important in the Industry vs. Inferiority stage, ages six to eleven, when children learn learn

to be competent and productive in mastering new skills or feel inferior, unable to to do anything

as well as they would wish they could.(Berger, 2010) These stages lead into the next crisis of

Identity vs. Role Confusion, usually occurring during the ages of twelve to eighteen. This stage

is characterized by adolescents seeking to establish sexual, political, and vocational identities or

are confused about what roles to play (Berger, 2010). This a pivotal time that is heavily

influenced by nature and nurture. Deciding how to define oneself in so many fields and

becoming one's own self. After the crisis of identity comes Intimacy vs. Isolation. Young adults

[begin to] seek companionship and love or become isolated from others because they fear

rejection and disappointment. (Berger, 2010). As individuals understand their identities and

feelings toward relationships with others they are then faced with the choice of, contributing to

the next generation through work, activities, or raising a family or stagnate We see this in many

middle-aged people who have a midlife-crisis and realize they have not accomplished things

in their life they thought they would have accomplished by that time. Sadness or action then

follows. This leads us to the last of Eriksons stages, usually occurring after age sixty-five,

referred to as Integrity vs. Despair. Older adult try to make sense out of their lives, either seeing

it as meaningful or despairing over at goals never reached (Berger, 2010). Eriksons theory has

good face validity[but is] rather vague about the causes of development (McLeod, 2008).

Eriksons theory is a descriptive overview of human social and emotional development that

does not adequately explain how or why this development occurs (McLeod, 2008). So, while,

Eriksons theory is easily relatable, it doesn't contain all the answers concerning human

development.

My Identity and Role Confusion

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4

Nature and nurture play key roles in development; I am no exception. The understanding of

my identity arose when I was thirteen years old. I was raised in a religious Christian home with

strict Christian values. I went to church, prayed, and read scriptures personally and with my

family. An endless cycle that gave me a moral foundation on which to build my life. I accepted

this all without question. Puberty began and the rush of hormones hit me and my classmates;

while many of my friend were talking about their attraction to the opposite sex, I could only

think of the attraction I felt to my own. I had been taught that homosexuallity was wrong and at

that point, I held that view as truth. I loathed those feelings, suppressed them, and tried to make

them go away in any way that I could. The feelings remained; they felt like a part of me. When I

was nineteen years old I decided to dedicate two years of my life to faith of my youth and served

a mission in northern Nevada. I hoped to find my identity and finally fix these homosexual

desires and thoughts for good. I threw myself into the ministry, but at the end of those two years

I thought I had found myself. I had learned so much from my service and hoped to follow in my

parents footsteps and rear a family in righteousness I foreclosed on the values that my family

had taught me to love, while many of those values were good, I started to realize not all were my

values.

Conflict

The questioning of my sexual orientation caused a lot of turmoil for my young self. I

remember the first time I ever sexually experimented with a man, I came home that night and

cried for hours. I was so confused as to what my identity really was. I thought I was damned to

hell and that I had failed my parents. A few months after I got back from my missionary service,

I secretly dated a guy and continued to feel guilt and despair. I turned to self harm. Cutting my

wrists with sharp objects in an attempt to distract myself from the emotional storm that continued
Personal Reflection of Identity vs. Role Confusion
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inside me. I thought of suicide as an option to stop the pain and resolve the issues at hand.

Thankfully, I met a guy named DeSean that helped me see things differently. He helped me

realize that deep down, I didnt believe that homosexuality was wrong and helped me have the

courage to break free of the values I had foreclosed on so many years ago and continue my path

towards my true identity.

Resolution

I had been disfellowshipped by church leaders and left to think about my actions. I moved to

Utah and I met a guy who helped me see things differently. I realized that I was living my life to

make others happy. That was had become my identity. I didnt want to let others down and that

was the entire driving force behind my choice to not express my orientation. I talked with

DeSean for hours one night as we walked the streets of downtown Salt Lake about his

upbringing and decision to as an openly gay man. He too had grown up in a religious household

and decided to live true to himself and his feelings; living for himself and not letting others

define him. I was impressed with his determination and how happy he seemed. It gave me the

confidence to publicly come out and start to live my life as gay man. This journey put me on the

path to greater self-worth and self-esteem. So much has changed past that point, all of it for the

better.

A year later after coming out as homosexual, my boyfriend and I got in a huge fight and we

resolved to take a break and reevaluate if we wanted to continue our relationship. That gave me

time to reevaluate how far Id come and how far I still had to go in my own personal

development. I have reached a sense of self and identity, but still needed to think about the next

developmental stage in Eriksons theory, Intimacy vs. Isolation. My boyfriend and I kept

realizing how different we were had begun capitalizing on our weaknesses rather than our
Personal Reflection of Identity vs. Role Confusion
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strengths. I was limiting him socially, he thought I had incredible expectations. There were so

many things that I that had gone uncommunicated that we were on the brink of collapse. I

suggested that we take a break; he moved out to his mothers home and I stayed in our

apartment. It forced us to take inventory of ourselves and of our relationship. I am moving to the

next stage of Eriksons Theory Intimacy vs. Isolation.

What I Have Gained

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Personal Reflection of Identity vs. Role Confusion
7

References

Berger, K. S. (2010). Invitation to the Lifespan. New York: Worth.

McLeod, S. (2008). Erik Erikson. Retrieved May 1, 2016, from

http://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html