Kelsey Summarell

The Lake

A knock echoed through the small house. I glanced at Ayla relieved to see she was still
sound asleep on the couch. As I slowly opened the door my heart sank and my body stiffened at
the sight of two men in military uniforms on my doorstep. I reluctantly joined the men out on the
porch in the cool evening air. The mens voices faded into the background as I went back to our
last day together.
Rocks we threw disturbed the peaceful lake as they skipped along its smooth surface. Red
and yellow leaves floated in the wind as they fell to color the sandy beach. We admired the sun
as it gave us a final kiss of warmth as it began to disappear behind the mountains. Ray wrapped
his strong arms around us as we watched the sun disappear behind the mountains. I longed to
live in that moment forever and forget about tomorrow when he would leave for deployment.
One of the soldier's voice brought me back to reality. I numbly thanked the men as I went
back into the silent house. The word dead rang through my mind like a mantra as i collapsed
against the brown door. A hole began to form inside my chest and I felt a part of me painfully die
along with Ray. My head spun as my world came crashing down around me. Tears blurred my
vision as I realized that my husband was dead and never coming home. Muffled sobs escaped me
as I remembered the first time I met Ray.
I stealthily snuck out of my lake house to go to a bonfire at the beach. The obscured
moonlight lit the bumpy path to the lake. I toppled over a protruding root falling to the ground.
Ray bumped into me and I fell back down to the ground. He apologized as he helped me to my
feet.We took our time to go to the bonfire. The bonfire had died when Ray and I arrived at the
party. We talked a little longer by the warm coals. After everyone had left Ray walked me back to
my house and waited for me to sneak back into my house.
I was brought back to the present as I heard Ayla begin to stir. I wiped at my tears and
sniffled as I went to pick her up. I carried her to bed and carefully tucked her in. I sat in the
rocking chair in the corner and watched Ayla as she slept. The next day I took Ayla to the lake
after I told her the news. The lake was our special place. I first met ray on my way to the lake, I
had my first date, go proposed to, and got married to Ray at the lake, We said goodbye to Ray on
the beach, and hopefully the lake would help us heal.
I spent the rest of the night deep cleaning the house and the better part of the morning
making lots of pancakes. I decided to keep myself busy instead of focusing on the loss of Ray. I
watched as Ayla happily devoured her pancakes before I took her into the living room. I pulled
Ayla into my lap as I began to tell her the news, You were so important to daddy and he loved
you so very much. You were daddys little girl and you always will be baby. But daddy died and
he isnt coming back. Im so sorry baby.
I saw the tears well up in her green eyes as she curled up into my body. Her tears seemed
to stain my shirt with her sadness. No, no. she whimpered into me.
I felt utterly helpless as I watched her shoulders quake and heard her heart wrenching
cries. My heart shattered as I saw my baby hurting and being able to do nothing to take away the
pain. I choked back tears as I tried to be strong for her. I soothingly rubbed her back and held her
Kelsey Summarell

tight against my body as I let her grieve. A few solo tears escaped and slid down my cheeks as I
grieved with her. I watched as her breathing began to even out and she looked up at me with her
tear stained eyes. She nodded her head as I asked her if she wanted to go for a short walk to the
lake.
She cuddled against me we watched the waves crash into the shore under the cloudy sky.
Every so often I would tenderly wipe away a lone tear. Shed lean into my touch every time I
would wipe away a tear. I watched her eyelids become heavy with sleep as she fell into a
peaceful sleep. I went back to my first date with Ray as I continued to watch the waves.
We were in the middle of the big green lake in our canoe. We ate peanut butter and jelly
sandwiches Ray had packed for our date. Water began to slowly fill the boat. Ray furiously tried
to empty the water out of the boat to no avail. We paddled back towards the shore as the canoe
sank deeper into the water. Ray swore under his breathe as we abandoned the canoe and swam
the small distance back to the shore. Ray joined in my fit of laughter as we dried off on the
beach.

The nights and days leading up to his funeral were the most painful. The numbness
suppressed the pain during the days, but the pain and loneliness engulfed me during the night.
My shoulders shook as I cried. My sobs the only sound in the empty room. I awaited the blissful
sleep that made everything disappear for a little bit. The sleep and numbness provided me relief
from the heart wrenching pain.
Our black dresses stood out amongst the rows of white headstones. Every suppressed
emotion came flooding out as I looked at the flag covered casket. I mumbled words into the
casket as I said my last goodbye to him. I squeezed Ayla to my chest as I carried her to drop
flowers into the grave. The sound of the three-volley salute covered our loud sobs. Pain exploded
inside my heart with each shot. The emptiness inside me grew as the soldier handed me the flag.
Tears clouded my vision as I took a final glance at the grave. Pain slammed into me as I drove
home and away from him.

A few days after Rays funeral the pain was still killing me. I took Ayla to the lake
needing to be close to him. I watched the trees and wildflowers dance in the warm summer
breeze. Childrens laughter rang through the air. I hastily skimmed through the children
splashing in the green murky lake water and fixed my gae on Ayla. Relief immediately washed
over me as I saw her smile as she played with the other kids. Our plaid blanket was one of the
many blankets and umbrellas that embellished the golden sand. I called her over as kids
dispersed towards their families. I wrapped her in a towel before I held her in my arms. The
warm sun kissed our olive skin. The smell of BBQ filled the air. Mountains pierced the crystal
blue sky. I felt a pang of sadness as I saw fathers run after their kids. Ayla pointed at two
Kelsey Summarell

chipmunks as they scurried back into the safe embrace of the luscious forest. I desperately
wanted to have his strong arms wrapped around me and hear his caring voice tell me I love
you one last time. I felt loneliest on the crowded beach than I have ever been. I longed to forget
every horrible memory of the two soldiers knocking on my door to the shoulder raking sob filled
nights. I wished everyone would stop looking at me and Ayla with pity in their eyes. Ayla fell
asleep in my arms as the trees and wildflowers began to thrash and flail with the coming storm.
Thunder screamed at families to take cover as the dark clouds devoured the sun. People rushed to
the safety of their cars as lightning exploded in the chaotic sky. I tightened my protective arms
around Ayla to shelter her from the fat drops that flooded the deserted sand. Tears clawed their
way up. Alligator tears flowed out of my eyes and became indistinguishable from the rain. It felt
as though hands squeezed my heart and lungs as I looked around and saw no one but my baby
girl. My screams joined the thunder as I yelled at the sky in angry protest. With every shout the
hands around my heart and lungs loosened their tight grip. The numbness returned to my
hollowed out chest. I welcomed the swallowing pain and quickly let myself drown inside the
gaping hole inside my chest filled with excruciating pain. I let the emotions flow through me
tired of suppressing them. My shoulders shook with another wave of sadness passing through
me. Ayla wrapped her tiny arms around me as she gave me a comforting hug. The sun peeked
through the clouds as it began to shine and the trees and wildflowers began to sway in the wind. I
finally realized everything was going to be fine. I hugged Ayla tighter against me as I cherished
my precious little girl.
My heart began to heal every time we went to the lake. Every time I saw Ayla smile at
the lake my pain lessened. Ayla taught me that we can make new memories and still cherish the
memories we already made.

The lake is our special spot. I met Aylas step-dad while we were swimming at the lake.
Ayla found out she was becoming a big sister to a baby boy on that beach. Ayla met her best
friend Julie hiking around the lake. Ayla celebrated all her birthdays at the lake and got her first
kiss on the beach. Every year we visit the lake and can feel Ray smiling down at us as we
remember him.
Kelsey Summarell