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Magpusao S TPW Final Preformance
Magpusao S TPW Final Preformance
Mrs.Hood-Esparza
Humanities POD 1
Fall 2017
106
>BREATH<
I became SO used to eating the same thing everyday. I couldnt even enjoy my favorite type
of meat anymore. It was the same daily routine. I waited impatiently by the door, tapping
This was my everyday lunch routine during the Winter of 2016. >PAUSE<
My sophomore year >SLOW DOWN< I made the choice to become a two sport
The way my season worked was ...when I didn't have basketball games I had
wrestling practice, everyday in between I had basketball practices and on the weekends
wrestling tournaments.
Month of February.
6:45 am my alarm rings. I wake up to the sound of my annoying iphone alarm that
goes off every morning, with heavy eyes from lack of sleep. My body aches as I roll out of
bed.
7:05am I make my way downstairs. Usually, I'm the type of person that does not eat
breakfast
I just was never hungry that early in the morning. But, doing two sports I forced
myself to eat. I knew I was going to need the energy for later. I open up my refrigerator, and
meant 20 more minutes till lunch. My knee moved in a constant up and down motion as I
watched students pass the hallways. I don't remember much of advisory. I only
Snacking wasnt a thing for me so the only food in my stomach at this point were
Everyday I knew what I had for lunch. My mouth became so familiar of the taste of
chicken and its rubber like texture. My food wasnt even good anymore but, I just wanted
was the second prepared meal of everyday. I had it 7 days a week for lunch and dinner. On
the girls basketball team I would prioritize basketball whenever it overlapped with
wrestling.
It was tough on me mentally trying to push myself through a game or practice when
all that was on my mind was my last. meal...Sports used to be outlet for me to decompress
and get away from school and it was, except I couldn't escape the feeling of temptation of
breaking my diet... or the wanting of time to pass so that I could sleep and numb this
11:00pm. When the sun fell and night came my stomach grumbled asking for food
but, I didn't want to give it any. My body was weak. I needed food, but I needed to make
weight. Every night I fell asleep to the tossing and turning trying to distract myself from my
empty stomach. The discomfort of lying there knowing I have the power to just get up and
The way wrestling works is that we are categorized in weight classes. 101lbs, 106
lbs, 111 lbs, and so on. The tournaments before CIFs I had to maintain the weight class of
111 lbs. Im a small girl, I'm 51, competing in two sports, maintaining weight should be
easy I thought. I started the season at 116 lbs. So why didn't I compete in that weight class?
Growing up I competed in the martial arts called Judo. Growing up my best friend,
Sarina and I were put up against each other. I had to fight my best friend. Every
tournament we would compete for 1st place. It was the most awkward and
uncomfortable thing. We would have no coaches coaching us, and had no one cheering.
It's just something we absolutely HATED. Why would I want to purposely fight my best
friend. So that meant for me dropping 5 pounds and going on a strict meal prep diet. She
The week of CIF was one of the hardest weeks of my life. In order for Sarina and I to
compete I had to drop down to 106lbs. I went from 116 lbs to 111lb to 106lbs.
basketball games I would wear a long dri fit shirt so that I could sweat more and would
limit my water intake. Keep in mind I was barely eating at this point. I became so afraid of
being Overweight or not qualifying that I switched my lunch and dinner to salad. I
practiced 10x as hard to make sure I was burning fat and worked out in hoodies to sweat
more. I did not want the reason that I couldnt compete was because I didn't make weight.
The thought of how many people including myself I would disappoint if that would have
happened.
>CUE IMAGE OF BASKETBALL< It was after a hard and long basketball game against
Grossmont High.
After the loss I am angry because of the lack of food in my body. I threw my stuff in
the car and I sat in complete silence. Without food it affected me physically, but
emotionally I was angry. I hated not being able to eat whenever I wanted or whenever I
pleased and what was I doing it for? For a medal? I wanted to break my diet but, I
couldn't bring myself to. >CUE IMAGE< I wanted it. I love sports, I love being an athlete
mother.
The same chatter she always gives me after my basketball games. You should have
done this, Why didn't you do this, drive the ball in more, shoot more, slide your feet
and there I sit in silence. Its nothing I hadnt heard before. I just don't know what I
was more tired of. The basketball game or the high expectations of my mother. The car
stops and they pull into a fruteria. I knew I wasnt going to eat anything. I was angry. The
fact that my family had the audacity to get something to eat when they knew I was
starving.
I laid there in the back of my car so weak the only thing that felt slightly better was
closing my eyes and pretending I was somewhere else. My eyes slowly shut and I escaped
everything for a little while. The car stops, my eyes fluttered open up to a dark night and
big bright lights that read Chuze fitness >CUE IMAGE< I knew exactly what I was there
for. I walked in and slumped down at the first sight of a couch and fell asleep for 5 minutes.
Then I heard my mom and the front desk person arguing. I had no idea what the issue was,
I think it was something about our membership expiring. The only thing I remembered was
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, SHE HAS CIFs TOMORROW AND IF SHE DOES
My mom is passionate. She's always been passionate. In all my sports. She just
I walked into what led me to the steam room >CUE IMAGINE OF STEAM ROOM< I
took off my shoes and walked into a 105 degree room. It was hard to breathe. The air was
hot. I tried to breathe through my nose but the humid heat was so heavy it was difficult. I
laid up against the wall and closed my eyes. The walls were dripping with water and the
glass door was blurred from the steam. Anxiety crept into my mind. I had the thought of the
door shutting and my mom and I being stuck in there. What would I do in that instance? I
thought that we would just die because I felt too weak to even think about kicking the glass
door down. This thought had made my heart race. I needed to get out. 15 minutes was the
maximum amount of time you were allowed to stay and I bolted out after 10. I dried off and
Only ten more hours till CIFs, only ten more hours to weigh in, and only ten more
Day of CIFs
The locker room was full of girls who looked terribly weak, and skinny. They
separated us depending on which weight class we were trying to qualify for. While waiting
everyone was socializing. All potential opponents were speaking to each other about their
dieting, and working out. I stayed in my own little space, I didn't say a word. to any of them.
It was my turn to weigh in >CUE IMAGE OF SCALE<. Down into spandex and my
sports bra I didn't realize how much physical change appeared in my body till then. My
stomach was flat and not the good kind of flat. My arms had no jiggle like how it normally
does, I was skinny. I stepped onto the scale and watched the numbers 105.3 flip back and
I jumped up and down..... slapping my body to get blood circulating. I was composed
on the outside. Straight face.. and a well composed stance... but on the inside fear
entered my mind.
I raised my hand
Youll be red
It was officially time. I took the red ankle band, bent down and placed the velcro
onto my right ankle. As I waited for the reff I stood there with all eyes. stuck on me. >CUE
IMAGE< My beating heart sank to my empty stomach... meeting the millions of butterflies
Shake hands
I reached out to my partner's hand and she met mine in the middle. She had long
legs and was nervous too. We were waiting for the whistle to blow. At this point I heard
nothing but the sound of my heart beating and saw nothing but, my partner in front of me.
I felt the adrenaline being carried through my body causing my heart to beat so fast. The
Before I knew. the whistle blew.>CUE IMAGE of match< It took a while for us to engage.
We continued to circle around the mat until finally she made contact >CUE IMAGE< .. I
pushed her backwards to have some momentum and I picked her ankle timing it >CUE
IMAGE< and she fell on her back. The crowd. went. wild. I held her neck tightly >CUE
IMAGE< and hoped for the best. After 5 or so seconds of pinning her the ref blew his
whistle.
I just qualified for state championships. >CUE IMAGE< Out of eleven girls in my
weight class I just placed 2nd in CIFs >CUE IMAGE<, but, I didn't feel as happy as I
thought I would be. I thought about my basketball team. What.. do I do? I had to make
the decision of either go to state or help lead my basketball team to being CIF champs.
This was the first year we made it to playoffs for basketball. This was the hardest
choice to make and the sucky thing was that I was the only. one who could make it.
Do I let my team down? Or do I give up this opportunity that I have worked so hard
for?
I thought long and hard about everything I put myself through. I went to state the
>PAUSE<
The same feelings will soon come up. Everyday will soon become a circulatory
system. >CUE IMAGE< A schedule that is never ending. The same way the heart >CUE
IMAGE< pumps blood through a looping system is the same way my passion and love for
sports fuels my motivation to continue to put myself through this routine of dieting,
>PAUSE<
Except this time my heart and its valves are filled with plaque I call expectation.
much...
More
pressure.