How do I begin to tell my story of Awakening, when my feeling tells me that there was no particular

beginning to the causes and actions of my life’s path? My experiencing of deep peace, realisation
and bliss which was later known to me as an awakening can only be understood in context of a
certain cycle in my life where I can clearly define the entrance of pain and suffering compounded by
my attachment to ego, the resolution of which was some 13 years later culminating in August of
2005.

Some background is necessary and I beg your patience while I impart a little of my history.

Gasping my first breath on 29th August 1967 at around 10.30 pm when I first experienced the
blinding light and harsh sounds of the birthing room immediately after exiting from the warm dark
and cosy world of abundance which was my mother’s womb. From there I guess I had been
systematically forgetting and moving away from the essence of who I am, always have been and
always will be and replacing that original knowledge with the relatively brief and shallow identity of
my given name, born religion, nationality and an ever shifting understanding of the rules of growing
up to make my parents proud of me.

I am blessed to have wonderful parents who have always done their very best for their 3 children
with limited resources and I have wonderful memories of a predominantly happy and normal-ish
childhood.

My disillusionment with structured religious beliefs came on at around 9 or 10 years old when in
Torah class, I was not entirely happy with the history of the Hebrews which was taught as written in
the 5 books of the Torah...... The Three fathers, 12 tribes, The One True God and all the biblical
enemies of the Jews throughout history that wanted to make either slaves or mincemeat out of my
ancestors. Why? None of it made any sense at all to me and at that time I felt inferior that maybe I
wasn’t clever enough to piece the story together in a coherent way for myself.

Like my older Brother and sister, I went to a very orthodox primary school and having a very middle
of the road upbringing always felt different to most of the other children. The questions that I had
for the teacher were met with an awkward and dismissive tone which discouraged me from pressing
further for a reasonable answer or raising my hand again to interrupt the flow of telling and
accepting which was always the way. I felt that the commentaries of the Torah by the “great rabbis”
also told us what questions to ask and what the answers were. Of course I later realised that this was
not the fault of the religion and belief system but the method of teaching it, but the damage was
done for me and with my mind made up as soon as I had my Bar mitzvah at 13, I was nowhere to be
seen at the synagogue on a Shabbat Morning and I chose to live the secular and infinitely more
enjoyable teenage life of sport, friends, Girls and more girls.

So I guess I was always heading for relationships with girls who were not Jewish, which was a
massive concern for my parents.

Although I had consciously turned my back on the dogma of my born Religion, I still felt a strong
Jewish identity and I had no intention of becoming a convert to another dogma, but I had continued
to ask the same questions to myself and took passive interest in the beliefs of other religions. It was
not until I joined a Karate Club with a friend at the age of 14 that I felt the first murmurings of spirit
entering me and I was totally impressed by the impossible strength, both physical and spiritual of
our Master Tommy Kwan. To say he inspired me with honour is an understatement and this
permeated all aspects of my life at that time and since. At around 18 I read the Tao which finally
resonated with me as the first writings I had read of truth and that ignited an interest in Buddhism,
although I never wished to call myself Buddhist.

Although I had no intentions of becoming a follower of anything, I was very clearly connecting with
my own spiritual truth and I now know that it was no coincidence that I connected deeply with an
older Indian fellow called Jake who joined the company I worked for when I was around 23. He
shone a very bright light on my spiritual journey inwards with his enigmatic ways and willingness to
impart his wisdom to me, albeit in an unfathomable cryptic way at times.

Within the same year, a young lady also joined the company who absolutely took my breath away.
Tanya was Jamaican, stunningly beautiful funny and generally good to be around and sparks flew
between us immediately as we were uncontrollably attracted to each other. We conducted the most
exciting and sizzling relationship in almost complete secrecy while we worked together. (Only Jake
knew of this at work), this is where my story really starts when she became pregnant in July of 1992
amidst the most dramatic and sad circumstances which were surrounding her and her family. Most
of her family lived in USA at the time and only Tanya, her older brother and one of her sisters lived in
Manchester. Her sister had a daughter of 6 who contracted meningitis and made her early transition
from this world which rocked our lives to the very roots. Then within a week, her Brother who lived
alone died suddenly with a perforated ulcer. Within that same 2 weeks we found out Tanya was
expecting.

Having lost her only niece and only brother within a week Tanya was under an incredible amount of
stress and pressure at the time, having organised her brothers funeral with only my help and now
completely alone here apart from me, as her sister had flown back to USA to live near her mother.

We started making plans and rented a house together immediately. My parents were in denial of my
relationship with Tanya, due to their entrenched religious beliefs and so Tanya had no family support
here whatsoever.

The miracle of a new life growing within Tanya held the hopes of healing for all of her family and we
were both acutely aware of the gravity of Tanya’s mother drawing her back to the fold in USA.

Once we moved in together, our relationship sadly started to crumble and Tanya was very obviously
suffering. I had deep concerns for her and our unborn child and because my work involved travelling,
I was forced to leave her alone every so often for a week or so at a time. Our relationship spun out
of control and degraded rapidly as her trust for me evaporated adding further pain and suffering to
an unbearable level. I feared for her and our unborn son and was forced to make the most difficult
decision of my life. I had to let go and she went to the USA to the loving environment of her family to
give birth. Amidst the arguing and tension at the time, Calm set in immediately with us as we knew it
was what she needed and they left within a few days.

I was shell shocked and felt absolutely awful about having sent her away with my unborn son.
Although I knew it was the right and safest thing for her to do. I found it hard to live with myself and
withdrew into a self blaming and erroneous state where I could not even bring myself to
communicate with Tanya as much as I should have. My ego was hit head on as I couldn’t talk to my
family about it out of fear of hearing those words “We told you it wouldn’t work”.

Jake provided a great source of reason and much needed support which I had been denying myself,
while my other friends were a constant distraction for me keeping me busy with nights out on the
town, an endless supply of Marijuana and good times as they had always been. But I was only half
there.

Having read An Autobiography of a Yogi some time before, I sent off for lessons in Kriya Yoga to the
Self Realisation Fellowship, originally founded by Paramhansa Yogananda and started to follow the
monthly lessons which came in the post. I did not feel resonant with the affirmations to Hindu
deities, however the breathing exercises felt good and I hoped to benefit from them. Although I
persisted, I felt almost no success with Meditation.

Simon was born a healthy bouncing bundle of love in Florida on 13th March 1993 and I was on the
plane to go and visit Simon and Tanya when he was just a few weeks old. He was wonderful and
beautiful and the trepidation I felt about the reception I might get from other family members, being
the estranged Father, was totally unwarranted as I discovered what a loving and wonderful family
Tanya had. All the love I had felt for Tanya came flooding in and I asked her if she would consider
moving back to England.

She came back a couple months later, while in the meantime I bought our first house and we tried to
make another go of it. It all went bad again and we only lasted 3 months before she returned to USA
again.

Talk about the wheel of life, I was right back where I had been almost exactly 1 year before only this
time I missed Simon desperately and my ability to communicate with Tanya had diminished to make
things worse.

I continued my Yoga lessons and it came to about 2 weeks before Simons 1st Birthday when I was
thinking of him and what I could do for his special first solar return. I hadn’t spoken to Tanya since
Christmas. That evening I had been reading a chapter from An Autobiography Of A Yogi called “An
Experience In Cosmic Consciousness” where Yogananda expounds how his Guru sent him into a
trance where he perceived all of creation within his own consciousness.

Later on at around midnight, I felt charged with love for Simon and was visualising he and I as 2
touching sources of light not separated by time and space but, in the glow of the light of all creation,
our light shone together. I settled down to meditate on this and felt a deep and rewarding peace
emanating from this visualisation within me. Then everything sensual just dropped away and for a
very brief moment I was in a void. Feeling nothing, not even any part of my body yet fully awake. My
breathing had a kind of vibration which was reminiscent of the anaesthetist’s gas at the dentist
when I was much younger, just before losing consciousness. This happened so suddenly and
dramatically that I panicked and the shock jumped me out of this trance. For the first time ever I felt
I had gone to a depth within my consciousness through meditation that I had only read and
wondered about.

I put myself in the loving support of my bed and went to sleep thinking of Simon and myself in a very
different light.
Next day, I was with Jake in his office telling him all about it when the phone rang on cue. It was
Tanya (the first time that she had called me in a few months) While my heart thumped and raced,
She told me that she had to call me because Simon had an unnerving moment which had lasted
about 3 hours the previous evening. He wouldn’t eat, he was up and down, laughing hysterically and
then crying in frustration trying to say Daddy and pointing at my picture that that Tanya had been
showing him. After picking my chin up off the floor I told her about the visualised experience I had,
followed by falling into a trance and her reply was “You and Simon man, I might have known you 2
would be pulling this one on me”

We both laughed a very relieved and long overdue laugh together and somehow I knew everything
was in place where it should be.

That was to be the last time I really sat down and meditated for 12 years.

In the time since Tanya had left the first time I was in no place to enter into another relationship and
this continued to be the case, but my communication with Tanya became easier and lighter and as
before I sent her what money I could monthly. I went to visit them again when he was 2 years old
and then when he was 4.

Then it was eight years before I saw him again in 2005 and much had changed in my life. I had been
living with my current partner Laura since 1997. Our oldest Daughter Rebecca was 6 years old and
our youngest son Daniel was 2. This was no easy relationship either. Laura Had moved from Italy to
live with me and largely due to trust again we were on the rocks. I was travelling for work while she
was at home and accusations started to fly from her– anyone spot a pattern here?

It was May of 2005 and Laura had declared that she was taking the children back to Italy for the
summer and may keep them there to start school in September. It was up to me whether I wanted
to be in the children’s lives.

I was all for her going to Italy for the summer, but I was dead against her staying there, because I felt
she was trying to run away from problems which were ultimately internal. That is another story.

I found myself in the same calm that came over me all those years before when Tanya had left for
the USA and told Laura that while she was in Italy I was going to take the opportunity to go out to
Florida to visit Simon and then I would come and spend a couple of weeks in Italy before we all
returned together to Manchester. This was not the most conducive comment that could have come
from me at that time to Keep Laura and the children in England, but it felt like it was exactly what I
needed to do at that moment. Our relationship deteriorated further in those months, but despite
knowing that going to spend a week with my ex and our son was contributing to this, I remained
unmovable on that point and weathered the storm grimly.

Laura went to Italy in the summer with no promises about returning. August came and off I went to
Florida.

After 8 years of absence I was filled with excitement about spending time with Simon. We had been
keeping in-touch regularly by phone and this was big for both of us. I was a little apprehensive
about meeting all Tanya’s family again after 8 years absence from Simon’s life, but that was my ego
again and I had no reason to be. In fact again they were wonderful and were only happy for Simon.
And so began an unforgettable week of re-union, unconditional love, synchronicities, miracles,
angels and healing.

Firstly there was the hotel, I had just chosen the closest Holiday Inn to where they lived because of
the loyalty points I was accruing at the time. It was on the coast and inexpensive but I had no Idea
how perfect it was.

Tanya, her 2 sisters, Simon and his first cousin Sara-Jayne all came to the Hotel that evening to meet
me and we sat by the pool in the light of a full moon rising over the Atlantic with the sea lapping
against the beach less than 50 yards away. Simon and I played and chatted like we had never been
apart with 6 year old Sarah-Jayne playing for attention and the 3 sisters genuinely enjoying the
reunion for Simon. They left around 1130 and Tanya told me that she would drop Simon off for a few
hours the next day but wasn’t sure what time.

I went to bed absolutely elated, but that was nothing compared with what was to come.

Next morning I went for a run and then to the small Gym in the hotel. I was all alone and a lady
came in - a very loud and confident American lady with a big smile said “HI GOOD MORNING, HOW
ARE YOU TODAY” as if I was hard of hearing.

She was lovely and we made polite conversation before I left the gym. When I entered the Breakfast
room she greeted me again and asked me if I would join her and a Chinese lady for breakfast.

I sat down and she said to me “This is my friend I-Ching, she is doing a course in Yoga here at the
Hotel this week”

“mmm, very interesting name”

She asked me if I wanted to join in and I was very tempted but I had to decline. I told them that I was
here to see my son after 8 years and didn’t know what time he was going to arrive each day, so I had
to keep myself free. I-Ching and I sat and chatted for a couple of hours during which she told me
about how she had been separated from her daughter for 4 years due to her being on the road
doing her yoga courses. She had taken back her life with her daughter and she was now able to
travel during the summer with her doing the courses. We clearly had much in common and I was
beginning to feel that I had embarked on some sort of odyssey where life was just falling into place.
At that time I was already of the opinion that there was no such thing as coincidence and everything
seemed harmonious apart from my relationship with Laura.

Before I-Ching and I parted she suggested I try a form of super herb similar to Ginseng called
Rhodiola Rosea, grown in the Siberian Mountains.

I had the feeling Simon would have his lunch before being brought to the Hotel so I went out almost
immediately to find a drug store, bought some and aimlessly walked straight into a large bookshop
next door.

Finding myself drawn to the Mind Body Spirit section I was browsing to see if anything caught my
eye. I found an audio copy of Yogananda's Biography which I had read so many times (I had actually
brought a copy with me for the journey) and was intrigued and delighted to find that it was narrated
by Ben Kingsley . Ben Kingsley, played Ghandi so famously in the film, and Yogananda initiated
Mahatma Ghandi into Kriya Yoga. I remember musing on how the voice itself carries so much
weight of meaning over and above the words spoken. This was a must. I so wanted to buy it but it
was $70 for the CD set and apart from having the book, I was on a budget. After an unnatural
amount of time in a state of dreamy indecision, holding the weighty disk set ( almost stroking it I
think) I eventually decided to be responsible and put it back in its place on the shelf and as I did The
words jumped out from a shiny silver box set on the shelf right next to it.

THE POWER OF NOW

I had never heard of its Author Eckhart Tolle, but those words THE POWER OF NOW were
resounding inside me and I felt a rush of energy fill me, quite unexpectedly but most definitely with
deep significance I suddenly found myself rooted to the spot while I picked it up and read the back
and discovered that it was narrated personally by this so called modern day Spiritual Teacher –
(((The voice of a spiritual master)))I considered for the briefest moment where I was NOW and what
I was doing NOW and how I was feeling NOW, my Breathing NOW. There was no decision to be
made and I took it straight to the check out. I am not sure if I even looked at the price, but I was
relieved that it was $20 cheaper than An Autobiography of a Yogi.

All this time I was enthralled by a feeling of excitement and bursting with an energy which seemed
to resound with the word NOW

As I pondered the meaning of the word NOW on the way back to the hire car, I had a strange feeling
everything that had happened since arriving at the hotel the night before was laid out before me. It
was the strangest feeling of seeing myself from the outside, as I walked back to the car. I could have
walked straight through the traffic without any fear of being in any danger.

I didn’t.

I got into the car and before I even moved it, I opened the box set and put the first CD into the
player.

“You are here to help the divine purpose of the Universe unfold. That is how important you are”

(((Ping)))

With those immortal words of this great Teacher with his unhurried voice and soft German accent. I
knew that I was in exactly the place that was supposed to be and not only that but I always had
been.

My thoughts went back to the moment of calm in which I had let go of Simon for the first and second
time, my calm decision to come and see him amidst a hurricane of adversity from my partner. I
instantly knew that all the self blame had been ego and that whenever I am centred I cannot
possibly make a wrong turn or decision. I laughed out loud as I sat there for at least 30 minutes
listening and feeling and connecting all the dots and generally loving myself for being me. I could see
a 13 year span coming full circle in that moment and didn’t regret a moment of it. I could see Simon
as a great teacher and bringer of love into this world. I could see clarity for the first time in my life
which made all my other moments of clarity seem like groping in the dark.
During that week Simon and I bonded so naturally it was pure bliss. By the end of our second day
together when his Mom came to collect him he begged her to let him stay over with me in the Hotel.
I was as surprised as she seemed to be and Simon and I both whooped and did a high five as she
agreed to it for the following day.

Much of my spare time during that week was spent listening to Mr Tolle and much of my life’s
memories were undergoing a shift into this new clarity.

I sat and meditated for the first time since the end of February 1994.

I was in love with the world and everyone who I encountered.

I went for a run on the 3rd morning and being in the state I was in I felt limitless. I ran harder and felt
great until my calf muscle pulled after about 20 minutes. As I felt it pulling I found myself visually
breathing in light and directing it to the source of the pain. One of the meditations mentioned in The
Power Of Now was to imagine breathing in light and visualise it spreading through the body in
waves. I had absolutely no doubt in any part of my being that I had struck on a real and holistic way
to heal myself and was running and laughing as the very real pain which was forcing me to stop
actually abated as I pushed myself on and entered a conscious rhythm of healing waves of love and
light combined with my accelerated breathing and metabolism. What I must have looked like as I
greeted a passerby through gritted teeth laughing and panting through my sweat pasted face, I can
only attempt to imagine.

On the last night that I was there, I was very pensive. Having said my fair well to Simon I felt that we
had both gained so much out of this amazing week where we were more like brothers than father
and son. I was sad to be leaving but so grateful that he knew how much I loved him and am always
here for him.

Midnight came and I was sitting out on my balcony overlooking the pool. A distant storm brewing
over the horizon of the Atlantic formed an ethereal contrast to the calm warm still night I was in. It
was not lost on me that it seemed perfectly fitting that my universe had decided to reflect in the
weather this temporal dream-space to lick my wounds before re-entering the Arena of conflict
which was my home life.

I felt that I had been in a dream and was always aware that I was returning to tumultuous set of
circumstances with my Partner. At that moment I really had no Idea what I wanted. To separate, or
to patch up. But what I did know without any doubt was that I just needed to keep my children at
the forefront of my thoughts and remain unmoved into reaction. Now I was armed with a much
clearer knowledge of my ego and how we can so easily buy into its needs at the cost of all
concerned. Whatever unfolded would be my own conscious creation based on selfless criteria and
the outcome would be as it should be.

As I was contemplating this dreamily, the door to the pool swung open directly below me from the
Hotel on the ground floor and out glided an angel with long black hair down her back and white
nightgown flowing behind her. I am not kidding that is what I saw and I thought I was imagining it.

After I had sat up and checked my reality I am not sure if I was relieved or disappointed that it was I-
Ching. I think both. Curiously I had not crossed paths with her since that first morning.
I called her before I could stop myself and when she had got over the surprise I asked her if she
wanted to listen to some of The Power of Now. We sat and listened by the pool for a while as the
thunder storm echoed in quietly on the breeze from the sea and then we chatted. She told me more
about her Daughter, who was asleep in her room and her broken marriage. I told her about the
incredible experiences of the week and about the dilemma I had back home being the single
outstanding unanswered question in my life at that time. Should I stay with Laura or go.

We paused for a while and in the silence was a heavy anticipation of the storm which had
approached somewhat bringing the gentle breeze up to a light warm bluster.

I was feeling the same inexplicable love for I-Ching as I had been for every person I had encountered
that week, but I felt attraction rising in me for her and she seemed to sense that and broke the
silence.

“You are going through an awakening Mike” she said. “You are so blessed”. “It is just the beginning”
“You are beautiful and you have been blessed with 3 beautiful children”

“Your purpose is to go back and heal your relationship with Laura, You are the only person who can
do this and by doing that you will bring Laura to her own healing”

She was so absolutely right and I felt the burden of my dilemma lift instantly.

I realised that in fact I had seen an angel with white flowing robes that evening and I told her so with
intense love brimming and bursting from my heart for her.

She sensed that also and her gentle smile filled me with gratitude. We hugged a long and heartfelt
hug and with it I felt her unconditional love for all life coursing through me. She left me breathless
and in awe and I knew that she had transmitted to me what I had been longing to transmit to
everyone I had come into contact with that week.

On returning to my room. I wrote a letter to Simon which brought tears of joy to my eyes when I
read it back to myself. It took all of 5 minutes and every word was perfect and charged with
conscious love for him. It came from a place where we were one and no thought was needed.

The next day on my journey home I floated and felt an intensely different response from all those
people that I met. From the car hire people to check in staff at the airport and people that I walked
past in the bustle of the airport.

But the next person I had a real conversation with was sitting at the bar at near the gate, where I
stopped for a bite and a drink.

He was Hispanic American in his 50s called Jose. And we chatted eagerly for ages.

He stopped in mid flow and caught me off guard when he told me that I was very different to people
he met in his business travels. I knew precisely why as some of my attention was constantly on my
body and feeling his words as well as hearing them. I was just about to tell him this it was something
which was flowing through me called love which had been passed on to me the night before by I-
Ching, when he went on to tell me that owning a building company some 25 years before. He got to
know John Lennon when he was working on the building where he had lived in New York.
My response to him was that he was truly blessed, for to be in the company of a great human being
even briefly, something of the divine spirit of that Human being would pass and stay with you for
life. I was thinking directly of I-Ching and my friend Jake when I said this. I added that Jose was
carrying with him the divine spirit of John Lennon and if he remained conscious of that divine love,
he would automatically transmit to everyone he met, as it had done to me. I stopped in wonder at
what was transpiring at this moment in the NOW and as I did I looked him again in the eyes and
noticed tears rolling down his cheeks. His face was a picture of glee.

My god we belly laughed!!!!

“25 years I have been telling people this and it never even crossed my mind, and no one has ever
told me this, man you are incredible, you are my brother”

“HEY GET MY BROTHER HERE A DRINK” He yelled to the barman.

I knew it was not me. I knew it was love. I knew I was helpless to avoid transmitting the
unconditional divine love that I had received the day before from a living angel. I knew that in his
mind he was seeing me as a living angel, as I did I-Ching. That we are all deeply connected and when
we recognise that life is never the same again. When we both calmed down I explained this to him
but he was having none of it.

When we hugged a long heartfelt hug before he left for his flight I felt his love and this perfect
stranger called Jose felt mine.

A few minutes after he left the Barman eyed me with more than a little curiosity and said. “What did
you say to Jose, my friend? I have never seen him like that in all the times he has passed through
here” I didn’t quite know what to say and was saved from having to, because back came Jose with an
enormous grin on his face. “Hey Mike, he said. I missed my flight” what he was saying and his look of
elation didn’t match at all. I looked at him in puzzlement as he said to me.

“Talk some more man”

“This is a great day”

“Tell me about it” I said.