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Funny Speech
Funny Speech
An overweight man sees an ad on his TV, for a guaranteed 5 lb. a week weight loss
program. He decides, "what the hell", and calls and purchases it. A week later a
beautiful woman shows up at his door wearing nothing but a pair of running shoes, a
smile, and a sign around her neck which read, "if you can catch me you can have me",
and she started running. He followed. This continued everyday for that week,
guaranteed, he lost five lbs. After that, the man saw an ad for a 7 lb. a week weight loss
program, which he signs up for. The next day, an even more beatiful woman shows up
at his door in similar conditions, and she started running. But this time, he almost caught
her. But, guaranteed, he lost 7 lbs. that week. He then signs up for the MAXPRO 10 lb.
a week program. The next day, a 300 lb. muscle man shows up at his door wearing
nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erectiona and a sign around his neck
which read, "If I can catch you, I can have you." The man lost 17 lbs. that week
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or
Americans.
On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than
the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or
Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks
than the British or Americans.
Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
Last week, I had been to Sadayappan’s house - he was rehearsing his modified contest
speech.
Some people are overweight due to heredity reasons and some have animal instincts
by birth. I’m not going to address them. I’m going to talk to the remaining folks who
chose to be overweight and who chose not to have control on what they eat.
When God originally created man, man was lean and fit. God covered the earth with
broccoli, cauliflower, spinach; with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so man
would live long and healthy. But, look at what man did using God's gifts;
God gave man healthy vegetables, nuts and olive oil to cook them. Man created deep-
fried chicken 65, butter-dipped chicken popcorn. Boom… man's cholesterol went
through the roof and started chocking his valves.
God gave potato, which is naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good
nutrition. Man peeled off the healthy potato skin … sliced the starchy centre … added
lots of salt and deep-fried them in animal fats to create French fries. Boom… man
became like a potato – fat and obese.
Think about how our life style and eating habits have changed in the last several
decades. Rice, dhal and roti … GONE … Burgers with chicken patty ON. Dosas are
GONE… Pizzas are ON. Ice more and fruit juices GONE… Ice Creams and SODA…
ON.
Our food habits not only made us unhealthy, but also forced us to be cruel to animals.
My friend dragged me to McDonalds last week. After having our dinner, he was reading
a newspaper. He saw the headline “Tiger enters a village and eats a farmer”. He told
me – “I feel bad for the farmer. How can an animal possibly prey on an innocent victim?”
I looked him up and down and said “Explain your feelings to the chicken you had in the
burger just now”. What is the difference between the tiger that ate the farmer and the
man who kills animals to satisfy his appetite?
Do you know – it takes 3 times more land, energy and water to feed a non-vegetarian
when compared to feeding a vegetarian. Nearly 30% of Indians are without proper food
and nutrition. Toastmasters are nice and kind people. Do you want to be cruel to the
people who starve to death – because you are practicing a non-vegetarian diet?
At the end, a healthy body creates a sound mind. Eating healthy vegetarian food
definitely helps you to live longer. Look at me now… I’m vegetarian for the last 10+
years and I’m healthy active and very energetic. Look at Ramesh Daswani who just
looks like a college grad even at this age because of his healthy vegetarian diet.
I was doing my regular morning walk one day. I saw an old man rocking in his chair on
the portico of his house. I couldn’t resist looking at the old man… he was short… but
fat… his skin had wrinkles, hair was grey. The old man was happily reading a
newspaper with his thick glasses.
I went to the old man and said "Sir! I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. What’s
your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a
week, eat fatty foods, and never eat vegetables. Oh… I never exercise."
"Wow! You managed to live this long. So, how old are you?" I asked.
The man got off his chair … folded the newspaper and said... "I’m just twenty-six; I look
very old because of what I eat".
I know you don’t want to be like that young man who looked like very old because of his
unhealthy diet. I request all of you to eat a healthy vegetarian diet… because YOU ARE
WHAT YOU EAT.
And after all their fuss they presently incur some simple
old-fashioned illness and die like anybody else.
Eat what you want. Eat lots of it. Yes, eat too much of
it. Eat till you can just stagger across the room with
it and prop it up against a sofa cushion. Eat everything
that you like until you can't eat any more. The only test
is, can you pay for it? If you can't pay for it, don't
eat it. And listen--don't worry as to whether your food
contains starch, or albumen, or gluten, or nitrogen. If
you are a damn fool enough to want these things, go and
buy them and eat all you want of them. Go to a laundry
and get a bag of starch, and eat your fill of it. Eat
it, and take a good long drink of glue after it, and a
spoonful of Portland cement. That will gluten you, good
and solid.
And just one word about fresh air and exercise. Don't
bother with either of them. Get your room full of good
air, then shut up the windows and keep it. It will keep
for years. Anyway, don't keep using your lungs all the
time. Let them rest. As for exercise, if you have to take
it, take it and put up with it. But as long as you have
the price of a hack and can hire other people to play
baseball for you and run races and do gymnastics when
you sit in the shade and smoke and watch them--great
heavens, what more do you want?