09/05/02
uk Issue no: 1032
Page 11 - Show Your Support For The Rent Protest With A
Full Page Poster For Your Campus Room Window
News In Brief
Irish Terrorists Get 30 Years
Republican terrorists Fintan
O’Farrell, Declan Rafferty and
Michael MacDonald were each sen-
tenced to thirty years imprisonment
for conspiracy to cause explosions
and twelve years for offences under
the Terrorism Act at Woolwich
Crown Court. The men were arrested
after MI5 agents convinced the
men that they were Iraqi officials
and wished to sponsor a terrorist
organisation. The men had asked for
£1.5million in cash as well as five
thousand kilos of explosives and two
hundred rocket propelled grenades.
Aligator Racing—The Nation’s
New Sport
The same company, Blue Square,
that brought hamster racing to
London last year has this week
announced its intention to introduce
aligator racing to the capital. The ali-
gators, dressed in coloured coats are
persuaded to leg it down a twenty
foot course separated by glass par-
titions to prevent them from eating
each other. Only thing is, none of the
‘gators hasd ever raced before, so all
have odds of 9/2. Incidentally, as you
could have guessed, the whole thing
is for charity.
Spider Man Breaks Box Office
Record
Smash hit Spider Man broke records
this week with an opening weekend
of over $100million in the United
States, making it the fastest selling
film on record. Amy Pascal, head of
Sony Pictures said “Not in our wild-
est dreams did we expect this scale
of demand for Spider Man”. The film
opens in the UK on June 14th.
Regulars
News 1-3
Letters 4
Barearts 5-12
Services 14
Sport 16
The University of Surrey Students’ Newspaper
FREE
USSU
Protest Vote
Dutch Right-
Wing Politician
Assassinated
BY HONEY BARTER-GODFREY
The Netherlands is in shock after Monday
brought the first Dutch political assassination.
Pim Fortuyn, the head of the Pim Fortuyn List
party, was shot dead outside the media centre
in Hilversum after giving a radio interview.
Just days before the country’s general elec-
tions, Mr Fortuyn was campaigning on anti-
www.ussu.co.
BY JOHN GEESON
VP Finance and Development
Student council voted unanimously last week to
mandate the union executive to organise a peace-
ful demonstration. Students are disillusioned about
the prospect of a general rent increase of 24 %, that
would see Twyford and University Courts hit over £
381 a month.
Students are scared at the prospect of their entire
student loan being spent on rent alone. Sabbaticals
are feeling the pressure of this mammoth rent
increase too. Students, whether via the bulletin
bored, student council or plain old ‘find a sabb and
let them know what you think’, are lobbying their
Union officers for their right to be represented. In
response to this the Union, with its membership’s
welfare at heart, has organised a demonstration
on Wednesday the 15th of May. Incoming NUS
President, Mandy Telford, is also likely to make
an appearance as this issue is becoming a national
problem. Final details of the protest have yet to be
confirmed, but more information can be found on
www.ussu.co.uk/skint.
Not only are students’ disposable incomes hitting
rock bottom, so are the UniS application rates. Less
people apply for UniS courses than those of any
other higher education establishment. It is fact that
students loans go up by the rate of inflation each
year. It is also fact that students are in more debt than
immigration and anti-EU spending issues.
His friends and lawyers have said that he
had been the recipient of threats during his
campaign, and he had recently been hit with
cream pies laced with urine during one of
his walkabouts. Mr Fortuyn had expressed
fears for his safety and was one of the few
Dutch politicians to use security guards.
continued on page 3
ever before. By protesting, the students are hoping
to help UniS help itself by minimising the cost of
living, to get more people to come to Surrey.
The university is committed to the government ini-
tiative of Widening [university] Participation, that is
to make sure 50 % of people from 18-30 have higher
education experience. Recent research has found
that family background matters more than ever in
the progression into higher education: “those in the
highest socio-economic group are seven times more
likely to enter HE than those in the lowest group”
(HEFCE 2001). The UniS accommodation price
accelerator is going to make this university even
more inaccessible to students from non-wealthy
backgrounds. Looking at the UniS website, it says
‘excellent accommodation at affordable prices’. Will
this be the case in the future? When asked if £381 a
month was affordable, Lynzi Asworth, a Guildford
College student commented ‘I would not pay that
to live in student digs; In fact I could not afford to
pay that at all’. This highlights a potential student
recruitment and retention problem facing UniS and
its students.
The demonstration against this 24 % rent adjust-
ment illustrates student unease about the University’s
latest move in a string of controversial accommoda-
tion issues. There is a lot of talk from students, but
we shall see who really put their mouth where their
money is! See you Wednesday week!
 2 News 09/05/02

Editor
Editorial Team

Tristan O’Dwyer
Deputy Editor
An Open Letter To UniS
Richard Watts An open letter to Battersea Court last year and experienced the strategy requirements (which are set by
News and Political Editor UniS in response to leaking windows. I do, however, disagree that the HEFCE) with large rent price rises will
Reuben Thompson last week’s letter from University should not have to fund this out of its become increasingly difficult.
Music Editor B.D Barnard, Director large reserves. At the University’s annual meeting 3) Campus prices affect the price of private
Kevin Marston of Business Support of Court last semester I saw a well put together accommodation in the area. If private
Film Editor Services, published in presentation on how good the Universities finances landlords see UniS putting up it’s accom-
Navroop Sehmi Barefacts (02/05/02). are. The Times Higher Education Supplement modation by large amount then so will
Sports Editor recently called UniS the “rising star of higher they, regardless of whether they need to
Vacant
Sir, education” in reference to its healthy bank bal- spend large amounts on maintenance.
Production Editor
ance. Why then should future students pay for the
Vacant
I would like to take University’s prior lack of investment? In your letter So, as you can see it’s not strictly true to say that
Features Editor
Vacant
issue with a few you say that the University HAS to pay for it our the Universities hands are tied by HEFCE. And if
Arts Editor
Tristan O’Dwyer points you raised in of rent because HEFCE rules say so. In looking it were the case, we would be very interested in
Jana Kristensen Editorial last week’s letter. through the HEFCE rules this is what I found in hearing whether or not UniS would lobby HEFCE
You start by saying HEFCE briefing 5/96.: to look at their rules and if not, why not.
that the percentage You say in your letter that we quoted only the
Contributors
that students rent is to be increased at UniS is not “Provision of Contractual Services en-suite rooms as having high rate rises. I accept
Honey Barter-Godfrey
important, but that what is important is how we that the University has a range of lower priced
Adam Jakeway 60. In determining the price to be charged for the
compare to other institutions in the area. This is accommodation, but this is not set to be the case
John Geeson following,
irrelevant, and something I cannot accept. Each indefinitely. The University is planning to eventu-
James Buller
institution is different and in a different situation, - residences, catering and conferences ally move all accommodation to the new Manor
BAREFACTS@USSU.CO.UK so to compare us with them is not an excuse. The Farm development, and it seems that the plans
amount that OUR students will be paying HERE is the Institution shall assess the full cost of the serv- are to have entirely en-suite provision. This is not
barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper, important. If other institutions compare themselves ice to the Institution. likely to help encourage those from lower socio-
published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union
to us will they use that to justify increasing their economic backgrounds to apply. Interestingly
Communications Office. 61. The Council expects the full cost of such activi-
rents? Will you then use that to justify increasing enough a recent Unison report – B308, concludes
The views expressed within the paper are those of ties to be recovered unless the Institution considers
our rents further still? that nationally “quality of accommodation has
individual authors, and do not necessarily repre- it appropriate to do otherwise having regard to the
sent the views of the Editor, the Editorial Board, You then go on to say that in 1994-95 the Union improved… [mainly] so that the owners can pro-
circumstances of the particular case.”
the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the made “a far-sighted agreement” with the University vide rooms for delegates attending conference at
University of Surrey.
to see rents go up by at least 4% per year indefi- the University.”
It seems clear from this that the rules state that
This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in nitely. I’m afraid to say the Union can come to no I would like to finish by asking this. Where do
part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without although in general institutions should not subsi-
such agreement. One year’s executive team may the University’s priorities lie ? and… Has the
the express permission dise accommodation, it can do so if it has a good
of the publisher. agree on such an issue, but it hardly makes it a “far- University truly done all it can to avoid passing on
case for doing so. Here are a few starters for such
sighted agreement”. As you can see from the report its costs to students who are becoming increasingly
All submissions must include the author’s name and a case:
Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of last weeks Student Council meeting (at which indebted?
of publication. the University was represented) the Union does not
Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be 1) What accommodation needs is a one
agree to the rises. In future years the Union may I fear the answer to the latter is “No”.
published. of capital investment, NOT permanent
barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. well agree with you (although I doubt it), but the
subsidy. This is a result of previous under
© USSU Communications Office 2001 important thing now is that WE do not. Regards,
investment.
Now, I do not disagree that some University
Deadline for Publication 2) To meet it’s Widening Participation
accommodation needs repairing. I lived in T. O’Dwyer
Features and Arts: Friday 2pm
News: Monday 2pm

SubmissionOn disk / email in

Tory Shadow Minister US Blocks
Word 6.0 Format, Text in Times New
Sacked For Racist Remarks
UN Twice
Roman, size 9.5 font

barefacts
Union House, BY HONEY BARTER-GODFREY The organiser of the dinner, who invited Mrs
University Of Surrey Winterton, said the joke went down well with BY HONEY BARTER-GODFREY
Guildford, Ann Winterton, previously the Conservative the audience.
Surrey, shadow rural affairs minister, has been sacked The US has made two significant moves to undermine
GU2 7XH from the front bench for telling a racist joke Winterton has proved to be a walking stere- otherwise global projects. Taking a particularly unilat-
at a rugby club dinner. Demonstrating inex- otype, championing ‘family values’, chairing eralist stance, Bush’s administration have withdrawn
Tel: 01483 689275 plicably bad judgement, Ann Winterton was the all-party pro-life group and campaigning the US from the imminent International Criminal Court,
Fax: 01483 534749 speaking at Congleton rugby club, of which against abortion, porn and euthanasia. She claiming it would undermine US judicial authority.
email: barefacts@ussu.co.uk she is the vice-president. Having given ‘unre- has accepted her dismissal ‘with sadness’ and The ICC, also known as the World Court, comes into
served’ apologies the next day Winterton ‘without question’ but at a time of increased force on July 1st as a ‘court of last resort’ when other,
Do you have a complaint initially refused to resign and so was later sensitivity towards racial tolerance, her sack- domestic and international tribunals and judiciaries
against this newspaper? sacked by Iain Duncan Smith who said her ing may be insufficient to retrieve the Tory cannot prosecute. It will be the first permanent body
If you have a complaint about any item remarks were offensive and unacceptable. reputation from further tarnishing. to try crimes such as genocide, war crimes and crimes
in this newspaper which contains inac-
curacy, harassment, intrusion or dis- against humanity. 66 nations have already ratified the

Note: Next week’s Barefacts

crimination write to our editor about it. Rome Treaty, including Britain. China, Indonesia, Iraq,
Pakistan and Turkey failed to sign up at all. The US
If you remain dissatisfied please contact
the Press Complaints Commission - an withdrawal may undermine the scope of the ICC and

will be the last of this year.

independant organisation established to discourage other nations form ratifying the treaty. More
uphold an editorial Code of Practice for immediately, it further widens the gap between US and
the Press. This newspaper will abide by European international policy.

It may come out on Friday

their decision.
The United Nations summit on children’s rights has
Press Complaints Commission also been setback by Bush’s administration. The US
1 Salisbury Square delegation has rejected pledges to provide “reproduc-

to incorporate a report of
London EC4Y 8JB tive and mental health services [and] sex education” on
Telephone: 020 7353 1248
Fax: 020 7353 8351
the moral ground that only abstinence outside marriage
is acceptable for US funding. The Vatican has approved

next week’s protest

Printed by South West Wales the plan, urging for sex education to have a pro-chastity
Publications Ltd, message, but it looks likely that the UN may dilute the
Adelaide Street, Swansea
proposals to keep the US on board.
Tel: 01792 510000
09/05/02
continued from page 1
Professor Pim, as he was popularly referred
to, was an ex-Marxist academic who had
developed far-right policies on the basis of
his ultra-liberal beliefs. Openly gay and pro-
permissiveness, Mr Fortuyn had championed
Dutch liberal ways and argued against what
he called the Islamicisation of the Netherlands
and called for zero Muslim immigration.
During an interview that led to his dismissal
from the leadership of the Leefbaar Nederland
(Livable Netherlands) party, he had called
Islam a ‘backwards culture’ incompatible with
the sexual equality and individual choice typi-
cal of Dutch liberalism.
The local elections in March gave Mr
Fortuyn 35% of the vote in Rotterdam, taking
more than a third of the seats and becoming
the city’s largest political party. The general
election, sched-
uled for a few
days time, was
expected to see
the Pim Fortuyn
List come third
and take about
15% of the vote.
Following his
assassination the
political parties in
the Netherlands
have halted their
campaigning.
Wim Kok has
announced how-
ever that elections
will continue as
Did That Answer
Your Question?
By Richard Watts
Deputy Editor
The hosting by the University of Surrey at
Season’s restaurant of “Any Questions?,”
the topical news show broadcast by Radio
4 each week, provided some 300 people
with an evening of debate in which subject
matters ranging from last week’s local elec-
tions to the speech made by the Queen to
parliament were discussed. The programme
was chaired, as it has been since 1987, by
Jonathan Dimbleby and entertained as its
panellists Steve Richards, a columnist from
The Independent, Anthony Scrivener QC,
present chairman of the Bar, Janet Daley,
a columnist from The Daily Telegraph and
the irrepressible and ever popular Tony
Benn, the former Labour MP who famously
attempted to renounce his title of Viscount
Stangate in order to serve as a member of
parliament.
The main focus of the evening considered
the results of the local elections, concentrat-
ing primarily on the results in Hartlepool
and Burnley, in which constituents voted for
a chap dressed as a monkey and for members
of the British National Party (BNP) respec-
tively. The opinions voiced by the panellists
detailed the seeming disillusionment of the
voting public with the present government
and the effectiveness of local councils and
suggested that this, perhaps, was the moti-
News 3
planned. Following disturbances between Mr
Fortuyn’s supporters and the police Mr Kok
has called for calm and said ‘at a time when
you want to be very angry, being calm is the
Student Council
Opposes UniS
best way’.
At a time when race, immigration and nation-
ality are at the centre of the political agenda
in Europe Mr Fortuyn’s assassination is an
Rent Increases
ugly twist in the debate. With the BNP and
Tory race jokes dominating the home news
during the last few days, the shooting may
persuade some outspoken political figures
across the UK and Europe that they too are
vulnerable. Tony Blair has cancelled a trip to
the Netherlands and Jack Straw has passed on By Richard Watts the range of accommodation that is to be
condolences to Mr Fortuyn’s family through Deputy Editor available there; Mr Paxton commented [sic]
the British embassy in the Netherlands. One
that there would be an entire range of room
man, has been arrested. The 32 year old Dutch
The meeting of Student Council on 2nd May standards and rents available on the develop-
animal rights activist is to appear in court in
last week unanimously opposed the proposed ment and that these would cater for the wide
connection with the assassination.
rent increases put forward by the University. range of demands that student accommoda-
In a motion put forward by Zoe Kilb, the tion must satisfy.
union resolved to lobby the University over Other motions brought to council involved
the rise in accommodation fees, arguing the introduction of broadband internet access
that such action is not in the best interest of to all campus rooms, the introduction and
the students and that the money required to implementation of the National Student
improve present accommodation should be Learning Program (NSLP) in line with the
found by other means. It also called for the Kelly report and the process through which
University to improve the standards of cam- Surrey’s delegates to NUS regional and
pus accommodation and services to students, national conferences are elected.
though a later motion dealing with the specif- The broadband debate highlighted the current
ics of the re-introduction of better cleaning cost of connecting to the internet from rooms
and linen services found less support amongst on campus: presently, un-metered broad-
the participants attending council. band internet access is available off campus
Richard Paxton, the head of accommodation for less than £20 per month whilst many
services, was invited to the Union’s meeting students spend more than £15 per month on
and faced some forty minutes of gruelling the current dial-up internet access provided in
questioning on the matter of the rent increas- rooms by ntl. In order to address this issue, it
es. For many students, it was the first oppor- was motioned that the current and future sab-
tunity to question directly the proposed hikes batical teams continue to assert pressure on
in rent and Mr Paxton answered some of the the University to provide broadband internet
resulting awkward questions in a fair and access in all campus rooms by their timetable
open manner; he also agreed that the situation date of September 2003 and for Paul Wright,
as it stood was regrettable and highlighted the the President-elect, and Richard Watts, vice
under-investment of the University in preced- president Communications and Marketing-
ing years leading to some of the problems elect, to sit on the broadband working group
that the accommodation office face now. A set-up by Richard Paxton.
brief mention was made of Manor Farm and
charm-offensive of Buckingham children truant.
Palace in Jubilee year, and concluded After the live programme, there was a
that something need be done in order reception held in the Oak Suite, giving some
to make the monarchy more relevant members of the audience the opportunity to
to today’s society. This discussion talk to the panellists in person. A notable
also led on to the subject of reform of absentee from this however was Tony Benn,
the House of Lords, with Tony Benn who was called by Newsnight to appear on
passionately arguing against the idea the programme that evening to say a few
of hereditary peers. In a humorous words about Barbara Castle, the former
moment Mr Benn demonstrated the Labour Party minister once tipped to become
absurdity of such a system by say- Britain’s first woman prime minister, who
ing “I would feel very concerned died that day at the age of 91.
and worried if I visited my
dentist only to have him
tell me ‘well you see, I’m
not really a dentist, but my
father was!’”
The most animated replies
Veteran Parliamentarian Tony Benn, a regular of the evening were saved
panellist on “Any Questions?”, chaired by Jonathan for Tony Blair’s planned
Dimbleby (right) introduction of the removal
vating factor behind the voter’s decision to of child benefit from parents
support “minority” groups. who knowingly let their children
The Queen’s reaffirmation to parliament of truant. Anthony Scrivener in par-
her intent to continue as head of state con- ticular vehemently argued against
stituted the subject matter of the other main the introduction of such legislation,
discussion of the evening. It was suggested stating that this action, which is
by the member of public who put the ques- already catered for in the updated
tion to the panellists that the Queen should Education Act of 1996, was not
stand down and let Prince Charles begin his only unfeasible, but a waste of both
term as King. Though this point was not the tax-payers money and the time
entirely agreed upon, the panellists debated of a solicitor called upon to indict
the ideas of republicanism and the current such charges against parents whose
 4 Letters 09/05/02

Letters to the Editor Letters must be received by 5pm on the

Friday before publication to guarentee their
presence in the next newspaper. So there.

Elections “Not 100% Flawless”

Dear BF
I writing this as someone who I feel has slightly more
than average interest in the sabbatical elections just
gone (although that wouldn’t appear to be difficult). I read
Barefacts last week and finally saw 6.5 lines of text refer-
ring to the sabbatical results. These results consisted of
the winners names and position and that’s about it. First
proper acknowledgement of the results as far as I was
concerned. From the half page (mainly pictures) we have
no indication as to the number of votes cast for any posi-
tion or the turnout except to gather it must be low due to
the ‘relatively short count’.
There appear to be a number of issues with the current
electoral procedure.
Starting at the beginning I am not aware of any pres-
entation detailing the candidates bar the publication in
Barefacts. With this being such a vital part of the union
I would have though it could dedicate some notice board
space to a comprehensive listing or some official docu-
mentation.
The hustings, which I attended with maybe 75 people
tops. Well organised I admit however to what purpose.
I would be surprised to learn that more than 10% of the
attendees were floating voters, making it 10 people at the
max. All this effort and time for the votes of 10 people. It
is possible that you only need 10 votes to win but I have
no idea as no quantitive results were published to my
knowledge.
The election themselves held in week 10, schoolboy
error. Before the polls have even closed people are ship-
ping out of here as fast as the terminal velocity of the hill
will allow, not a thought of the results if there was one.
Four weeks later does anyone care any more? At this
point I am aware of the results being posted on the LCD
screens in the union, if I missed FNO then will have prob-
ably missed the results.
I got bored trying to find any extra info on USSU.co.uk.
The elections were not a talking point, didn’t really here
much debate in Chancellors. The only person who
expressed any thoughts in my vicinity stated
‘Oh yeah the president of the union an all that, The geek
v Greek one …he’s got no chance’,
wow this guy new of two directly competing candidates
in some respect and there was the faint murmurings of
public opinion.
My first real personal recollection of the elections was in
the second year, I absent mindedly acknowledged some
guy at the entrance of the lecture theatres.
‘Voted, mate, here have a lolly, my names …(long forgot-
ten)’
‘Yeh, You’ve won my vote’
ain’t democracy great. I think I ticked Ron on all other
boxes as he was going for most positions and deserved
at least one.
So I don’t think they’re 100% flawless, voter apathy and
down right lack of awareness being something of a factor.
I definitely think week 10 is a bad idea, although stopping
the tunes for 10 minutes at 11 in the Union and announc-
ing the results may capture an audience and at least
cause a few more people to recognise the sabbatical staff
in passing.
Similarly the hustings although well organised and of
potential benefit were pretty much a waste of everyone’s
time, electoral procedure followed, very little, if any differ-
ence made to any mindsets.
Personally it would be of some interest to see the voting
figures, how many people can vote ? 9 500 ? Can you
win a position with less than 500 votes, or 50 even? How
close were the votes ? How popular is RON ? Are there
any plans to change the election procedures ?
Maybe I wasn’t interested enough, didn’t try hard enough
to be part of the process, however as this year was by far
most active and I’m leaving in eights days, do I care ?
Name and adress supplied

Editors Response on at two meetings. The timing of all of this left us with no choice
but to hold the elections in week 10. Your suggestion to stop FNO
Sir, for 10 minutes to announce the results is what we actually did.

Thank you for your letter regarding this years Sabbatical elec-
tions. I would like to clarify a few points however. Firstly, for those
interested I have printed a list of the final counts below.
Now, you state that because the count was very quick then the
turnout must have been very low. That is not the case. The total
number of votes cast was 1,198. This may sound low (around
10% of the Union membership) but it is in fact around average
for sabbatical election around the country. It is also an increase
of around 100 on last year. Considering the number of candidates
was half that of last year this is a significant improvement. The
reason the count was very quick this year was not down to low
turnout, but down to low number of candidates (counting with the
STV system with only two candidates per position is quick as you
rarely need to count several rounds.).
Regarding you point about notification of candidates. Candidates
were given manifesto space for two weeks running in this
paper. They were also given space on the union website
(www.ussu.co.uk) . Finally, they all had adverts recorded on GU2
that were regularly played. To argue that they were not publicized
enough is not fair. To a large extent it is the responsibility of the
candidate to ensure that they get as much publicity as they think
they need.
You question the effectiveness and purpose of hustings. The idea
of hustings is that it’s your chance to see the candidates stand
up to the scrutiny of the electorate. You say perhaps only 10% of
those there were floating voters, but a particularly good, or bad,
performance at hustings could potentially change the opinion of
someone who had already decided. Also, don’t forget that this
year we webcast the hustings, so people who couldn’t make it
onto campus still had their chance to ask questions via the web.
This was particularly useful for placement students who may
have wanted to use a postal vote.
I admit that holding the elections in week 10 was not ideal, and
in previous years they have been much earlier. Unfortunately
we had no choice on this matter. The University had withdrawn
funding for one sabbatical officer. We wanted to consult Student
Council to see if they wanted to go down to five sabbs, or whether
they wanted to fund a 6th sabb from Union money. This meant a
change in the Union constitution, meaning it needed to be voted
You’re right when you say the election process isn’t flawless. It
Fair Trade
never will be. You’re right when you say there is a lot of apathy
about elections. Yes we have a responsibility to persuade people To all Barefacts readers,
they need to vote, but so do candidates and their teams. This It was interesting to read Sue Gomms
year saw an increase in voting numbers. The general student letters page response to the pay issue,
population however does have a responsibility to make some sort regarding cleaners not getting much (ie
of effort to find out what they’re voting for. the grassroots hard physical work do-ers)
and the VC getting a huge pay-packet
Regards, AND recently an increase. It makes me
T. O’Dwyer consider again how many people ever think
Editor about the whole issue of fair pay on a wider
scale, and with regard to trade especially.
To give an example, the people that are
Sabbatical Election Counts 2002: producing the majority of the worlds coffee
and tea supplies are paid very poorly -
President: barely enough to survive on, sometimes
(Valid Papers - 1134) not enough to survive on, and generally
Kamoutsis, Panos - 465
under poor conditions (no job stability, no
Wright, Paul - 604 health and safety controls, no guaranteed
RON - 65 sales for their crops etc). The same applies
to a lot of textiles manufacturers - labelled
VP Communications and Marketing: goods sold for huge ammounts in this
(Valid Papers - 1091) country are often assembled in ‘sweat
Booth, Andrew - 348 shops’ with few or lax regulations, appalling
Watts, Richard - 717 pay and dangerous or unhealthy working
RON - 26 conditions. Just to produce cheap goods
for the Western market.
VP Socities and Culture: All this may seem like rather an abstraction
(Valid Papers - 999) from the cleaner and VC scenario, but it is
Dawson, Charlotte - 748 really an extension of the same thing. While
Stevens, Samantha - 189 we may in some cases have to pay more for
RON - 62 ‘fairly traded’ goods, prices we may even
regard as being ‘expensive’, perhaps this
VP Education and Welfare: parallel can help you see that such prices
(Valid Papers - 951) do not not actually represent ‘expensive’
Borneo, Antonia - 803 or over-priced values, but the right price.
RON - 148 Something to think about...
Remember there are now regular Fair
VP Sports: Trade stalls in the Union now - the next one
(Valid Papers - 981) is on the Thursday of week 15, May 23rd.
Goodwin, Denise - 844 Please support it!
RON - 137
Emma Van-Huysse
09/05/02 Feature 5

Life After The Womb: Political Special

Following the recent tension resulting from the last few week’s political activities, Rich W tells everyone where it’s at

There has been a lot of emphasis recently on politics and the pledges of various political
parties on issues that matter to you, the generally unsuspecting voting public. There has
been talk of the not-very-left wing left-ism of the normally left-wing Labour Party and
the alarming rise in support for the right-wing movements of the British National Party
as well as for the fascist French candidate in the presidential elections, Jean-
Marie le Pen (whose surname, by the way, does not mean “the bic biro”).
Life After the Womb has watched with some interest how political
columnists have reacted to this left-wing/right-wing debate over
the last few weeks and finally feels that perhaps now is the time
to tell the world of the previously latent political party whose
idealisms, mantras and goals may very well unite the world
as it seeks the answers to the questions of world peace,
eternal life and who leaves the toilet seat up: do not vote
right-wing; do not vote left-wing; ladies and gentlemen,
vote chicken-wing.
As with all political persuasions, there need be a political
party and a positive, active and identifiable leader to lead
that party such that the position of the chicken-wing estab-
lishes itself firmly in the democratic world. Such a party
already exists in today’s world, with such an individual ready
to take the mantel of “leader” and deliver to this country pre-
cisely what it needs: that party is KFC. That man is the Colonel.
For so long has this one man tirelessly strived, with a loyal and
dedicated work force, to provide exactly what it is demanded of him;
never has he failed to live up to a promise that he has made and constantly
has he brought excellent standards to an industry lacking so often in scruples
and morality. Now, after years of planning is he ready to turn his attentions to the issues
that matter most to the electorate: we must follow him, therefore, for he is the only one
with the proven track record.
Now, Life After The Womb is willing to admit that this all seems a little fanciful – will-
ing to admit, even, that the existence of the chicken-wing before now had remained safely
stored in a little box labelled “never heard of it” in the backs of your minds. To simply
accept the doctrines of such an unknown political persuasion, therefore, and, worse still,
defect from the very values of left-ism and right-ism that have kept this world ticking
over since its inception, is perhaps a little radical. Hell, you could even call it mad. Thus,
Life After the Womb won’t actually outline any of the principles associated with the
Chickenist movement and will simply leave them to you, the ever-present
reader, to decide what you want KFC stands for. If you want to read
a book on the matter, check out “KFC & YOU: Coating the World
in Crispy Breadcrumbs” by the Colonel, Faber and Faber.
An important point to highlight is that KFC, under the
leadership of the Colonel, is no longer an acronym for
“Kentucky Fried Chicken” as you quite justifiably may
have imagined; KFC, under its political guise, actually
stands for “Knights of the Fellowship of the Colonel”
(and is sometimes jokingly referred to by it’s followers
as the “of the’s”). Though a seemingly male-oriented
title for a politically active group (and thus making a
mockery of the Chickenist equalitarian policies out-
lined in 1933), the organisation is very careful over its
definition of a “Knight”, and thus defines a Knight of the
Fellowship of the Colonel as a “living being (man, woman,
vertebrate animal or plant) willing to follow and implement
the doctrines of the Colonel and his advisors”.
Quite why or how such a powerful force could remain dormant
for so long, one can only imagine. History will show that on one
glorious day, mankind no longer had to make do with the bumbling
pledged of other political leanings that did not accommodate their beliefs,
and instead found true understanding in the mantra of one man: the Colonel. So
next time you are queuing idly at the top of town, waiting for that all important bargain
bucket (an extended metaphor right there of proportions so cataclysmic I’d best not go
into it now), just allow yourself that one thought, that soon going to KFC will no longer
be about buying chicken, but more about joing the Chickenist movement and being part
of the most powerful force ever known to man. God bless Chickenism.

By Noël HATCH and Olivier JOURDAN
South Kensington, 18h00. The weather is fittingly threatening
for this historic event: the final decider in the French presi-
dential elections, where as mentioned last week in Barefacts
and on GU2, the French have been called on vote on either
a crook or a fascist. This leafy area of London could just as
well be called Paris-on-Thames – it is in effect the “ghetto
français” of London. Conversations about the elections flirt
with small talk about English weather and on how much
France will beat their opponent in the World Cup Final in the
summer. 18h57: “la tension monte” (the pressure’s increas-
ing)…19h00: 82% for…Jacques Chirac. Expected?
After the “cocktail Molotov” votes and the protest votes of
the 21st of April, the electoral levy en masse of May 5th. With
the display of national solidarity, democracy has triumphed:
liberty, equality and fraternity. It is an “ouf” of relief, but it
is also a kind of national oath that the voters have just pro-
nounced. In the last fortnight, the French society massively
transformed the second round of the presidential elections
into a plebiscite for democratic values, for a open and united
society, for dialogue and respect, for economic and social
modernisation, for a European France. In front of the lepenist
threat and its ideas of lock and segregation, the republican
pact has been renewed.
After the apathy, France has returned to political action to
send back to the outermost recesses of society the values
of the extreme right who had managed to escape these and
join the mainstream. The cultural frustrations and the social
despairs of the rejected, which were expressed in the first
round, have not disappeared, but a number of those who
wanted be heard did not want to be used as fuel to the FN’s
fire, to favour national regression and a break with the
European Union.
Jacques Chirac has been re-elected. But his talent stops
there: he achieved a crushing majority in a referendum which
he had not anticipated. This sudden referendum was won by
the French people. Whereas the credibility of the presidential
function has been severely weakened. The winner is indeed
the first president elected without a presidential majority. The
left-wing voters massively voted for him, in a proportion
probably equivalent to that of the voters of the parliamentary
Right, so that it will be impossible for him to decide between
Translates as: “82% in favour of democracie -
Phew!”
both, to favour the policies wished by one party against
the other one. This second round confirms the fundamental
change which took place in the practice of institutions since
the first coalition: the presidential election is not the most
important objective any more. Henceforth, it is the parliamen-
tary rendez-vous which determine the powers of the Head of
State: The full exercise of power or the golden dustbin. The
Head of State, who would like to avoid returning where from
he comes (coalition with the Left), is looking for a presiden-
tial right-wing majority: the second round, on June 16th, will
fix the new rules of the game.
For the left, after the disaster of April 21st, this electoral
mobilisation which its leaders called up has value of hope
in the middle of a field of ruins. The left-wing electorate,
and even extreme left, indeed mobilised en masse. These
millions of ballots in favour of Jacques Chirac are going to
weigh heavily to June. The same will want to vote for the Left
again, they will also want to avoid the infectious dispersal
and the frivolous blackmailing of the first round. The score
and the electoral behaviour of the second round are going to
contribute to a real re-mobilisation of the left-wing electorate,
which should favour if not a victory in the parliamentaries,
at least a return to grace to the Parliament. Jacques Chirac is
doubtless going to contribute to it by throwing his partisans in
a campaign on distinctively right-wing ideals, trying to apply
the program to which he amassed less than 20 % of the votes
in the first round. In many respects, for democrats of any
background, but also for left-wing voters, the operation will
seem like a cold shower.
The vote-oath of May 5th calls indeed for renewed values,
an executive practice, a vision of the change in France, which
does not pose constraints to the grand plan to tackle insecu-
rity promised by the r-eelected president. He would make a
monumental error of interpretation by pretending to believe
that the insecurity about which speak the voters limits itself to
crime. They speak just as much about cultural, social and eco-
nomic insecurity. The mobilisation for the French Republic
did not erase the earthquake of April 21st. The situation calls
for grand gestures devoid of partisan egoism. Depending on
what Jacques Chirac will make of this moment of democratic
rejuvenation, this revival of politics, of this France standing
headstrong against lepénisme, he will be a revitaliser and a
moderniser of France or a “mini de Gaulle” in search of a
really silent majority.
5th May 2002, 22h00:
Another bottle of champagne, another last packet of
Gauloises smoked, another Republic saved…
5th July 2002 22h00:
Another World Cup won…
 ABOUT A BOY
Directed by Chris and Paul Weitz
Starring Hugh Grant, Rachel Weisz and The jewel of the film, however, (apart
Nicholas Hoult from the obvious abilities of the young star
Nicholas Hoult and a really-quite-likeable
There is, of course, an unwritten law of money- Hugh Grant) is the soundtrack provided
making that states, and I quote, “should a book by Badly Drawn Boy: mirroring the balance
sell more than x number of copies, appear fairly that the film has to strike between humour
popular amongst the airport-lounge book-buy- and desolation, the qualities of the tracks that
ing public and be critically acclaimed by such occasionally take centre stage during the qui-
publications as Cosmopolitan, Hello and GQ eter moments of the film add an extra quality
Magazine, then its rights will be purchased by to the experience that maybe, just maybe, you
an upcoming media mogul and a film adapta- should be grateful to the man at the money-mak-
tion, starring a low A-list/high B-list celebrity and ing company for. 8/10 R.W.
entailing at least one soundtrack spin-off will be
produced quicker than you can ‘Jack Rabbit
wasn’t a rabbit at all’”. Thus, the formula for Bridget Jones’s Diary, Fever Pitch and now “About
A boy” was firmly established and hundreds of boyfriends up and down the country succumbed
to the “why, of course I’d like to go and watch it with you” line in order to perpetuate their current
relationship.
“About A Boy”, however, should probably not be included on the list so rashly quoted above,
appearing instead as an entrant on a “genuinely entertaining” list of recent films. From the begin-
ning, it is more than willing to tell you not to expect too much from it (due, in part, to Hugh Grant’s
narration over the opening scenes) and so lets you relax and not feel too bad for laughing at
the sincerely funny bits or sympathising with the characters during the more sincere and candid
moments. A film that includes both playground bullying and suicide as subject matters must also
make sure it laughs at the appropriate times and show restraint at others, and, bearing in mind that
the basic premise of the story is “About A Boy” and the difficulties with which he has to deal, the
Weitz brother’s film handles really quite well the balance of humour and “difficult” content.

MULHOLLAND DRIVE

Directed by David Lynch

Starring Laura Elena Harring, Naomi Watts and Justin Theroux

Renowned for remarkably elegant, though somewhat strange and occasionally con-
fusing films, David Lynch returned to the affray with this offering in 2001 that was
shown as the Union’s free film on Sunday night (and as part of Odeon’s “projections”
season the preceding Wednesday). The director of Blue Velvet and The Elephant
Man had originally planned this film as a television show, as he had done with the
widely celebrated Twin Peaks, but when that idea was rejected decided to make it as
a feature film instead.
The distinctly abstract feel to the film, in which an actress makes her way to
Hollywood to follow the dreams of all of those that have gone before her, made the
film, at times, rather difficult to follow, let alone understand and interpret. As with most
films of this nature, there was an element of explanation offered in the last few min-
utes, though, in a characteristically Lynch way, you were always left with a question
to which there was (possibly) no real answer and hence an inability to decide whether
or not you actually liked the film.
Take, for example, the recurring references and moments dedicated to the mysteri-
ous blue box and the equally mystical Silencio club: though it was evident that, sym-
bolically at least, both of these things were integral parts of the plot, it was difficult to
interpret quite what it actually was they were symbolising. Did the blue box represent
the illusion of Hollywood and fame or did it represent the aspirations of every actress
who goes to Tinsel town? Why did the film end with the word “silencio”? If you can-
not determine reasonable answers to such questions, then surely your enjoyment of
the film must have been affected? You cannot expect to enjoy a film if you have no
idea whatsoever about what is going on.
Why, then, if you cannot enjoy such a film, does David Lynch make matters so con-
fusing in his films – is he deliberately trying to be clever and elusive with his plots, or
is this part of experiencing one of his offerings? In an interview, Mr Lynch said that
one of the most important things to remember when watching one of his films was
intuition: “[intuition is] this machine that we have for sensing something that we’re
not necessarily able to articulate.
Abstractions can exist in cinema
and that’s one of the powers of
cinema to me.” On reflection,
applying this “intuition” idea to
Mulholland Drive, I find, helps lit-
tle – perhaps it was just a bit too
abstract to understand, or maybe
I just wasn’t paying it enough
attention. 6/10 R.W.
As we eagerly await the next Star Wars film, Attack of the Clones, we at
Barefacts thought we would search through the web to see if we could get
any ideas of what we were to expect. What we pout together is the follow-
ing preview...
ATTACK OF THE CLONES?
First, I must say that this film makes THE PHANTOM MENACE a better film. But it
is by far the most entertaining Star Wars film to date. ATTACK OF THE CLONES is
a turning point in the legend. The point of no return.
Set 10 years after the events in “The Phantom Menace”, an attempt is made on
the life of Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman), who is now a Senator representing
her home world. Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) (who has transitioned
from student to teacher) and his Padawan learner Anakin Skywalker (Hayden
Christensen) (who has grown into the accomplished Jedi apprentice of Obi-Wan),
are sent to investigate. After tracking down the assassin, she is killed before any
information can be driven out of her. The two Jedi are then sent on different mis-
sions.
Anakin is sent to Naboo with Padme, where an outlawed love interest develops
between the two. A significant element of the film is the forbidden romance which will
jeopardize the future of both participants and will play a large part in the construction
of the narrative of the STAR WARS chronicle.
Obi-Wan is sent to the planet of Kamino where he will investigate the assassina-
tion attempts. Little does he know, he is investigating some of the biggest events of
the Star Wars saga! He subsequently finds out that there is a connection between
the assassination attempts and a separatists movement led by a former Jedi
(Christopher Lee) against the Republic. Without delay the Galactic Republic finds
itself at the brink of a civil war.
The characters we met in the PHANTOM MENACE that we are reunited with in
this film, we become better acquainted with. For example, Padme Amidala (Natalie
Portman) loses the droll monotone voice that she had in the first film, as her role in
this film requires much more variety to her character. Here she infuses the character
with more of herself, which is a very good thing.
I know there’s many of you out there that get shivers just from watching the trail-
ers, so hold on to your seats guys and get your selves ready for ATTACK OF THE
CLONES, the first REAL Star War!
09/05/02
SINGLES
THE ELECTRIC SOFT PARADE
Empty At The End/This Given Line
(Hut)
A rather lovely double-barrelled blast
of toe-tapping pop from those talented
Brighton youngsters; ‘Empty At The
End’ is direct and highly infectious;
whereas ‘This Given Line’ smoothly
cranks up the guitar pedals a notch.
A pleasing Gudjohnson/Hasselbaink-
style partnership then... Quite frankly,
the only reason why you shouldn’t
buy this single is if you’ve already got
their splendid debut album ‘Holes In
The Wall’. 8/10 A.S.
EMETREX
Curve Of The Earth (Infur)
It appears that Emetrex have taken
a page out of the Grandaddy/
Sparklehorse song-writing handbook,
but dabbling with a winning formula
such as this is warmly welcomed with
open arms. ‘Curve Of The Earth’ is
an easily digestible two minutes of
lo-fi guitar-shape throwing. However,
B-side ‘Out Of My Sight’ subtlety out-
shines its A-side companion, reminis-
cent of that old summertime romance
with Pavement, before Stephen
Malkmus left and broke our hearts.
8/10 A.S.
THE HIVES
Main Offender (Poptones)
The Hives and Kylie Minogue what a
mix! Agent Provocateur roped them
both in for their latest ad campaign
(Kylie isn’t on the track). ‘Main
Offender’ is the perfect foil to Kylie’s
mad gyrations – recognise. Randy
Fitzsimmons whoever the fuck he is
(Mister freakin pseudonym) has done
the biz once more on this riff-laden
roller-coaster shit. It’s great for Ian
Curtis style dancing, so I give it a 5-
go-dating themed. 8/10 A.R.
RHIANNA
Oh Baby (Sony)
With hotter temperatures and lazy
sunny evenings just around the corner
[we can hope at least!], this track will
surely find its niche as one of the feel-
good hits of the summer. Minogue-
esque vocals float over clean,
breezy rhythms in a clean slice of
soul-injected pop that is refreshingly
Single Reviews 7
PETE YORN
For Nancy (Cos It Already Is) SINGLE OF THE WEEK
(Epic)
Pete Yorn looks cool and sounds
even cooler. The boy knows how
to rock. The single starts with a
sort of laid back slacker feel to it,
but then explodes into a chorus
which is a guitar-driven, riff-laden
triumph. Taken from the album
‘MusicForTheMorningAfter’, this
is definitely worth a listen. I quite
like it. 9/10 A.W.
catchy and mood-uplifting. In short, their third album ‘The Golden Hum’. DANKO JONES
a three-minute groove of youthful And that is probably not such a bad Sound Of Love (Bad Taste
optimism - a remarkable debut single. thing. 6/10 A.W. Records)
7/10 C.L.
GREEN VELVET As a reviewer you sometimes won-
REMY ZERO La La Land (Credence) der how certain bands manage to get
Save Me (Elektra) a record deal. Danko Jones are no
A cautionary tale about the dangers exception. On the evidence of this
This will probably be the biggest hit of pill-popping from Curtis Jones’ single, the Toronto-based three-piece
Remy Zero will ever have, as it’s the darker, cynical Mr. Hyde-esque side managed it on the basis of second-
theme tune to the Superman TV series of his personality. Surely techno’s hand metal riffs, basic songs and
‘Smallville’. As such, it sounds a bit only chemical-engineering graduate dreary vocals, with the rhythm section
over-produced and not as raw and delivers a stripped-down, DIY-style providing the only vaguely positive
exciting as the band can sound live. production with gritty base and a note. Surprisingly uninspiring stuff.
Sweeping guitars and a soaring chorus “tekno-punk” attitude. 5/10 M.R. 4/10 P.G.S.
means this might encourage people to
find out more about the band, such as ADEMA THE SAW DOCTORS
Giving In (Arista) This is Me (Shamtown Records)

Recommended
LAST DAYS OF APRIL
Playerin (Bad Taste Records) Non-descript dark rock music that just This is Me is the single taken from
doesn’t grab the attention. “Watch me The Saw Doctors’ sixth album, and
‘Last Days Of April’ are another Swedish band with crumble, I’m giving in to you, I’m listening to it makes you think why
the world at their feet belting out very good tunes dying tonight.” Harsh guitars, not didn’t they stop after five. The songs
indeed. With a Placebo style start left in its wake much melody and boring lyrics like are middle of the road and some of
with distinctive vocals combined with crafted song these means this never rises above the the singing is pretty lame. I can’t say
writing. Their sound is pure, simple backing and average. B sides aren’t much better much more really, except don’t buy
lyrics that’s extremely effective. A re – working of either. 4/10 A.W. this unless you’re an old Irish man.
‘Playerin’ is a fresh take on the original with more Pitiful 2/10 M.S.
feeling which very much rivals it in quality. A new
album out soon, and by the sound of this could be
one to watch. 8/10 M.B.

Thorpe Park Competition

Travel through COLOSSUS’ ten almighty loops stretching
over 850 metres of twisting track, at the hair-raising speed
of 65km per hour. The first of its kind, there is no ride in
the world that can test COLOSSUS, the closest eight loop
rivals in Spain and Rio paling in comparison.

The explosive DETONATOR winches riders a terrifying

100ft into the air and then fires them back to earth at a
9am - 5pm (or until 7.30pm throughout August).
beltin’ 75km per hour. With a mega G-force factor of 5.5
it’s a knee trembling, nail-biting, gravity-defying experi-
ence! Booking:

Those wanting to be amongst the first to discover the

The awesome VORTEX subjects riders to 15 high speed
rotations per minute whilst swinging back and forth at a
vertigo-inducing 65 feet above the ground. Be warned: the
cyclonic forces of the raging VORTEX are best experienced
on an empty stomach!
Whatever your sign, ZODIAC promises to spin you into
a new sphere of fear. Taking riders through a full 360
degrees at 60km per hour ZODIAC quite literally turns the
world upside down - and back again - in a whirl-wind cir-
cumnavigation of the white-knuckle kind.
Opening dates and times:
Thorpe Park is open until 3rd November every day from
thrills can pre book tickets in advance on 0870 444
44 66 or log on @ www.thorpepark.com.
Competition:
We have a few tickets to Thorpe Park to give away.
We also have a packet of Barbeque Hula Hoops in the
Barefacts office. Guess the number of Hula Hoops
in our packet and the tickets are yours. (note: The
people with the closest numbers to the real number
will be picked out of a hat. The hat chosen has been
borrowed from a member of the magic circle. Should
a Rabbit comeout of it, we will send the Rabbit to
Thorpe Park instead. We only count whole Hula
Hoops, and not bits of crushed ones. ) Oh, and e-mail
Barefacts@surrey.ac.uk with yer answer!
10 Albums 09/05/02

ALBUMS HUNDRED REASONS

DAMON ALBARN & FRIENDS
Ideas Above Our Station
(Columbia)
ALBUM OF THE WEEK
Mali Music (Honest Jon’s Records)

Damon Albarn, best known as Blur

front man and Gorrilaz creator teams
up with musicians from Mali to cre-
ate a musical experience. After a
trip nearly two years ago to Mali
the beauty of Mali along with their
enthusiasm inspired him. The inno-
cence and simplicity is combined with
Damons young but experienced head
that works a treat. The music has not
been changed but merely tweaked to
produce rounder tracks. Music is a
universal language and with Albarn’s
high profile he has given us a glimpse
of quality Malian master class that
may have otherwise been kept a
secret. ‘Le Hogon’ sees oddly a thumb
piano blended with Bongo’s, which is
lively, and a classic mix of west meets
Mali influences. ‘Tennessee Hotel’ is
atmospheric with wonderful female
vocals, acoustic guitar and ‘Tender’
style base. This celebration of Malian
music shows what amazing songs are
out there and how narrow tastes can
become without a useful reminder.
7/10 M.B
LAST DAYS OF APRIL
Ascend to the Stars (Bad Taste
Records)
LastDaysofApril are from Sweden
and pretty much unheard of here,
but they’re gaining wide recognition
across Europe and America having
recently supported At The Drive-In
and Chris Cornell. They fit nicely
into the lovey-dovey and nebulous
category that is Emo, with a sound
similar to Haven, Lowgold and the
quirky pop quality of Grandaddy.
It’s pretty at times, but sadly nothing
that we haven’t heard before, plus
Karl Larsson’s voice seems to have
little variation in delivery throughout
the album. The album does how-
ever end with one of the best tracks
“At Your Most Beautiful” which
features a lengthy play-out full of
heartache, reminiscent of something
Elbowesque. 7/10 M.S.
VARIOUS
Out The Box 2 (Upshot)
It seems that this little gem of a com-
pilation CD’s only purpose is to high-
light some of the latest material being
released by various up-and-coming
RECOMMENDED
Every once in a while there
comes a time when a band produces
something different, something infec-
tious, something unbelievably power-
ful that opens the once locked door to
a world of realization, of shared emo-
tions, and shared pain. The causal link
between listener and band become one,
a highly charged bond of recognition –
to the frustrations of life, love and pain
– one that’s tangible to the masses, the
youth of today and the presets of gen-
erations gone past. ‘Ideas Above Our
Station’ is that bond, and that band is
Hundred Reasons, possibly one of the
best exports this country will ever see,
a band that captures the essence and
imagination of our society, our youth,
and our lives through the beliefs of ‘I’ll
Find You’, the ideas of ‘If I Could’ and
the unanswered questions of ‘Falter’.
Something not to be missed or forgot-
ten. 9/10 K.M.
bands, as well as stuff from those you
thought had kicked the bucket a long
ago (hello again Bis). It’s a crack-
ing idea that starts off with Phantom
Planet’s low-key ‘California’ which
is swiftly followed by the upbeat
guitar-pop of Jet Plane Landing’s
‘Summer Ends’. Also along for the
ride are Incubus, Vega-4, Future
Kings Of Spain, Ten Speed Racer to
name a few. Thankfully there are no
completely duff tracks on offer, but
there are only a few really outstand-
ing tracks, namely the understated
brilliance of Minuteman’s ‘Words Fail
Me Now’ and the slow, jangly, Nick
Drake-ish sound of Goldrush’s ‘Same
Picture’. 7/10 P.G.S.
NOFX
45 Or 46 Songs That Weren’t Good
Enough To Go On Our Other
Records (Fat Wreck Chords)
I’ve just checked the word count and
it appears I only have to write about
this many words… to reach my word
quota. Whatever, this 2-disc collection
of songs, which in the band’s words
weren’t good enough to feature on
any albums, is pretty bonzo if you get
me? Very, Very alternative and also
quite late afternoon Santa Monica
Beach. The songs are typically nihil-
istic microphone-in-mouth mad-hair
affairs. If your into punk style guitar
band stuff you’ll love it cos it is men-
tal and well worth a listen. There’s a
booklet full of dodgy band photos
and lyrics included in the deal, great
if you’re a fan or perv (both words
are freely interchangeable in this con-
text). Forget the dub songs however
cos that sort of thing is truly dogshit
– I don’t care what anyone else says!
7/10 A.R.
THE CHARLATANS
Songs from the Other Side (Beggars
Banquet Records)
The Charlatans seem to be going
from strength to strength this year,
as albums like this testify. This is not
even new material, but a compilation
of B-sides from the period 1990-1997.
Rather than being a commercially-des-
perate offering of second-rate songs
however (as such a collection from
another band could easily be), each
track on this album deserves success
in its own right. Arranged in chrono-
logical order, and including occasion-
al mixes from the likes of Chemical
Brothers and Van Basten, the selected
songs trace the band’s evolution over
the last decade, the different styles
unified only by Tim Burgess’ distinc-
tive smug vocals. Self-assured and
CORNERSHOP
Handcream For A Generation (Wiiija)
Err... guys, is that a camera?
arrogant as his voice may seem, given
continued positive appraisal by critics
he has good reason. Definitely one for
even the most lukewarm of Charlatans
fans. 6/10 C.L.
THE SUICIDE MACHINES
Steal This Record (Hollywood
Records)
This album is chocked full of short
slices of frantic punk pop. With a
slightly harder guitar sound than US
contemporaries Green Day and The
Offspring, the overall effect (and
vocal style) is similar. The cover of
REM’s classic ‘It’s The End Of The
World As We Know It (And I Feel
Fine)’ is slightly disappointing. Not
as furiously fast paced as I’d hoped
(done better by a certain Rugby band
I know), but the song is always going
to sound sharp and relevant. The band
are better with their own material.
Highlights include ‘Bleeding Heart’
and ‘The Killing Blow’. ‘Stand Up’
is a shock: a ska tinged, slower track
with political and “change the world
for our children” messages. A very
bizarre turn of events in the middle of
the album. Don’t worry though, the
band soon get back to the task in hand
- rocking as fast as possible. It seems
to be what The Suicide Machines do
best. 6/10 A.W.
AUTOUR DE LUCIE
Je Reviens (Nettwerk)
I jumped to the chance to review this
when I saw that Autour De Lucie
was compared to a ’slow motion
Saint Etienne’ (or maybe it was just
that no one else wanted it), but alas
‘Je Reviens’ was a bit disappointing.
For one, I realised there’s a reason
to why St Etienne is upbeat and
not slow. Still, it’s not a bad record.
‘Je Reviens’ consists of remixes of
tracks from their third album ‘Faux
Movement’, which was released
here in the UK last year. It’s French
pop with electronica and instruments
mixed together with Valérie Leulliot
on vocals. It can also be added that
their producer is Ian Caple, who’s
the producer behind band such
as Tindersticks, Tricky and Stina
Nordenstam. Autour De Lucie has a
chilled tune with soft French vocals,
nice for late nights in, but definitely
no new St Etienne. 6/10 J.K.
MAN ATOM
The Point About Gordon Black
Being (Canute Rec)
The cover of ‘the point about..’ is
just plain weird - a snap shot from a
beach somewhere in the seventies of
a weird looking family on holiday. In
fact, weird is a very good word for the
whole album. Take the instruments for
instance, or to be precise: the lack of

An eclectic formation of sounds and ideas from Tjinder Singh them. Apparently, everything is done
one that is full of the usual quirkiness spliced with extracts of on an old Amiga and a black and
white portable telly, and sung through
hip hop, dance and reggae. ‘Staging The Plaguing Of The Raised
a karaoke Tandy microphone! And
Platform’ share similar musical tendencies to a ‘Brimful Of Asha’ with influences from Johnny Cash,
at the height of the playground days filled with the added chorus Beastie Boys, Violent Femmes and
of children mixed in for the quirkiness (as mentioned above). Beck, it is bound to be a weird mix.
While ‘Music Plus 1’ moves into the realm of house beats with Behind Man Atom is a bloke called
the typical disco seventies hitching a ride alongside ‘The London Dave Nash, who also vocals on most
of the tracks. Some of the songs are
Radar’. All in all ‘Handcream For A Generation’ is an outstand- quite good, with a bit of instruments
ing piece of production and insightful mind release for Tjinder and not too annoying vocals. ‘Across
Singh reflecting the multicultural settings of our generation. 8/10 your face’ has even got guitars in it,
K.M. while ‘feel the good’ is so terrible it
Brian, do i look pensive? makes you want to throw something
on your stereo. 6/10 J.K.
09/05/02 Stick it in yer window! 11

Speak Out
for those
Priced Out!
Wednesday
15 May
th

“NO to 24% rent rises!”

www.ussu.co.uk/skint
for more details
09/05/02 Personals/Society Profiles 13
The Stars Wot A Proper
Charlatan Did Society Profiles:
Stage Crew
Taurus (April 21st – May 21st):
Though vegetarianism is a very honourable thing to follow, the fact of the matter
is that cows, sheep and adorable little bunnies still get slaughtered mercilessly every
day and that it makes no real difference if you eat meat or not. So when your sister
tells you that the vegetarian bake she made in home economics last year had ham in
it, go easy on her. for....

Gemini (May 22nd – June 21st): Worst thing about your society: Rolling up long
Give money to that person on the street corner and feel better for being a generous cables.
and thoughtful human being, willing to give so much of yourself to another less for-
tunate. Then feel really annoyed when their mate in a BMW picks up aforementioned Ultimate society dream: To have a big name
homeless person and they point and laugh at you. Life bites back. act weekly.

Cancer (June 22nd – July 23rd): Ultimate dream for you personally in the
The Union’s decision to use only plastic cups on the bar on Friday night will have societies activity: To Stage Manage any big
disastrous consequences for you because you will cut your lip open and have blood name act!
spill onto the shirt you bought yourself as a consolatory present for failing your
exams. Never mind that – your date will run away from you because they cannot If you’ve ever wondered who all those people Worst injury: None (honest) although Lucky
stand the sight of blood. running around on stage before every gig is, it got first degree burns on first day for Stage
is likely that the answer is someone belonging Crew.
Leo (July 24th – August 23rd): to Stage Crew. (Either that, or someone just
Grrr, who’s the daddy this week? Whatever you try this week will work out wonder- wondering around drunk not knowing where Society activity idol: Many - Lippy, Stick,
fully well for you, so long as you always start your sentence with a word beginning they are.) Wilf, Oscar, Dez, etc. - those that know their
with ‘w’. When trying to look for a source on how to do this, look no further than stuff..
this very bit of the stars. Wonderful stuff. Stage Crew
Most embarrassing/amusing society
Virgo (August 24th – Septemeber 23rd): Name & Age: Anthony (18). moment: Any Crew Dinner or event (Which
Numerous trips to the cinema are not to be sniffed at and, quite frankly, you should Gold Medal Martin???)
enjoy yourself. Hell, live a little and go for those reasonably sized giant chocolate Position in Society: Stage Manager.
buttons they sell in the confectionary area and a swig of drink as well. The only thing Hidden aspects of your society: The video
that remains to be asked is “why are we arguing over something we agree about?” Your Best Feature: Youthful looks! collection of many WNOs and FNOs that we
have!!!
Libra (September 24th – October 23rd): What do you look for in a man/woman:
Porn is deplorable. Stop inflicting your personal activities and preferences on your Looks good on camera (now you know why it Worst fear: Being stuck in the roof with lucky
poor, suffering housemates and remove that copy of Bridget Jones’s Dairy from the points at certain people) to depend on (only kidding).
living room table. The same goes for the pile of magazines underneath the rather
inconspicuously sized doilies in the toilet. I know exactly what you are up to – I’m Best thing about the society activity: We do Lunchtime lasagne in Chancellors or HRB?
a bloody astrologer. the gigs!! erm... Chancellors because the bar is open.

Scorpio (October 24th – November 22nd): Best single moment of your society life: Stage You in three words: Student, Smooth,
Whilst reading the public notices in your local newspaper, you will notice that your Manager for Female Strippers! Strobetastic,
parents seem to be selling off most of the items you asked to leave at home whilst
you were away at university, which is a little unfair. Though retribution is not entirely Best moment for society: We have so many The society in three words: USSU Stage
moral and something we certainly wouldn’t condone from am astrological point of well known bands that many crew have worked Crew
view, take retribution anyway.

Personals
Sagittarius (November 23rd – December 21st):
Fun and games at the zoo this week. Literally. Quite what that means with relation
to your week I have no idea, and for you to constantly be expecting me to come up
with all of the answers, week in, week out, is getting a little tiremsome.
Look, I’m trying here - I spend upwards of seventy-five hours a week looking
through a telescope, plotting the motions of the stars about their respective galaxies, Rich W-- Get a life. There’s more to it than what back for more!
paying proper attention to when a particular star is in a particular place, what kind of exciting stuff you’re going to do with Barefacts.
effect that might have on your week. What if, then (and this has occured to me many Bring those traffic lights back s.w.
Rich has just told me to write that he thinks I’m
times before) all of the stars are in such a configuration that it actually means nothing,
great. El presidente, that is an amusing beard.
and that zero will happen to you during the week? What happens then? Do you drop
off this mortal coil and end up managing a sheep farm in phantasy land? Do I get Keep off the grass! GRRR!
reprimanded by the Society of Fake Astrologers for not reading the stars properly and
therefore causing you to drop off the edge of the world? Who bloody well knows? Big up to the Hamilton Drive Massive. Matt B. Those shirts are NOT cool!

Capricorn (December 22nd – January 20th): Who ate all the pies (you know who you are...) NOTE: At least forty per cent of these are real
I understand entirely that she is no longer your girlfriend – these things happen and, personals this week.
to be perfectly honest, there is nothing you can do about it. Make yourself feel better Join the barefacts team-- email
by buying some nice candles, a good book from the Oxfam store at the top of town barefacts@ussu.co.uk, and then you can type in Submit yours: barefacts@ussu.co.uk
and settle down for a week of quiet evenings and flickering lights. this crap.
So, who’s the princess now you little player?
Aquarius (January 21st – February 19th): Big welcome back to the BBF!
The question of immortality is one that has plagued mankind for pretty much the Beware, a loose women wrote this personal!
entirety of his existence. Trying to figure it out now, therefore, instead of revising for I want to go home... “ David Marsh, I do believe you’re not funny!
your frankly important exams seems to me like your efforts are a little misdirected. “
Perhaps you should work a little harder then (and remember, I’m an astrologer – I Don’t forget: Protest next Weds. 1pm. “ BFG - Big Fat Gay “
can see the future.)
Stack-- what were you thinking? Super Soakers at the ready... Everyone is fair
Pisces (February 20th – March 20th): game
Nice to see D fostering relations with other unis.
The stars take into no account the fact that newspapers only have a certain amount
of space in which to tell people their destinies for the following week. Your fate this Once was bad enough but the big fella came
week, therefore, is to placate Arians everywhere.
 14 Services 09/05/02

Dr Russ says “.......... Money Matters!

Tips for completing on-line valuable information with- GRADUATING SOON – some hints stances are. You must reapply on an
application forms out knowing it. Try to avoid for the future annual basis if your financial situa-
applying near to the closing tion has not improved.
You will probably already date. Servers and networks
have discovered that can fail or be off-line for If you have taken STUDENT The NUS says that the debt collec-
employers are using these maintenance especially at LOANS whilst you have been stud- tors can be very heavy handed.
in a variety of ways. Some evenings and weekends. ying the day is not far off
when you will be expected The Student Loan
expect you to complete the It’s a good idea to keep a
to start paying back the Company says ‘With
form on the screen in one go. draft or copy of your form money. regular, sympathetic com-
Others allow you to down- in case you meet these sorts munication, the neces-
load the form, complete it in of problems and you can, of Next April the Student Loan sity of taking defaulters
answers rather than put down
your own time and then send course, also refer to it as part Company will move to recover to court can usually be
the first thing that comes into
it either by post or by trans- of your preparation for the the money on a monthly basis avoided – however, if the
your mind. What’s more, if
ferring your answers back to interview. in accordance with the agree- action taken to secure
you complete the form using ment that you signed when payment is unsuccessful,
the screen.
a word processor, you will be you took out the loan. the account is passed on to external
Finally, we have a leaflet in
able to use the spell checking agencies, followed by court action to
So what can you do to the Careers Service called
and grammar checking fea- If, at this time, you are not working recover the balance.‛
improve your chances of Application Forms, which
tures before committing your or you are not earning enough (about
making successful applica- will give you other useful £10,000 per annum) you must make So TAKE CARE and DO NOT
answers to the real thing.
tions on-line? First of all, advice which applies to both an application for a deferral on the THROW AWAY OR IGNORE ANY
make sure you check the paper and electronic ver- loan repayments. Do not think that PIECES OF PAPER FROM THE SLC!!
You should also check to
instructions. If you are sions. if you are not working the loan will GOOD LUCK!
see whether there is a word
allowed to download the not have to be repaid. Unless you
limit for each section. If you apply for a deferment the SLC will Student Advice and Information
form or complete it off-line,
exceed it, the programme call in debt collectors. The law says Service,
I would strongly recommend Russ Clark
controlling the form won’t that if you have not been granted Wey Flat 2, Surrey Court
you do so. This will give Careers Service
necessarily put up a warning a delay you must repay the loan, no Tel: 01483 689261
you time to compose your
message and you may lose matter what your financial circum- E-mail studemt-advice@surrey.ac.uk

Euchrist - Every Thursday by Rev John Strain, 12:30pm,
Grant Mitchel Room
Union cashiers office is open 12:00 - 14:00 every working
day except wednesdays.
7pm Thursday 9th May (week 13) @ Hari’s Bar
Green Society AGM @ 6pm Thursday 9th May, Roots
RAG AGM, Thursday 16th May, 6pm - GMR
If you want to be involved in RAG next year contact societ
Notices
ieschair@ussu.co.uk
Cricket Club AGM, Tues 14th May, 7pm - GMR
End of Tuition Free Party, for all SeMS Students
Friday 17 of May, at Wates House
From 7:30 till Late
Free Finger Buffet and Cash Bar
Dress Code: Smart Casual
ADMISSION BY TICKET ONLY
Free Invitations available for SeMS students in SeMS
reception
Magick & Pagan Society EGM @ 4:30pm Wed 15th May,
Roots (tbc)
Islamic Society AGM @ 16th May, venue + time tbc
FOR SALE: 1 Ticket for: Del Amitri @ Shepherds
Bush Empire, Sat 18th May, Standing. - Contact
jbuller@cleverstuff.net
Sailing Club is planning to hold our AGM on Monday 20th May
at 6pm, location to be confirmed
 Society Awards 2002
The 2002 Society Awards Ceremony was held in the HRB on Tuesday. In all 19 awards were
given out to both individuals and whole societies. Chocolates and bottles of wine were the prizes
along with specially printed certificates. The ‘Best Society’ and ‘Best Newcomer Society’ winners
also received an engraved shield.
And the winner is...
James Buller, VP Societies & Culture and Catherine Marshall, Societies Chairperson organised Best President Best Cultural society
the very successful event. Special guest was Gwyn Brown, Dean of International Students, who Sarah Butterworth MaD MaD
presented the ‘Best International Society’ prize.
James Buller said afterwards, “its may not as high profile as the Sports Colours, but it is just as Best Secretary Best Ents society
important. It means a lot to the nominees and winners to know that they are recognised for the Danny Dixon St John Crew
magnificent hard work they put in.”
Best Treasurer Best Welfare/Representation society
Llia Sanger-Stevens Nightline PGA

Best Publicity Best Religious society

Anwar Hossein Islamic Magick & Pagan

Best Website/master Best Departmental Society

Chemistry (Robert Frost) Sociology & Psychology

Best Social Best General society

Niemesh Amin Chemistry Green

Best Other Committee Member Best Newcomer

Reben Thompson Active Thinkers

Best Non Commiittee Member Best Revived

Ahmed Shuja PSA Nordic

Lifetime Achievement Award

Emma-Van-Husse Best Society Overall
GU2
Best International society
Asian
 SURREY PRIDE
Boat Club Medal at BUSA!
Rowing is a sport of dedication. It requires
hours of training on the water, in the gym and
cold mornings out running on the towpath. The
problem is that if you do not put the work in,
every other club will. A consequence of which is
that you will end up in the minibus, home early,
instead of on the winners podium. So in January
I told the boyz of the task we had ahead of us, an
ultimatum if we wanted to win. We were going to
train twelve times per week as that was the only
way I could see us winning: by being the fittest,
strongest crew out there. This may seem crazy to
many people, especially to my friends when I turn
up to a 9:00am lecture and they find out I have
already been up for four hours and have rowed 10
miles up and down the Thames, but that’s just the
nature of the sport.
The main goal for us was the BUSA regatta at
the National Water Sports Centre in Nottingham.
This is one of the largest BUSA run events, with
over 80 universities competing and in excess of
600 crews racing over the two day regatta. So
when we arrived, after 4 hours of driving and got
out of the ‘Landy’, kindly lent to us by the Gordon
Foundation, I wondered had we done enough? I
knew we had put in so much work, but how good
were we, and could we win?
Our first race was at 10:15 on Saturday morn-
ing. The water was calm, the sun was shining,
the scene was set for a great days rowing. We won
our heat by 2-3 lengths beating Durham, and came
second by a small margin to Oxford Brookes (the
best university boat club in the country) in the
semi-final. In both races we were slightly behind
the rest of the pack at the 1000m mark, but man-
aged to pull through from 1000m to 1500m. Our
finish was strong in the semi, where we had to
sprint to ensure our place in the final.
I knew now we were good, we were in the
BUSA final and we just had to go flat out to
win. Paddling up to the start Lorcan (cox) was
saying to us, “Believe in yourselves. We have
worked so hard to be here, now let’s do this
thing!” Lining up I knew we had strength in the
latter stages of races, so we had to use this to
our advantage and not go off too hard and burn
Cricket Reports
University of Hertfordshire 1st XI
114 – 8 (25 overs)
(Q.Nawaz 2-26)
University of Surrey 1st XI
115 – 6 (24.4 overs)
(B.Candy 43)
Surrey’s cricketers got off to a winning start to
their season at the Varsity on Sunday despite
making hard work of chasing a modest total.
Hertfordshire started brightly and were scoring
at the rate of a run a ball early on before Captain
Tim and Abid produced 10 fantastically tight overs
between them before Qaiser chipped in with some
late wickets.
The Surrey innings started badly when Jamie was
given out to a very dodgy lbw decision. Surrey
then proceeded to loose wickets at regular intervals
before Ben Candy, with a spectacularly resplend-
ent 43 and Abid with 19 put together a partnership
to put Surrey within a few runs of victory, which
was secured a couple of overs later.
University of Surrey 2nd XI
166 – 4 (25 overs)
(Q.Nawaz 53, T.Goodman 43, I.Younis
28*)
University of Hertfordshire 2nd XI
133 - 6 (25 overs)
up too early. At 1000m we were fifth, but only
just and this is where we started to play a part in
the race. We started to plough through the field:
first Warwick, then Newcastle was taken and we
pulled level with UEA with 500m to go. It was
neck and neck for a while: both crews pushing
on and we gained maybe 3 feet with 250m left.
At 200m Lorcan shouted “Superburn!!” and we
sprinted for the line. With our lungs bursting and
our bodies wrought with pain we crossed the fin-
ish line, second by a length behind Brookes and a
length up on UEA. I now knew that we had done
it, we had shown that we were one of the best, and
so elated I stood up in the boat, nearly falling in!
(No thanks to Dave!)
We rowed up to the medal pontoon and collected
our medals. Had a bit of an incident on the way,
our oars getting intimate with a wall, but we didn’t
care. We were getting a silver (coloured) medal!
We’d won a BUSA medal, something Surrey Boat
Club had not achieved since 1998. We got back
to the launch pontoon and got out the champagne.
Although most of it went over the crew and the
boat, we did manage to get some down our throats
after a drinks ban of three weeks!
For hours, no days, afterwards I still couldn’t
believe we had done it. All those 5:00am starts,
cold ergo (rowing machine) sessions, long runs
and painful weights, were worth it: it was all
worth it. I don’t care what anyone else thinks:
when you train that hard, you do well and we
BUSA Heat - Surrey (front) overtake Durham
The 2nd XI recorded a comfortable win over their
counterparts. With both teams bolstered by a few
1st XI players, the scoring was high with Qaiser
retiring on 53 and 1st team captain Tim scoring 43
as they took the opportunity to get some time at the
crease. Imran scored a classy 28 to take the total up
to 166 despite 2nd team captain Steve being dis-
missed by a rather innocuous delivery for a duck
(or a big-fat zero, if you prefer).
Hertfordshire, in their innings, never really looked
like reaching the total thanks mainly to Pete pick-
ing up a couple of wickets in the middle of the
innings to stop Herts making a charge.
Guildford Cricket Club
186 – 6
(A.Hussain 3-32)
University of Surrey
187 - 4
(J.Gill 88*, R.Chibisa 32)
Sunday 31st March saw the cricketing “battle of
Guildford,” with the University taking on Surrey
league champions Guildford on the County Ground
at Woodbridge Road in ideal cricketing weather.
Captain Tim lost the toss and the team were con-
signed to 3 hours in the field, during which the
bowlers had to work particularly hard on a wicket
did. The Men’s Coxed Fours crew is: Duncan CRICKET PROFILE
Russell (bow), Dave (Paul) Abbott, John
Churcher, Simon Granshaw (stroke), Lorcan
Law (cox).
I must say commiseration’s to the wom-
en’s coxed four that would have undoubt-
edly done well on Sunday, but racing was
cancelled due to bad conditions. The
Women’s coxed four of Hannah, Erin
Oliver, Chrissie Wong, Sally Gladstone
and Lorcan the coxswain, have put in
tremendous efforts over the passed
months, in preparation for this race.
This is unfortunately the second
time the girls have missed out on
racing due to typically poor British
weather: the Women’s Head of the
River was cancelled in March this
year. Let’s hope that they are third
time lucky!
Thanks to all who were there
to support us and to all those
who helped us along the way.
Hopefully we can continue with Name and Age: Tim Goodman, 19.
this success over the next few
years. Anyone interested in Nicknames: skipper, std, vettori, tiny, floppy.
rowing, please contact the Boat
Club Captain, Simon, by e-mail: Best feature: eyes
ph11sg@surry.ac.uk.
What do you look for in a woman: blonde hair, beau-
tiful face, grin that likes sport and lets me undress her.
Marital status: attached. Allegedly happy.
Favourite position: poking your tongue out.
Best thing about your sport: sitting around and doing
nothing
Worst thing about your sport: sitting around and doing
nothing and then getting out for a duck.
Best single moment of sporting career: becoming cap-
tain of the 1st XI.
Worst injury: getting hit on the shoulder – “it hurt”.
Sporting idol: Muhammed Ali, Michael Schumacher,
Ben Candy.
A question that may have “playing in the BUSA
indoor tournament” as an answer: playing in the
that was great for bat-
BUSA indoor tournament.
ting. Nevertheless, Abid
picked up 3-32 with his
Something to be said about your sport: it’s not
leg spin and Rajeev
as boring as you may think.
bowled a marathon 14
over spell opening the
Favourite food: Italian.
bowling. It was a spirited
performance in the field
You in three words: nice, but dim.
and the team went in at the
tea break confident of scor-
ing the runs on such a good
wicket.
Richard gave the innings great
impetus at the start, hitting his
first ball for six and compiling a
highly entertaining 32; such early
momentum kept UniS ahead of
the required run-rate and as Jimmy
batted throughout the innings, end-
ing on an unbeaten 88, he was helped
by some lusty hitting late on by Abid,
who was not out on 21.
Thus, the cricketing boys began their
season with a 100% victorious weekend to
start off their season, bringing confidence to
the team for some big matches coming up.