The Last Supper in Calcutta; a man who moved the sun INSIDE

sunday
metro on T
SILVER
SCREEN
TO GO
GREEN
PAGE 23

NO ONE KNOWS OUR CITY BETTER

Free with The Telegraph CALCUTTA SUNDAY 3 JANUARY 2010 XXCE

50 REASONS
he is said to be a prized catch. 13. In the train/bus/plane she will expect

S But nearly perfect though she

is, the Bong belle too isn’t exact-
ly flawless. So, to settle the ruf-
fled feather of the Bangali
babu, Metro lists 50 reasons why one
shouldn’t marry a Bengali woman. Only
in her case, making up the 50 is a bit of a
you to give her the window seat. If there
is just one, your son/daughter gets it.

12. She will spend her life obsessing about

her pet and later her son/daughter. Also
her bonsais and cacti. And she expects
you to do the same.
tough job!
11. She will expect you to help with the
50. She expects you to write poetry about
her eyes. Or at least to be able to recite
Bonolota Sen (where she is that beauty)
and pretend that you mean it.
not to marry a Bengali woman children’s maths homework. Even if she
is a science graduate and had three pa-
pers in maths.

10. She must feed the kid during a 16-

49. All expressions of love must be ac-
companied by Tagore in his various
moods. And if you can compare her to a
Tagore heroine, even better.
48. Her English is better than yours. And
she will never let you forget it.
47. She will fight with you but treasure all
signs of being married to you. So she will
wear that shankha pola and sindur with
jeans, and that gold-covered loha with
her cocktail dress. She has adopted the
mehndi and chooda too. And the mangal-
sutra is a must slip-on every time she
steps out of the house.
and then preserve the paper under the you enough shorshe maach and bhaat to
mattress. If she had her way, she would make you fat, then complain that you are
keep the sellotape too. putting on weight, question your virility
and their plans of becoming a grandmom
39. She won’t leave a single mirror free of soon”.
stick-on bindis.
21. She will gossip. She knows who you
38. Her brown nail polish, and brown lip- checked out at work, or who is more
stick. favoured by the boss.
37. Her “practical”, “comfortable”, “soft 20. She is dominating. She will control
soled” and not to mention ugly shoes de- the colour of your underwear if she had
signed for painful feet. Also her ugly plat- her way.
form heels and boxy block heels.
19. She takes possessiveness to a new
36. Her half cup cha. Half cup or one, it high. And gives it new meaning. A few
takes the same tea to make. Why does she women having a crush on the boyfriend
is an ego boost… but god save the hus-
band if he is caught being chivalrous to
any woman.
18. She’s suspicious. As a mother she will
minute Metro journey and she will pre-
serve a half-decaying, smelly banana for
the purpose. As if the kid would get mal-
nourished if the feeding happened 16
minutes later!
9. Same for the classwork/homework
notebook. They have to be pulled out and
scrutinised right in the middle of a
crowded Metro compartment.
8. The really beautiful ones leave for Bol-
lywood. The ones who are left behind are
not worth marrying.
7. She is supposed to be a mix of Bi-
pasha’s oomph and Konkona’s intellect.
Wake up, kid!
6. What’s with the bad dancing when
drunk?

authority. Only she knows how to do that.
28. She says eeshh… but it can get very
hissy depending on her mood.
27. She dives for the weekly magazine and
hides it somewhere until she has finished
reading it. And by then it’s time for the
next week’s edition.
26. The overpowering smell of coconut
oil or other hair oil the day before they
wash their hair, is enough to make you
wish you never fell for those lustrous
locks.
25. Or worse, they use henna in their hair,
and leave everything from the bathroom
to the pillowcase smelling of mehndi.
24. She will force you to make the morn-
ing tea and the afternoon tea on week-
ends. Unlike a proper Indian wife who’d
know that it’s her job to do so!
23. Granted, you wouldn’t want a
Mayawati. But do you really want a Ma-
mata Banerjee?
22. You really don’t want a Bengali moth-
er-in-law. Says blogger Jo: “They will feed

46. And yet for all the fighting, her “mod-

ern woman” airs are gone after mar- persist in asking for half ?
riage. “O bolechhe” is the final word then.
In private they snub, in public they 35. Her unwillingness to drive but con-
idolise to an uncomfortable degree. stant requests for being driven around.

45. She tries too hard not to look Bengali.
She will never have the Punjabi oomph,
or the south Indian sensuality. But she
will persist in trying. What’s more, she
will tell you with a big smile that so and
so storewallah thought she was a Punjabi
today. Contradict at your own risk!
44. Like the accomplished women of
Pride and Prejudice, they all sing Ra-
bindrasangeet and Nazrulgeeti, dance,
paint and recite poetry. God help you if
she takes her talent seriously.
43. She will never get along with your
mother. It is a matter of principle.
42. They will pet and spoil their husbands
like overgrown babies and then they’ll
ask you not to be a mamma’s boy. The
truth is they’d rather you be a “wifey’s
pet”.
41. They hate being second to your moth-
er but are still far too controlled by their
own mothers.
40. They remove gift wrappers for hours
34. Her cotton printed maxis. Or the way
she drapes a dupatta on it to get the door.
33. After marriage she will stop asking
you if she looks fat. And laugh if you tell check your phone bill to see how much 5. The modern Bong woman often smokes
her so. you’ve spent on talking and texting your more and drinks more than her husband.
girlfriend. As a wife, she will still do it, to But it doesn’t mean she is liberated.
32. She thinks her FabIndia/ Westside/ see whether you are in constant touch
Pantaloons kurti hides her flab. And that with that hot colleague. 4. She might be travelling the world, but
a leisurely stroll in the morning will get she is still papa’s little girl. And no man
rid of it. 17. They don’t like sports. And have less compares to her Daddy to find a place in
patience than most of her tribe with the her heart. She will always be daddy’s
31. She will pester you to try tangra and sports channel. So what if you were the lakkhi meye.
gule fish while you want just chingri local para champ in your youth!
malai curry. 3. She’s sexy. There something about
16. She prefers stability over risk. So she those eyes and the dusky skin. She looks
30. Saris are a must on all occasions and wants you to settle for a fixed deposit over like she has promise. But she seldom
most unattractive at times. It’s invariably the stock market and a good MNC over a lives up to it.
a taant or a dhakai in the mornings, “start-up with possibilities”. And then
which fluffs up around her already gener- complain when those risks taken by 2. All you can do is ogle discreetly. She is a
ous middle and makes her look dumpy someone else pay off. firm practitioner of mind over matter.
and unsexy. It isn’t as sexy as a crepe or She’s the quintessential tease.
vibrant as a Kanjeevaram. 15. There’s a stark contrast in her, pre and
post marriage. So your wife will not be 1. And yet, despite it all, she is just too
29. She will make you bend in front of her the woman you dated. good for you. Sorry men.
and fix her sari pleats, although you have
no clue how to, in a manner that is in 14. Her son will always come before Poulomi Banerjee and
equal parts helpless and in equal parts you. Malini Banerjee

Good MORNING
CALCUTTA
Hello. It’s Sunday,
January 3, 2010.
CELEBRATION

Join the Together Forever silver

jubilee celebration of St Xavier’s
College Calcutta Alumni Associa-
tion on the college grounds, 6pm.
ANNIVERSARY

Attend a programme to
commemorate the 17th death
anniversary of R.D. Burman
at Press Club, 4pm.
MUSIC

Move on to a music conference, at

Hari Sabha Mancha and Tarun
Sangha ground, Bally,
Howrah, 3pm.
EXHIBITION

Check out an exhibition of

bags and costume jewellery at De-
sign, 108 Raja Basanta Roy Road,
11.30am to 8pm
FAIR

Drop in at the North East Crafts

Fair at KIT Ground, beside Mad-
husudan Mancha, Dakshinapan
Shopping Complex, 11am to 8pm.
EYE ON ART

Browse through B-Swarga, an

exhibition of works by
Jayanta Roy at Bose Pacia,
11am to 7pm.