Details of interactions leading up to Feb 1st illness

Preamble

On September 19th 2016 I was signed off work with Anxiety and stress (which led to a period of
depression) - although issues outside of work were difficult it was a combination of work and home
issues that caused the situation and upon returning to work (phased return) 21/11/16 I worked with
my line manager Paul Charman to do a stress risk assessment – the majority of the stress risk
assessment revolved around the management of a difficult team member who I manage and work
alongside. This relationship was difficult from the outset March 2013 but had improved after a
particularly challenging episode in Jan/Feb 2015 since 2015 I had done all I could to improve the
confidence of the colleague so that myself and the whole CES tram would see improvements,
unfortunately from June 2016 the situation had been getting worse. Leading up to my illness in
September 16

Upon returning to work myself and Paul had been discussing a long term plan to address the
management of the colleague and an slow process to unpick some of the duties that I had allowed
to become entrenched in the work role but which were causing discord in the team.

I was happy to pursue this course of action which would have hopefully involved readdressing the
balance of the roles in the office and a better team working environment unfortunately as you can
see below situations arose which demanded more immediate resolution and which have led to the
current difficult situation.

Tuesday 17/01 Shelley 1-2-1

Shelley and I discussing Global Engineering Event. Shelley begins to tear up and describes her fear of
calling employers whilst RR is in the room (RR stops what she is doing to listen in) also Shelley is
planning to visit an employer (I encouraged this and told her to inform RR) RR had asked to come
along (which is not what I or Shelley wanted to happen) Shelley says her confidence has been
chipped away and she is feeling low…Recognising her distress as similar to how I felt in September I
told her I would find a way to speak to Rachel about her behaviour

Wednesday 18/01 Follow-up meeting with Paul and he rightly advises caution and I contact Janet
Brothwell and have a positive discussion about how to approach the difficult conversation with RR –
keep to facts discuss how words make me feel- take time to practice in readiness for 1-2-1

Monday 23/01 Team meeting

Had a team meeting 3.30-4.50– Rachel asked me to stay behind afterwards – RR says “is there
anything I can do to change to help you” “was it me?” I say this is not the time (16.50 Thursday-
children to collect from after school) as soon as I don’t answer with definitive “it’s not you” RR starts
to cry saying “thanks for leaving me not knowing, what am I doing wrong” - “you can’t leave me to
worry about this all night…”

Deciding to not get into a protracted discussion at the end of the day I placated Rachel and said not
to worry – needed to get away the office

Wednesday 25/01 -Employability Steering Group – incident RR and SA

Thursday 26/01

9.00 Sarah A lets me know of incident at Employability Steering Group. Rachel was reporting on Fairs
mentioned that the internship fair was chaotic in response Sarah said it was actually well planned
and organised (positive nod to Rachel’s organisational ability) Rachel did not react well to
interruption and told Sarah she (should be quiet/not speak/you’ll have your time to speak later/I’ll
tell you when you can speak) form of words to be confirmed but all unacceptable.

Sarah tells me that she felt undermined and that the rest of the meeting members were taken
aback- she would confirm with Sarah Shackleton that the what she felt she heard was unacceptable
and if so she would have a quite word with Rachel rather than make it into a big issue – I agreed and
let Sarah know I would be talking to Rachel about how she addressed me in the office.

14.30 Sarah tells me she attempted to speak to Rachel but Rachel started to cry and said that her
medical issues should have been know about and Sarah should not have interrupted Sarah gave up
trying have the conversation.

Rachel 1-2-1 meeting

3.30 addressed operational items but Rachel quickly moved to discuss her own experience of the
Employability Steering Group incident she says she is stressed and RR talks openly about “putting
Sarah in her place” for interrupting her during the meeting citing her medical issues with memory – I
ask her if she feels that her response was appropriate given the situation (forum with academic
colleagues all of whom we need to work with regularly) RR does not respond but presses on with her
medical issues around not being interrupted and how Sarah should know better than to interrupt
her whilst in a meeting. RR then states that Sarah is undermining her confidence and cause of her
stress. I say that I understand that her medical issues, but that finding a way to address colleagues
professionally in a public forum, is important.

I use the opening up of this to address how Rachel talks to me and addresses me. Saying that after
what RR said after the team meeting I have been giving some thought to some behaviours she could
look at changing as they have an impact on how I feel about myself.

I discuss Rachel’s demeaning comments which are often done with humour but which often do not
come across well. RR refers to me as if I was her report rather than addressing me with some respect
for my role in the office, I cited some examples “I think you have earned enough of my respect for
me to able to invite you to my meeting” “I will let you come to see this employer” “I think you
occasionally have good ideas so I will listen”

I said these comments made (especially with tone and attitude) me feel low and undermined my
authority in the office even if meant in jest and that if Rachel could moderate this it would be a
positive step for me.

I also said that Rachel’s use of threats was also unnerving and I would like this to stop. Rachel’s
threats take two forms one is the withdrawal her work services “don’t upset me or I’ll not be in to
run your fairs” the second which is much more upsetting is “you don’t want to fall out with me” or
“You and I won’t be friends if you carry on like this”. This last is a direct call back to some of the most
distressing experiences I have had as a manager when I first started working with Rachel and had
little support from the then CES management. I take it seriously as I had no wish to be in that
situation again.
Rachel’s response to these requests was to instantly cry and become very emotional she became
very defensive and began to tell me how she had defended and protected me from comments in the
office and that I was not in the office very much so I added to her stress by not being around and I
needed her to look after me, by bringing up these requested changes to her behaviour I was not
being a good friend and that I had lost her trust.

Rachel then said that I was not being fair and that Nalayini would want to know about this and
would not be treating her this badly. Nalayini knows that her medical condition causes her issues
with her memory and that she forgets what she has said as soon as she has said it. Nalayini would be
disappointed if this was not taken into account (made me feel very uncomfortable and begin to
doubt I was doing the right thing)

Rachel re cited Sarah as a stress factor and also said that I was not supporting her by not removing
the drop-in location away from the office during spring term. Rachel said she found having Kirsten
and Sarah B in the office very distracting and I wasn’t taking her concerns seriously enough.

At this point I suggested the Stress Risk assessment form as a way of getting the issues to the surface
and dealing with them. Rachel was dismissive at first but I said that I had found it useful personally.
Rachel continued in tears but took the form. I left her to make a phone call to her sister as she
needed to talk to someone.

I returned to the office sat with Sarah A then went to make a cup of tea RR followed me to the
kitchen and said she wanted to remain friends but she wanted something from me in return for
doing the stress form, she wanted a promise that everything remained between just the two of us
and was totally confidential – I said we should look at what comes up when completing the form.

This experience left me feeling totally drained Rachel was highly emotional and her comments about
not being her friend and Nalayini understanding her better than me made me feel very unsure
despite my rational thoughts saying anyone would have had the same response. I was also left
feeling that my closeness to Rachel was a weakness that was being exploited during the meeting and
that I needed to re-evaluate how I could take this forward.

Monday 30/01

9.30 Rachel came in and was very curt myself and Sarah A were in the office and all conversation
was closed down by Rachel

10.20 Rachel waited till it was just the two of us in the office and she came and stood over my desk.
Rachel was teary and said that she had protected me form comments from other members of the
team and that she was now withdrawing that support, I had no one watching my back it was all gone
and it was my fault.

I did not respond but the interaction started fuelling feelings of paranoia about the team which I
know were irrational, this started making me anxious.

Also RR wanted complete confidentiality and I could not speak to Paul or Nalayini about what she
was saying

I said it was not in Rachel’s gift to tell me what I could or could not speak about RR replied she did
not recognise me anymore and left the room upset.

I was starting to feel like I was taking the wrong approach and wanted to follow and console Rachel
but
RR Returned 10.50

12.00 Had meeting with Nalayini to discuss the meeting I let Nalayini know the outcome of the
meetings and was supported in my decisions so far. I came away feeling much more confident

15.14 On my own in the office with Rachel and she comes over to stand by my desk she initially
approached and said lets be friends/remain friends. Then she switched into tears and started getting
very emotional saying that I had hurt her and she could no longer trust me.

She said others had commented (mentioned Sarah Shackelton) that she had no energy anymore and
implication I was to blame.

RR then said she had spoken to other managers about what I had said and that they were concerned
over how the meeting had been handled.

Rachel said she felt blindsided and it was not acceptable to approach her in that way because I owed
her a duty of care due to her medical issues she needed to prepare, by not giving her the
preparation time I was not doing my job properly

“This was not acceptable and other managers had said the same”

She said she had nearly collapsed earlier in the day and did I know this or did I even care? (No I did
not know)

RR said she had been made to feel terrified and was concerned, She had spoken to Pauline Maden
(careers Consultant Science) who was going to speak to Paul on her behalf, Pauline was described as
being on RR’s side) RR asked if I had spoken to Paul and that she would be taking it up with him
herself.

I was left feeling drained and not able to cope with the outburst, the comments from other
managers who I know and trust, did not add up and rationally there was little evidence for this but
the effect of the emotional outpouring from Rachel made me feel anxious about how I was going
about this and worried that I was not coping very well with the situation. The prospect of going
through the stress document with Rachel filled me with dread and anxiety. The unplanned outbursts
from Rachel were very wearing and from experience I knew that it was unlikely to improve, my
current state of mind was a concern and I felt that I had no capacity to deal with anymore contact.

Wednesday 01/02

On Wednesday morning I suffered a 2nd panic attack (the 1st happened prior to the onset of my
period of depression in September 2016) I contacted Paul Charman and later spoke to Nalayini to let
them know what was happening.