Musharraf in Tunnel:

Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling in a train. The train
suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound
and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. Thatcher and Vajpayee are sitting there
looking perplexed. Musharraf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.
All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharraf must have tried to
kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him"

Madhuri is thinking: "Musharraf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and
got slapped."

Musharraf is thinking: "Damn! it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was
me and slapped! me."

Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing
sound and slap Musharraf again."

Smart Sardarji:
A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New
York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Sardarji, tired, just wants to
take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a
question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa." Again, he
declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I
don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to
the game. The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the
moon?" The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands
it to the American.

"Okay," says the American, "your turn".

He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The American,
puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into
the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500. The Sardarji thanks him and turns
back to get some more sleep.

The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the
answer?" Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5,and goes
back to sleep.

Race to the Sun:

Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.

One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon.
We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."

"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."

And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."

Gujarati, Jewish and Italian

Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Gujarati, one was Jewish,
and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his
decision upon that answer.

When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus
Christ?"The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief
thanked him and he left.

When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied
Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.

Finally the Gujarati arrived for his interview; he was asked the same question.

He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?"

The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow."

When the Gujarati arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview?"

Patel gave the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder."
Indian Hell:
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He
goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in
an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the
German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as
well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as
the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get
in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.Then they lay you on a bed of nails
for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get
in? "Because maintenance is so bad >that>>the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen
all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the
register and then goes to the cafeteria..."

Definitions
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension
is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.

How to make a woman happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy; a man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. intelligent
5. a father
6. funny
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a good mother
15. creative
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
Without forgetting to:
26. give her compliments regularly
27. love shopping
28. be honest
29. be very rich
30. not stress her out
31. not look at other girls
And at the same time you must:
32. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
33. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
34. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
It is very important to:
35. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Bring beer
2. Hand over the remote. !!!!!!!

Marriage
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.She went downstairs
looking for him. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He
appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw tears rolling from his eyes as he
sipped his coffee.

"What's the matter with you, my dear? Why are you down here at this time of the night?" she
asked.

"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us while dating?"

"Yes, I do remember," she replied.

"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my
daughter or spend twenty years in jail?"
"Yes, I do," she said, getting a little teary- eyed herself at his fond recollection.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know... I would have been released today."

Banking Procedure for Male and Female:

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please
follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the
car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on it.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
 25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Patel the Famous

Patel is a Gujju-bhai. Patel was bragging to his boss one day,' You know, I know everyone
there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.'

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Patel how about Tom Cruise?'
'Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.' So Patel and his boss fly out to
Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, 'Patel!
Great to see you. You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!' Although
impressed, Patel's boss is still skeptical.

After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Patel that he thinks Patel's knowing Cruise was just
lucky. 'No, no, just name anyone else,' Patel says.
'President Bush,' his boss quickly retorts.
'Yes,' Patel says, 'I know him, let's fly out to Washington.' And off they go. At the White
House, Bush spots Patel on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, 'Patel ,
what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and
let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up.'

Well, the boss is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the
White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Patel who again implores him to name
anyone else.

'The Pope,' his boss replies.

'Sure!' says Patel . 'My folks use to live in Germany, and I've known the Pope a long time.'

So off they fly to Rome. Patel and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican
Square when Patel says,'This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these
people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on
the balcony with the Pope.' And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Patel emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the
time Patel returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by
paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Patel asks him, 'What happened?'
His boss looks up and says, 'I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the
balcony and the man next to me said, who's that man on the balcony with Patel?
Smart Patel

A Patel walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is
going to Europe on business for two weeks andneeds to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man
hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An
employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to
$15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this
transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away,
we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would
you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Patel replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"

Husband
 One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after
he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the
washing machine?"
"It depends," She replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

 A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in
the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

 "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower,
"honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

 A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary.
On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so
good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she
had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
 The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he
turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

See here how much are your chances to succeed in arguing with women!

Jokes about Laloo Yadav

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she
saw a huge wall of clocks behind.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
Yamraj answered, "Those are LieCloks. Everyone on Earth has a LieClock. Every time you
lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?" That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never
moved indicating that he never told a lie.
"And whose clock is that?" That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved
twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."

Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"

"Laloo's clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan.

Laloos family planning policy.."DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO  CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR"

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he_d been working on for quite sometime, Laloo proudly
shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Laloo
brags.
"FIVE MONTHS? THAT_S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL". Laloo replies. "SEE THIS NOTE, IT READS - FOR 4-7YRS".

 At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER,
SINGLE." And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
     The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Laloo  replies:
"LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."

 Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese  Delegation for Business Development to
Bihar.
     The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with  Bihar and  he stated,  "Bihar is
an excellent state.  Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic
superpower like Japan."
     Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inefficient," he stated. "Give
me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!"

 Help, the titanic is going to be drowned! Everybody in the ship is

shouting,crying,running or praying to god. Just then an Italian asks the nearby
Sardar in the ship.
Italian: How far is the land, from here?
Sardar: Two miles.
Italian: Only two miles? Then Why are those fools making noise. I have got the
experiance of swimming even more. The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and
comes up to the surface to ask something again.

Italian: Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here?
Sardar : Downwards.

 Santa : I am a Proud Father, My son is in Medical College.

Banta : Really, what is he studying?
Santa : No he is not studying, they are Studying him.

 Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue?
Santa: Very long!
 Sardarji Jokes

A sardarji invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss.

Do you know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!

A teacher lecturing on population, "In India, after every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid."
A sardarji stands up, "we must find & stop her!"

Sardarji -why are all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?

19 Sardars went to watch a movie. On asking them why they came in a group of 19, they replied
that the film was only for above 18!

Sardarji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives
beat him why? . . He said "SMILE PLEASE"

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "you will go to jail".

Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly.
A man asks why he does this.
Sardarji:"I've been promoted as branch manager."

Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth ................. WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be light"
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in
column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!

A sardarji and his family to a party.

He introduces as - I am sardar, she is sardarnee.
The boy is my kid and the girl is my Kid-ney.

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. Do you know why? Because he
wanted to check where the question paper is leaking!

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.

Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

A sardarji hears, "Santa! Your daughter has died!"

Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa!

On a romantic date, a sardar's girl friend asks him, "Darling, on our engagement, will you give
me a ring?"

He said, Yah Sure. What is your phone number?

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What will come first, Chicken or
egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 cr after deducting tax. Angry Sardar:
"Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back!"

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing
except one Sardarji. He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver you this packet.

Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead you could have posted it

What does a sardar do after taking a xerox? He will compare it with the original for any spelling
mistakes.

Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop. Sardar says,"Drink quickly"
Wife asks,"Why?"
Sardar says, "Look at their rates! Hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10"

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.

Judge asked: How'll you divide? You have 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR

Sardar was writing something very slowly. Friend asked:" Why are you writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab.

Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more.

A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed. His wife asked what you are
doing ? . He said-im seeing how i look while sleeping

Prickle, freckles, sneered, scowling, goblets, catcalling., sausages, bacon

and steak,