Lilian Loh

Professor Morgan

English 1302

2018 February 16

Narrative Essay: Language and Identity

In 2000, “over 13 million foreign born immigrants called the United States their home away from

home,” (Puloka 1). Many of these immigrants struggle with cultural identity, especially if the English

language has been internalized by the immigrant. Language is essential to being human, it is more than a

means of communication. “It is part of an initiation into a group, whether it is a community of scholars or

an entire nation.” (Puloka 1). Here I will share my personal experience of being a first generation

Asian-American, as well as other personal experiences of first generation immigrants that struggled with

language and cultural identity.

A Japanese-American, Catherine, was the only child of a Japanese immigrant mother and an

American father. She personally remarks, “‘I identify as Japanese-American because my mother’s side

has a heavy influence on my life. I was raised in a Japanese style home. It had a lot to do with honor and

respecting authority. I can’t say that Americans don’t teach their children that but not to the extent I was

taught. Bs were not good enough. I was raised the way my mother grew up so she forced me to be an A

student,’” (Puloka 1). Growing up in the Midwest, she struggled daily with a cultural identity crisis. When

attending school in the United States, her Caucasian peers do not accept her as American so she is Asian,

causing a conflict in her feelings of where she belongs. She says, “It’s like I have the best of both worlds-

two cultural perspectives- but I’m kind of walking the fence,” (Puloka 1). To other biracial people out

there, Catherine suggests that “I want them to recognize all their ethnic backgrounds that they might have.
My father never instilled any cultural influence in me… If they’re not proud of their Japanese [or native]

heritage they can pick something to be proud of,” (Puloka 1).

My parents immigrated from Malaysia to the United States of America in hopes of opportunity

and higher education that were not offered in their native country. As a first generation Asian-American

born in the United States, I struggled to assert my identity throughout my American education. The

contrast between listening to Chinese at home versus the English speaking environment often left me

feeling confused and lost about who I was. This dilemma caused a downturn in my self-confidence and

self-esteem. Was I Malaysian? Was I Chinese? Was I American? What defined Malaysian Chinese

American? The exposure to two completely different cultures is analogous to two unlike worlds. I would

go to American school Monday to Friday, come home listening to Chinese and eating Chinese cuisine. On

Saturdays, I would go to Chinese school to learn more about my language. When I was young, I loved

going to Chinese school and immersing myself in the language and those who also looked like me.

Unfortunately, due to the American education I was constantly exposed to during the week, I was hesitant

and embarrassed to speak Chinese because it sounded weird since I spoke English most of the time. This

hesitation became more evident as I grew into my adolescent years-- I began despising Chinese school.

Without knowing, I became resistant of my roots and where I came from, simply because I was confused

about my identity. Western culture contrasted with East Asian culture in many ways -- the food, way of

life, and values. At first, it was difficult to filter through such contrasting values, but ultimately, through

introspection and time, I found myself and who I identify as. Instead of grudgingly sitting in Chinese

school every Saturday morning, I chose to spend my time wisely by actively engaging myself with an

open mind. I wanted to see what the Chinese culture was really about. Gradually, I started to treasure the

Chinese language and its authentic, deep history of more than five thousand years. Connection with my

Asian roots has allowed me to find myself with a clear mind.

 Therefore, there are different ways to find one’s cultural identity. It is imperative to keep an open

and honest mind towards one’s current environment as well as one’s native culture, simply to explore the

diversity of this world. Language is key to uncovering more about a way of life.
 Work Cited

Puloka, Deanne S. “Cultural Identity and Heritage Languages.”

http://www.mckendree.edu/academics/scholars/issue15/puloka.htm​.