SPEAK UP

MUMBAI | TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2010

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SURVEY NUMEROLOGICSI A majority of working couples in the city can only trust their parents to take care of their new-born child. Full-time jobs, ADVICE FOR
According to the Quality of Life Survey conducted
jointly by DNA and AZ Research, it was observed
that overall in Mumbai, 35% of the working
insecurity over their young ones’ welfare are overriding concerns. Arcopol Chaudhuri scopes out their worries PARENTS
couples are dependant on their parents to take

Grandma is the new mommy Parents must

care of their child. A significant number of
couples share the responsibility amongst
themselves. Relatives also play a major role in
looking after the child. Interestingly, the use of a
domestic help or that of a creche is rather
limited all over Mumbai.
make the
(Sample: 1200, SEC A/B, Age: 28-60 years, M/F) ne-year-old Pavitra’s par- most of
CHILD MINDERS
O ents are a regular working
couple. Her mother, Ni-
tisha Agrawal, works with an auto weekends
company; her father, Pradeep Ra-
jshekharan, is employed with a fi- Infants need
The following charts represent who couples
entrust their kids with when they are out for nancial services firm. a great sup-
work. Overall, 35% rely on their parents, 31% Both leave together for work port system
said that either of the spouses takes charge. from their Chembur residence right from
by 8.30am after which Pavitra the begin-
spends the rest of the day with ning. Ideal-
her grandmother. There’s also a ly, its the
maid who is always around dur- parents who should pro-
ing the day and helps ensure that vide it, but considering the
the little girl’s playful antics city’s lifestyle and its limi-
don’t get messy. For Pavitra, tations, it is a good idea if
hanging out with parents is the in-laws of either the fa-
more of an evening and weekend ther or mother stay with
phenomenon. the kid while the parents
Overall are at work during day-
time. A paid help or a nan-

35% ny can also take care of the

kid, but you can’t com-
pletely trust them, since
most of them are not
trained professionals.
There have also been inci-
dents reported of sexual

Swapnil Sakhare DNA

Some miles away, at Ambar-
nath, Surojeet and Hina Mitra’s
parents take on a similar role for
Mumbai one-year-old Shreyan, after both
leave for work on weekdays.
abuse involving the baby-
sitter and the kid and par-
ents understandably are
extremely concerned about
these issues. With the
trend of nuclear families,
while it may be initially
When Nitisha Agrawal and Pradeep Rajshekharan (in the background) are at work, Pavitra spends time with her grandmother. uncomfortable to have

34% Both Pavitra and Shreyan are

typical of Mumbai life, where
parents of working adults are in-
creasingly taking on the mandate
of daytime guardian for kids
since neither parent can devote
all his/her time towards the
child.
The Quality of Life survey
conducted by DNA and AZ Re-
search, testifies this, finding the
pattern similar across Mumbai.
Navi Thane leads the way where
Mumbai parents and the spouse take equal
responsibility for the child.
family is really well-endowed,
neither spouse can afford to relax
at home. And once they become
parents, the dilemma is not an
easy one to deal with, especially
for the mother. Agrawal says, “I
think no Indian woman would
want to resume her full-time job,
within a few months after she’s
had a baby. I had planned to take
a break for at least 2-3 years. But
my mother’s presence here as-
sured me that my child would be
taken care of.”
year old Shikhar, agrees. She
says, “I would love to spend all
my time with him. A mother can
make a lot of difference, but both
my husband and I are drawing
healthy salaries currently and
even if one of us takes a break,
it will bring a rather drastic
change in our lifestyle.”
Karmakar recently resumed
working after a hiring a domes-
tic help and says it would cer-
tainly be an advantage if their
parents — currently in Kolkata
have her mother come over. She
says, “After my father passed
away last year, my mother’s been
more than happy to stay with us.
I’m glad that she’s around.”
Mitra shares the same senti-
ment. He and his wife spend close
to four-and-a-half hours travelling
between office and home on week-
days and they’re sapped of all en-
ergy by the time they return
home. “Shreyan will miss out a lot
on spending time with his parents.
It will be a very different child-
does a good job, I won’t trust my
child exclusively with her. I’ve
your in-laws stay with you,
but the compromise is
worth it. They obviously
read some disturbing stories in care a lot more for the child
newspapers about maids hand- than a nanny would. They
ing over children to beggars and can also teach him/her the
such news does make me anx- same values that they
ious. My parents’ presence is a taught their own kids. Par-
blessing.” ents, meanwhile can com-
Its probably one reason why pensate for lost time, by
very few respondents employ a making most of the week-
domestic help for their child. end in spending time with
What’s more, only a fraction of their children.
those surveyed said they use a
creche for their kids when Dr Anjali Chhabria,

32% Couples in the city admit that ex-

penses are such that unless the
Goregaon resident Bonani
Gupta Karmakar, mother of two-
— could stay with her.
Agrawal has been fortunate to
hood, not like mine,” says Mitra.
He adds, “Although my maid
they’re away at work.
c_aropol@dnaindia.net
practicing consultant and
psychiatrist

Milk, diapers, temptation: Confessions of a baby-sitter

My first tryst with baby-sitting was
about six years ago, when I was en-
trusted with the responsibility of a
one-year-old toddler. Her parents,
Thane who were my neighbours in Parel,
wanted to attend a funeral of a rel-
plore the house by yourself. But
My job is a strange one. I’m constantly anyone would do such a thing. SUCH IS LIFEI Sudhir Shetty
working towards helping the kid grow up, I’ve never stolen money, but fin-
ishing a pack of chips or tasting
with the knowledge that the moment it does, some exotic chocolates is com-
I won’t be required anymore monplace. I’ve heard of stories

43% ative and did not wish to take her

IFEEDBACKI
How has your experience been bringing
up your child in this city? What kind of
lifestyle changes have you made for
him/her? Share your story with us at
speakup@dnaindia.net
along. I was 16 then. And, to add to
my nerves, the baby cried all day
long. However, by evening, just
when I’d lost all hope about my
ability to play nanny, she mellowed
down and was even playful when
her parents turned up.
Her mother appreciated my ef-
forts. And as it happens in close-
knit societies, word spread quick-
ly about how I’d kept the kid play-
ful all day! (laughs) Soon, women
in the society began to entrust me
with the responsibility of taking
care of their children.
What began as a favour, slowly
turned into a barter where some
of them handed over the day’s un-
sold vegetables to my mother. It
was only when a lady in our soci-
ety told her employer in Dadar
about my skills, that I was offered
the role of a baby-sitter.
A babysitter at Mulund
The lady was clearly desperate.
Initially, I thought she was lazy,
running away from her responsi-
bility of bringing up a cranky new-
born, but later I learnt she was
planning to take up a full-time job.
She’d pay me Rs2,000 per month. I’d
look after her son from Monday to
Friday and would receive two full
meals prepared by the cook. It was
a good start, but largely led by des-
peration on her part of finding
someone to take charge of her baby
as soon as possible.
Since then I’ve been hired by
three different families — mostly
working couples — in Matunga,
Thane and my current job in Mu-
lund. Over a period of time, I’ve
seen my skills improve and now
I’m also paid to cook and stay with
the family on weekdays. I won’t
call myself a pro, since I’ve not ex-
perienced motherhood myself. I
soon will, hopefully when I get
married by the end of this year.
But right now, there are only some
things I can teach a baby — disci-
pline and cleanliness being the
most important. Family values,
culture, respect have to be taught
by the family. If you ask me, I
wouldn’t ever keep my kid with a
baby-sitter. I’d give up my job to en-
sure he/she grows in front of me.
I’d be lying if I say I haven’t
done anything unethical while on
the job. For the first few days in a
new family, when you’ve put the
kids to bed, you’re tempted to ex-
where the nanny has stolen eata-
bles, cash, clothes, pickles and
spoons. I know someone who
takes a relaxed hot-water bath the
moment she puts the kids to sleep.
Initially, such indulgences can
be tempting, but after some months
you develop a certain bond with the
children and stop. I was once look-
ing after a two-year-old girl who
once choked on some upma I’d fed
her. Although she was alright in a
few minutes, I still haven’t mus-
tered the courage to tell her parents
about it. But I was really worried
— not just of the consequences, but
also about the girl.
My job is a strange one. I’m con-
stantly working towards helping
the kid grow up little by little, with
the knowledge that the moment it
does, I won’t be required anymore.
(Name withheld on request)
(As told to Arcopol Chaudhuri)

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