Humorous Essay

Yog- ugh

From the hustle and bustle of our daily lives to the problems we face at work, jobs and

school, many people deal with stress. One common form of stress relief is the body bending,

deep stretching art known as yoga. Many people take yoga classes to unwind from a hectic day

or to start off their day in a meditative way. Some people even turn to yoga’s more intense

version: hot yoga. Hot yoga is just like regular yoga, but turned up a notch. Well, the

thermometer is turned up a notch. Although hot yoga can be relaxing, it comes with with its own

set of problems and frustrations. Luckily, many steps may be taken to ensure that a hot yoga

class is survived with little to no damage to the participant’s body or psyche.

The first step to surviving a hot yoga class is to learn to deal with sweat. One may or

may not be surprised to learn that hot yoga is hot, and heat causes sweat. Mix the ninety-five to

one-hundred-and-five-degree temperature with the hard and strenuous body positions, then

throw in a dash of stress and increased heart rate, and the recipe yields sweat. A lot of it. (Int.

frag) Even the most seasoned yogi’s (people who practice yoga) will sweat. Sweat will bead up

from tensioned-wrinkled foreheads and will drip down onto sweat-smeared yoga mats. It will

dribble down butt cracks and be soaked up by the customary, extra tight yoga pants. It will

glisten on the back like a salty, freshly buttered piece of corn on the cob. Sweat will shimmer on

the skin and make the yogi look like the cooked chicken she feels like. Overall, the constant

blasting heat will give off the familiar feeling of being at a barbeque. The slight difference is that

the yogi is the food, and not the patron. The good news is that all that extra sweat will result in a

nice, salty flavor. A new yogi must be prepared for everything to sweat. Feet will sweat. Trying

to hold a pose on slippery sweaty feet will feel like an inadequate Jesus impersonator trying to

walk across water. The yogi should just try to dig in her toes and reminisce about the good old
days sliding down a slip-n-slide on a sunny summer day. Armpits will sweat. Like a shower

turned on high, armpit sweat will rain down across the land. Armpit sweat will glide against the

arms and torso and will rub across prickly armpits that were mostly likely forgotten about during

the shaving process. A yogi will wear deodorant and hope for an inadequate Jesus

impersonator to deliver some kind of armpit-sweat-free miracle. Hands will sweat. Sweat will

drizzle out of the palms like a leaky faucet. The survivor yogi will embrace the feeling of being a

kitchen appliance and move on. Sweat will sweat. Deep, deep down in the beads of sweat that

the yogi sweats, the microscopic particles of sweat will complain about being hot and will sweat.

The yogi will bring a towel to wipe away the sweat, but she will know that just like a persistent

rash, it is unlikely to go away. The sweat will destroy all chances of having the cute hairdo

planned for that day. Wearing hair down is a dream that needs to be let go of. For the neophyte

yogi to prevail, she must wear a ponytail. She should always remember that becoming a sweaty

beast is an extra special privilege, especially when the odds of taking a shower before school

starts in ten minutes are highly unlikely. If that’s the case, she should just see the

aforementioned comments on towels and hope for the best.

Not only will things get sweaty, but they will also get awkward; overcoming the awkward

moments that will always happen is an important step to surviving a hot yoga class. First, let’s

talk about the awkward, uncomfortable things others will do and how to deal with them. Avoiding

the weirdest people is an important skill, and knowing where to place one’s mat before class

begins is key. The man who sits in the corner, takes lots of “breaks,” and uses those “breaks” to

look around and watch what everyone else is doing is a code-red threat and should be avoided

as much as possible. The bohemian woman who takes at least ten minutes every morning to

put on all of her necklaces and rings will smell like incense and dirt. She is fine to be around. A

yoga survivor would simply compliment her patterned baggy yoga pants and try not to inhale her

earthy scent too deeply. The ripped lady who checks herself out in the mirror is fine to place the

mat by, but the new yogi should know that feeling adequate may ensue. She should also know
that there is a slight chance of being hit in the face, as the lady is unlikely to notice another

human is doing yoga right next to her. Another safe person for the inexperienced yogi to

position her mat by is the older lady. The older lady will try her best to do the yoga poses, but

things just aren’t the way they used to be, and flexibility is diminished. She will most likely be

clad in leg warmers and perhaps even a leotard. She is harmless to be next to, but the neophyte

yogi must be aware that even with decreased flexibility she will still somehow be better at yoga

than most. Once the greenhorn yogi has maneuvered her mat into a safe place, the awkward

moments of class can begin. Now is the time when she get’s to have the pleasure of seeing her

fat rolls in the mirror when she is bent into strange and perplexing positions. There is more good

news though, those lovely strangers talked about earlier will also get to look at them. And the

yogi will get to gaze upon theirs. But hey, at least the creepy guy is in the corner. A yoga

survivor will always be prepared for any of the following: gong ringing, people grunting, awkward

eye contact, people breathing extremely loudly or humming while they breathe, or any other

type of awkward situation. If any of these occur, a new yogi should simply suppress the urge to

laugh, avert her eyes, and continue on.

Yoga is all about stretching the body into unique positions, and with that comes the

uncomfortable burning pain of muscles stretched past their limits. Surviving the discomfort of

yoga will involve swallowing feelings, fighting back tears and wishing for better times. A

greenhorn yogi should know that yoga instructors are not actually humans at all. They are alien

creatures from a faraway planet full of much more flexible beings. Their bones are made of

rubber and their muscles are strong as steel. They were sent to this planet with one mission: to

teach a yoga class and make all others feel inferior. They will perform impossible yoga

maneuvers and leave their yoga class struggling far behind. They will be in a one-handed

handstand, whist everyone else struggles to touch their toes. Despite the lack of ability though,

a hot yoga survivor must still persevere through the painful poses. If she can’t do a backbend?

That sucks, she has to do it anyway (int. frags) If she can’t put her legs behind her head? Too
bad, she has to keep trying. When attending a hot yoga class, a new yogi should just try not to

care about what she looks like, and just embrace the pose. When in tree a pose, she should

embrace the tree. She should see the tee, feel the tree, BE the tree. When in corpse pose (the

best pose when the new yogi finally gets to just lay down), she should see the corpse, feel the

corpse, BE the corpse. The neophyte yogi will always encounter situations where she cannot

hold a pose and will just fall flat on her face. She will also most likely encounter a situation in

which she thinks she is doing a pose perfectly, only to look around and discover that everyone

else is doing something completely different. In that moment, I recommend pretending the

mistake was intentional, like some sort of an alternative style. If the pose is too extreme to

complete, a survivor yogi would pretend that failure was because of an injured limb, and not lack

of capableness. A yoga survivor must always be prepared to face pain and she must channel

her inner, limber rubber band.

Although it may come with its own sweaty, awkward, and uncomfortable challenges, hot

yoga can be a rewarding practice worth struggling through. Making it past the challenges of the

weird guy in the corner, the painful poses named after odd exotic animals, and the scorching

heat can allow the yogi to survive a hot yoga class and to perhaps survive the rest of her life a

little more stress-free.

Research Paper
Perception of Image and Text Problem Inquiry

Defining the Question

The old idiom goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. However, this idiom leaves

many questions unanswered. Why is a picture more valuable than text? Which words are being

described and where did they come from? What kind of picture? The use of image and text

together becomes a complicated weaving of two ways of understanding. How does the use of

image paired with text affect how the text and the image are both perceived? An independant

image is perceived, analyzed, evaluated, and processed differently than a separate piece of

text. How does viewing them together change the way both are evaluated and how does it

change the meaning derived from them?

Making Meaning from Text and Image

Both images and text are representatives of knowledge used to facilitate the transfer of

information. They both serve as a vector for forming an understanding and forming meaning.

Sharing this function causes an interconnectedness of purpose- often the point of an image is to

tell a story, while the point of written language is to produce a mental image. Despite this

interconnected purpose, text and image produce different forms of processing within the brain

and generate meaning differently. (Serafini) Written text is mentally processed in a more linear

and time-governed way, with “meaning..derived from position in the temporal sequence”

(Serafini). Images are more visually focused than written language and are therefore processed

mentally based on “spatiality, composition, and simultaneity”(Serafini). Meaning is formed

through “spatial relations or grammar of visual language” (Serafini).

 Text vs. Multimodal Text Processing, and Methods of Comprehension

Because the process by which an understanding is formed varies between each of them,

different intellectual strategies are needed to comprehend both texts and images. Does

combining visual images and written language into multimodal texts require an entirely different

way of processing, or a combination of the methods of comprehension used for each? Research

into the comprehension of text suggests that “strategies such as visualising, summarizing,

asking questions, and predicting” (Serafini), are efficient methods by which text is processed,

whereas research into the comprehension of multimodal texts, suggest that optimal processing

is facilitated through three perspectives, suggested by Frank Serafini in the article, Expanding

Perspectives for Comprehending Visual Images in Multimodal Texts. The three perspectives

are, “art theory and criticism, the grammar of visual design, and media literacies.” (Serafini).

Art theory and criticism suggests that there are learned subconscious ways governing

how viewing an image becomes a method of making meaning. The word iconography

represents how this process occurs- taking visual images and transforming them into an

interpretation.

The process involves determining the elements of the image, examining the meanings for each

of these elements, and “considering the underlying philosophical ideas and interpretations

constructed within the sociocultural context of its reception” (Serafini). Using this method of

multimodal text comprehension allows image processing to translate from a literal level to an

interpretive level, incorporating the meanings of the processed image with the processed

meaning of the written text. (Serafini)

The grammar of visual design focuses on processing multimodal texts based on

composition, perspective, and visual symbols. Interpretation of image can be influenced by the

composition and perspective- relative size, color, contrast, foreground, background, focus, and

distance to viewer. Each of these elements provide visual cues for deeper interpretation. Visual

symbols are images that have a commonly understood meaning socioculturally. The use of
visual symbols in multimodal texts conveys more in-depth meanings and understandings, rather

than the literal meanings and understandings of the image alone. (Serafini)

Media literacy focuses on understanding media. Understanding how the framework of

various media sources function becomes important for processing advertisements as

multimodal texts (Serafini).

Interactions between text and image:

The ways in which text and image are perceived together varies based on the individual

images and texts. Several relationships and common interactions between word and image are

a summation of ideas outlined in How Picture Books Work: A Semiotically Framed Theory of Text-

Picture Relationships, by Lawrence R. Sipe. In many instances the relationship between the text

and image is a limiting relationship.The texts and images limit each other because the meaning

of the text is dependant upon the meaning of the image, and vise versa. (Sipe) When the image

and the text form different meanings than each other, referred to as a deviation, they limit each

other to meanings that they share. When the text and image convey the same meanings and

understandings, a harmonious relationship, referred to as congruence, forms.Sipe refers to the

interaction between word and image as synergistic, with “‘a combined effect greater than that of

their separate effects’”(Sipe). The relationship between image and text within a multimodal text

is also dependent upon the amount of meaning that is derived from each. Change in the

balance of the amount of meaning derived from both word and image changes the overall

meaning of the multimodal text. (Sipe) The semiotic function of images and texts together is

dependent upon the meaning made by processing them together, as well as the meaning made

by processing them based upon how they interact with each other. (Sipe)

In the article, A Multimodal Analysis of Image-text Relations in Picture Books, Suxuan

Wu outlines the interactions between text and image based on McCloud’s 1994 classifications

describing the balance of contribution to meaning that each mode supplies. (Wu)
 Multimodal Reading Experience

Not only does the added aspect of image and text together affect how we process and

make meaning, it also affects how we experience reading multimodal text. The added

complexities of image and text together requires more time for processing and comprehension.

(Sipe). Lawrence Sipes describes the literary theories of “phenomenological dynamics of the

synergistic relationship itself” (Sipe), essentially how we experience viewing text and image

together, and how the process by which we relate them. He describes Wolfgang Iser’s theory,

“Reader Response”, as an active process by which the reader of the multimodal text is “a reader

participating in the production of meaning” (Sipe). The reader fills is the missing pieces of

information within text in order to actively form meaning of their own. In Reader Response

theory, missing pieces from the text are filled in using the images available in multimodal texts.

Sipes outlines Nodelman’s theory of “aesthetic criticism”, which relates the way

multimodal texts are experienced on the timeline in which image and text are perceived. Visual

images have a “simultaneity of perception” (Sipe), they are experienced in entirety at one

singular time. Whereas written language has a “successivity of perception”( Sipe). Words are

understood to be read in a line, with information unfolding over time. Multimodal texts come to

represent a mashing of the two perceptions- making it a new genre based off of both

“simultaneity and successivity” (Sipe). Thus, the experience of reading multimodal texts is

reflective of both types of processing- a flowing, and halting. It causes readers to reread, stop

reading in order to view images, and jump to from text to image and back trying to relate the

two.

This concept is taken into a different aspect by the “Dual Coding” hypothesis Snipes

explains, summarizing the theory of Mark Sadoski and Alan Paivio. This theory deduces that

there are two cognitive structures, one visual and one verbal. One is for image processing, one

is for language processing and we alternate using each. It is, “through the complex referential
connections between these two cognitive structures, we construct an integrated meaning”

(Sipes).

Further Research

Further research is still necessary in order to fully understand the ways in which image

and text are processed and understood. One method that could be used to research further into

this topic is experimentation. Experiments could be used to analyze the difference between the

meaning found in an image alone, and the meaning found through a multimodal text: an image

with a caption for example. In a sample experiment, participants in one group could be shown

an image alone and asked to write a caption for it. Participants in a second group could be

shown the same picture with a prewritten caption, and asked to write their own caption. It would

be interesting to see the influence of pre-written text on the thoughts the participants have about

the image, or in other words, how the multimodality influences their processing. The caption’s

overall meanings and tones could be compared from group one to group two. This would show

the experimenter the differences between the meanings made by, and the processing of the

same images, one at a multimodal level and one at a singular-image-based level.

Further Questions

The question of how we process multimodal texts evolves into, what does this different

processing mean? We process multimodal texts differently than text and image alone, but how

does this affect us and our experiences overall? How does this change the way humans live

their day to day lives? What impacts does this have on advertisement, art, and communication?

Although there are answers to many of the questions related to multimodal text processing and

meaning making, ultimately the answers lead to more questions about how this processing

affects our lives and our literacy. This furthers the question beyond the concretely answerable
ways of processing, to the less tangible ideas of how we are affected in our lives by multimodal

texts and what this means for making-meaning from a multimodal world.

Citations:

Serafini, Frank. "Expanding Perspectives for Comprehending Visual Images in Multimodal

Texts." Journal of Adolescent & Adult Literacy 54.5 (2011): 342-50. Web.

Sipe, Lawrence R. “How Picture Books Work: A Semiotically Framed Theory of Text-Picture
Relationships.” Children's Literature in Education 29: 97 (1998): Web.

Wu, Shuxuan. "A Multimodal Analysis of Image-text Relations in Picture Books." Theory and
Practice in Language Studies 4.7 (2014): n. pag. Web.
Alternative/Creative
Descriptive Writing:

The continental divide separates North America into uneven east and west portions. The
Continental divide trail runs most of its length, snaking up, over, and around steep peaks and
ragged mountains. It cuts through mossy trees growing too thick to put your arms around, and
skinny trees that sway so hard in the Montana wind, you fear they may fall and crush you. The
path is winding. In some places it is made of uneven rock croppings, making you climb them like
crazy stairs in a funhouse. In other places the trail is just loose dirt, barely packed by a few
boots stomping on it every so often. Sometimes it is so steep it knocks the wind out of you,
other times it falls flat, leaving you with a moment to catch your breath and look around. When
you hike the Continental Divide Trail you feel alone in the big wide world. The trees make
creaking noises as you walk by, but they leave you alone to your thoughts and the dirt. The
farther you go down the not-so-beaten path, the farther you get away from everyone. It is as if
the entire world was separated from you by a glass wall. You can feel it, the separation, as vast
as the mountains separating the east from the west. It drives you away from everyone else and
into yourself. It’s like walking alone in an endless snow globe of wilderness. A mountainous,
tree filled, beautiful snow globe- hallowed ground.

Poetry:

Death by Coffee

In the morning rays when I start my days I fill a ceramic chalice

up to the brim with some coffee and then, I find myself far less callous.
it makes me less mean, and it tastes like a dream. Oh yes, my coffee gives me rapture
I drink it all day, snuffing sorrows away. The joy of my soul it captures.

But feeling ill, and unfit to sit still, with my pulse soaring past one hundred
I went to get get aid from a doctor who made me feel overly plundered.
How dare they say, they would take away my coffee. My love. My respite.
“You’re but a quack!”, I went on the attack. “No coffee? I’d rather die!”

“But your poor poor heart, may need a restart, for it’s beating far too fast.
The caffeine you drink, brings you to the brink of something that cannot last.”
“My dear I fear that for your health, this habit must soon end.
So put down your mug, please set down your drug so that your heart can mend.”
“Though you may think I don't need that drink, I promise I won't go softly.
I’ll kick and I’ll scream. I’ll protest a ream, until I get my coffee.
Prevent my caffeine embrace, and I’ll spit in your face, then at you I’ll just snicker.
So you had better back up, because I need a cup, of the morning person’s liquor.”

Ignoring the warning the doctor gave, I kept with my sunrise habit.
For life is short, when you find what resorts, you must reach out and grab it.
Black coffee was poured, the heeding deplored, and down my throat it went.
For I am the captain who controls the action of how my time is spent.

Now I drink and I drink and I try not to think, of what to me will happen.
But it’s far too late, I have sealed my fate, my coffee a virulent weapon
it was a gun to my head, and yet for it I bled. Twas a habit I dare not quit.
I poured my cups and I drank them up, and said cheers to the life I lived.

Now my right atrium pounds like a drum while my ventricles just flutter.
“I couldn't survive with my coffee denied” was the last thing I could mutter.
Broken ceramic in hand where my body did land, it was a sight most savage
it was a warning unheard, and a crash deserved- my death by a breakfast beverage.

Format based off of “The Cremation of Sam McGee” by Robert W. Service

Article style

Written for a local paper, the Corvallis Advocate, in Corvallis, OR.

A Synopsis of Slime
An inside look at a common creature's insides.

With teeth as sharp as razors and rippling muscled bodies that can traverse broken glass
without a single scratch, Oregon is home to a particularly strange creature. This beast lives in
gardens and lawns, and reigns terrible havoc down upon the land and crops. This pesky critter
is the slug. Though it may be a nuisance, it hides many intricacies and hidden facts within its
sludge coated body.

So how does this creature work?

What secrets hide beneath the slimy surface of this lethargic backyard nuisance?
Well, an interesting sex life for starters. Slugs contain both male and female sex organs. They
are able to reproduce asexually without a partner, but don't always. Typical slug sex involves
both participants using male genitalia and injecting each other with sperm. This sperm is then
stored in a special organ until later in the mating season when each slug will use it to
impregnate themselves with horny, hermaphrodite babies.

Slugs find their mates using a mucus-based goo that is produced by a gland in the tail, and is
left behind wherever they go. Slugs use those slime trails to attract potential mates using
pheromones, or Nature’s Tinder. The scented snot path is also used by slugs to find their way
back to their homes. This method of navigation is important, because slugs have poor eyesight.
Their eyes are only used to detect basic differences between light and dark, and are located at
the end of long ocular tentacles which are also used for smell.

Underneath these two erect appendages, two smaller sensory tentacles are used to taste and
feel the world around the slug. A rather large hole, called a pneumostome, forms the air hole
that leads to the slug’s one lung. The lung, amongst other vital organs, hides sheltered beneath
an internal shell, called a mantle, while the rest of the slug is essentially made up of muscle
tissue. This is what allows the slug to perform its languid locomotion.

The image of a strange creature climbing over broken glass forms into an image of slug leaving
its mucus trail to smear behind it as it crosses much less fiercely than previously imagined.
Although these seemingly simple animals may be slimy crop menaces, they hide many
interesting facts within their anatomy. From their unique bedroom habits, to their odd orifices,
the average slug proves to be anything but average.

Written with information provided by Rory McDonnell, PHD, and researcher at the Department
of Crop and Soil Science at Oregon State University.

The department of Crop and Soil Science within OSU is home to the only lab in the United States that works
specifically to research holistic approaches for slug and snail management.
 Willamette Water Trail
A Resource for River Recreation

Long and wet, the Willamette River is a staple water feature slicing through western Oregon.
The river snakes through rural agricultural lands, traverses though downtown Portland, and
kisses Corvallis. With a river basin draining approximately twelve percent of Oregon land, it is
home to wildlife, paddlers, and even the United State’s second largest waterfall.

The Willamette Water Trail is a network of information about the river features, public access
points, resources, history, and recreational opportunities that can be enjoyed by the public as
they paddle or float down this extensive waterway.

The Water Trail offers ways to make recreation easier and more enjoyable along 187 miles of
the Willamette River. It features ramps and other access points, parking locations, picnic areas,
fresh running water, and restrooms. The water trail’s printed guides, along with online
resources provide useful information, help with trip planning, and aid recreationists in forming an
itinerary and navigation. These resources also keep river hazards posted. Also cataloged are
places of wildlife sightings, with creatures ranging from Bald Eagles to River Otters. Other
common wildlife documented along the trail include beavers, deer, and cayotes. Birdwatchers
keep an eye out for Osprey, Kingfisher, Warblers, and ducks. Some of the key features of the
water trail are the forty-five designated campsites that dot the shoreline from St. Helens to
Creswell.

The Willamette Water Trail is part of the National Water Trails System, a sublet of the National
Park Service. The system is designed to increase outdoor recreation with a strong focus on
protection and restoration of the river and its shorelines. Contributions to the Willamette Water
Trail come from a large collaboration, including the Oregon department of State Parks, the
National Park Service, the Rivers, Trails, and Conservation Assistance program of the National
Parks Service, and the Willamette Riverkeeper, an organization designed to enforce the Clean
Water Act and protect the Willamette River. Funding for the trail comes from state funding,
grants, and donations.

The Willamette Water trail offers assistance and features that help make the river more than just
a body of water. It aids it in becoming a living body, animate with those staying in the
designated camp areas, birds, outdoorsmen, aquatic creatures, paddlers, animals, floaters, and
those simply wanting to get their feet wet. The Willamette River contains beauty, opportunities
for fun, and experiences that will make you say, Dam. The Willamette Water Trail is a resource
that makes enjoyment of this wet-and-wild region easier for all.