The world's worst parents

By Steven R. Chatterton
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The horrible life Chapter I

“David come eat your dinner!”

“Coming!” called David while he thought “Please not be

soup, please.” David walked into the kitchen
“Nooooooooooo!” cried David, the table was set, the
greasy and dirty tablecloth and the chipped china bowl
overflowing with moms horrible purple cabbage and tomato
soup was ready to serve on the table. Mom stood in the dining
room holding her wooden spoon.

“Come eat your dinner” Mom coaxed. David obediently sat

down, CRACK! The wooden spoon came down on David’s leg.

“Ow! That hurt mom!” exclaimed David.

“Eat! eat eat eeeeat!” ordered Mom.

“Ok, but you don’t need to be mean about it” David

responded. CRACK! Again, the spoon came down on David.
“Owwww!” again David moaned.

“Don’t talk back to me! You are going to eat this dinner.”
ordered Mom. “E,A,A,T that spells eat!” she continued.
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“No, eat is spelled…..” David tried to correct his mother

when suddenly he was met with another CRACK of the spoon.

David went to bed and the the following day he came

home from school and started working on his homework. His
father came home not long after. Dad was just barely nicer
than mom. He had a long beard and brown eyes he would
always wear a plaid shirt and dirty old jeans.

“David, did you do your homework?” Dad asked

“Doing it right now!” David answered

“What?” Dad asked with the expectation that it was

already done. Dad came swiftly into the room before you could
say dad. “It was supposed to be done by the time I came
home!” Dad exclaimed. Mom appeared seemingly out of
nowhere and CRACK, went her spoon on David’s back, and
Mom and Dad walked out of the room.

At this time David was eleven, an only child and no

extended family that he knew of. His parents couldn’t be
bothered with David and only wanted him around to do the
laundry, the dishes and take care of the garden. The family
lived in a big house with very nice things but made David sleep
in the worst room use the worst cutlery and use the worst tools
to do his jobs. For the laundry he had no washing machine and
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he had to wash the clothes by hand. For him it was a very hard
life. His clothes were always toren in at least two places. His
dad a thirty-nine year old man and tall had a dirty brown beard
and a bald head he wore the same clothes everyday a plaid
shirt and jeans . His mother thirty-seven had dirty blonde hair
she was a medium sized woman but smaller than David's dad

While working on his homework, David, stopped to think

and stared at an object lying in the doorway. He got up and
went to grab it when he heard Mom calling “David, where’s my
spoon?”

“I don't know!” he answered and then he picked up the

object, and discovered that it was moms spoon!

The Plans Chapter II

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Sitting in the doorway with moms spoon in his hands David

thought “what will I do?”. Then he had an idea, as if a light bulb
came on in his mind.

“i got it!”He blurted out

“Got what!” Mom yelled from the kitchen

“Nothing!” David replied. For nine years David had been

pushed around and beaten. Now it was his turn to push around
his parents.

David knew what to do but he didn't know if his mom

would fall for it. His plan wasn't very good but David thought it
would give his mom a good shake. That night in his bed he
thought of the perfect plan and the next day he would put his
plan into action.

First he gathered all the things that he needed, gand going

through the list David checked them off one by one saying
“spoon, check, super glue,check mom, she is in the kitchen,
now it's time.” He squeezed the glue onto the handle of the
spoon and then he called in a very loud voice “Mom, I found
your spoon.” Mom came running into the room and grabbed
the handle crying “my precious spoon” and then ran out the
door. David chuckled quietly “he he he ha ha ha”.
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That night at dinner when mom tried to put the spoon

down it stuck to her hand, she tried to shake it off, she kept
shaking and then started to pull. Dad walked in the room
shortly after and saw mom going bananas.

“Ruth! What happened!” Dad asked.

“I don’t know what happened Eric!” Mom replied

“You need to be more careful when you cook!” Dad

criticized.

“this, this dirty trick,” Mom said looking at Dad, “I will get
you for this!”she warned Dad assuming he played the trick.
This was exactly what David had planned, although this trick
made it so they didn’t have dinner that night. As a result he
went to bed that night hungry, although excited to see his plan
working.

The next morning at the breakfast table Dad came down

all wet “Ruth, I am going to get you back!” Dad warned. Splash,
more water came crashing towards Dad. “Grrrrrrrr” Dad
grumbled as he looked up to see the second bucket that had
been full of water that had been set up by Mom to get her
revenge.

Later that day at dinner it was the usual soup, when Mom
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went to sit down David noticed that her chair had been
tampered with and as she sat down the chair broke. crack
bang! It fell to the floor along with Mom and the next thing that
David saw was mom on the floor and dad coming into the room
laughing.

“You will stop or I will never make you dinner agan!”

scowled Mom.

“Ok. Truce?” Dad asked Mom

“sure truce”. Mom agreed

“dang it!”. David thought, as his plan wasn’t going

according to plan. The next day was back to normal, doing all
his chores, back to being slapped with a spoon, until he got a
new plan. “Mom I can help cook dinner tomorrow if you like”
David offered.

“Fine go ahead”. Mom groaned.

Time for his new plan, in the evening when David weeded
the garden he dug up sixteen big long worms and put them in a
small cup and took them to the bathroom to wash them. That
night when David dished out mom and dad's spaghetti he
added all the worms to dads dish, his plan was to make dad
think that mom added the worms to his plate.
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Mom and dad chapter III

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David didn't eat with his parents because his parents ate
nicer food than him so he couldn't watch the action but he
could hear it. The food they were having was spaghetti and the
worms on Dad’s plate were impossible to see with all the sauce
on them. Dad was almost finished his dinner of worms then
mom got up and went to get David. When mom came back with
David, Dad had a worm on his fork, which was his last bite and
he turned to mom “I remember making a truce! I thought we
agreed that we would stop playing tricks on each other!” Dad
exclaimed “But I guess we're still playing tricks and you better
watch out!” Dad warned.

“But Eric, I, I, I, didn't do it” Mom stuttered. David was

awoken that night by the noise of Dad in the kitchen and and
found him there with a drill in his hands and a million different
tools scattered across the counter tops.

“Dad what are you doing?” David asked rubbing his eyes.

“David! Go back to bed!” Dad ordered “And if you tell

your mother that i have been up all night making traps you are
toast!” he warned.

The next morning David came down to the living room to

find mom running around on fire!

“Mom! Stop! Drop and Roll!”David shouted. Mom then

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dropped to the floor and rolled around. After the fire was out
mom got up and snorted “you are late for school!”

“It’s only seven o'clock” David argued.

“I’ll have none of that bickering!” mom hollered at the top

of her lungs. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a neighbor
peeking from behind their own curtains.

Forced to leave early for school, David had to wait in the

cold icy rain. he stood thar crabby and cranky but David
couldn't help overhearing their conversation

“I could have been killed Eric!” Mom gasped.

“It was just supposed to be a little prank! I was planning to

have the fire come out and give you a scare and you move out
of the way!” Dad said excusing himself.

“So you think I was expecting fire to come out of the

refrigerator!” Mom asked.

“No!” Dad responded.

David wasn't able to hear the rest of their conversation

because the bus came to a halt right in front of him at that
moment.
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The secret chapter IV

On the way to school in the bright yellow bus he was
thinking of all the traps that dad had made he was also glad
that he didn't encounter any of them himself. David had a
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wonderful day at school but grieved at the sound of the bell.

Soon the teachers on bus duty were able to push him on the
late bus as always. On the way home he was thinking about the
traps Dad had made, and he tried to picture what mom looked
like in those traps.

The bus came to a halt, and David looked out to see if it

was his stop, and sadly it was his stop. He got off the bus and
started home slowly. He was expecting the usual slap from the
spoon that he nicknamed “loves my backside” but nothing
came, and no Mom came! “mom where are you!” Something
had definitely gone wrong, he walked into the house to hear
mom’s and Dad’s voices.

“Ruth! You are nuts! We are not telling him!” Dad

commanded

“Tell me what” David thought.

“I am going to tell him Eric!” Mom argued.

“Ok, but tell him that it was your idea in the first place! But
I still think you shouldn't tell him he is adopted.” Dad said.

“ He is not exactly adopted “Mom said, “you know we

stole him to raise him as a servant so we would have one” Mom
reminded.
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“he was a nice baby to have, but he is like a servant that

you get for free,” Dad commented “If you tell him he will press
charges!” Dad warned Mom. “So don’t tell him!”

“You are right, I shouldn’t tell him, I don't even know why I
wanted to tell him in the first place” Mom agreed.

David's mind was racing “am I really adopted?” He

thought. “Is Mom and Dad not my Mom and Dad? Should I just
act normal or tell mom that I heard them talking!” Then some
personal questions popped into his mind “what's my real last
name? Are my parents rich? Do they miss me?”

David leapt up and ran to mom’s room where Mom and

Dad were talking. He came in and slammed the door “All these
years and you have never told me!” He yelled. Who are my
parents? Dad was right! Or should say Mr. Dan? You shouldn't
of told me I am demanding one hundred thousand fifty pounds!
And another ten thousand pounds thanks to a spoon!”

Mom and dad stood there petrified, Mom’s face turned

red, dad spoke in a soft voice “Ruth, there is nothing we can do,
we have to obey his demand please” Dad reasoned. “David,
your parents are living in Canada right now, here’s the one
hundred ten thousand fifty pound cheque, goodbye Mr.Brown”
Dad said as he handed the cheque over to David.
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“Goodbye Mr.Dan” David said “and I should tell you I put

the worms on your plate” he confessed.

The Hunt chapter V

David walked straight to the police station and told the
chief of all the events that had happened and the chief sent the
police to retrieve his fake Mom and Dad. Later that day Mr. and
Mrs. Dan where sitting in the questing room with the chief of
police, who was a medium sized man with a big bushy
mustache that bounced up and down when he talked. When
Mr. and Mrs. Dan finally came out, two officers came and took
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the pair away. The chief came out of the room with a armful of
papers, he motioned David to come in the small room.

The next day David found his way on an airplane and

heard over the speaker “This is your captain speaking, please
buckle your seatbelts and prepare for takeoff aaaaaand thank
you for flying UK Airlines.” David was finally getting away from
his horrible guardians. With the Dan’s behind bars and one
hundred ten thousand fifty pounds in his pocket he was on the
way to Edmonton Alberta!

David was on the plane to Edmonton, to a new country

and to greet new people and to find his real parents
somewhere in the city. He did not know what was waiting for
him. He wondered if he would meet more mean parents or the
kind that give him a pound pocket money a week, he also
wondered if he had a sister or a brother, or both! The plane
ride was long, nine hours and ten minutes! On the way he read
about the country of Canada. When he got to the page on
currency he was petrified. When the flight attendant came
around and saw David there pale and shaking she asked “is
there something wrong Mr.Brown?”

‘Yes it is this, it says that the currency in Canada is dollars

and cents” David responded.
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“Yes, if your worry is that you only have pounds and

pence, than you can trade it in at the bank when you get off the
plane” the flight attendant reassured.

“Thank you, I thought I was toast!” David sighed.

"This is your captain speaking, it's time to land so buckle

up and we will start are decent aaaaand thank you for flying UK
Airlines!” The captain again announced over the speaker.

David got off the plane and went to the bank to exchange
the money. The chief had told David that the Dan’s had moved
from Canada to the UK after he was taken from his family. They
had kept his original name and had intended that he would be
their servant and do all their work until he was twenty five and
then kick him out onto the streets. David had also learned that
his parents lived across the street from Northgate Center. After
he exchanged the money he asked a friendly driver if he could
get a lift to the Northgate Center, David offered one hundred
dollars because traffic was backed up and the ride took longer
than expected.

“Thank you for the ride!” David said as he waved off the
driver.
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“No problem!” the driver hollered back.

“Oh and here is your hundred dollars!” David said as he

handed the driver five 20 dollar bills.

“Thank you and have a nice day!” the driver called back as
he tipped his hat.

“You to!” David answered.

Reuniting chapter VI

David went around knocking on front doors looking for his

real parents home. He tried fifteen doors until a kind looking
woman opened the door “hello what can I do for you?” she
asked.

“I was wondering if you knew where the Brown’s live”

David asked shyly.

“Yes I do, Why?”the kind woman asked.

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“Ok I will tell you the story. Alright, you know that the
Brown’s baby went missing, right?” David started.

“Yes” the woman answered

“He was taken by the old neighbors the Dan’s”

“The Dan’s took the baby!” She exclaimed

“Yes, well, they took me” David replied

“You’re the Brown’s boy!” the woman responded with

surprise

“David Brown is me” he said.

“Mary!” the woman called down the hall. “um, your son is
at the door”

“That is impossible, Ben is right in front of me!” she

responded.

“No the other one Mary!” the kind woman replied.

“David?!” came the reply

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“Um, yes mary!” the woman confirmed.

Mary appeared from down the hallway, “David is it really

you?” she asked

“Mom?” David answered.

Tears were streaming down both of their cheeks “David

it's been so long!”soon three children appeared a boy and two
girls.

“Mom, who is this?” Amanda, one of the children asked.

“Amanda, Sara, Ben meet your brother David” Mary

motioned.

“I guess i do have siblings” David thought.

“Hooray I have a brother!” Ben sang out with joy as he

danced around the room.

“Ben! You almost knocked over the flowers!” Mary

warned.
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“Sorry mom!” Ben apologized.

“Hey Mary! What's all the commotion?” asked a tall man

walked into the room he was wearing a plaid shirt and jeans
like Mr.Dan but they were nicer than Mr.Dan’s.

Family chapter VII

David was enjoying his new family, Ben was always
pestering David and asking him to tell a story about when he
was in the UK. David made quick friends at school and got to
know his younger siblings.

On David's twelfth birthday he treated his family and took

them to the United Kingdom to show them where he grew up!
They had a wonderful time, they visited the police station and
spoke to the chief of police who greeted them with his big
bushy mustache “why hello Mr.Brown! It's been a while, oh,
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and you must be his wonderful family! It's a pleasure to meet

you!” He greeted. “I was about to ask the police in Edmonton
to get you talking to me! You know the Dan’s, they had a
humongous amount of money and now that they are behind
bars for the rest of their lives their money needs to go
somewhere, right?” David nodded “They have no relatives and
you were slaving away in tat howes so we are giving that
money to you! Isn't that great!” Blablablablabla….David didn’t
hear the rest of what they were saying as he was in shock
thinking about all that money.

Now the Brown’s travel the world with the Dan’s money,
they have gone to the Bahamas, Hawaii and thousands of other
places. The Dan’s are still in prison and Mrs. Dan gets an
occasional whack from her spoon. And as for me I have finished
my book.