Emotional Toughness Training

e-Zine
Emotional Awareness
In this first module of Emotional Toughness Training, we’ll ex-
plore emotional awareness to help you better understand why
you react to situations in the manner that you do. Champions
know who they are and what makes them tick. This is called
emotional awareness and it can help you develop a road map
that guides your life journey. Among other activities in this edi-
tion, I’ll show you how to find your strength zone to become
more successful and happier at work, find your true calling in
life, and establish a vision to guide you along your path.
Dr. Gregg Steinberg

Power Your Strengths to Success

It was more than fitting that Nashville resident
David Meador was presented with the Ben Hogan
Award at the 2013 Masters Golf Tournament. This
prestigious honor is presented by the U.S. Golf
Writers Association and they recognize someone
who is active in golf despite a physical handicap
or serious illness.
David Meador was just 18 when he lost his
sight in a car accident. But that did stop David
from living a full life, as he went on to earn a mas-
ter’s degree as well as develop a successful insur-
ance practice. Along the way, he won two nation-
al blind golf championships.
David Meador has always focused on his
strengths, rather than dwell on his weaknesses.
As my friend, I have become aware of many of his
key strengths such as his charismatic personality,
empathetic manner, and wonderful communica-
tion style. Today, he has harnessed those signa-
ture strengths into a professional speaking busi-
ness. His talents come across amazingly well on
stage, usually earning him a standing ovation
wherever he speaks.
Many business experts purport the im-
portance of using your strengths at work. Marcus
Buckingham has popularized this notion in many
of his best-selling business books such as First
Break all the Rules. Buckingham states that fixing
your weakness will drain your energies. Don’ wor-
ry about your weaknesses unless they become a
disadvantage. Instead, you will be much more
productive when engaged in your strengths at
work.
Psychologists have touted this same principle
about our health and happiness. Martin Seligman,
renowned positive psychologist and former Amer-
ican Psychological Association president, has dis-
covered that individuals who use their signature
strengths during their day will be much happier
than those individuals who do not.
 This strength zone principle will also help you
attract more clients. When you are in your
strength zone, you will be giving off great confi-
dence, great joy and great energy. When this hap-
pens, people will gravitate toward you and want
to be around you, which will increase the possibil-
ity of landing them as a client.
To become more successful and happier at
work, you must use your strengths effectively.
Here are a few suggestions to accomplish this
process:
1. First, make a list of your five signature
strengths? Are you creative? Are you very
disciplined and organized? Can you motivate
anyone? Are you a great writer?
2. Next, ask yourself if you are using your
strengths enough at work? If you are not
using at least one of your strengths every
The Vision of John F. Kennedy
Very few childhood memories still linger in my
mind, but one stands out like yesterday morning.
The year was 1969, and I was a young boy of 6
years. It was late at night, well past my bedtime,
but my mother was keeping me up for what she
called “a historic moment”. Being a child, I had no
grasp at what she meant at the time, but now I
am so thankful for her foresight. As I sat in our
den in my pajamas, I saw live on television how
Neil Armstrong walked down the steps from his
lunar module. Then right before he made the last
step, Astronaut Armstrong said the famous words
that now defined a generation “One small step
for man, one giant leap for mankind.”
Fifty years ago, the world lost a visionary: John
F. Kennedy. While he accomplished amazing
feats in his short-lived presidency, one that reso-
day, then develop a strength plan. Ask your-
self questions such as: In what areas of work
might I use my strengths more often? What
projects should I take on to use more of my
strengths? How can I incorporate my
strengths into my current projects?
3. If your business demands that you acquire
new clients, then how can you use a unique
strength to accomplish this? Are you a great
chef? Perhaps you should start a free cook-
ing class, and from this class, you will cook
up some new clients.
The philosopher, Voltaire likened our life to a
game of cards. Each player must accept the cards
dealt to them. But once those cards are in hand,
you alone decide how to play them to win the
game. Play your hand wisely to a healthier and
wealthier life.
John F. Kennedy
Photo Courtesy of the John F. Kennedy Presidential
Library and Museum
nates with me was his vision statement --By the
decade’s end, the United States would have an
American walk on the moon. This vision for the
country boosted morale as well as created a
surge of growth to our neophyte space program.
With Kennedy’s vision, NASA took off and be-
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came a dominate force, with all eyes looking up-
ward at the moon, wondering if we could really
do the impossible--have a man walk on the moon.
A vision for the country is no different from a
personal vision. Our personal vision is our guiding
light. Your vision are your personal dreams and
aspirations We all need this light. In a sense, it is
our survival mechanism. Our vision keeps us alive
inside, without it, we may slowly die inside.
Ask Buzz Aldrin. A few years back I heard Al-
drin speak at the Southern Festival of Books in
Nashville. (Buzz Aldrin was Armstrong’s wingman
and second in command on Apollo 9). Aldrin said
that after doing the impossible and returning to
Earth, he felt empty inside and depressed. He said
that he had accomplished all his dreams-he had
reached the mountaintop. He felt as if there
Strengths & Michelangelo
Earlier in the summer, I had the great pleasure
to travel to Florence Italy with my family. Walk-
ing the streets of this Renaissance city, you feel
transported back in time. At every turn, you see
amazing architecture like the Duomo di Firenze by
Filippo Brunelleschi. Walk into any church and
your eyes are feasted upon beautiful stained
glass. All the streets are extremely narrow and
filled with original cobblestone, built long before
there was the thought of a mechanized vehicle.
However, my favorite experience was seeing
the Statue of David. Pictures don’t capture the
magnificence of this sculpture. Walking around
him, you are mesmerized and perplexed at how
anyone could carve such beauty. David makes
you believe in the magic of art.
Luckily, we had a wonderful docent who told
us endless stories of the true Michelangelo, the
were nothing else to accomplish of worthy merit.
Buzz Aldrin was telling the crowd an im-
portant construct of having a vision. We need to
continually set new goals to attain throughout our
lives.
Do you feel demotivated? Have you stop
setting new goals for your life because you have
accomplished much in your life?
When Neil Armstrong’s foot landed on the
moon’s surface, it was an evolutionary step for hu-
manity. It showed that anything is possible, but it
all starts with a vision.
Henry David Thoreau once stated, “In the long
run, men hit only what they aim at”. I would add,
“We need to adjust our aim” The passing this week
of Neil Armstrong showed us that when we have
sculptor of the statue of David. One fact I did not
know was that many scholars believe he was au-
tistic. The evidence relates to his lack of personal
hygiene and social skills. He had a very difficult
time relating to people but an amazing ability to
relate to marble.
The story of Michelangelo relates to the cur-
rent philosophy of strength psychology, which
posits that your success will come from a focus on
what you are great at doing. You need to focus
very little attention on your weaknesses, unless
they hurt your success.
Michelangelo focused completely on his
strength of creativity, and it gave him legendary
status. Unfortunately, many people in business
spend too much time and energy in their weak-
ness zone. For instance, I had a client who was
president of a financial company and his strength
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was the “big picture”. He was a visionary. His
weakness was the details and the “nuts and
bolts” of the operation. When he was in the de-
tails of his company, he would get drained and be
grumpy. He disliked the details but thought he
needed to be better at this aspect of his compa-
ny.
With my advice, he finally agreed to let go of
the details and hire someone in that regard. As a
result, he became more energetic and positive
and his business began to explode.
Self-Lead to Success
With all the incessant fighting on Capital Hill
leading to the government shutdown, we are all
asking, “Where have all the great leaders gone?”
It seems like our leadership has failed us in so
many ways, mainly by their selfishness in focusing
on their interests instead of the people’s needs.
Fortunately, we have had great local leader-
ship in our backyard: Tim Hall, the former Austin
Peay State University president. Because of his
stewardship, APSU was voted as one of the best
Universities to work in the United States for the
past two years. (Only 140 Universities were
picked for this prestigious list).
Dr. Tim Hall
Photo Courtesy of Austin Peay
State University
Are you allowing your weaknesses to drain you
and de-energize your days? Let go of your weak-
nesses and focus on your strengths and you will
turn your life into a masterpiece.
Every block of stone has a stat-
ue inside it and it is the task of
the sculptor to discover it.
- Michelangelo
Former President Hall had a positive and
affirming attitude that created a trickle down
effect to the faculty and staff, producing a won-
derful synergy that now permeates the school
grounds. As a faculty member for the last 15
years, I can say without a doubt, he was the best
president we have had in my tenure.
While APSU greatly benefited from Tim’s pres-
ence on campus, anyone could gain from his lead-
ership style and philosophies. His principles of
leadership can help you to become a better self-
leader. A self-leader follows a positive affirming
lead in life.
Regardless of whether you are a business ex-
ecutive, student or musician, you must take the
lead to your success. Here are a few of Tim Hall’s
key leadership principles that can help create a
transformation in your life:
1. Great leaders have great EQ: Emotional
Intelligence. When you interact with Pres-
ident Hall, he always leaves you feeling
good about yourself. Furthermore, he gives
off great energy, always smiling and in a
good mood.
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 A self-leader gives off positive energy and
in return, gets it back in their life.
2. Great leaders have solid values. Being un-
ethical will catch up to you. As Tim Hall
told me, “It is hard to hide being unethical.
Your actions will find you out. “A self-
leader talks the talk and walks the walk.
This builds a bridge of trust with others.
3. Great leaders believe in the potential of
others. When you have high expectations
of others, your interactions are more favor-
The Legacy of Emotional Intelligence
The 4th of July is my favorite holiday. It is a
truly remarkable moment in time when we had a
group of amazing individuals, known as our
founding fathers, get together and create the
foundation for our wonderful nation. This is a day
we should celebrate with joy as well as reverence.
But I do believe we have a misconception in
our history books. Our true founding father is the
guy on the $10 bill--Alexander Hamilton. In my
view, he has never received his disserved recogni-
tion for shaping our country into what it is today.
Hamilton came from a small country in the
Caribbean. He was raised by a single mother and
was dirt poor. But his amazing talents allowed
him to be sent to America and then George
Washington noticed the impressive lad. He be-
came his assistant in the revolutionary war and
eventually, Secretary of the Treasury in George
Washington’s administration.
Because of his background, Hamilton pushed
for a meritocracy with the notion that anyone
should be able to rise to the top. He also empha-
sized corporate America leading the way. He saw
the need for big business and a centralized bank.
able. The feedback is more positive. As a
result, people begin to have higher expec-
tations in what they can do which leads to
greater performance. This is the definition
of a self-fulfilling prophecy. From day one,
Tim Hall believed that APSU had amazing
potential. A self-leader believes in their
own amazing potential. To transform your
life and get the success you deserve, you
must become a self-leader.
In direct contrast, his foe in the Washington
administration was the guy on our nickel. Thomas
Jefferson, a rich aristocrat from Virginia, believed
in an agrarian society with farmers being more
important than corporations, and pushed that for
his agenda.
I hope it is obvious to you who won this ideo-
logical battle-It was Hamilton. Our America is his
vision.
But why do we revere Jefferson and other
founding fathers while few school children know
about Alexander Hamilton?
The answer is emotional intelligence. Jeffer-
son had it in vast amounts while Hamilton had
little. Jefferson was seen as the man of the peo-
ple, who never said a mean word in public. Hamil-
ton, on the other hand, said what was on his
mind, creating many enemies in his corner.
One enemy was Aaron Burr (vice president at
the time under Jefferson), who shot Hamilton
dead in a dual in 1802. The story is that Hamilton
shot first, aiming his pistol above Burr to purpose-
ly miss, while Burr took dead aim and killed the
great visionary.
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 This is a historic tale that should be told in
all history books as a word of caution. Talent and
skill is not enough. For you to be successful, in
politics, business, or any area of your life, you
must have emotional intelligence.
What is emotional intelligence? For every ex-
pert, there is a different definition. I would define
emotional intelligence as the ability to make
friends, the ability to make people feel good
about themselves, and the ability to have people
respect you.
I have seen emotional intelligence rocket indi-
viduals to success, time and time again. I have
Finding Your Calling Like Loretta Lynn
In 1960, Loretta Lynn stepped onto the stage
of the Grand Ole Opry for the first time. It was not
an easy journey. In fact, Loretta and her family
slept in their car the night before outside the
Opry and they all shared a doughnut for breakfast
in the morning. To say she was dirt poor was an
understatement.
Two years later, with her great singing voice
and charisma, the Grand Ole Opry made her a
lifetime member. To any country singer, this is
one of the highest honors that can bestowed up-
on you. To Loretta, however, it was only the be-
ginning.
In the long run, you make your
own luck - good, bad, or indif-
ferent.
- Loretta Lynn
seen professors get promoted to V.P. because
they would have scored off the charts on a likea-
bility scale. I have seen graduate students get
amazing jobs, not because they had the most tal-
ent or were the most skillful, but because they
had the highest emotional intelligence.
I know you too have seen this happen in your
field, time and time again.
While we teach basic knowledge in school, we
also need to emphasize the skill of emotional in-
telligence, not only today but for the centuries to
come.
Fifty years later, Loretta Lynn is still going
strong. She continues to tour when healthy and,
in 2004, put out a country album that landed on
top of the country charts. Loretta Lynn does not
seem to be slowing down with thoughts of retire-
ment any time soon.
Loretta Lynn gets it. She found her calling.
That is the ultimate goal for anyone in the work-
ing world.
I always ask my classes at ASPU what the ulti-
mate goal of college is. To which they respond,
“To Graduate” or “To Learn” or “To get a good
job” and of course “To get an “A’ in my class”
To which, I respond that those answers have
important value, but a student’s ultimate goal in
college is to find a career from which they do not
want to retire. Ultimately, that is finding your
calling.
Only a few luck individuals, like Loretta Lynn,
find their calling. But what a wonderful life that
would be: If you can get up every morning and be
excited to go to work.
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 There is an old saying in the self-help litera-
ture and it is a bit clichéd but very true—“ When
you love what you do, you never work a day in
your life”
The difficult part, of course, is finding your
calling. Here is a 3 step process to help discover
your calling: Make a list of 5 of your key
strengths. This could such items as creativity, and
negotiator and problem solver
Make a list of 5 of your key values: This could
be such items as charity, money, or compassion.
Then pick two careers that you think are your call-
ing and write a persuasive paragraph (as if you
are writing it to me) using your strengths, and val-
Go Full Throttle without Burning Out
Daniel Day Lewis made history by being the
first male actor to win 3 academy awards in the
Best Actor category. He won for Lincoln (2013),
There Will Be blood (2007), and My Left Foot
(1989).
According to Steven Spielberg, Daniel Day
Lewis acts using a method in which he never
breaks character on the set. His roles become all
consuming. He goes full throttle into every part
that he plays--One of the main reasons for his im-
mense success in the dramatic arts.
Unfortunately for the movie industry, Daniel
Day Lewis recently announced he was taking a
needed break for a few years. He called it “a lie
down”. His comments alluded to the notion that
he was burnt out from his current job.
Many people are like Daniel Day Lewis. They
go full throttle at work. Their jobs are all consum-
ing and it is non-stop from one day to the next.
Unlike Lewis, most of us are not multi-
millionaire actors who can leave our careers for
years at a time and just “lie down”. Instead, we
ues to argue for the career. The one that fits best
and feels right will be your direction. (This could
be an awareness exercise for parents working
with their children to find a direction. I describe
such an exercise in my book, Flying Lessons.)
Finding your direction and staying on that
path for the rest of your life is a wonderful experi-
ence. I remember the story of the 92 year old
pediatrician who said that he would never think
of retiring because he loves his job so much. He
could never think of retiring because it keeps his
mind sharp and love in his heart. I can only wish
those sentiments to you.
must figure out ways to go full throttle without
burning out.
The secret to going full throttle is to harness
your internal energy rhythms. Our bodies have a
natural internal energy rhythm. You can feel it:
Place two fingers on the side of your neck and get
your pulse. This is the rhythm of life. This is your
internal energy rhythm. Once you tap into your
energy cycles at the right time, you will not only
maximize your productivity but also prevent
burnout.
You can accomplish this “Full Throttle’ process
in 3 easy steps:
Step 1: Become aware of the rise and fall of your
natural energy levels.
Does your energy soar in the morning? Does it
take a skid after lunch? Do you have a second
wind in the afternoon? While most individuals will
have a few peaks and valleys throughout the day,
everyone is unique. Knowing when your energy
soars as well as when it droops is the first step in
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going full throttle without burning out.
Step 2: Create an energy to-do list
Most successful individuals create a to-do list.
Here is a twist--quantify those activities on your
to-do list in terms of three different levels of en-
ergy: high, moderate and low. Meeting with a
disgruntle client may take immense energy
whereas sending out e-mails requires low energy.
Step 3: Create an energy plan in which you
match tasks to your energy levels.
More specifically, place the most demanding
energy tasks at times when your energy is soar-
ing. Position moderate energy level tasks for
times in the day when your energy begins to slide
and do low energy tasks when you have
bottomed out.
My energy peaks in the morning so I write
this column and do my creative work early in my
day. I also have another peak around 2pm and I
have scheduled to teach my classes then. This
matching system has allowed me to be very pro-
ductive at the right times during the day.
On the flip side, if I did my high-energy
tasks when I had naturally low energy, I would be
forcing my creativity. Not only would this make
me less effective, it would also zap my energy,
and increase my chances of burning out.
Energy rhythms are all around us-the ebb and
flow of tides, the migration of the birds, the moon
orbiting the Earth, and the Earth orbiting the Sun.
There is a rhythm to the Universe. Once you cap-
ture those rhythms in your life, then you will be
able to go full-throttle without burning out.
This Emotional Toughness Training
e-Zine is a part of the Emotional
Toughness Training MOOC created
by Dr. Gregg Steinberg and Austin
Peay State University.
To learn more about Dr. Steinberg,
visit his website at
www.drgreggsteinberg.com.