Student #3 Essay #1

_____________________________________________________________________________________
Mr. Stalter

Expository Writing Period 6

1.12.18

And that’s what created me

I remember being the free spirited, worriless child that didn't have the same struggles as most
in my town. I had the nice cloths, house and cars. I stood out like your cars headlights in the
dark, blue eyes and blonde hair, i was a white girl, the haole. Growing up wasn't easy but the
struggles made me the woman i've become today
I was 9 years old when my reality became driving, cooking and cleaning. I didn't have much
of what they call having a worriless childhood, i stressed from the time i left my house to the
time i got back through my front door. It all started one day while my mother and i where driving
home from Malama Market, we were about 2 blocks away from home & my mom went into
seizure while driving. I don't remember much besides jumping into my moms lap, driving home
and not being able to reach the brakes plus i don't really know what the heck i was doing…
BANG! We slammed into my brother chad’s truck. From that day on my mother never drove for
10 years.. I was the primary illegal transportation so that my mother didn't put anyone else’s
lives into danger. My father got our land dozed, got cinder spread and we began teaching me to
drive at 9 YEARS OLD! I was excited at the time, heck yeah i wanted to drive, but i got over it
real fast. I never knew what condition my mother would be in when i got home from school..
Was she gonna be fine, was she hurt, burnt or seizing , a million things running through my mind
at all times, plus we didn't have iphones yet witch mean no communication all day. I was forced
to grow up fast and become the mom of the house witch created me to be a hard working, OCD,
18 year old that i am. I do all shopping for my house, cook dinner every night and i am the sole
cleaner and “mom” of the house.
As i woke up that morning something told me to not go to school. I can remember talking
with my parents until 9:14am i remember looking at the time. I was scrolling through insta and
Maka’s post was the first i seen “RIP Leilani, you will be missed” and every single post below
that was the exact same thing !!! At first it didn't register that she was actually gone, she was just
asking me yesterday to go to prom and to play softball. I couldn't help but to call my best friend
(her little cousin) , she was gone and the family, town and school was dead too. Nobody came to
school for weeks and i mean it when i say weeks, drugs became the norm and the attitude of
others was so grey. She was so young, 16 in fact and planning her junior prom. With such a
sudden loss it affects everyone in the community. Never take a moment for granted, never leave
without a “goodbye & i love you”. You NEVER know when its your last and our whole
community learned that lesson.
I was driving home around 11am May 14, 2016. I was following a slow car all the way from
walmart, and we were passing wailua dump in south kona. Coming to a straight a way i started
passing, at the top of the hill was kind of blind and that's when i saw the cops.. I looked into my
rear view mirror and their was the flashing lights, it was me, i was in trouble and all i was doing
was grabbing my toothbrush from home. The officer was a nice man but i still ended up with
350$ in tickets. I was grounded for a month until i went to court. The day of court came around
and i dont think ive ever been that scared before, i was the only minor who spoke for themselves,
and she let me go with only 8 hrs community service. I remember how excited i was to still have
my license, i thought with that many ticket i wouldn't have my license until i'm 21.
It was the first day of 7th grade and it was time to transfer to Ka’u high from Naalehu elem
And i was beyond scared. As the bus pulled into the school i was wondering how i was going to
find my way around because orientation wasn't very helpful. How was i going to fit in and how
will this Pahala kids would treat the naalehu kids. They took us into the gym and we began
introducing ourselves., i was in a group of 5 and 3 of us were from naalehu..so what was the
point to meet people we already know ? They then took us on tour around the campus with only
lasted about 5 mins, i was still lost. The next it was like being a freshman in a class full of
seniors, the fear is unreal. I felt as if i was being stared at by everyone.. All around.. Eventually
things started to fall into place and i wasn't the only lost one, kids from Pahala were lost and
couldn't find their way around, and at recess we all started hanging out. The whole time i thought
i was being judged and in all reality they wanted to be my friend. I was growing up, moving up
in school and becoming a teenager. The transfer was my first “responsible moment” and my
middle school years shaped me to be who i am.
My Mother, sister and i were at youth group when the call came in, the house was burning
down. Racing it home to Ocean View, the fastest i ever drove home. The call was from my dad,
saying the neighbors Aunty rox and uncle james who are our really good family friends. When
we got to home, uncle james was getting taken to jail and the house was practically gone. It
turned out that the fire was from an electrical issues which started a fire in the master bedroom
while the whole family was watching Tv in the parlor. That's the night i thought i was going to
lose my father. By the grace of god my father had seen the fire before it fully ignited, through the
window was a orange spark, as i walked to the front door is when the spark turned into a flame.
Next door the other neighbors were cleaning their water tank which meant there was a water
truck waiting to fill up. As the fire got bigger my dad ran and told the truck driver to bring the
water truck to the burning house. Brett (my dad) ran into the house with the water hose and
began pumping the house with water , i didn't think he was going to make it out alive. Another
Moment witch i learned to never take a moment for granted, crazy things happen and it could
always be your last.
Moments that i'll never forget, witch also taught me to take chances but not chances that will
affect me in the future. Tomorrow is never promised and once that moment is gone we can never
get it back. Be the best person you are and treat everyone equal. You don't know what they go
through or the weight they carry on their shoulders.
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Rubric Scores:
Organization/Purpose: 2
The essay shows paragraphing, despite incorrect indentation, but lacks effective
introduction, conclusion, and transition between. There are solid ideas represented in the essay,
but they are not connected under one main idea consistently.
Evidence/Elaboration: 3
 The elaboration, though significant in depth and breadth, lacks some clarity. From this
essay, the reader is able to gain a lot of insight into the student’s life, but there are some
connections issue among the writing.
Conventions: 1
There are frequent errors regrading capitalization, punctuation, and sentence formatting
present in this essay. For example, the student does not capitalize I’s correctly or the names of
people. Also, the essay shows frequent punctuation error with the spacing of commas, commas
and periods back-to-back, and missed apostrophes.
Total: 6
Student #3 Essay #2

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Cole Stalter

Expository Writing Pd.6

2-8-18

Smarter and CRISPR

Imagine being able to create a perfect child, or fix a dog's ability to see, or turn regular

crops into mass producing money makers, when GMO and CRISPR come into place. A

genetically modified organism is an organism or microorganism whose genetic aspects have

been altered to contain a segment of DNA from another organism. This technology has been

used for countless purposes: to make copies of gene’s or proteins, to determine gene function, to

study gene expression patterns, and to create models for human disease,CRISPR may redefine

what GMO means.

Genetic modification (GMO) has been around for a number of years. One way people

have been modifying DNA is by using gender selection: “An early and well-known case of

gender selection took place when Monique and Scott Collins saw doctors at the Genetics & IVF

Institute in Fairfax, Virginia, for in vitro fertilization” (Ly 2011). In 1996, the Collins’ intended

to conceive a girl, this was one of the first highly publicized events of PGD. PGD or Pre-

implantation genetic diagnosis is the genetic profiling of embryos prior to implantation. They did

not want to abandon medical issues but to get the gender they always wanted. CRISPR grew to

be a known and creative way to fix medical complications and choose genes for future

generations. Scientist repaired a defective gene in mice with Duchenne muscular dystrophy and
watched as muscles throughout the animals' bodies strengthened. The GMO rebuilt the muscles

of the mouse that had a life threatening birth defect and that's just part of what CRISPR has

allowed to science to do in the past 20 years. What changed in the last quarter of the 20th century

was that scientists began selecting productive traits at the individual gene level and controlling

the placement of genes in new crops. Farmers found that by selecting productive traits, they

could make bigger and an produce and abundance of product. It was not long before the rules of

CRISPR were created. Ly (2011) states, “The Council on Ethical and Judicial Affairs released a

statement in 1994 in support of using genetic selection as a means to prevent, cure or specific

diseases, but that selection based on benign characteristics was not ethical.” CRISPR than had to

be limited along with inform the public of what this science was being used or due to the

experimental creations that could be done using the science.

In addition, CRISPR may redefine what GMO means. The first commercially grown

genetically modified food crop was a tomato created by California company in the early 1990s;

however, the first designer baby was created in the U.S. in 2000. Bloomberg(2017) states

“Crispr-Cas9, or more commonly just Crispr, it's a gene-editing system so simple, cheap and

effective, it promises to change our relationship with genetics — for better, worse or both”. A

upcoming technology has the ability to change our relationship with genetics. CRISPR has been

the subject of a huge media hype, and the words that are used most often are "easy" and "cheap."

Its hype comes from the availability of the science, and the idea that Gene editing could be so

cheap and easy. (MacDonald 2016) states’” A few years ago, scientists discovered that the

CRISPR system is actually programmable, which means that you can tell it any piece of DNA

you want removed, put the system into a living cell, and it'll cut that DNA right out of the

genome”. The CRISPR system is able to completely delete traits from a growing child although
your children will never be normal. “Thanks to CRISPR, the costs of genetic engineering have

shrunk by 99 percent basically overnight, Kurzgesagt reports.” CRISPR is a cheap and promised

to be effective. Genetic engineering now has an inexpensive solution.

Furthermore, CRISPR has led us to the modern day solution of fixing our future

generations imperfections which we call “ Designer Babies”. “ With rapid advances in scientific

knowledge of the human genome and our increasing ability to modify and change genes”, this

scenario of "designing" your baby could well be possible in the near future. our knowledge is

constantly growing which allows our society to continuously change. (Ly 2011) states, “As a

result, designer babies have become an important topic in bioethical debates, and in 2004 the

term “designer baby” even became an official entry in the Oxford English Dictionary. Designer

babies have become a major aspect of our society and science research. But what about the

children that don't have a voice in weather they want to be a “perfect” child. “The social

argument against designer babies is that if this technology becomes a realistic and accessible

medical practice, then it would create a division between those that can afford the service and

those that cannot”, designer babies could be the new form of racism and segregation. “Perfect

children” represent great potential in the field of medicine and scientific research, but there

remain many ethical questions that need to be addressed. Designer babies could lead to

catastrophic event in American history or a complete scientific disaster.

All in all, CRISPR has led to the debated of Designer babies and the future impact they

have on our society. With all the negative outlooks on CRISPR science, a few positive aspects of

the CRISPR science can gift a child with “genes that the parents do not carry”. Such as

prevention of the upcoming generations of family from getting characteristics or diseases that

have repeatedly affected their family. “Prevention of deadly genetic diseases such as cancer,
muscular dystrophy and other traits that could possibly become deadly could come to a end

making our world a whole new place”. CRISPR science allows us to expand our chances of

living longer. CRISPR the designer baby science has enabled us to have the chance to give our

children a longer life span by implanting “good” genes that could consist of being extremely

intelligent to “insure a successful life”. With every new invention come a load of new

information and answers. CRISPR science and the ongoing experiments have allowed scientist

and biologist to expand our knowledge in science and to better our creations along with benefit

future generation. Another powerful aspect of CRISPR science is the possibility of completely

discard of genetic diseases that continue destroy and individuals. “CRISPR can reduces risk of

inherited medical conditions as well as reduce risk of genetic diseases”.

Having perfect children is something we all dream of and its finally come true, but what

about the children without the money? The gap that this could create between citizens of the U.S

is way too risky of a change to make. Steere (2008) states, “This can lead to either the

termination of a pregnancy, or if analyzed at a pre-implantation stage when using In Vitro

Fertilization (IVF), can enable the pregnancy to be created using only non-disease bearing

genes”. The possibility of harming your unborn child is at risk along while attempting to create

your perfect child. While creating our perfect child parents forget to think logically, such as

creating a genius child. How will they grow to handle this world? The parents are living for their

children not letting their children be who they are. “The potential harms, such as parents forcing

a child to study trombone when the kid would rather play soccer, don't seem big enough to

interfere with parental choice”. Designer babies are the newest threat of discrimination and

racism. Instead of being rich and poor, it would be perfect and regular. We would not be all the

same and it would be obvious to the eye. The social argument against designer babies is that if
this technology becomes a realistic and accessible medical practice, then it would create a

division between those that can afford the service and those that cannot. The parents of designer

babies have extreme measures to live up to and hope that their definition of “perfect” is perfect

to the outside world. Our society changes constantly, and the parents must keep that in mind.

“These choices affect the way a child matures, much like the decision to select certain genes

predisposes a child to develop in ways that the parents have predetermined are desirable”.

Due the dramatic difference between the pros and cons of designer babies the question

still lingers if CRISPR Science being used on humans is a considerate change in society. This

technology has been used for countless purposes: to make copies of gene’s or proteins, to

determine gene function, to study gene expression patterns, and to create models for human

disease, CRISPR may redefine what GMO means. Within the next decade our generation will

not grow up and learn the same, we will judge by who is perfect and who is not. Here is to the

newest and most drastic generation gap. CRISPR and designer babies are changing our society

and the meaning of Genetically Modified Organisms in a very drastic and world changing way.

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Rubric Scores:
Organization/Purpose: 3
The paragraphing indentation is correct along with clearly organized ideas within them.
The essays transitional strategies are lacking, however. The introduction and conclusion clearly
show a proficient attempt to draw in the reader by engaging the reader’s imagination in the
introduction and promoting further thought in the conclusion.
Evidence/Elaboration: 3
This essay also shows presence of evidence to support and sufficient elaboration. The
student connected ideas represented in the evidence to life in their elaboration.
Conventions: 2
The grammatical and mechanical skills used in the essay were adequate. There are still
some errors present, but the student demonstrated the correct use frequently enough to earn a 2.
Total: 8
Student #3 Essay #3

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Cole Stalter

Expository Writing Pd.6

3/13/18

It's Your Choice

To succeed, one must be willing to grow; we’re not born with it. Hard work and learning

are necessary for growth. Success is something to work toward; productive habits and keeping an

open mind are essential parts of succeeding. As generations change our mindset and the society

we live in constantly alters, our success depends on our state of mind and the accountability of

our own actions. We must humble ourselves to remain open to continuous learning and be

persistent with a growth mindset to succeed in world filled with fixed mindsets.

Changing our mindset from “fixed” to “growth” is not an aspect we’re born with. We

must grow into a growth mindset and gain courage to obtain an open mind. Carol Dweck who

created a growth mindset states, “Individuals who believe their talents can be created (through

persistent hard work, good advice and input) have a growth mindset” (2016). Moreover, having

this is something not all will have. We must want success to have a growth mindset, and to have

a growth mindset, we must be open minded and commit to hard work and dedication. An

essential part of working hard and being educated is a person's ability to persist. In this

generation having a “growth mindset” is something that seems almost impossible. We don't have

the courage to sit and listen which leads to children and adults having a fixed mindset thinking

they’re not capable of success because they never allowed themselves to obtain an open mind.

Goggins states, “In order to succeed you must view yourself as the weakest person God has ever
created” (2017). In other words, we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable to wisdom and the

character of others to obtain a growth mindset. Having a fixed mindset is caused by lack of

responsibility and self-respect. Hard work and persistence allows for a growth mindset.

Success does not come easy, you must push to the end and be willing to get back up after

you've fallen. Success depends on our persistence, and persistence depends on our mindset.

“Persistence of action comes from persistence of vision. When you're clear about what you want

in such a way that your vision doesn't change much, you'll be more consistent and persistent in

your actions” (2017). When you know what you want, any obstacle can and will be conquered.

An essential part of being persistent depends on our mindset. The way we think and process

information depends on the mind and our persistence to grow. The importance of being

persistent depends on our drive for success. Criticism, judgement, and correction from others are

important obstacles that you've got to conquer to maintain persistent quality work. “Persistence

is the ability to maintain action regardless of your feelings. You must press on even when you

feel like quitting until you've achieved that specific goal” (2018). Moreover, you must block out

judgment and focus on your point of destination. An important part of continuous persistence is

the ability of self-discipline and level of confidence—this will lead one to remain open to

continuous learning.

Remaining open to learning new things and putting good advice to use will drive our

want to expand our knowledge. “When people are in continuous mode their confidence in

combination with their curiosity allows them to constantly search for new and better ways to

solve problems” (2018). Staying open to expanding our knowledge allows us to grow and

maintain a growth mindset. Curiosity and drive for success keeps our mindset seeking the want

to remain open to continuous learning.

 For one to effectively make sense of the opposing mindsets, it is essential to understand

the aspects of the outlooks of different minded individuals. Despite our grades, occupations, or

extent of education, we are all able to have a successful life. It's up to us to take the steps to

succeed and continue to expand. Our mindset is an important aspect of whether we succeed or

maintain a fixed mindset keeping our curiosity and drive on the back burner.

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Rubric Scores:
Organization/Purpose: 4
The introduction engages the reader in an effective way, and the conclusion readdresses
and summarizes the topics of growth and success while promoting final thought. Additionally,
the student makes proficient use of the transitional strategies throughout this essay. The
paragraphs have focused ideas for each, and the student connected those ideas well to the topics
growth and success.
Evidence/Elaboration: 4
The evidence and elaboration exceed adequate use. The essays show depth and breadth
in the elaboration and makes meaningful connections to real life. The student shows the “how”
and “why” in the writing.
Conventions: 2
The grammatical and mechanical skills used in the essay were adequate. There are still
some errors present, but the student demonstrated the correct use frequently enough to earn a 2.
Total: 10