Français 202

Peer editing: La lettre à la rédaction

Nom de l’Ecrivain(e)_Rosa Padt___________________________

Nom du Lecteur/lectrice ____Kerry Lyons____________________

Writing is a process. By reviewing your partner’s work, you will have the opportunity to offer an ‘outside’ perspective to
the writer and help him/her in this process. When reading your partner’s writing, please pay attention to the specific
aspects listed below. Focusing first and foremost on the content of the piece, use the space below to provide suggestions
and helpful comments to the writer. Make sure to ask the writer questions whenever a passage, word, or expression is
unclear to you. It is important that you read your partner’s work more than once. This sheet will be turned in with the
writer’s final draft, and you (as editor) will also be evaluated on the quality and thoroughness of your comments on this
sheet—try to be as careful a reader as possible, and to provide as many specific suggestions as you can.

Organization, style, and content:

1. Is the topic of the composition addressed within the first sentence or two so that the writer’s position is clear?
What is the writer’s position?

Oui, le sujet est fumer en pays émergents. Il y a un problème avec les pauvres et fumer en pays
émergents. Il est important que le Ministère des Solidarités et de la Santé prenne action.

2. What techniques does the author use to support and develop her/his arguments? (statistics or other facts, a
dramatic story to illustrate, an anecdote, etc.) Do these make for a creative and original piece of writing? Please
note the examples from your partner’s work that you find the most helpful and/or convincing in developing the
problem and its proposed solutions.

Elle utilise des statistiques et des faits de sources fiables. Le lettre est unique et créatif.

Ces exemples aident à renforcer son lettre:

«Ce sont les pauvres et les plus pauvres qui tendent à fumer le plus» («Le Tabac»)

«En 2030, 80% des décès dû au tabac auront lieu dans les pays émergents» (Sulmont 2016). Évidemment,
l’augmentation de fumer en pays émergents est une problème qui ne cessera pas bientôt. Également, c’est-à-dire
que «Les cigarettiers ont tiré la conclusion que leur avenir passait par les pays émergents» (Sulmont 2016).

3. Is there a sense of development of the argument with a relatively definable beginning, middle and end? How
would you summarize the parts of the argument?

Oui, le problème est identifié, puis, il y a des statistiques. Finalement, il y a

un appel à l’action.

Je suggère que tu sépares tes paragraphes.

4. Are the points made well-supported and well-developed? Is there any point where more details or information
might strengthen the paper? Any specific suggestions for what kinds of information would be helpful or
interesting, and where to insert this information?

Je pense que tu as bien développé tes idées.

5. Is there a conclusion? If so, what is its tone? If not, what might be added to conclude the letter?

Il y a une conclusion et le ton demande un changement.

Mechanics, grammar and vocabulary:

1. Is proper form respected (double spaced, appropriate margins, date, salutations, etc.)?
Les salutations sont trop informelles. Aussi, séparez les paragraphes.

2. Is the vocabulary appropriate to the topic? Is it sufficiently varied to remain interesting? Does it show evidence
of skilled use of the dictionary for vocabulary that goes beyond the minimum lexicon? Can you identify any
words with a general meaning that might be replaced by more precise terms? (e.g., avoir, être, très, beaucoup,
intéressant, etc.)

Tout est correct à mon avis.

3. Is the basic grammar of French accurate, including agreements, accents, verb tenses and appropriateness? Do
you have any specific grammatical suggestions that would strengthen the paper?

Il n’y a pas des promblèmes dans le lettre

4. Is the subjunctive used appropriately/enough? Could it be added anywhere?

Le subjonctif est bien utilisé.

5. Are sentence length and complexity appropriate to a French 202 level of ability? Could any shorter sentences be
combined? Could any transitional phrases be added to give greater ‘flow’ to the overall piece? Please provide
suggestions.

Le lettre est fantastique! Il y a des phrases bien pensé. Les phrases sont assez longues.

General reaction:
1. What do you like best about the letter?

J’aime le sujet unique. Je ne sais pas le tabac était un problème dans les pays émergents.

2. What is one constructive general suggestion for your partner that could help her/him improve the letter?

Rends les salutations plus formelles, et sépares en paragraphes.

3. What did you learn from reading this paper? (about the writer, about the subject matter, and/or about the French
language?)

J’ai appris que tout le monde ne connaît pas les effets du tabac. Je supposais qu’il était de notoriété
publique