Caitlyn Pyle

English IV

Ms. Cook

26 September, 2017

True happiness

“Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh” the ear piercing screaming coming from the castle gates

terrifies the Queen Clara. One late afternoon Clara the queen was bathing.

Suddenly she heard a horrific scream! It startled her so bad that she jumped out of

the tub and put on her fox's fur robe, which made

her hair look like a wildfire. Then as she went to

hide in the corner of the room a guard barged in

yelling we gotta get you out mistress. The guard

grabbed her so roughly that her robe almost fell

off. As they left the bathing room, all she could smell was burning flesh. He rushed

her down a narrow cold hallway. The smell faded away as he carried Clara down

the circular stairs..

When they were out of the castle Clara yelled, “PUT ME DOWN YOU Maggitt!” But

the Guard refused to do as she wished. Once she started fighting him, he throw her

over his shoulder. When he did that, she saw once a peaceful and beautiful castle in

flames. He ran throughout the night he didn't stop to take breaks at all. When the
 sun came up from the direction of the castle it was

blood red. It was early in the morning when he took a

rest at a farmer’s barn. He gently put her down in a

bale of hay. When Clara woke up, the Guard was

talking to the old and sweet farmer. They were

whispering, but the farmer gave the

guard clothing for a young maiden.

The guard climbed the ladder

slowly afraid to wake Clara, but

when he realized she was wide awake he climbed it faster. While throwing the

clothing at Clara.

He said, “I am taking you to your uncle in wonderland”.

Clara threw the clothing back at the guard saying ,“I am not going anywhere until

you tell me what is going on.” She demanded the guard to tell her what's happening

with anger and sadness in her voice!

In a calm voice, the guard said, “My name is Isaac Prince of the future America’s.

Your uncle said if I save you that I would get the ship and money I need to travel.

Your kingdom is uprising against you because of your heartless actions. I will

dress you like a servant so we can get through the land safe and unnoticed.” Clara
was appalled to what Isaac said to her. How could this be happening to her she

thought to herself. Clara got up and took the rags clothing from the floor and

started to get dressed. Isaac turned away in shock and uneasiness.

Clara said in a giggle voice, “ What have you never seen a naked lady?”

Isaac said in a shaky voice swallowing his words, “My mother taught me to be

respectful of women, especially royalty.”

Clara said laughing,“ alright I am dressed”

The clothing she was wearing made her stunning. Her green eyes matched her

dress and the contrast with the red hair and the green was blinding. Before Isaac

could say anything the old farmer came in with two horses saddled up. The horses

were brown with a deep black maine. Isaac climbed down the ladder first and then

supported the ladder while Clara was going down.

Clara walked up to the old wrinkling farmer saying in a grateful voice, “ Thank you

for your kindness. You'll be rewarded for kindness.”

The farmer looking down in a deep but raspy voice says, “ I don't need anything, I

am happy the way I live. You can just be thankful. That’s all I need”

Clara looked insulted saying, “ Alright umm.”

Isaac came up touching Clara's shoulder speaking in a loving voice, “ It’s time to go

before the people notice you’re not dead and start looking for you!”
Clara kissed the older man on the cheek and hopped on the horse. Isaac thanked

the old man once more and jumped on his horse.

As Clara and Isaac road for many days and nights to get to her uncle’s

kingdom. Clara saw all the pain and helpless her people were in. It broke her heart

to see them in so much pain. Over the time of traveling Isaac and Clara started a

friendship. The last night Isaac and Clara stopped to get everything in order. It was

starting to get dark in the forest. Isaac was cooking a rabbit he shot with a bow and

arrow that afternoon. Isaac handed her a chunk of the rabbit meat.

Clara pushed it slowly to the fire. She was upset with her people.

Isaac spoke in a loving voice, “ Clara are you okay? I’m worried about you.”

Clara said with tears in her eyes, “ Am I a bad ruler?”

Isaac brushing her tears away while holding her face, “ No you're not a bad ruler

Clara. You were blind by your riches to see what's really going on with your

people.”

Clara said in a sweet way, “ You are the only person who has been real with me

about the way they feel.”

So Clara looked into Isaac’s soft brown eyes. She leaned in to kiss him, Isaac kissed

Clara back. This kiss was interrupted by the noblemen associated with Clara’s

uncle.

Isaac and clara looked up embarrassed and quickly came to theirfeet.

A tall man grabbed Clara and jerked her to his side yelling, “ Your uncle wants you

NOW and for you Isaac, here’s your money.”

A man threw a large bag of money to Isaac.

Clara was yelling and fighting at the huge man, but every thing she did was nothing

compared to the man's strength. When she got to her uncle’s castle she barged into

his quarters.

The door swung open, she yelled with anger in her voice, “How dare you treat me

so low when I have done nothing to you?”

The king was in his bed smiling in a creepy way, “Because you were taking too long

my darling.”

He got out of his bed he walked toward her with open arms. Clara stepped back in

with a disgusted look.

Clara said in a demanding rude way, “ I WANT ISAAC BACK NOW!”

In the matter of seconds, the king snapped back like an aggressive dog, “ I don't

care what you want, you tramp you're going to be my next queen. I need a son by the

time I die!” The king pushed her against his brick wall.

Clara screamed saying, “HELL PPPPPP GEEEET OFF OF MEEE!”

The uncle was kissing her neck like some old creepy dog. Clara pushed him off

with her foot. He went flying into his the bed. The uncle giggled saying, “ I like it

when they fight back!”

Clara screeched in horror and fear. Suddenly someone swung through the window

of the room. It was Isaac with blood and cuts on his white baggy shirt. His black

curls covered his eyes, but and his eyes

were bloodshot. Clara ran toward Isaac

but the uncle grabbed her and put a knife

to her neck.

The uncle yells, “ I WILL KILL HER IF

YOU TAKE ANOTHER STEP!!”

Isaac ran with his eyes locked on his prey and shot the knife right out of his hand

when the arrow hit the back of his hand. arrow right of his hand. The uncle

screamed “uuuuuuu gg gg gg hh hh!” grabbing his hand.

Clara took the knife from the floor and stabled her uncle. She ran to Isaac’s arms

crying her eyes out! He took her and jumped through the window into the ocean

water. There was a boat there waiting with Isaac’s crew.

A hairy man grabbed Clara and pulled her onto the boat saying, “Here you go, my

Queen.”

With tears in his eyes, Isaac climbed in the boat and said, “ I love you Clara. I was

never so sure in my life about this. I love your caring heart and hard headed

choices. As you left with your uncle’s men, my breath slowly left my body. I jumped
on my horse and got my crew ready. When I heard you screaming. It confirmed my

feeling for you. ”

The hairy man came up behind Isaac yelling,” Anchor up... we got to go!”

Clara grabbed Isaac and kissed him. Isaac kissed her back holding her sides.

As they sailed farther and farther from the castle. Clara thought back to her

adventure and she learned from the farmer's advice.

The Farmer explained, “ I don’t need anything I am happy the way I live.” She

learned she doesn’t need riches to be happy. As the ship sailed toward the sun rise

Isaac and Clara looked into

each other's eyes. To be

continued…….

Excellent job describing your characters and the scenes using sensory language and imagery.

You incorporated dialogue, flashbacks, and theme very well. Your story has a very good

beginning, middle, and end. Good job using pictures to help communicate your ideas! There are

some punctuation errors throughout, but you’re getting better using compound and complex

sentences.

Introduction: 5

Rising Action and Climax: 5

Falling Action and Conclusion: 5

Mechanics: 4

Total: 24/25 x 4 = 96/100 A