1

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<i>In the fall of 2009, a new
couple had moved in upstairs.</i>

2
00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:06,092
<i>We hadn't met them yet,
but we could hear them...</i>

3
00:00:06,217 --> 00:00:07,367
<i>all the time.</i>

4
00:00:07,492 --> 00:00:10,667
<i>They were always...
Let's just say they were always</i>

5
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<i>"playing the bagpipes."</i>

6
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Okay, this is ridiculous.

7
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I can't believe those
two are still bagpiping.

8
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I know. It's been six hours.

9
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Must be that tantric bagpipe
that Sting is into.

10
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She keeps yelling out for him
to play the bagpipes harder,

11
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but it sounds like he's
bagpiping her pretty hard.

12
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There's a glass of water in my bedroom
that's vibrating like Jurassic Park.

13
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You have neighbors!
14
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Shut the bagpipes up!

15
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Synchro: ShalimarFox, -Titou-

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.:: La Fabrique ::.

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<i>I decided to go to the bar
to get some peace and quiet.</i>

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00:00:57,260 --> 00:00:58,933
<i>That didn't work out so well.</i>

19
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I hate to have to be
the one to tell you this.

20
00:01:02,984 --> 00:01:04,814
Marshall and Lily
are getting a divorce.

21
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- No, they're not.
- Just listen

22
00:01:07,563 --> 00:01:09,569
to what I witnessed yesterday.

23
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Baby, you mind washing that?

24
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No problem.

25
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I should go.

26
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She makes him wash his dishes
right away, Ted.

27
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I give 'em two,
maybe three weeks tops.

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That's not a big deal.

29
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And it's certainly not a big enough deal
for you to be holding my hands.

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They're in big trouble.

31
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I see what's going on.
You, my friend,

32
00:01:35,604 --> 00:01:37,828
are suffering
from a little known condition...

33
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"little known" because I just
made it up,

34
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called "New Relationship Smugness".

35
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You and Robin are
in the honeymoon phase.

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Everything's perfect.

37
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Every song on the radio's about you.

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Every other couple sucks.

39
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Enjoy it.
N.R.S. doesn't last forever.

40
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It does when you're this awesome.

41
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Check it out.
Robin and I have been keeping

42
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a tally of how many beds
we've done it in.

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We're up to 83-and-a-half.

44
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A half?

45
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19th century ottoman
in an antique shop.

46
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- What's up?
- Tiger.

47
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How ya holding up?
Do you need a hug?

48
00:02:13,073 --> 00:02:15,927
You want to talk about yesterday?
Safe space.

49
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He thinks Lily
asking you to wash your dishes

50
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right away is a sign your
marriage is crumbling.

51
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What? Why?

52
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Lily likes a clean sink, so I do
the dishes;what's the big deal?
53
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I'll tell you what the big deal is.

54
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You know how I was always
the best at being single?

55
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Now I am the best at relationships.

56
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Even better than you and Lily.

57
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Look at you.
Had a girlfriend for 5 minutes,

58
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You think you can play
with the big boys... adorable. Son,

59
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I've been in a relationship
since you had a ponytail

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and were playing Dave Matthews
on your mama's Casio.

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I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep.

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I can rock a killer foot rub
with one hand

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and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile
in the other that would make you weep.

64
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Hell, I've forgotten more
about microwaving

65
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fat-free popcorn and watching
Sandra Bullock movies

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than you'll ever know,
but thanks for your concern, rook.

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- Let me ask you one question.
- Sure.

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Do you mind if there is
a sink full of dirty dishes?

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Not really.

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Then it's Lily's problem, not yours.

71
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But if I said that to her,
it would only lead to a fight, so...

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You fight.
See, Robin and I never fight.

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- Of course you do.
- No.

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And here's the secret:

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every time it looks like
we're about to get into a fight...

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Why is there
a bag of panties labeled

77
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"April 2008" in your closet?
78
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So any time you think you might have
a fight, you just get up and leave?

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100% effective.

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Can't fight if you're not there.
That's what Gandhi taught us.

81
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That's not true.

82
00:04:02,199 --> 00:04:04,202
I can't believe that
Robin puts up with that.

83
00:04:04,585 --> 00:04:07,455
Don't worry. She's got a great way
to avoid fights, too.

84
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Are ties machine washable?

85
00:04:11,263 --> 00:04:13,708
No, they most certainly
are not. Why?

86
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What is in your hand?

87
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My God, what's in your hand?!

88
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:29,422
Okay, so you walk away.
Robin gets naked.

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Those are the two stupidest ways
to handle conflict I've ever heard.

90
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The naked thing ain't bad.
91
00:04:35,881 --> 00:04:38,528
- That felt kind of weird.
- Okay, call me crazy.

92
00:04:39,031 --> 00:04:42,731
But when a problem comes up,
Lily and I actually talk about it.

93
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There are so many great things to do
with the human mouth.

94
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Why waste it on talking?

95
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But if you insist,
here's what I would say

96
00:04:49,624 --> 00:04:51,916
about the dishes
if I were Lily's husband.

97
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Barney, you're home!

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Dude!

99
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- Get to the point!
- All right.

100
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Thanks, doll.

101
00:05:08,236 --> 00:05:09,934
Sweetie, are you going to wash that?

102
00:05:10,224 --> 00:05:12,186
I'm glad you bring that up. No.

103
00:05:12,618 --> 00:05:13,605
And here's why.

104
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Lily, I know you don't
like a dirty sink.

105
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But does that make it my job
to keep it clean?

106
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I mean, if one day I look up
at the living room ceiling

107
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:28,313
and think, "Hey, I'd like a replica
of the Sistine Chapel up there."

108
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Would it be your job to paint it?

109
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No.
Of course not.

110
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Exactly! So, baby,
by the same logic,

111
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if you don't like looking
at a sink full of dishes,

112
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shouldn't it be your job
to clean them?

113
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Thanks for explaining that.
I get so confused.

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That's because you're a woman.

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- I don't even know why we're laughing!
- Of course you don't.

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You're kidding me with this.

117
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Hang on, Ted.
Let's hear the man out.

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Once I have her attention,

119
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it's time to bring out the big guns.

120
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Look, I love you.

121
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But, baby, with the little
energy I have left after work,

122
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I want to shower you with love,

123
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not wash some silly dishes.

124
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You're right.
I'll do the dishes.

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Right after I do this.

126
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Now turn around.

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Firm.

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- Are you going to hit him or should I?
- He's right.

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No, he's not.
Marshall, look at me.
130
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Do not get drawn into
Barney Stinson's circus tent

131
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of funhouse mirrors
and flawed logic.

132
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This is exactly how you
got the earring back in '03.

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- That earring looked cool.
- It did look cool, didn't it?

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Stay with me!
Barney is wrong.

135
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No, he isn't.

136
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I hate doing my dishes right away.

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- You just said you don't mind!
- I hate it, Ted!

138
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I hate it with a boundless,
burning fury!

139
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I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

140
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You're welcome.

141
00:07:07,473 --> 00:07:08,344
Hey, guys.

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Good.
There you are.
143
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You'll tell me the truth.
Barney says that you two never fight.

144
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- I guess that's true.
- Told ya.

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No way.
I love you both,

146
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but you are the two most
emotionally ill-equipped

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00:07:22,527 --> 00:07:24,589
individuals in the history
of relationships.

148
00:07:24,714 --> 00:07:26,529
You two must have had
at least one fight.

149
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You know what?
We did.

150
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There was one small dispute

151
00:07:30,764 --> 00:07:32,742
about which one of
us was more awesome.

152
00:07:32,912 --> 00:07:34,817
We just called it
a tie Sand had sex.

153
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Speaking of which, I am so glad
we're going skiing this weekend.

154
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I need a break. The upstairs neighbors
are driving me crazy.
155
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Yeah, it's bad.

156
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- I'm gonna say something to them.
- Thank you.

157
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,924
We all have our assignments
for the weekend.

158
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Ted, you're going to stand up to
your neighbors and you to Lily.

159
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Robin, I'm gonna need you
in sort of a crouched position

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on the bear-skin rug
at our ski chalet. Ready?

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00:07:56,797 --> 00:07:58,357
- Bye, guys.
- Bye.

162
00:07:58,482 --> 00:07:59,812
Have fun.

163
00:08:02,818 --> 00:08:03,711
You know?

164
00:08:03,836 --> 00:08:06,301
With his crazy, well-
thought-out theories

165
00:08:06,426 --> 00:08:07,836
that probably would work.

166
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:10,916
Marshall, I'm just gonna
say this one more time.

167
00:08:11,041 --> 00:08:13,701
- It's a bad idea.
- I think it could work.

168
00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:15,532
Two more times.
It's a bad idea.

169
00:08:15,657 --> 00:08:17,785
Listen, Barney lays out
some logical points

170
00:08:17,910 --> 00:08:21,168
Lily is a reasonable woman.
I think that if I explain it to her,

171
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,543
she'll get it and I'll get my way.

172
00:08:23,668 --> 00:08:26,047
No. She'll get mad,
and you'll get in a huge fight.

173
00:08:27,014 --> 00:08:28,299
- Slap bet?
- Slap bet.

174
00:08:32,021 --> 00:08:34,221
Baby, could you wash your dishes?

175
00:08:35,656 --> 00:08:37,600
Lily, I'm glad
that you bring that up.

176
00:08:41,892 --> 00:08:43,189
Can I stay here tonight?

177
00:08:45,156 --> 00:08:46,809
I'll make up the sofa, buddy.

178
00:08:56,045 --> 00:08:57,795
The ski bunnies are back!

179
00:08:58,277 --> 00:08:59,080
Hey, guys.

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- How was your trip?
- So perfect.

181
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,974
We just spent the whole
weekend cuddling by the fire.

182
00:09:05,099 --> 00:09:07,962
No black diamonds,
but a lot of red hearts.

183
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,966
- Okay, I'm gonna go unpack.
- Hey, you.

184
00:09:21,106 --> 00:09:21,870
Man.

185
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:25,275
What the hell has gotten into you two?
When did you become so nauseating?

186
00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:29,068
Isn't it great
to finally see her fulfilled

187
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:32,256
emotionally, spiritually
and sexually?

188
00:09:33,259 --> 00:09:34,949
I dated her for a year.

189
00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:38,119
How was your weekend?

190
00:09:38,288 --> 00:09:40,457
Terrible, and it's all
your fault, okay?

191
00:09:40,582 --> 00:09:42,288
I took your stupid advice!

192
00:09:44,377 --> 00:09:46,577
Baby, could you wash your dishes?

193
00:09:48,002 --> 00:09:49,839
Lily, I'm glad
that you bring that up.

194
00:09:52,166 --> 00:09:53,566
And here is why...

195
00:10:05,141 --> 00:10:07,518
So, it's like this, okay?

196
00:10:09,384 --> 00:10:10,200
Sure.

197
00:10:10,325 --> 00:10:13,154
You want me to go ahead
and wash my dish.

198
00:10:14,058 --> 00:10:15,014
But maybe...

199
00:10:15,139 --> 00:10:16,139
I want you...

200
00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:18,409
to paint the ceiling,

201
00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:19,496
right?

202
00:10:19,621 --> 00:10:21,540
Like, maybe I should say...

203
00:10:22,673 --> 00:10:25,637
"I'll wash my dish
if you get up there

204
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:28,586
"and just...
you paint naked babies on the ceiling."

205
00:10:28,763 --> 00:10:30,638
You know?
It's just like...

206
00:10:33,831 --> 00:10:35,549
I don't know what happened.
207
00:10:35,674 --> 00:10:36,827
I'm a lawyer.

208
00:10:37,184 --> 00:10:39,423
I argue for a living,
but when it comes to Lily,

209
00:10:39,548 --> 00:10:41,891
I just get all... flustered.

210
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,853
How could you not?
I mean, the girl's all eyes and boobs.

211
00:10:46,472 --> 00:10:49,253
What happened to the
"I'm tired after my draining day,

212
00:10:49,378 --> 00:10:52,233
"and I want to use my leftover energy
showering you with love" argument?

213
00:10:52,403 --> 00:10:55,176
I should have written that down.

214
00:10:56,317 --> 00:10:57,617
Look, Lily, I...

215
00:10:58,709 --> 00:11:00,117
I make more money than you.

216
00:11:00,378 --> 00:11:01,428
Excuse me?!

217
00:11:04,504 --> 00:11:05,654
Dance for me.

218
00:11:06,947 --> 00:11:07,947
Dude.

219
00:11:08,507 --> 00:11:10,475
It all made so much sense
when you said it,

220
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,579
but when I said it,
it turned into a fight.

221
00:11:12,704 --> 00:11:15,146
And once Lily and I start fighting,
the fight starts...

222
00:11:15,271 --> 00:11:17,590
to mutate and multiply.

223
00:11:18,107 --> 00:11:20,304
<i>Sure, it started with the dishes,
but then...</i>

224
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:23,610
So you're saying
that you shouldn't have to wash dishes

225
00:11:23,838 --> 00:11:25,808
because you work harder than me?

226
00:11:26,180 --> 00:11:28,831
That's not what I'm saying...
but it's true.

227
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:31,868
<i>And then all of sudden,
we're fighting about who works harder.</i>

228
00:11:31,993 --> 00:11:33,492
I teach kindergarten.

229
00:11:33,617 --> 00:11:36,316
I am molding
the future leaders of tomorrow.

230
00:11:36,441 --> 00:11:38,467
You eat cookies and glue stuff.

231
00:11:38,592 --> 00:11:40,013
<i>And soon more fights spin off.</i>

232
00:11:40,138 --> 00:11:41,886
I can't believe
you'd rather be killed...
233
00:11:42,011 --> 00:11:44,377
<i>Until there're more fights going on
than you can keep track of.</i>

234
00:11:44,502 --> 00:11:46,512
If you need to go
in the middle of the night,

235
00:11:46,637 --> 00:11:49,487
either turn the bathroom light on
or sit down.

236
00:11:49,612 --> 00:11:51,938
My mother does not hate you.

237
00:11:52,198 --> 00:11:54,461
She is neutral about you.

238
00:11:54,586 --> 00:11:57,117
I am not scared
of your shining impression.

239
00:11:57,242 --> 00:12:00,219
I just don't need to hear it,
especially at night.

240
00:12:00,492 --> 00:12:01,888
Danny's not here,

241
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,097
Mrs. Torrance.

242
00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:05,981
Please don't do that.

243
00:12:07,187 --> 00:12:08,726
Man, Lily fights dirty.

244
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:10,807
She's small,

245
00:12:10,932 --> 00:12:13,610
but vicious like a badger
that your brother's caught

246
00:12:13,735 --> 00:12:16,277
and starved for five days
and then put in your sleeping bag.

247
00:12:17,739 --> 00:12:19,155
I should go home and apologize.

248
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:22,117
What you need is a surge.

249
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,284
Fight harder.

250
00:12:24,681 --> 00:12:25,868
Picture it, Marshall.

251
00:12:25,993 --> 00:12:28,654
Never having to wash another dish
as long as you live,

252
00:12:28,779 --> 00:12:30,934
yet all the dishes are always clean.

253
00:12:31,059 --> 00:12:34,209
Why, this would take all the anxiety
out of snacking.

254
00:12:34,746 --> 00:12:36,796
No more holding open your shirt

255
00:12:36,972 --> 00:12:39,869
to form a makeshift bowl
for your salty treats.

256
00:12:39,994 --> 00:12:42,055
That world is yours, Marshall.

257
00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:43,808
Reach out, take it,

258
00:12:44,184 --> 00:12:46,184
dip it in some ranch dressing,

259
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:47,466
enjoy.
260
00:12:50,694 --> 00:12:51,562
Yes, right.

261
00:12:52,368 --> 00:12:54,783
Barney's stupid ideas are
what got you into this quagmire.

262
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:57,151
There's no exit strategy.
Just wash your stupid dishes.

263
00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,471
Those dishes are my manhood!

264
00:12:59,596 --> 00:13:01,860
And if I want to leave
my manhood dirty in the sink,

265
00:13:01,985 --> 00:13:03,574
caked with ketchup and pasta...

266
00:13:03,743 --> 00:13:06,556
- What are you eating?
- Then damn it, that's my right!

267
00:13:06,681 --> 00:13:09,060
I'll wash my manhood
when I'm good and ready!

268
00:13:10,393 --> 00:13:12,143
Where was he not sitting?

269
00:13:13,772 --> 00:13:14,992
Barnstormer!

270
00:13:15,117 --> 00:13:16,117
Ro-Ro!

271
00:13:17,690 --> 00:13:19,386
Now you have adorable nicknames?

272
00:13:19,511 --> 00:13:21,592
Seriously,
what's going on with your two?

273
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,428
Nothing.
We're just happy.

274
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:24,784
It's like Gandhi said

275
00:13:24,909 --> 00:13:26,804
"A smile don't cost nothing, sugar."

276
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:29,059
I'm not sure you know who Gandhi is.

277
00:13:29,637 --> 00:13:31,310
So, did you talk to our neighbors?

278
00:13:32,793 --> 00:13:35,731
I did. I went up there
ready to set them straight.

279
00:13:47,037 --> 00:13:47,951
They're old?

280
00:13:48,179 --> 00:13:49,229
Really old.

281
00:13:50,088 --> 00:13:51,455
So what did you do?

282
00:13:51,624 --> 00:13:53,356
I didn't have the heart
to tell stop,

283
00:13:53,481 --> 00:13:55,042
because, well, good for them.

284
00:13:55,566 --> 00:13:58,202
So I just welcomed them to the building,
had a hard candy,

285
00:13:58,422 --> 00:14:00,733
nodded politely at some racist comments
and then left.

286
00:14:02,867 --> 00:14:06,011
<i>Over the next couple of days,
Barney and Robin continued to be happier</i>

287
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:07,462
<i>than ever.</i>

288
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,817
<i>And Marshall and Lily
continued to fight.</i>

289
00:14:09,942 --> 00:14:12,317
I don't care
if the dishes aren't done.

290
00:14:12,971 --> 00:14:14,353
If you care, you do it.

291
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,296
Great.
Then I don't care

292
00:14:16,421 --> 00:14:17,803
if you have an orgasm.

293
00:14:17,928 --> 00:14:19,650
If you care, you do it.

294
00:14:19,819 --> 00:14:22,961
I went 18 years
without the touch of a woman.

295
00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:24,238
I can do it again.

296
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:25,806
You might have to.

297
00:14:26,654 --> 00:14:28,457
<i>And I continued
to hear more bagpiping</i>

298
00:14:28,582 --> 00:14:30,529
<i>than a St. Patty's Day parade.</i>

299
00:14:35,059 --> 00:14:36,366
I don't know what to do.
300
00:14:36,491 --> 00:14:38,304
Lily and I
have never had a fight this long.

301
00:14:38,429 --> 00:14:39,961
It's like I don't even exist.

302
00:14:40,298 --> 00:14:42,848
On Sunday morning,
she made pancake, Ted.

303
00:14:43,430 --> 00:14:45,379
Pancake and bacon strip.

304
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:47,428
It's your own fault.

305
00:14:47,724 --> 00:14:50,514
You took relationship advice...
from Barney.

306
00:14:51,245 --> 00:14:53,559
Well,
maybe Barney has it all figured out.

307
00:14:53,804 --> 00:14:56,154
He and Ro-Ro
are the best couple now.

308
00:14:56,772 --> 00:14:58,689
- We have been dethroned.
- You know what?

309
00:14:59,074 --> 00:15:02,594
I'm not buying it. All that cutesy,
lovey-dovey crap, that's not them.

310
00:15:03,179 --> 00:15:05,945
And I know for a fact
that Robin hates nicknames.

311
00:15:07,783 --> 00:15:08,991
Thanks, Robbsy-Wobbsy.

312
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,710
I don't do nicknames.
313
00:15:12,055 --> 00:15:13,958
Finished with the sports page,
Sherbs?

314
00:15:14,083 --> 00:15:15,616
Seriously, stop.

315
00:15:17,793 --> 00:15:19,001
Robin, it's T-Mose.

316
00:15:20,034 --> 00:15:21,761
I don't like them on you either.

317
00:15:22,836 --> 00:15:24,491
Well, she obviously likes them now.

318
00:15:24,616 --> 00:15:26,017
And, come on,

319
00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:28,844
somebody had to put an end
to T-Mose.

320
00:15:30,303 --> 00:15:31,764
T-Mose was awesome.

321
00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:34,183
I'm thinking of bringing it back.

322
00:15:36,789 --> 00:15:38,451
Bagpiping sounds different today.

323
00:15:38,576 --> 00:15:40,124
It's all echo-y.

324
00:15:41,053 --> 00:15:42,340
They're in the bathroom.

325
00:15:42,465 --> 00:15:44,485
I think they're bagpiping
on the shower chair.

326
00:15:45,090 --> 00:15:47,040
<i>And just like that,
I realized exactly</i>

327
00:15:47,165 --> 00:15:49,406
<i>how to get
the real scoop on Barney and Robin.</i>

328
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:51,532
How are Marshall and Lily?

329
00:15:51,702 --> 00:15:53,618
I worry about those two,
I really do.

330
00:15:53,743 --> 00:15:55,371
You and your big, giant heart.

331
00:15:56,521 --> 00:15:58,164
Enough.
The jig is up.

332
00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:01,305
Whatever do you mean?

333
00:16:01,430 --> 00:16:02,418
Who's this guy?

334
00:16:02,679 --> 00:16:03,805
We'll get to that.

335
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:06,952
You see, I knew something was wrong.
You two were too happy,

336
00:16:07,077 --> 00:16:09,415
too shiny, too nickname-y.

337
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:10,676
Didn't add up.

338
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:12,616
You two never fight?

339
00:16:12,741 --> 00:16:13,741
Horse apples.

340
00:16:14,413 --> 00:16:16,063
You fight all...

341
00:16:16,188 --> 00:16:17,188
the...

342
00:16:17,315 --> 00:16:18,160
time.

343
00:16:19,384 --> 00:16:20,686
How would you know that?

344
00:16:21,101 --> 00:16:22,021
Phil told me.

345
00:16:22,477 --> 00:16:23,774
Who the hell is Phil?

346
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:25,779
Your downstairs neighbor.

347
00:16:27,007 --> 00:16:28,007
I'm Phil.

348
00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:29,363
12-B.

349
00:16:29,818 --> 00:16:31,168
And he's heard...

350
00:16:31,499 --> 00:16:32,549
everything.

351
00:16:36,841 --> 00:16:37,871
So Phil tells me

352
00:16:38,124 --> 00:16:41,064
that Ro-Ro and the Barnstormer
have been fighting...

353
00:16:41,189 --> 00:16:42,429
a lot.

354
00:16:42,554 --> 00:16:43,854
Care to explain?
355
00:16:48,696 --> 00:16:50,679
Everything was going great.

356
00:16:50,804 --> 00:16:53,104
Our no-fighting techniques
were working perfectly

357
00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:55,806
until we went on that ski trip
last weekend.

358
00:16:56,867 --> 00:16:59,757
So I showed Marshall
that Lily's argument was bananas,

359
00:16:59,882 --> 00:17:02,177
and now he'll never have to wash
another dish.

360
00:17:02,302 --> 00:17:03,302
High two.

361
00:17:03,941 --> 00:17:05,149
That's terrible advice.

362
00:17:06,346 --> 00:17:07,526
You agree with Lily?

363
00:17:08,217 --> 00:17:09,217
You...

364
00:17:13,817 --> 00:17:16,493
<i>We're about to get in a fight,
and I can't run away.</i>

365
00:17:17,108 --> 00:17:19,430
<i>I can't take my clothes off.
It's freezing up here.</i>

366
00:17:19,555 --> 00:17:20,831
<i>I get hypothermia.</i>

367
00:17:21,042 --> 00:17:22,242
<i>Maybe I can jump it?</i>
368
00:17:22,367 --> 00:17:23,751
<i>Maybe just my pants?</i>

369
00:17:26,918 --> 00:17:28,921
This no-fighting thing is over.

370
00:17:29,885 --> 00:17:30,758
I think so.

371
00:17:32,644 --> 00:17:36,138
- How could you possibly agree with her?
- I can't believe that you made Lily...

372
00:17:36,624 --> 00:17:39,266
And it didn't end there.
We've been fighting ever since.

373
00:17:39,598 --> 00:17:42,490
All those fights we kept not having...
they all came back around.

374
00:17:42,615 --> 00:17:44,927
- The bag of panties.
- The tie Robin murdered.

375
00:17:45,052 --> 00:17:47,332
The tiny camera
I found in the headboard.

376
00:17:47,878 --> 00:17:50,303
That's
how a quarterback stays sharp.

377
00:17:50,428 --> 00:17:53,490
Monday morning, he sits on a bag of ice
and studies the game tape.

378
00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:56,707
- Barney, for the millionth time...
- You don't get to be as good as I am...

379
00:17:58,371 --> 00:18:01,955
I knew it! I knew you guys
were acting too cute and perfect!

380
00:18:02,492 --> 00:18:05,193
Look, we were just sick
of everyone pointing out

381
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,739
how crappy at relationships
we both are.

382
00:18:07,864 --> 00:18:10,507
It was sort of nice
to be the perfect couple for a minute.

383
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:11,924
I knew you were lying.

384
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:15,219
You got to wake up pretty early
to slip one by the T-Mose.

385
00:18:15,388 --> 00:18:16,388
Stop it.

386
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:20,519
Dinner's ready.

387
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,677
Did you make any for me?

388
00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:26,070
No, but it's your favorite.

389
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:37,491
We need your advice.

390
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:40,701
<i>So Barney and Robin told them
all about their fighting.</i>

391
00:18:40,871 --> 00:18:42,694
<i>And let's just say,
that in comparison,</i>

392
00:18:42,819 --> 00:18:44,830
<i>their little dishes spat
seemed pretty tame.</i>

393
00:18:55,430 --> 00:18:56,469
<i>And by the end,</i>

394
00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,844
<i>Lily and Marshall both
had the same reaction.</i>

395
00:18:59,364 --> 00:19:02,015
I'll wash my dishes right away
from now until the day I die.

396
00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:03,995
I don't care
when you wash the dishes.

397
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:06,812
But if it's with cheese-based
like a nice ziti, at least soak it.

398
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,105
Of course, baby.

399
00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:09,989
I love you.

400
00:19:10,114 --> 00:19:11,414
I love you, too.

401
00:19:11,898 --> 00:19:12,693
See?

402
00:19:12,866 --> 00:19:15,362
How did you just do that?
How'd you just fix everything?

403
00:19:15,781 --> 00:19:19,448
I don't know. I guess sometimes
you just have to set your ego aside.

404
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,632
And remember
that the love that you have

405
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:25,998
for that other person
is way more important than winning.

406
00:19:31,114 --> 00:19:33,014
More important than winning.

407
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:34,551
Stop, stop it.

408
00:19:34,676 --> 00:19:36,261
Seriously, what's the secret?

409
00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:40,470
Look, the honeymoon period may be over,
but...

410
00:19:40,996 --> 00:19:43,165
now you can get into the real stuff.

411
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:44,748
And honestly,

412
00:19:45,052 --> 00:19:46,602
that's the best part.

413
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,066
Good night.

414
00:19:49,115 --> 00:19:50,490
So what do we do now?

415
00:19:50,615 --> 00:19:53,615
I guess we got to start talking more
and get into the real stuff.

416
00:19:54,066 --> 00:19:54,902
Or...

417
00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:56,485
there's a bench in the elevator.

418
00:19:56,655 --> 00:19:57,855
That's better.

419
00:19:58,497 --> 00:20:00,282
So what
if we're not the best couple?

420
00:20:00,554 --> 00:20:02,654
Totally.
It's not a competition.

421
00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:03,929
We win!

422
00:20:04,054 --> 00:20:05,802
Best couple in the world!

423
00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:10,324
Guess what?

424
00:20:10,859 --> 00:20:12,169
These glasses...

425
00:20:12,548 --> 00:20:13,648
are plastic.

426
00:20:13,926 --> 00:20:15,674
So we can just throw them away.

427
00:20:15,989 --> 00:20:18,191
That means
no dirty dishes in the sink.

428
00:20:19,745 --> 00:20:20,741
You're dirty.

429
00:20:20,866 --> 00:20:23,180
Maybe I should leave you
in the sink.

430
00:20:25,499 --> 00:20:27,771
<i>And once
that first argument got worked out,</i>

431
00:20:27,896 --> 00:20:29,269
<i>all those other arguments,</i>

432
00:20:30,006 --> 00:20:31,006
<i>well,</i>

433
00:20:31,208 --> 00:20:32,758
<i>they got better, too.</i>
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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