Love Languages - Acts of service

By Tondani Mukhanu

Do you ever feel really good when your loved one does something for you? This could be something as simple
as doing the dishes, washing the car or preparing dinner. If you have answered yes to this then your love
language could be “Acts of Service”.

Acts of Service is one of the 5 Love Languages that Dr. Gary Chapman describes in his book. This love
language is all about making the person feel loved by helping them in any way that you can. This type of person
enjoys hearing the words, "how can I help you?" or "What could I do to make today easier for you?"

If this is your spouse’s primary love language, nothing speaks as loudly as these acts of service. You may give
him or her words of affirmation, but they are thinking, “Cut the talk. If you love me do something around here”.
For these kinds of people, actions speak louder than words.

Think about how you feel when you go to a restaurant and the waiter say “may I take your order?” they say it
with so much anticipation, as though they would rather take your order than do anything in the world. This is
what your spouse whose love language is acts of service wants to hear from you. They need a helping hand with
love and as you continue to serve with love you fill your spouse’s emotional bucket.

Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. You need to show
your spouse that you have put effort to what you have done not just doing it because it had to be done, however
careful not to rub it in their faces because it loses meaning. “I Brought you breakfast in bed, so you owe me”.

Dr Chapman talks about acts of service as an expression of love, not slave driving. When we treat our spouses
as slaves, we remove the possibility of love because we remove their freedom. Saying “if you were a good
spouse you would do this for me” is not the language of love, but manipulation. If acts of service are to be acts
of love, they must be freely given.

Here are some useful tips:

 During the cold months, put the towel in the dryer while the spouse is showering so that it is fluffy and
warm when he/she gets out.
 Clean the kitchen or the bathroom
 Fix things that the other cannot fix
 Carry the Groceries
 Cook a special meal that you know he/she likes
 Fill up your spouse’s petrol tank without being asked
 Drop your spouse at the door when it is raining
 Buy or make lunch and bring to him/her at work (without being asked)
 Love Language Acts of Service
1 John 4: 7-21
 Today we come to one of the Five Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman, has written
about which is Acts of Service.

 By Acts of Service, I mean doing things! For some people, when you DO things for
them, when you do Acts of Service, this will really light up their lives. They will see your
acts of service as a wonderful gesture of love towards them. When you do things for
him, or her, then they will interpret those acts as expressions of your love for them – and
they will be thrilled and overjoyed, and appreciative of what you have done for
them. Those acts of Service don’t have to be huge brave and courageous acts – they can
be just ordinary, little things you do for him or her.

 They can be the kind of simple actions which, within a family, need to be done nearly
every day. Things like cooking a meal, setting the table, clearing the table, washing the
dishes or filling up the dishwasher; taking out the trash; changing the baby’s diaper;
putting your dirty clothes in the clothes basket ; maybe doing the washing or the ironing,
cleaning the car, mowing the lawns, weeding the garden washing the windows, or
cleaning the oven.

 If Acts of Service is my Love Language – then I will show my love for others by wanting
to DO things for them – anyone, anywhere, anytime. And if you do something for me –
I will interpret that as a real act of love for me!

 The wife who complains that her husband doesn’t DO anything around the house is
probably expressing in a negative way that Acts of Service is her Love Language - but
she is not being shown any love! Her husband is not DOING anything for her.

Acts of Service is not just a Love Language for within the marriage relationship. We all
speak one or more Love Languages – and through those we show our love for others.

 It is very clear to me that there are some of you who are members of this church, for
whom Acts of Service is your primary love language. It is never too much trouble for
you to do something if you are asked. I often hear these words: “if there is anything I
can do to help – let me know!” Now there are some people who say that – but when the
rubber hits the road – they find a way out! Act of Service as a real expression of love –
and that fills up your love tank.

 We need to learn to return the very expressions of love which others show to us.

 If others speak words of Affirmation to us – we should be thinking about how WE can be
more affirming to them. If others are giving us Quality Time then we need to be thinking
about how we can invest quality time in return. If others give us Gifts – we ought to think
about how we can give some gift back to them. If others are always Serving us – we need
to think about how we can serve them more!

 The example of all this is God Himself. And in Acts of Service, we see that God speaks
that Love Language too! When Moses was leading the Israelites out of Egypt, and they
get to the end of the road – literally - on the bank of the Red Sea – they all suddenly
begin to complain, because Pharaoh and his army are in hot pursuit. But Moses knows
the nature and the heart and the calling of God - and he tells them “Don’t be afraid! Stand
your ground, and you will see -- what the Lord will do to save you today.”

 For the next 40 years, God showed his love for his people through many Acts of
Service. The Israelites came to understand God’s love for them through what He had
done for them.

 Jesus, Himself, spent his ministry in Acts of Service – serving others! The most
powerful example of that was what immediately preceded the Last Supper on the night
before he was crucified. Jesus could have said – this is my last night before I die –
couldn’t one of you wash my feet? Instead, He takes a towel and a basin and washes the
disciple’s feet. He takes the place of a slave and a servant, and shows his love for them
through Acts of Service. John 13:5 Then He poured water into the basin, and began to
wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded.

 Jesus was and is the supreme example of the Love language of Gifts in action:
 Mark 10:45 He taught this in His ministry: "For even the Son of Man did not come to be
served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

 Phil 2:7 (Jesus) emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in
the likeness of men.

 John 6 He fed the people (feeding of the 5,000)

 Luke 4:18 He healed the people: "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He anointed
me to preach the gospel to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives,
and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are downtrodden…”

 John 17 He prayed for people In addition to praying for himself, he prayed for his
disciples and for all believers)

 John 3:16 He gave his all for us

 If we will just take the time to examine Jesus’ life, we would find a Savior that really was
a servant at heart. He had the power of the universe at His fingertips, but always found
time to be a servant to the needy, the hurting and the everyday common man.

 Those who serve others are perhaps closer to the model which Jesus gave us of how we
are to live and show our love for others, than any other model of ministry. And if this
isn’t our primary love language, and it doesn’t come naturally – then we need to learn
it.

 Acts of service is the type of love that is demonstrated by the kind actions of one person
toward another. They show their love to people by ministering to them through the sweat
 of their brow and the willingness of their heart to assist others. There is definitely a
pattern of service that we find in the Holy Scriptures.

 There are scriptural examples of serving one another:
 In Acts 9:36 we see Tabitha who made tunics and garments for the widows. “In Joppa
there was a disciple named Tabitha (which, when translated, is Dorcas), who was always
doing good and helping the poor.”

 Ruth 2:2 we see how Ruth served her mother-in-law Naomi: “And Ruth the Moabitess
said to Naomi, "Please let me go to the field and glean among the ears of grain after one
in whose sight I may find favor." And she said to her, "Go, my daughter."

 Scripture also tells us that we are to carry out acts of service for each other.
 Gal 5:13 “For you were called to freedom, brothers; only do not turn your freedom into
an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”

 Matt 25:37-40 "Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see You
hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You drink? 'And when did we see you a
stranger, and invite you in, or naked, and clothe you? 'And when did we see you sick, or
in prison, and come to you?' "And the King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to
you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of mine, even the least of them,
you did it to Me.'

 James 2:14-17 “What use is it, my brethren, if a man says he has faith, but he has no
works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of
daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and be filled," and yet
you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that? Even so faith, if
it has no works, is dead, being by itself.”

 We can have all the love of God that we want, but if it does not manifest itself through
acts of service in the lives of our spouses, family members, friends and co-workers, then
it really is not love. We in the church must carry out acts of service to others for it is what
holds the body of Christ together.

 There are many ways we can demonstrate this love to our spouse. According to Gary
Chapman, it can include, but is not limited to the following: “…cooking a meal, setting
the table, washing the dishes, vacuuming, cleaning a commode, getting hairs out of the
sink, removing the white spots from the mirror, getting the bugs off the windshield,
taking out the garbage, changing the babies diaper, painting a bedroom, dusting the
bookcase, keeping the car in operating condition, washing or vacuuming the car, cleaning
the garage, mowing the grass, trimming the shrubs, raking the leaves, dusting the blinds,
walking the dog, changing the cat’s litter box, and changing water in the goldfish
bowl…” (The Five Love Languages, page 97)

 On the job we can offer our gift of service to those around us. If we happen to be looking
for a fax and see someone else’s lying there we can drop it off to them. We can help a co-
worker who is overwhelmed complete a job or project. When we do something for
 someone else we are saying to them in the love language of Gifts they are important to
us,

 Whether in a marriage, in family, friendship, or work related relationships – the true way
we will know whether there is genuine love is when we are willing to serve others. Jesus
took a menial task – washing the disciple’s feet – - an act of Service - and transformed it
into an act of love and dedication.

 We do the same when we serve others whether at home, or in the community. We may
not all be called upon to minister to a patient dying of scarlet fever – and be exposed to
all those dangers, but:

 We WILL all be presented with countless opportunities this week by which we can show
our love - and Christ’s love - to others, and to God - by simple and ordinary Acts of
Service. Are you ready to serve some