Professional Documents
Culture Documents
பிழையின்றித் தமிழ் பேசுவோம்
பிழையின்றித் தமிழ் பேசுவோம்
பிழையின்றித் தமிழ் பேசுவோம்
‘Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me … anyone
who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life
will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.’ [Matthew 10:37ff]
That we should neglect our family responsibilities because we are involved in the work
of Christ’s kingdom?
That we should embrace a life of physical hardship or financial poverty because we are
too busy in church activities to earn our living and support our families?
That we should do the work of the kingdom flat out and never take a break?
That he was giving us a license for laziness or an excuse for economic incompetence or a
reason for relationship disasters?
The need to live a ‘balanced life’ is often impressed upon us by human wisdom. But is there
anything in God’s wisdom that would affirm or define the relevance of this for those who
belong to Jesus Christ and wish to be involved in the work of his kingdom?
Complete Study Two Worksheet section #2 now. [Note that this involves extensive
research of the Bible, and will take quite a long time.]
From these biblical texts it would seem that to live a balanced life should be one of our goals;
it will help us to perform and to achieve to our maximum potential. But it is also clear that the
quest for balance should not be the Christian’s overriding commitment. Our commitment is
first and foremost a commitment to the Lord and his kingdom. Balance is a tool that we can
use to help us in this commitment.
B. MANAGING YOURSELF
A big factor in achieving a balanced life in which we maximize our God-given potential and
our ability to glorify and serve him is about managing ourselves. It is not primarily about
managing time.
What does managing ourself look like? It is very much to do with how we think: with what
goes on in our mind.
‘So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles
do, in the futility of their thinking’ [Ephesians 4:17].
‘Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus …’ [Philippians 2:5].
View your life in terms of the Biblical Priorities discussed in the Setting Biblical
Foundations studies.
View your life in terms of the Biblical Principles discussed in the Setting Biblical
Foundations studies.
View yourself as God views you – always, ever and only in Christ. [Review the first
three studies in Knowing Yourself - http://www.godswordforyou.com/living-for-
jesus/knowing-yourself.html ].
[All of the above challenge you to stop looking at your life and yourself in terms of
human values and opinions. They will help to protect you against the negative self-
perceptions and godless expectations that come from the world and fill our minds
with wrong thinking.]
View God as he really is: the God who is in sovereign control of all things, and the God
who loves you so much that he gave his only Son to save you.
View your salvation as the Bible presents it: secure and certain because it depends on
Jesus Christ alone, and not on your own abilities, success or worthiness.
[These two will give you great confidence in your relationship with God.]
That you approach each day and each task utterly confident in God’s love.
That you approach each task, no matter how small, as a task done for God and his glory.
That you will use each moment as a gift from God.
That you will treat each person as a person created by God and precious to God.
That you will give your failures and sins no power to erode or diminish your confidence
in God and your peace with God.
Stephen Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People recommends ‘putting first things
first’. He bases time management on the concept of four ‘quadrants’ into which all of the
demands on our time can be classified.
Quadrant I: things that are urgent and important –
These include things like crises, meeting deadlines, pressing problems. [These have to be
done.]
Quadrant IV: things that are not urgent and not important –
Things like junk mail and emails, some mail and phone calls, some entertainment, time
wasters.
The important things contribute to our mission and goals. These should receive most of our
attention and time. Things that are urgent, but not important, should be dealt with promptly
and graciously. Things that are neither urgent nor important need to be weeded out of our
lives as much as possible.
Getting the things in Quadrant IV out of your life, or refusing to spend time on them, will
give you more time for the important things. To do this, and to minimize the time you spend
on Quadrant III, you will need to set firm boundaries. These boundaries might include:
Complete Section #4A-C Life Balance Study in the Study Two Worksheet now.
Complete Section #5 Time Management Study in the Study two Worksheet now.
Knowing who we are, having goals, and being committed to a purpose and a Person bigger
than ourselves helps us to become more decisive, more directed, more motivated and more
committed – more intentional in our use of time. [Laziness is simply a sin we have to repent
of.]
Even so, temptations entice us to use up our time on unessentials. Here the main
contemporary culprits are often technology related:
Some people find that either detailed timetables or general weekly schedules are an effective
tool in time management. What kind of timetable or schedule is best for you depends largely
on the kind of person you are and the kind of activities that occupy most of your time.
Detailed timetables:
A detailed timetable will allocate every hour of every day to specific activities. It will include
the time you get up in the morning, the time you go to bed, and all things in between, for each
day of the week. It will include:
Sleep
Prayer and Bible study
Time spent with family
Church and ministry
Time spent with friends
Employment
Self-care – hygiene, exercise
Self-development – education, skill-development
Care of your home and yard
Relaxation
Margin – empty spaces scheduled in to minimize time stress.
This detailed time-tabling works very well for some people. It does, however, require a
number of warnings
Your timetable should never be allowed to over-ride your relationships with family and
friends. The people in your life are more important than your timetable, and there will be
times when you need to forget the timetable and respond to the needs of your family and
friends. People first, plans second.
Your timetable is not your master; you are not its slave. The timetable is your servant, a
tool by which you are seeking to have control over your time so that you can better serve
and honour the real Master.
Your timetable is neither your judge nor your accuser. Never allow it to usurp that role. It
is better to not have a timetable than to have a timetable that is constantly accusing you
and generating guilt.
Some of these daily and weekly goals will be the ‘norm’ or the ‘given’ – the way you live
your life. Others need to be set for each day and each week.
At the end of each week, decide what you want to achieve during the next week and not
that in your diary.
Before you go to bed each night, plan what you intend to do tomorrow, and jot that down
if necessary.
For things that take longer than a day and a week, set yourself deadlines – the ideal time
by which you should have completed a task, or built a relationship.
This time-focused scheduling of goals has more flexibility than detailed timetables. But even
this planning can become a tyrant and a judge if you allow it to.
UNDERSTANDING HOW YOU FEEL
There are times and situations in which we feel ‘out of sync’. Uncomfortable. Like something
is ‘wrong’. We feel disempowered - like we cannot function properly, like we cannot do what
we know we are actually able to do. Other people seem to be coping okay, enjoying
themselves, feeling fulfilled, but not us.
This may be because of unrealistic perceptions and expectations, which will be discussed in a
later study.
It may also be because some of our basic personal psychological and emotional needs are not
being met.
As with any self ‘analysis’ there is a degree of subjectivity and the danger of locking oneself
into a box. We should therefore view knowing our personal emotional needs not as something
that binds us into a set of predetermined reactions but as one among many ‘tools’ by which
we can understand ourselves and others - why we and they act the way we do, why we feel
better in some situations than in others, and why we should not expect everyone to enjoy or
feel comfortable in the same situations as we ourselves do.
An awareness of personal needs helps us to live with and act towards others with compassion,
acceptance and understanding. It also helps us to understand why we feel better with some
people than with others … they could possibly be the people who knowingly or unknowingly
support us in our dominant areas of personal needs.
At another level we should not use our awareness of our own personal needs as an excuse to
disobey God’s clear commands. Rather they should make us aware of our fragile and
vulnerable points where we are more likely to fail or to avoid involvement, and to seek the
Lord’s help to strengthen us in these areas.
At a deeper level, as we grow in our knowledge of Christ and his salvation, we realize more
and more that our deepest ‘needs’ are met in him – he is the ‘bread of life’ and the ‘living
water’. To follow him is to be eternally and completely satisfied, even now as we live
moment by moment, irrespective of whether or not our ‘personality needs’ are being met.
These ‘needs’ are what we need to feel okay, to feel good, and to function to our maximum
potential. Just as we have physiological needs - food, air, water, clothing, shelter – which
have to be met for us to feel good physically and function well, we also have emotional or
psychological needs, which have to be met to make us feel good as a person and to function
at our max. These include:
An awareness of security, freedom from perceived threat or danger
Acceptance, love, belonging, social interaction
We do not feel or express all of our needs to the same degree; in other words, we differ from
one another in the areas in which our ‘needs’ are highest and lowest. This section will focus
on four common areas of where people have ‘strong’ or ‘high’ emotional or psychological
needs which must be met for them to function well. If we have high needs in a certain area it
will be difficult for us to understand someone who has low needs in that area. Conversely if
we have ‘low’ needs in a given area we will find it difficult to understand why some people
can’t function well unless those needs are met.
We need approval
We tend to need to look good or make a good impression
We might not work particularly well in groups, but do enjoy having a key role in a group
We generally work better on short term projects as they get immediate recognition
We need to be flattered
Obviously some of these ‘needs’ are expressions of our sinful natures and our alienation
from God; others are part of our God-given personality and natural talents. Note also, that the
‘high recognition needs’ person will tend to feel ‘flat’ or unmotivated if approval and
recognition are absent. On the other hand, a person with low recognition needs will feel
grossly uncomfortable in the contexts and situations referred to above.
People with high social needs find it difficult to understand how a person with low social
needs can be happy just staying at home doing quiet things like reading, gardening or craft, or
working alone on a project. They sometimes act as though there is something wrong or
immature with such people, and will try to badger them into joining in social activities.
Conversely a person with low social needs is likely to opt out of group activities and miss out
on both Christian fellowship and involvement in Christian service, especially where group
interaction is demanded.
Again, there are characteristics of high social needs people that are expressions of the sinful
nature, and there are aspects that are part of their God-given personality and talents.
D. APPLICATION
An awareness of these personal needs helps us to understand ourselves and each other and to
anticipate and prevent some personal and inter-personal difficulties.
It warns us not to put ourselves down when we do not feel comfortable doing things that
others seem to do easily.
It helps us not to expect the same of everyone, and to work towards helping people in the
areas that are not naturally easy for them.
We will know not to expect everyone to like the same kinds of youth programs or social
activities.
We will know that when we seem to have different attitudes to a proposed event that
difference may stem from different personal needs.
We will also learn to adapt our own preferences so that the needs of others are also being
met.
We will allow people their private space, and hope that they will also in turn allow us
social interaction.
We will allow people to get involved in what we see as frightening activities, and we will
hope that they in turn will allow us room to be cautious.
In doing so we will fulfil the biblical commands to look after and bear with other people, and
to let their needs have preference over our own. We will also be wary of loading unrealistic
perceptions or expectations onto ourselves and others.
‘Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ’ [Galatians
6:2].
‘Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of
others’ [Philippians 2:4].