Richard searched, unsuccessfully, for a Physician- Formatted: Main Text, Left

Surgeon.physician-surgeon. Consequently, he was forced

to seek treatment from a Barberbarber. The chosen
practitioner was a tall, completely bald, man who possessed
the largest hooked nose Richard had ever seen. In profile,
the slender man looked remarkably like a vulture. He had
a jovial nature and an unkempt beard in which the remains
of his lunch were clearly visible. He joked as he prepared
his instruments for Richard’s bloodletting;, the preferred
treatment of the day for many ailments.
“What is the difference,” the barber asked, as he
winked at Richard, “between a Physician-
Surgeonphysician-surgeon and a Barber?” barber?”
“I’m afraid that I don’t know,” Richard responded,
having little interest in hearing the answer.
“A Physician-Surgeonphysician-surgeon,” the barber
laughed heartily, “doesn’t know how to cut hair!” Peals of
laughter shook his body, and several crumbs fell from his
beard, bouncing across the table. When his laughter
subsided, he advised Richard, “Now this procedure is likely
to hurt a bit; but not to worry, I haven’t lost any patients
today.” Again, taken by a fit of laughter, the happy barber
had to sit down for a moment to catch his breath.
Barton did not like bloodletting, nor was he fond of
barbers, and he found this barber to be particularly
annoying. He much preferred Physicians-
Surgeonsphysicians-surgeons. His search for one had been
unsuccessful because many of the doctors in England had
died during the Bubonic, Pneumonicbubonic, pneumonic,
and various plagues that periodically swept across Europe.
This left the lower level practionerspractitioners, the
Barbersbarbers, competing with some of the most
populous Guildsguilds for medical patients. To keep some
semblance of order, Henry issued a proclamation in 1522,
merging the two groups into the ‘“Great Company of Formatted: Font: Not Italic
Barbers and Physicians-Surgeons.’.” Thus, barbers were
recognized as legitimate medical practionerspractitioners
on equal footing with the Physicians-Surgeonsphysicians-
surgeons.
Although Barton had previously undergone painful
bloodlettings before, he remained skeptical of the
procedure. He did not share, or understand, the
widespread belief that good health was predicated upon
maintaining a balance of the four bodily humors: Blood,
Phlegm, Yellow Bileblood, phlegm, yellow bile, and Black
Bileblack bile. A healthy balance of the humors could only
be achieved by occasionally drawing off Bloodblood.
Phlegm, Yellow Bileyellow bile, and Black Bileblack bile
humors could not be so easily regulated.
Richard wished that the barber was more serious. He
watched apprehensively, while hethe barber laughed and
joked as he rummaged through a wooden toolbox
containing various hoses, clamps, razors, and receptacles.
A few minutes earlier he had finished shaving a
customer and had not washed his hands; rather, he spitspat
into his palm and rubbed his hands together in preparation
for the bloodletting. Richard was not particularly
concerned that the barber had not washed his hands, or
that hethe man was about to bleed him with the razor he
had used in shaving his previous customer. HeRichard was,
however, concerned about the amount of blood the barber
was planning to release.
“That is a nasty bruise you have on your shoulder,”
the barber exclaimed, as he examined Barton’s injury.
“What happened—wife hit you with a sledge?” Once again,
peals of laughter convulsed the barber. After waiting several
seconds for the laughter to subside, he continued. “The
shoulder is always the place where black bile humor
collects. I will have to…” . . .”
Noticing Richard looking nervously about the room,
the barber paused. After gently stroking his beard several
times, he asked, “You appear uneasy, —you are not afraid
of this procedure, are you?
“No,” Richard tentatively replied. “I would not say I am
afraid. However, I will say that I am not over-
fondoverfond of
watching my blood flow into a jar.” Formatted: Main Text, Left
“Well then, you are in luck, my friend!” the barber
cried, “I have just the cure for that problem--—guaranteed
to work every time.” He paused dramatically, “Every time!”
“What sis the cure?” Richard finally asked.
“JUST—CLOSE—YOUR--EYES!” “JUST—CLOSE—YOUR—
EYES!” The barber exploded in laughter. He thought his
joke so funny that he was doubled over to the point of
almost falling down. It was some time before the exuberant
practionerpractitioner was finally able to continue his
instructions: “I was saying that I will have to bleed you from
the Cubitalcubital vein in the elbow.” He paused while he
checked the sharpness of the razor. Satisfied that all was in
order he said, “It always requires a fair amount of blood
humor release when dealing with the shoulder. I shall take
slightly more than two pints.”
The barber again rummaged through his toolbox until
he found the necessary hose and clamps. He then started
looking for a vein in Barton’s elbow. After several seconds
of probing he grunted, “Ah, here is what I want.” He placed
a wooden stick in Richard’s mouth. “Even though I am also
a dentist,” he laughed heartily, “I don’t want you to break a
tooth—bite,” he commanded.
The procedure went without incident. The barber
made Richard sit quietly for more than an hour after
drawing blood. “You must stay and rest awhilea while,” he
admonished. “And you must drink plenty of water. “I
wouldn’t want you to get light-headed, fall off of your horse,
and break your head. Oh Lordy no!” He laughed, “If that
were to happen as you left my practice, it would not be
good for business, would it!” Again, laughter incapacitated
the man.
“Everything appears to be humorous to this
man,” Richard thought. He had a belly-fullbellyful of the
Barberbarber and was anxious to be on his way.
As he finally prepared to leave, he asked where he
might find a buyer for his horse. “I’ll purchase your horse
if the price is right,” the barber offered, scratching his beard
as the last of his lunch cascaded to the floor. After a few
moments of negotiation, a deal was struck and Richard
started walking toward Doverthe center of town in search
of lodgings.