Government should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports.

To what extent do
you agree or disagree?

People differs differ in their views on whether government should finance for better education or should concentrate
more on sports and other leisure time activities. However, I believe, both the areas play a pivotal role for the sound
development of individuals and society hence, funds are equally important for both.

First of all, I think, (this is second time you have inappropriately used a comma, therefor you will be penalised.) spending
more money in academic field will not only aids an easy access to education, but will also promotes peace and prosperity.
This will unable enables several deprived and underpriviledged underprivileged children to get basic and higher
education and will uplifts their social and financial conditions . For instance, free education in government schools is
an initiative by the centre government in order to provide good education for to weaker sections of the society. Moreover,
education extirpates various social evils in the form of such as discrimination, domestic violence, drug addiction, fights
on the name of religion etcetera, which were historically prevalent in our third world countries country (You are writing
to a reader who you don’t know, might be a non-Indian,, therefore you can’t write our country) due to illitracy illiteracy.
Hence, I believe education has an important role to bring harmony and positive development.

Try to use simple present sentences when presenting generalised viewpoint, refer to topic sentence of this paragraph.

On the other hand, apart from education, sports and recreational activities are also very vital for sound mind and body
and to channelize young energy for better cause. Therefore, I assume, needs an equal support from government. Sports
are an intergral integral part of onesone’s life for the efficient development of cognitive and motor skills, funds are
required to make it into the reach of ordinary masses. Though, Government has introduced numerous sports and
recreational clubs, more is needed to be done in this arena. Followed by various researches, it is being proved that games
and leisure activities inhance enhance retention retaining power or learning capacity (academic word) and build strong
immune system, enabling people adapt environmental changes. In addition, it helps an individual to explore inner
strengths and to use it in a positive sense. Sports, help people learn teamwork, unity, leadership qualities and prevents
save young generation from indulging in antisocial activities, as they inculcate moral and social values through this.

In conclusion, I would say that education and sports are tantamount to the positive development of people and nation,
hence should be financed (repeated lexical item, you should have used funded, subsidized or sponsored) equally.

Notes: You have addressed the task completely. The position is clear throughout the response. The improper use of
commas has distracted the reader a lot, however there is a clear overall progression, and a central idea with in each body
paragraph. You have correctly outlined the main points and summarised them clearly in the conclusion. To get a high
score for vocabulary, you should use a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision and also Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman, 11 pt
use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. Almost 90 % of your essay needs to be
error free to get a 7.0 for Grammar. Formatted: English (India)

TR- 7.0

CC 7.0

LR- 6.0

GA- 6.0

OVERALL BAND- 6.5 Formatted: Font: 12 pt, Bold