MEG COX’S RITUAL NEWSLETTER

FALL 2010
Hello, everyone! Boy, I have really missed communicating on this
topic, with this group.
This is my first ritual newsletter for 2010, I realize, but I am
committed to getting back into the swing and producing a new issue
quarterly.
THANK YOU, STARBUCKS
I was in New York City the other day and saw this sort of crude
stencil on the glass door of a coffee shop. It showed a white cup with
squiggly lines shooting up from the top, like steam, and the words: Take
Comfort in Rituals. I did a double-take and thought, “Wow. Great
message.”
Then, pushing through the door and into the shop, I realized it
was a Starbucks, and that “Take Comfort in Rituals” is the chains’ new
marketing slogan. I subsequently went online and discovered that many
people have had the same experience I did, reacting positively to the
message and then realizing with a little shock that this wasn’t some local
proprietor trying to inspire his customers, but a giant corporation trying
to herd us into line.
I don’t think I’ve seen an article or book on frugality lately that
didn’t mention cutting out “frills” like $4 lattes in order to save money in
a recession. So this is clearly a bold attempt by Starbucks to challenge
that way of thinking, to tell customers that indulging in a Pumpkin Spice
Latte isn’t a silly, guilty pleasure, but a comforting, sustaining ritual.
Suggesting that maybe a little ritual treat like this is the recipe for
surviving hard times, rather than giving in to total self-denial and
despair.
I was fascinated to see how many of the blogs that were
commenting on the Starbucks campaign were written by ministers or
had a religious theme. Some took pains to explain a difference between
“rituals” and “ritual,” others took pains to discuss how the rituals of
Christianity can be taxing but worthwhile, but quite a number of posters
seemed discomfited by the whole thing.
 For my part, I think this was truly brilliant marketing, and to the
extent that it does get people thinking and conversing about the
meaning and value of small rituals in their daily life, I’m very grateful.
A GIFT THAT IS ALSO A RITUAL: VOICE QUILT
One of the reasons I was especially eager to write this newsletter
is to share my experience with something called a VoiceQuilt. Last
spring, my husband celebrated a milestone birthday and I wanted to do
something memorable involving the whole extended family.
I had heard there was something called a “Voice Quilt” that
included good wishes and recorded messages from a bunch of people
and decided to check it out. It sounds like a basic concept and works like
voicemail, but if you follow directions and organize it thoughtfully, you
can create something that will make the recipient feel truly celebrated.
It’s good to give people very specific instructions so there is some
kind of a theme to the final recording, so it isn’t just 15 people in a row
singing “Happy Birthday.” I wanted this to sound more like an audio
version of “This is Your Life” rather than a random sampling of
voicemail messages. Everyone on my list was asked to share a memory
or tell a story about why my husband was so important to them. The
maximum message is only about 4 minutes, which is plenty of time and I
made sure they all understood that after recording the message, they
could listen to it and if they didn’t love it, delete it and start over.
The folks who run the company send you an e-mail every time
someone records a message, so you can follow up with stragglers. Then,
you assemble the messages in some kind of order (like a playlist for
your iPod) and record a special framing message at the beginning and
end. For my husband, the message-leavers ran the gamut from his 2-
year-old granddaughter to his 92-year-old godmother. While I was
recording the ending comment, I had my husband’s favorite song
playing in the background, Someone to Watch Over Me, and I explained,
“These are all the people watching over you.”
These message compilations can simply be downloaded onto a
CD, but I opted to buy a handsome box, like a music box, for my
husband’s VoiceQuilt. It was gorgeous. And when he opened it, during
his party, most of the people who had recorded messages were present.
We all sat and listened to the whole thing – about 20 minutes—together.
It was incredibly moving: my husband said it was the best gift he ever
got in his lifetime. For all of us, it was a very special ritual.
I think this product can add a lot to many celebrations, including
retirement parties and big anniversaries. I’m told some people fill them
with messages of hope and healing for friends and family members
battling life-threatening illnesses. And I know somebody who is going to
create a “Memories Box” for her mother, recently diagnosed with
Alzheimers.
Just so we are clear, I’m not affiliated in any way with this
company! For more info, go to their website, www.voicequilt.com.
A SIMPLE NEW RITUAL WITH MY HUSBAND
You all know I am a real fan of super simple rituals and it doesn’t
get much simpler than this: every day, when possible, my husband and I
take a walk on our street. This is usually in the morning and we walk the
street several times. We simply walk and talk, and sometimes lately we
take turns kicking acorns down the road.
But I’ve been amazed at how much this very basic ritual helps
sustain us and feel connected. Just having that time without pressure to
talk about whatever is going on in our lives has really helped us feel
close. Tiny misunderstandings don’t build up into something big. We are
able to made decisions on family matters in a calm way.
You know, I’ve preached for years about the importance of daily
rituals of connection, and this one has reminded me how profoundly
helpful they are.
RITUALS OF PHILANTHROPY: BLOGGER GIVES AWAY $100 DAILY
I’ve written in the past about the idea of philanthropy as a ritual,
something threaded through one’s life, often taking on overtones of a
spiritual practice.
The most amazing practitioner of this I’ve found is Betty
Londergan, who has been giving away $100 a day all year and writing
about it on her blog, What Gives 365. I met a friend of Betty’s at a
dinner party and the next thing you know, I had convinced Betty to
donate to the nonprofit Alliance for American Quilts, which I’m serving
as president. You can read what she wrote by clicking here:
http://tinyurl.com/22kybuv.
Betty told me that she got started on this path after seeing the
“Julie & Julia” movie based on the blog about a young woman who
cooked every recipe in Julia’s The Art of French Cooking. She said, “I
asked myself what I would want to do every day and write about” and
after inheriting about $40,000 from her parents, she decided her topic
would be philanthropy.
I’ve been on her e-mail list for awhile now so every day, I receive a
link to her new post and I’ve been incredibly impressed. It turns out
Betty is both passionate and eloquent about the causes she picks, with
social justice, education and the arts being favorite recipients. She’ll go
from a local charity that fills school backpacks with food for poor kids to
take home for the weekend, to a school for AIDS orphans in Uganda.
Every Sunday, she writes about how much she loves her church, and
donates her $100 to the congregation even when she’s out of town.
I hope you’ll see what Betty is passionate about and think about
how giving can be a focal point in your ritual life.
http://whatgives365.wordpress.com
RECOMMENDED BOOK: INITIATION RITUALS FOR ADULTS
I tell anyone who lives with or works with teenagers about Julie
Tallard Johnson’s magical book The Thundering Years: Rituals and
Sacred Wisdom for Teens.
Now she’s written a version of that book for grownups called
Wheel of Initiation: Practices for Releasing Your Inner Light. This book
provides a series of guided ritual steps to help adults get closer to a
more “authentic” life. That may sound a little new agey to some, but
Julie’s wisdom is based on a great deal of experience as a therapist and
meditation teacher who has supervised yearlong initiation experiences
with clients.
Although I don’t expect to formally follow every practice in the
book, I found countless exercises, ideas, quotations and suggestions of
real value and power. Find out more at www.julietallardjohnson.com.
RECOMMENDED RITUAL PROP: CHALKBOARD ROCKS
 I sometimes find fun and compelling new tools for making ritual
while skimming through the latest consumer products catalogs.
My new favorite is from the Pottery Barn catalog and website, a
little package of smooth black “chalkboard stones” that the retailer
suggests can be put inside a clear vase. I bought two packs of 4, at a cost
of $16 each, and put them in a pretty bowl in my kitchen, leaving them
out on the counter so we can write messages.
Right now, most of them are decorated with silly pumpkin faces,
but I can see these rocks being used in all manner of ways. These would
be fun for kids (and adults) who are getting bored while waiting at the
table for food to come. And they could even be used as placecards
around your holiday table. Pottery Barn presents them within a
Halloween décor, but I think I’ll find fun things to do with them year-
round.
The link to them on the website:
http://www.potterybarn.com/products/chalkboard-rocks-vase-filler/

That’s all for today. And I apologize for making you wait so long.
One of the many reasons I wanted to restart the ritual of writing
this newsletter is that I recently heard from the publisher of The Book of
New Family Traditions about the possibility of doing a
revised/expanded/updated edition. If that happens, I am going to need
lots of new traditions, and I hope you will help.

Love, Meg
Read the fine print: This free e-newsletter is written by journalist Meg
Cox, author of The Book of New Family Traditions: How to Create Great
Rituals for Holidays & Everyday. To subscribe, send a blank e-mail to
subscribers-join@megcox.com. Find out more about the author at
www.megcox.com. Please feel free to share this newsletter with anyone,
but it can’t be printed without permission.
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