"Men who believe absurdities will commit atrocities.

" ~Voltaire

“Faith is the great cop-out, the great excuse to evade the need to think and evaluate evidence. Faith is belief
in spite of, even perhaps because of, the lack of evidence.”
~~Richard Dawkins
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
~~George Carlin
"If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people..."~unknown

"Stultum est timere quod vitare non potes" (it is foolish to fear what you can't avoid)

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator

Share
Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 11:22am
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed
when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away
slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal
space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't
you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi
Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it
Top of Form
€,´,€,´,水,? ,? qagXS {"actor":"1234149 dfcd71c857cd6c

Updated about 7 months ago · Comment

·LikeUnlike · Report Note
Devan Dykster likes this.

Amanda López
I'm guilty of numbers 7, and 19.
October 8, 2009 at 1:19pm · Report
Aladene Lovelace
#4 all the way
October 8, 2009 at 2:31pm · Report

Ashley Erickson Malan

I like #16 and #8
October 10, 2009 at 1:49am · Report
Bottom of Form
The State Of The End Of The Millennium Address

Share
Sunday, November 1, 2009 at 12:36pm
Neighbors, nobody loves you like we do.

Neighbors, your government has triumphed in finally making you a public fit
for the 21st century.

Never before has a governing body shown so much concern for the economic
well-being of its subjects.

Today we have insulated you from countless factions who threaten your
financial viability; such as the poor;

the idealistic foreigners still clinging to their childish notions of social welfare; why, you're even kept
uninformed of useless propagandist journalism that reports alleged
violations of human rights (We all know they wouldn't have been punished if
they hadn't been doing something wrong!!).

And who better to dispense such blatantly evident factoids but a self-appointed authority like myself?

Acid Rain is a thing of the past... Too many possible causes, too little
signifigance for our modern thinking public, besides industrial
manufacturing is at an all time low anyway, who needs those narrow minded
laborers anyway. Too many mouths to feed, and to much burden on the pay
roll!

Who needs 'em? Here in the land of the free-time.

Some other ass back-ward country will give us what we need by exploiting its uneducated
children.

The Internet has expanded our ability to pacify average americans better
than ever by offering fantastical adventures to every corner of the
imagination. Your home office is the window to your world, and the heart of
your social life.

Such reclusive behaviour helps clear the roads and public works from overburden like the lower middle-class
and others who depend shamelessly on their government.

Today you are freer than ever to do what you want, provided you can pay for it!

Remember, the first word in USA is US

We have arrived neighbors, we are the privileged elite

Top of Form
€,´,€,´,水,? ,? qagXS {"actor":"1234149 dfcd71c857cd6c

Written about 6 months ago · Comment

·LikeUnlike · Report Note
Kyle Erickson
Ever heard the other version, on How Could Hell be any Worse? "Voice of God is Government"
November 1, 2009 at 7:40pm · Report
Bottom of Form
102~~Hay

Share
Saturday, April 10, 2010 at 4:02pm
I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say

I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy

What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky

'Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

Your face it dances and it haunts me

Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

If I lived till I was 102

I just don't think I'll ever get over you
thoughts on archetypical perfection.

Share
Friday, September 25, 2009 at 3:27pm
Do you remember the kid in high school who really seemed to be the best at pretty much everything they
did? The girls, who till this day, remain the most perfect example of beauty you have ever seen? Those best
friends, the ones who seemed to just "Get" you. The memories you just cant seem to top with current
endeavors?

These instances of superiority, these archetypes. These unrealistic benchmarks. Have you ever just taken a
moment to analyze how fundamental these things have been in shaping your expectations of how your
friends should be, how much you should "succeed" in life, how important experiences should be and how
beautiful that girl really is. Not only do these life precursors define the benchmarks we use to qualitatively
judge our collective lives, but, in a lot of ways, our entire view of reality.

Were we qualified to make such life-long defining inferences during a time in our lives when, not so much
intellect, but rather hormonal influence, guide our decision process?
Top of Form
€,´,€,´,水,? ,? qagXS {"actor":"1234149 dfcd71c857cd6c

Updated about 7 months ago · Comment

·LikeUnlike
View all 10 comments
Matt Sewell
oh.... i hadnt heard it in a long time, I guess my post should have been "stop my breathing, and slit my
throat..... i must be emo"....whoops
September 25, 2009 at 11:17pm

Amanda López
Ah emo or not, I enjoyed reading.
September 26, 2009 at 12:34am
Bottom of Form