Dear 

Ms. Audrey.
 

Here's my first work.. I did it pretty fast though, which I did not intend to.
Please do rate me a band if possible. I would like to know which band I am
in. And do please kindly correct me if I did any mistakes in the writing.
Precious constructive comments and criticisms regarding my content and
language are highly appreciated.  
 

My self opinion towards this piece of essay :

I am not quite familiar with this topic as I have yet got a license myself.
However, I tried to perplex up a few facts which I know. I personally think
that I am putting too much emphasis on the introduction and ending. The
body does not seem to be informative enough as I don't think I did
elaborate very well. Words and ideas seem to be stuck half way for me..
= / Sigh.. What do you think? In what ways can I improve??  
 
 
 
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Date : 14.07.2010

Question :

The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to make all young
drivers complete a safe driving course before being given the license to drive.
What do you think? You should write at least 350 words.

Answer :
  According to survey, the rate of automobile accidents on road is elevating
vividly annualy. Among the factors which caused the figure to keep increasing
is due to young drivers. As a result, the authorities have decided that the best
way to minimise the amount of automobile accidents on road is to compulsory
all young drivers to complete a safe driving course before being given the
license to drive. In my opinion, I do agree that young drivers should undergo
complete driving course before they are permitted to drive on road for the
following reasons: young drivers ought to learn to be a responsible and friendly
road user, avoid wasting unnecessary money on car repairing due to road
accidents and young drivers ought to be competent in skills while on road.  

First and foremost, I think that young drivers should undergo a safe
driving course before being given the license is because they ought to learn to
be a responsible and friendly road user. It is vital for a driver to know his
responsibities on road. Young drivers who are ammateur need to be told and
reminded by the invigilators of the driving course about the regulations on road.
For example, he must not take any drugs or alcoholic beverages when he is
driving. This act is not only dangerous to himself but also to others as taking
alcoholic and drugs while driving is always the top reason why accidents take
place. In addition, young drivers whom are usually emotional, should be able to
control their emotions during driving as driving on road is not just about
driving, but involving human lives.

Secondly, young drivers could avoid wasting unnecessary money on car

repairing due to accidents. Often, young drivers tend to bump into accidents
because they are not well prepared but given the permit to drive on road. Young
drivers who are not familiar with driving because of fast learning in driving
institution will result in meeting countless accidents. For instance, young drivers
could save their pockets by putting in more effort and time in mastering the
right skills in driving, and not rushing through it.  The cost for repairing a car is
usually costly and often hits up to 3 digit minimum. The sum of money should
not be wasted just because of impatient to finish the course earlier.  

Last but not least, through this method of keeping all young drivers to
undergo complete course before given the license to drive, young drivers are
able to be more competent with the skills of driving. It is significant to master
the correct skills of driving such as parking, balancing and so on. The tendency
of accidents is high if a driver is graduated without learning the proper skills of
driving. Young drivers should be patient in completing the driving course in
order to make sure that they are really well-equipped before able to drive on
road. After all, driving is an activity which highly demands for skills.

In conclusion, I think that young drivers should undergo complete driving

course before they are permitted to drive on road. This is because it will not
only lower the rate of accidents of the country, it will also mould responsible
and friendly young road users, avoid unnecessary money wastage due to car
repairs and enhance those young road users’ driving skills. All in all, it is vital
for them to finish the course as driving on road is not just a matter of individual
but involving other road users as well. One should be taught to be responsible
and aware of road user values when he is still young. Every youngsters in our
country is our country asset, and we could not afford to lose any due to
accidents.

(624 words)
An interestingly written essay with some inappropriate word and phrase selections. In terms of
points, you have included too many sweeping statements that are not backed up by statistics. Stay
away from generalisations with the terms ‘always’, ‘all’ or similar which you have not included some
kind of factual evidence. A good attempt anyway, Band 4 mid = 35/60