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SUBUDVOICE
The Garden of Forgiveness
I have decided to do something a little unusual
in this issue of Subud Voice by devoting a very
substantial part of the issue to one article. It
seems to me a very important story which
shows the potential of Subud to be a source of
something really valuable.
It is the story of Alexandra Asseily’s life in Subud and how it
has led to the creation of Hadiqat as Samah, the Garden
of Forgiveness, in Lebanon.
I hope, like many Subud mem-
bers, that one day soon we will
be capable of offering some-
thing really useful to the world.
That we will finally begin to
manifest something of real
value – the ‘fruits of the lati-
han’ – that will enable us to
make a real contribution to
solving the problems of the
world.
Even now, we can witness in
friends in Subud, and some-
times even in ourselves, the
dawning of remarkable gifts
and the emergence of ‘some-
thing of value’ to the world;
something we can offer as
proof of the spiritual path we
are following, proof of human
inventiveness and ingenuity,
and proof of the goodness and
mercy of God.
Alexandra Asseily with an olive tree in the Garden of
So far, perhaps, in Subud, there
have not been many earth-shattering achievements. Of
course we witness in our own lives and the lives of others
signs of progress and personal develop-
ment. We are able to do things we were not
able to do before, but so far, generally
speaking they are still on a small scale.
I long for a day when we Subud members
will have developed gifts as negotiators and
mediators – gifts that will enable us to help
address the really serious problems in the
world, to help cool ‘hot’ situations and heal
deep and horrible wounds.
Alexandra Asseily’s story demonstrates that
some Subud members at least have begun
to move down a path in which they are
able to make some contribution towards
healing the wounds of war and division.
SUBUDVOICE
SEPTEMBER 2007
The world is still so torn by many differences – real and
imagined. Torn apart by religion, by race, by political
creed. It seems sometimes that no matter what human
beings do to rid the world of evil, some new evil will rush in
to fill the vacuum.
We imagined that nothing could be worse than the Cold
War and how little prepared we were for the world we
now live in where there is a new monster, a new focus for
discord – terrorism. Cast out one demon and seven worse
ones rush in.
The world so desperately needs
Subud, or something like it.
Something that will bring more
than just talk about peace and
reconciliation, but will actually
provide a real foundation for
achieving it.
Our hope is that Subud mem-
bers will become people who
understand the human heart so
well that they will be able to
bring light and harmony into
previously intractable situations.
I believe there are inherent ten-
dencies which flower in the lati-
han and they make us unique-
ly well placed to become
negotiators and mediators.
The latihan teaches us toler-
ance and acceptance.
We are persuaded by the train-
ing God gives us always to try
Forgiveness and understand the ‘other
point of view’. We realise in a very deep way that we all
come from the same source.
In Subud we do not seek to ignore or eradi-
I thought I’d cate difference. On the contrary, we cele-
brate it. Vive la difference!
go to another
Alexandra tells how her remarkable life in
Subud led to the creation of Hadiqat as
universe Samah, the Garden of Forgiveness, in
Lebanon. Also extraordinary are her visionary
behind this experiences with Mary, the mother of Jesus.
universe and I find this a truly inspiring story and I hope
you will too. Alexandra says…
I’d never find I was born in Malta just before WW2. My father
was in the Navy and so we travelled all over
my way back the place, before and after the war.
cont on P2 >
PAGE 1
He was English and my mother was a ready to explore spiritual things.
Russian/Ukrainian/ Hungarian mix: a refugee
from the Russian revolution, who eventually
I went Coombe Springs
fled to France with her family. I wrote two letters explaining the event. I
straight into still have the replies; one from Ian and one
We were in England during the war and were from another boyfriend, an intellectual
bombed out of our house in Portsmouth. My inner joy. and very traditional Christian thinker who
brother and I were then evacuated to the said, ‘I haven’t got a clue what you’re
country. War seems to have been a theme in
my life, echoed from my parents’ and grand-
I just thought talking about,’ and Ian wrote back and
said, ‘You don’t know how lucky you are.’
parents’ lives. This of course meant nothing to me,
I was with because I felt shattered.
My mother was Russian Orthodox and my
father was lapsed Church of England, a sort of the angels I didn’t really connect that ‘universe’ experi-
saint without a church, a saintly man who did- ence with Subud because I didn’t know what
n’t believe in the ways of religion. He ended up as the Sea Subud was and even when I joined Subud I didn’t. It was
Lord, twice over, but very human in his profession. such an extraordinary experience and I’ve never had it
again. I’ve often wished I could have it now and that I would
I used to go to church and communion – I was religious in be more ready for it and go and have a look at what’s on
that way, but not profoundly so. Both my parents were ded- the other side. But I never have had another chance.
icated to social enterprises until their deaths. My mother got
a CBE when she was eighty. I went down to Coombe Springs with Ian on December 22nd
1958, still not convinced about joining anything. I wandered
This Subud Thing around and thought how strange everyone looked, A wispy
I found out about Subud from a man called Ian Rankin old lady took me into a room and said, ‘Do you believe in
whom I was going out with and who subsequently became God?’
my husband. He had come to Subud through Gurdjieff. I
wasn’t particularly interested because I felt I was ‘perfect’ I said, ‘Yes.’
already and I had absolutely nothing to learn.
She said, ‘Relax. Receive the Will of God.’
I was annoyed with Ian because he kept bothering me
about joining this Subud thing. Also, as I wasn’t sure we were There had been no preparation of any kind for this. I went
made for each other, I went to stay with a friend in Trinidad to straight into inner joy. I just thought I was with the angels. I
think about my future. One afternoon, we were sitting there sang like I never knew I could sing. My voice didn’t seem to
talking about boys as usual and my friend asked, ‘What are be mine – I thought, ‘This is just beautiful’.
you going to do about Ian?’
I started going to the Coombe Springs’ latihan and bit by bit
I said, ‘I don’t know, I think he wants me to marry him, and I I felt worse and worse, lower and lower, heavier and heavier.
think he wants me to join his Subud thing, and I haven’t got I lost my angelic sounding voice and feelings.
a clue what it’s all about.’
I married Ian in July 1959 but he had started to go off Subud
And at that moment, in the middle of the afternoon, just sit- by then and we became interested in the Maharishi. We
ting on a sofa chatting, I found I couldn’t speak anymore. My were amongst the first few people in London to become
whole being had shut down, I couldn’t talk or move. Then I interested in the Maharishi.
lifted out of my body and I just disappeared and went into
the universe like a speck going at the speed of light. I could I started blaming Subud. I couldn’t understand how this ‘per-
see everything yet I thought I must be dead. ‘I’m dead. How fect’ person I used to be had changed into this miserable
come I’ve died when I was just sitting talking?’ creature who couldn’t get anything right. I used to lie down
in latihans feeling dead, the complete opposite of that joyful
I could see the stars, the Milky Way, I was going so fast I beginning.
thought I’d go to another universe behind this universe and I’d
never find my way back. I was so frightened. It was wondrous I was going to pieces and so was my marriage. We tried
but terrifying. To stop was like pulling a safety cord in a train. I Yoga and then transcendental meditation with the
had to pull on that with all my might to bring myself back – it’s Maharishi. We were amongst a handful of his first UK disci-
the biggest inner effort I ever had to make in my life. ples. We had been away from Subud for two years. Then
luckily I was nursed back into it by two or
For four days after that I was a trembling three people. I couldn’t go to the group, I
wreck. I’d lost faith in my own ability to stay on
I do my best felt too fragile.
earth and, although whizzing through the uni-
verse was wondrous, I felt very insecure
to bring love, These kind women made safe latihans for
because I felt I might pop off again and not me and that’s how I came back into Subud.
be able to come back. understanding It was as though I had to make my own
commitment to join Subud. Even then I was
My friend was a complete unbeliever, but she and compassion always on the fringes of it for years, almost
felt the strength of the experience and we still running away from it though I had had some
talk about it. It was very hard, yet I knew then into the pain of deep experiences.
that there was a whole, miraculous world
beyond my understanding. I’d never read the story Alexandra then goes on to describe how her
about anything like that as I hadn’t been first marriage ended and continued on p 3 >

PAGE 2 SUBUDVOICE
that later she met and married George Asseily who was from
Lebanon. They were married in the Greek Orthodox
Cathedral in Beirut. (Some parts of this article have been edit-
ed to enable it to fit into Subud Voice. It is hoped to publish
the complete article one day in a book.)
Our wedding day was more or less the day the first rumblings
of war began in the Lebanon. In the evening when we went
to our wedding reception, instead of hundreds of people,
there was practically nobody because the city was shut
down and curfew imposed and we couldn’t leave for our
honeymoon till three days later.
We stayed shut up in the same hotel with my parents and
friends who had come from abroad. George and I man-
aged to get a special pass to go on a picnic – and we went
to the hills above Beirut to sit under some ancient olive trees.
These were on a property, which much later became ours
and where we hoped to bring up our children. The war
stopped this dream in 1975. Twenty years later we again
picked up the dream to create something for our children
and grandchildren and for the public as well.
The War
There had historically been a sort of balance in Lebanon with
the Maronites (Catholics) supported by the French, Greek
Orthodox by the Russians, the Druze by the English, Sunni
Islam by the Arab states and Shi’ite Islam by Iran.
There had been an international balance behind differ-
ent communities. After independence in 1943, it was still
there, but there was a split in ways of being, ways of edu-
cation. Christianity went more towards the west, Islam
towards the east.
Then when the Palestinian guerrillas were expelled from
Jordan after June 1970, all these armed refugees came into
Lebanon and they were like a state within a state. This unbal-
anced the balance and everyone tried to use everyone
else. The neighbouring states like Syria and Israel became
involved in arming and influencing, also Iraq, Libya and the
foreign powers.
People were displaced from the countryside. Refugee
camps on the outskirts of Beirut became tragic slums. I
worked in one of these and I knew then it was going to blow
up, though not in any way to the degree it did.
People were using other people for their own ends. The
Christians used the Israelis, the Israelis used the Christians,
Muslims used the Palestinians and the Palestinians used the
Muslim resentments, and so on and so on, till it seemed every-
one was fighting everyone.
When I was due to have my
Not being able to fifth child, I had to leave
Lebanon under very terrifying
talk to my
husband and
his family, often
circumstances. Then I couldn’t
get back. I was cut off from my
husband and my home. I lived
in London, putting the older
children in schools. I sat watch-
ing the agonising news of fight-
not knowing if ing and destruction in
Lebanon every night, waiting,
they were alive not being able to talk to my
husband and his family, often
or dead… not knowing if they were alive
SUBUDVOICE
From the Editor
This issue of Subud Voice is unusual in that we bring you
just two major items, the story of the Garden of
Forgiveness project in Lebanon, and Ibu Rahayu’s talk
on the 25th Night of Ramadan last year.
The October issue of Subud Voice will carry fulsome
coverage of the ThankYou 2007 Celebration.
The month of Ramadan is coming up so perhaps you
can fast from ‘your thirst for news of the latest Subud
event’ until our October issue.
Instead let us ponder something that is very much
connected to what I take to be the deepest meaning
of the ThankYou.
That is, to what extent has each of us Subud members
been able to receive the grace of God and manifest
something in the world, our twin responsibilities.
That is why I think the story of Alexandra Asseily and
the Garden of Forgiveness is so important because
here is one woman who can give an example, who
has received something and has been able to make
it seen in the world.
And of course what Alexandra’s story shows us is that
the receiving alone is not enough, but has to be
accompanied by very great efforts, and is also subject
to all the circumstances of our life in this material uni-
verse. The rain falls on the righteous and the unright-
eous alike.
So Alexandra can receive the seed of a garden and
even plant it in the earth but that does not stop
warhappening in the Middle East. Indeed at the very
time the garden was being built, hopefully to bring for-
giveness into previous conflicts, a new and destructive
conflict broke out in Lebanon.
When I though of this, my first thought was, ‘Oh, this
shows how futile it is to make a Garden of Forgiveness’
But my second thought was, ‘This shows how neces-
sary it is to make a Garden of Forgiveness.’
Of course there are many other Subud members and
projects which also demonstrate the evidence of
God’s grace, but I think the Garden of Forgiveness is
one fine example of what we have done, and where
we have come to, in the last 50 years.
So though we may not bring you ‘news’ of the
ThankYou celebration in this issue, I hope we bring you
what is of its essence.
or dead. At that moment in time I was really going under and
•
I didn’t know why.
A helper came up to me at the Subud house in London and
said something like, ‘I think your latihan is stuck,’ which isn’t
something you are supposed to say of course, but it was
helpful. We tested about it, and I was able to let go of all I’d
taken in, all the pain of Lebanon, I had cont on p4>
PAGE 3
soaked up all the pain, and my being had solid- village in the south of Lebanon needed. It was a
ified with the agony of the war. When I started We slept head to very testing time, though I felt truly alive, and
letting go it was like being physically sick. I vom- that that this is what I had been made for.
ited out a great serpent of pain. toe, so that if
I remember flying south in an UN helicopter, out
I fasted for three days and at the end of the one of us got to sea, skimming low over the water, being fired
three days I was like a new person. From being at all the time. The pilot hoping, he said, that the
paralysed with the pain of the war, I became
active, and helpful and useful.
our head blown curvature of the earth would protect us from
missiles fired from the land. It was frightening but
also exhilarating. Later that same day I was
I suddenly started finding out what was need-
off, the other arrested by the Israeli army, whilst in an UN jeep
ed in Lebanon. I helped to get Save the with a UNIFIL colonel.
Children to go in with medical teams. I commu- would survive
nicated with George and the government to Fortunately, I had made many friends from my
find out what was needed. Everything in my external and volunteering time before, so I was able to work with many dif-
internal world changed. I let go of the pain and got in touch ferent groups. If you had to get a thousand tents to a certain
with what was necessary to do. place, the government could only take you so far, and then
you had to be able to negotiate with another group. I was
Working in Lebanon able to get things done outside the formal systems.
I helped to get doctors and nurses to go to Lebanon, as well
as medical equipment. There had been little foreign help I remember one time using the Shi’ite Boy Scouts to get
before that. I started agitating in all directions, and as soon as something done. I was always using different embassies, dif-
I could go back, I went back with the three smallest children. ferent ways, different social agencies and NGO’s. This was
That was when the Syrians entered in 1976 ‘to make peace’ my life for those months. I was even investigated as a spy,
to ‘save’ the Christians (which lasted for a moment or two). until the President stepped in and provided me with a
colonel to look after me and make sure I didn’t get into fur-
Soon after our return In 1976 we had one of the first car ther trouble.
bombs outside our house. I thought it was a nuclear explosion
and that everyone downstairs must be dead, including my Out of All That Pain
children. In fact by miracle, everyone was safe, though every Then, one day we were tempted to the beach, though it was
door and window was blown out of its hinges and scattered a very dangerous time. Our house at the beach had been
throughout the house and garden. destroyed by earlier fighting, but the British ambassador rang
us up and said, ‘Come on, let’s go to your beach.’
In later bombing raids, George and I used to sleep in our
vaulted living room, head to toe behind some furniture on We said, ‘No way can we move today.’
the floor, so that if one of us got our head blown off the other
would survive. He said, ‘Come on, I’ll send the armoured car. I’ve got my
SAS guards.’
Terrible things were going on. The slum I’d worked in had
been wiped out by the Christians. The displaced survivors So we agreed. We went in our bathing suits with our small chil-
were scattered around Beirut. I began to realise all the dif- dren and we had a wonderful day and then in the evening
ficulties the NGOs had in coordinating their efforts under I said, ‘I think I’m hearing bombing.’
war conditions and communicating with the Government
of a country being torn to bits. I did my best to help the Everyone said, ‘No, it’s just the sea.’
international NGOs and aid groups to co-ordinate their
efforts and I made a nuisance of myself with the govern- The Ambassador said he would check with their guards but
ment on their behalf. all the radio links were down. By that time the bombs were
close. We went via the embassy on the way home, as there
When the first Israeli invasion happened in 1978, and 30,000 were some tomato plants I wanted to collect from the
people were displaced, and streaming towards Beirut, I was Ambassador’s wife.
appointed overnight – by the Minister I had been bothering,
and without anyone asking me – to the High Relief By that time, the bombing was very bad, so we left our chil-
Committee to co-ordinate all international aid. It seemed as dren with the Ambassador and his wife and George and I
though I was then at the heart of everything that happened. tried to get home to collect some clothes – but we couldn’t
– so we came back to the Embassy to stay.
The grace of my position was that I didn’t
belong to anyone. I was a freelance volun- I left three days later with the children, who
teer. The International Red Cross gave me a
I had to leave didn’t get back home again for five years.
secretary and a typewriter and the United When they did return, it was as though from a
Nations gave me two statisticians just to find Lebanon time machine; their rooms were just as they
out what was in the country already in the var- had left them, with everything five years too
ious depots and what was needed. small. They sat and played with their old toys
Ambassadors were visiting me daily in my little under very for days.
office in the Ministry of Social Affairs to offer
help from their countries. terrifying My husband stayed all through this time. He
was head of Industry, though his factories had
I was working with the International Red Cross been burned down at the beginning of the
and the UN and all the international NGOs circumstances. war as he had attempted to save factories
and local NGOs, trying to find out what each and jobs from destruction. cont on p5>
PAGE 4 SUBUDVOICE
It was a terribly hard decision for me to come back to
London alone and just be a ‘mummy’. We were very com-
mitted to Lebanon, but I felt I had to do it for the children.
Everything I had been able to do I was no longer able to do.
All I could do was keep my children safe.
I brought up the kids for ten years on my own, with George
completely committed to Lebanon, though with visits to
London. I couldn’t risk being blown apart in Beirut, leaving
five kids.
Eventually I started various projects in the UK to work for
Lebanon. My husband was still attempting to be a ‘wise
voice’ in Lebanon. He was living with his mother in a so called
Muslim area and was able to mediate with many different
Christian and Muslim factions. Everyone kept thinking, this
can’t go on, it will be over soon: but of course it went on and
on for nearly twenty years. Nearly a generation was brought
up in war.
We bought this house in London in 1979. We had to provide
the children with a stable place. They had constantly been
moving. One of our sons had
been to six schools in six years.
(Either the schools were getting
bombed or we couldn’t get to
them anymore.)
Out of all that pain I started work-
ing on myself.
I realised that if war exists, I must
have war in me, I must be war. If
human beings could do these
dreadful things to each other
then I must be able to do it. I start-
ed to try and look at how I partic-
ipated in this. I tried to test about
these things and I began to
Recent work being done around the Mary's Shrine
explore things like kinesiology
(called the Nouryee, ie “The Light”) in the middle of
and NLP and later many other
the Garden of Forgiveness
therapies.
A Life-Changing Experience
In November 1983 I had a life-changing experience with
Bapak. I went to a helpers’ meeting in London where Bapak,
as usual, talked and then tested.
He picked me out of a group and asked me to come for-
ward in front of him, where he tested me for what seemed
like a lifetime. He asked me to recite the alphabet forwards
then backwards, backwards then forwards.
He said my mouth wasn’t yet clean, and then asked me,
‘What happens when I call your name?’ I felt this chain
pulling at my soul, as if my soul was on a meat hook and I was
being dragged towards his voice by a chain.
Then he said, ‘What religion are you?’
I said, ‘I feel I am all religions.’
He said, ‘Yes, yes, but you were born a Christian.’
Then he asked, ‘As a Christian, receive how the Virgin Mary
worshipped God?’
It wasn’t at all what I had imagined it would be. It wasn’t all
sweetness and light. I felt an incredible passion, a fierce, pas-
SUBUDVOICE
sionate adoration. At that time I had never thought about
her much because I wasn’t a Catholic.
Then he told me to call my name. I was called Sasha in
those days. Then he finally asked me to test, ‘What’s your
true talent?’
And he told me my true talent was to be a helper and bring
people to God and make them happy.
That terrified me, because there was nothing I could do to
make it happen. I couldn’t learn how to be a good person. I
couldn’t make myself a good anything. I didn’t know what
to do. I was left puzzled. It was all very well for him to tell me
this. But how do you try to become a good helper? It leads
you into all the most dreadful troubles – which I fell into. I tried
to be a good mother, a good therapist, a good human
being, which was all extremely difficult until I was able to give
up trying to be anything.
The Atmosphere of Love
After this, I had several strong Subud experiences which
helped me. One was with the
Virgin Mary, an account of
which appears in Matthew
Sullivan’s book about Subud
and religion.
I was helping to run a kejiwaan
weekend on November
15th/16th 1986 at the London
Subud house. It was a great
weekend and I was having a
latihan with the ladies when out
of the blue I sensed the Virgin
Mary beside me. I don’t know
how I knew but I knew.
She was dark and dressed in
blue and that was amazingly
that. Later, I came out to lunch
and sat beside a friend, Francois
Reynolds, and strangely he was talking about the Virgin. I
said, ‘I hardly know how to tell you this but I’ve just seen her.’
I felt shy to say that I had ‘seen’ her in the latihan, it seemed
so unlikely.
Then suddenly I felt her again, though this time she seemed
to envelop me from behind. I said, ‘She’s here now, she’s
here now’ She was somehow behind me and she enclosed
me. I felt completely humbled and wondrous.
I was overwhelmed by the joy of this experience. Then I felt
very lonely because I didn’t sense her again. However, six
months later during Ramadan in Cilandak I went to latihan,
and I was feeling sad because she wasn’t with me. I said to
myself, ‘I have no right to feel sad because if she was there
then, she must be here now, even though I don’t see her.’
At that moment I opened my eyes, and saw that between
me and all the women in the latihan was love. I wasn’t gen-
erating it – love was there – and I was now able to see it. It
wasn’t my love – it was like a solid element that we are not
aware of. For the whole of that latihan I was aware of it. Then
I realised with dread that I had to go back to this old world,
my own prison.
What I understood was that I am normally imprisoned by my
own ego. But I had had this miraculous cont on p6>
PAGE 5
moment in time, when I had allowed myself to look out of my This is an almost unconscious contract we have with our
own prison for a few moments, and to see heaven on earth. ancestors. There has to be a way, therefore, of breaking this
and the inheritance of ancestral hatred and individual and
The agony was to return to this prison, this world of the ego, collective grievances.
the crushing agony of it because, for that instant, I had
glimpsed another world. I realised that heaven exists here as So if we are abused as children, we become the abuser. And
another reality all the time, but we do not usually allow our- if we are a race that has been persecuted, we then end up
selves to be in it. Separation – each of us in our prisons – is the persecuting. Look at Israel and the Palestinians and so many
norm, a kind of hell we create. other cases. People who have been persecuted will invest a
lot in staying as victims, which can then be used to justify their
Although I went back to my prison, it was like one veil had becoming persecutors.
gone from my eyes, or two veils, out of a million, so that I
could sometimes see how wonderful people were and how In this test I just asked, quite casually, if this understanding of
I could connect with them in this atmosphere of love. releasing the dead through compassion and forgiveness was
something that had any foundation. The receiving was so
I didn’t become more loving, but I let go of some of my vast and extraordinary and powerful that it literally trans-
prison, and bit by bit that is what I pray happens, when I don’t formed my life at that moment. Every cell of my body was
fall into the trap of thinking I’m more secure in my prison, than involved. I knew I had to act on it. I couldn’t just pretend it
out of it. The only gift I have hadn’t happened. There was something I needed to do to
now in the work I do is to see express this amazing receiving.
how wonderful people are.
The test had almost been like a flip-
The fact I can see how won- pant little thing, an afterthought. A
derful they are helps them simple question to God: ‘I’d just like
to get better: to get well. I to know if what I’m thinking about is
suppose I have been work- the truth.’ Is there a contract
ing as a sort of spiritual heal- between the living and the dead?’
er, a therapist. I’ve been and I held my hands one over the
trained in neuro-linguistic other.
programming and in various
other systems and I am a I didn’t even share what I was
qualified psychotherapist. thinking about. It was just this idea
about the dead and the living
When I can get into that part A view of St. George’s Orthodox Cathedral, St. Elie Greek being part of the same program.
of my own mind where I truly Catholic Cathedral, the Shrine to the Virgin Mary and the Al We seem to hold the dead
believe miracles can happen, Assaf mosque behind. All this area is surrounded by through these feelings echoed
I can be of help to myself and archaeology and all of it has been restored and the from the past, and their unfinished
others. It’s been a long journey supporting wall is now almost finished business holds us. Then it is only
of trying to understand myself through deep compassion that
and other human beings. Why do we do what we do to the love can start flowing again through our parents and
each other? Why do we fight? Why do we kill each other? grandparents and then to ourselves and to our children so
Why do husbands and wives fight? Parents and children? that we change the patterns.
Siblings?
It is love shooting back into the past, cleaning arteries, which
The Testing in Spokane have been blocked by old and solidified fear, guilt and pain.
That started me deciding I had a part to play and that led It’s as though love hasn’t got through the places of pain and
me into a whole journey in Subud and psychotherapy. So has stayed blocked, perhaps for generations.
when I was in Spokane I was already well on this journey of
looking at my participation, and asking why do we do what That means that the next generation doesn’t receive that full
we do, and what makes countries or families implode quantity of love that was its proper inheritance. So if we can
overnight? How do nations disintegrate? Why do divorces awaken that compassion, starting with ourselves, we can
happen? What might stop cycles of violence? clean the tubes. We can pinpoint those places in ourselves
echoing with the moments of pain and trauma from the
In Spokane I was testing with two friends. It start- past, and release it through forgiveness, under-
ed off as testing for them, but when we’d done standing and compassion.
that, they asked if there was anything I wanted From being .
to test. And I said, ‘There is this thing I’ve been I did this test with Hamidah Jelman and Osanna
thinking about. I’ve got an idea and I just want paralysed with Peters. They said it was probably the strongest
to check whether this idea has any foundation test they had ever done, so they vowed they
to it.’ the pain of the would support me if I ever faltered.
The idea I was having was that in order to war, I became What Was I Going to Do?
change the cycle of violence, the contract I didn’t know what I was going to do. I just had
between the living and the dead needs to be active, and this experience that there was something vital
released. There is a ‘contract’ between those, to be done to do with releasing the contract
our ancestors and/or tribes or groups, who have helpful and between the living and the dead. I also knew
that it was to do with Beirut.
invested their lives, generation after generation,
in a certain formula, or belief with the living who useful
continue that whole process. I went back home and then I went
cont on p7>
PAGE 6 SUBUDVOICE
to Lebanon. I remember a friend who met me That was my theme, but I did not know what
there saying, ‘You’ve come back with some- ‘There is no form to give it.
thing you’re going to do. You’ve got some-
thing in your eyes.’ She saw it but I didn’t know greater sin than One day, I was talking to a healer friend,
what it was. Hawkon Lovell about wanting to symbolise
he or she who my experience of the testing about the con-
It was strong and compelling, so I started read- tract between the living and the dead. We
ing and thinking about what it was I didn’t believes that their were chatting in our London garden, and the
know. I thought it would help to meet people idea of a garden of forgiveness came up. In
and talk. I went to the Greek Orthodox Bishop sin is greater my understanding, forgiveness is the transfor-
and he said, ‘God looks after the dead. Why mational element in the work I’d done with
should you worry?’ than God’s many people ‘healing the family tree’. I wrote
down a description of my vision for a Garden
I tried to think of doing something between the forgiveness.’ of Forgiveness, with fountains and archetypal
Christians and the Muslims. He said, ‘No, the flowers, and orange trees. There would be
Muslims can’t come into our churches and we can’t go into water, flowers, and a place for people to come and share a
their mosques, and the last person who tried something like time of healing.
that was assassinated. You as an individual can pray and
that’s it.’ Hawkon, too, had many ideas with symbolic significance.
It would be a place where people could just come
I kept getting, ‘When two or three are gathered together in together – a spiritual place for everyone. And in the gar-
my name’, and I cried when I thought of that. den would be quotations taken from all the great reli-
gions about forgiveness.
As I started talking to people, I had no idea how to put this
experience into practice and I must have appeared quite My husband, George, was going back to Beirut and he said
odd as I did my best. I knew it was connected with Lebanon, he would take my bit of paper with my vision written on it and
but I didn’t know where to start. show it to the chairman of Solidere. Solidere was and still is the
company reconstructing the Beirut Central District.
One of my closest friends whose husband was assassinated
earlier in the war, said, ‘Look there are two villages here, both The chairman of Solidere, Dr Chaamaa, told him,
Christian and they’d kill each other at the drop of a hat.’ But ‘Why not? We’re looking for themes for gardens.
I knew that was because of the ancestral patterns of feuds We’ve got various spaces laid out to be public
between the villages. spaces, and perhaps when your wife comes to Beirut,
she can look at them.’
One of the bishops said, ‘We’ve got everything we need for
forgiveness, we don’t need anything else.’ So when I turned up in Beirut in Jan. 1998 I was given a map
with the various spaces marked on it. You couldn’t actually
I started to despair. I thought I must be crazy to have this idea. see them on the ground, because everything was rubble.
I then realised this despair was my greatest enemy, my great- Some buildings were being renovated and there were a few
est pitfall. Every time I allowed myself to believe that human new buildings, but the parts that were supposed to be green
beings could never change, that it was impossible that heav- were still rubble.
en could ever exist on earth, I immediately lost the grace I
had received in the test and any chance to be part of the I wandered around with the map and looked at the
solution or to do even my little, tiny bit. various spaces. One of them I thought could be the
right place; it was an old cemetery that had been
This has been a constant in my life since then: the belief that taken over in the centre of town.
I betray God if I believe in
despair. If I betray the possibility So I said to myself, ‘All right I’ll
of heaven on earth I become walk around and ask for a sign,’
the betrayer of God’s will. and I started walking around
each place. I walked around the
That is the great pit, and it cemetery and all the other sug-
feels terrible. I can’t tell you gested places, and got nothing,
that I don’t do that – I often nothing, at all.
have to turn to my wonderful
friends and supporters, who I felt really despondent and
come in all shapes and forms, returned to the place where
to reassure me that man has we’d parked the car right in
other great qualities apart the centre of town. As I gazed
from the wish to kill. out over the ruined city, I had
an overwhelming receiving,
Forgiveness is the Key burst into tears and said, ‘This is
From August after Spokane the place.’
The Garden is located in the central part of Beirut.
until December, I was in
Archaeologists say that 15 civilisations have occupied the
this wandering phase, but I People in the company later
site including Greek, Roman and Byzantine
knew that forgiveness is said, ‘No, that can’t be the
the key that can change great pain and hurt from place. That area is too complicated and it’s disputed and will
one generation to another. take years to resolve. Some want an archaeological park
some want buildings here. This isn’t going to cont on p8>

SUBUDVOICE PAGE 7
be a Garden of Forgiveness’. But somehow I An Overgrown Jungle
just knew, ‘This is the place.’ I felt this chain The area was no-man’s-land during years of
war it was fought over and destroyed; this was
pulling at my soul, where the militias battled for nineteen years
This is the Place as if my soul was and created a desert. Beirut went from being a
I decided to see Michel Macary who was the bustling, hustling town to a ghost town with
architect in Paris doing the general plan for on a meat hook and trees growing out of the rubble.
Solidere’s archaeological trail around the city I was being
at that time. He is a famous French architect When I first saw the space for the Garden of
who did the new galleries at the Louvre. dragged towards his Forgiveness, it was an overgrown jungle with
voice by a chain some archaeological ruins, dating back
I went to Paris to see him twice and look at 3,000 years, apparent. after the destruction
the plans. We saw that if we opened up a of the buildings. Archaeologists have now
space in front of where I had been standing, it joined three been working for several years to find out exactly what is
cathedrals and three mosques, one of which wasn’t yet built. there before we do the Garden of Forgiveness so that we
None of this had previously been apparent because the won’t make mistakes.
churches and mosques back onto this space. It would never
have been a connection you would have seen in the past We want to make sure we don’t wreck anything, and we
because the area was covered in buildings and souks. bring to light all the best possible examples of different ages.
Another thing I hadn’t realised was that in the centre of this Then the rest will be in-filled to protect it for future generations.
space was a shrine to the Virgin Mary that had been
destroyed in the war. It had been located in a souk and the I went back and forth to Paris several times. Michel
souk had been destroyed. It then became obvious; this Macary and I saw how wonderful it would be if we could
large and central space (2.3 Ha or 5.7 acres) which had have the whole space. He presented that idea to
been lived in and destroyed and rebuilt over 3,000 years was Solidere and they agreed, which was very courageous
in so many ways the ultimate symbolic space for a garden and I remember the day the Chairman wiped two
of forgiveness. planned buildings off the space.

The three cathedrals around the garden
space are all old and grand but were much
damaged in the war, and are slowly being
restored, bit by bit. In fact all the buildings
around and on the site were badly damaged,
or totally destroyed.
One is St George’s Maronite cathedral – the
Maronites are the Catholics of the Levant who
have this imposing cathedral. St George’s
Greek Orthodox cathedral, where we mar-
ried, is also being rebuilt and all the frescos re-
painted and the icons restored. My husband is
very involved in that.
Beneath the Orthodox cathedral, and under the place
where I had my ‘forgiveness’ experience, archaeologists
have now found two layers of churches on top of each other
going back to Byzantine times and a Roman temple.
Unfortunately, those buildings recently crept
back in, but they’ve been wiped out again, by
I had allowed the government this time. I can’t tell you how
myself to look many challenges and how many miracles this
process has seen over fours years. I can’t begin
out of my own to tell you how many walls have appeared
and miraculously come down again, both real
prison for a few and symbolic.
moments, and to We talked to all the architects who were
see heaven on responsible for all the cathedrals and mosques
so that we could understand our boundaries
earth and work together – inch by inch.
It also seemed important to me to visit the main religious
leaders in Lebanon to gather their blessings for the Garden.
So one by one I visited the Cardinal, the Bishops of the
churches, the Sunni Mufti, the head of the Shi’ites, and a
much revered sheik of the Druze.

They are now searching for a church which was written During this visit, I learned a wise Druze saying on forgiveness
about in the 5th century and is supposed to be near a ‘there is no greater sin than he or she who believes that their
famous school of law that has not yet been found. The third sin is greater than God’s forgiveness.’ (The Druze are a mysti-
cathedral is the Greek Catholic cathedral, St. Elie, and which cal sect who live in the mountains, They have no official
they haven’t started rebuilding. (All the cathedrals have now church, they don’t go to the mosque. Their holy books are
been completely repaired, as have the mosques.) only read by their sheiks. You can’t become a Druze. You are
a Druze or you aren’t. They have ancient traditions. You’ll find
There are two ancient mosques, one of which was originally Druze all through from Syria to Israel and into Jordan.)
a crusader church, It flipped back and forth in
crusader times and but finished up as a When I can get into Working on the Garden
mosque.The Al Assaf and the Al Ommeri Solidere had agreed with the Government by
mosques were very badly damaged but that part of my own decree that this space could be used for a
they’ve now been beautifully repaired. There is Garden, and so we continued working on a
a new space on the corner opposite St
mind where I truly plan. There have been many wonderful peo-
George’s Maronite where a vast new mosque, believe miracles can ple from within Solidere who have worked tire-
the Al Amine, will be built. Now, as is still the lessly for the garden to exist. Early on a steer-
case throughout Lebanon, there are divisions happen, I can be of ing committee was created under the wise
about who wants the mosque and who does- Chairmanship of Dr. Chammaa, and with the
n’t. There are still these tensions. (The Al Amine
help to myself support of a representative of Prince Charles,
is now finished.) and others who became interested in the project at the
beginning.
cont on p 9>

PAGE 8 SUBUDVOICE
Solidere brought in other specialists, engineers, architects, Not being an Arabist, it’s difficult for me to know if ‘Samah’ is
archaeologists from outside, as and when required the right word. It felt OK, felt like a step in the right direction.
We’ve consulted specialists from all over the world. I went to
In September 1999, .Solidere produced a huge tome of infor- the Centre for Islamic Studies at Oxford because they want-
mation about the project with an enormous amount of detail ed to hear about the garden, and I’ve discussed the name
as the document for an International landscape competition with linguists everywhere.
for the design of the Garden. We
invited seven leading landscape The decision about the cor-
architects from all around the world rect translation for ‘forgive-
who had experience working with ness’ has been going on for a
archaeology to submit designs. very long time, it wasn’t a
decision taken lightly.
I had heard of someone, called Everyone has a different view-
Kathryn Gustafson through Michel point and it may be that
Macary and rang her to persuade another name will be chosen
her to take part in the competition. which will convey even more
She was reluctant – but later precisely the meaning of for-
describes how a hand came giveness, but for the moment
through the telephone wires from it’s called ‘Samah’.
Beirut to Seattle – and turned her
heart upside down, so she felt she Developing the Garden of
had to accept. The wall around the Garden of Forgiveness being built along- Forgiveness
side St. George's Orthodox Cathedral (where Alexandra and At the time of the competition
Other landscapers, all at the top of her husband were married in 1969) for the Garden of Forgiveness,
their careers, who were chosen, were a Mexican, a German, three of the competitors said that even if they didn’t win,
a Frenchman, a Lebanese, a Japanese-American, an working on the competition had changed their lives. The
Englishman and American. They had nine months to work on German designer sent me a card to say it was the best thing
their plans and the results came out in April 2000. that happened to him all year.

When we came out with the results of the competition,
Solidere publicly showed all the designs and plans. It was the
first time we’d ‘come out’. Unfortunately the Lebanese par-
ticipant in the competition was unhappy that she didn’t win
and people around her took against the idea of forgiveness
and a petition was circulated.
The Japanese-American announced recently at a peace
conference in Oregon, that was attended by the Dalai
Lama, and to which I was invited ‘I didn’t win the competi-
tion, but I did win my life back as I learned about forgiveness’
He had formed a think-tank on forgiveness and out of that
group came a series of peace Conferences.

A lot of people found forgiveness difficult. It would have When the American woman who won the competition first
been easier with another name, such as peace garden or came to Lebanon, she said, ‘Oh, this forgiveness thing it’s very
memorial garden, but I felt forgiveness was the right name. tricky, why don’t you call it a garden of unity?’
Peace is easy to say but difficult to do. Forgiveness is also dif-
ficult to do, but it was as though we had to remind ourselves I said, ‘Kathryn, careful, I’m not going to tell you which things
to take the step of forgiveness first before we could get to to plant in the garden I love your ideas, but don’t try to
peace, and heal our memories. Forgiveness is the bridge to change the name.’
peace.
One said, ‘Forgiveness! I’m certainly not going to forgive my
Becoming More Upfront brother-in-law.’
After the competition, we were suddenly hit with this petition
with a lot of names. What do we do now? I found it difficult Six months later when I saw this person again, they admitted
because having been in the background I now had to be ruefully, ‘I’ve forgiven my brother-in-law, thought you had
more upfront. Having the right response to that situation was better know.’
important: not to fight back.
Kathryn Gustafson, the winner of the competition is a very
I started talking to some of the people on the petition and famous landscaper. She works closely with Neil Porter and a
found it was partially fabricated, or people hadn’t really design team from London. She didn’t seem to be the most
thought about it when they signed. In the end, the controver- sensitive at the start, but she was almost unanimously the win-
sy was a good thing because it started a dia- ner of the competition.
logue going, and took it out of my hands.
People could think about it for themselves.
The receiving was She hadn’t done the complicated maquettes
so vast & and designs others had done, but her work
It’s very hard to describe four years (now ten) had simplicity and great style. She designed
of intense activity. For instance, we discussed extraordinary & ‘flowerpots’ out of some of the archaeologi-
the name alone for a year. There are many dif- cal remains. She wants people to experience
ferent ways of experiencing forgiveness in dif- powerful that it the archaeology close up, not to be intimidat-
ferent religions. In Islam it comes from God and ed by it. *(In Feb. 2005 we all went proudly to
the word has a different meaning if it comes
literally the MoMa in New York for the opening of a
from man to man. Finally, we have called it transformed my life landscape exhibition, which showed the
Hadiqat as Samah which we all believe is the Garden of Forgiveness designs and maque-
best way of saying the Garden of Forgiveness at that moment ttes at every angle.)
in Arabic. cont on p10>

SUBUDVOICE PAGE 9
We’ve had all sorts of discussions about archaeology and lit-
erally hundreds of meetings with the Government depart-
ment of Archaeology and experts from everywhere. There
are three schools of thought. One is, you don’t touch it! The
second is you make it come alive for visitors. The third is you
cover it over again completely to preserve it. You find out
what you’ve got and then you cover it over because that
preserves it better than leaving it out in the open. We are
doing a combination of all three.
The archaeologists have now dug three quarters of the site
right down to the bedrock and the idea is to protect the
uncovered archaeology by restoration techniques, not to
plant any trees that would destroy things, but there are many
clever ways to encase roots, change water tables, and so
on. We have all these engineering maestros to look after this.
We also will be covering archaeology that has not been
restored – also with special techniques – for future genera-
tions to discover.
Greek and Roman roads pass through the site. There are
rows of columns which have lain there from Hellenistic
times. Many of the columns were taken and used in other
buildings, so we’re missing a lot of columns.
The crusaders used them to fortify their build-
ings. They put them in the walls transversally; I then realised
a crusader castle would always have Roman
or Greek columns running through it to this despair was
strengthen the walls.
In the early 70s I became involved with a slum area just out-
side Beirut which was mostly populated by people from the
south. They were a mixture of Shi’ite and Palestinian people,
mostly Shi’ite, displaced from the South of Lebanon who had
been forced to abandon their farms because of Israel’s pol-
icy of firing over the front line to empty the area. These were
small dispossessed farmers who were forced to move to the
city and this helped to tip the balance in the cities which
became encircled by encampments of refugees, partly
Palestinian, partly Shi’ite.
A response I sometimes get from elders of various communi-
ties is: ‘Well, I don’t have any need for forgiveness; I didn’t do
anything in the war. We were the victims.’
Victim Consciousness
Victim consciousness is probably the most dangerous thing
which prevents us from letting go and taking responsibility for
our part in the conflict. I think Israel is deeply involved in this.
We do great harm by making anyone feel more victimised
(this includes ourselves) – either by persecuting, or making
them/ourselves feel guilty. Competing for the title of the
greatest victim is a useless process and also leads to us carry-
ing the burden.
There are many thousands of instances on
every side of atrocities which seem impossible
to forgive. Everyone has lost someone. Some
killed or kidnapped. Everyone’s had a home

One day the skeleton of a little girl was discov-

ered by archaeologists – still with a gold chain
around her neck, curled up in the ruins of her
house, which had fallen in on her during the
tsunami of 551 AD. It was deeply moving to
think that she had lain there since that tragic
day and that no one had found her after that
natural disaster had wiped out the glorious
Beirutus of that time. To be able to forgive
nature is also part of our journey.
Settled with Justice
There are some people in
Lebanon who find the whole
idea of forgiveness traitorous.
Everybody would love to have
peace but nobody quite knows
how to have it at the moment,
when people are feeling ter-
rorised by Israel. That situation
must be settled with justice.
my greatest taken or destroyed. Many, many people have
suffered. But if we don’t forgive, if we don’t let
go, we’re going to repeat it.
enemy, my
The terrible thing is that people are already
greatest waving the banners again, and the churches
and mosques shout through their loudspeak-
pitfall ers in every village, Christian or Muslim calling
or singing out to the ‘others’ to announce,
‘We’re here.’ However, to balance this, there
are now many new peace groups attempting to work
together and find places of dialogue and reconciliation.
I don’t want The Garden of
Forgiveness to become a peace
garden or a memorial garden
because that is not what I
received. I’ve talked to lots of
churchmen and theologians and
I keep trying to understand at a
deeper level what forgiveness is
all about.

At the moment, the Israelis are I hope that in the garden there will
setting themselves up for many be nothing that will upset any-
more years of agony by behav- body or be counter productive.
ing towards the Palestinians However I hope that there will be
much as they were behaved to quotations from the main religions
in the pogroms of Europe. They Alexandra with members of the Young Presidents and the world’s philosophers. For
are forcing people to live in Organisation which came to Lebanon in 2005 together with example, from the Qu’ran, ‘The
ghettos, cutting off access to women who had lost loved ones at Ground Zero, and who one who cures one human soul
the ghettos, forcing the people planted an olive tree (Visible behind Alexandra) in memory cures all humanity.’
to only be able to work in the of these loved ones
ghettos, bombing the ghettos. Although I respect authority, I
don’t fear it, so I have no fear about going to talk to anyone.
These are terrible tragedies because they are building up the I have the ability to connect with people and if I can stay
next generation of freedom fighters, the kids on the streets feeling innocent, without falling into despair then I’m able to
who don’t mind dying because they can’t see anything else enter this other space where life’s flow takes place.
that’s worth doing.
cont on p 11>

PAGE 10 SUBUDVOICE
 We Intercede
If I don’t know how to do it, shut up. If I don’t get guidance,
In the centre of Forgiveness, as I understand it,
don‘t do it. So, for instance, instead of fussing around and
is that we intercede at some
feeling tearful it was going to all go down the drain, which
this space was level. By recognising our own
there was every possibility it often could, I tried to stay trusting
sins we intercede for those who
and say, ‘If this is God’s will, it won’t go down the drain.’
a shrine to the had the same sins. In war we
address our own inability to be
It’s like holding a great balloon up in the air with one finger.
Virgin Mary peaceful and ask for the
release of the pain that seems It’s like being a guardian of a great happening; but it’s not
really like I have to do very much, except to be constantly
that had been
•
to hold the past in the present.
present with the intention behind it.

destroyed in It’s the releasing of the pain

of the present and the past
at the same time. It’s an
An Update on the Garden: August 2007
the war instantaneous recognition In the period since this interview was done, many events
which releases it. We ask for in the Middle East have impacted upon the Garden of
God to enter the place where we are being held as Forgiveness. In particular the conflict which descended
prisoners of the past. upon Lebanon in July 06 resulted in massive damage to
the country’s infrastructure and the morale of its citizens.
When I think about my life it is like everything has been Alexandra Asseily says:
planned to make this garden, though I am active in other
‘The country was shaken to its core. The main area of the
fields.
city where the garden is located has become a ‘no-go’
area. People rarely go there and it is sometimes quite dan-
Alongside the garden, I’m working in other areas, such as
gerous. The instruments of government have been paral-
being on the Advisory Board of the Harvard Centre for the
ysed. Solidere has finished its present contract of work but
Study of World Religions, and in England on the board of the
the new contract – which would have completed the gar-
Centre for Lebanese Studies at Oxford. George and I have
den by 2008 – has not yet been signed. In general Solidere
also created in our Lebanese mountain home, a Silk
is issuing no new contracts, until the political situation is
Museum, in an old silk factory on our property, surrounded
clearer. . Trees and other plants ordered for the garden are
by a traditional terraced
currently sitting in Italy.’
Mediterranean garden.
Forgiveness In this period when work on the garden has been disrupt-
ed, Alexandra has been using her time to speak more
We have restored the property
is the over several years. We open
the Museum and the garden
widely in Europe, America and the Middle East and Far
East about the deeper message behind the Garden of
to the public for four months a Forgiveness. How do we break cycles of violence, forgive
bridge year, and run gardening and become good ancestors?
schools for children. This has ‘I have had to walk my talk, and talk my walk in a new
to peace been a huge amount of work
in parallel to the Garden of
way, but I see that a lot of people are now realising that
forgiveness is the only way to permanent peace. I am
Forgiveness. Oddly, I never seeing this becoming more apparent in many fields of
really knew why I was compelled to work so hard on it, it was thought, including health and international affairs.’
as though the place made me do it, but it seems that it brings
great happiness and healing to many people. A series of questions for testing about peace which was
developed by Alexandra and other members of the
I’m so busy, but I don’t know what to shed. I’ve got five kids Peace Process in Subud, has been used by individuals
– Can’t shed those. Six grandchildren.*(now eleven! Since this and groups of people outside of Subud as a framework
interview) – Can’t shed those, don’t want to. Husband? – for understanding and promoting peace.
Don’t want to shed him. This article is based on interviews I did with Alexandra,
combined with her own writings, and a final review of the
Two lives, one in England and one in Lebanon. Can’t shed material by Alexandra herself.
those. Can’t shed the one in England because then I don’t Harris Smart
see my grandchildren. If I shed the one in Beirut, I can’t do A substantial article by Alexandra, ‘Breaking the Cycles of
the Garden of Forgiveness and the silk museum. If I shed my Violence in Lebanon and Beyond’ can be found at
clients, I’m not doing my talent. Maybe it’s just a matter of Guerrand Hermes Foundation for Peace web site
doing it all differently. Instead
of thinking I have to do it, I www.ghfp.eu/Portals/0/documents/BreakingCyclesofviol
The whole
•
should just let it do me. Not ence.pdf
take being me so seriously.
process of the
garden has The whole process of the gar-
den has been one miracle
after another. I couldn’t possi-
Hadiqat as Samah
been one bly be doing this myself. When Hadiqat as Samah is the arabic form of 'The Garden of
I am able to stand out of the Forgiveness', an area that is under development in the
miracle after way, to avoid a fight, or not do city center of Beirut. This area was once a part of what
it from my own will, miracles constituted the Green Line, the fighting zone between
another happen. the Muslims and the Christians.
cont on p12>

SUBUDVOICE PAGE 11
The name implies that this beautiful area of Beirut
should serve as a place for people to reflect on the
past... and to find it in their heart to forgive and move
forward.
The design of the garden, which is currently under
development, was based upon an international
design competition which was won by renowned
landscape architect Kathryn Gustafson (designer of
the Diana Memorial Fountain in London's Hyde Park).
The Garden of Forgiveness Project has many interest-
ing aspects, some of which include:
According to the site archaeologist, at least fifteen
different civilizations have lived on the site. Most were
destroyed through war. A partial listing of civilizations
include: Phoenician, Hellenistic, Roman, Byzantine,
Persian, Abbasid, Mamluk, Ottoman, French Colonial
and contemporary.
The garden is located in a site of tremendous historic
richness. it is located directly over the ancient heart
of the city of Beirut. The middle intersection of the
ancient Roman cardo (running north and south) and
the decamanus (running east and west) intersect
within the garden. The garden is surrounded by three
churches (Maronite, Greek Orthodox and Catholic)
and three mosques, including the magnificent newly
built Mohammad al-Amin mosque.
The garden straddles the Green Line of destruction
right where much of the heaviest fighting took place
during the Lebanese Civil War.
Near the middle of the garden, there was an ancient
shrine to Nourieh, also known as Mother Mary to
Christians or Mariam to Muslims. At this shrine, both
Muslim and Christian women prayed for centuries for
miraculous healings, healthy childbirths, etc. The shrine
was destroyed in the Civil War but has been rebuilt in a
new and elegant form and stands directy behind the St.
George Greek Orthodox Church on the edge of the site.
On November 9, 2005, three women who lost their hus-
bands and sons in the 9/11 attacks in New York City,
flew to Beirut and on November 10, 2005 they planted
an olive tree in remembrance of their loved ones. On
their visit to Lebanon they also visited Hizbullah's
Deputy Secretary General Sheikh Naim Qassem, Bahia
Hariri, the sister of the deceased Prime Minister and
also Giselle Khoury whose husband, a journalist, was
assassinated in June of 2005.
Former Prime Minister Rafik Hariri took his last steps on
a road beside one side of the garden, and his tomb,
now visited by millions of people each year, is just on
the other. His burial site is located just in front of the
graceful (some say massive) Mohammad al-Amin
mosque, the construction of which he helped to
finance, and those of his security guards who were
lost on the attack are now placed directly on the
edge of the garden.
An ancient heart shaped well, perhaps 3,000 to 5,000
years old, is also located in the garden site and is
thought to be related to the goddess Venus.
PAGE 12
Ibu Rahayu
Talk
25th Night of
Ramadan
Wisma Subud, Cilandak 17th October, 2006
RECORDING 06 CDK 1
Final Translation by Raymond Lee
Copyright 2007, World Subud Association. All rights reserved.
This talk was given for people practising the spiritual exercise
known as the Subud Latihan. For those not practising this
exercise, reading the following talk is not recommended as
it could be misunderstood.
Brothers and sisters whom I respect and love, good
evening once again and I wish you the peace and bless-
ings of Almighty God.
Tonight is the twenty-fifth night of the fast and it is one of
the nights of revelation, as were those other nights when
we listened to Bapak’s talks. During these odd numbered
nights it is said that God bestows rewards in the form of
blessings on human beings who successfully do the fast,
whose fast is without fault. And as for what those rewards
are, the only one who knows is God, the All Knowing, and
the All Wise. And as God’s creatures, we can only surren-
der and be patient and accept whatever God gives us.
But obviously, God’s rewards or blessings will not drop
from the sky or fall from outer space. However, they will
bring about changes in us that we long for – in our wor-
ship, in our honesty, and in our ability to accept. So, it is
not enough just to fast every day for a month. Even
though you fast for a full month, the question is: were
you successful in behaving in the way you should during
the fast?
So for us, as God’s creatures, we fast as best we can.
And when it comes to rewards, it is God’s prerogative to
reward the people God blesses.
As Subud members, you are familiar with the term ‘a
grace from God’; because what you have received –
what Bapak Muhammad Subuh received – is a grace
from God. And a grace from God can happen or can
come at any time God wills. By receiving a contact
whereby a human being can bring their desires to a halt,
they can receive a vibration which is a life or a physical
manifestation of a life force, which is present in every
human being.
We call this contact a grace, because no matter where
you looked, you would never find it unless Almighty God
wanted you to. That is how the contact that Bapak
cont on p 13>
SUBUDVOICE
received has been channelled to each of you. As a result, not promote it – we keep a low profile – people still come
you have become conscious and aware during this life of looking for it.
the presence of another life which humankind has long for-
gotten. These days it is easy for anyone to find out about Subud
– they search through the Internet. But it is not always
This contact flows through your soul and ultimately it made easy for them, because sometimes
will give shape to your individuality. If this contact was they cannot find out who to contact.
not from God, how could it have been
channelled to so many individuals through- This goes to show that Subud’s progress does
out the world? The proof is that this contact not depend on the size of the membership. In
is not just received by Indonesians, but it has truth, we know that Subud is easy to find and
spread all over the world. If we reflect on easy to do. However, people who join Subud
that reality, we realise that this contact must are not patient to follow it. The difficulty is that
be a grace from God. It is a grace by which in Subud it is the soul that is active. One can-
each of you can shape, clean and develop not show one’s soul to other people, because
your individuality. what we experience, what each of us experi-
ences, is God’s guidance. But if you say to
Proof people that you are guided by God, they will
certainly not believe you; because there is no
Here is more proof. Because this contact way you can show them how far your soul has
comes from God, it can be received by developed.
every nation and every race and it is not
restricted to a particular religion. If you think You are the only one who can feel the devel-
about it, it is impossible. But the fact is that opment of your soul. Whether or not your soul
even though we practice different religions develops is up to you. I say that because if you
and we are from different races, we feel as are bored or impatient, those feelings impede
one when we worship God, Almighty God. your progress. When you feel that way, it is
Ibu Rahayu arrives at your lower forces that are operating.
If we disagree or fail to get along in our Subud the Bapak Birthday
family, it does not mean Subud has failed to Celebrations in Wisma Why You Need to Fast
bring us together. The problem is that the Subud on June 22nd
hearts of the people involved cannot put into 2007 This is why you still need to fast; it is why you
practice what God wants yet. We can see proof that should fast. What for? The reason is that fasting is some-
when we worship God, we are as one, because our self- thing that you understand and know how to do – you go
interest does not operate, our minds do not work. As without food and sleep. However, fasting does not only
such, we have no opportunity to dislike someone else; mean you go without food and sleep; you must also fast
we have no opportunity to be bothered by anyone else. inwardly by limiting or halting [your desires] that prevent
you from reaching your goal.
And indeed that is hard, because we live in this world
and we constantly have to apply ourselves to meet our We fast because we want to obey God’s command. But
needs in life. Human beings are decreed to live here for maybe when it is time for latihan, you are too lazy to go
a purpose – to work to fulfill their needs. But in seeking because no-one has told you that you must; you do not
or pursuing our own needs, we must not oppress or put consider it is an order. God will not always guide you by
other people down. On the contrary, human beings ordering you to do things. You have to be aware of what
should help each other – someone with too little should you need to do. When it comes to your soul, what you
be helped, and someone with more than they need need to do is the latihan, and you should not do any-
should give to others. If you do that, a feeling of thing that will disturb your latihan.
togetherness will grow as we do what God wants us to.
Then we will be protected and we will receive what is Many of you assume that what you do in daily life has no
rightfully ours. impact on your soul’s progress. That is not true. In daily life
you use the same instruments and energies; you use the
With regard to our spiritual path, people sometimes ask, same parts of you. So, do not think your spiritual life is for
and perhaps you also ask, ‘Is Subud making progress?’ later and now you can do whatever you want. In fact,
By progress they mean: Is Subud growing in popularity what God wants you to do is neither difficult nor strange.
and do many people know about it? In fact, we do not
rate Subud by the number of its members, but by That explanation was for members who wonder why they
whether Subud can show achievement – when one’s do not have a good latihan, why they do not progress
behaviour is an example to others and one is triumphant smoothly. To make smooth progress means that you
in life. In other words, one puts faith in Almighty God first progress in latihan without any difficulty. Because the lati-
and then one can control the life forces that lead us han is guidance from God, God knows how much God
astray. Once that kind of triumph or victory is common- can give to each of God's creatures.
place in Subud, then Subud will have made progress.
Of course, not everyone has problems receiving the lati-
So even if, for example, the number of Subud members han. Many members have seen and felt, or seen in them-
declines, many more people come looking for Subud. selves, a benefit; they have made progress in their lati-
Many people these days are searching for a way to find han. Or they feel that they now have a better under-
out about the reality of life. So, even though we do not standing and awareness, as a result of the latihan.
spread propaganda about Subud, even though we do
cont on p 14 >

SUBUDVOICE PAGE 13
Indeed, there is no point trying to force your latihan. If
your being is not ready; the reality is that you have not
prepared every part of you for the time when God may
want you to receive something. But, when you are ready,
God’s grace will constantly be there to guide you and
develop your soul.
The growth of your soul is important. That is why you must
keep doing latihan. The reason is that by doing latihan,
as your soul opens up, your soul will penetrate the walls
that are represented by the seven circles in the Subud
symbol. After you penetrate each of those walls, you will
discover your true individuality.
But do not think it is hopeless, ‘Oh, Subud is too difficult!’
Whether it is difficult or not depends on you. If you make
it difficult, it will be difficult. You look here, but you get
blocked, you hit a wall, so you run over there. You end up
running all over the place, but you never make any
progress. And some of you end up taking another way,
‘The latihan is not enough; I have to do this and that as
well!’ But you do not know where those other paths will
lead. Are they from God or not?
But, if it is God's will and you surrender with complete sin-
cerity, God will give you a grace in the form of a witness-
ing to make you believe in your latihan. You do not need
to hunt for God's grace; it will come by itself when you are
ready.
It could happen when you are asleep. For instance, you
go to bed, you are about to sleep, when someone
wakes you up saying, ‘Don’t sleep!’ for instance. ‘Follow
me!’ and then you leave your body. And you have no
time to think – as soon as you are called, you go. You
have no time to say, ‘Wait a moment! I have to say
goodbye to my wife!’ or ‘I have to say goodbye to my
husband.’
This is not a fairy tale – well, it is a fairy tale if you have not
experienced it. However, I know that some of you have
had this experience.
How Was It Possible?
As for what Bapak told us, when Bapak said that he did
not sleep for a thousand nights – how was it possible? If it
is God's will, anything is possible. As such, Bapak could
receive everything needed for Subud in a thousand
days. And Bapak hoped that you would receive it too.
Even if you do not receive as much as Bapak, at least
you will receive it to some extent, so you will know which
way to go.
Some people keep reading Bapak’s talks, hoping to leave
their bodies. Well, if you succeeded you would get lost. You
have to have understanding first. When you read Bapak’s
talks, do not be in a hurry or long to be like Bapak, do not
do that. You have to understand; you have to have aware-
ness and faith. You will be guided to have that through
your latihan.
Take for instance someone who has just left their body –
people often tell me this – they leave their body and get
as far as the roof when they get scared. Well, God will not
take you any further if you are scared. ‘Okay, go back
down!’ It is a test of your surrender and acceptance.
How can I talk about this? Well, I experienced it. I was
PAGE 14
lying down, I was about to sleep, ‘Don’t sleep!’ Someone
called me, ‘Don’t sleep, Yu ! There is a lot of work you
have to know about.’ Then we left this world.
And you do not remember anything when you leave,
you do not remember your family. There is so much you
have to witness, because God wants God’s creature to
witness God’s greatness. I did not have that experience
because I had a high soul. No. I probably had it because
I was ready. And I witnessed many things by God's grace
which I knew nothing about before.
Because I had that experience I believe that God's gifts
are real. But some of you may not believe that, or you
cannot believe it yet. Many of you believe God exists,
but many others do not believe that God exists.
Well, brothers and sisters, time has flown and I think I have
talked enough about God’s gifts for tonight. We know
that we are in Subud by God’s grace – God has given us
a gift that is of great value to humankind. With this gift we
know that we do not have to go searching for the power
of God. Because God created you, it is certain God’s
power has been placed inside you.
God’s Power
[God] seems to be far away because we cannot touch
God, we cannot see what God is like. But you can feel
God’s power inside you. So, use your latihan to begin to
put aside all the things that block your connection to the
power that is inside you.
I do not mean that God is inside you. If God was inside
you, no-one else would be able to have God.
And God’s power is to be found in your soul, and that is
why it is so important to do this training of the soul. It is the
only path we can take whereby we are guided directly
by the power of God. Only God can guide your soul,
because the essence of God is in your soul.
So, if someone claims that they know how to make your
soul smarter, or make it progress faster, it is not true. Only
God can work on your soul. If we make methods to do
latihan, if we try to teach the latihan, the level of this spir-
itual path will descend to the material level. You will go
back to the way you were before you were opened.
This was a little extra explanation to encourage you to be
patient and do latihan diligently. Our chance to prepare
everything we need [for the next world] is while we live in
this world. While we are here we have a heart, mind and
brain, which we use to tell right from wrong, to feel what
is good and what is not. After we have left this world we
will not have those instruments anymore – our brain, our
heart and our mind – and what happens to you then is
determined by God’s will.
This is all for tonight. I will end my explanation about the
latihan and God’s gifts now. I pray that you can com-
plete your obligation to fast, as there are only a few days
left. I hope you will receive a gift that will open up some-
thing new in your life that you can follow in the future.
Thank you and may the peace and blessings of Almighty
God be with you.
SUBUDVOICE
•
 attitude and actions are guided by our inner-self and the
Observing Ramadan guidance day by day becomes stronger and stronger
and on the 19th day of fasting our actions are as if in a
complete latihan state, but in harmony with our daily
Compiled from explanations given by Bapak, by Mas activities.
Sudarto and by Mas Prio The last ten days
(ending evening of 30th Ramadan)
Eve of Ramadan This is a period of receiving the lailatu 'lkadar (the Nights
The way to observe Ramadan is to take a full bath, of Power), and this is sent by God on the 21st, 23rd, 25th,
including hair washing, and also cutting the hair and the 27th and 29th days of fasting. This lailatu 'lkadar is not
nails, the evening before the fast. Then, after you are something that falls from above, but it forms a certain
clean, to state your wish to observe Ramadan as a sin- power which can change our state.
cere expression of your worship of Almighty God. Then
stay up at night, preferably spending the night together Most of the Subud members who fasted felt, after com-
with other Subud brothers and sisters, in the home of a pleting the fasting, that there were changes to their inner.
member who is also observing Ramadan. Mostly, their spirit to worship became stronger and
stronger and also the intention of doing 'prihatin' became
Around three o'clock in the morning, you should take stronger and stronger.
breakfast and you should brush your teeth no later than
4:30 in the morning, and after this, no more smoking, not
even gargling till 6:30 PM or 7:00 PM – along about sunset.
Notices
•
(The local mosque can clarify as to the hour for breaking
the fast.)

To break the fast, start slowly by drinking warm tea and a

light snack; you can eat your dinner about half an hour or
an hour later. Bapak also recommends no sexual union
RAMADAN 2007
during the whole month of Ramadan. It is also beneficial
to sleep as little as possible during Ramadan, not only on
For people who are wondering about the
Nights of Power. dates for Ramadan this year.

During the month of Ramadan: it is not permitted to have We have been informed that according to the
sexual intercourse, and our fasting must also include Indonesian calendar, the first fasting day is
abstention from the following: Sept 13th and last fasting day is Oct 12, with
Idul Fitri being on Oct. 13th.
a) We must not use our ears to listen to gossip, quarrels or
bad words.
But you should check with Islamic authorities
b) We must not use our mouth to say anything wrong or
unkind.

c) We must not use the emotions to reach the emotions or

in your area for precise information.
•
passions of others. WORLD LATIHAN
d) We must not use our eyes in a way that is not good or
nice.
SEPTEMBER 1 and 2
20.00 (GMT)
e) We must not use the heart and mind to imagine or think
about unhappy things, fantasies or unrealities.
OCTOBER 7
f) We must not eat or drink or smoke anything between
dawn and sunset each day. 03:00 (GMT)
During the month of Ramadan, we have to fast thirty To find the corresponding time in your part of
days, and during the thirty days of fasting we go through
three important periods: the world go to
www.timeanddate.com/worldclock
The first ten days
(ending evening of 9th day Ramadan)
This is a period of putting the passion in an inactive
state. During this period we are made aware that our
passions become weaker and weaker day by day, and
SUBUDVOICE
on the 9th day of fasting, it is felt that our passion is IN THE NEXT ISSUE:
completely inactive.
Full coverage of the ThankYou
The second ten days Celebration held at Ascot, UK, in
(ending evening of 19th day Ramadan)
This is a period of becoming aware that in general our

SUBUDVOICE
August 2007

PAGE 15
•
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PAGE 16
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NOTE e-mail address is ILAINE not ILAINA
Books about
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Originally a best seller at Watkins Books of
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