Tutor Alina Emma

Student N***

Module: Academic
Task

_____ - incorrect
_____ - grammatically correct but could be paraphrased for a higher score
_____ - inappropriate tone/style
_____ - additional commentaries and explanation
_____ - penalty
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The bar chart and the line graph illustrate the consumption of fast foods, such as
hamburgers, fish and chips and pizza by British people. (You can be a bit more
specific : The bar chart shows the correlation between income and consumption of
hamburgers, fish and chips, and pizza in England. The line graph illustrates the
average demand for these three types of fast food over the course of two decades,
from 1970 to 1990. )
The person's wealth has (Earnings seem/ appear to have <<Use hedging in
academic writing to avoid making absolute or sweeping statements. First, hedged
language is used to conform to the accepted academic style. Second, it helps to
distinguish between facts and claims.) an influence on his food preferences.
Hamburgers are the most popular fast food among people with high income (add:
who spend on this item ) more than 40 pence per person per week are spent.
Customers with the average income pay (spent on hamburgers) by the 10 pence
less than (add: clients) with high one (earnings), (Put a full stop here and start a
new sentence.) and with the low – more than 2 times less (At the same time,
customers at the bottom of the income ladder spent only half as much on
hamburgers as top earners did). The same trend is shown with pizza which is the
second popular meal to hamburgers (Pizza, the second most popular meal,
has/follows the same consumption pattern). Fish and chips is the only exception,
being the most expenditure (favoured mainly) by middle-class citizens.
During the two decades between 1970 and 1990 food preferences of British people
had been changed significantly. If (While) in the beginning of this period
hamburgers and pizza were not so popular with the consumption (of) less than 100
grammes (with no more than 100 grammes bought on a daily basis per person), in
1990 the former ones became (add: the market) leader in fast food segment with
more than 500 grammes (consumed per person). Consumption of (The demand for
pizza) the latter one had also increased, yet (this product was half as popular as
hamburgers throughout the period in question. ) not so dramatically, two times
smaller than hamburgers. The most popular meal in 1970, fish and chips, gave up
its positions and was chosen even rarer than pizza. (lost its leading position on the
market and slumped to the bottom of the list)
To summarize, in the given period the main alteration over the given period was
the increase in the consumption of hamburgers (while the popularity of fish and
chips decreased, the opposite was the case for hamburgers and pizza), which,
according to the bar chart, it might have been caused by an increase in people’s
earnings.

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 Evaluation
Number of words:

Academic Task 1
Criteria Score
Task Achievement or Response TR1 presents a clear overview of the main trends, 6.5
= how well your answer satisfies the difference and stages
requirements of the task TR2 highlights and supports key features 6.5
Coherence and Cohesion CC1 Clear progression throughout 6.5
= how well you sequence information and
ideas CC2 Signposting (use of cohesive devices) 7.0
Lexical Resources LR1 Range 6.0
= how rich your vocabulary is LR2 Style and collocations + spelling 6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy G1 Accuracy 6.0
= how good your grammar is G2 Range 6.0

Underlength No of words Penalty

Off-topic Memorised Illegible

Insight
Special focus on: Revise comparatives and participle clauses. Use
hedging to conform to the accepted academic style.
Pay particular attention to the use of collocations,
learning collocations can help.

3.0 A1 4.0 A2 5.0 B1 6.0 B2 7.0 C1 8.0 C2 9.0

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