I spent years learning all the rules of being human.

Years, learning If A then B except, or only, not when

Variant after variant
So that I wouldn’t be the monster,
So that I could fit in
Wear the mask
Look normal
Not be frightening

And I failed.
Every single time
Something gave me away
I guessed the wrong answer
And the mask slips
The villagers show up with their torches and pitchforks
Only the torches are gossip
The pitchforks are social pressure and ostracism.

I learned the rules as I was told

But the people teaching the rules
The people demanding respect
The people demanding communication
The people demanding I be honest
The people demanding I treat them like adults…

They don’t practice what they preach

They don’t return “the favor”
They always have an excuse
Why they are the exception
Why I am the monster
Why I am the problem and have a “pattern”
Based on illogical rules they don’t also adhere to
Unachievable standards they don’t also live up to

So, I quit.
I don’t fit?
I don’t measure up?
Fine. After a life of constant failure, I’m done.
I can’t wear this mask anymore.
I don’t believe in your rhetoric.
I don’t believe in your double-standard.
I don’t believe what you say.
I don’t believe in your hypocricy.
I don’t believe in you.

You think me a monster?

You think you know what I am because you saw the mask slip?
You have no idea what lies beneath.
You have no idea what a real monster is.
I’m tired of pretending I’m like you so I’m not a monster.

Monsters walk amongst you every day.

No rampages, no cities destroyed.
Quiet solitary existences of alien minds and lives
Cleverly hidden behind human masks,
But not caring to pass in anything more than a nominal capacity
Not trying to fit in because they are comfortable in their scaly skin.

And now, so am I.
I’m done with your rules
I’m done with your judgments
I’m done with failing to live up to hypocrisy.
I’ve had to do it all on my own no matter how much I begged for help.
I’m done begging and compromising so you will be my friend.
I’m done being the only one putting effort into friendships.

I don’t need your “friendship”

I don’t need your “approval”
I don’t need your “support”
I don’t need you.

I will listen to my scales scraping in the dark

I will sharpen my claws and wet my fangs.
I will look in the mirror and be content with my maskless face.
I will live by my laws and my rules.
Rather than try to live up to yours.

I’m alone and I’m content.

I am a monster
I am finally happy for the first time in years.