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Marriage Lesson
Marriage Lesson
Marriage Lesson
Goal: To read about and understand shifting views on “marriage” in the U.S.; to think
critically about those views by connecting them to each other and to personal experience
and culture; to practice using comparative adjectives and equatives and new vocabulary by
fluently discussing the current state of marriage in the US and at home
Objectives (SWBAT):
Students Will Be Able To…
1. Derive the meaning of six adjectives from context
2. Correctly form comparative adjectives and equatives and deepen their understanding of
new vocabulary by peer to peer quizzing with flashcards
3. Identify main ideas in several challenging authentic articles about the current state of
marriage by skimming the articles and discussing with a partner
4. Synthesize the information in five articles by reporting main ideas and discussing in a
small group
5. Synthesize the information in the articles, think critically about the subject matter and
correctly use the new adjectives, comparatives and equatives (the target language – “TL”)
in speaking by discussing several opinion questions about marriage
6. Correctly use the TL in writing and summarize their ideas by writing 6 sentences on
posters
7. Correctly use the TL in speaking by presenting their posters to the class
8. Think critically about the subject matter by asking content questions about their peers’
summary posters
9. Deepen their knowledge of the TL by asking language questions about their peers’
posters and helping each other fix mistakes
Theme: Marriage; Focus on Speaking; Language Focus: 6 new adjectives and comparative
adjectives/equatives
https://www.ted.com/talks/jenna_mccarthy_what_you_
don_t_know_about_marriage - t-31116
Activity #5 First Listening Activity from Northstar Listening and Rest of class
speaking
Materials:
-projector
-vocab cards and “positive” “negative” “neutral” category sheets
-vocab worksheet
-grammar and vocab flashcards
-Marriage pre-reading discussion questions
-Marriage articles
-Marriage post reading discussion questions
-Model poster on projector
-Easel Paper
___________________ means:
___________________ means:
___________________ means:
People who think that marriage will fix all of their problems may not find
marriage _____________________.
___________________ means:
___________________ means:
Because the divorce rate is increasing, many people believe that marriages
today are less __________________ than they were in the past.
___________________ means:
Couples in collaborative relationships work together to solve their problems,
although they may not always succeed.
People who think that marriage will fix all of their problems may not find
marriage satisfying.
In a good marriage, spouses are flexible and able to change with new
situations.
Because the divorce rate is increasing, many people believe that marriages
today are less successful than they were in the past.
The higher divorce rate shows that marriages today are not as strong
as
they were in the past.
Some people think that marriages based on friendship are equal to and
as happy as marriages based on love.
Some people think married people are not as lonely as single people,
but I disagree. Single people often have more friends than married
people.
A candlelit dinner in the West Village is a more romantic date than a
football game.
Because parents, friends and church members are included in the
process, arranged marriages are ______________________ marriages
created by the couple alone. (collaborative)
Some people think that marriages based on friendship are equal to and
______________________ marriages based on love. (happy)
Agree or Disagree:
When choosing a spouse, it is better to get help from parents,
relatives and other trusted friends than to follow your own individual
feelings.
Agree or Disagree:
Personal relationships are not as strong as they were in the past
because of social media and dating apps (Facebook, Instagram,
Tinder).
"We spent one day together, and then his dad said, 'Yes or no? We're
leaving tonight with an answer,'" Thompson recalled with a giggle.
Fifteen months later, Thompson wore a wedding dress and Quinn wore
a dark suit as they sat in a hotel ballroom in New York around a table
with white flowers, waiting with 42 other couples for the Rev. Moon to
marry them via a satellite video beamed from Korea.
Thompson's high-school friends think she's crazy, she said. But in the
Unification Church, arranged marriages – parents choosing the bride
and groom - are normal. Moon teaches that romantic love leads to
divorce. He says that arranged marriages created by parents are
more successful than marriages based on love.
"Love" marriages often start hot but quickly cool off, leading to
unhappy families and unhappy hearts, said Epstein, the former editor-
in-chief of Psychology Today. He believes that American couples can
learn from Unificationist marriage practices.
But Stephanie Coontz, director of research and public education for the
Council on Contemporary Families, says Epstein draws big conclusions
from small studies.
"The fact that arranged marriages are less likely than love marriages
to end in divorce is not a measure of success because we know that
people are sometimes held in them without any options," said Coontz,
author of Marriage, A History: How Love Conquered Marriage.
When you agree to marry a stranger for world peace, it's less likely
that you'll divorce, cheat on, or abuse your spouse, said Jeanne Carroll
of Dover, N.J., who was among the couples married at the 1982
ceremony. Carroll met her husband, Jerome, six days before they wed.
Nearly 30 years later, the Carrolls returned to New York with a table full
of relatives to see their daughter, Jaime, whom Jeanne matched
through the church, be blessed by Moon.
Carroll said it wasn't hard to keep her daughter from dating, which
Unificationists do not allow. Jaime, 23, saw her friends chase boys and
end up broken-hearted or pregnant. Jaime thinks dating is more
challenging than an arranged marriage. "We're lucky, in a way, that
our society is so bad," Carroll said. "It makes arranged marriages look
really good."
Unmarried Couples Living Together is the New Normal2
Three of four women in the U.S. have lived with a partner without
being married by the age of 30, an increasing trend that suggests
cohabitation is now a regular part of family life in the U.S., researchers
said.
More people are waiting for marriage because it is too expensive, said
Gail Wyatt, the director of the University of California Los Angeles’s
sexual health program. About 48 percent of the women surveyed lived
with a partner as a first union, compared with 34 percent in 1995.
Others may view cohabitation as a way of trying out a relationship to
see if a marriage will work. Cohabitation can be as challenging as
marriage, and so it can be a good first step.
“Marriage is for people who have money and want to spend money just
on the wedding itself,” Wyatt said in a telephone interview. “Some
people would rather buy a house, or just pay the rent.” People who are
poor or less educated may avoid marriage and its legal problems, she
said. For many, cohabitation is easier and more practical than
planning a wedding and going through the legal processes. The
arrangement can also be as satisfying as marriage, because it
includes many of the same benefits.
2
Adapted from: http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2013-04-
04/unmarried-couples-living-together-is-new-u-s-norm
A couple that shares an address is as a “first union,” as does a first
marriage, according to the report. Only 23 percent of first unions were
marriages in the study period, compared to 39 percent in 1995.
Education Factors
Pregnancy is common among couples who live together, but are not
married. About 20 percent of women became pregnant in the first year
of living with a partner, and went on to give birth.
Having Children
“People, especially women, make a distinction between childbearing
and marriage,” said Carole Joffe, a professor of sociology at the
University of San Francisco’s Bixby Center for Global Reproductive
Health, in a telephone interview. “You can get the benefits of marriage
without being married, but you have to have a child to have the
benefits of a child.”
The study’s conclusion is that there are more types of couples than
married and unmarried, Joffe said. Some people are truly single, others
are cohabitating, and some are married. The question is how best to
support these different kinds of families, she said. Society needs to
take a more flexible approach to help a broader range of family
types.
“We have to prepare girls not to look for white dresses as the end-all,
but to look at their financial opportunities and their careers,” said
Wyatt. “The same is true for boys.”
Marriage in the Age of Facebook3
It's a simple idea — fall in love and share your life together. Our great
grandparents did it, our grandparents did it, and for many of us, our
parents did it as well.
I've been divorced myself. But I'm only one of the many people today
that have failed at marriage. And while some of us have gone through
a divorce, others stay in their relationships, unhappily, and live
completely fake lives.
I've spent the last three years trying to understand the dating scene
again. Back when I met my ex-wife in 2004, things were so different.
Social media had yet to explode. I wanted to ask her about her day
simply because I didn't know.
Let's face it, the last time you "spoke" to the person you love, you
didn't even hear their voice. You could be at work, the gym, maybe
with the kids at soccer. You may even be in the same room. You told
your wife you made dinner reservations ... through a text message.
Your husband had flowers delivered to your job ... through an app on
his phone. You both searched for furnishings for your new home ... on
Pinterest.
3
Adapted from: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2015/04/07/sex-
columnist-5-reasons-marriage-doesnt-work-anymore/25398635/
colorful bubbles. Texting and emailing are not as satisfying as real
personal connections.
No.
They were too busy loving and respecting one another. They were
talking to each other at dinner, walking with each other holding hands
instead of their phones. They weren't distracted by everything around
them. They had dreams and chased them together.
Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you.
Today there is no privacy. Nothing is private anymore. It's all over the
Web for the world to see.
We've invited strangers into our homes and brought them on dates
with us. We've shown them our wardrobe, drove with them in our cars,
and we even showed them our bathing suits. Might as well pack them
a suitcase, too.
The worst part about all this? It's only going to get worse.
My failed marriage is not why I’m expressing these emotions. It's what
I see around me every single day that inspired me to write this article.
I do fear, however, that the world we live in today has made it difficult
to live a happy life with someone. Some things are in our control, and
unfortunately, others are not.
People can agree or disagree. You may say I need to be more flexible
and change with the times.
Now, we do not get married because our dad told us to, because the
guy is rich, or because the girl comes from a “good” family. (Gross.)
Instead, most of us get married if and when we feel like it, to someone
we love and who loves us in return. (Awww.)
Except, in case you haven't heard, marriage today can feel impossibly
difficult — perhaps even more challenging than it was in the past.
The divorce rate is increasing, and modern marriages are less
successful.
Why?
"They come with romanticism; they have arrived in the west about 150
years ago. And never has love been the reason for marriage — and
certainly not passion.
4
http://www.businessinsider.com/esther-perel-why-modern-marriage-is-so-hard-
2016-8
But we still want these things now, even though the new, modern,
romantic model of marriage arrived. We simply added romantic
requirements to the more practical requirements of the past. We
want it all.
These increasing needs can have serious — and not always positive —
effects on our sex lives.
"I do it because I feel like it and you feel like it and we feel like it at the
same time and hopefully for each other. There's a lot of conditions that
need to be met here."
In other words, when you expect your partner to fulfill all your needs as
a human being, there's more room for disappointment. That's
especially true in the bedroom.
That means that good marriages, in which the partners do fulfill each
other's needs, are great. And marriages in which partners do not fulfill
all of their needs are highly dissatisfying.
The solution here isn't to go back to the old model of marriage, letting
our parents choose our spouses based on their financial standing.
Today’s marriages need to be more flexible to fulfill individual needs.
However, it's worth being aware that you're placing so many demands
on your partner — and that they might be equally demanding of you.
Maybe you’ll want to look outside your marriage for additional sources
of personal fulfillment — like friends and hobbies. Or maybe you and
your partner will have a conversation about how thankful you are for
what the other does give, and what each would like in the future.
Your marriage will never be perfect — but being aware of the broader
cultural forces behind your particular issues is perhaps the first step to
solving them.
Prenuptial Agreements5
It may not be the most romantic idea, but many couples planning to
marry use prenuptial agreements. In prenuptial agreements, or
“prenups”, couples decide before they get married how the money will
be divided if they get divorced. Prenuptial agreements may also
include agreements on children and other parts of the relationship. In a
survey of 1,600 members of the American Academy of Matrimonial
Lawyers, a professional group based in Chicago, published in October
2013, 63% of the respondents reported an increase in prenups over
the previous three years.
Prenups are important for divorces, of course, but that’s not all.
Besides saying how money is divided when a married couple splits up,
prenuptial agreements also can say who gets what when one partner
dies.
With that kind of power over people’s finances, these are controversial
documents.
Some people say prenuptial agreements protect both people and stop
nasty, expensive court battles when a relationship ends. Supporters of
prenups believe that they make divorces less challenging. But some
critics say the couple may be nasty while making the prenup, and this
can be bad for the marriage before it even starts. Critics also say and
that there are laws that do a better job in most cases of balancing the
interests of both partners when they split or one dies.
Yes to Prenups
5
Adapted from: http://www.wsj.com/articles/is-a-prenuptial-agreement-a-must-
for-most-couples-1425271056
The reality is that many marriages end in divorce, and of those that
don’t, 100% end in death. In either case, there is money. While it is
unromantic to discuss and negotiate a prenuptial agreement between
the time of your engagement and the wedding, using a prenup is more
practical than thinking love will last a lifetime. An agreement can save
a lot of difficulties and money when it comes time to distribute that
money.
Say No to Prenups
During the prenuptial discussions, the richer partner may feel mean
and selfish. The poorer partner feels angry and mistreated - and for
good reason: the poorer spouse is the victim of an unfair deal.
Supporters of prenups say that these agreements are more
collaborative than they are in practice. The poorer spouse can only
avoid unfavorable financial terms in the agreement by stopping the
marriage.
1. Choose one of the articles that you read or discussed. Share your
opinion on the article with your group. What ideas do you think
would lead to more successful marriages?
4. How do you think marriage would change your current life? If you
are married, how did it change your life? Do you think daily life is
less challenging for married people than for single people?
How?
6
A legally recognized arrangement that gives a couple many of the same rights as a
married couple
often more collaborative. Couples work together to decide what
they want from the marriage. How has marriage changed in your
own country? Have marriages become more collaborative
than they were in the past? If you could change marriage in your
country, what would you change? If you would not change it, why
not?