Scalpel wielders

Where to start?
A woman is naturally a caregiver. Being a caregiver, requires empathy,and that empathy may
be what draws many women towards medical sciences as a career. However, this role
bestowed on most of us by nature, and thrust upon the others(not naturally inclined to maternal
responsibilities), by society is a double edged sword. Why? Most women in the medical
sciences career shy away from surgical disciplines because it is considered time consuming and
thus considered to hurt our families since we are the designated caregivers.

For the longest time, there have been very few women surgeons, a phenomenon noted globally,
and even in supposed developed countries as is evidenced by statistics in the USA, UK,
Canada... You get the drift? There is a rise in the numbers of female medics, and dentists and
yet no rise in female surgeons. Many people wonder why. The numbers of female obstetricians
and gynecologists are higher because they are dealing with, well, women issues.

The main reason here,in my view is mentorship. Yes, the older surgeons may have mentored
women to take up surgical disciplines as careers, but to be honest,most women need just a bit
more mentorship from people that they actually can relate to. This might have been the reason
for the emergence of the 'women in Surgery' movement, that have given rise to societies like
Association of women surgeons(AWS), globally, regionally Women in Surgery Africa (WISA). I
think the next thing obviously would of course be a national association for Kenyan women
surgeons.

It is an exciting time to be a woman interested in surgery, partly I think because of the internet,
that has made communication and networking much easier. I mean who didn't come across the
most recent internet trend #ILookLikeASurgeon started by women surgeons and women
surgeon blasts in training to raise awareness that yes, it is possible, it can be done, yes,women
can be surgeons. Very exciting times indeed.

Now, we recognize male surgeons and their efforts to mentor us, we truly do. However, women
need mentorship from someone who has gone through surgery, and has gone through
pregnancy and child rearing plus the difficult process that is balancing both. The fact that
women keep going back to this topic tells you that it is a major issue for most of us. It is why
women shy away from surgery, it is why a number of women in surgery shy away from starting
families until they are done with surgery. We women are amazed by the ones who have gotten
and raised children while doing their residency in surgical disciplines. They have ovaries of steel
those ones, ovaries of steel!

This motherhood in surgery thing comes with many issues that most men wouldn't understand.

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For starters... I don't know the male equivalent for dysmenorrhoea( menstrual cramps), for some
of us, it is crippling and interferes with our schedules

Point number 2- The whole pregnancy period. Each successive trimester. What would be the
male equivalent of pregnancy? A beer gut/beer belly? Do men get exaggerated back posturing
plus waddling like ducks when they have beer bellies?

Point number 3- navigating delivery/active labour period.. Science fiction fans who have
watched Stargate Atlantis, will remember the scene in season 4 or 5 where one of the
expedition members. Tayla goes into labour on an alien spaceship and one of the men, a
scientist called McKay tried to relate to her problems by comparing labour pains to when he and
get this, his cat had kidney stones...He went into a detailed explanation of how he and his cat
got over passing their kidney stones. Tayla was pretty composed,if it was me, I would have
momentarily psychologically suppressed my labour pains and gone on to strangle him. So
anyway, I don't know if men can relate to labour to passing kidney stones.. I really don't know..

Point number 4- Matters lactation...we are talking having problems lactating, having problems
getting the baby to latch( and nope, I was not amused those times one of my classmates from
undergraduate gave me a doll and told me to practise. This is me still able to give a withering
glance),matters breastfeeding,matters breast pumps, and looking for rooms in workplaces to go
express milk.

I think the closest that a man came to talking about breastfeeding,is when there was this video
of a sleeping bare chested man, whose cat woke up and decided, ' Boobs! I see boobs! Let me
sneak a suckle!' (*DISCLAIMER: I don't speak cat, but if I was a cat, I am guessing that would
be my thought process). Then proceeded to attempt to breastfeed from the poor guy while his
girlfriend recorded the whole thing and posted on the internet for cat crazy people like me to
watch and laugh!

Point number 5- what to do when househelps up and leave just when a woman is needed to go
to work. This is a scenario that is seen in all careers. A scenario that is quite a disaster for a
female surgeon, and affects male surgeons on the rota because it means they have to cover
shifts since she can't make it to work. The only men who can relate to this, are men who are
single fathers. Even then most usually live with a female relative who can help out. As women in
surgery, in one of our informal forums, this issue was discussed. I gathered quite a lot of tips
from it, on how to entice your house help not to desert you in times of need,that would really
come in handy when I finally take the leap to being a serious pet parent. It takes a whole village
to raise pets.. and children! Never ever forget the children!

Lastly, on a more personal note. Growing up, I grew up around some surgeons. As a kid, I only
knew about the long working hours. I was lucky to meets few obstetrician gynecologists who
were female, growing up. The first time I met a female surgeon, I was 18 years old, and in awe.

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She was a little lady, African, silver haired with a very serene smile. She was from Cuba, if I am
not mistaken, a Dr. Marilyn. I just watched surgeons brushing up on hand anatomy saying she
tended to ask tough questions. I remember sitting right next to her and having lunch with her
and I couldn't even ask her any question, not even one. All I kept thinking was, I would love to
be just like her one day.

In my undergraduate, I didn't know what surgical discipline I would want to get into, but I knew
the scalpel was for me. I leant towards obstetrics and gynaecology. Why? I am Muslim. Muslim
females in medicine are highly encouraged to go into obstetrics and gynecology not only by our
families, but by members of our own religious community. It is why you will see quite a number
of Muslim women going into obstetrics and gynecology. Two main reasons, passion and
willingness to help women(especially fellow Muslim women and encouragement from the
Muslim community.

As an undergraduate in my fifth year during my electives, I hang out with female surgical
registrars/residents and I was like oh yes it can be done. It was during my internship that I truly
asked myself if I saw myself doing obstetrics and gynecology for the rest of my life, and to be
honest,I really wasn't into the idea. I always knew that I wanted to do surgery, and would have
done it whether or not I found female mentors because I am a rebel like that and once I set my
mind on something I go for it.

However, not every woman is as crazy and stubborn as I am, and most give up their dreams too
easily because they can't see someone they can relate to(i.e. female surgeons) telling them that
it can be done.Mentorship, is not only before one joins surgical programs, but during training
and even long after training. Anytime a female medical student or female doctor approaches me
and tells me of their interest in surgery and surgical disciplines, I get excited. I think in my own
way, giving whatever little mentorship that I can is my way of paying it forward after being
mentored by the men in surgery in my life, and the amazing tough women in surgery that I have
had the fortune to meet.

Regionally and on an informal note, women surgeons are reaching out to each other and
discussing the unique issues that we face as women in surgery. Through that, we are
developing each other in matters research, career etc we are discovering that the issues we
face in Kenya, a good number are also faced by women in surgery across the continent, while
others are uniquely Kenyan. Totally fascinating if you ask me. They probably arise due to the
fact that other countries have different specialist training programs.

We do recognize the role that male surgeons have played and continue to play in mentorship in
surgery, but women in this country, in Africa and globally are saying they would also like
mentorship with that feminine angle.

- Doppel M

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Sparta or not

A number of men today are quite unsettled by the modern empowered woman. She is
forthright, a go getter, challenging and beautiful.

They have absolutely no idea how to handle this force of nature. Women have had to
work very hard to be where they are today. Yet for every success story are 100 or more
not so successful stories. The situation is much worse in Africa where young girls are
forced into oppressive cultures like female genital mutilation, early childhood marriages
to men 4 times their age, and many other not so friendly situations.

The modern African woman is going to school, striving to advance her career or her
business, and in some cases both. The modern African woman is badass and she
knows it as she smashes glass ceilings and forays into top leadership spots.
A number of men, who have been complacent in terms of personal development are up
in arms about such. Yet for those of us who have pursued tertiary education can tell you
for free that while many girls studied twice as hard, quite a number of their male
counterparts were missing classes and partying hard.
They feel threatened by the success of women who have worked so hard, that when
women try to get women's issues addressed, they pipe up too. Cue the mansplaining...
Not all men...
Men also..
We are concentrating too much on the girl child and ignoring the boychild....

I usually roll my eyes so hard when I hear the first two and sigh in exasperation. I am
sure quite a number of female readers would agree with me.
The third one, I partly agree with it. Yes, we need to empower both sexes, however
there has to be context to it. Mansplainers up in arms take girlchild empowerment to be
war waged on the boychild and men by feminists and feminazis.
Women are put down just because of their sexuality. That is when you hear people say,
she slept her way to the top.

When this fails, the patriarchy works to put women against each other, a sad situation.
Anytime someone wants to raise issues, quite a number already take defensive
positions.

These elements are ready to go full on SPARTA!

IT IS NOT A WAR!!

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We are not on the warpath with regards to the boychild. Far from it, the way I see it, the
empowerment of the girl child is widespread because many women have taken it up as
a course of action. Many women are talking about it. We are pushing our agenda. We
are doing it one girl at a tim. Women are changing mindsets one person at a time, and
are proud of it.

Who goes to schools to mentor young girls? Women professionals who have made it.
Who are making a concerted effort to empower female youth? Women professionals
and entrepreneurs!

Who are lobbying men and making them sensitive to women's issues? Yet again
women professionals and entrepreneurs!

How often do you see men going back to their high schools to mentor boys?
How many fathers do you see of late taking an active role in mentoring their own
teenage sons? Where are they? How many teenage boys can honestly say they have a
strong wholesome male presence at home?

I agree that men are also lobbying us to be sensitive to the boychild, which we are. After
all, women are mothers to both sons and daughters.
We are mothers to children of either or both genders. As such, those of us with
daughters are busy empowering them. We keep asking ourselves though, who will
marry our empowered daughters? There has to be a balance for a society to grow and
thrive.

Mansplainers whining about girl child empowerment and the subsequent abandoning of
the boychild make it sound like women are meant to take a majority role in boychild
empowerment.We mentor the girlchild because we were once little girls. We understand
what being a little girl is all about hence why this is a perfect role for us.

Note how none of us are insisting that men should empower the girl child? We are doing
the majority of empowerment ourselves. This is because this is close to our hearts.
There is a reason why single women are not allowed to adopt boys. Boys need
responsible fathers and father figures in their formative years. Where do you get quite a
number of modern fathers today?

I won't answer that, I am avoiding world war 3.

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Yes, I support the boychild empowerment. However I can only take a minority role in
empowerment of the boychild. Empowering the boychild is mostly a man's job. Why? I
am female.

I know absolutely nothing about being a man. That right there is the crux of the matter.
 
- Doppel M 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Women shall shine like supernovas.

I don't know about the rest of the world, but in my country, for the longest time, the patriarchy
has been peddling this lie that women cannot get along.

The patriarchy has been peddling this lie that women do not and will never like or love each
other. It is also true that for the longest time, most of us have accepted this lie, hook line and
sinker.

We have also preached it amongst ourselves, have perpetuated this myth through our actions
and have made it a pseudo fact, to our own detriment.

Campaign for a female presidential candidate, and the patriarchy tells us that we women would
never unanimously vote for a woman.

The same patriarchy makes us feel that our vote won't count, not even come close, and
because we don't believe in ourselves, we accept this fallacy.

The same patriarchy that wants to make we women believe that our vote doesn't count, is the
exact same patriarchy that is always saying women are more than men, when they want to
defend their right to polygamy. Then they get so offended when some women pull a Polyandry
stunt, but I digress....

My post today, is about celebrating the women that the patriarchy wants forgotten....

Fatima Al Fihri.
Mileva Maric.
Rosalind Franklin....
Have you noted those names? Cool...

Fatima Al Fihri was an Arab Muslim woman who lived in the 9th Century. She is known for
setting up the first University in the world... Not in the Arab world, in the whole world. She set up
a university, and it was the first to award degrees. The university is still in existence in Morocco
and is called the University of al-Qarawiyyin( Al Quaraouiyine or Al-Karaouine).

In the European countries, women were being restricted when it came to joining universities.
This badass Muslim woman, set up her own University! How cool is that? Shocking, isn't it?
Don't believe everything that ISIS, the Taliban and Boko Haram want to spread as the Islamic
truth as they oppress women and deny women education. The funniest thing, these patriarchal
misguided terrorists will insist on female doctors being the ones to help their wives in labour. Yet
they do not want young girls to go to school.

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Mileva Maric, was a physicist. In that way that irks me to date, she lost her identity when she got
married. You may not know her, but you know her husband, the genius Albert Einstein. The
scientist who won the Nobel prize for physics. Mileva was quite the student. Getting into
University was a problem, but she managed to get there somehow. She was more focused in
her studies compared to Albert Einstein. She grounded him and letters were found where he
attested to this. It is postulated that she might have been instrumental in him publishing
research and him getting the Nobel prize. Only thing,she didn't add her name to his research
because he wouldn't be taken seriously if a woman's name was seen on the research. The
couple ended up divorcing and for a long while, she set out to prove that she had helped him in
her endeavours, something deeply refuted by part of the patriarchy. This is despite the fact that
letters between her and husband in happier times allude to the fact that they may have worked
as a team.

Rosalind Franklin is yet another woman, that history might not mention much. She was
instrumental in the discovery OF DNA. The only names one hears in relation to DNA is Watson
and Crick, and they won a Nobel prize for their discovery. You never hear Rosalind Franklin
being mentioned yet they solved the mystery of DNA due to her. She had taken a photo of the
DNA structure. The two scientists had been struggling to crack the mystery for a while, seeing
the photo helped them crack it. They didn't acknowledge her during their win. If anything, one of
them wrote a whole book on Rosalind Franklin, that really discredited her. It is only recently that
the scientific world is trying to make amends for what happened to Rosalind.

I have made it a habit to share stories of women who have made it on my timeline, something
that consistently seems to annoy chauvinists. The patriarchy cannot stand the idea of women
celebrating other women. It is very disturbing to the patriarchy. I think they are slowly beginning
to sense that in unity, we will be harder to manipulate.

While we are at it.... I would like you to remember the following names...

Kagure Wamunyu
Irene Cruite
Ellilta Nega

Kagure Wamunyu is a 29 year old lady. She is a social entrepreneur currently working on her
PHD in urban development. At such a young age, she made sure Uber drivers in Kenya, could
own their vehicles, she sits on the board of an employment and job recruiting website called
Fuzu, and she is currently trying to make education accessible for children from less privileged
backgrounds. She made it to the list of Kenya's women top 40 under 40. The shocking thing is
the patriarchal comments on social media,where Kenyan men were busy asking who would
marry her with all those degrees.

Bitter members of the patriarchy decided to downplay her achievements.

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Irene Cruite is a Kenyan medic, her specialty? Radiology.. her CV speaks for her before she
opens her mouth. She has trained in Kenya, Ireland and is now registered in the USA, which is
quite a feat in itself. Some elements were trying to talk negatively, but her CV speaks for itself.

Ellilta Nega, is an Ethiopian doctor, and from what Ethiopians are saying on social media also
an Engineer. She studied both courses simultaneously and managed to graduate. Of course
social media is rife with members of the patriarchy trying to downplay her achievements.

Members of the patriarchy asking what she will do with both degrees. Even when you try post a
link showing how engineering principles can be applied in medicine, the patriarchy(insecure
elements) shut you down.

Funny story, someone who always makes chauvinistic and derogatory statements about women
was doing so one day, to a very accomplished friend of mine. I then told him just how
accomplished she is and he humbled himself fast. Only for his ego to itch, and he came back
fighting saying that men do not marry degrees. Remember this guy is always whining day in day
out about women and how we are always plotting to take men's money.

Women, for the longest time, men have been discrediting women, calling us bimbos and slay
queens. Then you see women achieving so much, and the same patriarchy gets insecure and
starts downplaying our achievements. In fact Africans ask you who will marry you with all your
degrees.

Ladies, ignore the patriarchy. Get that degree, and when they ask you who will marry you with
your degree, get a master's, and PhD degree just to shut them up. We are saying no to
mediocrity. We are forces of nature!
We shall shine like supernovas.
Plus when they ask us who will marry us with all our degrees, our answer should go like,
"Definitely not you!".

- Doppel M 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Women ought to know better, do better!

I'm convinced that the greatest setback in achieving feminism, gender equality and
dignity for women the world over is women who are entirely convinced that they are
inferior to men, brainwashed to believe that they are subordinates and subservient
human beings.

And I don't want to victim blame anyone but most times these women are exposed,
educated and ought to know better.

Martha Mwatha (a friend) asked me once why most Pickme women in my circle are
lawyers.

See the point?

Educated women.
Exposed women.
Ought to know better women.
Women - Suffering from deep internalized misogyny.
Internalized misogyny is when you enact sexist actions on yourself and other women.
Internalized misogyny is when men (oppressors) have taken a back seat on their
oppression but you are still begging them to oppress you.
Internalized misogyny is "I believe men should be babied."
Internalized misogyny is "I am not like other girls."
Internalized misogyny is "Men prefer women who are quiet, meek, submissive etc."
Internalized misogyny is low self esteem projected on other women.
Internalized misogyny is hate, jealousy and feeling some type of way whenever you see
other women prospering.
Internalized misogyny is "Female politicians are only selling beauty but no brains."
Internalized misogyny is trying to convince every man and woman in your vicinity that
you are a Proverbs 31 woman.
Internalized misogyny is self-hate that you project on other women.
Internalized misogyny is "be his peace. Wash him, cook for him, clean his underwear,
baby him, die for him (😂) at the expense of your own peace, health, finances and
general well-being.
Internalized misogyny is constantly putting other women down because you feel
threatened.
Internalized misogyny is never supporting the work of other women, politically or
economically.

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Internalized misogyny is "She slept her way to the top" even though you know well that
that sister worked her ass off to get to the top.
Internalized misogyny is slut shaming women's decisions to have sex.
Internalized misogyny is years of toxic religious teachings.

You need to heal. It's a whole journey that requires deep introspection, spirituality, a
higher healing and a decision to do better for yourself and other women.

But if you don't want to heal then please stop preaching this nonsense to other women.
If you are in love with your oppression and your oppressors please adapt to your
situation accordingly.

The rest of us are on a journey seeking dignity,human rights and a better world for the
women who will come after us.

The rest of us are good luv, enjoy.

- Nancy Houston 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Respectable politics
The first time I started speaking out against the injustices done to women, I found
myself at a loss. I was 20. I was afraid of stepping on people's toes. I was afraid of
causing chaos and facing issues head on so I found myself "treading carefully."
I recently realised there is a word for what I was doing.

RESPECTABILITY POLITICS.

Hmm. Such a big word you know.

So what exactly is it?

Respectability politics or the politics of respectability refers to attempts by marginalized

groups to police their own members and show their social values as being continuous,
and compatible, with mainstream values rather than challenging the mainstream for
what they see as it's failure to accept difference
.
The concept was first articulated in 2001 by Evelyn Brooks Higginbotham in her book
Righteous Discontent: The Women's Movement in the Black Baptist Church,
1880–1920.

Respectability politics is practiced as a way of attempting to consciously set aside and

undermine cultural and moral practices thought to be disrespected by wider society,
especially in the context of the family and good manner.

One way to challenge respectability politics is reclaiming negative stereotypes

associated with minority communities, rather than disassociating from them. This can
take place in the form of rebranding words that have been used as insults towards
communities.

Rebranding of the derogatory term "ratchet" and "slut" or "whore" has been one way
black women specifically have pushed back against respectability politics. Black women
who identify as ratchet reclaim the negative stereotypes associated with black culture,
such as hyper-sexuality, and instead embrace individualism.

The strategy of reclaiming negative stereotypes has been acknowledged as having

potential for black feminine liberation, but has also been criticized for its limitations
contained within the confines of the terms that are being reconceptualised for example,

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ratchet is associated with heterosexuality, which confines potential to liberate in the
context of being 'ratchet'.

Morden respectability politics for women is farther complicated because of inconsistent

societal pressures for women in regards to sexuality. According to Lara Karaian, a
Professor from Carleton University, women receive inconsistent messages about what
is respectable sexual behavior, which leads to sexual victimization and slut shaming
(most often for young girls).

One way in which women can abide by respectability politics is through their clothing.
The ways in which women dress are highly indicative of their place and level of
respectability within society and a community. Women who dress respectably are more
likely to be admitted into social and political institutions compared to women dress like
"whores" or "sluts".

To some scholars, getting married is also an example of respectability politics for

women. While being married gives participants access to a variety of benefits like health
care and tax benefits, they argue that this also comes with the necessity to abide by
bourgeois respectability.

This type of respectability is specific to women, and requires that women "perform a
service in the marriage". These services include satisfying men's sexual needs and
caring for the household.

Today, respectability politics within marriages are challenged but not erased by greater
levels of economic and social equality between men and women and that is why most
people call me a home breaker because I am radical feminist.

- Nyar Afrika 

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Stories of our scars

Scars are usually perceived as ugly unsightly things, a disfigurement that mars beauty.
However, recently I watched an inspiring video of an amazing lady that made me realise
that we often undermine the transforming power of these physical and emotional scars.
Muniba Mazari has certainly become my hero and has propelled to the top of my list of
inspiring women of the world. I will not delve into her story but will urge all of you to
watch this amazing talk and learn about her first hand.
I must admit I find physical scars difficult to deal with. To me, they represent the pain
they must have inflicted on the bearer and are a constant reminder as well as a source
of curiosity and concern for the observer. As a person who has a near physical reaction
every time I hear about someone’s hurt, I truly admire people who confidently embrace
their physical scars and forge ahead. I am even more impressed when I see people
bravely camouflaging the scars of their soul. We think we are good at hiding these but a
person who wears these like a badge on their sleeves is is not too hard to discern.
These are the scars I find fascinating.. in fact even liberating. For me the cracks left by
personal heartaches, once mended seem to have captured and assimilated some light
from places within me I never thought existed.
I recently learnt about the Japanese practice of filling cracks of a broken object with
gold. I think it’s a beautiful concept that pays tribute to the process of healing and
acknowledges the transformation of a broken object to a more beautiful whole.
Like many other women bound by duty, suffering in silence and learning to cope with
challenges, I believe my emotional scars taught me to be stronger and wiser. I
constantly find inspiration from strong people around me. I am fortunate to have met an
amazing woman in Australia who shared her journey of being an author, artist and an
entrepreneur once she moved from being a survivor of childhood abuse and neglect.
Melanie Lee now has a permaculture business. In her own words, “ I broke this cycle
and re-wrote my life story.”
It’s not easy to acknowledge that we have scars and talk about them. However,
recognising these can be the first step to a transformation that you need. Every little
punch hole in my heart and the deep cuts on my soul have a story behind them. I am
not unhappy but grateful for the wisdom that these experiences have taught me. Using
this learning I can enrich the lives of others as I’m more empathetic to their pain and
understand their need for support and compassion. Take that first step to tell the story
of your scars and let the healing begin so that you are a source of strength and wisdom
for others.
- Shaista Khan 
 

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The Price of shedding your insides every month

Today I wake up with a familiar ache in my abdomen.

And just like every other day of the month when this happens, I feel disgusted. I feel
angry. Outraged. Terrified and sad at the same time.

A quick slip of a finger inside my pants to check if what I suspect is true confirms my
greatest dread, it comes out all bloody and sticky.
My sheets are stained. My panties soaked, my sweats wet. My abdomen already having
that dull throbbing pain.

"No!" I shout as frustration builds up inside me.

It's that time of the month again.
Yet...
I am too broke to afford pads or tampons or "diapers" as some Americans teenagers
call it.

I sit in silence. My innermost regions bleeding but I don't care.

I think of every other female that has to undergo this every month.
Every young girl. Every young woman. Every mother. Every old woman. Every female.
I think of how we are supposed to handle this.

My mate stirs by my side. He sleeps peacefully, like a baby.

A part of his t-shirt is stained by my blood.
I freeze not knowing what to do. My thighs feel sticky.
A different smell engulfs me.

I sniff at my sweats.
That distinct metallic stench of blood comes from my nether regions.
This is the first time this has ever happened to me.
How will I deal with this?
I have always been careful.

I have always handled my periods with great care.

"No one wants to see your blood." Society constantly reminds me.
I have never wanted to feel exposed. You see it's easier to walk with torn clothes in
public than to have a blood stained outfit.

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Accident or not, 'No one wants to see your blood." They say in that ever irritating
sing-song voice.

They tell me menstruation is normal but they still confine me in "Menstruation huts"
where I live in equally terrible conditions."
They need me to stay away from "Holy places" and "sacred grounds" and be "cleansed"
before I go back to associating with humanity as usual.
They say menstruation is normal but I still get weird looks or lewd jokes when I am
buying sanitary towels in shops.

They convince me that menstruation is normal and yet they mock me when I say I am
suffering from period pain and I need a break.
They tell me that menstruation is natural and is something that we can't control yet a
normal packet of pads goes for around 60 shillings.

I call that the price of "shedding your insides every month."

The irony of shedding blood after every 30 days.
It's a natural process but we I am being treated like it's my choice. Like I can choose
whether to menstruate or not.

Society programmed me to hate my body right from the very start.

That's why I am having this deep feeling disgust as I look at my mate gently snoring,
oblivious of my inner battle with emotions.
What will he think when he wakes up? Will he look at me in undisguised shock and walk
away to fix himself a cup of coffee while I lie there, silently crying?
Or will he take me into his arms, blood and all, tell me it's alright and help me get
cleaned up?

A deep feeling of shame engulfs me. I am unable to stand go take a bath despite the
fact that I am shedding lots of blood.
"No!"
I am pulling at my hair not wanting to deal with being a woman. "It's a burden. A big
burden." I mumble into my mate's arms as he hugs me, mumbling comforting words in
my ear obviously startled by my sudden outburst.

"What is wrong kitty?" He inquires, his voice betraying his emotions.

I point towards my pants and the sheets using my head.
He sees the blood and goes still.
"I'll be back in a minute." He says as he rushes out of the room.

IDEA AFRICA ​ Inclusion, Diversity and Equality in Africa

I collapse in bed and cry my eyes our. Tears soak my pillow but I'm too tired to care.
Twenty minutes pass. I'm still in bed.

My mate is not yet back.

I feel angry.
I think of other females who go through the same problems.
I think of society.
"Fuck society."
They made me hate myself. They made sure I was ashamed of what made me a
woman.

They destroyed me. They messed me up.

Mustering all the strength I can, I head towards the bathroom.
I am surprised to find a warm bath already prepared. I scrub myself until my skin is
smarting.
Even at 20 years of age, I still feel disgusted that I have to bleed every month.
Wrapping a warm towel around me, I head towards my bedroom to dress up.
Again to my surprise, I find the blood stained sheets already removed having been
replaced clean white sheets.

A packet of tampons and pads are on top of my drawer.

I decide to use the"diapers" for today.
All dressed up and clean, I enter my kitchen to find my mate perched on a stool, a cup
of coffee in his hand. He hands me my cup.
"thank you."
He kisses me lightly on my lips.
I smile.

"I am sorry I left in a rush. It's my first time to see period blood and I honestly didn't
know how to react so I figured out you might need a bath, some towels, a good
breakfast and Umh, some time alone."
"I love you." I whisper as I run my fingers through his jaw.
Leaning in to kiss him I tell him, "You did the right thing baby."
He pulls me into his lap and gently Strokes my hair.
We sit together, not talking, just maintaining this comfortable silence that we are used
to.

My mind wanders again

IDEA AFRICA ​ Inclusion, Diversity and Equality in Africa

I think of all the girls out there. I think of my younger self. I think of how she struggled to
make it through puberty, blood and all.
I think of women all over the world who still dont know how to handle the rollercoaster
that comes with their menstruation.
I think of every "me" all over the world.

My heart bleeds for them.

*deep sigh*

I call that the price of "shedding your insides every month."

- © NYAR AFRIKA 2017. 

 

IDEA AFRICA ​ Inclusion, Diversity and Equality in Africa

Tone Policing instigates gender-based violence, oppression and inequality!

Tone polices, come closer.

Yes, women are angry. Women are bitter.

Women are hurt.

Women are dead.

And when that anger shows, what we are NOT going to do is tell any woman to
"keep calm"
"to relax"
"to tone it down"
"to be less emotional"
"to stop cursing"

Your tone policing moves the focus from the REAL issues and completely focusses on
the message delivery or women's reactions to the violence that is perpetuated by men.
Did you want all the survivors of rape to smile at their rapists?

Did you want the 99% of women who have experienced street harassment to go
swimming with their harassers? Or-
Did you want the 85% of women who have experienced Gender Based Violence to
jump for joy when calling out their abusers?

Our anger is justified.

Y'all tone polices better shape up.

- Vivianne Ouya 

IDEA AFRICA ​ Inclusion, Diversity and Equality in Africa