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Kathleen Volpei

Professor Granillo

English 101

30 October 2018

Blurred Lines

Love is love no matter what gender one is attracted to. In today's society people are more

open to accepting this concept. Another concept that is so prominent is gender roles. Gender

roles dictate what's acceptable or what is not when it comes to actions of each sex. In Stephen

Mays article, what about gender roles in same-sex relationships, he argues that in homosexual

relationships they are clearly both the same gender but at the same time in each homosexual

relationship whether a gay or lesbian couple one is more masculine while the other is more

feminine.

In all relationships heterosexual or homosexual one person is more feminine while the

other is more masculine. In my relationship I am more feminine while my boyfriend is more

masculine. In my friends relationship he is the more masculine one while his boyfriend is the

more feminine one. All relationships and people are different but Mays states in regard to his

relationship that, “one huge aspect of the gay male relationship that [he] appreciates is the more

leveled playing field that [they] have. We are both men” (Mays 597). While this point made by

Mays is valid, he is mistaken because in every relationship, homosexual or heterosexual, one

person is more feminine while the other is masculine. It is true that not all women have to be

feminine and not all men have to be masculine but each person associates themselves with one or

the other. Our society has come a long way in regards to gender. In the past the norm was that
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the men worked and made the money while the women stayed home cooked, cleaned, and cared

for the children. Nowadays the gender roles have blurred and it is perfectly fine for a woman to

be the one working while the man stays home and cares for the children and the house. Either

way weather the man stays home or the woman stays home one will always be considered more

masculine while the other feminine. This is true with all relationships including homesexual ones

like Stephen Mays.

Though I insist that relationships consist of masculine and feminine people, I concede

Mays point that in a gay relationship they are both clearly boys. While walking Mays overheard

someone ask, “who do you think is the girl in the relationship” in regards to a gay couple

walking ahead of them (Mays 596). Mays was outraged and rightfully so. Obviously in a gay

relationship both people are males and in a lesbian relationship both are women. A person who is

homosexual is attracted to someone of their own sex. In a gay relationship the one that may show

more feminine qualities isn’t a woman in that relationship just like “the muscled, bearded gay

man doesn’t have to be the man of the relationship” (Mays 597). Some people's views are so

skewed that when they see a homosexual relationship their mind wanders and thinks one must be

the girl of the relationship in regards to a gay couple. They are both clearly men. Appearances

are very deceiving and if one were to see a guy opening the door for his partner that happens to

male as well they would assume that the one who opened the door is the “man” of that

relationship because gender stereotypes are so prominent in our society and people attach certain

actions to certain genders.

All in all in a gay relationship both partners are men and in a lesbian relationship both

partners are females. In each relationship gay or straight one person is more feminine while the
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other is more masculine. That does not mean that if a man in a gay relationship is more feminine

than his partner that it is makes him a women.

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Works Cited

Stephen Mays. “What about Gender Roles in Same-Sex Relationships?” ​They Say I Say​, Gerald

Graff, Cathy Birkenstein, Russel Durst, Version 4. ​Red & Black​, September 24, 2013.