Roman Holiday Script

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A Paramount Picture
presenting GREGORY PECK
and introducing AUDREY HEPBURN
in WILLIAM WYLER'S Production

ROMAN HOLIDAY

with EDDIE ALBERT

HARTLEY POWER HARCOURT WILLIAMS MARGARET RAWLINGS
and TULLIO CARMINATI PAOLO CALINI CLAUDIO ERMELLI PAOLA
BORBONI ALFREDO RIZZO LAURA SCOLARI GORELLA GORI

Screenplay by IAN McLELLAN HUNTER and JOHN DIGHTON Story by

IAN McLELLAN HUNTER

This film was photographed and recorded in its entirety in Rome,

Italy

Directors of Photography

FRANK F.PLANER A.S.C HENRI ALEKAN

Art Directors

HAL PEREIRA WALTER TYLER

Edited by ROBERT SWINK A.C.E.

Costumes. . . . . . . . . . . . .EDITH HEAD

Assistant Directors . . . .HERBERT COLEMAN PIERO MUSSETTA

Make-up Supervision. . .ALBERTO DE ROSSI WALLY WESTMORE

Sound Recording by . . .JOESEPH DE BRETAGNE

Western Electric RECORDING Filmed at CINICITTA STUDIOS-Rome,

Italy

Associate Producer ROBERT WYLER Music Score by GEORGES AURIC

Produced and Directed by WILLIAM WYLER

Roman Holiday, Transcribed by Graham (hepburn@unforgettable.com)

A newsreel begins: -PARAMOUNT NEWS- NEWS FLASH A commentator

describes the newsreel showing Princess Ann at several ceremonies
in various European locations.

NEWSREEL. Paramount News brings you a special coverage of

Princess Ann's visit to London, the first stop on her much
publicised goodwill tour of European capitals. She gets a royal
welcome from the British as thousands cheer the gracious young
member of one of Europe's oldest ruling families. After three
days of continuous activity and a visit to Buckingham Palace, Ann
flew to Amsterdam where Her Royal Highness dedicated the new
International Aid Building and christened an ocean liner. Then
went to Paris where she attended many official functions designed
to cement trade relations between her country and the Western
European nations. And so to Rome, the eternal city, where the
Princess' visit was marked by a spectacular military parade
highlighted by the band of the crack Piersa Yeri Regiment. The
smiling young Princess showed no sign of the strain of the week's
continuous public appearances. And at her country's embassy that
evening, a formal reception and ball in her honor was given by
her country's ambassador to Italy.

The Embassy ballroom. People fill the floor of the room. A

fanfare sounds. The Master of Ceremonies appears and the people
clear a path down the middle of the hall in front of him. The
Master of Ceremonies announces "Her Royal Highness"-first in
Italian, then in English. The orchestra starts playing as the
Master of Ceremonies walks down the newly-formed aisle. Princess
Ann, resplendent in her ballgown, diamond tiara, and necklace,
appears at the door accompanied by the Ambassador in formal
military dress. Behind them follow together the Countess Vereberg
and General Provno, and others. As the company walks slowly down
the aisle, Princess Ann smiles and nods her head to acknowledge
the guests who line their path. They bow as the Princess walks
past them. As they reach the front, the Princess and the others
step onto the dais as the orchestra finishes playing. The dais is
furnished with chairs-a large one in the center. The Princess and
the others stand, facing the guests. Princess Ann is about to sit
when the Ambassador discreetly stops her with a hand on her arm.
As they stand waiting, the guests form in a line in front. The
Master of Ceremonies announces them as they walk forward to greet
her, in turn.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES. His Excellency, the Papal Nuntius,

Monsignor Altomonto. Ann greets him warmly in Italian, shaking
his hand; he replies, in Italian.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES. Sir Hugo Macy de Farmington.

ANN [he bows to her] Good evening, Sir Hugo.

SIR HUGO [shaking her hand] Good evening, Your Royal Highness.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES. His Highness, The Maharajah of Kalipur; and

The Rajkumari.

ANN [shaking the Rajkumari's hand] I'm so glad that you could
come.

THE RAJKUMARI. Thank you.

THE MAHARAJA [shaking Ann's hand] Thank you, madame. [The Master
of Ceremonies announes the next couple, in German].
ANN [hidden beneath her dress, she takes her right foot out of
its shoe and stretches it] Guten aben.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES [as Ann puts her foot back] Prince Istvan
Barossy Nagyavaros.

ANN. How do you do? [he kisses her hand] The Master of
Ceremonies announces the long German name and title of the next
guest.

ANN [holding the woman's hand as she curtsies] Guten aben. [She
greets the man as he kisses her hand]. The Master of Ceremonies
announces the next couple. As she greets them, Ann rubs her tired
right foot against her leg. Much later on and Ann is still
greeting the guests.

ANN [greeting another couple] So happy.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES. The Count and Countess von Marstrand.

ANN. Good evening, Countess [holding her hand the woman curtsies.
To the Count]. Good evening.

COUNT [kissing her hand] Good evening. [Suddenly, Princess Ann

loses her balance as her foot slips over her shoe, knocking it
over. The Count's eyeglass pops out in surprise and he smiles
back as she regathers herself. The Ambassador looks down in
disappointment at her error. The Master of Ceremonies introduces
the next couple-a Senor and Senora].

ANN [she tries to manipulate her shoe back into position which
has been knocked over and she greets the couple, disguising her
discomfort] Good evening [the man kisses her hand]. The Master
of Ceremonies announces the next guest as Ann pushes her shoe
again in an effort to right it.

ANN [as the man bends, gesturing with his hand in greeting] How
do you do? As the last guest moves back Ann looks around
anxiously, trying again to right her shoe, resulting in her
pushing it further away. The Ambassador then motions her to sit
down. As she sits back into the chair with the Ambassador and the
Countess on either side her dress pulls back, revealing the shoe.
The orchestra starts playing a waltz. Ann tries as
inconspicuously as possible to drag her shoe back with her foot.
The General, standing behind her frowning, motions to the
Countess to look at the shoe. She looks down at it and closes her
eyes in horror. The Princess stirs in her seat trying to get her
shoe back, fiddling with her gloves as cover. A man standing
behind the Ambassador motions to him and he shrugs and gets up,
bowing and presenting his arm to the Princess. The Princess rises
and, pausing for time to regather her shoe, is lead onto the
ballroom floor by the Ambassador. Taking her up to dance he looks
at the area in front of the eat and, relieved that the shoe isn't
to be seen, continues dancing with her as the other guests watch.
Later on and the dance floor is filled people. Princess Ann
dances with a short, lively gentleman who rattles off rapid
Spanish phrases to her. She listens, nodding and smiling
politely. Still later and she dances with a short, elderly
gentlemen. They smile and nod to each other silently. Later again
and Ann dances with a somewhat remote gentlemen. She almost
speaks so as to strike up a conversation, but thinks better of
it.

Later that night in Princess Ann's bedchamber. She stands on her

bed dressed in her nightgown, her hair let down. She picks up the
skirt of her nightgown and drops it.

ANN [brushing her hair] I hate this nightgown. I hate all my

nightgowns. And I hate all my underwear too.

COUNTESS [coming over to tend to her bed, dressed in a bedrobe

and wearing glasses] My dear, you have lovely things.

ANN. But I'm not two hundred years old! [Dropping down on the
bed] Why can't I sleep in pyjamas?

COUNTESS [looking up as she folds the sheets into place] Pyjamas!

ANN. Just the top half. [The Countess takes off her glasses,
shocked, then walks over to the window. Ann pulls the covers over
her, sitting up] Did you know there are people who sleep with
absolutely nothing on at all?

COUNTESS [opening the window] I rejoice to say that I did not.

ANN [lying against the headboard, smiling as she hears distant

music coming in through the window] Listen. [She jumps up out of
bed and runs over to the window, looking out].

COUNTESS. Oh, and your slippers. [She goes to fetch them from
beside the bed as Ann looks out with pleasure at the dancing
going on far below in the distance] Please put on your slippers
and come away at the window. [Ann walks back to the bed,
dejected, as the Countess shuts the window. The Countess holds a
tray] Your milk and crackers.

ANN [taking the tray; as the Countess helps her pull the covers
over her] Everything we do is so wholesome.

COUNTESS. They'll help you to sleep.

ANN [stubbornly] I'm too tired to sleep-can't sleep a wink.

COUNTESS [putting on her glasses, taking a diary from the

bedtable] Now my dear, if you don't mind: tomorrow's schedule-or
schedule [(skedule)], whichever you prefer-both are correct.
[Running through the items with a pen] Eight thirty, breakfast
here with the Embassy staff; nine o'clock, we leave for the
Polinory Automotive Works where you'll be presented with a small
car.

ANN [disinterested; absently playing with a napkin] Thank you.

COUNTESS. Which you will not accept.

ANN. No, thank you.

COUNTESS. Ten thirty-five, inspection of food and agricultural

organisation will present you with an olive tree.

ANN. No, thank you.

COUNTESS. Which you will accept.

ANN. Thank you.

COUNTESS. Ten fifty-five, the Newfoundling Home For Orphans. You

will preside over the laying of the cornerstone; same speech as
last Monday.

ANN. Trade relations?

COUNTESS. Yes.

ANN [chewing a cracker] For the orphans?

COUNTESS. No, no, the other one.

ANN. 'Youth and progress'.

COUNTESS. Precisely. Eleven forty-five, back here to rest. No,

that's wrong... eleven forty-five, conference here with the
press.

ANN. 'Sweetness and decency' [she rolls her eyes].

COUNTESS. One o'clock sharp, lunch with the Foreign Ministry. You
will wear your white lace and carry a small bouquet of (& ANN)
very small pink roses. [The Countess looks up, unimpressed.
Continuing, as Ann drinks her milk from a glass] Three-o five,
presentation of a plaque. (ANN [to an imagined guest] Thank you.)
Four-ten, review special guard of * Police. (ANN. No, thank you.)
Four forty-five (ANN. How do you do?) back here to change (ANN
[becoming distressed] Charmed.) to your uniform (ANN. So happy.)
to meet the international-.

ANN [screaming at the Countess] STOP!!! [Looking away, her hair

covering her face] Please stop! stop...!

COUNTESS [retrieving the tray] It's alright, dear, it didn't

spill [she places the tray on the table].

ANN. I don't care if it's spilled or not. I don't care if I

[throws her head into the pillow] drown in it!

COUNTESS [putting her hands on her shoulders to comfort her] My

dear, you're ill. I'll send for Doctor Bonnachoven.

ANN [turning over, facing the opposite way] I don't want Doctor
Bonnachoven; please let me die in peace!
COUNTESS. You're not dying.

ANN [facing the Countess] Leave me. [Sitting up, shouting at her]
Leave me!

COUNTESS. It's nerves; control yourself Ann.

ANN [throwing herself on the pillow, beating it with her fist] I

don't want to!

COUNTESS [standing up straight, speaking with authority] Your

Highness [Ann continues blubbing]. I'll get Doctor Bonnachoven
[she heads for the door].

ANN [looking up as she leaves] It's no use; I'll be dead before

he gets here [she gives a defiant blub]. Later, the Countess
enters the bedchamber, followed by Doctor Bonnachoven and the
General. They walk to her bed and the doctor looks at Ann, who
doesn't move.

DOCTOR [to the Countess, puzzled] She is asleep.

COUNTESS. She was in hysterics three minutes ago, Doctor.

DOCTOR [he puts his Doctor's bag on the table and bends over to
her; quietly] Are you asleep, ma'am?

ANN [without moving] No!

DOCTOR. Oh. [He feels her forehead then takes a thermometer from
his bag] I'll only disturb Your Royal Highness a moment, ah?

ANN. I'm very ashamed, Doctor Bonnachoven; I-[the Doctor places

the thermometer in her mouth] suddenly I was crying.

DOCTOR [reassuring] To cry-a perfectly normal thing to do.

GENERAL. It most important she be calm and relaxed for the press
conference, Doctor.

ANN. Don't worry, Doctor: I-[takes the thermometer out] I'll be

calm and relaxed and I-I'll bow and I'll smile and- I'll improve
trade relations and I, and I will...[she throws herself onto the
pillow, in hysterics again].

COUNTESS. There she goes again. Give her something, Doctor,

please.

DOCTOR [holding up a syringe from the bag] Uncover her arm,

please, hmm? The Countess uncovers her arm as the General looks
away.

ANN [calming down; without looking up] What's that?

DOCTOR. Sleep and calm. This will relax you and make Your
Highness feel a little happy. It's a new drug, quite harmless.
[As he injects her the General faints behind them, unnoticed]
There.

ANN. I don't feel any different.

DOCTOR. You will; it may take a little time to take hold. Just
now, lie back, ah?

ANN. Can I keep just one light on?

DOCTOR. Of course. Best thing I know is to do exactly what you

wish for a while.

ANN [smiling] Thank you, Doctor.

COUNTESS [the Countess looks round at the General on the floor]

Oh, the General! Doctor, quick!

DOCTOR. Oh!

ANN [sitting up] Hah! [she puts her hand over her mouth, covering
her smile].

GENERAL [embarrassed; straightening his bedrobe] I'm perfectly

alright. [To the Princess] Goodnight, ma'am. [He bows and
leaves].

DOCTOR [bowing, smiling at the Princess] Goodnight, ma'am.

ANN. Goodnight, Doctor. The Doctor leaves, followed by the

Countess, who turns off the light and, looking back at the
Princess, shuts the door behind her. Alone, the Princess looks
around the large room at the lavish, ancient ornamentation on the
ceiling and the huge sculpted headboard. She lies back, and then,
remembering, eagerly climbs out of bed and runs to the window.
She looks out longingly at the dancing below, the breeze blowing
in her face then out over the city, the buildings lit up in the
night far in the distance. Thinking, she looks back at the door
and then back out the window, then she runs to her wardrobe, and
starts rummaging in the clothes hung there.

Later, dressed in a plain white blouse and skirt and picking up

her gloves from the dresser, she peers out the door of the
bedchambers. She sees a guard sat at the end of the wall stir in
his semi-sleep. Pausing as she closes the door, she goes out of
the side window onto the balcony outside. She walks along to the
edge of the adjacent balcony, jumping down with a slight noise
onto the ground. Glancing furtively around she goes inside to a
large, empty room. She pauses for moment to look around on either
side and then continues. Going through the door she finds herself
on a corridor upstairs, encircling the large central area. She
runs along to the end, turning the corner and then onto the other
side. She continues on, reaches a staircase and goes down it
towards the exit. Outside, still in the grounds of the Embassy,
she runs along a courtyard area. The shadow of a man walking
appears where she has just come from but she reaches safety at
the other end before he can see her. Running through the
buildings further she pauses, her back against a wall. Looking
round the corner she sees a man jump out of a small supply truck.
While he is gone she runs over and quietly hops into the back of
the truck. The man comes back and throws a couple of bags into
the back where she is hiding. He then gets in, starts the motor,
and drives off. Guards at the entrace of the Embassy grounds open
the doors and the little truck drives out. Ann peers back over
the top of a bag to see the guards closing the doors again as the
Embassy recede into the distance. She looks round with delight,
moving the bag out of the way, leaning her arm on some goods to
see out the back better. She watches the truck go past a sidewalk
cafe, busy with people, then waves to a couple driving behind on
a scooter; the woman waves back at her. The goods rattle in the
back as the truck bounces around, and Ann rests on a box, closing
her eyes. The truck continues through the city but Ann is
awakened when the truck stops for a couple walking across the
street in front. As it is stopped she hops out, running to the
footpath as the truck screeches away. She leans against a tree,
yawning then continues on. Crossing a street, she walks straight
across the passenger cabin of a horse-drawn carriage parked
alongside the pavement, to the bewilderment of the passengers and
driver. The cab drives away as Ann continues on. A light pours
from the window of a room on the second floor of the building the
carriage was parked in front of...

Inside the room are sat Joe Bradley, Irving Radovich, and several
other men around a poker table.

CARD PLAYER 1. Bet five hundred.

JOE [placing his bet down, firmly] Five hundred. How many?

IRVING [placing his bet] One. The others still in the game place
theirs.

CARD PLAYER 1. I'll take one.

CARD PLAYER 2. Three.

JOE. Fool, boy. [Checks his cards; bets more] Two for papa.

CARD PLAYER 1 [places a note in the pool] Five hundred more.

JOE [following] Without lookin'.

IRVING. Five hundred; and, er [clears his throat], raise you a

thousand. Joe looks at him suspiciously. Irving rubs his beard
but stays unemotional. Joe places his money in the pool.

CARD PLAYER 1 [laying his cards down] Two pairs.

JOE. Oh, well I got three shy little sevens.

IRVING. Er, a nervous straight [lays his cards down; Then, with
relish] Come home, you beauties. [Counting his money as he picks
it up; Joe looks on grimly] Now, look at that: six thousand five
hundred-ah, not bad, that's ten bucks. [As the dealer gathers the
cards back and Joe does up his tie] Er, one more round and I'm
gonna throw you gents right out in the snow... The remaining
players objective to his leaving: Say-; what-; wait a minute-,
etc.

IRVING. I got to get up early: date with Her Royal Highness who
will [dramatically] graciously pose for some pictures.

JOE. What do you mean, early? My personal invitation says eleven

forty-five.

CARD PLAYER 1. Couldn't be anything to do with the fact that

you're ahead?

IRVING [smiling] It could.

JOE. It works out fine for me: this is my last five thousand and
you hyenas are not gonna get it. [Putting his money in his
pocket, patting Irving on the back] Thanks a lot, Irving.

IRVING. Yeah.

JOE [getting up] See you at Annie's little party in the morning.

IRVING. Ciao, Joe.

JOE [picking up his jacket off the back of the chair] Yeah, ciao.
[The other men say goodbye: Goodnight, Joe; Ciao; Stay sober,
etc.

IRVING [as Joe leaves] Alright! a little seven card stud.

CARD PLAYER 1. Ok with me.

Joe Bradley walks along the street, hands in pockets. He slows

down by a park bench. Princess Ann is lying on it and Joe glances
at her curiously as he walks by.

ANN [sounding drunk because of the drug's effect] Sooooo happy.

[Joe stops, turning round to look at her. Interrupting, as Joe
almost walks on] How are you this evening? [She stirs on the
bench, luxuriously] Mmmmmmmmm.... hmmmmm.... mmmmmmmmmmm..."

JOE [rushing over to prevent her from falling off] Hey! hey, hey,
hey. [Turning her on her back] Hey, wake up!

ANN. Thank you very much, delighted.

JOE. Wake up.

ANN. No, thank you. [Raising her gloved hand to him] Charmed.

JOE [tentatively, shaking her hand] Charmed too.

ANN [after a pause] You may sit down.

JOE. I think you better sit up; much too young to get picked up
by the police.
ANN [as he straightens her] Police?

JOE. Yep, po-lice.

ANN. Two-fifteen and back here to change. Two forty-five...[she

wavers slightly, not fully awake].

JOE [putting a foot up on the bench] You know: people who can't
handle liquor shouldn't drink it.

ANN [she looks up at him] If I were dead and buried and I heard
your voice beneath the sod my heart of dust would still rejoice.
Do you know that poem?

JOE. Huh, what do you know? [Sitting down] You're well-read,

well-dressed; you're snoozing away in a public street. Would you
care to make a statement?

ANN. What the world needs is a return to sweetness and decency in

the souls of its young men and-[unable to support it, her head
falls on his shoulder] mmmmmhhhhhhhhmmmmm.....

JOE [he takes his money from his breast pocket and puts it into
his trouser one] Yeah, I er, couldn't agree with you more, but
erm-[hears a car approaches and whistles. A taxi pulls up. Joe
gets up, pats her on the shoulder]. Get yourself some coffee;
you'll be alright. [He goes over to the cab, looks back to see
her lying back down. The driver notices too and looks away
innocently when he sees Joe looking at him. Joe goes back over to
Ann, trying to stir her] Look: you take the cab.

ANN [without stirring] Mmmmm. Joe looks back at the driver who
rests his arm against the window, impatiently.

JOE. Come on; [takes her up by the arm] climb in the cab and go
home.

ANN [as she drags herself to her feet, helped by Joe]

Mmmmm...mmmmmm, so happy.

JOE. You got any money?

ANN. Never carry money.

JOE. That's a bad habit.

ANN. Mm.

JOE. Alright, I'll drop you off; come on. [He leads her to the
taxi].

ANN [brightly; noticing it for the first time] It's a taxi!

JOE. Well, it's not the superchief. [He follows her into the
cab].
CAB DRIVER [says something in Italian] Where are we going?

JOE [to Ann] Where do you live?

ANN. Mmmmmm? [Closing her eyes] Colliseum.

JOE. Now, come on, you're not that drunk.

ANN [laughing] If you're so smart I'm not drunk at all. I'm just
being [her head falls against his chest] verrrrry haaaappy......

JOE. Hey, now, don't fall asleep again.

CAB DRIVER [first speaks something in Italian] Where are we- we

going? [Joe says something in Italian, impatiently.] Ok. [Turns
back around].

JOE. Look, now where do you wanna to go? Hmmm? Where shall I take
you? [Holding her jaw, shaking her head; Ann moans in annoyance]
Where do- where do- where do you live? Huh? huh? Come on. Come
on, [lightly slapping her face with his hand] where do you live?
[The driver looks back, unimpressed] Come on, where do you live?!

ANN [mumbling, half-asleep] I....ohhhhh....Colliseum.

JOE [hopelessy; to the cab driver] She lives in the Colliseum.

CAB DRIVER [shakes his head] It's wrong address. Now look, senor:
for me it is very late tonight ... [some Italian] ... wife ...
[more Italian] ... I have three bambinos-three bambinos, you
know, bambino? [he pretends to cry like a small child] My- my
taxi go home, I- I go home er to- together. Senor-.

JOE [giving up, sitting back] Villa Marguta, fifty-one.

CAB DRIVER [pleased, finally] Villa Marguta, fifty-one. [Pleased]

Oh, [some Italian]! The taxi drives off. The cab arrives outside
the address.

CAB DRIVER. Yes, Villa Marguta fifty-one. [some Italian] I am

very happy. [Joe looks grimly at Ann, asleep beside him] Thousand
lira [some Italian]. Joe responds in Italian. He reaches into
his breast pocket then, remembering, his trouser one and gives
the driver the money].

CAB DRIVER. One, two, three, four mila*. [Gives him back some].

JOE. Ok. [Says something in Italian then gives him back the
money. The driver thanks him in Italian]. Ok, ok. Now look: take
a little bit of that; take her wherever she wants to go. [The
cabbie thinks for a moment, unsure] Hmmm? Capito? Capito. [Some
Italian. The driver nods and they say goodbye to each other. The
driver takes one look at Ann sitting asleep and quickly calls out
to Joe as he leaves].

CAB DRIVER. Oh- no, no; moment, moment, moment! No, no, no [the
cabbie pulls him over by the arm] (JOE. Alright). No, no, no.
JOE [leaning down to the window] Alright, alright; look: as soon
as she wakes up, see? she tell you where she want to go. Ok.

CAB DRIVER. Moment, moment: my taxi not for sleep; my taxi-no

sleep. You understand? you understand?

JOE. Look, look, pal: this is not my problem, see? I never see
her before. Huh? Ok.

CAB DRIVER. It's not your problem, it's not my problem. What you
want: you don't want girl, yeah? Me don't want girl-. Police:
maybe she want girl.

JOE [he relents] Stay calmo, stay calmo, ok, ok, ok. [some
Italian, reassuring him as he opens the cab door and drags Ann
out].

Joe walks up the steps, followed by Ann, head down barely able
to keep awake. He arrives at the front door. As he stops, leaning
forward to open it, Ann rests her head on his shoulder. Before
going through he straightens causing her to stand up, balancing
herself, and then goes through; Ann follows. He shuts the door
behind her, taking her by the hand up the steps. Without thinking
she walks around the outside of the small spiral stairwell
instead of following him up so Joe turns her around with his
hand, leaning over the railing from above (ANN [blissfully
unaware as he leads her around] So happy.), and leads her back
around to the bottom of the steps (ANN. So happy.) and up the
right way. She staggers up steps after him, stopping by a door
as Joe goes to unlock his one a few steps up. In her stupor, she
raises her hand and is about to knock on the neighbour's door
when Joe sees her, running over to catch her hand just in time.
He leads her to the door and unlocks it. He goes in and turns on
the light.

JOE [muttering as Ann follows him in] Out of my head. [He shuts
the door behind her].

ANN. Is this the elevator?

JOE [offended] It's my room. [He turns on a lamp at the other end
of the room, by the bathroom door].

ANN [she almost topples over, walking to the bed and putting a
gloved hand on the endboard to steady herself] I'm terribly sorry
to mention it, but the dizziness is getting worse. [Looking
around] Can I sleep here?

JOE. That's the general idea. [He walks over and opens a wardrobe
on the landing next to the front door].

ANN [poetically] Can I have a silk nightgown with rosebuds on it?

JOE [walking over to Ann, presenting her with some pyjamas] I'm
afraid you'll have to rough it tonight-in these.
ANN [with delight, taking them] Pyjamas!

JOE. Sorry, honey, but I haven't worn a nightgown in years. [He

goes over to open another cupboard by the lamp].

ANN. Will you help me get undressed, please? [she stands ready,
head raised expectantly].

JOE [pauses, unsure, then goes to her] Er...ok. [He undoes her
necktie, sliding it away fom her neck; presenting it to her] Er,
there you are; you can handle the rest. [She looks at it,
blankly, then takes it]. Joe walks over to the table by the
front door, pouring a drink into a glass from a bottle, and
swallowing it.

ANN [just putting down her last glove] May I have some?

JOE [firmly] No. [Puts his glass down, going over to her] Now
look-.

ANN [shaking her head] This is very unusual. [Unbuttoning her

cuffs, then the bottom button of her blouse] I've never been
alone with a man before, even with my dress on. [Pulling up her
blouse out of her skirt] With my dress off it's most unusual.
[With a half-laugh] Hm, I don't seem to mind. [Smiling at him as
she starts to open the remaining buttons] Do you?

JOE. I think I'll go out for a cup of coffee.

ANN [amused] Hm.

JOE [pulling out a pillow from the bed] You'd better get to
sleep. [She starts to sink onto the bed (ANN. Hm?); he catches
her] Oh, no, no; [pointing to the ottoman at the side, leading
her over] on this one.

ANN [still working on her buttons] How terribly nice.

JOE. Hey, hey: [bringing the pyjamas from the bed, presenting
them to her] these are pyjamas; they're to sleep in; you're to
climb into them, you understand?

ANN [taking them] Thank you.

JOE. And you do your sleeping on the couch, see?-not on the bed,
not on the chair: on the couch; is that clear?

ANN. Do you know my favorite poem?

JOE. Ah, you already recited that for me. [He goes to get some
blankets from the bed].

ANN [as he lays them out on the ottoman] I refuse a* rose from a
couch of snows in the Aquasaromian* Mountains. Keats.

JOE. Shelley.
ANN. Keats!

JOE. If you just keep your mind off the poetry and on the
pyjamas, everything'll be alright; see?

ANN. It's Keats.

JOE. I'll be- it's Shelley. I'll be back in about ten minutes.

ANN [to her back as he goes to the door] Keats. [She shakes her
head, looking at the pyjamas slightly confused. Thinking better
of it, Joe takes the bottle and places it on top of the tall
cupboard on the other side of the door. He opens the door and
goes through. Ann turns to face him] You have my permission to
[her skirt slides down] withdraw.

JOE [stopping in the doorway] Thank you very much. [He goes out;
Ann resumes her task of getting undressed].

At the Embassy. The Ambassador is sat at a table, the Countess in

a chair in front and the General standing next to her. All are in
their bedclothes. A man marches to the desk.

AMBASSADOR. Well?

SERVANT. No trace, Your Excellency.

AMBASSADOR. Have you searched the grounds?

SERVANT. Every inch, Sir, from the attics to the cellar.

AMBASSADOR. I must put you on your honor not to speak of this to

anyone. I must remind you that the Princess is the direct heir to
the throne. This must be classified as top-crisis secret. Have I
your pledge?

SERVANT. Yes, Sir.

AMBASSADOR. Very well. [The man turns and marches out. He turns
to the other two]. Now we must notify Their Majesties. The
General looks up at him, worried; the Countess looks up at the
General, standing, and turning to the Ambassador who looks at
them, waiting for an affirmation. Receiving none, he stands up
himself and walks from behind the desk.

Joe arrives back at his apartment building, closes the outside

door, and walks up the stairwell. He unlocks the front door and
walks in.

JOE [about to say something] A-. [Disappointed on seeing her

asleep in his bed] Oh... Looking at her, he slams the door shut,
hard, but she doesn't move a muscle. He goes over to the other
side of the bed and moves the table out of the way, making room.
Then brings the ottoman over and places it next to her. He takes
off his jacket, puts it down and loosens his tie. Then he grabs
the undersheet beneath her and then, calculating, lifts it up
quickly, throwing her from the bed and onto the ottoman. She
stirs slightly after the disturbance, resuming her comfortable
position.

ANN [muttering] So happy.

JOE. The pleasure's mine. [He puts the pillow on the other end of
the bed, muttering as he goes to get undressed] Ah, screwball.

The newspapers are turning out reports. A machine types out the
following bulletin: "A SPECIAL EMBASSY BULLETIN REPORTS THE
SUDDEN ILLNESS OF HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE PRINCESS ANN."

Daytime. A clock in the city strikes 12 noon. Waken by the clock,

Joe stirs in his bed. As the clock continues to ring he rises in
bed, looking out the window as the sunlight streams in. He grabs
an alarm clock, looking at the time, and shaking it.

JOE Holy smoke, the Princess interview-[Ann stirs, half-asleep,

with a questioning "hmmm?"] eleven forty-five. [Ann makes annoyed
noises as she buries herself back into the pillow] Oh, shut up.
Joe jumps up, pulling the curtain back to see outside. He rushes
to the wardrobe but stops, going through his clothes laid over
the chair, retrieving a piece of paper. He puts it back as goes
back to the wardrobe to get his clothes.

Outside the window of an American News Service office. Mr.

Hennessy comes to the window, looking down onto the street
several stories down to see Joe getting out of a taxi, hurriedly
paying the driver. He then sits at his desk, looking through the
morning papers. The headline of the Rome American article,
accompanied by a picture of the Princess, reads: "Princess Ann
Taken Ill: Press Interview Cancelled". Another paper, in Italian,
has an article, also with a picture of the Princess. Joe arrives
in the newsroom, reaching for a phone on a desk.

NEWSMAN. Hi, Joe.

SECRETARY. Good morning, Joe.

JOE. Hello, honey. [He goes over to the secretary, borrowing a

drink of her coffee as she holds it].

SECRETARY. Mr. Hennessy has been looking for you.

JOE. Uh-oh. [He takes some bread from her desk, ripping off a
piece and giving it to her, keeping the rest] Thanks a lot, hon.
[He knocks on the door behind the secretary].

HENNESSY [from inside, angrily] Come in. Joe braces himself,

exchanging a worried glance with the secretary, and then marches
confidently into the office.

JOE [taking a mouthful as he shuts the door behind him; walking

to Hennessy's desk] You've been looking for me?

HENNESSY. Just coming to work?

JOE [innocently] Who, me?

HENNESSY. We start our days at eight-thirty in this office; we

pick up our assignments-.

JOE. I picked up mine last night.

HENNESSY. What assignment was that?

JOE. The Princess, eleven forty-five.

HENNESSY [mouth open] You've already been to the interview?

JOE. Well, sure; I just got back. [Taking another mouthful].

HENNESSY. Well, well, well; all my apologies.

JOE [turning to leave] 'S alright.

HENNESSY [stopping him] Er, this is very interesting.

JOE [trying to get away again] Nah, just routine.

HENNESSY. Tell me, tell me: did she answer all the questions on
the list?

JOE. Well, of course she did. [Rummaging through his pockets]

I've got 'em right here, somewhere.

HENNESSY. Er, don't disturb yourself; I have a copy here.

[Looking at the piece of paper] How did Her Highness react to the
idea of a European Federation?

JOE. She thought it was just fine.

HENNESSY. She did?

JOE [seeing the need to flesh it out, leaning against the desk in
thought] Well, she thought that there'd be...two effects.

HENNESSY. Two.

JOE. The er, direct and the...indirect.

HENNESSY. Oh, remarkable.

JOE. Naturally she thought that the indirect would not be

as...direct...as the direct. That is, not right away. Later on,
of course, well, nobody knows.

HENNESSY. Well, well, well; that was a shrewd observation! They

fool you you know, these royal kids; they've got a lot more on
the ball than we suspect. [Looking at the paper again] How did
she feel about the future friendship of nations?

JOE. Youth.
HENNESSY. Yep?

JOE. She felt that, er [nervously walking around the desk,

sitting on the corner], the youth of the world must lead the way
to a better...[he nervously slides a piece of Hennessy's desk
equipment a few inches] world.

HENNESSY. Hmm-hmm, [sliding it back] original. Er, by the way,

what was she wearing?

JOE [he pauses blankly] Oh, you mean what did she have on?

HENNESSY [chuckling] Well, that's usually what it means. [Joe

nervously adjusts his collar, getting up off the desk again] Er,
what's the matter, is it a little warm in here for you?

JOE [walking back to the front of the desk] No, no, I just
hurried over here.

HENNESSY. Oh, naturally, with a story of these dimensions. Did

you say she was wearing gray?

JOE. No, I didn't say that.

HENNESSY. Well, she usually wears gray.

JOE. Oh well, er, it was a...kind of a gray.

HENNESSY. Oh, I think I know the dress you mean; it has a gold
collar-.

JOE. That's the one, that's the one (HENNESSY [smiling, sitting
back in agreement] That's it.) Yeah, I didn't know exactly how to
describe it but that's it, yeah.

HENNESSY. I think you described it very well. [His expression

changes as he sits forward, standing up dramatically]-In view of
the fact that Her Highness was taken violently ill at three
o'clock this morning, put to bed with a high fever, and has had
all her appointments for today cancelled en toto!

JOE [helplessly] En toto?

HENNESSY. Yes, Mr. Bradley: en toto.

JOE [swallows audibly] Certainly pretty hard to swallow.

HENNESSY. In view of the fact that you just left her, of course.
But here it is, Mr. Bradley [picking up a paper]: all over the
front page of every newspaper in Rome! [he hands him the paper].

JOE. Alright, alright; I overslept. It can happen to anybody!

HENNESSY. If you ever get up early enough to read a morning paper

you might discover little news events [pointing to the article in
the paper]-little items of general interest [Joe looks at the
paper and stares at the picture of the Princess-the same woman as
in his apartment but in a regal gown, necklace and tiara] that
might prevent you in the future from getting immersed in such a
gold-plated, triple-decked, star-spangled lies as you have just
told me! [As Joe continues to stare at the picture, open-mouthed]
If I was you, I would try some other line of business-like
mattress testing.

JOE. Is this the Princess?

HENNESSY. Yes, Mr. Bradley, [pointing to the picture] that is the

Princess. It isn't Annie Oakley, Dorothy Lamour, or Madame Chiang
Kai-Shek. Take a good look at her [Joe closes his eyes in
disbelief]: you might be interviewing her again some day!

JOE [looking at Mr. Hennessy] Am I fired?

HENNESSY. No, you're not fired. When I wanna fire you you won't
have to ask! [Joe looks back and forth and walks straight out of
the office, carrying the paper]-you'll know you're fired! [Joe
walks to the other end of the newsroom, stopping. Shaking his
head, seeing that Joe has left the office] The man's mad. Joe
opens the other door, closing it carefully behind him and dials
the wall-phone in the small foyer. Someone comes in from the
front door and Joe watches him nervously until the man goes into
the office.

An old man, Giovanni, sits down at the desk in his caretaker's

room, picking up the phone. He greets Joe in Italian.

JOE. Giovanni, it's Joe Bradley. Now, listen carefully: I want

you to hurry up to my place and see if there's somebody
there...asleep.

GIOVANNI [amused] A-ha! Say, Mr. Joe: I look; [some Italian] you
wait. [Some Italian]. [He walks to the door as Joe looks back and
forth, impatiently. A few moments later Giovanni walks back to
his desk, smiling. He sits down] Mr. Joe?

JOE [almost shouting] Yeah! [Repeating, quietly] Er, yeah, yeah,

yeah, tell me, tell me!

GIOVANNI. Bellisimo.

JOE [he looks up, very relieved] Giovanni: I love you. Now,
listen...

GIOVANNI. Yes, Mr. Joe. A gun? No!

JOE. Yes, a gun, a knife-anything! But nobody goes in and nobody

goes out! Capito?

GIOVANNI. Ok. [He hangs up, getting up to obey Joe's

instructions]. Joe Bradley, stealing another look at the paper,
puts it in his pocket and walks back into the newsroom on his way
to Mr. Hennessy's office. The secretary looks up, puzzled, and
Joe gestures to her, reassuringly. He strides back into Mr.
Hennessy's office.
HENNESSY. You still here?

JOE [walking over he leans on the side of his desk] How much
would a real interview with this dame be worth?

HENNESSY. Are you referring to Her Highness?

JOE. I'm not referring to Annie (& HENNESSY [repeating his words,
overtaking him] Oakley, Dorothy Lamour, or Madame....)-How much?

HENNESSY. What do you care? you've got about as much chance of

getting-.

JOE. I know, but if I did, how much would it be worth?

HENNESSY. Oh, just a plain talk about world conditions, it might

be worth two hundred and fifty. Her views on clothes of course
would be worth a lot more-maybe a thousand.

JOE. Dollars?

HENNESSY. Dollars.

JOE. I'm talking about her views on everything: [dramatically,

walking over to the front of Hennessy's desk] 'The Private and
Secret Longings [pointing to the layout of an imagined heading in
the air] of a Princess'; her innermost thoughts as revealed to
your own correspondent in a [leaning over Mr. Hennessy's desk,
closer and closer] private, personal, exclusive [in a loud
whisper] interview. [Hennessy looks at him open-mouthed, in a
kind of daze] Can't use it, huh? I didn't think you'd like it.
[Joe walks to the door, opening it and slamming it shut, waking
Mr. Hennessy from his daze].

HENNESSY [shaking his head, as if waking; firmly] Come here!

[Joe, satisfied, walks back over] Love angle too, I suppose?

JOE. Practically all love angle.

HENNESSY. With pictures.

JOE [pausing, thinking] Could be. How much?

HENNESSY. That particular story would be worth five grand to any

news service. But, er, tell me Mr. Bradley-if you are sober-just
how are you going to obtain this fantastic interview?

JOE [confidentially] I plan to enter her sick room disguised as a

thermometer. You said five grand? I want you to [presents his
hand] shake on that. [Hennessy shakes his hand].

HENNESSY [as Joe rushes off to the door impatiently, stopping

him] Ah, you realise, of course, Her Highness is in bed today and
leaves for Athens tomorrow.

JOE. Yep.
HENNESSY. Ah, now I'd like to make a little side-bet with you:
five hundred says you don't come up with the story. [Joe takes
out the paper, unfolding it and taking a good look at the front
page again] What are you lookin' at that for?

JOE. Oh, I just wanna see what time it is.

HENNESSY. Huh?

JOE. Er, what day it is, er-[puts the paper away] It's a deal!

HENNESSY. Now I'd [offering his hand] you to shake. [Joe pauses
then shakes. Hennessy laughs and Joe smiles with him] Now, let's
see, you're into me for about five hundred; when you lose this
bet you'll owe me a thousand. [Laughing] Why, you poor sucker,
I'll practically own you!

JOE. You have practically owned me for a couple of years now, but
that's all over. [As Hennessy continues laughing, leaning on the
desk] I'm gonna win that money and with it I'm gonna buy me a one
way ticket back to New York!

HENNESSY. Go on, go on-I'll love to hear you whine!

JOE. And when I'm in a real newsroom I'll enjoy thinking about
you, sitting here with an empty leash in your hands and nobody to
twitch for you!

HENNESSY [stopping Joe, who stops in the doorway to face him] So

long, [raises his right hand, his finger and thumb in an 'O']
Peachy. [Joe leaves.]

Outside Joe's apartment. Giovanni paces outside the door, a gun

strapped to him, copying the actions of a sentry. A crowd of
children sitting on the stairwell make fun of him. He goes after
them, telling them off and they back away, shouting and laughing.
As the children sit back down on the stairs Joe enters the open
door leading outside and walks up the stairs, carefully avoiding
the children, playfully batting one of them on the head with his
newspaper.

GIOVANNI [as Joe arrives at the top] What's your problem?

JOE. Everything ok, Giovanni?

GIOVANNI [reassuring him, proudly] Listen here, Joe: er, nobody

is come, nobody is go; absolutely nobody.

JOE. Swell! thanks a lot. [He is about to go into his apartment

but stops, turning to Giovanni] Oh er, Giovanni, er... [Putting
his arm round him, leading him to the side] How would you like to
make some money?

GIOVANNI. Money?

JOE. Yeah. [Giovanni responds in agreement in Italian]. That's

the stuff. Now look, I've got a sure thing: double your money
back in two days.

GIOVANNI [suspiciously] Double my money?

JOE. Yeah well, I need a little investment capital to swing the

deal. Now, if you'll just lend me a little cash, I-.

GIOVANNI [says some Italian]. You owing me tomorrow's rent (JOE.

I know, I know, I know.) and you want me to lend you money? (JOE.
Yeah.) [Emphatically] No, [Some Italian] no!

JOE [pointing his paper at him] Tomorrow, you'll be sorry!

Joe goes through his front door, seeing Princess Ann still asleep
in his bed. He shuts the door quietly, fastening the chain
across, also. Joe stands looking at her for a moment then moves
round to the other side of the bed-the side she is facing lying
down. He stands above her, looking at her face then looking again
at the newspaper picture to compare them. He sits down beside her
and moves a lock of her out of the way to get a better view of
her face. He holds the picture up beside her but her hand still
partially covers her face. He tickles her hand and she moves it
restlessly. He leans closer to her:

JOE [quietly] Your Highness? [She stirs with a "Mmmm-mmmmm"].

Your Royal Highness?

ANN [turning to her other side, sighing] Yes... what is it? Joe
sits up in delight, the fact of her identity passing through his
mind. He stands up, excitedly putting the newspaper back in his
pocket, and walks around the bed. Seeing the alarm clock on the
cupboard missing he picks it up from the bed and replaces it. He
replaces the pillow in its proper place, smoothing out the sheets
then walks back around to Princess Ann. He carefully picks up her
left arm, putting it around his neck, then slides his arms under
her head and legs and carries her-blankets included-around to the
other side of the bed. He is about to put her down but sees that
she is holding her the wrong way. All of a sudden he hears police
sirens sound outside and stops for a moment, then, still holding
her, picks up the pillow with one hand and puts it at the other
end of the bed, laying her down gently. She continues sleeping as
he goes over to the window and looks down at the street at some
police cars coming into view around a corner. Looking back
anxiously at the Princess he goes back in.

ANN [stirring slightly] Dear Doctor Bonnachoven.

JOE [not sure what to do] Hmm? [Playing along, not wanting to
disturb her] Oh, oh, sure, yes. Well, er...er, you're fine; much
better. Is there anything you want?

ANN. Hmm? So many things.

JOE. Yes? well tell the doctor (ANN. So many-). Tell the good
doctor everything.
ANN [without opening her eyes, stirring in the bed, spreading her
arm] Mmmmm, I dreamt and I dreamt...

JOE. Yes? Well, er, what did you dream? [Holding her wrist as a
doctor might].

ANN. I dreamt I was asleep on the street and... young man came
and he was tall and strong and-[screwing her face up] he was so
mean to me.

JOE. He was? [He lets her arm down].

ANN. Mmmm. [Blissfully; putting her arm over her eyes] It was
wonderful. She opens her arms, stretching a little. Lying face-
up, not quite awake yet, she looks at the ceiling, seeing the
plumbing visible in the corner-quite different to the
ornamentation of the Embassy bedchamber. Then she looks at Joe
standing over her. She closes her eyes, smiling, then opens them
again, her expression becoming severe as she stares at him.

JOE [cheerfully] Good morning.

ANN [she starts; in a low, worried tone] Where's Doctor

Bonnachoven?

JOE [unbothered] Er, I'm afraid I don't know anybody by that

name.

ANN [puzzled] Wasn't I talking to him just now?

JOE. 'Fraid not.

ANN [suddenly frightened; feeling herself beneath the sheets]

Have- have I had an accident?

JOE. No.

ANN [reassured] Quite safe for me to sit up, huh?

JOE. Yeah, [bending down to her] perfect [he lifts her pillow
back and helps her sit up, leaning against it. She looks at him
all the while, not fully trusting of him]. Joe leans against the
cupboard at the foot of the bed.

ANN. Thank you [he smiles back. She looks down at her pyjamas
then to Joe] Are these yours? He nods. Ann, suddenly panicked,
feels under the sheets for her pyjama bottoms.

JOE. Er, did- did you lose something?

ANN [smiling, relieved] No. No. [Politely, suppressing her

anxiety] W-would you be so kind as tell me w-where I am?

JOE. Well, this is what is laughingly known as my apartment.

ANN [concerned; rising suddenly] Did you bring me here by force?

JOE. No, no, no... [smiling] quite the contrary.

ANN. Have I been here all night...alone?

JOE [smiling] If you don't count me, yes.

ANN [seriously] So I've spent the night here-with you.

JOE [hurrying to reassure her] Oh, well, now, I- I don't know if

I'd use those words exactly, but er, from a certain angle, yes.
Ann looks down, thinking. After a moment, reassured that
everything is alright afterall, laughs.

ANN [presenting her hand] How do you do?

JOE [shaking her hand] How do you do?

ANN. And you are?

JOE. Bradley, Joe Bradley.

ANN. Delighted.

JOE. You don't know how delighted I am to meet you.

ANN [gesturing to the chair to her left] You may sit down.

JOE. Well, thank you very much [he sits down on the bed instead;
she pulls back her legs, looking back at him like a frightened
gazelle]. What's your name?

ANN [she pauses, stalling] Er...you may call me Anya.

JOE. Thank you, Anya. [Cheerfully; rising to go to the table]

Would you like a cup of coffee?

ANN. What time is it?

JOE. Oh, about one thirty.

ANN [panicked] One thirty! [Jumping out of bed towards the door]
I must get dressed and go! [remembering, she grabs the blankets
to cover herself].

JOE [casually; continuing to prepare the coffee] Why? what's your

hurry?-there's lots of time.

ANN. Oh no, there isn't and I've- I've been quite enough trouble
to you as it is.

JOE. Trouble? [Smiling] You're not what I'd call trouble.

ANN [pleased] I'm not?

JOE [going to the bathroom door] I'll run a bath for you. [As he
goes in to turn on the taps on the bath, Ann picks up her clothes
from the floor near the bathroom door, holding them to her chest.
After laying a towel out on the floor next to the bath he comes
back out, gesturing with his arm to her to go in] There you are.
Ann walks to the bathroom, keeping him in front of herself,
turning round to go through the door, then quickly turning around
so as to be able to see him as she shuts the door behind her. As
soon as the door shuts, Joe goes over to the door and in trying
to open it gently, forgets the chain and causes a noise. He
undoes the chain and goes out and down the steps.

Joe goes into a workshop full of people working on sculptures. He

asks one of the men, in Italian, if he can use the phone. Joe
thanks him then dials. As he waits for the phone to be answered
Joe takes out the paper to look at the picture again. The phone
rings in Irving Radovich's studio. He is lying on his back
holding a camera, next to a tub filled with water which produces
a ripple effect on the ceiling. On his leg is attached a piece of
string which runs up to a fishing rod, held by a model who sits
on the upper level of the studio, her legs sticking out through
the balcony.

IRVING [aiming his camera] Here we go now. [He takes the picture]
There you are; that does it. [Pulling himself off his back] Oh.
[To the model, trying to put his leg down to untie the string as
she playfully pulls at the rod] Gimme a little slack, will ya?
[He answers the phone] Pronto?

JOE [impatiently] Irving! why won't you answer the phone?

[Calmer] Look, this is Joe. Irving: can you get over here in
about five minutes?

IRVING [sitting back; the model dangles the line around his head]
Oh no, I can't come now, Joe; I'm busy. Oh no-[playfully biting
at the end of the line] Joe: I'm up to my ears in work. [To the
model; covering the mouthpiece of the phone] Go on, get into your
next outfit, will you, Honey?-the canoe. What kind of a scoop,
Joe?

JOE. Look, Irving, I can't talk over the telephone; one word in
the wrong quarter and this whole thing might blow sky-high. It's
front page stuff, that's all I can tell you. It might be
political ro it might be a sensational scandal-I'm not sure
which, but it's a big story and it's got to have pictures!

IRVING. But I can't come now, Joe; I'm busy. [Looking up where
the model is, in a lower tone to the phone] I'm busy now and I'm
meeting Francesca at Rocca's in a half an hour and-.

A charwoman enters Joe's apartment, carrying a bucket and mop.

She puts them down inside and closes the door, muttering a
disdainful "Ah!" at the sight of the bed in a mess. She walks to
the window and opens the curtains. Hearing the sound of water
coming from the bathroom she rushes over and opens the door,
revealing Ann just getting out of the bath, covered in a towel.
She emits a scream of surprise at the intrusion, pulling the
towel up, as the charwoman stands in the doorway, hands on hips.
Ann tries to excuse herself in Italian, shutting the door, but
the charwoman will have none of it and orders her outside, waving
her finger at Ann and strongly reprimanding her in Italian.

CHARWOMAN. Capito?

ANN. No capito-don't understand.

CHARWOMAN. Don't understand? [Ann runs back to the bathroom and

the charwoman mutters more Italian after her].

Joe runs up the stairwell and goes into his apartment. Looking
around, he doesn't see Ann-only his empty apartment tidied and
the bed made. He realises the balcony door is open and goes out
into the sun, finding Princess Ann looking out over the city.

JOE. There you are! [She turns to meet him].

ANN. I was looking at all the people out here. [Smiling, looking
around the buildings] It must be fun to live in a place like
this.

JOE. Yeah, it has its moments. I can give you a running

commentary on each apartment.

ANN [she turns to him, seriously] I must go.

JOE. Hmm?

ANN. I only waited to say goodbye.

JOE. Goodbye?-But we've only just met. How about some breakfast?

ANN. I'm sorry, I haven't time.

JOE. Must be a pretty important date to run off without eating.

ANN. It is.

JOE [walking her back to the apartment] Well, I'll go along with
you, wherever you are going.

ANN. That's alright, thank you; I can find the place. [They walk
back inside] Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed.

JOE. Oh, that's alright; think nothing of it.

ANN. It was very considerate of you-[motioning to the ottoman]

you must have been awfully uncomfortable on that couch.

JOE. No, no-do it all the time. [She smiles as he turns to open
the door].

ANN [as she goes out she turns to shake his hand] Goodbye, Mr.
Bradley.

JOE [shaking her hand] Goodbye. [Seeing her unsure about which
way to go he points to the way out] Oh: go right through there
and down all the steps. She walks down the stairs and he goes
back inside and shuts the door, walking out to the balcony again.
Ann goes through the outside door, watched from above by Joe as
she walks away. He runs back inside and out his front door.
Part-way down the outside steps, Ann stops and turns to run back
up. Joe, running to follow her almost runs into her.

JOE [laughing as they stop on the steps] Well, small world.

ANN. Yes- I- I almost forgot: can you lend me some money?

JOE [as Giovanni appears in the window of the building

overlooking the steps, opposite them] Oh, yeah; that's right, you
didn't have any last night did you?

ANN. Mmm.

JOE [as he reaches for his money he sees Giovanni watching] How
much-[looking back up at Giovanni, uncomfortably] how much was it
that you wanted?

ANN. Well, I don't know how much I need. How much have you got?

JOE. Well, er [looks quickly up at Giovanni], suppose we just

split this fifty-fifty: here's a thousand lira.

ANN. A thousand?! Can you really spare all that?

JOE. It's about a dollar and a half.

ANN. Oh... Well, I- I'll arrange for it to be sent back to you.

What is your address?

JOE. Er, Villa Marguta, fifty-one.

ANN. Villa Marguta, fifty-one. [Smiling] Joe Bradley. Goodbye;

thank you. [She walks down the steps]. Joe watches her from the
top of the steps, exchanging glances with Giovanni. As Ann
reaches the bottom he heads down after her, watched by Giovanni.

GIOVANNI. Ah, double my money, eh? You tell me you want double my
money (JOE [waving his hand up at him, reassuring him] Tomorrow,
tomorrow, tomorrow.) that way? [Repeating to himself, after Joe
has walked past] Eh, tomorrow.

Ann walks out onto the busy city street, dodging a motorbike as
she arrives from a side-street. She looks out fascinated at all
the activity, momentarily intimidated, but then venturing out
confidently as she enjoys the bustle of the city around her. Joe
peers down the street after her, running between the people in
order to keep within sight. He follows her into a market as Ann
wanders along, taking her time, just enjoying herself. She walks
past several vendors offering her their goods. As Ann stops to
look at a stall Joe has to back off, and is instantly targetted
by the nearest vendor who offers him some of his huge melons. He
shakes his head at him, more interested in keeping an eye on Ann
who tries on a pair of shoes at the stall, then pays the woman
vendor for them. Joe's vendor persists and Joe finally buys the
melon off him, which at once quietens him down. So, carrying the
melon, he follows Ann down to another street where she stops,
looking out at the Fontana di Trevi: a magnificent facade
ornamented with statues, fronted by a pool. Ann continues down
the street that runs beside the fountain, stopping outside a
salon to look at the drawings of hairstyles in the window which
surround a mirror. She appears disappointed at the way she looks
in the mirror and, after smiling at the hair of someone who walks
past, decides to go inside. Joe walks up the the shop, smiling
when he sees where she has gone.

Inside the hair salon Ann sits on one of the seats in front of
the large mirror, holding up her long hair as the hairdresser
(Mario Delani) fastens the cover around her.

MARIO DELANI [speaking rather hesitant English] What a wonderful

er, hair you have. [He asks her something in Italian].

ANN. Just cut, thank you.

MARIO DELANI. Just cut? [Takes the scissors from his hair] Well
then, cut, er, so? [he holds the hair at a certain length].

ANN. Higher.

MARIO DELANI. Higher? [He holds the hair further up] Here?

ANN. More.

MARIO DELANI. Here?

ANN. Even more.

MARIO DELANI [impatiently] Where?

ANN [she holds her hair at the shoulders] There.

MARIO DELANI. There. [Snapping his scissors nervously] Are you

sure, Miss?

ANN [emphatically] I'm quite sure, thank you.

MARIO DELANI [he turns he round in the chair, taking her hair in
his hand] All off?

ANN. All off. Joe peers in them through the beaded curtain,
still holding his melon. (MARIO DELANI [uncomfortable as he
starts cutting off her long hair] Off.) Joe goes outside, looking
round, then walks away down the street. Ann sits in the salon
still, her hair covering her face.

MARIO DELANI [pulling apart her hair to see her] Are you sure?

ANN [impatiently] Yes.

MARIO DELANI [dropping her hair back over her face] Yes. [As he
cuts her locks off, working his way round] Off! off; off...[wipes
his forehead with his arm]. Joe finds a public phone down the
street opposite the fountain. Joe waits impatiently, studying his
melon, as another person speaks on the phone, in Italian. Then,
seeing a group of children playing on the statue, goes over to
one of them, passing his melon to a boy. Back in the salon, the
hairdresser cuts of the last lock of her hair.

MARIO DELANI. Off! [He stands to the side of her as they both
study the end result as Ann moves her head slightly from side to
side. She looks down at something but, engrossed in her, the
hairdresser jerks her head back to the centre to get a better
view]. Outside, Joe sees a group of American schoolgirls,
playing and talking around the fountain. He approaches one who
carries a camera.

JOE [gently coaxing her to get a look at the camera] That's a

nice little camera you have there. Ah, it's nice. Mmmm. Er, you
don't mind if I just borrow it, do you? [He tries to coax it off
her but the strap is around her neck].

SCHOOLGIRL 1 [calling out; putting her hand up] Miss Weber!

JOE. I'll give it back... just for a couple of minutes.

SCHOOLGIRL 2 [trying to resist him] No. Go, it's my camera.

Their teacher comes over, looking over Joe darkly. He lets go of
the camera as the teacher leads the student away, then holds his
head in his hand, embarrassed. In the salon someone sweeps the
hair up off the floor. Mario Delani is combing her hair, touching
up the ends.

MARIO DELANI. You musician, maybe? You artist, aha? Painter...? I

know: you model! [She smiles, flattered] Model, hah?

ANN. Thank you.

MARIO DELANI [says some Italian] Finito. It's perfect.

ANN. Oh.

MARIO DELANI [as the hairdresser turns her round from side to
side, looking in the mirror] Y-y-you be nice without long hair.
Now, it's cool, hmm? Cool?

ANN [turning her head to the side, playing with the ends] Yes,
it's, it's just what I wanted.

MARIO DELANI. Grazzi. [As she looks in the mirror] Now, why you
not come dancing tonight with me? You should see, it's so nice:
it's on a boat on the Tibérine, Tiber-the river by Saint Angelo-
[dramatically] moonlight, music, romantico! It's very,
very...[his English vocab runs out] very. Please, you come?

ANN. I wish I could.

MARIO DELANI [disappointed] Oh. [As Ann gets up, taking out her
money] But, but, your friend: I think they not recognise you.
ANN. No, I don't think they will! [She gives him the money].

MARIO DELANI. Oh, thank you very much.

ANN. Thank you.

MARIO DELANI [as she leaves he rushes out the door after her] Ah,
er, senorina. [Standing in the doorway as she turns to him] After
nine o'clock, I'll be there. Dancing on river-remember: Saint
Angelo. If you come, you will me most pretty of all girl!

ANN [she smiles, surprised and flattered] Thank you. Goodbye.

MARIO DELANI [as she leaves] Goodbye. Joe, watching from across
the square, sees her leave and follows her. She passes by a shop
window, stopping to look, and seeing her reflection checks her
new hair. Joe follows her down the street towards the Spanish
Steps. He keeps a safe distance as she waits for a gap in the
traffic, dashing across. She walks up to an icecream vendor
nearby, presenting him with some money.

ANN. Er, [unsure of the word] Gelato?

ICECREAM SELLER [nodding] Gelato. [He bends down to scoop up her

icecream, all of this watched by Joe from the opposite side of
the street].

ANN [taking her icecream] Thank you. [She pays him the money].

ICECREAM SELLER [calling after her] Senorina. [Hands her her

change, speaking some Italian].

ANN. Oh! grazzi. She walks away, licking her icecream. A flower
seller catches her attention as she walks past.

FLOWER MAN [speaks some Italilan, presenting her with some

flowers] It is [some Italian] beautiful lady. [Speaks in Italian,
eagerly trying to make the sell, handing her the flowers. She
shakes his hand in thanks but he waves his hand, speaking more
Italian]...five thousand lira!

ANN [trying to hand them back] No money.

FLOWER MAN. No?

ANN. No. [He replies further, in Italian]. I'm sorry, I've really
no money.

FLOWER MAN. [Some Italian], if you no, eh? [Some Italian].

ANN. Look [she reaches for her money, showing it to him.

Reluctantly, he takes the flowers back] I'm sorry. Feeling sorry
for her, the flower man pulls a flower out and gives it to her.
She offers him her money but he waves his hand, telling her in
Italian that she can keep it.
ANN [thanking him] Grazzi, grazzi. [She walks away]. As Joe
watches her from across the street she sits down on one of the
ornamentations which divide the width of the steps, licking her
icecream. Joe runs up the opposite side, out of view, and then
walks across the width of the steps, behind her. He walks down
the steps towards her, and walking past her, looks round
pretending that he has just noticed her.

JOE. Weeell, it's you!

ANN [looking up at him, smiling] Yes, Mr. Bradley!

JOE [looking at her hair] Or is it?

ANN. Do you like it?

JOE [Sitting down beside her] Yeah... very much. So that was your
mysterious appointment?

ANN. Mr. Bradley: I have a confession to make.

JOE. Confession?

ANN. Yes, I... ran away last night, from school.

JOE. Oh, what was the matter: trouble with the teacher?

ANN. No, nothing like that.

JOE. Well, you don't just run away from school for nothing.

ANN. Well, it were only meant to be for an hour or two. They gave
me something last night to make me sleep.

JOE [he smiles, realising] Oh, I see.

ANN [looking down at the street she finishes her icecream,

rubbing her hands clean] Now I'd better get a taxi and go back.

JOE. Well, look: before you do, why don't you take a little time
for yourself?

ANN [shaking her head, unsure] It may be another hour.

JOE [enthusiastically] Live dangerously: take the whole day!

ANN. I could do some of the things I've always wanted to.

JOE. Like what?

ANN. Oh, you can't imagine... I'd, I'd like to do just whatever
I'd like, the whole day long! [She laughs].

JOE. You mean, things like having your hair cut? Eating gelato?

ANN. Yes, and I'd, [looking down to the street] I'd like to sit
at a sidewalk cafe; and look in shop windows; walk in the rain!
[Joe looks at the blue sky doubtfully] Have fun, and maybe some
excitement. It doesn't seem much to you, does it?

JOE. It's great. Tell you what: why don't we do all those things-
together.

ANN. But don't you have to work?

JOE. Work? [Standing up] No! Today's gonna be a holiday.

ANN [playfully] But you'll want to do a lot of silly things.

JOE [taking her hand] Don't I? First wish: one sidewalk cafe,
coming right up-I know just the place: [he gently pulls her up,
setting off down the steps] Rocca's.

Joe and Ann sit at a table at Rocca's, watching the traffic go

past. Joe sits watching as she eats a bread roll.

JOE. What'll the people at school say when they see your new
haircut?

ANN [laughing] They'll have a fit. What would they say if they
knew I'd spent the night in your room?

JOE [he looks around self-consciously, leaning closer, playfully]

Well, er, I'll tell you what: you don't tell your folks and I
won't tell mine.

ANN [smiling] It's a pact.

JOE. Now, what would you like to drink?

ANN [casually] Champagne, please.

JOE [pausing, slightly taken aback at her extravagance; to the

waiter walking past] Er, commerierie*, er...

WAITER [bending down, inbetween Joe and Ann] [Italian], senor?

JOE. Champagne. [He says something in Italian]. Well, er,

champagne [Italian] for the senorina and er, cold coffee for me.
[The waiter acknowledges in Italian, bows then leaves].

JOE. Must be quite a life you have in that school-champagne for

lunch.

ANN. Only on special occasions.

JOE. For instance?

ANN. The last was my father's anniversary.

JOE. Wedding?

ANN. No, it was...[hesitating] the fortieth anniversary of

umm...the day he got his job.
JOE. Forty years on the job; what do you know about that...
[Probing her further] What does he do?

ANN [thinking, cautiously] Well...mostly you might call

it...public relations.

JOE. Oh, well, that's hard work.

ANN. Yes, I wouldn't care for it.

JOE. Does he?

ANN. I've...heard him complain about it.

JOE. Why doesn't he quit?

ANN. Well, people in that line of work almost never do quit-

unless it's actually unhealthy for them to continue.

JOE [as the waiter delivers the drinks] Uh-huh. Well, here's to
his health then.

ANN [the waiter places a straw by her wine glass] You know:
that's what everybody says.

JOE [after they drink] It's alright?

ANN [sitting back in her chair, relaxing, playing with the straw]
Yes, thank you. What is your work?

JOE [now he stammers nervously] Oh, I'm er, in the selling game.

ANN. Really? how interesting.

JOE. Uh-huh.

ANN. What do you sell?

JOE [he looks blank for a moment then, on hearing a horse in the
street passing by, looks up at it; turning to her] Er,
fertilizer; er, chemicals, you know? Chemicals-stuff like that.
[Ann is somewhat unconvinced then, putting the straw in her
mouth, blows the wrapper off. Joe looks up as it flies over the
table. He smiles at Ann who laughs, very pleased with herself,
holding the straw in her mouth. Joe looks up, brightly; stands
up, shaking Irving's hand as he comes over] Irving! Well, am I
glad to see you.

IRVING [jokingly] Why, did you forget your wallet?

JOE [without laughing] Er, pull up a chair, Irving; sit down with
us here.

IRVING. Aren't you gonna introduce me?

JOE. Er, yes, this is a very good friend of mine, Irving

Radovich; [Ann presents her hand to him; they shake] Anya:
Irving.

IRVING [still holding her hand] Anya...?

ANN. Smith.

IRVING [playfully; pulling up a chair from the next table to use]

Oh, hiya Smithy.

ANN [politely] Charmed [she looks at Joe a little nervously as he

puts the chair down next to her; Irving nods to Joe, impressed at
her manner].

IRVING [sitting down] Hey, er, anybody tell you you're a dead
ringer for-[Joe kicks him in the leg, under the table. In pain]
Oh! [Joe secretly points a finger to Ann. Confused, Irving stands
up] Well er, I guess I'll be going.

JOE. Oh, don't do a thing like that, Irving. Sit down; [pacifying
him] join us, join us, join us.

IRVING [not sure] Well er, just till Fransesca gets here.

ANN. Tell me, Mr. er, er, Radovich: er, what is a ringer?

JOE. (IRVING [to the waiter as he passes] Oh, er, waiter.) It's
an (IRVING. Whiskey, please.) American term and er, (IRVING.
Yeah.) and it means er, anybody who has a great deal of charm.
[Irving's look turns to puzzlement, responding with a questioning
Hmm?].

ANN. Oh. [Politely; interjecting before Irving can speak] Thank

you.

IRVING [again polite] You're welcome. [Irving is about to

question Joe when two women walk past: one puts a hand on his
shoulder and the other runs her hand through his hair as they
walk past. They greet him with a "Ciao".].

IRVING [smiling back at them] Er, ciao.

ANN. Er, M-.

IRVING [to Ann; shrugging] Cousins.

ANN. Mr. Bradley's just been telling me all about his work.

IRVING. Mmm, I'd like to have heard that.

ANN. What do you do?

IRVING. I'm the same rank as [Joe starts coughing, holding his
glass closer to Irving] Joe only I'm a photo-[Joe spills his
glass over Irving. He stands up angry as Ann tries to dry him
with a napkin].
JOE. I'm awfully sorry, Irving!

IRVING [barely keeping his manners] W-w-wha-? What are you-?

JOE. I'm sorry, Irving.

IRVING [to Joe] Look, I can take a hint! [Bowing and smiling,
presenting his hand to Ann] I'll see you around.

ANN. Oh, but your drink's just here; please sit down.

JOE. Yes, here's your drink right now, Irving; take it easy
[Irving looks at Joe, unsure about trusting him]. I'm sorry about
that. Sit down, that's a good fellow [the waiter puts down
Irving's drink and leaves] (Something*).

IRVING [sitting down] You're t-[pausing to wipe the chair dry]

You're twisting my arm, you know.

JOE [trying to communicate to Irving what can't say aloud] Just-

just be a little more careful not to spill...

IRVING. Spill?! Who's been doin' the spilling?

JOE. You.

IRVING. Me?!

JOE [with a half-laugh] Yeah.

IRVING [to Ann] Where did you find this looney? [Smiling at her,
remembering his manners; holding his glass up to her] You're ok;
here's to you, huh? Here's hopin' for the best. [Pausing, looking
between Ann and Joe] If it, if it wasn't for that hair, I- I- I'd
swear that-[Joe kicks his chair back and Irving falls to the
ground. Ann screams in shock. Two men help him up, muttering
words in Italian].

IRVING [as they pull him up] Thanks.

JOE [as he and Ann rush over to help] You slipped, Irving.
Slipped?-you almost hurt yourself that time!

IRVING [losing control] I slipped?! (JOE. Yes.), I almost hurt

myself?! Joe, I didn't slip!

JOE [leading him away from Ann, pretending to examine his neck]
...got a bad sprain there.

IRVING [pushing his arms away] Never mind I got a bad sprain,
Joe.

JOE [motioning to the cafe building] You'd better go in here and

get it fixed up.

IRVING [going with him willingly] Well, yeah, I'd like to-.
JOE [back to Ann; walking to the door, his arm around Irving's
shoulder as if he needs help] Will you excuse us for a minute?

ANN [standing helpless] Yes, of course; I- I'm so sorry. Joe

leads him to the back of the cafe, holding him around the
shoulders, as Irving continues to argue.

IRVING. Now wait, now wait; just a minute; let-; look, Joe, what
are you tryin' to do? now take your hands off-!

JOE [as they reach a private corner in the cafe] Have you got
your letter?

IRVING. What's that got to do with it?

JOE. Have you got it?

IRVING. Yeah! but what are you tryin' to do to me?

JOE [firmly, as Irving tries to pull his arm away] Listen: what
would you do for five grand?

IRVING [he ceases struggling] Five grand?

JOE. Yeah. [Pulling him down into a seat, reaching for a chair
himself and sitting down; speaking in a low tone] Now, she
doesn't know who I am or what I do. Look, Irving, this is my
story; I dug it up, I gotta protect it!

IRVING. She's really the-?

JOE [looking around anxiously] Ssssh! [Quietly] Your tin-types

are gonna make this little epic twice as valuable.

IRVING [musing] 'The Princess Goes Slumming'.

JOE. You're in for twenty-five percent of the take.

IRVING. And it takes five 'g'?

JOE. Minimum-Henessey shook hands on it.

IRVING [counting in his head] ...seven, five; that's- that's

fifteen hundred dollars!

JOE [sternly] It's twelve-fifty.

IRVING [pausing a moment] Ok, now you shake.

JOE [shaking his hand as they stand up] Ok, now, lend me thirty
thousand.

IRVING. Thirty th-? That's fifty bucks; you gonna buy the crown
jewels?

JOE. She's out there now drinking champagne that I can't pay for.
We got to entertain her, don't we?
IRVING. Joe: we can't go running around town with a... hot
princess!

JOE. Ssh, you want in on this deal or don't you?

IRVING [his gives him the money] This I want back Saturday.

JOE. Ok, now where's your lighter? [Irving pulls it out] Let's go
to work. Irving and Joe walk out of the cafe and back to the
table where Ann sits drinking her champagne, observing the waiter
who clears the table.

ANN [hearing them come back out, exchanging smiles with Joe]
Better now?

IRVING. Huh?

ANN [to Irving] Your ear.

IRVING [as Joe sits; holding his ear] My ear? Oh, yeah, er, Joe
fixed it. [He sits; offering her a cigarette from a packet] Er,
would you care for a cigarette?

ANN. Yes, please. [She takes one; smiling to Joe] You won't
believe this but it's my very first.

JOE [knowingly to Irving] Your very first?

ANN. Mm-hm.

IRVING [nodding to Joe] Oh.

JOE. No, er, smoking in school, hmm?

IRVING. Your first cigarette...[he flicks a switch on the

lighter, turning a tiny wheel on the top. After a pause he
switches the lighter on]. There; gizmo works [he lights Ann's
cigarette and she puffs].

JOE. Well, what's the verdict, er... ok?

ANN [she takes the cigarette out; smiling] Nothing to it.

IRVING [laughing] That's right: nothing to it.

JOE [to the waiter at the next table] Er, commerierie, [he says
something in Italian to the waiter, taking out some money].

IRVING [moving his chair round slightly to be more in front of

Ann] Stretch my legs a little, here.

ANN [to Irving] Hm. [She takes another puff of the cigarette].

JOE [as Irving takes a cigarette himself] I'll pick this one up,
Irving.
IRVING [under his breath] Yeah, you can afford it [he holds the
lighter in position again, waiting].

JOE [as he pays the waiter] Well, what shall we do next? Shall
we, er, make out a little schedule?

ANN [turning to Joe] Oh, not that word, please.

JOE [he thanks the waiter in Italian; to Ann, quickly] Oh, I

didn't work sche- school schedule-I meant, er, fun schedule.

ANN [laughs] Yes, let's just go, huh?

JOE. How about you, Irving: are you ready?

IRVING [as Ann puts the cigarette back in her mouth Irving flicks
something on the lighter again] Er, yeah.

JOE [he and Irving rise] Let's go [Ann puts out the cigarette in
the tray and rises also]. As Irving pulls Ann's chair out for
her a woman comes up behind him and greets him in Italian.

IRVING [he takes out his cigarette to greet her] Francesca. Oh,
er, this is...

ANN. Smithy.

JOE. She's a grand girl, Irving [shakes Francesca's hand], grand-

Er, five grand, Irving. [He takes Ann by the hand, leading her
away] Ciao.

IRVING [calling to him as he leaves] Joe!

FRANCESCA. But where are you going now?

IRVING. Honey, I got to work. I'll call you at night [he kisses
her, and runs across the road to catch up to Joe and Ann].

Roman Holiday, Transcribed by Graham (hepburn@unforgettable.com)

ROMAN HOLIDAY TRANSCRIBED BY Graham (hepburn@unforgettable.com)

Part II

The airport. A large four-engined plane with a Royal crest on its

side taxis in. It is observed nervously by the General and the
Ambassador who watch, sitting down, from an observation room. A
stair opens out at the rear of the plane and some men start
leaving the plane, one after the other, greeted at the bottom as
they walk by by some officials. Suddenly, the Ambassador jumps to
his feet, then the General stands up. They look out at the
runway, frowning, at a long line of a dozen or more of the men
filing away from the plane, dressed in black suits and hats.

AMBASSADOR. Look at those men! They were supposed to be

inconspicuous.

GENERAL. You asked for plain clothes. [The Ambassador glances at

him with raised eyebrows].

In the city, Joe drives along the streets on a little Vespa

scooter; Princess Ann riding side-saddle on the back, her arms
wrapped around his waist. She looks out smiling at the sights as
they drive to the Colliseum, looming up before them. They walk
inside the Colliseum, accompanied by a guide who points to the
structure, instructing Ann. Joe follows just behind them, being
joined now by Irving. They walk to the edge, looking down over
the centre of the structure. Ann listens to guide, watched on by
Joe and Irving who lights up a cigarette. Holding the lighter,
Irving signals secretly to Joe who acknowledges him with a
private signal of his own. Back on the streets of Rome and Joe
and Ann ride along on the scooter, followed by Irving in a small
open-topped car. Irving overtakes them and, as Joe points out the
sights to Ann, he takes pictures out of the back of the vehicle,
barely regaining control of the vehicle afterwards. Joe and Ann
drive to a large intersection, where the traffic is directed by a
warden who blows his whistle at them. Nearby, Irving pulls up,
his eye on Joe and Ann. Joe and Ann get off the scooter as Joe
goes to talk to the warden. Irving gets out of his car, peering
round a streeet corner at them, a camera in hand. Seeing Joe
busy, Ann gets back onto the scooter herself, curious to test out
the feel of the handlebars. Irving snaps a picture of her as she
gingerly tests the controls. Suddenly, Ann lets out a shriek of
fright as the scooter takes off. Joe turns round and, quickly
excusing himself from the warden, goes after her. Irving looks
on, helpless. Ann drives the scooter erratically along the side
of the road, scaring some pedestrians crossing the road, who leap
back onto the pavement. Joe, running after her, calls out to her
to stop. Irving runs back to the car. Ann, in sheer delight,
keeps driving as Joe, laughing, jumps on the back of the scooter.
The scooter suddenly goes at speed down the street, turning a
corner, scaring more pedestrians out of the way.

JOE [putting his hands on the handlebars] Let me take this; let
me take over.

ANN [pushing his hands out of the way, putting hers on top] No,
no, no; I- I can do it. The scooter drives head-on into the
traffic, delicately missing a car and bicycle. A tram, swerving
to avoid them, honks at them as they drive across its path. With
difficulty, Irving follows them through the traffic, his
visibility becoming impaired as he passes through a stream of
water coming from a hydrant. Ann mounts the pavement, driving
between some people at a stall and straight through the painting
one of them is showing to the others. They drive through a
sidewalk cafe, weaving between the tables as the diners get up,
outraged at the disturbance. Ann continues on, knocking over a
builder's workbench where a large man is setting up his
equipment. Children run in to help him pick the materials up,
blocking Irving's car in the process. Ann drives chaotically
around a roundabout, scaring a woman who screams and jumps out of
the way, dropping her groceries. Police whistles ring out as the
Polizia get into their cars, joining two motorbikes which give
chase to Ann and Joe's scooter. Ann and Joe tear away down the
street, followed the motorbikes, their sirens wailing. Sometime
later and Ann, Joe, and Irving stand in a room before a judge
sitting at a table. In front of the judge are arranged the
various victims of Ann and Joe's escapade, giving their
testimonies and presenting their damaged goods as evidence. Ann
and Joe answer the various questions of the judge then Joe
presents him with his I.D., holding his head awkwardly back for
the judge since that way it better matches the photo. The judge
looks at the front of the I.D.: it says American News Service.
Joe tells the judge something, putting his arm around Ann to
perhaps better convince him. Irving intervenes, telling the judge
something or other, although the judge looks unimpressed with
what he has to say. Joe points out something to the judge on what
he is looking at on his desk to which the judge reacts favorably.
Irving, Ann and Joe-hand-in-hand, leave; Joe telling them
something or other, saying goodbye to the witnesses and they
smile back.

The three leave the police station laughing, stopping quickly on

seeing the guard posted outside.

IRVING [as they walk by the guard] Oh...[coughs] I'm going

straight from now on. They walk out of earshot then stop, Ann
turning to Joe, puzzled.

ANN. American News Service? What did he mean?

JOE. Huh? Oh, well, you know: say you're with the Press and you
can get away with anything.

IRVING [laughing] Yeah...ha! go to church to get married on a

scooter-that's a hot one. Joe's a wonderful liar! [Ann looks at
them, puzzled]. The witnesses come out of the station together,
congratulating them, shaking Joe's and Ann's hands as they pass.
The large man kisses Ann on the mouth and then turns to Joe,
kissing him on each cheek. He turns to Irving but, on seeing
Irving's beard and thinking better of it, shakes his hand
instead.

IRVING [slightly taken aback; as the man leaves, following the

others] Ciao...

ANN [to Joe] You don't have to look so worried; I won't hold you
to it.

JOE. Thank you very much.

ANN. You don't have to be too grateful!

JOE [smiling] Ok, I won't [in good humour, they walk away].

ANN [stopping] I'm a good liar too, aren't I, Mr. Bradley?

JOE. The best I ever met.

IRVING [dramatically] Uh-huh!

ANN. Thank you very much.

JOE [looking over at a building in the distance] Say... come with
me. Joe takes her arm, leading her away. They arrive in a
small, dark building. They walk inside and up to a large stone
carving of a face in the wall.

JOE. The Mouth of Truth. [He stands on one side, Ann the other.
Irving watches from behind, taking out another cigarette] The
legend is that if you're given to lying, you put you're hand in
there [points to the mouth] it'll be bitten off.

ANN. Ooh, what a horrid idea.

JOE. Let's see you do it. She looks up worried, but seeing Joe
looking at her feels a resolve and, tentatively, she puts her
hand towards the mouth. Irving, "lighting" his cigarette, looks
on. Ann moves her hand, closer and closer but, losing her nerve
at the last minute with a giggle, she pulls it back.

ANN. Let's see you do it.

JOE [he looks worried for a moment, then finds his nerve] Sure.
Joe takes a step forward, moving his hand onto the lip of the
mouth. Ann, unblinking, leans foward from the tension. Joe slides
his fingers into the mouth and then his hand up to the wrist.
Suddenly he gives out a loud cry, pulling back, as if the mouth
has hold of his hand and won't let go. Ann screams and rushes to
his side, pulling at him from behind. Joe takes out his hand,
apparently severed at the wrist and Ann screams in fright,
putting her hands over her face. Smiling, he lets his hand spring
open, out of his sleeve.

ANN [laughing, as Joe takes her in his arms as she throws herself
toward him, playfully beating her fists at him] You beast! it was
perfectly alright! You've never hurt your hand!

JOE [letting her go] I'm sorry, it was just a joke! Alright?

ANN [laughing still] You've never hurt your hand.

JOE [calming her] I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Ok?

ANN [regaining her composure] Yes.

JOE. Alright, let's go. [They turn to leave and he cries out,
jumping away from the Mouth] Look out! Ann screams, running out
of the building. Joe follows her, laughing, followed by Irving.
Later on, Irving pulls up on a quiet street.

IRVING [to Joe as he stands up to climb out of the car] I'll park
at the corner. Joe opens Ann's door and she climbs out. Joe is
about to climb out of the open-roofed car but seeing Ann holding
the door for him bends down under the rim of the door, barely
squeezing through. Ann smiles at him as he struggles out. As
Irving drives away, Joe follows Ann as she walks across the wide
footpath, stopping before the huge wall covered top to bottom
with small plaques. A little further up the footpath there is a
woman kneeling down at a small prayer bench who stands up,
crossing herself before leaving.

ANN. What do they mean, all these inscriptions?

JOE [walking with her alongside the wall] Well, each one
represents a wish fulfilled. All started during the war when
there was an air raid-right out here. A man with his four
children was caught in the street. They ran over against the
wall, [pointing behind them] right there, for shelter; prayed for
safety. Bombs fell very close but no one was hurt. Later on, the
man came back and he put up the first of these tablets. Since
then it's become sort of a shrine: people come, and whenever
their wishes are granted [stopping, turning round to look back]
they put up another one of these little plaques.

ANN [looking back along the wall] Lovely story.

JOE [taking her arm, directing her over to the wall] Read some of
the inscriptions. [Irving stands beside the wall, holding his
camera, "lighting" another cigarette. She walks over and looks at
some of the plaques for a moment]. Make a wish [looking down, she
nods]. Tell the doctor?

ANN [turning around] Anyway, the chances of it being granted are

very slight.

IRVING [walking to them] Well, what now?

ANN [hopefully] I've heard of a wonderful place for dancing on a

boat.

JOE. Oh, you mean the barges down by Saint Angelo.

ANN [excitedly] Yes! couldn't we go over tonight?

IRVING. Hey, why not?

JOE. Anything you wish.

ANN. And at midnight I'll turn into a pumpkin and drive away in
my glass slipper.

JOE. And that'll be the end of the fairytale. [To Irving] Well, I
guess, er, Irving has to go now.

IRVING. I do?

JOE. Yes, you know, that big business development of yours that
you have to attend to.

IRVING. Ah-[he remembers] oh, the development.

JOE. Yes, can't afford not to take care of that.

IRVING. Yeah. Er, I'll, er, [shaking her hand] see ya later,
Smithy.
ANN. Good luck for the big development.

IRVING [waving as he leaves] Yeah, thanks. Ann smiles after

Irving as he leaves. They hear the sound of horses' hooves on the
road approaching and turn round to look. Joe looks back at her,
asking, then she nods, smiling. Joe whistles at the driver and
they walk over to the carriage as it stops, getting on.

Evening, it is dark. Music greets Joe and Ann as they walk down
the steps on the way to the barges. He pays the ticketseller as
Ann stands, watching the dancing across the river.

JOE [to the ticketseller] Grazzi. [He walks over to Ann, smiling
to her and they continue]. They walk onto the dance floor and
start dancing. Two men in black suits and hats (Secret Service
men) watch out over the people. One of them turns to watch the
dance floor and notices Joe and Ann, watching them as they dance.
The Secret Service man stands on his feet and the other looks
over at what he is watching. As the music stops for the next
song, the man speaks some Italian to the other who leaves, and
continues watching as the next dance starts. The other man runs
back towards the steps, away from the dancers. Joe and Ann
continue dancing-closer now as it is a slower song. She rests her
head on his shoulder, her eyes closed and smiling. She looks up
at him.

ANN. Hello.

JOE [as they look at each other] Hello. Joe smiles as she rests
her head against his chest and they continue. The band finishes
the dance and the audience claps, the dancers on the floor
dispersing. Joe and Ann walk over to the side of the floor.

ANN [looking up to him as she sits down] Mr. Bradley: if you

don't mind my saying so, I think you are a ringer.

JOE [confused] Oh- wha-? [Understanding, smiling; sitting down]

Oh. Thanks very much.

ANN. You spent the whole day doing things I've always wanted to.
Why?

JOE [guiltily] I don't know. Seemed the thing to do.

ANN. I never heard of anybody so kind.

JOE [he looks down, hiding his guilt] Wasn't any trouble.

ANN. Also completely unselfish.

JOE [Joe looks over to the other side of the barge, motioning to
Ann] Let's have a drink at the bar. [Joe takes her hand and they
walk over].

MARIO DELANI [turns to Ann, smiling] Oh! Finalmentez: there you

are! [Remembering his manners to the woman apparently
accompanying him] Er, scusatmitanto. [Turning immediately back to
Ann] I look for you long time-I think maybe you not come [he
pauses, noticing Joe standing just behind her, watching. He
motions to her hair]. Ah, off; all off!

ANN. Oh, it's nice without, isn't it? Cool.

MARIO DELANI. Oh, very, very good.

ANN [introducing him] Mr. Bradley.

MARIO DELANI. I, Mario Delani.

JOE. Old friends?

ANN. Oh, yes; he cut my hair this afternoon. He invited me here,

tonight.

JOE [to Mario] Wha- what did you say the name was?

MARIO DELANI [shaking Joe's hand] Delani, Mario Delani.

JOE. Mario Delani, I'm very glad to know you.

MARIO DELANI [the band starts playing again] Me too. [To Ann,
using his hands, unsure of his English] Oh, may I enjoy myself,
er, the pleasure? [To Joe] Do you mind?

JOE. No, no; go right ahead.

MARIO DELANI. Thank you. Ann takes his hand and they go out on
the floor to dance. Joe, watches them dancing for a moment then
takes out a notebook, quickly writing something down. Irving
arrives at the bottom of the steps, saying something in Italian
and holding up his camera as he walks past. He walks towards the
barges. The Secret Service man watches Ann as she dances with
Mario.

IRVING [to Joe, at the bar] Ciao, Joe. Did I miss anything?

JOE [quietly] You're just in time, pal.

IRVING. Who's Smithy dancing with?

JOE. Barber-cut her hair this afternoon, made a date for tonight.

IRVING [musing as he watches them] 'The Princess and the Barber'.

[Mario and Ann continue dancing, having a great time.] Irving
walks around the other side of the bar, his camera placed on the
table, Joe hiding it from the view of the floor. The barman
protests but Irving reassures him, keeping his eyes on Ann.
Irving watches, waiting, and then, with a signal, Joe jumps away
and the bulb flashes as Irving takes the picture. In an instant
Joe jumps back, nonchalantly looking up at the sky while Irving
takes his glass, doing the same. Ann looks out across the floor
and then, seeing Joe and Irving, waves. Irving lifts his glass in
acknowledgement. On the bridge, up above the dancing, several
cars pull up. Several men climb out, rushing over to the steps.
The first Secret Service man, smoking a cigarette, watches the
men approach. The men walk over to the tables. Ann continues
dancing with Mario who suddenly stops, looking at her hair.

ANN. What is it?

MARIO DELANI. Moment. [He stops, thinking, and then, taking out a
comb, brushes her fringe apart which he delicately curls around
with his comb into two neat tufts. He puts his comb away,
satisfied. Ann moves to touch her hair but Mario quickly motions
her to leave it alone and they continue dancing. One of the
Secret Service men stands leaning against a structure, swinging
his hand to the beat, smiling. The man watching behind rebukes
him with a word and his expression turns serious as he pulls his
hat down, putting his hands in his pockets, looking out again
over the dancing. The music stops and everyone applauds the
musicians.

MARIO DELANI. Thank you. [The first Secret Service man comes over
to Ann then Mario, seeing him, says something to Ann in Italian,
then "Bye", and leaves her to him]. Ann smiles slightly but
nervously to the man and they start to dance. They turn several
times, then the man speaks in her ear.

SECRET SERVICE MAN. Your Highness. [She looks at up him sharply,

and tries to pull away but he holds her] You'll dance quietly
towards the entrance. There is a car waiting.

ANN [desperately; trying to pull away] No.

SECRET SERVICE MAN. Your Highness, please.

ANN [as he forces her over to the side] You- you've made a
mistake. [Tells him in Italian, pretending, that she doesn't
speak English] Let me go. [Loudly] Will you let me go! [Shouting]
Mr. Bradley! [Joe looks up and starts toward her, looking for her
in the dancers] Let me go, will you? Mr. Bradley! Irving looks
around from his drink and, seeing the problem, rushes after Joe.
Two of the Secret Service men drag Ann away from the barges but
Joe catches them and pushes them away, pushing one of them down,
and taking Ann by the arm. Joe punches one man who tries to pull
Ann the other way but the other one manages to push Irving over
the railing of the gangway and almost into the water. Joe and Ann
run to the other side of the floor, where the dancers have
dispersed and are watching the action. Joe sees more Secret
Service coming from the other side so he runs back the other way.
Cornered, he confronts them head-on as they close, Ann standing
to the side as he throws one over the side. Ann has the presence
of mind to throw him a life belt to him and the crowd cheers.
Irving meanwhile struggles with one of the men, having his beard
pulled, but responds to this with an angry punch to the face.
Mario runs over his hair with his comb, muttering some Italian to
the people near him before rushing in to the fray to help Joe.
The conductor of the band motions to the musicians to start
playing and they respond with an energetic tune. The scene of
chaos continues, Joe and Irving and Mario laying into the Secret
Service men. Distracted, two of the men manage to grab Ann and
drag her away. Joe runs after, Irving following with his camera.
Joe pushes one of the men to the ground and the other responds
with a punch, freeing Ann. Ann looks around her for a way to
help, picking up a bottles and throws it weakly at Joe's man. Joe
keeps fighting with the man as Ann picks up a guitar lying near
the band and stands behind him, on a chair. One of the men starts
towards her and there is drum roll as she lifts the guitar over
her head, then swings it down, hitting him full on the head,
stunning him for a moment.

IRVING [excitedly, trying to get his camera ready, having missed

the shot the first time] Hit him again, Smithy! The drummer
rolls again as Ann swings the guitar back, then releasing it and
smashing it over the man's head-the camera flashing as she does
so. Police sirens sound and the Polizia arrive, packed into
their cars. As they spill out, Joe, Ann, and Irving start to
leave the scene, leaving the Secret Service men staggering or
lying about the dance floor, dazed.

IRVING. Joe, give me my car keys.

JOE [to Irving; he stops, pointing at the police] Police, police.

IRVING [seeing them arrive in numbers they change their

direction] The other side of the bridge. As Joe and Ann run
across the barges, Irving tries stalling the men who try to
follow with a life belt but they make it past him, running to
follow Ann. Joe and Ann run through a boathouse and on reaching
the other end walk along the outside edge, just above the water.
Unseen, a Secret Service man covers the outside of the boathouse
as they double back. Joe peers round the corner and the man
surprises him with a punch to the face, knocking him into the
water. Ann knees him in the groin and pushes him away. She holds
her nose and dives in after Joe, just escaping the reach of the
man as he tries to stop her. The Polizia arrest the remaining
Secret Service men and take them away, one of them being dragged
by a guitar around his neck, his head clean through the guitar.
The band starts up again and people replace the fallen furniture
as the crowd waves across the water, apparently after Joe and Ann
as they swim away. Joe and Ann stagger out of the water,
completely wet through. Joe leads her to a rock where they sit
down, Joe rubbing her around the shoulders as she shivers.

JOE. Alright?

ANN. Fine. How are you?

JOE. Oh, fine! [They laugh out loud for several moments. He looks
at her] Say, you know, you were great back there.

ANN. You weren't so bad yourself-[she stops suddenly, looking

into his eyes. He leans forward and kisses her. They stop several
moments later and look into each other's eyes].

JOE [after a pause] Well.... I... I guess we'd better get

Irving's car, and get out of here. They stand up and hurry on
their way.

Joe enters his apartment, takes off his jacket and closes the
door. Inside, the radio is on, playing soft piano music. An
announcer comes on: "This is the American Hour from Rome,
continuing our musical selections". In the bathroom, Ann gets
herself ready, dressed in a bedrobe. Looking in the mirror, she
smooths her hair over. She goes outside, standing beside the
closed door. Joe, preparing a drink, greets her with a smile.

JOE [with a laugh] Everything ruined?

ANN. No. They'll be dry in a minute.

JOE. Suits you-you should always wear my clothes.

ANN. Seems I do [Joe laughs].

JOE [giving a her a glass of wine] I thought a little wine might

be good.

ANN. Shall I cook something?

JOE. No kitchen; nothing to cook; I always eat out.

ANN. Do you like that?

JOE. Well, life isn't always what one likes-[pauses] is it?

ANN. No, it isn't [Ann sits down].

JOE. Tired?

ANN. A little.

JOE. You've had quite a day.

ANN. A wonderful day [she smiles as the radio announcer comes

on].

RADIO ANNOUNCER. This is the American Hour, from Rome,

broadcasting a special news bulletin in English and Italian.
Tonight there is no further word [Ann stands up, walking to the
radio; Joe stands still, his back to her] from the bedside of
Princess Ann in Rome, where she was taken ill yesterday, on the
last leg of her European goodwill tour. This has given rise to
rumours that her condition may be serious, which is causing alarm
and anxiety among the people in her country. [The radio starts to
repeat the bulletin in Italian so Ann switches it off].

ANN. The news can wait till tomorrow.

JOE. Yes.

ANN [she walks to him] May I have a little more wine? [He pours
her some more] Sorry I couldn't cook us some dinner.
JOE [as Ann drinks from the glass] Did you learn how in school?

ANN. Mmmm, I'm a good cook; I could earn my living at it. I can
sew too, and clean a house, and iron-I learned to do all those
things, I just haven't had the chance [slowing, turning away] to
do it for anyone.

JOE. Well, looks like I'll have to move; and get myself a place
with a kitchen.

ANN [she turns around to look at him, heart-broken] Yes [they

look at each other for a moment then Ann looks down and drinks
the rest of her wine. Ann chokes back her sorrow] I... will have
to go now. [She stands for a moment, Joe looking at her, then
runs into his arms, crying on his shoulder].

JOE [comforting her] Anya... there's... something that I want to

tell you.

ANN. No, please [she looks at him and kisses him] nothing. [They
hold each other for a moment then Ann looks down] I must go and
get dressed. Ann walks to the bathroom. Joe stands with his back
to her, heart-broken. He walks over to pick up his jacket and
puts it on.

Solemnly, without speaking, Joe drives Ann through Rome.

ANN [looking straight ahead] Stop at the next corner, please.

JOE. 'K. [He slows down, stopping at a corner and leans forward
to see the Embassy gate visible down the street] Here?

ANN [looking out her window] Yes. [Looking down, without looking
at him] I have to leave you now. I'm going to that corner [she
looks out], there, and turn. You must stay in the car and drive
away. Promise not to watch me go beyond the corner. Just drive
away and leave me, as I leave you.

JOE [solemnly] Alright.

ANN [keeping back the tears] I don't know how to say goodbye. I
can't think of any words.

JOE. Don't try. They look at each other and she throws her self
into his arms, holding her tight. They kiss, passionately, then
hold each other for a few more moments and Ann cries against his
shoulder. They release, enough for her to turn around to look
back down the street, then she looks at back him. They manage a
smile at each other and then Ann looks down, unable to stay the
inevitable. Turning away from him, she opens the door and gets
out. Without looking back she starts off down the street, her
walk turning into a run. Joe watches her as she disappears round
the corner. Joe looks out at the empty street toward the gate and
looking as if he might go after her but, after a pause he looks
away, glumly, then switches on the engine and drives off. In the
Embassy. Princess Ann stands in a large room across from the
others in their bedclothes: Ambassador; the Countess, who is
upset, wiping her nose with a handkerchief; and the General, who
stands grim-faced.

AMBASSADOR. Your Royal Highness: twenty-four hours-they can't all

be blank.

ANN. They are not.

AMBASSADOR. But what explanation am I to offer Their Majesties?

ANN. I was indisposed. I am better.

AMBASSADOR. Ma'am: you must appreciate that I have my duty to

perform, just as Your Royal Highness has Her duty-.

ANN. Your Excellency: I trust you will not find it necessary to

use that word again. Were I not completely aware of my duty to my
family and my country, I would not have come tonight. [The look
at her, in silence; after a pause, grimly] Or indeed ever again.
[Ann walks across the room] Now, since I understand we have a
very full schedule today, you have my permission to withdraw.
[They stand for a moment, then bow and walk away. At the door,
the Countess takes a tray from a servant] No milk and crackers.
[The Countess gives them back, about to shut the door] That will
be all, thank you, Countess. [The Countess bows in respect and
then goes out, closing the door]. Alone in the room the Princess
walks slowly over to a window, looking out over the city in
silence.

The next day, Joe sits in his apartment, looking out of his
window over the town. There is a knock at the door and Joe looks
up, hopefully. The knocking persists and he walks to the door
slowly and opens it, then turns around in disappointment.

HENNESSY [bursting in] Joe, is it true: did you really get it?

JOE [turning back to him, hands in pockets] Did I get what?

HENNESSY. The Princess story, the exclusive: did you get it?

JOE. No, no, I didn't get it [he turns away].

HENNESSY. What? But that's impossible!

JOE. Have a cup of coffee or something?

HENNESSY [waving his finger at him] Joe, you can't hold out on
me.

JOE. Who's holding out on you?

HENNESSY. You are.

JOE [absently, pretending to busy himself with something on the

desk] What are you talking about?

HENNESSY. I know too much: First you come into my office and ask
about an exclusive on the Princess; next, you disappear; then I
get the rumour from my contact at the Embassy that the Princess
isn't sick at all and she's out on the town.

JOE. What kind of a newspaper man are you? You believe every two-
bit rumour that comes your way?

HENNESSY. Yeah? And a lot of other rumours: about a shindig at a

barge down by the river [Joe looks up, his eyes brightening at
the recollection] and the arrest of eight Secret Service men from
a country which shall be nameless. And then comes of news of the
lady's miraculous recovery. It all adds up! And don't think by
playing hard-to-get that you're raised the price of that story: a
deal's a deal! [Pushing him out of the way, rummaging through the
papers on his desk] Now, come on, come on, come on: where is that
story?

JOE. I have no story [he pushes past him, walking to the table
with the wine on]

HENNESSY [as Joe pours a drink] Then what was the idea of-.

IRVING [loudly, approaching from outside] Joe! [He bursts in,

carrying a large envelope] Man, wait till you see these!

JOE. Irving.

IRVING [walking to Mr. Hennessy, holding out the packet] Hiya,

Mr. Henne- oh, you got here at the right time. (JOE. Irving.)
Wait till you get a look at-[Joe discreetly throws his drink, all
over Irving]. What's the idea?!

JOE. What do you mean, charging in and spilling things all over
my place.

IRVING. Who's spilling?

JOE. You did-I spoke to you about that once before, don't you
remember?

IRVING. Joe, look at my pants!

JOE [pulling him by the arm to the bathroom] Yeah, you better
come in here and dry 'em off, Irving.

IRVING [protesting, pulling away from him] Aww, knackers to that.

[Smiling] Hey, did you tell him about Smithy?

JOE. Irving.

HENNESSY. Smithy?

IRVING. Oh ho! Mr. Hennessy (JOE. Irving.), wait till you-[Joe

trips him as he walks to Mr. Hennessy].

JOE. There you go again, Irving.

IRVING [getting up, steaming] Joe. Listen, th-.

JOE. Hey, alright, save that till later; you're here early
anyway. Why don't you go home and shave!

IRVING [putting a hand on his beard] Shave?

JOE. Yeah, or else keep quiet till Mr. Hennessy and I are
finished talking.

HENNESSY [walking over, putting his hat on] Hey, what kind of a
routine is that? What are you guys up to? [Hands on hips] Who's
Smithy?

JOE [quickly] Oh, he's a guy that we met; you wouldn't care for
him.

HENNESSY [grabbing the envelope from Irving] What am I supposed

to look at?

JOE [quickly, grabbing the envelope back] Oh, just a couple of

Irving's dames; you, you wouldn't like 'em. [Smiling; opening the
envelope] Er, maybe you would...

HENNESSY [stopping him] Don't change the subject! When you came
back into my office, yesterday-.

JOE. Yeah, I know, yesterday at noon I thought I had a lead, but

I was wrong! That's all there is to it; there is no story [Irving
looks at him, perplexed].

HENNESSY. Ok; she's holding the press interview today, same time,
same place-maybe that's one story you can get. [He walks to the
door, turning back, pointing a finger at him] And you owe me five
hundred bucks!

JOE. Take it out of my salary, fifty bucks a week.

HENNESSY. Don't think I won't! [He leaves].

IRVING. Hey, what gives? Have we had a better offer?

JOE. Irving... I, I don't know just how to tell you this, but-.

IRVING. Wait till I sit down [he sits].

JOE. Well, in regard to the story that goes with these: there is
no story.

IRVING [pausing] W-why not?

JOE [walking away to pour another drink] I mean not as far as I'm
concerned.

IRVING [he looks at Joe and, understanding, pauses for a moment]

Er, well, the er, pictures came out pretty well. You wanna have a
look at 'em? [he goes to the bed, spreading the pictures out. He
holds one up to Joe as he comes over] Huh? [Enthusiastically; as
Joe takes it, smiling] How about a blow-up from a negative that
size, huh?

JOE [laughing] Yeah. [Joe picks some pictures up] Ha, that's her
first cigarette, huh?

IRVING. Oh yeah, at Rocca's. [Joe displays the next one] Hey, the
Mouth of Truth. [looking at the next one they laugh. It's of Ann
and Mario, dancing] Oh, you wanna know the caption I had in mind,
there? 'Barber cuts in'-huh?

JOE [taking another from the bed] Well, here's the one I figured
would be the key shot for the whole layout: [the picture is of
Ann looking at the plaques] 'The Wall Where Wishes Come True',
hmm?

IRVING. Joe, that's good. Lead off with that then follow up on
the wishes?

JOE. Yeah.

IRVING [he picks up another one] I dug that up out of a file:

'Princess Inspects Police'.

JOE. Yeah, but-.

IRVING [handing him the next one, of Ann in custody after the
scooter ride] 'Police Inspects Princess'. Huh? [They laugh] How
about that?

JOE. Yeah. [Laughing] Pretty good, pretty good. [Irving hands him
the next one: of Ann smashing the Secret Service man over the
head with the guitar] Wow!

IRVING. Is that a shot?

JOE. What a picture!

IRVING. Is that a shot, Joe? 'Body Guard Gets Body Blow'!

JOE. Yeah. No, no, how 'bout this: 'Crowned Head'-huh?

IRVING. Oh, I get it- That- Joe, you got-[Joe face loses its
humour and Irving's enthusiasm fades]. She's fair game, Joe. It's
always open season on princesses. [Shaking his shoulder] You must
be out of your mind!

JOE. Yeah, I know but, er, look I can't prevent you from selling
the pictures if you want to. You'll get a good price for 'em.

IRVING. Yeah! [he bends over the bed to gather the pictures up].

JOE. You going to the interview?

IRVING. You goin'?

JOE. Yeah. Well, it's an assignment, isn't it?

IRVING. Yeah. [Irving closes the envelope, noticing his soaking

pants. He lifts them off his wet leg, looking at Joe, annoyed. He
goes out the door, talking back to Joe, disappointed] I'll see
you. Joe stands and watches him leave.

The huge Embassy hall. The floor teams with journalists and
photographers, milling around. Joe and Irving enter, standing at
the entrance.

IRVING [looking up at the incredible ornation in the building] It

ain't much, but it's home. They walk into the crowd. A man
approaches at the front of the room, on top of the landing and
walks to right of the ornate chair sat in the centre. Several
steps lead up to the landing from the floor and are carpeted down
the centre. Standing motionless at the top of the steps the man
claps twice, loudly.

EMBASSY ANNOUNCER. Ladies and Gentlemen: please approach. The

crowd moves forward, pressing to the front behind the rope that
marks the boundary. Joe and Irving move to the front, towards the
right side of the gathering. The Master of Ceremonies approaches
from the back also, walking to the other side of the first man,
standing still. The Master of Ceremonies announces, in Italian,
"Her Royal Highness", then again in English. He then stands
sideways and waits. In a moment, the Princess emerges
accompanied by the Ambassador, the Countess, the General, and
many others behind. Joe smiles slightly as she approaches.
Princess Ann stands in front of the chair.

AMBASSADOR. Your Royal Highness: the ladies and gentlemen of the

Press [he motions with his hand]. Princess Ann turns to the
gathering, raising and lowering her head in acknowledgement to
them. As she looks over them her eyes fall on Joe and she starts
just slightly, her expression hardening a little. She looks down
as the Ambassador motions to the chair with his hand. She sits
back gracefully, looking back up at Joe. They exchange looks. Ann
turns her head, nodding to the Master of Ceremonies.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES [he bows, then turns to the group] Ladies

and Gentlemen: Her Royal Highness will now answer your questions.

CHIEF OF CORRESPONDENTS [standing in the crowd of journalists;

speaking slowly, formally] I believe at the outset, Your
Highness, that I should express the pleasure of all of us at your
recovery from the recent illness.

ANN. Thank you.

AMERICAN CORRESPONDENT [speaking from the crowd] Does Your

Highness believe that Federation would be a possible solution to
Europe's economic problems?

ANN. I am in favour of any measure which would lead to closer

cooperation in Europe.
CORRESPONDENT. And what, in the opinion of Your Highness, is the
outlook for Friendship Among Nations?

ANN. I have every faith in it-[pausing; turning to look at Joe]

as I have faith in relations between people [the people on the
stage around her look about, slightly baffled; the press
gathering stirs slightly].

JOE. May I say (speaking from my own press service) we believe

that Your Highness's faith will not be unjustified.

ANN [looking at Joe; smiling very slightly to him] I am so glad

to hear you say it.

CORRESPONDENT. Which of the cities visited did Your Highness

enjoy the most? Ann pauses as she looks at Joe.

GENERAL [quietly, prompting her] Each in its own way...

ANN. Each in its own way was...unforgettable. It would be

difficult to-[she stops, then her face softens]. Rome; by all
means, Rome. [The press stirs, muttering to themselves quietly.
She turns to look at Joe] I will cherish my visit here, in
memory, as long as I live.

CORRESPONDENT. Despite your indisposition, Your Highness?

ANN [turning to the correspondent] Despite that.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES. Photographs may now be taken. The

photographers swarm out from both sides from under the rope,
jostling before the steps as they photograph her. Princess Ann
stands up for them, stepping forward. As the photographers
finish, Irving steps up, smiling to Ann as he holds his small
cigaretter lighter camera. He bends forward, looking into it, as
Ann smiles at him from above. Her expression turns to
astonishment when she realises what is it that he is using as a
camera. Irving smiles at her and Ann looks over at Joe who also
smiles back. The last of the photographers retreats behind the
rope. Irving rejoins Joe behind the rope.

GENERAL. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much.

ANN [to the Ambassador, who is slightly taken aback] I would now
like to meet some of the ladies and gentlemen of the Press. Ann
walks down the steps, stopping as the Countess and the General
walk down to accompany her. When they stop, she continues,
walking down the steps and to the left of the gathering, smiling
as she walks to up to the journalists.

AMERICAN CORRESPONDENT. Hitchcock, Chicago Daily News.

ANN [as she shakes his hand] I'm so happy to see you, Mr.
Hitchcock.

AMERICAN CORRESPONDENT. Thank you. Princess Ann walks walks

along to meet the next one.
CORRESPONDENT. European Correspondent [bowing slightly] Scanziani
de La Suisse [she shakes his hand].

GERMAN CORRESPONDENT. Deutsche Presse Agend.

ANN [shaking his hand] Freut mich sehr!

BELGIAN CORRESPONDENT. Maurice Montaberis, le Figaro [he bends

forward, kissing her hand].

DUTCH CORRESPONDENT (Woman) [curtsies] *, * Amsterdam.

ANN [shaking her hand] * [the woman curtsies again].

FRENCH CORRESPONDENT. Jacques Ferris, Ici Paris.

ANN [shaking his hand] Enchanté! Irving looks a Joe, shifting

nervously as she comes closer.

CORRESPONDENT. *, Tel Aviv [he bows and shakes her hand].

SPANISH CORRESPONDENT. Cortes Cavanias, Madrid.

ANN [smiling as he kisses her hand] Encantando!

AMERICAN CORRESPONDENT. Lampel, New York Herald Tribune.

ANN. Good afternoon [she shakes his hand]

AMERICAN CORRESPONDENT. Good afternoon.

IRVING. Irving Radovich, C.R. Photo Service.

ANN. How do you do? [she shakes his hand]

IRVING [reaching into his pocket, then giving her the envelope]
Er, may I present Your Highness with some commemorative photos of
your visit to Rome?

ANN [she takes the envelope, opening it, and removing one of the
photos slightly to see. It is the one of her hitting the man with
the guitar. She suppresses her amusement] Thank you so very much
[she pauses slightly before she turns look at Joe].

JOE [as she walks across to him] Joe Bradley, American News
Service.

ANN [she shakes his hand and he smiles back, Ann with more
suppressed emotion] So happy, Mr. Bradley.

CORRESPONDENT. *, * [he bows and they shakes hands. She appears

to almost speak but doesn't, moving on to the next
correspondent].

ENGLISH CORRESPONDENT. Steven Hausen, The London Exchange

Telegraph.
ANN [shaking his hand] Good afternoon.

FRENCH CORRESPONDENT. *, * Agence Press [he shakes her hand].

Reaching the last of the front-row journalists, Ann turns and
walks slowly up the steps. The press gathering applauds her
warmly as she reaches the top, her back to them. Slowly, she
turns to face them, smiling broadly to the the gathering as she
looks over them. Inevitably, her eyes fall to Joe. He smiles
back, then her expression grows sorrowful. She manages another
slight smile then turns away from them, and walks slowly and
gracefully towards the exit. The officials step aside for her to
pass and then file after her through the door. As she leaves,
Joe watches her solemnly, the press turning to leave also. Before
turning to go himself, Irving looks to Joe, but seeing his gaze
unmoved walks away with the rest of them. The press, bustling
and chattering behind him leave Joe alone, standing at the rope,
looking at the empty spot where the Princess was last. Finally,
Joe turns slowly to leave as the crowd disappears out of the
entrance to the building. Alone but for the guards lining the
room he walks slowly to the exit; hands in pockets, leaving the
stage behind him; the huge room silent except for his slow
footsteps. Stopping near the entrance, he pauses for a moment to
look down the long hall back at the empty stage. Then, he turns
and walks away.