Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Just Win
Just Win
Just Win
Sponsored By:
www.Powerpostings.com
Contents
A Message from the Author 1
1. Kinds of Orgasms 2
A Woman’s Orgasms 4
Barriers to Orgasm 14
3. Sexual Techniques 16
Fabulous Foreplay 16
Oral Sex 17
The A-Spot 19
Taking it Further 19
ii
A Message from the Author
First of all, I want to thank you for picking up this book! Making an investment
in your partner’s orgasm is guaranteed to get you more sex, because a satisfied
woman will come back for more and more. The secret to amazing sex is to make
your partner’s orgasm just as important as your own … and you’d be surprised at
how many guys miss out on this important fact! You
can be the first guy in her life to really pay attention
to what pushes her buttons.
1
1. Kinds of Orgasms
• A happier mood.
Not only do orgasms relax you completely and give you a small window
of respite from the distractions of daily life, but they also affect a woman’s
hormones in a positive way. According to Gordon Gallup, a psychology
professor at the State University of New York, women may actually get
powerful mood-boosting effects from sex. A hormone found in semen,
prostaglandin E1, is absorbed through the vaginal walls and may have
an antidepressant effect. In his study, he found that the women who had
regular unprotected sex actually reported being happier than women who
had protected sex or no sex at all. Though the research was inconclusive
and certainly should not be used to argue for unprotected sex (which
increases the risk of STDs and pregnancy), it has opened up a wide field
of study on the effect of sex on mood.
• Control appetite.
Regular orgasms can help you lose weight by burning calories and
regulating your appetite. Sexual stimulation triggers the production of
a natural amphetamine called phenetylamine, which helps control your
appetite so that you don’t give into junk food cravings.
2
• Better sleep.
After orgasm, your blood pressure drops, and you feel complete relaxation
along with the euphoria of endorphins, allowing you to coast naturally
into a sound sleep. The relaxation benefits are so powerful that some even
consider sex a “natural tranquilizer.”
• Pain relief.
Orgasms have been proven to provide powerful relief for migraine
headaches, arthritis, even whiplash! That’s because orgasm releases
endorphins which act as natural opiates, giving you a higher pain threshold.
(And sex is a great cure for menstrual cramps as well!)
• Longer life.
A study of 1000 middle-aged men in Britain found that those who had at
least two orgasms a week had less than half the death rate over the next
3
ten years of those who reported fewer orgasms. Does sex increase your
lifespan? It’s certainly doesn’t help to try!
• A stronger relationship.
Best of all, sex cements the bond between two people in a relationship.
Levels of a hormone called oxytocin surge three to five times higher than
normal just before orgasm. Oxytocin, which also helps release endorphins,
is called the “bonding hormone,” which may explain why partners feel so
connected during sex.
Are you convinced yet? When you consider the many health benefits of regular
orgasms, you may come to the conclusion that sex is something that—quite
simply—you can’t live without. Keep sex a priority, for both your sake and your
partner’s. Don’t consider it a selfish pleasure; consider an essential part of her
health and yours.
A Woman’s Orgasms
To get the full benefits of sex, both partners must come. But how do you know
when a woman has an orgasm? Is there more than one kind of female orgasm?
In this section, I’ll answer those questions and more.
4
There are some biological aspects of orgasm specific to women. As a woman
becomes aroused, her clitoris enlarges. Her skin may redden as she experiences
increased blood flow to the skin and other areas of the body (called a “sex flush”).
Just before coming, her labia minor becomes darker, and the vagina actually
decreases in size by about thirty percent. When she comes, her uterus and vagina,
along with her pelvic muscles, contract rhythmically, often in “waves” or series
of contractions.
The reason for the variation in women’s abilities to come isn’t necessarily the
quality of a woman’s lover (surprise!) or her social conditioning—it may actually
be genetic. A 2005 twin study in Biology Letters suggests that the variation in
women’s abilities to orgasm is 34 to 45% genetic. Some researchers theorize that
women who found it more difficult to come would have selected partners who
were better and more thoughtful lovers, increasing the chance that he’d hang
around to raise offspring.
Some women have active sex lives but have never had an
orgasm. If a woman doesn’t know whether or not she has
experienced an orgasm, she probably hasn’t. When a woman
comes, she knows it.
5
Although it’s impossible to describe an experience as subjective as orgasm, here
is a general description that should include elements familiar to most women:
Just before coming, a woman will feel tension building inside her. She
may clench the muscles in her legs and buttocks, or she may feel a
sensation similar to the burning need to pee. When she comes, she’ll
feel all of her inner muscles clench up; sometimes it will feel as if she’s
spasming or that waves of pleasure are passing through her body. She
may cry out involuntarily or grip her partner hard. After coming (which
usually lasts only seconds), most women are exhausted and need to
rest, just like men do (the resolution phase). Some women don’t want
their partner to touch their genitals at all afterwards, because they’re
too sensitive.
Most couples don’t regularly have simultaneous orgasms and don’t miss
them. “When you come together,” one married couple told me, “you
don’t get to enjoy the other person’s orgasm because you’re so focused
on your own.” A couple may take turns: sometimes the woman comes
first, other times he does. Some couples find it easier to put the woman’s
orgasm first. According to Ben, 24, “Once I come, I want to relax, so if I
don’t make her come before I do, it’s not gonna happen.”
6
They’re more common in women than men (in whom a multiple orgasm
doesn’t mean ejaculating multiple times but rather triggering successive
feelings of orgasm in the brain). Women are slower to arouse than men
but stay at their “plateau” level for longer, which means that continued
stimulation after the first orgasm can trigger another.
7
• Solo orgasms. Solo orgasms are often quicker than
coming with a partner, because you can focus on
exactly what feels good, and there’s no give-and-
take involved. However, solo orgasms can feel less
satisfying for some.
• Oral orgasms. Some people feel that orgasms achieved through oral sex
have a different quality than orgasms achieved through other means. They
may feel more focused and powerful.
Now that you know more about the mechanics of the orgasm, let’s turn our focus
to something much more fun: what makes an orgasm mind-blowing as opposed
to mundane.
8
2. What Affects the Quality of an Orgasm
Let’s start out this chapter with a quiz. Which of the following affects the quality
of the orgasm you experience?
1. Your partner
2. Your mood
3. How tired you are
4. Amount of foreplay
5. How many times you’ve come already
6. All of the above
Sometimes, you can have sex with a new partner and think you’ve gone to heaven,
but the next time you have sex it’s as ordinary as anything. Where did the magic
go?
You can’t have great sex every night. You shouldn’t expect to have great sex every
night. But as a guy, you have one huge responsibility, and that’s to make sure that
the very first night you sleep with a girl is an experience she’ll remember.
To do that, you have to understand all of the factors that go into making an orgasm
great for a woman. You have to anticipate, prepare, and plot your seduction.
Amazingly enough, you’ll discover why your sexual technique may not even be
the most important thing in making her come (more about technique in Chapter
3). In this chapter, I’ll show you how to the perfect conditions for a night she’ll
always remember.
9
How Women See Sex
Although both men and women engage in the same physical act, their
perceptions of what is going on when they have sex are completely
different. It’s as blaring as the difference between a Harlequin romance
novel and hard-core porn. Men and women want different things from
sex, and the best lovers know this and take advantage of it.
The reason may have to do with how men and women’s brains differ.
Dr. Gert Holstege from the University of Groningen discovered that
during orgasm, areas in the brain associated with fear and alertness shut
down. The male brain is much more active in processing sensory input
from the genitals than the female brain. Dr. Holstege concluded that
the most important condition for achieving orgasm for women was
feeling protected, safe, and deeply relaxed, while men needed physical
stimulation.
The implications of the study are astounding. Men’s magazines for decades have
focused on developing the perfect sexual technique for reducing any woman to
putty. For decades, guys have attempted to give women mind-blowing orgasms
by taking moves from their favorite porn flicks. And all for nothing. For men,
being touched is all-important, so they assume that women feel the same. But it’s
not. Relaxation, mood, and ambience are more important in arousing a woman
than expert sexual stimulation.
If you’re going to be the kind of lover that women swoon over, take your
time. If you jump into bed straight off, you won’t capture her imagination.
Hold off for at least a few days so that you can build up the sexual tension
and anticipation. Even if she wants it right now, be the one in control. Tell
10
her that when you have sex the first time, it’s going to be done right. You’re
not both going to be drunk or wake up the next morning not remembering
what you did. You’re going to make love to her like no one else has ever
done it before. Words straight out of a romance novel are guaranteed to
make her melt at the knees.
• Romance. Some of the best foreplay occurs hours or even days before the
first article of clothing comes off. Women can get wet just thinking about
a guy that they feel attracted to. Romancing a woman actually leads to
a better sexual experience for her. Buy her flowers, open doors for her,
treat her like a gallant gentleman would treat his lady. It’ll all pay off in
the bedroom.
• Ambience. While men could often care less where they’re having sex as
long as the sensations are good, the setting is everything for a woman.
She will have a better sexual experience in a four-star hotel room than on
the creaky bed of the local motel. That’s why paying attention to the little
details is important. The perfect setting, the perfect meal, candlelight, soft
and silky sheets….
Give her a story she can tell her friends, especially about the first time you
have sex. A woman wants to know that you’ve spent time thinking about
how to make your first time together special. Make an event out of it:
plan a special day and bring her back home to your bedroom at the end
of it. Buy an expensive bottle of wine. Slow dance together.
Pick her up and carry her into the bedroom. Silly little acts of
romance, but they’ll arouse her more than you’d imagine.
• Trust. Having sex is a huge act of trust for a woman. She has
to make herself vulnerable, show her partner her naked body
(which she may feel highly self-conscious about), and trust
him not to break her heart. That’s why gaining her confidence
and trust beforehand is so important. A woman can totally
abandon herself when she’s in the arms of someone she trusts
and feels safe with. If she’s even the least bit uncomfortable or
timid around you, her sexual experience won’t be as good.
11
• Compliments. The best way to make a woman eager and willing to have
sex with you is compliment her as each and every article of clothing
comes off. Women melt when a man compliments their body. Even if
you usually don’t compliment her much or haven’t complimented her at
all before, let the compliments flow freely in the bedroom. Tell her in a
low murmuring voice, how good she smells, how soft her skin is, how
great it feels to be close to her. She’ll get highly aroused by hearing herself
described through your eyes.
• Feelings. Women want to hear three things: “I need you, I want you, I
love you.” They need loving talk in the bedroom. While guys just want
to focus on enjoying the sex itself, women enjoy sex more when it has
emotional context: in other words, when it’s an expression of a man’s
feelings towards her. Give her fantastic sex by telling her how much she
means to you, how she drives you crazy, how much she turns you on.
By the way, did you know that for women the largest sexual organ is … the
brain? That’s right. Women can easily turn themselves on by fantasizing
or reading erotic books, whatever feeds their sexual imagination. Their
imagination can even be more powerful than direct sexual stimulation.
• Foreplay. If there’s one thing that every woman out there agrees on, it’s
that they need more foreplay. Women aren’t ready for sex at the snap of
a finger. Their bodies take time to get aroused. She
may be mentally ready for sex long before her body
is, and a thoughtful lover is willing to put in as much
time as it takes to get her warmed up.
12
orgasm is earth-shattering, too! That’s because teasing one another and
holding off makes the sensation much sharper and more fulfilling when it
does come.
• Firmness. The bedroom is your territory. No matter how much you lack
confidence in daily life, here you are the master. No woman wants a
guy who lacks confidence in the bedroom. Your actions should be firm
and decisive as you play the role of her guide. She needs to feel as if
she can let go around you, relax and let the sensations overwhelm her.
(Note: this doesn’t mean that you should push her further than she wants
to go, though. Be firm only within those boundaries where she feels
comfortable.)
• Warm feet. One of the surprising results of the Dutch study was that men
and women alike find it easier to orgasm when their feet are warm. Only
half of the volunteers were able to orgasm with bare feet, while 80% of
volunteers could come when researchers provided them with socks. So
keep that bedroom warm, or let her leave her socks on!
13
Barriers to Orgasm
Sometimes, a woman just can’t come no matter how much she wants to. Orgasm
is an unconscious biological response, which means that an active conscious
mind can actually hinder her chances of coming. Distracting thoughts or worries
can ruin the moment just as she’s about to come.
This is why it’s so important to make sure that a woman is completely relaxed—
mentally and physically—before having sex. Lingering tension from the day’s
work can make her less likely to orgasm, as her mind will be full of concerns and
all that she has to do the next day.
Help her release her tension before having sex by having a long, hot bath together,
or turning on soothing music instead of the television. Keep distractions to a
minimum. Talk about non-work-related topics and cuddle or stroke her hair. The
non-sexual physical touch will help her relax.
14
performance and focus on giving one another pleasure, rather than
getting to the big ‘O.’ Sex is about having fun, not “doing it” right.
Other factors that act as barriers to orgasm include pain, fatigue, stress,
cold, and some medications.
In the next chapter, I’ll discuss sexual techniques that are sure to add an
idea or two to your repertoire.
15
3. Sexual Techniques
Now, we’re getting to the good stuff! In this chapter, I’ll teach you
how to take advantage of what you now know about women’s orgasms
to make sure that she comes every time. You’ll learn some fabulous
foreplay techniques, which positions maximize her chance of coming,
and the fabled A-spot that is guaranteed to give her an orgasm every
time.
Fabulous Foreplay
You already know that the more foreplay the better, but what if you’ve
run out of ideas? Here are some suggestions for foreplay.
• Give her a foot massage. End with sucking her toes. And while you’re at
it, give her a hand massage and suck her fingers, too.
• Take a bath or shower together. Soap one another up and kiss under the
steamy hot water. Avoid having sex until you’re dry, though, as the water
can wash away her natural lubrication.
• Touch one another through your clothing. Yes, you can take it off, but the
barrier of clothing will heighten the anticipation.
• Be a tease. Describe what you’re going to do to her and let her envision it
in her mind before doing it.
• Stroke her. Stroke her skin, her face, her neck, her hair, her arms… The
gentle motions will start getting her aroused.
• Hands off. Spend at least half your time exploring other areas of her body
before making your way to the obvious erogenous areas. That’s because
most guys go straight for the breasts and genitals. By not doing this, you
will stand out as one of the few men who’ve managed to find her other hot
spots.
• Kiss her neck. Sometimes just hot breath at the back of her neck can set
her tingling with excitement.
• Kiss the small of her back. Since you’re in the general area, lavish caresses
on her buttocks, too. The buttocks are extremely sensitive but don’t often
get much attention paid to them.
• Handle her breasts with care. Try tracing circles around her breasts with
your tongue or massaging them with the full palm of your hands. Avoid too
16
rough a grip, as some women may find it painful. Try alternating between
sucking and flicking the tip of her nipple with your tongue.
• Don’t take her panties off until she’s wet. Again, it’s all about anticipation.
Stroke her through the fabric of her underpants until you know she’s ready
for sex. There’s just something naughty about being barred from having
sex by such a thin strip of fabric.
Oral Sex
If you can master oral sex, you’ll be a lover in high demand. Many women can
only come through oral sex, and even a woman who won’t let you have sex with
her may consent to having oral sex.
• Enjoy giving oral sex. Many women are sensitive about how they smell
and taste down there. If you are clearly enjoying yourself and are willing
to spend however long it takes, she’ll allow herself to relax and enjoy the
sensations.
• Use the whole of your tongue, not just the tip. The more area of your
tongue against her genitals, the more sensation she feels.
• Be indirect. Don’t just lick the clitoris directly. Too much direct stimulation
can be painful. Instead, come at it from all angles, or lick around the
base.
• Use long, slow, gentle strokes in a steady rhythm. Keep it smooth and
steady as you alternate among up-and-down strokes, side-to-side strokes,
and circles. Make sure you use lots of saliva to keep it wet.
• Use your hands to good advantage. The more areas you can stimulate, the
better, so use your hands to stroke her other erogenous zones.
• Insert a finger into the vagina. Often, women will come easier with both
vaginal and clitoral stimulation. Wait until she’s well lubricated, and insert
a finger into the vagina. (Make sure that your finger is clean and fingernails
17
well-trimmed.) Move your finger in a “come here” motion, two to three
inches up, to see if you can find the tricky G-spot.
It is believed that the G-spot has a biological function as a trigger point during
childbirth. The baby’s head pushes against this spot during childbirth and triggers
the final contraction of delivery. However, when stimulated sexually, the G-spot
causes a strong contraction of the vagina, resulting in a powerful orgasm and
even, for some, female ejaculation.
Not all women are able to find theirs, but she’ll thank you for life if you point the
way to hers! The best position for hitting the G-spot is either girl-on-top or doggie
style.
18
The A-Spot
There’s another area only recently discovered (1996) called the “anterior fornex
erogenous,” or A-spot for short. It’s located halfway between the G-spot and a
woman’s cervix. Unlike the G-spot, it’s smooth, but you’ll have no doubt you’ve
found it from her response.
Taking it Further
Expand your sexual repertoire by using lubricants and vibrators. Even if a woman
lubricates naturally, a bit of extra lubrication can make things extra fun. Add a
vibrator to the mix, and you’ll discover why they’re a woman’s best friend.
Share your fantasies. Getting a woman to open up about her fantasies will give
you a shortcut to pleasing her sexually. You may wish to try role-playing, spanking,
using a blindfold, or light bondage. The key is to both be comfortable with the
fantasy and stop if either party becomes uncomfortable.
Do some research. Pick up one of the many books out there on sexual techniques
and positions. Personally, I like Tracey Cox’s Hot Sex: Hot to Do It, which includes
informative advice for both men and women. Many lovers swear by the Karma
Sutra. Don’t just stop with books. The 2004 film Kinsey about legendary sex
researcher Alfred Kinsey (the father of sexology) opens up many issues about
sexuality and culture that are important to consider.
This chapter has just been a starting point for thinking about sex. Once you
understand more about how the female orgasm works, and the longer you’re with
your partner, the more your orgasm accuracy will improve.
Remember: just keep communicating, learn from your partner, focus on pleasure,
and you can’t go wrong!
19