Chapter 1: Where is Home

 We take time to understand the TCK journey to:

1. Help TCKs recognize the value in their childhood experiences.
2. Help TCKs recognize and deal with the challenges of the TCK lifestyle.
3. Normalize the TCK experience
 We must talk about the TCK life because it seems to be growing
exponentially. Between 1990 and 2015 the number of Americans living
cross-culturally grew from 3 million to 8 million people.
 The places, people and cultures that surround us are what shapes our
identity, belonging and who we are. TCKs are surrounded and molded by
so many different places, people and culture that none of them actually
feel like home.
o They don’t quite fit in to any of places or with any of the people they live with.
o Leaves them with the question, “Where is Home?”
 Home: Seems to be more about a place of belonging rather than a
physical location or building. For TCKs this also means there are
multiple places in which they feel pieces of home because they leave
pieces of belonging behind when they relocate.
 How to create belonging for TCKs:
o Take time to listen to a TCKs experiences.
o Don’t make a TCK feel bad for what they know or don’t know within the place
they are in, but rather be a safe space to teach when necessary in a kind and
loving way.
o Take time to do what the TCK enjoys, make food from a country they have lived
in, participate in activities they did growing up.
o Remember that Christ made each of uniquely and this goes for the TCK as well.
“You alone created my inner being. You knitted me together inside my mother. I
will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously
made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this” (Psalm
139:13-14).
o https://thethirdculturekidproject.wordpress.com/2016/09/12/a-sense-of-
belonging/
 Chapter 2: Who are “Third Culture Kids”
 TCK = “A person who spends significant parts of his or her first eighteen
years of life accompanying parents into a country that is different from at
least one parent’s passport country(ies) due to a parent’s choice of work
or advanced training” (D. Pollock, M. Pollock, & Van Reken, p. 27).
 Being a TCK results in a building of relationships among many different
cultures
 This result of growing up between different cultures, is that TCKs often
share experiences and feelings of a lack of belonging.
 1st culture = passport culture
 2nd culture = host culture
 3rd culture = culture or way of living life for the person who has lived in
both culture 1 and culture 2.

 Realities of the TCK Lifestyle:

1. Being genuinely raised cross culturally
2. Being raised in high mobility; either mobility by them or the people around them.
 Four Common Factors of the TCK life:
1. Expected Repatriation = TCKs are expected to go back to one of their parent’s
passport countries at some point. This can be a parental expectation or a personal
expectation. We see a growing number of ATCKs, however, that are more mobile
than ever despite the expectation for repatriation.
2. Distinct Differences: With cross cultural living increasing greatly, it is easier for
the TCK to physically blend in no matter where they are. However, distinct
 differences also speaks to the different perspective the TCK has because of the
experiences they have encountered.
3. Privileged Lifestyle: TCKs and their families have a system of logistical support
or “perks” from companies, they experience more travel than most of their peers,
and come from families with unique educational backgrounds. Though these
privileges are not true of all TCKs there is still a great stigma for the TCK
privilege.
4. System Identity: We are seeing that this identity to a parent’s company or role is
much less common among Todays TCKs though it is still shared by some.
 TCKs are shaped by the food, language, and culture of the places they have
been.
 TCKs share a commonality of feelings and experiences.
 Application:
o The TCK experiences are unique, however we all experience the same feelings.
Even though I am not a TCK I can still share feelings that a TCK has.
o “but we didn’t like her barging into our world without trying to understand the
parts we loved so much”
o We must take the time to learn about the experiences, joys, and challenges the
TCK is experience rather than simply pointing out what may be uncomfortable,
if we are going to build relations and care for these people.
o “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with
compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3:12).
 Chapter 3: Who are Cross-Cultural Kids
 The world is continuously changing and evolving, creating with it
diversity that seems like a widening of who the TCK is.
o How do we reconcile this?
 CCK (Cross-Cultural Kids) = a person who is living or has lived in
– or meaningfully interacted with two or more cultural
environments for a significant period of time during the first 18
years of life.
o TCK is a subgroup of a CCK.
o A CCK is not defined or limited by the location to which they
lived or interacted with another cultural environment.

CCK

TCK
 Chapter 4: Why Cross Culture
 The Cross Cultural Kid is constantly asking the following question: who
am I, as they try to find balance between the world around them, and the
other worlds that they know.
o Kids have developed their basic value system, sense of identity or
established core friendships in the home culture.
o Being a CCK is more than culture shock.
 Culture: the framework for interpreting and making sense of the life and
world around us
o Learned, rather than instinctive.

o The top layer of culture can guide us in understanding the deeper,

more invisible aspects of culture but we cannot solely rely on it for
understanding.
o The top layer also changes more quickly than the invisible layers.
 Cultural balance: unconscious understanding of how things are and work
within a particular community and a person’s relationship to the
understanding.
o Provides a sense of belonging
o Provides confidence going into adulthood.
 TCK’s feel out of cultural balance
 TCKs experience and are taught culture from passport country, peers,
caregivers, parents, sponsoring organizations, media, school, third culture
and host culture.
 In some respects, TCKs have a unique interstitial culture created through
shared experiences rather than by place or nationality.
 Expectations based on appearance is not always reality.
 Video Resource: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ
 Chapter 5: Why High Mobility Matters
 Mobility is a gift:
o Experience and learn a variety of different cultures
o Gives a sense of confidence to try new things.
 But even with its gifts, high mobility also comes with many challenges.
o Mobility leads to grief or loss, as people say goodbye
o Mobility leads to questions on identity.
 All TCKs experience mobility:
o High mobility: the coming and going of people
o Each transition comes with loss
o Loss leads to grief
 The grief cycle:
o It doesn’t happen in the same order all the time.
o People go through grief at a different pace, even among families.
o Stages or behaviors that come with grief:
 Denial
 Acceptance
 Bargaining
 Anger
 Sadness
 Withdraw
 Rebellion
 Transferring focus
 Delayed Grief
o Grief does not have to be a negative thing, but when it is
unresolved, its damaging to people emotionally and mentally.
 Unresolved Grief happens because:
o A lack of awareness. The loss is invisible to others around them, or
there is no realization that a loss needs to be mourned.
o Lack of permission to grieve: TCKs must have space to feel.
Permission is not granted any time someone says its okay or
discounts the grief, when grief is compared to greater good and
when those around them deny or do not express grief as well.
o Lack of Time to process: jet travel has decreased the amount of
time to get from one place to another, therefore decreasing the
time to grieve.
o Lack of comfort:
 Comfort: when someone cares and understands a situation
or persons experience
 Does not have to be spoken, it can be a gesture or simply a
presence
 Comfort and encouragement are different.
o Lack of Understanding of the Process of Grief:
 It is important, a necessity, for parents to recognize signs for
grief and then help a child process that rather than
overlooking grief and reprimanding children for their
outward expressions of grief.
Chapter 6: Why Cross Cultural Mobility during Childhood
Matters
 Humans have needs. We are relational, emotional, creative,
volitional, intellectual, physical, spiritual, significant, and
integrated beings. These needs have to be met in order for us to
form our identities.
 Human beings also have a tendency to focus on the likeness and
differences between people. We first search for likeness between
one another and then seek to be unique within that likeness. TCKs
struggle finding the physical likeness aspect because they are in a
place that is not their own.
 Personal Identity:
o The development of personal identity requires that people
have anchors in life. High Mobility affects the ability to place
anchors and therefore affects the development of identity.
o Anchors also serve as mirrors of ourselves, because we
become like those that we associate with. But if our anchors
are constantly shifting, then the mirror of ourselves, from
those anchors, is distorted.
o As children experience change and mobility cross culturally,
the anchors that they once used as a source of understanding
identity becomes distorted.
o With each move, either by themselves or those around them,
their anchors begin to overlap and merge into one another,
layering and layering until you can no longer tell which
anchor which is.
 Finding Identity for TCKs can be done by focusing on the likeness
between people rather than attempting to be someone that they are
not. This is a hard process for TCKs to learn, but when they can
come to understand that just because they are different does not
mean they are the misfit, they will begin to find their own personal
identity.
 Chapter 7: Benefits and Challenges
 TCKs experience a great number of benefits and challenges because
of their life overseas. Here is a brief list of those benefits and
challenges.
 Benefits:
o Expanded worldview: TCKs observe first hand the multitude of
different cultures and lifestyles around the world.
o Three-Dimensional View of the World: TCKs are not just
learning about different places and cultures around the world,
they get an added dimension to their learning because they
actually get to experience the cultures and world in which they
live in. This view is what makes a lot of TCKs good readers and
writers because they understand how to tell a good story in
many different contexts and situations.
o Cross Cultural Enrichment: part of the TCK culture and
experience is learning to really live in and apart of the worlds
that they are in. For this reason, they grow a great appreciation
for the many different cultures and begin to reflect those
appreciations in little aspects of their lives, such as by watching
the news for a location that they once lived.
 Challenges:
o Confused Loyalties: the expanded worldview, leaves TCKs
wondering how to sort through their feelings of pride that they
carry for more than one location. Having this pride for more
than one place makes a TCK feel guilty as if their loyalties are
not authentic because they belong to more than one place.
o Painful Awareness of Reality: When you are living and
experiencing the reality that is being displayed on television, it
is a very different story and experience. TCKs understand the
pain of war, evacuation, and disruption, because they have lived
through those difficulties.
o Ignorance of Home Culture: Though TCKs have a wide variety
of knowledge on cultures, the one that they often are lacking is
knowledge on their own home culture. This is not due to access
to the information, but rather an ignorance that stems from not
having connections in their home country.
 Chapter 8: Personal Characteristics
 There are several very distinct characteristics that TCKs embody.
 Cultural Chameleons:
o TCKs learn to have an adaptability to the different places and
people that they are around.
o This quick adaptability comes from the mobility they experience,
as it leads them to have experience and to observe a wide variety of
behavior and mimic those actions without letting it fully become
who they are.
o They just want to blend in to where ever they are, because already
they often stand out because of their ethnicity.
 Hidden Immigrants:
o Some TCKs have a unique opportunity to blend into the places
that they are in, because though it is not their passport country,
they may be in a location where their ancestral lines remain.
o An example of this would be a TCK who is adopted by an
international family living in their birth country.
o The difficulties of being a hidden immigrant is that they can easily
blend in, but there are constant assumptions that because they
look like the people in the culture that they should fully
understand the culture.
 Prejudice:
o TCKs are, in a sense, forced to build relationships with people that
are different then them. This leads to a decreased sense of
prejudice, for most TCKs. Rather than having a negative attitude
towards differences, they find joy in the differences that their
friends and neighbors have.
 Urgency in Life:
o Because of the mobility that is experienced, TCKs are known for
living life with a sense of urgency. They are not afraid to adventure
now and to experience all that they can in short periods of time,
because they are aware that they may not be in a location for a long
period of time.
o Others may end up reflecting difficulties in choice, because they
are afraid of saying yes and committing to something for fear that
they may miss out on something or will move away before an
experience can take place. This can be frustrating for the people in
relationships with them.
  Relation to Authority:
o Relationships with authorities, in a TCKs life, the characteristic of
being both constructive and nurturing.
o Because there is often few children, TCKs grow very fond of the
adult in their life as they become their community.
o For other TCKs authority figures represent mistrust because they
were the ones that made decisions about moving from one place to
another.
 TCKs have a rich cultural experience during childhood, however if not
carefully displayed, TCKs have been known to come off as being one of
arrogance. TCKs must recognize that though they know a lot, they still
do not know everything and they are not better than because of their
experiences.
 Chapter 9: Practical Skills
 TCKs get a very unique opportunity to learn valuable skills related to
the global workforce and cultural awareness.
 One of the things that TCKs become very good at is becoming
observant of their surroundings and the people around them.
o This is how they become so good at blending in because they are
keen observers seeking to model and mimic the behaviors around
them.
o TCKs are quick to pick up on emotions of fellow friends and when
something that is hidden to the common eye is going on.
 TCKs also learn unique social skills that are adaptable and practical
skills to have.
o We have seen that many TCKs do not enjoy the frequent mobility
that their TCK life gives them, however that same mobility is what
gives them the willingness to adapt to situations around them.
o TCKs may not enjoy the change, but they learn to deal with the
change that they are experiencing
 Growing up in a different culture also provides unique linguistic skills
that TCKs walk away with.
o Most TCKs are fluent in more than one language, if not a handful
of languages. They may speak on language at home, one language at
school, and one language in the local neighborhoods.
o When a new language is taught at a young age, our brains have the
capability to more quickly pick up on that language and therefore
as children spend their lives in a culture that speak a different
language than their home country, they are left learning multiple
languages that will continue to benefit them later on in life.
 Chapter 10: Rootlessness and Restlessness
 Rootlessness is a result of the question that TCKs face of Where are
you from and where is home.
o Home, for people who live in their passport country, is most often
assumed to be a place or a structure in which one lives.
o For a TCK, living in one place was something they only dreamed of.
They may have lived in 5-10 different locations throughout their
childhood, how could they narrow home down to just one place.
o Because of this dilemma, many TCKs will look at home as an idea
of people rather than a location. There family and whoever else
may have traveled from place to place with them, is what home
becomes defined by.
o But even, when defined by people, home is often an emotional place
because it is the place where all of the loss and grief that they have
faced remains.
 Restlessness is a common characteristic that TCKs embody. They are
constantly on the look for what is next in their life.
o Some may constantly be looking to move, because that is what
became familiar and comfortable for them. Moving is a sense of
comfort.
o For others, they run from what caused them so much pain and seek
to settle and experience the childhood that they may have missed
out on.
 Chapter 11: Relational Patterns
 TCKs have a unique perspective on friendships and relationships.
 Often, they are known for being people who have a lot of friendships
and these friendships are spread across the globe and from different
time period of their lives.
o This is especially true today when communication between
countries and people has become so easy because of technology.
It can be easy for TCKs to withdraw because of this, as they stay
engaged with friends across the world rather than the people
next door to them.
 TCKs, like all humans, have a desire to experience deep and valuable
relationships.
o This is hard for them to experience because of the constant
mobility they go through, but they are still known to be quick to
jump into these deep relationship.
o One of the reasons for this may be a differing view of what a
deep relationship is defined by. Cultures define deepness
differently.
o TCKs also have a great ability to ask good questions. This is a
result of the practice they have had in building relationships
over and over again.
o TCKs also feel a sense urgency and this reflects in their quick
ability to build relationships.
 Some TCKs are affected by mobility differently in relationships,
instead of being quick to dive into deep relationships, some are fearful
and apprehensive of putting themselves out there once again.
o TCKs live life, with a constant wondering of how long this
will last and when their next move will be. This can create a
thought of what is the point of diving into new relationships
if I am going to lose them again, far too soon.
 Chapter 12: Developmental Issues
 TCKs experience an uneven development in maturity because of their
cross cultural and high mobility childhood. The following is a
representation of the normal process of maturity in comparison to the
process that TCKs often experience.

 Because of their early knowledge of culture and global awareness,

their relationships that are commonly built and strong with adults
and their communication skills TCKs often experience a surge of
maturity at an early age.
 However, this does not last, because in order for TCKs to enter into
maturity and adulthood, they must also face the looming question of
who they are as a person. This is where the slow down of the process
happen.
o TCKs experience early maturity followed by a bump in the road
that leads to prolonged maturity.
o As they exit a sponsoring organizations culture, they must face
decision making and the development of identity that teenagers
normally face at a younger age.
o This leaves them entering a late stage of rebellion.
 Part 3
 Change and transition happens often in the lives of TCKs
o It becomes something they expect and anticipate.
o Change is often quick and are both physical, mental, and
emotionally driven.
 Stages of Transition:
o Involvement Stage: This stage is when one is settled and
comfortable a time when TCKs are known and life appears
to be normal
o Leaving Stage: During this stage, people are preparing to
leave, they may detach and experience a sense of denial or
avoidance. This is when the importance of saying goodbye
and reconciliation before leaving becomes so important. In
order to respond to this stage well, TCKs must face the loss
they are preparing to face rather than ignoring and denying
the feelings that it brings to the surface.
 RAFT: Reconciliation, affirmation, farewell and
thinking positively of the new destination.
o Transit Stage: this is when the chaos and confusion of the
transition sets in. One may be just arriving in their new
location and everything feels far from normal. It is important
during this stage, that families still carry traditions and
belongings that will always go to the new location to
immediately create a sense of home. A safe and familiar
space needs to be built for TCKs to overcome this chaotic
stage.
 During this stage, one may see the mourning of what
has been lost come into play.
o Entering Stage: TCKs in this stage have officially relocated
and moved to a new location. But the transition stage is far
from over. During this stage, they are often welcomed eagerly
by new community and new faces. Grief continues to play a
role in this stage and may result in unwanted behavior but as
this new normal becomes more comfortable we will see that
unwanted behavior dissipate. There is a lot for children to
process when losing all that they know.
o Reengagement Stage: In order to reach the involvement
stage once again, TCKs have to find new hobbies and
 activities to get involved in and they have to build new
relationships. Get Involved
 Another season of transition, when life comes full circle for TCKs
takes place when they prepare for reentry or going back to their
passport country.
o During this transition, it is important to remember that the
same transition stages that need to happen when
transitioning to another host country. This country is home
by law but is most often the TCK does not have that same
sense of Home upon entering the passport country.
o Encourage TCKs during this season to release expectations
of this season of transition being any different from the
transition experience prior. They will not be the same as
those around them and it is not going to be a dream world,
there are positive and negative aspects of all countries.
o But even though there is a lot of fear and uncertainty that
comes with returning home, Home provides TCKs an
opportunity to put down the anchors in life that they have
longed for.
 During Reentry, TCKs become like hidden
immigrants. On the outside they look like they should
fit in and understand, but on the inside it is far from
what they experience.
 No matter what stage a TCK is in, being a TCK and experiencing
transitions have lots of opportunities for enjoyment. Try new foods,
visit new places, explore often, and enjoy the multitude of
friendships that you have across the world. This is a unique
experience that only TCKs can attest to, remember that woven
within the hard parts of being a TCK is great joy.
 If you are an adult TCK who has not dealt with the losses, the grief,
the fears, the lack of identity, and the many transitions you
experienced in life, you can still start now with dealing with them.
o You can do so by sharing your story, acknowledging the
losses and grief you have experienced in your life and by
reflecting on what your behaviors are saying to you about
unresolved grief.
o It is never too late to process through the experiences that
you had growing up
 Part Four:
 All humans have innate needs that must be met. As you embrace and
bridge seasons of transition, consider the care that you have given to
yourself during these times. Are you meeting the physiological, safety,
belonging, esteem, cognitive, aesthetic, and self-actualizing needs that
you have.
o It is so important that you take care of yourself, physical, mentally
and emotionally.
o You not caring for yourself will not lead to success later on, it will
only hurt you and the ones that you are trying to serve.
 Parents can be a great resource to TCKs.
o One of the most important things a parent can do for their TCK is
to model what it looks like to process grief, loss, transition, and
high mobility in a healthy way. If a parent is ignoring the pain from
these experiences, then a child will also ignore the pain.
o Parents need to consider the task in which they are asking their
children to take on. Before deciding, the parents must be
responsible for considering and making sure that the children’s
needs are also met. Children often do not have a say in the matter
therefore it is up to the parent to consider the needs that children
have and if they will be met in a new location. Study and Research
the location before arriving and deciding to move there.
o Parents must also remember that children will need education.
This is something they must ponder before the decision to move is
made.
 Finally, organizations also share a responsibility in the transition
process.
o Professional help should be provided by organizations for their
workers overseas. They need to have the best interest in mind for
their workers and their families.
 Where do we go from here?
o Now that we have come to understand the experiences that TCKs
face as children, what do we do.
o One thing that I have taken away is a need to be hospitable to those
around me, inviting people into my life and creating safety for
people to share their stories, no matter what they have gone
through. TCKs in their passport countries are often an overlooked
minority population that needs help.
o We also can now grow to recognize the diversity that is found in
cultures and how cultures play such a vital role in our
understanding of who we are. We must recognize the role that our
culture has played in shaping who we are
o Finally, you can get involved on the other side of the move and
provide TCKs with a safe space, comfort, and affirmation of the
feelings that they have by engaging in relationships and
mentorships with TCKs who are currently moving overseas. A
mentor in a TCKs life can play a huge role in helping them to
process and understand that what they are feeling is normal, that
their differences are not bad, that their unique story and
experiences will bring them great joy later on in life.