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  When talking to a group of people it is great to have direct contact
with your listeners Don¶t make the mistake of maintaining eye contact with just one
person as this will stop the other members of the group from listening To get past this,
focus on a different member of the group with every new sentence This way you are
talking to all of the group and keeping them all interested
2 ‘       3t is great to maintain eye contact when talking to a person
however it can become a bit creepy and uncomfortable if you stare intensely at them To
combat this, break eye contact every 5 seconds or so When breaking the eye contact
don¶t look down as this might indicate the ending of your part of the conversation
3nstead, look up or to the side as if your are remembering something Try it just now:
don¶t move your head, and think about the first time you started school You will notice
your eyes might move up or to the side as you try to remember this So when your
listener sees this they will think you are trying to remember something and keep on
listening to you
3 ‘ ½    When you are listening to someone it can be off putting for the
talker if you stare at them too hard The technique 3 use when 3 am counseling someone is
to use what 3 call µThe triangle¶ This is when 3 look at one eye for about 5 seconds, look
at the other eye for 5 seconds and then look at the mouth for 5 seconds and keep on
rotating in this way This technique coupled with other listening skills such as nodding,
occasional agreement words such as µyes¶, µUh ±huh¶ µmm¶ etc is a great way to keep the
talker talking and to show them you are interested in what they are saying
4 ‘ 0
   0rguing with someone is a skill in itself and if you want to compete in an
argument holding the gaze shows strength 3f you look away when arguing with someone
you have all but lost the argument Obviously this depends on who you are arguing with
but in general it is better to hold the gaze whilst you are making your point and also when
you are listening to the other person We have all come across the person who is great at
arguing and making you feel small, you will notice that everyone who is like this try to
stare you out Stare back, it will surprise them, piss them off and put them off what they
are trying to say Staying silent and staring at someone who is trying to rile you is also an
effective way to win an argument without saying a word
5 ‘ 0
   When you are trying to attract someone and show them you are
interested you can talk and listen with your eyes When a person you like is speaking use
the whole face as your focal point Look at their eyes, listen to what they are saying,
smile in the appropriate places, raise your eyebrows in the appropriate places 3f you feel
you are staring at them move to their other features such as their lips, their cheeks, their
nose and then back to their eyes Smiling when listening to someone is a great way to
show you are interested in them, obviously don¶t smile when they have just told you their
pet died last night You have to listen with your ears as well as listening with your eyes
(yes 3 did mean listening with your eyes, you listen to someone¶s body language with
your eyes)
6 ‘ ½   £y wife and 3 often share a prolonged gaze into each others eyes and
it is a very special thing to just stare without talking £y wife¶s pupils will dilate and she
can my pupils dilating 3t creates a strong bond between us To make your pupils dilate
even more you can try this: as you are staring at your partner imagine yourself going
 inside their body and your two souls making love You are trying to touch their very soul
This will release adrenalin and make your pupils dilate even more