Montejo 1

Darnell Montejo

Professor Batty

English 28

13 December 2018

Argumentative Essay Reflection

For this essay I tried to replace my thesis with a new one that encapsulated my stance on

the issue that it would read much clearer than my previous thesis statement. For the thesis I used

the they say, I say format. I also tried to fix a couple of grammar mistakes by changing some of

the words, so the paragraph would be more comprehensible. I deleted words that were

unnecessary in my sentences that would make them unclear or just random. I also tried to get rid

of the many punctuation errors I had including comma splices or quoting errors. I put more

evidence to fill in some gaps in my argument like in the fourth body paragraph.

I deleted a whole chunk of the fourth body paragraph and just stuck to talking about how

being bilingual can help you work benefits than talk about how speaking the native and adopted

country languages affect the child’s identity because I had spoken bout that already in the second

body paragraph and felt like I was repeating myself. I also added evidence to my fourth body

paragraph than just ranting off about how speaking both languages can get your more jobs but

not supported those points with evidence. I added a quote by Liang Feng that discussed how

parents push their children to speak multiple languages in hopes that they will get more benefits

economically. I tried to get rid of a few words and sentences that made the story sound repetitive.