- ACCIDENTAL KILLER

BY OLEBOGENG MAWELELA

It was a boring Saturday morning, all I needed was

just to be in my pajamas and watch television the
whole day. My friend Botshelo dragged me to lobola
party which I did not want to attend in first place but
She convinced me that going out could do good to me
since I was still nursing a long break, up she said “you
and Jacob broke up a year ago is time to move on and
forget about that pig “she promised me that we won't
stay long, we went there and I thought it could be
good to socialize and forget about my first boyfriend
because all I did was go to school and go home then
sleep or watch sad movies and cry for him.
When we got there, there was this handsome dark
chubby guy, he looked at me with a big smile and I
looked at him I felt like a teenager, I felt this rush on
my skin and butterflies on my tummy. I asked my
friend “Botshelo who is that guy?” She replied “oh
that one he is a groom to be he is totally off the
market”
I was a little disappointed well I guess it's true when they
say “good men are either taken or dead” but no one has
ever made me feel like he did not even Jack, just one look
and my body was experiencing some transformation. We
kept on looking at each other after that he disappeared for
almost an hour. After that there were lots of noise and some
harsh words were exchanged between him and his fiancé
then she slapped him and the elders took them inside. The
party was over just like that. We left and I could not wait to
go get myself in bed and watch some romantic comedy
alone as always and imagine how life could've been if Jack
didn't dump me. That night I received a Facebook friend
request and it was from a lobola guy, I was curious and I
wanted to know what happened there during the day
Him: hi thanks for accepting my request my name is Tshiamo
let me get straight to the point....when your eyes met mine I
felt something I never felt before
Me: what you mean you felt something? Dude I am not a
side-chick type and you have no shame few hours after your
lobola you already looking for a side-chick?
Him: of course you are not a side-chick type which is why I
called off the lobola because I think you are the one in fact I
don't think I know I love Bridget but not enough to marry
her, my mother forced me to marry her because she loves
her. When I saw you I realized that I should marry for me not
for my mother.
I was astonished by his words and very shocked but I didn't
believe him because he is a guy and guys lie to get what
they want. I didn't respond I just logged out and stayed up
the whole night thinking about him. He was quite a catch
very handsome, dark, and chubby and short definitely my
type. I don't know how but somehow he got my numbers
and called me around 3am I was still awake...I tried to play
hard to get but the guy just had right words to touch the
bottom of my heart, he won my heart just like that.
I slept at 10am I was then woken by the knock on the door I
mean it was 1pm and I was still very sleepy and my head
was very heavy I felt like I was hit by a truck. I forced myself
out of bed because it felt like the knocking wasn't going to
stop...I opened a door and it was a delivery guy with fresh
flowers from the garden and a box of chocolates, I
wondered where he stole the flowers he looked like a guy
who like taking risks
The letter in the flowers was read “hey beautiful care to join
me for super tonight?”
The butterflies in my stomach though felt like a dream I
mean I only see delivery guy on television.. only if he knew
that I don't eat chocolates but it doesn't matter it's a
thought that counts I didn't even care to know how he knew
where I stay, I went back to bed but I could not sleep
anymore as the butterflies where playing hide and sick in my
stomach... could he be the one or he is just too good to be
true? He came to pick me up around 7pm and I were
thought we were going to a restaurant but he took me to his
rental apartment i thought maybe he forgot something in
the house, he opened a door for me and we got inside he
immediately took off his shirt and I was disgusted that on a
first date he already want to sleep with me.
I was five to giving him a piece of my mind but I was wrong
about him he took off a shirt and put on an apron wow what
a gentleman, he started cooking after a while he said
"señora se serve la Cena"I was so confused as I had no idea
what he was saying he came closer to me and kissed my
forehead then said "that is Spanish and it means madam the
dinner is served" I was impressed I smiled and asked "wow
Spanish how though?" He said “my step father he is from
Spain and he married my mother when I was only two years
and we moved that side so I speak Spanish 95%” not That I
was surprised because his African Accent was terrible but
Spanish was beyond my guess. He served me food I can't
even pronounce them even if I try he gave me a meal called
tortilla Española he said it's a traditional omelet but it
tasted nothing like the usual omelet. The omelet was served
with a wine called Chateau Margaux 1787 he said his great
grandfather bought it long time ago and told him he should
only open it for the woman he truly love.
Those words made me feel special he observed and smelled
the wine then said "el vino es para morirse ( the wine is to
die for)" the way he spoke the Spanish he made me wish I
knew it but I was determined to learn so that I can impress
him. Around 10pm he took me home and it was a little cold
and I was only wearing a dress as a gentle he was he took
off his jacket and wrapped it around me at that time we
have not yet shared a kiss I needed a kiss I was deep into
him but because he was a gentle man he just kissed my
hand and said "tuve una gran noche reina buenas no noches
(I had a great evening my Queen good night)"
I felt very special but my instincts where suspicious about
him, he was too good to be true but I was deep in love and I
wasn't going to let my instincts get in a way of my
happiness. We went out few times then I told my friend
Botshelo about him and she was not happy about it because
that girl who was supposed to be married to Tshiamo aka
my super boyfriend she was actually her friend so she was in
between us which is why my friendship with her had to end
because she called me a back steppe and a home wrecker
It was wrong of me to love this man but the heart love what
it wants and what if he was the one? I mean my soul mate
what if i was his eve and he was my Adam? He introduced
me to his family but his mother didn't like me only because
her favorite daughter in-law was gone, I could not care less
about her bitterness, it took me and Tshiamo 6 months to
take our relationship to the next level and decides to go for
HIV test it was good and responsible thing to do before
intimacy.
One day he came to my home dropping off some magazine I
asked him to buy for me. We were in the kitchen and he said
“I am hungry what did you cook? can you even cook” I went
close to him and whispered with my seductive voice “I can
fix that hunger” I licked his ear with my tongue and he was
already hard down there I said “mmmm looks like the big
guy he is ready to play” he looked at me with passion and I
could see hunger in his eyes he said “you are playing with
fire and it will burn you sweetheart” I grinded against his
swallow hard shaft. He tore my silky sexy dress off followed
by bra...he stopped and whispered “you are a very naughty
girl you are not wearing a panty what a turn on “he
passionately pressed me against the Table and he kissed me
with greed and hunger i felt his finger entering the walls of
my inner part slowly and gently, I felt something that words
cannot explain and out of excitement I screamed as I was
experiencing my first ever climax it felt so good.
His body heat was leaving every nerve of my body to
vibrate, he unzipped his pants leaving them to fall off the
floor, I helped him take off his shirt and underwear it was
blue and sexy, he gently slid himself into my warm liquid
and I felt him moving inside me I screamed as my second
climax was blowing me away. I pulled him closer with my
hands, i forced his head down my breast telling him to suck
them dry without any word I needed to feel his tongue all-
over my body. He grabbed me so tight and went as fast as
he could then I felt my walls tighten I let him drawn me in
his own creamy load that was filling my womb and I felt his
warm cream coming down slowly. He kissed me
passionately he said “thank you ... You made my whole year
“When we were busy getting dressed I heard my parents
approaching the kitchen door while having a conversation
and my heart was beating 360 per second I didn't
understand how we both didn't hear them on a driveway, I
said “you will have to leave through a bathroom window
“and he agreed I can’t believe our first intimacy was inside
my mother’s kitchen what a disrespect this is an insult to my
parents but sneaking it’s fun as long as you don’t get
caught. He called me later that night to thank me again for
the surprise he was very happy even though he was not
happy about leaving through a window he said "I have to
meet your family I can't keep on sneaking like some
teenager...Eres el amor de mi Vida (you are the love of my
life)”I agreed I mean we have been together for a while now
and he has been nothing but good to me. We were very
happy but his ex was making things hard she was calling
nonstop and threatening me...it got out of hands when he
pointed a knife at me then we decided to move away...my
parents were not happy about it but I was an adult enough
which means I can do my own decisions my father said
“Olebogeng i don't want you to make a mistake” I said “dad
I am a grown woman now let me do my own mistakes and
learn from them please trust me because you raised me
well” he finally agreed and I left .
The first day we woke up on the same bed it was the
greatest morning ever and he woke me up with a smell I
have never heard before he said “se sirve el desayuno su
majestas (breakfast is served your Majesty)”he served me a
breakfast called burger brasserie with a coffee called cafe
cortado..he said he learned preparing that burger in Las
Vegas I guess he traveled a lot and I must admit he was a
great cook even though other food had a bitter taste that I
couldn’t stand but because i loved him and he was cooking
out of love I had to pretend that I love the food I even learnt
to say delicious in Spanish (delicioso)
he cooked everyday some days he will cook meals such as
gazpacho,gambos al ajilo (sea food)paella and many
more...I was tired of his food to a point where I didn't know
the difference between breakfast, lunch and dinner. I had to
forget about the food that I love so that I can accommodate
his type of food. Living together was very good we were
even careless intimately before we knew it I was 3 months
pregnant, we did not plan it but we were happy and he paid
lobola for me and we got married Did he marry me because
of love or pregnancy? Only he can answer that if only he can
be honest about it.
He bought a house for us I was still a student he was not
only a loving supportive husband he was also a good father
to our Son Junior and my best friend, he didn't want me to
have friends or be too friendly to the neighbors and I where
thought is because he want me all to himself as he also did
not have friends
I loved him so much there was nothing I will not do for him
so many times I thought I was dreaming I kept on pinching
myself to see if it was real. He was very romantic and my
super man, he made sure I had everything that I needed,
when Junior turned 4 years I noticed changes in me and I
was pregnant again. Our second son was born and on that
day my lovely husband said “te amo mi reina la madre de
mis hijos(I love you my Queen the mother of my kids)” and
we named him Hope..2 years later my husband changed
right after I found a job he started arguing over small things
and accusing me of cheating.
One day he slapped me only because I burned his white shirt
by mistake he then said “you see what you made me do?
“He then left without even apologizing I was confused how
can I make someone lay a hand on me? I was so shocked
and furious about what he just did. I waited for him to come
back home so that he can apologize and he never returned,it
was Friday I then saw him Monday afternoon
Me: Tshiamo I was worried sick where have you been?
Him: I go wherever I want don’t you dare question me
woman
He then gave me few slaps only because I asked him where
he was, he started beating me almost every day over small
things and he will force intimacy on me he will say “Eres una
perra sucia y nadie te amard nunca tortilla española (you
are a filthy bitch and no one will ever love you)” I believed
him because i loved him and I valued his opinions. If I refuse
to sleep with him he will beat me very badly, he raped me
almost every day even when I was on periods and suffering
from period pains then he will make me wash the bloody
sheets after raping me. He did not care about my feelings he
called me perra cucia (dirty bitch)Sometimes he will make
me prepare his type of food and he will slap me and say “tu
concinas basuru(you cook rubbish)”How can a man who
once gave me joy and good intimacy be so cruel? He is now
a woman beater and a rapist, can he ever be the man I fell in
love with again? What happened that changed him so bad?
Those questions kept me up every night he did not mind to
beat me in front of the kids, Hope at that time he was too
young to understand what was happening but Junior saw
everything and he was the one nursing my wounds each and
every day you can imagine what that can do to a child
psychologically. He started getting in trouble at school and
his father started getting physical with him he used to say to
him “eres un idiota estupido(you are a stupid idiot)” he was
supposed to be a hero to his son but he failed him and i was
helpless I kept on telling him that everything will be OK and
his father loves him. I asked myself “where did we go
wrong? “He became a monster and I got tired of him then I
finally got him arrested and took my kids we went back
home to my parents. In a week he was already out of jail,
how I don't know and he came at my home begging to talk
to me, it was very late we then went outside he made sure
no one saw us and he grabbed me by my throat while
pointing a gun on my chest and he said “you better take the
kids we going home or else I will kill each and every one of
your family “I was very scared I went inside and pretend to
be happy I then took the kids and we left, when we got
home he took me to a basement and hang me I then passed
out all I remember was waking up at hospital and I was on
suicidal watch. He told them I tried to end my life while he is
the one who tried to kill me.
Everyone respected him because he was a well-known
lawyer who never lost a single case. I could not get him
arrested again, I was scared not only for my life but for my
family as well and for the kids. He was very possessive I was
living with a stranger I could not recognize him anymore. I
went back home and the abuse never stopped and he was
always beating me in hidden places, a man that once
brought me joy and purpose of life was now forcing me in a
darkening corner. Each and every day I forced myself to feel
alive yet the light of my life was getting dimmer day by day,
my heart was silently screaming for help, i felt like my heart
has been ripped off my chest squeezed full of pain and left
trampled like a plastic on the ground. I kept on apologizing
for things I did not do so that he does not beat me but no
matter how many times I apologize that did not stop him
from making me his punching bag. The way he will beat me
it was like I am not a human, he will kick and punch me so
hard and my heart will stubbornly keep on beating and he
will keep on delivering more and more punches and kicks.
He did not allow me to have friends or any conversation
with the neighbors, i tried seeking help from home but my
mother kept on saying “be strong you are not the only one
to be abused, just stay obedient at all the time and
eventually he will stop” I kept on hoping that he will change
but he became worse each and every day he even made me
to quit my job and be a house wife. One day he went way
too far he pushed our eldest son so hard and he hit the wall
and lost few teeth at that moment I knew I had to do
something. I went to talk to his family but his mother called
me a liar and she said her son will never do such thing as for
his uncles their respond was “what did you do to him? He
wouldn't beat you if you did not provoke him go home and
be a good wife to your husband stop this nonsense “So in
their eyes their son was an angel , police could not help me
even his family or my family.
After telling his family about the abuse he found out and he
was very furious I got beaten beyond recognition, he kicked
and punched me for hours till it was not hurting anymore.
Every time he beat me he will cover my mouth so that I will
not scream. In a community he was a very respectful man
everyone loved him, only if walls could talk they would have
known the kind of a man he was, he knew how to hide his
evil salty behavior very well. He was a kind of a man you
could trust with your life...he always broke me when he said
“deberia hamberme casado con Bridget no tú, perra (I
should have married Bridget not you bitch)”That day he
refused to take me to hospital he went to buy over the
counter medication I told him that he should take me to
hospital maybe something is broken and he refused, he said
“you want to get me arrested when you get to hospital...you
are a Doctor tell me which medication to buy”. It took me 7
weeks to finally get out of bed and during that time our
eldest son was his punching bag, I was so weak to protect
him and that broke me into million pieces. I was back on my
feet and I started poisoning his food each and every day
with succinylcholine(sux) that caused him to be paralyzed
I moved him to our secret basement only me and him knew
about it...I packed his bags and made it look like he left, I
sent his family a message pretending to be him and I
resigned at his job via email...i made sure no one will be
suspicious. Everyone thought he left me because I was not a
good wife even neighbors thought I have pride and I think I
am better than any of them. Nothing gave me pleasure than
to see him paralyzed, he could talk but he couldn't move I
said to him “I gave you nothing but love and respect, I even
gave you a family but no that was not enough we had to be
your punching bags, look what you turned me into, i can't
even recognize myself”
Him: babe please forgive me I need hospital, i promise I will
change. I am like this because my father abused my mother
when I was a child, babe I promise I will go to anger
management classes Ole por favor perdóname,te prometo
que cambiaré y seré el hombre que mereces (please forgive
me I promise I will be the man you deserve)
Me: do you know how long I wanted to hear a simple sorry?
You are not going hospital I want to watch you die a slow
death, the kids are better off without you and no one will
ever find you, you are a pig you disgust me.
I did not like the person I have become. After 3 months
everyone realized that he was missing and I joined the
search party and pretended to be losing my mind over my so
called “husband” They looked for him for 8 months with no
luck they eventually gave up even police tried but they came
up with nothing during that time I was drinking herbed that
caused me to lose weight and they were convinced that I
was in pain. I was not even feeling guilty about knowing
where he is. My son Junior one evening came to me and said
“if dad he is dead then I am happy” wow even his son hated
him so much for a monster he has become. He was my
prisoner and I was happy to keep him for life in prison
without parole......I could’ve chosen a different path than to
stood up to his level but what could I have done that will
make him not to want to kill me? It was the only way it was
either me and my kids or him, i went back home he got to
me, I spoke to his family he almost killed me, i got him
arrested and he got out, nothing helped I hated myself for
being just like him but the was nothing I wouldn't do for my
kids, I had to protect them.
There were days where I will let him starve for days and he
will mess up his pants I will just leave him there smelling like
a toilet I knew it was evil but it satisfied me. I started feeling
guilty so I stopped poisoning him and took a good care of
him, he was recovering very well and he was very sorry for
what he did he said he doesn't blame me for what I have put
him through for months, I was starting to trust him and see
the guy I fell in love with. One day I was about to bath him
and he chocked me so hard while saying “you little bitch you
thought I am weak well you are wrong I am going kill you
and bury you here” I got hold of a flower pot and I hit him
on a head very hard he was just Lying there.... I was very
scared I checked him and he was dead I killed the man I
love, the father of my kids, I had no choice and I did not
mean to kill him it was a self-defense... I was devastated
and scared but I had to pull myself together and be strong
for my kids played happy mom around my kids so that they
don't suspect a thing. I stayed up the whole night thinking
what am I going to do with the body. In the morning I went l
online and I managed to buy a refrigerator, I put his lifeless
body inside it...so that it does not get decomposed and start
stinking. I learned to live with what I did even though at first
it wasn't easy, I couldn't even sleep or eat but I got used to
his body in the house.
I took the kids to go live with my parents, I had 4 elder
sisters and we were not getting along because I was my
parents’ favorite, i was the only one who got married and
the first and the only one who made it to varsity. Nothing
made them more happier than to see my perfect life
crushing down in to million pieces. After few months
Botshelo made contacts and said she miss me and want to
sort things out she came over to my place and I don't know
how but somehow she found the basement and saw my
husband
Her: (shocked) how could you do this? I am going to the
police you evil witch Tshiamo was a good guy and he gave
you nothing but love and a beautiful life.

She was about to leave and I couldn't let her so I stepped

her 16 times and just like that I killed my best friend well I
did not mean to kill her but I could not go to jail for a
trash like my husband, I left her body in a basement and
took her phone to another town and destroy it, I could not
destroy it at my place because they were going to trace
where it was before it went off now I committed two
murders .Botshelo went viral everyone was looking for
her and she didn't tell anyone that we were talking or she
 is coming to me that's what I call luck, police got involved
but with no luck they had to close the case.

My husband's ex Bridget she started snooping around

suspecting me and she was asking very difficult questions
she didn't want to let go she was like a dog with a bone
and I felt like she was getting closer to the truth. I invited
her to my place claiming I have something that could
prove that I am innocent. She came and I offered her a tea
luckily for me she took it, inside that tea there was a
mixture of acetaminophen, ibuprofen, lidocaine, naproxen
and succinylcholine(aspirin), she was dead within 30
minutes.

After her disappearance the police came up with a theory

that a culprit is in the inner circle that made me even more
scared to realize that they were close to catching me. I went
to another town to kill someone just to cover my tracks I had
to make the disappearance look the same I took the body
and put it in my basement and this person was a well-known
business man who was innocent but let's just say he was in a
wrong place at a wrong time, within 48hours he was all-
over the news and police eliminated their theory about a
culprit being in the inner circle.
I went back to work so that I can provide for my kids and
parents. I was feeling guilty about all four bodies in a
basement especially for this innocent man I mean they
deserved at least a proper burial. Am I so afraid of jail to a
point where I am willing to kill each and every one who
threaten my freedom? When will it be enough with all this
murders? Those where the words I asked myself each and
everyday
One Sunday my mother in-law came to me and said "your
husband and friend disappeared even his ex but why you not
disappearing? Are you the one who is responsible?" Trust
me I was close to killing her but I knew that will make
everyone suspicious I just acted very hurt and disappointed
at her question. After a month I met a guy called Solomon at
a bar he told me that he is a security guard at a cemetery so
I took a risk and told him my story and he was happy to help
for R70 000, I was happy to give it to him to help me get rid
of1 the bodies because they have been there for over a year
and the fridge was full I had to chop off parts of their bodies
so that they can fit.
Solomon promised me that no one will know where they are
only me and him knows, at that night when we got back at
my place I slept with him I don't know why but it just
happened (big mistake) after a week he started
blackmailing me saying he wants R50 000 or else he will go
to the police. I was very pissed I then gave him the R50 000
thinking he will leave me alone but I was wrong he then said
he want us to date or else he is going to police. This man he
was ready to make my life a living hell. He said “I know
what you are capable of and if you dare try to kill me my
friend Amos will go straight to the police and you will rot in
jail “the idiot just gave me his friend's name well I agreed to
date him. You have no idea how hard it was to pretend to
love him while all I wanted was to kill him.
He was very careful around me he didn't drink anything I
offered him not even my food so during intimacy I was on
top of him and he closed his eyes enjoying the moment. I
reached for the butcher knife under the pillow and I stabbed
him right on a throat, the blood was spreading so hard he
even tried to cover it with his hands but I just kept on
stabbing him over and over... eventually his life escaped his
defenseless body.
I took his phone and texted his friend Amos the address
pretending to be him but he didn't come alone he came with
a friend .I told them that Solomon he is in a shower and I
offered them a whisky which I spiked, Amos's drink had a
sleeping pill and in his friend's drink it was a deadly poison.
Within few minutes they were already passed out. Amos
was sleeping and his friend was dead. I took both of them to
the basement and tightened Amos on a chair. I cleaned
Solomon's body so that there is no trace of my DNA and I
took him and his friend's body to the cemetery gate. I
covered Solomon's body with black roses and a knife right
on his chest I left a letter that was written "I was killed by
greed" killing Solomon gave me pleasure. I covered his
friend's body with yellow roses and a note that said " I was
at a wrong place at a wrong time" .I went back home and
woke Amos with the bucket full of cold water, he was very
furious and confused he said "what the hell am I doing here
you little slut? You better let me go if you know what's good
for you" I replied "oh yes I will let you go as soon as you tell
me what I want to hear “I asked him what did Solomon tell
him about me but he refused to cooperate I guess he wanted
us to play the hard way so I connected the electricity wires
on a chair and put his legs inside a bucket of water.
I electrified him and his skin was coming off bit by bit, he
finally came clean and said "ok” fine I will talk, he told me
everything and he did a recording “I asked him where the
recording was and he refused to talk so I electrified him
again unfortunately he died, now I have to look for a
recording but where do I start? I watched the news and they
were talking about Solomon, the pig had a wife and kids I
even saw his home.
I went there pretending to be a stranger who was touched
by what she saw on the news, I went to see her almost every
day and eventually she opened up to me and said "my
husband helped some woman to bury the bodies illegally
and he made a recording......"I couldn't hear her anymore
my brain just escaped my soul all I heard was a repeat of
bodies! Bodies! Bodies! Then she touched me and my brain
came back she then said "are you ok? You seem a miles
away" I said " I am sorry what you telling me it is so painful
“She knows about the bodies what do I do now? Should I kill
her? Should I let her live and risk my life going to jail? She is
a good sweet person but sweet won't keep me out of jail I
really couldn't kill her because not only she was sweet but
she was pregnant I had to find a way to get hold of the
recording so I went back home and around 2am I went to
the cemetery to dig up the bodies, you have no idea how
hard it was to dig up those bodies and the smell was so
horrible,
I then took them home and cremated their bodies including
Amos's body and I threw the ashes to the sea haven't been
at work for a while I told them I am not myself since my
husband went Missing, I haven't went home to see my kids
in months and since I murdered my husband I haven't had
any peace, I have been fixing problems with other problems
In the morning around 10am I went to see Solomon's wife
and I offered to make her a breakfast which I added sleeping
pills in it and she felt very sleepy after eating . she went
Straight to bed and I then started searching the house finally
after an hour of searching I got the recording I checked it,
Solomon has said some pretty bad stuff that could put me in
jail for life...I destroyed it and disappears.
No recording, no bodies so even if she goes to the police
with what she knows it will be almost impossible to build a
case, I promised myself that I am done with the killings, that
night I slept so peacefully and my heart was at peace. My
kids came back to stay with me and I went to work every
day, I made friends. I met a guy called Q short for Quinton,
he was very nice and we started going out for few weeks, I
took him to meet my family and they all loved him, he also
felt that I should also meet his family because we were very
serious about our relationship. It was Saturday during the
day when we arrived at his home and his mother was very
happy to see me; the whole family didn't care about my skin
color...."you are right on time for dinner” said his mother.
We immediately washed our hands and went straight to the
table, the food looked so divine it seemed like Mrs. Smith
went all out for me.
I took only two bites and I saw lots of blood in my plate
even my hands and clothes where full of blood, I tried
whipping it off but I made it worse and I screamed so hard.
Quinton shouted “what the hell is going on with you?” After
he shouted everything was normal, I was so embarrassed I
stood up and left, I tried to understand what just happened
in there but I couldn't, I mean one minute there is blood all-
over and the next minute there is no blood. Later that night
Quinton came to my place, he kept on knocking but I did not
open eventually he left. My son came to me and said “mom
are you fine? You look very sad “I looked at him and I just
dropped a tear. He came close and comforted me then he
dropped a bomb words he said “you didn't tell Uncle
Quinton the secret right? “I was shocked and I asked “what
secret?” He replied “mom I know you killed dad I saw you in
a basement” my heart dropped for a second, i felt like my
stomach was turning ups and down, i had this strong
headache I felt like my head could explode in a second.
 I asked him in a very confused scared voice “who did you
tell Junior??” He looked at me and said nothing that made
me even more nervous and scared. I shouted “Junior I am
not going to ask you again I said....”He interrupted me and
said “mom I kept this secret since I was seven (7) years and
we will both take it to the grave” he left the room. What do I
do now? I kill people who know my secret, should I kill my
own flash and blood because I am scared of jail? He is a
teenager now how can I trust him with such a secret? What
if we fight and he decides to sell me out? That Night I did not
sleep, I kept on thinking what to do, I did not feel
comfortable with my son knowing the secret, I preferred to
be the only one who knew, I saw my son as a threat to my
freedom.
I looked on internet for anything that can cause a
permanent memory lose but then I decided to trust my son
and not harm him. In the morning he came to my room and
said “just one question what did you do with his body” I
turned around and surprisingly said “I don't know what you
talking about, your father disappeared and we still looking
for him” all I saw in his eyes was a shock and confusion he
then left. After that day my relationship with him was on the
rocks he became very disrespectful towards me and very
manipulative, he wanted everything to go his way because
he had an ammunition to use against me and that was a
blackmail and for a while I let him get away with everything
he even made me break up with Quinton and I did but I
finally got tired of being controlled by a kid so I got back
with Quinton and I destroyed the basement. That thing
made my son very angry and he said "don't forget I know
your secret" I just gave him I don't care look, I stopped
buying things for him and he went to the police and told
them what he knows, i should have killed that little rat while
I had a chance I knew he was going to use it against me.
Police came at my place and question me. I denied
everything, I even cried saying I am so shocked that my son
will lie like this just because I refuse to buy him stuff I then
said "I can even take a lying detector test" and the officer
said "that's a good idea and it will solve this whole thing"
damn it I am way to deep now, I never thought he will agree
to my sugges1ution.
Before taking a test I gave the guy who was supposed to
test me a piece of paper that was written "tell them I have
pass and I will give you half a million" he looked at me and
started connecting me to his wires. he asked few Questions
and left after an hour the results where back the officer said
"sorry mam for putting you in all this thing but you did not
kill your husband" phew now I can breathe it means that
guy agreed to the deal because I know I failed with flying
colors. I left and before I got home that guy he called me
and said "my partner in crime you left without saying
goodbye, look half a million is not enough because I am with
the officer who gave you the news on this deal so we want a
million and for a Doctor like you a million is nothing” . I
thought my problems are over but another two rats are
provoking me anyway I agreed to the deal but I said “give
me two weeks to get the money “he said “2 days or else you
going to jail and you will lose your precious reputation and
your little fancy job “what?? Did this man just threaten my
reputation?
I got home and kicked my son out he begged me but I was
furious I said “you little brat you are just like your father get
out of my house and you are dead to me “he replied with a
stinking attitude “oh yeah I am dead just like dad? Why
don't you just kill me mom like you killed him? You can fool
the police but not me I know what I saw that day” .this brat
was getting in to my last nerve he was like a mosquito that
needed to be squashed. My sweet little son Hope also
thought I killed his father because of this brat Junior so he
also left now i have no kids.
Due date came and that guy called his name was Thomas he
said “where can we meet I want my money “I told him that
we should meet in a bush near a park because people
cannot see us together and he agreed I took a gym bag and
put lots of papers pretending it's money, I got there and he
was alone he then opened his passenger seat for me and I
got in I asked “does anyone knows that you are meeting
with me?” He replied with annoyed voice “are you crazy if
people knows about this I will lose my job “I pointed a gun
right on his heart he laughed and said “you little girl you
think you can shoot me? They tried and they failed” I shot
him two times and before he lost his life he looked at me
with eyes that I will never forget for as long as I am alive.
After shooting him I took out the gloves and a knife I opened
him and took the bullets out then clean the bullets powder
and cleaned any DNA that might be in his car that belongs
to me. I took his phone and send the officer message saying
let's meet in the push near hospital around 10 pm so that he
can get his cut. He arrived and he didn't see me, I shot him
from the back right on a head and he died immediately.
I opened him and took the bullet and clean the bullet
powder, I took water and clean my footsteps. After a day
this two people where on every newspaper article and on
news, no bullet, no witnesses and no case, they tried to
investigate but came up with nothing. I destroyed the
basement and I was really done with these murders, I put all
my energy to my work and my man Quinton, the kids were
staying with my parents and they wanted nothing to do
with me.
When I thought it's finally over. my mother came to my
place and said "Olebogeng tell me the real truth did you kill
your husband?" I looked down and said "yes I killed him"
she shouted "What??" .I calm her down " mom it was a
mistake and after that I kept on covering a murder with
another Murder, things got out of hand". She was very
shocked she aggressively asked "how many people did you
kill and why?" I felt like coming clean for the first time “I
killed nine (9) people mom and they were threatening my
freedom" she was very heart broken not to mention angry.
She said " I am going to the police they should lock you up
and throw away the keys “she got me very mad I said “in all
your kids I am the only successful one and you think getting
me arrested will put food on a table?
If I remember correctly you got me in this mess, I came to
you mom telling you that my husband he is abusing me and
you proudly said "my daughter be strong you are not the
first to be abused, stay in your marriage things will get
better" do you remember? Now you are supposed to protect
me as your daughter who made sure that you have
everything money can buy" she dropped a tear and hugged
me I felt so safe in her arms she softly said "I will keep your
secret “she carried me for 9 months I believe she will keep
the secret. She made me promise that I will never ever kill
anyone, she promised to look after my kids.
One day during intimacy with Quinton I saw him changing
into my husband and I pushed him so hard that he twisted
his ankle. “OH Quinton I am so sorry I did not mean to hurt
you” he asked “what is going on?” I lied and said “when I
was young I was raped so sometimes during intimacy I get
flashbacks” he came closer to me and kissed me on a
forehead “oh babe why didn't you tell me? I am so sorry” I
took care of his ankle and we slept. The next day we went
out for dinner and it went horribly wrong, the white wine
turned into a blood and I screamed so hard that the whole
attention was on our table and Quinton was very
embarrassed, he yelled “hey pull yourself together and let's
pay leave “I looked at the wine again and it was fine. I felt
very embarrassed and Quinton refused to talk to me.
At that time we were practically living together, at night I
saw Solomon and I screamed and yelled “I am so sorry I did
not mean to kill you, but you made me do it” Quinton woke
me up and said “what have you done Ole?”I was shocked to
realize that he heard me. I tried to lie but he just saw that I
am lying he got aggressive and said “don't you dare lie to
me who did you kill?” He scared me and words slipped out
of my mouth “I killed my husband” his eyes where full of
fear and disappointments he said “get dressed we are going
to the police, you must confess to what you did”
I had to safe myself I then I said “so you want your first child
to grow up in jail? “He laughed and said “lying will not safe
you this time” I cried I said ....”I swear I tested few weeks
ago “he didn't believe me at all and he said he will buy
pregnancy test in the morning so that he can be 100% sure, I
agreed but I spent the rest of the night on my laptop
checking how to fake a pregnancy test and I found a way
the morning he went to the shop and came back with three
(3) pregnancy tests. He waited outside the toilet door and I
used a red pen to make all the tests look positive he said
“the reason I am not taking you to jail is because of that
pregnancy “My secret is safe but now I have to make a
choice is either I fall pregnant or I fake pregnancy to the
term but where will I find a baby? Will my problems ever
end? It is one problem after the other.
I went to see a gynecologist about falling pregnant but she
gave me bad news, she said “you have a secondary
infertility that means....”I interrupted her “I know what that
means I am a doctor “I left without saying any more word.
My plan of falling pregnant has failed now what am I going
to do? I went home and decided to carry on with the fake
pregnancy, he was supportive but the love was no longer
there.
After two months he asked to use my laptop because he left
his in a car and I agreed. He saw my goggle history search
on how to fake a pregnancy test. He got furious and forced
me to come clean; i told him that I lied.
He said “you deserve jail” I sadly said “you know my
husband abused me over and over, you know the scars all
over my body and due to his abuse I cannot have any more
children “he replied “you deserve everything he did to you,
you are manipulative and such a liar, you belong in an
institution. “He then left he said he need time to think what
he will say to the police about waiting long to come
forward. I called my mom “ (crying) mom I am going to jail
it's over” I hanged up the phone, after an hour my mother
knocked on my door. She asked what happened and I told
her everything, shockingly she said “kill him” I mean this is
my mother a woman who can't even hurt a fly, a woman
who goes to church Thursdays and Sundays, a woman who
has never missed a church not even once. I said “what? “She
replied “ you came way too far to give up, don't let this good
for nothing idiot ruin your life I don't like him anyway “who
is this woman and what did she do with my holy mother?
I asked “so mom because you don't like him does he deserve
to die?” she looked at me and said “no but no daughter of
mine is going to jail, I brag about you in the community and
at church, think about my reputation if you go to jail. “I
asked “but you made me promise that ......”She interrupted
me and said “I know what I said so put on your brave jacked
and get the job done “she left me drowning in confusion or
am I dreaming? Because the mother that I know will not say
such things, anyway the boss has spoken let the job be done.
I called Quinton and told him that I am ready to pay for my
sins and he came, I pointed a gun at him and I said “I killed
everyone who threaten my freedom, I killed nine (9) people
because they wouldn't mind their own business, I love you
but I come first “he pleaded with me so hard “please Ole
don't kill me I will let this whole thing go, I will keep your
secret” I dropped few tears I looked at him and said “it is too
risky you are a threat in my life” I shot him right on a
forehead two times. I heard people screaming outside and
saying “call the police, call the police”. I took out the bullets
and clean the powder like I always do, I hid his body under
the car in a garage and cleaned the house. Within few
minutes police came to my place with a search warrant they
looked in all the rooms, they went to the garage my heart
was beating 360, checked inside a car then left without
checking under the car. I couldn't throw away the body it
was going to get me in trouble and I had no basement
anymore. I called my mother to come over and she came the
next morning
Me: mom what must I do with the body, I can't dump the
body they will find it and I will be a suspect number one and
I cannot cremate it I don't have a basement anymore.
Mom: wow you cremate bodies? You are indeed brave
Me: mom focus
Mom: bury him in this house
What did she just say? Maybe killing people is my
inheritance it's in my DNA, this woman talk as if she has
been there before wow, we started digging in a spare room
under the bed, the whole night and we buried him we even
tiled the hole so perfectly you could not tell that there is a
body there. Junior heard that Quinton he is missing and he
did not waste any time to come to me...he was very mad he
said "mom what did you do with his body and don't even
deny it because I know you killed him" I got very annoyed "
what's the point of telling you my side of the story because
you already made up your mind that I am guilty “He was
determined to ruin my life he was even ready to go tell
Quinton's parents I even tried to use the abuse he witnessed
when he was young hoping he will feel sorry for me but he
said "mom women out there get abused day and night and
it's wrong in so many ways but you don't see them going
around killing people, I was also abused remember? But I
managed to glue my broken pieces together and carry on
with life.
You are not God you cannot keep on deciding when people
should live or die" Wow whose son is this? He grew up so
fast and he is 10 times better than his father. Now I have to
snap out of it and think very fast before he does something
stupid, I locked him into a room and called my mother. I told
her the whole story and she said "whatever you do
Olebogeng do not kill my grandchild are we clear?" with a
shock I replied "mom how can you even think that I will kill
my own son?” With a doubt reaction she said "with you
anything is possible, so what are we going to do" I smiled
and said "well mother I could mix some medication that will
cause your precious grandson a permanent memory loss, we
will wipe off everything he knows" .
My mother agreed and he pretended to be on Junior's side, I
prepared the food and add a mixture of anticholinergies,
Dramamine, uniso, benadryl and morphine I then told my
mom to give him food because if it's me he won't eat, I went
to work and I was happy that we can finally put the secret
behind us. As Junior will no longer remember anything and I
felt relieved. After few hours my mom told me to come
home fast there is something wrong with Junior, I did not
waste any more time to go home. When I got home my son
was dead I said "but I don't understand I mixed everything
very well" and we both said "I did not add to much in the
food" with a shock we both looked at each other and we
said "what??" Oh no I added the mixture in the food which
means my mother also did the same.it was overdose and it
killed him.
I felt like someone was stabbing me with a sharp knife right
in the center on my heart; every living part of my body went
weak. I can't explain the pain I felt, my mother said "now is
time for damage control” I said "mom I am tired of you
telling me what to do, you ruined everything this is all your
fault" she came closer and gave me a hot slap I stood there
in shock she said "you never take responsibility for your
action, you keep on blaming people for your actions" she is
right I don't remember taking responsibility for my actions.
We abandoned the body near the sports field where Junior
used to play soccer at, we made sure people will find it in
the morning. It broke my heart to know that his lifeless body
was out there in the cold. I had to go to work in the morning
and put on a happy face like I did not kill my own flash and
blood few hours ago. I waited for the call that will tell me
that his body was discovered but I never received a call. I
went home and I was very stressed and so was my mom, we
did not understand what was going on. Around 10pm we
went to the field where we left his body and it was not
there, oh no what happened to Junior's body? Who took it?
My head was exploding with all those Questions.
That Night I did not sleep, I was way too stressed to sleep or
even eat where on earth my son’s body is? What if he was
eaten by dogs? But dogs don't eat people; I kept on thinking
who could've taken his body. My mother came to my room
and said "Olebogeng let's go to the police" has my mother
gone nuts? I looked at her for a while I then replied "mom
are you out of your mind? Go to the police and say what?
We killed our son and dumped the body for someone to find
it and now it's missing?" She left the room without any more
word. I stayed up the whole night then took a bath in the
morning and put on a happy smile for work so that no one
suspects a thing, it was so hard to pretend that I am happy
while my heart was broken and I was drawing in a pool of
confusion and guilt.
After work I went Straight home, all I wanted was to lock
myself in my room and moan for my son...few minutes after
I got home I received a text that was read "I know what you
did" my whole body went cold, I tried to call the number but
it went straight to voicemail, who could it be? I showed it to
my mother and she was more scared than me. I don't know
what scared me the most, the fact that I killed my son, lost
his body or the fact that someone out there knows what I
did I might as well prepare myself to wear orange suit for
the rest of my life I am close to lose the freedom and
reputation that I fought for all those years. I went down on
my knees crying "mom it's over I am handing myself over to
the police" she said "no pull yourself together. you worked
so hard for your freedom you can't give up now" I looked at
her "mom you call this freedom? Ever Since I killed Tshiamo i
have never had a freedom, I always have to cover my tracks
and it never ends...I am as good as a prisoner"
I received another text "how do you sleep at night knowing
what you did? What kind of a mother are you? “This thing
was driving me crazy I wished to know who it, why is this
person not making demands was. He/she is not even
blackmailing me he/she is just messing with my head. No
one suspected that Junior was missing because many times
he will disappear for days, weeks even months then come
back home even his little brother was not worried...for
weeks I kept on receiving texts, i tried to trace the number
but it was impossible because the number was not
registered.
My mother had gone home to play happy family with my
dad, my father was like a woman in a marriage, he had no
backbone, he was a peace maker and growing up my
mother was the punisher, the spanker she was the one
making rules and shouting. After few weeks my mother
came back to stay with me for few days, she said pretending
was hard, next morning I went to work it was very painful
my son deserved a decent respectful burial, the guilt was
eating me alive day by day ...I was dying inside. Some days I
felt like ending my life but I had to think for Hope even
though he wanted nothing to do with me. One day after a
month of searching for my son I was at work and my mom
called me telling me to come home because there was some
lady who says she knows where my son was. I drove fast
than i ever did in my life and when I got home to my surprise
Solomon's wife was seating on my Egyptian couch wearing
some cheap fabric
Me: I am sorry but what are you doing in my house? How
did you even know where I live??
Her: wow so this is how you welcome an old friend? Well let
me get straight to the point I know very well you are the
woman my husband helped to bury bodies and I know that
because you are the only one who knew about the recording
and you dragged me that day because a doctor found
sleeping pills in my blood and you are the one who made me
breakfast that day and you disappeared. Well sweet heart
don't you think it's odd to just disappear on someone you
claim to care about and feel sorry that she lost a husband?
I was so surprised that someone like her a house wife and
uneducated woman could figure out so much...words could
not come out
Her: what aren’t you going to say anything? Did the cat cut
your tongue?
Me: what does anything has to do with my son? You told my
mother that you know where my son is so you called me for
all this nonsense? I'm going back to work get out of my
house and never come back

Her: before I go look at this pictures

I took the pictures and i was very shocked my son's body
was in a refrigerator, i felt like vomiting how could this
woman be so cruel to my junior?
Me: what the hell do you want please give me back my son
Her: at least you know his body is not decomposed and he is
well taken care of even though the fridge is not your style
not even expensive
Me: give me back my son or else (interrupted)
Her: or else what? You are going to the police; you are going
to kill me? Listen and listen carefully girly Amos was not only
my husband's friend he was my brother and you killed him I
don't even want to know how and why I just want to bury
him so give me his body and I will give you your son's body. I
don't even know why you want his body because you killed
him.
Me: I did what?
Her: don't even try to deny it. Two months ago I saw an
article about you being a best Doctor of the year then I
started stalking you from your work and I followed you
everywhere and the night you dropped your son's body at
the soccer field I saw you and your mother. You have no
limits when it comes to eliminating people just give me the
body and you will get the body too.
Wow so I have been followed without even noticing? That
was creepy, she left me standing and not moving an inch.my
mom came to me and said "I overheard everything what are
you going to do because you cremated the body?" I looked
at her and said "not now mother I need to think “I went
straight to bed and sleep. After two hours my dad woke me
up and I was surprised to see him because i couldn't
remember the last time he came to my place because he
hated the suburb life I said “dad what are you doing here?
“He hugged me and said "your mother said you need help
“So my nuts mother called my dad how dare she do that
because she knows very well that my father has no
backbone and he is weak there is no way he can handle the
truth what makes my mother to even think her husband
could help us?
I tried to lie to him but my mother told him everything and
before she could finish talking about the 4th murder he just
fainted and I said “well-done mother you just successfully
killed your husband “she said “help me to get him on bed
and stop annoying me we are in this mess because of you
“we had to nurse him back to normal. He woke up and said
“Maria how could you allow things to get out of hand? You
always act Holly and scream the word of God while you busy
doing devil's work with your daughter you both going to jail
I am calling the police “I took the phone away from him and
i said “don't make me kill you father” i have never saw that
shock in his eyes before and he replied “Olebogeng I am
your father” I looked at him angrily and said “exactly you
are my father you should protect me and help me find my
son your grandson “It was so hard to convince him to be on
my side not the law's side but I manipulated him enough to
agree he said “I don't like this but what do you want me to
do?" I smiled and said "here is the deal I will call Maureen to
come here and when she leave I want you to follow her
everywhere I want to know where she is keeping Junior's
body” he agreed though he was disgusted about everything
i did more especially for killing my son
We did as we planned and he followed her everywhere and
it was hard to find where my son was because is not like she
had to feed the body or bath it. Finally after few weeks my
father found some shark in a strange place and saw her
looking all sides before entering the shark.my father told me
and we went there at night and no one was home. We found
my son's body and I was sad and happy at a same time, my
father fainted again after seeing his body, we woke him up
and I said "we have to abandon the body again" he was
against the idea but my mother made him see reasons. We
went to the soccer field and anonymously called the police
telling them that there is a dead teenager, i had to change
my voice and act like a naive teenage girl so that the call
does not trace back to me and we waited in a dark making
sure no one steals the body again when police arrive we left
and my father went back to his home.

We had to pretend like we know nothing even though it was

hard and painful.in the early hours of the morning police
knocked at my door and said “mam we are here because of
your son” I acted surprised I said “oh my God what trouble
did he get himself into this time?”
The officer looked at me with pity and said “mam when last
did you see your son?” I acted so confused and scared “two
months ago and I was not worried about his disappearance
because it's what he does, he always disappear and come
back” he said “i am sorry mam but he passed away and it
looks like he has been dead for a very long time because we
found his body covered with ice” I cried like it was the first
time i heard about his death.. police left and when I was
busy mourning for my son, Maureen came to my place very
angry and furious she said “I don't know how but I know you
took the body and you think you are smart I am going to the
police “as she was talking my mother was behind her and
she knocked her down with an exe I looked at her with a
shock in my eyes “mom was that necessary? “She started
shaking she said “I could not let her go to the police i could
also end up in jail and not to mention your poor father” no
really who on planet earth is this woman? My mother will
not even hurt a fly let alone a human; i did not know that
she had a killer DNA in her. Maureen was not dead she was
still breathing and bleeding if I took her to hospital she could
escape death but I could not take the risk so I had to finish
her off and bury the body in the house. We buried my son on
weekend and one of my sister's came to me during the
funeral and said “At least you burying your son imagine if he
also disappeared like your husband and your friend or
perhaps they will mysteriously reappears just like Junior?
“Believe me I felt like shutting her up with a knife on her
throat but I had to act tough and calm she said “your perfect
family is falling apart now it's just you and Hope who also
don't see you as a mother...I guess you no longer a golden
child after all” I just kept quiet and my father was mad at
me for what I did but he had to pretend like we are fine so
that no one suspect a thing.
Two weeks after the funeral I went back to work though it
was not easy the quilt was eating me alive my collogue
suggested therapy and I gave it a try and he only help me to
deal with his death but he did not help me deal with the
quilt I started experiencing terrible headache that where
unbearable, i turned to panado but it was not helping at all
so I switched to batalbital it did help for a short period and
the headache was back again. I started using morphine but
it was causing me to sleep even at work. I turned to
methadone this one was perfect because it gave me a boast
that I needed and i was able to cope with the loss of my son,
i had this huge energy and my supervisor loved how
energetic I was with my job. After few weeks of using
methadone we ran out of it at hospital and It was hard for
me to focus so I took benzodiazepine, it gave me this huge
fresh air I have never felt something like that before it was a
great feeling ever.
It was on Friday and I was not working that weekend, after
work I took more of penzodiazepines and I stopped at
Romans pizza for takeaways, i got home and went straight
to bed. The Whole weekend I stayed in bed eating and
taking pills, i loved the waves I felt and this pills blocked my
emotions and feelings away, i saw myself on a beach sipping
sapphire Martini exposing my skin to the beauty of the
sunlight and the smell of the beach sand.
On Monday morning I woke up and I had a huge headache, i
was feeling dizzy, i was sweating and shaking, i did not
understand how can I sweat and feel cold at a same time.
Little did I know i was already addicted and experiencing
withdrawals? I crawled out of bed still wearing the same
clothes i was wearing on Friday, i looked for my handbag
and searched for the pills, i found one pill it was not enough
but it would help me to get to work. I took the pill and
everything i felt went away, i felt so good. I looked at the
time and I was 30 minutes late for work, i just got in my car
and drove to work when I got there everyone looked at me
as if I am crazy, my supervisor called me to her office "doctor
what is going on? You are still wearing the same clothes you
were wearing on Friday, when last did you bath? No doctor
pull yourself together I know you lost a son but you cannot
live like this and you know you are one of the best Doctors in
this hospital"
The smell on my armpits it was like something died in there
not to mention my breath, I took a shower at work and
change there. After that day I kept on writing prescriptions
for myself using patients’ names little did I know that I was
digging my own hell hole, I where thought I can handle it
because I thought addiction only affects uneducated people
but I thought wrong because I started giving patients wrong
medication and my license was provoked and I was fired
because they found out that I was under influence of drugs
while on duty.

The pills that I was using they were not cheap and because I
was no longer working I had to buy them on black market
day by day and I ended up getting in debts because of drugs.
Drugs became my best friend and my enemy at a same time.
After five (5) months I was already down and out, i had no
money and I ran out of things to sell, my father was still mad
at me but he cared about me deeply so he took me in and
my mother was so heartbroken to realize that I was deep in
drugs, they were thought they can help me at least they
tried but within a month I started stealing from them and
eventually they got tired and kick me out. I ended up on
street at first it was not hard to get drugs but as time went
by I was on my own asking for money saying I want to buy
bread and once the money reach R30 I will go buy a fix and
get high that time I was on cocaine I couldn't afford
expensive drugs anymore...I needed to get high at least
three (3) times a day. People on street got tired of me asking
for R1, R2 and R5,i started collecting cold rink and beer cans
to sell them at scrap yard so that I can get a fix, that became
my routine each and everyday.
I started sleeping with other drug addicts so that they will
smoke with me, i was no longer bathing. The only time I will
bath is when a taxi driver takes me to his place I will get
there bath and wear a nice clean dress then eat after all that
he will sleep with me and take me back to the street, the
dress wouldn't even lust a day on me, I will just sell it and
buy drugs.
On periods day I will use cloth. I might sound like I did not
care but I did I mean I had a perfect job and dreams to
achieve but at the end those dreams turned into ashes as
drugs where controlling my life. Feeding my addiction was
not easy, it was a full time job, i had anger, fear and
desperation. I was forever on street and making money to
get high, each and every day i turned my hard earned cash
into few pills and that broke me. There where times when
reality will hit me so hard and I will cry I mean a qualified
doctor end up on street I was in hell and I felt like there was
no getting out of the drug life. Honestly I did not want to go
back I enjoyed drugs they helped me forget what I did. Out
of quilt I felt like I deserve worse than what was happening
to me.
Taxi drivers kept on taking turns on who is taking me to his
place, there was this one taxi driver they called him General.
This man saw me beyond my private part he will always say
"how can a beautiful woman like you end up on street" I
won't even respond to him. one thing I did not like about
him was the fact that he would give me food and nice
clothes but not money because he knew I will buy drugs, one
day he decided to take me in he felt that I did not belong on
street, I stayed with him for a week and already I was
missing the street. When he was not home I went to the
street to collect my drug addicts friends and we went to his
place and stole everything including a Dustbin and we sold
the stuff very cheap, that day we had a drug party. He
looked for me and he found me, he hit me with an electric
cable over and over while he was busy saying "do you know
how hard I worked for everything you stole?
I will not stop beating you until you tell me where you sold
my stuff" I stubbornly kept quiet until I passed out, when I
opened my eyes I was already in hospital and they said I
have been on a coma for two weeks and I am lucky to be
alive. General almost killed me it means he was very angry, i
made a plan to steal pills in hospital and I took over dose, i
was on a second coma for 3 days. I did not want to kill
myself as they thought, my cravings where high and my
blood got very excited when I saw that large amount of pills.
During visiting hours there was this man who was praying
for sick people and he came to me, he prayed for me and
something in me shifted I felt something that I cannot
explain, for the first time in so many years I wanted to
change, i wanted to stop taking drugs. He kept on coming to
the hospital and I finally opened up to him telling him that I
lost my son and I found comfort in drugs I even lost a home.
He said when I get discharged I can come stay at church I
was willing to change for my son Hope and my parents.
After a week I was out of hospital and I went to church, that
guy he was a pastor and he took me to rehab, it was hard
but I got through it with his support and everyone from
church. After 6 weeks I was out of rehabilitation center and I
was clean but that did not lust even a week, I stole 275
chairs from church and I sold all of them R500 and I went
back to the street, he found me and took me back to rehab
and I went back to street again, he was determined to safe
me and i was determined to disappoint him.

one day he said to me "even if you admit that you have a

drug problem but you can't quit if you doing it for other
people, you must quit for you" he was right i kept on saying
I want to quit for my son and parents I had to do it for me no
one else. I went back to rehab the 7th time and this time I
was doing it for me, i succeeded. I went to stay at church
and I started attending Church and learning about God,
everything was falling into place even though I still felt
guilty about my son, after few months I gained courage to
go home.
When I got home my parents were happy to see that I was
clean and drugs free as for my younger Son he was giving
me a cold shoulder and that caused me to relapse I stole
from my own son, i stole his Xbox and sold it R100 I then
went back to street and back on drugs again after 8 months
of being clean.
Getting rejected by my son made me feel worthless because
he was the main part I changed, i wanted to be a mother to
him. He never got a chance to experience a mother's love, i
dumped him and his brother with my parents when he was
still young, i showered him with money instead of love and
attention, i don't remember ever telling him that I love him,
he has always being the quiet one maybe he was silently
crying for a mother's love but I was caught in my evil
schemes and I forgot to be a mother to my kids. I was on
street for a month and I was really tired I then checked
myself in a rehab, i called Pastor he came and he took me in
again, he was a very patient man. I told myself that I was
really done with that life I attended church almost every
day. I fell in love with pastor, he gave me a purpose of life,
he gave my life a meaning, i suddenly had hope that
everything will be fine, he fulfilled the emptiness in me and
glued my broken pieces together, and he completed me. I
fell deeply in love with him, he made me want to live a
better vision of my life and I was blessed because I was
loved by him completely.
I don't know how he did it but I was reinstated at my job as
a doctor again but they gave me a lower post, they made
sure I don't work with medications anymore.it wasn't much
but it was way better than seating at home, i was able to
replace my son's Xbox and I was able to send money at
home.my house has been sold to more than 100 people and
none of them stayed over a month, they all complaint about
one thing, they said at night they hear things as if they are
people cooking and cleaning, sometime a television will turn
itself on, doors will open and close themselves. They kept on
coming for their money back, i never went back there, i
stayed with pastor.
He proposed and I was very happy that I am getting
married the second time I will no longer be labeled a return
soldier.my sisters where not happy to hear that I raised from
the ashes, everyone thought I am done and out for good but
they were wrong I myself even thought that but the universe
proved wrong. Pastor was a very decent man gentle and
patient, a good listener and a romantic man. He saved me
from a dark place, he showed me that the is a light at the
end of a tunnel, i saw the light and I found Jesus at least
that's what I thought, i was in good space with my parents
but my son was still not talking to me though I don't blame
him. A day before my wedding day my father said "are you
sure you want to get married?" I said "yes dad more than
ever" he held my hand while looking me in the eyes with a
concern he said "what if he change along the way? Will you
be able to hold yourself from killing him? We both know you
destroy everyone that put you in a suffocation place" he was
right what if pastor do or say something that push me on
edge? I was willing to be a normal human being so I decided
that i will get married to him the following day.
In the morning everything was going so well and I was
happy that finally I am marrying the man that I love, he kept
on texting me saying “I can't believe that in few hours’ time
you will be my wife" I liked the idea of being pastor's wife.
We were at church and we were about to exchange vows he
said "first time I saw you I did not know that you will be my
soul mate, you are my happiness, we have been through hell
back and forth I never gave up on you because I saw
potential and I looked at you beyond your past and I love
you with your flows through thick and thin, I Tshepo Adams
take you Olebogeng to be my wife through sickness and
health for better or worse as we both shall live till death do
us apart" .
it was my turn and my father's words kept on poking my
brain and heart...I said to him "I love you a lot that is why I
can't marry you, i have to do the right thing “I could see the
pain and embarrassed in his eyes, i left him at the altar and
ran out, my parents came after me.my mother said "what is
going on?" I smiled and replied" dad you were right about
what you said and I think Junior and everyone I killed
deserve Justice so I decided that I am handing myself in the
police" my parents were shocked but happy that I am finally
taking responsibility.
I took a taxi in my white beautiful wedding dress and I went
straight to police station. I Said to the officer "I am here to
solve the 5 unsolved murders and 7 disappearances that
happened few years ago “the officer looked at me and said
"do you know what happened or you just playing us?" I
smiled and said "I am responsible for everything" after I Said
that every police officer in the station was giving me a full
attention, i gave them the details but they still did not
believe me fully I said to them "go to my old house in a
guest room, the room next to a bathroom and dig under the
bed you will find Quinton's body that colored guy who
disappeared and dig at the garage you will find a body of
Maurine the wife of a man who was found dead at
cemetery.
They did not waste any more time and indeed they found
the bones. I gave them every little detail of each and every
murder; i remembered everything as if it happened
yesterday. Next day I was on a front newspaper article and
the community needed my blood, they wanted me to be
hanged. Quite frankly I deserved it for putting people in so
much pain. I went to court after a month, the state found
me a lawyer who can prove that I was mentally disturbed at
that time because of the abuse i went through, this man was
very powerful and convincing but I pleaded guilty of all the
murders and I was sentenced to life in prison without any
possibility of parole.
My parents had to pretend like they knew nothing so that
the community don't harm them, my mother was quiet an
actor she even fainted in a court that woman deserve an
Oscar award for that performance I even though she really
fainted until she secretly winked at me. Before I was sent to
prison Quinton's mother approached me and she was crying
she said "you saw how I was struggling, you experience my
tears day by day and you were there when I went in and out
of hospital because of my son's disappearance and you
knew where he was but you did nothing why?
You buried my son like a dog then carried on with life like
nothing happened" there was nothing I could have said that
will make her feel better so I kept quiet. People thought life
sentence was not enough they wanted a death penalty. I
went to prison and the first day I got there the inmates
stabbed me and I went to a doctor, they heard what I did
and they also thought I deserve more than a life sentence.
They abused me physically, verbally and emotionally. They
will make me give them my food and starve for days, they
will make me wash their dirty underwear’s and clean the
floor with a teeth brush. After few months my mother in-law
(Tshiamo's mother) came to see me and she was very angry
she said “how could you? Tshiamo was my only child but you
took him away from me I looked at her and I really felt sorry
I said to her “I came to you looking for help and you told me
that your son will not do such a thing so I did what I had to
do, if you listened to me your son will still be alive” she
Started crying so hard she painfully said "please I am on my
knees give me whatever remaining left of him, even if is just
a finger so that I can bury him" I could not give her anything
as I cremated the whole body and throw the ashes in the
beach how will I tell her that I mixed the ashes of all the
bodies? Even if I still had the ashes how will know who is
who? I looked at her and said "I am sorry there is nothing I
can give you" she lastly said "you will burn in hell “those
words where painful..
I called Pastor to come see me because since the wedding i
never saw him, he came to see me...I felt sorry for
everything i did to him and I felt that I should apologize
Me: Tshepo I am really sorry for what happened, i did not
mean to hurt you.

Him: I don't understand how can one human being turn so

dark? How did you even get away with everything?
Me: one question at the time, I guess I am good at covering
my tracks and abuse turned me from sweet to sour
Him: but your father he is a pastor, your parents own a
church, you grew up in a church how can you be evil?
Me: well I guess I am not a golden child after all I am just a
black sheep of the family, i am not happy about what I did
but it is what it is and there is no going back.
Him: I will never forgive you
Me: I where thought Christians forgive

Him: don't Petronius me and don't ever call me again, i hate

you.
He left me just like that and it was hurting, my parents could
not come to see me because they had to pretend like they
hate me, the community was watching them like a hawk
and no one from work came to see me at all, inside prison it
can be very lonely especially for someone like me who had
no friends outside and inside. In my cell it was hell I will be
on my knees for hours until I couldn't take it anymore but I
will just keep on cleaning over and over until my knees turn
purple and worse part they made me sleep on a cold floor
naked with no blanket, it was horrible I did not find peace
and worse part the lesbians will make me lick their private
parts that was so horrible and disgusting, no one was in my
corner. I will starve for days and sleep on a floor cleaned
kitchen and toilets on daily bases. Each and every I had a
new bruise I even because close to a doctor because he was
helping me every day with my bruises.

One day the inmates purposely broke my arm and made me

sleep the whole night in pain without a doctor, the pain was
too deep I fainted and woke up in hospital bed chained like a
dog. Some junior doctor looked at me and said "I did read
about you on the newspapers you are so beautiful and it's so
hard to believe that you are capable of murder" a question
visited my mind how on earth did I become so twisted? After
a week I went back to prison, the chains that where on me,
they were shocking and heavy. When I got to prison i went
to a prison doctor so that he could see if I am ready to go
back to my cell or not. I was not ready and he pleaded with
the prison wards to move me to another cell but they did not
care they wanted me to go back. I went back and the same
arm was broken within a week.
I remember the prison doctor saying to me "no one will fight
for you, you see in here everyone is against you for what you
did and they will take law into their own hands, you could
report them to the board but you will be six (6) feet under
before you even say a word, stop feeling guilty and fight for
your life, they moving me to another prison so now you are
on your own. “He was right why am I letting this people
treat me like dirt? Why am I even in a good behavior is not
like I am getting out of here ever. I went back to my cell and
the next morning Deborah the gang leader accidentally
slipped in a bathroom and she died immediately. Two days
later Ingrid the lesbian who made me lick her private part
each everyday accidentally fell in a toilet and died.

That Night I was stabbed while sleeping I went to the doctor

again for the starches he said "I said fight I did not say kill
people, what is wrong with you??" I looked at him and
smiled "so much credit doctor? I did not kill anyone" I was
very convincing and he believed the woman who broke my
arm I hanged her on a toilet and made it look like she
hanged herself, prison wardens suspected me but they had
no prove so they sent me to isolation, no Windows no lights
it was just a half room with a single bed and a toilet, it was
very hot in there. I survived on the air through a door, eating
next to a toilet in a dark on a high hot temperature it was
not fun at all, it was very hard...I stayed there for 3 weeks
and I was out after Maria died from a pillow suffocation on
my absence.
I was confused myself on who was doing my job and the
same way I do. The following day in a kitchen Glenda (the
woman who was sentenced to 25 years in prison for killing
her boyfriend who was molesting her 12 year old son) she
approached me and said "aren’t you going to thank me for
taking you out of isolation? “What? So she was the one
doing my job but how because she was pregnant and ready
to give birth in a month or two? I looked at her and said
"how did you do it and how did you know it was me?" She
smiled and said "that morning when Deborah slipped and
die I was in a next shower I saw how you did it and in my
side it was easy because everyone think I am pregnant and
powerless so I strike when they least expected" .We became
friends and looked out for each other until she was moved to
a maternity ward and I became lonely.one day on lunch time
I got in a brutal fight with a warden and I killed her, a case
was opened against me and before going to court a new
doctor had to examine me.

Before the examination i asked for water I then put it down

and pushed it and it fell on his pants, i ran to him with a
cloth rubbing his shaft while I was busy saying "I am sorry"
within few seconds he was hard, i unzipped his pants and
started licking his shaft rubbing it on my tongue, he tried to
stop me but it was too late I was already on top of him. It's
been long since I tasted a forbidden fruit and I intended to
enjoy every moment of it.
After getting dressed he said "what you want? There is
nothing for free I know you did not give me a good sex for
nothing" I looked at him and said "you talking my language
well I want you to write a report saying i am criminally
insane or else I tell them you slept with me and you will lose
your job"
 he replied “I won't be blackmailed by you, i will deny
everything" I went closer to him and hold his shaft I said "oh
honey you can deny all you want but we did not use
protection so your DNA is on me and even better I can tell
them you raped me,let me go open a case right now" he
quickly stopped me he said "you are a devil you are going
straight to hell" I smiled and said "In case you did not notice
I am already in hell lover boy"

He did write a report and instead of death penalty they sent

me in a mental institution.
when I got there I was given my own room and they made
sure that well trained police where outside my door
24/7,they accompanied me everywhere even in a toilet.2
months after I settle in the institution my son came to see
me he was a grown man and good looking too.

We went outside and the police where the pointing their

guns at me In case I try anything stupid he said "mom did
you really do everything they said you did on the
newspapers?" Without thinking I just gave him a straight
honest answer "yes I did it and I can't explain it better than
the journalists" he looked at me with shame in his eyes
he said "mom if you handed yourself in with a first murder
you will have been out of jail by now because at that time
police did not help you and it was a self-defense but now
you had to kill people and now you are declared criminally
insane and I don't believe it" I tried to talk and he
interrupted me "mom I needed you and you were not there,
i became an orphan while you are alive, you gave me
everything accept for what I really needed which is love...tú
estas muerto para mi y te odio madre (you are dead to me
and I hate you mother)" wow he can also speak Spanish
when did he learn it? Maybe he witnessed the abuse his
father put me through but I were thought he was too young
to see anything.

I broke down and cry, nothing broke me than seeing my

son's tears for the first time. He was starving attention,
affection, approval and most of all he was starving a
mother's love. When he was young I was not there to kiss
him good night or good Morning, I was not there to kiss his
knees when he fell or soothing him to sleep when he is sick
or having nightmares.

I didn't even know his dreams and fears, i was not a

demonstrative mother like other mothers all I cared about
was always saving myself from going to jail. I don't even
remember helping any of my kids with home-works. I
realized the damage I made to my son I just broke down in
to million pieces, I was left yearning for death I was very
hurt and my son said "you even killed your own flush and
blood because you were scared of going to jail, what kind of
a human are you?" I said to him "but I did not mean to kill
Junior it was a mistake" I have never cried like that in my
life, he gave me an evil eye and said "so because you did not
mean to kill him does it make it ok? Mom I will never forgive
you in fact you are dead to me and you will never see me
again" he then left.

I felt like I have nothing more to live for I lost the only thing
that kept me from going insane, he was my reason to wake
up every morning with hope and faith that I will be out of
institution and be a mother to him. all my hopes and dreams
turned in to ashes and there was nothing to live for...I
wanted to die but a had a small faith that he will forgive me
one day.
After few days I went to court they found out that I was not
insane I blackmailed a doctor. He came clean and told the
police everything but I did not understand why he waited so
long to come clean i where thought it's over for me but I was
wrong the docket was missing at that moment I knew
someone was out to get me I mean who could it be? Who
stole the docket? No one was happy to realize that I am
going home i am free
I went home to my parents and my son said "well done
mother you did it again wow you are one hell of a twisted
human" he moved out because he wanted nothing to do
with me I was hurt but happy that I get to see my parents
and my mother said "I really thought you are insane I guess
you are a woman of many talents" my father got very
furious at my mother he said "how can you be impressed
about such evil things? Since you got arrested no one ever
came to my church i had to close the doors because of you
Olebogeng you and your mother and now you both happy
for such evil thing"
My mother felt guilty for condoning my behavior this
woman supported me through thick and thin, he risked
everything to make sure I stay out of jail I guess we both
fought for one thing which is reputation...my mother has
always been suffering from "what will people say"
syndrome. As hard as we fought at the end we lost a battle
and our reputation and fancy life were gone my son was
now a breadwinner he was the only working one.
Asked my mother "mom what kind of a job is Hope doing?"
My mother said "he work at a grocery store" I was so
shocked to hear that my son who went to private school
ended up in some lousy grocery store I furiously looked and
my mother "how can you let it happen? Hope had a dream
of becoming a professional chef he should be doing that
now" my father responded "your son had to leave school
and look for a job to provide your actions did not only hurt
families of people you killed they also hurt your family, your
son had to abandon his dreams to step in and be a man at a
very young age"
I realized the damage I made maybe that's why my son
wants nothing to do with me because of the choice he had
to make in life. After few days around 2am we were sleeping
and I was woken by a smoke covering my whole room, my
room was burning and I heard the community saying "she
must die she is a danger to the community" as a whole
family we managed to escape but the house was not lucky it
burned to ashes they even burned the church.
My mother said "Olebogeng run this people want your
blood" I was only wearing a bra and panty nothing else and
I was on bare foot I tried to run but they cached me. They
wanted to burn me with a tire and petrol I screamed as I
saw my life coming to an end but I was saved by the police,
if they came a second later I would've burned to death. We
went to live with my son at his rental one room, the
situation was bad a bedroom and a kitchen was a same
thing and there was no space, we had no clothes as for me
the only clothes I owned at that time was a bra and a panty
my son had to borrow me his clothes, the situation was
terrible and my father hated me even more he said "you see
what your actions put us through? We are now homeless
because of your actions" I wished things were different but
they were not and I realized that being around my family
could harm them or get them killed so I decided to go back
to my old place, it had no furniture but it was better than my
son's one room, there was no water or electricity and police
when they dig up the bodies they didn't close up the holes I
had to work almost the whole night. Each and every day I
would walk for 2 hours just to go eat at my son's place, it
was terrible but I had no choice.
One morning after two months as I was about to go eat at
my son's place I heard a knock at the door of my empty
house I opened and I was shocked to see the judge at my
doorstep I even felt like I am having a running stomach, i felt
like I needed toilet immediately she said “you are too hard
to track can I come in? “With a confused voice I said “yes
please” she got inside and there was no chair or anything
she could sit on she said “here is your docket I am the one
who stole it “what did she just say? Wow how can a judge
who makes sure Justice is served all the time end up
breaking the law? She said “ can see you are confused well
there is a catch I want something in return and who knows I
might help you buy some cheap furniture so are you in? Oh
what am I saying of cause you are in because if you say no
you could go back to jail and this time death penalty”
I was still shocked I just looked at her as the stealing part
was slowly sinking in my brain I mean this is a judge we
talking about how did she pull it off? Should I be impressed
or shocked? I said “wait what? You want something? I am
broke what do you want me to give you? My head? I have
nothing on my name ”oh God this woman was too cute and
strict to be a thief she said “I want you to kill my husband, i
don't love him anymore I met someone else” I looked at her
and said “divorce him” she said "no we are married under
community of property if I divorce him I will lose a lot so kill
him I don't care how you do it just make sure is not traced
back to me no lose ends then you will get your docket. Don't
waste time I might get someone else and take you back to
jail “she left
I didn't even go to eat at my son's place i just slept the
whole day and night on an empty stomach. Every time i
think I am done with killings someone take me back should I
risk my freedom and refuse to kill her husband or should I
kill the poor man in exchange for my freedom? In the
morning I went to see my mother “mom I want you to
borrow me your phone I have a plan to rebuild your house”
she said “A plan again Olebogeng? Are you going back to
your old ways? When will it end?”
I hugged her and said “mother relax I won't break the law
but don't tell Dad about this you know he will faint and I
have no time to nurse him” she gave me a phone and I left I
got to my place and called the judge. She came and said
“here are the details of my husband's schedule don't kill him
at our home i don't want my kids to see that, kill him at a
restaurant he eat at everyday his lunch is around 2pm so do
your thing and kill him with respect I don't want to bury him
with terrible wounds he doesn't deserve to get hurt” what
on earth is she saying? Weather I stab him or poison him at
the end he is going to get hurt and die.
Our deal was that I kill him before the end of the week and
that didn't happen she came to me again and this time she
was very mad “I said kill my husband before a week end so
why is he still breathing and in my bed? “I smiled “he is your
husband that is why he is in your bed” she got furious and
said “don't test me you know your life it's in my hand I can
end it just like that” I guess she underestimated me I could
kill her right away but the new me won't do that I find
murders boring I said to her “funny thing is I also have your
life in my hands “with a confused voice she asked “what are
you talking about?”
I played her a recording were she was telling me about her
husband's schedule...she started shaking I said “you could
lose your job, your kids, your marriage, properties, your new
boyfriend and you could go to jail and be someone's bitch.
As for me I already lost everything so whatever you do I
have nothing else to lose” she asked “what do you want” I
smiled and said “my docket and I want a million to start
afresh and I want you to love and respect your husband stop
thinking only for yourself but also for your kids if anything
happens to your husband I will take this recording to the
police” she had my docket and I had her recording.
This woman knew what I am capable of but she still
underestimated me I mean no one can blackmail me and get
away with it, she gave me a million and i rebuild my
parent's home and gave my son a portion of money to
follow his dream of being a chef. He agreed to take the
money but he said it's a loan and he will bring every cent
back, he made it clear that me giving him money doesn't
change anything between us. My father was convinced that
there is a dead body out there waiting to resurface even my
mother was a little suspicious.
I moved back to live with my parents and pastor came to see
me after a week he said “ I heard you rebuild a home for
your parents who did you kill this time to get money? You
even managed to get out of jail after killing so many people.
You are evil and unpredictable I don't know what I saw in
you I…” I interrupted him and said “hold it right there so you
walked all the way from your place on this 38°c weather to
come and insult me? Who the hell do you think you are?
Don't you think I might kill you too? I squash annoying
mosquitos so don't push me” the fear in his eyes was so
priceless only if he knew I was just joking he left and I never
heard from him.
The community was still not at peace they wanted me dead
so my parents suggested that we sell the house and leave,
as for my sisters after finding out that our parents knew
about everything I did they forgot about them they wanted
nothing to do with us and we never heard from them since I
went to jail, we moved to another town and started a life
there. After my son graduated he moved away very far
away he only sent money to my parents but he never came
home, I missed him everyday and there was nothing I could
do to change how he felt about me.
I decided to write him a letter hoping he might change his
mind ...the letter was read" I don't know if you will read this
letter or not but I pray that you do because it comes from
the bottom of my heart, Hope I know I made lots of mistakes
I made wrong choices and I was not a mother you deserve, i
am sorry that I took your brother away from you and if there
is anything I feel guilty each and everyday and I am
suffering please forgive me, I know I wasn't there to be your
mother but is not to late please give me a chance to make it
up to you I love you so much Hope"
I kept on sending him letters and eventually he came back
home after two years of begging him.. He said "I am willing
to give you chance to be a mother to me hopefully I will
forgive you as time goes on" our relationship was not
perfect and it was far from being perfect but I was happy
that we were trying.
I learned in life that family is important; blood is thicker
than water and no matter how angry you are at your family
or how far you walk away from them sooner or later you
will go back home weather by your own will or a coffin.