2019

LEADERS EAT LAST

MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES

BLENDI HODAI
UNSHMT.MK
SIN.MK
 Blendi Hodai
LEADERS EAT LAST

INDTRODUCTION
This volume with motivational speeches was inspired by my experiences that I achieved
in my life, as a leader so far. My purpose is to motivate the people and the youth. In
these speeches you gonna find different stories that in the end you will learn something.
Big thanks goes to everyone that made my life special and motivated and inspired me to
do something like this.
I was partly inspired from Arianit Xhaferi, Nexhat Kasa, Sam Blurton, Luljeta Ademi,
Frosina Noveska, Marigo Elezi, people from the project “United in Krusevo”, friends
from the project “Stiftund Kinderdorf Pestalozzi”, others people, leaders and politicians
as Nelson Mandela, Albin Kurti, Simon Sinek, John F. Kennedy and so many others
friends and especially my family.
Some facts are taken from interviews, documentaries of people and leaders with influence like
General Flynn, USA NAVY SEALS, history of renaissance, Nelson Mandela, Albin Kurti, John.
F. Kennedy etc.

Pt. 1. What does it mean to be a leader in what you do?

Pt. 2. Learn to lead.
Pt. 3. What is money?
Pt. 4. What does it mean to be a mentor, will you be my mentor, will I be
your mentor?
Pt. 5. Consistency, the connection between love and leadership.
Pt. 6. Leadership metrics.
Pt. 7. The real meaning of " Leaders Eat Last".
Pt. 8. Be the leader you wish you had.
Pt. 9. Double V (Values, Verbs.)
Pt. 10. Easiest and hardest things in my life?
Pt. 11. What inspires me to lead?
Pt. 12. The first rule (lesson).
Pt. 13. Lesson number two.
Pt. 14. Lesson three.
Pt. 15. Lesson four.
Pt. 16. Lesson five and the last.

Blendi Hodai

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Pt.1

What does it mean to be a leader in what you do?

– To be a leader means one thing and one thing only. It means you have followers. That’s it. It’s
not about learning your style of leadership and how to adjust your style to fit the situation at
hand, that’s managment, right? Leaders only have one thing, they have followers. A follower is
somebody who raises their hand and volunteers to go where you’re going. They raise their hand
and volunteer to go in the direction that you’re pointing. And so to lead others, means that you
have a clear vision of a world that does not yet exist, a world that could exist, and by articulating
that cause, that vision, that purpose, over and over again, it inspires people who believe what you
believe, who want to see that world built, to join, to go with you, to figure out ways. So for me,
in my work, what leadership means, is articulating this world in which the vast majority of us
wake up every single day, and act the way they think, changing the society, and creating a better
place for everyone. That doesn’t mean we have to like every day, but we can love every day this
idiology. You don’t like your children every day but you love your children everyday, right? So
the more I talk about this world that does yet exist, it inspires others who believe what I believe
and want to see this world built, join up and figure out in their own way how to advance that
vision, so it becomes real. My role is to continue to pound the pavement and put that vision out
there.

Pt.2

Learn to lead.
One of the great things that is lacking in most of our schools is that they are not teaching us how
to lead. And leadership is a skill like any other. It is a practicable, learnable skill and it is
something that you work on, it’s like a muscle. If you practice it all the days you will get good at
it and you will become a strong leader. If you stop practicing you will become a weak leader.
Like parenting, everyone has the capacity to be a parent, doesn’t mean everybody wants to be a
parent and doesn’t mean everybody should be a parent. Leadership is the same. We all have the
capacity to be a leader, doesn’t mean everybody should be a leader and it doesn’t mean
everybody wants to be a leader. And the reason is because it comes at great personal sacrifice.
Remember you’re not in charge. You’re responsible for those in your charge. That means things
like when everything goes right, you have to give away all the credit. And when everything goes
wrong you have to take all the responsibility. That sucks. It’s things like staying late to show
somebody what to do. It’s things like when something does actually break, when something goes
wrong, instead of yelling and screaming and taking over, you say, “try again” when the
overwhelming pressures are not on them, the overwhelming pressures are on us. At the end of
the day great leaders are not responsible for the job, they’re responsible for the people who are
responsible for the job.

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Pt.3

What is money?
Money is fuel. And fuel is very important. I think money is, there's nothing wrong with money.
It's just we have to understand the purpose of money.
So the organization is the car and the money is the fuel. So I don't care how amazing your just
cause is and how wonderful your culture is. If you have no money you don't go anywhere.
You might have bought the most beautiful car... You got no gas, you got nowhere to go.
The purpose of a car is not to buy gas. The purpose of an organization is not to make money. The
purpose of a car is to go somewhere and fuel helps you get there. The purpose of an organization
is to accomplish something, to advance a greater cause, to contribute to society. And money will
help you get there. Very necessary, very important, but it's not the reason we bought the car in
the first place.
Pt.4

What does it mean to be a mentor, will you be my mentor, will I be your mentor?
Here's what I've learned about mentorship.
Mentorship is not something you ask somebody to do like, "Will you be my friend?". It doesn't
work like that.
When you find somebody you get along with you share values, you share beliefs. You spend
time with them, you get to know them. You develop trust, you're vulnerable with them, you open
up to them. And you discover that you become friends, it's what happens. You start off as simply
acquaintances. In my experience, mentorship is exactly the same. There were people who were
much more experienced than me who had wisdom that I didn't have and when I would call them,
they would take my calls. And when I would ask them questions, they would always take the
time to give me answers. And over the course of time, they became my mentors. Like they
became my friends.
And I remember one time I was with one of my best mentor I have, Arianit Xhaferi, a wonderful
person and I was leaving his office and I put my arm around him and I said, "You know, I'm glad
you're my mentor," and he looked at and he said, "I'm glad you're mine". And it caught me
completely off guard. True mentorship, like true friendship, is not a one way street. It's not about
one person only giving advice to the other. Both people are showing up to give and both people
are showing up to learn. But you can't ask someone to be your mentor, especially someone who's
a total stranger, knock on their door and say, "Will you be my mentor?" they don't know you and
you've never met them. It's like friendship. You cultivate a relationship and if that person is
always there for you and wants to see you thrive and succeed and believes in you, then perhaps
they will become your mentor, like making friends.
PT.5

Consistency, the connection between love and leadership.

Do you love your wife? If yes prove it. Like what's the metric. Give me the number that helps me
know right? Because when you met her, you didn't love her. Now you love her, right? Tell me the
day that love happened. It's an impossible question, but it's not that it doesn't exist, it's that it's

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much easier to prove over time, right? Leadership is the same thing, it's about transition. So, if
you were to go to the gym, it's like exercise, right? If you go to the gym and you work out, and
you come back, and you look in the mirror, you will see nothing. And if you go to the gym the
next day, and you come back and you look in the mirror, you will see nothing. So clearly, there's
no results, can't be measured, it must not be effective. So we quit. Or, if you fundamentally
believe that this is the right course or action, and you stick with it, like in a reletionship "I bought
her flowers and I wished her a happy birthday, and she doesn't love me", clearly I'll give up. That
not what happend. If you believe there's something there, you commit yourself to an act of
service. You commit yourself to the regime, the exercise. You can screw it up. You can eat
chocolate cake one day, and you can skip a day or two, you know it allows for that. But if you
stick with it consistently I'm not exactly sure what day, but I know you'll start getting into shape.
I know it. And the same with the reletionship. It's not about the events, it's not about intensity,
it's about consistency. You go to the dentist twice a year, your teeth will fall out. You have to
brush your teeth every day for two minutes. What does brushing your teeth twice a day for two
minutes do? Nothing. Unless you do it every day, twice a day, for two minutes. Right? It's the
consistency. Going to the gym for nine hours does not get you into shape. Working out
everyday for 20 minutes gets you into shape. So the problem is, we treat leadership with
intensity. We have two day seminars, we invite a bunch of speakers, we give everybody a
certificate, booom you're a leader! Right? Those things are like going to the dentist. They're very
important, they're good for reminding us or getting us back on track, learning new lessons, but
it's the daily practice of all the monotonous little boring things like brushing your teeth that
matter the most.
PT.6

Leadership metrics.
She didn't fall in love with you because you remembered her birthday, and bought her flowers on
Valentine's Day. She fell in love with you because when you woke up in the morning, you said
"Good morning" to her before you checked your phone. She fell in love with you because when
you went to the fridge to get yourself a drink, you got her one without even asking. She fell in
love with you because when you had an amazing day, and she came to you and she had a terrible
day, you didn't say "Yeah, yeah, yeah, but let me tell you about my day. You sat and listened to
her awful day, and you didn't say a thing about your amazing day. This is why she fell in love
with you. I can't tell you exactly what day, and it was no particular thing you did: it was the
accumulation of all of those little things that she woke up one day, and as if she pressed a button,
she goes "I love him". Leadership is exactly the same. There's no event. There's no thing I can
tell you, you have to do that your people will trust you, it just doesn't work that way. It's an
accumulation of lots and lots of little things that anyone by themselves is innocuous and useless.
People will look at little things that are good leadership practices and say "That won't work," and
you're absolutely right. But if you do it consistently, and you do in combination with lots of other
things, like saying good morning to someone, that looking them in the eye. The test for a good
leader is if you ask somebody how their day is going, you actually care about the answer. If you
asked a question you were standing there and you were listening to the answer, it's those little

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innocuous things that you do, over and over and over, that people will say "I love what I'm
doing".

Pt.7

The real meaning of " Leaders Eat Last"

There's a photography I saw, you know in these Kenya shootings that just happened not so long
ago. And there's one photograph that both haunted me and inspired me to this day. It haunted me
and inspires me I should say. And it's the photography of a mother and the sound of gunshots
lays herself on top of her child and you see this picture of a mother lying on top of her child and
you realize that what it is, that's what leadership is. That when there is danger it's not protecting
myself but it's rather willing to put myself in harm's way to protect another. That's what eating
last means. It means that I will give the very, the very essence of life, food and water, I will it to
the person I love first, so that they may live even if it means I eat less and that's what "leaders eat
last" means. It is symbolic but it is also very real and real leadership, real leaders, I've given up
the terminology of good leaders and great leaders. And a friend of mine called Bora says that:
You're either a leader or you’re not a leader. That's it.
Real leaders, biological, anthropological leaders are that mother who instinctively without
weighing the pros and cons or the bad things that may happen to her throw herself on her child.
That's what leadership is. Do we believe that our leaders would throw themselves of us, you
know, if they heard gunshots?
That's what "leaders eat last" means. It is very very literal.

Pt.8
Be the leader you wish you had.
Well, being the leader you wish you had means you commit yourself to the care and success of
those around you.
Remember, leadership has nothing to do with rank. I know many people who sit at the highest
level of organizations who are not leaders. They have authority, which is why we do as they tell
us but we would not follow them. Leadership can happen at any rank.
The choice you have to make is do you want to be the leader? Now leadership comes with risks.
If you speak truth to power, you could get in trouble. If you're the one who stands in between the
powers that be and the people that you work with, if you're gonna commit yourself to help
people and make those sacrifices, you're gonna have to take those risks. That's why not everyone
wants to be a leaders because it does come with real sacrifice and real risk. But if you want to be
that person, if you want to be the leader you wish you had, you look to your left, you look to
your right and you say, how can I help them succeed?
Number one: if you see somebody on your team struggling ask them if they're okay. Ask them if
you can help. If you know that somebody doesn't know how to do something, sit down and show
them.
Remember, a big way in which we build trust is not actually by offering help but also asking for
help. So one of the things you can do by being a leader is also asking for those around you to
help. Let them feel like they're empowered to help those around them and in the course of time
you will build a level of trust on your team that they will see you as the person who has their
back. And you get used to it. It's practice like many other skills. You want to ride a bicycle, you
have to practice, you get good at it. Leadership is the same. Get in the habit of considering the

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lives of others. If someone's running for the elevator, the doors are closing, you're running late
for a meeting, instead of just letting the doors close, hold the door open for somebody. It's little,
little things where you consider those around you, the lives of others, sometimes ahead of
yourself and be willing to sacrifice time and energy to help those around you.

Pt.9
Double V (Values, Verbs.)
Values have to be verbs. It is not that I like them to be verbs. The reason is that values are things
you do. Values are things you live by. You cannot "do" nouns. You can only "do" verbs.
If you look at organizations you see that they have their corporate values on the wall and it say
"innovation, respect, honesty." Beautiful posters but if you have to write honesty on the wall you
have bigger problems. You can't do innovation. You can't walk into someone's offices and say
"from now on please, a little more innovation." You can say look at the world from a different
perspective instead of innovation. Instead of honesty you can say "do the right thing."
You can hold people accountable to that, you can build measurements around that. When
someone says "where you honest?" and you reply "well, yeah, but it was more profitable", you
can sneak around it, whereas when someone says "did you do the right thing?" it is a higher
standard. You have to have verbs if you want to do them.
My values are "take an unconventional perspective", "keep it simple", "share". I believe in
sharing everything, sharing ideas, sharing experiences, "silver line it". What I mean by that is I
find the silver lining in every cloud. The goal is not to fix the things that are broken. The goal is
to amplify the things that work. And ultimately one of the long - term goals is "make long term
progress". Because it is a stated value and stated way of operating, and it is a verb, I focus on
measuring the long term values I can create in my community and not just the short term gains.

Pt.10
Easiest and harderst things in my life?
It's getting easier to spot things that I should avoid. So for example, let's imagine that we're
standing in the corner of a large room, and I give you a simple instruction, I want you to walk in
a straight line to the other corner. Off you go. And without telling you, I put a chair in front of
you. Well, you just walk around the chair on your way to that destination, right? And even
though you just disobeyed my order, which is to walk in a straight line to that side. The point is
the destination was more important than the route you took, right? Now if we reset and I give
you the same situation, again, where we start in the corner of the room, and I say to you, I want
you to walk in a straight line anywhere, you know, somewhere in this room, and you're gonna
look at me, you go, well, where do you want me to go? I'm like, I don't know, you're smart, pick
a direction, you'll walk in straight line. And without telling you I quickly put a chair in front of
you and you come to a grinding halt. And you'll turn to me and say, well, how can I, now where
do you want me to go? You blocked it. In the others words, when you know the destination, it's
very easy to make adjustments, right? And when you don't know the destination, every obstacle,
even though it's the same obstacle, brings you to a grinding halt, or forces you to just make
sudden corrections which, again, there's no sense of direction. And so the thing that I've gotten
much better at, is because I have a clear set, a sense of where I'm going, is I find it much easier to
go around obstacles as they appear.
What's getting harder is, and I think this is for everybody as we grow older it's knowing who to
trust. You know, we meet lots of people, and especially if you have a little bit of success, it's
hard to know who to trust. Because I've had instances where people called me their friend,

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treated me like their friend, you know, they called me on weekends to see how I was doing, you
know, and then when it came close, when we decided to work on projects together and it's was
about a position, and you know we made some comments on the situation and they went:
clearly we can't work together. And I never heard from them again. I was like, wait, I thought
you're my friend. You know? So it makes you cynical unfortunately, a couple of bad experiences
makes you a little cynical.
Pt.11

What inspires me to lead?

There are leaders and there are those who lead. There are people who derive their authority or
power from rank or position and there are those who lead. Whether they are individuals or
organizations, we follow those who lead not because we have to but because we want to. We
follow those who lead not for them but for ourselves. Leaders do not need position or rank. If
they do not win office or promotion, they will continue to lead. Where there are others who all
their authority comes from their rank or position. The reason we follow those who lead, true
leaders, is because they give us a sense of direction, show us a sense of purpose. It is one thing to
say they show us a path. The whole idea of blazing a path is that there is no path. It is the ability
to look at a field of grass and say there needs to be a path there and I will lay down the first steps.
That's wonderful and that's inspiring and great leadership comes from those who point in a
direction and say who's in and who's out?

Pt.12
The first rule (lesson).
I have five little rules that you can follow as you find your spark and bring your spark to life.
The first is to go after the things that you want. Let me tell you a story. So a friend of mine and I,
we went in a seminar and they host some games into that seminars, and it's very common at the
end of the activity they'll have a sponsor who will give away something: apples or bagles, or
snickers or something. And on this particular day when we go to the end of the activity there
were some free snickers and they had picnic tables set up and on one side was a group of
volunteers. On the table were boxes of snickers and on the other side was a long line of
participant waiting to get their free snickers. So I said to my friend let's, let's get a snickers and
he looked at me and said, that lines too long and I said free snickers and he said I don't want to
wait in line and I was like free snickers and he says naaah it's to long. And that's when I realized
that there's two ways to see the world. Some people see the thing that they want and some people
see the thing that prevents them from getting the thing that they want. I could only see snickers,
he could only see the line. And so I walked up to the line, I leaned in between two people put my
hand in the box and pulled out two snickers and no one get mad at me. Because the rule is you
can go after whatever you want, just cannot deny anyone else to go after whatever they want.
Now I had to sacrifice choice. I didn't get to chose which snickers I got. I got whatever I pulled
out, but I didn't have to wait in line. So the point is, you don't have to wait in line. You don't have
to do in the way everybody else has done it. You can do it your way, you can break the rules, you
just can't get in the way of somebody else getting what they want.

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Pt. 13
Lesson number two.
I like this one. In the 18th century there was something that across Europe and eventually made
it's way to America. Puerperal Fever. Also known as the black death of childbed. Basically what
was happening, is woman were giving birth and they would die within 48h after giving birth.
This black death of childbirth was the ravage of Europe and it got worse and worse and worse
over the course of over a century. In some hospitals it was as high as 70% of woman who gave
birth who would die as a result of giving birth. But this was the Renaissance, this was the time of
empirical data and science and we had thrown away things like tradition and mysticism. These
were men of science these were doctors. And these doctors and men of science wanted to study
and try and find the reason for this black death of childbed. And so they got to work. Studying
and they would study the corpses of the woman who had died and in the morning they would
conduct autopsies. And then in the afternoon they would go and deliver babies and finish their
rounds. And it wasn't until somewhere in the mid of 1800 that Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes
realized that all of these doctors who conducting autopsies in the morning weren't washing their
hands before they delivered babies in the afternoon. And he pointed it out and said, guys "you're
the problem". And they ignored him and called him crazy for thirty years. Until finally
somebody realized that if they simply washed their hands they would go away and that's exactly
what happend. When they started sterilizing their instruments and washing their hands, the black
death of childbed disappeared.
My point is the lesson here is sometimes you're the problem. We've seen this happen all to
recently with our new men of science and empirical studies. Who are smarter than the rest of us
until the thing collapse and they blamed everything else except themselves. And my point is take
accountability for your actions. You can take all the credit in the world for the things that you do
right as long as you also take responsibility for the things you do wrong. It must be a balanced
equation. You don't get it one way and the other. You get to take credit when you also take
accountability.
That's lesson two.

Pt.14
Lesson three.
Take care of each other.
The USA, Navy Seals are perhaps the most elite warriors in the world. And one of the seals was
asked who makes it through the selection process. Who is able, to become a Seal? And his
answer was :I can't tell you the kind of the person that becomes a seal, I can't tell you the kind of
person makes It through. But I can tell you the kind of people who don't become seals. He says
in the interview that the guys that shows up with huge bulging muscles covered in tattoos who
want to prove to the world how tough they are. None of them make it through.
He said the leaders who like to delegate all their responsibilities and never do anything
themselves. None of them make it through. He said the star college athletes who have never
really been testet to the core of their being. None of them make it through. He says some of the
guys that make it through are skinny, scrawny. He said some of the guys that make it through
you will see them shivering out of fear. He says however all the guys that make it through, when
they find themselves physically spent, emotionally spent. When they have nothing to left to give
physically or emotionally, somehow some way they are able to find the energy to dip down deep
inside themselves, to find the energy to help the guy next to them. They become seals. And he

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said you want to be an elite warrior, it's not about how tough you are, it's not about how smart
you are, it's not about how fast you are. If you want to be an elite warrior you better get really
really good at helping the person to the left of you and helping the person to the right of you.
Because that's how people advanced in the world. The world is too dangerous and the world is to
difficult to think that you can do these things alone. If you find the spark, I commend you. Now
who you gonna ask for help and what are you gonna accept help when it's offered. Learn that
skill. Learn by practicing helping each other. It I'll be the single most valuable thing you ever
learn in your entire life. To accept help when it's offered and to ask for it when you know that
you can't do it. The amazing things is when you learn to ask for help, you'll discover that there
are people around you who've always wanted to help you. They just didn't think you needed it,
because you kept pretending that you had everything under control. And the minute you say I
don't know what I'm doing, I'm stuck, I'm scared, I don't think I can do this. You will find that
lots of people who love you, will rush in and take care of you. But that'll only happen if you
learn to take care of them first.

Pt.15
Lesson four.
Nelson Mandela is a particularly special case study in the leadership world. Because he is
universally regarded as a great leader. You can take other personalities and depending on the
nation you go to, we have different opinions about other personalities. But Nelson Mandela
across the world is universally regarded as a great leader.
He was actually the son of a tribal chief. And he was asked one day: how did you learn to be a
great leader. And he responded that he would go with his father to tribal meetings and he
remembers two things when his father would meet with other elders.
1. One they would always sit in a circle.
2. His father was always the last to speak.
You will be told your whole life that you need to learn to listen. I would say that you need to
learn to be the last to speak. I see it in boardrooms every day of the week. Even people who
consider themselves good leaders who may actually be decent leaders will walk into a room and
say here's the problem, here's what I think but I'm interested in you opinion, let's go around the
room it's to late. The skill to hold your opinions to yourself until everyone has spoken does two
things. One it gives everybody else the feeling that they have been heard. The givers gives
everyone else the ability to feel that they have contributed. And two, you get the benefit of
hearing what everybody else has to think before you say your opinion. The skill is really to keep
your opinions to yourself. If you agree with somebody don't nod yes. If you disagree with
somebody don't nod no. Simply sit there take it all in and the only thing you're allowed to do is
ask questions so that you can understand what they mean and why they have the opinion that
they have. You must understand from where they are speaking. Why they have the opinion they
have, not just what they are saying ? And at the end you will get your turn. It's sound easy, it's
not. Practice being the last to speak. That's what Nelson Mandela did.

Pt. 16
Lesson five and the last.
My favorite one of all. True story.
There was a former undersecretary of defense who was invited to give a speech at a large
conference about a thousand people. And he was standing on the stage with his cup of coffee in a

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Styrofoam cup. Giving his prepared remarks with his PowerPoint behind him. And he took a of
his coffee and he smiled and ke looked down at the coffee and then he want off-script. And he
said you know last year I spoke at this exact same conference. Last year I was still the
undersecretary and when I spoke here last year they flew me here business class. And when I
arrived at the airport there as somebody waiting for me to take me to my hotel. They took me to
my hotel and they had already checked me in and they just took me up to my room. And the next
morning I came downstairs, and there was someone waiting in the lobby to greet me and they
drove me to this here same venue. They took me through the back entrance and took me into the
green room and handed me a cup of coffee in a beautiful ceramic cup.
He says the lesson is, the ceramic cup was never meant for me. It as mean for the position I held.
I deserved a Styrofoam cup.
Remember this: as you gain fame, as you gain position people will treat you better. They will
hold doors open for you. They will get you a cup of tea and coffee without you even asking.
They will call you sir and ma'am and they will give you stuff. None of that stuff is meant for
you. That stuff is meant for the position you hold. It is meant for the level that you have achieved
of leader or success or whatever you want to call it. But you will always deserve a Styrofoam
cup. Remember that.
Remember that lesson of humility and gratitude. You can accept all the free stuff. You can
accept all the perks. Absolutely you can enjoy them but just be grateful for them and know that
they're not for you.

© 2019 Blendi Hodai. All Rights Reserved. Tetovo, Macedonia.

Gjorce Petrov 41/2

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