Professional Documents
Culture Documents
ModelResponse WritersStatement1
ModelResponse WritersStatement1
ModelResponse WritersStatement1
In order to receive 30/30 points on Writer’s Statement 1, your contrast paragraph should
approximate the Model Response given below.
Writing Task:
Write a compare/contrast paragraph in which you contrast Process Paragraph A and Process
Paragraph B below with respect to the model paragraph structure. Use specific examples from
Process Paragraph A and Process Paragraph B in your compare/contrast paragraph.
Model Response:
The extensive use of the model paragraph structure in Paragraph B makes it more coherent and
understandable than Paragraph A. First, there is no narrowed topic or controlling idea in the
topic sentence of Paragraph A. Instead, the writer states that “millions of people around the
world love to eat eggs.” This statement misses the purpose of the process paragraph topic
sentence, which is to name the process that will be explained. In contrast, there is both a
narrowed topic and controlling idea in the topic sentence of Paragraph B. Specifically, the
narrowed topic is, “to make a cup of delicious Bi Luo Chun green tea,” and the controlling idea
is, “follow the next five steps.” Second, there are no uses of transitional expressions in
Paragraph B uses the following transitional expressions: “first, second, third, fourth, for
example, to be specific, and finally.” These expressions make logical connections between the
supporting ideas and therefore increase the cohesion of the paragraph. Third, there are no
supporting details used at all in Paragraph A. However, Paragraph B uses many supporting
details. For instance, “3-4 teaspoons, 3-5 minutes and 170 F-180F (76C-84C)” would be
examples. These supporting details make the process more understandable and easier to
replicate for the reader. Fourth, Paragraph A is filled with colloquial language such as “a lot of”
and “stuff”, while Paragraph B is not. In particular, “I” and “you” are used in virtually every
sentence in Paragraph A, which creates a subjective as opposed to objective tone that is not
I did that, but I gave the eggs to my little brother anyway” is not a concluding sentence because it
does not sum up the content of the paragraph. In short, Paragraph B is coherent and clear
because it contains all the important components of the model paragraph structure: a correct
topic sentence with appropriate parts, transitional expressions, supporting ideas, supporting