The Wedding Night

___________________

a short play

by DS Magid

!
! MagidMagidMagid@gmail.com
! Approx. run time: 10 minutes

2009 Heideman Award Semifinalist

2009 6 Women Playwriting Festival winner / production
2009 Santa Fe Playhouse production
2012 Dobama Theatre production

© All rights reserved 2009

 1.

‘Blending families’ takes on a whole new meaning.

CAST OF CHARACTERS
Mae, a Jewish grandmother, very proper
Max, a Jewish grandfather, a bit of a flirt

The action occurs late one evening in the 1990s, in an Atrium in the Plaza Hotel,
New York City.

MAE sits quietly with a glass of Champagne. She wears a formal dress with long-
but-loose-sleeves. From time to time, MAE fiddles with her delicate diamond
bracelet. MAX enters from the ballroom, along with earsplitting levels of dance
music that recede as the door closes.

MAX
May I join you?

MAE
Be my guest.

MAX
The decibel level in there, no wonder the 40-year-olds are wearing hearing aids.

MAE
If you had one, you could turn it down!

MAX
And what passes for music. (making a musical joke) No piano, no piano.

MAX pulls out a toothpick and works at his back teeth.

MAE
The chopped liver?

MAX
I hate to say, a little tough.

MAE
Nobody's mother made that.

MAX
It tasted like beef.

MAE
If that was schmaltz, I'm Eleanor Roosevelt.

MAGID – The Wedding Night

 2.

MAX
Such a day. Such a night!!!

MAE
A beautiful wedding. She's lovely, your granddaughter.

MAX
Apple of the apple of my eye. Who knew that shiksa my Myron married could produce such a
mensch.

MAE
And such a ritzy name.

MAX
Tiffany is as Tiffany's named. From her mother's mouth to God's ear.

MAE
If she could live with maybe Zales for a while, this would also be good. Terrible times, the
economy. Nathan is a good boy, he'll do his best for her, but.

MAX
Your grandson is a fine young man. They're lucky to find each other.

MAE
Mazel.

MAX
Mazel tov!

MAE
All the way from California they brought me. Such an expense!

MAX
You'd have missed it?

MAE
Thousands they spent just on me! A room in this hotel, bigger than my house almost.

MAX
You look like you belong here.

MAE
The whole megillah! The catering! I could have made chicken with stone fruit, saved them
ninety percent.

MAX
If you don't mind my saying, I'd like to sample your cooking. Even skinny-Minnie Tiffany raves
about your kugel.

MAGID – The Wedding Night

 3.

MAE
Flatterer.

MAX
How long will you stay in New York?

MAE
Don't get fresh!

MAX
We could have chaperones.

MAE
The children will be on their honeymoon. Should be already, maybe an hour ago, you saw them
carrying on?

MAX
You could cook a meal while you're here, the whole family. Myron has a beautiful kitchen. The
shiksa's never used it herself, but it's state-of-the-art. The only thing the in-laws have in common
is negotiating over the wedding bills, you could bring them together!

MAE
They should have a good relationship, all of them. They won't, but they should.

MAX
And you wouldn't have come if they didn't bring you?

MAE
I'd have hitchhiked.

MAX
I thought.

MAE
My flesh? I'd have beam-me-up-Scottie.

MAX
And Nathan's grandfather?

MAE
I made a good home for my Nachum, l'shullum.

MAX
They named the boy for him? (MAE nods) You lost him when.

MAE
He knew they were expecting, but he never saw the boy.

MAGID – The Wedding Night

 4.

MAX
He gives and He takes away.

MAE
They named the boy. For a daughter-in-law, I don't have so much to complain.

MAX
That's saying something!

MAE
You said it!

They sit in companionable silence for a moment.

MAX
California, nu?

MAE
Nachum, l'shullum, was a nutritionist. Who knew from that in Cleveland?

MAX
All that sun, how do you stand it?

MAE
You can get used to anything.

MAX
Even sunshine. (pause) Lentvaris? Elektrėnai? You sound like maybe a Litvak. Vilnius?

MAE
You have a good ear. Like “My Fair Lady.”

MAX
You like music? I played oboe for a living until I retired.

MAE
A musician? And you made enough to raise a family!

MAX
Tough at first. I tried a bunch of jobs but my playing was better than my English.

MAE
It's pretty good now.

MAX
Fifty-sixty years later, I should hope.

MAGID – The Wedding Night

 5.

MAE
Kineahora.

MAX
Stone fruit. Like prunes, apricots? (MAE nods) Dried or fresh?

MAE
You cook?

MAX
I'm what Tiffany calls an end-user.

MAE
Watch your language.

MAX
It's the computer lingo. Dried or fresh?

MAE
(Flirting a little) Have a guess, Einstein. There's more to food than flavor.

MAX
Odor? Or aromas I mean.

MAE
Not such an Einstein?

MAX
Mouth feel?

MAE
That better be another lingo thing.

MAX
Sorry, I watch the cooking shows.

MAE
Meaning.

MAX
Texture.

MAE
Finally! One more swing and you're out!

MAX
But I made it. Safe at second.

MAGID – The Wedding Night

 6.

MAE
First base, thank you very much, we only met today.

MAX
Because fresh would go all mooshy, right?

MAE
OK, second base.

MAX
Maybe Vilna?

MAE
What about you? Where were you from, before?

MAX
What makes you think I was there? (MAE doesn't answer) Before, or before before?

MAE
I thought so.

MAX
Our age, it's to be expected. (MAE doesn't answer) And?

MAE
(Unwillingly) Vilna. So much forgetting to do. Which I did.

MAX
How?

MAE
You seem (searches for the word) carefree.

MAX
It's all an act. “Whistle a Happy Tune.”

MAE
“The King and I.” Siam, Burma, more killing.

MAX
So how do you forget?

MAE
One moment at a time. Or almost a moment, every second 'til the last.

MAX
When you remember.

MAGID – The Wedding Night

 7.

THEY sit quietly for a moment.

MAE
Did you play in the pit?

MAX
Excuse me?

MAE
All these musicals you're saying.

MAX
I did. Funny word to hear you knowing.

MAE
I been around. We have shows in California, it's not just on Broadway.

MAX
Not just Broadway. But I saw the greats, or at least I heard them. (refers to the stage above an
orchestra pit) And their feet.

MAE
What a life. Your wife was “Bessie”? How long?

MAX
Three years.

MAE
Cancer?

MAX
I learned from her to pretend. She said I “brought her down,” so I learned to bring her up.

MAE
The opposite it sounds.

MAX
The opposite it was.

MAE
Long life.

MAX
What happens, happens. A toast to the bride and groom.

MAE
L'chaim.

MAGID – The Wedding Night

 8.

MAX
L'chaim.

As MAE raises her glass to sip, her bracelet falls to the ground. SHE picks it up to
put it back on, and the number tattooed on her forearm is clearly visible. MAX
starts to wheeze.

MAE
You alright? You need some water?

MAX
No. Yes, no.

MAE
You knew. Auschwitz. Before.

MAX
I know.

MAE
Your tie. (MAX does not answer) Your tie. Let me.

MAE reaches over to loosen his tie, and MAX grasps her wrist.

Please. It's one thing to forget by mistake, another to remember on purpose.

MAX
The number.

MAE
I know. Let go my arm.

MAX
The number.

MAE
Maybe you need Myron, you're a little farblunget.

MAX
No.

MAE
Max, my arm.

MAX
My number.

MAGID – The Wedding Night

 9.

MAE
It's time to forget on purpose.

MAX
No. My number. Is the. Next. Number. (Pause) My. Number.

A long moment.

MAE
Moishe?

MAX hears the Nazi guards in his mind.

MAX
Ladies first, they said. I wouldn't let go your hand.

MAE
You wouldn't let go.

MAX
I didn’t let go, but you went first.

MAE
They made you. They pulled you away.

MAX
I yelled at them and they kicked me and kicked me to the ground.

MAE
Such fear. And crying already without sound.

MAX
So they wouldn't notice you.

MAE
So they wouldn't kick me, too. I was a coward.

MAX
Your eyes. They haven't changed.

MAE
The oboe. But it couldn't have been.

MAX
Malka. My Malka. My beautiful bride.

MAE
Two lifetimes ago.

MAGID – The Wedding Night

 10.

MAX
Bashert – meant to be.

MAE
Two lifetimes, Moishe. Two.

MAX
And you learned to cook!

MAE
A balabusta I'm not. Nachum, l'shullum's mother whipped me into shape in Cleveland. When
we lost her, then was California. A good life we had. A wonderful son. A lifetime.

MAX
Maybe we're cats?

MAE
Now you're an optimist? Bessie must have been a saint.

MAX
I looked. I searched. For years.

MAE
You searched. I searched.

MAX
I couldn't have a life because I lost yours.

MAE
But Bessie helped.

MAX
She danced.

MAE
Mr. Klutznik?

MAX
Two left feet, but my oboe was right on the money.

THEY smile.

She danced all the time, and she made me dance. And something melted.

Let's not tell.

MAE
What?

MAGID – The Wedding Night

 11.

MAX
No. Not tonight. Myron will have us over tomorrow, you'll cook, then we'll tell.

MAE
Because it's the children's night, their wedding night.

THEY touch each other's faces.

MAX
My Malka.

MAE
Bashert and bashert again?

MAX
From your mouth.

Curtain.

MAGID – The Wedding Night

 12.

Glossary
balabusta
.............................perfect housewife
bashert.................................

meant to be
farblunget............................

confused
kineahora
............................a magical phrase to ward off the evil eye
kugel
....................................a noodle dish
l'chaim.................................

to life!
l'shullum..............................

may he rest in peace
mazel
...................................luck
mazel tov..............................

good luck
megillah...............................

a long, boring, tediously detailed story
mensch.................................

an admirable person
nu.........................................

well, so, do you think (not truly translatable)
oy.........................................

oh, dear!
piano....................................

quietly, in music
shiksa...................................

non-Jewish woman

MAGID – The Wedding Night