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6 Reasons Why We Are Not Fulfilled
6 Reasons Why We Are Not Fulfilled
NOT FULFILLED
By Osama Natto
@OsamaNatto
INTRODUCTION
The majority of people are searching for fulfilment
There is a saying that goes, “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might
have been, you will ignore what is”. We believe that life is a journey, and the destination
varies from one person to another. There are no specific rules or strategies on how to
lead life. The only sure thing about life is that it is always preparing one for the next
step. Elementary school prepares one for junior high, which prepares one for high
school, which makes one fit for college, which sets one up for the “real world”.
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Overall, people spend most of one’s lives in preparation (Hanson, 2009). Most often
they don’t realize that they dwell so much on preparation that they may be missing
the essential things in life. When they spend so much time planning, they miss
opportunities to relax, live stress-free and worry-free, be calm, and let the plan unfold.
Thus, it’s important to strike a balance between planning and living in the moment.
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The truth is that nobody
has it all figured out and
those that say they do are
probably lying.
Even those newlywed neighbors who are moving to Hawaii or that co-worker who
has just bought a house or new car still have not figured it all out. This is because,
along the journey, unexpected things occur. For example, an illness, an expected
pregnancy or a redundancy.
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Secondly, there is no
deadline for figuring it
all out.
People adopt deadlines to achieve more, but what they don’t know is that they
don’t have to own or understand everything to have a good life. Joy can come
from adventuring, exploring, and discovering. The issue is that people are bad at
predicting what will make them happy.
For example, people think that more certainty about the future will make them
happy, when uncertainty sometimes leads to more pleasure. For example, in the
case of leaving a film’s ending unknown.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
It affected my health big time. It affected my relationship with my kids, and it also
affected my marriage, leading to an ended relationship. Watching my world collapse
around me, and trying to uncover the secret to happiness, I sought out the advice of
experts in all disciplines of health, wellness, and personal development. From great
authors to religious leaders, neuroscientists to yogi gurus each had their own unique
perspective to offer. In order to make sense of it all, I developed a visual tool to help
me organize the different inputs and map out connections.
From there Visoul was born. What started as a personal journey has become a company
mission to provide the best possible tools to help people reach their biggest goals and
desires.
In this ebook, I would like to share with you 6 main reasons why we’re not fulfilled and
happy. This is what I’ve personally learned throughout the years of internal conflicts
and struggles to find joys and self-fulfillment.
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So, why aren’t
we fulfilled?
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1. Your Personal Goals Are
Not Linked To Values.
Values are personal beliefs and attributes that motivate one to behave in specific ways.
They serve as a guide to human behavior, and individuals usually adopt them based on
the environment in which they were raised.
Some values include ambition, courage, and responsibility, which lead to behaviors
that are used as a means to an end. The benefits of following values can also be of
intrinsic worth, such as freedom, love, and truth. Goals are the ends toward which
efforts are focused. They may include setting on a path to establish what someone
loves doing or taking good care of oneself.
It is essential to have goals that are linked to values. Having goals that are not related
to values is like having two horses pulling in opposite directions. Likewise, the benefits
and rewards should also be aligned with goals.
If values are no longer aligned with goals, conflict ensues, which results in
discontentment.
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2. The majority of people are
unable to define their values.
You see a runaway trolley moving toward five tied-up (or otherwise incapacitated)
people lying on the tracks. You are standing next to a lever that controls a switch. If
you pull the lever, the trolley will be redirected onto a side track and the five people on
the main track will be saved. However, there is a single person lying on the side track.
Classical thinking has it that a majority will let the five people die rather than
pulling the lever because the thought of killing a person even to save a few people is
unimaginable.
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3. External influences affect personal
desires resulting in false goals
WANT NEED
Many people experience a conflict between wants and needs. Needs can be categorized
into necessary needs or less essential needs. When referring to needs, a great deal will
depend on financial knowledge or the concept of money. Necessary needs are required
to stay alive, such as food, shelter, clothing, and water.
In moments of great desperation, the choices about food and shelter will depend on
how accessibility to money. Fewer necessary needs are those that come out of another
obligation. For instance, employment may require reliable transportation, not referring
to public transportation, but a personal vehicle.
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4. In addition, relationships have a
significant influence on motivations
People form relationships with peers, and this becomes a possible source of
environmental influence on personal goals. We are social creatures, peer pressure
exerts a form of influence, although it is usually not deliberate, since many people
observe and replicate what their peers do. For example, one’s college student’s GPA
influences their roommate’s GPA.
“Nature,” the predispositions at birth, combines with “nurture,” how friends, family,
and the environment influence a child’s development. Family and friends have the
most significant influence, since they are the primary socializing agents. For example,
when a small girl sees her mother cooking in the kitchen, she may come to value
cooking, and a goal later in her life may be to prepare home-cooked meals every day.
Source: Sacerdote, B. (Dartmouth), 2001, Peer effects with random assignment: Results for Dartmouth
roommates. Quaterly Journal of Economics, 116(2), 681-704, p. 696.
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5. Hiding emotions often leads to
negative behavior
Many people have difficulty both explaining and expressing their emotions. People
who respond “I’m fine” even when it is evident that they are not are having trouble
either explaining or expressing their emotions. This is a problem because emotional
suppression can convey risk for earlier death, including death from cancer.
People who suppress their emotions may also suffer from angry outbursts and
irritation. Unfortunately, suppressing anger leads to heightened pain.
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6. Normative behavior often restricts
public expression of emotions
Some people find it very hard to express their emotions and feelings. Research reflects
the stereotype that men have the most challenging time expressing their emotions.
80%
60%
Before
40% After
20%
0%
LOW MODERATE HIGH
Source: Meaningful Western Life Resources
Meditation is a powerful tool that can help individuals reduce anxiety, depression,
and pain, all from the privacy of one’s own mind. This is important because anxiety
can affect one’s emotional balance, leaving one susceptible to behavior that, if not
checked, can bring regrets later.
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Thanks for reading.
Osama Natto
@OsamaNatto
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