An encounter between

Edward and Bella leads

them to question their
marriages and what love
truly means to them. “I
had an affair; I didn’t
expect to fall in love in
the process. I didn’t
expect my world to
change but it did."
It wasn’t easy to pretend.

To pretend that when he

wrapped his arms around
her that it was just a
simple gesture, when he
kissed her that it didn’t
set her soul on fire.

She was a horrible liar,

something she had been
told hundreds of times,
but that didn’t keep her
from lying to herself.

She had pictured that first

moment they had met,
standing between the
swing-set each pushing
their child, more times
than she was willing to
admit. It had only been a
few days but it had felt
like longer, she felt like
she was drowning. She
imagined every detail as
he had embraced her, the
flush that flooded her
cheeks, the warm musk
smell that permeated her
senses, the way his arms
had wrapped around her
and pulled her in just a
little bit tighter.

It was in that moment

that he had kissed her.

The kiss was anything but

innocent, and filled with
more passion than she
knew she could possess.
They pulled back and
looked at each other for a
moment, neither
acknowledging what this
truly meant, and then
they went their separate
ways.

When she made it back to

her friends, she pointedly
ignored the stares and
whispers choosing instead
to focus on her daughter,
making sure her needs
were met.
-----
“Dinner was great
tonight.” Mike stated
pulling her from her
thoughts.

“Thank you.” Bella

replied smiling softly at
her husband before
turning her attention to
her daughter once more.

“I have to go back into

the office to finish up
some work,” he replied
“so don’t wait up for
me.”

She nodded her head in

acknowledgement as she
cleared off the table.
After putting her
daughter to bed, she
poured herself a glass of
wine and sat on the couch
letting the memories take
her.

It was easy to get swept

up in thoughts of him,
thoughts of Edward. She
pictured the way he had
looked at her so
intensely, his emerald
eyes boring through her.
It was crazy to think that
it had only been a few
days since she had first
met him, first kissed him.
The thoughts caused a
tingle to flow down her
spine and she shuttered
as she closed her eyes.
She had gone back to the
spot hoping to see him
again, but with no luck.
At one desperate point,
the night before, she had
contemplated calling him
but had no number. The
thought was foolish, as
even if she did have his
number she really didn’t
know what she would say
if his wife answered.

Running her hands

through her tangled hair
she wondered if he
thought about her,
obsessed over that
moment as much as she
had. Shaking the thoughts
out of her head she
chastised herself for
thinking them.
--
It had been a week and a
half since she had seen
him and she had forced
the images and thoughts
out of her head, forced
herself back into a normal
routine.

She made her way quickly

through the aisles
grabbing the things they
needed, ignoring the
other customers, focused
on getting in and out as
speedily as possible.

The sound of her name

broke her from her trance
and she recognized the
voice immediately. Her
heart rate accelerated
and she felt a flush fill
her cheeks as she turned
to look at the man who
had recently filled her
every thought.
“Edward, how are you?”
Bella asked smiling softly
as she reached over and
ruffled his son Emmett’s
hair.

He looked at her for a

long minute before
smiling and answering.
“I’ve been fine; we had to
take a little trip to see
Grandma and Grandpa so
now were re-stocking the
fridge. And how have you
been, Bella?”

“I’ve been well, thanks.”

Bella replied smiling as
Edward leaned down and
acknowledged her
daughter, Alice.

“I’ve been thinking about

taking Emmett to the
park later today, would
you care to join us?”
“We would love to,” Bella
replied her smile growing
as she spoke “it is a lovely
day.”

“Lovely indeed.” Edward

replied looking at her and
causing her to blush.

“Shall we say two

o’clock?” Bella asked
softly.

“Sounds perfect,” Edward

replied chuckling softly as
his son reached for the
cookies on the shelf next
to them.

“You’re going to spoil

lunch.” Edward teased
leaning down and ruffling
his son’s hair.

He stood up and looked at

her once more and their
eyes met for a moment.
Bella felt a surge of
electricity shoot through
the air. Her heart rate
sped up and she could
feel her breathing
increase a bit, she
couldn’t help but notice
that his did as well.

“We’re not going to do

anything stupid are we?”
he asked looking at her
through his eyelashes.

“I don’t know.” She

answered softly.
--
One o’clock came and
went and Bella now found
herself in the car driving
to the park, silently trying
to justify the play date.
She pulled into the lot
next to a silver Volvo and
found Edward and
Emmett easily. They
stood together talking
aimlessly as they pushed
their children on the
swings.

She found out that he was

currently at home taking
care of Emmett because
his wife, Tanya, was a
successful lawyer who
didn’t want to give up her
job. To say she was more
than a little shocked
when she found out that
Edward had been a doctor
would be an
understatement.

She told him about her

marriage to her college
sweetheart, about how he
worked all the time, and
about how she never saw
him anymore. She talked
about how she had gotten
pregnant early in the
marriage and had never
gotten to finish her
degree.

Bella was more than a

little surprised at how
honest they were being
and she couldn’t help but
feel her heart flutter as
she thought back to what
he had said to her at the
store.

“We aren’t going to do

anything stupid are we?”

‘Define stupid.’ She

thought.

They parted each other

that day with a lingering
hug and a promise of
meeting again the next
day, same spot same
time.

Neither anticipated the

rain.
--
She stood in the shelter
house drenched to the
bone contemplating
whether or not to risk
running back to her car.
She had been on the slide
with Ali when the rain had
slowly started to drip
down on them. Instead of
making her way towards
the warm car, she veered
to the left and huddled
under the shelter with the
other parents.

Her eyes lingered on

Edward’s chest longer
than what was probably
deemed appropriate, but
what about their
relationship was? She
noticed that the rain had
made his normally copper
hair look darker and drops
fell off of it and ran down
his face.
Bella knew she probably
looked like a mess, her
hair a wild and wet
disarray. She could feel
the soaked material of
her simple t-shirt clinging
to her body, making her
conscious of every flaw
that she had. Her eyes
scanned his body once
again and she
immediately felt
inadequate, what did she
have to offer him?

He seemed to notice her

gazes as his smile slowly
became cockier and she
could feel his gaze on her
as well. The atmosphere
felt charged and the air
so thick that it was
difficult to breathe. The
cold from the wind and
the rain had chilled her to
the bone and she noticed
his gaze linger on her
chest for a moment.

He licked his lips and she

felt her knees weaken.

“I think we are going to

head back to our house,”
Edward stated looking
down at the two children.
“They are both asleep and
I don’t want to wake
them, why don’t you ride
with me and I will bring
you back to your car when
the rain stops.”

Bella contemplated her

options for a moment,
contemplated the
potential, and then threw
all thoughts out of her
head.

“Alright.” She replied

softly following him as he
made his way to the silver
Volvo parked next to her
car.
--
The children were placed
upstairs in Edward’s bed.
They immediately curled
together on top of the
sheets. Their arms
stretched out and tangled
together.

They made their way

quietly down the stairs,
making sure not to wake
the kids in the process.

“So,” Edward stated

softly letting out a gentle
sigh.

“So,” Bella replied

leaning her head back
against the wall and
turning to look at him.

He cleared his throat for

a moment before
continuing “You’re
dripping wet; let me get
you a towel.”

“Thank you,” Bella

replied making her way
into what she assumed
was the living room area.

Instead of handing her the

towel he ran it over her
arms and neck wiping off
the moisture that had
pooled on her skin. The
brush of the towel, or
possibly the person doing
the brushing, brought out
a wave of gooseflesh and
she instantly felt his
hands replace the towel
with the rubbing.

“Your arms are so cold.”

Edward stated his lips
close to her ear.
“Your hands are so
warm.” Bella replied
turning around to look at
him.

For a moment Bella

contemplated what they
were about to do, what it
would mean for her
marriage, for Edward’s
marriage, for their
children. She watched as
he licked his lips once
again and felt her knees
weaken, his arms
wrapping around her.

All thoughts escaped her

as their lips touched and
she felt herself pushing
him backwards, both
falling onto the leather
couch.

Her hands latched onto

his tousled hair and they
broke away for a moment
their eyes meeting. Her
breath caught in her
throat and she couldn’t
help her eyes from
roaming up and down his
body, their clothes still
wet.

She could feel him

pushing her into the
cushions his body molding
against hers, causing a
shiver of anticipation to
roll through her body.
Neither of them spoke as
his hands tangled into her
hair and their lips met
once again.

His hands snaked under

her shirt and she let out a
loud moan, causing both
of them to freeze and
look up at the ceiling.
They waited for a
moment listening for
movement and sensing
none let out a sigh of
relief. He smiled at her
and she couldn’t help but
let out a gentle laugh as
she wrapped her arms
around his neck, playing
with the tuft of hair that
lie there.

He leaned down once

more his tongue wrestling
with hers for a moment
before their mouths broke
apart. He traced a line
from her lips to her ear
and began to nibble on it
causing her to gasp. She
tugged on his hair causing
twin groans to float
through the air.

“Are you sure?” she

whispered in his ear.

He looked at her for a

moment and silently
nodded his head leaning
down and nuzzling his
face in her neck before
kissing her there.

His hands snaked under

her shirt once again,
swiftly pulling the
drenched material off and
throwing it across the
room. She found her
hands completing a
similar task as his shirt
joined hers on the floor.
She dragged her nails
across the skin of his back
and he trembled above
her.

“How much time do you

think we have?” he
whispered.

“Thirty minutes give or

take.” She whispered
back her eyes traveling
once again to the ceiling
for a moment.
Their clothes flew off of
them left and right and
landed scattered
throughout the room.
Bella could feel the damp
skin of her back sticking
to the leather, could feel
the scrape of his five
o’clock shadow across her
skin, feel his tongue
snake out and taste her
stomach.

Clenching her eyes tight

she could feel her heart
pound through her chest.
It had never felt like this
for her before, ever. A
whimper escaped her lips
as he entered her, setting
her body on fire. She
could hear their labored
breathing, the squelch of
the leather as he thrust
into her, the cries that
escaped both of their lips.
She wrapped her legs
around him trying to pull
him closer, deeper. The
movement caused a
gentle moan to escape
her lips and a grunt to
leave his.

“Oh god,” She cried as he

picked up his pace
causing him to moan.

She could feel him

watching her and she
opened her eyes meeting
his fiery gaze.

“Edward.” She whispered.

“Bella.” He replied softly.

Her hands tangled around

him pulling him closer
their eyes never breaking
contact. She leaned in
and kissed him and felt
his hand move from
beside her to in between
their bodies, gently
rubbing right above where
they were connected.

“OH” Bella whimpered,

the feelings overtaking
her body.

“Feel me, Bella.” Edward

moaned in response. “Oh
god, I’m so close.”

“Me too.” She cried

arching her back into him.

Her hand latched onto his

back, trying to anchor
herself to something,
anything.

She could feel her body

trembling, building up
and she bit down on her
lip to try and quiet her
sounds. She looked up and
found he was doing the
same thing.

He reached down and

lifted her hips up,
changing the angle he was
entering her and with just
a few thrusts she lost all
control and she tumbled
over the edge. He let out
a loud moan and followed
after her, scrunching his
face up and biting his lip
as he continued to thrust
prolonging it for the both
of them.

He loosened his hold on

her and she felt herself
collapse back onto the
couch, his body falling
gently on top of her.
--
“Do you feel guilty?” he
asked as he picked up her
shirt and handed it to
her.
“No,” Bella replied softly
her eyes meeting his.

He smiled at her then

placing a gentle kiss on
her lips before pulling his
shirt over his head.

“Do you?” she whispered.

“A little,” he replied
softly.

She reached over and

grabbed his hand
squeezing it for a moment
before slowly leading him
down the hall to his
bedroom, to their
children.F
-Present Day-

“Where do you want me

to begin?” she asked as
she pushed a stray strand
of hair behind her ear.
“How about we start at
the beginning?” the man
replied pushing his glasses
up his face and looking at
her for a moment before
looking back down to his
notes.

“Well that is kind of

difficult to discern,” she
replied blushing softly.

“Every story has a

beginning.” The man
replied softly,
encouragingly “Was there
a moment when suddenly
something changed?
Where you felt that you
had no control over a
situation?”

“I’ve never really had

control,” Bella sighed
leaning her head back
against the chair she now
sat in. “I’ve never really
felt the need to.”

“But you do now?” he

asked jotting something in
his notebook.

“Well, what do you

think?” she snapped back
her body tensing and her
eyes boring into his.

“I was just asking you a

simple question,” he
replied calmly “I’m just
trying to understand.”

“What is there to
understand,” she replied
“I had an affair; I didn’t
expect to fall in love in
the process. I didn’t
expect my world to
change.”
“But you did fall in love,
and your world did
change.”

“Yes.”
-Six Months Prior-
“You’re late,” Edward
stated as he pushed
himself off of the wall he
was leaning against and
smirked in her direction.

“I’m sorry,” Bella replied

softly “The babysitter was
running a bit late.”

He nodded his head softly

and angled his head
towards the jogger’s
path. “I figured we should
probably talk.”

“I think that is a good

idea.” Bella replied as her
eyes followed the gravel
track. She would not look
at him, would not
acknowledge the effect
that he was having on
her.

They began to walk the

simple path, the soles of
their shoes scraping and
kicking up the gravel
making the only sounds.

“I’m not really sure what

to say.” Edward replied
shuffling his feet for a
moment. “I don’t want to
hurt your feelings but at
the same point in time I
want to be honest.”

“I’m not made of glass; I

can handle whatever you
have to say.” Bella
replied a bit coldly.

“We were really stupid,

Bella, and what we did
shouldn’t have
happened.” He looked her
in the eyes then and she
could feel the blush flush
her cheeks. “I just keep
replaying that moment
over and over in my
head.”

“I’m not going to lie,”

Bella replied softly “and
say that I regret it.”

“I’m not saying I regret it

either, I just,” he ran his
hand through his hair
“how can we just
continue to pretend that
everything is ok? That we
didn’t cheat on our
spouses?”

“I don’t know,” Bella

replied “but I can’t just
walk away pretending
that nothing happened.
It’s like I can finally see
again, everything is
clearer now.”
He made his way over to a
bench and plopped down
putting his head in his
hands. She walked the
short distance and sat
next to him, gently
placing her hand on his
shoulder.

“If you want,” she replied

softly “I can get up and
walk back to my car and
you will never have to see
me again. If that is what
you want, tell me now,
and save us both the
hassle of getting hurt.”

His head shot up and

looked at her for a
moment, his eyes
scanning over her face. “I
just don’t know.” He
replied softly “I feel so
guilty, so incredibly
guilty.”
“I understand,” she
replied quickly and she
stood up, fighting back
tears, walking brusquely
back down the path
towards her car. She
stood in front of her car,
digging through her purse
looking for her keys. It
was then that she saw
him exit the wooded path
and head in her direction.

As he approached her, his

eyes met hers and she
wasn’t sure what she saw
in them.

“I thought,” she stated

softly.

“I know,” he replied
reaching out and pulling
her into him, bringing her
lips to his. His tongue
traced her lips and
suddenly she was pressed
back against her car door.
Pulling his mouth back for
a moment they stood
staring at each other,
both of them panting.

“Unlock the car,” he

whispered in her ear
before tracing it with his
tongue and then nipping
the lobe of it.

“What about feeling

guilty?” she asked her
hand holding the keys
shaking.

“I’ll deal with it,” he

replied letting out a small
groan as he leaned into
her grabbing the keys
from her and inserting
them in the door behind
her.
He pushed her into the
backseat, following
behind her and looking
around outside for a
moment.

“Do you have any idea

what you do to me?” he
asked “Watching you walk
away from me.” He let
out a growl then and
reached his hand behind
her head tangling it in her
hair and pulling her into
his lap.

“I want you,” he groaned

in her ear.

“I want you too,” she

replied breathily as she
ground herself into his lap
causing both of them to
throw their heads back.

“This is so messed up.”

He muttered reaching
down and quickly
unbuttoning her pants
shifting her to tug them
off. She worked his pants
off frantically, letting
them pool at his feet
along with his boxers.

“I need you inside of me,”

she moaned running her
hands through his hair and
tugging on the ends,
causing him to groan. “I
need to feel you.”

He thrusted up into her

then quickly, causing both
of them to moan at the
sensation.

He placed open mouthed

kisses on her as his hands
wrapped around her waist
aiding her movement over
him. She rocked her hips
slowly at first, before
pulling almost all the way
off of him and then
dropping back down.

“Bella,” he moaned his

head falling back against
the headrest and his
mouth hanging slightly
open.

“Edward,” Bella replied

breathily grinding down
on him and causing his
hands to tighten around
her waist.

“Don’t you see what you

do to me?” Edward
moaned meeting her
movements with his own
thrusts causing her to
whimper. “No one has
had this affect on me
before, not even my wife,
it’s like I can’t control
myself.”
“I know,” she whimpered
“I feel it too.”

His hands made their way

up her back tangling in
her hair and pulling her
head back so that she was
laying back on the center
consol.

He leaned forward then,

taking control, his thrusts
coming faster hitting her
deeper than before.

“Oh my god,” she cried

out.

“Yes,” he moaned in
response as he grabbed
one of her breasts
through her shirt pinching
her nipple through the
material.

“I’m almost there.” She

cried out.
“Come for me,” Edward
replied his eyes meeting
hers “come with me.”

She cried out his name as

her body began to
tremble, his following
suit.

After riding out their

orgasms he pulled out of
her and pulled her gently
into his lap. Leaning over
he placed a kiss on her
forehead before laying his
head back trying to catch
his breath.

“Well,” she replied softly

“that was unexpected.”

“Please,” he replied
teasingly “with you
wearing that outfit did
you expect anything
less?”
A laugh escaped her lips
and she leaned her head
back kissing him for a
moment.

“I should get back; I told

the babysitter that I
wouldn’t be gone too
long.”

“Yeah,” Edward replied

running his hand through
her disheveled hair “I
should get back as well. I
told my friend Jasper that
I was meeting an old
friend for coffee.”

They quickly maneuvered

their way around the
backseat pulling on
articles of clothing and
sneaking glances at each
other.
“So,” Edward stated
helping her step out of
the backseat “Play date
tomorrow at the park,
let’s say one thirty?”

“That would be great,”

Bella replied running her
hands through her tangled
hair and pulling it back
into a ponytail. “Alice and
I will be there.”

He looked around for a

moment before leaning
over and placing a quick
peck on her lips.

“I will see you then.”

It was a beautiful day and
the park was much more
crowded than normal
which both surprised and
annoyed Bella.

“Hey,” she stated as

Edward and Emmett
walked up the path to
where they were sitting
at a picnic bench.

“Talk about crazy,”

Edward replied looking
around the park and
letting out a sigh “I don’t
think I have ever seen this
place so busy.”

“Yeah,” Bella sighed as

she handed a small bag of
animal crackers and a
juice box to Alice. She
watched as Alice handed
Emmett a cracker and
smiled sweetly at him
causing him to give her a
toothy grin in response.

“Well that was cute,”

Edward stated smiling as
he plopped down on the
bench next to his son.
“She is really into sharing
things right now,” Bella
replied smiling softly
down at her daughter.

“Well I don’t think we are

going to get on the swings
today,” Edward replied
frowning as he looked at
the group of children
tromping through the
area.

“It doesn’t look like it,”

Bella replied looking
around “we could always
go down by the water and
feed the ducks.”

“Down by the water?”

Edward asked in
confusion.

Bella laughed for a

moment before pointing
to a somewhat shrouded
path. “That leads over to
a small lake, Alice and I
go there sometimes to
feed the ducks. She seems
to love it.”

“Sounds good to me,”

Edward replied standing
from the bench and
placing Emmett on his
back causing the small
boy to laugh.

“Me next?” Alice asked

looking up at him with the
most angelic face.

“Sure kiddo,” Edward

replied smiling softly as
she squealed in glee.

They made their way

slowly, neither really
saying anything, as they
watched Alice skip the
trodden path. When they
arrived at the lake they
handed each of the
children some bread
before sitting down in the
grass and watching
fascinated with the glee
on their children’s faces.

“This was a good idea,”

Edward stated watching
as Emmett balled up a
piece of bread and
chucked it as hard as he
could into the water.

“It is so peaceful here,”

Bella replied softly “Alice
loves to come here and it
is nice sometimes to just
get away from the
crowds.”

“Yeah,” Edward agreed as

he looked over her and let
out a gentle sigh.
Reaching over he took her
hand in his squeezing it
for a moment before
setting their hands
together on the grass.

She looked down at their

entwined hands for a
moment before looking up
at him and smiling softly,
a gentle blush covering
her cheeks.

“I love it when you

blush,” Edward stated
running a finger of his
free hand across her
cheek causing her to
blush even more. He
chuckled then and she
turned to watch the
children making sure they
didn’t get to close to the
water.

After the bread was gone

the kids made their way
back to them laying down
in the grass and looking
up at the clouds.
“That one cat.” Alice
stated pointing as she
nudged Emmett.

“I no see.” Emmett
replied frowning.

Alice and Emmett quickly

grew bored and the next
thing Edward and Bella
knew they were asleep in
the grass their hands
touching.

Edward watched as Bella

sat quietly staring at the
lake, transfixed on the
water.

“That’s my boy,” Edward

stated jokingly as he
nudged Bella bringing her
attention to the kids.

“That is adorable,” Bella

replied smiling softly
before laying back in the
grass pulling Edward with
her.

“What’s the matter?”

Edward asked softly
looking up at the clouds
roaming past

“Nothing,” Bella replied

sighing softly and
clenching her eyes shut
for a moment “I’m just
thinking.”

“About?” Edward asked.

“Yesterday,” Bella replied

blushing softly, seemingly
embarrassed by her
answer.

“I couldn’t stop thinking

about you last night,”
Edward stated turning his
head to look at her
“about yesterday.”
“What does this mean for
us Edward?” Bella asked
turning her head to look
at his face and he
couldn’t help but notice
her brow furrow a bit.

“I don’t know,” Edward

replied “I know that I
can’t stop thinking about
you and I’m not sure that
I want to.”

“I know it’s horrible,”

Bella whispered “but I
don’t want you to.”

“Tell me you think about

me.” Edward whispered.

“More than I should,” she

replied softly her face
reaching up and cupping
his face gently.
“Bella something happens
to me when I am around
you,” he stated running
his hand over his face and
through his hair “it’s like
all I can see, think, and
feel are you and the rest
of the world just doesn’t
matter. I’m not sure what
is happening or even what
I am feeling but I’m not
going to fight it Bella, I
just can’t.”

Their eyes met for a

moment and the look on
her face took his breath
away. “I feel it too,
Edward.” She whispered
softly “more than you
know.”

“I’m going to kiss you

Bella.” Edward stated
looking over at the
children for a moment
before scooting closer and
wrapping his hand around
her head, pulling her
gently into him.

He leaned in slowly his

lips meeting her softly,
just barely brushing hers.
She brought her hand that
was cupping his face
around his neck and
wrapped it in the hair
that lay there. He
continued to place gentle
kisses on her lips and she
was surprised at the
emotions they were
raising in her.

He leaned his forehead

against hers as he
deepened the kiss,
causing her hand to tug
on his hair and him to nip
her bottom lip. She
angled her neck adding
more pressure and she
could feel him moving to
lay over her, continuing
to kiss her.

After a moment he pulled

away panting slightly and
brushed a gentle kiss on
her forehead before
burying his head in her
hair.

“Let’s just lay like this for

awhile.” He murmured.

“I would like that,” Bella

replied softly resting her
head against his chest and
curling her hands against
him over his heart.
Bella sat at the kitchen
table, a coffee cup in
hand, and looked across
at her best friend,
Angela. It hadn’t been
that long since she had
seen her, but it seemed
like it had been forever.
“So is Mike working late
tonight?” Angela asked
cupping her coffee cup in
her hands as she took a
sip.

“I think so,” Bella replied

absentmindedly.

“You think so?” Angela

asked her eyebrow rising
in question.

“He is always working

late, anymore. I’ve given
up trying to figure out
when he will get home,”
Bella let out a sigh before
continuing “sometimes I
don’t even see him until
he crawls into bed.”

“And that doesn’t bother

you?” Angela asked
setting her coffee cup
down on the table her
eyes intently focused on
Bella.

Bella looked at her for a

moment before casually
shrugging her shoulders.
“If I try and mention it he
just brushes it aside
saying that he is “working
hard for our family.” It
made me feel guilty for
asking him, so I stopped.”

“You are either a really

patient and loving wife,”
Angela stated “or you
trust him way too much.”

“What do you mean?”

Bella asked softly.

“Well, how do you know

he isn’t having an affair?”

Bella looked at her friend

for a moment in
consideration before
responding “that’s really
unlikely Ang.”

“I’d be worried sick,”

Angela stated shrugging
softly “but that is just
me. How is the sex?”

Bella immediately thought

of Edward and suddenly
her face was aflame.

“Well it looks like you

have nothing to worry
about,” Angela stated
laughingly.

“Right,” Bella replied

turning her head to look
out the patio window at
the swing set in the
backyard.

“Hey Ang, do you think

you could watch Alice for
an hour or so. I really
needed to run to the
store to pick something
up and I just
remembered. She is
asleep and it would be
such a hassle to pull her
out of bed and dress her
for such a quick trip.”

“Sure, Bella.” Angela

replied smiling softly
“Alice is always a little
angel for me. Take your
time.”

“Thanks.” Bella replied

placing her mug in the
sink and grabbing her cell
phone.

“No problem.” Angela

called as she walked out
the door.

--

“Hey it’s me,” she stated

softly into her cell phone
as she hopped into her car
“can you meet me?”

“Hold on,” he replied

softly and she heard
fabric moving and then
talking.

“I’ll be there in ten

minutes.” He stated and
then she heard the dial
tone.
--
She pulled up to the park,
noticing that his car
wasn’t there and made
her way over setting down
on the swings and rocking
back and forth. She
leaned back for a moment
and looked up at the
moon, getting caught up
in the beauty of it.

Bella was lost in her

thoughts when he plopped
down in the swing next to
her and she turned
sideways to look at him.

“Is everything ok?”

Edward asked softly
kicking off the ground and
rocking back in forth as
he continued to look at
her.

“I don’t know,” Bella

replied frowning slightly
“how did you get away?”

“I told her that Jaspers

car broke down and that
he needed some help,”
Edward stated shrugging
“if he needs to, I know
that he will cover for me.
You?”

“I told Angie I needed to

run to the store.” Bella
replied softly “Then
called you.”
“What’s the matter?”
Edward asked digging his
heels in so that he
stopped and then hopping
up walking over to stand
in front of her. “What has
got you so down?”

“I just needed to see

you,” Bella replied
honestly as she looked
away from his eyes “I’m
sorry for pulling you away
from her, I just felt like I
couldn’t breathe.”

“It’s not like that and you

know it,” Edward replied
grabbing her face and
turning her to look at him
“and I missed you too.”

He leaned in then and

placed a subtle kiss on
her lips and then her
forehead. “Do you want
to talk about it?”
“Not really,” she replied
softly letting out a sigh
and leaning her head
against the chain holding
the swing up.

He picked her up and sat

down in the swing, pulling
her in his lap and leaning
his head into her hair.

“How long do we have?”

he asked breathing her in.

“An hour at the most,”

Bella replied leaning her
head back onto his
shoulder and letting out a
deep sigh.

“Feel better?” he asked

kissing the back of her
head and wrapping his
hands around her waist as
he shifted on the swing.
“A bit,” Bella replied
truthfully turning her
head to look at him and
kissing him gently on the
lips. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” he replied

softly brushing her hair
out of her face with his
free hand before leaning
in and kissing her deeply.

His free hand wrapped

itself into her hair as his
hand traced small circles
on her stomach through
her shirt.

“Are you sure you don’t

want to talk about it?” he
stated pulling back and
smirking at her for a
moment.

A soft laugh escaped her

lips and she wiggled her
body around so that she
was straddling him. “Shut
up and kiss me.”

“Gladly,” he replied
leaning in and kissing her.

“Bella,” he murmured
against her skin as he
moved his lips to her
neck.

“Hmm,” she replied softly

in pleasure as she titled
her head back.

“I think I am falling in
love with you.”
She placed her hands on
his head then, pulling it
away from her neck and
looking into his eyes.

“What did you just say?”

Bella asked her voice
almost a whisper.
“I said,” Edward replied
looking deep into her eyes
“I think I am falling in
love with you. I’m not
going to lie but it terrifies
me, Bella.”

She leaned back for a

moment catching her
breath and he looked at
her in concern.

“You don’t have to feel

obligated to say it back,
Bella, but I just needed
you to know how I feel. I
can’t stop thinking about
you; I feel this need to be
beside you and to protect
you.”

Bella let out a sigh and

leaned her head against
the chain, her eyes
meeting his.
“I,” she smiled softly at
him for a moment
“shouldn’t admit this but
I feel it, Edward and it
terrifies me too. I think
about you all of the time
and when I am not with
you I want to be.”

He pulled her closer to

him wrapping his arms
tightly around her, their
bodies fit snugly together
on the swing and he found
himself rocking them back
and forth.

“Now what?” he asked

softly.

“No clue,” she replied

chuckling “I think we are
in uncharted territory
here.”

“Yeah,” he sighed in
response before leaning
down and kissing her
softly on her lips and
down her face to her
neck. His tongue came in
contact with her neck
then and she whimpered
in response. It was not
lost on her that he knew
exactly what to do to her;
she didn’t need to tell
him or guide him, he just
knew.

He slowly pulled away

from her and looked into
her eyes as he teasingly
unbuttoned her shirt, his
fingers trailing over the
skin of her stomach.

“Here?” Bella asked

gulping as she looked
around the deserted park.
“Seriously?”

He leaned back and

smiled seductively as he
threw his head back in
laughter, making her
want him even more.

“Right here,” Edward

replied “on this very
swing.”

“That doesn’t seem safe,”

Bella stated eyebrows
raised in question.

“I’ve got a tight hold on

you,” Edward stated “I
won’t let you fall.”

His fingers continued to

trace shapes on her
stomach and she could
feel herself getting
frustrated. “Someone
might see.” She moaned
as his lips met her
collarbone and she threw
her head back in
surrender.
He pushed her shirt off of
her shoulder making sure
to keep her balanced and
danced his fingers along
her back, kissing her hard
in the same moment.
Pulling back he removed
his own shirt before
meeting her lips once
again.

Her tongue crept into his

mouth and tangled with
his, causing him to moan
into the kiss. Pulling her
up into a standing
position he unzipped her
jeans pulling them down
effortlessly. She ran her
nails down his chest and
stopped at his pants, her
hands resting on the
button for a moment. He
drew in a sharp breath
that made her chuckle
before unbuttoning and
unzipping them.
“The underwear should
probably just be shifted.”
Edward stated “Just in
case.”

“Fine,” Bella moaned

pulling him into her and
kissing him fiercely. He
moved them back to the
swing sitting down and
pulling her into his lap
straddling him once
again. He placed a gentle
kiss on her lips before
trailing his mouth down to
her chin, her neck, and
then to her breasts.

He ran his tongue in

circles over her bra and
gently sucked on her
nipple through the fabric
causing her to gasp and
grasp his hair. Pulling
away he smiled sheepishly
at her before turning his
attention to the other,
kissing and stroking it
through the material.

“More.” Bella whimpered.

Taking this as a signal to

continue, he pushed her
underwear aside and
brought two of his fingers
to her center. She threw
her head back squishing
his hand in between them
and let out a loud moan.
He moved them in and
out slowly at first, before
finding a steady rhythm.

Reaching down and

grabbing his hand she
pulled it away from her
and grabbed his boxers
shifting and yanking them
until he sprung free. He
wrapped his hand around
her, one gripping her
waist and the other
gripping her hair to
steady her on the swing.

She plunged down on him

grabbing the chains as the
swing moved causing both
of them to grunt. Using
the chains as an anchor
she rocked back and forth
on top of him, the swing
moving with them.

“This feels amazing.”

Edward groaned
tightening his grip on her
hip and her hair.

She moaned in response

before replying “I’m not
going to last long.”

She continued to rock

steadily on top of him,
their breathing picking up
from the exertion.
He dug his heels into the
ground and thrust up into
her then, causing her to
arch her back and cry out.
His hold on her back
tightened as he continued
to meet her movement
for movement, his feet
keeping them somewhat
steady.

Her body began to

tremble over him and he
moved his hands to her
hip, helping her with her
movements. After a
moment she threw her
head back and let out a
long cry as she came. He
thrust up into her one
more time and then
released into her.

Her breathing was

staggered as she lay her
head against his shoulder,
cuddling into his warmth.
He nuzzled her head with
his nose and mouth for a
moment before lifting her
face up to look at him.
Caressing her lips softly,
he kissed her sweetly
before meeting their
tongues once again.

They stayed locked in

their embrace kissing for
a moment before he
pulled back and looked at
her.

“Thank you.” He
whispered softly.

“Thank you,” Bella

replied looking into his
eyes sincerely before
laying her head on his
shoulder.

“We still have some

time,” Edward stated
softly stroking her hair as
he placed kisses on her
head and forehead. “Let’s
just stay like this.”

She nodded her head in

acknowledgement closing
her eyes and wrapping her
body completely around
him. She felt safe,
complete, and before she
knew what happened she
had fallen asleep.
-Present Day-

“Tell me about your

relationship with Mike?
What made it so hard?”

“I don’t necessarily think

that it was hard, I mean it
was comfortable, it was
very easy to fall into a
pattern. At the same time
he was never around,
always working, so we
never really had to deal
with each other.” Bella
replied. “I didn’t really
ever feel anything when I
was with him; it was like I
was numb.”

“Did you love him?” the

man asked looking at her
over his glasses.

“I think I loved the

thought of him, he was
secure, reliable, and
comfortable but there
was no spark, no fire.”

-Five Months Prior-

It was later than she

realized and she suddenly
felt panicked. Chastising
herself for falling asleep,
Bella pulled her car into
the garage and winced at
the fact that Angela’s car
was no longer present.
Mike sat at the kitchen
counter, an empty glass in
front of him.

“Angela just left, Alice is

in bed. She said you ran
to the store.”

“I had to pick up a few

things that I needed for
tomorrow.” Bella replied
nervously pushing her hair
back out of her face.

“Well,” Mike replied

picking up the glass and
walking to the sink “did
you find what you
needed?”

“They were all sold out.”

Bella replied, realizing
she had no bag with her.

“That’s too bad,” Mike

stated looking out the
window for a moment.
“Is everything alright, you
seem distracted?” Bella
questioned.

“Yeah, I’m just tired it

was a long night at work.
I wanted to wait up for
you though, I was worried
about you.”

“I’m sorry I worried you,”

Bella stated softly “I
guess I should have
called.”

“Its fine,” Mike replied

leaning over and placing a
kiss on her forehead “I
think I am going to go
upstairs and read over
some paperwork.”

“I think I am going to take

a bath, my back is
bothering me.”
He nodded his head
absently in
acknowledgement as he
left the room. She waited
for a moment watching
him walk up the stairs
before leaning against the
counter and letting out a
soft sigh of relief.
--
Bella slid her body into
the hot water, letting the
steam and heat envelop
her. Closing her eyes for a
moment she rested her
head on the edge of the
tub. The jets softly
massaged away her aches
and pains and before too
long she found her
thoughts wandering.

They stayed locked in

their embrace kissing for
a moment before he
pulled back and looked at
her.
“Thank you.” He
whispered softly.

“Thank you,” Bella

replied looking into his
eyes sincerely before
laying her head on his
shoulder.

“We still have some

time,” Edward stated
softly stroking her hair as
he placed kisses on her
head and forehead. “Let’s
just stay like this.”

She nodded her head in

acknowledgement closing
her eyes and wrapping her
body completely around
him. She felt safe,
complete, and before she
knew what happened she
had fallen asleep.
She woke to a gentle
shaking feeling and pulled
away from him looking up
into his eyes.

“Bella we fell asleep.”

Edward stated softly his
hand gently rubbing her
back.

“What time is it?” Bella

asked somewhat groggily.

“It’s almost eleven.”

Edward replied wincing as
he looked down at his
watch “Shit, we need to
go now.”

She nodded her head

quickly grabbing her
clothes and throwing
them on carelessly.”

“I can’t believe we fell

asleep,” Bella mumbled
running her hand on her
face trying to wake
herself up.

“I know,” Edward stated

as his hands rang through
his hair. “I’m sorry, I
should have waked you
sooner but you just
looked so peaceful and I
was so comfortable.”

“Me too,” Bella stated

turning to look at him for
a moment a blush flushing
her cheeks. “I was very
comfortable.”

His soft chuckle met her

ears and caused her to
smile softly in response as
they walked back to their
vehicles.

“Till tomorrow,” Edward

stated brushing her hair
back out of her face
before leaning over and
gently kissing her on lips
and then her forehead.
He pulled away for a
moment before their lips
connected again in
passion. His hands tangled
in her hair for a moment
before he pulled away.

“Till tomorrow,” Bella

replied sighing as she
pulled away and walking
towards her car. She felt
two arms wrap around her
and she was pulled back
into his embrace.

He held her tightly for a

moment and placed a
ghost of a kiss on the back
of her head and then she
heard his car door close
behind her.

Hopping into her car she

steadied her hands for a
moment before placing
her keys into the ignition.
Mike was going to be
home and she needed to
be calm and collected.

With Edward on the brain

that was a hard thing to
accomplish.

Bella opened her eyes and

looked down at her
wrinkled fingertips,
wondering how long she
had been lying in the tub.

Hopping out, she quickly

dried off and pulled on
her pajamas. Making her
way softly down the
hallway, careful not to
wake Alice, she entered
her room and noticed
Mike was still sitting in
bed looking at his
paperwork.
“Is everything okay? You
are awfully flushed.”

“I’m just a little warm,”

Bella replied “the bath
heated me up.”

He chuckled softly as he
shifted his gaze from his
paperwork to look up at
her. “Don’t make the
water so warm next
time.”

“Goodnight,” Bella stated

crawling into bed and
pulling the covers around
her.

“Night,” Mike replied

putting his paperwork
down and flicking off the
light.

She listened to the slow

and steady rhythm of his
breathing as he fell
asleep and all she could
think of was Edward.
His mouth was warm and
hard against her pliant
lips. It was a kiss that she
had grown used to, but
could never seem to get
enough of. Their tongues
met and fought restlessly
for power. Pulling him
closer her hands tangled
in his hair and tugged
lightly on the ends,
causing him to groan.

Footsteps broke through

the silence and Bella
quickly pulled back,
sucking Edwards lip into
her mouth and running
her tongue along it as he
gasped.

“Someone is coming.” She

panted, pushing him away
and running her hands
through her hair.
“That was the point.”
Edward mumbled smiling
sheepishly as he adjusted
his shirt before looking
around for a moment. “I
don’t see anyone.”

He placed his hands on

her hips tightening his
grip, and pushing her
against the wall molding
their bodies together.

“Tell me you don’t want

me right here, right
now.”

“Edward,” Bella gasped

her voice shaky and her
hands tangled in his shirt
as she looked around “we
can’t, not here.”

His mouth once again took

place on her lips before
moving across her cheek,
before he gently sucked
the bottom of her ear into
his mouth causing her
knees to weaken and him
to chuckle. His tongue
continued to trace her ear
and he blew on it lightly
as if to soothe the pain of
the bite.

“Say it.” Edward stated

looking deep into her
eyes. “Say it out loud.”

“Find somewhere…” Bella

stuttered and she felt him
smirking against her neck
before he nipped there
gently. He reached down
and entwined their hands
together, tugging her
along the corridor before
opening a door and gently
pushing her in.

The room was barely lit,

and rather small making
her think it must be a
closet of some sort.
Throwing caution to the
wind, she gripped his shirt
tightly and pulled his lips
down to meet hers once
again.

“Such a tease,” Bella

mumbled against his neck
as she nipped it softly.
Edward groaned softly as
his fingers traced her
collarbone before leaning
up and running along her
lips.

“You still haven’t said it.”

“In a hurry?” Bella asked

cocking her eyebrow in
annoyance before opening
her mouth and lightly
sucking on the fingers he
had placed there. Edward
groaned as he pulled his
hands away and traced his
fingers along the hem of
her skirt.

“Easy access,” Edward

stated smirking before
raising his eyebrow in
response “In the mood for
playing I see.”

Reaching down she pulled

his shirt up and over his
head before doing the
same with her own.
“Who’s playing?” Bella
asked teasingly as she ran
her fingers along the edge
of his jeans before
trailing down the front of
them slowly. Edward’s
jaw clenched and he
looked her dead in the
eyes.

“Say it.”

“I love you.” Bella stated

as she moved her hand
over him, gently cupping
him before running her
hand up his body and
through her hair. “I’ve
tried to fight it, I’ve tried
to deny it, but it’s no use.
I love you.”

Edward groaned as he
buried his face into her
neck before biting down
softly on her shoulder.

“Oh god, I love you too.”

“I never knew it could

feel like this,” Bella
stated throwing her head
back as he continued to
trace the contours of her
neck and chest with his
tongue. “The way your
hands feel on my hips,
your breathing on my
neck, it’s so exhilarating,
so maddening.”
She unbuttoned his jeans
and they fell quickly to
his feet, followed by his
boxers. Her underwear
soon joined his on the
floor. His hands sliding up
her legs and bunching her
skirt around her stomach.
His hands continued
upwards cupping her
breasts, causing her hips
to involuntarily buck into
him.

He moved his thumbs in

slow circles causing her to
whimper as he squeezed
and massaged her. Laying
her head back she closed
her eyes letting the
feelings over take her.
She listened as she
moaned as he slowly
rolled one of her nipples
between his fingers while
the other hand quickly
slinked down her
stomach.

“You like that don’t you.”

Edward whispered in her
ear running his fingers
along her for a moment
causing her to buck
against him.

“Yes,” she whimpered.

“Only you can make me
feel this way.”

He seemed to enjoy the

sentiment because he let
out a low groan and
bucked against her
causing her mouth to
open slightly as she
panted. She could hear
her throaty plea’s to him
as he leaned up and
kissed her gently before
pulling his hand away.
Lifting her knee up, he
slid into her without
hesitation. A gentle moan
fluttered through the air
and she wasn’t sure
whose it was, and she
didn’t care. She could
feel her whole body
pulsing as he began to
move. Gripping her hips
and thrusting into her
with hard strokes, her
entire body began to
shake.

“Look at me.” Edward

growled.

Opening her eyes she met

his intense stare, his face
only inches from hers.
Grabbing her other leg he
lifted her up from the
ground, pushing deeper.
She moaned loudly feeling
his hand gently covering
her mouth as she heard
someone walk past in the
corridor.

Closing her eyes and

listening as they passed
she let out a heavy sigh
before reaching up and
pulling his head down to
hers, kissing him
intensely. Her back made
a dull rocking noise as he
pressed into her and she
could faintly hear the
echo of her heartbeat in
her ears.

“I love you.” She heard

him whisper as he moved
his head down and
latched his mouth onto
her neck, biting her. It
was all it took to send her
over the edge and her
body exploded. She felt
him pick up his pace,
adding to the sensation,
and then she felt him
release inside of her his
hands tightening their
hold on her hips.

She quickly pulled her

underwear and shirt back
on, adjusting her clothing
before opening the door
and stepping out into the
corridor. He followed a
minute later. Looking
back she clucked her
tongue as they walked.

“What?” Edward stated

running his hand through
his hair.

“A janitor’s closet?” Bella

stated shaking her head
“in the public library of
all places.”

He shrugged nonchalantly
before running his hand
once again through his
hair and smiling at her
sheepishly causing her to
chuckle. They made their
way back to the
children’s area, noticing
that their two children
still sat transfixed by the
librarian reading a book
to them.

“Thanks.” Edward stated

to the woman as he
reached down and ruffled
Emmett’s hair “did you
enjoy the story?”

“Yup.” Emmett stated

smiling.

“Thanks again,” Bella

stated smiling softly to
the woman trying not to
let her blush show.

“No problem.” The

woman replied “Did you
get your car jump
started?”
“We sure did.” Edward
stated smirking at the
woman before picking
Emmett up and winking
discretely to Bella
-Present Day-

“We’ve been meeting for

awhile now, Bella.” The
man stated as he adjusted
his glasses on his face
before placing his
notebook down and really
looking up at her. “You’ve
admitted that you made
some mistakes and that
you had an affair.”

Bella nodded her head

softly feeling a blush
creep on her cheeks as
she bowed her head.

“I’ve told you this is a

safe place; there is no
need to be embarrassed.”
He said, running his hand
quickly through his hair
before continuing to
speak. “I think the core
issue that needs to be
addressed is not that you
had an affair but why you
had an affair.”

“You’ve told me that your

relationship with Mike had
no passion, no spark, that
you were numb. Is this
correct?”

“Yes,” Bella confessed

clearing her throat softly
as her eyes scanned the
room.

“But you felt that passion

and spark with Edward,
am I correct?”

“Yes,” Bella admitted “I

loved him, I love him.”
“I have a bit of an
assignment for you to do
until next time,” Dr.
Parker stated softly.
“What I would like you to
do is write all down your
thoughts and ideas for the
next week and we will
talk about them. Is this
alright?”

“Yes.” Bella replied

softly.

“I want you to be brutally

honest with me. If you’re
not comfortable with me
reading them I am fine
with that, but I want you
to have another outlet to
get these feelings of guilt
out of your system.”

“That is fine.” Bella

agreed taking the small
notebook and running her
fingers along the edge of
it.

“See you next week

Bella.”
--
Entry 1-

I miss Edward. I know that

it is a cowardly thing to
say, that you miss
someone but I do. My
heart aches for him and I
long to see him again. I
know now how terribly I
have messed everything
up for everyone but I just
can’t help but have this
hope that somehow in
some way he still loves
me too. I find myself
wondering throughout the
day if he is still happy. I
can only hope that he is.

Alice still asks about him,

it touches my heart that
she remembers him so
fondly, it helps to remind
me that everything that
we had wasn’t just a
wonderful dream. I can’t
help but feel guilty for
bringing someone into her
life only to have them be
yanked out so suddenly. I
know she is young and
doesn’t understand but I
hope that one day she
will.

Alice truly is the one

bright spot in my life
lately. I don’t know what
I would have done if Mike
would have won the court
battle. The thought of it
is inconceivable and I
can’t bear even
questioning ‘what if?’ I
really don’t even want to
think about it.

Entry 2-
Angela visited me today
and I finally admitted to
her what has been going
on. To say she was
surprised was an
understatement but I
need to be honest with
people and I need to stop
feeling guilty. I should not
be ashamed of what
Edward and I had, I
understand that now. I
am blessed to have found
someone whom I love so
profoundly and who loves
(loved) me as well.

I realized today how truly

horrible everything is and
how truly alone I am now.
I cried in Angela’s arms as
I explained to her what
happened. She held me
tight while I fell apart
.Towards the end I was
able to admit something
today that I would never
have been able to
acknowledge before. I
understand better now
the motives behind why I
did what I did.

I loved Mike, at least in

some part of my brain I
think I did. What we had
was comfortable, yes, and
also easy. Things with
Edward were so different,
so moving, and so vibrant.
For the first time in a long
time I felt alive. I could
feel again.

Dr. Parker asked me once

why I thought it was that I
had an affair. My answer
is simple. To feel.

Entry 3-

I’ve been thinking a lot

about how I got myself
into this situation and
how I am going to get
myself out. It isn’t
something that I can just
snap my fingers and it is
instantly fixed.

Emily Dickinson once said

“Hope is the thing with
feathers that perches in
the soul, and sings the
tune without words, and
never stops at all.”

I refuse to give up hope

and I refuse to believe
that somehow I have
ruined everything. I have
scrutinized every action I
took and mistake I made
and things seem so much
clearer now than they
ever have before.

I love Edward with all my

being. This is my truth. I
have probably loved him
far longer than I am
willing to admit, if I am
being honest with myself.
I keep picturing the day
he told me he loved me.
The way the words
sounded as they rolled off
of his tongue, the way his
eyes darkened as he told
me. This is my truth now;
this will always be my
truth.

Everything seems so much

clearer. I know what I
want now, what I need.

Entry 4-

What I want seems so

simple, but yet so
completely out of my
reach.

I want to be able to smile

(I think I have forgotten
how) and actually mean
it, to be happy for others
without some tint of
jealousy. I want to be
able to walk hand in hand
with the one I love and
not feel like I am all
alone.

I don’t want to keep

secrets from the ones I
love. I want them to know
everything about my life,
every blissful moment and
every heartbreaking day.

I want to love someone

and have them love me in
return. I want every
joyful moment and every
fight, because they will
only make us stronger.

I want to feel alive, to

feel passion and fire.

I want Edward.
I know what I need to do.
-Four Months Prior-
Bella lay tangled in the
sheets of the bed looking
at the man sleeping next
to her. The sheet just
barely covered his bottom
half and she found herself
entranced as she watched
him sleep. His hair was
tousled, more so than
usual, and his mouth was
slightly open. He snored,
but that fact didn’t
bother her.

She rested her head

against his shoulder,
feeling the gentle rise and
fall of his chest as he
slept. It was calming,
almost soothing her
frayed nerves. She placed
a gentle kiss on his chest
before scooting out of
bed and pulling his shirt
on over her bare body.
Her feet made a padding
noise on the hotel carpet
as she walked through the
room picking up items,
folding and sorting them.
Bella made her way into
the living area before
settling in a small chase
that faced a window
overlooking a small lake.

Resting her forehead

against her hand she sat
and stared out the
window thinking about
how she had lied, once
again, to get free time.
She was more surprised by
the fact that it didn’t
bother her to do it, than
the lying itself.

How easily Mike bought

her story of a girls
shopping trip.
She momentarily
wondered what Edward
had told his wife but then
pushed those images out
of her mind. It hurt too
much to think about the
fact that they were both
living lives apart from
each other.

It was becoming too hard.

The thought terrified and

thrilled her. She knew she
loved him, loved him to
the very core of her
being. And she could also
tell that he felt the same
way. Bella questioned
herself constantly though,
on how much of a
relationship they could
have that was built on all
the lies they told.

Her thoughts were

depressing.
She had tried so hard not
to notice the fact that she
counted down the hours
till she could see him
again. Tried not to notice
that her every thought
and feeling revolved
around him.

She couldn’t keep up this

charade any longer.

The tears began to fall.

It seemed like only

minutes later that she
heard the steady thud of
his feet against the carpet
as he made his way
through the hotel room
looking for her. It only
took him a moment to
find her.

He didn’t say anything as

he lifted her up and
placed her in his lap, his
lips met her head with a
gentle peck as he looked
out the window alongside
her.

“Don’t cry.” Edward

whispered softly “Please,
I can’t stand to see you
cry.”

His face looked pained.

She reached her hand
over to gently run it
across his face.

“You’re so cold.” Edward

stated frowning softly
“How long have you been
out here?”

“Awhile,” Bella whispered

“I couldn’t sleep.”

He nodded his head in

acknowledgement of
everything that was
currently being unsaid.
“You should have woken
me.”

“You looked so peaceful. I

couldn’t bear to.”

He frowned for a moment

before running his hands
up and down her arms
trying to ease the chill
that had settled in her
body.

“I can’t do this anymore,

Edward” Bella admitted
the tears forming once
again as she heard his
sharp intake of breath.

“What?” he asked softly.

His voice shook as he
spoke.

“I can’t keep up this

charade any longer,
Edward. I can’t and I
won’t. I love you so
much, please
understand.”

His body went rigid

beneath hers and she
could feel his shoulders
shaking.

“I love you too,” Edward

declared. Bella felt a few
tear drops hit her head.
“You need to do what is
best for you, I will
understand eventually.”

She looked at him in

confusion for a moment
before settling on
annoyance.

“Edward!” Bella
exclaimed “That is not
what I meant, I love you.”

His face was now a mask

of confusion, hurt and
anger. “I don’t
understand, Bella. If you
can’t see me anymore
that’s fine but don’t
make this harder on both
of us.”

Bella let out a sigh and

reached up placing her
hand over his heart.
“That is not what I
meant, please don’t be
angry just hear me out.”

He nodded, his eyes

focusing on the ripples in
the water as she spoke.

“I can’t stop thinking

about how much we have
to lie to be together. How
big of a toll this is taking
on both of our lives. We
can’t keep doing this,
Edward.”
He opened his mouth to
interrupt her but she
placed her free hand over
it and chuckled. “Let me
finish!”

“I think about you even

when I am not with you.
Just the thought of you
can make me smile,
brighten my day. I count
down the hours until I see
you again. You make me
feel alive, whole. I’m
tired of sneaking around
with you, tired of falling
asleep to thoughts of you
but not having you with
me. When we go back
home I am going to ask
Mike for a divorce.”

Edward’s eyes locked

onto hers. His hand
reached up and gripped
the one laying gently
against his heart.
“I’m not telling you what
to do. I’m not asking you
to leave your wife, but I
am making myself
available for you and only
you Edward. I want to fall
asleep next to you and be
able to wake up the next
morning in your arms. I
want to be able to call
you and not have to worry
about who is answering
the phone. I want to be
yours and for you to be
mine. I love you Edward,
unconditionally and
irrevocably, I love you!”

She leaned in and placed

a gentle kiss on his lips.

“I love you too, you know

that!” Edward exclaimed
a small smile playing on
his lips as he spoke. “I
have thought about us
together so often that this
just seems like a dream.”
He shook his head for a
moment before an even
bigger smile broke out on
his face. “I love you!”

“You already said that!”

Bella giggled smiling
softly and trying not to let
her nerves show through.

“I know, but I need to say

it. You’re leaving Mike?”

“Yes.”

He smiled fully then and

she suddenly felt her
heart flutter. “I want you
too! I want to be with
you, I want to be able to
call you mine. Oh, god I
love you Bella. You make
me so happy, make me
feel so alive.”
“Edward?” Bella asked
smiling softly “Are you
saying what I think your
saying?”

“I’m leaving Tanya.”

“We need to talk.”

The words fell from

Bella’s lips so effortlessly
that she was surprised. He
looked up from the papers
that he had scattered
across the dining room
table.

“You’re home.” Mike

stated simply as he
pushed his chair away
from the table and made
his way to her pulling her
into a hug that she stiffly
returned. He leaned in to
kiss her and she swiftly
turned her head to the
side, avoiding the kiss but
not the embarrassment.
Her cheeks flamed red.

“What’s wrong?”

“I,” Bella struggled for a

moment trying to
articulate what she
needed to tell him.
“Maybe we should sit
down first.”

He shrugged his shoulders

in acknowledgement
before making his way
into the living room and
sitting down on the plush
sofa. She sat down
carefully, leaving a small
gap of space between
them. She looked up into
his eyes for a moment and
fought back tears. This
was going to be harder
than she thought.
“I don’t know how to tell
you this,” Bella whispered
her voice breaking as she
spoke “so I am just going
to come right out and say
it.” She took a deep
breath for a moment
before continuing “I’ve
been having an affair.”

Bella watched as his face

contorted from shock, to
indignance, to anger.

“How long?” he asked

calmly his voice doing
little to show his rage.

“A few months,” Bella

answered softly.

“How lovely of you to be

honest with me,” Mike
seethed his voice raising
an octave as he spoke.
“So nice to know that
while I am busy working
to provide for my family
my wife is out fucking
some other guy.”

“It’s not like that, Mike.”

Bella cried softly “I
needed to be honest with
you, with myself. I love
him.”

He stood from the couch

his hands shaking and he
began to pace in front of
her.

“Don’t you dare tell me

it’s not like that and you
love him?! How truly
wonderful for you! I’m
happy that his fucking you
has made you feel so
special, Bella. That is why
you did it after all, am I
right? You just couldn’t
keep your legs closed, you
filthy little slut.”
Bella stood now from the
couch as well her hands
trembling in anger.

“I will ask that you not

speak to me that way,
especially with Alice in
the house. Now lower
your voice before you
wake her up!” Bella spat.

“You will not speak to me

that way in my house,
Bella. Yes, MY house. I
worked my ass off to
provide for you two and
this is how you choose to
repay me? To go
gallivanting off with some
other man, it’s just
unacceptable. I want a
divorce.”

“Good,” Bella scowled

“because so do I.”
There was a moment of
silence as the two of
them stood looking at
each other, staring the
other one down. Then
Mike broke.

“You’re pregnant aren’t

you?” Mike questioned his
voice cracking with
emotion as he sat back
down on the couch. She
looked into his eyes and
for the first time in a
while she realized how
truly vulnerable he was at
that moment.

“Not that I am aware of,”

Bella stated softly sitting
next to him and gently
placing her hand on his
arm. “I didn’t mean for it
to happen, but it did. I
wish I could say that I
would take it all back,
but I can’t lie Mike. I love
him.”

He looked defeated,
almost deflated, she
thought suddenly. The
fact that she had done
this to him only seemed
to cause the guilt that
was knotted in the pit of
her stomach to grow.

“I truly am sorry.”

“I know,” Mike replied

after a moment. “It
doesn’t take away the
pain, but thank you
nonetheless for saying it.”

She sighed softly before

tugging on her ponytail
holder and letting her
hair fall against her
shoulders.
“I will call the lawyers in
the morning.” Mike
mumbled, somewhat
resigned.

“Thank you,” Bella

stated.

“I wouldn’t be thanking
me yet;” Mike replied
“I’m asking for full
custody of Alice.”

“What?” Bella asked

feeling the shock of what
he was saying coursing
through her veins.

“You obviously are too

concerned with your own
life to care about what is
in the best interest of our
daughter. You forget that
I sometimes check in
throughout the day. Did
you think that I have truly
been in the dark all this
time about what you have
been up to? I knew
something was going on
behind my back, you have
just confirmed my
suspicions.”

Bella could feel her heart

plummet to her stomach
as she stood from the
couch.

“You can’t take her away

from me, I love her. She
is my daughter and I will
fight you on this.”

“I’m very well aware,”

Mike stated frowning as
he stood as well “that she
is yours and I have no
doubt that you will try
and fight me. Good luck,
with that. It will be my
pleasure taking you down
in court, Bella and
showing everyone who
you really are. I look
forward to seeing how you
prove to the judge that
you haven’t been a
delinquent mother.”

Bella stood for a moment

the anger and shock of
what he was saying
coursing through her
entire body.

“I have never done

anything in front of Alice,
let alone put her in
harm’s way. You’re just a
bitter man who is angry at
his wife and taking it out
on his daughter. I won’t
let you win this, Mike. I
won’t let you take her
away from me. I love
her.”

“If you are quite done,”

Mike stated making his
way to the doorway and
turning to look back at
her “you know the way
out.”

Bella reached down and

gently tugged the two
rings off of her left hand
and placed them on the
coffee table. She brushed
past him, making her way
up the stairs and into her
bedroom, packing a quick
suitcase.

Making her way into

Alice’s room she packed a
few things for her
daughter and picked her
sleeping form up. Alice’s
head nestled in her neck
and Bella fought back the
tears as she made her way
down the stairs balancing
the child and the
suitcase.
She looked in the living
room and noted that Mike
sat on the sofa silently
staring out the window.
Her rings no longer sat on
the table in front of him.

“I’m taking Alice with me

until we can get
something figured out,”
Bella stated ignoring his
eyes which were now
boring into her. “I’m not
comfortable leaving her
here when you are
obviously angry. I will
most likely be staying at
Angela’s if you need me.”

“What not going to

rendezvous with lover
boy?” Mike asked
sneering.

She let the door slamming

behind her do the talking
for her.
Edward could hear his
phone, incessantly ringing
in the other room, and
ignored it. He sat on the
edge of the toy car bed
and watched his son as he
dreamed. Things in life
had gotten so
complicated, so complex,
watching Emmett made
him think of life when it
was easier.

Easy wasn’t a word in his

vocabulary anymore.

He knew that when he

moved from this room, he
would have to face the
inevitable: to admit to his
wife that he had broken
his vows. While the
thought of what was to
come, and most likely the
aftermath was not a
comfort, the thought of
Bella in his arms was.
He knew from the
moment that he first saw
her that things were going
to change. It terrified and
thrilled him. The moment
their bodies and lips
touched, and the spark
was felt, he knew his
relationship with Tanya
was doomed.

Edward had always

pictured himself as a
family man, the thought
of a wife and child
thrilled him more than he
admitted to his friends.
Edward wasn’t the
cheating type and as
some women would say
he was safe. He dated
casually in high school
before beginning a serious
relationship with Tanya.
They had met in college
in one of those
humanities classes that
every student had to
take. Edward could tell
instantly that she was
smitten with him. He was
taken with her too. It
didn’t take long for their
mutual appreciation to
grow and soon they were
dating.

He proposed a year later

and hadn’t looked back.

Looking back now,

Edward wondered if he
had rushed into marriage
a little too quickly and
eagerly. He wouldn’t take
it back though, because if
he were truthful with
himself Emmett made it
all worthwhile.
Edward looked at his
sleeping son one last time
before forcing himself to
get up. Leaning over he
placed a gentle kiss on his
son’s forehead and
brushed the stray hair to
the sides.

“I love you.” He
whispered softly as he
made his way out of the
room.

Edward could hear Tanya

moving around in the
bedroom, probably
getting up from her nap
as well. Leaning his head
against the wall he took a
deep breath, composing
himself. It wouldn’t do
any good to go in with
guns blazing, he needed
to be calm.
Closing his eyes Edward
pictured Bella sitting in
the chase at the hotel, his
t-shirt on and her hair
tangled and matted from
their activities. The
image was calling to him,
all of him. His heart,
mind, and soul were with
her. Now he just needed
his body to be as well.

The first step was the

hardest, but once he got
his feet moving they led
him easily to the door. He
stood in the doorway and
watched as she moved
lazily around the room for
a moment. This was going
to be difficult.

“How was your nap?”

Edward questioned softly.

“Wonderful,” Tanya
answered looking at him
over her shoulder as she
threw her pajamas into
the hamper. “How was
your thing with Jasper?”

“We actually need to talk

about that Tanya.”
Edward whispered as he
moved into the room and
sat down on the bed.

She seemed to look at

him for a moment before
sighing. “Is Emmett still
asleep?”

“Yes,” he stated.

“Then forget talking,”

Tanya purred “there are
other things I would
rather be doing.”

She walked in front of him

then and tangled her
hands in his hair as she
straddled him. Tanya
leaned in to kiss him and
he found himself
responding out of habit. It
only took a moment for
him to realize what he
was doing, and instantly
pulled back.

“I’m serious Tanya, we

need to talk.”

Tanya made a pouting

face, as she tried to grind
herself into him. He
couldn’t handle the wave
of nausea that hit him and
quickly picked her up
placing her on the bed
beside him.

“What is so important
that I can’t have my fun?”
Tanya asked her voice
nasally and whiney.

Edward sighed, running

his hand through his hair
and tugging on the ends a
bit as he turned and
looked at her.

“Don’t be absurd, Tanya,

please. There really is no
easy way to say this; I’m
not even sure how to
begin.” Edward stuttered
his voice fluttering
through the air.

“Just spit it out already

so we can move on.”
Tanya replied tugging on
the hem of his shirt as she
spoke.

“I wasn’t with Jasper…I

broke our marriage vows,
Tanya. I had an affair.”
His hands reached out to
gently grab hers, pulling
them away from the hem
of his shirt.
“Okay.” Tanya replied
sitting for a moment and
digesting the information.
He watched as hurt and
anger fluttered across her
face and then he saw
determination.

“I forgive you,” Tanya

whispered squeezing his
hands as she spoke. She
moved to straddle him
again and his hands
reached out to stop her.

“That is very kind of

you,” Edward answered
softly “but I want a
divorce Tanya. I love
her.”

“What are people going to

think? To SAY?” she
seethed. “All of our
friends and family, the
people I work with. How
could you?”
“I truly am sorry, Tanya, I
never meant for this to
happen.” He whispered
his eyes cast downward.

“Yeah,” Tanya answered

her voice full of malice
“that makes two of us. I
was hoping to be able to
tell you the good news,
but this sure puts a
hamper on it.”

“What are you talking

about?” Edward asked
confused by her rant.

“You’re going to be a
daddy again, Edward.”

He sat in shock for a

moment, unable to move.
Edward seemed to find his
voice before his brain was
ready.
“How is that even
possible?”

“Well you see Edward,”

Tanya sneered “when a
man and a woman…”

“I haven’t slept with you

in months, Tanya, and I
thought you were on the
pill.”

“I may have forgotten to

take a few.” She replied
shrugging her shoulders.
“I hope it’s a girl.”

“How long have you

known for?” Edward
asked.

“Awhile,” Tanya
answered “you were so
distant and cold. I
thought you just needed
some time, so I gave it to
you.”
“This isn’t something you
just put on the
backburner, Tanya. How
far along are you? I’ve
seen you drinking wine on
more than one occasion.”

She sighed in annoyance

before hopping up off the
bed and turning to glare
at him. “I’m a good
mother, don’t you dare
make it seem otherwise.
A little wine doesn’t hurt;
you and your medical
degree should know
that.”

Edward’s shoulders
sagged as he took in what
she was saying. He could
feel tears prickling in his
eyes and he thought
through his options.
“I guess this changes
everything,” he
whispered.

“I figured as much,”
Tanya replied tersely,
quickly leaving the room.

Edward sat on the bed his

face in his hands. He
could feel the tears
beginning to fall, could
feel his heart breaking
slowly. He couldn’t
divorce her if she was
pregnant, he wouldn’t do
that to her.

He pictured Bella in his

lap as they sat in the
chase, the way the smile
fell across her face when
he told her he would
leave his wife. His heart
ached at the image and
he had to bite his lip to
stifle his cry.
He was going to break her
and he hated himself for
it.

Edward listened to the

beep of his phone,
pushing the bile back that
was steadily rising in his
throat. He could hear
Tanya moving around in
the kitchen, most likely
getting lunch ready. He
picked up the phone in a
daze, and numbly
punched his security code
in, listening to the
message.

“Edward, its Bella.” He

could hear the waver in
her voice and knew that
she had been crying.
Edward could feel the
worry building up in him
but he pushed it down. He
had to remain numb,
indifferent or this would
kill him. “Things with
Mike didn’t go very well,”
she sobbed again and the
tug still remained “he
kicked me out. He is
trying to take Alice away
from me, Edward.”

He listened to her cries,

feeling each one like a
punch to the gut. It
suddenly hurt to breathe.

“You’re probably busy

talking to Tanya, so I will
just talk to you later.
We’re staying at Angela’s
so give me a call when
you get this. I love you.”

The message ended and

he sat quietly staring at
the phone. His hands
began to shake. He
couldn’t do this to her, he
couldn’t tell her, couldn’t
hurt her, hear her cries.
Edward placed the phone
next to him on the bed,
his hands tugging on his
hair.

“Lunch is ready.” He
heard Tanya yell up the
stairs.

He didn’t move.
She looked in the living
room and noted that Mike
sat on the sofa silently
staring out the window.
Her rings no longer sat on
the table in front of him.

“I’m taking Alice with me

until we can get
something figured out,”
Bella stated ignoring his
eyes which were now
boring into her. “I’m not
comfortable leaving her
here when you are
obviously angry. I will
most likely be staying at
Angela’s if you need me.”

“What not going to

rendezvous with lover
boy?” Mike asked
sneering.

She let the door slamming

behind her do the talking
for her.

-Present Day-

“Good morning, Bella.”

Dr. Parker smiled softly
looking at her over his
glasses. “How are you
feeling today?”

“Alright, I suppose.” Bella

stated shrugging in
response as she twirled
the notebook in her hand.

“How did the assignment

go?” he prodded pointing
towards the free chair in
front of him.

Bella sat down, leaning

back slightly to get
comfortable. “It was
interesting.”

He smiled at her answer

before commenting. “Is
interesting a good thing
or a bad thing?”

“A good thing, I think.”

she smiled softly before
reaching out and placing
her notebook on the desk
in front of him.

“I will only read it if

you’re sure you want me
to.” He held it in front of
him, binding still closed.
“I want you to be able to
trust me Isabella. I want
to be able to help you.”
“I understand.” Bella
whispered softly “You can
read it.”

He looked at her over his

glasses once again before
quietly nodding. He held
the book in front of him
opening it gingerly. While
he read, Bella looked
around the room noting
the pictures and plaques
on the wall.

After what seemed like an

eternity, Bella heard the
gentle clearing of his
throat and she brought
her gaze to him.

“Very good Bella, I am

truly impressed. You were
open and honest and
came to some very good
conclusions. There are a
few things I feel we
should discuss from in
here, though. Would that
be okay?”

“Yes,” she blushed softly

“that would be fine.”

“I’m going to start off

with a few simple things
before we delve right in.
You were open and honest
in here and you shared
your feelings and
concerns. Thank you for
taking this assignment
seriously. Your
conversation with Angela
was a real turning point
for you; it’s obvious from
your writing. You’ve
answered some questions
that not only I had but
you had as well.”

“Now that you understand

better why you had an
affair and how that
affected you, I think we
need to talk about how
and why things ended
between Edward and
yourself.”

Bella could feel her heart

pounding on her ribcage
and she took in a deep
breath fighting back
tears. “I’m not sure I am
ready for that.”

Dr. Parker sat the

notebook down on the
desk in front of him and
looked up at her a small
frown on his face.

“Bella you have been

coming to see me for over
a month now and I think
that this is an important
issue we need to discuss.”

“I’m not ready.”

“You may never be ready
until you face it head
on.” He replied.

“I can’t.”

“You can, Bella. I am here

to help you and to help
you we need to discuss
this. Tell me, Bella, why
is it that you blame
yourself for the events
that led to your split with
Edward? This was a
situation where you had
no control over what
happened, no blame to be
placed on you. Yet you
write as if the split was
your fault.”

Bella could feel the tears

stinging her eyes and she
swiped at them
automatically. “You don’t
understand.”
“Then help me
understand. From what I
see and from what you
have told me none of this
was your fault. Neither of
you knew that Tanya was
pregnant and if you had
would it have really
changed how you felt?
You loved him Bella and
he hurt you.”

“He was just trying to do

the right thing,” Bella
cried softly “I couldn’t
fault him for that.”

“But you can fault

yourself?” Dr. Parker
questioned. “Tell me,
Bella. Tell me why it is
that you blame yourself
for the events that
followed?”

“Because I let him walk

away.” Bella answered.
-Four Months Prior-

Bella awoke from a deep

sleep to find that she
could hear her phone
ringing beside her head.
Reaching to grab it, so
that it didn’t wake Alice,
she looked at the clock
realizing it was way too
early for anyone to be
calling her. Looking at the
caller ID, she rolled off
the bed and tiptoed out
of the room.

“It’s 4 am.” She grumbled

into the phone plopping
down on the floor in the
hallway.

“I know and I’m sorry,”

Edward whispered “but I
needed to talk to you.”
“It’s been a week,
Edward.” Bella’s voice
broke softly as she spoke.
Whether from sleepiness
or hurt, she wasn’t sure.

“I know,” he answered.
She was surprised at how
distant he sounded. The
thought seemed to twist
the knife, which had been
present in her heart, just
a bit further. “I’ve had to
deal with some things
before I could call you.”

“I understand,” Bella
whispered “This will all
be worth it in the end,
when we can be
together.”

“I know its early Bella,

but do you think Angela
could watch Alice? I need
to see you, to talk to
you.”
“Hold on,” Bella stated
pulling herself up and
avoiding the nagging
feeling in her gut that
told her not to go. She
gently knocked on
Angela’s door,

“Bella?” Angela asked

opening the door a crack,
her eyes squinty from
sleep.

“I have to go help a
friend,” Bella whispered
trying not to wake up
Angela’s husband Ben.
“I’m sorry to ask, but can
you watch Alice until I get
back?”

Angela stepped out and

closed the door behind
her looking at Bella and
the phone in her hand.
“Are you sure there isn’t
something else going on?”

“Angela you know I

wouldn’t ask unless I
absolutely had to.”

Her friend looked at her

for a moment before
sighing and nodding
softly. “Drive safely,
Bella.”
--
Bella made it to the hotel
quicker than she
anticipated and she sat in
her car for a moment
steadying her hands. She
knew something was
wrong, her heart and gut
were telling her that. She
took a few deep breaths
before hopping out of the
car and heading inside
and to the room he had
texted her.
She raised her hand to
knock, before deciding
against it and trying the
door. He had left it
unlocked.

He sat in a chase chair

similar to the one he had
found her in the last time
they had stayed in this
hotel. His head wasn’t
turned towards her, but
instead was facing away
and towards the window.

He looked exhausted.

“Edward,” Bella
murmured making her
way to him.

His head turned to look at

her and she was surprised
when she looked into his
eyes, which were void of
anything.
“Bella, you made it.”

His hair was tousled on his

head and it looked like he
had been continually
running his hands through
it. She held her arm out
and gently brushed his
hair off of his forehead.
His face winced slightly at
the contact.

“What’s wrong, Edward?”

her voice wavered as she
spoke.

He looked into her eyes

and she saw a flash of
something cross his face
before his lips were on
hers. He grabbed and
pulled her to him,
pressing her against the
wall in the process,
molding their bodies
together.
Neither said a word as
they continued to kiss,
neither willing to admit
defeat. Her fingers played
with the hair at the nape
of his neck and she
suddenly realized he was
losing control. His hands
tangled into her hair and
his lips folded over hers,
their tongues wresting.

She heard a whimper

escape his mouth and she
tugged on his hair,
shivering from the sound.
He snaked his hands under
her shirt, lifting her up
and wrapping her around
him. His mouth was on
her lips, her cheeks, her
eyes, and then her neck
and ears. He gently kissed
and sucked and nibbled
and as he did she could
hear his ragged breathing.
“Edward?” she whispered
in his ear.

He seemed to ignore her,

pulling the t-shirt off and
throwing it on the floor.
He continued to paw her
clothes off and then his
own, not letting go of her
for a moment.

He entered her quickly,

grunting in the process.
His eyes were clenched
tight, his jaw strained and
Bella wrapped her legs
around him pulling him
closer, deeper.

The wall scratched

against her back, but she
didn’t mind. She could
feel so much more this
way, her labored
breathing matching his,
feel his heart beating
against her skin. It was all
too much and she found
herself crying out. He
opened his eyes and
looked at her then, the
intensity of his stare
startling her.

“Bella,” he cried a tear

falling from his eye as he
pressed his forehead
against hers. “Oh god,
Bella.”

“Edward,” she whispered

against his lips, never
breaking eye contact “I
love you.”

“I love you too,” he

moaned as he released
inside of her. He carried
her over and sat in the
chase her body wrapped
in his.

“I love you, Bella,”

Edward whispered “god
do I love you. But you are
going to hate me.”
It had been a week, a
very long week, since
Edward had last seen or
spoken to Bella. A week
since Tanya had dropped
the baby bomb and his
world was flipped upside
down. Edward knew he
was being a coward,
avoiding the one
conversation he needed
to have.

He couldn’t break her,

but he couldn’t put it off
any longer. The time and
distance were killing him,
slowly. He couldn’t think
of anything but Bella and
the message she had left
him. The thoughts
consumed him as did his
hatred of himself.
Edward rolled over
looking at the clock on
the nightstand, sighing in
frustration. Looking at the
empty bed next to him,
he groaned forcing
himself to grab his phone.
He was a jerk for putting
this off and he couldn’t
any longer.

The gentle ringing seemed

to soothe his nerves and
he silently crossed his
fingers hoping for the
answering machine. Then
she answered.

“It’s 4 am.” She growled

and he found himself
steadying himself to the
sound of her voice.

“I know and I’m sorry,”

Edward whispered as he
stared at the ceiling “but
I needed to talk to you.”
“It’s been a week,
Edward.” Bella’s voice
broke and suddenly his
heart was shattered. He
wanted to apologize, to
tell her how much he
loved her and missed her.
Instead he replied softly
with an “I know.”

There was a small silence

and he suddenly felt the
need to explain, to make
things right if only for the
moment. “I’ve had to
deal with some things
before I could call you.”

“I understand,” her voice

whispered melodically.
“This will all be worth it
in the end, when we can
be together.”

“I know its early Bella,

but do you think Angela
could watch Alice? I need
to see you, to talk to
you.”

--

Edward had texted Bella

the room number, not
bothering to mention the
fact that he had been
staying there before he
called her. He couldn’t
deal with all of this, let
alone be in the same bed
as Tanya while trying to
do so.

Edward sat in the chase

facing away from the
door, stealing himself for
the conversation that was
going to come. He could
feel the tears prickling his
eyelids and he rubbed his
palms harshly on them,
pushing the feeling away.
He didn’t deserve to cry.

Edward took a few

breaths to steady himself
and quickly put on the
mask he had been
wearing for the last week.
Turning away from the
door he looked out the
window, memorizing
every color and every
pattern. He would never
forgive himself for this
day, for this moment.

“Edward,” Bella spoke

softly behind him and his
heart lurched in his chest.

He turned to look at her

and was taken back with
how beautiful she really
was. A week had been too
long and Edward had no
idea how he was going to
do this, going to last. His
heart and mind weren’t
meshing and he felt his
body reaching for her.

“Bella, you made it.”

Speaking pulled him out
of his revere and he put
his hands back into his
lap.

She reached out and

gently touched his
forehead and he felt a
shock go through him. He
winced away,
immediately feeling guilty
when he saw the hurt on
her face.

“What’s wrong, Edward?”

her voice wavered as she
spoke.

He steeled his jaw,

preparing to tell her what
a truly horrible person he
was and how sorry he
felt. But then their eyes
met and all he could feel
and see and think was
how much he loved her.
He lurched out of the
chair, his lips meeting
hers and his soul rejoiced.

Edward knew what he was

doing was wrong, knew
that she was going to hate
him. Just one more
moment, he told himself
silently as he pressed her
against the wall his body
fitting perfectly with
hers. ‘One more moment
before I lose her forever.’

Edward didn’t trust his

voice to speak, unwilling
to admit what a horrible
monster he was. His
hands tangled in her hair
and he pulled her to him
tighter. He was losing
control and he knew it
but he couldn’t pull away,
he wouldn’t pull away.
Then it would be over.

He knew for all intense

and purposes the moment
he told her why she was
here that he would lose
her. He cried out then,
against her mouth, in
despair. She seemed to
not understand as he felt
her shiver from the sound
and he suddenly found his
hands under her shirt, all
over her skin.

Pulling away he kissed

every part of her body he
could reach, memorizing
the texture and taste. His
breathing was ragged
from holding back tears
and all he could think was
‘oh god, please forgive
me.’
“Edward?” she whispered
in his ear and he
wondered if she could tell
something was wrong.

He ignored the pain

searing in his chest,
ignored his brain which
was shouting at him to
stop, and gently pulled
her t-shirt from her body
throwing it on the floor.
Edward continued to paw
their clothes off ignoring
the warning bells going
off in his mind.

‘I love you so much, I

can’t live without you,
but I am going to have
to.’ His mind screamed as
his arms locked around
her tightly wanting to
remember the feel of her
body. ‘Ask me to stay and
I will, please god, ask me
to stay.’
The moment he entered
her he knew he would
never feel alive again. He
groaned in protest his
heart breaking as he tried
not to cry. Edward
clenched his eyes tight,
fighting back tears and
focusing on feeling her
this one last time.

Bella wrapped her legs

around him pulling him
closer, deeper into her
than before. His breathing
accelerated to match hers
and he could feel her
tightening around him.
She cried out and he
found his eyes opening to
look at her, mesmerized
by how she looked and
felt.

Her name fell from his

lips and suddenly he was
crying. Edward pressed
his forehead to hers,
feeling her body molding
with his and completing
him.

“Oh god, Bella.” Edward

whimpered his heart
breaking in his chest.

“Edward,” she whispered

against his lips, never
breaking eye contact with
him “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he

moaned as his heart
shattered and he released
inside of her. He held her
to him, his mind playing
over what had just
happened. He couldn’t
loathe himself anymore if
he tried his body shook
with dry sobs and he knew
he had to move. Edward
wrapped her body around
his sitting in the chase,
feeling himself go numb
words tumbled from his
lips.

‘Oh god, what have I

done.’

“I love you, Bella,”

Edward whispered “god
do I love you. But you are
going to hate me.”
“I love you, Bella,”
Edward whispered “god
do I love you. But you are
going to hate me.”

Bella felt her heart drop

into her stomach as she
looked at the man holding
her in his arms. He looked
like he was in physical
pain and she suddenly felt
sick.

“What’s going on,

Edward?” Bella asked
softly, tenderly wiping
away a few of the tears
that were once again
escaping his eyes.

“You know I love you,”

Edward sobbed softly “I
love you so much.”

“You’re scaring me,

Edward,” Bella replied a
frown now etched onto
her face “Please; I am
here for you tell me what
you need.”

“I need you.” Edward

cried burying his face in
her neck. “I need you but
I can’t have you.”

“What are you talking

about? You’re not making
any sense.”

“I’m so sorry,” Edward

muttered “I’m such a
horrible person, I am such
a coward. I wish I had the
will.”

“Edward.”

“Bella, please don’t say

my name I don’t think I
can take it.”

She pulled away from him

then, and stood stock still
in front of him staring at
him.

“I didn’t know, and I’m

not sure if I had that it
would have changed
anything. I love you so
much, Bella, that it blinds
me sometimes. I don’t.. I
just…” Sobs escaped his
lips again and he began to
tug at his hair.

“Have you talked to

Tanya?” Bella asked
calmly trying to decipher
why the man in front of
her was falling apart.

“Yes.” Edward gulped. “I

talked to her the moment
I got home.”

“And?” Bella questioned

clearly confused about
what was going on.

“She’s pregnant, Bella.”

“What?”

“She is pregnant.
Apparently she has known
for awhile and waited
until I told her I was
leaving her to tell me.”

“Well isn’t that just

convenient,” Bella cried
softly plopping down on
the couch across from him
before realizing she was
still unclothed. Reaching
down she pulled his t-
shirt over her body, her
hands shaking through the
process.

“I can’t divorce her when

she is pregnant, Bella. I
am not that man. I can’t
do that to her or to our
families.”

“You’re leaving me.” Her

sobs began to fill the air
as she finally realized
what he was trying to tell
her.

“I’m sorry.”

Bella shook her head for a

moment before reaching
up and wiping the tears
from her face. She felt
like she couldn’t breathe
and suddenly she was
dizzy. Bella wondered if
she could make it to the
bathroom before she
threw up.

“Congratulations.”

“Don’t. Please. I can’t

take it if you’re nice
about this. I was a dick to
you, Bella. I came here
knowing what I had to tell
you and I still made love
with you. I just needed to
have one last moment
with you before I had to
say goodbye, one last
memory. I’m such a
horrible person, you
should hate me.”

Edward’s hands tugged on

his hair for a moment
before he looked up and
into her eyes. “I love you,
Bella. I love you so much
that it hurts when you
aren’t near me. I don’t
think I can take it if
you’re not mad at me. I’ll
never be able to forgive
myself for hurting you,
ever.”

“I love you too, Edward.”

Bella cried the tears now
streaming down her face.
“I wish things were
different.”

“So do I,” Edward

whimpered in response.
“More than you will ever
know.”

Edward stood up then,

quickly pulling on his
boxers and jeans before
kneeling in front of her,
cradling her in his arms.

“Ask me to stay.” Edward

whispered his tears
running down her neck.
“All you have to do is say
the word and I will leave
everyone behind, my
family, my friends.
Please, ask me to stay.”

“I can’t do that.” Bella

replied her tears hitting
his hair, making the
bronze color look darker
almost distorted. “You
have a family to get back
to; you’re going to have
another child to take care
of.”

Edward moved away from

her then, his hands
running roughly along his
face and through his hair.

“I will always love you,

Bella.”

He leaned over and

placed a soft kiss on her
lips and she could taste
the salt of his tears.
“Please don’t hate me.”
He whispered.

“Never.” Bella replied.

And then he was gone.

Bella sat for a moment on

the couch looking around
the room. Her heart was
throbbing softly in her
chest and she wondered if
she could die of a broken
heart.

She stood and tried to

make her way to the
bathroom, stopping at a
trashcan as she felt the
bile rise in her throat.

Bella lay with the can

between her arms dry
heaving and sobbing into
the can.
She could feel her hands
shaking as she tried to
start the car, her fingers
numbly trying to turn the
key, to get her away. Her
heart was in her throat,
what was left of her heart
anyway and she heard a
sob escape her lips as she
smacked the steering
wheel.

This wasn’t how it was

supposed to be, they
were supposed to be
together.

“Stupid Tanya,” Bella

muttered under her
breath “stupid fucking
Edward.”

After a few tries she

finally got the key turned
her grip on the steering
tightening. Bella drove
through the anger and
tears, which she knew
wasn’t safe. At the
moment, she didn’t seem
to care.

She pulled her car into

Angela and Ben’s
driveway running her
hands through her hair
and over her face. She
knew she looked like shit
but there was little she
could do about it now.
Wiping her face, Bella
steeled her nerves and
made her way into the
house, running into
Angela in the foyer.

“Bella?” Angela stated

softly “Bella are you
alright?”

“I’m fine,” Bella replied

wiping the tears that
were still falling down her
face. “I’m going to
shower and get ready for
the day.”

“Alright,” Angela replied

looking at her hesitantly
before pulling her into a
hug. “Whatever it is,
sweetie, it will be okay.”

Bella nodded, making her

way down the hall and
into the bathroom. She
tore her clothing off and
threw them in the corner
feeling the tears stream
down her face. She held
the sobs in as turned on
the water, climbing in
and grabbing the loofa to
scrub her skin.

Under the water, she let

the tears and sobs out
knowing that no one
would hear them.
-Present Day-
“Let’s talk about the
nightmares you have been
having.” Dr. Parker stated
as he stood from his desk
and made his way across
the room, pulling a book
off of a shelf before
making his way back to
his desk.

“I would rather not.”

Bella replied softly.

He sighed for a moment

before pulling his glasses
off of his face and rubbing
his eyes. “Bella, tell me
why you are here.”

“I am here because my
other doctor felt that I
needed an outlet,
somewhere to voice my
problems and concerns. It
was also recommended by
the courts to help Alice
deal with the transition.”
“And do you agree with
that assessment?”

“Does it really matter?”

Bella snapped.

“Obviously it does.” Dr.

Parker replied setting the
book on his desk. “I can’t
help you unless you let
me.”

“We’ve spent quite a bit

of time discussing Mike
and Edward but I don’t
think we have really
gotten to the root issue of
why you are having these
nightmares.”

“I divorced my husband
and the father of my child
to be with another man
who was unavailable. I
think stress is the least of
my problems.”
“Sarcasm is a good
defense mechanism,
Isabella, for those who
can’t see through it. Keep
that in mind.”

-Three Months Prior-

He leaned down to touch
her and her body shivered
in anticipation. His lips
met hers roughly, pressing
her further into the wall
as they melted into each
other. Her tongue
wrestled with his and a
low moan escaped his
lips. His hand snaked up
her legs and wrapped
around her waist pulling
her tighter to him.

Bella woke from her

dream, her breathing
ragged. She placed her
palm over her slamming
heart trying to calm the
erratic rhythm. Shaking
her head and silently
cursing herself she
crawled out of bed and
made her way down the
hall, careful not to wake
anyone up.

Her feet made a gentle

padding noise as she
made her way down the
stairs and into the
kitchen, pouring herself a
glass of water. As she
gulped the glass of water
down, she could feel her
heart rate slowing and
sighed in acceptance.

This wasn’t the first time

she had dreamed of
Edward, hell it wasn’t
even the first time that
night. The dreams
seemed to be haunting
her with such precise
cruelty that they were
crippling in effect. She
could feel more than hear
the presence of Angela
and turned to look at her
friend, softly frowning.

“I didn’t wake you did I?”

Bella questioned.

“Not exactly, but I had a

feeling you would be up.
Jesus, Bella it’s three in
the morning.”

“I know,” she sighed

softly running her hands
through her tangled hair
and wincing as her fingers
pulled on the tangles.

“You haven’t gotten a

solid night of sleep in
awhile, Bella. I’m getting
worried about you. You
won’t tell me what is
going on, but I can see
that something is
bothering you, it’s eating
you alive.”

“I’m fine.”

“Says the walking

zombie,” Angela replied
her tongue clucking
softly. “I’m here if you
need me, Bella, and so is
Ben. I just wanted to let
you know that.”

“Thanks Angie.” Bella

whispered to the empty
doorway, knowing she
would hear.

Bella found herself sitting

at the kitchen counter
staring at the phone.
When she found her
thoughts and feelings
concurring she reached
calmly towards the
phone. Unconsciously she
started punching in the
number she had
memorized before
snapping back to reality.
Sighing she hung the
phone back up and made
her way to the living
room. She lay on the soft
couch staring at the
ceiling.

“I love you, Bella.”

“I love you too, Edward.”

She whispered against his
mouth. He thrust into her
causing her to cry out. His
movements were erratic
and he was panting above
her. His eyes were
scrunched closed as if he
couldn’t bear to look at
her.

He released inside of her

before pulling away, face
scrunching up in agony as
he looked at her for a
moment. “My wife is
pregnant what in the
world am I doing?”

He hopped up and pulled

his clothes back on
turning to look back at
her and shaking his head
softly.

“I’m sorry Bella, but you

can never be her.”

Bella bolted off of the

couch barely making it to
the bathroom. Placing her
head against the toilet
seat she let the contents
of her stomach fill the
bowl. Her eyes burned
with unshed tears and she
laid her face against the
cool tile, her body in
agony. She could feel the
scream catching in her
throat, feel her heart
beating against her
ribcage and her mind
wandered.

What if she had asked him

to stay, begged him not
to leave her. Would he
really have left his wife,
his family, and his friends
for her? Was that cruel
fate’s one chance to
change the future and if
so why had she ignored it?
Bella found herself
counting the tiles on the
ceiling, finding the
mundane task calming
and relaxing.

Bella stood up, using the

tub to help support her
weight as she looked at
herself in the mirror. She
didn’t even recognize the
person she saw anymore.
Her hair was matted and
twisted around her,
knotted and caked with
sweat. Her eyes were
puffy and red from
fighting off tears, their
vibrancy now gone.
Wincing at the image in
the mirror she returned to
her bed and the constant
tossing, turning, and
nightmares that seemed
to plague her.

It had been a month since

she had last seen Edward
in the motel room. A
month since she had felt
alive, since she had felt
anything. Sleep was
eluding her and Bella
found herself tormented
by the images of her
dream. The numb feeling
that had taken residence
as of lately was being
burned out by a steady
pain in her stomach.
It didn’t help that she had
to deal with Mike on a
daily basis now. After
having time to cool off he
was still bitter enough to
want full custody. It
wasn’t going to happen,
even if Bella had to fight
dirty she wasn’t losing her
daughter. Angela had
helped her acquire a
divorce lawyer named
Rosalie Hale who had
promised to do everything
in her power not to let
that happen.

It did little to assuage her

concerns.

Rosalie had told her that

Mike’s defense team was
focusing on her
relationship with Edward
and the affect it would
have on Alice in the long
haul. They were trying to
say that Bella was an
unstable source in Alice’s
life and were trying to
use Edward as proof of
that.

It was absurd.

And to make matters

worse Rosalie had
dropped a major bomb in
Bella’s lap, unconsciously
of course. Mike had
subpoenaed Edward to
the trial, on his behalf.
While Bella knew in her
heart that Edward would
only have good things to
say about her as a
mother, the fact that she
would have to be in the
same room as him and
face him made her more
than just a little
nauseous.
Bella had almost passed
out when Rosalie had told
her, and the poor girl
looked so confused and
flustered. So Bella told
her everything.

It was the first time she

had admitted to anyone
other than Mike that she
had an affair. It seemed
to bond them somehow.
Sure, Rosalie had read the
case file and knew that
there were some “marital
issues” including adultery
but she didn’t know the
full story.

It felt good to talk it out,

but Bella couldn’t help
but wince as she saw the
look of pity on the
woman’s face. Pity was
the last thing she needed,
especially from her
lawyer. Some good had
come out of the
conversation, though.
Rosalie thought that she
could convince the judge
to have a closed trial.
This meant no smearing of
Edward or Bella’s names
in public.

That was something she

could live with.

Bella’s stomach seemed

to lurch and she found
herself once again
planted in front of the
toilet. Her stomach was
empty; the dry heaves
proof of that. The muscle
spasms only seemed to
make her dizzy and she
found herself closing her
eyes and resting her head
against the side of the
tub.
“Only a few more hours
until morning,” Bella
whispered softly to
herself. The statement
seemed depressingly
hopeful. It was at that
moment she realized how
truly lost she was and how
truly lonely she was
without him. It didn’t
take long for exhaustion
to overcome her and she
was asleep against the
tub.
Edward sat on the hood of
his car, watching the sun
rise. He knew where he
was although he had
gotten there
unconsciously, driving in
circles all night before
parking here. He knew
that he was asking for
trouble coming here, but
his heart and mind both
seemed to lead him to
this location.
It had been a month since
he had seen Bella. Edward
had sat in his car and
watched her exit the
motel, watched her break
down, the tears cascading
over her face. The image
haunted his thoughts and
dreams.

He loathed himself.

The paperwork that sat

on the passenger’s seat of
his car only reminded him
of all the trouble he had
caused. The paperwork
was the current cause and
relief to his tormented
mind. Edward would have
to face Bella and know
that she was there
because of him. But he
would get to see her!
Tanya had opened the
envelope and merely
chuckled, throwing them
on the counter in front of
him. He couldn’t help but
cringe at the gloating look
on her face, as if she had
won. It made him sick.

After a brief argument, a

very common occurrence
lately, he had stormed
out of the house and to
his car the paperwork
clenched tightly in his
fist. He was angrier than
he should have been; at
least that is what he told
himself.

His marriage was a sham,

they both knew it and his
family was starting to see
it. Edward was beginning
to question every decision
that he had made that
had led him to this point
in his life. He thought
back to the previous
week, when he had met
his parents for dinner.
---
“Is everything alright,
dear?” Esme asked
concern filling her voice.

“I’m fine, mom.” Edward

replied running his hand
roughly through his hair,
trying to push the images
of Bella’s tear streaked
face out of his head.

“It’s too bad Tanya

couldn’t join us tonight.”

“Yeah,” Edward muttered

“too bad.”

His mother’s face seemed

to twist into concern for a
moment and he watched
as she shared a look with
his father, Carlisle.
“When is her next
doctor’s appointment?”
Carlisle questioned.

“No clue,” Edward

answered shrugging his
shoulder “maybe you
could ask her and let me
know. She obviously
wants me kept out of the
loop.”

He noticed the concern on

his parent’s face and
frowned; trying to ease
the mood he shrugged his
shoulders and forced a
smile. “Hormones.”

Carlisle chuckled in
response, but Edward
knew that it was forced.
He didn’t want his
parents to be caught up in
his problems, in his self
hatred.
---

The rest of the dinner had

remained fairly quiet.
They talked a bit about
Emmett and how he was
doing, as well as how
Jasper’s new business was
going. The conversation
was forced and it wasn’t
until later that Edward
realized why.
---
“Son, can I talk to you for
a moment?” Carlisle asked
as his mother made her
way to the restroom.

“Sure, dad, what’s up?”

“A lawyer named Jessica

Stanley got a hold of me
today, she was looking for
you; trying to get in touch
with you.”
“Did she say what it was
about?”

“She told me that it

involved a custody case
over a Miss Alice Newton
and that it was urgent.
She wouldn’t give me
specifics but she said that
you needed to get a hold
of her as soon as
possible.”

Edward was drinking as

his dad spoke and he felt
the water shoot out of his
mouth. He coughed for a
moment, covering the
shock on his face with the
napkin.

“Are you going to be

honest with me and tell
me what is going on?”
Carlisle whispered
concern on his face. “I
don’t have to tell your
mother but I need to
know why I have lawyers
calling me at home
looking for you Edward.”

“It’s not what you are

thinking, dad.”

“So Alice isn’t yours?”

“I wish,” Edward
mumbled. His face in
shock as he realized he
had spoken out loud.

“I’m not sure what is

going on, Edward. I’m a
little concerned that you
won’t tell me but I do
have a few things I need
to say before your mother
gets back to the table. It
is pretty obvious that you
and Tanya are having
problems.”
Edward found his mouth
opening to protest but he
couldn’t find it in him to
do so.

“That’s what I thought,”

Carlisle mumbled “I hope
that you aren’t staying in
this miserable marriage
because you feel you have
a duty to your mother and
I. Yes, we are friends with
Tanya’s parents, but
above all our concern is
your happiness.”

Carlisle looked around the

restaurant for a moment
before looking at his son.

“I got a call from Jacob

Black about a month ago;
his father is a good friend
of mine. He wanted to ask
if your divorce got dirty if
I would be willing to
testify. You were going to
divorce Tanya, weren’t
you?”

Edward sat in shock for a

moment, unable to move
before nodding his head
clearing his throat.

“She told me she was

pregnant that night.”

“Well that is interesting,”

Carlisle muttered. “A bit
too convenient, if you ask
me.”

His mother arrived back

at the table then, smiling
at them as she sat down.

“I swear you boy’s gossip

worse than us girls.”
---
The words of his father
seemed to swirl around in
his head, only building his
anger. Edward knew that
Tanya’s timing was bad,
but was there really more
to it than that? Carlisle
suddenly had him
wondering. After all, he
hadn’t gone to any
doctor’s appointments or
even seen any ultrasound
pictures. Things seemed
fishy.

He and Tanya would have

to have a serious
discussion.

Edward placed his head in

his hands for a moment,
looking around at the
empty park. How pathetic
was he for coming back
here, reliving the
memories. He was
startled out of his
thoughts by the buzzing
of his cell phone. Pulling
it out of the pocket he
was unsurprised to see it
was Tanya. Throwing the
phone through his
window, into the
passenger’s seat, Edward
made his way along the
well worn track and away
from the road.

He needed time to think.

Edward followed the

shrouded path that Bella
had once shown him,
feeling the gentle breeze
brush across his face. He
could hear the gentle
lapping of the water
against the rocks before
he could see it. The sound
seemed to instantly relax
him and he found himself
lying in the grass looking
up at the clouds through
the trees.

Edward thought about the

last time he had been in
this location. The look on
Bella’s face as she lay in
the grass, the feel of her
hand in his, the taste of
her lips as they met his.

A small groan escaped his

lips.

He couldn’t keep doing

this to himself, thoughts
of Bella tormenting him.

“I couldn’t stop thinking

about her then, what
makes me think I can stop
thinking about her now.”
He whispered to himself
as he flung his arm over
his eyes, blocking them
from the sun.

“I’m going to kiss you

Bella.” Edward stated
looking over at the
children for a moment
before scooting closer and
wrapping his hand around
her head, pulling her
gently into him.

He leaned in slowly his

lips meeting her softly,
just barely brushing hers.
She brought her hand that
was cupping his face
around his neck and
wrapped it in the hair
that lay there. He
continued to place gentle
kisses on her lips the
emotion of the moment
filling him completely.

He leaned his forehead

against hers as he
deepened the kiss,
causing her hand to tug
on his hair and him to nip
her bottom lip. She
angled her neck adding
more pressure and he
moved so that he was
lying over her, his lips
never leaving hers.

After a moment he pulled

away panting slightly and
brushed a gentle kiss on
her forehead before
burying his head in her
hair.

“Let’s just lay like this for

awhile.” He murmured.

“I would like that,” Bella

replied softly resting her
head against his chest and
curling her hands against
him over his heart.

Edward awoke with a

start his breathing
ragged. He looked around
him for a moment, in
confusion. The sun was
above him in the sky and
he realized he must have
dozed off for a short
time. His hands ran
through his disheveled
hair and he found he
couldn’t catch his breath.
His eyes met his
reflection in the water
and he suddenly realized
he was crying.

His hands swept the

traitor tears from his face
and he found himself
digging his palms into his
eyes.

‘I don’t deserve to feel

this way.’ Edward thought
angrily. ‘I deserve the
pain.’

He found himself on the

path before he realized
he had moved, his legs
angrily taking away from
the peaceful lake.
Edward’s shoes kicked the
gravel up as he walked,
the noise stirring the
peace of the woodsy area.

His feet stumbled as he

walked path a bench,
images flashing before his
eyes.

“If you want,” she replied

softly “I can get up and
walk back to my car and
you will never have to see
me again. If that is what
you want, tell me now,
and save us both the
hassle of getting hurt.”

She had walked away

from him and he had
followed her, his heart
aching at her absence.

“Do you have any idea

what you do to me?” he
asked “Watching you walk
away from me.” He let
out a growl then and
reached his hand behind
her head tangling it in her
hair and pulling her into
his lap.

“I want you,” he groaned

in her ear.

“I want you too,” she

replied breathily as she
ground herself into his lap
causing both of them to
throw their heads back.

Edward was growling and

panting by the time he
got back to his car. The
images burned through his
thoughts and caused his
heart to ache.

‘Coming here was fucking

stupid.’ He chastised
himself as he yanked his
car door open, slamming
it behind him as he placed
his head against the
steering wheel. Edward
was thankful it was still
early enough that the
park wasn’t full of kids,
they didn’t need to
witness his breakdown;
his demise.

Edward’s phone buzzed in

the seat next to him and
he groaned in annoyance.

“GO AWAY!” He yelled

into the empty car “Can’t
I have five fucking
minutes to myself!”

Picking up his phone he

growled into the phone
“What?”

“Don’t take that tone

with me,” Tanya bitched
on the phone “You never
came home last night.”
“Do you have a point?”
Edward snapped.

“My point is you never

came home last night,”
Tanya’s voice rose as she
continued to talk “I’m not
sure where you are or
who you are doing but you
need to pull your pants up
and get back home.”

“You have no fucking idea

what you are talking
about.” Edward growled
into the phone “I’ve been
driving around for most of
the night.”

“Sure, fine, whatever.

Get home.”

“Are you okay?” Edward

asked suddenly concerned
about the baby. “Is the
baby okay?”
Tanya’s giggle could be
heard from the phone and
he suddenly felt stupid for
feeling so concerned. Of
course she was okay; she
wouldn’t be calling him if
she wasn’t. Tanya was
manipulating him again.

“What’s going on?”

Edward questioned trying
to keep his tone calm.

“The interior decorator

will be here in fifteen
minutes to go over plans
for the new nursery and
you promised you would
be here.” Her voice was
nasally and whiney
making him cringe.

“I don’t really think you

need me for that.”
Edward muttered “Since
you can’t seem to include
me in any of the other
baby stuff.”

“Edward,” Tanya snapped

“both of our mothers will
be here in fifteen minutes
and I swear to god if you
aren’t home when they
get here there is going to
be hell to pay!”

Edward thought of his

mother with Tanya and
him not being present. He
started his car.

“I’m on my way.”

“I knew you would see

things my way.” Tanya
replied smugly. He hung
up his phone and threw it
in the backseat.

Looking at his face in his

rear-view-mirror he
rubbed his hands on his
cheeks, trying to erase
the tear stains. He
threaded his hands
through his hair and took
a deep breath. Edward
looked at the forced smile
now present on his face
and hoped he would make
it through the afternoon.
-Present Day-

“If you don’t want to talk

about the nightmares,
maybe we should talk
about the trial.”

“Alright,” Bella whispered

hesitantly.

“Tell me what it was like

seeing Edward again?” Dr.
Parker questioned.

“It was desperate and

heart-wrenching.”

“Desperate?”
Bella sighed for a second,
running her hand through
her hair before leaning
back in her chair. “I don’t
know if you truly
understand how in love
we were. It was
desperate because my
heart ached at the mere
thought of him and his
presence. Having him in
front of me multiplied
that ache by about a
thousand. My fingers
literally ached to touch
him. My body trembled
uncontrollably and it was
difficult for me to
breathe. In that moment I
would have done
anything, given anything
to be with him again.”

-Two Months Prior-

“Don’t take this the
wrong way, but you look
like crap.” Rosalie stated
brushing her long blonde
hair over her shoulder and
frowning softly.

“I’m fine.” Bella spoke

firmly her eyes scanning
the room.

“I bet you are.” Rose

stated rolling her eyes
“I’m asking as a friend
not as your lawyer. Bella
are you going to be able
to handle seeing Edward
in court?”

“I don’t really have a

choice, Rose.” Bella
whispered “Mike has
officially subpoenaed
him. He is going to be
here and I am going to
have to face him.”
“I could talk to the judge;
even lie if I had to. There
has to be some way that I
can get you out of this.
You look like you haven’t
slept in months.”

“I just haven’t been

feeling well lately, that’s
all. It’s probably just
stress getting to me.”
Bella replied casually
shrugging her shoulders.
“And don’t lie to the
judge Rose; I don’t need
you to get into trouble for
me.”

Rose shrugged her

shoulders and rolled her
eyes. “I still think Mike is
doing this to get a
reaction out of you and
Edward, more so than to
prove anything.”
“I don’t even bother
trying to decipher Mike’s
motives anymore.” Bella
muttered.

“I can’t believe you were

married to him, he is such
a jerk.”

“Rose.” Bella whispered.

“Right, sorry.” Rose

stated smiling before
looking at her watch.
“Ten minutes till go
time!”

Bella found the nerves

filling her stomach and
making their way up her
throat. A small squeak
escaped her lips and she
saw Rose look at her,
clearly concerned. Bella
bolted from her seat,
barely making it to the
restroom before she
emptied the contents of
her stomach.

Flushing the toilet she

rinsed her face in the
sink, looking at herself in
the mirror. Her eyes met
those of Rose’s who
clearly looked concerned.

“You’ve been puking an

awful lot lately, Bella. I
think you need to make a
doctor’s appointment. I
don’t think that this is
just stress. Just promise
me that you will do it for
me?”

“Fine,” Bella sighed

resigned.
--
Bella stood in front of the
court door her hands
shaking. She took a deep
breath to calm the
butterflies still fluttering
in her stomach. Slowly
she pushed open the door
and entered the court
room. Her eyes met those
of Rose, who was smiling
softly in encouragement.
It seemed to help calm
her.

She made her way to her

seat, ignoring the glares
she was receiving from
Mike. Trying to take her
mind off the fact that she
would be seeing Edward,
Bella talked quietly with
Rose.

Bella could feel his

presence before she even
saw him, her body
stiffened and she had to
fight back her knee-jerk
reaction to run. She felt
Rose gently place her
hand on her shoulder and
Bella took a deep breath.
“Unbelievable.” Rose
muttered disgustedly.

Confused Bella turned to

look where Rose was
glaring and found her
breath leave her. Edward
stood in the back of the
court, eyes downcast. He
had a woman on his arm,
which Bella assumed was
Tanya.

“I can’t do this.” Bella

sobbed softly to Rose. “I
don’t care if you have to
lie, get me out of here.”
Bella could feel the
revulsion rising in her
throat and she had to
choke back to keep
herself from vomiting.
How could he have
brought her?
As if he heard her his eyes
bolted upwards and met
hers. Bella could feel her
body trembling, feel
herself gasping for
breath. Tanya was tugging
lightly on his arm, trying
to get his attention but
his eyes never left hers.

Bella was surprised to see

the dark purple bags
under his eyes, showing
how truly tired he was.
He looked thinner and she
wondered if he had been
eating. Her hands ached
to run through his unruly
hair, to graze along his
face. Her fingers were
throbbing.

Rose turned to look at

Bella, brow furrowed as
she spoke to her. Bella
couldn’t understand a
word she was saying. She
could see Edward
mouthing something to
her that she couldn’t
quite make out. Suddenly
he was moving towards
her, Tanya tugging on him
to try and stop him,
clearly angry.

He looked determined to
talk to her and suddenly
he was removing Tanya
from his arm and making
his way towards them
stopping only when the
guard stopped him. He
looked defeated.

The judge entered and

Edward sat a few rows
back from her, a frown on
his face, clearly upset
that they didn’t get to
speak. Bella craned her
neck around to look at
him and she found him
clearly staring back at
her.

‘I’m sorry.’ He mouthed.

He looked like he was
going to cry.

“Bella!” Rose called

causing Bella to jerk
around to look at the
front of the court room.
Rose was up at the bench
talking to the Judge and
Mike’s lawyer; all three of
them watching the
interaction.

“Request granted.” The

judge spoke and Rose
smiled thanking him
profusely. Rose
approached the table
looking between Bella and
Edward.

“You are excused for the

day.” Rose whispered
quietly so that only Bella
could hear her. “I will
walk you out and we will
start when I return. If you
want you can look at the
transcripts or I can fill you
in, either way you don’t
have to be here.”

Rose gently grabbed

Bella’s hand and tugged
her up, leading her
through a side door in the
front of the courtroom.
Bella found herself
turning around looking
back her eyes meeting
Edward’s, who now stood,
a look of agony on his
face as he watched her
leave.

“Bella,” Rose called

“come on, you need to
get out of here.”
Rose followed her line of
sight and sighed softly.
Bella could feel Rose
tugging on her hand,
trying to pull her away.
She could see Tanya
tugging on Edward who
also stood frozen.

‘I still love you.’ Edward

mouthed to her as the
door shut behind her

Bella stood for a moment

outside the courtroom.
Rose had gone back
inside, leaving Bella with
instructions clearly telling
her not to come back into
the room. Bella found
herself gasping in the
clean air and forcing
vomit down her throat.
She wouldn’t let Tanya
get to her, taint her
memories; no matter
what Bella would always
have those.

--

Bella and Rose sat in a

booth at a local diner,
neither saying a word.
Bella found herself
picking at the pie in front
of her, nerves
overwhelming her.

“Well,” Rose sighed, her

hands hitting the table
causing Bella to jump
lightly “I can see why you
picked him.”

“What?” Bella asked

clearly confused.

“Edward,” Rose stated “I

can see why you picked
him. Not only is he very
attractive but he is very
intelligent as well. I was
concerned at first,
especially seeing the way
you two were looking at
each other. Mike was
hoping for some sort of
scene and you two almost
gave him one. There is a
definite spark between
you two. It was obvious to
everyone and you two
couldn’t take your eyes
off each other.”

Rose’s hands suddenly

started to flutter through
the air as she spoke
emphatically. “But that’s
not what is important
right this second I should
be briefing you on what
happened today.” Rose
pushed her empty pie
plate away from her and
smiled at Bella. “You
were right, by the way.
Edward had nothing but
praises for your parenting
skills. I believe the words
ideal mother would sum it
up. Every time he opened
his mouth I saw Mike get
just a bit angrier. It was
perfect.”

Rose looked at her for a

moment contemplating
something before
continuing. “It’s obvious
he loves you.”

“Yeah,” Bella muttered

angrily “he loves me so
much he brought his wife
to my trial.”

“About that,” Rose

flinched slightly “Tanya
had to take the stand as
well.”

“WHAT?” Bella growled.

“That was why she was

there apparently. I
honestly didn’t know, if I
had I would have warned
you. Jessica wanted to try
and portray you as a
home wrecker; little did
she know that they were
still together and it
backfired on her. I’ve
never seen a lawyer look
so flabbergasted, it was
actually quite funny.”

“It’s not funny that

Jessica is trying to portray
me in a bad light,” Bella
grumbled.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Rose

stated. “But the look on
her face was priceless.”
Rose suddenly looked
nervous as she continued
to speak. “You know I
love you, right Bella?”

“You’ve only known me a

month.” Bella laughed.
“I know but you are kind
of like a sister to me.”
Rose stated softly.

“I love you too, Rose. I

don’t know how I would
be getting through all this
without you. Why do you
ask?”

Rose took a deep breath

before reaching in her
pocket and pulling out a
few sheets of folded
paper. Setting them on
the table she looked up
into Bella’s eyes. “The
reason I was late was
because after we were
excused Edward came up
and talked to me, alone.
He looks so lost and
hopeless and he was
crying and he begged me
to give you this. I can’t
take girls crying let alone
guys. He really is
heartbroken, Bella.”

When she didn’t respond,

Rose continued to speak.

“As your lawyer I would

tell you not to read the
letter, that you should
break all contact for the
sake of the trial. As your
friend,” Rose took a deep
breath “I say you read it.
I can see how much he
loves you. He didn’t even
look at or touch Tanya
the entire time. He just
sat and stared at your
empty chair looking like
someone had kicked him
in the gut. He may be
having a baby with her,
but he clearly wants
you.”

A gasp escaped Bella’s

lips and a few tears
escaped her eyes. Rose
put her hand on Bella’s
for a moment before
sliding the note over in
front of her.

“If you need me I will be

right over there,” Rose
pointed to an empty stool
at the bar.

Bella picked up the note

and turned it around in
her hands feeling the
weight of the paper on
her fingertips. Her hands
shook as she unfolded it.

The Trial- EPOV

Subtitle: Last Hope

“Just one more time he

says
As he crawls into his hole
I’m doing fine he says
As the tears fall down
alone.”
Guster-Cocoon

Edward stood in front of

the mirror, his hands
shaking so bad he could
barely button up his shirt.
Cursing softly under his
breath he pulled his hands
away squeezing them
tightly trying to release
the built up tension.

“Dude, you look like you

are going to blow a
gasket.” Jasper stated
shaking his head in
amusement.

“Shut up, this is

important.” Edward
growled.

“I know,” Jasper stated

“you are going to see
Bella again, after two
months. It’s a big thing I
get it.” Jasper moved in
front of him buttoning up
his shirt. “If you tell
anyone I did this for you I
will seriously deny it.”

Edward found himself

chuckling softly at his
friend. His mind drifted to
the last time he had seen
Bella and he instantly
winced. Jasper seemed to
notice and shook his head
sighing. He hoped he
wasn’t getting on his
friends nerves.

Edward had been staying

at Jasper’s for the past
two weeks after moving
out of his house. He
couldn’t take the
constant fighting and
bickering with Tanya and
had simply stormed out.
Tanya refused to include
him on anything having to
do with the baby.
Assuming there was a
baby.

After his conversation

with his father, Edward
was more than a little
suspicious and as such had
brought it to her
attention. She had simply
shrugged her shoulders
and told him he was
paranoid. It wasn’t a good
enough answer.

“Go get her tiger.” Jasper

stated slapping him on
the shoulder.

“It’s not like that.”

Edward frowned.

“Right,” Jasper rolled his

eyes at his friend. Edward
chose not to counter him.
--
Edward made his way up
the steps of the
courthouse, scanning the
crowd looking for Bella.
He was momentarily
stunned when he saw
Tanya leaning against a
pillar waiting for him.

“What are you doing

here?” Edward growled.
“Go home, Tanya.”

“I can’t,” she replied

smugly “I got a nice little
subpoena as well.”

“How did you manage

that? This is a closed
session; if you’re lying
they won’t let you in.”

Tanya pulled the papers

from behind her back
waving them in front of
his face. “They want me
to discuss Bella’s effect
on our marriage.”
Edward stood shocked for
a moment before
grabbing her arm and
pulling her off to the side.
“I know your game Tanya.
I swear to god if you say
anything that makes Bella
look bad you will regret
it. What do you want?”

“You.” Tanya replied

“Move back home.”

“I’m not sharing a bed

with someone who refuses
to be open and honest
with me.”

“I never said we had to

share a bed,” Tanya
snapped, “I simply said
you had to move back
home.”

“FINE,” Edward growled.

“Manipulative bitch,” he
muttered under his breath
so she couldn’t hear.

“What?” Tanya asked.

“Nothing, dear.” Edward

responded sighing as
Tanya linked her arm with
his and tugging him
through the courthouse.
They entered the court
room and Edward kept his
eyes down. Seeing him
here with Tanya would
look good for Bella, but
would it hurt her?

He heard her lawyer

mutter something
disgustedly and felt his
heart drop into his
stomach. This was a very
bad idea; he was going to
hurt her even more than
he already had. Could he
do anything right?
Edward fought every
muscle in his body not to
run over to Bella and grab
her, kiss her, hold her. He
cast his eyes downward
avoiding the hurt he knew
he would see when he
looked at Bella.

Losing the battle, Edward

raised his eyes to meet
hers and suddenly his
knees were weak. He
couldn’t feel, think, or
see anything other than
her. She was trembling
softly and he wanted to
walk over and hold her,
reassure her that
everything would be okay.

Bella looked worn out, as

if she had been fighting a
long battle and couldn’t
fight any longer. Edward
found himself wanting to
protect her, to make sure
that she was safe. Her
face was tense and he
could read the distress in
her eyes.

Her lawyer was talking to

her but she wasn’t
acknowledging her.
Edward found himself
needing to talk to her to
explain.

‘I’m so sorry.’ He
mouthed, frowning when
she looked confused.

He found himself tugging

his arm away from Tanya,
making his way towards
her. He needed her to be
okay, needed her to
understand, he needed to
feel her. The closer he
got to her, the more his
heart beat telling him
that he was alive.
‘God I have missed her,
missed this.’ Edward
thought before he found
someone standing in front
of him.

“I’m sorry sir but you are

going to have to take your
seat.”

He found himself wanting

to cry, to protest, to push
past the man. He knew it
would only get him in
trouble, only make Bella
look bad. Setting down,
his eyes never left hers.
Edward was unaware of
anything else going on in
the court room; all he
could see was her.

Bella craned her neck

around to look at him and
his heart was in his
throat. He momentarily
wondered if he was going
to cry, but forced himself
to once again mouth the
words praying she would
understand.

‘I’m sorry.’

Her lawyer called her

name then, breaking both
of them out of their
trance and then Bella was
standing. Edward found
himself standing as well.
He could feel the eyes of
everyone else on him as
he watched her make her
way past the Judges’ desk
to a small door at the
side.

She was leaving, and

panic took over. He would
never get to see her again
and he couldn’t let her
walk out, just walk away.
He went to move but his
body wouldn’t let him.
Edward’s knees felt weak
and he wondered what
would happen if they gave
out on him.

Would Bella even care if

he was okay?

The thought seemed to

spur him to action and he
found himself staring back
into her brown eyes. The
concern was written on
Bella’s face and he
wondered if she could see
the turmoil that was
overtaking him.

Needing her to know, to

understand he did the
only thing he could think
of. Feeling Tanya tugging
on his arm he ignored her
and made sure she was
still looking at him.
‘I still love you.’ Edward
mouthed, his body
shaking with sincerity. He
watched the door shut
behind her and felt his
knees give out, flopping
him onto the bench.

“Well that was a nice

scene,” Tanya scowled
clearly upset.

“Just shut up,” Edward

whispered not even
looking at her “just leave
me alone.”

Edward didn’t have to

wait very long to be
called to the stand. He
placed his hand on the
bible, looking out at the
few people who sat
before him. His eyes met
those of Mike’s whose
smile seemed a little too
happy.
He was going to do his
best to wipe that away.
--
“Tell us about your
relationship with Isabella
Newton.” Jessica stated
pacing back and forth in
front of Edward.

“Bella and I were close,

she was my best friend.
We were together almost
every day because our
kids were the same age
and liked to play
together.”

“You were just friends?”

Jessica questioned a snide
smile on her face.

“Is that pertinent?”

Edward responded looking
to the Judge.
“Answer the question.”
The Judge frowned at
what Edward assumed he
knew was the answer.

“Bella and I were more

than friends.” Edward
sighed his hand running
through his hair. “I loved
her.”

“So you were having an

affair?”

“Yes.”

“Were the children

present?”

“Objection.” Edward
heard Bella’s lawyer call
out. “Whether or not the
children saw Edward and
Bella kissing or being
affectionate has no
pertinence to how Bella is
as a mother. I’m sure
Alice saw Bella kissing
Mike. So we can assume
this makes her a bad
mother?”

“Agreed.” The Judge

ruled. “Restate the
question Mrs. Stanley.”

“Did you and Bella ever

leave the children alone?”

“Never.” Edward replied

“Even when they were
napping we were
present.” A sigh escaped
his lips and he looked
down. “Most of the times
we met up were while the
children were in the care
of friends or family.”

Jessica seemed to look

annoyed and she looked
back at Mike for a second
before turning back to
Edward.
“Did you ever see Mrs.
Newton raise her hand to
her child?”

“No” Edward stated

“Bella raised Alice
exceptionally well. She
was a wonderful mother.
Her child is respectful and
I don’t think I ever saw
her get in trouble once in
the time I knew them.
Bella loves Alice more
than anything in the
world and it clearly
shows.”

Jessica suddenly looked

angry and Edward decided
a bit desperate.

“And you never had

sexual intercourse while
the children were
present? Never fucked her
while the children were in
the house?”

Edward’s mouth opened

in shock but she
continued on.

“Tell me what type of

behavior you did display
in front of the children,
Mr. Cullen? Did you grope
her, touch her, and kiss
her?”

“OBJECTION.” Rosalie
shouted “Edward already
answered the question on
his relationship with
Bella, Jessica is badgering
the witness.”

“Agreed.” The Judge

looked at Jessica. “Mrs.
Stanley watch yourself!”
Jessica scowled at Rosalie
for a moment. “No
further questions.”

Rosalie stood up looking

at Edward for a moment.

“Do you have anything

you would like to add to
what you have said,
Edward?”

Edward nodded looking up

at Rose and frowning at
the scowl she had on her
face.

“Bella is a wonderful
mother. The fact that it is
even being questioned
astonishes me. She loves
Alice with all of her heart
and to take Alice away
from her would be a
disservice not only to
Bella but to Alice as well.
Alice is her world, the
light of her life, and Bella
would do anything for
her. I’ve seen Bella
interact with Alice but
also with my own child.”

Edward looked up at
Tanya who looked angrier
and angrier by the
minute.

“There is no question in
my mind that this is an
absurd case that is caused
by a husband who is
shamed by the fact that
his wife had an affair with
another man. Don’t
punish Bella and Alice
because I fell in love with
her, it wouldn’t be fair to
either of them. They need
each other.”

The court room was

quiet.
“No further questions
your honor.” Rose spoke
softly.

Edward made his way

back to his seat. Tanya
looked over at him a
sneer on her face.

“Remember our deal.”

Edward muttered under
his breath, his eyes boring
into hers. “Don’t lash out
at me by hurting Bella,
you will regret it.”

He found his eyes settling

where Bella was just
sitting. She had left and
he hadn’t gotten to talk
to her, touch her. His
chest hurt.
--
Edward stood behind
Bella’s lawyer waiting for
her to acknowledge him;
finally she turned around
and looked at him.

“I would ask you what the

hell you were doing
bringing your wife but I
see you had no choice.”

“Is Bella alright?” Edward

asked softly.

“She will be fine,” Rose

responded. “Eventually.”
She muttered under her
breath.

“I’m Edward by the way.”

Edward stated sticking his
hand out to shake hers.

“I know who you are.”

Rose responded sighing as
she looked at him “I’m
Rosalie Hale.”

“Rosalie,” Edward’s voice

shook “please do me a
favor and make sure to
take care of her. She
looks so tired, so helpless.
She could use a friend like
you to care for her even if
she says she doesn’t need
it.”

Rose looked up at him

surprised and questioning.

“I really do love her.”

Edward whispered his
voice cracking. “I love her
more than I think you will
ever realize.” Tears
began to fall down his
face but Edward couldn’t
seem to force himself to
care.

“My life means nothing if

she isn’t okay.” Tears
continued to fall and
suddenly Edward felt
desperate to see Bella, to
talk to her.
“I need to see her, to talk
to her.” He begged.

“I don’t think that is a

good idea.” Rose
answered shrugging.

Edward looked around

him for a moment his
eyes landing on the legal
pad on the desk.

“If I write her a letter will

you give it to her?”

“Edward,” Rose spoke

trying to deny him. He
felt like his knees might
buckle and his body shook
as he looked at Rose.

“Please,” Edward begged

softly “you’re my last
hope, my only hope.
Please.”
A sigh escaped Rose’s lips
as she held out a pen to
him. “You have ten
minutes.”
When she didn’t respond,
Rose continued to speak.

“As your lawyer I would

tell you not to read the
letter, that you should
break all contact for the
sake of the trial. As your
friend,” Rose took a deep
breath “I say you read it.
I can see how much he
loves you. He didn’t even
look at or touch Tanya
the entire time. He just
sat and stared at your
empty chair looking like
someone had kicked him
in the gut. He may be
having a baby with her,
but he clearly wants
you.”
A gasp escaped Bella’s
lips and a few tears
escaped her eyes. Rose
put her hand on Bella’s
for a moment before
sliding the note over in
front of her.

“If you need me I will be

right over there,” Rose
pointed to an empty stool
at the bar.

Bella picked up the note

and turned it around in
her hands feeling the
weight of the paper on
her fingertips. Her hands
shook as she unfolded it.
--
My dearest Bella,

I hope that you’re doing

okay. I know that I’m
not. Standing in front of
you and not being able to
touch you, to hold you,
to tell you how much I
love you was the hardest
thing I have ever had to
do. You are the best
thing that’s ever
happened to me.

I miss you.

I want to be with you and

hold you in my arms
again, to gently touch
your face and cup your
cheek in my palm, to kiss
your lips, and look into
your beautiful brown
eyes. You are my reason
for waking in the
morning, though it is
difficult to part myself
from my dreams.

When I dream, it’s of

you, and when I am
awake my arms long to
hold you. I dream, often,
of the time we spent
together. The way you
seemed to make the
world disappear, bring
me peace. I keep thinking
about that night, as we
lay together in bed. The
way your body curled into
mine, it fit so perfectly.

You are my missing piece.

You have shown me the
love and joy in my heart
that I have been longing
to feel for such a long
time now. I don’t wish
for much, but the thing I
wish for daily is that I
wish you were here,
beside me.

I want to be able to hold

your hand in a restaurant
and not be scared of who
is seeing it. I want to lie
next to you in bed and
not have to worry about
needing to be somewhere
else. I want to romance
you the way that I want
to, the way that you
deserve.

I want to be able to give

you my heart and I want
your heart; all of it.

I need you to understand,

to see. The best thing
about me is you.

You make me feel safe,

secure and loved. You’ve
enchanted me with your
very presence. I simply
cannot imagine my life
without your strength,
compassion, and love.

I never thought that I

could find someone who
would love so
passionately and freely,
the way that you do. I
had given up on love,
settling to make others in
my life happy. I was
determined that the
ideal love everyone talks
about just didn’t exist.

I was wrong.

I can finally understand

the words “for eternity”
because that is what I
want with you, an
eternity. I know now how
utterly lost I would be
without you, without
your love. The question
that truly remains,
though, is where do we
go from here?

Someone once told me

that if you love someone
you would be willing to
give up everything for
them, but if they loved
you back they’d never ask
you to. You’ve given me
so much already, that I
hate to ask for anything
more.

I can’t stand the thought

of you hurting and I can’t
continue to expect you to
wait for me. I’ve asked
Rosalie to keep an eye on
you, to make sure that
you are okay. It’s the
least I can do for all that
you have done for me,
for all you have brought
in to my life.

Please don’t question

yourself and wonder what
it was that you did
wrong, for the answer is
clear as day.

Nothing.

I have a commitment and

a promise to uphold, and
even though I must do it
with a heavy heart, it is
still mine to uphold.

Know that I do this with

the heaviest of heart, my
dear Bella. Just the mere
possibility or thought of
never seeing you again
makes me feel
temporarily
incapacitated.

I will never forget you or

forget the fact that it
was you who taught me
to love. If I were to die
tomorrow then at least I
would know the truth.

In this life, I was loved by

you.

I’m so sorry.
I will always be yours,

Edward
--
Bella could feel the shock
coursing through her
system and it wasn’t until
Rose had her arms around
her that she realized she
was sobbing.

“What’s wrong honey?”

Rosalie whispered softly
in her ear as she tenderly
stroked her hair.

Bella threw the letter

down on the table and
buried her face in her
hands.

“It was a goddamn

goodbye letter!” Bella
sobbed.

“WHAT?” Rosalie
questioned her anger
clearly present in her
tone.
“He loves me but he can’t
be with me.” Bella
growled. “He wants me to
be happy and he thinks
that the best way for me
to do that is to stop
waiting around for him.”

“But that doesn’t make

sense,” Rosalie whispered
“it was so obvious how in
love he was with you, how
much he longed to be
with you. It just doesn’t
make any sense.”

“You can read the

letter,” Bella muttered
“It doesn’t matter
anymore.” The tears were
falling down her face and
staining her blouse.

“It does matter, Bella.”

Rosalie whispered softly
as she pulled Bella into a
hug “it matters to me and
it clearly matters to you
whether you want it to or
not. Something is fishy,
and I don’t mean the
food.”

Bella chuckled softly at

her comment as she
wiped the tear streaks
from her face.

“That boy is completely in

love with you, no matter
what his actions tell you.”
Rosalie read through the
letter for a moment her
brows furrowing. “Bella
did you read this, all of
this.”

“Yes,” Bella growled.

“Bella, this is the most

beautiful love letter I’ve
ever read. He is so
passionate about you, so
enamored, so in love.
Tanya’s pregnancy is
clearly the only thing
keeping him from you. I
don’t know if I should tell
you this or not but,”
Rosalie sighed as she
spoke. “He was so
worried about me making
sure you were okay, that
you were taken care of. I
think if there was any
possible way, he would be
with you. Trust me on
this, Bella. If there is
anything I know well, its
men.”

“If I write her a letter will

you give it to her?”

“Edward,” Rose spoke

trying to deny him. He
felt like his knees might
buckle and his body shook
as he looked at Rose.
“Please,” Edward begged
softly “you’re my last
hope, my only hope.
Please.”

A sigh escaped Rose’s lips

as she held out a pen to
him. “You have ten
minutes.”

Edward sat for a moment

staring at the blank pages
in front of him. Was he
really going to do this?
Could he? He could feel
the tears filling his eyes
and he brushed them
away. The pen silently
moved along the paper
and he could feel Rosalie
impatiently tapping her
foot on the floor.

It unnerved him.

He read through the

words, his heart aching at
their truth, before gently
folding the letter. His
hands shook and he
contemplated not giving
it to her, just throwing it
away.

It would change
everything.

Edward handed Rosalie

the letter, running his
hand through his hair
nervously.

“Please take care of her.”

Rosalie seemed to look at

him for a moment, her
eyebrow raised in
question.

“I will.”

It was as if they had made

a silent agreement then,
to make sure that Bella
was safe, cared for.
Edward watched as
Rosalie slid the letter into
her purse and made her
way out of the courtroom.

It was too late to back out

now.

Instead of making his way

through the double doors,
he sat for a moment
staring at the door that
Bella had exited through.
His heart felt like it was
shattering inside of him,
and it took him a moment
to realize he was sobbing.

He did it for her, and she

would never know, never
understand, and never
see.

The scene in front of the

courthouse flashed behind
his eyes when he closed
them. The look of pure
and utter victory on
Tanya’s face as she
manipulated him made his
stomach flip.

How could he have been

so blind?

There was no baby. Tanya

wasn’t pregnant.

Why else would she have

gone to such drastic
measures to manipulate
him? He knew the
moment he saw her
leaning against the pillar
of the courthouse that he
was doomed, that there
was no way out. He
couldn’t let Bella suffer
and lose her child because
of a mistake that he had
made.
Edward never should have
trusted Tanya. He should
have demanded from the
start for proof of the
pregnancy, but now it was
too late. He had gotten
them into this, and now
he was getting them out
of it.

Brushing the tears off of

his face and composing
himself, he pushed the
ache deep down inside of
him suppressing it. He
stood up and made his
way out of the room.
Tanya stood outside the
door, leaning against the
wall a smug smile on her
face.

“Are you ready to go

home?”

Edward ran his hands

through his hair, pushing
back the guilt and hatred
before nodding silently.
He hid the disgust of what
he had just done, instead
focusing on the present.

He would remain numb,

dead. It was the only way
he could survive without
her. The only way he
could live on.

He had made a deal with

Tanya and no matter how
much he wanted to back
out, to leave her he
couldn’t. Tanya had
completed her part of the
bargain and Bella would
get to keep Alice. Bella’s
happiness was all that
mattered now.
Present Day-

“Should we talk about the

events leading up to you
coming to see me?” Dr.
Parker questioned as Bella
made herself comfortable
in “her” chair.

“It was all a big

misunderstanding. I just
needed to clear my
head.”

“How was it a
misunderstanding? Explain
to me what happened
that day, what caused you
to panic?”

“I felt like my world was

falling apart. I just
needed a bit of time to
comprehend everything
that had happened,
everything that was
happening. I was so lost
and confused. I just
needed to feel like I could
breathe again.”

“You had a panic attack.”

“I’m not sure. Everything
just seemed so dull, so
lifeless, I felt like I wasn’t
really living anymore. I
was just going through
the motions of living and I
needed something to
shock me out of it.”

“So you tried to shock

yourself out of it.”

“In a way, Yes.”

-One Month Prior-

Bella could hear a dull
pounding on the door like
someone was trying to
break in. Rubbing the
back of her neck with
frustration and stress she
slowly picked herself up
off the floor. Looking in
the mirror she wiped the
tears from her cheeks and
tried to rub the tear
stains off of her face.

Bella tried to ignore the

tingling sensation that
lingered in her legs as she
slowly massaged her red
eyes straining to clear her
vision. Leaning on the
counter she splashed cold
water onto her face and
slowly turned away from
the sink.

“Bella,” The voice called

loudly through the door “I
swear to god Bella if you
don’t open this door I will
get someone to take it
off.”

She thought about how

she was going to explain
the thoughts that were
currently racing through
her mind. She wasn’t
even sure if she could
voice them.

“I’ll be right out.” She

called softly her voice
cracking. Sitting in a dark
bathroom, crying over the
past wasn’t going to help
her. Taking a deep breath
she leaned her head
against the door, before
slowly unlocking it.

“Oh thank god.” Rosalie

cried her hands running
through her hair. “You
scared the shit out of me.
I thought I was going to
have to call the fire
department to take down
the god damn door.”

Bella couldn’t help but

notice the relieved
expression on Rose’s face
and she instantly felt
guilty.
“Are you okay?” Rosalie
asked her voice filled with
concern.

She felt her head nodding

slowly and she knew she
was lying, not only to
Rose but to herself. Rose
pulled her into a hug and
the guilt intensified.

“I haven’t been
completely truthful with
you Rose.” Bella’s voice
shook as she ran her hand
through her hair
nervously.

“Okay.” Rose stated

questioningly. “I can get
someone to watch Alice
and we can talk?”

Bella knew she needed to

talk to Rose, but first she
needed to think.
“I think I’m going to go
for a drive to clear my
head first.” She
whispered. She could see
the confusion on Rose’s
face and she instantly felt
bad. “I promise I won’t be
too long. I just need to
breathe.”

“Are you sure you are

okay? You don’t look too
good.”

“I’m fine, Rose. I promise

I will be back soon. I just
need to think.”

“Alright.” Rose whispered

in confusion. “If it’s what
you feel like you need.”

Bella nodded her head

softly, making her way to
the living room and
grabbing her coat, quietly
telling Rose that she
would be back shortly.
The confusion on her face
made her question if it
was the right move.
Ignoring her instincts she
walked to the driveway
and hopped into her car.
The silence felt
welcoming.

Bella found herself driving

without really paying
attention to where she
was going. Everything
around her looked
familiar but she couldn’t
pin point her destination.
The tears slid down her
cheeks as she listened to
the silence in the car.

She could picture Edward

and she tried to shake the
image from her mind. Her
whole existence felt like
it meant nothing without
him. She was lost. She
still had the letter he had
given her, tucked away in
her room, and she had
looked at it more than
she was willing to admit.

Her body began to heave

for oxygen and she found
herself slamming on the
breaks. Pulling into a
parking spot she looked
around in front of her,
suddenly realizing where
she was. The park
spanned out in front of
her, teasing and taunting
her.

Slowly, Bella made her

way to the place she had
been avoiding, knowing it
was now inevitable.
--
Bella sat in the grass, her
fingers running through
the blades. Words flowed
through her mind but
nothing seemed
adequate. How could she
explain everything she
was thinking, feeling?

Her world was changed.

She replayed the phone
call she had received over
and over in her mind,
finding no true way to
express what she was
feeling.

Bella’s phone rang

incessantly next to her
head and the sound was
annoying her. Rolling over
she grabbed the phone off
of her nightstand flipping
it open.

“Yes.” She growled into

the phone, not
appreciating getting
woken up.
“I’m calling for a Mrs.
Isabella Swan.” The
person asked politely.

“This is she.” Bella

replied indifferently.

“Mrs. Swan, this Lauren

from Dr. Smith’s office. I
was calling to give you
the results of your tests
last week. We ran your
blood tests and well I
guess congratulations are
in order. You’re going to
have a baby!”

Bella wasn’t exactly sure

what she had said or even
if she was polite about it.
She thought the words
thank you may have
passed her lips before she
hung up the phone, but
she wasn’t sure.
She had set up a follow
appointment that much
she was aware of from
the chicken scratch she
found on a napkin on the
counter.

She was going to have a

baby. Edward’s baby.

Tears streamed down her

face as the realization
dawned on her.

She knew the moment the

words were spoken whose
child it was, it wasn’t
even possible for it to be
anyone else’s. Bella knew
she should have been
overjoyed; it should have
been something to
celebrate. Instead it left
a feeling of panic in her,
one that she couldn’t
explain.
That panic had led her to
the bathroom, and now to
the very place where she
had first realized she was
in love with Edward.

Edward’s words echoed in

her head.

“I know that I can’t stop

thinking about you and
I’m not sure that I want
to.”

Bella had known from

that moment on that
everything was going to
be different, that
everything would change
and it had. She looked at
her reflection in the
pond, her eyes looked
lifeless. She would need
to take care of herself
before she could take
care of the baby.
Picking up her phone she
dialed the number she
had memorized just a few
months ago.

“Rose,” Bella whispered

into the phone “I’m ready
to talk now and I think I
need your help.”
Bella sat next to the
pond, her fingers lightly
tracing over the water
and distorting her image.
The picture seemed
fitting to her, the slow
and steady ripples
working over the surface.
It seemed to soothe her
frayed nerves and put her
at ease.

Rose was on her way and

Bella knew that she would
have to tell her what was
going on. Tell her how she
was feeling. For the first
time in her life, Bella
wasn’t sure what she was
going to say. She knew,
from telling her about the
affair, that Rose would
understand and be
supportive.

It didn’t help the ache in

her chest.

There was really only one

person that Bella wanted
to tell, one person she
wanted to know. And that
was impossible. It had
been one month since she
had received the letter
from Edward, one month
since she saw him in the
courtroom. They had kept
it to zero contact after
that.

It would have been too

hard, too imprudent to
see him. Her heart was
still broken from the
letter.

How could you love and

loathe someone so much
at the same time?

Bella ran her hand

through her hair in
frustration. She knew that
she should tell Edward
the news. He was the
father, after all, and he
had a right to know. At
the same point in time,
he was probably busy
planning for the birth of
his and Tanya’s child.

Could she really put this

extra burden on his
shoulders?

Bella was jolted out of

her thoughts by the sight
of Rose walking through
the opening to the
clearing, clearly annoyed.
Her hands were running
through her hair wiping
off, what Bella imagined
were, invisible spider
webs.

“There is nothing in your

hair Rose.”

“So says you,” Rose

grumbled in annoyance.
“You could have picked a
better spot.”

Bella rolled her eyes at

Rose’s high maintenance
attitude before chuckling
softly at her friend.

“Well at least it got a

smile out of you, that’s
something I haven’t seen
for awhile.”

Bella felt a blush flush her

cheeks and she bowed her
head down, once again
looking at her reflection
in the water. She could
feel Rose move to sit next
to her, could feel her
hand as she placed it on
her shoulder.

“Tell me.” Rose

whispered softly. “Please,
you have been so closed
off this last month. Tell
me what’s going on.”

“I kept my promise to you

and I went to see the
doctor.” Bella whispered
her eyes moving to meet
Rose’s.

“You’re not sick are you?”

Rose asked softly her eyes
scanning Bella’s face
before opening in shock.
“Oh god, you’re pregnant
aren’t you?”
Bella couldn’t find the
words to speak, to
confirm what Rosalie was
saying. Instead, she
silently nodded looking to
her friend for comfort and
understanding.

“Is it Mike’s?”

“God no,” Bella cringed

at the thought. “I haven’t
been with Mike in so long,
so very long.”

“Edward?” Rose
questioned softly.

“Yes,” Bella answered her

voice wavering with
emotion. “I’m having
Edward’s baby.”

“Oh honey,” Rose

whispered and suddenly
Bella was enveloped in
her arms. “It will be okay.
We will work though this
together. Don’t worry,
everything will be okay.”

Bella found the tears she

had been holding back
finally flowing down her
face. She wiped them
away, almost angrily. “I
should be happy, Rose. I
should be celebrating
with the love of my life
and I can’t. He can’t
know. I’ve already done
so many things wrong.”

Rose looked at her in

questioning before Bella
heard her gasp. “You’re
not thinking of getting an
abortion are you? Bella
take it from me, you will
regret it.”

“It’s not even a

consideration for me. I
can’t get rid of this piece
of him, this piece of us. I
already love it too much.
What do you mean, take
it from me?”

Rose sighed in relief

before brushing her hair
off of her face. “I was
raped when I was fifteen
by my boyfriend,” she
looked down at the water
as she spoke “and I got
pregnant. I was so young,
so stupid. I honestly
thought that he loved me.
My parents talked me into
aborting it. I regret my
decision every day. I
would give anything, now,
to have a family, to have
someone to love me
unconditionally.”

“I never knew,” Bella

gasped.
“I don’t like to talk about
it, to relive it. It brings
back so many memories,
so much pain. This place
is so peaceful; I can see
why you love it.”

Bella took her change in

topic with a grain of salt,
realizing that the topic
was probably difficult for
Rose to talk about. They
sat together in silence,
neither saying anything
and neither needing to.

“You said you need my

help?” Rose broke the
silence.

“I do,” Bella replied

softly. “The moment I got
that call my life changed,
Rose. I can’t keep living
with friends, moving Alice
place to place. I need to
find a steady place, a
home base. I need to a
job with a steady income.
Child support is helping
with Alice but I just don’t
think it’s enough. Most
importantly I need to get
me well again.”

Rose nodded in
encouragement as Bella
continued to talk.

“I had a bit of a freak out

earlier, I’m not going to
downplay it or lie about
it. I think I need to talk to
someone, to work on
getting myself well.”

“You mean like a

psychologist?” Rose
questioned.

“Yes.”

“I know just the one.”

Rose spoke softly as she
pulled out her cell phone
and flipped through the
numbers. “I’ve heard
some really great things
about him from my
clients.” Rose looked up
at her for a moment, her
eyes glistening with some
emotion Bella couldn’t
read.

“You’re doing the right

thing.” Rose spoke softly.
“You need to take care of
you to take care of the
baby.”

“I know,” Bella sighed. “I

just need to be able to
sleep through the night
again.”

“You’re not sleeping?”

Rose suddenly sounded
angry and Bella instantly
regretted the words that
left her mouth.
“Not completely through
the night.”

“Bella you should have

come to me sooner! How
long has this been going
on for?”

“Since that night in the

hotel room,” Bella
whispered.

“Bella, that was three

months ago!”

Bella winced slightly at

the tone in her voice. “I
know. It’s not like I am
not getting any sleep at
all I just have been having
nightmares.”

“Well the pregnancy

could have something to
do with that, but I’m sure
the stress of everything
that is going on isn’t
helping. Talking to a
psychologist will really
help you learn to deal
with that.”

“I really hope so.” Bella

whispered.
Bella sat in the waiting
room, her hands nervously
twirling the strings from
her sweatshirt in her
hand. She had flipped
through the magazines
quickly, unable to focus
enough to read the
articles. Rose had offered
to come with her, to help
ease the nerves but she
had declined.

This was something she

was going to have to do
alone.

Her stomach continued to

do somersaults and Bella
was thankful that she had
placed some crackers in
her purse. Pulling them
out she nibbled on them
as she looked around at
everyone else sitting in
the waiting room.

It seemed like a normal

doctor’s office, but she
had never really been one
for going to see the
doctor. Not that it had
prevented her from
having to go quite
frequently. She was
anything but graceful as a
child that was for certain.

Bella’s fingers began to

tap nervously on her legs
and she noticed a young
child looking at her and
smiling. The thoughts led
her to wonder what her
and Edward’s child would
look like. Would it have
his eyes? Have his hair?
His face? Would it have
her hair? Her nose?

The thoughts seemed to

calm her nerves and she
found herself relaxing
into the seat. She was
doing this for Alice and
for her unborn child.
While she had never seen
a psychiatrist before, she
knew that there were no
strange tests to be
nervous about.

Bella was startled from

her thoughts by the
calling of her name and
she looked up at the
mousy nurse, suddenly
feeling nervous once
again.

“Isabella Swan.”
She rose from her seat
making her way through
the small hallway and into
a fully furnished room.
Bella looked around at
the plaques on the wall
and the books lining the
shelf. There was a plush
chair located in front of a
large mahogany desk.

Behind the desk sat an

older male with curly
white hair and a pair of
rimmed glasses. He rose
from his chair,
straightening out his tie
before walking around
and extending his hand.

“Isabella Swan, my name

is Dr. Parker. It’s a
pleasure to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you as

well.” Bella replied
softly, her eyes scanning
the room.

“From what I understand

you were referred here by
Dr. Smith and a friend of
yours a Mrs. Hale?”

“That’s correct.” Bella

answered hesitantly.

“Where are my manners,”

Dr. Parker pointed to the
chair in front of his desk
“please have a seat. Since
this is our first meeting I
thought we could just
kind of talk over what you
wanted to get out of our
meetings and go over
some general guidelines.”

Bella took a seat in the

chair her eyes still
scanning the room
nervously. Dr. Parker
made his way around
setting behind his desk
and looking down at a file
before looking back up at
her.

“Is this your first time

seeing a psychologist?” he
questioned.

“Yes.”

“I understand you are

probably nervous then,
but there is really no
reason to be. Everything
that is spoken in this
room stays between you
and I. I also want to make
it clear that it is perfectly
normal to talk to a
psychologist. Everyone
needs to talk to someone
about their problems and
who better than someone
that truly wants to help
you?”
Bella nodded, silently
acknowledging what he
was saying.

“I want you to understand

that it is admirable that
you are coming to talk to
me about your problems. I
also want to tell you that
if you really give this a try
it can be very beneficial
to you. Now when Mrs.
Hale made your
appointment she stated
that you were suffering
from signs of severe stress
and that you also recently
ended a serious
relationship.”

“That’s correct.”

“I’ve also been told by Dr.

Smith that
congratulations are in
order. You are expecting
your second child?”
“Yes.”

“Well I am sure that it

can’t be easy ending a
relationship and finding
out that you are pregnant
all in such a short time.
Did Dr. Smith explain to
you the effects that stress
has on your fetus?”

Bella nodded.

“Alright,” Dr. Parker

nodded “do you have any
questions for me?”

“Not really any that I can

think of.” Bella answered.
“I just want to get better,
to feel better. For myself
and for my children.”

“I can promise you, Bella,

that if you are open and
honest with me and
willing to work on it than
you will get better.”

“Can I ask you one more

thing?” Dr. Parker
questioned looking at her
over his glasses as he
looked at her file.

“Of course.”

“Does the father know?”

“No.” Bella whispered.

“Do you want him to?”

“I’m not quite sure yet.”

Bella answered shrugging
softly. “I want him to
know, to be there, but I
don’t want it to interfere
with his life.”

A small ding sounded and

the doctor looked at her
closely for a second
before giving her a
pleasant smile.

“Looks like our time is

over Isabella. Until next
time.”
-Present Day-

Edward woke covered in

sweat and panting
slightly. Rolling over and
looking at the clock on
the nightstand he realized
it was still really early.
Groaning, he rolled back
over and closed his eyes
hoping to fall back
asleep. Images of his
dream flooded his mind
and his heart raced as he
thought about it.

It had been two months

since he had seen her,
two months since he had
left her, since he had
broken her heart. Sitting
up, Edward ran his hand
through his hair in
frustration. He looked
around the empty room
before letting out a
gentle sigh. The white
walls were bare and there
was little furniture to
distract him.

“Home sweet home.” He

muttered softly under his
breath in disgust.

The small two bedroom

apartment wasn’t what
he was used to but he
knew in time he would
become accustom to it,
he would have to. He
listened for a moment to
the small child monitor
next to his bed, making
sure that Emmett wasn’t
awake. Satisfied with the
lack of sound, he leaned
back resting his head
against the headboard of
his bed.

So much had changed in

the past two months; his
life was completely
different now. It hadn’t
taken much for him to
realize what an idiot he
was, to realize what a
huge mistake he had
made. One week after the
court case he got a hold
of Jacob again.

And what a week it had

been.

While he was living with

Tanya, he wasn’t really
living at all. Frustrated
with his lack of interest in
her, or merely his lack of
interest in anything other
than the room he was
staying in Tanya had
kicked him out.
Apparently there was a
limit as to what she could
put up with.

It was around this time

that Edward found out
that Tanya had been
sleeping with a friend of
hers from work. While
normally Edward would
have been concerned by
the fact that Tanya had
cheated on him, he
couldn’t even bother
feigning an interest. She
had apparently gotten
over her fear of others
opinions because the day
he moved out, her new
“friend” moved in.

While Edward spent most

of his time in a nearly
comatose state being
taken care of by Jasper,
Jacob began the legal
proceedings. He was fed
bits and pieces of news
through a filter by Jacob.
It seemed as if Tanya
didn’t really want the
burden of taking care of
Emmett and was giving
him full custody.

It was the first time he

had smiled in months and
the first time he had felt
hope.

The legal proceedings

moved quickly and before
he knew it he was signing
the divorce papers. The
moment he signed his
name to the paper he
tried to get a hold of
Bella. He was more than a
little shocked to find out
that she had changed her
phone number and he
really had no other way of
contacting her.
Beyond desperation he
had also tried to contact
her lawyer to no avail.

The hope had faded and

he found himself once
again slipping into an
almost unlivable state. He
woke in the morning and
worked through his
normal routine without
little thought or care. If
he hadn’t had Jasper to
help him care for Emmett
and to get his lazy ass out
of bed every morning, he
wasn’t sure he could have
survived.

Things were changing,

though. He could no
longer rely on the
hospitality of Jasper
whom he felt he was
taking advantage of. That
and after two months of
sulking and living a hobbit
like existence in his room
had shown him that he
needed to act.

And act he had.

Not only had Edward

obtained, using a nice
little chunk of the divorce
settlement (he would
have to thank Jacob for
that), a two bedroom
apartment for himself and
Emmett but also a job
working at the local
hospital.

Yes Dr. Edward Cullen

was back to work, now in
the cardiology
department.

While getting a place of

his own and getting back
to work had certainly
helped him move out of
the funk that had
overtaken his existence,
the nights were still hard.
It was during the nights,
when Emmett was
sleeping and there was
little else for Edward to
do, that he thought of his
Bella.

It was easy to imagine

that she was as miserable
as he was and while those
thoughts bugged him to
an extent that they kept
him from falling asleep,
they weren’t what were
haunting him.

No he was haunted by
other images that his
mind chose to taunt him
with. He was constantly
inundated with images of
Bella with someone else,
in love and happier than
he had ever seen her. Her
smiling face as she kissed
another man.

While Edward knew that

he had no claim on her,
he had given that up with
the letter, the thought of
there even being a
possibility of her being
with someone else killed
him. The ache in his heart
grew daily and he knew
that the only person, the
only thing that could fill
the void was her.

He could still picture the

look on Jasper’s face
when he arrived, knocking
on his door, the day of
the trial to pick up his
stuff. Jasper must have
been able to sense
immediately that
something had gone
wrong because without a
word he pulled him into
his apartment.

“Edward are you okay?”

Jasper asked concerned.

“I’m fine.” His voice

sounded dull and lifeless
and he knew it. There
was nothing he could do,
that he could say that
would make things right.
Why even bother making
an effort?

“Edward you’re scaring

me.” Jasper muttered, his
eyes searching his friends
for a moment as his
forehead wrinkled.

“I just came to pick up

my things; Tanya is
waiting outside in the
car.”
“Tanya? What the hell,
Edward. I thought the
whole point was to go get
Bella back, to tell her
how wrong you were.
Screw Tanya, let her
wait. You need to tell me
what the hell is going
on.”

“Absolutely nothing is
going on, Jasper. I’ve
come to get my things
and go home to my wife.”

“That’s bullshit and you

know it Edward. You two
haven’t even been living
together, let alone been
on speaking terms.
Something happened and
for whatever reason you
aren’t telling me.”

Edward’s hand shook as

he reached up and pushed
his hair off of his
forehead, avoiding
looking into his best
friends eyes, afraid he
would break down.

“Please Jasper; just let

me get my things.”

Jasper moved out of his

way, standing next to the
door. Edward could feel
his eyes on him as he
threw his things into a
duffle bag using a bit
more force than was
needed. Throwing the bag
over his shoulder, his eyes
met those of Jasper’s for
the first time.

“I get that you feel like

you need to protect
yourself, or whatever the
fuck you are doing.”
Jasper whispered. “I know
you better than you think;
you pushed her away,
didn’t you?”

Edward stood for a

moment before the words
began tumbling from his
lips. “You have no fucking
idea what you are talking
about Jasper. Maybe you
should be more concerned
about your life than mine.
Did you ever think about
that?”

Jasper’s fists clenched

tight and he shook his
head for a moment before
his eyes filled with
sadness.

“You’ve got your things so

you can leave now,
Edward.”

Edward brushed past him,

making it to the door
before he felt his friends
hand on his shoulder.

“When everything falls

apart,” Jasper stated
“when you have nothing
left I will still be here.
That’s more than I can
say for your wife waiting
downstairs for you.”

Edward had slammed the

door behind him on his
way out.

Jasper had been right, of

course, and it was he who
was truly there for
Edward when he needed
him most. Edward knew
that he had hurt him by
refusing to talk, by
refusing to explain what
was happening at the
time but the wounds of
what he had just done
were so fresh.
Jasper had been the one
to take care of him when
he was unable to do it for
himself. Not only did he
make Edward eat but also
made sure that Emmett
was cared for. Edward
knew that he would never
really be able to pay him
back for all he had done,
for all the things that
were unsaid.

It had taken him a few

weeks before he was truly
able to even speak
normally. It took longer to
talk of her but he
eventually explained the
situation to Jasper, going
over every detail
including the letter.
Jasper had sat and
listened intently before
shaking his head.
“You sure fucked this one
up.”

“I know.” Edward
answered honestly.

Jasper hadn’t given up on

the idea that Edward
would win her back and
his enthusiasm had only
seemed to spur Edward
into a deeper depression.

Edward had fucked up.

Royally fucked up and he
was going to have to learn
to deal with it, learn to
cope.

He could eventually live

with himself. Couldn’t he?
“Let’s talk about your
homework assignment
that I gave you a few
weeks ago. Have you still
been filling out your
Journal?”
“Yes.” Bella answered
pulling the notebook out
of her purse and setting it
on the table in front of
them.

Dr. Parker looked down at

the notebook and nodded
before focusing his eyes
on hers once again. “We
are going to try something
different today. Let me
know at any time if you
are uncomfortable with
where this is going.”

“Alright,” Bella responded

softly.

“I want you to read the

entry out loud.”

“WHAT?” Bella cried, her

face burning red.
“It’s no different than
having me read the item;
I’m just hearing it from
you instead of reading it.
It will help to make you
more aware of your
feelings and thoughts.”

Bella hesitated for a

moment looking up at him
in surprise.

“It will be beneficial for

you. I need you to at least
try.”

Nodding her head, Bella

opened the notebook
flipping through the
earlier entries before
starting on the most
recent.

“I’ve been so sick with

this pregnancy, so much
more so than I was when I
was pregnant with Alice.
It just makes things so
much harder. I’m trying
to work on the relaxation
techniques that Dr.
Parker gave me to help
relieve the stress I am
under. Being pregnant
definitely doesn’t help
with that.”

“Alright, let’s stop for a

second.” Dr. Parker
leaned back in his chair
and grabbed his notepad
jotting something down.
“This entry is very clear,
Bella. Do you realize what
you are unconsciously
saying here?”

Bella scrunched her brow

looking at the words in
front of her and sighing.
“That I am still stressed
out?”
“Yes but more specifically
a cause of that stress.
Being pregnant puts stress
on your body, Isabella,
it’s only natural. But you
are letting this stress get
to you, work away at you,
and it is draining your
body. Using the relaxation
techniques is a good idea
but I would recommend
that you do them more
often. Stress can be very
hard on your body and
therefore very hard on
the baby, keep that in
mind.”

He motioned for her to

continue reading and
Bella flipped the page,
choosing a different
entry.

Her voice broke as she

read the words on the
page.
“I haven’t told anyone
but Rose, Angela, and the
doctors about my
pregnancy. I’m just not
ready to explain the
affair, to have other
people look at me so
differently. I know I
shouldn’t care what other
people think and the fact
that I worry about it
makes me feel foolish. I
hate myself for feeling
ashamed, I feel so weak.”

Dr. Parker cleared his

throat and Bella looked
up from the paper, her
eyes meeting his.

“I want you to repeat that

last line for me one more
time please.”

“I hate myself for feeling

ashamed, I feel so weak.”
Bella’s voice broke as she
read through the words,
her eyes tearing with
emotion.

“Tell me Isabella,” Dr.

Parker questioned softly
“If it is truly others
opinions you are afraid of
or rather that you will
have to face your
mistakes?”

Bella looked at Dr.

Parker, not moving or
speaking. He smiled softly
at her as he continued to
speak.

“Admitting the mistakes

you made means truly
taking responsibility for
your actions and taking
responsibility for your
involvement. In admitting
those mistakes to others
you would have to admit
them to yourself as well.
In a way it would mean
that you had truly lost
something that was
precious to you.”

Nodding quietly Bella

looked down, her hands
shaking as she processed
his words.

“I know this is a bit brutal

Isabella. I am not trying
to be mean. Only by
really truly listening to
yourself will you begin to
understand why you are
so stressed, why you are
having panic attacks. I
may be a doctor, but only
you hold the key to
answering those
questions. Continue
reading please.”

“Rosalie got a letter from

a Jasper Whitlock who
said he was best friends
with Edward. He said he
desperately needed to
talk to her about finding
me. When she showed me
the brief letter I thought
my heart was going to
stop. I had been avoiding
the inevitability of
Edward coming up, of
running into him, of
having to see him again.
Having it thrust so
abruptly into my face
caused me to panic. For
the first time in awhile, I
feel hollow again.”

Bella looked up at Dr.

Parker who stared at her
questioningly for a
moment. “Tell me
Isabella, what do you
interpret this to mean?”

“That instead of dealing

with my emotions,
dealing with the end of
the relationship, I have
been avoiding it. In a way
I have been putting all my
thoughts and feelings
about the relationship on
the back shelf and
ignoring it. Only when it
was thrust into my face
did I realize the pain I
was still carrying?”

“I think that may be true

but I think there is more
to it than that. If
everything you have told
me is true you and
Edward shared a unique
bond. When you two met
it was an instant
connection an instant
attraction. Using that
attraction as a starting
point you two formed a
very serious and close
relationship.”
“It seems to me that you
two came to each other
both broken and tired of
the life you were living. In
a way you healed each
other, helped mend each
other. He brought out a
part of you that you that
you were fighting so hard
to release. It’s only
natural for you to be sad
that it ended.”

He cleared his throat as

he continued to speak.

“It’s natural for you to be

sad, but you stated that
you felt hollow. That’s
unusual wording,
especially for someone
who is expecting a baby.”

Bella found her eyes

narrowing and suddenly
her heart was racing. She
was angry.
“How dare you insinuate
that I am upset about
being pregnant! How dare
you sit there and judge
me based on a moment of
vulnerability.”

Dr. Parker looked at her

eyebrows raised before
speaking to her calmly. “I
never insinuated any such
thing but it’s very
interesting indeed to see
how you interpreted what
I said. I was merely
stating how unusual I
thought the wording was
not that I felt you were
upset. On the contrary I
think this baby means
more to you than you are
letting on, more than
even you are willing to
admit to yourself.”
He took a sip of coffee
looking up to see if she
had calmed down before
continuing.

“You said you felt

vulnerable when you read
the letter which is why I
am assuming that you
panicked. I know from
what you have told me
that your ex-husband Mike
tried to take custody of
Alice away from you on
grounds that were
unfathomable. You also
have a fear of sharing this
news with other people.”

Bella nodded in
agreement causing Dr.
Parker to smile softly.
“This is very interesting
Bella. Do you not see how
all these things are
related?”
Bella shook her head,
skimming through the
words in the book in
confusion.

Dr. Parker pointed to the

notebook in her hands
before speaking again.
“Read the rest of that
entry.”

“I’ve been going back and

forth for over a month
now on whether or not I
should tell Edward and I
just don’t know what to
do. Every time I think I
have made a decision
something happens or I
think of him and suddenly
feel confused once
again.”

“What happens to make

you second guess your
decision? What makes you
feel so confused that you
question your judgment?”
His eyes bore into hers,
almost willing her to find
the answer.

“I question what the

outcome will be.”

“What outcome would

make you less confused?
Why do you change your
mind when you think of
Edward?”

“Because I want him to be

happy.” Bella whispered.

“Why wouldn’t he be
happy that he is having a
child? After all he loved
you at one point, did he
not?”

Bella could feel his eyes

boring into her. Flustered
by his questions she
raised her head, looking
at him in confusion.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know why he

wouldn’t be happy or you
don’t know if he loved
you?”

Bella could hear the timer

ding and jumped out of
her seat, grabbing her
things.

Dr. Parker looked at her

in surprise before clearing
his throat. “I think we
may need to go a few
minutes over.”

“Our time is up!” Bella

stated running her hand
through her hair and
pulling slightly on the
ends. “Your next patient
is probably waiting.”
“I’m willing to run a few
minutes late.” Dr. Parker
looked at the chair,
almost willing her to sit.

“I need to go.” Bella

spoke firmly.

“If you run from your

problems they are only
going to get larger.”

“I will see you next

week.” Bella stated
making her way to the
door and bolting from the
room.
“Dr. Cullen to the
emergency room, Dr.
Cullen to the emergency
room.” The shrill voice
over the announcement
system caused Edward to
cringe.
He had been warned that
there was a severe chest
trauma coming in and he
would most likely have to
scrub up for surgery.
Making his way to the
closest elevator, he
tapped his foot in
impatience looking down
at his beeper. The thing
hadn’t stopped going off
since he had gotten
there.

While normally Edward

would have enjoyed the
challenges that work
brought him, he could
feel in his entire body
how truly tired he was.

It had been 18 hours since

he had been home, 18
hours since he had seen
Emmett. Edward
contemplated that
thought for a moment,
suddenly questioning his
job choice. Could he
really justify such long
periods of time away from
Emmett? He wasn’t sure.
Working gave him less
time to think, though,
less time to ponder how
his life was all wrong.
That was a positive that
he couldn’t ignore.

“Edward?”

He heard the voice calling

to him and found himself
grumbling under his
breath. It had been such a
long night on call and all
he really wanted to do
was go home and crawl
into bed. Edward turned
around addressing the
person calling to him.

“Make it quick, I’m

exhausted.” He muttered
under his breath, rubbing
the sleep from his eyes.
Through his blurry vision
he was able to make out
who was standing in front
of him and his eyes
widened.

“Well it’s wonderful to

see you are still so
polite.” Rose bit at him,
her arms crossed on her
chest and her eyes
narrowed at him.

The elevator dinged

signifying its arrival.
Edward turned to look at
her eyebrow raised, a
million thoughts running
through his head. The
main thought that
predominated was that he
had a room full of people
waiting for him
downstairs.
“We need to talk.”
Edward muttered
watching the elevator
door close in front of him.

“I think you are right.”

Rose growled her hands
tightening their hold on
her arms. She looked
pissed, really pissed.
Edward’s pager buzzed in
his pocket and he pulled
it out looking at it, a
scowl present on his face.

“I really need to get down

to the ER we just had a
severe trauma come in
that needs heart surgery.
Are you going to be
around for awhile?”

“Nope.” Rosalie stated

shrugging her shoulders
and biting back a smirk.
“I was just on my way
out. I was visiting a family
friend.”

“Can I call you?” Edward

asked pushing the
elevator button once
again and running his
hand through his hair
frustrated. This was the
chance he had been
looking for, begging for
and he couldn’t let her
leave without some way
of contacting her.

“I think this is a
conversation that would
better be done face to
face.” Rose replied rolling
her eyes.
“Coffee shop downstairs
at say” Edward looked at
his watch “noon
tomorrow?”

Rose nodded curtly,

pointedly looking at the
elevator as it dinged once
again. Edward stepped
into the empty lift,
looking at Rose for a
moment in concern.

“Is Bella alright?” Edward

asked holding the door
open with his hand.

“Depends on your
definition of alright.”
Rose hastily answered
before turning and leaving
him standing shocked.

After a moment he moved

his hand, allowing the
doors to close. Leaning
his head against the wall
he replayed what Rose
had just said to him and
all the meanings it could
have behind it. The lack
of sleep and the confusion
only seemed to swirl
around in his head.
The annoying ding
sounded again and
Edward made his way off
the elevator and quickly
down the hall, pushing
the trauma doors open
and pulling on his gloves.

A petite woman lay on the

table, her face badly
bruised and disfigured
from the accident. Her
legs were mangled and it
was clear that she would
never walk again. Edward
took a deep breath
digesting the scene for a
moment, his heart hurt
and he wasn’t sure why.

This wasn’t the first time

he had seen someone in
this condition but the
image struck with him as
he looked at the blood all
over the poor woman’s
body. His eyes scanned
her once again, latching
onto the brown hair that
hung limply by her head.

Edward clenched his eyes

shut, shaking his head
softly. He suddenly felt
sick.

“What’s the patient’s

name?” Edward asked the
nurse closest to him.

“Elizabeth.” The nurse

replied looking at him
quizzically.

He opened his eyes letting

out the breath he was
holding and chiding
himself on letting himself
get worked up. For a
moment there he had
thought…
Edward shook his head
once again. He couldn’t
even bear to think of it.

After conversing with two

other doctors to arrange
the order of her surgeries,
Edward made his way up
to the O.R. quickly
changing and then
scrubbing up.

“Are you okay?”

Edward looked at the

doctor next to him,
drawing a blank on the
guys’ name. He seemed
rather pleasant the few
times Edward had been
assigned to work with
him.

“Yeah, just the end of a

long shift,” Edward
replied shrugging “I’m
just kind of tired.”
The doctor nodded in
understanding, pushing
the surgery doors open.
Edward followed him in.
--
Edward sat, his head
resting against a locker,
staring at the white wall
in front of him.
Everything around him
looked blurry, fuzzy, and
faded. His eyes burned
and he knew if he didn’t
get some sleep soon that
he would be regretting it.

Rubbing his hands over his

tired eyes he moved them
up tugging on the ends of
his hair, bringing tears to
his eyes. His mind
replayed what had
happened in the O.R. over
and over. He analyzed it
each time trying to figure
out if he could have
changed something, if
there was something he
could have done.
Elizabeth had gone into
cardiac arrest and her
injuries were too great
for them to continue.

She died on the operating

table.

Squinting at his watch,

trying to tell the time, he
sighed frustrated that the
numbers were blurred
together. Turning his
head he looked at the
large clock on the wall.
He had been up for over
30 hours; he definitely
needed to get some
sleep.

Trudging through the

physicians room Edward
made his way back to the
on call rooms, closing one
of the doors and flopping
down on the bed. Pulling
out his cell phone, he
texted Jasper.

“Too tired to drive,

crashing here. Thanks for
taking care of Em, be
home ASAP.”

Setting the alarm clock on

his phone to wake him in
time to meet Rose,
Edward rolled over
bunching the pillow
beneath his head. His
body ached from the
stress of the day and yet
his mind seemed to be
completely awake
replaying every moment
over and over.

He stared at the fuzzy

expanse of white ceiling
above him, willing his
mind to quiet and willing
himself to sleep.

--

Edward was in the

hallway, running towards
the trauma room. His
heart was pounding in his
ears and his breath was
coming out in pants.

Pushing open the trauma

doors he looked at the
petite woman lying on the
cot. Her face was
mangled and bloody, her
brown hair streaked with
blood.

“Call down to the bank,

we’re going to need a few
pints.” Someone called.

His eyes focused on the

face of the woman on the
table, his breath coming
in pants. His world
seemed to swirl around
him and he felt someone
put a hand on his
shoulder.

“Edward, are you

alright?”

He clenched his eyes

tight, willing the images
away, willing his mind to
clear its sleep induced
haze.

“Edward?”

Carlisle stood in front of

him concern on his face
as he looked at his son.

“What is her name?”

Edward asked looking at
the mangled young girl in
front of him.
“Isabella.” His father
answered brow scrunched
in concern.

“I-Isa-Bella?” Edward’s
voice stuttered the words
out.

His father looked at him

knowingly, a small smirk
on his face. “Yes, son,
Isabella.”

The room seemed to spin

around him and Edward
found himself on his
knees his father looking
down at him as he spoke.

“Such a pretty girl, too

bad you fucked everything
up. Look at how broken
she is.”

Edward found himself on

his feet standing next to
the bed. Other doctors
and nurses made their
way around him, hustling
to help his Bella, to save
her.

He looked down at the

battered face her nose
crooked and swollen, her
cheeks covered in tiny
gashes from the glass. Her
eyelids were so swollen
that they stuck out from
her face, making her look
inhuman.

Edward found himself

willing her to open her
eyes, to look at him so he
would realize they were
wrong, that this was all
just a coincidence.

“Why couldn’t you save

me?” she asked, her eyes
opening and looking at
him. The brown was
mudded by the blood in
them. “You couldn’t save
me.”

Edward woke to the ring

of his cell phone, his
breaths coming out in
pants and his body
covered in a thick sheen
of sweat. His head was
spinning and he sat up
immediately looking for a
trashcan to throw up in.

Grabbing the basket he

buried his head in it for a
moment, letting the
contents of his stomach
loose. The mangled image
of Bella was burned in his
retinas and he physically
scrubbed at his eyes with
his hands trying to erase
the image.

He looked around, shaking

his head and crawling out
of bed. His body ached
with the stress of the past
hours and the lack of
proper sleep. His muscles
screamed at him as he
moved, stretching them
stiffly and groaning at the
tension. He was definitely
going to need a shower, a
very hot shower, before
he met up with Rosalie.
--
Edward sat on a stool by
the coffee shop. His
shower had helped with
his nerves, but only a
little bit. Tapping his
hand on the empty table,
he sipped his latte
checking his watch what
seemed like every two
minutes.

“I’m here, you can stop

being frustratingly
annoying.” Rose plopped
down on the stool in front
of him, setting her drink
down and brushing her
hair back from her face.
“You look like shit.”

“Is Bella the friend you

were visiting in the
hospital?” Edward asked
his voice filled with
concern.

“Not that it is any of your

business,” Rose snapped
“but no.”

Rosalie looked around for

a minute, before throwing
her bag onto the table
and speaking so incredibly
fast that Edward had a
hard time keeping up.

“I’m going to tell you

something and you are
going to listen and I mean
truly listen. So close your
mouth and shut up.” She
looked up at him for a
moment to make sure he
was acknowledging her
request before continuing
to talk.

“I thought we had an
agreement, I thought I
could trust you and that
you would do what is best
for her. If I would have
known that it was a
goodbye letter I never
and I mean never in a
million years would have
allowed it to be passed.
She was just starting to
do better and your little
antics set her in a nice
tailspin. You fucked up,
plain and simple.”

Edward opened his mouth

to speak but stopped
when she shot him a dirty
look.
“I thought I was doing the
right thing, I thought that
you loved her and I knew
how hard it was for her to
see you that day. I figured
what could it hurt, right?
Well I made a mistake and
I’m here because I am
rectifying this shit right
now. Bella is my best
friend and I will do
anything and I mean
anything to make sure
that she is alright, to
make sure that she is
happy.”

Rosalie continued to dig

in her purse then, taking
her eyes off of him.
Pulling out an envelope
she threw it down on the
table and looked up at
him.

“What is that?” Edward

asked.
Rosalie growled at him for
a moment before slapping
her hand on the table.

“Listen here, and listen

good. I am not happy
about what I am about to
do but I feel it needs to
be done so just shut the
fuck up and listen. I
wasn’t here visiting a
family friend I was here
looking for you. I knew
you were here because
Jasper told me.”

Edward took a minute to

digest the information
suddenly feeling angry.

“You know Jasper and he

didn’t tell me? I’ve been
trying to find you to find
a way to get a hold of
Bella.”
Rosalie snorted, actually
snorted.

“Yeah you tried really

hard. Calling her old
phone number and calling
my office leaving me a
message. Big efforts there
buddy. Did you honestly
think I would return your
calls after all you’ve
done? As for knowing
Jasper, we go way back, I
was his lawyer when he
was opening his new
business and we kept in
touch.”

“That doesn’t explain

what’s in the envelope.”

“It’s a letter.”

“From Bella?!” Edward

asked reaching for the
envelope and ripping the
contents out.
“No, from Jasper. He
called me being all emo
and shit begging me to
hear out your story. I told
him it didn’t deserve my
time and he begged. After
explaining everything to
me I agreed to come here
and see you for myself. I
guess he was right about
you looking like shit.”

Rose smirked for a

moment before
continuing.

“He told me what has

been going on these past
few months. He told me
how he had to take care
of you and Emmett and
how you weren’t
functioning properly.”
Her eyebrow rose as she
sipped her drink. “Bella
isn’t functioning properly
either. While it pains me
to admit it you two
obviously love each other
and apparently need each
other.”

“Jasper wrote a letter out

for me to show to Bella,
basically begging me to
get a hold of him about
you. I showed it to Bella
and she had a panic
attack. I told Jasper I was
out at that very moment.
I’m not going to hurt her,
to make her worse than
she already is. I refuse to
be a part of that.”

Rose’s face softened then

and she rested her
forehead on her hand.

“The fact of the matter is

no matter what I say or
do she is getting worse
without any help from
Jasper or I. You make her
happy, alive, whole. That
is something that isn’t
easily replaceable. Before
I continue I have one
thing I need to say.”

“If you have no intention

of following this through
then leave right now. I’m
serious. I can promise you
right now that if you
screw her over again, if
you hurt her, you are
going to have to deal with
me. While I may not look
intimidating I can make
you hurt a hundred
different ways. I’m not
someone you want to fuck
with, especially when I
am angry.”

“I can believe that,”

Edward whispered afraid
to speak, afraid for her to
leave. “I’m in, I’m all in I
promise.”

Rose studied him for a

moment, looking into his
eyes. After a moment she
nodded, suddenly looking
very tired.

“I believe you. She goes

to the lake in the park
once a week, I can’t say
when as it changes based
on her mood; If you really
want to find her, than you
know what you need to
do.”

Edward could feel his

heart pounding in his
chest, ringing in his ears.
His Bella needed him, still
loved him. He would go to
the park and wait there
forever if he had to.
“Thank you,” Edward
whispered his eyes
stinging in relief.

“Don’t make me regret

it.” Rose replied.
Alice sat in her seat,
bouncing up and down as
she chattered away.
Looking out the window
the young girl squealed
and clapped her hands
excitedly.

“We swing.” Alice spoke

pointing to the small
swing set in her
babysitter’s front yard.

“Yes, sweetie, I’m sure

that you will get to swing
today.”

“No,” Alice stated in

delight “WE swing.”
Bella pulled into the
driveway, stepping out
before helping Alice
unhook her car seat. Sue
Clearwater stood at the
door waiting for them.

“Hey Bella,”

“Hey Sue,” Bella sighed “I

know I said I was dropping
her off in a few hours but
I am just exhausted and
need a small break.”

Sue smiled in
understanding, patting
her on the shoulder as she
replied “It’s no problem
at all.”

Alice ran into the living

room and Bella could hear
the entering cords of
Spongebob Squarepants
on the television. Sue
rolled her eyes causing
Bella to chuckle softly.

“Emmett.” Bella heard

Alice scream in delight
and she felt her heart
shoot into her throat.
Quickly making her way
into the living room, Bella
scanned the children her
eyes stopping on her own.
Emmett was sitting next
to her, his hand in hers.

“Bella are you alright?”

Sue asked concern lacing
her voice. “You’re white
as a ghost.”

Bella could feel the tears

stinging at her eyes, could
feel the tightening in her
chest and knew that she
was about to have a panic
attack.
Giving her a forced smile,
Bella nodded barely
whispering. “I’m going to
take off.”

“Are you sure you are

okay?” Sue asked. Bella
nodded turning around
and fleeing from the
room.

She sat in her car, her air

coming in short spurts as
her chest tightened.
Gasping she lay her head
against the cool steering
wheel. She could hear the
words of Dr. Parker in her
mind.

“When you have a panic

attack you need to relax
your body, calm your
senses that are in
overload. Close your eyes
and take slow and steady
deep breaths. I know it
may feel like you’re not
getting enough oxygen
but if you breathe too
much you will start
hyperventilating and pass
out.

Your muscles are going to

be tense and it is going to
be hard for you, you are
going to want to fight it.
Don’t, it will only make
them worse. Try to relax
them slowly, easing your
body out of its tense
state.”

Closing her eyes, Bella

took slow, even breaths
and then began the
process of calming her
body down.

“Where is Alice?” Rose

asked plopping down on
the couch next to her.
“I took her to Sue’s for
awhile. I’m just so
exhausted and I wanted a
few hours to myself
before I had to go for
therapy.”

Rose nodded in
understanding her eyes
focusing on the television.
“What are you watching
anyways?” Rose asked
grabbing the remote and
turning the volume up.
Snorting once she realized
what it was. “Are you
seriously watching Pride
and Prejudice again?”

“It’s a good movie.”

“Yeah and no man can
live up to it.” Rose
replied annoyed.

“Pick out a different

movie, Rose.” Her voice
was monotone.
“Is everything okay?” Rose
questioned. “You seem
distracted.”

“Emmett was at Sue’s.”

Rose hit the off button on

the remote and turned on
the couch, her knees
touching her chin which
she now rested upon
them.

“Was Edward there?”

“No.”

“Then what’s the

problem?” Rose
questioned. “Crisis
averted. You didn’t run
into the big bad ex so why
do you look like you have
seen a ghost?”
“It just brought back
memories…” Bella’s voice
trailed off and she turned
away from Rose her face
red with embarrassment.
“I had another panic
attack.”

Rose’s face contorted into

worry and Bella winced
inwardly at the concern
on her friends face.

“Can I ask you something,

Bella, and you promise
me you won’t get mad?”

Taking her silence as a

yes, Rose took a deep
breath closing her eyes
tightly as if afraid of her
reaction.
“Why would something
that made you so happy
cause you to have panic
attacks?” Rose peeked
one eye open looking at
her through the crack.

Bella found her mouth

open in shock and she was
stuttering for words.

“Are you sure,” Rose

stated “and remember I
love you, but are you sure
that these panic attacks
are actually panic
attacks? You were so hurt
by everything that
happened that it makes
me wonder if it’s your
body’s response to
dealing with the pain. A
way of shutting it down so
you don’t have to feel it.”

“I’ve never really thought

of it like that.” Her face
remained beet red and
she could feel the heat
radiating off of her
cheeks.
“That’s because I’m
brilliant.” Rose teased
trying to break the
tension in the room. It
worked because Bella
found herself chuckling
slightly.

“Right, of course you

are.”

“See,” Rose smirked “you

admit it.”

Bella rolled her eyes and

leaned her head back
against the couch a sigh
escaping her lips.

“Do you want to talk

about it?” Rose asked “If
you think it will help I can
listen to you blabber on
about how gorgeous he
was.”
“He did have a nice ass.”
Bella stated a giggle
escaping her lips as her
hand shot up and covered
her mouth. “I mean he
was a really good guy, a
great friend.”

“Uh huh.” Rose muttered.

“Next you’re going to tell
me the sex was great.”

“Amazing actually.”

“And on that note,” Rose

grabbed the remote, her
nose scrunched in
distaste, and turned the
television back on “I think
I would rather watch
Pride and Prejudice.”
--
“Lovely to see you again,
Bella,” Dr. Parker called
as she entered the room.
“Hopefully this week will
end on a bit of a better
note.” His eyebrow was
raised as if in disapproval.

“Right,” Bella sighed

“sorry about that.”

“It’s not really me that

you need to be
apologizing to; in the end
you only hurt yourself.”

She nodded, not really

knowing how to respond.

“Let’s jump right in

then.” Dr. Parker
murmured “Have you had
any attacks this week?”

“One today.”
“And what triggered it?”

“I took Alice to daycare

and one of the boys there
was the child of my
former…” her voice
trailed off. Bella wasn’t
sure what to call Edward,
her former lover?
Boyfriend? Companion?
Nothing seemed right.

“And it triggered an
attack?” he seemed to
understand what she was
trying to say and she was
grateful not to have to
continue that train of
thought.

“Yes.”

“And how did the

techniques we worked on
go? Did they help?”

“I was able to calm

myself down fairly easily
once I got my breathing
under control. It probably
took me ten minutes or so
to be able to drive
again.”
“That’s wonderful, Bella.
That time will most likely
improve the better you
become at controlling
your body’s responses.”

“How is living with Rose

going for you?”

“I love it actually,” Bella

smiled then “It’s nice
having someone to
confide in, to talk to. I
know I can rely on her if I
need help with
something. It’s also nice
to have the company. The
nights are the hardest and
once Alice goes to bed
I’m not really sure what
to do with myself. It
seems to ease the pain if
she is there to distract
me.”
“Hmm” he hummed his
brow knit in concern.
“Just this afternoon we
sat and talked for awhile
and joked around. It was
great to be able to have a
friend that I could be
open with, that I could
joke with, and that made
me laugh.”

“I’m really glad that you

have that support system
but you can’t allow
yourself to become
dependent on it.
Eventually you will have
to find a place of your
own, most likely after the
baby comes.”

“I know.” Bella muttered.

“Do you?” he replied

looking concerned again.
She chose not to answer.
“Have you been to the
park this week?” Dr.
Parker asked trying to
keep the conversation
flowing. He had
recommended she visit
often as a type of
immersion therapy. The
more she went there the
less it seemed daunting,
tainted, and the more it
felt like her little slice of
peace.

“Not yet,” Bella replied

brushing her hair from her
face “This week has just
been crazy busy. I’m
thinking about going later
today though, since Alice
is at Sue’s.”

“Good. No more panic

attacks or episodes
there?”

“None.”
“That is great progress,
Bella.” His smile was
genuine. “I feel like we
are ignoring the pink
elephant in the room.” He
set his notebook down
and his hands relaxed
onto his desk. “Shall we
talk about what happened
last week?”

“My appointment was

over.” Bella shrugged
trying not to let his stare
get to her.

“We were in the midst of

a huge breakthrough,
though. It would have
been beneficial for you to
stay longer and I had no
problem with it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Like I said,” he shrugged

his shoulders “in the end
you are only hurting
yourself. Henry Miller
once stated something
Bella and I want to share
it with you, I think it
could be very beneficial
to you. He once said that
‘Everything we shut our
eyes to, everything we
run away from,
everything we deny,
denigrate or despise,
serves to defeat us in the
end. What seems nasty,
painful, evil, can become
a source of beauty, joy,
and strength, if faced
with an open mind.’ I
want you to keep that in
mind.”

The small timer dinged

and he smiled once again
before pushing his glasses
up on his nose. “We will
talk about this more next
week, but think about
what I have said.”
Bella made her way down
the winding streets, the
familiarity of the drive
comforting her uneasy
mind. She contemplated
her day; seeing Emmett,
her conversation with
Rose, and finally her
meeting with Dr. Parker.
Her heart felt heavy and
she couldn’t help but
acknowledge the fact that
something was missing.

Pulling into her normal

parking space Bella
looked at the park in
front of her. The battered
slide and swing set that
Alice used to ride on, the
small gazebo where her
and Edward had hidden
from the rain, the
battered paths that led
into the woods; it all
seemed so familiar.

The familiarity left a

steady ache in her chest
that truly reminded her of
what she was missing, of
who she was missing and
yet she felt no panic.

The sun was slowly setting

and the trees were
outlined in an almost
orange glow that seemed
warming and comforting.
Setting on the swings she
rocked back and forth
taking everything in,
feeling every bittersweet
emotion.

The sun continued to set

and the park grew
quieter, darker. It still
seemed peaceful to her,
though. Standing from the
swing, Bella made her
way down the quiet and
familiar path towards her
lake. The path was still
worn, but now it brought
her comfort instead of
sadness.

Turning the corner the

site in front of her caused
her to stop and the breath
to leave her. Shaking her
head for a moment, her
eyes wide, she stared.

Edward sat in the grass,

the moonlight
illuminating his features
almost as much as the
small lantern he had
placed beside him. He
was on a blanket, a single
rose and basket of food
next to him. Her heart
stuttered at the picture.
Her body was screaming
to run towards him, to
fling herself into his arms,
to lose herself in him.

She took a steady breath,

telling herself she
wouldn’t lose control.
Then he turned and
looked at her and he
looked broken.

His tired and red eyes

were rimmed with a deep
purple that showed that
he had been neglecting
his sleep. His hair was
twisted and tangled and
sticking up in a way that
signified he had been
tugging incessantly on the
ends. It was clear from
the moment she looked
into his eyes that he had
been crying.

Upon seeing her he stood,

arms open with palms up
as if to signify he meant
no harm.

Bella could feel a deep

sigh escape her lips as she
looked at him and then
focused her gaze on her
shaking hands. He moved
towards her slowly,
almost afraid she was
going to bolt from him.

“Bella,” he sighed.

She could feel the tears

slowly falling down her
face and suddenly he was
in front of her. Her skin
ached as he reached up
and slowly wiped each
tear away. Bella’s eyes
met his and she could feel
herself slowly getting lost
in them.

“I think we need to talk.”

He whispered.
Edward had just about
given up. After sitting in
the park and stewing over
everything that had
happened, and he had
plenty of time to stew, he
couldn’t comprehend how
Bella would ever forgive
him. Just as he had
convinced himself it was
useless, she showed up.

While he could tell that

the time apart had
stressed her and been
hard on her body, she had
never looked more
beautiful to him. Rosalie
had mentioned her panic
attacks and fearing the
worst he stood in a
gesture of peace, hoping
she would understand; he
was there for forgiveness.

When the tears began to

fall, his body instantly
gravitated towards hers.
It was his fault she was
crying, his fault they were
in this situation and he
was going to fix it. His
fingers moved of their
own accord, wiping the
cascading tears from her
face and with each touch
they burned.

He had never enjoyed

pain more in his life.

Bella was so close to him

and yet it felt like there
was so much unspoken
between them. His arms
ached to reach out and
pull her to him, his lips to
kiss her. Instead he led
her to the small blanket
his hands trembling to
touch her.

They sat together on the

blanket, legs barely
touching and their hands
entwined. Edward noticed
almost immediately how
focused Bella was on the
water, how she refused to
make eye contact, taking
that one simple pleasure
from him.

“Bella,” his voice was

quiet and gravelly with
emotion. “Please look at
me Bella.”

Her eyes rose to look at

him, brimming over with
emotion and with so much
unspoken hurt.

“I’m so sorry, Bella. I

thought I was doing the
right thing, I thought that
it would make things
easier. I hurt myself and
in the process I also hurt
you. I feel I need to
explain my actions, to
justify them in some way
but I can truly and
honestly say that I did it
because I thought it was
what was best for you.”
Her hand shook in his and
he found himself
squeezing it tightly,
holding on for dear life.
He couldn’t let her walk
away, not now that he
had a chance to explain,
to make her his again.
Her eyes narrowed at him
and he knew he needed to
continue, if he could only
find the words.

“I need you to know, to

understand, everything I
have been through these
past few months, the
pains I put myself through
thinking it was for the
best. I’m so ignorant Bella
and so selfish. I wrote you
the letter thinking it
would give you some kind
of closure, a proper
goodbye. The minute I
handed that letter to
Rose, you must know, I
have never hated myself
so much.”

His voice wavered with

emotion and he found his
free hand yanking on his
hair once again. She
seemed to involuntarily
cringe when he spoke of
the letter and he found
his mind replaying what
he had written over and
over. Edward thought he
had been obvious;
thought that it would be
clear how much he
needed her, how much he
loved her. Maybe his
letter was crueler than he
thought?

“After the incident at the

hotel I moved out of my
house with Tanya, up
until the trial I was living
with Jasper. I came to the
courthouse that day to
find Tanya outside. It was
at that moment I realized
something that I should
have realized before. She
would have done
anything, said anything to
get her way. She was
never pregnant it was all
just a ploy. I’ve never felt
so stupid in my life and I
planned on leaving her.”

Bella’s brow knit in

confusion and hurt was
clearly evident on her
face. This only seemed to
worry him more. She
hadn’t spoken a word;
letting him tell his side of
the story, but what would
she say when she realized
why he acted the way he
had? Would it make any
difference that everything
he did, every action he
took, was for her and
Alice?
“She manipulated me
Bella by using our
relationship against you.
She was going to get Alice
taken away from you. I
couldn’t let that happen.
I couldn’t do that to you
or to Alice. So I gave her
what she wanted and
moved back in with her,
except it wasn’t what she
wanted at all. No amount
of manipulating or
screaming could make me
love her, not the way I
love you. Don’t you
understand, no matter
how long we were apart
my heart still belonged to
you, it longed and ached
to be with you.”

Edward found tears rolling

down his cheeks and he
ignored them, focusing
only on her. He knew he
was sleep deprived, knew
how haggard he looked
but he didn’t care. The
words seemed to affect
her just as strongly as
tears were rolling down
her cheeks and tumbling
off her chin.

He moved his hand from

his side up to her face,
once again sweeping the
tears away. If she still
loved him, if he had any
chance in hell to be with
her again, than he would
never make her cry again.
He couldn’t stand seeing
her cry and he felt his
broken heart tear just a
bit more.

“It lasted a week before I

was living with Jasper
again. I was inconsolable.
I thought I had lost you,
knew that what we had
could never be replaced.
It got so bad that Jasper
was caring for Emmett
and for me as well. Jasper
helped get me out of my
funk.”

“I’m divorced now and I

live with Emmett in a tiny
two bedroom apartment.
I’ve also gotten a job at
St. Mercy’s working in
cardiology. The fact of
the matter is, Bella, I
can’t function without
you and I can’t live
without you. Leaving you
was the biggest mistake
of my life and I know I
have messed everything
up, ruined what we had.
I’m here hoping and
praying that you will give
me a second chance, that
you will let me make it up
to you.”
She sat, quietly digesting
his words. He wasn’t sure
what she was thinking,
what she was feeling and
it made him nervous.
Edward didn’t know what
he would do if he lost
her, his heart shattered
at just the thought.

“Please Bella say

something,” Edward
whispered tears spilling
over his eyelashes.

She moved closer,

suddenly clinging to him,
and her tears soaked his
shirt. How could he ever
cause someone whom he
supposedly loved so much
pain?

“I’m so sorry, Bella.”

His arms wrapped around

her trembling form and he
buried his nose in her
hair, breathing her in.
“This is the first time, in
a long time, that things
just feel right.”

“I know what you mean,”

she sighed, her voice
gravelly and rough from
the crying. Her breathing
calmed and she pulled
back from him, almost
looking embarrassed.

“Everything is just so
complicated and so
messed up. I have so
much I need to tell you,
so much to share and I
have no clue where to
start. When you left it
devastated me. I truly
loved you with all of my
soul and it was like a part
of me was missing, was
broken.”
“I’ve been seeing a
therapist to deal with
panic attacks and stress.
When you left me, both at
the hotel and with the
letter, I felt as if it was
my fault somehow. Like I
wasn’t good enough or I
had done something
wrong. It caused me to
question our relationship
and everything that had
happened between us.”

The fact that she

questioned their love
shocked him to his core.
He knew that she was
seeing a therapist from
talking with Rose, but he
didn’t know the specifics.
Now that he did, Edward
couldn’t stand it and he
was disgusted with
himself. His eyes strayed
to the water, afraid to
see the truth of the words
in her eyes.

“I promise you that was

never my intention. I can
truly say I was
devastated, every
moment I wanted to be by
your side. The fact that
you had to go see
someone about feeling
panicky and stressed, I
feel so responsible. I can
truly say I hate myself in
this moment.”

Her throat cleared and he

found his eyes meeting
hers once again. “Please
don’t. I’ve learned a lot
of things through therapy
and one of the main ones
is that you need to take
responsibility for your
actions. I could have
come after you, Edward,
and I probably should
have.”

Bella looked nervous,

almost to the point of
making herself sick.

“I have something I need

to tell you and I need you
to understand that I
haven’t known for very
long and I have been
trying to work up the
nerve to talk to you and
tell you.”

She cleared her throat

nervously again, and
suddenly her eyes
diverted, concentrating
on the moon above them.

“Edward, I’m pregnant.”

--
Bella sat watching him
carefully; afraid at any
moment that he would
get up and run away from
her, realize that she
wasn’t worth it. His
mouth moved slowly, as if
trying to process and talk
at the same time. She
found herself giggling and
he looked at her in shock.

“Sorry, just the look on

your face.” She found
herself snorting.

“You’re serious, right?

You aren’t messing with
me?” Edward sounded
confused and his hands
yanked on his hair
unconsciously.

“Why would I lie about

something like that?”
Bella questioned, angry at
his accusation.
“Well it’s pretty hard to
take you seriously when
you are laughing and
snorting. I wanted to
make sure you were
serious before I got my
hopes up.”

He smiled then, truly

smiled and it was one of
the most beautiful things
she had seen in quite
awhile. She found his
arms around her hugging
her closely to him.

“We’re having a baby,”

the words were a whisper
and barely audible to her,
but still she heard them.
They sent a tingle up her
spine and she looked him
in the eyes, nodding
softly.
Her phone buzzed in her
pocket then and her brow
furrowed in annoyance. “I
have to go get Alice from
the sitters she has been
there most of the day.”

Edward looked at her for

a moment before getting
up and pulling her up to
her feet. “I’ll walk you to
your car.”

The intensity in his eyes

caused a shiver once
again to flutter up her
spine and she simply
nodded, entwining her
hand with his. They
walked the trodden path,
neither speaking. It
wasn’t a heavy silence
but it was filled with so
many implications that it
made her head spin and
her heart stutter.
The fact that he was
touching her wasn’t what
was distracting her, but
how innocently his hand
brushed her that
distracted her. It had
been such a long time
since she had felt
anything even closely
resembling a lover’s
touch. It made her heart
sing.

Edward stopped in front

of her car, a small smile
on his face. Bella could
feel his fingers playing
with hers, could feel the
tension tightening in her
chest. He looked at her in
confusion before realizing
something was wrong.

Closing her eyes, she

leaned her head back
gasps coming from her
mouth.
“Bella?” Edward sounded
panicked. “Are you okay?”

“Just give me a minute”

she gasped out, her hand
clenching her chest as she
tried to relax her
muscles. After a moment
she opened her eyes
looking at him and
smiling.

“That was the shortest

panic attack I have ever
had.”

His brow was furrowed in

worry and she found her
hand reaching out and
smoothing it out. “I’m
alright, it was nothing
compared to how they
have been. Don’t worry.”

He nodded, but Bella

could tell that the
concern hadn’t fully left
him and she shrugged.
“It’s just my body’s way
of telling me that too
much is going on.”

“I think I need some

time.” She whispered
softly. “I need to just
process everything.”

“I understand.” His voice

broke as he spoke and the
hurt on his face made her
inwardly wince. She
didn’t want to hurt him;
she just needed to
process everything, to
calm down. He pulled her
into him, hugging her
tightly as if fighting to not
let her go.

She couldn’t stop herself

and the next thing she
knew their lips had met in
a kiss, which he quickly
deepened. Her breaths
came in pants as her
hands tangled in his
unruly hair, tugging on it
hard. He groaned and she
found herself being
pushed backwards, the
frame of the car door
digging into her back.

Bella pulled her head

back, resting it against
the car as he continued to
kiss down her neck. After
a moment he pulled away
as well his breathing
erratic and a small frown
upon his face. They
quietly looked at each
other without saying a
word.

“Sorry,” She stated

shrugging softly as she
broke the silence.
“Trust me, I don’t mind
at all.” He looked
sheepish and she couldn’t
help the giggle that
escaped her lips. “Can I
get your phone number;
you seem to have changed
it.”

Bella quickly wrote the

number down, shoving the
piece of envelope into his
hands. “Goodnight,” she
whispered.

“Dream of me my love.”
Edward replied, making
his way to his car.

Bella sat in the car, trying

to ignore the tingling
sensation that still
lingered on her lips.
Reaching up she slowly
massaged her straining
eyes. She was so tired and
for the first time in a long
time, she actually thought
she might get a good
night’s sleep.
The waves crashed into
the sand and she sat and
watched the sun slowly
rise above the surf. The
figure of a man appeared
in the distance. He was
carrying his shirt and
shoes, the waves of water
lapping at his feet and
coating them in a thick
layer of sand.

His eyes glistened in the

sun and the day old scruff
on his face made his jaw
more prominent. He
literally took her breath
away and she found
herself openly staring at
him. He walked along the
water’s edge, slowly
moving closer to her.
His eyes began to wander
from the water’s edge
and seeing her he smiled.
She smiled back softly,
relishing the attention.
His eyes gazed downwards
and his smile changed
into a frown. She felt
panic rise up in her chest
as he loomed ever closer.
She looked down at her
prominent belly and
noticed his eyes focused
on it as well.

“It’s yours you know?”

Edward made her way

over to her, pulling her to
her feet. He pulled her
into his embrace and
slowly leaned forward, his
lips barely brushing hers.

“What’s mine?”
“The baby,” Bella replied
her hands resting gently
on her stomach.

He looked down at her

belly, his eyes large and
scared. “I don’t want to
have to be tied to you
forever.”

Bella woke with a start,

sweaty and irritated.

“So much for a good

night’s sleep.” She
muttered under her
breath. Setting up, she
ran her hands through her
hair before pulling it up
into a ponytail. Wiping
the sweat from her brow,
she hopped out of bed
and walked quietly down
the hall, checking on
Alice.
She found herself setting
in the kitchen, listening
to the gentle tick of the
clock on the wall. Her
mind ran rampant with
thoughts of her dream.
She had told him, had
explained the situation,
and he had been happy
about it. Hadn’t he?

Shaking her head of the

errant doubt, Bella sighed
plopping her forehead
onto her arm before
groaning. Telling Edward
had been the right thing
to do and he had been
ecstatic over the news.
Closing her eyes she could
almost hear the way his
voice had spoken so
tenderly causing another
shiver to run up her spine.
“What are you doing?”
Rose questioned startling
Bella out of her revere.

“Umm,” Bella blushed

furiously having been
caught in her day dream.
“Getting some food?”

“Good excuse there

mama bear.” Rose tapped
her on the stomach
lovingly as she passed
her. “You were thinking
about your little
rendezvous with Edward
in the park earlier.”

“Speaking of rendezvous
shouldn’t you, oh I don’t
know, be making up for
lost time instead of sitting
in the kitchen at this
ungodly hour while
groaning into the
granite?”
“It’s not that simple,
Rose.”

“I know, but you can’t

hide the fact that you are
happier. It’s written all
over your face.”

“It’s my motherly glow.”

Bella responded
sarcastically, annoyed
with Rose’s questioning.

“No need to go all bitchy

on me.” Rose muttered
pulling out eggs and
looking over her shoulder.
“I’m making us omelets
and you are going to talk,
whether you want to or
not.”
--
“So you had a
nightmare?” Rose asked
shoving a fork full of egg
into her mouth with her
eyebrow raised as if
defying Bella to not
answer the question.

“Something like that.”

Bella muttered. “I don’t
know if I would call it a
nightmare per say.”

“Well what would you like

to call it?” Rose mumbled
“You can’t be in denial
about these things, you
need to face them head
on or they will come back
to hurt you.”

“I’m aware, I just think

that my brain is
overanalyzing things and I
am reading too much into
things. What is it that
they say? I am my own
worst enemy?”

“So you had a dream

about Edward?”
“Is it that obvious?” Bella
mumbled. “It started out
so great and then it just
got horrible.”

“What about it made it

horrible?”

“He said he didn’t want

to be tied to me and the
baby forever.”

“But you know that isn’t

true.” Rose stated.
“Maybe it is your brains
way of telling you not to
jump right in, to just take
things slow and to be
careful.”

“Maybe, it just freaked

me out a little bit.”

“I’ve talked to and seen

the man, Bella. No matter
what you think he is head
over heels in love with
you and I think he is
probably more excited
about the baby than you
realize. Don’t run from
him this time, take things
slow but let him be there
for you. You both deserve
it.”
Edward sat at a bench in
the park, lazily laying
back and soaking in the
sun. His head was thrown
back and he wore a pair
of black sunglasses over
his eyes.

“There you are.” Bella

stated smiling softly at
him.

“Here I am,” Edward

smiled softly hopping up
and pulling her into a hug
before pecking her on the
cheek. “I have a surprise
for you.”
He pulled a small bag out
from behind his back and
held it in front of her
shaking it in her face
causing her to laugh. She
reached up and snagged
the bag out of his grasp,
pulling the contents out
her jaw open in shock.

“I couldn’t sleep very well

last night, I just kept
thinking about everything
we talked about. I wanted
to get you something, to
show you that no matter
what I’m thinking about
you and the baby. I know
that it’s silly but I feel I
need to say it; I’m all in
Bella.”

Bella held the small

stuffed turtle in her hands
staring at the small baby
toy. Wrapped around its
neck was a small diamond
necklace in the shape of a
circle.

“The turtle is obviously

for the baby but the
necklace,” he fingered it
gingerly “is a circle of
love necklace. It
represents everlasting and
unbroken love. It’s an
unbroken circle signifying
eternity as there is no
end. It represents my love
for you.”

Bella could feel the tears

stinging at her eyes and
instead of speaking she
pulled him into a gentle
hug, kissing his jaw
before whispering softly
“Thank you, you don’t
even begin to know what
this means to me.”

“I’d be honored if you

wore it.”
She nodded softly, tears
falling down her face as
he put it around her neck,
gently kissing the nape of
it as he pulled away. His
hands found their way to
her belly, gently caressing
the small bump that was
barely noticeable.

“I can’t wait until you

really start to show.”

“I’m going to look huge.”

Bella muttered as her
nose scrunched. “My
ankles are already
swelling.”

His brow furrowed as he

led her to the bench and
sat her down, gently
lifting her leg and looking
at it.
“Bella,” Edward
questioned “how far along
are you?”

“About three to four

months.” Bella replied
rolling her eyes. “You
didn’t forget about the
hotel room did you?”
Bella muttered trying to
be lighthearted, but she
realized he was frowning.

“If you are only four

months along your ankles
shouldn’t be swelling.”

“My OBGYN said it was

normal for swelling to
occur.”

“Yes,” Edward replied

“later in the pregnancy.
Your ankles shouldn’t be
swelling this early.” He
suddenly went into doctor
mode and began to spurt
off questions faster than
she could answer. “Have
you been having any other
problems? Have you been
peeing a lot? Have you
noticed any other changes
in your body you couldn’t
explain? Do you feel
yourself drinking more
than what is normal for
you?”

Bella looked at him in

surprise before answering
his questions. “Only the
panic attacks, no more
than usual, not really I
get tired easily but that
could be due to the
pregnancy, maybe a bit
but once again I am
carrying a baby.”

Edward looked at her

concern still present on
his face, before sighing.
“I’m sorry I know I
probably seem
overbearing I just want to
make sure you and the
baby are alright, that you
are taken care of.”

“I’m sure it is nothing,

I’ve been so stressed with
everything and I have
been moving around a lot
more than I was
previously. That probably
explains the swelling and
the rest can be attributed
to the pregnancy. I’m
sure it is nothing to worry
about.”

“Your panic attacks still

worry me.”

“I’ve been seeing a

therapist Edward, I will
be fine.”

“I don’t want you to be

fine; I want you to be
wonderful, magnificent,
happy, perfect.” He
leaned down and kissed
her belly through her
shirt. “I want you to be
able to live a normal life,
I researched panic attacks
Bella, and they are
usually debilitating and
long lasting. I’m not sure
this is something that is
just going to go away.”

“I’ve been getting better,

Edward. They have been
happening less and less.
Please don’t make this
out to be a bigger deal
than it needs to be. Trust
me and trust that I have
things under control.”

“I do trust you, and I trust

your judgment. If you
think you are getting
better than I won’t push
the issue.”
“Thank you,” Bella
replied leaning over and
placing a gentle peck on
his lips. “For loving me
and trusting me, I love
you.”

The concern hadn’t left

his face but he smiled
tightly and nodded kissing
her in return. “Thank you
for loving me and having
my baby. I love you too.”
-Present Day: One Month
Later-

Edward sat at his desk,

medical book open in
front of him as he flipped
through pages. His mind
wasn’t on the task at
hand and no matter how
hard he tried he couldn’t
get Bella out of his
thoughts. He knew that
he had promised her that
he would trust her, but
she was getting worse
instead of better. The
thoughts of what was
happening were
prevalent, even when he
wasn’t thinking of them.

Talking to a colleague,
Edward had mentioned
her symptoms hoping for
a second opinion. He had
hoped that his colleague
would laugh and tell him
that he was reading into
things, but that wasn’t
what happened at all.
Instead he had been given
a book on Medical
Diagnosis and Treatment
for Pregnancy with words
of “tread carefully.”

The problem was that

swelling and shortness of
breath were common for
all pregnancies. It didn’t
matter that Bella was
only 5 months along, or
that she had none of
these symptoms with
Alice. After all, every
pregnancy was different.
Edward couldn’t help but
feel as if he was paranoid
and constantly watching
for something to happen.

This had put him on edge

more than he was even
aware. He knew that he
was only concerned for
Bella and for the baby,
but that just made his
awareness even greater.
Finally, driving himself
crazy with “what if’s”
Edward put the book in
his bottom drawer, locked
it, and gave the key to
Jasper.

It had also led him to take

another action, which he
had been thinking about
longer than he was willing
to admit.

-Two Weeks Prior-

Edward’s mother had

once told him that a
house was only a home, if
it felt like one. He had
always taken that to
mean that it was
comfortable, homey,
lived in. He understood
more now that she what
she really meant; it
contained those that you
loved.

His apartment didn’t feel

like home.

He had spent nights

sitting on the couch,
contemplating the
situation that he and
Bella were in, that he had
put them in. He knew
that Bella was currently
living with Rosalie and
that the situation was
rather cramped. Edward
also knew that if he were
to ask her to move in with
him, his tiny two bedroom
apartment would become
even smaller.

And even then, it didn’t

mean she would say yes.

Edward felt like their

relationship was in this
stagnant standstill, all
because of the things
unsaid between them. He
didn’t want to waste any
more time, didn’t want to
stress over what was and
was not okay.

He called a realtor that

day and set things in
motion. He was buying a
house.

It hadn’t taken him long

to find the perfect one,
with enough bedrooms for
all of them with room to
spare. It was in a good
neighborhood, close to a
good daycare, and within
distance of some of the
best schools in the city. It
was also the complete
epitome of his childhood
home, something he had
yearned for with Emmett.

It was also way more than

Bella would want him to
spend.

Call it intuition, but

Edward knew enough
about her to know that
she would put up a fight
about this purchase, not
seeing it as what it was. If
the necklace hadn’t made
things clear enough, he
was making his grand
gesture.
He knew that it was too
soon to get married; their
divorces had barely
settled and even he knew
how tacky that would look
in society. Not that it
mattered to him. Instead
this was his gesture of a
future; they were having
a baby together and it
was time to combine their
lives.

He hoped that Bella

agreed.

Nervous, Edward had

showed the house to
Jasper who simply looked
around, whistled, and
raised his eyebrows.
“You sure are ready to
jump right back on the
commitment wagon.”

“I love her.”

“I would expect nothing

less,” Jasper stated
laughing softly. “That
much is obvious, it’s just
this house is huge.”

“It gives some wiggle

room.”

“Wiggle room, interesting

choice of words. Are you
planning on knocking her
up again? Or do you need
the extra three bedrooms
for your parents?” Jasper
snorted softly. “I get that
you want Emmett, the
baby, and I am assuming
Alice to have the life you
had growing up, but
damn, do you really need
all the extra bedrooms?”

“They don’t have to be

bedrooms, one can be
turned into a playroom,
another into an office,
there are more uses for
rooms than just sleeping
in.”

Jasper nodded looking

around once more
nodding his head at
Edward’s vision.

“I can see how having a

home office as a
cardiologist would be
beneficial.” His eyes
rolled dramatically. “Shit
how much are you making
that you can afford this?
Share the wealth, bro.”

Edward chuckled softly

shoving him lightly on the
arm and rolling his eyes.
“Glad I got your
approval.”

“Yeah, well, all you need

is the miniature dog and
the white picket fence
and I would say you have
it made.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Edward muttered, smiling
at his friend’s sarcasm.

-Present Day-
He sat twirling the key
ring around on his finger,
mumbling words softly to
himself practicing what
he was going to say.
Edward was more nervous
than he thought he would
be and he took a deep
breath, checking the
clock to see the time.

He had fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes to sit and
stew with his thoughts,
which was never a good
thing. His mind wandered
from Emmett, who was at
Jasper’s for the night, to
Bella and their unborn
baby. This led to thoughts
of the book that now lie
locked in his drawer at
work.

He could always get the

key from Jasper.

Edward tapped his fingers

incessantly on the coffee
table. Without much
thought his mind began to
make lists.

Bella’s Symptoms:

Panic attacks
This led to a long slew of
symptoms including
shortness of breath and
difficulty breathing, chest
pains, prevalent and
persistent fear. Symptoms
typically last for several
minutes. But the last time
Bella had a panic attack
around him it had lasted
less than a minute.

Swelling

He was assuming leg

swelling was due to the
pregnancy, but it was so
early in her term for it to
be showing. The swelling
could also be a sign of
high blood pressure,
especially since it was so
noticeable.

Irritability
Definitely a symptom of
the pregnancy.

Trouble Sleeping
Bella had thought that he
had not noticed the fact
that she was looking more
tired and worn lately, but
it hadn’t passed his
notice. While Edward
knew that this was normal
for pregnancies, it was
not common in the second
trimester.

Edward was startled out

of his thoughts by the
sound of a gentle knock
on the door. Hopping up
he let Bella in and led her
to the couch.

“I thought we could order

some food in and just sit
and talk a bit.” Edward
rushed, nervously.

“That would be great,”

Bella replied plopping her
feet up on the coffee
table “I’m bushed.”
Edward ordered the food
quickly making his way
back to the couch and
setting next to her,
brushing a stray hair from
her face and pecking her
softly on the lips.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” She whispered

smiling softly.

“I have some news.”

“Hit me with it.” She

leaned her head back
against the couch, too
tired to hold it up.

“I bought us a house.”

“Wait,” her head popped

up, eyes wide open
“repeat that.”
“I bought us a house; I
want us to move in
together. It will happen
eventually and I want to
be there for the rest of
your pregnancy. I want
the whole experience; the
foot massages, the food
cravings, the irritability,
the peeing constantly, I
want it all Bella. I want to
experience it all with
you.”

Her jaw was open in

shock and Edward
couldn’t help the bit of
hurt that he felt. “I’m
living with Rosalie.”

“I know it’s kind of

sudden but there is no
need to look so excited.”
He placed the key he was
carrying onto the coffee
table, hopping up and
making his way into the
kitchen.

Busying himself with

doing the few dishes that
remained in the sink, he
refused to look in the
entryway behind him,
knowing that she was
standing there.

“I’m sorry I hurt your

feelings,” she whispered
and he was surprised to
find she was standing
right behind him. Edward
could feel the heat from
her body and he sighed
softly.

“I know and I knew that

this would be a hard thing
for you to accept but it
was something I have
wanted to happen since I
found out about the
pregnancy. I know that
things are moving fast
between us and that most
likely makes you
nervous,” Edward turned
around leaning against
the sink and looked at
her. “But I want to be
there for every step, the
good and the bad. I told
you before Bella I am all
in and it just makes me
wonder if you aren’t.”

“Moving in together is just

a huge step, Edward. I
just need to process, to
think.”

“What is there to think

about? I love you, I don’t
plan on leaving you ever,
and you’re having my
baby. It just seems like
the logical next step to
me.”
Edward stood silently for
a moment watching the
emotions flicker across
her face. He couldn’t
remember the last time
they had touched and
actually meant it. The
occasional brush of skin
wasn’t enough, he needed
her.

It seemed that all they

did anymore was fought.
They fought about her
health, about finding out
the sex of the baby, and
now this. The tension was
escalating and it was
going to explode.

“We can’t keep ignoring

the pink elephant in the
room, Bella.” Edward laid
his head back against the
cupboard, the sadness
overtaking him as he
hunched. “You don’t trust
me and you are
questioning my motives.
It’s clear as day on your
face.”

He lay the washrag on the

counter with a small sigh
“I don’t really know what
else I can do to prove it
to you, to show you how I
feel. At some point you
are going to have to take
a leap of faith or give up
on me and I don’t know
how long I can wait for
you to decide. I can’t do
this hot and cold. You’re
hurting me too, Bella.”

Edward moved to brush

past her but she held her
hand out, stopping him.
Tears began to fall down
her face and he found
himself reaching up to
wipe them away.
“I can’t stand when you
cry.” He whispered softly.

She reached for his hand,

placing a gentle kiss on
the palm before using it
to cup her face.

“Edward look at me.” Her

free hand reached out
and lifted his head up, his
eyes met hers.

She leaned in and kissed

him, suddenly pressing
him against the sink. Her
hands tangled and tugged
in his hair causing him to
gasp. She took advantage
of the moment to slip her
tongue into his mouth and
against his.

His arms wrapped around

her pulling her into him
and his body felt like it
was on fire. Bella leaned
back panting for breath
and his hands found their
way to her front, fondling
her through her top. She
moved her mouth, nipping
at his neck, her teeth
sinking in by his shoulder
causing him to groan.

The door bell rang,

interrupting and causing
them to pull apart.

“This isn’t over.” Edward

growled grabbing his
wallet and making his way
to the door to get the
food.

“Promises, promises.”
Bella called. She entered
the room carrying a
couple of plates and
bottles of water.

She set the plates on the

coffee table, her eyes
focusing in on the key
that lay there. Edward
looked down at the
object, the
lightheartedness suddenly
feeling oppressing.

“Let’s just eat.” Edward

muttered setting the food
down.

“I will get there Edward,

please don’t give up on
me.” Bella whispered and
their eyes met once
again.

“I know and I’m trying.”

Bella sat in the coffee
shop, a scowl present on
her face.

“This is really cruel.”

Bella muttered angrily.

“I completely forgot you

can’t have caffeine and
I’m sorry,” Rose took a
sip of her drink causing
Bella to scowl at her.
“What just because you
can’t have it doesn’t
mean I don’t need it.”

Bella spun her bottle of

water between her hands
as she looked around the
room, taking in the
atmosphere and thinking
about what she was going
to tell Rose. When Bella
had arrived home earlier
in the week in a pissy
mood Rose had taken it
upon herself to drag every
bit of information out of
her.

So far she hadn’t been

very successful.

“So,” Rose prodded

“how’s your week been
going?”
“It’s been fine.”

“Nice try, I’ve been

patient, now spill.” Her
eyebrow rose as if
challenging Bella to
question her.

“Edward bought a house.”

“He’s a big boy; he can

spend his money however
he wants.”

“Let me rephrase that,”

Bella glowered “Edward
bought us a house.”

Rose’s laughter echoed

through the room and she
was sure that a few
people turned to look at
them. Ducking her head
she looked up at Rose
through her hair. “I don’t
see why this is so funny.”
“Do you know how many
fucking women would kill
to say their baby daddy
made the gesture?”

“What?”

“The gesture,” Rose

sighed emphatically
before plopping her cup
down on the table. She
cleared her throat as if to
emphasize her point. “I
love you and our spawn so
much so that I am willing
to put up with all your
emotional fuckery, the
food cravings, and girly
stuff just to be around
you.”

“He was just doing it

because he felt obligated
to.”
“Sweetie,” Rose leaned
forward and laid her hand
on Bella’s knee “no man
would put up with that
kind of shit because of an
obligation. He didn’t have
to move in with you, he
didn’t have to make the
gesture, but he did, and
without any prodding
from you. If that doesn’t
show you love, I don’t
know what does. Because
honestly,” Rose scrunched
her nose “you have been
an emotional nut-bag
lately.”

“Thanks,” Bella sighed

rolling her eyes. “I told
him no.”

“Of course you did.”

“What do you mean by

that?” Bella questioned
angrily.
“I mean exactly what I
say. Of course you told
him no, you are far too
scared and unsure of
yourself or your
relationship to tell him
yes. I understand that you
got hurt, but at what
point do you let the past
stay in the past and move
on to the future?”

“I’m not sure I like what

you are saying.”

“I’m sure you don’t, but I

am saying it because I
love you and it will only
benefit you in the end.
The truth isn’t always
pretty, but it does get the
job done. Plus you can’t
expect to live at my place
forever, especially once
the baby is born. I only
have two rooms and it
feels crowded with the
three of us. How will it
feel when there are four
of us there?”

Rose played with her cup

top for a second before
looking up at Bella softly.
“I’m not kicking you out,
or even telling you that
you can’t stay with me.
I’m merely stating the
fact that it was a huge
step for Edward, one in
the positive direction
might I add, and you just
dismissed it without
seeing it for what it was.
What will it take for him
to gain your trust back?”
--
Bella sat in the simple
chair, her hands twisting
her hair tie restlessly.
“So,” Dr. Parker asked,
“how are the panic
attacks going?”

“They have been getting

better I think,” Bella
replied “I have still been
having them, but they are
only lasting about a
minute now. I haven’t
really noticed a change in
the frequency, but it
must be a good thing that
they are getting shorter?”

“That is a good thing!

That means that the
relaxation techniques are
working! How is the
pregnancy going?”

“It’s alright,” Bella sighed

“I’ve been having some
problems with swelling
though.”
“That is unfortunate,
have you talked to your
OBGYN about it?”

“I haven’t seen her in a

few weeks, so I haven’t
had a chance to mention
it to her yet. I have an
appointment tomorrow,
so I will talk to her about
it then.”

“Well I am sure it is just

something related to the
pregnancy, nothing for
you to stress over!”

“That’s what I am
thinking too.” Bella
smiled softly as she
placed her hands over her
now growing belly.

“And how is Edward?”

“Things are kind of tense

right now.” Bella frowned
as she continued to
speak. “I only have myself
to blame for that. He kind
of asked me to move in
with him and I didn’t take
the news very well. It’s
not that I don’t want to,
the thought is just kind of
terrifying.”

“Moving in with him is

terrifying or not having
your own space is
terrifying?”

“Both.”

“How do you know unless

you give it a try? After all
from everything you have
been telling me lately,
Edward has been really
stepping up. He’s been
trying to be at every
appointment that you
have, trying to be there
for you, maybe you should
let him.”

He cleared his throat

gently. “I’m in no way
telling you what you
should or should not do. I
am merely saying that you
shouldn’t rule the option
out because of fears.
Have you even discussed
the housing plan with
him, or went and looked
at the house?”

“No.” Bella whispered.

“How can you know that

it is something that you
don’t want without
knowing all the specifics?
Edward seems like an
intelligent man who has
just made a few mistakes,
but no one is perfect.
You’ve even stated
yourself that some of the
blame belongs with you.
As I’ve said before, it’s
always easier to assume
the blame lies with
someone else.”

“Go look at the house,

actually have a
conversation with
Edward, explain your
fears to him. You may be
surprised that he probably
shares a lot of those
fears. The fact that you
rejected him and he is
still doting on you should
say something as well
about his commitment.”

Bella nodded, processing

his words. “I will think
about it.”

“That’s all I ask.” Dr.

Parker responded.
The waiting room was a
bright yellow that seemed
almost too cheery. Bella
sat alone in the
uncomfortable plastic
chair, flipping through a
year old magazine. It
didn’t keep her attention.

She couldn’t figure out

why Edward wasn’t
waiting in front of the
office like he said he
would be. Her eyes
roamed once again to the
clock on the wall. Her
appointment was in five
minutes, where was he?

Bella found herself

wondering if he was
ditching the appointment,
ditching her and the
baby. It didn’t seem like
something he would do,
but the fear was still
there.
She watched the minute
hand gently move and
found herself holding her
breath. ‘He’s going to
show up; he’s going to
show up.’ She found
herself chanting softly in
her mind. If she stated it
enough times it would
happen, right?

Another tech entered the

room and Bella was
startled out of her worry
by the calling of her
name.

“Isabella Swan.”

She lugged herself out of

the seat and dragged her
feet, moving slowly to
reach the tech. Bella
found herself looking
behind her at the door,
frowning when she
noticed it was still closed.

Where the hell was he?

“My name is Becca and I

will be your tech for the
day.” The girl chattered
incessantly and it only
seemed to piss Bella off
more. Edward was going
to be getting a ton of hell
the next time she saw
him. What was he
thinking, telling her he
would be here and then
not showing up.

She had worked herself up

just enough that she was
ready to pull out her cell
phone and dial his
number. She could cuss
him out in front of the
tech and blame it on the
pregnancy, couldn’t she?
The door to the office
opened and she turned
back once more, seeing
Edward jogging in. He was
still wearing his scrubs.

“I’m here,” Edward called

softly, out of breath.
“Sorry, I had to find
someone to hand the
pager off to. It was a
crazy day.”

“It’s fine.” Bella snapped.

“What’s wrong?” Edward

questioned tenderly.

“I didn’t think you were

going to make it.” Bella
realized how whiney her
voice sounded and she
hated herself for it.

“I promised you that I

would.” Edward frowned.
“I’m sorry. I got here as
quickly as I could.”

Bella could feel the tears

filling her eyes and she
turned her head away,
nodding. Suddenly Edward
was standing in front of
her and Bella felt truly
exposed. He wiped the
few stray tears away and
leaned in close to her ear.

“I’m sorry I had you

worried. I promise if I am
running late again that I
will call you. I honestly
didn’t think. I should have
called. I wouldn’t” he
pecked her forehead,
“have” he pecked her
nose, “missed” her cheek
received a gentle kiss,
“this” her other cheek
received the same
treatment, “for” he
kissed her chin and then
pulled away. The last two
words tumbled out
breathlessly “the world”
and then his lips landed
on hers, pulling her into a
deep kiss.

The tech standing next to

her cleared her throat
and Bella pulled back
blushing bright red.

“Sorry,” Bella responded.

“Not a problem,” the

tech replied smiling softly
at the two of them, “shall
we head back?”

The warm goop slid across

her stomach as the tech
waved the wand along her
stomach. A moment later
the soft whoosh of the
babies heart beat could
be heard.
“Heart beat sounds good,
it’s nice and strong.” The
tech stated softly as she
took a snapshot. “Would
you like copies of the
pictures as well?” Bella
looked over at Edward
and was amused by the
subtle glow and smile on
his face.

“I would love some.” He

whispered softly,
reverently. Edward hadn’t
been present for her
previous ultrasounds so
this was a new experience
for him. Bella was having
as much fun watching him
as she was the screen.

“Would you two like to

know the sex of the
baby?”

“Yes.” Edward answered.

“No.” Bella replied.

They turned to look at

each other and the tech
chuckled softly. “I will
give you two a few
minutes to decide and
then I will be back in with
the doctor so that she can
look at the pictures as
well.”

“Thank you,” Edward

replied not even looking
at her as she exited the
room.

“Why is this such a big

deal for you?” Edward
murmured. “I just want to
know whether I need to
get the room ready for a
girl or a boy.”

“The room?” Bella

questioned.
“In the new house.”
Edward replied his face
focused on the screen. A
mass of emotions filled
Bella and she wasn’t
really sure what to say.

“Oh.”

He turned to look at her,

almost innocently and
then he smirked.

“What?”

“It’s fine if you don’t

want to know.”

“Really?” Bella
questioned softly,
touched that he would
concede on something
that seemed so important
to him.

“Yep.”
“This just seems too easy.
You know already don’t
you?” Bella questioned
looking at the screen now
as well.

“Yep.” Edward smirked

hugely then and leaned
down pecking her on the
forehead.

“Stupid doctors.” Bella

muttered under her
breath, before carefully
looking at him. “And you
are happy about it?”

“Ecstatic!” Edward’s
smile grew.

“It’s a boy then isn’t it?

That’s what all daddies
want is a little boy,
right?”

“I’m not saying anything.

You said you didn’t want
to know, so I guess it will
just have to be a surprise
for you.”

“I don’t think I like you all

of the sudden.”

“Your loss.” Edward joked

leaning in and kissing her
softly.

There was a soft nock at

the door and the doctor
entered. “Let’s have a
look shall we?”
The gentle hum of the
machine did nothing to
mask the gentle lub dub
of the baby’s heart. As
the tech moved the
transducer over Bella’s
belly, Edward took the
moment in.

“Heart beat sounds good,

it’s nice and strong.” The
tech stated softly as she
took a snapshot. “Would
you like copies of the
pictures as well?” She
looked over at Edward for
the first time, and
Edward could feel the
silly grin on his face.

“I would love some.” He

whispered. Thinking softly
to himself, ‘I will have to
show these to Carlisle and
Esme they are going to be
so excited.’ He continued
to watch the screen and
he found that he couldn’t
keep his hands off of her.
They ran through her hair,
across her arm, and he
found himself squeezing
her hand. He was
inexplicably more drawn
to her and he found his
thoughts wandering.

“Would you two like to

know the sex of the
baby?” Edward was pulled
from his daze and looked
at the woman for a
moment before
responding.

“Yes.” Edward stated

ecstatically.

“No.” Bella replied softly.

They turned to look at

each other and Edward
couldn’t help the
frustration that he felt.
He could hear the tech
chuckling, but he was not
amused. This was
important to him, he
needed to know; he
needed it to be real.

“I will give you two a few

minutes to decide and
then I will be back in with
the doctor so that she can
look at the pictures as
well.”

“Thank you,” Edward took

his eyes from Bella and
looked up at the tech,
waiting for the door to
close before he spoke to
her. “Why is this such a
big deal for you?” Edward
murmured. “I just want to
know whether I need to
get the room ready for a
girl or a boy.”

“The room?” Bella

questioned. Edward
looked at her, eyebrow
raised in question. Hadn’t
they just been arguing
about the house a few
days ago?

“In the new house.”

Edward replied his face
focused on the screen. He
didn’t want to look at her
for fear of what
expression might be on
her face. He would have a
room for the baby
whether or not Bella lived
with him. It was his baby
too.

“Oh.”

Edward focused more

clearly on the screen and
was surprised to see the
sex of it clearly. The baby
was lying with its legs
spread wide open towards
the camera. It was the
ideal position to
determine the sex. He
turned to look at her
innocently, he could know
but she didn’t have to.

“It’s fine if you don’t

want to know.” He smiled
softly.
“Really?” Bella’s voice
was so quiet it was almost
a whisper.

“Yep.” Edward hoped the

gloating tone wasn’t
shining through.

“This just seems too easy.

You know already don’t
you?” Bella questioned
looking at the screen now
as well. Her eyes
squinted, and he chuckled
softly to himself. If she
looked close enough, it
would even be obvious to
her.

“Yep.” Edward grinned,

before leaning down and
pecking her on the
forehead.

“Stupid doctors.” Bella

muttered under her
breath causing him to
chuckle. “And you are
happy about it?”

“Ecstatic!” Edward’s
smile grew.

“It’s a boy then isn’t it?

That’s what all daddies
want is a little boy,
right?” Edward really
couldn’t care less if it was
a boy or a girl. He already
had Emmett and hopefully
Alice. Having a child with
Bella was more than he
could have ever asked
for. This was just icing on
his already delicious cake.

“I’m not saying anything.

You said you didn’t want
to know, so I guess it will
just have to be a surprise
for you.” He didn’t want
to sound condescending
but he knew it probably
came across that way. He
was just trying to respect
her wishes.

“I don’t think I like you all

of the sudden.” She
muttered under her
breath. While normally
the words would have
stung, he brushed them
off blaming them on
hormones.

“Your loss.” Edward joked

leaning in and kissing her
softly.

There was a soft nock at

the door and the doctor
entered. “Let’s have a
look shall we?”

Dr. Jacobsen entered the

room and shook Edward’s
hand softly before patting
Bella on the belly. Picking
up the transducer she ran
it across her belly taking a
few more snapshots,
before turning once again
to look at the parents.

“Everything looks good!

The development is right
on track to where it
should be and the
heartbeat sounds good
and strong! She is a very
healthy baby.”

“She?” Bella questioned,

looking up at the picture
in shock.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I assumed

that your tech told you
the sex. Hopefully I didn’t
ruin it for you.”

“Not at all,” Edward

stated frowning softly. He
would have thought that
the doctor would have
been more professional
about telling them. While
it was not the doctor’s
fault that she had slipped
up, he had wanted to be
the one to tell her and it
kind of put a damper on
the visit.

“Has everything been

going okay for you?” Dr.
Jacobsen questioned.

“I’ve actually been having

some concerns,” Edward
spoke up softly, avoiding
looking at Bella as he
brought it up. “Bella has
been having some severe
swelling, she has been
having trouble sleeping,
and added with the panic
attacks, and I am just
worried that there is
something else going on.”

“The swelling and lack of

sleep are normal and
Bella has been having
panic attacks for quite
awhile now, it really
should be nothing to
worry about. The baby
looks fine!”

“The swelling is normal,

but only later in the
pregnancy. As for the lack
of sleep she is in her
second trimester so she
should be sleeping better,
not worse!”

“I’m sorry,” the doctor

stated looking at him
offended “If you have a
problem with my
diagnosis you have the
right to a second
opinion.”

Edward immediately
noticed the irritated look
on Bella’s face and found
himself getting angry not
only at the doctor but at
her.

“It’s fine,” Bella stated

smiling at her doctor
“Edward here is just over
analyzing things. No
second opinion is
needed.”

The room suddenly felt

too small for him and the
other doctor and Edward
excused himself from the
room. Simply telling Bella
he would talk to her
later.

Edward sat on Jasper’s

couch with his hands
running through his hair.
He had driven around for
an hour and yet the
dejected feeling in his
chest wouldn’t go away.
He wanted to punch
something, to break
something, to scream, but
instead he sat and pulled
on the ends of his hair.

“You’re going to make

yourself go prematurely
bald.” Jasper stated
plopping down next to
him with a bottle of
water, handing it to him.

“Tell me what
happened.”

“I need the key,” Edward

replied hand
outstretched.

“Are you sure that is the

best idea?” Jasper
questioned. “Obviously
she thinks you are
overreacting.”

“Obviously,” Edward
replied bitterly “she still
doesn’t trust me and
seriously, Jasper, I have
had it with your
questioning. Just give me
the damn key.”

“What happened?” Jasper

asked, not moving.

“I questioned the doctor

on the diagnosis and Bella
sided with him.”

“Are you sure Bella

wasn’t just being polite
while the doctor was in
the room? I’m sure you
could talk her into going
and seeing your friend if
you really tried.”

“She was pissed that I

even insinuated that her
doctor didn’t know what
he was doing.”

“She is hormonal.”
“No, Jasper, she is
WRONG.” Edward stood
up arms flailing and
nostrils flaring. “I know
you don’t understand, but
you have to trust me. I
KNOW something is
wrong, I can feel it in my
bones and I can tell that
she knows too. She is just
too afraid to ADMIT it. I
won’t let something
happen to her if I can
help it. I won’t lose her
because I was too afraid
to stand up and ask for a
second opinion. The
doctor could have run a
urine test; she could have
taken some blood. The
fact of the matter is she
CHOSE do nothing and she
CHOSE to blow off my
concerns. I will NOT have
that doctor delivering my
baby.”
Jasper sighed before
standing up and walking
to the drawer of his desk.
Pulling the key out, he
handed it to Edward.
Tapping him slightly on
the back he smiled. “Then
go prove yourself right.”
--
Edward pulled up to the
hospital, parking in his
spot before running
inside. His phone vibrated
steadily in his pocket, but
he refused to answer it.
He would show Bella how
much he loved her, how
much she meant to him,
and he wouldn’t move
from his desk until he
figured out what was
wrong with her.

Pushing the key into the

lock, Edward could feel
the pulse of adrenaline
still coursing through his
body. It was not
acceptable for her doctor
to treat them the way
that she had and Edward
would be talking to the
hospital administrator
about it.

He pulled the thick book

out of his desk and
plopped it down, resting
his head against it for a
moment as he tried to
catch his breath. Edward
would do anything for
Bella and the fact that
she still didn’t realize it,
that she still didn’t
understand broke his
heart more than he was
willing to admit to Jasper.

He was devastated.

Taking the thick book

between his hands he
opened the first page
trying to decide where to
start. After a moment’s
hesitation he turned the
page. The best place to
start was at the
beginning. Knowing he
could rule out anything
pertaining to the baby
being unhealthy he began
to scan the text.
--
-Three hours later-
Edward’s eyes burned and
he could feel the
exhaustion weighing on
him. A gentle knock on
the door pulled him from
his revere and he looked
up surprised to see Bella
standing there.

“You look like crap.”

Bella stated softly,
entering the room and
closing the door behind
her.
“Well having the person
you love basically dismiss
your concerns will do that
to you.” Edward slammed
the book on his desk shut
and leaned his head back
against his chair.

“I just really like my

OBGYN and I didn’t want
to offend her and switch
to another doctor.”

“Well then you must like

her more than me. Don’t
my concerns mean
anything to you Bella? I
fucking love you and I tell
you I am worried and you
dismiss me. How do you
think that makes me
feel?”

“Probably terrible,” he
could tell from the sound
of her voice that she was
frowning and he found
himself reaching up and
pinching his nose. “What
are you reading?”

Edward held up the

manual for her to look at
and let his eyes slit open
so that he could look at
her.

“Oh. I’ve been trying to

call you.”

“I have been here for a

few hours, flipping
through this.”

She came around to stand

behind him and he could
feel the heat of her hands
as she placed them on his
shoulders. She began to
massage them as she
spoke to him.
“I’m sorry. I haven’t
exactly been the easiest
to live with lately.”

“I just wish you would

trust me, trust my love
for you. I will never hurt
you again, Bella. I can
promise you that.”

Bella twisted his chair

around setting in his lap
and leaning her head
against his shoulder.

“I will go see another

doctor, it obviously means
a lot to you.”

“It would mean a lot to

me.”

“Then it’s done.” Bella

replied leaning in and
placing a kiss on his chin
before she continued to
speak. “We’re having a
little girl.”

“I know.” Edward could

feel the excitement and
joy and he knew it was
showing on his face.

“So you’ve always wanted

a girl.”

“I couldn’t have cared

less if it was a girl or a
boy,” Edward whispered
“but I do love the fact
that I am going to be
having a mini you. You’re
not disappointed are you?
I mean you already have
Alice, you probably
wanted a boy.”

“I actually wanted a mini

you.” Bella whispered her
face flushed. Edward
laughed softly before
leaning in and placing a
kiss on her forehead.

“We are too alike

sometimes.”

“Hmm.” Bella hummed

softly against his neck as
he rubbed his hands along
her back and then her
belly.

“Rose is watching Alice

for the night and since
Emmett isn’t here I’m
assuming Jasper is doing
the same.”

“Correct.” Edward sighed.

“I feel kind of bad that I
haven’t been around for
him as much as I want to
be. I think once the baby
comes I am going to take
some time off work.”
“I would like that.” Bella
answered. “But the
reason I was asking is
because this is the first
time we have had a whole
night free in forever.”

Edward raised his

eyebrow in question, but
Bella just smiled.

“Would you show me our

new home?”
Bella sat on the table
watching the interaction
between Edward and her
doctor. While normally it
wouldn’t have bothered
her, she liked her doctor
and didn’t want Edward
offending her. She
watched the two volley
words back and forth
becoming more and more
irritated by the minute.
“The swelling and lack of
sleep are normal and
Bella has been having
panic attacks for quite
awhile now, it really
should be nothing to
worry about. The baby
looks fine!” Dr. Jacobsen
replied curtly to Edward.

“The swelling is normal,

but only later in the
pregnancy. As for the lack
of sleep she is in her
second trimester so she
should be sleeping better,
not worse!” Edward
sounded frustrated and
Bella couldn’t help but be
frustrated in return. Why
wouldn’t he accept that
there was nothing wrong
with her?

“I’m sorry,” the doctor

stated looking at him
offended “If you have a
problem with my
diagnosis you have the
right to a second
opinion.”

Bella could tell Edward

was getting irritated and
the doctor offended,
turning to her doctor and
smiling softly she tried to
calm the situation. “It’s
fine, Edward here is just
over analyzing things. No
second opinion is
needed.”

Bella watched Edward

excuse himself from the
room, brushing off her
goodbye and simply
telling her he would talk
to her later. She could
feel the tears filling her
eyes and noticed the
unapologetic look on the
doctor’s face. She didn’t
know what the deal was,
but Dr. Jacobsen was
crossing the line.
--
Leaving her appointment
Bella called Rose asking
her to watch Alice for the
night. She had agreed
readily, especially once
Bella explained what she
was thinking. Making her
way to Edward’s
apartment she was
surprised to find that he
wasn’t home. Picking up
her phone she pressed his
speed dial and listened to
the steady ring.

He wasn’t picking up.

Concerned, Bella dialed

the number again. He still
didn’t answer.
Resting her back against
his door, she sat for a
moment and
contemplated everything
that had been going on
lately. She knew that she
was hurting him, pushing
him away. The thought
saddened her and she
tried dialing him one
more time before heading
back to Rose’s place.

The drive to Rose’s went

quickly and before she
knew it she was sitting on
the couch, head tilted
back contemplating how
to progress forward. It
was around this time that
Alice entered the room,
head tilted to the side.

“Mommy sad.”

She plopped down on the

couch next to Bella and
leaned over placing a
gentle kiss on Bella’s
belly. “Hi baby,” she
whispered to Bella’s
stomach before looking up
and frowning.

“Why mommy sad?”

“Mommy had a doctor’s

appointment.” Alice
scrunched up her nose in
distaste. She really hated
going to see the doctor
and it was something that
she had learned from
Bella. She truly was her
mother’s daughter.

“Why you see doctor?”

“To check on the baby,

sweetie,” Bella replied.

“Baby okay?”

“The baby is great,

honey. You are going to
have a little sister.”
Alice squealed for a
moment, hands clapping
before looking up at her
mother and making the
perfect puppy dog face.
“Edward there?”

“Yes.”

“Why he not here?”

“I’m not sure,” Bella

sighed softly. She
couldn’t lie to Alice but
at the same point there
was only so much her
daughter would
understand.

“When do I see brother

again?” Alice questioned
innocently.

“Brother?” Bella asked

softly lifting her head to
stare at her daughter.
“Emmy!” Alice giggled as
if it was the most obvious
thing, “I miss Emmy.”

“I know sweetie, I
promise that you will get
to see him soon.”

“I see him now, you call

Edward.”

“It’s not that simple,

sweetie, I wish it was,”
Bella whispered to her
pouting daughter.

“I miss Edward,” Alice

stated tears forming in
her eyes, “Edward fun.”

Bella looked at the

devastated look on her
daughters face and
realized how much of an
impact Edward had really
had on her life, on her
family. Alice loved him;
she loved him, what was
holding her back from
taking the leap?

It was at that moment

that Bella had an
epiphany of sorts. She
was hurting Edward, she
knew that much, but in
trying to be safe and do
the right thing she was
also hurting herself and
Alice. Bella could keep
pushing things back, but
then she wasn’t really
living.

Alice had snuggled into

her belly, her forehead
pressed against her
bosom. She whispered
softly to her future sister
about all the fun things
they could do and as she
spoke Bella ran her
fingers through her
daughter’s hair. It didn’t
take long for the action to
lull Alice into a deep
sleep and she picked up
her head, laying her out
on the couch.

Rose stood in the doorway

watching with a soft smile
on her face.

“You’re going to move in

with him.”

“I’m going to move in

with him,” Bella replied
her eyes meeting her
friends.

“’Bout damn time you got

your shit together,” Rose
stated smiling softly and
pulling her into a hug.

“Now I just have to tell

him.”
“What are you doing
standing here? Makeup
sex is the best part.”

Bella’s face blushed

crimson at this comment
causing Rose to burst into
a fit of giggles. “Look at
you all shy and modest; I
think your belly tells
everyone what you have
been up to.”

“Right,” Bella grumbled

rolling her eyes. “I can’t
get a hold of him. He
won’t answer his phone.”

“And why is that?” Rose

questioned concerned.

“Because,” Bella looked

down sheepishly “I may
have sided with my
OBGYN over him.”
“Wow,” Rose stated
huffing, “You really have
a way of messing things
up.”

“I know,” Bella sighed,

“Can I get Jasper’s
number from you?”

“Why do you want

Jasper’s number?” Rose
questioned.

“Because I have a feeling

he will know where
Edward is.”

“Good thinking!” Rose

stated pulling her phone
out of her pocket and
handing Bella the phone.
--
Bella stood outside the
office door, her forehead
pressed against the wall.
She needed to take a
deep breath and make
sure that she wasn’t going
to panic before going in.
She had made up her
mind about what she was
going to do and she was
sticking to it, no matter
what.

Knocking softly on the

door, she pulled it open
poking her head in.
Edward sat at his desk
with a huge book in front
of him. It looked like he
was about half way
through it and exhaustion
was beginning to show on
his features.

His hair looked like he

had been tugging
incessantly hard on it,
and it stood wildly in
every direction. His eyes
had bags under them,
most likely from the long
hours of reading. A steady
frown was present on his
face.

“You look like crap,”

Bella blurted out as she
entered the room.
Shaking her head softly at
herself her eyes scanned
over his face.

“Well having the person

you love basically dismiss
your concerns will do that
to you.” Edward slammed
the book on his desk shut
and leaned his head back
against his chair. Bella
physically cringed from
the response. So he was
pissed. Really pissed.

She felt like she needed

to explain, to justify her
response even though
there really was no
justification.
“I just really like my
OBGYN and I didn’t want
to offend her and switch
to another doctor.”

“Well then you must like

her more than me. Don’t
my concerns mean
anything to you Bella? I
fucking love you and I tell
you I am worried and you
dismiss me. How do you
think that makes me
feel?”

Bella could feel the tears

threatening to spill over
but she forced them back.
She wouldn’t cry. She had
hurt him, pretty deeply,
and she would have to
deal with the
consequences of it.

“Probably terrible,” her

voice broke and she
squinted her eyes shut
blocking out her thoughts.
“What are you reading?”

Edward held up the

manual for her to look at
and her mouth dropped
open in shock. He was
flipping through a medical
diagnostic and treatment
manual for pregnancy.

“Oh,” she muttered

feeling completely
stumped on what to say.
He had spent all this time
trying to diagnose her?

“I’ve been trying to call

you.”

“I have been here for a

few hours, flipping
through this.” His
comment confirmed her
thoughts and she felt the
guilt begin to eat her
inside. Coming around
behind him she began to
rub his shoulders, hoping
to ease some of the
tension and stress out of
his posture.

She wanted to be there

for him and that started
with an apology.

“I’m sorry,” Bella stated

softly, “I haven’t exactly
been the easiest to live
with lately.”

“I just wish you would

trust me, trust my love
for you. I will never hurt
you again, Bella. I can
promise you that.”

She knew that now and

she understood. Twisting
his chair around she
plopped in his lap, simply
wanting to feel him, to
feel something. She laid
her head against his
shoulder breathing in his
scent and she found it
calming her.

“I will go see another

doctor, it obviously means
a lot to you.” It was a
concession of sorts, a way
to start to make things
right again. Would he see
it as that though? Would
he understand?

“It would mean a lot to

me.”

“Then it’s done,” Bella

replied leaning in and
placing a kiss on his chin,
although she would have
preferred his lips she felt
it was too soon. “We’re
having a little girl.” Her
voice trembled with
emotion.
“I know.” Edward was
smiling, the tips reaching
his ears. He was truly
ecstatic.

“So you’ve always wanted

a girl?”

“I couldn’t have cared

less if it was a girl or a
boy,” Edward whispered,
“But I do love the fact
that I am going to be
having a mini you.” This
comment touched Bella
more than she could
probably explain and her
eyes burned with unshed
tears once again with his
words.

“You’re not disappointed

are you? I mean you
already have Alice, you
probably wanted a boy.”
“I actually wanted a mini
you,” Bella whispered her
face flushed with her
admission. Edward
laughed softly before
leaning in and placing a
kiss on her forehead.

“We are too alike

sometimes.”

“Hmm.” Bella hummed

softly against his neck as
he rubbed his hands along
her back and then her
belly. His touch was warm
and it felt wonderful
against her stomach. It
felt like things were
finally getting on track for
the first time in awhile
and Bella knew what she
had to do.

“Rose is watching Alice

for the night and since
Emmett isn’t here I’m
assuming Jasper is doing
the same.”
“Correct,” Edward sighed,
“I feel kind of bad that I
haven’t been around for
him as much as I want to
be. I think once the baby
comes I am going to take
some time off work.”

“I would like that,” Bella

answered. “But the
reason I was asking is
because this is the first
time we have had a whole
night free in forever.”

Edward raised his

eyebrow and Bella
immediately understood
his intention. Trying not
to laugh, she leaned in
and gently whispered,
“Would you show me our
new home?”
--
Edward pulled into the
driveway and Bella was
surprised by the size of
the house. He looked over
at her, his face beaming
as he hopped out and ran
around the car. He
opened her door and
helped her out of the car
with a flourish.

“Welcome home,” he
whispered softly in her
ear as he placed his arm
around her back, “Let me
show you around.”

Edward opened up the

door stopping for a
moment and turning to
look at her.

“I feel like I should lift

you over the threshold.”

“Don’t you only do that

after you have gotten
married?” Bella
questioned. “Plus I am
huge; I don’t want you to
hurt yourself.” His eyes
narrowed at her and Bella
wasn’t sure if it was out
of spite or not but he
picked her up effortlessly
and carried her into their
new home.

Setting her down, he led

her into the foyer
stopping for a moment to
flip on the lights.

“Edward this house is

huge,” Bella stated
looking up at the vaulted
ceiling in the entry way
her mouth open in a gape.
“This is too much.”

“Nonsense,” Edward
muttered, “now you
sound like Jasper. I
planned for what we
would need. It’s the
perfect size, trust me.”
“I do.” was Bella’s only
response as she looked
around.

“It’s partially furnished. I

bought a few things and
moved a few things over
from the apartment but I
have kind of been holding
out, I hoped that you
would help me decorate.”

“I would be honored to,”

Bella responded as she
walked through what she
assumed was the living
room. She ran her hand
along the mantle over the
fireplace finding that she
was having trouble
picking words to describe
how she felt.

“It’s beautiful Edward.”

“It’s ours,” Edward
replied softly. She looked
around for another
minute before moving on
to another room, each
more ideal than the next.

After pointing out each of

the rooms on the first
floor he took her hand
and led her slowly up the
stairs. Bella could picture
the house as the ideal
place to raise a family.

“This is perfect.”

“I know,” Edward stated

stopping at the top and
looking at her, “I only
want the best for my
family.”

The words seemed to hit

Bella deeply in the heart
and she found herself
tearing up. Before she
could even attempt to
force the tears back his
arms were around her and
he was softly soothing
her; his hand running up
and down her back.

“I’m sorry it’s too much

too fast isn’t it?”
Edward’s voice sounded
almost panicked and Bella
found herself chuckling
through her sobs.

“It’s not that,” Bella

replied. “It’s just,” her
voice broke as she looked
up at him, “we are a
family now.”

His smile seemed to shine

and Bella found herself
burying her face in his
neck. “You, Alice,
Emmett, and the baby are
my family now, always.”
He placed a kiss on her
forehead before showing
her Alice, Emmett and
the baby’s rooms.

“Where is our room?”

Bella questioned causing
him to smile.

“It’s down the hall, this

way.” He took her hand
and led her to a large
room at the end of the
hall. He opened the door
and stood back letting her
explore.

There was a large bed in

the middle of the room.
Along one of the walls
was a fireplace that
seemed to open the room
up and make it feel
warmer.

“What do you think?” he

had moved closer and his
breath brushed across her
neck causing her to jump.

“I love it,” Bella replied

turning to look at him. His
smile grew and he drew
her into a hug, carefully
molding her to him for a
moment before leaning
down and kissing her
softly.

That night Edward made

love to her. It wasn’t the
same as before. There
was a new intensity
between them and they
veered from their normal
pace. Taking things slowly
and gently he had peeled
the clothes off of her,
lavishing attention on her
now growing belly that
caused Bella to giggle.

It only took her a moment

to remove his clothes and
her rush had him
laughing.

“I’m pregnant, that gives

me the right to be
horny,” Bella joked trying
to ease the escalating
tension.

He entered her slowly, his

body molding around her
belly. Almost as if he was
worshiping her, he was
slow and soft her name
tumbling from his lips
over and over again.

Pressing his forehead

against hers he caressed
her lips with his own.
Bella couldn’t contain the
moans, his name tumbling
from her lips as she
tangled her hands in his
hair.
Bella began moving her
hips to meet each of his
thrusts, urging him to go
faster, go harder, but he
maintained his pace. “I
haven’t felt this alive in
forever,” he whispered
into her hair, “I’m going
to make it last.”

Breathing deeply, bodies

molded together with
sweat, Bella came calling
his name.

He looked up into her

eyes, orgasming and his
eyes rolling back in
pleasure.

“I love you,” Bella

moaned as he leaned
down and kissed her
softly.

“I love you two,” Edward

stated pulling away and
placing his head on her
stomach, his hands
pressing softly into the
flesh as he kissed it
tenderly. “God do I love
you two.”
-One Month Later-
(Bella is now 6 ½ months
along)

Edward lay in bed, hand

thrown over his face in
frustration. He looked
around the room at the
disarray and groaned in
disgust. Moving was
messy, frustratingly
messy. There were boxes
everywhere, making the
house more like a maze
than an actual place to
live.
Bella lay in bed next to
him; her feet elevated up
on pillows and her hair
thrown behind her. The
moving had been more
stressful on her than
Edward had realized it
would be and in typical
fashion he was worried
about her.

“I leave next week.”

Edward muttered
reaching out and cupping
Bella’s face with his hand.
She nodded softly,
distantly, and her head
turned away from him.

“I’m only going to be

gone for a week; I
wouldn’t be leaving if I
didn’t have to. Rose is
going to be staying here
with you and Jasper will
be keeping in contact as
well.”

“Yeah,” Bella whispered

softly, he could tell her
mind was somewhere else
and the thought worried
him. Ever since he had
made her see a different
OBGYN the week prior she
had been moody. He knew
it probably had something
to do with the fact that
she was going crazy;
being put on bed rest
wasn’t easy for anyone.

Edward looked at her

staring in space brow
furrowed as he continued
to speak to her. “I know
you hate this and you feel
like you are being
punished, but until the
doctors can figure out
what is going on we need
to be safe. I don’t know
what I would do if I lost
you Bella.”

“I know,” she sighed,

resigned to the fact that
she would follow the
doctor’s orders even
while Edward was gone.
Her symptoms had only
gotten worse in the weeks
following her last doctor’s
visit and it had been a bit
of a wakeup call to both
of them. Bella was finally
just as concerned as
Edward was about
something serious going
on.

“My mom will probably be

calling you every day.”
Edward muttered smiling.
He shook his head at how
much his parents had
latched onto Bella. He
knew the moment they
met that they would
click, but he was
surprised at how they had
instantly loved her as
their own. His mother was
helping Bella decorate the
house.
Since Bella could no
longer actively
participate in the
shopping and actual
decorating, his mother
had taken to coming over
with a computer and
pulling up ideas on the
internet to show her. The
items she had been
buying online had
definitely put a dent into
his credit card, but it was
worth it to see Bella
happy even if it was only
for a moment.

Bella let out a gentle

sigh, rolling onto her side
and finally facing him. A
small pout formed on her
lips and he found himself
chuckling softly.

“It’s only a week and I

wouldn’t be going if I
didn’t have to. I can’t
miss this conference;
trust me I checked with
the hospital
administrator.”

“Edward,” Bella leaned in

and placed a gentle kiss
on his nose “it’s fine, I
just am bored. I’m not
used to be confined, to
feeling confined.”

“Sure,” Edward teased

trying to joke with her
“blame it on the bed rest.
I think you are going to
miss me terribly because I
am just that irresistible.”

Bella laughed slightly

before leaning in and
kissing him. He gently
pushed her back,
deepening the kiss and
she pulled away throwing
her head back in laughter.
“I’m making up for lost
time.” Edward smirked
down at her.

“You haven’t even left

yet.” Bella teased.

“Consider it a down
payment.” Edward replied
with a small pout on his
face. “Plus you need to
get something positive
out of this whole bed rest
thing.”

Bella rolled her eyes,

leaning in and kissing the
pout off of his face before
pulling back. “I love you
dork.” She turned serious
for a moment, pulling him
closer and molding her
frame against his. “Just
let me feel you for a
moment.”
Reaching up she stroked
his face and a tender
sadness filled her eyes. “I
just need to know that we
are together, that you are
here.” Her voice cracked
and he could tell she was
overwhelmed.

“I love you too,” Edward

whispered kissing her on
the forehead before
leaning down and pressing
his cheek against her now
prominent belly.

“You better,” she replied

softly.

“I do,” he whispered into

her shirt as his hands
massaged her stomach.

--

Edward groaned into his

pillow quickly reaching
over and slapping the
button on the alarm
clock. He could feel Bella
stirring next to him and
he pulled her to him,
whispering softly in her
ear. “Stay in bed, I’m just
going to shower.”

“But you are leaving this

morning.” Bella grumbled
still half asleep.

“I know and I will wake

you up before I go,”
Edward replied, kissing
her softly on the forehead
as he hopped out of bed.

He could see the pout on

her face and he chuckled
as he made his way
around the room. “Go
back to bed Bella I will
wake you up before I
leave.”
Nodding into her pillow he
heard her mumble softly
and incoherently. Quickly
he made his way to his
suitcase, throwing in the
necessities for the week
before packing up a suit
or two into his travel bag.
Grabbing the ultrasound
picture from the
nightstand, he added it to
his pile before making his
way to the shower.

He let the warm water

flow down his back and
soothe his stressed
muscles. The water felt
good but did little to
abate his internal worries.
Edward couldn’t help but
feel nervous, tense even,
at the fact that he was
leaving his pregnant
girlfriend behind. He also
couldn’t help but worry
about the fact that she
had been to two OBGYN’s
now and neither had
come up with a logical
reason for what was
wrong.

At least the doctor he

picked had acknowledged
that something was
wrong.

Edward knew that Rose

would be staying with her
and as much as he had
pestered Jasper and his
parents, he knew that
they too would be worried
about her safety. It didn’t
seem right, though,
leaving her home while he
was traveling. He silently
cursed the hospital
administrator for not
understanding before
focusing on scrubbing the
soap out of his hair.
Drying off quickly, he
tiptoed back into their
room throwing on some
comfortable clothes and
looking at the clock. He
really didn’t have much
time until Jasper would
be arriving to take him to
the airport. While Edward
knew that Bella needed
her sleep, he also knew
that she would be majorly
pissed if he didn’t wake
her up before he left.

Leaning over her sleeping

form he placed a gentle
kiss on Bella’s forehead
and watched as she
stirred.

“I’m leaving.” He
whispered as she shoved
her face into the pillow
groaning. “I will be back
before you even know it.”
She rolled over, her eyes
squinted against the light
and she leaned up
pressing a solid kiss onto
his lips and falling back
onto the bed. “Bye,” she
whispered and tears
formed in her eyes.

“Love you,” Edward

answered throwing his
bag over his shoulder and
graving the wheeling
suitcase with his free
hand.

“Love you too,” Bella

called out to him as he
exited the room.
--
Edward sat in his chair,
leg bouncing up and down
with nerves. He fidgeted
with the packet lying in
front of him. He was
trying to pay attention to
the speaker, he really
was, but his mind was
elsewhere. The picture of
Bella lying in bed seemed
to distract him and while
normally his thoughts
would have been on what
he could be doing with
her in that bed, this time
was different.

Worry seemed to filter in

his mind as he ran once
again over her symptoms.
Now that another doctor
had also acknowledged
that this wasn’t a routine
pregnancy, Edward had
this fear of losing Bella or
the baby. While it had led
him to become more
overprotective of Bella, it
had also brought them
closer together. She
needed him as much as he
needed her.
The speaker released
them for a quick break
and Edward pulled his
phone out dialing Rose.

“How’s she doing?”

Edward questioned.

“Hello to you too,” Rose

sounded off and he could
feel his worry increase.

“Is everything all right,

Rose?”

“Everything is fine,” Rose

answered “I thought you
were supposed to be in
meetings all day.”

“We got a break.” Edward

answered. “May I talk to
her?”

“She is taking a nap right

now.”
The speaker called for the
meeting to resume and
Edward felt a growl built
in his chest but he pushed
it down. Bella was
sleeping anyways; he
could always call again
later.

Hanging up he picked up
the pamphlet and scanned
through the material
quickly. Most of it was
standard knowledge for
cardiologists but a few
things were new. He
perused the data quickly
his eyes catching a
section and his breath
faltering.

The pamphlet fell out of

his hand and he hopped
up leaving the meeting.
--
Edward stood in front of
the terminal pacing back
and forth. His hands shook
as he pressed the redial
button once again. No one
was picking up their
phones and he was
starting to panic.

“Damn it Jasper pick up

your phone.” He
muttered into his friend’s
voicemail before punching
the call end button.

He had exactly twenty

minutes before he would
board his flight and
therefore twenty minutes
until he had to turn his
phone off. He hadn’t
spoken to Rose since
earlier in the morning and
since then hadn’t been
able to get a hold of her.
His hands drummed
incessantly on the counter
as the flight attendant
gave him a dirty look.
“Sorry, I’m in a hurry.”

“Obviously sir,” she

snipped in response. You
would have thought he
would have gotten a little
bit of courtesy, after all
the flight cost him a
pretty penny. At the
moment, though, money
didn’t matter.

Bella wasn’t expecting

him home for another
three days, as that was
how long his trip was
supposed to last. Looking
at the pamphlets he had
picked up before storming
out of his conference he
shook his head in utter
disgust with himself. He
should have seen the signs
sooner, should have
realized.
It was his job after all.

The sound of his phone

ringing brought him out of
his revere and he looked
at the caller ID, sighing in
relief.

“Rose I have been trying

to get a hold of you.”

“I see that,” she stated.

Her voice sounded off,
but Edward ignored it.

“Do you and Jasper ever

pick up your phones?”

“Jasper was with me and

our phones were turned
off, therefore we didn’t
know you were calling
until we turned them
back on.”
“Why did you turn your
phone off? I needed to get
a hold of you.”

“I’m here now,” she

sighed and he realized she
sounded tired.

“You said you were with

Jasper?”

Edward heard a small

scuffle and then Jasper
spoke to him softly. “Hey
Edward, I’m going to tell
you something and I need
you not to panic.”

“That’s fine but I need to

let you know that I am on
my way home. My flight
leaves in 10 minutes.”

Edward could hear Jasper

and Rose arguing softly in
the background before
Jasper spoke to him once
again. “That is probably a
good thing.”

“What do you mean?”

Edward asked confusion
evident in his voice.

“Bella is in the hospital.”

Bella was officially bored
out of her mind. Edward
had only been gone for
two days and already she
was staring at the walls
wondering how to escape.

“This isn’t a prison.” Rose

spoke up then, as if
knowing her thoughts.

“My body is just aching

Rose, I need to move
around a bit. I need a
change of scenery.”

“I suppose we could let

you lay down on the
couch in the living room. I
could bring in Alice and
Emmett and let them
hang out there as well. It
would be a change of
pace and I think it would
do you some good if you
could interact with them
a bit.”

“I will take anything Rose,

and I do mean anything,”
Bella begged as she
quickly got up out of the
bed, her legs trembling
from her lack of walking
around lately.

“Take it slow, Bella,

geesh. The last thing we
need is you overdoing it,
not only would I be
panicked but Edward
would kill me.”

Bella slowly made her

way down the stairs and
into the family living
area, panting for breath
by the time she got to the
couch. Alice was sitting
on the floor and looked
up at her beaming.

“Mommy feeling better?”

she questioned.

“A bit sweetie,” Bella

panted out plopping down
on the couch and putting
her already swelling feet
up. Laying her head back
she breathed deeply,
trying to catch her
breath. Bella could hear
the phone ringing in the
distance and Rose quickly
picked it up.

Rose’s eyes diverted up to

hers and she mouthed
Edward, her brow knit in
worry. This was most
likely due to the fact that
she was already allowing
Bella to break Edward’s
rules.

“Hello to you too,” Rose

muttered clearly irritated
at something he had said.
She paused for a moment
listening to something and
then quickly answered.
“Everything is fine; I
thought you were
supposed to be in
meetings all day?”

Bella chuckled softly to

herself; leave it to Rose
to deflect whatever
questions Edward was
throwing her way. Rose
looked up at her once
more frowning at her
panting before looking at
the phone and sighing,
“She is taking a nap right
now.”
It was clearly a lie and
Bella felt a momentary
pang of guilt until Rose
came and sat beside her.

“He had to get back to

meetings but he just
wanted to call and check
on you.”

“That was sweet,” Bella

responded.

“Irritatingly perfect
timing,” Rose muttered,
“Figures he would call the
exact moment I let you
break the rules. It’s
almost like that man has a
homing chip on you or
something.”

“Don’t be absurd,” Bella

laughed.

“Just saying,” Rose

shrugged her shoulders,
nose scrunched in
distaste. “Please tell me
that I am not looking
forward to an afternoon
of Dora the Explorer. I
just don’t think I can take
it.”

Bella shrugged her

shoulders watching Alice
and Emmett interact on
the carpet. They sat
together, shoulders
brushing, fixated on the
show in front of them.
Her focus was brought
back to Rose by the loud
groan the woman let out.

“I’m kind of tired

anyways,” Rose stated
sighing and rubbing her
eyes. “I might head up
and take a quick nap.”
Her eyes narrowed at
Bella and she raised a
finger pointing at her.
“You do not try and head
upstairs without me.”

“Got it, mommy.” Bella’s

voice dripped with
sarcasm and it caused
Rose to scowl.

“I mean it.”

“I know,” Bella replied

letting her head rest on
the pillow behind her.
“Message received.”

--

Bella woke up from a

sound sleep to the
grumble of her stomach.
Looking at the clock she
realized it had been hours
since she had last eaten.
Looking at the two bodies
curled on the floor, she
smiled at Alice and
Emmett, peacefully
asleep.

Sitting up, her stomach

groaned loudly in despair.
She looked around the
room before calling softly
into the air, “Rose?”
When she didn’t receive a
reply she sighed,
frustrated at her growing
hunger. She couldn’t go
up the stairs to wake her
friend, but she also
wasn’t supposed to be up
and moving around.

Her stomach cried in

protest, creating a deep
pain in her that caused
her to cry out. She
needed to get food and
she needed it now.
Pushing herself off the
couch she waddled her
way around the children
and into the kitchen.
Opening the now mostly
empty fridge her stomach
cried out in protest.

There was no quick fix;

she was going to have to
cook.

Bending over to pull out a

pan, she felt a head rush
and quickly put her hand
on the counter to hold
herself up from falling.
Placing the pan on the
burner she quickly
grabbed ingredients to
make macaroni and
cheese, figuring the kids
would need to eat as
well. Plus it was
something she could make
quickly.

Pulling the milk out, she

set to warming it on the
stove, keeping her
attention on it so it
wouldn’t scald. Her
stomach cried out once
again and frustrated by
the time it was taking,
Bella grabbed some bread
to make toast. That
would hold her over.

Her feet began to ache

from standing and she
contemplated pulling in a
chair to sit down at while
she cooked. Bella could
feel herself becoming
tired and quickly grabbed
and sat on a stool, her
head rushing and spinning
as she looked around the
room.

It was difficult to
breathe, difficult to
move, her chest
tightened. It felt like a
panic attack and yet it
didn’t. She was terrified.
Her breathing came in
pants and she could feel
the pain in her chest
swelling and cresting,
bringing her to her knees
at the bottom of the
stool. Her hand gripped
the counter, trying to pull
herself up but she felt so
weak, so tired.

The room began to spin

and then go black. She
could hear a cry escape
her lips and as her eyes
closed her last thought
was of Edward.
--
Rose’s POV
There was a frantic
knock, before a door was
slammed open. Someone
tugged on Rose’s shirt
softly at first and then
incessantly. Someone was
crying.
Rose woke to the
incessant tugging of Alice
and Emmett, both with
tears streaked down their
face. Alice was as pale as
a ghost and her whimpers
only seemed to escalate
when Rose looked down
at her.

“What’s wrong?” Rose

questioned.

Alice muttered through

her sobs, the snot and
tears making it impossible
to understand her. Rose
looked at her in
confusion, through a sleep
induced haze before
turning to Emmett.
Before she could ask the
boy the same question the
incessant and irritating
beeping of the fire alarm
rang shrilly through the
house.
“Mommy,” Alice sobbed.

Jumping up and grabbing

both children Rose ran
down the stairs, her eyes
topping on the empty
couch.

“FUCK.” Rose muttered

grabbing her cell from her
pocket. “Alice, Emmett,”
she addressed the two
children her eyes roaming
over the room looking for
a sign of Bella. She could
smell smoke filling the air
and she turned around
seeing the stream exiting
from the kitchen. “You
two need to go outside
for me,” her voice was
panicked and she tried to
calm it so as not to startle
the children, “Go stand
outside by the mailbox.
Stay there.”
They nodded their heads,
tears still falling as they
ran out the door. Pressing
the speed dial Rose called
Jasper as she followed
the stream of smoke into
the kitchen.

“Hey Rose. What’s up?”

Jasper asked.

“Jasper, get over here

NOW.” Her voice was
panicked and she entered
the kitchen her eyes
scanning the room to take
in the scene.

There was a pot on the

stove in which the smoke
was coming from. Running
over to it, Rose could
smell the burnt milk her
nose crinkling in
response. Flipping the
stove off her eyes
diverted looking around
the room. Bella lay on the
floor, her body crumpled
like a rag.

Rose dropped to her

knees sobs escaping her
lips as she threw the
phone down, lowering her
head to make sure that
Bella was still breathing.
A sigh of relief escaped
her lips as she felt the
soft brush of air flutter
across her face.

It was weak, but it was

there.

Grabbing the phone her

breath came out in gasps
as she lifted the phone up
to her ear. “Call an
ambulance.”

“What’s wrong?” Jasper

spoke and she could hear
him clearly moving around
on the other end. Words
escaped her as she looked
down at her friends
buckled body on the
floor.

Sobs escaped her lips and

her voice trembled out a
single word. “Bella.”
--
It took the ambulance ten
minutes to arrive. It took
Jasper five. Carrying the
sobbing children into the
house he called for her,
his voice shaking. Rose
immediately reprimanded
herself. She had
completely forgotten they
were outside waiting for
her. What if something
had happened to them as
well?

“In the kitchen,” Rose

called her voice cracking
and breaking. He entered
looking at the sight in
front of him, gasping.

“I don’t know if we should

move her, I don’t want to
hurt her further.”

He nodded his acceptance

of the plan setting Alice
and Emmett down and
bending down to check
Bella’s pulse.

“Did you call Edward?”

Jasper questioned.

“And say what?” Rose’s

voice broke.

“Don’t you think he needs

to know?”

She nodded her

agreement unable to
speak. It was her fault
Bella was laying on the
floor, she suddenly felt
hollow.

“What happened?” Jasper

questioned pulling his
phone out and looking at
it as if it was a snake that
was going to bite him.

“She was so restless; I

figured what was the
difference if she lay in
bed or on the couch. I
brought her down here
with the kids. After
awhile I got tired and told
her I was going to take a
nap. She promised me she
would stay put until I
came back down.”

“She didn’t.”

“Obviously,” Rose
snapped her eyes
watering. “Give me the
damn phone, I was
responsible for her.”

Hitting the speed dial the

phone immediately went
to voicemail. Looking up
at Jasper, Rose sighed
flipping the phone closed.

“No answer.”

“Leave a message.”

“Is this really something

you would want to find
out about on a message?”
Rose questioned.

He shook his head no, his

head lifting up when they
heard the front door
open.

“In the kitchen,” Jasper

called to the paramedics.
--
Bella was in critical
condition. She was in the
unit. The words swelled
around in Rose’s head
filling her with an
immeasurable amount of
guilt. The paramedics had
brought her to the
Emergency Room where
she was quickly moved to
an environment deemed
more suitable.

She still had not awoken.

Rose had tried to call

Edward at least three
more times, each time
receiving his voicemail,
before the nurse had told
her that cell phones were
not admitted in the unit.

She and Jasper had

shared a look and quickly
turned their phones off.
This wasn’t going to be
good.

Setting at Bella’s bedside,

Rose held her hand the
small sobs escaping her
lips. The doctors couldn’t
figure out what was
wrong with her. There
were limited tests they
could do since she was
pregnant and what little
information they could
gain from them wasn’t
helpful.

Rose was getting

frustrated.

The only thing they could

clearly tell her was that
something was happening
with Bella’s heart. While
at least it was a step in
the right direction, it
wasn’t enough. They
needed Edward here, he
was a cardiologist after
all, and Rose knew
without a doubt he
wouldn’t give up until he
figured it out.

Looking at the clock Rose

winced at the time
looking over at Jasper
who sat in the corner
staring into space. After
the paramedics had
shown up, Jasper had
taken the children to
Sue’s explaining it was a
medical emergency
before rushing to the
hospital.

Rose knew that Sue would

keep the children
overnight but they had
likely been traumatized
by what they had seen.
She needed to be there
for them since Bella
couldn’t right now.
“We should probably go
pick up the kids,” Rose
stated her voice gravelly
from the exertion.

“Do you really think that

is the best idea?” Jasper
questioned softly.

“They need family right

now,” Rose replied
standing up and placing a
gentle kiss on Bella’s
forehead. “They have
been through so much
today.”

Jasper stood sighing as he

moved to stand next to
her.

“How are we going to tell

Edward?”
“No clue,” Rose sighed,
“but it needs to be done
and fairly quickly.”
--
Rose stood against the
side of the building,
Jasper standing next to
her. The fresh air was
refreshing. The minute
the thought crossed her
thoughts she once again
felt guilty. Holding the
phone unsteadily in her
hand she powered it on,
ignoring her voicemails
she pressed the speed
dial.

“Rose I have been trying

to get a hold of you.”

She steadied her voice

and resolve before
responding. “I see that.”

“Do you and Jasper ever

pick up your phones?”
The mindless chatter
spurred her heart on and
she could feel it
drumming in her ears. She
needed to be honest,
needed to own up to her
mistake. “Jasper was with
me and our phones were
turned off, therefore we
didn’t know you were
calling until we turned
them back on.”

“Why did you turn your

phone off? I needed to get
a hold of you.” Edward
sounded annoyed and
Rose couldn’t help but
wonder how he would feel
when he found out why
their phones were off.

“I’m here now,” she

sighed, tears stinging at
her eyes. She was
exhausted.
“You said you were with
Jasper?”

Rose pulled the phone

away from her ears tears
running down her cheeks.

“I can’t do it.” She

whispered to Jasper. He
moved closer to her
taking the phone from her
hands and placing his free
hand on her shoulder.

“Hey Edward, I’m going to

tell you something and I
need you not to panic.”
Jasper kept his voice calm
and Rose was amazed at
his ability to control his
emotions. She was
surprised that she could
still hear Edward talking
as he answered Jasper.

“That’s fine but I need to

let you know that I am on
my way home. My flight
leaves in 10 minutes.”

“He’s on his way home,”

Jasper growled to Rose
his eyes wide.

“We should wait until he

gets here to tell him,”
Rose stated stress clearly
having an effect on her.

“We can’t do that. We

have already waited too
long.”

“That is probably a good

thing,” Jasper spoke
hesitantly leading him
into the conversation.

“What do you mean?”

Edward asked confusion
evident in his voice.

“Bella is in the hospital.”

“What do you mean Bella
is in the hospital?”
Edwards voice rose and
Rose could picture him
losing control in the
airport and being
detained by security.
Grabbing the phone from
Jasper she looked at him
and mouthed sorry as she
lifted the phone up .

“We have to go Edward;

we will explain when you
get here,” Before he
could respond she clicked
the end call button.

“What the fuck?” Jasper

stated looking at her in
awe.

“Trust me,” Rose stated,

“It’s better if he doesn’t
know how bad it is. We
don’t want him losing
control in the airport and
getting detained by
security.”

“You are so dead when he

gets here,” Jasper’s voice
was filled with awe.

“I would expect nothing

less.”
The rage Edward felt was
nothing compared to the
fear he now held in his
heart for Bella. Not only
was her life in danger,
but also the life of their
unborn girl. His pacing
became more insistent
and his eyes fixated on
the phone in his hand.

Rosalie had a lot of nerve

hanging up on him and,
after he made sure Bella
was alright, he would deal
with her as well. While he
realized that most likely
she was worried sick, the
way she had handled
things had him seriously
questioning his trust in
her.

If Edward was truly

honest with himself, he
blamed himself for the
predicament Bella was
now in. If he had refused
to leave her side, refused
to go to the conference,
then he would be by her
side at that very moment
and it was unlikely she
would be in the hospital.

As Edward boarded the

plane his thoughts were
consumed with Bella and
the baby. While it was
difficult to picture, his
mind taunted him with
images of what would
happen if she did not
make it. The thought
made him sick and his
stomach rolled. Quickly
suppressing the urge,
Edward leaned his head
against the headrest, his
eyes staring out the
window, but not really
seeing.

He couldn’t get home

soon enough.
--
Edward exited the plane
his eyes scanning the
crowd reaching Jasper
fairly quickly. Rose was
not with him and Edward
was angered and relieved
at the same time.

“She is at the hospital

with Bella,” Jasper stated
noticing Edward’s
questioning look. “She
doesn’t like to leave her
alone.”
“What the fuck
happened?” Edward
growled shifting his duffle
bag from one shoulder to
another, the frustration
clearly evident in his
voice.

“I’m not exactly sure,”

Jasper muttered, “But
the gist of it is that Bella
got up while Rose was
sleeping to cook. She
collapsed in the kitchen,
a black out or something.
Alice and Emmett found
her or must have heard
her and they woke Rose
up.”

Edward nodded curtly,

quickly making his way to
Jasper’s car and throwing
his things in the back
seat.
“I think I need to warn
you about something
before we get to the
hospital.”

Edward looked at him,

feeling more tired than he
had in such a long time.

“Bella is still pretty

unresponsive and the
doctors are having a hard
time figuring out what is
wrong with her. They
know it is something with
her heart they are just
unsure of what it is. The
thing is,” Jasper looked
over at him for a moment
as he pulled out of his
parking spot, “Bella is in
the critical care unit.”

Edward could feel his

heart plummet into his
stomach and, cursing
under his breath, he
reached into his bag,
pulling the pamphlet out.
The words still rang in his
head and he cursed
himself for not noticing
the symptoms sooner. He
should have seen the
signs.

“I know what is wrong

with her Jasper; I’m just
not sure how to treat it. I
need to look at the book
in my office again, but
I’m pretty sure it’s
treatable if we aren’t too
late in diagnosing.”
--
The harsh overhead lights
made Bella look paler
than she actually was.
Her hair lay behind her
limply making a halo
around her head. She
wore an oxygen mask, and
had a steady drip of fluids
that were entering her
system through an IV.

Pushing down his feelings

of growing resentment
towards Rose, Edward
entered the room and
stood by her side, looking
down at her broken body.
Two monitors beeped
consecutively, one
recording Bella’s
heartbeat the other the
baby’s. Both seemed to
be fairly strong.

Leaning down he placed a

gentle kiss on her
forehead, clenching his
eyes tight to push back
the tears.

“I’m here love,” he

whispered softly in her
ear. Edward looked up
noticing her eyes weren’t
opening. He could feel
the tears falling and he
nuzzled his head against
the side of her face and
neck, letting out a gentle
sob. “I’m here and I’m
going to take care of
you.”

Reaching around her,

Edward scooped her up in
his arms, pulling her close
to him. “This is where I
belong,” he sobbed
sinking to his knees next
to the bed. Closing his
eyes, his body rushed
with emotions that
overwhelmed him and his
heart cried out in despair.

Pulling himself up onto

the bed, Edward lay next
to her burying his head
into her hair, inhaling her
scent and calming his
heart if only for a
moment. Resting her head
against his chest his eyes
finally focused on his next
task.

Rose stood on the other

side of the room, her
arms crossed over her
chest. She looked like she
hadn’t slept in weeks and
Edward could clearly see
the streaks where tears
had been running down
her face.

“What happened?” He
lifted his eyes away from
Bella and looked up at
Rose, trying to control his
anger. “What could have
possibly possessed you to
hang up on me?” His
words came out gravely
from his sobbing and it
sounded like he was
growling at her.
“I figured it would be
better to tell you the
specifics once you got
here. I didn’t want there
to be an incident at the
airport and for you to get
detained by security. And
don’t even think of telling
me that you wouldn’t
have thrown an absolute
fit, I know you better
than that.”

“You had no right to make

that decision for me, NO
RIGHT to hand me that
kind of news and then
hang up on me.” Edward’s
voice began to rise and he
could see a few nurses
standing outside the door
of the room. Moving
himself out from
underneath Bella he stood
up and began to pace the
room.
“Do you have ANY idea
what you put me through?
Any idea of the torment
that you caused me? You
had no FUCKING right to
do that to me! I don’t
care how certain you
were that I would cause a
scene. YOU were
responsible for her; you
were taking care of her.”
His eyes looked up at her,
anger seeping through
him as the next words left
his lips. “It’s your fault
she is in here!”

Edward could feel Jasper

placing a hand on his
shoulder, trying to calm
him. His breath was
coming in pants and he
looked at the entryway
noticing the crowd that
stood, watching the
doctor fall apart.
“Get out Rose.”

“WHAT?” Jasper and Rose

spoke simultaneously.

“I said get out. If I have

to call security I will.”

Rose looked at him,

mouth agape. She looked
like she might burst into
tears again at any
moment. Edward couldn’t
find it in him to care. She
looked up at him, eyes
bristling with tears.
“Edward I…”

“I don’t need excuses

that you feed to me just
to make yourself feel
better. If you want to
help then leave.”

The nurses stood in the

doorway; he could see the
whispers bristling through
the crowd. It didn’t
matter; his reputation,
their thoughts, the gossip.
None of it mattered if
Bella was unhealthy.

“I will pick up the kids

from the daycare
downstairs, it closes in an
hour and I have a feeling
you will want to stay here
tonight.” Rose whispered
softly, her eyes not
meeting his. “I will take
care of them and make
sure that they stay safe.”
Her eyes rose, meeting
his for a moment and he
saw a determination in
them. “I will be visiting
Bella tomorrow whether
you like it or not. If you
have a problem with it I
suggest you are not in the
room when I arrive.”
--
Edward sat at his desk,
head in his hands. He had
let his anger get the best
of him. While Rose was
wrong in her actions, he
was as well in kicking her
out of the room. He had
never gotten more glares
and whispers from the
nurses.

Picking up his Current

Medical and Diagnostic
Treatment Manual
(CMDT), Edward flipped
to the section staring
down at the words in
front of him.

Peripartum
Cardiomyopathy

Cardiac failure that

develops during
pregnancy or during the
first 6 months postpartum
in women without a
history of heart disease
and with no cause for
heart failure other than
pregnancy.

The words rang around in

his head and he shook it
in amazement that it had
taken him so long to
figure out. Each and every
one of her symptoms fit
the book almost
perfectly. It was, as his
father would say, a
perfect textbook
example.

Symptoms include
difficulty breathing,
dyspnea (passing out),
edema (swelling), cough,
frequent urination,
excessive weight gain,
palpitations, and chest
pain.
The irony of the fact that
Edward had spent so
much time studying
pregnancy ailments did
not elude him. Leave it to
Bella to develop
something completely
unrelated to her
pregnancy and yet caused
by it.

While a diagnosis was now

present, it did little to
help alleviate his
concerns over her coma-
like state. If she had
indeed passed out
normally, she should have
been awake by now. This
told him that her heart
was most likely in worse
shape than they knew.

The thought scared him.

He read through the
treatment options,
scanning the drug list as
he went.

Treatment includes
immunosuppressive
therapy, diuretics, and
Beta blockers; often
anticoagulation medicine
is given due to the high
risk of stroke. Subsequent
pregnancy needs to be
avoided.

Edward knew almost

immediately that
anticoagulation medicine
could not be used. Not
only would it put Bella’s
life in danger during
birth, but also the life of
their unborn child. The
thought of her having a
stroke seemed to make
his heart stutter and cry
out. There had to be a
way they could treat her
without harming her even
further, or harming the
child.

Bella was only six and a

half months along. It was
too soon to induce labor.

The minute the thought

entered his head, he
ushered it out. Bella
would have had a fit if
she knew that he had
even remotely considered
it. Running his hands
through his hair, he read
through the manual once
again. His eyes froze over
the last sentence, the
implications bouncing
through his head.

Subsequent pregnancy
needs to be avoided.

Bella would never be able

to have children again.
The thought tore his heart
open more than he would
like to admit. He knew
that there were other
ways; that if they decided
they wanted more
children that it could
happen. This thought did
little to soothe the steady
ache that had formed in
the pit of his stomach.

How would she take this

news?

Hell, he wasn’t even sure

how he was taking the
news. Resting his head
against the desk, Edward
let the tears fall. His
quiet sobs did little to
drown out the buzzing
silence of the room. If he
was going to be her
doctor, he would have to
pull himself together; act
professional. He wasn’t
sure he could do it.
There were very few
cardiologists that Edward
truly trusted at the
hospital, and even fewer
doctors he would trust
Bella’s life with. He
would be the most likely
candidate for giving her
the best possible care but
he also knew that being
impartial would be
impossible.

A knock on his door broke

him from his thoughts and
Edward looked up at the
door and Jasper who
stood leaning against the
doorjamb.

“Come on in.”

“And join the pity party?”

Jasper questioned his
eyebrows knit in worry.
“Aren’t you supposed to
be taking care of her right
now?”

“I don’t know that I have

it in me to be her doctor,
Jasper.”

Jasper plopped down in

the chair in front of his
desk, his hands nervously
twitching in his lap. He
looked Edward up and
down, his frown
increasing. “How bad is
it?” he asked concern
etching his featured.

“Her heart is failing.”

“But it is fixable?” Jasper

questioned confusion
evident on his face.

“Usually.”

“Define usually,” Jasper

whispered.
Edward sighed throwing
his head back against the
chair. His eyes burned
from the tears he had
shed and he knew he
looked like a mess. He
looked at Jasper sitting in
front of him and felt the
tears welling once again.

Jasper seemed to sense

his inner turmoil and he
lifted himself out of the
seat coming to stand next
to Edward. The moment
Jaspers hand touched
Edward’s shoulder he
broke down, the sobs
escaping his lips.

“Let it out man.” Jasper

stated soothingly.

“I can’t do this,” Edward

sobbed. “I can’t be strong
for both of us. I thought I
could but I can’t. I need
her, Jasper. I need her
like I need air. I can’t live
without her. Seeing her
lying in that bed, so
helpless, so weak, it
breaks something inside
of me. It’s like I’m not
fully here. I don’t trust
myself to make decisions
on her medical care
because there is no way
they will be impartial.”

His breathing came in

pants as he continued to
speak.

“I can’t have her life in

my hands. If I lost her, if
something happened I
would never forgive
myself. I would have that
on my hands, on my
conscience for the rest of
my life. I don’t know if
you can even begin to
understand the depth of
my love for her, for them.
I would give my own life
for her and our
daughter.”

“So what are you going to

do?” Jasper questioned
softly.

“Call the one doctor I can

trust Bella’s life with;
trust with my heart. My
father.”
Bella’s eyes fluttered as
she tried to open them;
being unsuccessful she
listened to the deafening
silence around her. She
knew from the subtle
beeping that she was in a
hospital but it did little to
assuage her concerns. A
million thoughts flashed
through her mind and she
felt the panic rise in her.
Her chest tightened and
she wanted to cry out, to
scream out in pain but
the words wouldn’t
escape her lips. An alarm
bell sounded and for the
second time, everything
went black.
--
Her mind felt hazy, as if
she was in a daze. She
tried to concentrate on
the burning light
overhead, tried to focus
her eyes on the person
standing in front of her,
but the brightness was
too much. It was too
overwhelming. Closing her
eyes she squeezed them
tightly, a stray tear falling
down her cheek.

She could feel someone

gently wipe it away, a
whisper of a touch on her
face. Her throat burned,
as if she was consumed by
thirst, she wanted to
open her mouth and beg
for water, for something
to assuage the steady
pain. Her lips didn’t
move.
--
Thoughts of Edward
consumed her. Images of
him smiling, burned into
her memory, seemed to
taunt her inability to open
her eyes and look at him.
She knew he was there
beside her, the strength
and warmth from his
arms, which were
wrapped around her, was
her only constant. The
moments he did part from
her she felt lost, empty,
alone. It was almost as if
he had taken her soul
with him when he left.

It terrified her.
Sometimes she could hear
him whispering softly into
her ear. Each word hazy
and inconsequential, the
mere fact that he was
there bringing her
comfort. Other times his
words of devotion were
clear. He made promises,
spoke of his love for her
and their unborn child.

Bella fought to open her

eyes, fought to lift the
haze that had settled over
both her mind and body.
She fought to move her
fingers, her hands, her
toes; each time finding it
harder and harder to
come up with the energy
to fight.
--
Her arm burned as if it
was on fire, all consuming
and taking over her
thoughts. She could feel
the flow of fluids as the IV
was started. It created a
rushing sensation that was
particularly unpleasant.
The medicine stung as it
entered her veins; her
body burning and tingling
as it made its way through
her system.

Bella’s eyes watered at

the sensation and she
wanted to scream out in
despair. Fighting the
darkness that loomed
over her heavily, she
opened her lips a gasp
escaping from her mouth.

“Did you hear that?”

Edward spoke his voice
was louder than normal
and she was shocked she
could hear him clearly.

“I did, son, I did.”

--
She found that her eyelids
didn’t feel as heavy as
they once had. Fluttering
them slowly, once and
then twice, she opened
her eyes squinting at the
darkness around her. It
was night time that much
was clear from the lack of
light in the room.

Her body ached with the

effort it took but she
forced her eyes to remain
open. They scanned
through the darkness
looking for something or
someone to ground her to
this moment. The back of
her head throbbed in pain
and she groaned in
despair, her eyes
fluttering closed for a
moment.

It took more effort to

open them the second
time and she realized she
was wearing herself out,
getting weak from the
exertion. Her eyes opened
minutely, but it was long
enough.

He sat in front of her,

eyes focused on her. His
eyes met hers for a
moment and he gasped.
She watched the tears of
hope fill his eyes as hers
became too heavy to hold
open any longer. They
closed shut and she
fought to reopen them,
pushing all her energy
into it.

They fluttered once but

she was so tired, so
exhausted from the
exertion.

“I’m here my Bella,” she

heard him whisper in her
ear. His arms snaked
around her and she felt
herself wrapped in
warmth. “Fight for me,
love.”

His soft sobs broke

through the darkness and
she could feel the cool
tears hitting her neck. He
was in so much pain,
filled with so much
sorrow, all for her. His
breathing stuttered and
eventually evened out.
The gentle and steady
rush told her that he had
fallen asleep.
--
It was quiet and dark but
something was tugging on
the hinges, making her
thoughts shake and
tremble. There was
movement and noise.
Something was
happening.
“She WAS awake.”
Edward’s voice broke
through, ripping her from
her silence.

“Son, you haven’t been

sleeping. It’s very likely
you imagined it or
dreamed it. I’m so sorry
but she has only been
showing minor signs of
improvement.”

His sobs broke her heart

and tore at her soul. She
fought her way
relentlessly to the
surface. Fought to open
her eyes, to call out to
him, to do something to
let him know that she was
okay; that she knew he
was here.

Her eyes refused to open,

too heavy in her
weakened state for her to
open.

Pushing all her energy

into a single effort her
mouth opened and a
single breathy word
tumbled out.

“Edward.”
--
Another rush of medicine,
another day of burning.

The medicine makes her

feel stronger, makes her
heart race and it’s almost
as if she can feel the
blood flowing throughout
her body. Something
moves in her stomach and
startles her for a
moment. She realizes
after a moment it’s their
baby kicking and tumbling
inside of her.
She wishes she could tell
Edward what she feels,
wishes in some way she
could share this moment
with him. As if knowing
what she is thinking or
feeling she feels a hand
touching her belly and
then hears his gentle
gasp.

“The baby is kicking.”

There is a rush of
movement and several
hands touch her. Normally
she would have been put
off by all the attention,
but it feels right in a way.
A sigh escapes through
her lips and she hears two
gasps and a steady
chuckle.
“She is slowly waking up.
The medicine is working.”
He receives no response
but she feels his lips
gently press against her
stomach and then her
forehead. It comforts her
immensely and Bella
wishes she could reach
out and kiss him in return,
wishes she could thank
him for staying by her
side.

The love she feels is

unimaginable.
--
The medicine continues
to drip into her system
and her body is now used
to the subtle burn. Bella
has no idea how long she
has been out for, no idea
whether it is day or night.
But she does feel the
steady pressure of Edward
next to her. She feels her
strength growing and
knows that whatever
medicine Edward is giving
her, its working.

Fighting the urge to open

her eyes and look at him
once again, she saves her
energy; storing it up
slowly. She no longer has
to fight the darkness that
once oppressed down on
her and she knows if she
wanted to open her eyes
she could do it with little
effort.

But it isn’t enough to

open her eyes for a
moment. She knows she
needs to wake up and so
she waits, steadily
building up strength. Her
heart continues to beat
quicker than normal, but
it doesn’t bother her if it
is what she needs then
she will gladly deal with
the uncomfortable
feeling.

She finally feels strong

enough and the itch is
large enough that she
wiggles her fingers to test
the water. She is acutely
aware that they move and
that there is something
lying underneath them.
Her hand clenches around
it and it moves. It takes
her a moment to realize
that it is Edward.

He clenches her hand

tightly and she can almost
picture the smile on his
face as he realizes what
has happened. Suddenly
he is there, very there,
and coaching her to open
her eyes for him once
again. The words come
out worshipful, almost
like a prayer.
“Please Bella, you can do
it, please god open your
eyes. Look at me, baby,
come on I know you can
do it.”

And suddenly she knows

that she can as well. Her
eyes flutter open and
then shut immediately
stinging from the
brightness of the room. As
if he understands her
reaction she feels him
move away from her and
can tell that the lights are
switched off, the curtains
closed.

He moves next to her,

taking her hand and
squeezing once again.
This time when she opens
her eyes they burn, not
from brightness but from
lack of use. Her eyes
meet his and his smile is
dazzling. Tears are
steadily flowing down his
face and his breathing is
ragged.

Edward has never looked

more beautiful.

He leans down and places

a peck on her lips that
she tries unsuccessfully to
reciprocate. He notices
and leans down kissing
her once again. This time
she returns it, her hand
moving slowly before
laying against his face for
just a moment. It drops
down to the bed in
weakness.

He pulled back then and

looked down into her
eyes, his smile growing by
the minute.
“There you are,” his
words are breathy and full
of emotion. His eyes
never break from hers
even as she hears others
entering the room.
“There you are.” He
repeats as he looks deep
into her eyes in awe.
Edward stood in the
hallway, his hand tugging
incessantly on the ends of
his hair. Jasper stood next
to him a hand of support
placed on his shoulder. He
had been making some
rounds, he wasn’t gone
twenty minutes and yet
the scene before him was
immensely different.

Carlisle exited the room a

gentle frown on his face.

“What happened?”
Edward growled his eyes
scanning over her room
still packed with hospital
workers.

“I’m not quite sure,”

Carlisle looked into his
son’s eyes, “I was down
the hall putting some
orders in and the next
thing I know her alarms
are going off. All of
them.”

“What does it mean?”

Edward felt lost and from
the look on his father’s
face he realized he
probably looked it too.

“She isn’t responsive. Her

heart is doing poorer than
we originally thought and
it’s put her in a type of
coma.”

“So get her out of it.”

“It isn’t that simple son;
you and I both know
that.”

There is noise all around

him, a general hustle and
bustle of people. Each
moves in and out of view
as he buries his head in
her hair taking deep
breaths, breathing her in.
Edward’s eyes are still
filled with tears, steadily
and slowly streaming
down his face. Her hair
blocks this site to others
but he knows that she can
feel it, that she is aware;
because she is awake.

It was rather late at

night, but that did little
to comfort Edward or lull
him to sleep. While the
hospital was rather quiet,
two machines steadily
beeped and blipped. A
subtle glimpse at what
Bella and the baby’s
hearts were doing. The
noise wasn’t what was
keeping him awake; after
all it couldn’t drown out
the noise of his thoughts.

She had been here for a

month.

Edward could feel himself

slowly losing hope, letting
the negative thoughts of
everyone around him
consume him. He was a
doctor after all, and he
knew all of the facts, all
of the statistics. The
outcome wasn’t looking
good.

He found his eyes tracing

the outline of her face as
he willed the ever present
burning in his eyes to go
away. He wasn’t strong
enough for her. He was
weak. He had been crying
way too much.

Closing his eyes for a

moment he could picture
her beautiful brown eyes
looking up at him, giving
him strength. His eyes
opened and met hers.

He gasped and the tears

began to fall.

For a moment, a very

brief moment, they
connected. And then her
eyes closed once again.
He could see her eyelids
fluttering, fighting to
open and the hope he had
lost roared through his
body.

“I’m here my Bella.” His

voice was weak and he
prayed she could hear
him. “Fight for me love.”

He buried his face in her

neck, his tears streaking
both of their skin. He
clung to her, clung to the
knowledge that she was
there and finally released
the sobs he had been
holding back.

He hears his father talking

and drowns him out,
instead focusing on
making his breathing
match hers. She had been
asleep for a long time,
too long. Each movement
of her body makes his
body sing in delight. He
knew she would wake up.

He knew it.

There was a soft knock on

the door and Edward
looked up, laying his book
on the table next to him
his eyes meeting his
fathers.

“The nurse said that you

wanted to see me son.”

Edward sat up a bit more,

his face beaming in pride
as his fingers gently
stroked Bella’s hand
affectionately. “She woke
up last night. I was sitting
in here and she just
opened her eyes and
looked at me.”

His father looked at him,

not saying anything and
Edward immediately
recognized the face. The
pit of his stomach
dropped and he could feel
the anger building inside
of him.
“She WAS awake.”

Carlisle studied him for a

moment before pity
crossed his features.
Edward watched him
make his way across the
room to stand beside him.
“Son, you haven’t been
sleeping. It’s very likely
you imagined it or
dreamed it. I’m so sorry
but she has only been
showing minor signs of
improvement.”

“I’m not imagining it

DAD,” the word was
growled out and Carlisle
took a step back sighing
as he pinched the bridge
of his nose.

“Son,” his eyes were

filled with sorrow,
something Edward wasn’t
expecting and didn’t wish
to see, “We’re just trying
to keep the baby
healthy.”

The words struck him like

a bucket of cold eyes and
he looked up at his
father.

“I’m sorry son.”

His sobs filled the room

and the tears ran down
his face. He looked at the
love of his life, lying
helpless and stood; his
body was shaking. He
moved to be closer to
her, moved to touch her
once again, to will her to
wake up and prove to his
father. He made it two
steps before he crumpled
on the floor.

Carlisle sat next to him,

gently rubbing his hand
along Edward’s back
listening to the sobs
escape his lips. Both men
were startled by a gentle
groan, each raising their
head and looking at the
body lying in bed.

“Edward.”

Pushing all of his energy

into his movement he
made it to the bed,
quickly lying next to her
and stroking her hair.

“Don’t worry love,” he

whispered, “I’m not
giving up on you.”

“We gave you a

combination of
medicines. Some of them
such as the beta-blocker
were to help keep you
stable. Others were to try
and counteract the
effects of the medication
on the baby.” Carlisle
continued to speak and
Edward continued to
drown him out.

“Will it have any effect

on the baby?” Bella
questioned, concerned
about the health and
safety of her child.

“We’ve been monitoring

it and haven’t noticed any
changes, but there is no
guarantee. Our priority
has always been to keep
you two as healthy and as
safe as possible.”

She nodded in
acknowledgement and her
hair tickled his face
making him nuzzle it into
her neck. Carlisle cleared
his throat and Edward
pulled back letting his
father see his tear
streaked face.

“Perhaps I should let you

and Edward speak
privately and I can
explain the rest later.” A
moment later the room is
clear of people. It’s
quiet, and surprisingly
comfortable.

Edward places his hand on

her belly tenderly,
lovingly stroking the
bump.

Edward sits with Jasper

and Rose. There is an
uncomfortable silence
that fills the room and
Edward doesn’t know
what to do to break it. He
and Rose were still not on
the best terms and the
tension it causes only
seems to create more
stress for him.

And that is something he

doesn’t need.

His eyes are burning from

lack of sleep and he
knows that he needs to
get some rest, but he
doesn’t feel comfortable
leaving her. And just the
thought of it causes a
hole in his chest that
makes his body ache. He
suddenly feels too far
away.

He reaches his hand out

laying it gently on her
stomach, feeling himself
relax once again. It only
takes a moment for him
to realize what he is
feeling and a gasp
escapes his lips, followed
by a smile.
“The baby is kicking.” His
voice is filled with awe
and love and he wonders
if Bella is aware, if she
can feel it.

Rose and Jasper move to

touch her stomach as
well, each smiling in joy
at the subtle movement.
Edward is suddenly happy
that they are there, that
he has someone to share
this moment with and his
eyes fill with tears.

A sigh flutters through the

room and Jasper and Rose
pull back looking shocked.

“She is slowly waking up,”

Edward says his voice
filled with pride. “The
medicine is working.”
Leaning down he places a
kiss against her stomach
and then her forehead. It
brings him comfort
knowing that the baby is
still alright, that Bella is
still in there. He will not
leave her side.

“How long have I been

asleep for?” Her eyes
search his nervously and
he finds himself running
his hands through his hair.
Her eyes are
devastatingly beautiful to
him and he finds himself
wanting to hide in them,
to not have to deal with
more problems.

“For a while.”

“Edward?” He knows the

tone, and has heard her
use it before and hearing
it now has no less affect
on him. Her eyes leave
him and look down at her
protruding stomach, her
hand gently running
across the swollen flesh.
“I’m quite a bit bigger.”

He winces at this and

leans down placing a kiss
on her head. “You were
six and a half months
along when you went
under.”

Bella nodded her head

willing him to continue.

“You are now eight and a

half months along.”

“I’ve been out for TWO

months?” She gasped in
alarm and he quickly
wraps his arms around
her, hushing and calming
her as her breathing
spikes.
His arms are wrapped
around her, holding her to
him, clinging to her.
Although Bella doesn’t
respond Edward can feel
the heat of her body, the
movement of her chest as
she breathes, and he finds
this soothing.

He was forced to leave

her to check on a patient,
and he didn’t like it. His
thoughts consumed him
with worries the entire
time he was away and he
knew what he was going
to have to do. He just
wasn’t sure how to do it.

There was a knock at the

door and his father
entered, setting some
paperwork on the bedside
table.
“What’s that?” Edward
asks.

“The paperwork to take a

leave of absence,”
Carlisle answers
knowingly. “I filled out
everything I could for
you.”

There is an unspoken
moment between father
and son, and Edward
looks up at him gratefully.
Family is his priority and
suddenly it doesn’t seem
like such a silly thing to
ask for.

Bella’s breathing has

calmed and she lays there
looking up at him so
fucking devastatingly
beautiful that it makes his
breathing hitch.
“Not you too.” She jokes
trying to lighten the
heavy mood before she
suddenly look serious. “I
don’t remember a lot
from when I was out,” her
voice breaks as her eyes
fill with tears. She looks
up at him as she
continues to speak, “but I
remember the feeling of
you holding me, of
knowing I was safe, loved.
I remember opening my
eyes and looking into
yours for a brief moment
and I remember hearing
you sob and calling out
your name.”

She moves her hand to lie

in his hair, gently stroking
it, and his chest tightens
as she continues to talk.

“The medicine burned,”

her nose scrunched in
distaste, “so badly that it
felt like it was consuming
me. But it didn’t matter
because you were there
with me, by my side,
holding me. I don’t
remember much, Edward,
but I do remember the
overwhelming love I felt
for you.”

Her voice broke as she

pulled him closer. Their
lips almost touching as
she continued to speak.

“You never gave up hope,

even when it seemed
hopeless. You lost sleep,
left your job, your family,
to stay by my side. You
brought me back from the
darkness, each and every
time I needed it. You
brought me back Edward,
only you.”
She kisses him then,
gently guiding him to her
as her lips fold over his.
The tears fall down his
face, but he doesn’t care
and he isn’t embarrassed.

Behind his eyes he

pictures the moment she
woke; the moment their
eyes connected and he
truly saw her. What was it
he had said?

“There you are.”

His mind replays this

moment over and over as
her lips fold over his. It
isn’t until now that he
realizes he was speaking
of himself as well. A part
of him was missing while
she was gone and she
brought it back with her.
She brought it back to
him.
“Mommy!”

Alice’s excitement is
contagious and Bella can
hear more than see the
small girl wiggling in
Edward’s arms. Pulling
herself up into a sitting
position, she looks over at
her daughter smiling
softly.

“Hi sweetie.”

Edward sets her down,

probably before he drops
her, and he chuckles as
the small girl launches
herself into the bed and
curls up next to Bella. She
leans down placing a
small kiss on Alice’s
forehead before looking
up at Edward.
“Where is Emmett?”

“He is in the waiting room

with Jasper. I wanted to
give you two a few
minutes to reconnect
before I brought him in.”

Bella looks at him for a

moment a myriad of
emotions filling her
system. She isn’t sure if it
is because of everything
that has happened or the
fact that she is pregnant,
but she is all over the
place. The annoyance and
anger she feels is
unexpected.

“He should be in here

with his family Edward.”
Bella snaps at him as she
runs her hand through
Alice’s hair and the small
girl giggles.
Edward looks at her for a
moment and his eyebrow
raises in question, most
likely because of her
response. “If you don’t
want a minute I can go
get him.” His voice is
quiet as if he is afraid of
saying the wrong thing.

She can feel the tears

filling her eyes and
spilling over before she
even realizes she is upset.
He lets out a gentle sigh
before leaving the room.
A moment later she hears
the padding of feet and
feels the bed shift.

“Bells!” Emmett is
tugging on her blanket, a
stuffed teddy bear in his
hands and a huge smile on
his face. “Ali and I got
you a present.” He holds
the bear out to her
tenderly and she takes it
from his hands.

“Thank you sweetie.”

Emmett studies Alice for

a moment before a subtle
pout makes its way onto
his face.

“What’s wrong honey?”

Bella reaches down and
runs a hand through his
hair and the frown
deepens on his face.
Emmett looks over at his
father for a moment
before looking down at
her blanket.

“Alice has a mommy to

take care of her and I
don’t.”
--
“Do you want to tell me
what that was about?”
Edward runs his hand
through his hair in
frustration as he plops
down in the chair next to
her. Jasper had just taken
the children home for the
night promising not to
spoil them too badly.

“You’re really asking me

that?” Bella questioned
him, the shock clearly
evident in her voice.

“I understand that you

are upset about
something, I’m just not
sure what. I’m not a mind
reader Bella; if something
is bothering you then you
need to tell me.”

“Fine, I think you handled

today poorly.” Bella
huffed indignantly.

“And what prey tell did I

do wrong?”
“What didn’t you do
wrong?” she muttered
under her breath.

Edward lets out a low

growl and Bella realizes
that he heard her clearly,
she looks up to see an
annoyed look on her face
and stubbornly she
hardens her features as
well.

“You don’t mean that,”

Edward mumbles “you’re
just being hormonal.”

Bella can feel the anger

building and her mouth
opens in shock. He looks
at her for a moment
before softly lowering his
head and sighing. They sit
for a moment staring at
each other before his
features soften and he
looks defeated.

“I’m trying to do my best

here Bella. When I’m at
the hospital I feel like I
am neglecting Emmett
and Alice and when I am
with them I feel like I
should be here with you.
This isn’t easy for me and
if I did something to upset
you, I’m sorry. Please,
please, tell me what is
bothering you so that I
can make it right.”

“Other than the fact that

I am and I quote ‘just
being hormonal.’” There
is an edge to her tone and
it only takes her a
moment to realize how
bitchy she is sounding.
Tears fill her eyes and she
leans her head back
throwing her arm over her
face to cover her eyes.

“Great and now you’re

crying.” He whispers
getting out of the chair
and crawling into the bed
with her. “I know losing
two months of your life
isn’t an easy thing to
accept, but it happened.
The only thing that truly
matters is that you and
the baby are alright,
don’t you see that?”

“It’s not that,” she

whimpers as the tears
begin to fall down her
face. “I mean I am upset
about that, but that isn’t
what has me upset right
now.” She looks at him
for a moment before
letting a small chuckle
escape her lips. “I’m sorry
I’m so emotional.”
“Its fine,” he replies
softly “please just tell me
what is wrong.”

“You don’t think of us as

a family.”

He pulls back to look at

her for a moment,
confusion clearly evident
on his face. “What would
make you think that?”
“You left Emmett in the
waiting room!”

“So you could have some

time alone with Alice.”

“I understand that and I

love Alice but how do you
think that looked to
Emmett?” Bella
questioned softly. “It
wasn’t fair of you to only
bring one of them in and
leave the other in the
waiting room. He
practically launched
himself at me when he
got in here and he was so
excited.” She took a deep
breath and placed her
hand on her belly as she
continued to speak.

“We have another child

on the way and I think
that there are some issues
that we need to discuss.
We need to treat all three
of our children the same.
We can’t be showing
favoritism or it’s going to
cause an irreparable rift
between them.”

Edward placed his hand

on her belly and gently
rubbed it as he looked at
her a small smile on his
face. “Our children,
huh?”
“Yes,” she smiled softly
at him “our children. I
know Emmett isn’t my
biological child but that
doesn’t mean that I don’t
love him and I know that
you love Alice. If we are
truly going to make this
work then there are going
to have to be some
changes because I don’t
feel like we are a
cohesive family. Did you
not hear his comment
about not having a
mother; did you not see
the look on his face as he
spoke those words?”
“I saw it,” Edward
frowned, his hand
reaching up and tugging
at his hair for a moment.
“And it broke my heart.”

“I want us to be a family,
Edward. I want Emmett to
feel like he has me in his
life and Alice to feel like
she has you in hers. I
don’t want there to be
tension or strife. I don’t
want to feel like I can’t
speak up if Emmett is
misbehaving and I don’t
want you to feel like you
can’t speak up if Alice is.
I want him to be my son
in whatever capacity you
are willing and I want you
to be a father figure for
Alice.”

He looked up at her for a

moment before pulling
her to him and kissing her
lips softly. “You are
pretty amazing and I
would be honored to be
there for Alice and for
you to be there for
Emmett. I’m sure that it
isn’t going to be the
easiest transition, and
there is a lot for us to talk
about, but I’m willing to
do it for all of us, for our
family.”

Tears filled her eyes and

Bella sighed laughing
slightly as she wiped them
away. “I promise these
are happy ones not sad
ones.”

Edward chuckled softly as

he lay next to her and
placed a kiss on her
forehead. Edward picked
up the teddy bear lying
next to him and placed it
on her stomach causing
her to smile.

“That was a nice move by

the way.”

“What?”
“The teddy bear from the
kids,” Bella looked at him
smiling.

“It was from the kids!”

“I’m sure they came up

with the idea all on their
own as well.”

Edward chuckled and

blushed. “They picked the
bear out.”

“Uh huh.”
--
Bella wasn’t sure how
long she had been asleep
for but the gentle knock
at the door brought her
out of her dream and into
the present. Edward was
resting beside her, his
mouth open and a soft
snore escaping his lips.

“Bella?”
She rolled gently to the
side, her hand on her
stomach to steady herself
and looked towards the
door.

“Dr. Cullen you can come

in.”

“Please Bella, call me

Carlisle,” he spoke softly
as he approached her
bed. Sitting in the chair
beside the bedside he
looked over her shoulder
for a moment. “He has
been so worried about
you.”

“I know.”

“He truly does love you.”

“I love him too, Carlisle,

more than you can
imagine.” Her voice broke
with emotion and she saw
him smile softly in
response.

“I can tell.” His eyes were

distant for a moment
before looking down at
her and smiling. “I’m
happy you two found each
other.”

There was a comfortable

silence between them for
a moment as Bella took in
what he was saying.

“I’m actually here to talk

about the upcoming birth
of this little one, though.
Normally I would let him
sleep but we should
probably wake Edward up
for this.”

Carlisle gently shook him

awake before retaking his
position on the chair.
“I’m here because I have
some concerns that I feel
I should discuss with you
two before we continue
on any treatment or
birthing paths.”

“What’s wrong dad?”

Edward asked his voice
deeper after just being
woken up.

“We’re not quite sure

how Bella’s heart is going
to handle the birth.” He
cleared his throat as he
looked up into Bella’s
eyes. “How set are you on
a natural childbirth?”

“I just want what is going

to be best for the baby.”

“And safest for you,”

Edward interjected
quickly. “If natural birth
will put Bella or the baby
in danger then the
obvious choice would be
to have a cesarean
section.”
“Is that alright with you
Bella?”

“If it is what is best for

the baby, then yes.”

“Alright,” Carlisle
checked something off on
his list before looking up
once again. “Now onto
the question of when we
should schedule this. I
think it is in the best
interest of all involved it
we do it sooner rather
than later.”

“Isn’t it better to wait

until I am full term
though?” Bella
questioned.
“You are eight and a half
months along, Bella.”
Carlisle answered
“Medically we define full
term as carrying the baby
thirty five to forty weeks.
Therefore in a medical
sense you have carried to
full term. The baby will
be fully developed and
fully functional outside of
the womb if that is your
concern.”

“That was my concern,”

she replied softly as she
processed everything
Carlisle was telling her.

“I can book the surgical

room for Monday. That is
five days from now. Is this
alright with the both of
you?”

“The sooner the better,”

Edward replied his hands
resting around her on her
belly as he talked to his
father. “Will you be doing
the surgery or will
another doctor?”

“Due to our concerns

about her heart handling
everything, there will be
three doctors in the
surgery room. I will be
watching her vitals;
another will be
performing the surgery,
the third will be
administering the regional
anesthetic. We feel a
regional anesthetic will
be better than a general
anesthetic as this will be
easier on her heart.”

“Edward will be allowed

in the room?” Bella
questioned, concerned
that he would miss it.
“Yes,” Carlisle smiled
“the entire time. Does
everything we discussed
sound alright with you?”

“Yes.” Bella answered as

Edward nodded behind
her.

“I will get the ball rolling

then,” Carlisle got up and
hugged her softly before
tapping Edward lovingly
on the shoulder.

“In five days I’m going to

be a mother again.” Bella
replied turning her head
to look at Edward.

“And I will be a daddy

again.” The smile on his
face said it all.
There were few things
Edward would ever say he
regretted in his life,
leaving earlier that
morning was now holding
the top spot on his list.
He paced listlessly back
and forth across the tiny
room; constantly shooting
worried glances at the
people slumped in the
chairs around him.

Rosalie looked stressed to

a degree that almost
made her look haggard.
While they still had not
reconciled their
differences, he couldn’t
help but appreciate that
she was present. Jasper
on the other hand looked
manically alert, his eyes
darting back and forth
following each of
Edward’s steps. He looked
ready to crack under the
pressure, something that
Edward was desperately
trying hard not to do.
And then there was his
mother whose eyes never
seemed to leave his face.
He almost wondered if
she was waiting for him to
break down and crumble
before her eyes. At the
moment the idea didn’t
seem like such a bad one.
The only thing stopping
him was the two sleeping
children in the chair next
to his mother.

Emmett and Alice lay

across two chairs, each
clinging to the other.
Bella’s small stuffed bear
lay between them acting
as a buffer to the world
around them. Edward
stood for a moment,
memorizing the way their
bodies clung to the object
like a security blanket.
He instantly wished he
had something to cling to,
his eyes watering and
tearing.

He couldn’t stand still for

too long, his legs moving
once again back and
forth. They ached from
the constant movement
but he couldn’t stop
moving, couldn’t sit still,
because if he did then he
would have to think about
it.

And that was something

he wasn’t ready to do just
yet.
--
-Eight Hours Earlier-

Sunlight filtered through

the blinds and shined on
his face. Burying his head
in the pillow Edward let
out a soft groan, smiling
as he heard the tinkling
laughter beside him.

“This bed is so
uncomfortable,” Edward
mumbled pulling Bella
closer to him and nudging
his nose into her hair,
inhaling the scent.

“You’re just lucky the

nurse has a soft spot for
you and is letting you stay
overnight.” Her laughter
continued to flow and the
sound only seemed to
make his heart soar.

“What can I say; I have a

way with the ladies.”

“Yeah and it didn’t have

anything to do with the
food you had delivered
for all the nurses or the
fact that you begged.”
“I recall no such thing,”
Edward murmured burying
his face deeper in her hair
to hide the smile on his
face.

He could almost feel her

rolling her eyes as she
snorted causing a gentle
chuckle to escape his lips.

“You’re living in denial,”

she whispered nudging
her face against his
forehead before tucking it
underneath his chin.

A knock on the door a few

minutes later regretfully
pulled them apart. Rolling
out of the bed Edward sat
in the chair beside her
looking down at the tray
of hospital food in front
of her.
“That looks almost as
good as it smells.” The
sarcasm in his voice
couldn’t be masked.

Bella looked down at the

food her nose wrinkling in
distaste. The lumpy
oatmeal and wheat toast
didn’t look appetizing in
the least and Edward
looked over at her
noticing the frown now
present on her face.

“Seriously? This is what I

get for breakfast?” Her
face was a mixture of
both disgust and anger. “I
don’t even have anything
to spread on the toast and
there is no milk for the
oatmeal.”

For a moment he
wondered if she was going
to cry and then he
watched as she pushed
the tray away letting out
a soft sigh.

“You need to eat, Bella.”

He gently prodded pulling
the table and tray back in
front of her and frowning
as she groaned in protest.

“I’m not eating that.”

“The baby needs the

nourishment.”

“Well then the cafeteria

will have to send me
something that actually
contains nourishment.”

Edward looked down at

the food his stomach
growling in hunger. He
contemplated it for a
moment before noting
that he wouldn’t eat the
food either.
“It’s heart healthy
though.” Trying to reason
with Bella wasn’t the
smartest thing to do, but
it was the only thing his
mind could come up with
at the moment.

“I don’t care if it will

make all of my troubles
go away,” Bella
screeched, “I am not
eating that.”

“You need to eat

something.”

“Then go get me some

food that I would actually
consider edible,” Bella
muttered shaking her
head in disgust. “You can
go home and shower as
well. Don’t take this the
wrong way but you kind of
stink.”
Edward glanced at the
clothes he had been
wearing for more than a
day and nodded his head
in agreement. Truthfully
he probably did stink and
a shower and food
sounded more amazing
then Bella probably
realized.

“What would you like me

to bring you back?”

“Pancakes,” her voice

was excited and her eyes
glazed over causing him
to chuckle, “with butter
and syrup, a fried egg,
and some bacon or
sausage.” She looked at
him for a moment before
smiling softly and
fluttering her eyes at
him. She was trying to
flirt and it didn’t pass
Edward’s notice. “If it
wouldn’t be too much
trouble I would also love
some hash browns and
orange juice.”

“You’re supposed to be
eating healthy foods,”
Edward chastised softly.

“I won’t tell if you

won’t,” she whispered
winking at him as he
shook his head.

“I think I can compromise

a little bit since you are
eating for two,” Edward
mumbled, “but don’t tell
my father.”

“Don’t tell your father

what?”

The voice startled Edward

and he looked down at
Bella whose eyes were
wide and focused on the
door. Edward turned
around smiling softly at
his Mother and Rose who
stood in the door equal
looks of amusement and
confusion etched on their
face.

“Edward is busting me out

of this joint!” Bella
squealed.

“That is not what is

happening,” he replied
his hands held in the air
in surrender as Bella
giggled behind him. “I’m
just going to go home and
take a shower. I may also
be picking her up some
food that is a bit more
edible than the gruel they
are trying to serve her.”

The subtle tisk that

escaped his mother’s lips
wasn’t unnoticed by him,
but Edward chose to
ignore it. Instead he
leaned down and placed a
gentle kiss on Bella’s lips
causing her to smile.

“Love you,” she

whispered.

“Love you too,” he

replied kissing her
forehead before smiling
at the other ladies in the
room. “Take care of her
while I am gone.”
--
Edward stood under the
hot water, letting it
soothe his aching muscles
and ease the tension in
his back. Sleeping in a
hospital bed wasn’t
restful and it wasn’t
comfortable. The fact
that he had gotten little
sleep didn’t matter when
he thought about it; as
long as he was by Bella’s
side he could deal with
anything.

He could hear the distant

ringing of his phone as he
washed the soap out of
his hair and sighed into
the empty stall. Bella was
most likely starving and
Rose was wondering
where he was with the
food. The feel of the
water on his muscles was
just too nice to leave so
quickly, and he ignored it
hoping they wouldn’t be
too upset at having to
wait a little longer.

He stood in the shower

after he had thoroughly
washed himself and just
let the hot water run in
rivulets down his body.
The action only continued
to relax him and clear his
mind from the cobwebs
that seemed to be
present from the lack of
sleep. After a few
minutes, sighing, he
turned the water off and
hopped out wrapping a
towel around his waist
and making a b-line for
the phone.

It rang just as he picked it

up.

“Edward, where the hell

are you?” Rosalie’s
panicked voice shouted
through his phone speaker
and he looked at the
object annoyed for a
moment.

“I ran home to clean up a

bit and pick up a few
things. I’ll be back with
the food in just a bit.”
There was a lot of noise
on her end and his brown
scrunched in confusion.
The noise only seemed to
swell and he could hear
voices in the background.
For a moment swore he
could hear bells going off.
“What is with all the
noise? Bella is supposed to
be relaxing.”

“Drop whatever you’re

doing. Get. To. The.
Hospital. NOW!” Each
word was punctuated with
a deep growl and Edward
looked at the phone in
confusion.

“What’s going on?”

“Bella’s gone into labor.”

“But it’s only Friday, she
has a scheduled c-section
on Monday.”

“Edward,” her voice

broke and the word came
out in a sob. He could
clearly hear the alarms
now and his chest
constricted tightly cutting
off his breathing.

The phone slipped from

his hands and he looked
around the room, panic
filling his chest. Carlisle
didn’t think her heart
would be able make it
through labor. His
father’s words echoed
around his head and he
felt dizzy. Grabbing the
closest clothes he could
find he threw them on
picking up the phone his
breath coming out in
pants.
“I’ll be there in five
minutes.”
--
He drove like a bat out of
hell, pulling into an
emergency spot and
racing into the hospital.
Ignoring the calls from
several nurses to slow
down he bypassed the
elevator, not wanting to
waist the time waiting for
it. Opening the stairwell
door he ran as quickly as
he could up the seven
flights of stairs, his
breathing ragged as he
came to a halt outside her
room.

The effort was in vain and

he could feel the panic
rippling inside of him; the
room was empty.
The panic continued to
build in his chest only
worsening his breathing
problem and causing
several people to turn and
stare at him.

“Where is she?” he
questioned the nurse
nearest to him.

“Edward!” his mother

called and he jerked his
head around. She was
quickly making her way
towards him, her
breathing just as ragged
as his own.

“They took her down and

are prepping her for
surgery.” She reached out
and grabbed his hand
then, the action less
comforting than it used to
be. She dragged him along
the hallways, his body
clearly going into shock as
everything sunk in; he let
her pull him along.

Questions fluttered
through his mind but he
couldn’t find the will or
the energy to ask them.
He wondered only briefly
if his father was with her,
if someone who cared for
her was with her, since he
wasn’t. Immediately he
remembered his promise
to be by her side and his
heart ached. He knew,
without a doubt, that his
promise would have to be
rescinded.

“Is dad with her?”

His mother nodded

briefly, her head turning
around to look at him as
she skidded to a stop in
front of an elevator
pressing the button
repeatedly. He wanted to
tell her that it wouldn’t
make it move any faster,
that it was a waste of
energy, but the words
wouldn’t escape his mind;
another thought did
though.

“I can’t lose her.” The

words tumbled from his
lips as the stood in front
of the elevator and his
mother looked at him, an
unreadable expression on
her face. For the first
time in quite awhile he
felt completely and
utterly helpless and
alone. His body shook and
he could feel the tears
burning his eyes.

“I can’t lose her.”

Esme looked up into his
eyes, tears brimming on
her lashes and her hands
reached up pulling him to
her. “I know sweetie, I
know.
Edward would never again
comment on how
accommodating the
waiting rooms were. The
room did little to ease his
frazzled nerves and even
less to settle his troubled
mind. Pacing the room
had seemed to help but
only until his legs were
too tired to move.

Now he just felt trapped.

Rosalie had put on some

kids program for Alice and
Emmett and Edward
watched the two of them,
fascinated by how they
interacted with one
another. They were truly
becoming a family and
the thought brought
relief, momentarily, to
his worried mind.

His mother sat beside

him, her hand tenderly
stroking his hair and
gently whispering words
of encouragement in his
ear.

Everything was going to

be alright.

It had to be alright.

Because if it wasn’t
Edward didn’t know what
he was going to do or how
he was going to respond.
His body and mind felt
numb to the ongoing
struggle happening in the
other room and this fact
only seemed to be
infuriating him more.
He should have been in
there with her.

He should be by her side;

but he wasn’t.

A million different
possibilities and outcomes
entered his mind, each
more devastatingly
depressing than the next.
He couldn’t survive
without Bella; that was
clear to him from the
moment they had become
something more.

He needed her.

He needed her to
breathe, to function, to
live, to feel.

Rose entered the room

setting a bag in front of
him before plopping down
on the couch next to
Jasper her eyes trained in
on the television.

“What?” Edward
questioned looking at her
curiously.

She diverted her eyes

from the television to
meet his, hers were filled
with pain. “You haven’t
eaten all day and you
need to eat.”

He picked up the bag in

front of him opening it.
He was surprised to find a
burger and fries inside the
bag; something he knew
they didn’t serve in the
cafeteria.

“Where in the world?”

“I had a friend deliver it,”

she replied simply,
shrugging her shoulder.
“Please eat. One of you
needs to stay strong.”

“I’m not hungry,” he

admitted “but thank
you.”

Pulling a fry out he

popped it into his mouth,
chewing it and swallowing
before opening the
sandwich. He ate slowly,
trying not to focus on the
texture of the food that
was now entering his
upset stomach. He ate as
much as he could before
drinking the bottle of
water his mother had set
in front of him hoping it
would calm his nerves.

Edward found his eyes

staring at the clock for
the second time that day
and a sigh escaped his
lips.

“I can’t believe we
haven’t heard anything
yet.”

“No news is good news,

right?” Jasper questioned
hope filling his voice.

“It depends.” Esme stated

softly.

“I still can’t believe dad

wouldn’t let me back
there.” Edward muttered
grabbing his trash and
standing on his aching
feet and walking to the
trash bin. More words
seemed to tumble out of
his mouth under his
breath from frustration.

“It’s my child. He
promised both of us I
would be in there. Bella
must feel all alone.”

He threw the garbage in

the bin rolling his
shoulders to try and
relieve some of the
tension that was present
in his muscles. It only
seemed to make them
ache more.

His eyes burned from the

lack of sleep and for some
reason he found comfort
in the dull pain. At least
he was feeling something.

Setting down in one of

the lounging chairs
Edward picked up Alice
and Emmett curling them
up with him and sighing at
the comforting feeling
their small bodies
brought. Alice clung to
Bella’s bear, her arm
wrapped tightly around its
neck.

“When we meet new

sissy?” Alice questioned
looking up at him so
innocently it almost broke
his heart.
“Soon, love. Very soon.”
--
His body felt warm,
almost too warm, and he
could feel something
wiggling in his lap; gently
pulling him out from his
dreams. There was noise
all around him, leaving
him in a general state of
confusion.

“Edward,” his mother’s

voice was gentle but
prodding. “Wake up,
son.”

His body was stiff and he

felt disoriented from
sleeping in an awkward
position. Opening his eyes
he looked down, noticing
Alice wiggling in his lap,
deeply asleep and softly
murmuring. Emmett was
curled up against his
other arm, his thumb
firmly stuck between his
teeth.

Rolling his neck to ease

the tension he looked up
at his mother, realizing
exactly where he was.
Bella was in the hospital,
she had gone into labor,
and he wasn’t dreaming.
Concern filled him for
both Bella and the baby.
His heart sped up as he
looked up into his
mother’s bloodshot eyes.

“Your father called. He

said to tell you to scrub
up and meet him in the
entry for surgery room
one.”

“Did he say anything?”

“Just that you need to

meet him,” Esme looked
down at him patting him
softly on the cheek before
leaning down and placing
a peck on his forehead.
“Well, go on daddy. Go
scrub up.”

Edward gently moved the

two kids off of him, laying
them out on a couple of
chairs the bear tucked
between them. He made
his way down the hallway,
quickly entering the
changing room and pulling
on the hospital grade
scrubs.

The soap stung his skin,

but he was used to the
burning feeling and
relished in the fact that
his questions would be
answered shortly. A nurse
opened the door for him;
her eyes avoiding his as
he walked slowly down
the hallway.

His father stood outside

the door a small bundle of
fabric in his arms.

“Hello there, daddy.”

Carlisle’s eyes were
rimmed in red and it was
clear that he was very
tired. Edward came to a
stop in front of him; his
eyes scanning the small
bundle, feeling the nerves
build up in his stomach.
His father looked at him
for a moment, placing the
bundle in his arms.
“You have a very healthy
baby girl,” Carlisle stated
smiling softly at his son.
“She is very beautiful,
son.”

Edward held the tiny baby

in his arms, gently rocking
her back and forth. His
eyes watered at the mere
sight of her and Edward
felt his chest constrict
with love. Leaning down
he placed a gentle kiss on
her forehead tears falling
down his face.

Edward quickly looked

around, searching for any
sign of Bella before
focusing once again on his
own child. The nurse
arrived and Edward
reluctantly placed her in
the tiny bassinet.
Reaching down he gently
held her hand, smiling as
she lightly gripped his
finger. Looking up at his
father, the worry seemed
to seep from his pores.

“And Bella?” Edward

questioned his eyes fixed
on his fathers. “How is
Bella?”
--
There were few things
Edward would ever say he
regretted in his life,
leaving earlier that
morning was now holding
the top spot on his list.
He paced listlessly back
and forth across the tiny
room; constantly shooting
worried glances at the
people slumped in the
chairs around him.

Rosalie looked stressed to

a degree that almost
made her look haggard.
While they still had not
reconciled their
differences, he couldn’t
help but appreciate that
she was present. Jasper
on the other hand looked
manically alert, his eyes
darting back and forth
following each of
Edward’s steps. He looked
ready to crack under the
pressure, something that
Edward was desperately
trying hard not to do.

And then there was his

mother whose eyes never
seemed to leave his face.
He almost wondered if
she was waiting for him to
break down and crumble
before her eyes. At the
moment the idea didn’t
seem like such a bad one.
The only thing stopping
him was the two sleeping
children in the chair next
to his mother.
Emmett and Alice lay
across two chairs, each
clinging to the other.
Bella’s small stuffed bear
lay between them acting
as a buffer to the world
around them. Edward
stood for a moment,
memorizing the way their
bodies clung to the object
like a security blanket.

He instantly wished he
had something to cling to,
his eyes watering and
tearing.

He couldn’t stand still for

too long, his legs moving
once again back and
forth. They ached from
the constant movement
but he couldn’t stop
moving, couldn’t sit still,
because if he did then he
would have to think about
it.

And that was something

he wasn’t ready to do just
yet.

A knock on the door made

him swing around, his
father stood slumped
against the doorway a
tiny bundle in his arms.

“I thought this might ease

the waiting game.” He
spoke softly bringing the
small baby into the room
and placing her in
Edward’s trembling
hands.

“How is her surgery

going?” Edward
questioned gently rocking
the baby. The action not
only calmed his nerves
but seemed to make him
feel stronger. For the first
time in days, he felt like
he was home.

“They are just finishing

replacing the valve. Then
they will pull her off
cardiopulmonary bypass
and see how her heart is
pumping. We were lucky
it was her valve that gave
out and not her aorta.”

He nodded his head curtly

at his father, noticing
everyone’s eyes on the
small baby in his arms.

“May I?” Esme questioned

her arms held out and a
look of pure joy on her
face. Placing his daughter
in his mother’s arms,
Edward could feel the
exhaustion of the day
creeping in. His knees
wanted to give out and he
quickly made his way to
the closest chair,
dropping into it. His head
rested in his hands and his
breathing came out in
short pants.

Carlisle moved next to

him, placing a hand on
Edward’s shoulder.

“Everything is going to be
fine, son. She is getting a
new aortic valve and
there shouldn’t be a ton
of concern about her body
rejecting it as they are
using a mechanical valve.
If they were to give her a
human or animal she
would have to take
medicine to prevent
calcification and
rejection. The valve
would weaken much
quicker as well. While she
will have to take an
anticoagulant, the
benefits outweigh the
risks immensely.”

“She is going to need you,

Edward, more so now
than ever before.
Recovery takes months.”

“I know dad,” Edward

sighed softly “I just need
her to be okay for myself
to feel okay.”

His father smiled at him

softly his hand reaching
up and ruffling his hair.
“Then don’t let her go.”

“I won’t.”

“So,” Esme questioned

placing the baby in Rose’s
arms and making her way
across the room and next
to Edward. “What are you
going to name her?”
“I’m going to wait for
Bella’s help on that one.”
Edward replied softly,
watching Rose as she
gently rocked the baby.
“But I have a few ideas.”

The water lapped softly

at the ridges of rock and
grass lining the small
lake. The sun illuminated
the small area, making it
seem brighter and more
open. A few small ducks
paddled softly along the
edges of the water, their
gentle quacks the only
noise penetrating the
area.

Bella laid, eyes closed, on

a blanket relishing the
gentle silence that she
had come to know and
love as her escape. There
were no dishes to be
done, no clothes to be
cleaned, and no children
to watch. The
peacefulness of the
moment seeped into her
being and she let out a
gentle sigh of pleasure.

“Don’t fall asleep on me

now,” Edward whispered
softly pressing a kiss on
her forehead.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,”

Bella replied opening her
eyes and smiling softly at
him.

“Mmmhmm.” He hummed
softly chuckling. “I know
that sigh.”

“How long until Rose

drops the kids off?” Bella
questioned; rolling onto
her side to look at him
better.
“We have awhile,”
Edward responded
smirking softly, “Don’t
worry about it.”

Rolling her eyes, Bella

chided him softly, “I am a
mother, it’s my job to
worry.”

“If you say so,” Edward

answered pulling her body
closer to his side and
nuzzling his head into her
hair. “It’s so peaceful and
quiet.”

“So unlike our house,”

Bella laughed softly.
“Admit it; you could
totally fall asleep too.”

“Nah,” he whispered
softly ,“I’m too busy
watching you.”
A gentle blush settled
across her face and she
could feel his gentle
chuckling shake through
his body. Playfully shoving
him away, Bella rolled
onto her back and stared
up at the tree above her.

Edward rolled next to her

and pulled her to him. He
looked serious and she
turned, eyebrow raised in
confusion at the look on
his face.

“Don’t push me away,

don’t ever push me away.
I lost you once and I
almost lost you again for
real. I’m not letting you
go for a single moment
that I don’t have to.”

“Edward.” Her voice

broke as she brought her
hand up and rested it
against his cheek. A small
tear leaked from his eye
and he burrowed his face
into her neck. She could
feel the wet pebble hit
her neck and run down
her collarbone. “I’m
alright. Aaralyn is
alright.”

“I know,” his voice broke

and he pulled away,
setting up and running his
hand through his tousled
hair. Pulling herself into a
sitting position, Bella
rested her head against
his shoulder with her hand
resting softly on his back.
Edward turned his head to
look at her, emotion still
strongly featured on his
face.

“I don’t know what I

would have done if I had
lost you. I was going crazy
in that waiting room,
pacing back and forth.
Just knowing that you
were in the other room
and I couldn’t be there, I
couldn’t do anything to
help, it killed me Bella.”

“Even after your surgery

was over, I still expected
the worse. I worried that
you wouldn’t wake up,
that something would go
wrong with your
recuperation, that you
would realize what a
failure I was in protecting
you and you would leave
me.”

“Never,” she whispered

firmly, entwining her free
hand with his. “It wasn’t
your fault, Edward. These
things happen. I don’t
blame you for the piece
of metal in my heart, I
don’t blame Aara either.
It’s just something that
happened and you need
to stop blaming yourself.”

“I know,” Edward stated

firmly, “I’m trying. It’s
hard to know that I got
the easy end of the deal.
You had to go through so
much and here I am
unscathed. I need you to
know, to understand, how
miserable my life would
have been without you. I
would have been a shell
of the man I was. You
brought me to life, Bella,
you must know that.”

“Just as you brought me

to life,” She replied, “You
taught me to feel again.”

Edward turned around to

fully look at her, his eyes
meeting hers. “I love you,
my Bella.”

“I love you too, Edward.”

He reached into his

pocket and pulled out a
small box, flipping it open
quickly so she could see
the ring inside. “I lost you
once and in the process
lost myself. I want to
spend every day with you,
every moment I possibly
can. I want to help take
care of our family
together and I want to be
there for Alice the way
you are there for Emmett.
Marry me?”

“Yes,” Bella cried softly,

“Yes, I will marry you.”

Edward gently pulled the

ring out of the box and
slipped it on her finger,
kissing her hand and then
her palm as his fingers
traced over the ring
delicately.

Bella took a deep breath

as the tears fell softly
down her face. Leaning in
she kissed him, her arms
wrapping firmly around
him.
--
“There you two are,”
Rose called. Alice and
Emmett trailed behind
her; Emmett carrying a
diaper bag and Alice the
stuffed bear Bella had
received in the hospital.
The item had become a
kind of security blanket
for her and she didn’t
leave home without it.
The constant love was
beginning to show on the
raggedy bear.
Placing the baby carrier
on the blanket Rose
plopped down next to
Edward and Bella
immediately grabbing
Bella’s hand.

“So you said yes.”

“Of course she said yes,”

Edward muttered
indignantly causing both
of the women to chuckle.
Picking up Aaralyn he
worked his way over to
the water where their
two other children sat
feeding the ducks.

“I told Jasper there was

no way in hell that you
would turn that gem
down.” Rose looked at
Edward for a moment
before once again looking
at the three stone ring,
her fingers softly playing
with the band. “As if
Jasper had any doubt you
would say yes anyways,”
Rose sighed.

“You two sure seem to be

spending a lot of time
together?” Bella
questioned.

“It’s not like that, we’re

just friends. Although
Jasper did mention
introducing me to this big
hunk of a man that came
into his shop the other
day. Just my type and I
could use a good lay.”

Bella snorted, shaking her

head, “You never
change.”

“I know,” Rose muttered,

“Isn’t it great.”
Bella couldn’t help the
laugh that escaped her
lips. “It truly is.”

“Mommy,” Emmett came

running over and plopped
down in Bella’s lap a huge
smile on his face. “Daddy
says I can call you mommy
now. Is that right,
Mommy?”

“It sure is sweetie,” Bella

replied kissing the small
boy on the head, “And
Alice can call Edward
Daddy.”

The small girl squealed

and launched herself at
Edward dropping her bear
in the process. Edward
kept a tight hold on the
baby as Alice rocked his
bottom half; the sight had
both of the women in
stitches.
Kneeling down Edward
placed a soft kiss on
Alice’s head before
standing back up and
gently rocking a fussing
Aara back to sleep.

“Crabby baby,” Emmett

muttered his nose
scrunched in distaste. It
was taking Emmett and
Alice a bit of time getting
used to having a new baby
in the family. While they
both loved her most of
the time, the sound of her
crying was something they
were still not quite used
to.

Hopping up Emmett made

his way to Alice, grabbing
her hand and dragging her
out of the grotto and
towards the park just
beyond the trees.
“Stay close,” Edward
called to the two children
as he handed Aaralyn over
to Bella and quickly
followed them down the
gravel path.

“He makes a good dad,”

Rose smiled softly.

“He really does,” Bella

nodded smiling at her now
cooing baby. “I think he
will probably make a
pretty good husband too.”

Bella’s smile was all the

confirmation Rose
needed.
--
That night they lay
together in bed, a
comfortable silence
overtaking the room.
Bella had finished her last
round of therapy and as
far as her doctors were
concerned, was fully
recovered. Butterflies
filled her chest as she
thought about what that
meant, for her and for
Edward.

They could finally be

together again.

While the three months of

therapy had not, by any
means, been easy it was
something that Bella’s
heart had needed to
recuperate. Something
Edward had been more
than respectable about. It
still hadn’t been easy for
her, going to bed each
night and wanting more
than she could have but
she had definitely learned
some major patience.
“I feel like it’s my first
time all over again,” she
whispered into the silent
room. He chuckled
nervously in response
before running his hand
through his messy hair.

“I feel the same,” Edward

replied after a moment
hesitation. The comment
seems to bring about a
palpable nervousness and
yet Bella doesn’t feel
unnerved. “It’s been so
long.”

“Too long,” she

whimpered.

He slides closer to her, his

body lining up along hers
as he presses against her
side. Her body trembles
and she gasps for air. His
hands tremble as he
reaches for her, his mouth
opening and closing with
no words escaping.

“I know,” reaching up she

presses her palm against
his cheek, her eyes
meeting his; her thumb
gently stroking his bottom
lip. Both of their breaths
come out in pants,
mingling somewhere in
the air between them as
she turns on her side
pressing herself more
fully to him. She feels like
she is on fire, burning
slowly from the inside
out. She relishes the
feeling.

With little thought, she

crushes her lips to his; her
tongue snaking out and
running across his lips. His
hands tangle in her hair
pulling her closer, tighter
to him. Her body heaves
for air and he pulls away
gasping to catch his
breath.

Bella pulls him above her,

so she can feel the weight
of his body on top of her
and moans at the contact,
throwing her head back
into the pillow. His lips
meet her throat, then her
collarbone, before tracing
along the lace hem of her
top with his tongue.

His hands trace along her

arms, his touches so soft
she can feel the goose-
bumps rising and as he
reaches the bottom of her
shirt he looks up at her
for permission.

“Please.”

He pulls it off slowly,

teasingly, and before she
can register his hands are
touching her; gently
running along the stretch
marks now present. His
mouth and then his
tongue follow the paths,
worshiping each scar.

She threads her fingers

through his hair, latching
herself onto him and onto
the moment, afraid of
losing herself too
completely. After a
moment he pulled away,
reaching down and gently
tugging his own shirt off,
their skin pressing
together.

“I love you,” Edward

whispers softly his eyes
never leaving hers.

“I love you too.” And she

knows that is all that
needs to be said.
He gently removes her
shorts before pulling off
his boxers, moving to
hover once again above
her. “It might hurt and if
it does I’m sorry.”

Suddenly he kisses her

again, his tongue tracing
her lips for a moment
before making its way
down the column of her
neck where he rests his
head. Gently he presses
against her and slowly
enters her stilling once he
is all the way inside.

“Are you alright?” Her

mouth opens to respond,
but a gasp escapes
instead. His eyes meet
hers, filled with passion,
desire, and love.
She nods silently, tears
streaming down her face.

“You’re crying.”

“Happy tears.” She arches

her back bringing him in
deeper and causing him to
let out a gentle grunt. He
sets an excruciatingly
slow pace, her fingers
latched into his back
pulling him closer to her.
Their lips meet for a
moment before he begins
to trail kisses along her
face and neck.

Continuing to thrust, he
leans down and places a
kiss where her heart is
frantically beating in her
chest. Tears in his eyes as
he looks up at her she is
overcome with emotion.
Without saying anything
she looks at him and she
understands.

She can feel all of him,

each part of her body
meeting his with every
movement that they
make. Words tumble from
his lips; the only thing she
can make out is her
name, “Bella.”

Their eyes meet and she

rocks her hips in rhythm
with his, feeling him
deeper inside of her and
causing her to throw back
her head and groan. His
arms hold her tighter and
there is an intensity on
his face that has her
struggling to catch her
breath, and struggling not
to fall over the edge.

Their hands meet and

grasp, foreheads press
together, breaths flutter
across each other’s face.
His head lulls back, mouth
open and panting. “Oh
god,” he moans softly in
response. She is
enamored by each flicker
of emotion across his face
and watching him she
cries as she falls over the
edge. He falls right after
her.

His body collapses next to

her pulling her tightly
against his side. He kisses
her on the forehead, his
lips ghosting over her
eyelids and then pressing
against her lips.

“I love you.” He lowered

his head then, resting it
against her bare stomach
fingers splayed across it.
She lifted her hand,
resting it in his hair as she
gently stroked it, “I love
you too.” It amazed Bella
how those three simple
words could convey all of
the thoughts and feelings
that Edward provoked in
her, but they did.’

OUTTAKE THE WEDDING

The day started with a
subtle slant of light,
sneaking its way through
her window and shining
onto her eyes. Bella’s
sleep had been restless
and filled with constant
tossing and turning. It
wasn’t easy to sleep in a
bed alone, not when one
was so used to having a
companion to share it
with. Now that she was
fully awake, she could
hear the hustle and bustle
about the house.
Rolling onto her back,
Bella let out a gentle
sigh. It had only been a
mere 10 hours since she
had last seen Edward, but
the time had dragged and
it seemed like much
longer. Rolling out of bed,
Bella tugged open the
curtains letting the
daylight stream in. Her
eyes focused for a
moment on the cream
dress that hung over her
door and felt a gentle sigh
escape her lips. The dress
was lace and cascading
silk that bunched at her
waist and folded around
her like a glove.

It was everything she had

hoped for and more. For
once in her life, Bella was
grateful for Rose’s fashion
connections. Not only was
the dress perfect but it
screamed Bella so
completely that the
moment she saw it, she
just knew it was the one.
For a moment Bella
imagined the look on
Edward’s face when he
saw her in it. It helped to
calm the nerves fluttering
softly in her stomach.

‘Only a few more hours,’

she thought to herself as
she pulled her robe on
over her nightgown and
opened the bedroom
door. Tiptoeing out of her
bedroom, Bella made her
way to the only other
closed door and knocked
lightly before entering.

Alice lay, still sleeping, in

her bed with her fists
curled up around her
face. Aara lay in her
temporary crib on the
other side of the room,
her eyelids fluttering
rapidly as she dreamt.
Closing the door behind
her, Bella made her way
to Alice’s small bed and
gently shook the small girl
awake.

“Mommy?” she questioned

quietly, her voice groggy.

“Hey sweetie,” Bella

whispered, trying not to
wake Aara, “I thought you
and I could spend a bit of
time together this
morning before the
craziness ensues. Would
you like that?”

Alice sat up and looked

around, rubbing her eyes
restlessly for a moment
before smiling and
nodding her head. Curling
up together, the two girls
lay on the tiny bed
looking at the ceiling.

“Are you sure you are

alright with this,
sweetie?” Bella
questioned as her fingers
gently played with her
daughters hair.

“Mommy,” Alice sighed,

“I love Edward and
Emmy.” For a moment
Alice was silent and then
she turned her eyes were
tearful as they met
Bella’s. “I love Daddy and
Emmy.” Bella could feel
the tears filling her eyes
and she clenched them
tightly, blocking out the
overwhelming love she
felt for the girl in front of
her.

“And they love you too.”

“Plus,” Alice continued as
her smile grew in size, “I
get to look pretty and
wear a pretty dress.”

She couldn’t help but

chuckle at her daughters
reasoning as she nodded
her head, before placing
gentle kisses on Alice’s
forehead. “You sure do.
But you always look
pretty.”

Alice rolled her eyes for a

moment before smiling
softly. “Fine I get to look
prettier.”

“As if that was possible,”

Bella teased rising from
the bed and pulling a now
fussing Aara out of her
crib and into her arms,
“Looks like someone is
hungry.”
“Me too,” Alice called
clutching her belly and
making a dramatic
‘starving’ face.

“Then how about we got

get us some breakfast?”
Bella asked.

“YES!” Alice shouted,

covering her mouth for a
moment before sheepishly
smiling.
-
Bella sat in a chair, her
eyes focused on the
window and the weather
outside. Rose was
currently shaping her
hair, twisting and twirling
strands into a soft curly
up do as Bella nervously
bit at her thumb nail.

“It’s going to be fine,”

Rose spoke softly, “It’s
not supposed to rain. I
checked the weather four
times; it’s not going to
rain.”

“No, Rose,” Bella

growled, “I’m having an
outdoor wedding, it can’t
rain.”

For a moment, Bella

began to fret her decision
of the location of the
wedding. What had
seemed so perfect at the
time was now causing her
a greater amount of stress
than even she was willing
to admit.

“We could put up a tent

just in case,” Angela
gently rocked Aaralyn
back and forth as she
spoke.
“Where are we going to
get a tent this late?” Bella
could feel the tears
threatening to spill over
her eyes and she clenched
them tightly, hoping to
relieve some of the
pressure that was building
up behind them.

With a final tug at a few

strands, Rose sighed and
grabbed her cell phone,
her fingers pounding on
the keys. “This is your
special day and I don’t
care if those guys have to
make a tent out of
raincoats, it is not getting
ruined and you are not
getting wet.”

Alice sat fidgeting in front

of the TV, her hands
reaching up and running
over the delicate twirls of
braids that had just been
placed in her hair.
Noticing her mother’s
agitation, she rose from
the couch and proceeded
to hop into her lap. “It
will be fine, Mommy.”

Bella’s eyes scanned the

cloudy sky nervously.
Wrapping her arms around
Alice, she pulled her to
her tightly and squeezed
giving her a big ‘bear
hug.’ “I hope you’re right,
munchkin. I hope you’re
right.”
-
The weather was calling
for rain, lots and lots of
rain. Bella could feel the
curse bubbling under her
lips as she sat staring at
the computer screen.
There was little she could
do now, but hope that
somehow Rose had pulled
through and came up with
some tents, otherwise she
was going to be one
sopping wet bride.

Tugging at the ties of her

robe, Bella took a few
deep breaths trying not to
get herself worked up. It
wouldn’t do any good for
her to raise her blood
pressure or her heart rate
on a day like today. Her
heart was the last thing
she wanted to worry
about.

Focusing on the small box

in front of her, Bella
opened it and looked at
the white lacy items that
she and Rose had picked
out a few days earlier.
Thinking about wearing
them made her blush,
which caused her to
laugh. After everything
they had been through,
the last thing she was
around Edward was shy,
but this time seemed
different, monumental in
a way.

Slipping the garments on,

Bella adjusted them
carefully before putting
the robe back on over the
top of them. A knock at
the door startled her from
her thoughts and Bella
opened it, peeking out.
Rose stood with one hand
on her jutted out hip, the
other holding a cell phone
out in front of her.

“You have five minutes,”

she handed Bella the
phone before tapping her
wrist and walking away.
Bella looked down at the
phone for a moment
before bringing it up to
her ear.
“Hello?”

“Bella,” the sound of

Edwards voice seemed to
instantly calm her worries
and concerns and she felt
herself sigh as she closed
the door and leaned
against it.

“Edward,” she sighed,

“It’s going to rain.”

“I know,” he replied,
“Jasper and I have been
trying to scrounge up
some tents. I just wanted
to call and tell you not to
worry, that everything
would be alright.”

Bella could feel herself

sniffing softly as she took
in his words and before
she knew it gentle tears
were falling. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too,
beautiful,” Edward spoke
softly, “But I will see you
in a few hours and then
you will be all mine.”

“I like the sound of that,”

Bella giggled softly before
teasing him, “I was just
wiggling into my
undergarments. So much
white lace, Edward, what
will you do?”

A small groan escaped his

lips and Bella could
picture the look of pure
torture on his face.
“That’s not playing very
nicely, Bella, especially
when I can’t be there
with you.”

“Stupid wedding rules.”

Edward chuckled for a
moment before agreeing,
“Stupid wedding rules.”

She sighed softly into the

phone, clutching it to her
ear as she listened to the
gentle whoosh of his
breathing. The sound had
a calming and soothing
affect on her and cleared
her head for a moment.

“I don’t care if it rains,”

she whispered, “As long
as it’s you and me I don’t
care.”

Edwards reply came

quickly, “The when and
where doesn’t matter to
me, Bella, you know that.
It could be pouring
buckets and you would
still take my breath away.
In fact I recall a few very
good memories including
rain.” A husky chuckle
escaped his lips. “I
promise you, Bella, if
there is a way to block it
out Jasper and I will
figure it out. Just
remember that soon, very
soon, you will be mine for
forever.”

“I can’t wait,” she

groaned hearing the
knock on the door. “Rose
is here, I guess our time is
up.”

“See you soon.”

“Very soon,” she

whispered.
-
The dress fit just as
perfectly as Bella
remembered and she felt
the material swish gently
around her as she moved.
It was perfect and it
helped to lift her mood
from the gloomy cloudy
sky outside.

“You look beautiful

Mommy,” Alice spoke as
she twirled around in her
dress, letting the material
flop against her legs as
she moved.

“Thank you sweetie,” she

replied quickly, “You look
adorable in that dress.”

Alice beamed up at her

for a moment, stopping to
look at the doorway
before quickly moving
behind Bella and looking
at the man standing in
the doorway, shyly.

“You look exquisite,

Bella.” Bella looked up,
the surprise evident on
her face. Carlisle took a
few more steps into the
room, a small smile
present on his face.
“Absolutely exquisite.”

“Thank you,” Bella

replied, her eyes staring
at the man in front of
her. It had taken Alice
awhile to warm up to
Carlisle and Esme and
there were still times she
was extremely shy around
the two of them. As Alice
stood behind Bella, she
gently tugged at the dress
and clenching it tightly in
her hands. The girl
seemed to work up some
courage as the two adults
stood staring at each
other silently.

“If Edward is my daddy

does that make you my
granddaddy?” Alice
questioned. Bella couldn’t
help but notice the smile
on Carlisle’s face as he
knelt down, his eyes
meeting hers.

“You can call me

whatever you want,
sweetie.” The comment
seemed to break the ice
and Alice made her way
over hopping into his arms
and chuckling softly as he
lifted her up. “Would you
let your mother and I talk
for a moment?” Carlisle
asked her, smiling as Alice
nodded her head and
hopped down running out
of the room.

There was a moment of

silence and then Carlisle
cleared his throat.
“Edward sent me over
with two requests.” He
dug in his pockets for a
moment before pulling a
small package out and
handing it to her. “One
was that he asked me to
give this to you. The
second,” Carlisle snaked
his hand to his head and
tugged for a moment at
the hair there “was for
me to give you away. I
know that your father
couldn’t be here with you
today and I want you to
know that Esme and I
already look at you like a
daughter.” He cleared his
throat as he continued to
speak. “It would be an
honor if you would let me
walk you down the aisle.”

Bella could feel the tears

stinging at her eyes at the
gesture that not only
Edward but Carlisle had
made. It touched her
heart deeply that they
wanted this day to be
perfect for her and that
included having someone
to give her away. “I would
be honored if you would
dad,” she replied her
voice breaking a bit as he
moved to hug her.

“Thank you for taking

care of him, for loving
him,” Carlisle whispered
as he pulled away from
her, wiping his face for a
moment. “I will leave so
you can open the gift and
finish getting ready.
Welcome to the family,
Bella.”
-
Bella’s hands trembled as
she gently tugged off the
wrapping paper and set it
on the bed beside her.
The box felt heavy in her
hands as she tugged the
small lid off and looked
inside, tears coming to
her eyes as she did so.

A note lay on top and she

gently removed it, her
eyes catching on the item
inside the box. An antique
necklace caught her
attention and she
fingered it for a moment
watching the light catch
it. The box held a medium
sized pendant of pearls
and diamonds shaped into
a small heart. Picking up
the note Bella gently
fingered the pendant.

Dearest Bella,

If you are reading this

than it means that you
said yes and agreed to
marry my son. I can’t tell
you how thrilled I am to
welcome you, Alice, and
Aaralyn into the family. I
noticed from the moment
you first came into my
son’s life, the changes
you caused. He was
trapped in an unhappy
marriage and a shell of
the boy I grew to love.
You brought back his
spark, brought back his
hope, and teached him to
truly know what it means
to love.

Thank you.

This pendant is a family

tradition. It has been
passed down from
generation to generation
and every Cullen that has
married has worn it. I
give it to you today
welcoming you into our
family and into our lives
and hoping that one day
Alice and Aara will have
the pleasure of wearing
it as well.

You mean the world to

us, to Edward. Never
doubt that.

With Love,
Esme Cullen

A small side note was

scribbled at the bottom
and Bella read over it,
smiling as she did so.

Soon, love, very soon.

Edward

There was a gentle knock

on the door then, and
Rose opened it smiling
gently. “It’s time, Bella.”
-
The rain was holding off
and Bella sighed in relief
as she looked down the
familiar worn path now lit
by candles. The ground
and trees seemed to
sparkle by the
illumination of the
lighting and for a moment
it took Bella’s breath
away.

“It’s beautiful,” Bella

sighed, her eyes tearing
as Carlisle took her arm.
She could hear soft music
playing in the background
and as she walked the
path she watched Alice
skip hand in hand with
Emmett around the
corner and out of her
sight. Pausing for a
moment Bella took a
steadying breath before
walking into the opening.

A white side-less tent was

placed in the clearing,
Edward stood at the end
of a makeshift aisle, the
view of the lake behind
him. The roof of the tent
was illuminated in
twinkling lights and small
candlelit lanterns were
placed sporadically on the
few tables.

Bella could feel her

breath leave her as her
eyes met Edwards and she
slowly began to make her
way down the aisle
towards him. The moon
illuminated the lake
behind him and she was
instantly reminded of the
night they had reconciled
and the night she had told
Edward that she was
pregnant. For a moment
she diverted her eyes,
smiling softly at Esme,
who held Aaralyn in her
arms, before turning her
eyes back to Edward.
As if he read her mind
Edward’s smile seemed to
grow, and Bella found
herself startled by how
truly beautiful he really
was. She could feel the
tears beginning to form
and as she took the last
few steps, the tears
began to spill over.
Instead of waiting for her
to reach him, Edward
reached out and pulled
her to him, gently wiping
the tears away.

“I love you,” he spoke

softly, reverently.

“I love you,” Bella replied

bringing her hand to cup
his jaw as she smiled in
response. Handing her
flowers to Rose, Bella
squeezed Edward’s hand
before turning to the
minister. Bella could feel
the presence of Alice and
Emmett standing behind
them, along with their
small group of family and
friends who sat at the
scattered tables. The
people that mattered to
her most were there, it
was perfect, and that was
all that mattered.
-
The minister’s words were
drowned out by the sound
of her heartbeat and the
feel of Edward’s hand in
hers. It seemed like all
she could feel, all she
could focus on, or think
about was Edward. Bella
felt her nerves flare up as
it was time to recite their
vows. Edward spoke first.

“I, Edward, take you Bella

to be my wife and my one
true love. I cannot even
begin to describe how
much I cherish you and
everything you have
brought into my life.
You’ve taught me what it
truly means to have a
family and to love
someone through the
good and the bad. We’ve
been through so much
together and yet we still
stand here today,
together and stronger
than ever. From the
moment I met you, you
have changed me so
completely, so epically,
that I am incomplete
without you. I promise to
love you more each day
than I did the day before
and to spend my life
laughing and crying with
you, loving you and
trusting in you
completely. I give you my
hand, my heart, my love,
and my life from this day
forward for as long as we
both shall live.”

Tears gently flowed down

her cheeks, as she took a
deep breath before
beginning to speak.

“I, Bella, take you Edward

to be my husband and my
one true love. I’ve spent
most of the past few
years going through the
motions of what I thought
life should be like and it
wasn’t until you came
along that I truly started
to live. You’ve given me a
beautiful daughter and a
new son to cherish as my
own. We’ve had our ups
and downs, but through
each of those moments
there has been one thing
constant in my life. It’s
always been you, love. I
promise to love you more
each day than I did the
day before and to spend
my life laughing and
crying with you, loving
and trusting in you
completely. I give you my
hand, my heart, my love,
and all of me from this
day forward for as long as
we both shall live.”

A few tears slipped from

Edward’s eyes and Bella
reached up, gently
swiping them away and
smiling softly at the
emotion present on his
face.

“And now for the rings,”

the minister spoke,
looking down at Emmett
and holding his hand out
for the small pouch the
boy held. They exchanged
rings with a quiet
intensity, and as the ring
slipped onto Bella’s finger
Alice squeaked in
excitement. Laughter
fluttered across the
crowd and she looked
behind her, noticing the
joy on the two children’s
faces.

“Now,” the minister

spoke, “by the power
invested in me by god and
the people of this good
state I now pronounce you
husband and wife. Edward
you may kiss the bride.”

Their eyes met and for a

moment, her heart
jumped and pounded
against her chest and her
breathe caught in her
throat. The their lips met,
and she felt a shiver run
through her body as his
hands wrapped around
her pulling her closer. Her
hands reached up,
tangling in his unruly hair,
and her lips folded over
his as she gently sucked
on his bottom lip. As the
catcalls of their friends
and family reached her
ears, Bella blushed and
gently pulled back,
causing Edward to groan.

“I love you, Bella.”

Edward whispered against
her ear before placing a
gentle kiss on her neck.

“I love you too,” she

replied, her voice
breaking with emotion.

Turning they faced their

new family and Edward
bent down picking up
Alice and spinning her
around. Bella reached
down and pulled Emmett
up, placing a kiss on his
cheek as he clapped
happily. A moment later
Esme placed Aaralyn in
her arms as well. Her eyes
met Edwards’s eyes which
were filled with love and
laughter and she couldn’t
help but smile in return.

A loud boom crackled

through the sky and Bella
turned to the lake
watching as the rain begin
to fall. Edward set Alice
down, motioning for Bella
to do the same with
Emmett. With a
mischievous smile on his
face he handed Aaralyn
back to Esme and Edward
grabbed her hand pulling
her out from under the
tent.

“What are you doing?”

Bella questioned, laughter
filling her voice as she
looked up letting the
water pour down on her
face.

“This all started with a

rain storm,” Edward
replied smiling, “It seems
only fitting to end it that
way.” And then he pulled
her to him, arms
encircling her, and picked
her up twirling her in the
rain.

The water trickled down

Bella’s face and body as
she threw her head back
and laughed heartily. The
rain was cold and sent a
chill across her bare skin
causing her to shiver
slightly in Edward’s arms.
Pulling back, his eyes met
hers once, before
scanning over her body.
“Cold?” Edward
questioned.

“A bit,” Bella shivered

once again, causing
Edward to pull her to him
tightly. Making their way
back under the tent, they
me the disapproving stare
of Rosalie who just stood,
shaking her head.
“What?”

“Nothing,” Rose sighed,

“You guys are going to
freeze.”

Chuckling at her
disapproval, Edward
pulled off his jacket,
placing it over Bella’s
shoulders before pulling
her close to him once
again. “Better?” Edward
asked Bella as his hands
ran up and down her arms
trying to warm her chilled
skin.

“Much,” she sighed,

pulling his arms tightly
around her and leaning
into him, “Mr. Cullen.”
Edward smirked in
response, his mouth
leaning down to whisper
in her ear. “That’s good,
Mrs. Cullen, we wouldn’t
want you to get sick. I’ve
got far too many plans for
you tonight.”

Bella could feel the flush

of the blood pooling in
her cheeks as the words
registered in her brain.
Ducking her head to hide
it, only seemed to egg
Edward on, and he
chuckled behind her
softly at her reaction.
The reception was a
small, quaint affair that
fit perfectly to everything
Bella had hoped for. She
had chosen to keep the
reception at the park in
one of the small shelters
they had available for
rental. It had been
decorated beautifully
with twinkling lights and
streaming columns of
white fabric that hid the
rustic nature of the
building. There had been
plenty of food, catered in
by a small catering
company, which everyone
seemed to enjoy.

They shared the

traditional dance, swaying
together softly across the
small stone area, their
eyes never leaving each
others for a moment.
When it came time to
dance the
father/daughter dance
Carlisle walked up and
gently swept her into his
arms and twirled her
across the floor. They cut
the cake, sharing the
piece messily causing
Alice and Emmett to
cheer. Instead of using
napkins, they gently
licked the frosting off of
each other, sharing an
intense gaze and a
promise of things to
come.

When the party dwindled

down, they kissed their
children goodbye, making
them promise to be good
for their new
grandparents before
piling into car. As they
pulled away from the
park, Bella looked back
behind her and smiled at
the family still mulling
about. It had been a
perfect evening and it
was only just beginning.
-
The heat in the car had
been cranked to high, to
compensate for the wet
clothes that still brought
a slight chill to their
bodies. There was a
palpable tension building
between them, the heat
of it warming Bella’s
chilled body slightly. The
car ride remained
comfortably quiet as they
drove the short journey to
the hotel. They would be
staying at the hotel for
the night before leaving
for their honeymoon the
next morning. She
couldn’t help but feel
grateful for Rose who had
packed their suitcases
into her little car and
delivered them to the
hotel, so that they
wouldn’t have to worry
about them.

Pulling up under the

awning, Bella could feel
the subtle shift and
change in the energy
around them. It caused a
set of butterflies to
flutter in her stomach and
for the first time in
awhile Bella felt nervous.
They checked in, under
Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, and
the words seemed to
effect both of them
equally as they shot each
other a tense stare.

On the elevator, Edward

finally pulled her closer,
his fingers tangling in her
up-do and tugging at the
bobby-pins holding it in
place. As her hair
tumbled around her
shoulders, his lips met
hers kissing her deeply
until her knees felt week.
When the ding signified
they had arrived on their
floor, Edward swept her
up into her arms and
carried her down the hall,
only setting her down for
a moment to push the key
into the reader before
sweeping her back up into
his arms and carrying her
across the threshold of
the door.

The nerves were back in

full force as Bella stood in
the middle of the room,
her eyes scanning the
large bed. As if sensing
what she was feeling
Edward leaned in and
kissed her, his hands
trailing down her arms to
grip her hands.
“Are you alright, Mrs.
Cullen?”

Bella took a deep breath,

trying to figure out how
to explain everything she
was feeling, everything
the day had done to her.
Instead she found herself
speechless and short of
breath. Edward, seeming
to sense what she was
feeling, smiled at her
softly before squeezing
her hands.

“Do you feel that,” he

asked pulling her hand up
and placing it upon his
heart, “Feel what you do
to me.”

Bella looked up, her eyes

meeting Edwards. There
was a blazing intensity
and need in his eyes that
resonated through her
whole body. With a small
shudder, Bella realized
that she felt it too and
that words weren’t really
needed to describe it. For
a moment they stood,
eyes scanning each other
hungrily. Suddenly she
reached out, pulling him
to her their lips meeting
somewhere in the middle.

The wet material of her

dress clung to her and she
tugged at the material for
a moment before trailing
her hands down his back,
tugging at his dress
jacket. It dropped to the
floor, pooling next to the
small puddles of water
they had unknowingly
dragged in with them.

His hands moved around

her, pulling her closer to
him, before tracing the
contours of her body.
Pulling his lips away from
hers, Edward bent down
and trailed his tongue
along the droplets of
streaming water on
Bella’s neck. Placing a
few small kisses where he
just licked, Edward
reached behind her
grasping the zipper of her
dress and tugged.

It felt as if Bella could

hear each little click of
the teeth as the small
metal zipper brushed past
it and her breath caught
in her throat as she
leaned her head back and
groaned. Taking the
opportunity Edward
leaned in and began to
place open-mouthed
kisses along her neck and
shoulders before sucking
on the juncture where the
two places met.

With a soft swoosh, the

material of her dress fell
away from her. Bella
could feel the fire in
Edward’s gaze as he
glanced over the white
lacy underwear that she
and Rose had picked out.
His eyes lingered for a
moment on her garter
belt before Edward threw
his head back and let out
a small groan.

“I missed you last night,”

Edward whispered as he
pulled her to him, his
face rubbing against her
neck and his hands
trailing across the bare
expanse of her back. Bella
bit back a groan as his
fingers traced the lace of
her boy-shorts before
gently snapping the
material against her hip.
The words and actions
seemed to have a
profound effect on her
and Bella felt as if her
legs were going to give
out.

“I missed you too,” she

replied as she tugged at
the buttons of his shirt,
quickly popping them
open and shoving it off of
him. Her fingers traced
along the edge of his
pants, dipping under the
material for a moment
before coming to rest at
his belt. Tugging on the
material, she leaned
forward, her mouth
finding his left nipple and
circling it several times
before biting down.
Letting out a low growl,
Edward pulled her closer.
She tugged on his pants,
and he swiftly kicked
them off sending them
across the room.

Bella’s head felt hazy,

and as Edward reached
around and unhooked her
bra, her head fell back
moaning with need and
desire. Trailing his fingers
over the expanse between
her breasts, Edward
reached the lacy white
material of her underwear
and garter belt.
Unclipping the two small
clasps, Edward let his
fingers run over the
expanse of her thighs as
gently tugged her
stockings down her legs.

Standing up, he placed his

mouth next to her ear
gently sucking on the lobe
as he tugged the garter
down, causing her to
shimmy out of it. “You
know what’s nice about a
hotel room,” he
whispered, nipping at the
lobe, “There are no kids
to hear us Bella.” His
hand slipped into her
underwear and a single
finger slipped into her as
he continued to whisper.
“No kids to interrupt us,”
his breath fanned over
her ear, “And no time
limit what so ever.”
Moaning in approval, Bella
gasped as he began to
build a rhythm, his finger
slipping steadily in and
out of her.

“Edward,” she groaned

and he chuckled against
her cheek, before pulling
away and tugging the last
remnants of her
underwear off of her. His
eyes were dark and full of
longing and for a moment
Bella was again taken
back by how beautiful he
truly was. With two small
steps, Bella could feel the
edge of the bed.
Wrapping her arms around
his neck, Bella tugged him
down onto the mattress
and into her arms.

Looking deep into his

eyes, Bella felt a surge of
emotion fill her and her
eyes watered. Emotion
filled his face as Edward
reached up and gently
brushed the few stray
tears away. Reaching
down, Bella tugged his
boxers off and watched as
he kicked them off his
feet. Nuzzling his face in
her neck Edward gently
pushed into her causing
Bella to gasp.
For a moment she forgot
to breathe and then
suddenly her breath came
out in a large whoosh,
causing him to smile
softly. With their eyes
fixed on each other,
Edward pulled her to him
tightly holding her against
his body.

“I love you, Mrs. Cullen”

he spoke fiercely before
thrusting into her deeply.

Throwing her head back,

Bella let out a load moan
responding in kind. “I love
you too, Mr. Cullen.” In
that moment something
clicked and suddenly Bella
was overwhelmed by a
wave of sensations and
feelings that caused a
pleasure to trickle across
her whole body. He was
hers and she was his.

Gripping his hair, Bella

tugged his face down to
her, their tongues and lips
meeting and their teeth
nipping at the other.
Letting out a low moan,
Edward thrust into her,
pulling her body against
him to meet the motion.

“Yes, Edward, please,”

she whimpered as he
slowed down his
movements, his hand
tracing the curve of her
spine. He smirked in
response before firmly
gripping her hips and
pulling her closer to him.
Bella can feel the pull in
her stomach, growing
ever tighter, and she
clenches her eyes tight
seeing stars.
“I want to hear you,
Bella,” Edward groans as
he quickens his pace.

“Edward,” Bella mutters

unable to find or form
other words. He seems to
enjoy this as a small
growl of pleasure escapes
his lips causing her body
to tremble beneath him.
His grip tightens and the
heat in her stomach
seems to intensify and
grow. “Edward,” she calls
again, her fingers gripping
his hair and tugging the
ends.

“Oh god,” she whimpers,

his hands tracing the
outline of her neck, her
shoulder, before his
mouth follows. Grabbing
her legs, he wraps them
around him, lifting her
bottom off the bed and
creating a new angle for
him to enter her. Pushing
in hard, Bella finds her
head tilted back a stream
of nonsense escaping her
lips as she cries outs in
pleasure.

“That’s it,” he growls,

“Come for me love.”

Her mouth opens and

closes silently, forming a
subtle oh shape, as she
tumbles over the edge.
“Edward,” she screams as
white flashes behind her
eyes and her body
quivers. Edward thrusts
into her once, then twice,
before crying out in
pleasure, his teeth sinking
into the delicate skin of
her shoulder.
A moment later he pulls
away slightly, his body
falling to her side.
Wrapping his arms around
her, he tugs her body
closer, both still shaking
with aftershocks. Naked
and a bit cold from the
rain, Edward reached
down and pulled the
covers over them before
huddling next to her once
more.

“That was something,” he

whispered his wet hair
clinging to his face.

“That was intense,” Bella

replied, her voice gravelly
and rough from shouting.
Her body felt heavy,
exhausted, and tired. A
comfortable silence
overtook them as they lay
staring at the ceiling.
Leaning forward she
kissed him, lazily, before
tucking her head into his
arm and sighing.

Bella could tell when

Edward had fallen asleep,
his breath trailing across
her forehead gently and
evenly. The peacefulness
of the situation calms and
soothes her and fills her
heart with an
immeasurable amount of
love. She can feel the
weight of sleep heavy on
her eyes and can’t help
the small smile that
flutters across her face.
After everything that
happened, everything
they had been through,
Edward was still able to
make her feel more than
ever before; completely
whole.